Toss It (2019) - full transcript

Call it.
(coin chiming)

(light gentle music)

(record scratching)

(light gentle music)

Earthquakes,

mudslides,

sinkholes,

there are worse things
than being at a wedding.

Yeah, yeah.

Pets dying.

Sitting here thinking
about all that time



eCRUSH.

- What is that, like eBay?
- Basically.

I prefer the good
old fashion sniff test.

You meet somebody and
within three seconds

- you know what you're gonna--
- Exactly.

No, I got sucked
into the whole dating

industrial complex like
a bird into a jet engine

and I'm still at
another wedding, alone.

Look at all those
people, dancing, happy.

Fuckers.

We're the last ones left.

Not if you count Uncle Claude.

He's 93.

All our friends are paired off.



Even the younger ones.

Who started this whole mess?

[Male] Bobby and Natalie.

No, the whole--

What? Weddings?

Society?

Preservation of the species?

No, love.

Now preserve all you want,

but that feeling,
that need you know.

Is it a necessity?

You know, like food,
clothing, shelter, love.

Some people get on without it.

Do they?

Really?

Yeah.

Oh you mean like real people?

Yeah, no, that's different.

Even geese mate for life.

I feel like a lone goose.

Gander.

A female goose is a gander.

You're supposed to say
something comforting.

Like, you're not a lone
goose, you're a queen bee.

I think queen bees
just squirt out larva

in a honeycomb and die.

You're pink.

That's what you are.

You're lacy, you're romantic.

- Cynicism just means you're
- Love is this big thing.

- Pink too.
- No.

- Pink, pink.
- I'm not pink!

[Woman] I bet you are so pink

you're like deep,
smoldering, sucker red.

No, no, I'm not
red, I'm blue, okay.

I'm cool.

I'm blue.

I'm viable.

You can't live with red.

I'm blue.

Blue you can have a meal with.

Blue you can lie down,
have a good night sleep.

Tiring of the game?

Do you want a drink?

What's the point?

To forget there isn't one.

A little brown helps
with all that pink.

[Bartender] What can I get ya?

Two martinis,
up with olives please?

[Bartender] You got it.

Thank you.

One's for Emily.

1961 I believe.

Anyway, Fred is going over

to pick up Peggy
for a date you see.

So he goes in and
the mother says,

"Peggy is not ready,
she's upstairs

getting ready to
go out with you.

Will you have a cup of tea?"

"I will."

So Fred sits down
and the mother says,

"What are you doing tonight?"

He said, "Well we're
going to go dancing."

"Oh yeah, that's very
nice" says the mother.

"And I have to tell you,
Peggy loves to screw."

[Male] What?

[Uncle] "She loves to screw."

And then Peggy comes
down the stairs,

says, "We ready to go mom.

Have a good night,
have a good time."

Half an hour later,
Peggy comes in the door,

her dress all torn.

"Mother, how many times
do I have to tell you!

It's not the screw,
it's the twist!"

(men laughing)

[MC] And now,
time to cut the cake!

(everyone laughing)

God.

Would you like something
a little sweeter my dear?

(both chuckling)

(people cheering)

Now I remember why
you're my favourite son.

Ah, one's for Emily.

Oh.

Have you seen your father?

He owes me a dance.

I think he's in the bar.

I wonder why they
call it falling in love?

Jesus, you need this
more than I thought.

Do all the walls around
your heart fall open?

You keep this up I'm
gonna sit with Uncle Claude.

Is it all pulpy soft
like a peeled tomato?

I keep waiting for that.

A tomato?

No.

Love is a choice.

You know, there comes a time

and you just say you want
it, you choose it,

and you just say
that's the one that I'm

gonna love for the
rest of my life.

It's a choice?

What?

I thought you were gonna choke
on the shit you're full of.

What if my heart
never falls open?

You could always sleep
with me to ease the pain.

Do you never tire of that joke?

Come on.

You know I've always
been waiting for you.

Watching you stumble through
that minefield of assholes.

So am I just a choice?

[Male] To the happy couple!

Wherever they are.

[MC] And now,
for the last dance,

here's something to
ease you on your way

out into the night.

Let's do this.

[MC] Don't go alone!

(slow paced music)

Oh, come on.

I mean this is a Philly wedding,

shouldn't we be ending with
"Dancing In The Streets"

or something a little more...
ugh.

Is this the way
your parents danced?

Please don't bring them up.

You never really
talk about them.

Well,
they weren't like your parents.

Okay, this isn't so bad.

Are we feeling tomato-like?

[Emily] The odds of
this ending well are low.

I'll take those odds.

It's not a game to me anymore.

So you won't give it a try?

Packing it in?

Pulling up stakes?

Leaving that last bus?

I'm kind of running out
of trite sayings here.

I mean,

honest to fuck Emmy.

Let's give it a go.

This is wedding horny.

A little.

Yes.

We've been on this path
ever since we first met.

Finn, it's because you're an

obsessive compulsive flirt.

Your love life is
like a trivia contest.

Name three women that
Finn dated in October.

Now it's been fun
laying side bets

on how long they'd last,

but come on, know thyself dude.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Don't get up on that
tender hearted pedestal

while you be laying
points on me all right?

So I've, you know,
eaten another rotten apple.

That's another fruit analogy.

Right, so I've done shit,
you've done shit, mutual guilt.

Ooh!

Paradise lost,
you've got a big brain.

You're lucky I can
get you references

enough so I can mock them.

So we're a pair
of nasty fucks.

Then what is the point
of even wanting to fuck!

Because two wrongs
don't make a right,

but two fucks don't
make it wrong!

[Everyone] Whoa!

Thank you all for coming

and have a fabulous night!

At least better than
that couple over there!

Fucking idiot.

Let's go to the bar.

I wanna bust this place.

I'm gonna find me a dank
bar filled with losers,

and I think that's
gonna give me a boost.

Yeah, right, whatever.

See, there you go
again, being too picky.

Oh don't start that again.

[Finn] So you did
pass on a lot of guys.

Yeah, because there are a
lot of broken guys out there.

Like a whole generation.

What happened?

Don't,
don't turn this into some

vast anthropological argument.

Okay, you know
what, it's not too

picky to pass on the sociopath.

Forgive me for dating a felon.

You banged a felon?

And amber alerts
are off the table.

Whoa.

It really is a jungle out there.

Yeah.

Come on, look,

I'll be your ape.

You know that begs
another fruit illusion.

(imitates ape)

Oh,
did you know that romantic love

and obsessive
compulsive behaviour

have similar brain chemistry?

So you are pink.

No, I just lack focus.

The bar

is this way.

This way.

You know,
tempted by loser bar,

I'm gonna call it a night.

Why? Don't.

Thank you for extracting me

- from all that happy shit.
- Just one drink.

[Emily] You're a gentleman
of the lowest order.

You're welcome.

Now, where's my--

Finn!

I always wanted to
look in one of these.

Finn, give it back!
Finn!

- Finn!
- Let's see what we got.

[Finn] We got a phone.

We got lip gloss and

oh, look at that.

You didn't think you were
gonna get lucky did you?

If I needed a condom I knew
who to ask you little slut.

You gonna give me that?

You gonna ask me back out?

Good start.

Trade ya.

No.

Finn, if we're gonna try
this psycho chem experiment,

we should at least
start sober-ish.

I always bring my A game.

That doesn't,

well yeah it does matter, but--

My passing shot is killer.

Finn.

My cross court is spectacular.

My return of serve
is best in the game!

Enough with the guy metaphors!

You've been slinging
fruit all night long.

You're telling me
I throw in some

tennis analogies and
you got a problem?

You like veggies?

'Cause I got one.

Tennis is like squash.

Technically it's a fruit.

We always do this.

We hit the ball back and forth.

Yeah.

Now you got me doing it.
God.

Squash isn't a fruit!

(slow paced music)

Hold on, hold on.

Emmy, hold on.

What do you want?

I mean what does,

what does Emmy want?

Integrity, honor, valor.

In like battle?

You let yourself off
the hook all the time.

I'm sorry, I don't wanna
put you on the couch.

Good,
'cause I wanna go in the bed.

Don't you want it
to mean something?

What are we, like 15?

No.

We're so not, that's why
I don't wanna wake up with

a hangover and a vague
memory of what went down.

Good.

