Tommaso (2019) - full transcript

The story of an American artist living in Rome with his young European wife Nikki and their 3-year-old daughter, Dee Dee.


Okay, okay.

- Hey!
- Hey!


- Mama?
- Yes?

- Well, can you... can you order?
- No, we did, we did.

No, she told me
that she's, like,

gonna take this little clay

and put it
in another thing and...

I can't understand shit.

Yes, I put some salt.

Let's put it all if...
if it's gonna last...

Hey, when I... when I speak
to you in Italian, help me!

Please don't answer
in English, huh?

- Okay.
- Okay.

- All right.
- Is it done?

Yeah, no.


- Two minutes and we eat.
- Okay.

Mama, look!

They are the only
two inhabitants.

All that is heard
is the sound of their breath.

Mother asleep by bar,
covered up and warm,

but now appears...
appears far away.

Clint kneels before the girl.

Pupa, you hungry? Hungry?


Nikki, do you want a lot?

Are you hungry?


Put it.

- Want some oil?
- No, grazie.

So we're ready.

- Yo.
- Hey.

- Did she go down?
- Yes.

- Easy?
- Finally.

- Is she asleep?
- Finally asleep.

I'm reading this thing,
I don't know...

What is it about?

No, it's, um, you know,

it's the section with,
uh, you know,

the thing that you...
the feeling is

they traverse the galaxy
and now on the other side,

they're... it's only
two inhabitants.

All that is heard is
the sound of their breath.

Mother asleep by bar,
covered up and warm,

but now appears.

Clint kneels
before Russian girl.

That part.

I just don't know
whether it's, um...

too sentimental, or...

And also, I...

- No, it seems so sweet.
- I don't know...

- You like it?
- Yes.

I think it's very...

It's like a dream, it's like...

...something, you know,
out of this world.

At least, you know,
you have a purpose to...

No, I think...
I don't know.

There's something wrong
about it, I don't know.

I had something else
I wanted to...

How are you?

I'm tired.

- Yeah?
- I'm tired.

I'm tired, you know,
she's really...

- She seems good, though, huh?
- She's good, but she's...

You know, it's not like
you just stay with her.

- I know.
- You really gotta be very...

all your focus is only
the baby, the baby, the baby.

- I know, I know, I know.
- You forgot about...

I know it better than anyone.

- Yes.
- I think, you know, it's normal

with a baby, but, you know,
you just gotta...

Unless you aren't happy
with me anymore.

You don't even know.

- Sometimes.
- I know, I know.

- Sometimes.
- Wrong question.

Sometimes I am...

You know, sometimes you
just don't talk with me,

you don't communicate with me,

you don't...

- I know.
- You know...

- We get busy.
- You're so busy,

and you forget about
that I'm a woman

and I'm different.

Okay, well, what should I know?



You forget I'm a man, huh?

This is what I'm talking about.

I forget you're a man also

because I have this little...


I know.


She's asleep now.

Not here.


It's so nice.

Oh, such a beautiful ass.

Oh, baby.


- Mama.
- Wait.

- The baby.
- What? The baby.


- Wait a second.
- Mama, Mama.

Oh! It's okay?

Okay, sorry, I walked too fast.




So fancy.

What do you think?



- Ciao.
- What's happening?

Oh my God, you look so good!

Where have you been,
what you did?

- Gelato.
- Gelato, fragola?


- Okay.
- Okay.

Lisa... Lisa cried?

Lisa cried?

Why Lisa cried?

Oh my God.

It's okay.

We're gonna come back.

Yes, we're gonna still play
with her.

I gotta do something
real quick, okay?


Let's wash our hands.

Exterior: snow country, day.

Credits over wild
winter landscape.

When I had been pondering
many things to myself

for a long time
and had for many days

been seeking my own self
and what my own good was

and what evil
was to be avoided,

it suddenly spoke to me.

What was it?

I, myself, or someone else,

inside or outside me.

This is the very thing
I would love to know

but don't.

Sexy, beautiful, stupid.

I want to say,

the idea is,
these are all simple games,

but I like very much the idea
of distraction,

the double...
the double focus that you have,

because you're all... for me,

performing is always
between control and abandon.

