To the Wonder (2012) - full transcript
Neil (Ben Affleck) is an American traveling in Europe who meets and falls in love with Marina (Olga Kurylenko), a Ukrainian divorcée who is raising her 10-year-old daughter Tatiana in Paris. The lovers travel to Mont St. Michel, the island abbey off the coast of Normandy, basking in the wonder of their newfound romance. Neil makes a commitment to Marina, inviting her to relocate to his native Oklahoma with Tatiana. He takes a job as an environmental inspector and Marina settles into her new life in America with passion and vigor. After a holding pattern, their relationship cools. Marina finds solace in the company of another exile, the Catholic priest Father Quintana (Javier Bardem), who is undergoing a crisis of faith. Work pressures and increasing doubt pull Neil further apart from Marina, who returns to France with Tatiana when her visa expires. Neil reconnects with Jane (Rachel McAdams), an old flame. They fall in love until Neil learns that Marina has fallen on hard times. Gripped by a sense of responsibility - and his own crisis of faith - he rekindles with Marina after another trip to France. She returns with him to Oklahoma, resuming her American life. But the old sorrows eventually return.
Newborn.
I open my eyes.
I melt.
Into the eternal night.
A spark.
I fall into the flame.
You brought me out of the shadows.
You lifted me from the ground.
Brought me back to life.
What is she dreaming of?
How calm she is.
In love.
Forever at peace.
We climbed the steps...
to the Wonder.
It's coming in.
Love makes us one.
Two...
one.
I in you.
You in me.
Momma?
Why are you unhappy?
I'm not.
I'd never hoped to love again.
I'll go wherever you go.
Tatiana, look how cute she is.
You want a little sister like that?
How old is she?
Three months.
If I left you because you
didn't want to marry me,
it would mean I didn't love you.
I don't expect anything.
Just to go a little of our way together.
Stop being so serious!
You understand?
He's asking if you want to come
and live in the United States.
My sweet love.
At last.
My hope.
How I loved you.
How long have you been here?
A couple of months.
How do you like it so far?
I like it.
Do you have any children?
I have a daughter.
She's 10.
I bet it's hard being a single mom.
I know my daughter's a...
little younger, but it would be fun
for them to get together...
It's kind of a hard age to move away.
A land so calm.
Honest.
Rich.
If you love me,
there's nothing else I need.
You spoke little.
But you were an incredibly loving man.
Okay, what are we missing?
There's tons of stuff. It's super clean.
Everything is beautiful here.
Look how clean everything is.
Are you going to marry her?
She has pretty hair.
Pretty hands.
You guys might get rich together.
She can even make drinks.
It'll be great. You'll be my stepdad.
What's going on here?
We're doing a little remedial work.
Remedial work?
We're looking to make
sure there's no toxins...
I got stuff on my house.
Kids acting strange.
Sometimes we see tar coming out
in the cracks in the patio.
The neighbors here,
they had their house in escrow.
They pulled out.
The buyers pulled out.
Yeah.
That's too bad.
The reports from the lab came in.
It showed...
the presence of lead and cadmium in the surface
soil and in the dust in the schoolyards...
What is this love that loves us?
That comes from nowhere.
From all around.
The sky.
You, cloud.
You love me, too.
I've had it blonde...
and brown and pink and red.
Me, I could never dye my hair...
unless my mom says I can.
My mom doesn't care. My mom's pretty cool.
After school you took her to swim.
Taught her the names of the wildflowers.
You called her your daughter.
I'm writing my thoughts.
You love me?
Of course.
I don't have any friends.
In Paris I had lots.
We need to leave.
Both of us.
There's something missing.
There is a love...
that's like a stream that goes dry
when rain no longer feeds it.
But there is a love...
that is like a spring
coming up from the earth.
The first is human love,
the second is divine love.
And has its source above.
The husband is to love his wife
as Christ loved the church. And give...
his life for her. He does
not find her lovely...
he makes her lovely.
But there is a grace that comes in
such a marriage.
I got married when I was 17.
I had a child. But my husband
started running after other women.
He left us and went to the Canary Islands.
