To Rome with Love (2012) - full transcript

In Rome, the America tourist Hayley meets the local lawyer Michelangelo on the street and soon they fall in love with each other. Hayley's parents, the psychiatrist Phyllis and the retired music producer Jerry, travel to Rome to meet Michelangelo and his parents. When Jerry listens to Michelangelo's father Giancarlo singing opera in the shower, he is convinced that he is a talented opera singer. But there is a problem: Giancarlo can only sing in the shower. The couple Antonio and Milly travel to Rome to meet Antonio's relatives that belong to the high society. Milly goes to the hairdresser while Antonio waits for her in the room. Milly gets lost in Rome and the prostitute Anna mistakenly goes to Antonio's room. Out of the blue, his relatives arrive in the room and they believe Anna is Antonio's wife. Meanwhile the shy Milly meets her favorite actor Luca Salta (Antonio Albanese) and goes to his hotel room "to discuss about movies". One day, the middle-class clerk Leopoldo becomes a celebrity and is hunted by the paparazzo. A couple of days later, he is forgotten by the media. The American architect John travels to Rome with his wife and feels nostalgic since he lived in the city thirty years ago when he was a student. He meets the student of architecture Jack, who lives on the same street that John had lived, and he invited to drink a coffee at his house. Jack lives with his girlfriend Sally (Greta Gerwig) that invites her best friend Monica to stay with them in their house. But soon Jack has a crush on Monica.

(VOLARE PLAYING)

(TRAFFIC OFFICER

SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(TIRES SQUEALING)

(CRASHING)

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(MEN ARGUING IN ITALIAN

IN DISTANCE)

Sorry.

I don't speak English

very well.

I'm from Roma.

My job, as you can see,

is to see that

the traffic move.

I stand up here,

and I see everything.

All people.

I see life.

In this city, all is a story.

See that young man over there?

He's a Roman.

Michelangelo.

Oh, uh, scusi.

Um, Fontana di Trevi?

- Uh, so it's two blocks.

- Uh-huh, two blocks.

- And then across the piazza.

- Okay, and that's

Piazza Mignanelli...

- No. No. - Okay, no,

Piazza di Spagna is this...

- No, so this is Piazza Venezia.

- No. Okay.

Okay. Right?

- Look, I'll show you.

This is Piazza...

- Yeah, I don't...

I don't know.

- Look, you know what?

I'm going that way.

I can show you.

- Thank you.

Thank you so much.

You speak very good English.

- That's because of my work.

I visit New York often.

- Oh, that's where

I'm from. - Oh.

- What do you do?

- I'm a lawyer.

- And you are,

let me guess, a tourist.

- For the summer.

I'm Hayley.

- Hi. Michelangelo.

- Hi.

(INAUDIBLE)

It's been

an unbelievable summer.

What you read about

in all those romantic novels.

American goes to Rome,

meets handsome Roman

at Trevi Fountain.

(LAUGHS) He's utterly adorable.

NARRATOR:

Now, Antonio and Milly

were also a young couple

in love.

They married

in the little town of Pordenone

and came to Rome

for their honeymoon

with plans to settle there.

And then there was

that well-known American architect

concluding his vacation

with a few days in Home.

(ALARM BEEPING) And, finally,

we meet Leopoldo Pisanello,

an average Roman citizen

of the middle class.

Dependable, agreeable,

predictable.

Everything happened so fast.

- I can't wait

to bring you home

and introduce you

to my parents.

- I can't wait to meet them.

This looks delicious.

Buona, Mamma.

- And what do you do, Hayley?

- I'm self-employed.

I help clients find art.

My background is in Fine Arts.

- He's lawyer.

I'm very proud.

All my children.

I work night and day

so they get education.

We want to meet your parents.

They come to Rome?

- Well, yes.

As a matter of fact,

they're on their way.

PILOT OVER PA:

Ladies and gentlemen,

we are beginning our descent into

Fiumicino Airport in Home.

We may experience

some turbulence.

Please keep

your seat belts fastened

and make sure all trays

are in an upright position.

Great. Turbulence.

My favorite.

- No, if you'd just relax

and stop clenching your fists.

- I can't unclench

when there's turbulence.

You know I'm an atheist.

(RUMBLING) I don't like this.

It's bumping.

The plane is bumping.

I don't like when

it moves like...

- I can't wait

to meet her fiance.

- You know, he's a Communist.

- No, there's not even

a Communist party here any more.

No, he's just very, very left.

- Hey, listen, I was very left

when I was his age, too,

but I was never a Communist.

Well... I couldn't

share a bathroom.

- No, he's not a Communist.

He's just a do-gooder.

- What does

it mean, "a do-gooder"?

- Well, he's not into

material possessions, you know?

- Well, well, look,

if she's going to marry an Italian,

I want her to marry

somebody with...

You know, with

material possessions,

with a yacht,

with a couple of Ferraris,

with a villa in Sardinia.

You know, don't you

want our little Hayley

to marry into Eurotrash?

(RUMBLING) Oh, I don't like.

I don't like when

the plane does that.

- Just stop it. Stop it.

- It's not... I can't...

- Just relax. Okay?

- I don't like that.

I get a bad feeling in...

- Breathe.

- Okay.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Grazie.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

- Do you like it? - I love it.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- It's late.

My uncles and aunts will be here.

We have to hurry.

- Will they like me?

- What are you worried about?

You're beautiful. Just be yourself.

Don't worry.

They're important people.

Perhaps a bit severe.

But don't let it throw you,

they're nice.

Starting next week

I'll be working in their firm...

...and I don't want to say or do

anything that could jeopardize...

...his wonderful opportunity

they're giving us.

- It'll be fine. You'll impress them.

- You think so?

- I know so.

About your question on the train,

yes, I'll miss Pordenone...

...but this position is too good

to turn down.

Think, Milly, if all goes well,

we will be living in Rome...

...entering society,

having children.

And maybe one day

we will own a villa like my uncles.

- I have to get my hair done.

I look like a small town school teacher.

I want to look chic.

- It's late.

Do you have to go now?

- I'll be right back.

- I don't want them waiting for us.

- Okay. But hurry.

- I will.

Ciao.

- Hurry.

I'm sorry, the salon is booked up.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- ls there another one near here?

Exit the hotel, go right,

down two blocks and to the left.

Past the archway, on the right,

you'll see a small bridge.

Cross the bridge, go left,

and you'll see it on the right.

- Grazie.

The food is better

than Malibu, I'll say that.

- I can't wait to do

some sightseeing.

- Oh, John can show us around.

He used to live here.

- Oh, God, Carol.

That was 30 years ago.

- So?

MAN: It must have

been great then.

- Yeah, it was fabulous.

- I was young and in love

and a complete fool.

- But it's the Eternal City.

It never changes.

And I, too, want

to go see the ruins.

It is Rome, after all.

- All those old ruins

just depress me.

I get Ozymandias melancholia.

Besides, I saw it all

when I lived here.

- So we'll leave you,

and then we'll hook up later.

Okay?

WOMAN: Okay.

- I'm just not

a good sightseer.

I prefer just to walk

the little streets.

- "Ozymandias melancholia."

Where'd you get that phrase?

(CHUCKLES)

What...

(CLEARS THROAT)

Excuse me, are you...

Are you John Foy?

- Yes. How did you

know that?

- No, I recognized your picture

from the Herald Tribune.

You design all those

shopping malls.

(LAUGHS) That's how

you think of me?

- No, I'm an architect.

Studying to be, anyhow.

- Really?

- Yeah.

You working

on a project in Rome?

- No, a vacation.

I lived in Rome for a year when

I was your age.

- Really? Where?

- Here... Trastevere.

- Yeah, I live here.

I'm on Via dei Neofiti.

- That's my old

stomping ground.

I've been wandering

around all day.

- I can't seem to find it.

- Really? No, it's literally

two blocks up to the left.

- Well, I... (SIGHS)

- What?

Do you want me to...

You want me to show you?

- I don't know

if I should revisit it.

But... Okay.

Why not?

(ALARM BEEPING)

I saw this honey for half the price.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Finish your breakfast.

- I'm not hungry.

- You have to eat.

Where is Camilla?

You know why there's

so much unemployment?

Because people are being replaced

by advanced technology.

- What's on the movie page?

- Eat! Here's Camilla.

You're always late.

If you ask me,

the way the world is going...

...one day the whole planet

will be speaking Chinese.

- No one's asking you.

- No one care what you or I think.

We just have to pay taxes.

Look, look!

Here she comes.

- Where was she

when we had the blackout...

...and I was stuck in the elevator

for two hours?

Oh to be young and single,

or at least single.

Did you see her do that? Beautiful.

- You still wouldn't have a chance.

- Why not?

- She takes her weekends with the boss.

- Since when?

- Since always.

- If you ask me...

- What, again?

What, I can't say one thing?

If you ask me...

It's an enigmatic film.

Very interesting.

Beautiful.

Better than The King's Speech.

- Oh, come on!

- I didn't get it. (CAMERAS CLICKING)

The director didn't want you

to understand. Life's a mystery...

...the atmospheric cinematography.

Did you see that shot? (CROWD CLAMORING)

if I could vote

there would be no question...

- But you don't vote.

- I don't vote, but if I could...

- I hear Brad Pitt and Angelina

are in town promoting a movie.

- Do you think it's Brad Pitt?

This week we'll interviewing Tony Blair...