Okay. Um, so when we do some
of these distracting things,

things that don't seem
to go together,

it makes you feel off-balance,

but if you can relax
in that state,

it makes you
more emotionally available.

Your job is to approach
that... that action that you know

with a way that's not to show
but to do,

to do the action,
do the action in a pure way,

so the action is born,
and when the action is born,

you have a reaction to it,

and that propels you
to something.

But it's sometimes
imitated emotion

or demonstrated emotion,

not really felt emotion
or experience.

If you're only doing
emotional things

that you feel safe with,
it's... it's for you.

It's... you gotta go
beyond yourself.

- Okay.
- We all know it in life.

When we do things
and we forget about ourselves

and we're just doing
the action in a pure way,

that's when we get closer
to experiencing, for me,

the beauty of life.

So I'm making this movie
in Miami

and I'm... I'm deep
into using crack cocaine.

I'm drinking, heroin.

I'm out, I'm out.

Hey! Good to see you.

- Yeah, I'm good.
- Good to see you.

It's hot, but...

Look at that fucking water.

Like a beer.

I'll see you down there
in a minute.


You know, and we're making
this movie in Miami

at a time that Miami is, like,
the nightlife is exploding,

and just made a movie...

I don't have
my regular people with me.

I gotta make a movie that's
gonna be the first video...

movie shot with a video camera.

I'm feeling really like it's...
I'm it, you know, I'm...

my ego is like,
"I'm gonna do this thing,"

and not only...
I'm gonna make a remake

of La Dolce Vita.

American remake,

and I got this young Cuban actor

and, uh, he's, uh,
he's down with it

and he's also...
when I get there, you know,

the guy's in rehab,
but I'm good with that,

and I just gotta get him
out of rehab, and I do.

I get him out of rehab.
I remember I even, you know,

bringing him stuff
when he wasn't in rehab.

He'd meet us outside...
outside the place,

like middle of the night,
it was crazy.

But I needed this kid.

And, uh, one day, I'm...
I'm working on the set

and I see this extra,
this chick, she's good looking.

You know, I shouldn't be
messing with her,

but I'm... I'm it, I'm having...
I can do whatever I want, right?

I'm feeling strong
and I'm prancing.

So I go out with her,
we're out late,

and I go to my friend's place
that's got an all-night...

it's like a diner,
but it's a hip place, you know,

it's like a cool, fancy place.

I get in there, I lay some...
a hundred dollar bill on the bar

and I say,
"Hey, buy these guys a drink."

I go in, go out with
the owner of the place

to do some stuff,
and when I come back,

the chick's not there.

Uh, you know,

she's gone,
and the guy says,

"Hey, who's gonna pay
for the drinks?"

I said, "I left a hundred."

He said, "No, no,
I didn't see any hundred."

So I'm really pissed,
I get on the phone,

and I get her number and I say,
"You fucking bitch!"

You know,
really chew her out nasty,

like mean, like crazy,
like, you know,

she betrayed this... this guy
that was happening, you know.

What I didn't know is
this girl had a boyfriend,

and her boyfriend was crazy
about what she was doing

with these movie people,
and he was crazy jealous.

She talked about, you know,
being afraid of this guy.

Well, I go back
to my South Beach motel,

I forgot
to double lock the door,

and I think I'm dreaming,

I go to bed
and I think I'm dreaming

that some guy's beating
the shit out of me.

Wailing away on me,
just slamming me in the face.

But I'm not dreaming.

This guy came in,
he's the boyfriend,

he's fucking, you know,
cursing me out

about what I did to the girl,
and he's beating me really bad.

My face is all blown up,
I mean, like this.

The guy leaves, they grab me,
bring me to the hospital,

you know, nobody's there,
I'm all alone, you know,

and I'm messed up,
and my ego is so crazy

that I also think
that they want to kill me,

you know, I get
these paranoid thoughts of...

All I can think about
is being safe.

So, I... I hear that
there's a rehab place

in this hospital
on the third floor,

and it's kind of a lockdown,
like, only family can come,

so I go into rehab.

But I have no intention
of getting sober.

None at all, I mean, this...
all this shit happens.

