Tèo em (2013) - full transcript

Hi Boss.

Look over this contract for me.

Look closely.

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

What're you guys looking at?

What is it?

LET'S FIGURE IT OUT TOMORROW

Why do you keep stringing me along?

So you can ask me every day, for fun.

If it makes you happy,
I can ask you eight times a day.

For me, love goes two ways.



It's not about asking me every day.

For me, love is sincere
and it grows slowly.

I'll get back to work now. Ok, Boss?

Honey, today my boss asked me
to marry him again,

unlike someone I know.

Three years and nothing.

Hey, you can't be late tonight.

I promise. Eight o'clock
means eight o'clock.

If you're late
you're not getting any present.

I've been waiting for your mystery gift
for weeks. I'd be stupid to come late.

Alright then.

I think you should change your brakes too,

just in case.

Supervisor! Supervisor!



Tuan took my wrench
and won't give it back!

Then tell Binh to give you another one.

I did, but he told me to ask Tuan!

You gotta solve this, Supervisor.

Can't you see I'm busy with a customer?

Oh I see, I'm sorry.

Hey mister, go outside
so I can talk to the supervisor.

My apologies.

Teo, go outside. Now!

Okay.

Sorry about that, he's got
mental problems. Hope you understand.

- On to the oil filter...
- Relations with Humans!

I mean Supervisor!

Tam was 15 minutes late
for the third time this week.

He's the department head,

with a higher salary
and he comes late. I'm pissed.

What're you gonna do about it?

How about you make me department head?

Shut up!

Go outside and wait for me.

- Ok!
- Go!

Sorry again, just give me a second

to take care of this guy.
He drives me nuts.

- Why are you coming out? It should be him.
- Shut up!

Oh Lord. From now on,

when I'm with a customer
you aren't allowed to bother me,

- understand?
- Got it.

This was the last time!

Sorry!

How does it feel to be the person to build
the biggest development in the city?

After the Koreans sign the contract
tomorrow morning,

I'll let you know how I feel.

Here are all the files you need
for tomorrow's presentation.

We haven't prepared enough.

I need more practice.

Will you stay and help me?

Of course.

But after you get promoted,

you better not forget me.

When he comes, go hide inside,

and when I give the signal,
then begin, ok?

How come you're not here?

Sorry honey, I'm still at the office.

But what did you promise me this morning?

I... have something important to do.

Right, because our three-year anniversary
isn't important?

Try to wait for me just a little more.
I'm on my way.

Let's do it one more time.

Start.

Thank you.

Enjoy your meal.

I have a gift for you.
Please sit down and let me explain.

Come on.

I have a very important
presentation tomorrow.

You...

I don't want to hear about your work.

If you want to keep talking about it
then I'm going home.

Ok, I won't talk about it again.

Ok?

I have something for you.

Where's my gift?

You've been hinting all week,
I'm so curious.

No more gift for you.

Tomorrow I'm getting an abortion.

What did you just say?

I'm pregnant.

That's your present!

So you're really pregnant?

You don't want me to be?

It's not that...

Or you don't want to marry me?

Of course I want to marry you,
but not right now.

Why not now?

You're making me get rid of the baby?

I've been working
on the Wonderland project for years.

If I lose this account
I'll lose everything.

Work again.
Why do you only think about work?

What about me?

I need a stable carreer in order to
take care of you and our future.

I don't want anything fancy.
I just need you to care about me.

Today is our three-year anniversary

and you can't even buy me
my favorite flowers.

You took this from the office, right?

I know your favorite flowers.

But if I stopped to buy orchids,
I wouldn't even be here right now.

You can't even do something small.

I can see how much you care about me.

But this project is once in a lifetime.

You're ready to sacrifice your child
for that project, right?

Can you not add more stress
on me about this?

I understand.

That's enough. Stop crying.

I was right.

All men are the same.

Can you stop talking?

I told you Ti really loved me.

He loves you?

No, work is the most
important thing to him.

Stop lying to yourself.

Stop crying.

- Now what do we do?
- I don't know.

But I don't want to get an abortion.
It's a sin!

There's something
I wasn't going to say to you.

The truth is,

you can't take care of that baby
by yourself.

HUBBY

Dinh Thi Minh Minh!

Dinh Thi Minh Minh!

Dinh Thi Minh Minh!

Dinh Ngoc Diep!

Did you stay up all night
for the presentation?

Bossman Hai is coming.

- Hi Boss.
- Hi Boss.

I heard you got into an accident
last night. Are you alright?

I'm fine.

You must remember that
the whole company is counting on you.

Go ahead and answer.

Hello?

- I just got out of the hospital.
- Are you alright?

I couldn't do it.

I want to see you.

I'm very busy. I'll call you after work.

No, please come meet me.

Please come now.

I'll call you after work, ok? Wait for me.

You called that asshole, didn't you?

What's wrong?

He doesn't love me.

Do you think you can
learn to love someone?

Why not?

If you marry Diep, your life is set.

You don't ever have to worry about money.

Your future kids will have a nice life.

As for Diep,
he gets the girl of his dreams.

But it doesn't feel right.

Why can't you just do it?

I'm ten weeks pregnant already!
How can I hide it from him?

Going into labor early or late is normal.

The important thing now
is to bring your boss to Sa Dec,

and plan the wedding right away.

There's no time to waste.

When you get there, you just need to
get him drunk,

into bed, and take his clothes off.

The next morning he'll wake up

and think he slept with you already.

Understand?

I thought you took the day off.

I have something
to talk to you about, Boss.

What is it? Oh wait, before you tell me,

answer this question for me.

What're you looking for?

Where's the paper you just gave me?

- Over there.
- No.

That's what I wrote, "Yes."

Doesn't that hurt?

Yes. It hurts.

But what about your boyfriend?

Forget about him.

There's only you in my heart.

Let's go to Sa Dec.

Go to Sa Dec?

Let's leave now.

Why?

To meet my parents, why else?

I know you have a lot of work,
so we'll go now,

meet my parents,
tomorrow we'll have the engagement party.

Monday morning you'll be back at work.

Minh Minh!

Boss.

Phuong? Is Minh Minh there?

- Let me talk to her.
- She went back to her hometown.

Why'd she go back to Sa Dec?

You're smart. Figure it out.

You and her are over.
Don't look for her anymore.

It's time.

I have to go right now.

Go where?

If you cancel this meeting,
there will be no other chances.

I need to go ask Minh Minh to marry me.

Right now?

I need you to find a way
to reschedule this meeting.

How? Everyone is waiting
in the room already.

If you leave, we lose everything.

Boss!

Ti!

Ti!

It's me, Teo.

