Top Secret! (1984) - full transcript

(Train whistles)

(German accent)
Security has been tightened throughout the country.

All borders have been placed on full alert.

Exit visas have been suspended
for the entire week.

In addition, we have received assurances
from our undercover agents in the West...

...that our actions to date
have gone completely undetected.

All military leaves have been cancelled...

...and we have doubled the guard...

...around Dr Flammond.

Finally, all systems are in readiness...

...for deployment of the Polaris Mine.



- Just as you ordered, General Streck.
- Well done, von Horst.

By Sunday, the entire NATO
submarine fleet will be here...

...on their manoeuvres...

and completely vulnerable.

Major Crumpler, what is the progress
of our diversionary plan?

The schedule for the cultural festival
is now complete, Herr General.

And you should be pleased to note,
that at your personal request...

...the Soviets have agreed to send
their celebrated tenor, Vladimir Biletnikov.

Well done, Herr Major.
Then everything has gone according to the plan?

Well, not exactly, mein General.

The American, Leonard Bernstein,
unfortunately has had to cancel.

But, they are sending
another performer in his place.

In fact, we have just received
this copy of his most recent record.

His name is... Nick Rivers.



I'm sure he will be quite adequate.

As long as the attention of the world
is fixed on our cultural festival...

...no one will know what is about to happen.

Once again, Germany will become
united under one rule. Ours!

After Sunday there will be no one
to stop us.

(# "Skeet Surfing")

# Skeet surfin'

# Skeet surfin'

# If everybody had a 12 gauge

# And a surfboard too

# We'd see 'em shootin' and surfin'

# From here to Malibu

# Because it's totally bitchin'

# Ridin' waves to blast the pigeons

# And it's so neat shootin' skeet
While you're ridin' out the heavies all day

# First wave, don't get tired

# Second wave, aim higher

# Third wave, pull and fire

# Skeet surfin'

# Waxin' down our surfboards

# And loadin' up our traps

# Tell the teacher we're shootin'

# And never coming back

# I've got a gun rack in my Chevy

# For when the surf and the flak get heavy

# And we'll have fun with our guns

# Till the lifeguard takes our ammo away

# First wave, don't get tired

# Second wave, aim higher

# Third wave, pull and fire

# Skeet surfin' it's all right

# First wave, get the knack

# Second wave, pull the trap

# Third wave, how's that?

# Skeet surfin' it's all right

# Sharing sunsets with my favourite girl

# When we shoot the curl

# We really shoot the curl

# First wave, don't get tired

# Second wave, aim higher

# Third wave, pull and fire

# Skeet surfin' it's all right

# First wave, get the knack

# Second wave, pull the trap

# Third wave, how's that?

# I wish they all could be double-barrelled

# I wish they all could be
double-barrelled girls

# Skeet surfin', skeet surfin', can't you see?

# Do you wanna come along with me?

# Skeet surfin', can't you see?

# Do you wanna come along with me?

# Skeet surfin', it's all right

# Girl, we'll have fun tonight

# Skeet surfin', can't you see

# Do you wanna come along with me... #

(German language course tape plays)

'Eine blitz...
A pen.

'Eine flachmatuche...
A table.

'Eine flachmatuche...
A table.

'Eine blitz is in der flachmatuche...
The pen is on the table.

'Will haben pflichtmitten
und der heinerblatzen...

'There is sauerkrautin my lederhosen. '

(Knock at door)

Come in.

(Speaks foreign language)

What did he say?

I think we're at the East German
checkpoint.

Better have our passports ready.

Now remember Nick... this is the first time rock music
has been allowed in this country.

You're not just a performer. You're
an ambassador representing America.

And above all, remember,
we gotta play by their rules.

Martin, I've been practising.
How's this?

(Speaks German)

- What does that mean?
- Is your daughter 18?

Your papers, please.

Mr Nick Rivers.

We have been awaiting the arrival
of the famous American singer.

- Where are they taking him?
- They are not taking him anywhere.

(Gunshot fired)

Do not let your American curiosity
lead you into trouble, Mr. Rivers.

You are a guest here,
only because it serves our purposes.

I suggest that during your stay, it would
be wise to keep to your own affairs.

Good day.

(German)

What the hell did you say to him?

I just told him I'd put his name
on the Montgomery Ward mailing list.

I'm sorry.
He's just a little tired from the trip.

Normally he wouldn't say...

Your attitude is being noted, Mr Rivers.

If that was your idea of being an
ambassador, we're headed for a lot of trouble.

Elch willch mit der stall
in der burgerplatz...

'I want a schnauzer
with my Wiener schnitzel. '

(Train chugging along)

(Chugging slows down)

(Brakes whine)

(Vehicle door closes)

(Car drives off)

(Brakes screech)

(Car horn blares)

(Heavy traffic)

(Speaking in German)

...and because we are so honoured
to have accomplished artists...