'Cause you're gonna
want to remember this.

(slow paced music)

See you at breakfast?

Fine.

I do want it to mean something.

(horns honking)

(woman crying)

Hey, you okay?

Is this still about the whole
Bobby and Natalie thing?

Because they're so happy?

Look, they just got married,

and they won't last.

I can't deal
with you right now.

So could you get out of here?

Well that's a first.

Really?

[Redhead] Yeah,
I just can't deal.

Look, I know,

we got drunk,
then we got drunker,

and so, you know, my apologies.

You so don't
owe me an apology.

Another first, okay.

Cool.

I mean I didn't think so.

Look, I know that we had to...

I mean I know I didn't have to,

but we did the whole,

the thing,

and it seemed like it was
taking you a long time and.

I mean...

I almost thought that
I was gonna have to.

But anyway, hats off to you kid.

And my pants!

(imitates drumming)

Zip it.

I just fucked you because
I couldn't fuck Natalie.

Okay, that really is a first.

Like Natalie,
like the bride Natalie?

Yes that Natalie.

I've been in love with
her since college.

I told her last night
and she iced me,

so I just slept with the
nearest guy I could find

to get back at her
for marrying Bobby.

We had a thing in college.

Okay.

Senior year.

That's why she got
stoned yesterday.

Natalie was high?

Duh, and Bobby was wasted.

Don't you think something's off

if they both numb
out for the most

important day of their lives?

(doors creaking)

Are you sure about
this Natalie thing?

Are you sure you're not

getting confused with
the old friendship

and getting naked
and having sex thing?

Do you have friends
you wanna sleep with?

Well yeah.

I mean,

I wanna, fuck, Emily!

Then why did
you sleep with me?

(upbeat music)

Everyone knows your
reputation Finn.

(redhead laughs)

If you think Emily will
ever hook up with you,

you are more hopeless than I am.

Where are my shoes?

In the shower.

So,

thank you.

And I just wanna,
I just wanna...

Thank you for making my little

brother's life very interesting.

There are only
two mistakes one can

make along the road to truth.

Not going all the
way and not starting.

Buddha.

Right.

Right.

Take care.

[Emily] Oh hey, I was
just heading to breakfast.

[Finn] Yeah.

I thought your

room was down the hall.

Yeah.

- Oh my god.
- That's

[Finn] Not really
what you think.

You know what,
I would never measure

up to you anyway, so--

Oh, right, this is my fault.

'Cause I'm so good?

No, I'm--

Fuck you.

Fuck.

I allow myself for
one brief shitty moment

short of hope that
maybe there was

this guy under my
nose the whole time

who like knows me better than
anybody that I thought...

Man, I get soft for a minute and
you get in there with a knife.

I didn't mean to,
I didn't want to.

Oh you never try
anything do you?

Isn't that the guy code?

It's not me, it's you.

We're simple.

I give up hoping to find a guy

who wants to make my
world a little better

by being in it.

You know, silly me for wanting
to shiny up his world too.

Man, I'm an idiot!

We haven't even
fucking slept together!

Okay!

So if you're gonna
get fucking mad at

this,
then imagine if we actually--

Why, so you officially cheat?

I'm not--

Because it's inevitable!
I don't know Finn!

Guess we'll never know.

Snap.

I hate weddings.

Everybody does.

It's just that we
keep going around

and around and we
do the same things

and it's over and over.

Who knows.

Ask Buddha.

No.

I know who to ask.

(light peppy music)

(door knocking)

I'm not gonna ask about
your tux except to query,

was she worth it?

Absolutely not.

They never are, yet we keep--

We, right?

Am I the only one who...

What?

Nothing.

The look.

You have the--

You asked me something.

Did you cheat on mom?

I did.

When?

Our dates are so definitive.

[Finn] Roughly?

After you boys were born.

It was a reaction.

To us?

Oh, don't get all martyr-y.

You see a horizon
filled with diapers

and squeaky toys
and you just wanna

check in with your old self.

That's all, nothing more.

Wow.

Finn, what are all
those girls to you?

When you can answer that, you
won't sit in judgment to me.

You've got something else?

Emily says I keep letting
myself off the hook.

Do I get that from you?

I'm a good husband.

I was a good father.

Made breakfast every Sunday,

came to every game.

Bobby's at least.

You had your band.

We sucked.

You sounded pretty
good on that guitar.

Though I suppose it is
a bit of a team effort.

Sorry to keep using
sports analogies.

You were a quarterback,
Bobby was a tight end,

and I was a lazy ass.

You were more
artistic, that's all.

You're taking after your mother.

Where is mom?

Her morning ritual.

She'll come out looking
like a million bucks.

You still love her don't you?

Of course.

Women like your mother
are a rare find.

I knew what I had and I held
on, with both hands.

Despite cheating?

Adele's like Halley's Comet.

It comes around rarely
and when it does,

you got to be lucky
and tenacious enough

to grab her tail.

That doesn't sound right.

Your father waxing poetical
about my fair graces again?

Why are you still
in your tuxedo?

We're good people, right ma?

Of course we are darling.

So why am I so fucked up?

I have my morning
constitutional.

Jim, this is your fault.

You told him to sow oats.

No, I told him to eat oats.

No, that doesn't sound right.

You always leave
the messy bits to me.

But you're so good at it dear.

And what are you
going to buy me

to make up for this one?

I always find the
appropriate penance.

Ooh.

That's how we work.

[Adele] What are you
pretending not to know?

So I told Emily last night
that I wanted to give it a go.

And this isn't her.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't know why am
I so fucked up mom?

Your vocabulary's
a bit limited.

Okay, I'm sorry mom.

What up?

Why you're so
difficult, I don't know.

We raised you both the same.

Bobby's boring.

Oh and you painted
the Sistine Chapel.

Are you telling me is this still

because I changed
my fucking major!

I'm sorry.

I know you use that
language as a distancing

technique from your sadness.

What?

Finn I'm your mother.

I wiped your tears
away for the first

10 years of your life.

I know when my boy is sad.

You've always been more
sensitive than Bobby.

Than boys in general.

Hey.

I just mean that you
may feel the weight

of societal expectation
is an impingement

on your innate freedom.

Sweetheart,
we all want carefree lives.

But men sometimes feel
the financial burden

because women carry
the nurturing burden.

Burden?

Yeah.

Newsflash,
parenting is hard work.

I think your father and I tried
to balance it more than others.

He had Sunday breakfasts,

my teaching you archery.

We realised that we needed to
balance our lives a bit more.

What point?

When we felt a separation

of who we were as a couple.

So we tried each others
roles on for a bit.

I think you and I became closer.

Your father got to experience
his tender side with boys.

Not just women.

Maybe that's where you
get your sensitivity.

Come on.

It's nice Finn.

But it's like you're stuck
on a sunny afternoon.

It's a lovely place to play

but you have to do your
homework or you won't graduate.

What homework am I not doing?

Finn, how is your life?

It's a fucking wonderland.

And how's your heart?

I don't know.

I don't even know where it is.

You reap what you sow.

I haven't sown anything.

Exactly!

Okay.

Obi Wan Adele, tell me what
caused my heart failure?

You want some pan
generational post-feminist out.

That I made you boys too soft.

Bobby got married.

Yeah, cause Nat held
a gun to his head.

He could've said no.

He doesn't have the balls.

He's taking someone
on in his life.

- Maybe children.
- Jesus.

[Adele] Maybe you should
have a chat with him.

Taking advice from
my younger brother.

[Adele] I think it's
nice when boys talk.

Passing the buck?

Make a choice.

I did!

I told Emily last night.
I said, "Love is a choice."

No!

Love is not a choice!

What you do with it is.

Your mother's right.

Women are smarter.

Finn, I have always loved you

and I always will,

but honestly, grow a pair.

You think just because
there's sexual freedom

and birth control you
stop mating for life?

That all men are weasels?

There's still men
out there being

good fathers and husbands.

Dad wasn't.

That wasn't necessary.

Like I didn't know.

I let him dig his
own guilt grave

and it's worked out very well.

Most men are fungible if
you just want to use them as

checking accounts that
only wanna make a deposit--

Mom, don't!

You think when the
ladies lunch we knit.

We have plenty to
be catty about.

It keeps us from
self-reflecting.

Maybe that's where you get
your verbal tennis skills from.