Oh... Teo.

I missed you to death!

I thought I'd never see my brother again.

How did you get a job here?

I used to work at this horrible garage,

but I really worked hard
and landed a job here!

Where do you live now?

Give me your address so I can visit you.

I live really far away,
at the North Pole. It's far.

Where there's snow, right?

Yup, snow, polar bears, and penguins.

Aren't penguins at the South Pole?

Oh, a few flew up.

Listen, I'm in a big rush.
Is the car fixed?

Which car is yours?

That one.

This is the one that I fixed!

- What a coincidence.
- Yup!

Where are you planning to go?

Sa Dec. It's far.

When will you come back?
So us brothers can meet up.

For what?

After I get to Sa Dec,
I'm going straight up to the North Pole.

Is this car really fixed?
Why are there parts strewn everywhere?

Just clean it up
and drive to the front for me.

I'll go pay the bill.

Goodbye.

- Thank you.
- No problem.

Have a safe trip, Ti.

That's strange.

Shoot!

Maybe something's wrong
with the electric unit.

The more modern the car,
the more trouble you get.

The electric unit is very important.

It's the center that controls

all the electronic devices in the car.

It's like the human brain,

the mental system of a person.

You only need to snap one nerve,

and you'll be crazy
for the rest of your life.

How about I give you a ride?

In one hour, I need you to fix this car.

I'm afraid it won't even be done
in a week.

I don't even know what's wrong with it.

Are you in a rush? I can give you a ride.

I can give you a ride.
Oh, wait. That can't do. Now what?

- I'll go by taxi.
- This is a one-way street.

Few taxis come here.

You must've noticed that when you came in.

Now what?

Can we go now?

Wait a minute while I ask my boss, ok?

Let's just go!

Let's go, Ti. This way. Hurry.

But hey, Ti, where are we going?

- Hoang Long bus station.
- Oh really?

Oh I forgot, I need to stop by
my house to shower.

I'm in a rush.

My house is very near.

I can't stand being dirty!

Plus I shower real fast.
I don't use any soap.

- Ok, let's go quickly.
- Where are you going?

Get in the car.

Has this car been registered?

Don't worry, this car doesn't
qualify for registration anymore.

Put this helmet on, Ti.

So refreshing!

Ti, why don't you take a shower?

Get dressed and we'll go.
We're out of time.

Wait a minute, I'm drying my undies.

Oh my God, you only have
one pair of underwear, Teo?

No, I have a kilogram of undies, Ti!

But they're all dirty. I have a rule.

Clothes can be dirty,

but your underwear must be clean.

Just stay home. I'll go by myself.

No, Ti!

Mesh undies dry quickly, Ti.

You wear mesh underwear?

No, I wear normal undies,

but after a lot of use
it became mesh, got it?

The problem is the mesh isn't even.

Some holes are tiny.

Some holes are huge!

But those ones I don't wear.

I cut them up and make face towels.

Teo!

Ti.

Ti, you remember this photo?

- No.
- This photo was taken on my 30th birthday.

Your photo was from when
you were 27 years old.

I photoshopped you into them.

Actually I was standing in that corner
over there by myself, Ti.

Take a look at these photos, Ti.

Wait for me a minute, ok Ti?

Why do you have a picture
of me and Mouse up here, Teo?

Well, it's a family photo, Ti.

This isn't the time to eat. Let's go.

Let me eat some rice.
It's almost time for me to take my meds.

Everyday I have to take four, five pills.

Are you not well?

I'm not sick. But if I don't
take the meds then I'll get sick.

Oh, I know. Sedative meds.

Not sedative, it's a tranquilizer.

Eat some rice, Ti.

I'm not eating.

Eat some. If you eat outside

and they don't sterilize properly,
you might get a stomachache.

- I'm not eating.
- Eat and then I'll take you.

- Forget it.
- Eat and I'll take you.

Just like how we used to eat together.

Is it delicious, Ti?

- Eat quickly and we'll go.
- Alright.

You licked it off already.
I was going to pick the crumb and eat it.

When did you make this rice?

I just made this on Saturday.

Today is Saturday.

Then it's been a week.

Oh crap. This rice has gone bad.

Eat quickly before it goes all bad
and we can't eat anymore!

That was fast.

There's a toilet inside, Ti.

- Hello?
- Minh Minh?

Listen to me.

Why are you whispering?

I'm not whispering.

I'm not joking around with you.

Ti, open the door,

boiling water coming through!

You have ten seconds
to say what you need to say.

I'm taking a dump!

Are you nuts?

Hold on a second.

Ti.

I made you a glass of iced milk coffee.

Drink it up, Ti.

I'm using the bathroom.

Then drink while you go. It's ok.

How can I go with you sitting here?

We're brothers in the same family.

No matter how smelly it is, I can take it.

Are you going to leave or not?

I'm leaving!

It's time for me to go exercise.

Hey, yesterday you just ate
broken rice at Com Tam Cali, right?

There's a smell I can't quite make out.

Why did you put so much
pickled radish inside?

Get the hell out!

I'm leaving now.

Teo!

Shut the door!

What are you doing?

My arm is numb.

I just need to
rest it up here for a moment.

Alright, it's better now.

79, 80.

81, 82, 83, 84.

85, 86, 87.

- 88, 89, 90, 91...
- Can we go now?

Let me do my exercises for a bit, Ti.

Goodbye.

92, 93, 94... Ti!

I prepared all my stuff
but had to wait for you.

Ninety-five...

- Ninety-six, 97...
- Hey, what're you doing?

I have to jump 100 times before I stop.

It's my rule.

A hundred.

The streets are full of cars.
Everyone can drive a car.

We're not on parade.
Drive faster, please.

We're driving in a turnabout, Ti.

Can't you drive a little faster for me?

Can you go rape someone for me?

What? What're you saying?

Why don't we just forget about all
the laws and put them aside, hmm?

How can you possibly
compare rape to speeding?

I'm talking about breaking the law

and breaking the law.

Do you understand?

That's enough.
Stop the car so I can get out.

You look like you have it all together

but why do you want to live
like some vagrant?

Why do we keep going around
the same turnabout?

- Are we going to the bus station?
- Of course.

But every time I go by this turnabout
I have to circle it three times.

You've already gone around seven times!

Well, how can I count properly
with all your talking on the side?

Forget it. It splits into two.
Which way do you wanna go?

The one to the bus station.

The bus station is way back there.

Then why didn't you go that way?

There isn't a turnabout there.

I need the fastest ticket to Sa Dec.

Sa Dec?

Why are you going to Sa Dec?

It's none of your business.

Sa Dec.

Twenty one bucks.

