Totò sceicco (1950) - full transcript

Antonio Sapore fa il maggiordomo e crede che sia un mestiere di tutto riposo. Ma quando il padrone, il marchese Gastone, si arruola nella Legione Straniera, Antonio viene inviato dalla ...

Breakfast for the Marquis.

Mr. Marquis's breakfast.


Mr. Marquis's breakfast.

Well, Battista. Thanks.


- It's crap! - Should we
change it? - No. It's okay.

Battista, let's go.

- Good morning.
- Ludovico, good morning. Good morning.

Good morning.

- Who is she?
- The new dresser.

Wardrobe? Look at that!

- You know me?
- The butler.

Then you know that I'm
above everyone and wanting ...

We'll talk about it. Battista, let's go.

It is 10. The
Marquis's breakfast is ready.

Mr. Marquis. There is not.

Gee, there isn't.

- Battista, look under
the bed. - Under the bed? - Yup.

- There is not. - Did you take a good look?
- Yes, Mr. Antonio.

- Let's look in the drawers.
- In the drawers?

If the Marquis is not there,
perhaps there is his wallet.

- Nothing. - There is not? - No.
- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry
the Marquis isn't here .

Remember, honesty above all!

<Gastone, are you awake?
I'm the mommy. - The marquise.

Poor woman!
Mother of a dissolute son!

It is so thin! Too
strong a blow would crush it.

- Go, leave me alone with her.
- Yes, Mr. Antonio.

Poor mother!


- Antonio.
- Good morning, Madame Marquise.

Where is the young gentleman?

- Antonio, what's underneath?
- There's nobody under the bed.

Not even in the drawers.
Maybe it's in the closet.

Enough, I understood
the sad truth.

Gastone spent the night
away from home with that woman!

How I suffer!

- Antonio, leave me alone.
- As you like, Marquise.


As usual!

I said too much pain
would crash her ...

- The armchair.
- What pain!

I believe it, Marquise.


I know.


- I never thought I'd
suffer so much. - I know.

Never ... never so much.

Thanks, Ludovico.

- (MARCHESA) Let's go.
- Close the door.

- Hoist the marquise.
- How I suffer. How I suffer!

What a pain! He spent the night
with Lulu, the entertainer!

- How disgusting!
- That woman bewitched him.

She is beautiful, sensual, busty.

- Antonio, go to her. - Immediately.
- Do you know what you have to do? - Eh!

You have to bring my son here,
at all costs!

Where do you want to go? Down!

- Antonio ... Where are you?
- Down.

- Antonio, a hand.
- Right away, even two.

Come. Slowly. Slowly.

- Slowly. Done.
- Thanks.

Antonio, go
to that slut

- and bring my son here.
Immediately. - Immediately.

- I suffer.
- I go.


I suffer!

I suffer so much!

- Antonio.
- Right away, Marquise.

My Gastone!

- Gastone, calm down. - No, I'm
tired! - Then go back to your mother.

- I will do it. - Well, leave me
to my theater and my admirers!

- Lovers!
- No, fans!

If they were admirers,

they wouldn't let you kick around
in front of empty armchairs!

- Empty chairs? - Yup!
- My number is a triumph!

- Everyone sings my song.
- All your lovers!

Stop it, otherwise
I'll break your head!

- Instead I repeat: Your lovers!
- Stop that!

Who knows if I'm home.

I'm home.

Ludovico, wait for me, I'll be right back.

- Coward, scoundrel!
- I kill you!

- Give it a go!
- You make me Crazy!

- That's enough!
KNOCK ON THE DOOR - Who is it?

It is you! Well, a witness. Everyone
must know that she is cheating on me!

She must know he says he
's a gentleman,

instead he is a coward
and a scoundrel!

- Tell him he's tired me!
- Okay, I'll report.

Here's the thanks
for giving her my all!

- And something about Mom too.
- It's true.

I squandered a fortune
for her.

- You understand it because
you have a heart in here ! - Yup.

- You got it? - Yes.
- I know!

Tell him to leave now!

- I hate it! Tell him to leave,
or I'll take his eyes out like that - Aah!

"The light that went out"!
Michele Strogoff, "The troika".

Keep your gifts,
I don't want them!

Gee, I see!

Good night. I don't see any more.

Marchesino, your mother sent me
here to tell you ...

Tell him you can take
this apartment back

and that he will never see me again.
He is a scoundrel and a coward!

It will be served.

The young lady begs me to tell her that
you are a scoundrel and a coward.

- Walk the young lady
to the door! - Immediately.

Yes, I'm going away. Goodbye!


- She's gone?
- Yes, sir.

- Why did you let her go?
- She told me.

How unhappy I am!
I kill myself!

- What work is "La traviata"?
- No.

- "The Barber of Seville".
- No, I'll get it over with!

Yes, get it over with.

- Get over it!
- No, I want to die!

To die? To die!

He'd be bored all day
underground, alone with worms.

There are 'wisps',
but only on Sundays.

The other days always closed
in "cash".

Marquis, desist, do not insist.

It would be a dead life
that is not suitable for her.

- You're right,
killing yourself is cowardice. - Sure.

Antonio, do you love me?

Well ... yes.

- You've been serving us
for 20 years, haven't you? - Yup.

Then kill me.

- Huh? - You kill me.
- What's this? We don't play jokes!

- Marquis!
- Shoot me.

Excuse me, but you are stupid.

- Shoot, it's an order!
- Think.

- Pull the trigger!
- But what if I hurt her?

If you don't kill me, I'll kill you.

No, you don't kill me.

I'm counting to three. If
you didn't shoot on three , I'll shoot!

- One!
- Y ... Y ... Yeah, y ... I'll shoot.