(MAN SPEAKING IN ITALIAN ON RADIO)

...the winner of the Miss Universe

contest and Johnny Depp.

(BELL TOLLING)

PHYLLIS: Oh, my God.

Look at this city.

You're tipping him in euros.

When you realize

what you just gave him,

you're going to have

a heart attack.

- Well, you know, they gave us such

a great room, Phyllis,

and I'm delighted to be here.

- Yeah.

- This is great.

- See, you always

used to travel for work.

Isn't it nice to be

someplace for pleasure?

- No, I miss work.

I don't like being retired.

- Oh.

- You know, I keep

having fantasies

that I'm going to wind up

an old person in a hotel lobby

watching a communal

television set and drooling,

with a colostomy bag

or something.

- But, you see, you equate

retirement with death.

- Yes, exactly.

Exactly.

- Yeah, but it's a fantasy,

because you're not dying.

- No, I'm not dying now,

but, you know,

it's conceivable I might one day.

(LAUGHS)

- You know, I'm talking 50,

60 years from now.

(SIGHS)

- Can I get a little water...

- Oh, sure.

- Yeah, you just have to ask.

- You know, and I

haven't made my mark.

I haven't really achieved what I wanted

to do. - Oh, you did just fine.

Your problem was that

you were just a little ahead of your time.

- Hey, I'm way

ahead of my time.

You know, you married

a very bright guy.

I got a 150, 160 IQ.

- You're figuring it in euros.

In dollars, it's much less.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

(CLEARS THROAT)

HAYLEY: Hello.

- Oh, darling.

- Hi, Mom. Hi.

Hi, Dad.

- Hi.

Hi. Hi.

- How are you?

- Good. Good.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- This is Michelangelo.

- Hi.

- This is my father.

- Nice to meet you.

- My mother.

- Very nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

- Did you have a good trip?

- Good trip? Yeah,

we had a good trip. - Yeah.

- I thought it was a little bumpy

when we landed,

but, you know,

you'll probably read about it

in the paper if the airline ever

recovers the black box.

- So, our plan is to get married

around Christmas.

- Oh, really?

(STAMMERING) You're a lawyer,

Michael-angelo?

- Michel.

- Michel. Michel.

Michel?

- Yes.

- Call you Michel?

- Yes, for the oppressed,

those who cannot pay.

- Ah. So, pro bono.

So... (CHUCKLES)

She'll taking in washing soon.

Um, would you like

a drink or something or...

MICHELANGELO: Sure. Um...

HAYLEY: Yeah. Water?

- Oh, would you like

water or...

- Yeah, water's fine.

Water. Water is fine.

- Hayley told me that you work

in the music business.

- I did. I'm retired.

I used to work for...

In the classical music division of

a record company.

And I was an opera director

for many years.

I used to...

HAYLEY: You know,

Michelangelo's great-grandfather

knew Verdi.

- Really? Well,

I staged some Verdi. I did.

But basically,

I did avant-garde stuff.

Atonal things, but I jazzed up

a couple of classics.

You know, I did a production

of Rigoletto

where all the characters

were dressed as white mice.

I did Tosca once

all in a phone booth.

- Jerry was ahead of his time.

- Yeah, I was a little,

you know, a little fast

for mass appeal, but...

You know, then

the productions got...

Between the critics

and the costs, the unions, we...

- I'm sorry, you don't

like the unions?

- Well, you know, unions...

- You know, without the unions,

the worker would be

ground into dust.

- Yes, I understand what you're saying,

Michael-angelo, but...

HAYLEY: Michel.

Michelangelo.

- What?

- Michelangelo.

- Michel.

Michel.

Yeah, like

Michael-Angelo, the painter,

only, with him,

for some reason, it's Michel.

- Michelangelo feels very deeply

about the workers.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Excuse me, Via della Penna?

- Take the next right,

go down one block...

...you'll come to a gelato shop,

walk one block...

...and turn left.

- Grazie.

- Prego.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN) At the next traffic

light, there's a fish restaurant.

You can't miss it.

Walk one block, make a right, go up

two blocks and take another right.

- You following?

- Yes, yes. Thank you.

- Prego.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(SPLASH)

(LINE RINGING)

Here.

This is where I live.

- Oh. Nice.

This might have been

my exact street.

- Hey, can I ask you in

for coffee?

- Coffee?

- Yeah. Yeah, come on in.

Sally makes great espresso.

- Sally?

- Yeah, my girlfriend.

She's studying here.

Hey, Sally.

- Hi.

- Hey. I brought someone home

who used to live here.

- Oh, my gosh.

Yeah. This is John Foy.

This is Sally.

- Wow.

- Hello.

- Hi. It's Sally.

That's so wild.

- Yeah, I know.

- You were right. She's lovely.

- Yeah, she's the best.

- Well... Oh, can I

get you something to drink?

I could make some coffee.

- That would be great, honey.

Yeah, thank you very much.

- Thank you.

- Oh. Oh, my gosh!

My friend, Monica, she called.

She's going to be in Rome,

and I told her

she could stay with us.

- Ah. Well, so I'll finally

get to meet her.

- She just broke up

with her boyfriend,

so she's a bit at loose ends.

- Trouble.

Trouble in River City.

- What, trouble?

Why trouble?

- You're just going

to love her.

She's smart and funny

and interesting.

Men just adore her.

I think it's because

of the sexual vibe

that she gives off.

Mmm-hmm.

- And how long

is she coming for?

- Oh, I don't know.

Between the breakup,

and then her acting career

isn't going that well...

- Jesus Christ, can't you see

the situation

is fraught with peril?

- What? Give me a break.

Her friend is coming.

What do I care?

I'm not looking for anything.

I'm perfectly happy

with Sally, and...

Actually, judging

from Sally's description,

Monica's kind of like a neurotic,

unpredictable type.

- Beautiful, funny,

smart, sexual

and also neurotic?

It's like filling

an inside straight.

Monica.

Even her name is hot.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Congratulations.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- Yes?

- I have your special gift.

- What gift?

- A special gift for a special man.

- What is this special gift?

- I am.

Everything's been paid in full.

I'm yours.

- I think there's been a mistake.

- Whatever pleases you.

- That's okay. Please leave.

- I can't. They'd be very upset.

- Who?

- They said you were high-strung

and would be quite surprised.

But you're the lucky winner.

- What winner?

- The winner of the bet.

- What bet?

- Tommy and Fabio. They paid me

and said to say, congratulations.

- I don't know who they are.

Please leave, miss.

- I am told to ask no questions.

I am hereto fulfill your dreams.

- What are you doing?

Please, miss. You must leave.

- You are Mr. DeBroca, room 504?

- You have the right room

but the wrong person.

And now you must leave.

- Anybody here?

(GASPS)

Excuse us. So sorry.

- I told you we should wait.

- That is not what you think.

Come in.

- Our date was for noon.

The door was open.

- You can't just barge in

without knocking.

- What a way to meet your new bride.

- She's not my bride.

- No?

- You're joking I hope.

- Of course I'm joking.

This is my wife.

- I am his Uncle Paolo.

- Giovanna.

- Uncle Sal.

- Aunt Rita.

- Anna.

- Anna?

Isn't her name Milly?

- Milly? Uh...

Yes. Definitely Milly.

Her middle name is Anna.

- Milly?

- Milly.

- We'll wait downstairs.

Don't worry about us.

Let's go Paolo.

- We'll see you soon.

(CHUCKLES)

- I'm dead.

My life is over. I'm ruined.

- Just tell them the truth.

It was all a mistake.

- How do I do that?

They saw us on the bed.

I'm in my underwear.

They won't believe me.

It's useless.

They'll think my wife is out of the hotel

so I hired a call girl.

Why did you grab me like that?

- I was paid to make love to DeBroca.

- And you leave the door open? Idiot!

- I thought I closed it!

They barged in.

These upper class feel entitled.

- Milly will be back any minute.

We have to get out of here now.

You have to pretend to be my wife.

- Pretend to be your wife?

I'm not an actress.

And you just called me an idiot.

- I'm sorry. I apologize.

You must help me. And hurry.

If Milly walks in I will jump

out of the window, I will kill myself.

- Sooner or later they'll find out.

- I need to buy more time, so I can

think of something, some way out.

We need to get out of here now.

SALLY:

Can you walk faster?

- I'm walking fine.

Relax.

- Her flight should

have landed.

Relax. By the time she goes through

customs and luggage,

we'll have been

waiting an hour.

- I hope that you don't

fall in love with her.

- In love with her?

What the hell does that mean?

- Well, men always,

they just go crazy for her.

- Well, I'm crazy for you.

Okay, that's her.

Monica!

- Hi!

It's so good to see you.

- You look so great.

- You look so great.

- Nothing special, right?

- No, no, nothing

special at all.

I got no buzz.

I mean, look at her.

This is the hot femme fatale?

- Of course, she has been

flying for 14 hours.

But you will admit

there is something about her.

- All I can say is,

if something is clicking,

it's so subconscious,

I'm totally unaware.

She's no big deal. Certainly not some

formidable heartbreaker.

She's a disheveled,

out-of-work actress.

- I've been wanting you to come for so

long, and now you're here. I just...

- Hi. Hi. I'm Jack.

- This is Monica.

- Hi. It's so nice to meet you.

- I'm sorry.

- I mean, I must look awful.

- What do you mean? - I mean, please

don't make any snap judgments.

- No, you look fine.