...from all over the world as our guests...

...we wish to express our appreciation...

...by offering to you these keys to our city...

...which will be presented by our
East German Women's Olympic Team.

(Brass band plays)

Tonight, we begin our Festival
at the Concert Hall...

...where the distinguished Madam Bergerone
and her ballet company...

...will perform "The Nutcracker Suite".

Souvenirs. Novelties. Party tricks.

Souvenirs. Novelties. Party tricks.

Do you know any good white
basketball players?

There are no good white basketball
players, my friend.

There was trouble on the Berlin Express.

They knew I was on that train.

We suspect there is a traitor
somewhere in the Resistance.

We must proceed nonetheless.
There is too much at stake.

Here, kind sir, smell this flower.
It never fails to amuse at parties.

It's very good.
The German's are planning something.

Time is running out.

Have you found out
where Dr Flammond is being kept?

Here, this is one of our most popular items.

That's very good.

We do not know
where they are keeping Dr Flammond.

Only that they are forcing him
to build a new weapon.

What are my instructions?

Here, here, try this. This will make you
very popular at social gatherings.

Go tonight to the ballet.
Here. Use this ticket.

You will meet the leader of the Resistance,
a man known as "The Torch".

Until then, wait at the Howard Johnson's...

...on the corner of Der Führer Strasse
and Goebbels Platzen.

Good luck, kind sir, and God be with you.

Wait. You dropped your phoney dog pooh.

What phoney dog pooh?

Souvenirs. Novelties. Party tricks.

And now we conclude our ceremony...

...with the singing of our
East German National Anthem.

(Singing in German)

HAIL, HAIL, EAST GERMANY

LAND OF VINE AND GRAPE

LAND WHERE YOU'LL REGRET

AND TRY TO ESCAPE

NO MATTER IF YOU TUNNEL UNDER

OR TAKE A RUNNING JUMP
AT THE WALL

THE GUARDS WILL KILL YOU

IF THE ELECTRIFIED FENCE
DOESN'T FIRST

Driver, why are we stopped here?
This isn't the Howard Johnson's.

Good evening. A table for two, please.
The name is Rivers.

Ah, yes. Mr Rivers.

I have it right here, but I'm afraid we require
a jacket and tie for the dining room.

If you like, we will be very happy
to provide you with one.

That'll be fine.

Jürgen.

This way, sir.

General Streck, Comrade Biletnikov.

- I have your table ready for you.
- Very good, Heinz.

As you know, Comrade Biletnikov
holds a very high rank in the party.

We wish to afford him every courtesy.

But of course, mein General.

Perhaps Comrade Biletnikov could be
persuaded to sing for us this evening.

I will take care of it.

Thank you.

(Martin's voice) 'Nick, I'm sorry I won't be
able to join you for dinner tonight.

'I'm coming down with a sore throat.
So, I've decided to turn in early.'

Don't forget to be at the theatre at 8:30.

(Coughs)

- This doesn't help at all.
- Don't worry about it Martin.

Why don't you go to your room and get some sleep?
Is there anything you need?

No, thanks. I just wanted to make sure
you got those new arrangements.

Oh, yeah. I got them right here.

By the way, I ordered that '84 Ripple Blanc
for you that they recommended.

- It's very good.
- Thanks.

Who do you favour
in the Virginia Slims Tournament?

In women's tennis,
I always root against the heterosexual.

Have you heard from Cedric?

Yes, yes. He was just here. Wait in your hotel
room. He will meet you there.

This letter has to be in New York
by Tuesday.

Now, go! Quickly!

(Whistle goes off)

(Agitated voices speaking outside)

Excuse me. I'm sorry, madam, but this evening
is only for guests of the cultural festival.

Your Ripple Blanc, sir.

(Seal breaks and wine fizzes)

Jürgen, escort this lady out.

Excuse me, but this lady is with me.

Mr Rivers,
a thousand pardons, madam.

After you, my dear.
You're just in time.

I don't think I've ever seen you
looking so lovely.

- Thank you. That was very kind of you.
- My pleasure.

I was looking for someone to dance with.

- You're an American.
- That's right.

- My uncle was born in America.
- Oh really?

But he was one of the lucky ones.

He managed to escape in a balloon
during the Jimmy Carter presidency.

- I bet he's got a lot of great stories.
- Yes!

He would tell me about
all the large houses and expensive cars.

How young people waste time watching
television and listening to rock and roll music.

- What's wrong with television?
- Not all television.

"M* A*S*H" was OK
and the old "Mary Tyler Moore Show".

It just seems like the young people
of America take freedom for granted.

Wait a minute. I don't think you're being fair.

My history class once spent
an entire week in Philadelphia.

Maybe so. You can talk
about freedom all you want...