Mr. Marquis,
give ... where do you want the bullet?

- To the heart! Two!
- Cu ... cu ... heart.

- Where is the heart,
right or left? - Three!

- Shooting! - Shoot.
- Thanks, Antonio.

Pre ... pre ... please,

Excuse me, Mr. Marquis,
I must faint.

Everyone betrays me.

There are no joys in life.
You too, servant, slave,

why do you live? I `ll kill you.

No! I don't love me ...


Follow your fate,
I will follow mine. Alone!

Shame. Shame!

- Didn't you try to hold him back?
- Yup.

We "fought".
There was a "mouthwash".

- Forgive me, but suddenly
"I haven't seen any more". - So?

When I saw
him again, he had gone away with Ludovico.

Where did he go, poor son!

- How I suffer!
- No, for heaven's sake!

Here is Ludovico. Where is Gastone?
Where did you accompany him?

- He enlisted. - Enlisted?
- Yes, in the Foreign Legion.

In the Foreign Legion!

But I will not abandon him.
I cannot abandon my son.

- Do you want to ARRIVE too?
- No, you will.

- I? - Yes, you will follow him, you
will watch over his life

and you will bring him back to me safe and sound.
You will leave immediately.

- Will you allow me a word?
- Yup.

- Can I speak without reticence?
- Without reticence.

- Then I say no. - No? - Yes.
- What does that mean?

It means no. Nerd.

you have been stealing from this house for 25 years .

- Does the marquise know?
- Everybody knows. - Oibò.

Okay, I confess.

I have been stealing for 25 years.

But I did it to do good.

I helped an orphan, without a mother,
without a father, without a roof.

Who is this poor orphan?

Who is this orphan?

But ... marquise.

- It's me.
- You? - Yup.

Do I have a dad? Do I have mom?
Is this building mine?

- Antonio, I want to move
to the countryside. - Yup.

If you bring my son back
safe and sound , I'll give you this palace

- with all the furniture inside.
- Really? - Yup.

- This building? - Yes.
- Then I'll leave right away.

- Thanks. - You're welcome.
- I knew I could count on you.

- Will you save him?
- Sure.

If I think that Gastone is alone in that
desert, I suffer terribly.

How much do I suffer! No!
I will go to suffer in the countryside.

Brava, there are the
stone benches , she can suffer as she wants.

- Yes. Ludovico, let's go.
- Goodbye.

How do you join
the Foreign Legion?

- It's simple, go to Caffè Verdi
in Via del Porto. - And then?

He sits down and orders beer and sausages.

- But what if I have no appetite?
- That's the watchword.

Ah understood. Can you give me
a ride with the car?

Willingly, but I have to accompany
the marquise to the villa.

- But I can take your suitcase
to the café. - (IN FRENCH) Thank you.

- Did you learn French? - Sure,
I have to go to the Foreign Legion!

(IN FRENCH) Goodbye,
my little cabbage.

But did I say right?

"Caffè Verdi in Via del Porto"
or "Caffè Porto in Via Verdi"?


# The woman changes every moment.

Progress follows, in fact it is true

that changes as the wind changes.

Change of accent and thoughts.

Cabaret Lulu

now it's not you anymore.

You have disappeared alas

from the times of Fru-fru. #

- Do you wish?
- Beer and sausages.

All right.

# But progress changed you
and fashion changed.

Now you dance in the cabaret all naked
from head to foot.

(IN CHORUS) And how, how have you
changed, my romantic Lulu.

You go all unglued,
where your virtue has gone.

Dance, dance the rasp
that comes to us from Paranà.

Between the file, the rasp and the
crazed toad is humanity.

Dance Lulu, sing Lulu,
the time that was never returns.

But it's always you, Lulu! #


Here is the beer and the sausages.

Young man,
here is a "quiproquò".

- What's in here?
- Nothing here.

You didn't understand
what I said.

I said I wanted
beer and sausages.

- What are these? - Beer
and sausages. - So? - Well no!

I meant
"Beer and sausages".

- Ah, I understand! One moment,
I'll be right back. - Thanks.

- He doesn't want beer and sausages.
- What do you want?

Beer and sausages.

- How many did you bring him? - Two.
- Get him four.

- Here are the beers and the sausages.
- Young man, enough!

I said beer and sausages.

Beer and sausages.

- So?
- Yeah.

I had understood so.

- It's the same thing. - Then
I'll go get them. Sorry. - You are welcome.

Waiter, did a gentleman come over and
ordered beer and sausages?

- Beer and sausages? - Yes.
- No.

- Do you want beer and sausages?
- Not me.

- I get it. - A gentleman ...
- I understand. - No ... - I get it.

There is a misunderstanding.
We did not understand each other.

- I asked ...
- Beer and sausages. - No.

- I wanted ...
- Beer and sausages. - No!

- I want ... - A punch in the face.
- What ways! Hands down!

I meant that I want to get


- Do you want to enlist?
- How did you know?

Everyone understood it.

Yes, I want to get upset.

- For Africa? - Or in
neighboring countries , for me it's the same thing.

Come with me, I'll have you join
a clandestine expeditionary force.


Since it is "body"
I would have preferred ...

You understand, the erotic,
sensual atmosphere , singing, dancing.

- Are you determined to enlist for the
Sahara rebels? - Yes, Colonel.

- We will fight against the
Foreign Legion . - Good. Sign here.

To avoid police surprises, you will
travel in these barrels.

I'd rather sleep in a barrel
than in my old woman's bed.

It is for her that I am here.

I see. Well, let's start soon.


Colonel, you know I don't want to
be called that.

- Sorry. - I brought you
a new enlisting.

- Is he the new recruit?
- No, my name is Antonio Sapone.

