Torch Song Trilogy (1988) - full transcript

'Arnold!'

'Arnold!'

'Arnold!'

'Arnold!'

Arnold!

Arnold.

Arnold, lunch is on the table!

Arnold!

Where is that kid?

Aah!

Oh, Arnold, what are
you doing in..



I think my biggest problem
is being young and beautiful.

It's because I've never
been young and beautiful.

Well, I've been beautiful.
God knows I've been young.

But never the twain have met.

Not so as anyone
would notice anyway.

You know, a shrink acquaintance
of mine believes this

to be the root of my attraction
to a class of men

most subtly described
as old and ugly.

I think he's underestimating
my wheedles.

See, a ugly person

who goes after a pretty person
gets nothing, but trouble.

But a pretty person
who goes after a ugly person

gets at least cab fare.

Now, I ain't sayin' I never
fell for a pretty face.



When les jeux sont faitsgive me
a toad with a pot of gold

I'll give you three meals a day

Ain't no toad when
the lights go down.

It's either feast or famine.

It's the daylight you got
to watch out for.

Well, face it.

A thing of beauty
is a joy till sunrise.

Mm, mm.

There's another group you gotta
watch your foot stamps around.

The hopeless.

They break down
into three major categories.

Married.

Just in for the weekend.

Terminally straight.

Those affairs are the worst.

You go into them
with your eyes open

knowing all the limitations,
accepting them maturely.

Then wham bam, you're writing
letters to dear Abby

and you're burning black candles
at midnight.

And you ask yourself,
"what happened?"

I'm gonna tell you
what happened.

You got just what you wanted.

The person who thinks
they're mature enough

to handle an affair that's
hopeless from the beginning

is the very same person
that keeps the publishers

of gothic romances up to their
tragic endings in mink.

What do you think?
Gorgeous, huh?

Give me a break.
It's still under construction.

For those of youse
what ain't yet guessed.

I am an entertainer.

Or what's left of one.

I go by the name, Virginia Hamm.

Ain't that a kick
in the rubber parts?

You should hear some
of my former handles.

Anita Mann.

Fonda Boys.

Claire Voyant.

Fay Ways.

Bang-bang-la-desh.

Yeah.

I'm among the last
of a dying breed.

Once the E.R.A. and gay civil
rights bills have been passed

me and mine will find ourselves
swept under the carpets.

Like the blacks done
to Amos, Andy, and Aunt Jemima.

But that's alright.

With voice and face like this
I got nothing to worry about.

I can always drive a cab.

There are easier things in this
life than being a drag queen.

Tsk. But I ain't got no choice.

See, umm..

Try as I may..

...I just can't walk in flats.

Ha ha ha.

You know, there was one guy once

his name was Charlie.

He was everything you could want
in an affair and more.

Oh, he was tall.

Handsome.

Rich.

Deaf.

The deafness was the more.

Well, he had never yelled at me.

Never complained if I snored.

All his friends
was nice and quiet.

I-I even learned some
of that deaf sign language.

Oh, I-I remember some.

It's cockroach.

Means fuck.

Oh, this here's my favorite.

Means I love you.

And I did too.

But um..

Not

enough.

You know... in my life
I've slept with more men

than are named or numbered
in the bible.

Old and new testaments
put together.

But not once has someone said,
"Arnold... I love you."

That I could believe.

And I ask myself,
"do you really care?"

You know, the only honest answer
I can give myself is

"yes... I care"

I care a great deal.

Tsk, but

not

enough.

Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome to our stage

Bertha Venation! Yay!

And now, the Queen of
Delicatessen, Virginia Hamm!

And now, senores and senoritas

please welcome, Marina del Rey!

And now, bigger than Broadway,
Marcia Dimes!

Ladies and gentlemen

in order to be a real dame

you've got to kneel
before a queen.

Oh, Miss Dimes, you're flawless.

But ladies and gentlemen,
wait until you see my act

Bertha Venation and her dance
of the virgin.

Which she does
completely from memory.

Bitch.

Brrr!

Kiss her quick. She's Carmen.

More!

- Roz, honey, you need a lift?
- Oh, that'd be great, thanks.

- Hey, you going straight home?
- No. Let's get a beer.

- So, what's the dish?
- Men.

My life's work.
What's the gripe?

- I ain't got one.
- Who wants one?

- I've got three.
- 'Find me out.'

Good night, ladies.

- Goodnight.
- Night, night dear.

I swear that queen gives me gas.

Oh. Ha ha ha.

Come on, let's go to the Stud,
I can use a nightcap.

And a quickie with some stranger
in the backroom.

- Count me out.
- It's very relaxing.

You'll find this hard
to comprehend

but I want more out of life
than meeting a pretty face.

- And sitting down on it.
- Graphically put.

Personally, I never enjoy sex
with someone I know.

- A lady of high standards.
- Cab! Night, girls!

- Night, Bertha!
- Night, Bertha!

Come with me. I know what to do.

- Oh, my God!
- Fucking faggots!

Piss off!

I'm tired and I want to go home.

- One drink, one look.
- I'm not goin' to the backroom.

Who asked you to?

I think I feel
the call of the wild.

Oh, don't leave me out here.
Oh, Murray, Murray, Murray!

Thank you.

Oh, God. I'm sorry.
Are you okay?

Fine.

No permanent damage,
I hope... to your foot.

No. It's fine.

Good.

Excuse me. Do you have a li..
Great.

Look, um, my name is Ed Reese.

My friends call me Ed.

I'm a Sagittarius.

What's so funny?

Some people like
to know that stuff.

I don't believe any
of it myself.

You have a great smile.
What's your name?

- Uh... Arnold.
- Arnold?

What do your friends call you?
Arnie or Arn?

Arnold.

Arnold. Yeah.

Well, nice to meet you, Arnold.

- Can I buy you a drink?
- I just..

Oh.

- So what are you? Italian?
- Uh, no.

Spanish?

Jewish.

Geez, uh, I mean I never
would have guessed.

No, I mean, not with those
dark, romantic eyes.

- You wearing makeup?
- No.

No, I mean, uh,
no, I didn't think so.

You, um, you here alone?

No. I'm with a friend.
He's in the back.

Oh.

Is he your-your..

Oh, no, no, no, just a friend.
Just a friend.

Oh.

Well..

How lucky for me.

Well, I've got a car.

If you're going to laugh
at everything I say

we're never gonna get to bed.

You really do
have beautiful eyes.

And you've got some routine.

Anyone ever tell you
you've got a very sexy voice?

No, really. You do.

Is that natural,
or do you have a cold?

'I'd have asked you to my place,
but my roommate is straight

'and he's not all that
comfortable with gays.'

'So where does that leave you?'

'Oh, well, I date women too.'

'I teach in Brooklyn,
I keep an apartment in the city

'but I-I really live upstate.'

'I've got a farm where I spend
weekends, summers.'

'I grow all my own vegetables.'

'You'd love the house, it's
a classic American saltbox.'

'Lots of wood detail,
Franklin stove.'

'I'm restoring it myself.'

'Sounds beautiful.'

- So what do you do?
- I'm a female impersonator.

No, you know,
I meant for a living.

I'm a female impersonator.

Does that bother you?

