Tomorrow I'll Wake Up and Scald Myself with Tea (1977) Movie Script

- Heil Hitler!

What's happening, gentlemen?

I hope you didn't invite me

over from Europe just for fun.

We have a chance of winning

the Second World War.

We shall present the Fuhrer

with the hydrogen bomb!

TOMORROW I'll WAKE UP

AND SCALD MYSELF WITH TEA

Story / Screenplay

Cast

Featuring

Assistant Director

Continuity

Production Assistants

Assistant Set Designer

Assistant Cameraman

Wardrobe

Props

Make-up

Scientific Advisers

Special Effects

Sound

Film Editor

Costume Design and Art Direction

Music

Conducted by

Set Designer

Head of Production

Director of Photography

Directed by

All right, gentlemen. I agree.

The travel agency... that's a great idea.

Our London papers are full of it!

Trips to the past.

"Come and live a history lesson!"

That's what I call an invention!

Or a first-class flop, eh?

- A flop? Why?

- The Americans didn't invent it.

The only airport suitable

is in Prague.

Mr Karel Bureš, pilot with

the Universum Company, Prague.

Please come in.

Which line do you fly, Mr Bureš?

The Secondary Era.

In the brochure we call it "a visit

with the dinosaurs”.

- Are you married?

- No, I live with my brother.

- We're twins.

- I see...

Mr Bureš' brother is one

of the designers of this rocket.

And he makes the test-flights.

And how far does your collaboration go?

What's that?

The code which will be used to unlock

the rocket on 1st June.

The rockets are locked from

the outside so that nobody may climb out

and interfere with history.

But we shall open the rocket

with a reflected ray from the moon.

We can do that. We know the code.

The preparations are set for 1st June.

We shall buy out the whole

rocket for ourselves.

Is it really possible to land that rocket

on a certain day, in a certain year?

And at a certain site?

We've calculated it all.

With your engineer. After all,

this gentleman is a rocket pilot too.

We shall land in the vicinity

of the Fuhrer's headquarters

on the 8th December 1944.

I know the area. I was in command

of an execution unit there at the time.

Heavens, how old were you then?

Let me think... today I'm

eighty-six, so that means

at the time I was...

thirty-four, gentlemen.

So you're going on for ninety, Klaus?

Gentlemen, it's really fortunate

we have these.

And costs a fortune, too!

Thank God, otherwise

anybody could buy it.

Long live the anti-aging pills!

Send Mr Kraus in.

I got married for the sixth time

last year.

She thinks I'm only sixty-two!

Who on earth is this?

Mr Kraus is flying with us.

One never knows what could happen...

So there'll be three of you

in the rocket?

Yes. Bauer, me and Kraus.

Permit me...

on 1st June at 6.30 a.m.

our employee will be waiting

in the Universum hall.

He will bring the uniforms.

The password is: "Suits should hang

in closets.”

The answer: "Put them where

they belong, then.”

- And what about the bomb?

- It's in the museum right now

but we'll have it by then,

documentation included.

Kraus! Don't forget.

1st June, 6.30 a.m. in the main hall.

Of course, but first I want

an advance.

Habe die Ehre!

I want an advance payment too.

See to it, will you.

- Now let's hear your plan.

- It's quite simple really.

We worked it out by computer,

and this is it:

We shall arrive in Prague by plane

on 31st May at 1400 hrs.

There are three rooms reserved

for us at the Atlantic.

Among our personal luggage there'll

be a suitcase with the hydrogen bomb.

We'll each spend our leisure time

sight-seeing like everyday tourists

I hear there's

lots to see in Prague.

Kraus will hire a car,

something inconspicuous.

1 JUNE

Passengers for Kalasiris Flight 22

to ancient Egypt. Please follow me.

June is your last chance

to take our popular

'The Fall of the Bastille' trip.

We would like to draw parents'

attention to the special offers

on expeditions into the past

for schoolchildren.

In 'Moments of Drama' we offer

views of the Battle of Lipany,

knights tournaments at Kost Castle, and

best seats at the National Theatre fire.

If I'm not mistaken,

suits should hang in closets.

Hmm. Put them where they belong, then.

Well? Oh... it's you, is it?

So the suits are hanging

in the closets? Bravo!

The main thing is that

everything's going to plan.

Jan!

- Got a pill?

- Yeah.

...in the socialist countries,

ensuring the success

of the World Peace Conference.

Washington: The theft last week

of a hydrogen bomb

taken from the

Military Museum

is still being investigated.

There is growing concern that

the thieves will try to misuse

- the stolen exhibit.

- Bastards! Argh!

That's the end of the news.

- What on earth's happening?

- Ouch! I scalded myself.

- Look...

- Clumsy old...

Couldn't happen to me.

You never cook

breakfast anyway!

What's the matter with you?

Got out of the wrong side of the bed?

I must talk to you, Karel!

Who's stopping you?

If you have enough money for parties,

you could pay the rent for a change...

I've been paying it for months.

Why not, I'll pay it a year in advance

if you like!

Have you borrowed money again?

Don't start!

You'd do better to tell me

what you wanted.

- Rousek called yesterday.

- Hmm.

He's had just about enough

of your behaviour.

If you don't leave the Universum

girls alone,

- he'll fire you.

- Is that all?

That's enough, isn't it?

If you've got money,

pay back that debt to Kroupa.