- Are you willing to go with us?
- Yup.

- To fight with us?
- Yup.

- To die with us?
- Yes No.

- Thing?
- If I have to die, I just want to do it.

- Then would you be a hero?
- No, a liar.

The captain says we must
leave immediately.

Well, I need to see
a person right away .

- Get in there. - Here? - Yes. - It's not
possible, it's too small.

- The bigger ones are busy.
- It doesn't even get to the horse.

- Come on, come in!
- But it's small. - Forward!

- (ANTONIO) Slowly.
<Come on!

- Don't push!
- Down. Down! - Power!

One more effort. Push.

Put your head inside.

- Good. Now this. Put
the lid on. - (ANTONIO) Ouch!


Shout out, but then you'll shut up.

(ANTONIO) Aahh! Help!

(ANTONIO) There!

- I thought I heard a cry.
- Strange. Charge.

- It's wine.
- The wine screams?

It is "new" wine, it
still does not know how to behave.

- Yet I heard screams.
- See? He has learned, no longer screams.

Good evening. Here we go.



He says that in those rafts there are
mercenaries who come from Europe.

Do you think we can prevent
the landing? We are few.

The signal.

- Strange, there are no rebels.

Quick, behind the dunes!


In the name of Allah! They flee!
Let's go meet friends.

My horse!


Welcome, princess.

May Allah protect you
for the victory of his faithful.

Thanks, Mohamed.

- You clashed with the legionaries.
- We beat them.

Any news from my brother?
Did he come back from Europe?

Sad news. Your beloved Omar,
the son of the late sheikh,

the hope of the rebels, the sword
of Allah, fell prisoner.

Curse! How are we going to give
courage to the rebel tribes?

One moment. Who knows the
sheikh's son ?

Nobody. My father at 6 sent him
to Oxford to save his life.

- Has anyone seen him since?
- Never.

We will make believe that one of those
men is the son of the sheikh.

- You're smart, Colonel.
Who would you choose? - I do not know. That.

No, he's blond, everyone knows
my brother is dark.

- Then that.
- No, he's too old.

- And that's too young.
- Then I don't know ...

One moment, there is one more,

- Yes, he is distinguished, dark
and of the right age. - Get him out.

Ali, get on your horse.

Run to the village to say that
the sheikh's son is back.

- In here?
- Do not worry. Open up.

- No. Not here, Colonel.
- You are right.

Take it away.

Prince Omar arrives
at dawn tomorrow morning .

Go to sleep.

Tomorrow morning at dawn.

The Sheikh's son arrives in the
morning, go to sleep.

Tomorrow morning at dawn. Go.


Leave it here. Pull it up.

That's fine.


- Are you sure it will be okay?
- It opened.

Oooh! I want to stretch
my legs a little .

Ta-ta, ta-ta, ta-ta.

- Voila!
- Good boy! But it is too small.

Let's stretch it.

(ANTONIO) What are you doing?
My legs!

- Stop!
- No, it's too long now!

- Ouch! - Is that okay?
- Can go.

- Did you have a good trip? - A little
tight and heart pounding.

- It's the emotion. - No, heart
in my throat, feet in my mouth,

offal in the armpits
and picks in the nose.

We are in Africa! What a beautiful tent!

And we eat. Let's have lunch!

Do you allow? Special ration
for the first day!

Good. Sicilian cook?

- I recognize it from the chili.
- It's an Arabic dish: "couscous".

I get it. But if you don't give me
something to drink ...

the CUSCUSSU does not go to me CUSCUGIU '.

- To drink.
- Half liter.

- Do you like this treatment?
- Wow, great!

- That's the treatment given to
your rank. - Yes, I was a corporal.

No, you must be
the son of the sheikh.

It's impossible, thanks for your
kindness, she is a gourmet,

I'm beautiful, like me,
I have the "sex APPEAL",

but I can't be the son
of the sheikh. - Because?

Rudolph Valentino has already done it.

You did not understand. You must take
the place of Omar Bei Hussein.

My brother.

You will lead the desert raiders who
will exterminate the Foreign Legion.

The Foreign Legion? There is a
misunderstanding. But where did I join?

Among the desert rebels
fighting the Legion.

No, I rebel,
I will not be a rebel.

Let's drink on it
and enemies more than before!

Unfaithful dog, I'll kill you!

- Stop, it's too late. Do you want to be
the son of the sheikh? - No.

- Then take him to the
white cell . - Go there.

- I get it. - I am thirsty.
- Get up, let's go!

- But give me a drink. A liquid!
- Move!

- With that system will you accept
our proposal? - I think so.

Couscous is very persuasive.

- I'm thirsty, I want to drink! - Forward!
- I am thirsty.



I do not understand.

- What he said?
- He said, 'Okay.'

- He talked for three hours and just said
'it's okay'?

Thanks! Miss,
you are kind, beautiful and gracious.

It is the symbol of freshness.
Give me some water.

I can't take it anymore, I'm dying.
Give me water.

"To give drink to the thirsty"
is a commandment. Be good.

- She's disappeared!

What does it say?


Hey! I'm thirsty!

I am thirsty!

I am thirsty!

How beautiful! But now no,
first I want to quench my thirst.

Women after. I am thirsty!

I am dying of thirst!

Thanks. No! Don't waste it!

Don't waste it, it's a shame!

- Stinker! -

- Wow! He is from Bitonto.
- I NO Bitonto.

- I'm not a fool! - What did you say?

- I'm not a fool, he's from Bitonto!

I am thirsty! Can't you see I'm dying?

- Ah, you're thirsty! - Yes.
- Why didn't you say that before?

- Stop! Look.
- Oibò.