Not yet.

- Oh, wait. I'll get a light.
- No, just..

You're shaking.

Am I? Sorry.

Better?

Mm-hmm.

We're having an intimate dinner.
He's bringing the wine.

Why didn't you tell me you were
going out? I'd have come.

I better steal steaks from the
kitchen. Who has time to shop?

Have you registered
a pattern at Tiffany's?

'Bertha Venetian!'

I wonder which
apartment we'll keep.

We hardly need two with all the
time we'd spend at the farm.

The farm?

Well, you can't bring
up children in the city.

'Queen of the Delicatessen,
Virginia Hamm!'

Mm!

Oh-h!

Mm.

Happy two-week anniversary.

Oh, Ed, you remembered!

Thanks, Roz.

You oughta slap that girl
for stealing your material.

- You're the torch singer.
- Who cares?

I ain't singing anything bluer
than zip-a-dee-doo-dah.

- When do I get to meet him?
- Soon.

Have you met any of his
friends yet? Are they nice?

We don't get it out much,
if you know what I mean.

Shut up!

Come on. Oh, watch
your head in there.

And this first step
is a little broken.

Um, we got to work on that.

Good morning.

Alright. Alright.

Argh!

Whoosh!

I'll drop you off at your place.

I'm seeing Tom
and Janet for dinner.

You didn't tell me they called.

I forgot. Anyway,
I got to see them.

I've given them
every excuse in the book.

And you're seeing Lisa
and Michael tomorrow night?

They wanted to play bridge. Got
a friend in from out of town.

I'll go as your friend
from out of town.

- Arnold.
- Only joking.

So I guess I'm not gonna see
you again until the weekend.

My parents have the farm.
I told you that.

So hide out at my place.

I've got to see
my folks, Arnold.

Ed, why didn't you call first?
I was worried.

'Oh! Hi, mom.'

'Happy Birthday, shayna tateleh.
Happy Birthday, shayna punim'

'I can only stay a minute.
The girls are in the car.'

Charlotte got tickets to some
off-off Broadway theater.

It's experimental.
They keep their clothes on.

Your father will call
after his mason's meeting.

Your brother,
he'll call when he calls.

I ask him a question, he yells.
So I don't ask.

Are you redecorating?

It's easier than cleaning.

Don't be so funny.

You don't get much light here.

I get what you call
indirect semi shade.

Yeah, it's good for the plants.

So is manure.

Don't shake. It's cookies.

Ooh! Fancy, fancy.
New tablecloth.

I made it myself. Took a class.

I'm tellin' you.

I'm going to make napkins
to match. You like it?

- Nice.
- It's a pretty pattern.

Very nice.

- Mama, the ladies!
- Are you making potato soup?

Ma, don't. You'll burn yourself!

But not like the potato soup
I make for your father.

For him, I boil the potato,
throw in salt and pepper.

- That's potato soup.
- Ma, what are you doing?

I'm coming already!
Why don't you come with us?

Leave a note for your friend.
We'll come back here for cake.

You just go, have a good time.
And give my love to the ladies.

Many happy returns, tateleh.

Thanks, Ma.

While you're redecorating,
how about this wallpaper?

Yeah, I'll be right there.

Yeah, one minute.
Just a second, um..

Hi!

Oh, hi.

Was that you
on the phone before?

My phone was ringing
and I picked it up

just in time to hear
whoever it was hang up.

So I was gonna call you back.

But I figured why call
when I can come over?

- It wasn't me.
- Oh.

Look Arnold, this isn't
a great time to talk.

I shouldn't count on that wine
being my birthday surprise, huh?

- Your birthday!
- You remembered.

Oh, God! Arnold, I'm sorry.

What's the difference?
We're together now, right?

Well..

I've got somebody
coming over for dinner.

That's alright, I just want
to see you for a minute.

- I understand.
- What do you understand?

You never give me a chance
to make the first move.

Every time I'm about to call
you, there you are calling me.

ESP maybe.

So who you got coming over?
Do I know him?

No.

How do you know? Maybe I do.
I know lots of hims.

Battle Hymn of the republic,
Rock of Ages...

You're impossible,
you know that?

What's wrong with us, Ed?

- Not now, Arnold.
- Yes, now.

You can't expect me
to wait until you call.

I never asked you to, I told you
to meet other people.

I can't. I'm not built that way.

I'm just not ready
to make that commitment.

I'm not asking you to, but if
I've to accept you going out

then you have
to accept that I'm not.

You really are crazy.

I miss you.

I think about you all the time.
I'm so damn horny.

You've no right
to make me feel guilty.

I'm in love with you,
that must give me some rights.

If I can't see you,
I can bitch about it

Arnold.

Please.

Hello.

Hi, Laurel.

This is Arnold.

Of course! Ed's talked about
you. Glad to finally meet you.

He's told me all about you too.
I'm sorry, I've got to run now.

Allergies. I-I ought
to have my head examined.

Um, just..

Arnold, Arnold, Arnold.

Don't pretend I never told about
my relationships with women.

I thought you meant like
sisters and aunts and nieces.

- That's not funny.
- I think it's hysterical.

'You're really dragging me
over the coals.'

Why should I be the only one
here with a barbecued ass?

Arnold.

Arnold, look, I'm not like you.

Being gay is what you are,
it's what you like.

It's what you're
comfortable with.

I want more, I can't be happy
living in a ghetto of gay bars.

- We've never done that.
- I need to be proud of who I'm.

How can sleeping
with a woman make you proud

if you know you'd rather
be with a man?

How will you get any respect
if you're not yourself?

'There's no you to respect!'

Where is your self-respect?
I don't see any here.

You want to see my self-respect?
Here, here's my self-respect.

Hi.

Can I buy you a drink?

Oh, fuck off!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Excuse Me. Pardon Me.

Sorry.

Hi, my name's Arnold.

It's my fault, I'm sure.

Oh, my God.

What am I gonna do
with the beer can?

Well, at least I don't have
to cook him breakfast.

'With all the promotions,
mine can't be far.'

'Promotions are fine,
but how about a nice girl?'

Leave the boy alone. He'll find
one when he's ready.

- They don't come every day.
- You tell 'em.

You boys gotta admit, I picked
a beautiful girl as your mother.

You tell 'em.

- You want some rice pudding?
- No.

I made Jell-O, but if you want
nice pudding..

- No, Ma.
- Nothing for me, Ma.

- Piece of cake?
- I'm full.

So what's with you, Arnold?

Not much. I'm not
seeing Ed anymore.

- I meant work.
- You call that work?

Betty, the boy has
to find himself.

So let him find himself,
I'm not saying anything.

- I'd love some cheesecake.
- Go to Junior's.

So you can use
a couple of bucks, Arnold?

'I'm fine, Dad.'

Take it, a loan.
Until you're on your feet.

- I'm on my feet, Daddy.
- Yeah, in six-inch heels.

- Some big shot.
- Excuse me.

They don't mean
anything, you know?

Then, why embarrass me
like that?

I make more than daddy does.

They have trouble
understanding, that's all.

There isn't anything
they wouldn't do for you.

Don't be mad at them.

I'm not mad. I'm jealous.

