To a Tee (2006) - full transcript

A playwright feeds off his stubborn attraction to the wrong type of guy.

(playful music)

- [Narrator] Why am I pacing?

I'm pacing, I'm pacing back and forth.

Why?

What am I doing?

I have things I need to be doing.

I can't do this.

I need to stop.

I should be shaving.

I need to shave and shower.

I've got class soon.



I need to start now.

But I need some water first, yeah.

I need a bottle of water,
there's some in the fridge.

There we go.

Great.

(phone rings)

Oh, there's the phone.

But, why so excited?

It's the generic ring.

It's not like it's Xan,

why would Xan be calling now?

What reason would he have to call?

He's busy, he's always busy.

He doesn't have time for that.



Why should I?

Why should I even have time to
answer, should he be calling?

I've got shit to do, I've
got a lot of shit to do.

I'm extremely busy, constantly.

There's so much going
on I can't handle it.

Okay, why am I back in the bedroom?

Why am I glancing down at the phone?

Who gives a shit who called?

I don't.

Why would I care?

I've got so much on my mind.

What am I doing?

Go shave, you look like a beast.

Fuck, go shave.

Oh my God, I do look like a beast.

I need the phone.

I need it here so I
can keep track of time.

Time passes so quickly.

Probably because I'm pacing
back and forth for the majority

of it as if I had nothing to do.

Oh, shit.

It's Wednesday isn't it?

Yeah, oh yeah, it's
Wednesday and it's noon,

and emulated Jamaica Kincaid, I have not.

I need to write that piece.

Fuck shaving, I can rock
the tortured artist look.

I need to write that piece.

My laptop takes forever to load.

Why is it so slow?

I need to sit down.

Why am I still pacing?

Sit your ass down, and write that piece.

About what though?

Yeah, what am I doing?

I should be shaving.

I'm blocked.

I can't write right now.

But I guess I could pull
something out of my ass,

that's one thing I've got,
I can always fall back on

being funny.

But if you had the choice,
would you really choose to be

funny?

I mean, would you?

People usually assume that
there's not much else...

What, what is that a bug?

God I miss Amanda.

- Okay, wait.

- What's wrong?

- Time out, alright,

just go smoke a cigarette or something.

(laughing)

- [Man] Why?

- You topped last time.

- So?

(applause)

- Thanks so much for coming,
it was really good seeing you

again.

- David.

- Courtney!

Hey.

- Hey.

Oh, I want you to meet Amanda.

- Hey, how do you do?

- Hi.

- Amanda writes The Rage.

- Oh, Courtney, you make
it seem so official--

- Well.

(chuckles)

- No, I just do a new
restaurant review occasionally,

that kind of thing.

Nothing special, just if they ask me to.

- Wow, then I guess I'm outta luck, huh?

- [Courtney] Yeah.

- [David] So, then what do you
do like, on a regular basis?

- Oh, my dissertation,
at Vanderbilt in English.

Yeah, I went to culinary school
originally, but it's kinda

hard to find a job in that, so.

- Yeah.

- You were wonderful tonight, by the way.

- Oh, you were hilarious tonight, David.

(chuckling)

- And you wrote it too, right?

- Yeah.

- [Courntey] Oh, he
only does his own stuff.

- Courtney, so not, not true.

- Oh, hey, so do you think
you're going to be able

to do my play after all?

- Of course, why wouldn't I?

- Oh, Amanda knows Chris
Bosco, the guy who writes for

the theater section.

- Yeah, yeah, I know who
he is of course, I've never

met him.

- Yeah, yeah, he wanted to
come tonight, but then he

couldn't last minute, so,
he asked me to take notes

in case I wanted to write
up an article or something

and I think we'd be crazy not to.

I mean it's just, it was wonderful.

- Like an article about the show?

- Yeah, it's witty, charming,
you have a voice all your own,

really, so, I was wondering
if we could maybe sit down and

talk about it?

- Yeah, like, like right now?

What are you guys?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, why don't we just
go get a drink or something?

- Yeah, yeah, you want to?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Great, Amanda, right?

- Yeah.

- Oh, when you enter that nine
to five world, then you'll

realize just how important
those eight hours of sleep

really are.

You were wonderful.

- Thank you daring.

- Hysterical.

- Thank you darling.

- Good night, Amanda.

- Good night.

- Good night.

- [Courtney] Good night.

- Don't you have to be up early?

Don't you have class tomorrow?

- Uh, my days start at one.

- Oh, so you can stay up late?

- Late nights.

(chuckles)

- Well how much longer do you have?

- Uh, technically I'm a junior.

But, if I want to get out at
my estimated graduation date,

I'll have to start setting
these little endeavors of mine

off to the side, which I
totally can't see myself doing.

And, are you about ready
to hit the sack yourself?

I saw you checking your
watch a second ago.

- Oh, no, I was just checking.

- Well in that case,
you wanna get outta here

and go get some coffee or something?

Go for a walk?

- Actually I know a really
great place around the corner

with desserts and delectables,
I think they're open late.