- And if you don't intend to marry Eva...

- I certainly don't!

Karel, you know how much

she loves you?!

- How happy I would be with Eva.

- Hmm!

I'd be a happy man just being you!

Flying about all over...

I'd love to give up the research

institute...

end my eternal loneliness!

- I'd put Eva on a pedestal!

- Yes, but then what?

You're such a good old idiot, Jan!

If you feel so sorry for her,

marry her yourself!

Her and that family of comedians

of hers!

It's 1st June, 7 a.m.

Have you finished, Karel?

Karel?

Karel, what's the matter? What's

the matter, for God's sake?

- Sorry!

- That's all right. Calm down, Donald.

Calm down! Silly man.

Good doggie, come along.

- Doctor, please, hurry!

- Right.

I couldn't get through to you,

your line was busy.

Please, hurry. It's a matter

of life and death.

Asphyxiation.

Your brother is dead, Mr Bureš.

I'd try to resuscitate, but

I fear it's too late for that.

He choked.

Choked on a roll.

I'm afraid there's nothing

at all I can do.

Except write out the death certificate.

Excuse me, but which of you

two has actually died?

Bureš.

Eva!

Eva dear! I have a very sad

thing to tell you.

- Mummy! Mummy!

- What is it?

Quickly, something's happened

to Karel!

Give it to me! Hello?

This is Mrs Kroupa. What...

This is Bureš.

Mrs Kroupa...

You'll drive poor Evie out of her mind!

Please tell me that Karel is all

right, or she'll jump off the terrace!

For God's sake, no!

No! Calm her down!

- Tell her that... Karel...

- Well, what's happened?

Karel... Karel is all right,

...It's Jan. Poor Jan.

He's choked on a roll.

Oh dear...

Such a nice boy.

We're terribly sorry to hear that...

Mr Bureš, do come over for lunch,

you can't stay there all alone.

There.

That's it.

I'm very sorry.

Well? Is there anything wrong?

Ah! The date of birth is missing...

- When were you born?

- Me?

I mean, when was your brother born?

But as twins you have the same

date of birth.

Ah. There. So now everything is done.

Goodbye.

It's just that it's such an odd feeling

to see it in black and white...

I know.

I'm dead...

I don't like the look of that Bureš.

He doesn't care at all

about our cause.

- You'd better check on him.

- There's plenty of time.

This is Abard.

Is that Karel Bureš?

This is...

Yes. This is Karel Bureš.

We're in Prague.

Are the suits in the closet?

Of course!

The suits are in the closet.

- And what about the armchairs? All right?

- Absolutely.

So everything's okay?

Thanks.

That's all right.

You see, it's all working beautifully.

He's only doing it for the money.

Exactly.

I know this is a great loss

for the Research Institute,

and for Rocket Motors.

I know how much

Jan loved his work.

Even though he did miss flying at times.

Thank you.

Hello, Karel!

Karel, are you coming in for poker

on Wednesday?

Poker?

Oh, poker! Yes, I'll be there.

Could you give me that hundred

you lost last time? Now.

- A hundred?

-Yes.

Passengers for

the Battle of Waterloo

please proceed to

departure hall 8.

Can you please tell me

where I can lodge a complaint?

Complaint...

Complaint... there!

- Oh, thank you.

- Can I help, Karel?

A complaint.

Oh, not down there.

Up on the second door.

Men will have their little jokes.

Shame on you, making fun of an old lady!

No, I...

Come with me!

I have to tell you something.

- Give me a cigarette.

- I don't smoke.

Since when? Yesterday you were

a chain-smoker.

And what's happened to your hair today?

Karel, listen, Robert knows

we were together last night.

See!

He said this time he'd

beat you up for sure.

And do you know what else he said?

That he'd leave a hole in your face just

big enough for a thermometer.

That's what he said.

I think it would be best

if we stopped meeting.

Karel! You don't mean that

seriously? I want a divorce from Robert!

You know what we'd arranged...!

Give your darling Markéta a kiss!

Come on, Karel ...

How dare you!

Mrs Nolova, please bring

those files into my office.

- I noticed a mistake.

- Yes, Mr Rousek.

I've told you a hundred times

to stop these goings on!

You shouldn't be surprised

if I make a complaint.

I spoke to your brother yesterday.

Yes, I remember we talked...

I mean... my brother said...

- My brother died this morning.

- Good god, what happened?

He choked on a roll.

I'm very sorry indeed.

But now you have no-one

to pull you out of every mess

and trouble you get into...

Don't you worry, I'm going to change.

I'm going to be really different

from now on. I promise.

I know. You'll behave as you should

for half an hour and

- then you'll be in asking for a day off.

- No!

Well, actually...

I will need a day off.

I have to talk to my brother's fiancée...

I mean to my fiancée.

Thank you.

What time do I start, anyway?

I've clean forgotten...

At 14:10.

Some roses, sir?

Red roses!

Seven.

- Seven, for luck.

- Not only for you, for me too.

Mind out, Bureš...

Excuse me.

- Eva!

- Karel!

Karel! I'm so sorry

about your loss.

Hey... what are you doing?

We have our premiere in a week!

Can't you see, Mr Bureš is here.

I see... I'm so sorry...

- I hear he was such a good boy.

- Poor Jan!

She's been crying since this morning.

She's much too sensitive.