...but still, you don't know
what it's like to have to fight for it.

Perhaps my lecture was unwarranted.

I am grateful for what you did back there.

Well, I think you'd really like America.
We've got the Liberty Bell...

...Disneyland on both coasts.
It's happening.

I'm sorry. I really don't know any German.

That's all right. I know a little German.
He's sitting over there.

What do you recommend?

I recommend the pork bellies...

...marinated in diced pig entrails...

...or the roast swine knuckles...

...poached with flaming hog balls.

Anything's fine.

- Thank you...
- Hillary.

Hilary. That's an unusual name.

It's a German name. It means,
she whose bosoms defy gravity.

Pleased to meet you.
My name's Nick.

Nick, what does that mean?

Nothing. My dad thought of it
while he was shaving.

Are you in some kind of trouble
with the police?

Some things are much better left unsaid.

Like what?

Sometimes when you blow your nose
into a tissue and put it in your purse...

...then a little while later you reach for your lipstick,
your hand gooshes into it, and it goes all over...

You're right.
Some things are better left unsaid.

Thank you very much.

Ladies and gentlemen.

We are fortunate to have with us tonight,
a singer, whose great talent...

...is exceeded only by his devotion
to his country.

He truly has the gift of song.

A golden voice. Inspired talent and...

Is there something wrong?

I was afraid something like this might happen.

General Streck of the High Command
is a most fervent admirer...

...and owns a complete set of his works.

He is a very shy and gentle man...

...but perhaps we could persuade him
to sing for us.

Shall we ask him?

I better do what they want.
I promised my manager.

Thank you, sir.

Watch the change
in the second chorus.

Oh, my God.

(# "Tutti Frutti")

# A wop bop a loo bam a lop bam boo

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy
Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy
Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# A wop bop a loo bam
A lop bam boo

# Got a girl named Sue
She knows just what to do

# Got a girl named Sue
She knows just what to do

# She knows how to love me
Yes, indeed

# Oh, boy, you don't you know
what you do to me

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy
Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# Tutti frutti

# Oh Rudy

# A wop bop a loo bam
A lop bam boo

# Got a girl named Daisy

# She almost drives me crazy

# Got a girl named Daisy
She almost drives me crazy

# She rock me to the East
She rock me to the West

# But she's the girl that I love best

# So tutti frutti
Oh Rudy

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy
Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# A wop bop a loo bam a lop bam boo! #

(Guitar feedback)

Your hog balls, sir.

Cedric!

- What have they done to you?
- It was a trap!

They must have known
I was staying at the Howard Johnson's.

- But who did this?
- Never mind about that.

We've got to rescue your father
before it's too late.

But what are we going to do?

I was...

...supposed to go to the ballet tonight...

...to meet a man called "The Torch".

Thank you.

He's the leader of the Resistance.
He'll help us find your father.

- I'll go.
- No, you can't go. It's too dangerous.

I must! He'll be tortured.

All right, but be very careful at the ballet.

Where is the ticket?

In the glove compartment.

Can you reach it from the inside?

(Horn toots)

How about the other hand?

No, that's not it. Let me try.

Here it is.

(# TCHAIKOVSKY:
"The Nutcracker Suite")

(lndistinct)

Come on, we've got to get out of here.

- Shouldn't we wait for the police?
- That was the police!

(Whistle being blown)

In here.

Here. We can get out this way.

- Wait. First you can explain a few things.
- I'm not sure I can.

(Mice squeaking)

I only know I have put you in great danger.

Please. Trust me. You must come with me.

Look. I don't know what kind of trouble you're in,
but don't worry about me.

I'm a guest of the government.
I can explain everything.

But you're mistaken. They'll put you in...

Go while you still can.
They can't do anything to me.

Martin, boy am I glad to see you.
I've been here 20 minutes already.

Nick, I've tried everything.

The Embassy, the German Government,
the consulate.

I even talked to the UN Ambassador.
It's no use.

I just can't bring my wife to orgasm.

Gee, that's a shame, Martin.

Have you tried one of these?

Thanks. I'll give it a whirl.

Now listen, Martin. I'm getting little worried about this place.
I mean, I don't think they've even heard of a trial.

All I know is, after you left the cafe last night,
I met a girl.

Then later at the ballet she was sitting all alone.

And then all of sudden I see this guy got a gun at her head.

He's looking like he's gonna kill her
and he might have if I hadn't stepped in.

There's got to be someone you can call,
to straighten this whole mess out.

Look, I figure they've got to let you out
for your concert, Friday night.

They're beaming it live by satellite
to 85 countries.

Now, you just relax and remember,
there's nothing to worry about.

(Latin being spoken)

Amen.

We wish to impress upon you, Mr Rivers...

...that we have methods of dealing
with those who will not cooperate.