I almost die, you know.

Still, I don't get the idea
that, you know,

what I'm doing is a problem.

I'm still bigger than that,

I'm still more important
than that.

It still isn't occurring to me.

It fucking...
it's hard to believe.

I mean, this is 12 years before.


You know, I go in this place,

and I'm still using,
and my dealer's coming.

You know, my face
starts to heal,

and I'm feeling
like I can do it again,

so it's just, you know,
amazing that it took me so long.

I mean, yesterday
was my birthday.

It's been six years.

And, you know,

I want to thank everybody.

Also, something
magical happened,

or at least for me
it was magical,

that last month,
um, a guy came,

he was a tourist
from the States,

and he came to the meeting,
he came here,

and afterwards, we were outside
and he came up to me,

and he said, you know,

"I was... I was your doctor,
I was your counselor

in rehab in Miami, and, uh,

I followed... I followed, uh...

I followed your movies
and I followed you, and I...

I just want to say that, um,

I'm happy to see you alive."

And I said, "Thank you,"
and that was really beautiful.

And thank you all.

Okay, so the time's
beaten us once again.

Folks, we'll finish
with the Serenity Prayer.

- God...
- God...

grant me the serenity to accept
the things I cannot change,

the courage to change
the things I can,

and the wisdom
to know the difference.

Keep coming back,
it works if you work it,

so work it,
you're worth it.

Well done, man. Good job.


Keep coming back.

- Happy birthday, thanks.
- Happy birthday.



You're never gonna fall.

Okay, we're here, we're here.

Okay, okay.

Goodnight, moon!

Goodnight, we go to sleep!


So you've been making speeches
to the crowd in the piazza.

I only told some people

that the temple
of old laws must fall

and a new temple of truth
should be built.

But don't take me literally.

I'm just trying
to make myself understood.

Why is someone like you
upsetting the people?


You think you know the truth?

What is truth?

The truth is,

you're in pain.

You have a terrible headache

and you're thinking of suicide.

You can barely look at me.

The way you look at me
disturbs me.

I don't want to be a torturer.

But this feeling will go away.

It will.

It's going away.

This feeling...'s going away.

It is, it's going away.

It's going away.

You should go take
a walk in the park.

Totally up to you.
I could come with you.

You seem like
an intelligent man.

The trouble with you is
your mind is closed.

You lack empathy.

You only care for your dog.

Tell me, are you a doctor?

No, I'm not a doctor.

Because you made a gesture

as if to stroke something,

and your lips...

You are a doctor.


I'm not a doctor.

Ah, okay.

You think it's
too heavy for you?

No, Mama is gonna carry it.

It's too heavy for you
to take, I know.

Okay, now...


- Yeah?
- We are about to leave.

- You're going?
- Yup.

- Okay.
- We're going to Nonna's.

You sure you don't want to come?

You sure you don't want
to come with us?

No, I got...
I got too much to do.

- You know.
- Come on, you...

Let me call you a cab, okay?
Did you call a cab?

Oh, no, no, no,
I'm gonna go with the metro.

No, no, no, it's too far.

It's too far. Let me call.

- No, no, listen...
- No, it's too far for the baby,

and that's
a freaky neighborhood.

I'm gonna take the metro
and I'm...

- I'm calling a taxi.
- No, please don't call it.


No, please.

- No.
- No, it's okay.

No, I'm gonna take the metro.

- Are you kidding me?
- Grazie.

No, it's gonna... it's gonna come
in just a little...

- Give me some money, please.
- Oh, okay, yeah.

But I'm not gonna take the cab.

I wanna take the metro.
It's cool.

I'm really cool with that.

- It's coming.
- No, really.

- I'm calling you a taxi.
- Tommaso, don't do this to me.

I'm really good with it.

Wow, okay.



Inhale in.

Bring it down to that point
of meeting down here.

Switch, the other nostril,

then bring the energy up.

And then send it up

through the crown of your head
with your diaphragm.

- Okay, we'll breathe together.
- Mm-hmm.



Nikki? Tommaso.

- Yo.
- Nikki, what...

What? Why are you calling?