- Where did this barrel come from?
- Here is fresh water.

- Look.
- Yes. How beautiful!

It's wet water!

It's light water. Look!

- Why did you throw it away?
- You are welcome.

I'll take it.

There is not. You took it all yourself.

No, look, there is water.

You see her? Beautiful! Look.

- Don't throw it away.
- Take it yourself.

- There is not.
- Yes there is! Look.

- But why ...
- You take it.

- There is not.
- Yes there is. Look.

It's not my fault you can't drink,
I gave you water.

- You are a peasant Arab. - I will be
peasant, but there is water. Look.

- Look how much!
- Don't waste it, let me drink!

- Am I a peasant?
- No.

- Am I from Bitonto? - No. My grandmother
was from Bitonto. And my grandfather too.

Wait up. Before drinking,
tell me something.

- Are you a sheikh? - I do
whatever you want. - Then drink.


- Look how much!
- How beautiful!



- A woman.
- What a pretty girl!

A lady!

- We have arrived.
- Long last!

- Do you wish? - Can I speak to
the commander? - You are welcome. - Thanks.

Sorry, women are not allowed in
without the major's permission.

- One moment.
- You are welcome.

- Ludovico! - Miss Lulu.
- Dear! And where is Gastone?

- In prison.
- In prison? Because?

- He always gets drunk to forget
her. - I'm a teetotaler.

- What happens?
- The commander.

- Do you wish? - I'd like to speak
to the legionnaire Gastone.

- Silence!

- Come to my office.
- Sure.

- Who is?
- I do not know.

Bravo the major!

- Here's the "slop". - I don't want to
eat, I want to die!

Everything for a woman! Lulu!
Maybe it's even ugly.

- Lulu is the most beautiful of all.
- No, she's the major's friend.

If she came this far, she
must be in love.

I'm in the office.
Who knows what they do! Look.

Damn! He comes here
to betray me!

- What happened? Hey!
- Damn!

- Did you understand?
- Yes, major.

- Thanks. - I shouldn't have done that.
Discipline is discipline.

But a minute, just a kiss.

- Damn!
- All women are like that.

- Gastone. - What's up?
- Major wants you.

Oh yes? I go there very happy.

Thanks, I will not forget
what you have done for me.

- It is a dutiful homage to the
artist. - Thanks.

- Here I am. - Gastone!
- The lady has to talk to you.

- I do not know her.
- What are you saying, are you crazy?

- Do you have any other orders?
- No.

Don't listen to him, he pretends,
he's still mad at me.

Major, the sheikh's son
is back

- to fight for the father.
- But he was arrested.

- He must have fled. He is with
his tribe. - Curse!

- I offer to catch him.
- It's a dangerous mission.

- Exactly! - Please
don't let him go.

Okay, good luck.

- Thanks. - No! <I'm going!
- Gastone!

Not leave! Please,
I'll explain everything! Gastone!

Gastone, come back!

You shouldn't have let it go.

I can't stop a soldier
from doing his duty.


- These auxiliaries dance well.
- But they're your wives!

- Really? - You married them as a
child before you went to Europe.

- Wow! - They
've been waiting for you ever since . - What consistency!

- Are they all wives? - Yes.
- How many are there? - 22.

Then I need a
23-square bed .

- No, every night you choose one.
- Oh yes?

- Do you want the handkerchief?
- I'm not cold.

- You did not understand.
- As?

- You don't know how to do it?
- Young man!

- You throw away the handkerchief
and whoever picks it up ... - Washes it.

- Spend the night with you.
- No! Really?

Pig dog!
Now I make a mess!

I make a slaughter.

How many dolls!
How cute they are!

What do you say, "my handkerchief"?

But there are so many.
Let's see'.

Oh my God, it tickles me!

"These or those are even
for me!"

- Colonel. - What's up?
- I want a dozen handkerchiefs.

- There are none.
- Then you have to adapt.

I close my eyes
and count to three.

- One, two and three!
- That's enough!

- Listen, brother. - Brother?
- You're his brother. - Ah, that's right.

- It's time for the fight.
- I'm here for this.


Go check out your
battle-ready tribe .

- Right now?
- Here we go.

Here we go.


Girls, don't move,
I'll go check and be right back.


Help! What a fright!
I was distracted.

- Why are they cheering me on?
- You're the sheik's son.

No, they understood
that I am Neapolitan.

Neapolitan sheikh!

The southerners abroad
have always been successful.

- Let's move on to the magazine.
- Here we go.

- What's your name?
- Ali.

- "Morté"?
- No, Ali Babà.

- Baba. And how is mommy?
- Good. Say hello to her.

- Who made that scar on you?
- An infidel.

The wives! First they put
horns on you and then they make scars!

- What have you done?
- I looked out for the cause.

I know, the causes "cost a fortune".
Forget the lawyers!

- You have to be energetic, tough.
Remember they are Moors. - Yup.

- You clean the gun like that?
- What are you doing?

- Leave me!
- Do not overdo it.

"Laughing I punish the Moors".

Wow! Let's do it soon.

- Yes, one word each.
- Yup.

Nice raider. Handsome warrior.

Handsome Arab. Handsome warrior.
Nice people.

Wide! Permission!

Don't run away like that. Say hello.




- To who? - To you.
- "Salam" is the greeting.

Ah, that's right. SALAMELECC!

- What time do you wake up in the morning?
- Wake up!

- Today, What day is it?
- Thursday.

- Then wake me up on Monday. - Not at all
Monday. We will wake you up at dawn.

- Because? - Now let's call
Amhed Zibib's kamila.

- There's a fight in the morning.

Ah, yes, the fight!

I don't care, I'm fighting
tonight. Go away!


They could!