- Like, I grown on people.

I just... I can never

sleep on planes.

I had a scotch

and three Ambien, but still...

- Pretty cozy,

this ride into town.

- I keep telling you, I have no interest

in Monica.

I just hope having her around

is not going to

interfere with my work.

- But there is an element

of excitement...

A germ, a spark, one molecule.

God.

I see it so clearly,

now that I'm older.

Thank you.

Dinner was great.

- Thank you.

JACK: Ah, yeah.

You're becoming

a really great Italian chef.

SALLY: Well, I figured,

it was your first night here,

so, why not stay in?

- No, yeah, it's perfect,

just the three of us.

What are you reading?

- Oh, the poetry of Yeats.

(SIGHS)

- The "gong-tormented sea."

- Yeah, yeah.

You know it?

- Do you want to talk

about the breakup with Donald?

- Well, Donald was gay.

It was my ego

that thought I could change him,

and I couldn't,

and believe me, I tried.

- Oh, yeah?

How does one try?

- Well, I mean,

I don't want to get graphic,

but, I mean, let's just say

that I gave it my all.

And it's such a shame

because he is so brilliant

and he's so wonderful

out of bed.

I mean, so much fun to be with.

(STAMMERING) I tried

to show him how sex with a woman

could be as exciting

or even more so

than with someone

from his own sex.

And he tried.

He... He did try.

But, in the end,

I struck out, so...

- I remember you

saying how much fun

you had when he

took you to Paris.

- Have you ever

had sex with a man?

Me, sex with a man?

God, no, no, no.

I mean, no.

It's not something

I'm interested in ever doing.

- Why are you blushing?

Probably because

you want to try it.

Look, I always had a little yen

for sleeping with a woman,

and when I finally did it,

it was... (CHUCKLES)

It was very intense.

It was very exciting,

but unnerving.

- I really have no repressed...

- I shot this TV movie once,

and one of the scenes

was with this incredible

lingerie model.

I mean, she was to die.

And for whatever reason,

I get this message one day

from the assistant director

that Miss Lee

would like me to go

to her dressing room.

And why she was so suddenly

obsessed with me, I don't...

And I go.

And she's in a robe,

and she takes it off,

and gives me a big hug

and kiss,

and I just become crazed.

I mean, I become so excited.

I mean, she was just

too beautiful to turn down.

We had this thing

for, like, three months.

Yeah, it was like being

in an erotic dream.

And on the one hand,

yes, it was very exciting,

but on the other hand,

just very confusing.

And that's when I started

seeing the shrink

five days a week, and...

Well, fortunately,

Jamal came along,

and we had

a great relationship.

And as great

as the orgasms were

with Victoria,

they were stronger with Jamal.

And a lot less bewildering.

Excuse me.

- She's something, isn't she?

- Yeah, I think I need a few minutes to

recover from her story.

I'm still vibrating.

- I think she's so fun.

- Yeah, but look, finally,

what has she got?

I mean, no real acting career,

no relationship

that's remotely stable,

sleeping pills, shrinks...

- You sound like you're trying

to convince yourself.

MONICA: Hey,

I've got a great idea.

Let's go for

a little walk tonight.

- Oh, no, I'm exhausted.

But why don't you

take her, Jack?

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

God, no, that would be

a catastrophe.

- Why are you so worried?

You think of me

as this seductress.

This is your problem.

- Bullshit.

You deliberately made up

this provocative story

with some lingerie model.

- It was true, most of it.

Okay, I exaggerate a little.

I like to embellish.

It's a part of

my creative charm.

- Come on. Come on.

Why don't you come?

- Sally, you've got

to go along with them.

(INAUDIBLE)

(ALARM BEEPING)

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(PHOTOGRAPHERS CLAMORING)

(LEOPOLDO SPEAKING ITALIAN)

What's going on?

What is this? Are you crazy?

Move away.

You've made a mistake.

Sofia!

Sofia! Look at this!

What's going on?

What do you want?

(LEOPOLDO SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Move away! I'll call the police!

I'm a responsible person.

I have to go to work!

These people are crazy.

- Whose car is this?

- We'll be late for the studio.

- But I'm late for work.

- That's right, Mr. Pisanello.

- Sofia, come with me.

Good morning and welcome to TG3.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Today we have a special guest with us,

Leopoldo Pisanello.

Welcome, Mr. Pisanello. Welcome.

- Thank you. Sorry, why am I here?

- Tell us,

what did you have for breakfast?

- Coffee and two slices of bread

with butter and jam.

- Two slices of bread.

What were they like?

- They were good. Toasted.

- You prefer toasted bread?

- I do, yes.

- Can you tell us why?

- Yes, well, I don't know.

I usually favor toasted bread.

- White bread or wheat bread?

- White.

- So it's safe to say that

Leopoldo Pisanello prefers...

...two slices of bread toasted.

- Yes. And coffee with milk.

No sugar.

- And you shaved before

or after breakfast?

(ALL APPLAUDING)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

You were extraordinary!

(CLAMORING)

My God, still here! Enough!

Move away! Sofia. Sofia!

Get out of here.

Leopoldo!

You were brilliant.

The phone hasn't stopped ringing.

- Yes, but...

- They want you

for the eight o'clock news tomorrow.

- What? Me? But why?

- You're famous.

PHYLLIS: 95...

JERRY: 95.

- Oh, I don't know.

I can't find the address.

- This is 91.

So, it's... (STAMMERING)

This goes down.

That's 93.

- Uh-huh.

- Can't be 95.

95's a funeral parlor.

- Oh, then we're right.

- What do you mean,

we're right?

- Mr. Santoli's a mortician.

- You're kidding.

- He owns a funeral parlor,

and don't make an issue of it.

- Jesus, the kid's a Communist,

the father's a mortician.

Does the mother run

a leper colony?

- I guess they live upstairs.

- Excuse me.

95... This is 95?

- Yes, 95, Santoli.

- Yes, yes.

- Someone dead?

- No, but it's early.

- No, no.

We're Hayley's parents.

- Hayley's parents.

- Yeah.

- Welcome. Welcome.

Such a big pleasure

to meet you.

Oh, I'm sorry

if I'm not cleaned up.

I work all day.

But please come to our place.

We live over there.

Oh, thank you.

- Please, come, come. Follow me.

- Thank you so much.

- You have a nice trip?

- Oh, it was wonderful.

Wonderful.

- Great.

GIANCARLO:

Please, come in.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- Oh. Hello.

- Hello. Nice to meet you.

- Phyllis.

Jerry.

- Buongiorno.

- Oh, Mariangela don't

speak good English.

- No.

- No, no.

- What to drink?

- Wine would be great.

- Wine.

Michelangelo and Hayley

should be here any minute.

But if you excuse me now,

I need to go to clean up.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- Okay.

HAYLEY: Hello.

MICHELANGELO: Mamma.

Hi. Hi!

- Hello.

- You guys find

the place okay, right?

- We just followed a passing hearse,

and here we are.

You know.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- Oh, Mom, the green ones

are like a tapenade.

- Oh.

- They're so good.

- Oh, you should try them.

They're amazing.

- Oh, okay.

- Oh.

(LAUGHS) Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, excuse me...

It's great.

I mean, I try and make this,

but I never get this taste.

- Well, she could teach you.

(BOTH SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- No. Oh, no, really.

- Oh, come on.

Mom.

- It's a free cooking lesson.

- I don't want to be a...

- I'll interpret for you.

- Si. Si. Si, si.

- Have one.

I have to find out how to...

(SNIFFING)

- Mmm, formaldehyde.

(GIANCARLO SINGING OPERA

IN DISTANCE)

(SINGING OPERA)

(SINGING CONTINUES)

She showed me how to

make these, Jerry,

but of course she gets

the mozzarella fresh

every day

from Naples. Oh.

- What do you do, Phyllis?

- I'm a psychiatrist.

- Oh.

(REPEATS IN ITALIAN)

- I've never been to Naples,

but I hear it's beautiful.

- Oh, there's no cooking

like in Naples.

- You see much of Italy, Jerry?

- Jerry, he's asking you

a question.

- Hmm?

Just of Naples.

(STAMMERING) Have you ever

taken singing lessons, Giancarlo?

- Singing lessons?

No. What for?

- Well, you have just

a natural voice...

- I'm no singer.

Ising for me.

Since I was a boy.

- You have a very,

very beautiful gift.

- Yeah.

- No.

She says that I make only

too much noise

around the house.

- And no one's ever heard you?

- No. He's our own

private Caruso.

- You have a fantastic voice.

Have you ever thought

of doing anything with it?

- He sings for pleasure,

not money.

- Well, there's a great deal

of pleasure in money.

You know, you...

It's green and crinkly.

You can fondle the bills.

- Listen, I'm no singer.

- No, I don't know.

Is it possible that after dinner, you could

sing something for me?

- Me?

No, no, no, no, no.

I'd become too embarrassed.

- No, no, right here.

Just among...

- Oh, no, no, please.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- Ah, si.

- You know,

I have a friend in town here

who's in the

recording business.

And if you would just sing...

He's a very knowledgeable man.

And, you know, if you'd just...

When you're not busy,

when you're not

cremating anybody...

- Look, he already said no.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Dad's not a singer.

I'm sure you don't want him

to make a fool of himself.

- Jerry, back off.

- Okay, forget it.

I'm not gonna say another word.

I... Forget it.