I, you know,
I've been calling you

and you didn't pick up,
what the fuck?

I mean, come on.

- What, what?
- I've been trying to reach you,

I've probably called you
50 times.

I just forgot the charger
of my phone, are you serious?

Either you don't pick up
or it goes to voice mail.

What the fuck?
I mean, I worry.

What if something happened
to the baby?

- It's not funny.
- Well, you don't have to worry.

You know, don't act like
a fucking kid, you know?

You got some responsibilities.

I worry about,
you know, I worry...

So please, don't...
don't do that again, okay?

Everything is fine,
don't worry.

- I just forgot the charger.
- Okay, pick up next time.

- Okay, okay.
- Okay.

- Ciao, ciao.
- Ciao.


Lately, uh, with the mother
of my baby girl, DeeDee, uh,

I've had some problems
because every time

I try to extend myself to her,
do things for her,

she really pushes me away.

She's, like, got issues.

She... she's younger than me,
she's, uh, 29.

You'd think she would
appreciate my experience.

But, you know, sometimes, she...

she just says, "Oh, let me make
my own decision up.

I don't know who I am
if I don't make a decision."

And I'm telling you,
this goes down

to just very simple things,
you know, like what food to eat

or whether to take a taxi
or the subway,

or these kinds of things,

and it... it really robs me
of, um,

feeling good
like I'm taking care of her.

I do know, you know, she has
a strange relationship...

well, a rough relationship
with her father

because he was an alcoholic

and a bad Russian drunk.

Vodka, you know,
he was abusive with the mother.

Eventually, she kicked her out

and he left when she was
only four years old.

And then, uh, things started
to change in the Eastern Bloc,

and her mother and then
her sister went to Moscow

and she got passed around
with family and...

and other people.

Um, that's where she lived.

So she grew up
very independent.

So she did learn
to be self-reliant,

but at the same time,
she had these unresolved issues

with her father because
she also romanticizes him.

She still wants to talk to him,

but he won't talk to her.

He still is around somewhere,

he's still an alcoholic.

You know.

So that's a little hard to take.

You know, I'm haunted
a little bit by the fact that...

my... my DeeDee
is three years old,

and when... when I wasn't sober,

I had two adopted children,

and I was not...

I left when, uh...

I basically left, I wasn't there
because I wasn't sober,

when my youngest
was four years old,

and I think she, you know,
it really destroyed her,

and I don't want that
to happen again.

I'm sober now, and, uh,

I'm so afraid of it,
but I don't know how to do

because I try to take care,
and every time I do, you know,

it's like there's no recognition
that, um, that...

Even like the idea
that the baby needs a father

is like an oppressive
or, you know...

She doesn't think
that's necessarily true,

and for me, it's essential
because it breaks my heart.

I remember the four-year-old,
right before I left,

she said to me, uh,

"Are you leaving
because I make too much noise?"

And the truth is,
she was the quietest,

sweetest girl in the world,

so that...
that always stays with me,

and I just don't want that
to happen again, and I'm...

I'm happy about
a lot of things.

I'm happy that I'm sober,
but, uh,

this is something
that I'm dealing with right now.

- Thanks, Tommy.
- Thanks, Tommy.

Yeah, I'm Diedre, an addict.

- Hi, Diedre.
- Hi, Diedre.

Uh, related a lot
to what I just heard.

I feel like being
in a partnership

and parenting in a partnership
can be so challenging for me.

Um, I mean, it says
in our literature,

it is, like, impossible for us

to form a true partnership
with another human being.

I mean, that says it all.


Because, like, I've, you know...

Like, we don't have

we take hostages, right?

So like...

Like, we're either,
like, dominating

or we're completely underneath.

Like, there's not
the, just, the equality,

you know, and I...

I always... I always know

my partner's inventory
better than he does.

Like, I always know
exactly what's wrong with him,

what he's gotta do, his past,
his psychology, everything,

you know what I mean,
and the thing is is that

this program teaches me to,

like, stick to my side
of the street.

I have to look
at what my part is,

what I do, and, you know,

as soon as I'm pointing
a finger,

like, it's...
I've gotta look at myself.

So, anyway, I'm super grateful.