You realize in all the years
that they've been married

the only time they
were ever separated

was when ma went into the
hospital for that operation.

And what did daddy do?

He slept on a chair
in the living room.

He wouldn't even get
into bed without her.

And the way they always
made us feel

like we were the two
most important

smartest, most talented,
handsomest..

And it kills me to think..

...that they look at me
and wonder what they did wrong.

All I know is in all my born
days and there've been plenty

I never met a real bisexual.

- Not in front of you-know-who?
- It's alright. Not listening.

Just once I'd like
to see a bisexual that lived

with his boyfriend and then
snuck out to see his girlfriend

on the sly.

Is Arnold Beckoff..

You wanna give 'em room?

Alright. Come on.

Bet you never thought
you'd see me again, huh?

Hi.

You look terrific.

Really.

You've lost a little weight
I see. I'm sorry.

I guess you're still
pretty angry, huh?

No, I'm not still angry.
This here's brand new.

- What are you doin' here?
- I just wanted to talk.

Five months ago you checked
out on me and the one thing

I can say is that
when you left, you left.

'No matter what I thought
of your reasons... '

I told you that I wanted us
to be friends.

'You mean a lot to me.'

Don't get cute with me, huh?

Maybe I shouldn't have come,
but as long as the harm's done

can't I just talk
to you for a while?

I mean just, no, just
until you're finished.

'It's important to me.'

Just sit down.

So how's your sex life?

It's great.

As good as with me?

Arnold, I'm, I'm not so sure
that the sex we had was always

as good for me
as it was for you.

Sometimes you got a little wild,
little too out of control.

And that's bad?

Well, it's not what I want.

It's funny.

That's what I pray for.

I thought about you
a lot this summer.

A couple of times,
I almost called you.

I even picked up the phone once.

Yeah, so what happened?

Well, I couldn't.

I love her, Arnold.

Oh, um, I had a dream last night

that I want to tell you about.

I mean, you like
that sort of stuff.

Anyway, um, I was..

I dreamt I was
at my parent's house

and I got a rag
and I soaked it in turpentine

put it inside a plastic bag

and put the bag over my head.

And um..

Anyway, the phone
woke me in the morning.

It was Laurel and I couldn't
understand what she was saying.

You know, half of me's trying
to listen to her.

The other half's trying
to figure out this dream.

I felt dizzy,
so I-I went back to bed

and there on the pillow is..

You know, the-the plastic bag
with the turpentine-soaked rag.

Um..

I couldn't tell any..

You know, anybody about it.

I'm..

...a little scared.

So what, do you got
your car with you?

Yeah, um, do you want me
to drive you home?

Um, why don't you get the car
and I'll meet you out front?

Oh.

So what now, huh?

Look, if I take him back now,
knowing all I do

maybe I can make it work

With a little understanding.

Maybe a shrink.

I could just let him
drive me home

And then I could say
something like, uh

"the next time you feel you have
to say I love you to someone"

"say it to yourself
and see if you believe it."

That would go over his head.

I think it went over mine.

I could just sneak out the back,
leave him waitin' in the cold.

'Cause if I start in again

who's to say he's not gonna
keep this shit up, right?

I don't know.

Maybe it's what I want.

Maybe he's treating me
just the way I want him to.

I mean what if it's me
using him to give me that

tragic torch singer status
I admire so in others?

Wouldn't that be a kick
in the rubber parts?

I love him.

What are you gonna do?

But do I love him enough?

What is enough?

This is enough.

Enough.

Oh, weren't they
wonderful, boys and girls?

Yeah!

Especially, the boys. Ow-w-w!

Ow ow ow, the last time
I saw a basket like that

it was around
Red Riding Hood's arm.

One more time.

Oh.

I'll see you around
and I'll see you around.

- And I'll see you around...
- Hey, where's Bette?

- Bette?
- 'Yeah.'

Darling, I don't do Bette
without a c-cigarette.

- 'Over here.'
- Oh.

You mean Bette
as Baby Jane Hudson?

Yay!

Blanche.

You didn't eat your din-din.

So someone else is gonna
eat your Christmas puddin'.

Who's gonna eat
my Christmas balls?

How rude?

You have a high voice
for a lesbian.

'And now ladies and gentlemen,
it gives me great pleasure'

to bring you the favorite
of all of us as I present

the supreme artiste
of the song...

Fuck the artiste!
Bring on the freaks!

Did your mother
have any children that lived?

Thank you, darling.

And now ladies and gentlemen
and nasty little boys

I want to present
the queen of the torch song

our very own Virginia Hamm.

These for real, huh? Huh, baby?

Looks like a boiled ham to me.

Baby, show us your dick.

'Come on. Pull it out.'

'Come on. Pull it out.
What's the matter?'

Ain't you got one,
Huh? Huh? Pull it out.

'Come on, whip it out.'

Hey, sit on this.

Won't you boys,
show some respect, huh?

Maybe you'd like me to carve
a reminder on your pretty face.

'Gregory.'

Please.

I wasn't gonna hurt him anyway.

Just wanted to teach him
a manner or two.

You alright, kid?

Roz.

Put it in my dressing room.

Peter, 1, 2..

- I see you're alright.
- I'm alright.

- Reach the door.
- Okay, careful with him.

- He's a person.
- I used to be a person.

- Alright, straight in the back.
- It figures.

Come on.

Come on.

God.

- Alright?
- Yeah.

- Okay, you can dump him here.
- Alright.

Here, thanks and close
the door on your way out.

Sure.

If you have an IQ over 30,
then there is no God.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Who are you?
- I've got a better one for you.

- Who are you?
- My name's Alan.

Arnold.

Do you remember anything
at all about last night?

Not too much.

I don't usually drink, but you
know how it is in the holidays.

So you and I met where?

Why don't you go sit down?
I'll give you breakfast.

We met at the club East 4th.
You seemed to be having trouble.

You were the waiter.

I were the entertainment.

Virginia Hamm.

Oh, you're kidding?

Anyway, you're in Brooklyn.

The subway's up the block.
Turn right, three blocks.

And you don't have
to worry about anything.

I was a perfect gentleman.

Thanks.

Shit, um, I have a photo shoot
today and I'm late.

Um, hello?

Listen, I've gotta run,
but I'll call you later, okay?

Hello?

Exactly what I needed..

Hi, you-you saw me
in the audience, right?

Every queen in Harlem
saw you in the audience

You were terrific.
A little weird, but different.

Thanks.

Hello? I'm another person
in the world.

Hi. You know, I hope you
don't mind me saying so

but I think that I prefer
you in men's clothes.

- Ooh, child.
- Well, thanks for dropping by.

Oh, um, I-I brought
you something.

I couldn't help but notice
that you liked them.

That was really sweet. Thanks.

Look, can I take you to dinner?

- To make up for last night?
- Free chow. You got my vote.

Oh, thanks.
Maybe another time, huh?

We've really gotta run.
You know, it's Christmas

and I never did finish
my Christmas shopping.

There's an all-night sale
at the market. Thanks though.

- What is the matter with you?
- What is wrong with you..

'...you're full
of chicken shit.'

'I came to New York to be gay.'

'I don't have to tell you
the kind of reception'

'a 15-year-old barefoot boy
with cheek of tan'

'gets in the big apple.'