But the guy has

a fantastic voice.

This is...

You have...

Hey, I'm finished.

The subject's closed.

But his voice is great.

Somebody's got to do

something with this,

because he's got...

- Jerry, Jerry...

Not me. I'm not saying I would.

But he's got a...

The man is a genius.

- That's enough.

- He's got a natural, great, natural...

- Oh...

- I'm not saying anything.

You know, I'm off the subject.

(QUIETLY) Great voice.

Fantastic.

Big star.

Big, big...

- What's the name of the hotel? - I can't

remember. (SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- Was it around here?

- Yes, more or less. It was red...

Here we are. Sorry we took so long.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- Yes.

(SIGHS)

You don't have a more relaxed dress?

- We'll be seeing some

rather important people.

- I mean, we love your look.

- What?

- But some of our colleagues

might not understand.

- The train lost my luggage,

so this has to be it.

- We arranged a private tour

of the Vatican for you.

- How nice! Isn't it darling?

- Yes, I know it well.

- Let's go, then.

- Let's hope they let her in.

Miss.

Are you okay?

- Yes, thank you.

Grazie...

But you... aren't you Pia Fusari?

- You recognize me?

- Si.

You're one of my favorite actresses.

- I'm flattered.

- What are you doing just walking

the streets like an ordinary person?

- We're making a movie here.

- You want to watch?

- Me?

Yes!

Si.

Oh my, that's Giulietta Falcone.

No! There's Luca Salta.

I adore Luca Salta.

He's so charismatic.

I can't believe this.

He painted that ceiling

on scaffolding lying down.

- Can you imagine working

all the time on your back?

- I can.

- Shoot. I'm gonna be

late to class.

Could you take Monica

around today?

- No, I can't. I'm working on

my drawings.

- Oh, please.

She doesn't know Rome at all.

- No, no, I can't, I can't.

I don't have time to go visit

the Colosseum

for the millionth time.

- Please, just...

Just, please, for me.

Could you do it for me?

(SIGHS)

Thank you.

Okay.

MONICA:

I mean, wow.

That is so impressive.

JACK: Oh, I know.

The lines,

the empty space. - Yeah.

- Yeah, exactly. It was a lot of

negative space.

Are you sure I'm not taking you

away from anything

important today?

- No, I think that I...

I was worried

I was taking you

away from something.

If you had work to do...

- No, no, I'm fine.

This is actually

my favorite thing to do.

Yeah, if you weren't here,

I'd probably be doing this alone.

(MONICA CHUCKLES)

I mean, it's incredible

that the Colosseum

is still standing

after thousands of years.

You know, Sally and I have to

retile the bathroom

every six months.

These guys were truly, (SIGHS)

truly brilliant architects.

- I just find it so ironic

that there was once

this magnificent civilization

and now just these ruins.

- Yeah.

- I call that futile feeling.

Ozymandias melancholia.

- Okay.

MONICA: Is this the kind

of thing you want to build?

JACK: Oh, I'd be very

proud to have done this.

- Did you always want

to be an architect?

- You'll laugh if I tell you what

my ambition is.

- What? No, no, I won't.

- To build radical structures.

I mean, to be scandalous.

To change the

architectural landscape.

Are you interested

in architecture?

- I'm interested in Gaudi.

- Huh.

- Antonio Gaudi.

I mean, for me, La Sagrada Familia

is poetry in stone.

- Oh, bullshit.

You had six months of college.

You know nothing of architecture

but a few names.

You saw the movie

The Fountainhead.

- I just find something so sexy

about an uncompromising artist.

I mean, I would do anything

to spend a night

with Howard Roark.

- Oh, God, save me, save me.

Another young woman who

wants to give her body to Howard Roark.

- Oh, come on, I mean,

she is fun to talk to.

- Yes, and you buy into

her bullshit because

she seems to know all

the right things to say.

She knows names,

she knows buzzwords,

she knows certain

cultural phrases that imply

that she knows more

than she does...

The anxiety of influence,

the Bartok string quartets,

the perversion of the dialectic,

La Sagrada Familia,

"the gong-tormented sea."

- So, what, I should press her

and not let her get away

with the name dropping?

- But you didn't.

- Yeah, I mean, it's sort of charming

that she's a con artist.

- Yes.

She does have

a certain something

which trumps logic,

so go ahead,

walk into the propeller.

- So, was it okay

with Monica today

or did she just

drive you crazy?

- Yeah, I really don't

have time to spend

squiring her around, you know?

I'm trying to work.

- I started having those

insecure thoughts again today.

- Please, stop.

- No, because I thought

maybe it was a bad idea

that I put you guys together

for the whole day,

because what if you ended up

attracted to her?

- Could you please

stop worrying?

She's a self-obsessed

pseudo-intellectual.

I mean, yeah, she's pretty,

but so what?

- She is.

She's very pretty.

- Yeah, she's very pretty.

I mean, not conventionally.

- I'd like to see her

with someone.

Who do we know?

We must know someone...

- Grazie.

- ...to fix her up with.

- Uh, yeah.

I'm sure we could

scare somebody up.

- Who?

- Hey, what about

Leonardo Basso?

Yeah, we exercise together.

He's nice-looking and he's smart,

he makes good dough.

Actually, I think he broke up with

some girl who is also an actress.

I think he'd be a perfect

choice for Monica.

- That's great.

- Yeah.

- Can you call him?

- Yeah.

I'll be the matchmaker.

- Great.

Please come in, Mr. Pisanello.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

This will be your new office.

- My new office?

But I'm a clerk.

(LAUGHS)

- Very amusing. Serafina, come.

We have a renowned man

in our company.

She'll attend to your needs.

All day long.

- With pleasure.

- Grazia.

You will attend to me all day long?

- Yes. lam here

for whatever you may need.

- Si.

(REPORTERS MURMURING)

Is he close?

(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

(CAMERAS CLICKING) Easy, easy.

- Mr. Pisanello, how was your day?

- My day?

- Yes, how was it?

- It was fine.

I spilled coffee

on a few documents.

Apart from that it was fine.

- Mr. Pisanello was caught short

spilling some coffee.

But quick thinking saved the moment

from escalating into...

...a full-blown crisis

with perhaps loss of life.

Why the coffee was spilled

will be the subject of tonight's...

...in-depth analysis, with special guests

from the illycaffé company...

...and the Brazilian ambassador

to the U.N.

- Can we get a statement?

- A statement?

- Yes sir. A statement.

- Any statement?

- Please.

- Well... It looks like rain.

- You heard it here.

Mr. Pisanello says it might rain.

- How will you be sleeping tonight?

- I usually sleep on my back.

- Leopoldo Pisanello

sleeps on his back.

Tell us, have you ever slept

on your stomach?

- No, I suffer from indigestion.

Nothing serious.

But enough now. No more, no more.

Please stop.

(ALL CLAMORING) Go away.

What do you want from me?

Do I sleep on my stomach.

How's this dress? All I have

are these junky cotton prints.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

I have to buy some clothes

now that you're famous.

- Sofia, I'm tired.

I have a headache.

I had a horrible day

with reporters.

I don't want to go

to the movie premiere.

- We must.

They're counting on our appearance.

- Who, Sofia?

Who's counting?

So if Leopoldo Pisanello doesn't go,

the movie won't start?

- That's right.

- I'm Leopoldo Pisanello, a schmuck.

You're the schmuck's wife.

- You said we'd go.

(CROWD CHEERING)

(LOUD CHEERING)

There's Gina Francone.

(MALE REPORTER SPEAKING)

And there's Tony Branca.

There he is. Good evening.

Who do I see?

Leopoldo Pisanello.

(CROWD CHEERING)

His lovely wife, Sofia, looking

elegant in her junky print.

- Yes, she's wearing a junky cotton print dress.

(FEMALE REPORTER SPEAKING)

Looks to be second-hand,

maybe even a thrift shop.

And I believe she has a run in her

stocking. We're checking and yes...

...it is a run in the stocking

of her left leg.

Mrs. Pisanello, the run

in your stocking, was that deliberate?

- There's a run?

- Yes, it's very dramatic, very stylish.

Wouldn't you say, Martina?

- We'll be seeing you at Cannes soon?

- Yes, for sure.

- Great.

- I must move on to Gina Francone.

- Mr. Pisanello! I'm Marina Raguso.

I'm such a great admirer of yours.

- Thank you.

- I think you're so much sexier than

all the pretty-boy leading men...

...who makes those

comic-book movies.

- I see.

- I'd love more time

to talk to you...

...to hear your views

on the state of culture in Italy.

- Mine?

- I'll give you my number.

Call me.

- Your number?

- Any time.

- Okay.

- Mr. Pisanello, tell us,

do you wear boxer shorts or briefs?

Me? Boxers. Loose, white.

- I knew it!

You're the classic boxer type.

I knew!

(ROMANTIC ITALIAN SONG PLAYS)

(INAUDIBLE)

(SIGHS)

So, what are you thinking

now that you've fixed

her up with your pal?

- I don't know.

Sally and I thought

it would be a fun idea

to come out and visit

these ruins.

- Yes, so then

what occurred? What is it?

- I don't know, I just...

I know I regretted

introducing her to Leonardo.

- Yes, you're jealous.

- All of a sudden, I wanted

to get her alone in a room

and tell her I loved her.

Isn't that stupid?

I never felt anything

until this afternoon,

and suddenly

her face got to me.