- That bakery right around the corner?

- Yeah, yeah.

Hey, how much was mine?

- Exactly what I had in mind.

- How much was mine?

Thank you.

- Are you sure you're not
gonna turn into a pumpkin?

- I think I'll manage.

- Great.

(pleasant music)

What is this?

- Cat?

(laughing)

- I'm just sure it isn't chicken.

Alright, so, when are we gonna do it?

- 21st, and 22nd.

What?

There's a conflict, isn't there?

- Well, no, I mean, you know
I'm understudying for Hamlet,

right?

- That's the same weekend?

(huffs)

- No, I mean, I think
we'll be fine, I mean,

it's not like they're gonna--

- David!

You're outta TP.

- Uh, there should be
some under the counter.

- I checked.

- Are you serious?

- No.

I just thought I'd come out
here and announce that my

hoo-hah needs to be wiped.

(chuckling)

- David, come finish this, I
just need to go out to my car.

- You have toilet paper in your car?

- I picked some stuff up
earlier when I went and got

everything for dinner.

- You know, most people keep
toilet paper in the bathroom.

I guess you're not one
of those people, David.

(chuckling)

- Well, thank you for dinner.

And for the toilet paper.

You're so resourceful.

- Are you okay?

You seem glum.

- Well, I uh, found out
tonight that Courtney's play

is the same weekend as Hamlet.

- But you're only an understudy.

- Yeah, well, with my luck,
they'll fucking need me.

- Just don't worry about it.

I mean, what if they did?

What if they did need you?

- Well, then...

I guess I'd have to do it.

- But you've committed
to Courtney's project.

- But I've also committed to Hamlet.

I guess you're right, I
don't need to worry about it.

What are the odds?

- You coulda said no!

You could have backed out
with them once you started

rehearsing with me!

- It's not like I can just
leave them without a Hamlet.

- You are the most selfish
person I have ever met.

All you care about is you,
and what's best for you,

and your little acting
career, but you know what?

You can just fucking go to hell!

- Okay, I'll just get the
car in gear, and I'll go.

(ignition starts)

- And you know what?

- What?

- Your breath fucking stinks!

- Well no one said it
was going to be easy.

- Well she didn't have to
act like such a fucking bitch

about it, you know?

- Given the circumstances
I wouldn't say there were a

variety of ways she could have responded.

I mean can you honestly
blame her for being upset?

- Which one do I wanna get,
do I wanna get a detergent

that whitens whites and brightens brights?

Or smells like fresh rain
and has a stain lifter?

- Uh, what does the one that
whitens whites and brightens

brights smell like?

- Doesn't matter, I got
the other one anyway.

Uh, you know, I just, I don't
like the way I feel right now,

you know?

She made me feel like
such a piece of shit.

- David, she's upset.

I mean, really, can
you honestly blame her?

- Well she didn't have
to call me a faggot.

- Did she really say that?

- Yeah.

- It's something my mom made
once, back when I had my

wisdom teeth removed, I had
nothing but soup for like

three days straight.

So, when cooking came to
me, I demanded a copy of

the recipe.

And it's sort of a "get
well, I hope you feel better"

kind of thing.

It's so funny too--

(big band music)

- Alright we'll meet you there.

- Oh, okay.

Hey, by the way, you kicked ass.

- Thank you.

- It really was amazing how
you managed to just throw--

- Hey, David.

- Hey, Xan.

- Listen I can't make
it to dinner, but I just

wanted to thank you again.

You were great.

Both nights.

- It was a lot of fun, thank
you for the opportunity.

- Yeah, you're remarkable.

- Thank you.

- Give me a hug.

- Thank you.

- Alright, bye.

- See you.

He's just been in town a
little longer than a year,

and he's directed a couple things, so,

and he was in Shakespeare
in the Park, too.

- Oh.

(phone rings)

- Hold on.

Hello?

Hey.

Yeah, no, no, no, we
haven't left yet, what's up?

Yeah.

Yeah, no, no, no, I'd like
to, yeah, sometime yeah,

that'd be great.

Okay.

Yeah, well I'll talk to you later, okay.

Alright, bye.

Xan just asked me out on a date.

- What?

- Yeah, isn't that funny?

- So you think you will?

- I mean, why not?

He's really cute.

- Hey, hey, so who's that
guy Amanda came with?

Is that David?

- Yeah, that's David.

The actor.

- Okay, I thought so.

I think I've seen him in something before.

Is he gay?

- I'd like to think so.

- He does have a long torso.

(laughter)

- True story.

- I'll just lay that there, so,

his name's Robby.

- Robby.

I knew it.

(chuckling)

- Is it that obvious?

Really?

- Go on.

- Is it that obvious?

- Tell me about Robby.

- So, okay.

No really, is it that obvious?

It's just some pathetic
autobiographical bullshit?

- No, just, tell me more.

- Okay, so, anyway it's actually
really romantic how we met,

like in the play.

So--

- Where'd you meet, I'm dying here?