Where's my wallet?

Please wait for me a minute.

Where's my wallet, Teo?

Try to remember
if you left it at my house.

Check your front and back pockets.

I've checked them all.

No more pockets left.

When was the last time
you saw your wallet?

I took it out this morning for the repair.

Maybe you got pickpocketed.

If you don't have your wallet, let's go.

We're in the way
of the rest of the customers.

I don't have any money.
But I need to get on that bus.

Excuse me, sir.
No money, no ticket, no bus.

How about I vouch for my brother Ti?

He has a successful business
at the North Pole.

He has a shaved ice factory
at the North Pole. It's huge!

Next customer, please.

Haven't you heard a word I've said?
I need to get on that bus!

Twenty-one bucks.

I don't have 21 dollars! Understand?

If you don't go,

I'll have the security guards
throw you out now!

Go ahead and call them!

- Call them!
- Hey!

Let go of me!

Don't take him in, please forgive him!

Please understand, don't take him in!

Oh, please don't...

He seems normal

- but he actually has three nipples.
- Teo!

You know I hate it
when people call me "three tits."

Oops, I forgot.

Actually, he only has two nipples.

Only two nipples, everyone.

The other one over here is just a nubbin.

Look, whether your brother

has five tits or eight nubbins,
it's still 21 bucks!

Big brother, are you alright?

Let me hit your head onto the floor,
then you'll know.

Big brother, get in the car.
Where are you going?

It doesn't matter
where the hell I'm going.

Of course it does, we're family.

Family my ass!

C'mon, I apologize for telling everyone
about your third nipple, okay?

Oh, I see. You're afraid of
inconveniencing me?

It's no problem.
Let me take you to Sa Dec, big brother.

It's been a long time and
we have so much catching up to do.

Listen carefully. I'm not
afraid of inconveniencing you.

Actually, I want to poke holes
into all four of your tires.

You and I have nothing to catch up on.

You were just a stray kid
my family picked up.

I'm not your big brother.

Understand?

Hey...

Are you ok?

All I've ever wanted to be
was your little brother.

But why do you always hate me?

Mouse got sick and died when he was five.

After that, Mom and Dad adopted you.

But to me, no one could replace Mouse.

Then I can never be your little brother?

I know you hate it
when people call you adopted.

I'm sorry.

Are you thirsty?

Arguing with that ticket seller
made me thirsty.

Milk tea.

Boba?

Ti, can you go out
and pull the car for me?

The car is smoking.

We shouldn't be scared until the brakes
fall off while we're driving.

Look at that, not one drop spilled!

I'm Superman!

Hey stepbrother,
let me see your third nipple.

Ever since I was little,
I've only seen it in pictures.

I've never seen it in real life.

You're not my real brother.

I only let him look at it.

Stepbrother, know
why I love to drink boba?

Every time I drink boba,

I remember you used to
play marble shooters.

I used to ask to play with you
but you never let me, remember?

What does milk tea
have to do with marble shooters?

- It's not related!
- No?

You got it now? See the relation?

Stay still.

Look at your dirty face!

Serves you right, Stepbrother.

Can we go now?

I've been waiting for you to say that.

Since it's on the way,
we should visit Mom and Dad.

It's not on the way.

Our parents are in Vinh Long.
Sa Dec is 20km away from there.

I'm in a rush,
we're not stopping anywhere.

Whatever's convenient.

And stop calling me Stepbrother.

I can't call you Stepbrother,
and I can't call you Big Brother

so what do I call you?

- Outside of those two terms, anything, ok?
- Then can I call you Cow?

Nah, Buffalo.

Dog? Pig?

Man, this guy. I can't
find an animal that matches him.

Wait for me, Stepbrother.

Hey, lottery! Lottery!

Lottery? We're late. Let's go!

- Just a sec.
- Buy some lottery tickets, will ya?

Hurry!

How come you only have losing numbers?

You don't think
playing the lottery is luck?

No way, playing the lottery is a science.

I've researched
and found the pattern already.

The important thing is,

now I need to find
that winning lottery ticket.

Sometimes buying that one
is even harder than luck of the draw.

Many times I feel like giving up.
So rough.

Hey lady, these are all losing numbers.
You shouldn't sell them.

Let me tear them up for you, ok?

What? Did you just leave the asylum?

I'm not talking to people
who aren't worth talking to.

The kids are here!

- Hello Mom and Dad!
- You're home!

Hello sir, hello ma'am.

- This must be Diep.
- Yes.

He's as handsome as Minh's father was!

You kids must be tired.

Come inside and I'll make
some orange juice with honey.

- Okay.
- I want a glass too!

You're already healthy.
Any stronger and who can take it?

Find a pharmacy and stop by
to buy some medication.

There's no pharmacy around here.

You need to go to Sa Dec to find one.

Do you need it right away?
We can go back to Saigon to get it.

Forget it. Just go. No need to buy it.

What's wrong? Why do you need medicine?

I have a headache. Don't ask me why.

I'll start swearing.

Why didn't you tell me sooner?
I have tons of headache medicine.

Drive for me.

Normally I take one pill,

but you take two so it's faster.

Pull over so we can buy a bottle of water.

You need water to take medicine?

- Can you eat rice without chewing?
- Whatever.

Drink just a little.

Wait for me a bit.

I need to make an important phone call.

If you call me again,
I'll throw it out the window!

Cao Son Flowers here.

Khoa? It's Ti.

Can you deliver 20 orchids

to Minh Minh's house in Sa Dec?

What? Sa Dec is the flower capital.

Why don't you buy them there?

Minh Minh only likes
the orchids from your shop.

Last time I ordered from another shop
she turned it down.

I'm not surprised.

I'll fax you the order
so you can sign, ok?

- Why don't you just sign for me?
- Forget it,

my boss said if I do it again,
she'll ship me to the West.

Text me your fax number

so I can deliver by this afternoon.

Hello?

Who were you just talking to?

Don't be nosy. Drive the car.

We're late,
but he still makes a phone call.

Is your headache better?

Actually yes, this is good medicine.

Actually that wasn't headache medicine.

Then what was it?

It's mental medicine.

Oh my God, you're kidding, right?

It's only 30% effective,

the other 70% is all mental.

But now your headache's gone, right?

Go make yourself throw up,
or you're going to get really sleepy.

Forget it. Going with you, it's either
crazy pills or sleeping pills.

Stop at a place
with a fax machine, will you?

You need to fax, too?
We're late but you need to fax?

Stop the car!

Are you ok, Ti?

- Reverse!
- No, it's dangerous.

- We must reverse!
- It's dangerous!

Are you going to back up?

If someone swipes my car,

- you better pay for it.
- Reverse!