For the last time,
why did you attack Sergeant Kruger?

I didn't know who it was.
I just saw him pull a gun on a girl.

Might I remind you, Mr Rivers, the penalty
for murder is death by firing squad.

Let us hope for your sake
that Sergeant Kruger survives.

(Phone rings)

It is the hospital, mein General.

What is the condition of Sergeant Kruger?

Yes. I see. Well, let me know if there
is any change in his condition.

He is dead.

I'm afraid, you leave me no alternative,
but to introduce you to two of my associates.

Bruno is almost blind.
He has to operate wholly by touch.

Klaus is a moron, who knows only what
he reads in "The New York Post".

I believe they never let a man
lose consciousness...

...however long they may work on him.

You don't scare me.

My manager is on his way right now
to the American Consulate.

Do not be so sure, Mr Rivers.

Evidently, your friend did not realise...

...that here in East Germany
we use 220 volt current.

He was found in his hotel room impaled
on a large electrical device.

Our surgeons did what they could...

...but it took them two hours
just to get the smile off his face.

Perhaps the American
has chosen to reconsider.

Make sure they leave no marks.

(Speaks German)

Do you know which room
the final chemistry exam is in?

All the exams are over.
Haven't you been to class?

- No.
- But it's the end of the semester.

No, no, I haven't studied.
Oh no, I'm back in school.

I can't believe I'm back in school.

Thank God.

(Door opens and man enters room)

Well?

They're still working on him.
He won't break.

They've tried everything.

Do you want me to bring out
the LeRoy Neiman paintings?

No. We cannot risk violating
the Geneva Convention.

We'll break him tomorrow.

Who are you?
What are you doing here?

My name is Nick Rivers.
Who are you?

I am Dr Paul Flammond.
I am a prisoner here, just like you, my son.

You see, a year ago, I was close to perfecting...

...the first magnetic desalinisation process.

So revolutionary,
it was capable of removing the salt...

...from over 500 million gallons
of sea water a day.

Do you realise what that could mean
to the starving nations of the earth?

They'd have enough salt to last forever.

But then one night,
the Secret Police broke into my house.

They tore me from my family,
ransacked my laboratory

and brought me to this dungeon.

That sucks!

For the first time in my life,

- I am ashamed of being a scientist.
- What do you mean?

They are forcing me to create
a horrible weapon.

- Can't you refuse?
- I wish I could.

But they are holding my daughter.

They'll kill her unless I complete
the Polaris Mine by Sunday.

Sunday? That's Simchas Torah.

And the day the entire NATO
submarine fleet

passes through the Straits of Gibraltar.

Is this the Polaris mine?

Yes. By Sunday I will be able to arm it
with a nuclear warhead.

- How does it work?
- It is a magnetic mine.

So powerful it will attract itself
to submarines miles away.

- How about that?
- Oh, no.

Go quickly. If they find out
you've seen this, your life will be worth less

than a truck load of dead rats
in a tampon factory.

Right away.

- Von Horst!
- Ja, mein General.

The government wishes to avoid
an international incident.

Mr Rivers must perform
his concert tonight.

He is to be executed this very minute.

- It'll have to wait. Call them at once.
- Ja, mein General.

(Phone rings)

(Drill sergeant barks orders)

(# "How Silly Can You Get")

# How silly can you get?
Yeah, yeah

# How silly can you get?
Ooh, yeah

# I never meant to stray,
But when she looked at me that way

# The night was young
And gay Paris made me forget

# I went to Paris in France
I found a little romance

# She was walking down the boulevard

# I know I should've been good
I never thought that I would

# Be double crossing
Baby, cross my heart

# Ah, little rockin'

# And a little wine stopped me thinking
about a little valentine

# What's a lonely boy to do?
She looked so fine

# How silly can you get?
Yeah, yeah

# How silly can you get?
Ooh, yeah

# Oh yeah, I never meant to stray

# But when she looked at me that way

# The night was young
And gay Paris made me forget

# How silly can you get?

# Yeah, yeah
How silly can you get?

# No more foolin' around, you bet
How silly can you get?

# I can't believe it's true

# That I just met a girl like you

# Each night I'm all alone

# My heart's an empty home

# To see you standing there

# Would be my only prayer

# You set my heart on fire

# It's burning with desire

# Your touch, your lips, your soul

# You make me lose control

# Baby, please,
Baby, please, baby, please

# Spend this night with me

# I can't believe it's true

# I met a girl like you

# In heaven we would be

# If you'd spend this night with me
If you would spend this night with me

# Darlin', I'm here to say
I pray there'll come a day

# When by my side you'll stay

# And you, you will always be
a love that's true to me

# You set my heart on fire
It's burning with desire

# Your touch, your lips, your soul
You make me lose control

# Baby, please, Baby, please
Spend this night with me

# Baby please
Don't you understand I need you

# I can't live without you

# I'm gonna say something
I never said before

# I even love you
Ah, there's no use

# I'm begging you darlin'
I can't face another day without you

# Oh honey, lamb

# I'm afraid, don't you understand?
I'm losing, losing my very mind

# I got to have you with me

# I'm in such complete anguish without you

# Baby, I'm standing
at the great abyss of love

# And I'm teetering
Oh, darlin'

# I promise I'll even be nice to your mama

# Baby, please

# Spend this night with me

# Ooh, ah #

Those bikes!