I don't know what she'd do,

if anything happened to you!

Do you know what?

Come and have a drink.

In honour of your brother, right?

Lunch will be ready soon anyway.

Hey there, take a break!

Hup!

Just a moment, sir.

I'd like to settle one small thing.

- Yes. Thank you.

- How much do I owe you?

Fifty thousand.

I see.

But just a moment, sorry.

If I understand correctly...

- Understand what?

- Eva will be so happy!

You told me you'd give me

my money one week before the wedding.

Eva!

Eva! Come here!

Eva... it looks like you're getting

married next week!

Karel! Darling!

I'm so happy.

We'll begin a new life together.

It's certainly begun for me!

1st JUNE

We apologise to passengers,

the flight to Alexander the Great

is running three seconds late.

What? I paid for

a sight-seeing tour,

so I have the right to see

something, don't I?

And where's our guy?

Where is he?

He's over there.

Excursion 14,

'In the Footsteps of Caesar',

departs Wednesdays at 9 a.m.

Please.

Your gallivanting ways are not

a thing I care for, Mr Bureš.

After what you were

trying to do to me

during the 'Fall of Pompeii' trip,

this is my last flight with you, sir.

Captain. There's somebody waiting

for you at bar number 1.

CREW

Did you call me?

You've guessed right, my boy...!

Is he blind, or what?

What'll you have, Karel, my darling?

He's nuts, if you ask me.

On the contrary, he's playing it up

beautifully!

Mr Bureš! This is your suitcase,

unless I am much mistaken.

Yes! Yes, this belongs to my...

Yes, it's mine.

Thank you.

Gentlemen, that man is splendid!

I think we are in good hands.

Give my love to the dinosaurs!

And what about this?

Ah, Karel!

Allow me to shake your hand!

- Ouch.

- What a pity you are just off.

I would like to talk to you.

About Markéta...

But... your wife and ...

That's all over. I swear!

- It's over!

- Karel, I happen to know you...

Tomorrow, then.

Get a set of new teeth ready!

Pardon?

Teeth!

A set of false teeth!

Flight 27.

Passengers for pre-history

proceed to the

changing rooms, please.

Bag check over here, please.

That's all right, Captain, this way.

Shirley, where have you been?

Patrick, don't go on!

You make me nervous.

You can't blame me for that, Shirley.

- May I?

- Thank you.

Captain!

- The starter code!

- Ah, yes!

- Hi, Karel.

- Hello.

No problems to report.

Want to key in the starter?

- Ermm...

- Well, give it to me then!

What about this suitcase?

I don't know.

The old drunk!

Here, Helena.

- Thanks.

Mr and Mrs White!

There are just the three of us.

We've booked the whole rocket!

You're mistaken. You've only

booked eight seats.

Two belong to these passengers.

But you'll have plenty of room, anyway.

Our rockets are extremely comfortable.

Not like the old ones.

I'll kill that Bureš!

You'll find your bags by your seats.

Do you need this case?

No thanks. Not for now.

Take it away please, will you?

I'm going to complain!

I'm sorry, it must have been some

administrative error.

- Can I help you?

- No, thanks.

We have our tickets.

We're entitled to fly.

Are you trying to make me angry, sir?

A computer error.

These Americans have valid tickets and

yet this gentleman maintains...

You've messed it up!

Me?

The Captain has nothing to do

with this.

Kindly prepare for take off!

I don't know how to apologise

about Pompeii, Helena Machová...

but I really am very sorry.

Surely you're not trying to convince me

you've turned into a gentleman

overnight?

He's exactly how I always imagined

a real space pilot would look.

Flight 27 R-K-M.

Boarding completed.

Controls all functioning.

Flight doors secure.

Request permission to start launch.

R-K-M start!

Bon voyage, Karel!

Give our love to the dinosaurs!

Cabin pressure stabilised.

Patrick, how do they make us

go back in time?

To tell you the truth, I haven't

the faintest, Shirley.

I should say leave it to the experts

who understand these things.

First he made a mess of booking

the tickets.

Now he was to have invited us

into the cabin right after take-off,

wasn't he?

- We must act! We have a few minutes left!

- Miss!

Excuse me.

- Yes?

- Kindly tell the Captain

that I'd like to visit him in his cabin.

- You are Mr Abard, are you not?

- Yes, Abard.

Captain!

One of the passengers would like

to see you. Mr Abard.

Please explain that passengers are not

admitted to the control cabin

during the flight.

Helena, could you please get me

a cup of coffee?

Of course.

Excuse me.

Well gentlemen, we can pack up.

Don't be crazy! And get ready!

- Here's your coffee, Captain.

- Coffee? Coffee can wait.

Stay where you are, Bureš!

What is this, Bureš?

We'd arranged

to be invited into the control cabin!

What? When?

Don't try to be funny, damn you!

Just a moment, Kraus.

Don't you think he's behaving

rather oddly?

A real hijack, Patrick.

Isn't it fantastic?

If you say so, Shirley.

How about explaining

what all this is about, gentlemen?

I don't understand?

You want to ruin our plan!

But we happen to need you! Kraus!

- Yes. Thank you.

- Don't waste that!

For God's sake, do something!

Can you manage?

- I hope so ...

- And now the uniforms.

They should be hidden

in the luggage section.

If that guy didn't put them in...

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry

but we have to change

the scheduled destination

of our excursion.