- Can you afford the repairs!
- Yes!

That's enough.

Can you believe it?

All morning you've only driven
less than 20 km.

Since this morning I drove over 20 km.

But since you made me reverse,
it's now under 20 km.

Damn it!

You're going to scratch my car!

I'm begging you, just drive.

I'm sick but still get taken advantage of.

Get out and push.

Who knows when we'll ever get to Sa Dec?

How come you drink this medicine
but don't get sleepy, Teo?

Well, I'm sick, so I don't get sleepy.

You're not sick,
so of course you get sleepy.

If you're sleepy, go to sleep.
I'll wake you when we're in Sa Dec.

Oh... The fax machine...

Teo, wake up.

Oh, Ti!

Just got up, huh?

I got too sleepy and had to pull over.

Are we almost to Sa Dec?

How much farther is it?

How can I remember?

I just remember when you were sleeping

I tried to drive
for a little while longer.

And then when my eyes couldn't
stay open any longer I pulled over.

A "long time" for you is 30 seconds,
is it?

As soon as I closed my eyes
you pulled over and slept!

You know what, Ti?
Driving while sleepy is very dangerous.

Would you like to wake up

and see the car overturned
at the bottom of a lake?

With my severed head lying on my lap,

and my leg cut and sticking up
from my neck

and my eyeball hanging from its socket,

and your head split in two?

Your brain guts are dripping
onto the road.

From afar, a dog comes
and eats your brain guts.

From even farther, a truck comes up.

He sees the dog and slams the brakes.

He loses control
and the truck flips several times,

but that truck was carrying
thousands of barrels of gas.

Those thousands of gas tanks
explode and boom!

Everyone in Southeast Asia is dead.

All because I was sleepy and didn't
pull over. See how dangerous it is?

Are there crazy pills left?
Can I have a bunch?

Gently, this is a car,
not a piece of trash.

You know what you have to do?

- What is it?
- Ti,

I've been waiting for this moment
for many years.

- What is it?
- Look!

What?

Nine, nine...

Nine, nine, nine!

Six number nines.
This is a once in a lifetime thing!

You stopped the car
just to tell me this, Teo?

I need to take a photo
and post it on Facebook.

Pull onto the shoulder and then post!

I can't.

If I were to change,
the numbers would change.

It would ruin the number.

A truck is coming!

I need to make sure the focus is clear

and the framing is good
so many people will "like" it, you see?

Teo!

What kind of driving is that?

You ruined my number!

I've been waiting for seven years!

Get out of the car and pull it back

to see if the numbers go back.

I can't stand this!
Are you going to drive or not?

Are you crazy?

How dare you!
Can't you see I'm taking a photo?

Why'd you stop
in the middle of the street?

There goes the last seven years
of my life.

Hey, why is it so deserted?

Are we going the right way?

I'm taking a shortcut.

It's further than the main road by ten km,

but totally worth it, Ti.

The meaning of a shortcut
is that it makes your trip shorter.

This shortcut will go around
the toll road booth.

You turned into here

just to save 40 cents?

What if this way leads
to a fax machine for you?

There are only monkeys here,
no fax machines.

Even the water buffalos are pissed, Teo!

I'm not talking to people
who aren't worth talking to.

Who's crazy enough to understand you?

Who's Minh?

- How do you know Minh?
- While you were sleeping

you kept calling out
"Minh!" a bunch of times.

- Did I say anything else?
- No, you just called out the name.

Tell me about it.

I don't want to.

Driving far with no one to talk to
makes me very sleepy.

- Hey!
- Sleeping.

- Minh is...
- Who's Minh?

A man...

Who works with me at the North Pole.

Are you...

a...

Ti, you're gay?

What? It's not true.

Don't worry.

Even if you had a sex change operation

or are about to,

you're still gay.

- That's not it.
- No wonder.

No wonder you keep sneaking away
to use the phone.

And you're pretty feminine.

What's feminine about me?

What did you just do?

"What's feminine?"

I did it like this.

Even if you did it this way,
it's pretty gay.

Bruce Lee made this gesture too.

He did it this way.

In the movies he did it this way.

Tell me the truth, you don't
really like Bruce Lee movies, right?

You like films more like...

Brokeback Mountain

which is similar to Lost in Paradise.

It connects to your sexuality right?

Remember when we were little,

I asked if I could come shower with you
and you wouldn't let me.

I used to be so mad,

but now that I know the truth, I'm ok.

We need to be honest with our sexuality.

You need to keep it that way.

Ti, we're almost out of gas.

I'm sure someone will come and help us.

We're at a deserted place,
with no idea where we are...

All because you wanted to take a shortcut!

I remember now. We were coming
from there and there was a gas station.

I think it was either three kilometers

or 30 km away.

There is a big difference between
three and 30, you know!

It seems long when you think about it,

but when you look at a map it's this tiny.

What should we do now, Ti?

We go this way.

There's probably a gas station
somewhere over there.

What happens if there isn't one
for another 100 km?

I know there's a gas station
if we go this way.

That way you're just taking a guess.

Well, what if your way
the gas station is 100 m away?

Fine, go that way. I'll go this way,
get gas and pick you up after.

What if the gas station is 30 km away,
who's going to pick me up?

What if I go 30 km and there's no
gas station, then who will pick me up?

I'm sick of this.
You go that way and I'll go this way.

I'll go there, you go there.

- I'm going this way.
- I'm going this way.

Then I'm going this way, I mean that way.

I'm positive there won't be
a gas station this way.

Ti.

What is your ideal man like?

I don't like men!

Then do you like strong women?

Oh yeah, gays don't like women.

How about women with beards,
do you like that?

That's enough, Teo!

Does size matter, Ti?

We were wondering if we can do
the engagement party tomorrow afternoon,

because he has a lot of work
and the next morning he has to go to work.

Is it alright, Mom and Dad?

Tomorrow afternoon?

- Yes.
- Yes.

Listen, Ti,

when you look at a bunch of dogs,

can you tell which one is male,

female, or gay?

Fine, I'm gay.
Can you stop with the questions?

I knew it.

Ti,

how does a gay dog walk?

Does it walk like this?

Like this?

If someone pisses it off,
does it bark like this?

Huh, Ti?

Do you know how a lesbian dog walks?

It walks like this.

It barks like this.

Your impression of a mentally ill dog
is the realest.

Hello sir!

We ran out of gas over there.

Do you know if there's any place
that sells gas around here?

Damn, there aren't any
gas stations around here.

Did you hear that?

We've gone 20 something kilometers
and there's no gas station!

I guess I remembered wrong,
it's 40 - 50 km.