You keep hitting the ball back

so it never lands in your court.

Let it land
sometime, pick it up,

hold the fuzzy ball.

That doesn't sound right.

It's not frightening.

When it's hurled at
you 100 miles an hour,

yes.

But in essence,
it's a very simple thing.

It's like Emily's got
this whole list of sins

that she keeps track of.

I didn't do anything.

Well not to her.

Son,
we're all guilty of something.

Pick one and seek forgiveness.

Is that it?

Is that the answer?

Oh you always think
there's an answer.

One word to sum it all up.

You know what, we're novels,

and not all makes sense.

But aren't we supposed
to learn something?

Isn't that the upside
to getting older?

Ooh, I'll let you
field that one dear.

I don't get older.

They say with
age comes wisdom.

Trade-off for no longer
tolerating three martinis.

Aging is for humbling you.

It's a slap in the face.

A bucket water over an
opening door that says,

"This is it."

This isn't a dress rehearsal.

Go out there and grab it son.

Wherever it is.

With both hands.

And hold tight.

(perky music)

(door knocking)

[Woman] Housekeeping!

You hear about
that cancer thing?

It's just a rumor.

Long day.

Oh duh, your wedding night.

Nope, we didn't.

We were too wasted.

We got the honeymoon, right?

Yeah.

Natalie's inside
paying the bill.

Points on her credit card.

She's on top of things.

Which is a good thing right?

A big step.

Really big step.

You don't regret it?

No.

No.

I mean, this is where the
road was heading, right?

Have you been talking to Finn?

He swung by.

Don't let him drag you down

so you'll be so lonely
in cynical town.

He's like the mayor.

Right?

Be deaf to that noise,
it's sound and fury.

He's flying out of Newark,

he was gonna give me
a lift back, but I

think I'm just gonna
take the train.

Oh, so sorry.

I always thought that

you would wind up together.

When I first met you guys
when you were in college.

And things would just get
better as you got older.

Kind of like the autumn leaves

that turn cooler shades.

Yeah, well sometimes a
cold snap just kills 'em.

Yeah.

But, you are a good man,

and you've got a good woman,

and you're gonna
have a good life.

What?

What happened?

(door knocking)
Well.

[Finn] Hey!

[Natalie] Bobby,
did you forget to put

the do not disturb
sign on the door?

Bobby.

- What the fuck!
- The door.

[Natalie] Right?

[Finn] Hey, it's Finn.

You guys up?

[Natalie] Are you kidding me?

No we're not!

[Finn] Checkout's in an hour.

All right, all right!

(door knocking)

Fuck.

Morning!

Happy couple.

Is this the bridal suite?

[Natalie] We're
saving up for the house.

Why are you still in your tux?

It's kinda what I wanted
to talk to you about.

Can we talk?

About your tux?

Yeah.

Does it make me look fat?

No you nimrod.

Nat, don't you have to go like

brush your teeth or something?

You're asking me to give
you privacy in my own room?

No wonder you're
still in your tux.

She's like a ray
of morning sun.

Oh fuck off!

I can't believe
that I'm consulting my

little brother about this.

Kinda humiliating.

But it's about Emily

or maybe it's about all women.

Or maybe it's just about me.

It's unclear.

So who was she?

I'm gonna feign
being a gentleman.

That bad?

Surprisingly good.

For a freak.

What is it about freaks?

Great sex, but,

too crazy to deal with.

And then you go
ahead and marry one!

Look,
you served up a fluffy one,

I had to take a swing.

You're gonna keep
taking shots at my wife?

Your wife is Nat.

There's a difference
between a wife

and the tail that you chase.

Don't talk like
that about Emily.

I'm not talking about Emily.

Em's great.

I don't know why
you're not with her.

I'm talking about
all the others.

Right?

Sorry.

So why'd you do it?

Enough with the jokes.

No, look, listen to me.

Honest.

Marriage.

The whole thing.

Why'd you do it?

Nat wanted to.

That's what you got?

That's what you're giving me?

And I got a Beamer out of it.

In exchange for a
lifetime of free pussy?

And that's not even guaranteed.

Enough Finn, she's going
to be the mother of my kids.

She wants kids.

I think she'll be a good mom.

Yeah,
she would probably kick the ass

of anybody who came near them.

All right I heard that!

I meant as in the way

a lioness protects her cubs.

Yeah, okay, are we done here?

Because we have a
flight to catch.

Not really, no.

Okay, well nut up Finn.

We packed up and
moved to Marriedville,

it's an adults only town.

Is that why there's
so much porn in it?

That was an art film!

That was beyond the line.

Oh, look at you Mr. Married!

[Nat] Yeah, and you're alone.

It is better to be alone,

than to keep poor company.

Confucius.

Stop insulting my wife.

I meant that about me.

Yeah, all right, sure Finn.

Mr. Quip.

I'm gonna just insult
everyone around me,

but it's okay, 'cause it
doesn't hurt. It's a joke.

You know what, fuck you. Curl
up with your own hand tonight.

Nat, why don't you go smoke
some weed and take the edge off?

Yeah, why do think we're going
to Jamaica for the honeymoon?

(door knocking)

Okay,
can anyone read around here?

We don't need maid service yet!

We need to talk.

No we don't.

Honey, what are you doing?

(door knocking) -
Stay out of this.

I'm backing Nat on this one.

We should probably--

Let her in,
she's making a scene.

I don't care.

- I've had enough drama
- I'll handle this.

- [Natalie] For one weekend.
- I'm not sure we wanna...

Finn.

Hi.

What are?

Did you tell them?

The tux?

I'm a whore.

It took me a long
time to get here,

but I'm going all
the way to truth.

That's Buddha.

That's bullshit.

On the road to truth,
there are only two mistakes.

I think there are quite a few.

I already told
Bobby years ago.

Told me what?

That stupid college thing.

She was bringing it
up again last night.

You told him?

Yeah.

So what?

It was college,
we made out a few times

while I was high.

You try shit, let it go.

I can't.

Then what was Finn?

A stunt.

Oh!

(Bobby giggling)

To see if I could live a lie.

Oh you think I am?

I don't know.

How much weed do
you have to smoke

to get through a
wedding ceremony?

All right, I like to get high.

It's not a big deal.

It doesn't mean anything deeper.

If you say so.

Nat really isn't that deep.

Okay, you know what Marie,

your endless authority
in Buddha shit

is working my last nerve!

Like you're so true to yourself.

Like you're the only true one.

Natalie, take it easy.

Listen Marie, I want Bobby.

I want to be a wife.

I want kids.

I want to do what real women do.

Natalie, take it
easy, she gets it.

I get it.

Do you?

Do you get it,
that I want you period!

Yeah.

I get it.

You're kind of freaking me out.

I want you too.

Gee,
that's so much more meaningful

than your vows yesterday.

Kind of rude and desperate,

but at least you're
both awake this time.

Desperate?

You used us as an excuse for
why you don't have a guy.

And you stay flaky 'cause
you don't wanna grow up.

Why?

It's cooler?

No, it's sad.

Get a guy, get married,
and get over it!

Oh.

Is that what you did?

Okay Marie, get out
of the self-help section

and skip past juvenile fiction,

where you've been spending
a little too much time,

and go to the front of the store

where they sell non-fiction.

Or better yet,
get out of the store!

Go outside, meet someone!

A real person!

And then you can
have a real life!

Natalie, take it easy!

Stay out of this Bobby!
Move on, get over it--

Jesus!

Button it!

She needs to hear every word of

this so that it
finally sinks in!

That I will never love you!

I will never go down on you!

I will be fucking you for
the rest of your life!

Well there you have it.

And thanks for this
maid of honor gift.

Oh please.

That is so high school.

Yeah, isn't it?

Good luck Bobby.

I always thought you
were kind of sweet,

now I just kind of pity you.

(Natalie screams)

[Natalie] God fucking damn it!

(door slams)

Wow.

This has been enlightening.

(Finn chuckles)

(Finn laughing)

[Bobby] And that happened.

Oh, Bobby.

Take your hands
off my husband!

(women laughing)

Hey, Nat, how are you?

Oh you know,
actually I prefer Natalie.

Especially now that I'm married.

Oh yeah, of course.
It's a beautiful name.

And it was a beautiful wedding.