And I loved

how she wore her hair.

And she looks great.

How'd you like Monica?

- Oh, she's lovely.

Can't wait to see her again.

- Oh, yeah? You gonna...

You gonna see her again?

- Tomorrow night.

- I think Sally and I

are free tomorrow night.

- I think it's better

if it's just the two of us.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

JERRY: Giancarlo, I took the liberty

of calling my friend,

and I set up an audition for you

with the recording company.

- I told you no!

- Why? What do you have

against live people?

Your whole life,

you can't just deal

with people

who have rigor mortis.

You have a great voice.

You should be singing

Pagliacci for multitudes.

You... You know.

- Pagliacci?

- Pagliacci, yes!

You were born to play that.

- I always dreamed of

singing Pagliacci.

- Yes, I know!

Of course.

'Cause you're a natural.

That's... You know,

stick with me.

We can go very far, really.

- " We"?

- We, yes.

Well, I would manage you.

And I will direct you.

I'll put on the greatest

production of Pagliacci.

I'm telling you, I know

exactly what to do.

You have to believe me.

I don't know why

I'm shouting, you know.

You're two inches

in front of me.

Trust me.

(SINGING OPERA IN ITALIAN)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(CONTINUES SINGING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(CONTINUES SINGING)

(SONG ENDS)

(DOOR OPENS)

How did it go?

- You know what?

Ask your father.

- Uh-oh.

- I'm so sorry, Jerry.

I let you down.

- No...

- You should have

seen his face.

He knew it was terrible.

JERRY: It wasn't terrible.

You know, yes, if you...

If it was at La Scala,

would they be throwing

fruit and vegetables?

Yes, they would have.

But this was

a cold audition room.

PHYLLIS:

It's all fantasy.

You imagine his voice

is better than it really is

because you're searching

for an excuse

to come out of retirement.

- Hey, don't psychoanalyze me,

Phyllis, okay?

You know, many have tried,

all have failed.

My brain doesn't fit the usual

id-ego-superego model.

- No, you have the only brain

with three ids.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- It was a foolish idea

to begin with.

- Well, your father's

a grown man.

I mean, he can make

his own decisions.

- I don't know why you

showed up at all.

You know, you were sitting there with

a disapproving face,

very sour

through the whole thing.

Maybe you made

your father nervous.

- I came because

he's a simple man,

and I didn't want

to send him alone

into a tank of shark

of the music business.

JERRY: Tank of shark?

- Whoa, you think

my father is a shark?

- In the aquatic world,

I've been likened

to a spineless jellyfish,

but that's about it.

- Look.

You defend your father

because he's family,

and I understand,

but here, he's wrong.

- No, I defend him

because you're wrong.

There's no sin in trying

something and failing.

- I don't want to say anything,

but I told you.

You choose projects

that are doomed to fail.

You get some kind of a payoff

out of failing.

- What projects do I choose

that are doomed to fail?

- Rigoletto with everyone

dressed like white mice.

(GIANCARLO

SINGING IN DISTANCE)

Can you hear him?

Is that not a gorgeous voice?

- Sure. What good it is if he can only

do it in the shower?

- Well, but you admit he can...

PHYLLIS: He's right, Jerry.

Everyone sings great

in the shower.

- That's right.

He does it in the shower.

- Dad, even you sing

in the shower.

- I know. I...

In life,

I have a terrible voice,

but when I'm soaping myself

under hot water,

I sound just like Eartha Kitt.

- You look strange.

- Phyllis, I'm having...

There's a psychological

term for this.

I'm having a breakthrough

or an epiphany.

What is the term

for what I'm having?

- A death wish.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN) Bravo. You were fantastic.

Come meet your biggest fan.

She's seen all of your films.

Milly, right?

- Si, Milly.

- So you're a fan? - Yes, oh, yes.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- I've seen everything

you've ever done.

- You're flattering me.

- No, it's true.

You're so great.

You're an exceptional actor.

As the Arab spy, as the terrorist,

as the divorced father.

I've always dreamed of meeting you.

- Will you join me for lunch?

- Lunch? With you?

- Together?

- I only have a hour.

- Oh my God.

You're the sexiest man in Rome,

according to Mondo Film.

- Did you know?

- Yes. I've been told.

- Shall we?

- Yes.

Thank you.

Are you planning a large family?

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- No children.

You become their slave.

Diapers, school, illness.

They grow up, they move out,

you never see them.

- No, that's not so.

- It was with me.

I couldn't wait

to get out of the house.

My father sold drugs...

...my mother was a shoplifter.

What could I do?

Can you blame me?

- Look, look!

There's the actor Luchino Salta.

- Yes, yes! That's him.

- He's married.

Who is that woman he's with?

(SPLUTTERS)

- Are you okay?

- I'm fine.

(COUGHS)

- I can't believe I'm having lunch with you.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- I'm the lucky one.

Otherwise I'd be dining alone.

- Why alone? Aren't you married?

It's in all the papers.

- Yes, but marriage is like wine.

When it's right, it's beautiful,

when it's not...

We're separated.

The press doesn't know.

It's a secret.

- Of course. I won't tell anyone.

- What are they doing?

- He's looking into her eyes

and making love talk.

- I'd love it if you could

watch me film this afternoon.

You could give me your insights,

observations, point of view.

We could do that back at my hotel.

- You value my opinion?

- Is there something wrong with that?

- No, not at all.

Antonio, my husband,

thinks my head is in the clouds.

Which may be a bit true.

- He doesn't take your ideas seriously?

- He takes them seriously.

He respects them...

...but in the scientific area.

I teach high school astronomy.

- Oh my, how sweet.

- Yes, so I doubt he'd want my opinion

on anything artistic.

Astronomy. So, the skies,

the planets, the stars.

You're a... wait, don't tell me.

- Please, I'm not saying anything!

- You're a Libra.

- No, a Sagittarius.

- He's taking her hand.

- She should slap his face.

- Oh no, she loves it.

(CLATTERING)

- Are you hurt?

- No. No.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN) Hello, this is Brunella

Matteucci live with Leopoldo Pisanello.

It's 7:30 AM.

Mr. Pisanello is going to shave.

We're covering that shave live,

from the first to the last stroke.

Mr. Leopoldo Pisanello is getting

a haircut. (SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- Just a trim.

- He's opted for a trim.

(PULSATING DANCE MUSIC BLARES)

Sorry, all full, no table.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- You must be mistaken.

My husband made reservations.

- We're all full.

- I can't believe this.

- Oh no tables, I'll come back.

- Oh no, Mr. Pisanello, right this way.

- The nerve!

- It's not fair.

- You are losing a longtime customer.

- They're right.

They've been waiting.

- Nonsense. Please step this way.

(LIGHT APPLAUSE)

I watched you in the office and couldn't

resist you. (SPEAKING ITALIAN)

They say power is an aphrodisiac.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

- Who's she?

(LEOPOLDO SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- Tanya. She's my friend.

She's dying to go to bed with you.

I promised her you would

make love to her after me.

It will make her year.

He worries because he's married.

- Mr. Pisanello,

the rules don't apply to you.

You're special.

Yes, yes, I agree

with you completely.

- I mean, the first time I read

The Myth of Sisyphus,

my whole life changed.

- Yes. Yes.

- And, of course, the Russians.

- Dostoyevsky. Thank you.

- “Stavrogin's Confession."

- And Kierkegaard...

- I mean, you can feel his pain.

- Didn't you say that Rilke

was your favorite author?

- Oh, Rilke.

"You must change your life."

- Or was it Ezra Pound?

- "Petals on a wet,

black bough."

- Look at this.

She knows one line from every poet.

Just enough to fake it.

- I have such a great idea.

Tonight, after they're closed,

we should sneak

into the old Roman baths.

- Sneak in?

- Well...

You know a way, right?

- Yeah.

- He knows a way in.

Come on. It'll be dark.

It'll be spooky. It'll be fun.

- No, Jack doesn't do spooky.

Believe me.

MONICA: Oh, well...

I love entering places

illegally, so...

- No, I mean, yeah, sure.

I mean, I don't want

to be a spoilsport.

- First, it's Camus

and Kierkegaard,

and now, " I've run out

of namedropping",

"so let's break

into somewhere."

Pretty soon, she'll have you

holding up filling stations.

Yeah, I understand,

from where you sit,

it sounds crazy,

but from where I sit...

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

MONICA:

Oh! Oh, isn't this great?

My God. I can't believe

we snuck in here.

SALLY: I have never seen this at

night before. JACK: Okay. Yeah.

- It's amazing. How are you doing?

- No, I'm fine. I'm fine.

Just, it looks like

it's going to rain, doesn't it?

(LAUGHS)

- He can't break any rules.

- Oh, whoa! Okay,

there's lightning.

Hey, guys, come on.

- Are you afraid? Come on!

- I'm not afraid. We're just

sitting ducks here.

- Come on!

It's unbelievable!

- Okay, let's go

back to the car.

- I love electrical storms.

- Okay, now

it's definitely raining.

- It's just a little though.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- Sally! Sally, come on.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(THUNDER CRASHES)

MONICA:

This is amazing.

JACK: It's

a little loud.

- That means it's close.

- Okay...

- It's very close.

- I actually went to school

with a boy

who got killed by lightning.

- Do you hate it?

- Well, no, no. I mean,

I didn't mean to imply...

- I just think storms

are so romantic.

- You know, you actually...

You look really

beautiful all wet.