Hey, this cock is beautiful!

It's a champion cock to you!

It fights in $2,500 - $3,500 groups
and never loses a match!

- Really sir?
- Well it's a mean one!

A product of my training, you know.

That's right, his face is so mean.

Tomorrow is a big match.

- Sir, when does the fighting start?
- Morning.

Cockfight tomorrow!

We're here to find gas,
not to chat about cockfighting.

Don't worry, gas will always be there.

But cockfighting, once they fight,
it's over.

You seem like a cock lover.
Anyone who loves cock, I love them.

How about I take a bit of gas
from my ride and give it to you?

Hey kid!

Yes!

Come here!

Go to the car and get a bit of gas
for our new friends here.

- Yes sir.
- Go get the gas from my kid.

Our car broke down far away.

No worries. I will drive you there
in my car.

That's amazing.

- Thanks, sir!
- Please, cock lovers gotta stick together.

Those who love cock, I love them!

- Yeah, cock lovers.
- Yeah, cock lovers!

Wow, it's so sharp.

Kids might kill someone

playing with these things.

Where did my arrow go?

What's this thing
sticking in my chicken's shoulder?

God! My boy is dead!

God! Oh, God!

Mother! Oh, mother!

- I'm dead, mother!
- What's wrong?

God, he's dead!

- What happened, son?
- Mother, they shot my cock dead!

Oh my God, Teo, what did you do?

Why did you shoot
my most precious product?

Oh my God...

I'd rather you shoot me,

not my cock.
Now I'll have to kill you. Oh God.

I didn't mean to shoot his cock,

but why would he let his kid play
with these pointy objects?

Look how dangerous this is for kids.

Luckily earlier I was just
playing with string.

If I pulled it back for real, then...

Oh my God! I'd rather the cock die,
not me. If I die then I'll kill you!

Run! Shit!

How did you two meet?

Tell me the story.

- Yes, um...
- Yes what?

Why don't you tell the story?

Have you two slept with each other yet?

Why did you ask that?

Daddy's drunk already.

You're right, I'm drunk.

Go to sleep.

Cheers!

Ti, want me to tell you something funny?

If I hadn't taken a shortcut,

we'd have been in Sa Dec a long time ago.

Ti. Ti!

Look!

Gas station!

Hey, you were right.

If we went up 100 m
we'd ran into this gas station.

We went so far the other way.
How stupid, huh?

Isn't that hilarious?

I'm tired of this.
Pull over and fill up the tank, please.

Fill her up, please.

Wait!

A liter of gas.

That's on you, okay?

Careful. Don't spill.

One more liter.

Why don't you let them
pour straight into the car?

You can easily get cheated that way.

The bottle is more exact.

Each liter is acounted for.

No gas station has ever cheated me.

Please sell me another liter.

You like to hear funny stories, right?

You have one? What is it?

Your gas bottle is less than a liter.

Look at the gauge.

Laugh.

Let me pour it.

All these years!

If we go straight on this road,
how much longer is it to the freeway?

This road doesn't lead to the freeway.

To get there you need to
go back the way you came.

Over 30 kilometers to go.

Teo!

Did you hear that?

All these years...

Ti!

Cheater.

Ti.

- What?
- Where are you going?

Saigon to Sa Dec only takes
people a few hours.

But you drive the whole day

and we still don't know
where we are right now.

Why are you so stupid, Teo?

That's hilarious.

You know I'm stupid,
yet you still go with me,

which makes you stupid, right?

Who told you to take this shortcut

and get us lost?
Why didn't you use your brain?

Think about it.

Why is everyone afraid of you?
Why does everyone avoid you?

Teo.

Open the door.

Teo!

Open the door.

Do you hear me?

Okay,

I know I was wrong.

But I have a reason to be upset.

I'm going to break this window!

I'm late, you know!

Teo, open the door!

Open the door!
Please, I'm begging you! You've got me!

Open!

Hey, you.

Tomorrow morning I'm taking you to Sa Dec,

and after that
I never want to see you again.

Why don't we go now
instead of waiting until tomorrow?

I'm tired.

I have a headache. My back hurts.

I need a shower.

I'm hungry. I want milk.

Then let me drive.
You can sleep in the back.

Keep dreaming if you think
you're going to touch my car.

You know what your problem is?

You only think of yourself.

Hello?

Yes, Mr. Manager, I'm listening.

Yes.

Yes, I know.

Yes, but you were...

Yes.

Are you happy now?

Mr. Manager just fired me
for taking off with you.

AUNTIE HONG HOTEL

I'm not fat.

That photo?

I took it when I was a teenager
and a little chubby.

- No, that's just a nickname...
- Can you get that fax for me?

I've been waiting for a long time.

I'm not fat.

If you miss me, go online

and we can meet up.

- Stop it.
- Are you getting me that fax or not?

Hold on a second, alright?
I have something to take care of.

Valued guest, please wait for one moment.

Are you waiting for a fax from...
Cao Son flower shop?

Yup, that's it. Give it to me.

What the hell?

Call the manager!

I want to see the manager.

Get me the owners! Owners!

Get me the owners! Owners!

Where are the owners?

Miss, please excuse my brother.

He's mentally ill.

He didn't take his meds
so he's having a breakdown.

You seem like a reasonable woman

who can look past someone
who obviously doesn't care about others.

- Miss?
- Yes?

Can I please have that fax back?

The way you talk is so adorable.

Here you go.

Thank you, miss.

- Oh, miss! Can I borrow that roll of tape?
- Sure.

Come tape it up and sign it.

Then take your meds.

Don't call me tomorrow.

I'll call you, but I'll only deliver
if you pick up the phone.

Thank you.

Hey, Teo. Here's a tomato, chocolate,
milk and egg smoothie.

Your favorite. Drink up.

Thanks, sir.

Hey Teo, do you want to see
my third nipple?

- Where?
- Drink this and I'll let you.

Here. You can see it.

- Where?
- Here.

There. See?

You saw it. What more do you want?

I barely saw anything
before you covered it up again.

Tell me what you want.

I wanna look until I'm satisfied.

How do I know when you're satisfied?

When I'm done, I'm done.

The truth is, Ti,
whether or not you see me as a brother

isn't important.

What's important is that
we're close to each other.

That's what makes me happy.

Teo.

I'm sorry for getting you fired.

Thank you for taking me to Sa Dec

and for helping me
with that bitch earlier.

Let's go halfsies on this one, Ti.

Kinda like doing a blood oath.

- That's not half a glass yet, Ti.
- That's enough.

If you don't drink up you don't love me.

Enough, I'm not drinking anymore.

- Then let's throw it away.
- What?