(Whinnying and neighing)

(Horse hooves clatter away)

That is no excuse!
Search the road again!

They're in the Eastern sector.

I want the whole area sealed off!

There's a used book store
somewhere around here.

The owner is a member of the Resistance.

- If we can find him...
- Resistance? Wait a minute.

Don't you think it's about time
you told what this is all about?

I'm sorry, I guess I do owe
you an explanation.

Only a year ago I was teaching
a course in black history

at the University of Blaupunkt.

One night, I came home to find my father
had been arrested by the Secret Police.

I've been trying to find him ever since.

Wait a minute. That's Dr Flammond.

I saw him yesterday in Flurgendorf Prison.

Flurgendorf Prison? Is he all right?

- He looks fine.
- Thank God, he's safe.

We must get this information
to the Resistance.

- Maybe they can help us.
- Let's go.

(Trickling)

There it is.
It's a Swedish book store.

(Bell rings)

(Clears throat)

May I help you?

My father is Dr. Paul Flammond

I'm sorry.
I don't know a Dr. Flammond.

He told me you may have a book
of Swedish poems by Von Brieson.

So you are Hillary Flammond!

What can I do for you?

We must speak with "The Torch".

That will be very difficult.

But I will try to arrange it.

Can we leave tonight?

It is too dangerous to travel at night.

You will be taken in the morning
to a potato farm.

Where can we stay tonight?

There is a loft upstairs.

You can use that fire pole.

(Hillary) That's OK. Don't feel bad.
It happens to lots of men the first time.

Just relax. I'll pour you a drink.

We can always try again
in a couple of hours,

she said, as she laid down beside him
and caressed his chest.

Can you believe they print this trash?

Don't worry about it.

You were going to tell
me something about your childhood.

When I was a young girl,

my uncle took me on a tropical cruise.

But there was a terrible storm

and the boat sank.

I managed to swim to a deserted island

with a young boy, named Nigel.

Together we had to learn to survive.

'Fortunately the ocean provided its bounty,

'which Nigel would catch every day.

'Later, I would forage inland
for fruit and vegetables

'from the endless varieties
of trees and bushes all over the island.

'We busied ourselves chopping palm
fronds and lacing them to bamboo

'with dried seaweed and snot.

'This not only provided us
with a safe haven from the rain.

'But sheltered us
from the relentless Santa Ana winds

'which would periodically
ravage the island.

'The years passed and as we grew up,

'we began to notice
strange new feelings awakening in us.

'There was no one around to explain this.

'We had to learn by ourselves.

'Then one day he went fishing.

'That was the last I ever saw of Nigel.

'I spent months by myself on that island,'

until I was finally rescued
by a passing ship.

I'll never forget my feeling of relief.

You can't imagine what it's like

to be separated from your family

at such a young age.

I think I can.

When I was about six years old,
my momma took me to the city.

We went to one of those big old
department stores, and I got lost.

They tried to page her,

but the PA system was on the fritz.

I never saw my momma again.

Some people
from the cosmetics department

fed me a bowl of soup and some bread.

Days stretched into weeks.

One February they got jammed up

during the semi-annual
Lincoln's birthday sale.

They asked me to help out
in Pre-Teen Maternity.

Then one day I overheard
a conversation in personnel

about them needing a new jingle
for their radio ad.

So I picked up my guitar
and I wrote down a tune

that had been mulling and creeping
and crawling around in my head.

It went something like this.

# Are you lonesome tonight?

# Is your kitchen a sight?

# Is your wardrobe all run down and bare?

# Is your lipstick all smeared?

# Are your stockings not sheer?

# Do they make your legs
show all your hair?

# Do the tears on your pillow

# Roll down as you turn?

# Do they short out the blanket?

# And make the sheets burn?

# Is your heart filled with pain?

# Will you come back again?

# Shop at Macy's and love me tonight #

Oh, Nick.

(Wood crunches)

(Voice singing in German)

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa!

All right, this is it.

I must leave you here.

Go now, quickly.

(Raspy coughing)

- Is he all right?
- He caught a cold the other day.

He's just a little hoarse.

Giddy-up, Mario.

# It's been a hard day's night
And I've been working like a dog... #

- Yes?
- Is this the potato farm?