- You're so sweet to say that.

- No, no, really, you do.

- You know, I just...

I love it here.

I mean, I think Rome

is so charismatic.

- Oh, God, here comes

the bullshit.

- Hey, will you keep out

of the goddamn scene

and let me have

a moment alone with her?

- Okay, I'll allow you

your moment,

but remember,

I know how it turns out.

- I feel like I have completely fallen

in love with Rome,

just this little while

that I've been here.

I feel like I could

spend my whole life here

and just never go back.

I'm sure meeting Leonardo

has a lot to do with that.

(THUNDER CRASHES)

- Oh! Oh, my God.

Oh, that one scared me.

- Yeah.

If we die, we die together.

(CROWD APPLAUDING)

(APPLAUSE FADES)

(CROWD APPLAUDING)

(APPLAUSE FADES)

(FAUCET SQUEAKING)

(PLAYING DRAMATIC

OPERATIC INTRO)

(SINGING ITALIAN ARIA

BEAUTIFULLY)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(CHEERING)

You were absolutely fabulous.

This guy created

a sensation today.

I see a big future here.

- What does the future mean?

I see New York.

I see the Vienna Opera House.

I see Paris.

- All in the shower?

- Yes. They love it that

he sings in the shower.

They identify.

You know, he's going to be the most

popular opera singer in the world.

- Certainly the cleanest.

- You don't want to really take this

further, do you, Dad?

- Why not?

JERRY: - Yes, I got big plans for him.

I want to do now

a production of Pagliacci.

Your father was born

to sing that role.

- This is decadent stupidity.

GIANCARLO: My whole life,

I sing that role

while I am in the bathroom.

- He's wanted to do this

his entire life.

You're going to deny

your father his shot?

- It's your shot, not his.

- I resent your tone

with my father.

- I happen to think

out of the box.

- Oh, out of the box.

Oh, that's a very interesting

choice of words.

Listen to me, you're retired.

You equate retirement

with death.

Giancarlo's an undertaker.

He puts people in boxes,

and you want to think out of the box.

- It's true.

- If you're channeling Freud,

ask for my money back.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(STAMMERING)

I failed high school Spanish.

I really don't...

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

He's going to be

a big star... Star?

Big opera star.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

I'm going to take care of him.

Yeah, yeah.

(IMITATES WATER SPRAYING)

Yes, I'm going to take...

Oh! Oh!

Hold it, hold it.

Hold it.

Interpose yourself.

Wait, wait.

Wait, go ahead. Jerry, no!

She probably

won't stab a woman.

Go ahead. Go.

Calm. Calm.

- Relax. Relax.

- No, you have

an attitude problem.

- Put the knife down.

- We're... This is going to

be our mother-in-law here?

We wanted you to meet these people.

Mr. Massucci is our firm's CEO.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

He threw this cocktail party

to welcome you.

It's a chance to meet the creme de

la créme of Rome's business world.

We talked you up and everyone's

looking forward to meeting you.

(GIOVANNA SPEAKING ITALIAN) - And it

doesn't hurt to impress their wives.

- You think it's wise

to drink so much, darling?

- Maybe I should get some coffee.

Coffee, anyone?

- There he is! I want to present you

to my nephew. (SAL SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- Hello everyone!

Beautiful party, isn't it?

- This is Antonio.

- Pleased to meet you.

You're the famous nephew.

I've heard fine things about you.

They said you fit the image

of the company.

Image is very important to all of us.

You follow football?

- No.

- It's you.

- Yes.

- What are you doing here, Anna?

- Milly, Milly.

- Oh, my wife.

- How are you?

- Good, thank you.

- A pleasure.

- The pleasure is mine.

- Milly.

We're off. Excuse us.

- Coffee?

- Coffee, please.

- Anna.

- Hi!

Milly.

- Since when is it Milly?

- It's Milly.

- My wife is here.

- Relax, don't worry.

- I was going to call you.

- How's next Tuesday?

- The usual time?

- Anna.

- Oh God.

- My goodness, I didn't expect

to see you here.

- Milly. Here I'm Milly.

- Milly. All right.

Can you come to my office

tomorrow at three?

- I don't have my book with me.

- I see. If I don't hear otherwise

I'll expect you at three.

And wear the black brassiere

and the thong.

- Do you sail?

- No.

- Do you hunt?

- No.

Anna, how are you?

- Milly. Milly, Milly. Milly.

I'm so nervous. I can't afford to

look foolish. (SPEAKING ITALIAN)

These men are the most important

business tycoons in Rome.

- Some créme de la creme.

It's my whole client list.

- My nerves are shot from today.

- You're too uptight, honey. Relax.

You'll have a heart attack.

- How can I relax when

my life is falling apart?

- How does your wife stand it

if you're always such a wreck?

- She loves me the way I am.

Is that why she was smooching

with Luchino what's-his-name?

Salta.

- Mmm.

- They were smooching?

- Practically.

- You said holding hands.

There must be some explanation.

She's a Madonna.

- The explanation is he's a movie star,

a sex symbol.

- And Milly is pretty, but

she'd never look at another man.

- You obviously don't know women.

Especially if her husband

is a nervous man afraid of his shadow.

- What the hell was she doing smooching?

He made love to her with his eyes.

- You probably don't know how

to make love with your eyes.

- To a woman of your profession,

I must appear a middle class mouse.

- Was your wife a virgin

when you married her?

- None of your business.

- I'll bet she was.

- We had some pretty

wild times together.

- What's your idea of wild times?

Sex with the lights on?

- Believe me, she was not a virgin.

I was.

- You really need a lesson in love.

- From who? Surely not you?

- Why not?

It's all paid for.

- There are people...

- No one can see us.

Don't let me

forget the carrots.

- Okay. You really need

all this pasta?

- Yeah, I think

we need more pasta.

- More pasta? We're not cooking

for a small village.

- Tomatoes.

- Okay.

- Whose idea was

this enterprise?

- Uh, it was hers.

It was Monica's.

We all agreed

to have dinner together,

and since Leonardo's at work all day

and Sally's at school,

Monica suggested

we do the cooking.

- Oh. Can I make a prediction?

- What?

- She can't cook.

(LAUGHS) - Apparently,

there are some things she can cook.

- Like what?

- Like chocolate brownies.

- Brownies. You're going to have

brownies as a main course?

- Yeah. Yeah, I think

it should be fun.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Do you think it needs more wine?

- Mmm, none. Mmm.

- I mean, I know the Italians

cook with a lot of...

- There's a lot of wine in here.

- I can really feel it.

I don't know if it's...

You know, I...

It might be the French.

- No, no. Let me see.

- I just... I don't want it

to be too subtle.

- No, it's definitely not subtle.

- No, I can definitely...

- Well, can I taste it?

- Yeah, of course. Please.

- Um... You know,

- I think it needs...

You know, I'll get some of that

other wine that's there.

- The other... Are you sure?

We already finished this one.

- Uh...

- Okay.

- Oh, oh, we have to put

the brownies in.

- Can you bake?

- Can I bake?

You said you baked.

- Well, no, I can.

I have. I just... I left the recipe

in Los Angeles.

But, you know, I'll do it.

I can do it by memory.

I'm sure I can do it by memory.

- Hey, you want to just order

from a restaurant

and maybe dirty up the kitchen a little bit

and say we cooked it?

- Well... Here,

let me check the sauce.

- Hey, you know what, I'm going to

check it, too, actually.

- Oh, do you want

penne or rigatoni?

- Don't put the pasta in now.

They're not going to be home for hours.

Mmm.

(CHUCKLES)

- What?

I think I'm a little drunk.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- We can just...

We can fake it.

- Yeah, I'm...

I'm done with this.

- Good. Me, too.

- I'm done with the cooking.

- Okay.

- I just... I promised Leonardo

that I'd make

a really great dinner.

- Yeah.

You know, I'm so...

I'm so glad it worked out

between you and Leonardo.

No, really, 'cause, you know,

I'm the one that

got you together.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

- Yeah, I mean, he...

He's nice.

- "Sexy," I think,

you told Sally.

- Mmm... Mmm...

(STAMMERING)

Look, and this is the wine talking.

He's not the most

soulful character.

He's not, um...

He's not a sufferer.

- What's so great about suffering?

- Well, I just...

There's something

attractive about a man

who's sensitive

to the agonies of existence.

(CHUCKLES)

- God, you would be perfect

to play Miss Julie.

The Strindberg play.

- The Miss Julie tactic

I learned

from a friend of mine

who's a theater director.

Tell any actress

she'd be perfect

for the role of Miss Julie,

and you can have

your way with her.

- I'm just so amazed

that you would say that.

I mean, Miss Julie is the role that

I was born to play.

She is me.

How could you know that?

- I have a kind of non sequitur question

to ask you now.

- What?

- How would you feel

if I kissed you?

- Oh. Um...

That is a non sequitur.

JOHN:

Oh, Little Miss Shocked.

Didn't you see that?

Two minutes ago,

she popped a Tic Tac.

What do you think that's about?

JACK: I'm serious.

I'm serious.

What would you think?

- I would think that you're

living with my best friend.

- Yeah, this is true.

And yet I can't stop myself.

- Oh, that's not good.

- Wait, what,

you didn't like it?

- No, I liked it, and

that's what's not good.

JOHN: And you,

will you ever recover from it?

- I don't know.

She's perfect.

I mean, this is

too good to be true.