Here is your hubby.
Do you see the handkerchief?

They could!

Fatma! Where are my wives?

- I sent them away.
- Because?

You mustn't touch
my brother's wives .

- You'll never touch those women.
- As?

First you will have to pass
over my body.

Then I'll go through it.

- How dare you?
- I dare. I dare!

- I am a princess of
royal blood . - Well, I'm a monarchist.

Impudent! Do you know that I could be whipped

Who would dare to whip Omar,
the son of the sheikh?

O-MAR! # Look at
how beautiful it is,

'breathe so much feeling! #

- I like you.
- I knew it.

You are as cunning as the jackal,
as bold as the lion.

I knew it. And strong as ...
Forget it.

- It does not seem.
- Yet it is so.

Taste me. Taste me
and we will become friends.

- You won.
- I knew it.

- Wait for me.
- Where is it? Yes I understand.

But what do I do to these Arabs!

(ANTONIO) Fatma!


Fatma, why don't you answer?

(ANTONIO) Are you ready?

Did you undress?

No? I see.

There is too much light, you are ashamed.



Fatmella. Fatmella.

Give me some space.

Here it is. Hug me.

Help! He has a beard!

It's a man!



Dog! He wanted to kill
the sheikh's son!

He tried, but he couldn't.

Coward, speak!

- Speaks! - We will torture him
to make him talk.

Guys, don't rush.
I want to torture him.

- Yes.
- What if he jumps on you?

But no!
Come on, leave me alone with him.

Street! The
sheikh's son orders it .


Marquis, excuse me, but I had to
pretend in front of them.

- What are you doing here?
- His mother sent me.

I had to take care of her,
attend to her person.

But look! He has a long beard,
a rumpled dress,

the pants without the crease,
the dirty shoes!

- I'm torturing him.
- Aahh!

- Spoke?
- Not yet, but he will speak.


Go away and don't enter
without my order. I got it?


- Did I hurt her?
- I was better off before.

- I have to do it. You squeal.
- Aahh!

- Speak, unfaithful coward!
- Aaah!

We have to find a way
to get away. You squeal.

- Speaks! - I have an idea.
- Coward! Unfaithful!

- I get it. Speak, coward!
- We need a lamp.

- Thing? - A lamp. Aaahh!
- Unfaithful!

- Speak, coward!
- Aahh!

- Unfaithful!
- Aah!

- Found? Unfaithful!
- Aaah! - Dog!

- Aaah!
- Speak, cowardly, unfaithful dog!

How it tortures him!
What an iron sheikh!

- What's up? - The sheikh has captured
a legionnaire and is slaughtering him.

Let's check.

- Ah!
- Here's the mystery!


They ran away from there.

- Cursed! - That traitor
escaped with a legionnaire.

- Let's chase them.
- It's useless, Colonel.

Let them go,
the desert does not forgive.

- She's like her mother.
- Antonio, stop, I can't resist anymore.

Courage, another 3 or 400 kilometers
and we have arrived.

- Antonio!
- What's up?

- Look! - What's up?
- We are safe! An oasis!

- An oasis!
- Yup!

- The oasi!
- The oasi!

There is no more! We don't play jokes,
who stole the oasis?

It was a mirage, it is the fault
of this terrible African sun!

- This terrible African sun!
- I'm getting a solar "nail".

A nail in the head? How do we do it,
I didn't bring the pincer!

Wait. Yes like this.

Major, you shouldn't have let him
go. Poor Gastone.

- I'm so scared. - Calm down,
the legionnaire Gastone is smart!

He will carry out his mission

and he will bring the son
of the sheik dead or alive.

- Then even Gastone can die!
- The son of the sheikh alive ...

I can explain myself very well.

Mr. Marquis, look!
An ice cream maker!

- It's a mirage. - Even
if it were, I try!


- Do you wish?
- A 50 lire ice cream.

- I said it was a mirage.
- But he took the 50 lire!

- My head explodes!
- Nail?

Antonio, look! It's the fort!

- It's a mirage.
- It's the fort, don't contradict me.

- It's a mirage of luck ...
of a fort! - It's the fort!

This African sun!

Look, the fort!

It is not the fort!

- It's the fort! - We bet the
50 lire of the ice cream maker who isn't?

Maybe you're right.

I seem to see an Arab
with a legionnaire.

- It's Gastone. - The other? - Maybe the
sheikh's son. - He got it!

- Where am I?
- In the middle of the desert.

- Mr. Marquis, don't you remember?
- Yes, but who are you? - Antonio.

- My butler?
- Yes. - That's not true!

- As?
- You are the son of the sheikh!

- Marquis, what are you doing? - I will kill you.
- We don't play gun games.

You must die, so I will avenge
the legionaries you had killed.

He is about to commit

We are in the desert!

It must be the solar nail.
He wanted to kill me with this.

- He's killing him! - Coward!
- Shoot!

They are armed! Dirty Arab!

Are you crazy?
Why are you shooting at us?

- You wanted to kill him!
- It's over for you!

- I'm not an Arab.
- He's the sheikh's son!

- I'm ... - That's right!
- But which sheikh?

It is the sun of Africa, it is a blow
of "insolence" in the head.

Let's get it inside!
The major will take care of it.

It is the solar nail! Guys, are
we serious or are we joking?

I am not
the son of the sheikh!

Put him in jail!

Leave me,
I am not the son of the sheikh!

Come on, leave him.

- Now you are safe.
- Where am I?

- In the Legion. - The
Sheikh's son is in prison.

- Which son of the sheikh?
- He's under the impression of the blow.

The major is thrilled
with what you have done.

I want to see the prisoner,
I have to see him!

Ah, mean!
Ah, tapino!