I pass.

Thanks, Diedre.

All the best.

Take it easy, guys.

Okay, guys, I'm off,
I'm really hungry.

I have to get something to eat,
so I'll see you later.

All right, all the best.
Ciao. Take it easy.

- Bye.
- All the best. Ciao.

Ciao. I'm giving you two.

Yeah, I should probably
get going too.

Okay, yeah, all right.

- Love you.
- Goodnight.

- Okay, love you, sweetie.
- Bye.

- Great to see you.
- Yeah, same.

- We'll talk later.
- Okay.

- Bye.
- Ciao.

Hmm, all right, I'm...

Yeah, I walk that way.



Are you around for a while?

Yeah, I'm here for the summer.

You are,
you're not going anywhere?

- No.
- Yeah?

No, I usually like to travel
when it's not so crowded.

- Smart idea.
- Yeah.

I don't get this Italian thing
of everybody leaving at...

Yeah, exactly, and being,
like, all packed on the beach.

I get it, but...

- I don't get it.
- ...what a drag.

I mean, I get how it happens.

Right, right, right, yeah, yeah.

School holidays, whatever.

No, I have the luxury
of traveling off-season,

so I usually take advantage
of that.

Do you usually go by yourself?

Um, it depends, actually...

- With friends?
- No, I usually go by myself.

You were with that guy
for a little while.

- Are you still with him?
- Mmm...

No, no?

Um... no.

No, that's finished.

How long ago was that?

Well, it was on and off
for like six years,

but finally finished like
about a year and a half ago.

I'll... I'll walk you.


- Okay?
- Yeah.


How long ago?

- About a year and a half ago.
- Oh, okay.

And how has that been,
like, being alone again?


Hmm, yes.

- Do you like being alone?
- Actually, yes.


At first it was, you know...

Well, at first
I was just bummed out

because we tried
on and off for so long,

but now I'm pretty happily
single, you know.

In fact, I was just talking
to a friend of mine

about how much
I love sleeping alone.

It's like heaven.

- A whole bed to myself.
- Oh, God!

Not me, I think I've
always been with someone.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah, yeah.

But, I don't know, I never had
the opportunity to sleep alone,

I think, so this is my...
my first big run of...

- Enjoying yourself.
- ...hogging the bed.

You just need a big bed
so you have some choices.

You know.

- Right?
- Uh, yeah.

That's what I like.
I like a nice, big bed.

We're gonna need a bigger bed,
it's like...


- Well...
- Okay, um...

- This is me.
- Yeah, I know, I know.

Okay, well,
have a good night, huh?

Thank you. You too.

Thanks for walking me home,
and, um,

happy six years.

- Thank you.
- That's awesome.

- Thank you.
- Yeah, okay.


- Make sure you get in.
- Thank you.

- Okay, yeah, goodnight.
- Goodnight.

- Sleep well.
- You too. Thanks.





- How are you?
- Hey.

Good? Yeah? Was it fun?

Yeah, it's... it's fun.

I missed you guys.

- Okay?
- Yes.

We had a great time.

- Umbrella?
- Yeah, take the umbrella.

Take the other shoe.
Okay, honey.


But it was good?

You know, it's always good,
you know.

She has this big garden,
big things,

and she plays with it,
and it's really nice.

I missed you, huh?



- Really?
- Yeah, yeah!

Well, I don't believe it.

- You don't?
- No.

- Okay.
- You look too good to miss me.


So, what's going on here?

I've just been working.

I've just been working,
you know?

I'm trying to do
this crazy thing

about these, um,
scenes with the bear.


I don't know, 'cause you
don't want it to be, like,

you know, like a big
special effects thing,

but I want the scariness
of the bear in there, so...

Clint puts down bar rag

and comes around bar
to get a closer look.

Numbers stop,
and again, it's a loss.

Woodsman turns to Clint,
only this time,

it is the head of a bear
in the clothes of the woodsman.

with no Mitchell in sight,

is in bloody, violent, and
extended fight for his life.

Dogs outside going wild.

- You're eating?
- Yes.

Why didn't you call me?

I thought...
I thought you already ate.


- No?
- No.