Yeah, except for that
little last dance bit.

You and Finn yelling
on the dance floor.

Yeah, I was hoping
that was forgotten.

I mean just imagine
if it was your wedding.

You know, if that ever happens.

So, is the car packed?

I'll bring it around.

No, I'm gonna go with you.
I saw your

parents leaving the
breakfast buffet,

I do not want to say goodbye
to them for the fifth time.

Oh nope, here she comes.
She saw us. Hi mom!

I thought you'd be
halfway to the airport?

Oh, any second now.

I was talking with Emily.

Oh.

Well we best not keep
these lovebirds any longer.

Hurry along darling.

Bye mom.

[Adele] Take care of my boy.

I will.

One down, one to go.

Ow, my toe's soar from
that hit you just dropped.

Finn paid us a
visit this morning,

so it's on my mind.

Has he been
talking to everyone?

Apparently he's trying to
acquire wisdom in a weekend.

So like Finn.

Trying to get the
answers to the test

so he won't have to study.

He usually charms
his way through.

Just won't work this time.

Why are you resistant?

I'm not trying to make a sale,

I'm just the manufacturer
of the product,

I'd like some consumer feedback.

Straight?

Finn, Finn's a hybrid.

He's not quite a man, but
he's far too cool to be a boy.

He's a ban.

Yes,
I should ban him from my life.

I used to like your word play.

Now not so much.

It's a habit.

I amuse myself if nobody
hits the ball back.

Finn always hits the ball back.
But I need more than a ball.

I need balls.

Not me, I mean him.

Why do I keep
blowing my analogies?

Chemistry can be powerful.

Maybe Darwin was
onto something?

Maybe my chromosomes want Finn's

even though he seems intent on

scattering his everywhere?

I did my best to
instill the one man

one woman manifesto.

Bobby followed it.

We pass on these myths

that we hope will
feed our children.

Bait, so they'll reach outside

the home that they
would never leave

were they to know the truth.

Maybe Finn saw through all that

despite my best efforts.

(horn honking)

Ah, here's Jim.

Emily, lovely to see you.

I'd say I look forward
to seeing you again,

but I don't wanna
hurt another toe.

(tense music)

Come on now.

(upbeat music)

I heard.

Don't blow it.

Remember, don't blow it.

What if everything
they told us is a lie?

Are we gonna do
a complete rewind

or you wanna just give
me the cliff notes?

In chromosome six,
MHC is this big genetic player.

It deals with the immune system,

reproduction,
most vertebrates have it.

You know how when you
think you're seeking

a partner who's similar?

You're actually
seeking differences,

because you may think you
don't wanna have children,

the drive to have
healthy offspring

still factors in with
whom you pick as a mate.

And in my case it's gotta
be purely chromosomal

because the social
angle makes no sense.

You're a teacher,
I'm in branding.

Which is basically a millennial
term for advertising.

You impart knowledge
whereas I spin it.

We couldn't be more opposite

and I really don't understand
where you're going with this.

Finn,
you're not my life partner.

That's where I'm at.

You're still hooking up.

Whoa, oh hey.

Look, Marie was just--

Sport fucking?

I don't.

I fuck with intent.

You have a filthy mouth.

I use your language
so the point is made.

I've been grabbing a lot
of points lately today.

How 'bout that?

Good for you.

Hey, thanks for the offer for
the lift back to New York,

but I'm taking the train.

I'll use the time to
build a lesson plan

to educate the next generation
better than this one.

Emily.

Emily why don't
we skip New York.

Why don't we drive down to
New Orleans and get married?

Finn,

we haven't even--

Ah!

See, I got a hunch about that.

We'll head to a blues bar.

We'll find an old horn
player who can vouch for us.

He'll be a witness, right?

An old soul stepping
up for two new ones

who are just trying
to learn a little bit.

More.

And then, we watch the sunset

from a room with a
wrought iron balcony

and a big gauzy bed.

Where we just lie down

and we lay and just
dream together.

Are you channeling
Tennessee Williams?

'Cause it's usually
Raymond Carver.

Maybe I'm trying
to shed some skin.

Snakes shed,
they're still snakes.

There's my car. (car honking)

And what about all
that stuff last night

about love and fruit?

I was drunk and bitter.

(enlightening music)

[Finn] What about today?

Just bitter.

And P.S. proposal on the
curb, not the way to go.

Train station please.

I cannot believe you
just refused my proposal

just like that.

I repeat, on a curb,
that is so last minute.

Crass, and I'm not even
rushing to marry anyone.

Maybe because nobody
ever measured up to you.

Oh, you wanted someone
like me but not me?

No, maybe I always wanted you.

But I never thought you'd
go for somebody like me.

A narcissist with
low self-esteem?

A narcissist with a
friend with high standards.

Oh,
back to making it my fault?

Just drive will you?

Always off the hook.

That is so un-hot.

Finn, I like men.

Honest to God, grown up,

I'll take a punch if
I have to kind of men.

Who'd defend a lady and is not
sexist when it's just right.

Who'd go to bat for me,

who, not because he has
to or he's supposed to,

just an honest human caring.

That's hot.

Yeah, well, I was reading
on the internet the other day.

It popped up on my homepage.

And it said that through
the course of a marriage

you go through phases.

When you're aging with
somebody you become

friends, lovers, enemies,
brother and sister.

I don't necessarily agree
with that last part,

but we've gone through
all those phases.

We've done them all, okay!

Not lovers not withstanding,

but I mean, you get me.

I get you.

It's Biblical.

He knew her.

He knew her, he knew
her, wink wink.

It's like the Old Testament.

Wink wink is "Mighty Python."

See, you get me.

Get your references.

I feel like I'm on
an endless game show.

So then why do
you keep playing?

So I think you won't
like me if I'm not clever.

Are you reading the answers

from inside my head?

Because that's my like my
deepest most innermost fear.

We really are a match.

(horns honking)

Hey!

If we're so alike,

does that make me an
even bigger narcissist

for wanting to spend

the rest of my life with myself?

[Emily] You'll find
I'm plenty different.

Is that a come on?

Is it all sex with you?

I'm trying to get past that.

You used to be gentle.

Now you're slicker,

like a tacky jacket
on a good book.

I've always been honest
about what a sleaze I am.

I think you played the
long con on yourself.

Well maybe I just
got out of the game.

Maybe I'm ready to
start a new one,

playing by your rules.

You don't want me.

You just wanna win.

Well homie don't play that.

Hold on.

Look, look, hey, hey.

You can quote evolution,
you can quote television,

but it all comes down
to chance in the end.

So why don't we
just roll the dice?

Is this a trust game?

It's not chicken,
it's a choice.

Oh enough with the choice.

Someone told me,

who shall remain anonymous,

said that love isn't a choice,

but what you do with it is.

So maybe that's the problem.

Maybe you can't live
with making a choice.

Oh I live with plenty.

But it just seems to me that

no one can live with anyone

without lying to someone.

But what if it's all lies!

What if it's up to
us to make it true!

You're mad.

And what if I am?

I know you Em,
and saying that will bore you.

Be a chance or choice.

And you call.

(coin chimes)

Can't you see it?

(upbeat music)

(engine revving)

Yeah.

So let's save a few steps.
(train horn blowing)

I knew you'd be back.

(determined music)

Vodka tonic?

Great, thank you.

Sure.

So yeah, my father
insisted I go work for him.

So I said, "Fuck you."

I started my own company,
now, I'm richer than he is.

(male laughing)

As a gun owner,
I can assure you

there'd be just as many murders

if handguns were illegal.

Just think how it could be.

You could share
my country house,

take care of my dogs.

You are so smart.

I'd wanna tie you up and gag you

and keep you in the basement.

Just dumb you down a little.

Are we done here?

Oh yeah.

So I'm liking the pitch,

but what's the but?

Like life, only better.

Because it's virtual.

Exactly.

Awesome, awesome.

(light music)

You wanna talk about him?

It's not about Finn.

Did I think I could
stretch the unitard

of his better angels across
the fat ass of his issues?

Maybe.

But I've given up on that.

It's not that I haven't dated a

sane man in the
last eight months,

I'm just starting to
tie it to the job.

Look, I like dating younger guys
too but we can't date students.

I mean,
do we teach them anything

that matters in the end?

Drinking or shopping?

Shopping.