All any guy I met cared
about was my price tag

for the evening.

I figured I needed affection
more than they needed the money

so I took it.

'I'm 21, successful..'

...and still every guy I meet

takes one look at me
and all he wants is sex.

Every guy I meet
takes one look at me

and all he wants
is conversation.

I wouldn't say all.

- Morning.
- Morning.

Wh-what do you think?
Kate Smith, right?

- Yeah, Judy Canova.
- I don't do her.

- Then, put the dress back.
- Gentlemen, please..

Don't lose your beans, honey.
We got cash.

Yes.

- What do you think?
- Fabulous for Canasta.

Wouldn't you gentlemen feel more
comfortable in another store?

Worry not, my dear. We're simply
slumming until Halston opens.

- I'm gonna try this one out.
- No, no, no, Sir.

Don't look now, but pretty boy
has tracked you down again.

Oh, my God.

- Would you stop?
- 'Tis love. 'Tis love.

Him looking at you like a 3 year
old at his first ice cream cake.

And you're running from him
for your life.

Now, honey, my calculus
may not be up to snuff

but I still can put
two and two together.

And what I get is love.

- May I help you, Sir?
- No, thanks.

- Sir. Sir.
- Do you have these in a 16?

Arnold?

Yes?

Sorry.

- Arnold?
- 'Oh, my God.'

I love the way
this drapes on you.

Arnold, I can't think
about anybody else but you.

I don't want to see
anybody else but you.

I don't even want to talk
to anybody else but you.

So... you gonna
come out of there?

- Want me to break the door?
- I'm calling the police.

Oh, nonsense. Let me see
that in his size.

There are a couple of things
we better get straight first.

A, I want children.

B, if anyone asks,
I'm the pretty one.

'Alan, where the hell are you?'

I had to make a call.

Okay, I'm listening.

- Alright, number three here...
- Oh, wait. Wait.

Alright. Let's go. Come on.

Employment, husband.
Employment, wife.

I knew one day
we'll have to decide.

If we could figure that,
we could have our own kids.

- What should I put for age?
- Write 54. Let them break it.

- What aged child?
- Oh.

Old enough to dust.
That's all I care.

'You're listening to the station
dedicated to the one you love.'

'So listen up friends, here
is the stuff you really like.'

'A 3-year anniversary.'

'A special song
for a special couple.'

'For Arnold, with all the love
in my soul, from Ellen.'

- Alan, asshole, Alan.
- Was that you?

For God's sake, don't cry.

Hello, home wrecker.

Oh, hi, Ma.

Mama, what's wrong?

Arnold, tateleh,I'm sorry.
It's your father.

I'll be right there, Mama.

Amen.

Amen.

Thank you so much, rabbi.
It was beautiful.

Thank you all for coming.
We'll see you back at the house.

Thank you so much
for coming so far.

Thank you. You got off
from school today, didn't you?

Thank you for coming
on such an awful day.

This is where I'll be, between
your father and grandfather.

And Phil, over here's for you
and your wife and your children.

Tateleh,over here's for you
and your wife and your children.

- Oh, Ma.
- You'll meet a girl someday.

Believe me, Ma. I know.

God doesn't know. My son knows.

Why are the mirrors covered?

So we don't see
the pain in our faces.

And why are you
sitting on boxes?

To make sure there's pain
in our faces.

You told me he was Jewish.

Out-of-town Jewish.

So, Mama, what're you gonna do?

Are you gonna keep the house?

I'll teach out the term,
put the house up for sale..

...and go live in Florida.

What are you talking? Florida?
Phil and I are here.

That's what we do.
We go to Florida.

When my father died
my mother went to Florida.

And her mother before that.
That's what we do.

We go to Florida.

I don't care what we do.
What do you want to do?

I want to die.

Until then I'll go to Florida.

Hello.

'Oh, I woke you?'

Good guess.

- 'Is this Arnold?'
- That's what they tell me.

- Who is that?
- I don't know.

'Oh, come on. Speak up. I'm a
drag queen, not a mind reader.'

Well... I don't know
if you'd remember me.

Uh, we have a mutual friend,
Ed Reese.

'We met at his place once.
My name's Laurel.'

'Uh, Ed and I live together.
We're lovers.'

Anyway, we got to talking
and thought it'd be nice

to have you up to visit
for a few days.

'Hello? Are you with me?'

I'm way ahead of you.

Sorry, I ain't into
none of that kinky stuff.

'Ed said you were funny.'

Yeah, right. Tell me,
whose idea was this?

'We'd both like you to come.'

Yeah, yeah. Whose idea was it?

What's the difference?

I know how much Ed
values your friendship

and the two of you
don't get to meet anymore..

Look, I don't think
this is such a good idea.

But thanks for the invite.

- I wanna go.
- Are you out of your mind?

- We are going.
- We are not.

Shut up. We're going.

Isn't this civilized?

Guests up to our country
home for the weekend.

We've had guests before.

We can hardly compare this
to having your sister

and her kids or your parents up.

Imagine. Hostess to your lover's
ex and his new boyfriend.

Now, that isn't civilized,
I don't know what is.

- It's down right..
- Would you stop?

- This is it.
- Hi.

Alright, you finally made it.
How you doing? Look at this.

- Hi.
- Hi.

You look great.

This is Laurel.

- Arnold, Hi.
- You're Alan.

Yeah.

- You need help?
- Oh, Thanks.

You got it? Good.

This is Laurel, and, uh,
come on, let's go on inside.

- Hi, Laurel.
- How are you?

Come on in.

Ha ha ha.

Yeah. Ha ha ha.

So, Arnold, Ed tells me
you're a transsexual.

- Transvestite.
- I'm sorry.

That's alright. Look, actually,
I'm just a drag queen.

Did I tell you I'm teaching
my classes computers?

- It's an experimental program.
- Really?

He's even tried teaching me
a thing or two, but I'm baffled.

You know, hardware, software

I can never remember
which is which.

Easy. Just remember computers
are the opposite of people.

With computers, the software
goes into the hardware.

And with people...

My, my! All this good food
has just done me in.

What say we hit the hay? Eh?

Did you see how he fawned
over Alan at dinner?

He practically cut
his steak for him.

No more than I fawned over you.

I did cut your steak.

I could have killed
you for that.

The two of you were lovers.

Little games and jealousies
are going to pop up.

Did you see how
he made such a point

of running off to bed early?
Oh, I'm so tired.

All that good food
has just done me in.

Hm. If I had someone as pretty
as that to go to bed with

I wouldn't have stayed
late up either.

- You think he's pretty?
- Uh-huh.

Don't you think he's
a little young?

Uh-uh. You hear the way their
bed springs were squeaking?

I think that I do pretty well
in the squeaking departments.

Oh, you do.

Yeah, making certain allowances
for wear and tear.

Oh, no. Too early in the race
to make a plea for sympathy.

Oh, you want to race?
Ok. We'll race.

May the best man win.

Jesus! Do you hear that?

Oh, baby, talk dirty to me.

Well, go outside and
listen at their door.

Give my best to the bisexuals.

Only he's bisexual.
She's straight.

Too bad mixed marriages
never work.

- So what do you think?
- About what?