- Alright, we had a writing
class together, I know that

sounds stupid, but whatever.
- Uh-uh.

- Just wait.

He sat across from me, usually, and um,

I'd catch him every once
and while you know, like,

glancing over me, at me.

You know that kind of thing
where if you turn and look

back at them they look away
like they don't want you

to know they're,
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so, anyway, one class,
I noticed he was pulling that

routine in the corner of my
eye, so I'm looking up every

15 seconds or so, but it was
like this systematic thing

right?

- Uh-huh.

- And then I noticed that
he was like sketching or

scribbling something in his notebook.

- Mm-hmm.

- So, I sort of figured, well,
fuck, he's kinda drawing me.

And sure enough, after class, he um...

I was sitting there with my
professor, and we were um,

going over something that
I'd workshopped in class,

something I didn't like.

He always took a really
long time to leave,

I think he was hoping I
would hang out and talk,

so anyway, this time, it's
obvious that he's gotta go,

'cause it's just me and the
professor, one on one, and,

as he walks out, he ever
so casually slides the um,

slides the sketch on top of my shit.

- Sketch of you?

- Yeah.

- Oh my God.

- And it was good.

- Get out.

- Yeah.

- Wow.

- So, I followed him
outside where I knew he'd

be, 'cause he always had
like a cigarette after class

by the front doors, and
you know, I thought about

before stopping and talking
to him, but I really didn't

have a reason to, other than
the fact that, he's fucking

hot, so...

So I found him, he was
there, where I knew he'd be,

and um,

we got to talking, and I thanked
him for the sketch, and...

He was just so gentlemanly, you know?

Like he was trying to
prevent the smoke from

blowing in my face 'cause
he knows I'm not a smoker,

but little did he know I'm
like one of the few people who

likes the actual smell of
cigarette smoke, you know,

were it bottled I'd probably
buy it as a cologne.

And um--

- Fascinating.

- So, then we exchanged
numbers but we ended up hanging

out like the rest of the day,

we got some dinner, and some coffee.

Well, hot chocolate, he
wasn't really a coffee person,

and um...

Yeah, became pretty regular after that.

We started dating, or, not
really dating, we didn't

really go out that much,
we sort of stayed in,

and he cooked a lot, oh my God, Amanda...

Could he fucking cook.

I don't know whether it's
being like, growing up,

in the back roads of wherever
he's from, or being Italian,

or what, but it was,
it was some good shit.

And yeah, we eventually
got to it, the sex.

It was unbelievable.

- In the play it seemed like
the struggle came from the

boudoir.

- Well, I mean, part of it did.

And I would hardly call
what we had a boudoir.

(laughing)

But um...

But the play wouldn't have
been as funny, believe me,

if the two characters hadn't
always argued over who

would get to insert it.

Yeah, you have to extract
the entertaining bits,

and just do away with the rest, but uh,

shake it, shake it.

Um...

We hardly ever argue about it anyway.

I was pretty passive.

I was like, ugh, just get it over with.

- Damn.

- I liked it.

So anyway, dot dot dot,

thank you.

I eventually came to the clonclusion...

(giggling)

I think I added a couple
Cs and Ls in there and Us

that weren't really there but um,

eventually it surfaced that,
you know, he was on all

sorts of downers,
uppers, whatever, and um.

- Zoloft?

- Yeah, shit like that.

Not Zoloft though, I
think it started with a P.

- Prescription meds?

- Well that's what they
certainly were, but...

(giggling)

Anyway, it just seems like
I'm always ending up with

the fuckin' crazy prick, kamikaze fuckers,

and when I started being more
observant, and mouthy about

his manic depressiveness
he started spending,

is that even yours?

Um, he started um, spending time away,

nights, just he wouldn't
show up when we had plans,

you know.

- My hand's asleep.

- Ugh, fuck.

And obviously you know,
like the demons set in,

you know?

- Yeah.

- I thought he was, I
suspected he was cheating,

and obviously he knew he was.

I knew it wouldn't last,
anyway, he's not really

doing much with is life, practical anyway,

I mean, he's good, but,
his art's not that good.

(laughing)

You know what I mean?

- Yeah.

- I mean he's not that
much different, I mean.

What?

- You tell, such a good story.

- I'm glad that the real
version's more entertaining than,

if I'd gotten laughs like
that I think the play would

have made more money.

But anyway.

Amanda, would you please,
listen to me, here?

- I'm listening.

- 'Cause this is the best part.

He was a spitter.

- No he wasn't.

(laughing)

- Not like that!

Like I mean, like he spit,

(hawking up spit)

anywhere he went, like we're
talking total classless,

like this is when his true
colors and accent came into play.

Total like, trailer honey.

- I actually laughed more in the play.

- You did?

You should have laughed
up, I didn't hear it.

- Man.

Yeah.

Laughed more in the play.

- Well, obviously, because
things like that never

end well in real life.

You know, too afraid to...

Forgive.

What?

We're to afraid to,
- I know, you're right.

- Call and quietly let the other
person know that it's over.

- It's true.

- And, but, you know...