Tapino who are nothing else,
everything had to happen to me!

- Me petty, the fault of that
marchesaccia. - Antonio.

- Help!
- What's going on with you? - Help!

- I'm afraid of her. - Because?
- He wants to kill me. - No.

- He says I'm the son of the
sheikh. - I was dazed by the sun.

I want to fix it,
it's an unfortunate misunderstanding.

I will propose you for an award
for your courage.

- Yes.
- She thinks well in the shade.

The major is waiting for me, I'll tell him about
you. Sorry again.

You're welcome, Marquis.

Where is it? I want to watch.

Ah, petty me! Tapino!

- Major. - What's up?
- That man who is in prison ...

- (MAJOR) Well?
- Ah!

- He's the sheikh's son!
- Major, mind!

He's a killer! A rebel!
A ferocious dog!

Bring it to the shade!

I will propose you for a promotion.

No ... Major ...

Kill him!
It is an angry beast!

Rest assured,
the Sheikh's son will be killed.


Get it.
To the infirmary, soon.

Poor boy, sunburn,
warn the lady.

- And the sheikh's son?
- Be killed.

- You'll die, you ugly raider.
- What "praeton"?

I am secular, LAICON! My name is
Antonio Sapone, a native of Caserta.

- (TOGETHER) Caserta?
- Yes, the moral capital of Italy.

- We do justice ourselves.
- As?

Guys, let's not joke.
What do you want to do?

- Let's get his skin off. - What are
you doing? It's a leathery!

It is an imitation. Help!


- You don't want to kill him like that!
- This is a man who thinks.

You cannot behave
barbarously, we are civilized people.

- Take an example from him.
- We must act civilly.

- These are men!
- We'll shoot him with all the rules.

A nice shot with all
the rules, nice, clean ...

Help! They shoot me!

- He's waking up.
- Gastone, dear, how do you feel?

Lulu, love ... Antonio ...

- Who is Antonio? - Where is Antonio?
- Which Antonio?

- The sunstroke!
- Calm down, please.

The sheikh's son ...
Antonio is in danger.

Try to rest, dear.

Mean me! Mean me!



- Presentat'arm!
- Let them do it, rest!

Silence! Bets ...

Antonio is in danger, they believe him
the son of the sheik!

- They're shooting him.
- Thing? I have to save him!

Petty and tapino!

Stop! There is a mistake,
he is not the son of the sheikh!

- It's Antonio.
- He saved my life.

He is worthy to be part
of our glorious battalion.

- I told you I was not
the son of the sheikh. - All right.


I always thought you couldn't
be the sheikh's son.

Come here. It sounds.

Hey, are you done?

(ANTONIO) Are you working overtime?

Sorry, I'll come right away.

Here we go.

- Greedy. - In the desert you
don't just thirst for water.

(ANTONIO) Shall we start over?

- Will you promise me you won't be
jealous anymore ? - I'll be a model husband.

- Husband? - As soon as my
enlistment ends , we'll get married. - Dear.

- Then?
- Here. - Hello.

I've been a sentinel
alone for 3 hours .

If they found me, they sentenced me
to be shot again.

- If I think they were going
to kill you ... what a laugh! - Yeah.

They wanted me ... it was ... it was ... to shoot.

They are laughing.
"Laughs best who laughs last!"

You said:
"Me wretched, me mean!"

- Miserable, fella! - They
took you for the sheikh's son.

The sheikh's son, me!

Do I have the face
of the sheikh's son?

How stupid!

- Oh God! - What
rascal faces ! - Like idiots!

The rebels! No rebels!


- Sorry.
- Nothing.

The son of the sheikh ...
to me then the sheiks ...

the sheikhs ...
they always made me sick!

- Oh God.
- What a face.

- There was one ... a stinker.
- Oh yes?

Speaking of fetentoni ... he
was from Bitonto!

Mr. Marquis! Mr. Antonio!


# Lulu from the cabaret

now it's not you anymore.

Alas, you have disappeared
from the time of Fru-fru.

Only you shone then

full of charm and splendor.

But progress then changed you
and fashion changed.

Now she dances in the cabaret,
all naked from head to toe.

Like, how have you changed,
my romantic Lulu.

You go all unglued
where has your virtue gone?

Dance, dance the rasp
that comes to us from Paranà.

Between the file, the rasp and the
crazed toad is humanity.

Lulu dance. Sing Lulu.
That time that was never returns.

But it's always you, Lulu. #

Brava. A toast to Lulu
and his legionnaire Gastone.


- What do you want? - The rebels
have kidnapped Antonio and Gastone.

- (LULU ') Gastone?
- Give the alarm! - It's late.

Major, we must save him!
Those barbarians will kill him!

Sorry, there is nothing I can do.
We have already had too many losses.

I'll go alone, will
you at least give me a spare man?

Not even one ...
but if you just need half, he's there.

Half? Better a half man today
than a chicken tomorrow.

What a magnificent woman!

But ... mom!

Come on, let's die strong.

Mr. Marquis,
I'd rather live weak.


This hole is squeezed
by my neck, I wear 16

Shut up, unfaithful dogs!

You will suffer the punishment
intended for traitors.

The rebels will use your
heads as a target. Allah wants it.

- Could one speak to Lord
Allah? - You will talk to us soon.

Well, among gentlemen you can
always have explanations.

Marquis, are you talking
to this gentleman?

Do you speak French, Marquis?

Even the butterfly was needed!

- Butterflies alight on flowers!
- Damn!

If I take it, I eat it.

You take advantage of it, coward!


- Marquis, I hear a sound.
- The march of the legionaries!

Here are ours!
Ours are coming!

- Comrades!
- To us!