Other priests have told me that
in the eyes of the church...
I'm still married to that man.
They said I couldn't have the...
sacraments.
I want to be a wife.
I don't even know why I was with him
in the first place.
Then it sunk in.
I didn't really want to tell my dad
because I knew he would start yelling.
I'd never give her up.
Ever.
Everywhere you're present.
And still I can't see you.
You're within me.
Around me.
And I have no experience of you.
Not as I once did.
Why don't I hold on to what I've found?
My heart is cold.
Hard.
I write on water...
what I dare not say.
I try to cradle you.
To make you contain yourself.
An avalanche of tenderness.
The world so far away.
A ghost.
Ashes.
You see that red band in the sky
right there? And you see that blue...
down below it? That's the earth's shadow
on the atmosphere.
Look. You see what I'm talking about?
Stop for a second. You see?
Look at me.
I'm not looking at you.
I don't want to look at you.
You're not my father.
You think you're my father. You're not.
Tatiana...
You're annoying me.
Father, I'm going to pray for you.
Thank you very much.
So you will receive the gift of joy.
Me?
Because you're so unhappy.
Do you get lonely all the time,
or most of the time when...
ain't nobody around?
What you got to say about it?
You gotta have a little more excitement.
Just like when me and you are around,
and there ain't nobody around.
Hey! The power hits you, brother.
It always hits me.
You can just say, hey, power, and it
hits me. Hits me before I can get it out.
See, the devil don't know what I'm saying.
And you won't know, and I won't know.
I can feel the warmth of the
light, brother. That's spiritual.
I'm feeling more than just natural light.
Feeling the spiritual light, see?
I can almost touch that light,
coming right from the sky.
The parish has grown a lot.
We really need more room for the community
to get together.
We have plays, we have
dinners, we have parties.
We have CCD in the parish hall.
How long will you hide yourself?
If I would have known it was there...
Let me come to you.
Let me not pretend.
Everything that's happening...
Pretend to feelings I don't have.
Man is in revolt against God.
The prophet Hosea saw in the
breakdown of his marriage...
The spiritual infidelity of his people. In that
broken marriage, we see the pattern of our world.
We wish to live inside
the safety of the laws.
We fear to choose. Jesus insists on choice.
The one thing he condemns utterly
is avoiding the choice.
To choose is to commit yourself,
and to commit yourself is
to run the risk of failure, the risk of...
sin, the risk of betrayal.
But Jesus can deal with all of those.
Forgiveness he never denies us.
The man who makes a mistake can repent.
But the man who hesitates...
who does nothing, who buries his talent...
in the earth ...with
him, he can do nothing.
My visa has expired.
We need to face the facts.
If you'd asked me to stay,
I would have.
You thought we had forever.
That time didn't exist.
These guys live around here, I mean, they're
perfectly happy until somebody comes...
around asking questions.
And it makes everybody nervous...
Ain't this is our property?
Can't we do what we want with it?
I tell my husband to get us out of here,
but where we gonna go?
They got all these lawyers, these big
time lawyers, and we can't get no help.
Even the dog is acting funny.
We've been on this house for a long time...
You're out at the ranch up there?
I've been there for some time.
You told me about her.
I have to look at...
some of these creeks and rivers...
The woman you met at the hospital.
You talk to my sister, right?
Someone you'd known in your youth.
I'm going over to the
tall grass prairie now.
Ranch is going into receivership.
It's going... bankrupt.
And he claimed...
he didn't want to have kids
while he was in school.
She hadn't changed.
So many student loans, gambling debts,
and this ranch that's falling apart.
I caught you on the right day.
Kind.
I had a child...
a little girl.
She died.
My father... said to read Romans.
All things work together for good.
He believed that.
Will you pray with me?
I had no faith.
You knew.
Were you afraid?
My mother says I'm chasing moonbeams.
Is that what she said?
I told her I'd rather have a moonbeam
than the life I had before.
Do you want this?
Do you know what you want?
I can't afford to make
mistakes with men anymore.
I want you to come more often. Can you?
I've been waiting for you.
I felt wild.
I don't know. What are you laughing at?
You.