Instead we laugh, no we shout
and whatever we sever ties

and hold grudges.

(laughing)

That's not funny!

- It doesn't have to be like that.

I mean--

- Well.

- It just doesn't.

- Yeah, well, not if you're Courtney.

- Hey, who pays?

- Who pays for what?

- You know, like when
you're out on a date?

Like, you or the guy you're
with, like how do you know

how that works?

- Shit, I don't know.

- Just whoever grabs the
check first, or what?

- Okay, I can wear this,

or I can wear this.

- Um--

- There's another option.

- I mean, where are you guys going?

- [David] Uh, I don't know.

- Well you should call and ask him.

- Uh, no, I don't want him to
know I'm thinking about it,

he can't know I'm high
maintenance yet, it'll disrupt

the euphoria.

Alright, this,

or this?

- The burgundy one.

(pleasant music)

(phone buzzes)

Yes, David?

- Well, he said he would call me tomorrow.

(opera)

So, um, act one was just
so beautiful, wasn't it?

- Mm-Hmm, Adina, Credini, Tene.

(chuckling)

- Yeah, I wish I understood Italian.

- Whoever played Adina,
she had a diction problem.

- Yeah?

- Her annunciation, it wasn't,

it could have been better, but um--

- Yeah?

- That's of little consequence.

The second act though,
what'd you think of it?

- Uh, the first piece after
intermission, it was um,

well it was really really beautiful.

(speaking Italian)

He's just so great, you know?

And charming, and cultured.

From abroad.

But he's so dark.

I think I have a thing for
dark guys, actually I do.

Thank you.

I know I do.

My um, my first boyfriend,
was half Iranian.

Which, later proved ironic
when he turned out to be a,

well, for lack of a
better word, terrorist.

And then after that I dated a Creole.

Which was pretty
interesting, very well hung.

But Xan...

He's different you know?

It's promising.

A keeper.

But you wanted to tell me something.

Sorry.

- Yeah, well, I got a job.

- Awesome.

Where doing what?

- Teaching English.

Sophomore honors English at a High School.

- Awesome, like, now?

Like so soon?

- Yeah, apparently I'm replacing someone--

- Yeah?

- They were having some
problems or complaints,

so, I'll start next semester.

- Well, cool, I mean where, which school?

- Um, it's in Murphisborough actually.

- That's a far way out.

- Yeah, I'll be moving.

- When?

- Soon.

As soon as I find a place.

- Sorry.

Obviously, I'm thrilled for you, Amanda,

that you're being presented
such an opportunity,

I'm just being, me.

So it'll be like soon?

Relatively soon.

I'm just little sad, that's all.

Cake's good.

- Secret recipe.

- I don't get it, you
want a piece of lettuce,

they give you a piece of
lettuce, you want two pieces of

cheese, and some mayonnaise,
tomatoes, that's fine,

but you know the minute you
ask them to cut it differently,

they just go berserk.

They don't understand, what
is so difficult about cutting

a sandwich into four pieces?

You know, you cut it in half,
you have the two halves,

then you cut it into four,
so I can eat some later,

I just, I don't get it.

Anyway, I need to uh, go get ready, um,

Xan and I have dinner plans.

I'll see you later.

- Bye.

- Well, I mean, we could
always order Chinese.

- I'm kinda sick of Chinese.

Just let me finish this email,

I'll make something.

(phone rings)

Is that Amanda?

- Yeah, she um, she wants
to know what I'm doing

tomorrow night, I'll just
text her back in a second,

let her know that we have plans.

- Plans, David, she's
leaving town in a week,

you should probably have
dinner with her, whatever she's

wanting to do, whatever.

- Well, I mean, would you
wanna come along, obviously

she wouldn't mind.

- David, I'm sure she'd
rather just see you.

- So you wouldn't want to
do anything tomorrow night?

Who are you emailing?

- It's a mass email concerning
all parents of the children

involved in the Christmas musical.

To help out or volunteer
in any way that they can.

- Alright, I can see that now, thank you,

I was just wondering, I was just asking.

- And I love how you read
into me not wanting to have

dinner with you and your fag
hag, as complete disinterest.

- Well should I take it
as partial disinterest?

And so then yeah, he
screamed at me, made me cry,

you know?

Told me that he likes
me despite my blossoming

co-dependency.

Said that we should probably
spend some time apart

because he's so busy, and
that he's probably keeping

me from so much, from my
friends, from my writing.

Hey, I've got something here from Robby.

- From Robby?

What is it?

- I don't know, it's some
little postcard, inviting me

to a gallery opening of his.

I must have been on the automated list.

Okay, so, Robby wants to see me.

After the gallery thing
he wants to have dinner.

- You talked to him?

- He called.

- What about Xan?

- Fuck Xan, you know?

He'll either come around, or he won't.

So I brought some selections,
you can help me choose,

since it's not for another
couple weeks, and you won't

be here.

I thought it went really
well, and your work has just

matured so much.

That piece with the sausage links?