Seeing Ed again with
me to compare him to.

Is that what we're doin' here?

He ain't so hot.

Not hot enough to be the great
love of your life anyway.

I never said he was the
great love of my life.

He's got his good points though.

He's good-natured,
good-looking, good in bed.

Good and boring.

He's not good and boring.

He's just plain boring.

- But you loved him, right?
- I guess so.

He loved you.

I see the way he looks at you.

- Why did you two break up?
- We wanted different things.

Like what?

I wanted a husband.
He wanted a wife.

That was delicious, Laurel.

Isn't she a great cook,
besides being beautiful?

- Just delicious.
- I bet I gained five pounds.

Ed, why don't you take Arnold
and Alan out to the barn

and show them our
new canning machine?

We can all of our
vegetables, you know.

Thanks. I've seen the barn.

Ed, why don't you take
Alan out and show it to him?

He's the real can connoisseur
in the family.

I'll stay and help
Laurel with the dishes.

We're yet to have a moment alone
to compare notes on you.

Oh, just what she's
been waiting for.

- Ed!
- Mind if I steal the brandy?

Come on.

Stuck with the dishes.

It's right up there.

Tell me about you.
That's the reason we're here.

- Is it?
- Sure is.

Wasn't going to let
this opportunity

to meet my competition go by.

- I'm no competition.
- I am.

- So talk.
- Why don't you ask Arnold?

I'm sure he has lots
to say on the subject.

He says you're a boring,
self-centered

insensitive old fool
who wouldn't know love

if it wore wings, diaper and
shot heart shaped arrows

at your butt.

- Anything you'd care to add?
- No. That'll do.

What do you think?

I think I'll reserve my judgment

until I can make
a closer inspection.

Close enough?

You asked me to sit in
the hay, not roll in it.

I think you're very beautiful.

I thought you were reformed.

You want me to stop..

...just say so.

Do you?

I didn't think so.

Let's go.

I'm sorry you couldn't
stay for supper.

- Yeah, so are we, Arnold.
- Yes. It's a shame.

Laurel, Listen, I'll call you.

- And thanks.
- Drive safe, okay?

What the hell's wrong with you?

- I'm driving.
- Okay, bye.

Hey, give us a call anytime.

Maybe we'll do it
again sometime.

'Yeah. Sounds good to me.'

- 'What's wrong with you?'
- 'Take it easy.'

'Let's just get out of here.'

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought you weren't at home

and I was working out
some frustration.

And I thank you for it.
Come on in.

- Is Alan here?
- No.

He had some early appointments.

Are you alright?

I could use some caffeine.

I can't believe how I misjudged
your relationship with Alan.

Actually, you're
so perfect together.

I'm certain you'll
work everything out.

I wasn't aware of anything
that needed working out.

- You two didn't have words?
- None we haven't used before.

You mean what happened
between Ed and Alan

'doesn't bother you at all?'

What?

You blurted it out
just like that?

Thought he knew.
It was a friendly remark.

With friends like her
who needs divorce court!

- Why'd you think I left him?
- 'Cause of something I said.

- You gonna tell Laurel?
- What I do is my own business.

Ed told me about it after
you left. He was crying.

I was dumbfounded. I didn't know
which one of us to comfort.

- All you had to do is ask.
- Ask what?

Not to fool around.
And I wouldn't.

You never asked me?

I wanted you to feel you could.

You mean you wanted me
to feel that you could.

For once I'd love
to have an affair

go on the rocks
after the passion wears off?

Your the one who that wanted
this weekend and wanted..

Just 'cause I said that's what
I wanted doesn't mean I wanted.

May be, what I wanted. Doesn't
mean I'm ready for it.

- You want me see other men?
- No.

- I want you to feel you can.
- I do and I did!

Just once, I'd like to be
standing on sure ground

when the blow hits,
instead of crawling around

on my hands and knees
like a baby.

There's something
I want to ask you.

The answer's yes.

You don't even
know the question.

I'm too tired to argue anymore,
so whatever it is

my answer's yes.

Good.

'Cause I love you too.

'That's it, Alan. Come on, yes.'

'Now, pour the man
some champagne.'

'That's it.
Don't give him a bath.'

Oh, yes, your looking
beautiful. Beautiful.

Alan, give me a smile.
Wonderful. Yes.

Hi, Arnold. Alan, take five.

Shelley, stay there.

Can somebody focus
this light here?

Shelley, come over here.
I wanna do something..

Yeah. Fix that
little spot over there.

- Bad news?
- What?

- Who's the letter from?
- Ah, Laurel.

They're getting married.

- You're kidding?
- No.

"And so we figured, two years
after that wonderful weekend

"ha ha ha, well, if we could
survive that together

"then we could make it
through anything

"and so we'll be
tying the knot."

I think we should take their
example and get married.

Yeah. Sure.

Any day now a giant stork
is gonna come

rapping on our door
with a bundle of joy.

I think the kid deserves
legitimate parents.

- What are you talking about?
- The institute called.

- We're going to have a baby.
- You..

Yeah. We gotta find
an apartment fast.

They won't give him to us until
he can have a room of his own.

- Him?
- His name is David.

He's 15, troubled, abused.

- He's also gay.
- Oye.

So will you?

- What?
- Marry me.

Excuse me. Sorry.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Fabulous.

Really terrific neighborhood
you picked here.

It's barely dark,
and they're out in numbers.

Maybe we should get an infrared
telescope for the living room.

- Great way to bring up a child.
- 'Lift, lift.'

- Are we going to have a dog?
- Why? What for?

- For the kid.
- That's a great idea.

What kind should we get?

The kind that can
walk in the park.

You're a funny guy. Real funny.

Wait. Okay. Push. Okay.

God, I feel so butch.

Hey, should you be carrying
this in your condition?

Shouldn't you be lying down
with your feet up or something?

You're even starting
to look like a mother.

- Gray hair and all.
- I do not have gray hair.

I can see it from here.

Yeah, well you gave me
every one of 'em.

My old man.

What if he hates us?

- I'm hungry. Let's go eat.
- I'm tired. Let's go to bed.

Where?

Oops.

Well, why don't you
go get some take-out?

And I'll see what I can
do with the bedroom.

- Dinner in bed.
- By candlelight?

Buy candles.

Sorry.

You fuckin' watch
where you're goin'.

- Fuckin' faggot.
- Hey, not out here, man.

Alan!

Bring champagne.

I can't believe
he said that you.

What's going on?

Some punks are swinging
bats at everyone.

- They got some guy cornered.
- Call the cops.

They're beatin' on fags!
You think the cops give a shit?

Call the cops! Now!

Over there.

Hey!

Hey!

Give me the bat.

'Let him go.'

Come on. I said, "let him go."

Oh, geez.

'Come on. Give it back.'

Move it back.

'Hey, you back there,
get back in the car.'

I don't know what happened.

You'll read about it
in the morning. Come on.

Alright, break it up.

'Stop it!'

Stop it!

Please, stop it!

Stop!

Stop!

I've called your mothers
and I don't want a sound

out of either one of you
until they get here.

Your mother?

Hey, I didn't say nothing, lady.

You are going to pay
for this, young man.

How could you get into
a fight today of all days.