- Why?
- Why didn't you call me?

But why you didn't eat yet?

You know, it's fucking...
it's thoughtless.

Come on, I waited...
you know, I...

I missed...
I sat around all yesterday,

and I made my own dinner,
then you make food,

you don't even call me.

I've been waiting to have lunch.

Why you...
why you gotta wait for me?

Why you gotta wait for me?

You can cook, you are an adult.

I know, okay, okay,
I can cook and I will cook.

I'll cook my own stuff.

Jesus Christ, do you know,
I waited for you.

- You know, I wait for you...
- No, no, come on...

No, it just bugs me
because it's inconsiderate.

I like to eat
with you and the baby.

Oh, come on.

What do you mean,
"Oh, come on"?

What do you mean?

Yeah, laugh, you know,

you laugh when you know
you're full of shit.

- That's what happens.
- Can I have at least the freedom

to eat when I want
and with who I want

and without busting my balls
and blah-blah-blah?

Okay, I don't mean
to bust your balls, believe me.

I just try to take care, it's
all a little silly, you know?

You talk a lot of shit,
you know, you talk a lot of...

...hippie shit.

- Oh my God.
- Why don't you make it for me?

I mean, I'm trying to work.

- Really?
- I make it for you.

It's just... it's just
common consideration.

Really, I thought
you already had.

Being a family,
being a couple, you know,

loving someone
is being present.

It's about...
it's about attention,

it's about... it's about,
you know, taking care.

I'm trying to do my thing.

- And...
- What is your thing?

- My thing?
- Yeah, what is your thing?

"It's your thing,
do what you wanna do,

I can't tell you
who to sock it to."

Oh, come on.
To do what I want, when I want,

everything that I really want,
without explaining to somebody...

So I have two children now?

Start your story.

Okay? Don't worry.


Mama, Mama?

You know what,
I'm gonna go down there.

- Okay?
- It's okay, it's okay.

Everything gonna be okay.

You know,
he's freaking out the baby.

I know, I know, I know, I know.

Just... yeah, but just be careful.

- Listen, be careful.
- Yeah, yeah, I know.

You know, with these guys,
you never know.


- ...motherfucker.
- Get outta here!

- You speak English?
- I don't speak English but I...

Get the fuck outta here,
get the fuck outta here.

Get outta here!

Fucking bloody...

Get your shit outta here,
come on, go!

- ...I'll destroy you.
- Yeah, okay, okay, okay.

Yeah, you're gonna do it?
Get outta here, get outta here.

Just get out.

Beat it, beat it.

Come on, be on your way.

Take your food with you. Go.

Oh, my baby, she can't sleep,

you're scaring the shit
out of her.

Where is it?

Your baby is sleeping?

Upstairs, upstairs.

So I'm making bothering
with you?

You're bothering me.

- It's true?
- Yeah, it's true, it's true.


- Yeah.
- No anything.


We maybe compromises.

Okay, you can sit down,
but no more, okay?


I don't want to bother you.


You're a nice person,
give me some coins?

Yeah, I can give you some coins.

Where you come from?

The States.

Which part of States?

New York.

- New York.
- How about you?

All of my friends live
in here, here, just near here.

They came from New York.

Where are you from?

- Pakistan.
- Pakistan?

You know where it is?

I've heard of it.

They are all bullshit.

I know, I know, I know.

Okay, okay, okay.

Fuckin' hell.

That's... that stuff's poison,
you know that.

- Enjoy yourself.
- Okay.

- Have a good night.
- Yes, to you.

See you the next time.

Okay, good luck.




Just go.

You're good.



So where is he now?

I don't know.

You don't...
but he just wrote you, right?

He sent you an email.

Yeah, he sent me some emails
during those three years...

Only... ahh, see, I thought
he just sent you recently.

- No.
- No? Oh.

No, like, a few emails
in three years...

- Oh, that's terrible.
- ...are not enough for a father.

So you're, you know,
so you basically cut him off,

you're angry because he...

- Of course I am.
- Yeah.

He... he was everything for me.

So he disappointed you.


He was teaching me
to believe in some values.


And he showed me
that those values

don't exist.

- Okay.
- He destroyed my world.