Do you know why I used to drink this a lot
when we were little?

Because back then
I used to get food poisoning a lot.

I drank it so I could throw up.

Let me ask you something.

How come I asked you so many times
to marry me and you never agreed,

but then suddenly
you agreed out of the blue?

Because...

You give me the feeling that

I am the most important thing to you.

Cold, I'm so cold, Ti!

What're you doing?

I'm hugging you for warmth.

Go lie in your bed.

I'm lying in my own bed.

Does seeing me in next to nothing
excite you?

Do you want me to kick you again?

You're mad because I'm right.

I already told you I'm gay
but you keep asking.

Ti!

Ti!

Listen, Ti.

From now on you should be proud of me.

Today I did something really good.

The feeling of doing a good deed is like

my whole body is lifted. I feel amazing.

Know what? Earlier I found a diamond ring.

What?

- What did you say?
- A diamond ring.

If I was gready I would've taken it
and sold it for money to fix my car.

But I didn't do that.

I gave it to someone
who's harder off than us.

Who did you give it to?

Nah, if I tell you
you might tell everyone.

The newspapers would come interview

and take photos and I would become famous,

but I don't like that.

That was my ring!

No, it's not. When you were sleeping
I found it under your pillow.

Oh my God! Who did you give it to?

Who did you give it to?

I gave it to the receptionist downstairs.

I hid that ring under my pillow
and you still claim you found it!

Why don't you go to the bank and
"find" money so the cops can handcuff you?

Do you have a brain?

Or did you scoop it out
and eat it all already?

It's just a diamond ring. Drama!

Excuse me, miss.

There's been a huge mistake.

My idiot brother,

he took my ring and gave it to you.

But...

the truth is, it belongs to me.

I'm sorry, but I have no idea
what you're trying to say.

Alright, let me explain
so that you can understand.

That ring right there is mine.
Please give it back.

I've been really pissed at you
since yesterday.

So let me make it clear.

Anything on my body is mine.

If you say anything else
I'm calling security.

Are you going to give it back?

- Or do you want me to snatch it from you?
- If you think you can then take it.

- Taking it now.
- Think you can take it, huh?

Over my dead body!

- Is that a challenge?
- What're you gonna do?

You...

Ti!

You dare punch me?

Ti.

Don't punch his stomach. Punch his face!

Ti, turn your face this way

so I can shoot
and upload it on YouTube for you.

Dammit Teo, put that away!

Come here and help me!

Yeah, that's right.

Quick, snatch it!

Is there water?

Water? I don't know where there's water.

Open your mouth.

Oh I see.

Help!

SHADY HOTEL

Did we sleep together last night?

Then did we...

You don't remember anything?

Phuong's been here since morning.

She's waiting for you. I'll go out first.

Wait a sec.

Why did you choose me?

Because I've never met a girl

who's not only nice and cute,

but also honest

like you.

What the heck?

Don't worry, never fear,
you've got a mechanic here.

Great, my car was just a little scratched,

but after going through
your hands it's destroyed.

And now you laugh.

So that ring is yours?

Just be quiet, will you?

What do you mean?

Think about something else.

Let's play a game, Ti.

Think of a number from one to one million

and I'll guess it.

I don't want to play.

C'mon, just pick a number.

Play by yourself.

I can't play this game by myself, Ti.

For example,
if I thought of the number 9999

and then I guess 9999

then there's nothing cool,
nothing awesome,

no dramatic tension or anything like that.

Can you just be quiet?
I'm about to go nuts.

Let's play.

Whatever pops into your head,
you don't have to choose.

Fine, done.

I'm thinking of a damn number.

A million, right?

In the middle is 500,000.

In the middle of 500,000 is 250,000.

Could you be thinking of the number 2168?

Exactly!

Amazing!

Ok we're done. The game is over.

Holy Moses!

I actually guessed correctly.

Do you know what the odds are
of being correct? One outta a million!

When I play with the other mechanics
they get so freaked out they run away.

I also want to run away right now.

Now think of a number
from one to one billion.

Alright, I have an even
more fun game for you.

- Really?
- Whoever is quiet for the longest wins.

And... begin.

Oh man, I lose this game.
I lose. I can't take it anymore.

Ok, I have an even better game.

Whoever has the most annoying yell wins.

Something fell off!

No worries, just some nuts and bolts, Ti.

Something else just fell off!

Oh, it's just the spare tire.
Forget about it.

The other wheels are still good.

Crap, something else just fell off!

Ah, it's the brakes.

The what?

- Oh no, the brakes can't fall off!
- The brakes?

- The brakes!
- The brakes can't fall off!

Now what do we do?

Ti, calm down.

I have backup brakes.

But how can we stop the car

to replace the brakes
with the backup brakes?

That's why they're called "backup" brakes.

Stay calm, just stay calm.

How can I calm down
when we have no brakes?

Ti, we're in trouble.

There's an officer next to a traffic cop
standing next to a police car.

- Drive slower, Ti.
- How can I slowdown with no brakes?

Tell him to get out of the way!

Police! Move outta the way!

- This car has no brakes!
- No brakes!

Can't stop!

Where's the cop?

He's... still back there.

Ti, pull over

or else he'll arrest
us for resisting arrest.

And they might add
manslaughter to the charge.

- I can't get arrested here.
- Then where do you want to be arrested?

I need to get to Sa Dec!

Ti, why did you turn into this road?

I turned to find a road
to avoid the cops, understand?

What if it's a dead end?

How can it be a dead end?
There's a bridge up ahead, see?

Ah, that's right.

But why does this bridge
look like something is missing?

Oh, it's just missing the middle part.

The bridge is broken!

- The bridge is broken!
- Ti, stop the car! Stop!

I can't stop!

Teo.

Put all your weight to the back.

Ti, I saw an American movie once

with this same exact situation.

This car drove to the edge

then it was trying to regain balance.

Then at the end the car dipped
and everyone fell do their death.

You know why, Ti?

- Why?
- It's really silly.

The car was balanced perfectly,
then a very light bird flew in

straight to the car and sat on the hood.

Bird!

- Bird!
- Now what, Ti?

I don't know. Don't tell me we're
going to die because of one bird?

At least we should die because of
two different birds.

It flew away!

- Let's move it back up.
- Pull up.

We're so lucky, Ti.

The bird knew how to fly.

What kind of bird doesn't know how to fly?

Your mouth stinks.

When you said "bird," a bird came.

If you had said duck then we'd be dead.

Duck!

What the heck?

Oh my God!

It's a regular duck, not a flying duck!

Now what, Ti?

- Ducks!
- Two ducks!

This is the first time in my life
I'm more scared of a duck than a tiger.