Yes, I am Albert Potato. Who are you?

We were sent by Sven Jorgensen.

Come this way.

- (French accent) What do you want?
- We wanna see "The Torch".

No one is allowed to see "The Torch".

But we have important information about
my father, Dr Paul Flammond.

We shall see.

- Nigel!
- Hillary!

It is you. My darling, Hillary.

If only you knew how I've yearned
for this day to come.

Sleepless nights, lonely hours,
hoping, praying that once more

I would gaze
into your ravishing brown eyes.

Who is this I should thank
for bringing you back to me?

This is Nick.
Nick Rivers, he's a friend.

Forgive us, Mr Rivers,
if we have been less than hospitable.

Recently we've had reason to believe
there is a traitor in the Resistance.

Du Quois,
introduce the American to the men.

Very well.

This is Chevalier, Montage, Détente,

Avant Garde, and Déjà Vu.

Have we not met before, Monsieur?

I don't think so.

Over there...

Croissant, Soufflé, Escargot,

and Chocolate Mousse.

(Chocolate Mousse grunts)

Now, Mr Rivers,
what is the news that you bring us?

I've seen Dr Flammond
in Flurgendorf prison.

He told me the Polaris mine
will be ready on Sunday.

Sacrebleu.

We'll have to move out tonight.

I'll be back in a moment, my darling.

Prepare the gear for the jump.

Cordon bleu. Zut!

- I want to explain.
- What's to explain?

I'm not the first guy who fell in love
with a girl he met in a restaurant,

who turned out to be the daughter
of a kidnapped scientist,

to lose her to her childhood lover
she'd last seen on a deserted island

who, 15 years later, is the leader
of the French underground.

It all sounds like some bad movie.

Forget it. It'll be better for everyone
if we just forget what's happened.

We've arranged for your safe
transportation across the border tonight.

It's the least we can do
to show our gratitude.

Come, my darling, let me show you
what I've done to the fallout shelter.

Do not take it so hard, Nick.

Life is filled with its little miseries.

Each of us, in his own way,
must learn to deal with adversity

in a mature and adult fashion.

- Mind if I have a swig of this?
- Go right ahead.

- What the hell is this stuff?
- Gasoline.

Don't worry, my darling.
I'm sure your friend will get over it.

He seems a good chap, really.

How wonderful you've returned to me,

when I desperately need you
by my side, to fight for the cause...

- Our cause.
- Oh, Nigel, I am proud of you.

But I'm so confused.
All these years I thought you were dead.

And by all rights I should be.

I floated at sea for days,
nearly unconscious.

Then as luck would have it,
I was picked up by a passing freighter.

I tried to get them to save you too.

It was a foreign ship
and they didn't understand English.

I yelled and screamed, but it only
seemed to excite them all the more.

They took advantage of me
in ways I cannot describe.

Oh, Nigel, it must have been awful.

Latrine!

- What did you find out, Latrine?
- Where are the others?

We never had a chance.

It was a slaughter.

We must put a stop
to these afternoon football games.

- Which direction did they come from?
- Up the road.

(Gunshots)

- Take cover!
- They're gonna kill us all.

(Clicking of tap-heeled dancers)

Take this.

Grenade.

We're running out of time.
The plane will not wait for us.

We'll have to make a break for it.

Rendezvous at the cafe
near the landing field.

Wait!

Nice shooting.

My man!

Good. Now everybody's accounted for.

Here's the plan.
We'll be taking off at 1:00 am.

What about the American?

A truck will be here
at exactly midnight.

He'll jump on the back
and be driven on to the border.

Wait. Nick is the only one
who knows the inside of that prison.

Well, Monsieur Rivers,
it seems that you have become,

how do you say, indispensable?

Indispensable.

That's what I thought.

Sorry, fellas. I've done my time
in Flurgendorf prison.

I got a truck to meet.

Nick, ask any price you want,
but you must help us.

Seems as long as I know my way
around that prison, I'll never be lonely.

I know how you feel about me.

But put your feelings aside
for something more important.

Like what a great cause
you and Nigel are fighting for?

- But this was your cause too.
- My only cause is my music.

That's exactly what I mean.

Didn't you see the eyes of those kids
at your concert? You must help us.

If not for me, for the cause of freedom.

Latrine.

- A traitor in our midst.
- Well done, Latrine.

I see you have dealt with him
appropriately.

Not the bird, you fool!

This is a carrier pigeon on its way
to German headquarters.

Look, a message.

Resistance planning to free Flammond,
Sunday, 8:00 am.

That means the traitor
is someone at this very table.

Excuse me, aren't you Nick Rivers,
the American rock and roll star?

No, I'm not.

But you must be.
Won't you sing us one song?

I'm sorry. You must have me confused
with somebody else.

I'm Mel Tormé.

Oh.

That was close.