Me?
You make me laugh. You make me happy.
You took me.
No.
Girl.
Little girl.
Fool.
Here I am.
Yes.
I feel stripped bare.
I don't know where I'm going.
I return to my apartment and collapse.
I can't take it here anymore.
Paris is dreadful.
I don't see Tatiana.
She's gone...
to live with her father.
I can't find a job.
I want to come back to the States.
I met someone who told me...
he'd marry me so I could get a green card.
Tell her.
I trust you.
I want to be your wife.
I love you.
Walk away.
I thought I knew you.
Now I don't think you ever were.
What we had was nothing.
You made it into nothing.
Pleasure.
Lust.
Ma'am, if you'll come over here. Sir,
if you'll be on this side, please.
You all have rings for each other?
To love, honor and cherish you.
Be faithful only to you.
As long as we both shall live.
And I do promise before these witnesses...
And I do promise before...
these witnesses.
To love, honor, and cherish you.
To love, honor and cherish you.
Be faithful only to you.
Be faithful only to you.
As long as we both shall live.
As long as we both shall live.
I feel so close to you...
that I could almost touch you.
There is always this invisible something...
that I feel so strongly...
which ties us so tightly together.
I love this feeling...
even if it makes me cry sometimes.
It is so strong, this conviction...
that I belong to you.
Maybe you'd like me to stop
telling you I love you.
I know that strong
feelings make you uneasy.
Tell me if that's so.
See my bracelet.
It's pretty. Where's it from?
How's everything there?
You miss being here?
It's great here.
Honestly, at Dad's it's so much fun.
Did the tooth fairy steal it?
No, I'm the one who took it out.
It didn't hurt?
You're so pretty.
Awaken the love.
The divine presence...
which sleeps in each man, each woman.
You say... Christ said this...
Christ said that. What do you say?
And what you say, does
it come from God within?
Answer that...
which is of God, in every woman, every man.
Know each other in that
love that never changes.
I'd like to show you here on the monitor...
this is the area of your uterus...
and the IUD that you have in place there.
We feel like one of the less risky
procedures that we can do is to...
remove this device.
And see if those symptoms don't resolve.
I think something that
you and your husband...
need to consider is with
the absence of the IUD,
is this a time that you might
want to think about children?
Or is there another
means for contraception?
So I don't need to have a hysterectomy?
That's the good news.
Thank you.
Would you like to have children?
Someday.
God gave us marriage as a holy mystery...
in which a man and woman
are joined together...
and become one.
And with affection and tenderness...
freely give themselves to each other.
This ring I give you...
Is a sign of our constant faith.
Is a sign of our constant faith.
And abiding love.
And abiding love.
Go.
Where are we...
when we're there?
Why not always?
Which is the truth?
What we know up there?
Or down here?
We pray thy blessings upon them...
and upon this food which
we are about to eat.
Would you like one?
Alone.
He just goes off... like that.
I don't know where he goes.
Leave while you can.
Now that you're young. Beautiful.
Your whole life in front of you.
Live and do what you like.
Life's a dream.
In a dream you can't make mistakes.
In a dream you can be...
whatever you want.
Anything.
Leave this place.
It's cramped.
Small.
There's nothing here.
Look at their faces.
False.
All false.
You're a little dreamer.
You need to fly.
You should be free.
Listen to your heart.
Dead?
No, my bag!
You're crazy!
We'll get it later.
When we come back.
It's hidden.
You don't need anything.
You're free.
We're gypsies.
You're like me.
A gypsy.
I'm my own experiment.
Come get me.
I'm here.
Where are the people?
They're all dead. Nobody's here. Nothing.
I want somebody to surprise me.
Where are you people?
What are you looking at?
You think I'm a monster?
An evil monster?
A vampire?
A witch?
I want to break these chains...
be free.
Open me.
Enter me.
Show me how to love you.
Why do we come back down?
Things have gotten worse.
In and out of prisons like this...
I don't know what happened. I was drunk.
If I had done this,
I'm not saying I did,
I might've, I could've.
I'm asking for forgiveness, Father.
I can't help myself.