Believe me young man.
I won't soon forget about this.

Yeah, you think I'll ever forget
you showin' up in that outfit?

They called and told me you
were hurt in a fight.

What did you want me
to do, put on a tux?

Looks like he survived.

What are you doing
home from work?

Brooklyn Day.
My school's closed.

What died in here?

It's breakfast,
I cooked it myself.

- Toast for me I'm on a diet.
- Since when?

1961.

Got a steak
I could put on my eye?

Use ice cubes.

When I think of that
kid hittin' you..

And for that he gets
two days suspension.

I gotta go see his principal.

What did you fight about anyway?

He called me a douchebag.
So, I slugged him.

- How '50s.
- Have a seat. Soup's on.

Here we go. Hm.

Okay, dig in.

- This is a joke, right?
- I cooked. You'll eat.

I'm going apartment hunting this
afternoon. Care to join me?

Hey, what's the rush?
I like having you here.

Can I have the ketchup?

The couch and I
are not speaking.

It's only your 4th night.
You'll get used to it.

Can I have the mustard?

Is something wrong
with the food?

Not at all. Very tasty.

How about the mayo?

Hold the mayo.

Oh, yeah, your wife called
in the middle of the night.

I tried to wake you,
but you were out of it.

Oh, I guess I better call her.

'Help yourself to seconds.
There's plenty.'

And I was worried.

David, you finish
cleaning up your room?

'Oh, what do I gotta clean for?'

My mother, tomorrow,
coming here.

Lock the door and
tell her it's a closet.

She doesn't know about me,
why let her into my room.

- Who's on the phone?
- Ed.

Alright. Alright.

Yeah, um, yeah.
1:30 at Greenfields. Yep.

Okay. Bye-bye.

She give you a bad time, huh?

Four days of those calls

you'd think I'd start
getting used to them.

I don't know why
she always has to cry.

I mean, this separation
wasn't all my idea.

Ed! I don't want to hear
what you have to say.

'Cause believe me, you don't
want to hear what I have to say.

Well, I'd love to sit
around chewin' the fat

with you grown-up types,
but I got a life to live.

- Take a glass of milk.
- I had milk.

- Then go brush your teeth.
- Oh, ma!

Don't you "oh, ma" me. March.

And don't call me, ma
in front of my mother.

Having a good time, Leonora?

Oh, Ed, two favors.

My mother wants to go to
the cemetery tomorrow.

So have you got the number of
that car service that you use?

- Yeah, sure.
- And uh..

David's social worker
will be coming on Thursday

so could you stay
somewhere else?

Oh, I'm good enough for your
mother, but I'm not good enough

for David's social worker?

It has nothing to do
with being good enough.

It's just that Ms. Schnabel
frowns on casual cohabitation.

I've got enough to explain
without you on the couch.

Casual? We've known each
other for nine years.

Seven of which you spent
with another woman.

- But I'm sleeping on the couch.
- Ed!

Okay, maybe I should just
find a hotel room.

And leave me unprotected
at a time like this?

You know my mother isn't
exactly going to feature

the idea of my
becoming a father.

Your opinion as an American
educator will prove invaluable.

She'll say I'm prejudiced.

She'll say a lot a things,
you'll learn not to listen.

- David, I'm leaving.
- I'll miss you.

Make sure he calls somebody
for his homework.

No TV till it's done.
And bedtime 11:00 p.m. sharp.

- But I got no school tomorrow.
- It's still a school night.

We'll be fine.

David!

Get over here!

What the hell is wrong with you?

I don't get no kiss goodbye?

- I love you.
- I love you too... ma!

So the new career is a reality.

Just don't forget who
your friends are.

You know, when I started,
in this business

I looked like
a young Joan Crawford.

Ten years later, Marjorie Main.

I swear I'm aging about as well
as a beach party movie.

Mmm, I'm happy for you.
You've got it all.

Now, if that idiot Ed
would just settle down..

You must be dying for a slap.
That's the last thing I need.

That's precisely my point. Ed
is the very last thing you need.

You've got the rest.
Nice apartment, good job

money enough to keep your figure
and someone who depends on you.

Now what you need is someone
on whom you can depend.

- Ed? Get real.
- People change.

Alan died, honey, not you.

How Alice Faye can I get?

'It's 7:18 in the Big Apple.'

'This is High Tide
with a dedication'

'from Butchie to Judy.'

Think we should wake him?
What if he oversleeps?

- I'm not gonna survive!
- He's up.

David, What are you doing
in that kitchen?

I cleaned until
5:00 in the morning!

- Where am I supposed to eat?
- You ever hear of a restaurant.

They cook and clean for you
and my mother don't go there.

Well, lemme break
the good news to her.

The suit should help
soften the blow.

- It's for David's Principal.
- What, no bunny slippers?

Ed, the phone number of that
car service you promised?

- Here. When do you expect her?
- I don't know.

She said early flight.
I figure around noon.

David! Get over here.

Now, listen to me. I want you
to cleanup that kitchen.

Get your butt over to Murray's.

And don't come home
until I call you, huh?

Yeah, ma.

What?

After all this time, why have
you not told her about David?

I told my mother, but she
assumed he was my roommate.

I didn't bother to correct her.

I was crazy then.
Alan had just died.

I never told her
how he was killed.

She assumed it was
a car accident.

- I didn't correct her.
- Unbelievable.

What's unbelievable?

You still haven't told your
parents you're gay.

Bisexual. Thank you.

I told my mother when I was 13.

- You knew when you were 13?
- At 13, I knew everything.

Senility set in sometime after.

'Hello, Murray? Hi.'

Listen, I won't be
coming over today, man.

I got a temperature. And, um..

...Arnold told me
to stay here in bed.

Yeah. Oh, it's terrible.
At least 102.

I got to go, Murray.
I'm very weak. Bye.

- Is this a playground?
- Yeah.

Thank you.

Was a pleasure meeting you all.
Not one who gave me a seat.

Thanks to you, gentlemen,
I now have varicose veins.

Wait, I got it.

- Hey!
- What?

- Help! Mugger!
- What? I'm not a mugger.

You're a rapist..

Would a rapist wear
a three-piece suit? Ouch.

How do I know? Maybe
you got a wedding after.

No, listen, Arnold
had to go somewhere.

So I waited for you, incase
you got here before him.

Oh. I'm sorry I kicked you.

This is very, very nice
of you to meet me.

No sweat.

I see Arnold left you his keys.

- I got my own set.
- Oh, really?

This is probably
none of my business

and I hope you don't
mind my asking.

- Just who the hell are you?
- I'm David.

- David. The neighbor's kid?
- I live with Arnold.

- Would you like a drink?
- Maybe later.

Come on in.

We've got everything
all worked out for you

even with Ed staying here.

- Ed?
- Arnold's friend.

Friend friend or
euphemism friend?

He used to be a euphemism.
Now he's just a friend.

But with you stayin' here

they'll both be sleeping
on the couch.

Who knows?

- Have they got water here?
- Sure.

We cleaned all week for you.
What do you think?

I think we should sit down.

Eh, David, tell me,
you go to school?

Yeah.

Hey, are these oranges
from Florida?

Cuba. We were hijacked.
But I'm not one to complain.