- If something is too good to be true,

you can bet it's not.

- I have to have her.

- What are we going

to do about this?

- Were you acting?

Was this a performance?

- I can't do this to Sally

in her home.

- No, no, no,

it's okay, it's okay.

Trust me, she won't

be home for hours.

- No, I just mean I...

- What?

- I don't want to do it here.

JOHN: For Christ's sakes,

what is all this

posturing about?

If you're going to screw

your best friend's boyfriend,

does it really matter

what the venue is?

- You will never

understand women.

- That's been proven.

- This is not going to be some

ongoing affair behind Sally's back.

All right, this is one

rainy afternoon,

I'm a little bit drunk,

and yeah,

I'm turned on by you, but...

Just not here, not in her home.

- Okay, look, the time for

debating is long past.

Let's go down to the car.

- Well, the car is different.

You can fuck me in the car.

I'm fine with that.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(PHOTOGRAPHERS CLAMORING

IN ITALIAN) - Smile!

- Is it true you're a couple?

- She's my cousin, my cousin.

We happened to run into each other.

I have no statement to make.

- Is Leopoldo going to direct

your next picture?

We happened to run into each other.

- I was waiting for my wife.

Marisa, run.

We were waiting for my wife.

Leave us alone. Enough already.

Leave us. Please.

Show some respect

for the procession.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Roberto, I can't take it.

Why me, Roberto?

What's going on?

- Sir, you have to accept it.

You're a very famous man.

- But why? Look, these pills,

the bottle was full this morning.

But why am I famous?

- You're famous for being famous.

But I didn't accomplish anything.

- You think everybody who's famous

deserves to be?

I don't know. Even you want my opinion.

Everyone wants my opinion.

I don't know!

My life has become a living hell.

A journalist asked me if God exists.

I told her I didn't know.

She was upset. "Mr. Pisanello

doesn't know if God exists!"

Everyone wants answers.

"Pisanello, Pisanello!"

How do you scratch your head?

With the left of right hand?

With both. He scratches with both!

That's private business.

I scratch my head with the hand

I please, okay? It's private.

- From where I sit, sir,

I find it hard to sympathize.

To be a celebrity, the excitement,

the special privileges...

...adoring crowds

wanting your autograph...

...never having to wait in line.

- The women adore me.

They kneel before me.

Pisanello, you are so handsome.

They want to go to bed with me

three and four at a time.

I have enough trouble

when we're two.

- The wife of a man

of your stature understands...

...she must share him with the public.

- I want my anonymity back,

no one interrupting me.

(CLAMORING)

Enough!

Roberto, take me home.

I will sue you for violation of privacy.

You have no heart.

Let's go. Take me home.

Bravo.

You were better than I thought.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- Why are you so silent?

- I committed adultery.

- Think of it as

part of your education.

- I never did any of those things before.

- Why not?

- Because Milly would be shocked.

- But with me you had no problem.

Why? Because I'm a whore?

- With you I was uninhibited.

But I feel so guilty.

Milly would never in a million years

commit adultery.

- Maybe she wouldn't mind you having

a learning experience.

- I can't do those things with Milly.

She's too saintly.

- Yes I know, Madonna-like.

Except you're the prude, not Milly.

You were the virgin

at marriage, not her.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN) You like it?

- This is beautiful.

- A drink?

- No, thank you. I don't dare.

- Why not?

Here.

- Grazia.

(MELLOW INSTRUMENTAL

JAZZ BEGINS PLAYING)

- I love old songs from my childhood.

- Very pretty.

- And the old way of dancing.

(LAUGHING)

- You're very good.

- What can I say.

- Oh...

I thought you wanted to talk.

- My weakness is nostalgia.

- Yes, there's something charming

about reminiscing.

(CHUCKLES) - Did anyone ever tell you

you were beautiful?

- My husband, maybe once.

But never a movie actor.

- Please don't think of me

as a movie actor.

I'm an ordinary human being,

with the same feelings...

...the same vulnerabilities

and desires.

- Scusa mi, scusa mi.

But when I see you kiss

those beautiful actresses you seem...

...how shall I say...

larger than life.

- A movie kiss, what is it?

All pretend.

- I always wondered what it must be like

to be kissed by Luca Salta.

- Now you know.

- It was amazing.

- Only amazing?

- More than amazing.

- Wait till you experience the rest.

- The rest?

- We must, I can't turn back now.

You're far too enchanting.

- No, no.

- My goodness, what a dilemma.

- I see no dilemma.

- Of course it is.

I'm so tempted to make love to you,

so I can tell my grandchildren.

- Relax.

- On the other hand it is adultery.

- Let's not get into semantics.

I want you.

- Oh, my goodness.

I don't know what to do.

I love Antonio, my husband.

But I am so curious.

- Listen, life is short. And some

moments are written in the stars.

- This is one of them.

- Yes.

No, wait, wait.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Don't move.

Don't leave, okay?

What?

- I swore I wouldn't do this.

- I know, I know, I know.

Me neither.

I have to tell Sally.

- But you said your relationship

was winding down.

I mean, this cannot be

because of me.

- No, no, don't say that.

No, no, it is, it is.

It's wound down.

- I...

I had fantasies yesterday

of us being together.

- Really?

- Exploring Italy

and looking at all

the great architecture

of Milan and Venice and Naples.

You could teach me.

- I'm a good teacher.

- We could stay

in little towns

at bed and breakfasts.

(SIGHS)

- Since Sally is taking

her exams next week at the university,

I just don't want to break this

to her before then.

- No, of course.

- Yeah, but right after.

Right after.

I love you.

(REPORTERS CLAMORING

IN ITALIAN)

You are the greatest, the greatest.

- Who's that man?

He looks even more interesting.

- We're here on the street

with Aldo Romano.

If I'm not mistaken,

you drive a bus.

- What's going on?

I don't understand.

What do you want from me?

- Is it true you are bringing

your laundry in to have it cleaned?

- Yes, but what do you want?

- Do you use starch?

- No, I don't like starch.

- Is that a stain on your jacket?

- It's marinara.

- Can you tell us how you got it?

- I was eating a plate of rigatoni.

I lifted my fork and the sauce fell.

Why do you care?

I don't understand.

(LAUGHS)

Gabriele! Camilla! Sofia!

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- Hi, Dad!

- Easy there.

The curse is lifted.

We're back to normal.

I'm so happy.

- A man named Aldo Romano

is in all the papers.

- Let's celebrate with a pizza.

My treat!

- Who is the new star?

- Aldo Romano.

I think I did really well

on the exams.

- Of course you did.

- Yeah, you sailed through it

because you studied

hard enough.

- I worked hard.

- Yeah, you did.

She doubts herself for no reason.

I don't know why.

- Do you guys

want something else?

- Uh, sure.

- No.

- No.

- Oh. Oh, okay.

All right, well...

- Okay.

You see how confident she is?

So, I'm gonna

take her to dinner,

and I'm gonna tell her tonight.

- Okay, are you sure?

- Yeah, yeah,

of course, of course.

In fact, I planned out

an amazing trip for us.

Believe it or not,

I've never been

to the Acropolis

or the Parthenon.

- Oh, can we go to Sicily?

- Yeah, of course...

You know what, actually,

we could, we could

hire a sailboat

and go around the boot,

if you want to.

- I've always seen

pictures of Palermo.

I just think it is so romantic.

- Yeah, well,

you can see pictures,

but nothing is like being

there in the real place...

(PHONE RINGING)

Do you want to...

Yeah, sure, no problem.

- Hello?

No, I... Hello?

I'm gonna see if I can...

Sure, okay.

Hello?

- It's sad.

- What is?

- That you're in love

with Monica.

- There's just

something about her.

- You know that Sally's

in love with you, right? - I know.

- And your common sense

tells you

that Sally is the much more

sensible choice.

- Yeah, I know...

I know all of that, and

yet I can't explain it.

- I understand.

- Guess what.

JACK: - What?

I got a part.

- A part?

- A good part.

In a movie.

It's high-budget.

It shoots in Los Angeles and Tokyo.

- Wait, where?

- I have to leave tonight.

- What was that about

a sailboat in Sicily?

- They need me for,

like, five months.

- Five months in Japan?

- One month in Los Angeles,

four in Japan.

I mean, assuming

it all goes on time.

Oh, I cannot wait to go.

I mean, it is, like,

my dream in life

to spend time in the Far East.

- That's your dream?

- Who's in it?

- Justin Brill,

Ricardo Ramirez.

- Ricardo Ramirez,

he's a very attractive man.

- And I worked with

Justin Brill before, like,

when he was married

to Rebecca Wright,

and he had this big,

mad crush on me.

- Well, he's available now.

- This is so exciting.

I can't wait

to get back to Los Angeles,

see my acting coach...

I mean, no matter what it's like to visit a

place, there's nothing like home.

- Who's directing?

- Mark Strombel.

I adore him.

I adore his work.

And you know what,

he's, like, the only director

that I would trust to direct the nude

scenes that I have to do.

And although I hear

he does a lot of drugs,

somehow that burnt-out look

is just so...

It's just so sexy on him.

I have to lose some weight.

I mean, the, the writer

saw me on that TV thing.

He just... He flipped out

over my quality.

Like, five pounds or so...

I'll just start running again.

I'll start running again.

This part is such

a great showcase for me.

I just hope I can bring my dog.