If you need me to kneel down,
I'll kneel down. I want to be free.
That sun is just right in my eyes.
I can fight, I will fight.
I can fight with my feet and hands.
They think they're really about something,
but they ain't.
You gonna open that bible...
and preach to me now?
Intensely I seek you.
My soul thirsts for you.
Exhausted.
Will you be like a stream that dries up?
Lover boy! Where are you?
Love is not only a feeling.
Love is a duty. You shall love.
Love is a command.
And you say, I can't command my emotions.
They come and go like clouds.
To that, Christ says: you shall love...
whether you like it or not.
You fear your love has died.
It perhaps is waiting to be transformed
into something higher.
We fight.
Without knowing why.
Weak people never bring anything
to an end themselves.
They wait for others to do it.
How had hate come to
take the place of love?
My tender heart grown hard?
Do you want me as a wife?
A lover?
Companion?
He's killing me!
I'm sorry.
You want me to die? Here!
Why don't you have them?
I'm frightened.
Why do you turn your back?
All I see is destruction.
Failure.
Ruin.
Give me your blessing, Father.
I've hurt people.
I know what I am.
My God,
what a cruel war.
I find two women inside me.
One...
full of love for you.
The other...
pulls me down towards the earth.
I thought you went away.
Forgive me.
Please.
Don't take up with anybody
during the first 6 months.
Don't stop talking to people.
That's the first mistake that
I see people make in my practice.
Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes the
bear eats you. You can't feel sorry for yourself.
Once we get her served
that'll start the process.
Because there's no children involved,
this could be a fairly rapid...
process, if that's what you want.
I don't want you to lose hope.
It's very hard to be the...
one who loves less, the one who's stronger.
You have to struggle with yourself. You
have to struggle with your own... strength.
Why?
I saw you.
Again.
They are sending me away.
I won't be here for long.
They are sending me to western Kansas.
Western Kansas? What...
are you gonna do in western Kansas?
A lot of people around here...
are going to be missing you.
We need people like you
here in Bartlesville.
To preach the gospel.
That's why we have churches.
Where are you leading me?
Teach us where to seek you.
I feel a lot of burning, you know...
I pray but sometimes I don't hear him.
I don't think he hears me.
Christ, be with me.
Christ before me.
Christ behind me.
Christ in me.
Christ beneath me.
Christ above me.
Christ on my right.
Christ on my left.
Christ in the heart.
Thirsting.
We thirst.
Flood our souls with
your spirit and life...
so completely...
that our lives may only
be a reflection of yours.
Shine through us.
Show us how to seek you.
We were made to see you.
I want to keep your name.
Love that loves us...
Thank you.
I open my eyes.
I melt.
Into the eternal night.
A spark.
I fall into the flame.
You brought me out of the shadows.
You lifted me from the ground.
Brought me back to life.
What is she dreaming of?
How calm she is.
In love.
Forever at peace.
We climbed the steps...
to the Wonder.
It's coming in.
Love makes us one.
Two...
one.
I in you.
You in me.
Momma?
Why are you unhappy?
I'm not.
I'd never hoped to love again.
I'll go wherever you go.
Tatiana, look how cute she is.
You want a little sister like that?
How old is she?
Three months.
If I left you because you
didn't want to marry me,
it would mean I didn't love you.
I don't expect anything.
Just to go a little of our way together.
Stop being so serious!
You understand?
He's asking if you want to come
and live in the United States.
My sweet love.
At last.
My hope.
How I loved you.
How long have you been here?
A couple of months.
How do you like it so far?
I like it.
Do you have any children?
I have a daughter.
She's 10.
I bet it's hard being a single mom.
I know my daughter's a...
little younger, but it would be fun
for them to get together...
It's kind of a hard age to move away.
A land so calm.
Honest.
Rich.
If you love me,
there's nothing else I need.
You spoke little.
But you were an incredibly loving man.
Okay, what are we missing?
There's tons of stuff. It's super clean.
Everything is beautiful here.
Look how clean everything is.
Are you going to marry her?
She has pretty hair.
Pretty hands.
You guys might get rich together.
She can even make drinks.