- Funny.
- Ha ha. Thanks.

So..

- You go to college?
- High school.

High school, how nice.

- Senior?
- Freshman.

Freshman.

That's very sweet.

Tell me, David,
just how old are you?

Sixteen!

In two months.

Something wrong?

Not at all.

Sixteen in two months.
That's wonderful.

You've got your life
ahead of you.

While mine is flashing
before my eyes.

- More water?
- More water.

David, darling..

Your parents, don't they
think you're a little young

to be out in the world
all alone?

No.

But juvenile court did.
So, here I am.

I need to talk to Arnold.

You could call the school, he
had to meet with my principal.

You mean real people
know you live here?

Why not? Lots of people
live with their fathers.

- Live with their what?
- Their fathers.

Hi, pop!

'So, mama tell me
all about Florida.'

Anyone special in your life?

Not particularly.

This Ed, he got married,
didn't he?

Right. So, how come
you're not seeing anyone?

Because the last thing
I need is to become nursemaid

to some alter kocker.

So how come he's
staying with you?

He and his wife are separated.

- Separated. How come?
- I don't know.

Arnold, the man is
living with you.

- He stayed on the couch.
- So are you.

- 'Cause your in my room.'
- 'You're involved.'

Ma!

You must admit it
sounds a little queer.

A man leaves his wife and
moves in with his old friend.

I don't think the people who
gave you David would approve.

You wanna just drive.

You've taken on a tremendous
responsibility with this boy.

You have to set him
a good example.

Giving a friend a place
to stay is a bad example?

I knew I should have kept
my mouth to myself.

Anyway, it's only
for a few more weeks.

What's for a few more weeks?

You said he was with you
on a one year basis.

So, it's already
more than 10 months.

So, what do you
think happens then?

- He leaves.
- No, ma. You misunderstood.

Yes, David's with me on
a one year trial basis

but after that if we agree and
Bureau Of Child Welfare allows

I'm going to legally adopt him.

Believe me, ma, if I have
anything to say about it.

- David's not leaving.
- Stop the car.

Frankly, you've
done crazy things...

Adopting David is
not a crazy thing.

It is a wonderful thing.
I happen to be very proud of.

If your so proud, how come
you're ashamed to tell me.

Everything else you tell me.

You shove your sex
life down my throat.

Every hour on the hour.

But all this time,
not a word. Why?

Your not an easy person
to talk to.

Why? Do I tell you
how to run your life?

Listen to me, my son,
I realized a long time ago

that no matter what
I thought or how I felt

you and your brother were
gonna do exactly as you felt.

You want to know why
you didn't tell me?

- Because you knew it was wrong.
- That is not true.

No? Why?

I don't know.

So what else is new?

That's it. Honestly, I've had it
up to here with you.

Your father left these plots to
you, this is what you want to do

with them, fine.
That's your business.

I will not stand here and watch
you spit on your father's grave!

- What?
- What you think you're doing?

- What do you...
- What are you doing?

I'm doing the same
thing you're doing.

No! I'm reciting Kaddish
for my husband.

You're blaspheming
your religion.

You know who this is?
This is my lover.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

You're gonna compare my
marriage to you and Alan?

Your father and I were
married for 35 years

we'd two children together, you
dare compare yourself to that?

- I'm talking about the loss.
- What loss did you have?

You fooled around with some boy.

Where do you come to compare
with a marriage of 35 years?

Come on, Arnold. This isn't one
of your pals you're talking to.

I lost someone
I loved very much.

So you felt bad. Maybe
you even cried a little.

What would you know what I felt?
35 years I lived with this man.

He got sick, I took him
to the hospital.

You know what they gave me back?
I gave them a man.

They gave me a place
to visit on holy days.

How could you possibly
know how I felt?

It took two months before I
could sleep in our bed alone.

And a year, it took me a year

before I could say,
I instead of we.

And you're gonna tell me
you are mourning.

How dare you!

You're right, ma. How dare I?

I couldn't possibly know how it
feels to take somebody's things

put it in plastic bags and watch
garbage men take 'em away.

Or how it feels when you forget

and you set him his place
at the table.

How about the food that rots
in the refrigerator

'cause you forgot how
to shop for one.

How dare I, right, ma?
How dare I?

Believe me, ma, you had it easy.
You had 35 years together, ma.

You have friends,
you have relatives.

You know who I had? I had me.

You know what my friend said?

What the fuck are you
carrying on about?

At least you had a lover.
That's right. You had it easy.

You lost your husband in
a nice, clean hospital.

You know where I lost mine?
On the street.

That's right. They killed him
on the street.

Twenty seven years old,
laying dead on the street.

Killed by a bunch of kids
with baseball bats.

That's right, ma.
Killed by children.

Children taught
by people like you

'cause everybody knows
that queers don't matter.

Queers don't love!

And those that do,
deserve what they get.

Taxi!

'Action!'

I'll get it.

You must be Ed.

How do you do? I'm the mother.

Nice to have met you.

Whoops.

Whoops?

Ed, did you say "whoops?"

No, Ed.

Whoops is when you fall down
an elevator shaft.

Whoops is when you skinny dip
in a school of piranha.

Whoops is when you accidentally
douche with Drano.

'No, Ed.'

This was no whoops.

This was an argh.

Come on, David.
We're dining out.

Good idea.

Good Luck.

Round Two.

Mama.

You can come out now. We got
the whole joint to fight in.

'Enjoy yourself.
I'm going to bed.'

Ma, I'm sorry I lost my temper.

'I'm glad you're sorry.'

Mama, we've gotta
talk about this.

You don't wanna talk,
you want to fight.

I don't fight with my children.

Did you ever hear your
father and me fight?

No. And you wanna know why?

Because all my childhood
I listened to fights.

My father fought with my mother.

Mother fought with my brother.
Brother fought with me.

When I married I said, "Jack,
I will talk, but won't fight."

Did you ever hear us fight? No!
And now you know why.

And don't holler.

People say things they don't
mean when they holler

and you've said quite enough.

I won't holler. You just
hit a wrong nerve before.

We will not discuss
Alan or daddy.

Only David.

Arnold, darling, what do you
know from raising a child?

What's to know? Whenever
there's a problem

I simply imagine how
you would solve it.

And then I do the opposite.

That's what you invited
me here for to insult me

and spit on your father's grave?

Oh, ma. God.

Arnold, you live your life
the way you want.

I put my fist in my mouth,
I don't say a word.

But think about the boy.
He sees you living like this.

'Don't you think it's
bound to affect him?'

Ma, David is gay.

He's been here less than a year.

He came that way.

Nobody comes that way.

What an opening.

Everything by you is a joke.

The world has
gone completely insane

and I'm heading
south for summer.

You make it difficult to have
an intelligent conversation.

You want an intelligent
conversation? Do what I do.

Talk to yourself.
It's the only way.

Don't you understand the whole
reason David was placed here

so that he grows with a positive
attitude of his homosexuality.

Arnold, gay gives into hate.
I don't care anymore.

You're not gonna put me in
my grave like your father.

- Now I killed my father.
- No, of course not.

He was thrilled to have
a fairy for a son.

You walk into a room and say
"Hi, dad. I'm queer."