I mean that was just great,
and the turn out was wonderful,

I'm just so happy for you
that you're doing so well.

- You look kinda thin.

- It was the worst 35 minutes of my life.

And the food?

The food was terrible,
I couldn't even eat it,

which must have seemed fitting
after his fucking accusation.

I mean, I don't get it, why am I so thin?

You know?

I eat, I eat all the time,
I eat like Mama Cass, why

don't I look like her?

- [Recording] If you are
satisfied with your message,

press one.

To listen to your message, press two.

To rerecord, press three.

To enter a callback number, press four.

- [David] God I miss Amanda.

- [Recording] Hey, this is
Amanda, sorry I missed you,

but leave a message
and I'll call you back.

- So when was the last
time you talked to Amanda?

- I don't know, uh,

early last week maybe.

We play phone tag, every now and again.

- Is she seeing somebody now?

I read on MySpace and
she's in a relationship.

- Yeah, she and this guy
have been seeing each other

for awhile.

I forget what he does though,

but uh, I don't know she
doesn't really bring him up

so I guess it's not enough
for me to warrant ever asking

about him.

- That ice cream is fucking melting.

(chuckling)

I want another scoop.

- Well you need to get
something, listen to yourself

Marianne Faithful.

- Shut up.

- I wish they'd hurry up
with my Goddamn cheesecake.

- I know, why didn't they
bring it out when they brought

this disaster?

(chuckling)

- I don't know, but our
tip's gonna be minute.

- Hey, how was lover boy?

- I don't know,

you know I thought we'd find
more time for each other

once, you know he brushed
his little children's musical

underneath the rug, but it
was just the same old story,

you know, he gets busier and
busier and needs to catch up

with work or friends, so, I don't know.

Frankly, I'm tired of his
bullshit, and I'm tired of

trying to figure him out, so.

- Well you always pick the
same type of guy, anyway.

- I'd hardly say that I
pick, Liz, they usually have

their way of finding me.

- Yeah, but once they've
found you you continue the

relationship, I mean, you
do have some say in whether

or not you keep going out with them.

Take some responsibility.

- I have a type.

- Yeah, you have a type.

Dark and mysterious, creative
something or others, who,

can't keep their dicks
out of other guys' mouths.

I mean stop me when I'm going astray here.

- No, you're good.

(phone rings)

And, speaking of Amanda.

I'll be right back.

Hey.

- Hey, you.

What are you up to?

- Nothin', just lunching with Liz.

- Aw, tell Liz I said hey.

- I will, so what's up?

- Well, I was just calling
to invite you to my house

this weekend.

- Your house?

You bought a house?

- Kevin and I are renting it.

- Wait, who?

- Kevin, my boyfriend.

- Right, no-no-no-no I just,
you must have cut out or

something.

Wow.

Wow, so, you've got a house now.

- Yeah, um, I, I mean we're
wanting people to come

and celebrate with us, and
you know, I thought you

could come and I know
y'all haven't met yet,

but you and Kevin haven't
met, but you can come and just

approve him too.

I just know you're gonna love him,

so, um, bring Liz too if you want,

and um, there's kinda someone
else I want you to meet, so.

- You're not gonna believe this,

the fuckin' waitress ate a
piece of your cheesecake.

- I don't doubt that she did.

- I tried to stop the bitch.

We almost got kicked out.

- I appreciate that.

- You're welcome.

(upbeat music)

- Sam, hey.

- Hey!

- It's so great seeing you.

- It's so good seeing you!

Um, hi, how are you?

- Good.

- Liz.

- Malcolm.

- Uh, Amanda's in the kitchen.

- Oh, cool, um, do you
know where the bathroom is?

- Oh, it's down there, down the hall.

- Okay.

- You want me to take that
to her, to the kitchen?

- Sure, that'd be great.

Thank you, Sam.

- How do you even eat this thing?

- The trifle?

- It's so deep, how do
you try all the layers?

- That's why the layers are redundant.

- Amanda, David's here.

- Oh, he is?

Great.

Where is he, did he
not come in behind you?

- He had to use the restroom.

- Oh.

- He'll be fine, he'll
find his way back here,

God those look amazing.

- Sam, no, not yet.

- Oh, Abbie it's fine, it'll
be as if they never existed

in the next five minutes anyway, so...

Hey did he bring anyone with him?

- No, well, I don't know,

just Liz.

- It's just there's someone
I wanted to introduce him to,

so.

- How the hell are you
supposed to serve that thing?

- Uh, Dave, David, right?

- Hi.

- Recognized you from the few
hundred pictures Amanda has.

Propped up and hung around this place.

- Well I hadn't noticed yet,

I, well I haven't had a tour, so.

- How was the drive?

- It was good, it was long.

I listened to the radio
for the first time in,

who knows how long?

Like the real radio, I
usually just tune in to a Jazz

station, but um, for the life
of me I couldn't find one

up here, so.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Even on AM?

- Yeah, even on AM.

- Strange.

- Very.

- So what are you doing now?

Are you working on something?

A play or what do you?