- Perhaps a bit too close.
- What do you mean?

We have no proof
that this man is who he claims to be.

Yet we're asking him to lead us into
Germany's most heavily guarded prison.

- That's absurd!
- Just a moment, my darling.

He came to us with no credentials.

The Germans never knew the location
of our headquarters, until he arrived.

And we've been
infiltrated by a traitor.

Nigel, what are you saying?

How do we know
he's not Mel Tormé?

Look, he's at the jukebox.

(# "Straighten Out The Rug")

# Well, get out on that floor
And hit that rug tonight

# Well, get out on that floor
And hit that rug tonight

# We're gonna shake that rug
Till the early, early light

# I said, "Romp and stomp and slide
like the devil on a thread"

# Yeah I said, "Romp and stomp and slide
like a devil on a thread"

# Well, stand back, baby
I believe I'm gonna fray my edge

# You gotta straighten the rug
Yeah, straighten the rug

# You gotta give it a push

# Yeah, give it a shove

# Well, well, rug cutting
Honey, now baby

# Won't you give it a tug?

# You better watch that mean old rug
don't bite you back

# You better watch that mean old rug
don't bite you back

# Well, I'm telling it ain't
no back door mat

# You got to straighten the rug

# Yeah, straighten it out

# You gotta give it a shove

# Yeah, scream and shout

# Well, rug cutting, honey
You know what I'm talking about

# Well, rug cutting, honey
Come on and straighten it out

# And there's nobody

# I'd rather straighten it with

# Than you #

This is not Mel Tormé.

Oh, Nick.

Yes?

We don't know
what's going to happen down there.

This may be the last time I'll see you.
There's something I wanted to say.

- You don't have to say anything.
- But I want to.

You must know that when we were
together last night,

I had no idea that Nigel
was still alive.

And now that you know?

Oh, Nick, his work is so important to him.

I must stay with him.
He pleaded with me not to leave.

I just hope you realise
that's all he means to me.

Oh, I don't know what's right any longer.

I only wish I didn't love you so much.

(Orchestra plays romantic music)

(Cicada chirps)

(Chirping continues)

(Chirping sinks)

I've spotted the herd.

They're the key to the whole plan.

Now, we're here.

Every morning at 7:15

the prison guards bring the cows
from here, up this road

towards the prison
for their morning milking.

Du Quois and I will merge
with the herd here.

And sneak in through the gate
in the electrified fence.

Then we'll break away from the other cows

and enter the generator building here.

At exactly 7:25 we cut the power.

The rest of you come through here,
scale this wall,

and Nick can lead you to Flammond's cell.

Meanwhile, Hillary will steal this truck
by the railway crossing

and pick us up back here.
Then we drive to the landing field

where the plane will be waiting for us.
Let's go.

No, you take the head.
I'm taking the back.

- But the plan was...
- Forget it.

I give the orders.
Shut up and give me the back half.

All right, be an asshole.

- Here they come.
- OK, let's move out.

(lmitates cow mooing)

All right, let's go. Double time.

(Du Quois) We only have five minutes to
get to the circuit box and throw the switch.

We've got to hurry.
Can you see the gate?

- Yes, it's just ahead.
- Where are the guards?

- I can only see one.
- Ow!

There girl, move along.

(Nigel) Stay behind the guards.

Once we're round the corner
we'll break away from the herd.

OK, now!

I think we did it.

- Can you see the generator?
- It's behind the feed bin.

All right, let's go. We've got to hurry.

(Du Quois) Mon Dieu!

(Gasps with pleasure)

Nigel, you OK?

Oh, yeah.

Let's go.

What's the hurry? Why are you always
in such a bloody rush?

I just wanted to take a... Uh! ...rest.

(Leaves rustle and crackle)

(Leaves remain silent)

- The guards have passed.
- How long till they cut the power?

Three more minutes.

Then we can cut the wire.

There it is.

Lovely.

You're all right now. I'm here.

It's all right.

Hey.

(Gasps)

(Choking and gasping continues)

Here, here.

Vive la France!

- Nigel, what are you doing?
- Never you mind.

Why do you want to go back
to the meter shed?

- We're turning the power back on.
- But that will set off the alarms.

- The others will be trapped. I refuse!
- Oh?

(Cocks gun)

This gun says you won't.
Now, move.

So, it is you who is the traitor!

Don't take it too badly.
You're no more a fool than the others.

Now, get over there and...
Arrrgh!

- Dr Flammond.
- Nick!

- We're taking you out of here.
- But my daughter.

Don't worry. Hillary's with us.

Thank God, but how ironic.

Another day and I would have
completed my tunnel.

Nice work.

Nigel.

Very clever, my darling.

You've put the pieces together
very nicely,

but unfortunately it's too late
for you and the others.

- But how could you?
- It wasn't difficult.