Ti, now what do we do?

What can we do? We can't go forward.

If we turn back there's cops.
We're dead meat.

Ti, we're not going to die.

Why don't we take this car
and fly from here to over there?

- You've got to be kidding.
- Have you seen the American film Speed?

There's a bus carrying 50 people
and they fly from here to over there.

Something that heavy can make it.
My car is super light.

Are you crazy?

You're comparing a movie to real life.

I'm referring to proper physics.

From the edge of this side
of the bridge to the other side

the distance is only about 30 meters.

The set angle of incline

is about 20 degrees, correct?

I think if I reverse the car

at maximum speed,

once it reaches a constant velocity

and a constant acceleration

it will fly to the other side.

I'm worried with the strength of my
car and the force of acceleration

it will fly too far
to the end of the bridge.

It's a little dangerous.

It'll fly like this diagram?

I understand if you don't believe me.
But trust in the physics.

Why? Because physics
is always an exact science.

We learned this stuff in eighth grade.

What's the point of going to school

if we can't apply it
to real life situations?

In America they call this
"No country for old men."

- What's that?
- It's "No homeland for old men."

Let's go, quickly!

That's a literal translation.

What it means is this is
no place for us. Let me drive.

What is it?

I feel like my calculations
might be missing something.

- Missing what?
- Where's that piece of paper?

Acceleration. Inclination.

Force.

Wind! I forgot to factor in wind!

Wind... Windspeed is about five km/hr.

Moving from West to South.

Cops are coming!

- To hell with it!
- What do you mean?

I can't do "To hell with it."

Just let the cops catch us! Teo!

Teo!

We made it! Let's continue to Sa Dec!

You see, to live this life

you must know how to calculate things.

Take a close look. Where are we?

Then do your calculations!

The elders say a human's
calculations can't beat God's plan.

How can I beat God?

We've just gotta make the best of it.

Let me see your hands.

Bring them up!

Why is my wallet lying on your lap?

That's right, why is this here,
how strange.

Why don't you put this away
before you lose it again, Ti.

You need to explain yourself, Teo.

Why was my wallet up here?

Not everything can be explained.

We must know, in this life
not all things can be explained.

The chicken and the egg for instance.

Bet you can't explain
which one came first.

The more you try to explain it,
the more confusing it is.

Just let it go and live a relaxed life.

Take a guess at what
I'm thinking right now.

Take a guess!

I guess...

you probably wouldn't think that...

I lured you into coming to my house,

so when you were in the toilet,

I could pretend to come in
to give you coffee

and hugged you to pickpocket your wallet,

so you wouldn't have enough money
for a bus ticket,

so I could take you to Sa Dec.

I didn't do those tricks, I'm a grown man.

Maybe I pickpocketed you.

Just maybe.

Do you understand the word "maybe"?

I did it.

Shit!

Ti.

Ti.

Ti.

You know why I left home?

It's not because
I got a job at the North Pole.

It's because I wanted to hide from you.

What's more,

I'm not going to some conference.

I'm trying to find my partner in Sa Dec.

And this ring is for me
to propose to Minh.

And I never want my love to ever know you.

Know what else?
Even if you dress exactly like Mouse,

you will never be my brother.

I wish my parents never adopted you.

Understand?

Now how am I supposed to get to Sa Dec?

How will I propose to Minh now?

Tell me!

You orphan bastard!

You still have a chance to get to Sa Dec.

If I knew how to swim,
I would've swum to shore already.

No need to mock me.

What I mean is you can
jump up at that bridge,

hold onto the railing,
then get up and catch a ride.

Why'd you jump after me?

I promised I'd take you to Sa Dec.
I need to keep it.

Then climb up and pull me up.

I can't. If I could I would pull you up.

If it weren't for your plan
we wouldn't be stuck here.

Are we just going to
hang here forever, Ti?

Forever? In a bit we'll be
too tired and fall to our deaths.

We're not going to die!

There's a tree floating towards us.

When it comes, let go
and hold onto the tree

and then swim to the shore.

That's not a tree! Look closely.

What kind of tree floats upstream?

What are the odds?

The unreal has become real.

This river has a crocodile!

Crocodile!

Help me up!

Crocodile!

I really want to take a photo
and post on Facebook!

Us dangling with a crocodile below with
his mouth open will get a lot of likes.

The end is near
and you're talking about Facebook?

Why are you so negative all the time?
You need to be optimistic, Ti!

Tell me what I can be optimistic about.

Well, if we both fall,

the crocodile eats one of us
and the other lives.

Fine, then let go first.

You have a phone call.
Answer the phone, Ti.

It might be Minh calling.

Somebody help!

Ti!

Crocodile!

- Ok, now you can be pessimistic.
- Crocodile!

Teo!

Run and find someone to help Ti! Quick!

Ti!

Splash so the crocodile avoids you!

Where's the crocodile?

Crocodile!

Crocodile!

Ti, a lifesaver! Catch!

- Why didn't you dodge?
- Crocodile!

Crocodile!

Quick, swim to shore.

- You go.
- I can't

- I'll hold him off.
- Swim to shore, Teo.

- Go to shore, Ti.
- I can't. We both swim.

Crocodile!

- Swim to shore, quickly.
- Hey crocodile!

Hurry!

- My meat is really tasty.
- Swim away!

- Hey crocodile!
- Swim away, hurry!

Don't worry. I'll drown him.

I've never seen a fish uglier than you.

I'm not scared of you, crocodile.
I spit on you.

I have no respect for you.

Just kidding! I've never
seen a crocodile as beautiful as you.

You're a crocodile beauty queen.

Save me, Ti!

Teo!

Hold on, Teo. Somebody help! Anyone here?

Help!

- Ti!
- Teo!

I want to leave my assets to you.

There's $17 in my bank account.

I'm giving it all to you.

Oh, but pay my $100 rent for me, ok?

Teo!

Electricity is $35.

Three months is $120.

I'm sorry, Ti.

- I can't take you to Sa Dec.
- Somebody help!

- Anyone there? Save my brother!
- Go propose to Minh.

I wish you and Minh Minh 100 years of...

Happiness...

Teo!

Grab on, and hold on tight!

Teo!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I didn't treat you well.

Hold on tight!

Emergency.

Teo.

Brother...

don't worry... about... me.

I can't leave you like this.

Teo?

Ti, how about we keep going to Sa Dec?

You mean you're not hurt?

You little shit, are you pretending?

No, I thought my bones were broken.

You freaked me out!

Forget about it.
Go propose before it's too late.

We have no money, no car.
How're we supposed to get there?

We don't have any money,

but the car...

Hey!

Mouse was two years younger than me.