- Yeah, actually I'm working
on this psychological thriller,

it's about a lab technician
who tests hallucinogens

on single-mothers.

No, I'm not writing anything right now.

(chuckling)

- Hey, Faith, could you help me with this?

Thanks.

- Oh, what if I drop it?

Kidding.

- Hey, Amanda, is he here yet?

Do you know?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, actually I
was just on my way to find him.

- What's that?

- A trifle.

- A what?

- Who gives a shit, let's just eat it.

- But uh, so what do you do?

- I am a photographer.

- Really?

- Yeah, really.

- I just thought you looked
like you could be a realtor

or something.

(chuckling)

- I uh, I have been told I
look like I could effectively

sell a house.

(chuckling)

- So, what kind of stuff do you do?

- Nudes, mostly.

- Really?

- No, no, I'm kidding, but
a little birdie told me

you once posed for a
sculpture class, yeah.

(chuckling)

- Have you been fishing
for that for awhile?

- No.

Just curious.

- I'll bet.

- Tell me, David, have
you ever modeled though?

For a real photographer?

- A real photographer?

Yeah, um, years ago, I must have been 16.

- Hey.

- Hey!

- How are you, getting on famously I see?

- You look great.

- I look like I've been in
the kitchen for the past

three hours, but thank you.

- Whatever, alright, so where is he?

The beau.

The guy I must promptly approve of.

- I guess between our
biographies I forgot to introduce

myself.

Kevin.

- Right, yeah.

It's nice to meet you.

- And you too.

- I made your favorite, and
everyone's been wondering

what the hell it is.

- Oh, have they?

- Amanda do you have another
bottle of Merlot, or did

we drink it all?

- Um, I'm not sure, maybe.

And to which question I'm not sure.

Should we go check?

(playful music)

(chattering)

(phone ringing)

- Hello?

- David, hey, it's Kevin.

- Hey.

- What's up, what are you doing?

- Oh, I'm just, I'm just cooking.

- Listen um, I'm gonna be
in Nashville tomorrow to uh,

to take some pictures 'cause
you know the weather's supposed

to be nice, so um, I was
wondering if you want to get

together for a cup of coffee,
or you know help me knock

out a few exposures or a row?

- Um, yeah.

Sure.

What kind of camera is that?

- It's a Pentax.

- Well what can it do?

- What do you mean, what can it do?

- Like I don't know, I don't
really know anything about

cameras, but cameras today
they can do just about anything

right?

Like cellphones?

- Well, yeah, I mean, but no
this one's actually a manual,

it's pretty old, I've had it forever.

But I mean, I know what
you mean about technology,

it's...

But trust me all that digital
processing is a photographer's

worst nightmare.

- [David] Yeah, I hate
technology, I just recently,

like in the past year purchased
a laptop for my writing,

it just seems like so much
of our time and money today

is spent on more machines.

iPods, video game consoles, DVD players--

- [Kevin] I have to admit
to being a video gamer.

I think it accounts for my
somewhat addictive personality.

But they don't make games
the way they used to,

just for racing cars and blowing stuff up.

You know apparently
Shamoo, you know the whale?

Has his own video game.

- [David] Well, what's
he gonna do, get beat?

(chuckling)

(Jazz music)

- So what are all the trays for?

- Um, this is the developer,

it um, to develop the photo
agitates in the chemical for

three to five minutes or so.

And uh, that's just the stop,
it washes off the developer.

This is the fix, it prevents
it from developing further

when exposed to light.

And then the final tray there is the wash,

it's the last wash before the perma-wash.

- Sounds time consuming.

(chuckling)

So how long did you say that part takes?

- It depends, three to five minutes or so,

just using, with the fiber
based paper, see there it goes.

Sometimes it takes awhile to
star, but once it kicks in,

there's no stopping it.

- Wow.

The contrast is amazing,
all the lights and darks.

- Well I mean, look
what I had to work with.

You're a fantastic subject.

- Right.

- God, look how photogenic you are.

- It's just the angle.

- Look at that smile.

You've got beautiful teeth.

What's your secret?

- Toothpaste.

(phone rings)

Hey.

- What are you up to?

- Oh, nothing.

- So, whatever happened with swell Steve?

I mean, I really couldn't
tell whether you guys

hit it off or not.

- Oh, well, we exchanged numbers.

- Aw, you didn't think he was cute?

- That, and, he probably
doesn't know his stage left

from his stage right.

- David.

Well I guess, more importantly,
what'd you think of Kevin?

- What'd I think of him?

- Yeah, what'd you think?

- Well I think he's great.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, I mean he's um,
he's really well spoken,

and I think he has a great
appreciation for the arts,

and he travels too, he said.

- Well, what'd you think,
did you think he was cute?

- Yeah, yeah of course he's got that um,

smoldering look about
him, it's really nice.

He's um, he's really attractive.

- So, what have you got going
on this weekend, anything?

- Well I'm sure I could whip
something up if you give

me a second, why?

- Well I was kinda wondering
if you wanted to come up

for a couple of days.