It'll be great. You'll be my stepdad.
What's going on here?
We're doing a little remedial work.
Remedial work?
We're looking to make
sure there's no toxins...
I got stuff on my house.
Kids acting strange.
Sometimes we see tar coming out
in the cracks in the patio.
The neighbors here,
they had their house in escrow.
They pulled out.
The buyers pulled out.
Yeah.
That's too bad.
The reports from the lab came in.
It showed...
the presence of lead and cadmium in the surface
soil and in the dust in the schoolyards...
What is this love that loves us?
That comes from nowhere.
From all around.
The sky.
You, cloud.
You love me, too.
I've had it blonde...
and brown and pink and red.
Me, I could never dye my hair...
unless my mom says I can.
My mom doesn't care. My mom's pretty cool.
After school you took her to swim.
Taught her the names of the wildflowers.
You called her your daughter.
I'm writing my thoughts.
You love me?
Of course.
I don't have any friends.
In Paris I had lots.
We need to leave.
Both of us.
There's something missing.
There is a love...
that's like a stream that goes dry
when rain no longer feeds it.
But there is a love...
that is like a spring
coming up from the earth.
The first is human love,
the second is divine love.
And has its source above.
The husband is to love his wife
as Christ loved the church. And give...
his life for her. He does
not find her lovely...
he makes her lovely.
But there is a grace that comes in
such a marriage.
I got married when I was 17.
I had a child. But my husband
started running after other women.
He left us and went to the Canary Islands.
Other priests have told me that
in the eyes of the church...
I'm still married to that man.
They said I couldn't have the...
sacraments.
I want to be a wife.
I don't even know why I was with him
in the first place.
Then it sunk in.
I didn't really want to tell my dad
because I knew he would start yelling.
I'd never give her up.
Ever.
Everywhere you're present.
And still I can't see you.
You're within me.
Around me.
And I have no experience of you.
Not as I once did.
Why don't I hold on to what I've found?
My heart is cold.
Hard.
I write on water...
what I dare not say.
I try to cradle you.
To make you contain yourself.
An avalanche of tenderness.
The world so far away.
A ghost.
Ashes.
You see that red band in the sky
right there? And you see that blue...
down below it? That's the earth's shadow
on the atmosphere.
Look. You see what I'm talking about?
Stop for a second. You see?
Look at me.
I'm not looking at you.
I don't want to look at you.
You're not my father.
You think you're my father. You're not.
Tatiana...
You're annoying me.
Father, I'm going to pray for you.
Thank you very much.
So you will receive the gift of joy.
Me?
Because you're so unhappy.
Do you get lonely all the time,
or most of the time when...
ain't nobody around?
What you got to say about it?
You gotta have a little more excitement.
Just like when me and you are around,
and there ain't nobody around.
Hey! The power hits you, brother.
It always hits me.
You can just say, hey, power, and it
hits me. Hits me before I can get it out.
See, the devil don't know what I'm saying.
And you won't know, and I won't know.
I can feel the warmth of the
light, brother. That's spiritual.
I'm feeling more than just natural light.
Feeling the spiritual light, see?
I can almost touch that light,
coming right from the sky.
The parish has grown a lot.
We really need more room for the community
to get together.
We have plays, we have
dinners, we have parties.
We have CCD in the parish hall.
How long will you hide yourself?
If I would have known it was there...
Let me come to you.
Let me not pretend.
Everything that's happening...
Pretend to feelings I don't have.
Man is in revolt against God.
The prophet Hosea saw in the
breakdown of his marriage...
The spiritual infidelity of his people. In that
broken marriage, we see the pattern of our world.
We wish to live inside
the safety of the laws.
We fear to choose. Jesus insists on choice.
The one thing he condemns utterly
is avoiding the choice.
To choose is to commit yourself,
and to commit yourself is
to run the risk of failure, the risk of...
sin, the risk of betrayal.
But Jesus can deal with all of those.
Forgiveness he never denies us.
The man who makes a mistake can repent.
But the man who hesitates...
who does nothing, who buries his talent...
in the earth ...with
him, he can do nothing.
My visa has expired.