What does that mean, sir?

For the time being, only that we

are landing... elsewhere.

Fasten your seat belts

and no smoking!

At least you managed the uniforms

correctly.

How come you stopped co-operating?

I need the negative code.

Hand it over.

If you don't have it, start

writing your last will and testament.

I think I do have some...

We have the code.

You can open the rocket.

Gentlemen!

We can now step into the past.

I'm sure looking forward to seeing

von Braun again.

He would never have dreamt of this.

You better get dressed first,

or you'll freeze.

There's no hurry, gentlemen.

I have the anti-aging pills with me.

I brought a big supply.

What are you doing?

Without the start code

not even the Lord

himself could

to get this thing off the ground.

Dear friends, we are now

in the year 1944.

When you step out, it will be

into the furious theatre of war.

Take care of yourselves!

Armies are not usually friendly.

Particularly when they see

a figure like that!

How dare you?!

An odd man, this Bureš.

That's all right!

This way!

Oh, he's fantastic!

Would you do that for me, Patrick?

I'm not so sure, Shirley.

Well, Captain?

Hm. The starter code's gone.

There's nothing I can do.

We were supposed to have gone to see

the dinosaurs.

When I tell my friends in Chicago...

If we ever get back to Chicago...

How come they behaved as if you were

their accomplice?

That's... that's as much a mystery

to me as it is to you.

You know, Captain, you seem

like a different man today.

You remind me of your brother.

He was on the commission

of the flight tests.

I liked him. Suddenly you seem...

more like him...

You're just imagining it.

Actually, my brother died this morning.

He choked on a roll.

Is there anything I can do for you,

Sturmbannführer?

What day is it today, Admiral?

December 8th.

So it worked!

Kindly get out.

The driver too.

I beg your pardon?

Quickly!

I'm on my way to the Führer

on an important mission

and you have no right

to act this way...

Oh, come on now...!

You should get a new photograph

for your pass, Sturmbannführer.

You look like a little boy on it.

Don't you think you're being rather

impertinent, Untersturmführer?

I apologise!

The Japanese attacked

Hawaii yesterday.

A base called P...

...Pearl Harbour.

American naval losses are unimaginable.

Meine Herren, that's colossal.

Our allies have proclaimed war on the

United States with a fantastic action.

That's simply colossal!

Steinberger!

Get me Mussolini!

- I want to share my joy with him.

- Yes, mein Fuhrer!

Victory is now at hand, gentlemen.

We have destroyed Poland, defeated

Norway, Denmark, conquered Belgium,

Holland, France. We have forced

the whole of the Balkans to their knees!

We are the masters of Europe ...

...and are now standing

before the gates of Moscow!

Tomorrow we shall proclaim

war on America

and together with Japan we shall

defeat the USA.

In a few days Providence will have

made me the ruler of the whole world!

Today is my happy day, gentlemen!

Gentlemen, the Fuhrer will see you.

But you must wait a little.

I'm afraid my trick isn't going to work,

gentlemen.

I have only fifteen minutes left.

This is me!

Look at me, this is me!

My ladies...

At the time I was fulfilling important

duties in the interests of the Reich.

There were many of these duties!

Sometimes I really didn't know

where to start...

Excuse me, miss, but the place isn't

very warm, is it...

I'm afraid we can't shut the main

entrance.

We must save energy because we don't

know what's in store for us here.

Considering how much we paid,

surely we could see

something of the war, couldn't we?

It would be exciting,

wouldn't it, Patrick?

If you say so, yes, Shirley.

Valkyrie twenty-eight...

German command calling.

At ten zero five Admiral Wolff drove

through the checkpoint.

They must have a rendezvous

here with Abard.

...for the Great German Reich

to achieve total victory on all fronts

within the next few weeks!

- What are we going to do?

- Wait.

- Aren't you hungry?

- No.

Any anti-aging pills, either?

Not yet.

Why is your hand bandaged?

I scalded myself with tea this morning.

Don't worry! It'll be all right, Helena.

Gentlemen, the Fuhrer is expecting you!

At last!

I can just about make it!

Sturmbannführer Klaus Abard with aide.

These gentlemen have an

urgent report to make.

Heil Hitler!

Steinberger, get me Admiral Wolff.

The U-boats are waiting,

he should have been here by now.

Yes, mein Fuhrer!

Well, what is it?

Mein Fuhrer!

We have come to save the Great German

Reich at the last minute!

From what?

From unconditional surrender

which now threatens Germany.

Steinberger! Throw him out,

degrade him, arrest him and so on!

You're lucky I'm in a good mood today.

Otherwise you'd be shot!

Just a moment, Mein Führer.

Just 2 moment, please!

I would like to demonstrate something,

mein Fuhrer.

It is December 8th today, is it not?

11:27 a.m.

In exactly three minutes you will

receive a call from General Henkel

from the eastern front,

and he will report that the Soviet Army

has captured the Polish city of Rzepin,

less than a hundred kilometres

from Berlin.

Then you will understand that I do not

guess about the future...

...I know!

In less than three minutes!

We can all start counting.

Steinberger! Damn you to hell,

can't you see this man is crazy?!

- Sturmbannführer!

- Just a moment!

Two more minutes and five seconds.

Why don't you read the newspapers now

and then, Sturmbannführer?