I could have returned to rescue you
from that wretched island,

but it would have meant leaving
my new found comrades.

Comrades?

Yes, it was a Russian ship.

They taught me all about you...
Imperialist swine.

I was exposed to the works
of great thinkers. Karl Marx, Lenin,

L Ron Hubbard, Freddie Laker.

Now get in the truck.
We're going for a ride.

(Phone rings)

(Man shouts in German)

Something's wrong. Where's the truck?

- Where's Hillary?
- I'm hungry.

What happened?

Nigel made me go back to the meter shed.

He ordered me to set off the alarm.

And what does he want us to do now?

Nothing, you numbskull, Nigel's the traitor.

Latrine!

Nigel took Hillary in the truck. That way.

I cannot leave the country
without my daughter.

I'm going after them.
I'll meet you at the landing field.

Nick, whether you make it back or not,

that plane must take off
with Dr Flammond at 18:00.

But we recommend you be there
at least 45 minutes before departure,

especially at this time of year.

- Good luck, Nick.
- Let's go.

Good luck.

You've go to hand it to the Germans,
they make great cars.

(# Theme music to "Bonanza")

Goodbye.

There's no more time.
We've got to take off now.

I will not leave without my daughter.

Listen, old chap,
in a few minutes it'll be dawn...

...and we'll be sitting ducks
to their anti-aircraft guns.

Wait. There they are!

Oh, Father. Thank God, you're safe.

My Darling.
How I feared I would never see you again.

I am so proud of you, my beloved.

Please. There'll be time to talk on the plane.
You'd better hurry.

- But I can't go on that plane.
- But Hillary!

No, father. I'm needed here. For as long
as a single man is forced to cower...

...under the iron fist of oppression,

as long as a child cries out in the night...

...or an actor can be elected president,
we must continue the struggle.

No, Hillary.

It is much too dangerous for you
in Germany, now.

Yes, go with Nick. Don't worry about us.

We will hear his music
on the "Voice of America".

We will hear it in the hearts of people,
and in elevators everywhere.

And as long as we do,
we know that we are not alone in our fight.

They're right, Hillary.
And when we get to America...

- Who knows what will be then.
- Everything's gonna be fine.

Things change, people change,
hairstyles change...

Hilary. I want you to be with me.

Interest rates fluctuate. Who knows?

Don't you want to come with me?
If you don't, say so. Say it now.

Want!
Want... more than anything!

Take me. Take me with you!

Goodbye, Chocolate Mousse.
I'll never forget you.

Goodbye, Du Quois.
Take care of yourself.

Goodbye, Déjà Vu.
I will always remember you.

And I'll miss you, most of all, Scarecrow.

# A wop bop a loo bam a lop bam boo

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# A wop bop a loo bam a lop bam boo

# Got a girl named Sue
She knows just what to do

# Got a girl named Sue

# She knows just what to do

# She knows how to love me
Yes, indeed

# Oh, boy, don't you know
what you do to me

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# Tutti frutti, oh Rudy

# A wop bop a loo bam a lop bam boo #

# How silly can you get? Yeah, yeah

# How silly can you get? Ooh, yeah

# I never meant to stray,
But when she looked at me that way

# The night was young
And gay Paris made me forget

# I went to Paris in France
I found a little romance

# She was walking down the boulevard

# I know I should've been good
I never thought that I would

# Be double crossing Baby,
Cross my heart

# Ah, little rockin'

# And a little wine
Stopped me thinking about a little valentine

# What's a lonely boy to do?
She looked so fine #

# Skeet surfin'

# Skeet surfin'

# If everybody had a 12 gauge
and a surfboard too

# We'd see 'em shootin' and surfin'
from here to Malibu

# Because it's totally bitchin'
Ridin' waves to blast the pigeons

# And it's so neat shootin' skeet
while you're ridin' out the heavies all day

# First wave, don't get tired

# Second wave, aim higher

# Third wave, pull and fire

# Skeet surfin'

# First wave, get the knack

# Second wave, pull a trap

# Third wave, how's that?

# I wish they all could be double-barrelled

# I wish they all could be
double-barrelled girls

# Skeet surfin', can't you see?

# Do you wanna come along with me?

# Skeet surfin', can't you see?

# Do you wanna come along with me?

# Skeet surfin', it's all right... #

# I can't believe it's true

# I met a girl like you

# In heaven we would be

# If you'd spend this night with me
If you would spend this night with me... #

Darlin', I'm here to say,
I pray there'll come a day

when by my side you'll stay.

And you, you will always be
a love that's true to me.

# You set my heart on fire
It's burning with desire

# Your touch, your lips, your soul
You make me lose control

# Baby, please, baby, please
Spend this night with me

# Baby, please

# Spend this night

# With me

# Ooh, ah #

English (eh)