And that's that? Is that why we
brought you into the world for?

Believe me, if I had known
I wouldn't have bothered.

God should tear out my tongue

I should talk to
my child like that.

Arnold, you're a good person.

A sensitive person with a heart
kinda like your father.

I try to love you and forget
this, but you won't let me.

You haven't spoken one sentence
without the word gay in it.

'Cause it's what I am.

If that's all, leave it
in there where it belongs.

But you're obsessed with it.

You're not happy unless
everybody's talking about it.

Try and imagine the world
the other way around.

Imagine that every book,
every magazine, every TV show

every movie, was telling you,
you should be homosexual.

You know you're not.
You know to you this is...

Stop already.
You're talking crazy.

You wanna know what's crazy?

After all these years,
I'm still sitting here

trying to justify my life.
This is crazy.

You call this a life?
This is a sickness.

But it's what you've
chosen for yourself.

Ma, look, I'm gay.
I don't know why.

I don't think anyone does.
That's what I am.

Far as I can remember

before I knew it was different
or even wrong...

You have not heard
one word I've said.

I know you'd rather
I was straight. I'm not.

'Would you also rather
I'd lied to you?'

My friend, Ed would never dream
of telling his parents.

Instead he cut his parents
out of his life.

And his parents wonder why.
Why is my child so distant?

- Is that what you rather?
- No.

But it doesn't have to be our
every conversation either.

You wanna be a part of my life

I'm not editing out
the things you don't like.

- Can we end this conversation?
- No!

God..

There's one more thing you
better understand.

I've taught myself to sew, cook,
fix plumbing, build furniture

I can even pat myself
on the back when necessary.

All so I don't have to ask
anyone for anything.

There's nothing I need
from anyone

except for love and respect.

And anyone who can't give me
those two things

has no place in my life.

You're my mother.

'I love you.'

I do, but..

If you can't respect me, you've
got no business being here.

- You're throwing me out?
- Ma, I'm trying to...

Throwing me out.
Isn't that nice?

Listen, mister.

You get one mother in
this world. Only one.

Wait. You just wait.

- 'Yeah, hello.'
- Ed, it's Murray.

- Is Arnold there?
- Well, isn't he at work?

'He ran outta here
after the first show'

'and he never came back.
Where would he go?'

Where you going, boys?
I just got here.

Hello, boys.
Line forms to the left.

- Arnold, come on.
- What?

Say goodnight to your friends.

- Come on, we're going home.
- I had you.

I don't want to go home.
She's there.

Spring and Thomson.

Your mother said she's leaving.

She didn't want
to stay the night

but she couldn't get
a flight out till morning.

She was gonna spend
the night at the airport

but I got her calmed down.

She'd stay, if you asked her.

Why did you get drunk?

Hello? Anybody home?

Sometimes you really
frighten me, Ed.

You care to talk about it, huh?

I am upset. I am uptight.

I am up to my nipples
in southern comfort.

And you're trying to
take advantage of me.

Fine.

I want another chance with you.
Arnold, please listen to me.

Look, Arnold. I'm 40 years old.

You know what
that means, Arnold?

It means it's time for me
to stop jerking around.

The time I've spent
with you and David

it's been... the closest thing
to whatever it is I want.

Are you listening to me?

$2.25

Thanks.

Look, I know you're upset
about your mother.

That's not it.

Then maybe it's
too soon after Alan.

- Ed, leave me alone.
- But then what?

Ed, are you forgetting why we
broke up in the first place?

You really think that you could
bring your friends here?

You think that you could
introduce me to your parents

as your lover,
and David as our son?

Ed.

Angel, I just threw my mother,
my mother, out of the house.

All she wanted was
not talk about it.

'You really think I'm going
to ask less from you?'

'We've got a dedication now'

'from Beulah to Michael.'

'Thinking of you.'

I ever tell you about the time

that Alan called in
one of these shows?

You told me.

And how they read
the dedication wrong?

You told me.

Oh, it was so romantic.

You told me.

Come on, champ.
Breakfast's on me.

Do we ever get to have
a real meal again?

Oh, let's go.

Wait up, then. I've got
to do something first.

Listen, um..

What we talked about last night.

I think it's time to find out.

I love you, Arnold.

Ahem, Um.. David are you coming?

In a minute!

It was a pleasure meeting you,
Mrs. Beckoff.

Pleasure was mine, Ed.

I hope you and your wife
come to your senses.

Couples have to learn
to live with conflict.

After all, a problem is never
as permanent as a solution.

Thank You.

David.

Well, young man,
it's been an experience.

Same here.

Sorry, I scared you yesterday.

Maybe someday I can
do the same for you.

I'll be leaving myself now.

Ma, you don't have to go.
You can stay.

What? With your brother?
No. It's better he doesn't know.

I'll call him from Miami, tell
him I couldn't come this week.

No, I'll call him and I'm gonna
tell him what happened.

You want to turn him
against me too?

What else do you wanna do? You
want me to leave? I'm leaving.

You want me to fight?
I'm too tired.

You want me to change?
I'm too old. I can't.

So, you do what you have to do.
And I'll do what I have to do.

- And I hope you're satisfied.
- Oh, God.

If I had opened a mouth to my
mother the way you did to me

you'd be talking to a woman
with a size six wedgie

sticking out of her forehead.

'I didn't raise
my children like that.'

I wanted my children to respect
me because they wanted to.

Not because I beat it into them.

We're going to start this
all over again?

Yes! Because it's not fair
to put all the blame on me.

You think I didn't know about
you? Believe me, I knew, I knew.

But I said, no. I hoped.

What's the difference?
I knew when I turned my back.

But I wasn't the only one,
you turned your back on me too.

You opened a mouth to me
about your friend, Alan.

How was I supposed to know?

All of a sudden,
you would have understood?

Maybe, you don't know. You never
trusted me enough to tell me.

- You never said a word.
- So you could have said what?

"Ah, he's better
off dead," right?

Maybe I could have comforted
you, told you what to expect.

You cheated me out of your life

and then blamed me
for not being there.

About this Ed..

...you love him?

I don't know.

Yeah, I think so.

Like you loved Alan?

No.

They're very different.

Anyway, it's easier to love
someone who's dead.

'They make so few mistakes.'

You've got an unusual way of
looking at things, Arnold.

I think it runs in the family.

Ma..

I miss him.

Give yourself time, Arnold.
It gets better.

But, Arnold, it never goes away.

You can work longer hours

adopt a son, fight with me,
whatever. It'll still be there.

But that's alright,
it becomes a part of you

like learning to wear a ring
or a pair of eye glasses.

You get used to it
and it's good.

It's good because it makes
sure you don't forget.

You don't want to
forget him, do you?

No.

So it's good.

You'd better get that.

It might be something
about that son of yours.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Dav... what?

Alright. Yes, I'm turning.
Alright. I'm turning.

It's David.

Something about the radio.

'Turn it on. Turn it on.'

'No, I just checked with my
producer who took the call'

'he has confirmed. For whatever
it's worth, here it is.'

'A dedication from David to
Arnold. With all his love.'

You hear that, ma?

Stupid kid.

Oh, God, mama,
He's such a special..

Ma, You're not even listening.

Mama.