Why should we retreat to Berlin,

when we stand before Moscow?!

- Pardon?

- I messed up the landing.

We've arrived three years early.

- Please... this is not 19447

- No.

Jesus Christ!

Mein Führer!

They've brought in Admiral Wolff.

What do you mean - "brought in"?

We're screwed.

What happened, doctor?

They found him in the forest.

The driver, too.

His pulse is normal.

I wanted to straighten his legs...

... but one of them broke off.

He's moving his lips a little,

but it's difficult to understand him.

These... three...

Attacked... me...

These three?

-Yes ...

- Take him out!

What have you done to him?!

What a fuss... It'll pass soon...

If that idiot hadn't broken off his leg,

he'd have been all right by now.

- Take them away!

- No!

First find out who they are

and how they got here!

A rocket has landed!

Americans!

A rocket?

Americans?

Bring them in!

This is crazy!

The U-boats are waiting for my orders!

Oh look, Patrick, that's Hitler!

It's Hitler!

You wait till I tell them about this

in Chicago...

Pat dear, you must take my picture

with him!

Put your arms round me like this,

will you?

Oh, you're here too, are you?

Look here, lady, kindly ignore us,

will you.

What?

You know them?

You could put it that way.

A gang of spies!

Himmler! This is the limit!

Arrest them!

Take them away.

Shoot them!

How dare you?

It seems to me you're exaggerating

things, Mr Hitler!

We are American citizens.

Mein Fuhrer, there'll be unpleasant

consequences to such an incident.

We still have diplomatic relations

with them.

You settle the matter, then.

Himmelherrgott!

This isn't the way to conduct

a world war!

- Arrest these Americans!

- I'm a German!

All the worse for you!

Shoot them!

- And what about this young lady?

- Arrest her.

Yes, Sir. Yes, Marshal.

Mein Fuhrer.

I'd like to explain.

This young man - is me!

I left the biggest surprise till

the end.

Here is a weapon which will allow you

to achieve your victory in a single day.

You'll win the Second World War

in a single second!

This is the hydrogen bomb, the latest

version, the size of a hand grenade,

with documentation complete.

Look!

I'm going to kill that Bureš guy!

Me?

This is my suitcase!

- How dare you?

- Shirley!

Patrick!

Himmler! Before they're executed...

torture them! Torture them!

- Take them away.

- Torture them!

- Forward! Go! Clear off!

- Torture them!

Patrick! Leave me alone!

Leave me alone! Patrick!

Now watch out!

He's got a bomb, mein Führer!

Down! Take cover!

Not a bomb, it's my last surprise.

Sound the alarm!

Silence! Without us - you'll come

to a sticky end!

Well?!

No!

No! It's not true!

Never!

What are you doing?

Let me go!

- I have a mission to fulfill!

-Out!

- Mein Fuhrer! That was proof!

- Out! Out!

Out... you too, Himmler!

Everybody out!

Get out of here, Bormann!

Everybody out!

Well, you certainly have no manners.

History was right about that!

We shall complain!

We wanted to see dinosaurs!

Helena!

In with you!

- Stop! Helena!

- Stop!

- Where are you taking her?

- Captain!

No!

Never!

Providence would never permit that!

No!

We shall win!

We will win!

I beg to report that I found this

in the cabin of that ...

...erm... aeroplane.

Orders were not to touch anything

before the special command unit arrives.

You idiot.

This a devil's machine!

Take cover!

His documents!

Klaus Abard. Is that a joke?

Except that it's true. You're having

yourself executed, you idiot!

- Don't you understand?

- Well, that's enough.

- Do you have a last request?

- Yes.

Promise me that one year after the war

you will not go

to the Bodensee in summer.

I got a severe bout of sciatica there.

You'll suffer like hell for five years!

I see. Calm down.

We have some very special suffering

in store for you here and now!

At the personal command of the Führer

himself!

No!

What are you doing?

What are you doing, you fools?

- Come with us!

- I wanted to save you!

I wanted to save the Third Reich!

- Halt!

- No!

Why did I let you talk me into this?

Yes! Yes!

This is awful.

And it was all planned

so beautifully!

Well...!

Look it's nearly off!

So what?

Are you going to fight them

with a toothpick?

It's all that idiot's fault!

Who?

Me?

I can't die without at least

venting my fury on this fool!

What's this?

Instead of preparing your souls

for the Lord,

you stand here kicking each other?

To teach you a lesson, you'll go first...

Take everything out of your pockets.

What's this?

A gentleman's cologne, or something?

Could you at least close the door,

considering your hands are free?

Go on! Don't be scared.

You shithouse!

Watch it!

The door!

- Come on! Quickly!

- Open up!

And lock it!

Hands!

Hurry up!

Our coats!

What about Helena?

We can't leave her here!

Shut up, then!

Be careful!

Left, left, left, two, three, four.

Left, left ...

I'm not leaving Helena here!

Come on, Bauer, let's leave him to it.

With such an ...

What if I can't start the rocket?

Well, that's true.

Damn you, man, come on! Get in!

Get in or I'll shoot!

- Oh! We've got grenades!

- What?

- Grenades!

- Give me a couple! Come on!

See? The bastards are waiting for us.

Get down!

Halt!

The start code!

Give me the start code!

Come on!

I'm frozen stiff.

I'm hoarse too, dammit!

Can't they heat these things properly?