As teachers we
do the best we can.

Sure, if we go along
with the status quo.

Change is up to us.

Are you gonna make it a PSA?

That's why only ever
hear these talks

about innovative
teaching strategies.

Like whether emotional
intelligence could be taught.

Oh,
so this is a comedy convention.

Seriously,
there's a theory kicking around

that emotions can help or
hurt your ability to learn.

Like if you're stressed out
how can you focus on anything?

Hence linking emotional skills
with academic performance.

Like if you better
manage your emotions

you have a better chance
of reaching your potential.

If you don't,
it might explain some

of the freaks I've dated.

Besides, what if we meet
some nice guys there?

So you're not gonna revamp
the entire education system?

Gotta mix it up.

Where is this happening again?

Vegas.

You know what they
say about Vegas.

(woman purrs)

Boobs!

(Emily laughs)

Emotional intelligence.

(upbeat music)

(light music)

Hey, what are you doing here?

Oh.

I mean, sorry, not oh.

I just thought you
were someone else.

Do I know you?

I'm Finn.

Finn.

Hi, yeah.

Good to meet you.

- Is there something wrong?
- Yes.

[Finn] No, no, there isn't.

Okay.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

You as well.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

No, no, no,

it's fine.

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

I have working,
convention thing.

Me too.

Teachers don't
have conventions.

We do now.

That's...

I thought that was you.

I thought that was you,
that's why I was with the...

Whoa.

Is it just that random?

I just, maybe it...

(upbeat music)

I mean it's so obvious isn't it?

Or maybe,

maybe it's so obvious
that it isn't.

I'm just trying to
find a spin on it.

My head is still spinning.

Is that better?

We couldn't of just
gambled our life savings?

No!

Now that would be cliche.

You don't even
have to say anything.

Just sign on the dotted line.

Four a.m.

It's an American tradition.

Uncle Claude is gonna sulk.

He really likes
kissing the bride.

Your mom will not be pleased.

Are you kidding me?

She loves you.

Oh dad's gonna dig this.

And Bobby's gonna give me shit.

No he won't.

[Both] Natalie.

She's gonna be
fucking merciless.

What are the odds of
overlapping conventions?

Seriously?

I mean we're in Vegas, you're
a teacher, you do the math.

If we hadn't run
into each other,

- would we--
- Babe.

[Finn] Babe.

We've been on this path
since... daily.

An eight month ride with
a rest stop in panic town.

With a scenic
overview of Bleaksberg.

There's always
comfort in Reno.

America's landfill
for hopes and dreams.

It's what we agreed to.

Yeah.

No tears if we walk away?

Not a drop.

Man that's comforting.

You know neither
one of us buy into the

magic of New Orleans.

I like seeing what
I'm getting into

and the honest
glare of Vegas neon.

How do I look?

Like a sucker.

See,
'cause that's what we'll do.

We'll send everybody
the licensing

from Emily and sucker.

(Emily giggling)

Hi there.

Okay.

Can you squeeze size nine feet

into a pair of eight just 'cause

it's the most popular size?

You know,
when you're young it takes

a lot of conviction.

And then the older
students are doing it now,

now what is it?

No, you know what it is?

It's the fear of the unknown,

and that's what freaks you out.

'Cause I know you Emily,

and you're a knowledge whore.

You're curious.

You need to know!

And I'm just a whore.

I was, I was.

I was, I was.

I'm a domesticated
wolf these days.

We'll see how long
before you howl.

A big howl.

You wanna go to
your room or mine?

Wanna toss for it?

Yeah, sure.

Let's finish this first.

(Finn chuckling)

What's with the 10 minute wait?

Maybe if we bolt
before they file,

it's like it never happened.

No.

(phone buzzing)

It's my mom.

Shut up.

How'd she know?

I don't know.

I mean I didn't even know.

Was this planned?

No, how was it planned?

Look, this is, oh.

And now it's Bobby.

You lying romantic.

You knew I was gonna be--

I didn't! I didn't, how did I
know? Hold on, just give me.

Well it's that
or she's calling

- to talk you out of it.
- Hi mom.

[Finn] Yeah, no.

I'm only answering this call
'cause I'm in Vegas baby.

I'm with Emily.

- I can't hear you, hold on.
- Oh God,

she's talking you out of it.

[Finn] Mom, I've got
Bobby on the other line.

Give me one second, hold on.

Bobby, I've got news.

Oh my God, Bobby too.

What?

Yeah I heard.

So, you gonna punt?

It's my dad.

Well I thought he
was gonna be for this?

He's had a heart attack.

Is he all right?

I gotta go home.

We.

Yeah, right.

(light music)

Just, put the bags anywhere,

I'll deal with them later.

Can I do something?

Nah, I gotta find Bobby.

(Natalie gasps)

Oh, Jesus Christ!

I didn't hear you come in.

Look at you.

Why are you so big?

What's with the duck?

It's a stork.

And it was for my baby shower.

What are you doing here?

We're married.

Of all days to joke.

For once I'm not.

You're lying.

For once, I'm not.

Bobby!

Get down here!

[Bobby] What's up?

They're married.

What?

Tell him.

We got married last night.

Well technically this morning.

You're lying.

Right.

I thought our wedding
was a bust for you guys?

We actually

saw each other in Vegas.

We succumbed to the kitsch!

Congrats.

I thought you had
higher standards.

Well, I thought you
wanted cool foliage.

What does that mean?

Oh, it's just an old--

(Bobby crying)

Bobby.

He's been doing this all day.
Come here baby.

It's okay, shh.

[Emily] And congrats to
you too, I didn't know.

I'm losing a dad too.

I know you are baby, shh.

I'm sorry guys.

Where's mom?

[Bobby] Upstairs lying down.

She's not crying.

Natalie.

I'm just saying, it's weird.

Everybody grieves
in their own way.

Is she okay?

She's in shock I think.

What happened?

He had a pain in his chest

so mom drove him
to the hospital.

She thought he was having
a minor heart attack.

Then they got to the hospital
and he had a massive one.

He had a heart condition.

What?

Hold on.

Why didn't she tell us?

I saw the prescription once.

He was on meds.

Meds didn't work.

Apparently.

Just saying.

Why are you
keeping that from us?

They didn't want us to worry.

The pills had it under control.

Not!

Apparently.

I'm just saying.

Come on, he's dead.

That's not under control.

That's like the opposite.

Christ, what's she doing here?

She came for the baby shower

and she stayed to help.

I thought the whole morning
after, the wedding thing--

Just because she's
one of your ghosts

of Christmas past doesn't mean

we can't get over our stuff.

Yeah.

But why is Emily here?

They got married
last night in Vegas.

Emily married you?

I guess I'm not that
hopeless after all.

Seriously, were you drunk?

Well--

Just,

beside the point.

Is it?

Just save the Buddha lesson!

Oh, I'm into Yogi
Ramakrishna Paramahansa now.

He believed all religions
lead to the same goal.

So it's not about one choice,

it's about embracing
all of them.

I see how that
could work for you.

And I see how
that's displacement

of an assortment of feelings

you must be experiencing.

So I'll let it go and go
refill Claude's drink.

Uncle Claude?

Yeah, he's here for mom.

She's the closest thing
he has to a daughter.

He likes cherry cola?

With vodka.

[Finn] How is he still alive?

Finn.

I'm just saying.

He's like 93.

He has no wife or kids.

That's how.

Nat, not really making a
strong case for yourself.

I'm just saying.

I mean he has no
responsibilities,

everyone takes care of him.

He's like a very old kid

who likes dirty jokes.

And it's like dad, dad was 65?

66, he just had a birthday.

Shit.

I'm a lousy son.

Yeah well, we decided that

you should write
the eulogy anyway.

[Finn] What?

Finn, you should.

[Finn] Who made
you two in charge?

We had to start
planning for the funeral.

And since we already know
how to plan a family event

because we had a wedding,

and you write for a living--

I spin!

I spin!

A eulogy is a summation
of a mans life.

Yeah well, Bobby is
calling the funeral director

and Marie and I are setting
up the funeral luncheon.

Can I help with the flowers?

What's with jumping
all over this?

These things need to be done.

Which is something
you would know if

you read the adult
learners manual.

Marie, I need you!

She makes you feel
like more of a grown-up?

Can you really find more
of a flakier friend?