He destroyed my hope,



How can it be possible,
like, for a father?

I don't know.

I mean, we are...

He made me.

He's supposed to love me,
to stay with me,

to take care of me,
but he doesn't.

He's completely focused
on other stupid stuff.


I don't...
I don't know what to say.

- Anyway...
- I mean... yeah.

Let's speak
about something more.

Okay, something else.

What about your baby?

She's good, I mean, you know,
every day is a little miracle.

She learns lots of stuff,
she's talking a lot more.

Um, you know,
I love taking her to the park.

I've got some stuff
with her mother, but, um,

you know about that.

So, it's hard, you know?

But I'm dealing with it,
and, um, you know,

making work and...

I get to talk to you.

Class was good, huh?

Yeah, today was amazing.

Yeah, I love having you
in class.

- Thanks.
- No, it's nice,

and I'm always happy to see you.

Okay, so, maybe I should go.

Yeah, what are you up to?

I don't know.

You gotta go?

- Maybe, yeah.
- Yeah, okay.

Okay, all right, ciao.

Okay, I gotta go.


When you touch
the fundamental nature

of the ultimate reality
of any phenomenon whatsoever,

there is pleasure.

Everything that exists
is capable

of eliciting pleasure
in your mind,

but you are narrow.

Your mind has
neurotic obsessions

such as, "I only like things
that are purple."

For you, only purple things
are beautiful.

This sort of neurotic,

unrealistic way of thinking
only gets you into trouble,

but we do it all the time,
don't we?


What's happening?

How come you came here?

What's with this surprise?

What is this surprise?

Okay, so...



Hey, Lisa.




They're having fun,
they're playing.

I've been all over the park
running after them.

My name's Danny,
and I'm an alcoholic.

- Hi, Danny.
- Hi, Danny.

I've enjoyed the meeting,
you know,

and I'm listening
to the stories around the room

and just thinking about,
you know,

often when I come here,
I'm afraid, you know.

The thing that's
in my mind most

is feeling sorry for myself

because everybody else
is going to the pub,

and I have to fucking come here
and listen to people talking

and, you know,

and I think about
the way it was,

like, going to the pub
with a pint in the hand,

cracking the jokes,
and all the rest of it.

So I come here and I'm feeling
sorry for myself,

but I'm quickly reminded
of, you know,

how good it is to be sober
and, you know,

I'm grateful because this week,
as you all know,

Noemi has been going through,
you know, she has cancer,

and, um,
she did treatment already

and things have been going
really well,

but, um, you know, we're going
for a routine test this week,

and unfortunately,
the fucking thing's come back,

you know, and it's not
life-threatening, you know,

by no means are we looking
at death or anything like that,

but when I come here
and I'm feeling sorry for myself

because I have to sit here
and listen to people,

and then I think
about the reality

that, you know,
my future wife is facing,

it brings in the sharp focus,
the, you know,

the selfish,
self-centered nature

of what it is
that I suffer from,

and it reminds me of how lucky
I am to be here, you know.

That's all I've got
for this evening.

Thanks very much.

- Thanks, Danny.
- Thanks, Danny.

My name is Souten,
I'm an alcoholic.

- Hi, Souten.
- Hi, Souten.

When I was about 19 years old,

I was already 13 years drinking
and doing drugs.

I rock bottom big time.

I came in AA,
somebody helped me,

and I stayed in the program
for eight years,

and then it stopped,
and I picked up one drink,

and I was fucked again
for another 18 years.

Four years ago,
I rock bottom

a little different than
the first time I rock bottom.

I was in my house,

and there were all people
I don't know in my house.

Everywhere were bottles
with booze on the floors,

and cocaine on the table,

and women in my bed
who I don't know.

And the worst thing is
that my wife,

she was in the airplane
coming from Amsterdam back home,

and I kick everybody
out of my house,

I clean my house,
and when I put the last bottle

in the busta nero,
in the trash bag,

the taxi came up with my wife,
and I run to the bathroom,

and I had this mirror moment,
I looked in the mirror

after 18 years and I saw myself
totally white with the red eyes.