We'll all catch or deaths!

Poor Abard. He couldn't have known it

would end like this.

Well, we have to decide

what to do with Bureš.

Hmm, he's a dangerous witness...

What's going on?

Bureš!

You haven't set off yet!

What's happening?

This is R-K-M calling.

May I taxi to the ramp?

Yes. Number six is free.

We'll open you up in a moment.

We're busy just now.

Why do we need to wait?

The rocket's unlocked, isn't it?

They won't be here till later.

I'll take you to the changing room.

I'd stopped hoping it would end up

like this.

You'd better not, you chickenshit.

Come on!

Quickly!

Help yourselves, but be quick.

This is most irregular.

No, no, no don't leave!

You can change here!

- You've caught a cold, I see.

- How dare you?

Find something warm to wear.

I think you can choose

from amongst these.

We're very lucky.

1st JUNE

Passengers for Kalasiris Flight 22

to ancient Egypt. Please follow me.

No nonsense, now!

June is your last chance

to take our popular

'The Fall of the Bastille' trip...

But - that's me!

Did you see?

It's supposed to be the second.

Yesterday was the first.

But it is yesterday!

You landed...

You did it on purpose!

Let's go and talk somewhere.

That means my car's outside?

If I'm not mistaken,

suits should hang in closets.

Hmm. Put them where they belong, then.

See.

Just like yesterday.

Yesterday's Kraus is going to rob

today's Kraus.

What are you doing?

Halt!

You there!

Stop!

I said, stop!

Stop him!

Thief!

But that's... me!

Why did you do it?

I have my reasons.

Which are?

Don't you understand?

What happened, didn't happen.

June 1st is only beginning.

Me, for example.

In a little while I shall get up

and scald myself with tea.

Because everything's happening

all over again at my flat.

Do you understand, gentlemen?

I'm making breakfast and Karel hasn't

started choking on that roll yet.

He's still alive.

I must save him.

I don't want Jan to take his place

again.

- That's my reason.

- Aha. Yes, I see.

But how could you just put on

his uniform and pilot the rocket?

It was me who designed

and tested these rockets.

Your friend Abard

was executed.

But here stands today's Abard,

today's Bauer.

They're at their hotel,

awaiting the flight.

They may still be asleep.

Damn it, you're right.

We can have a repeat performance!

- This time without mistakes!

- That's right.

- Thank you.

- Wait!

How's that? Why?

Mr Bureš, you have exactly

three minutes

to save your brother, Karel Bureš

the pilot.

- What?

- We shan't be needing you again.

Hurry up, or Karel will choke.

Like yesterday.

Leave that gentleman alone!

Poor Jan.

He choked on a roll.

That was a great idea of yours...

a second chance!

But without you this time!

We're in Prague.

Are the suits in the closet?

Of course. The suits are where they

belong, in the closet.

And what about the armchairs?

All right?

Absolutely.

- So everything's okay?

- Thank you.

Come in!

We were there, the operation failed.

- Where?

- What are you talking about?

- Here's proof!

- Everything's now happened twice.

This is your document,

from yesterday's trip.

Of course... but...

But how is that possible?

Don't even ask about Hitler.

We came back a while ago,

but on June 1st again.

The pilot wasn't Karel Bureš,

it was his brother.

You see, Karel Bureš had died.

Nonsense. I've just spoken to him

on the phone!

Everything's all right.

Yes, of course, because Mr Bauer

saved him at the last moment.

I personally drove him

to that house.

What?

I haven't moved from here!

Not you.

You don't have any part in this game,

anyway.

There are two Bauers now.

So that I'm very sorry but...

May I...?

- What are you doing?

- Kraus! Have you gone mad?

Stop and think!

What do we need two

identical engineers for?

What bad manners. Don't you take

pity on anybody?

Yes. Mrs Bauer, for example.

Just imagine if the poor woman

were to have that at home - twice!

Poor Bauer. It's a good thing

you didn't shoot me, too.

That's not necessary. They executed

the first version of you at Hitler's bunker.

- What?

- I'll explain later.

Let's go.

Hey! Hey!

Please!

Please - are you going to town?

Please take me at least to the Metro!

I can't take you any further anyway.

Come on then!

Could I please make a call?

You must dial zero first,

I'm linked to our dispatch centre.

Oh, thanks.

Hello, is that Jan or Karel?

This is... Karel Bureš.

So Bauer came in time,

he managed to save you?

Who's Bauer?

That little chap in the funny hat!

Somebody in a funny hat was killed

in a car accident in front of the house.

So it's all gone wrong again!

Damn!

What now?

I wouldn't know.

Who is this, anyway?

Janny!

I know you're Jan!

I just know!

I'm Jan too.

This means we're both Jan now.

I was you, understand?!

I am you, but your yesterday you.

You're today's Jan.

Me!

Understand? You pretending

to be Karel too, like me.

Like me!

Stop this joking!

We have a death in the family.

I don't have time for this,

I'm busy!

Please, may I ...?

Thanks.

Universum?

Mr Rousek, please.

Mr Rousek?

This is about Karel Bureš.

He'll be kissing Mrs Nol

in the office in about twenty minutes.

You go in there,

they'll stop kissing and...

Dear sir, why on earth would I go

in there?

Mrs Nol happens to be here

in my office! With the files.

There's a mistake

in those files!