Displacement.

Now you're gonna tell me
who I can be friends with?

Who died and put--

I'm sorry.

I am sorry.

I'm sorry.

Bobby, did you call the church?

Yeah, they can do Thursday.

That means we're gonna
have to call everyone

tonight.
I can use my wedding list.

Can I do something?

Marie helped me
with my wedding so

it'd just be easier
if we did it.

I probably have to
go shopping anyway.

I've got a whole closet
of New York black

and I didn't pack any.

Oh, I could lend you
something if you want.

I'm purging black
from my wardrobe

because I've decided to
let color reflect my mood.

Orange is for life.

Thanks, but--

Oh, because your
husband slept with me?

Christ.

What?

I just say the truth instead
of tip-toeing around it.

Which is why we get along.

Anyone else.

[Bobby] Nat, you--

Oh what, it's one glass.

Come on,
our parents drank and smoked

through their
pregnancies, look at us.

[Bobby] I think we
could all use one, Emily?

Sure.

I've stopped.

My body is a temple.

Gene taught me that.

Gene is Marie's
new girlfriend.

Gene with a G, for great guy!

He's a yoga instructor.

Yeah, Marie found herself
a guy who acts like a girl.

You're so conventional
and closed off.

Yeah,
just like the way I like it.

[Bobby] To dad

and the bride and groom.

(Bobby sniffling)

So Vegas.

Does that even count?

Can we do this
some other time?

I'm just saying that
a wedding means more

if you get married in front
of everyone you know and love.

Two groups of
different people.

Yeah, fuck you.

Just standby now.

Yeah, good luck with that.

[Bobby] Hey,
you two back to your corners.

I have to go to the funeral
home before it closes.

[Finn] Bobby.

Bobby.

Finn!

Your dad,

he was one good man.

He took great care
of his family.

I hope you can emulate him.

Natalie, what's with the whole

"Good luck with that thing?"

I mean, we're supposed to
be on the same side now.

I just know Finn and Bobby.

I mean they're horn dogs,

but I keep Bobby satisfied,

so I know I don't have to worry.

Not that I want
to talk about this,

now or like ever.

But sex is not a problem.

(Marie laughs)

I'll second
that, right, Emily.

That's the easy part.

Communication is
the tricky part.

Are you kidding?

Those two never stop talking.

I mean, Bobby and I don't.

We have sex, we get high,

I mean not now.

You and Bobby seem
to always have

a separate
conversation going on.

I don't know.

We've known each other longer.
Maybe it's comforting.

Comforting?

What's he scared of?

You know.

No, tell me.

Maybe you.

In the family half a day

and already telling
me about my marriage.

Sorry.

I'm tired, I'm hungover,
and I don't have my filter on.

Oh, so then you would lie?

Don't freak.

But Uncle Claude
wants to kiss you.

And I told him it was okay.

All right, come on Marie.

We have to plan the menu

and you have to drive.

I can't fit behind
the wheel anymore.

Jesus.

What?

I told him no tongue!

No Marie though.

[Finn] What?

She's her prop,
friend, whatever.

You left me alone with them.

You could run
rings around them.

That's not the point.

[Finn] What is then?

It's...

I just need to lie down.

Yeah, sure.

I wish that I could.

I'm sorry.

Are you okay?

(slow paced music)

I'd be better if I didn't
have to write the eulogy.

I mean, why can't I numbly
go through the motions

without saying anything?

What can I say?

We hardly spoke,
then I forgot his...

I forgot his
birthday and then...

He cheated.

He raised two screwed up sons.

If it's too hard to talk
about him as a father,

maybe say something
about him as a husband.

They say the best gift a
father can give his sons

is to love their mother.

And he did.

I mean everybody could see that.

Yeah.

Looks that way,
but my family is--

They're my family now too.

I could spin anything.

I can't spin this.

Mom always knows what to say.

I'm gonna see if she's awake.

Maybe you should let her rest.

Sorry.

What room?

The one on the right.

And don't forget Uncle Claude.

Okay.

He's probably watching TV and

heads up, it's probably
the Playboy channel.

(light music)

Hi.

♪ Here comes the bride ♪

(Uncle Claude chuckling)

♪ Da, Da, Da, Da ♪

Come on.

Mm-mm, on the lips.

That's the only time
I get any action.

As the patriarch,

I get to vet all newcomers.

This is what you wore?

Well, when I was young,

the bride wore
layers and layers.

It was like
unwrapping a present.

This,
you know what you're getting.

Oh look, I like it.

I like you.

Oh, thank you Claude.

Uncle Claude.

We're family now, so.

I can say this to you.

You should have had a wedding.

If I had been lucky enough
to find a girl like you,

I'd of puffed up my chest

and crowed to the whole world,

"she's mine, she's mine."

But that's my generation.

Did you at least have a dance?

No.

Well marriage is like,

is like a dance you know.

We go to finding the rhythm

and learning the steps.

(Uncle Claude laughing)

But you've never married.

No, I,

I could never find the right,

right dance partner.

(light door knocking)

[Finn] Mom, you awake?

Finn.

(thunder rumbling)

Oh.

That's the first hug in years.

I'm a lousy son.

Bobby always hugs me.

I get it, I'm a lousy son.

Maybe I'll hug him more.

Mom, you don't have to.

You always seemed
more open to coddling.

You were more
difficult, questioning.

Smarter.

(Adele laughs)

Maybe you took away
my ability to parent you

because you knew more.

When the little ones
aren't so helpless

you let them fly the nest.

You seemed to want your
freedom, so I let you go.

Maybe that's why you
never give a woman

a chance to let you go again.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Where is this coming from?

It's like having
a bright light

shown on everything you've done.

One day 10 years
has gone behind you.

Don't miss the starting gun.

Mom,
you're quoting Pink Floyd.

And you thought
I wasn't listening

when you were
practicing your guitar.

I didn't miss it.

I married Emily.

I've had a Valium.

I must be delirious.

Yeah, yeah.

When you called, in Vegas.

Finn!

And we didn't
even say our vows.

You say vows every day.

I'll pick up the
milk on the way home.

I'll lock the doors at night.

Dad said women are smarter.

Maybe that's the reason
why I married Emily.

Well, there's smarter and
then there's knowing trivia.

What are you saying?

She has to lean on me
that we're screwed?

I lost out.

And I lost my role model.

I can't even argue with him

about how wrong he got it.

No.

No, your father always
kept an eye out.

The in between moments.

A soft word.

The first crocus on my
nightstand every spring.

Love is smaller than you think.

Emily agreed to
a Vegas wedding

because it was
easier to get out of.

Oh,
she doesn't trust you because

you don't trust yourself.

Well, well, what up with that?

You saw through our charade.

All the younger sadder girls.

Sadder.

Yeah.

Girls who sleep with married men

are trying to get
back at someone

who didn't love them enough.

Round and round,
the baton being,

not handed off but

used to smite the wrong person.

It's like Jim wanted to
punish me for something.

He was so charming.

Just like you.

Using women like Kleenex.

I never fully loved
him after all of that.

(Adele sobbing)

Just, just love her.

Love her Finn.

Love Emily in spite of me.

He knew what he
had by the tail.

It's a guy thing.

Goodnight Halley.

How is she?

And I sat with Uncle Claude.

Been making out
this whole time?

He thinks we should
of had a wedding.

This coming from a
93-year-old bachelor.

They all wanted a wedding.

You think because
of the funeral?

Do I think it's a
circle of life thing?

I think they're all a bunch
of petty motherfuckers

who are trying to rewrite
their own history.

You gonna put
that in the eulogy?

I'll spin it.

These things come
with expectations.

No matter how pretty the
speech you can't bring him back.

Man, I don't wanna do this.

I don't wanna pull out
all the conventions

and spout phrases that

capture the man,

but don't start a heart
that stopped too soon.

(light music)

I'm not judging over anyone.

But recognise

all our weaknesses.

Maybe this is the closest I've
ever come to saying a prayer.

But what is prayer?

Collective hope?

Pleas.

Bribes to an unseen force

to make sense of
meaninglessness?

Our brain puts us at
the top of the chain,

our souls separate
us from the beasts,

but I envy them.

Natural order filled by

the next in line.

The pack moves on.

Blessed are the jackals,

(Bobby grunts)

for they know not grief.