Marquis, you can't tell!

Legionaries! Colleagues!
Colleagues, what are you doing?

Are you deaf?

Are you blind, dumb of ear?

Where are you going? Save us!

- I'm sorry,
we can't do anything. - Because?

Because we are a mirage.

Damn this African sun!

It's over.

Close your eyes,
we will die without realizing it.

- Goodbye, Antonio.
- Farewell, Marquis.

- Curse! - There are not!
- Where am I?

So it was true!

Past! Past! Past! Mom!

- Mr. Marquis, are you there too?
- Yes, Antonio.

- Wh ... where are we?
- Underground.

- Then we're dead. - No, wait,
I 'll light a match.

- This is a tomb.
- Then we're dead.

- No, an ancient tomb.
- So we're long dead!

In fact I felt a stink!

- Look, a door!
- A door?

(ANTONIO) How wonderful!

This is a necropolis!

A necropolis? We hope

- (MARQUIS) Look, the cat!
- The cat?

Atlas! Maybe you don't know,

but the cat is the symbol
of the ancient Atlantic people.

Marquis, I know!
How can you not know?

Everyone knows,
the "Atlantic cat".

- No!
- Yes, it is. Believe me.

- What a beautiful cat. - There is also
the bowl for offerings.

- Tripe?
- No, enemy eyes.

Okay, Thursday "eyes",
Saturday tripe.

We are in the ruins of Atlantis,

the ancient continent that united
Africa with America.


- Who I am?
- The owners of the cat.

- No, they're gold statues.
- But this is golden.

- Because?
- He has a fake face!

Antonio, let's hide.

- Marquis.
- Who is it?

- It's me. Marquis?
- Huh?

(SUBVIOUS) Shut up, hide.

The ghosts. Mom!

- Who will be?
- The cat's daughter.

- Who was? - Mah! - He had
the golden mask. - Gold mask.


Have you seen it?

Who is it? Who is it?

- I'm a dead man. - And you
say there are people here alive!

I died for the world, I
live only for her.

- For who?
- For who?

For Antinea,
the queen of Atlantis.

She's gorgeous. You haven't seen her
because she has the mask.

- Do you know why he has the mask?
- It will be carnival.

No, because its beauty is fatal.

Whoever looks at her falls in love with her
and goes mad.

Crazy, like me.

- Do you see that I'm crazy?
- No! For charity!

- Yet they are. You ca
n't live without looking at it. - Yeah.

- You ca
n't look at it without touching it. - Yeah.

- You can't touch it without ...
- Without "thing".

Without dying.



Marquis, let's go away. Better
Arabs alive than crazy dead.

I have a bad feeling,
let's go.

Stay close to me,
unity is strength! Yes like this!


Here are the strangers, queen!

- (ANTINEA) Leave me alone.
- Well, I'm going away too.

No, you have to stay.

- Do you know who I am? - Yes,
Antinea, the queen of Atlantis.

Did they tell you about me?
What did they tell you?

- That you are beautiful,
but I don't believe it. - Because?

- A beautiful woman does not cover her face
with a mask. - It's bad.

- Do you want to see my face?
- Yup.

You will regret it.

Ah! So much
for baking soda!

- What do you say? - You're the most beautiful
woman I've ever seen.

- Do I look beautiful to you?
- Holy shit!

- So you like me? - Very much,
he's stronger than me, I like you!

Too bad, I don't like you.

- I like him.
- I?

- Yes you.
- He?

- Yes, and you'll be mine.
- This I will never allow!

Marquis, if you "fit", eh!

- Be careful what you do! - I
don't do anything, she does it.

- I love you, stranger.
- Loves me.

You are the man who will share
the treasures of Atlantis with me .

The man who will ascend to my side
on the throne of my fathers.

- Do you want?
- Sure.

I will ascend the throne of your fathers,
your mothers,

of brothers, cousins, brothers-in-law,
kindreds, up to the seventh degree!

- Ah!
- Marquis, why are you angry?

- You are in love with Lulu.
- Who is Lulu? I only know her.

Even unpunished! Respectfully
speaking, she "pappo" me.

- Leave her, Antonio, or I'll kill you!
- Oh yes?

- Beauty, are you the queen here?
- Yes and you will be the king.

A king who commands
or a king who does not command?

- The absolute master.
- The absolute master?

Oh yes?

Mr. Marquis, with respect
speaking, now I'll take care of it. Sorry.


Take the marquis to jail!


What do you do? Leave me!

I will make you pay!
I'll give you the 8 days!

Yes sir, in the
meantime, now I have 8 nights.

- Alone at last!
- Alone at last.

- You are very beautiful.
- And you see me now.

You should have seen me at 3.
My hair was long like this.

Everyone mistook me
for a sissy.

I've kissed over 1,000 men.

The past of a woman does not
interest me , I am a man of the world.

- But I've never met
a man like you. - Sure.

- I'm scared.
- Why are you afraid?

A "piece" of a queen like you,
but stop!

- I'm afraid of falling in love.
- Honey, kiss me.

Stand aside, you are unclean.
You have to purify yourself.


Take it over
and style it for the holidays.

- We don't play jokes.
- Be calm.

Perfume it and dress it
for the rite of love.

For that matter ...

Hello. Girls, I'm ready.

- Below is empty.
- There is a passage. - Get out there.

- What will it be, master?
- I know it's there! Street!

Go back to the camp
and say nothing. Street!


Here you are ready for the sacrifice.

Girls, oibò! What happens?

- Poor fellow!
- Poor fellow!

Poor fellow!

Poor man a damn!
Right now the best is coming.

- I wonder why!
- I tell you. - What a fright!

How's the madness going?

- Go away.
- Right now? No. - Go away.