So you'll go in to the office,

and catch Karel Bureš kissing

Mrs Nol, but they'll stop.

Please be so kind

as to tell Bureš

not to go to Eva's place,

not to propose to her!

Helena, the air hostess,

is going to fall in love with him.

At about three in the afternoon.

He cares for Helena too,

she's a wonderful girl!

I'm not interested in gossip, sir!

Hello!

How about getting out?

- A bit of fresh air won't hurt you ...

- But I'm in an awful hurry!

Out!

Oh - how will I get to...

You seem to know everything

that's going to happen,

so I'm sure you know

which idiot is going to

give you a lift next time.

A complaint?

Second door to the left.

- Thank you.

- That's all right.

Hello, friend!

Permit me to shake your hand!

Come here, my boy!

Come here for a minute!

But I'm in a hurry!

I'm late.

Now then, my boy.

What happened between you

and Markéta yesterday?

Well?

- Well?

- Markéta who...?

For God's sake, this is too much...

You still have the nerve

to make fun of me?

What's here?

I have to kill myself now.

What an odd person you are...

How can two of us live

on one salary...

Where do you want to do it?

This is about the time I started

on my sightseeing tour of Prague.

We have to wait for me here. See?

I'm surprised at you! In a few days' time

he'll pretend not to know you.

Good morning, Bureš.

Anything wrong?

- Hello.

- Karel!

Hello, miss.

There, you see...

You're a scoundrel, Bureš.

Suddenly you pretend not to know her!

And just look at you... you're a sight!

Somebody beat me up,

but I don't know who it was.

I'm a bit... you see,

my brother has died.

For God's sake, what happened?

- He choked on a roll.

- Ah.

I... I need a rest now.

Ah, yes. All right, of course.

But make sure you're at departures

an hour before the launch.

What time do I start?

Sorry, but I've forgotten.

At 14:10.

- Buy some roses, Sir!

- I'm in a hurry!

- Mr Bureš...!

- Sorry.

In a minute a man is coming in here,

who'll look exactly like me,

except that he'll be in uniform.

You mustn't let him in at any cost,

understand? Is that clear?

Clear.

And could you call Mr Kroupa for me?

I have to talk to him,

just the two of us.

Eva mustn't know!

Buy some roses, Sir!

Roses.

Seven.

Seven for luck.

Oh, it's you?

How you get around.

And who hurt you?

Economising on flowers - that's all wrong.

I'm sorry, so sorry.

Do tell me, how could such a thing

have happened to Jan?

Mr Kroupa, the dead man isn't Jan.

It's Karel, you see.

In that case... who are you?

- I'm Jan!

-You're Jan?

You must tell Eva that Karel

wouldn't have married her anyway.

- How's that?

- He'd promised to marry

somebody called Mrs Nol,

- and he had all sorts of affairs.

- The scoundrel!

Well... Sorry...

I don't mean to...

- ...speak ill of the dead.

- Karel!

Please tell her, but carefully!

- Carefully, of course.

- You've come, at last!

Evie, Evie, you must be brave.

This isn't Karel, it's Jan.

-Jan?

- Karel choked on a roll.

Yes, he choked. Wait, what are you...?

Wait... Not like that, no!

- Eva!

- Go away!

The chair, come on ...!

The chair!

- Here it is.

- Put her down here then.

Eva, what happened?

Daddy, what's wrong with her?

- Come on now, come on ...

- Eva, darling!

- Christ, what's happened?

- Don't stand here screaming

run over to the Novak's

for some smelling salts. Run!

- You? But you're dead!

- It's my brother who's dead.

This is all fun and games to you.

My little Eva nearly died of fright!

- Karel, you're alive?

- I'm alive.

I've been pretending to be Karel.

Just like you have.

So, you're alive, Karel?

No, wait! I'm not.

Do you know who Karel was?

- Honestly...

- A scoundrel! A Fascist!

He wanted to change history!

He was a threat to the whole world!

- Do you understand?

- So you are alive, Karel.

- But I'm not Karel! I'm you!

- You gave me quite a fright...

- I guess I'll never be able to explain.

- What kind of a stupid game is this?

I'll try and explain.

- Karel, darling! You're alive!?

- Forget him! He's scum!

- He's two-timing you!

- Let me go!

I'll never give him up!

You were trying to make me

forget him!

- I'll explain!

- There's no need! Come here!

Karel, darling, are you all right?

- For heaven's sake, what's happening?

- They've tricked us.

Both of them are in it, together!

Who knows which of them is Karel!

- I'm not!

- There!

- Neither am I!

- How's that?

They're making fun of us,

both of them. Petr, this one first!

What's to become of us?

You've made us orphans...

orphans...!

We have our premiere next week!

This is a tragedy.

There's no use making so much ado...

Nothing so terrible has happened.

It could have been worse.

Worse?!

Can't you see they're all dead!

Don't worry doctor, they'll be as fit

as a fiddle again tomorrow...

Today, as a matter of fact!

It's time.

We start in one hour.

Calm down!

I made it in time yesterday too.

That's me over there! See?

Exactly like yesterday!

Are you crazy?

You can't shoot from here!

You'll have to cover me!

Your coat!

Boys! You know you're not

supposed to play here, right?

Halt!

Stop!

Eagle calling! Eagle calling!

Some invention, this...

Eagle calling, eagle calling!