I have had it.

Did you hear him?

Yeah, but--

So?

So who cares?

Who cares?

I care, you should care,

hell, even Marie cares.

Finn tends to over verbalize.

Yeah, see.

So Finn talks a lot.

Is anything ever
a big deal to you?

Sure, but--

Yeah, what?

I don't know, how about her
wearing white to a funeral.

Hindu's believe white
is the color of peace.

I don't care if
she wears pink.

Oh no,
pink is the color of joy.

Okay, Marie,
we are not talking about you.

I thought we were.

Finn!

Finn!

We are talking
about Finn talking!

So talk to Finn.

Finn!

See you back at the house.

(perky music)

[Natalie] Hi--

Nah, I'm good.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Emily.

Emily?

I'm Finn's wife.

Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, I forgot.

Oh no, no, no, that's okay.

No, we just didn't--

No, it's a stressful time.

Hi.

Hi.

Here, let me help you.

All right,
you help her set up the

food,
Emily you can set the table.

[Emily] Finn, wanna help?

I'm gonna go sit
with Uncle Claude.

Lunch is served.

Now at last we
can watch the game.

The Eagles,
they're playing a classic.

(TV cheering)

They should've run.

It was pass interference.

Look, don't start that again.

Who actually played football?

Hey, Finn, don't you think

you should be out
here with the guests?

I can't believe you.

We're men watching
other men attack men.

It's soothing.

It's for him.

Fine,
I'll take care of everything.

(TV cheering)

Why run when you
have an open receiver!

If you actually played
football, you'd understand!

Would you stop
with that already!

Could you keep it
down for your mom?

- Hey, what are you doing!
- Hey, turn that back on!

[Natalie] I am sick
and tired of you two

arguing over men running
around in silly uniforms!

Who names their team
after a gaggle of birds?

I think eagles are noble.

Yeah?
Well it's stupid for football.

No it's not!

Eagles are birds of prey!

A whole gaggle of them.

It's a gaggle of geese, so!

(Finn stutters)

Aerie.
It's an aerie of eagles!

Whatever!

- It's a collective term!
- I won money on that game!

[Finn] Like an
ambush of tigers

or a congregation of plovers,

a murder of crows!

A murder of crows?

Okay you are making that up!

No, ask her,
she's the teacher!

She knows!

They like carrying.

Well who makes this shit up?

Old poets and old wives!

Can we stop talking - Please!

- about birds!
- Can we watch the game!

[Uncle Claude]
Quiet or get out!

Yeah,
well you should throw him out!

Heavens to whole!

God damn game,
even the funeral's done!

Not one of you man enough
to take your fathers shoes!

Man enough?

Okay.

No!

Stop it!

I think she actually
might be a man!

(Natalie screaming)

Why is there
always a power play?

Because we're men,
and it's what men do!

Can't dodge grief.

Oh Jesus. Like there's a
murder of idiots in here.

Are you gonna keep
insulting us all

day calling us
jackals in church--

That's not what I meant!

You know what, you'd probably
be more like a hyena!

- Oh my god, Bobby--
- Finn--

[Finn] It's just because
they're matriarchal!

And because chicks run the show!

All right,
one to one fine Mr. Metaphor.

Ugh, you just keep
butting heads with Bobby

like a bunch of
freaking Billy goats!

Oh, I'm sorry,
is bunch not the right word?

It's flock as in sheep.

Well you know what?

Bobby is not following
Finn back to boy town.

He's gonna be a father!

[Finn] You didn't waste
time on that now did ya!

What are you saying?

I mean it's so old
school, on the honeymoon.

- We both wanted this!
- [Bobby] We do.

Just because one of your
boys gets through and

gets lucky does not
make you an uber man.

- Uber this, he is a real man.
- Finn, stop this.

[Natalie] And we are
doing the real adult thing!

(candlestick clanking)

- Ugh!
- Shit.

(Finn screaming)

[Natalie] I swear to God Finn,
I have been waiting for this day

for a really long time!

Then why don't
we go outside then!

Hey, quit being so smug!

It's not like you invented kids!

We know why we got married

and we know what our life
is going to look like,

so do not get pissy at
me because you don't!

I'm not gonna participate!

We're not gonna participate
in some kind of a breed off!

But if we wanted to
we could take you!

Right Em?

Seriously?

Our first conversation about
this is a fight contest?

(Marie giggles)
- [Natalie] See.

Hold this.

What?

Why am I?

- Jesus Christ!
- What was that for?

[Finn] You're marrying that.

You know what, that's it.

On the grass.

Put up or shut up!

Finn!

You honestly think
you could take me?

- You forget that I boxed.
- Finn, don't.

I got faster hands.

Bass players aren't fast!

[Emily] Oh Finn!
(Natalie gasps)

(Finn laughing)
(Bobby grunting)

[Natalie] Okay, stop it!
Stop it!

[Emily] What are you doing!

We're men!

This is what men do!

[Marie] It's displacement!

[Finn] It feels good!

Finn, stop!

(Bobby moaning)

That was a sucker punch!

Yeah,
because I punched a sucker!

You're a sucker
for marrying Natalie!

Do not get me started!

Don't fight,
you're pregnant, bad karma.

No,
I'll fight with your karma!

Stop it!

This is how your
father's funeral ends?

- Knock it off!
- Sorry about that.

[Bobby] You not so much.

Knock it off!

- Natalie, stop it!
- No, I am done!

[Natalie] He is a little shit
and I am done with it!

Bobby!

Finn!

What is going on?

Natalie started it.

She did.

I am sick of these two
cutting in, ruining everything!

We're doing everything right!

Natalie, Bobby loves you

and I am not sure why.

But I hope one day you'll
realise how lucky you are.

I don't know why I'm such
a bitch, I'm just really.

I'm trying hard to make
everything perfect.

It's okay,
you don't have to be perfect.

You're too hard,
sometimes I'm too soft.

But this little guy,

it's like this little guy
is gonna be just right.

[Natalie] Okay, I hope so.

Okay?

[Natalie] I really
really hope so.

All right baby, let's go home.

I'm sorry.

It's been a long day,
I'll see you off.

[Natalie] Okay.

You should really ice
that before it turns.

I'll do it.

You know,
my yogi says aggression--

Isn't there something in
yoga about quieting the mind

and by extension, the tongue?

Maybe that's something
you should try.

Maybe I'm a word
spinner so I don't

have to lean on one
ideology for all my answers.

Maybe one teaches what
one most tries to learn.

That's

not bad.

Oh, I can get that.

No, let me.

Isn't there
something in marriage

about taking care of each other?

I took a punch for you.

Am I hot now?

Sorry.

I just have been

struggling with this
whole man thing.

I went all caveman.

It's like Freud 101 around here.

Someone needs to
take Uncle Claude home.

Straight home.

No strip clubs.

No matter how many
times he asks.

I'll do it.

No, no, no, no, no.

I started this whole mess.

I'll do it.

That's my boy.

I'm still fucked up.

Oh, but you're working on it.

Yes.

(slow paced music)

[Uncle Claude] You did well.

With the eulogy?

No, I mean Emily.

Well it's not such a bad place.

Around the clock women.

Good evening Claude.

Hello my dear.

This is my grand-nephew.

[Woman] Hello.

He just got married.

[Woman] How lovely.

But I am still available.

[Woman] Yes,
you remind us daily.

I got something for you.

Bowl of lifesavers?

I ordered this
from the computer.

For you and Emily,

when you have that first dance.

Now don't blow it.

Well, this is not a
bad place you know.

Unless it's for you.

Hello my love.

Would you like to tuck me in?

[Woman] You're incorrigible.

Thank you.

Some honeymoon.

I forgot.

Emily, I don't like
shifting into wise woman,

but I am allowed
to give advice now.

I'm a realist,
I always have been

and Jim and I got on well.

And I'm not asking
you if you love Finn,

but if you don't, walk away now.

I feel he may.

He's kept me at arms
length since I got here.

I thought he'd want me closer.

You'll get back on course.

Is it worth it?

Jim and I both got what
we thought we wanted.

You know,
I look at you and I see a scene

from my own life.

I wonder if I
could go back to it

I'd still do the sensible thing.

Be ready Emily, it comes
when you least expect it.

And you won't even
realise what it was

until you see the
lines on your face.