And I thought,
"Fuck, man, that's not you,

that's the devil,"
and there it hit me,

the little... something
told me in my ears,

"You have to do something
about your life, man."

And I did.

So I did a year full,
every day a meeting.

That was my first sober year,
and it was a miracle.

And then miracles
started happening.

- Hey!
- Can you give me a lift?

Yeah, come on.

All right, I'll see ya
later on then.

Good luck, all the best,
take it easy.

I just want to be free,
free from all the bullshit.

I must... I must be careful.

Yeah, okay.
No, I'll walk you down.

Oh, no, I'm coming with you.

You're coming...
Oh, you're coming.

Watch your step.


It's just, uh, becoming more
and more a problem, you know,

and I know it, uh,
has to do with the baby

sleeping with us,
but I mean, uh...

But the baby has its own bed,
doesn't it?

No, no.

No, she fucking sleeps with us.

So she's using the bed?

Well, I mean, you know,

ever since... ever since that baby
was born, everything changed.

You know, I don't know,
we just don't, uh...

Yeah, it changed like overnight.

What I think is happening here,
I think,

is that she is living out
a childhood experience.

The scenes which are occurring
now between you and her,

I would think that
they probably reflect

what was happening in the house
when she was a child,

and she's provoking that.

She has created this white...
white knight in shining armor

that she idolizes,
but in a sense,

you can't... you should not
take away that figure

because that figure,
for the moment,

is holding her together.

The big problem is, I have
such fucking rage about this

'cause I know I have
no place to, uh...

To discharge it.

But that's the number one issue
at the moment.

Why does that tie up
to the anger?

Because the anger occupies
so much space in your life.

There's very little energy left
for anything else,

so if you create areas
of interest

for you,
like empathy for people,

you're involved
in their lives.

Energy flows there, so there is
less energy for the anger.

Look, we are like...
when we come into AA,

we're like lost souls,
lost fucking souls.

Your soul is either
hanging off the fucking tree

or it's over there,
and you have to get it back,

and by becoming human,
but joining with the other gods,

uh, slowly it got accommodated
sort of in its own fucking time.

And you have...
you become your own self,

and you give yourself
your dignity, not she.

That's... then the codependency
ends there at that stage,

you understand?

Interior: cafe, nightfall.

The two enter cafe
and make their way to the bar.

Clint moves behind bar
and prepares them warm drinks,

knowing already what they want.

They speak to each other
in Russian,

and whether Clint knows
the language,

it is also hard to tell.

After encouragement
from the mother,

the girl stands up
and opens her clothes

to reveal she is pregnant.

Clint's eyes come alive.

The feeling is as if
they traversed the galaxy

and now were
its only two inhabitants.

On the furs,
they begin to make love,

both breathing
in rhythm as one.

They come together.
It sounds like music.

Um, I'm tired.

I'm... I'm gonna go to sleep.

I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.



Take this.

It's all I have.



Goddamn it, what are you...

- Just stop it!
- Where are you going?

- Why don't you wait for me?
- Listen, you stop.

You know damn well I need you!

I need you to go to the...

What's wrong with you?

Don't scream at her!

- What? Stop what?
- Don't touch me!

What are you doing?
We just go out...

...and you don't even help me
with anything!

Stop it!

You're a big problem!

I need you, I need you.

Why... why did we go out?

- To fix the lamp!
- Oh my God.

What do you? You run off.
What the fuck?

This is not about what you do,
look at you!

What? You're the problem!

You're the fucking problem!

Don't scream at her!

Look at you, you look insane!

You are the problem!

That's my baby!


Fucking shit!

Fucking bitch!

What the...


If you really check up deeper
what you do,

what you did,
since you were born up to now,

which is really worthwhile
to bring the true happiness

and the joyful life,
what you did?

You check up.

You check up.
Don't look others.

You check up your own action.

You have your body,
your speech, your mind.

These three.

Okay, these three actions,
what you did worthwhile?

You check up that way.

It's so simple.

Look at me.

Look at me!

Look at me!

Look at me!

Oh my God!




Stop it!

Stop it!

You make like you're insane!

I got enough of you!

I can't stand you!

I don't love you, I'm sorry,
I don't love you!