- A couple days?

- Yeah, I mean, I know it
feels like you were just here,

and you were practically, but,

I miss you, you know?

I miss seeing you.

Kevin and I were going to be
in town for a little while

on Saturday and I thought
maybe we could pop by and pick

you up, drive you back with us.

It's not like you would
have to worry about driving

at all, Kevin could drive
you back on Monday in time

for your class.

Still starts at one, right?

(bouncy Jazz music)

Tucking you in.

- Yeah, snug as a bug.

- In a rug.

(chuckling)

Good night.

- Good night, thank you.

♫ Love with me

♫ Somewhere on the sea

♫ Beneath the stars

♫ Darling

♫ Walk with me

♫ Somewhere on the edge

♫ Of life

♫ Run with me

♫ In the dark

♫ When it rides

♫ Darling

♫ Walk with me

♫ Somewhere on the edge

♫ Of night ♫

- Hey, Faith, it's Amanda.

Hey, listen, um, Kevin's
gonna be late tonight,

I was wondering if maybe you
wanted to come over for dinner?

Oh, okay.

Great.

- Hey.

- Hey, I'm here.

- Okay, I'll be right out.

♫ I believe in the air so

♫ Dark black

♫ I believe in the shadow

♫ Of one

♫ And I believe in the daughter

♫ Of two

♫ I believe in the darkness

♫ Of you

♫ My love

♫ My love

♫ My darkest

♫ Love ♫

- Hey, Faith.

Yeah, it's Amanda.

Listen, Kevin's gonna
be late again tonight,

and I was wondering if
you've had dinner already?

Oh.

Oh, no, that's fine.

♫ All I need

♫ Is you

♫ To show me

♫ The dark ♫

- Did you not make a,

why isn't there a print of that one?

- Which one?

- That one.

- Oh, it's probably too
small to see there, but

there's a horrible dust
problem with that one.

(phone buzzes)

And the one above it there, you see?

- You can't just dust it off?

- Negatives are delicate,
David, they scratch.

- Okay, if you're saying
it's fucked because it has

dust on it, then what's
the harm of dusting it off?

I mean, you get a scratch,
you get a scratch.

If not, problem solved, right?

(chuckling)

- No, right.

- So did you do something wrong?

- Did I do something wrong?

- Uh-Huh.

- Did I do something wrong?

Is that what you're asking me?

- Mm-Hmm.

- Telling you there was dust
on it, that's what I did wrong.

(doorbell rings)

Expecting somebody?

- No.

Uh, I don't know who it could be.

(doorbell rings)

It's Liz.

- Don't open it.

- She probably already heard our voices,

our cars are outside.

- Hey, I had to drop some
stuff off at the post office

so I thought I'd just come
by and see what was going on.

Hey, Kevin.

I didn't know you guys were gonna be here.

Where's Amanda?

What, for how long?!

- I don't know, since we met?

- David, are you crazy?

What about Amanda?

Is he planning on leaving her?

- I don't know, we haven't
really talked about it.

- You haven't talked about it?

David he lives with her in her house.

Do you have any idea what you're doing?

- Look, alright, I know we need,
I know we need to tell her,

and eventually we're gonna
tell her, I just, Liz,

promise me you're not gonna say anything?

- I really wish you hadn't told me this.

- Liz, promise me you're
not gonna say anything.

- I'm not gonna say one fucking word.

I don't want to have
anything to do with this,

and I really don't wanna know you anymore.

- Bye Liz.

David why the fuck did you open the door?

- [David] What was I supposed to do?

- Not open it, wait for me
to hide in the bathroom,

you know, something?

- In the bathroom, Kevin
what are you talking about?

Do you just want to go on hiding this?

Is that what we want, to just hide it?

- No, I don't think we have
to worry about hiding it

anymore, I'm sure that your
fag hag will take care of

that part.

- Kevin, she's not gonna say anything.

- David, that's bullshit and you know it.

- Well we need to start
figuring out what to say to her.

I just...

You can't go on living with
her, not while we're doing this.

I mean you're gay!

- Yeah, well, Amanda knows, okay?

She knows I have a history
with guys, that won't come

as surprise to her.

The part about you,
that'll, that'll, fuck...

David what do you suggest really?

"Hey, Amanda, we have something
to tell you, we're fucking."

Come on, do you know
what that'll mean, David?

Are you ready for what that'll mean?

You know, Christ, she probably
already thinks something is

up, I mean, you wanted to
come spend the weekend with us

after we had just met.

- She invited me alright,
and I assumed you had

a say-so, or you that
you'd express interest

in having me.

- Look, whatever, I don't
want to do this right now,

we shouldn't even be
having this conversation.

- We shouldn't?

Of course we should be having
this conversation, Kevin,

what are you talking about?

- I don't know, I don't know.

- You don't know what?

You don't know what, Kevin!?

- I don't know, David, you
shouldn't have opened the door!

Alright?

You just, you shouldn't
have opened the door.

- Okay, what, now you're
gonna go, you're leaving?