I wanted to get married
when it was charming,

not inevitable.

All the rushing around we
did to get everything in.

We weren't rushing, talking.

Always talking.

It's the quiet spaces.

We try not to fill them.

The nakedness of just
existing alongside someone.

If you're always
on it's unnerving

for someone to
see you backstage.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't be bothering
you with all this.

This isn't the way
it's supposed to begin.

But in the middle of the night
in Vegas isn't either.

Not having the courage to
make those big promises

in front of everyone.

My dad's gone.

And my mom's on her second life.

She's quite glad to
be done with that.

She never wanted
to marry my father.

Or have me.

She did 18 years
and checked out.

As soon as I went to college.

So I'm kind of an orphan.

No idea what it looks like.

Love, a partnership.

Romantic notions of
someone altering my life.

Yeah.

But real world love?

I haven't a clue.

Your mother withheld,

so you were drawn to
those who withhold.

You're saying I
married my mother?

(Adele laughs)

Sometimes I think Finn
may want you to be me.

Have me in some
way because I never

fully gave myself to
him or his father,

or anyone.

Selfish.

The ultimate stranger.

The perfect distance to keep the

nomadic males in my
life in my thrall.

Lessons I deed to you if you
fear being seen backstage.

But I am curious.

Just woman to woman,
what don't you want Finn to see?

Me.

Just plain me.

Nobody ever gets it right.

At best,

you hope to get it better.

(ambient music)

(slow paced music)

(door clanking)

(slow paced music)

(water running)

♪ I remember when you ♪

♪ Were just 19 ♪

♪ Smiling ♪

♪ Up from a magazine ♪

♪ Oh we ♪

♪ Were younger then ♪

♪ And everything ♪

♪ Was an accident ♪

♪ To be sure ♪

♪ I remember ♪

♪ Out on the water ship ♪

♪ When you held me ♪

♪ And we made our bed ♪

♪ Oh we ♪

♪ Were so hungry then ♪

♪ And our appetites ♪

♪ Were a happy accident ♪

♪ To be sure ♪

♪ Oh one day ♪

♪ When the hours are found ♪

♪ Well the way to bite ♪

♪ The hand that feeds us now ♪

♪ Well we'll slow down ♪

♪ Slow down to a crawl ♪

♪ Yeah we'll go down ♪

♪ We'll go down
and listen to all ♪

♪ Yeah we'll slow down ♪

♪ Slow down to a crawl ♪

Mom didn't make coffee.

You gonna make some?

I'm a Starbucks man.

Deli.

Right.

How 'bout I figure this
out while you clean up?

Deal.

You don't have to stare at it.

It works all by itself.

Penny for your thoughts?

A nickel?

Fiddy cent!

What's ya thinkin' Lincoln!

Maybe what happened in
Vegas should stay there.

Maybe Natalie was right.

Wash your mouth out.

We haven't thought this through.
I mean, where are we gonna live?

Iowa.

It's 3,000 miles--

It's in the middle, who cares!

Your whole family's
on the East Coast

and I don't wanna make
you do something--

Why are you picking a fight?

Why do you keep
pushing me away?

[Adele] Good morning.

Hi, good morning.

I'm cleaning.

I'm making coffee.

You both get gold stars.

I'm just not sure
about the measurements.

You stopped making
coffee halfway through.

You okay?

You're worried that
when I'm here alone

I'll become cobwebby,
live in the past, play bingo?

I really didn't read that much

into the coffee crimes ma.

I just,

I'm just,

I just wanna check in.

This morning I
woke up and saw life

stretching up before me.

Solo breakfasts,

doting grandma, senior tours,

travel, art class.

Paris.

Everyone talks about it,

but I'm going to do it.

Running away,
avoiding, possibly,

but for the first
time in my life

I am without a game plan.

It's like going off
to school again.

But with a little wisdom in
my back pocket this time.

It's a big wide world

and I'm gonna swim in it

while I can still
navigate the waves.

Okay.

Wow.

Well good.

You wanna go out in the
road, you go for it.

You're a good son.

You are a good liar.

We were just talking about
where we're gonna live.

Maybe near to you.

You'll gather your own family

in one form or another.

You can run this tribe.

I hand over the reigns.

Then we could
take care of you.

Oh, don't use me as an excuse.

And do you really wanna
be near Bobby and Natalie?

Somebody has to
make sure that kid

isn't too screwed up.

Well,

looks like this
throws the decision

back in your court.

I hope it isn't practical.

Well for starters,

at the risk of
being too practical,

how 'bout some breakfast?

Oh, I don't what's here--

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'll let you know
when it's ready.

See.

I'm taking the reigns.

Be careful with them.

You know, I have been wondering

about why you're so fucked up.

And why are so many men
if women raised them?

I don't wanna believe
that it's our fault.

But we do go along
with this push

to make men achieve.

Make them powerful before they

maybe know who they are
or what they even want.

And then,
by the time that they have

gained enough to
actually let themselves

be who they are,

they're still the
boy left behind.

Maybe that's what Jim
saw in all those women.

His youth,

hope, before it got so...

Maybe it wasn't about me.

Did I not help you grow up

so you wouldn't
hurt me like he did?

Wise women have much to learn.

All right.

We could use some eggs.

And bacon.

Gotta have bacon.

And, oh!

We used to keep the pancake mix,

but I'll just pick some up.

And I'll get some
syrup and some oatmeal

and I'm gonna cook.

That'll be a challenge.

Oh, yeah.

Uncle Claude gave me this CD.

And he said to play if we ever

decided to have a first dance.

So.

Finn, what is this?

Probably a polka.

No, I mean us.

I feel like every
guidepost is gone.

Well, maybe

our road has curves,

leading to adventures.

Where the sun is
always on the horizon.

That new car ad.

Well maybe it was
something I might have said

if we actually had a wedding.

What would you have said?

How do you pledge a
lifetime in 10 minutes?

Well maybe you can only
promise with the present.

Then what's the point of vows?

To carry the present into
each moment after them.

But you didn't
get the suitcases.

You didn't think to bring me.

Then you keep me at arms length.

Then you go caveman.

I fought for you!

Over me.

What?

If you can't fix
it, you come to blows?

We were men, were just--

I know but will we fight
each other or for each other?

I don't know!

Look, I just don't
wanna rinse and repeat!

What's it gonna look like?

I don't know.

("Best Day of My Life"
by American Authors)

♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ I had a dream
so big and loud ♪

♪ I jumped so high I
touched the clouds ♪

♪ Wo-o-o-o-o-oh ♪

♪ Wo-o-o-o-o-oh ♪

♪ I stretched my
hands out to the sky ♪

♪ We danced with monsters
through the night ♪

♪ Wo-o-o-o-o-oh ♪

♪ Wo-o-o-o-o-oh ♪

♪ I'm never gonna look back ♪

♪ Whoa,
I'm never gonna give it up ♪

♪ No, please don't wake me now ♪

[Male] Two, three, four.

♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ This is gonna be the
best day of my life ♪

♪ My Li-i-i-i-i-ife ♪

♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ This is gonna be the
best day of my life ♪

♪ My Li-i-i-i-i-ife ♪

♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ I howled at the
moon with friends ♪

♪ And then the sun
came crashing in ♪

Maybe we're just the
sum of our dysfunction.

Were we ever drawn
to each other?

Let's prove them wrong.

It's not about being right.

Em.

Who cares if it's something
we've seen before?

Or if it's something
so terrifying

that we can't even handle it!

Who knows!

I just wanna spend
every awkward,

uncertain making
it up on the fly

moment with you.

Finn, you make me
question everything.

And the only thing I do know

is what it looks like now.

We won't know where it ends
♪ I can hear you calling ♪

unless we start.
♪ Outside my window ♪

♪ I feel it in my soul ♪

♪ The stars were
burning so bright ♪

♪ The sun was out til midnight ♪

♪ I say we lose control ♪

♪ Control ♪

♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ This is gonna be the
best day of my life ♪

♪ My Li-i-i-i-i-ife ♪

♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ This is gonna be the
best day of my life ♪

♪ My Li-i-i-i-i-ife ♪

♪ This is gonna be ♪

♪ This is gonna be ♪

♪ This is gonna be ♪

♪ The best day of my life ♪

♪ My Li-i-i-i-i-ife ♪

(upbeat music)