We need to face the facts.
If you'd asked me to stay,
I would have.
You thought we had forever.
That time didn't exist.
These guys live around here, I mean, they're
perfectly happy until somebody comes...
around asking questions.
And it makes everybody nervous...
Ain't this is our property?
Can't we do what we want with it?
I tell my husband to get us out of here,
but where we gonna go?
They got all these lawyers, these big
time lawyers, and we can't get no help.
Even the dog is acting funny.
We've been on this house for a long time...
You're out at the ranch up there?
I've been there for some time.
You told me about her.
I have to look at...
some of these creeks and rivers...
The woman you met at the hospital.
You talk to my sister, right?
Someone you'd known in your youth.
I'm going over to the
tall grass prairie now.
Ranch is going into receivership.
It's going... bankrupt.
And he claimed...
he didn't want to have kids
while he was in school.
She hadn't changed.
So many student loans, gambling debts,
and this ranch that's falling apart.
I caught you on the right day.
Kind.
I had a child...
a little girl.
She died.
My father... said to read Romans.
All things work together for good.
He believed that.
Will you pray with me?
I had no faith.
You knew.
Were you afraid?
My mother says I'm chasing moonbeams.
Is that what she said?
I told her I'd rather have a moonbeam
than the life I had before.
Do you want this?
Do you know what you want?
I can't afford to make
mistakes with men anymore.
I want you to come more often. Can you?
I've been waiting for you.
I felt wild.
I don't know. What are you laughing at?
You.
Me?
You make me laugh. You make me happy.
You took me.
No.
Girl.
Little girl.
Fool.
Here I am.
Yes.
I feel stripped bare.
I don't know where I'm going.
I return to my apartment and collapse.
I can't take it here anymore.
Paris is dreadful.
I don't see Tatiana.
She's gone...
to live with her father.
I can't find a job.
I want to come back to the States.
I met someone who told me...
he'd marry me so I could get a green card.
Tell her.
I trust you.
I want to be your wife.
I love you.
Walk away.
I thought I knew you.
Now I don't think you ever were.
What we had was nothing.
You made it into nothing.
Pleasure.
Lust.
Ma'am, if you'll come over here. Sir,
if you'll be on this side, please.
You all have rings for each other?
To love, honor and cherish you.
Be faithful only to you.
As long as we both shall live.
And I do promise before these witnesses...
And I do promise before...
these witnesses.
To love, honor, and cherish you.
To love, honor and cherish you.
Be faithful only to you.
Be faithful only to you.
As long as we both shall live.
As long as we both shall live.
I feel so close to you...
that I could almost touch you.
There is always this invisible something...
that I feel so strongly...
which ties us so tightly together.
I love this feeling...
even if it makes me cry sometimes.
It is so strong, this conviction...
that I belong to you.
Maybe you'd like me to stop
telling you I love you.
I know that strong
feelings make you uneasy.
Tell me if that's so.
See my bracelet.
It's pretty. Where's it from?
How's everything there?
You miss being here?
It's great here.
Honestly, at Dad's it's so much fun.
Did the tooth fairy steal it?
No, I'm the one who took it out.
It didn't hurt?
You're so pretty.
Awaken the love.
The divine presence...
which sleeps in each man, each woman.
You say... Christ said this...
Christ said that. What do you say?
And what you say, does
it come from God within?
Answer that...
which is of God, in every woman, every man.
Know each other in that
love that never changes.
I'd like to show you here on the monitor...
this is the area of your uterus...
and the IUD that you have in place there.
We feel like one of the less risky
procedures that we can do is to...
remove this device.
And see if those symptoms don't resolve.
I think something that
you and your husband...
need to consider is with
the absence of the IUD,
is this a time that you might
want to think about children?
Or is there another
means for contraception?
So I don't need to have a hysterectomy?
That's the good news.
Thank you.
Would you like to have children?
Someday.
God gave us marriage as a holy mystery...
in which a man and woman
are joined together...
and become one.
And with affection and tenderness...
freely give themselves to each other.
This ring I give you...
Is a sign of our constant faith.
Is a sign of our constant faith.