I hope it's not like London,

where it's so hard

to bring a pet.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Stay calm, Milly, stay calm.

Better to sleep with him

and regret it...

...than not sleep with him

and regret it.

What do I do?

Better to sleep with him.

Absolutely better

to sleep with him.

Yes, better to sleep with him.

- Be quiet.

Quiet or I'll kill you.

Now, open the door.

You understand?

Let's go. March.

- Are you ready, my love?

- Keep your mouth shut.

Do what I say and you won't be hurt.

You understand? - Si. Si, si.

- Give me your wallet

and all your jewelry. Hurry!

- Don't you know who lam?

- No and I don't care. Hurry up.

You keep quiet and don't cry.

Hand over everything.

- It won't come off.

- Your watch.

The watch, shut up.

(POUNDING ON DOOR)

- Open up!

(MAN SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Open up! House detective!

- Open up Luca. I know you're in there!

(WOMAN SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- My wife!

- She probably had me followed!

- You said you were separated.

- Oh god, the alimony! I'm finished!

- I'll be in the newspapers

as the other woman!

- I'm finished. I've lost everything.

(POUNDING ON DOOR)

- Listen, I got an idea.

We do this...

you go into the bathroom.

Hide in the shower.

Go. Close the door.

Get in there.

Come with me.

(POUNDING CONTINUES)

- Open up!

(MAN SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(ALL ARGUING IN ITALIAN)

This man has a lot to explain.

- There, in the bed!

- Did you not hear us knocking?

- What's going on?

- Have you gone mad?

- Didn't you hear us?

What am I going to hear?

I'm here with my girlfriend.

You come barging in

at a delicate moment.

- You're not this woman's husband?

- Husband? I don't know her.

- You told us he was your husband.

- Are you crazy?

I'll sue this hotel

for barging in here without knocking.

- Pardon, sir, pardon.

- How could you?

- What's going on here?

(ARGUING RESUMES)

- Everyone out.

- This isn't my fault.

- Madam, please!

- Pardon us.

- You'll hear from my lawyers!

- Pardon us.

- We'll get him.

- Madam, please. Thank you.

- This wasn't supposed

to end like this.

- Madam, after you.

(CONTINUES ARGUING

IN ITALIAN)

Oh thank you, thank you!

- You're welcome.

- I'll leave now.

Here take my watch, my ring.

It's all yours.

- Thank you, really.

- Thank you.

Bye, thank you.

- I can't believe this.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(WHIMPERS)

- I don't blame him,

you're really very pretty.

- Excuse me?

- I said, you're pretty.

- Thank you.

Are you a real burglar?

- Yes I am.

You could say I specialize in hotels.

But I do break-ins and holdups.

- Really?

- Mmm-hmm.

- Huh.

- How exciting.

- You're exciting.

I've never made love

with a criminal.

My husband

is a respectable businessman.

- Is that so?

- Yes.

- Well, how do I say this?

Opportunity makes a thief.

Here's your chance.

- You're right.

We're alone in a hotel room.

- Exactly. We're in bed.

You're in your slip.

- So?

- So...

(BOTH MOANING SOFTLY)

(SIGHS)

I guess I'll never

hear from Monica again.

- Yes, but you can read about her

in the gossip column,

dating Justin Brill, vacationing in

his Aspen lodge.

Consider yourself lucky.

You saved your own life there.

A year with her, she would've had you

free fall parachuting

and adopting Burmese orphans.

(CHUCKLES)

- Well, with age comes wisdom.

- With age comes exhaustion.

- Look, here's where

we first met. - Yeah.

I should be getting back

to the Excelsior.

- Oh, it's a nice hotel.

You're obviously doing well.

- There's a lot of dough

in shopping malls.

- You've sold out.

- Well, as a foolish man

once said, stuff happens.

- I'll leave you here.

- Yes.

- Goodbye.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

This is nice.

There's a movie premiere tonight.

We can just go with no fuss

and enjoy the picture.

We don't have to pose for photos.

- We weren't invited.

- Ah.

Well, we can stay home

and watch it on television.

And I don't have to share you

with beautiful models and actresses...

...and sexy secretaries.

- Hey! Hey! Hey!

I'm Leopoldo Pisanello.

Miss, this morning for breakfast...

...I had toast with butter and jam.

Then I shaved and used a cream.

I prefer a cream to a gel.

I'm Leopoldo Pisanello.

- Hi. Want my autograph?

- No, I'm in a hurry.

- You want it?

- I don't know you!

- I wear boxer shorts.

Do you want to see my boxers?

See, I wear boxer shorts.

White and loose.

Miss, I am Leopoldo Pisanello.

Looks like rain. I got a trim.

She's my wife.

Miss, there's a run in her stocking.

It's trendy. Runs are trendy.

You want to see me on one foot?

Look, Pisanello on one foot!

It's a great scoop!

I had breakfast this morning.

Excuse me, I recognize you.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Yes, I know that face.

Didn't you used to be...

- I'm Leopoldo Pisanello.

- Yes, that's right.

- Do you want my autograph?

- Sure, if you insist. Here.

- Here's my autograph.

I am Leopoldo Pisanello. Remember.

- Thank you.

- That's me. Thank you.

- You see.

- Yes. Let's go home.

- The kids are there. I'm there.

- Here. Yes!

He'll remember me, Sofia.

This man was once my chauffeur.

- Right?

- Yes.

I told you, sir...

...life can be very cruel

and unsatisfying...

...whether you're a celebrity

or poor and unknown.

But of the two,

to be a celebrity...

...is definitely better.

- Good bye.

- Good bye. Thank you.

- Come, let's go.

- Did you hear what he said?

- Yes, I heard.

I heard.

Milly? Milly?

- There you are. I was so worried.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- What happened to you?

- When I came back you were gone.

I lost my phone. I got lost.

What happened to you?

- My uncles,

they had every moment planned.

- Did it go well?

- We're going home.

- Home where?

- Back to Pordenone.

- But we've just arrived.

- I had my full dose of my uncles

and aunts and all their phony friends.

I don't want the job.

I want my old job back.

We'll never get rich,

but we'll have a better life.

You loved teaching at the school.

- Yes, but...

- But nothing!

We'll go home. We'll have a...

...a better life, with children.

And maybe...

I'll even have time to paint a little.

- Okay.

What a surprise.

I don't know what to say.

- Say nothing.

Let's make love.

- Make love?

- Before we leave, to celebrate.

- Oh.

- It'll be my turn

to teach you about the stars.

(LAUGHS GENTLY)

And don't be surprised

if I shock you.

- Shock me.

(ORCHESTRA PLAYING

DRAMATIC OPERA INTRO)

(CHOIR SINGING)

(GIANCARLO SINGING)

(MUSIC SWELLS)

(MUSIC ENDS

WITH DRAMATIC FLOURISH)

(CHEERING)

Dad, the critic says

you were wonderful.

"A voice from

the golden era."

- That is so great.

I can't believe it.

Eh, but no more for me, eh?

Oh...

I prove myself enough.

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

Mamma don't fly, I don't tour.

My life is fulfilled.

I have a great family.

I stay home, I relax,

I bury people, I'm happy.

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

No, no, no, no, no.

- Tonight, I owe

everybody an apology.

- We should get to the Spanish Steps soon

for Max's cocktail party.

- We're late?

- No, no.

- I mean, he's an old friend

of my father.

He's not gonna mind

if we're a bit late.

But we should go soon.

- All right.

Do you forgive me?

- I'm so happy

for your husband.

And as for you, how could I

not forgive you?

I love you.

(CHUCKLES)

- "Another Caruso."

"And in difficult

conditions."

- Oh, goodness, they weren't very kind

to my father, were they?

- Uh...

Ooh, I think it's better

you don't hear that.

- No, no, I can take it.

Just don't tell my dad.

Thankfully, he doesn't

understand a word of Italian.

- All right, um, "Except from Mr. Santoli's

magnificent voice..."

- Magnifico!

(LAUGHTER)

(MARIANGELA

SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- "...whoever imbecile..."

(STAMMERS) imbecile?

- Yeah, imbecile.

- "...whoever imbecile conceived this, um,

moronic experience

"should be taken

out and beheaded."

- Oh. - Oh, well.

He's gotten worse.

This has to be the most beautiful terrace

in all of Rome.

- Yeah. For my wife and I, it's a privilege

to live up here.

- Oh, yeah. I mean, the Spanish Steps right

there, the people watching.

- Phyllis, the reviews

were so great.

(STAMMERING) I mean,

the press called me, um...

Not, not... What was

the word they used?

Not a maestro, but a,

um... An "imbechile."

What does it mean?

- Means you're ahead

of your time.

- Your mother, I'm happy to say,

lucky woman,

married an "imbechile."

- So I toast to

my future father-in-law.

- Ah. Well,

good luck to you guys.

- Honey, let's go

see the piazza.

- Yes. Yeah.

- Gotta click, 'cause...

- So glad to see them.

They make a lovely couple.

- Wow.

(SIGHS) - Oh.

This city is unbelievable.

Think we should get married

right in front of

the fountain there.

- Anything you want.

(CHUCKLES)

- Oh, I could

stand here all night,

it's so beautiful.

(BAND PLAYING VOLARE)

It's me that knows

Rome the best,

not a traffic policeman

or anyone.

I see all from here.

The Romans, the students,

the lovers

on the Spanish Steps.

There are many stories,

next time you come.

(VOLARE CONTINUING)