1st JUNE

Bauer isn't there.

Come along! Quick!

Flight 27.

Passengers for pre-history...

Where were you?

I couldn't wait any longer.

We've got the police at our heels.

Are you Karel Bureš?

What sort of a stupid question

is that? The suitcase!

Where is Bauer?

Was he with you?

As you see,

he saved me from choking.

Otherwise I wouldn't be here!

Where can he be,

what's keeping him?

Look there!

The same thing as yesterday!

The two of them are on our flight.

Calm down! And go to the

changing rooms, fast.

That's all right, Captain.

This guy's something else again.

Much better.

Well, I don't know.

What is it? Well?

Something doesn't feel

right about all this...

- May I, Helena?

- Of course.

Mr Abard has booked the whole flight.

Mr and Mrs White will not be

joining us on this trip.

- What impertinence!

- Their tickets are valid...

I have specific instructions.

If you can get written permission

from the director...

- I'll wait here.

- I'll see to it at once.

Just a minute, Helena.

My brother sends his love.

- But... that's impossible.

- Surely this matter of your brother

- could wait right now, couldn't it?

- Just 2 minute! Helena!

Jan wants to ask you on a date.

Would you go?

You're playing with me, aren't you?

That's you all over!

The car was hired in the name Rolf Kraus

and that man was seen running in here!

- Rolf Kraus?

- Rolf Kraus.

Here. Flight 27.

Departure time 14:10, Gate B.

We can make it!

R-K-M abort launch!

R-K-M do you hear me?

Abort launch!

Control centre forbids you to launch!

R-K-M position report:

passing through lower atmosphere.

But that means...

It's gone without you!

Escaped us all!

Can't you get the rocket back ...

No, we can't. That would endanger

the passengers.

- But that's scandalous!

- Well...

How about a trip to see

the building of the pyramids?

- Huh! Pyramids indeed...!

- Or the Battle of Waterloo?

We would of course make up

the difference in price.

Waterloo? Never heard of it.

Did you mean Watergate?

Gentlemen, how about visiting me

in my cabin?

You're a fine man,

just the type I like.

There.

You see!

A gift for the Führer.

I suspected him wrongly.

It worked beautifully today.

Is this really possible?

Two brothers, one of them a fool

and the other so smart!

When we've triumphed, I'll propose

a distinction for Karel Bureš.

The Knight's Cross with Oak Leaves!

We must definitely bring back

that distinction!

- You'll get it too!

- Oh, thanks...

The historic moment is approaching!

The Führer is sure to want to see

the rocket personally.

Wait here!

You'll be witnesses to the moment

- when the whole world is to be saved!

- Let's go! Let's go!

Enemy spies are on the loose.

They plan to assassinate Hitler.

They'll ambush Admiral Wolff's car.

Protect him!

They have a secret weapon

in that suitcase they're carrying.

Is there anything I can do for you,

Sturmbannführer?

What's the day today, Admiral?

Just a moment! This isn't right!

Look out! The bomb!

Down!

This is crazy, Bureš!

You haven't set off yet!

Bureš, can you hear me?

1st JUNE

June is your last chance

to take our popular

'The Fall of the Bastille' trip.

- What'll you have, Karel?

- Coffee, my sweet!

Sorry to interrupt, but I would

like to report something.

- What's it about?

- How shall I explain...

Look, my brother's a scoundrel.

A Fascist, in fact.

And there's a whole gang of them...

No, wait!

It all started...

Actually, it's about to start.

In a little while I'll get up

and I'll scald myself with tea.

- What?

- Keep calm.

- What's wrong? Can't I park here?

- The parking's all right, Mr Kraus.

Yes?

The suits are in the closet,

where they should be.

Yes, yes.

Karel?

Karel, are you okay?

Look! That's me!

- Sorry.

- Donald...

I know it's odd, but it's a fact.

Quickly, please! It's a matter

of life and death!

Please...

Here doctor, this way!

Those damned rolls!

He looks well again, doctor.

Yes, well. You were lucky.

- But you nearly bought it.

- How right you are.

I'm sorry, doctor,

but it did look serious.

That's all right, a brother's

a brother.

Except that Jan is always panicking.

But thanks, doctor.

Eva darling, this is Karel.

I dreamt about you all night.

We must get married - and soon!

Karel! Oh, Karel...

Mummy!

Doctor, do you think that such

an incident as this could have

an influence on a man's character?

Hmm... that's difficult to say.

You got me into a fine mess!

Wait.

I've got to tell you something.

- Well, talk then.

- Jan, don't go in there!

Why not?

What's this watch doing here?

-I really...

- Well, whose is it?

I have no idea.

But that's not important.

I'd like to tell you something important.

What?

You said you have nobody to live for.

I made a date for you

with a certain air hostess.

Her name is Helena.

You'll like her a lot!

- Karel, have you had an affair with her?

- On the contrary!

She hates me.

Buy some roses, sir!

Shall we buy some roses?

- Let's.

- Two bunches, seven roses per bunch.

Seven for luck.

Though it didn't bring much luck

last time. Not for you.

I don't know what you're talking

about, gentlemen.

I've never seen you here before.

Karel!

Take more care next time!

- Did you hear?

- I promise I will.

Karel!

I nearly lost you!

THE END

Tomorrow I'll Wake Up and Scald Myself with Tea (1977) - full transcript