And abiding love.
And abiding love.
Go.
Where are we...
when we're there?
Why not always?
Which is the truth?
What we know up there?
Or down here?
We pray thy blessings upon them...
and upon this food which
we are about to eat.
Would you like one?
Alone.
He just goes off... like that.
I don't know where he goes.
Leave while you can.
Now that you're young. Beautiful.
Your whole life in front of you.
Live and do what you like.
Life's a dream.
In a dream you can't make mistakes.
In a dream you can be...
whatever you want.
Anything.
Leave this place.
It's cramped.
Small.
There's nothing here.
Look at their faces.
False.
All false.
You're a little dreamer.
You need to fly.
You should be free.
Listen to your heart.
Dead?
No, my bag!
You're crazy!
We'll get it later.
When we come back.
It's hidden.
You don't need anything.
You're free.
We're gypsies.
You're like me.
A gypsy.
I'm my own experiment.
Come get me.
I'm here.
Where are the people?
They're all dead. Nobody's here. Nothing.
I want somebody to surprise me.
Where are you people?
What are you looking at?
You think I'm a monster?
An evil monster?
A vampire?
A witch?
I want to break these chains...
be free.
Open me.
Enter me.
Show me how to love you.
Why do we come back down?
Things have gotten worse.
In and out of prisons like this...
I don't know what happened. I was drunk.
If I had done this,
I'm not saying I did,
I might've, I could've.
I'm asking for forgiveness, Father.
I can't help myself.
If you need me to kneel down,
I'll kneel down. I want to be free.
That sun is just right in my eyes.
I can fight, I will fight.
I can fight with my feet and hands.
They think they're really about something,
but they ain't.
You gonna open that bible...
and preach to me now?
Intensely I seek you.
My soul thirsts for you.
Exhausted.
Will you be like a stream that dries up?
Lover boy! Where are you?
Love is not only a feeling.
Love is a duty. You shall love.
Love is a command.
And you say, I can't command my emotions.
They come and go like clouds.
To that, Christ says: you shall love...
whether you like it or not.
You fear your love has died.
It perhaps is waiting to be transformed
into something higher.
We fight.
Without knowing why.
Weak people never bring anything
to an end themselves.
They wait for others to do it.
How had hate come to
take the place of love?
My tender heart grown hard?
Do you want me as a wife?
A lover?
Companion?
He's killing me!
I'm sorry.
You want me to die? Here!
Why don't you have them?
I'm frightened.
Why do you turn your back?
All I see is destruction.
Failure.
Ruin.
Give me your blessing, Father.
I've hurt people.
I know what I am.
My God,
what a cruel war.
I find two women inside me.
One...
full of love for you.
The other...
pulls me down towards the earth.
I thought you went away.
Forgive me.
Please.
Don't take up with anybody
during the first 6 months.
Don't stop talking to people.
That's the first mistake that
I see people make in my practice.
Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes the
bear eats you. You can't feel sorry for yourself.
Once we get her served
that'll start the process.
Because there's no children involved,
this could be a fairly rapid...
process, if that's what you want.
I don't want you to lose hope.
It's very hard to be the...
one who loves less, the one who's stronger.
You have to struggle with yourself. You
have to struggle with your own... strength.
Why?
I saw you.
Again.
They are sending me away.
I won't be here for long.
They are sending me to western Kansas.
Western Kansas? What...
are you gonna do in western Kansas?
A lot of people around here...
are going to be missing you.
We need people like you
here in Bartlesville.
To preach the gospel.
That's why we have churches.
Where are you leading me?
Teach us where to seek you.
I feel a lot of burning, you know...
I pray but sometimes I don't hear him.
I don't think he hears me.
Christ, be with me.
Christ before me.
Christ behind me.
Christ in me.
Christ beneath me.
Christ above me.
Christ on my right.
Christ on my left.
Christ in the heart.
Thirsting.
We thirst.
Flood our souls with
your spirit and life...
so completely...
that our lives may only
be a reflection of yours.
Shine through us.
Show us how to seek you.
We were made to see you.
I want to keep your name.
Love that loves us...
Thank you.