We were very close.

And then we lost him.

But I think everything happens
for a reason.

Otherwise, we would've never
met each other.

Hey, I'm driving. That's enough.

What're you doing?

Don't do that anymore, ok?

Alright.

Dad,

I have something to talk to Diep about.

What's going on?

The truth is...

I'm pregnant with Ti's baby.

You don't have to say anything.

Last night while you were drunk

you told me everything already.

- I'm sorry, I...
- I love you.

Nothing happened between us last night.

Thank you.

Teo.

- Teo.
- Huh?

You took me to visit Mom and Dad?

Actually I'm not dumb enough
to take a shortcut

that's longer than the main road.

I wanted to take you here
to visit Mom and Dad.

But I was unlucky enough
to go the wrong way.

I come here every week to visit them,
but I keep getting lost each time.

Know what's funny, Ti?

I wanted to visit Mom and Dad
and ended up going swimming.

This is the first time
I've come back here since Mom passed.

Then that's the last time
we saw each other, Ti.

Today, in front of our parents,

I want you to call me
big brother from now on.

Don't ever think of yourself as adopted.

As of now,

we are real brothers.

Really, Ti?

Big Bro.

Don't call me Teo anymore.

Call me Little Bro.

Ok, Little Bro.

Us brothers will be together
for the rest of our lives, right?

Where you are, I'll be there.

Let me borrow your phone.
Who're you going to call?

Who cares who I call?
Don't be a busybody, give it to me.

Go wait in the car.

- Hello?
- Hello, Minh Minh. It's me.

Hello?

Hello? Minh Minh?

Cao Son listening.

Khoa? Did you deliver
the flowers to Minh Minh for me?

Yes, all 220 flowers.

What do you mean 220?
I only ordered 20 flowers.

The other 200
are for the engagement party.

What? Engagement party?

In short, they've all been delivered. Bye.

- Whose engagement party?
- Minh!

But you haven't proposed yet.

It's an engagement party
with some other guy!

- So we're going to congratulate them?
- Get in!

Big Bro, leave it to your Little Bro.

Let me tell you, my brother Ti
wants to marry Minh Minh.

You dare steal Ti's lover, grandpa?

Aren't you scared the kids
will laugh at you

and say you're an old buffalo
who likes to suck on young grass?

- Teo!
- Yes?

You're mistaken.
This is the father of the bride.

This is the bride.

Ah, I get it.

Big Bro, you came
to propose to brother Minh.

Minh was afraid to reveal his true self.

So he's pretending to marry this girl
to hide the truth from everyone.

You coward!

You must be open
to your true sexual orientation.

God gave you that,
you four-eyed scaredy cat!

- Yes?
- That's enough.

- Let me knock down this fake play.
- What are you saying?

Divorce him to ease the pain. He's gay.

If you marry this guy, at night

you guys will fight over the nightgown.

- Teo!
- Huh?

This is Minh Minh.

Oh my lord,

these days sex change operations
are really incredible.

I can't even tell!

Let me squeeze one.

Teo! Go outside and wait for me a moment.

Minh Minh!

I know I was wrong.

But you can't marry this guy.

Because I love you

and I know that you love me too.

What're you saying?
Go home to your Wonderland project.

I don't need Wonderland.

I just need you. You need to tell
your parents and everyone else

that you're carrying my child...

What're you doing, hitting my brother?

Why'd you hit my brother?

Minh Minh, who are these guys?

I...

Excuse me, this is my Big Bro.
His name is Tran Dai Ti.

A businessman from the North Pole, gay,

with three nipples.

I'm Ti's Little Bro.
My name is Tran Sang Trong Teo,

a mechanic, just fired,

not gay. Same as seven billion
other people on this earth,

Teo has two nipples.

Minh Minh, you know these two crazy guys?

Minh Minh, why are you such a coward?

Are you a real man?

Minh Minh.

I've told you everything
that I want to say.

I love you, and respect your decision.

I wish you happiness.

Big Bro!

Minh, Ti went through a lot
to get here today.

He even nearly got ripped apart
by a crocodile.

You see, this isn't just
some showoff love.

Like this girl.
I think this girl is beautiful

and so I love her
and her love will make me strong.

Even if I see a crocodile,

I'm not scared of it because I'm in love.

I'm in love.

Oh, but are you a woman or a man?

- Let me see...
- You guys kick this guy outta here!

Oh shit, I've fallen into an ambush!

You two sisters can't touch me,
you can't touch me!

Everybody! They're trying to
sexually abuse me!

Rape!

I'm going to report you
to the Women's Union!

Big Bro!

Big Bro.

I'm sorry, Big Bro.

I was selfish, so you got here late.

And you lost your love.

It's my fault that...

- It's not your fault.
- Yes, it is.

It's my fault.

But because of this trip, I realized

that the most important person in my life

was never lost.

He's still standing right in front of me.

I didn't know you had a little brother.

- Eventually I'll tell you the whole story.
- Three Tits!

Big Bro, propose to her.

Will you marry me?

Oh, Little Xiu, wake up
and join your birthday party.

Teo.

Teo!

- What're you doing?
- I'm breastfeeding.

You don't have any milk.

I've been eating pig nails,
sweet potato leaves, and stewed papaya,

so how come the milk hasn't come?

Give her to me.

When you have your own baby
you can hold it.

Uncle Teo keeps messing with little Xiu.

- What's wrong?
- It hurts, I think I'm going into labor!

Hubby!

Wifey!

What's wrong, Wifey?

- Hubby!
- What is it?

My stomach hurts.

Go to the toilet!

No, she's going into labor!

What's that?

- I'm having the baby!
- You're having the baby?

Where are the keys?

I don't know!

Here comes Teo Junior!

- Open the door!
- It hurts.

Get in.

- Go, driver!
- Tu Du Hospital.

Good luck, Wifey!

She's about to give birth!

Teo!

I forgot! I'm the husband.

- The husband has to take care of the wife.
- Teo!

When the wife has a baby,
the husband has to be next to her.

- I almost left my baby!
- Get in the car, Teo.

I'm so tired. Alright, go.

- Wait.
- What?

Ti, get out. I have to tell you something.

- Hurry.
- What's going on?

Wait, let's count two, three

and close the doors at the same time
so that it's nice.

Two, three!

- Nice my ass! My stomach hurts!
- Wifey, what if our kid matures before me?

Should I call it Big Bro?
Driver, don't go to the hospital,

go to the beach.
I heard natural birth is better.

If we do an underwater birth,
the baby will be able to swim!

So if we give birth in the mountains,
the baby will know how to hike?

Let's have it on a plane
so it'll be an astronaut.