- [Kevin] Yes!

- Why?

- Because David, I need to go
home and decide whether to...

You know, I don't know, I don't know.

- Kev-Kevin.

(knocking)

- You look so sheepish.

I mean I thought I'd seen all
the faces, on stage and off,

but, I guess this is what
you look like when you think

you've really done something wrong.

Which we all know doesn't
happen very often.

- Amanda, I'm sorry.

- Shut up.

I want to know why.

- I don't know why.

- I do.

I knew getting into the
relationship that Kevin had

been with men before.

I knew from knowing you,
that's it's not so much a trend

as it is instilled.

And I knew that you two would
probably eventually have

to meet, and more than likely
you would be attracted to

each other.

Or at least, that you
would see something in him,

and say something to him.

But I thought that if either
one of you cared about me,

at all...

That you would tell me,

or that he would end it first.

Or that you would just refrain.

None of which you did.

Instead, he waited, you waited,
until you were absolutely

sure I would find out.

Well surprise, I've seen it coming.

I'm actually kind of glad
that it happened now and not

a moment later.

Because I can't imagine
spending another minute with

someone who would prefer
you to his fag hag.

Did he take your picture, David?

Is that what it was?

That he wanted to capture you?

Did that turn you on?

Did it?!

- Look, Amanda, he called me up one day--

- David, David, I don't want to hear it,

I don't want to hear any of it.

I don't want to hear what
he said, or how he made

you feel, how he misled you.

You know, I don't wanna fucking hear it.

It's the same, redundant,
woe is me tale every time,

and the fact that you can
still say, "He's a keeper,"

with a straight face after
going on one date with the guy,

it's beyond me.

- Look, I don't, I wanted to,
I wanted to tell you, alright?

I just, I didn't know how.

- You're good, David, you're really good.

I don't even know when
you're acting anymore.

I don't even think you know.

- I'm not acting Amanda,
what do you think this is?

- David that's all you do,
that's all you ever do, is act!

- What?

- You're always acting.

- No, I'm not!

- Always, always playing
the victim, you're always

acting!

- I'm not always acting!

- Oh, what an actor, what
a great actor you are!

- I'm not an actor,
alright, I'm not acting!

I'm just a really good liar.

- That is one thing I believe.

(upbeat music)

♫ I left sometimes

♫ We never came home

♫ I crawled inside

♫ That set of lovely bones

♫ That you left behind

♫ Rarely heard nor seen

♫ Everybody always

♫ Everybody always leaves

♫ It was a third world town

♫ In the great dead north

♫ I felt a wind bell shiver

♫ For the land's divorced

♫ From a prayerful permanence

♫ Warm tears on my sleeve

♫ Everybody always

♫ Everybody always leaves

♫ Sometimes I can't remember nothin'

♫ Sometimes it shadows every ♫

- I saw you checking
your watch a second ago,

are you about ready to
call it a night yourself?

- Oh, no, I was just checking, that's all.

- Well in that case, would
you want to get out of here,

go for a walk, or?

- Yeah, actually I know of
this place, right around

the corner, they have
all kinds of desserts.

- That bakery that's open late?

- Yeah, right around the corner.

- Awesome, cool.

Just what I had in mind.

(laughing)

And he was a spitter,

not like that, like I mean he spit,

(hawking spit)

anywhere we were, or went.

- The ending was much
happier in your book.

- Well, obviously, because
things like that never

end well in real life, you know,

we're too afraid to
forgive, we're too afraid to

calmly and quietly let the
other person know it's over,

you know instead we shout,
we fight, we sever ties.

Burn bridges.

- Yeah, but it doesn't
have to be like that.

And hey, who pays?

Like, when you go out, who pays?

- Huh?

- [Actress] When you go out,
when you're on a date with a

guy, who pays?

Do you, or the guy that you're with?

I mean, how do you know?

- I don't know, whoever
grabs the check first.

(applause)

(mischievous music)

- Hey, Dave, David, hey, Chris
Bosco, I write for The Rage.

- Chris Bosco.

- Hey, yeah.

- Hi, yes.

- I just gotta tell you,
you were great tonight,

your writing, it just goes
full circle doesn't it?

- Thank you.

- Yeah, if this is up
and running all weekend,

of course it's too late for
me to get anything printed

up but I know some guys over
at Lightning 100 that could

get you some radio spots for
sure, people gotta know about

this so.

- That, that'd be awesome

I'd really appreciate that.

- Right, you got a uh, a cast
party you're going to now?

- Oh, no, that's Sunday night, so.

- Alright, well if you want
to get together some time,

get a cup of coffee, I'd
love to pick your brains.

You know if you want to some
time, I don't want to keep you,

but uh--

- Oh, no-no-no-no, you're fine.

- But, uh, if you want to
some time, or if you want to

tonight, if, if you're free.

Would you want to?

(playful music)

♫ Won't you be my secret

♫ Be my hush don't tell

♫ Be the whispering

♫ Down the wishing well

♫ Be the whispering

♫ Down the wishing well ♫