- In that room ...
- Well?

There are two doors and a staircase.

The first door leads to the treasure,
the stairway to freedom,

and the second leads to death.
And you will walk out of that door!

Besides being crazy,
you are also a jinx!

The statues over there are not statues.

- I touched them.
- They're dead.

- Golden dead - Even fried?
- You will do the same.

Golden and fried?

- A kiss from Antinea kills!
- What ways!

What an ugly flaw,
I can't see anymore!

- What were you saying?
- Whoever kisses the queen dies.

- Have you eaten onions? - No,
Antinea has poisoned lips.

Those lips!
How I would like to kiss those lips!

- But if they're poisoned ...
- It doesn't matter, I want to die.

- So ... - I can't live
without his love.

- I want to die.
- And now?

I want to die.

Besides being crazy, he's stupid.

Are you ready, my lord?

- You look great. Come.
- I can not.

- Because? - I have a meeting
with the board of directors.


- Sit down.
- Thanks.

- I want to see how you kiss.
- I don't know how to kiss.

- Mom didn't tell me anything.
- I'll teach you.

I am ashamed.

- Whose? There is nobody.
- For this.

- What are you waiting for to kiss me?
- If you really want to...

More on.

Higher still.

But where do you kiss? Here.

- You're stupid. - Because?
- There are bacilli.

With a kiss,
billions of hundreds of bacilli are transmitted .

- Enough, I want you. - Help!
You take advantage of my innocence!

I mean, why are you doing this?
You do not like me?

Do I disgust you? You will pay dearly for
this affront. You will die!

- Guards! - Why are you calling
the guards? Do not get angry.

I like you very much, but I'm
not used to these things.

- Let's get married first.
- Okay, we'll get married tonight.

We postpone everything to this evening.
Stop, don't go away.

You must understand me, in my country
these things are not done.

The country is small,
people whisper.

If you really wish ...

But don't look
at me with those eyes!

Close your eyes. I'll count to
three. On three I'll give you a big kiss!

Close them tight! Strong!



two and a half ... three to a quarter ...


It has turned golden!
But not me!


- Here is a treasure!
- What are you doing?

- I'm just passing through. - Damn,
you found my secret.

I've been looking for it for years!
You took my treasure from me!

- Rest assured! I'm not telling
anyone! - Sure, you'll die.

There is dust in here.

Rather than sharing the treasure
with others, I blow everything up.

She is crazy! Mr. Pietro MICCO,
don't do it MICCA!

Don't worry, I'm going away.
I'm going away!

- Damn, you kissed her, huh?
- I'm not stupid, Marquis.

- Who kisses her "there is danger
of death". - Thing? - "External use."

"Whoever touches the wires dies!"

- What does it mean? - He has
poisoned lips ! - Let's run away!

- Careful! Let's hide from there.
- After you.

That way!


- Marquis, to us,
who makes us do it? - You are right.

- Stop!
- Yes, tomorrow! Come on, Marquis.


- Come away!
- (MARQUIS) Antinea!

- Marquis, come.
- Antinea!

- Antinea!
- Marchese!

- Antonio!
- Marquis!

- Mr. Antonio!
- He's the traitor!

- Unfaithful dog!
- Help, shoot!


- Princess, can I go down
first? - Yup.

Come on, my warriors!


- Traitor! - Not a traitor!
The Marquis is down.

- Gastone? Where is it?
- Down. - Here we go.

- No! There are the "escalators".

Here are ours! The Legion!
I'll come right away.


- Excuse me, are you a mirage?
- What are you saying, you idiot!

- Luckily! - Where have you been?
- Yes, sir.

- Why are you dressed
out of order? - Sir.

- Where is Gastone? - Underground with
the Arabs. - Dead? - No, live.

- I'm in Antinea's pool.
- Antinea!

- The one with the poisoned lips?
- Yes, sir.

- Which turns people
into golden statues. - Yes, sir.

- It's the usual sunstroke.
- But no! Don't you want to follow me?

- We're not crazy.
- We must save them. - No!

- Aren't you following me? - No.
- It takes an idea.

- Here she is! Major
of my boots! - Thing?

- You're here to forget
a woman, aren't you? - Yes why?

That woman did well
to betray her. With that face!

- This is too much! - Get me!
Marameo! - Get it!

No! Legionnaires have to go
up the stairs.

Good! Better than before!

- Gastone! What is happening?
- Everything will end well, I tell you.

He must be saved,
you promised the marquise.

What a beautiful battle! Wonderful!

First they collide with each other
and then we ...!

- I want to go to Gastone,
lower the ladder. - All right!

Ludovico, quick!

- Gastone!
- Mr. Marquis!

- Lulu!
- Gastone! - Lulu, my love!

No! My darling no!
Nobody will take it!

- You want to steal my treasure!
- The bomb!

- Quick, the bomb goes off!
- Soon!

- The santabarbara breaks out!
- Soon!


How I suffer!

> The big explosion!

How I suffer!

> Latest news!
The big explosion!

How I suffer!

How I suffer!


- Mom! - (ANTONIO)
Quickly, let's raise the marquise.


Gastone. Gastone!

- Dear! - I brought
your son back to her safe and sound.

The Marquis Lulù. Just married.

Princess Fatma.

Antinea, queen of Atlantis
and my slave.

She is in love with me like a fish.

But what do I do to women? Boh!

Dear. As soon as she arrived in Europe,
she went blonde.

- Coward!
- I am so happy,

- but I suffer.
- No, marchesa, suffer on your feet,

- now this furniture is mine.
- It's true.

Come on, sit down.

Pig dog!

Antonio! His lips are poisoned.

No, I had her vaccinated.

Kiss Me.