To Hell with Harvey (2019) - full transcript
A struggling aspiring young writer assists a reclusive washed-up author on his comeback winter book tour. Together they hit the road across rural Ontario on a tumultuous journey seeking inspiration, acceptance and redemption.
(TYPEWRITER TYPING)
(TYPEWRITER DING)
GREG: The town of
Ashton Cove was left
in a nasty blood bath.
No.
The town of Ashton Cove was
left crumbled, smoldering,
abandoned...
No, in ruins.
Oh no.
The town of Ashton Cove was
left drenched in a state
of sorrow.
No, I can do better.
Drenched in a state of ennui.
It was left in a state of ennui.
That's the one.
(VACUUM RUNNING)
Mom.
Yes, honey.
Sorry, sorry.
(VACUUM RUNNING)
GREG: Elijah knew
if he was ever going
to escape, flee, no.
He would have to conquer,
face, he would have to face
the monster head on.
Everyone else had already
surrendered, given up,
white flag.
Everyone else had already
risen their white flags,
leaving for most of them
just wasn't an option.
Elijah was the only one, he'd
been held captive long enough
to know that even utter failure
would be worth the attempt.
He knew that before he
became a slave to Ashton Cove
he had to act.
He didn't have a plan,
but he knew deep inside
that once he got out
of here he'd be free.
The end.
(MAN COUGHING)
Sorry, continue.
GREG: That was
it, that was the end.
MARTIN: Thanks
for that, Greg.
Thoughts, everyone?
Is it wrong to admit that
I was rooting for the monster
the entire time.
I mean, no offense but
this Greg protagonist
is so unlikable...
GREG: Elijah?
No, it's Ian.
GREG: The character's
name is Elijah.
Whatever, he was just
frustratingly passive,
I don't understand why anyone
would find him or anything
he does interesting,
he's just too...
Meek.
Precisely.
He's really the
shell of a human.
I just don't believe in
building an entire story
just so he could
say the words ennui.
Okay, okay, there's no denying
that you have talent, Greg,
for your age, it's just that
the story was a
little superfluous,
there's no passion
behind your words.
When you're writing comedy...
It's not really a comedy.
You have to make
it unique to you.
You must, you have to, you
got to make it about you.
Life is like a reading
joke book backwards.
You're constantly being
delivered the punchline
and it's up to you to
figure out why it's funny.
GREG: That's a
beautiful analogy, Martin.
And tonally, your
story was jarring.
GREG: Isn't life
jarring though, tonally?
Okay, okay, let's have some
positives about Greg's story.
(SIGHING)
(DOOR CLOSING)
Hey, Mom.
Hi, honey.
I am so sorry.
It's just one school.
Did you open this?
WENDY: Yes.
You know what we should
do, we should go bowling.
Mom.
I can't believe you.
MARTIN: I really don't
want you to get too down
on yourself, being able to
take criticism is a huge part
of being a successful writer.
No, it's cool.
I'm not that down about it.
Heard from any schools yet?
GREG: No, not yet.
MARTIN: I'm sure you
will, you have a lot of drive
to write and that's
a really great thing,
but it just doesn't seem like
it's coming from anywhere
that feels real right now.
You need some experiences,
like outside of your laptop
or you know, working
at Bent Taco.
GREG: I actually enjoy
the solitude in the dish pit.
Does the name Harvey
McCoy mean anything to you?
I know that name, what was
that book, he had a book?
The one book wonder.
He's a fucken lunatic too.
It just so happens he's
looking for an assistant
for this new book tour
that he has, and uh,
he's a bit of a dick
but we go way back.
And it might be a good
opportunity for you.
It's gonna give you more
inspiration than a fucking
dish pit anyway.
Plus I'll be on the uh,
I'll be on the last stop
and I'll see ya.
See ya at the finish line, yeah?
That'd be great.
And if you can make it.
Look, you're doing a great job.
What do I always say...
- Writer's...
- Get better by writing.
Yeah.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Hi, uh, this is
Greg Gifford speaking.
Hey, how's it going,
this is Greg Gifford.
Greetings, I'm calling
you, Harvey McCoy.
I too, as well write.
I am a writer.
Six foot two, 145 pounds,
18 years old, looking for
some writerly knowledge.
Hi, I'm Greg Gifford.
I'm a writer and I am
looking to be your assistant.
(TAKING A DEEP BREATH)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
HARVEY: Hi (COUGHING)
Hello?
HARVEY: I said hello.
I'm calling about
the assistant job.
HARVEY: Assistant
job, uh, yeah um...
I'm actually a big fan,
so this opportunity seemed..
HARVEY: I uh, Meso.
Meso!
Hello, this is Meso
Halloway, Harvey's agent.
Hi, Meso, I'm Greg Gifford
calling for the assistant job.
I got this number from Martin.
HARVEY: Yeah, Martin.
Yeah, Harvey's
incredibly busy with,
he's busy with carry work,
so you as you can imagine,
a very busy man.
Okay.
HARVEY: He does need
some assistance, he needs
an assistant, so uh,
some help on the job.
Of course.
HARVEY: He's doing
a lot of stuff, yes.
(RAMBLING MUMBLES)
So the assistant job.
HARVEY: The
what, assistant job?
Yeah, I have a few serious
questions if that's okay?
Yeah, definitely.
HARVEY: Question
one, uh can you drive?
You'll be driving.
I have my full license, yup.
HARVEY: Question two.
Can you start tomorrow?
Uh, yeah.
HARVEY: Meso.
Yes.
I can only offer
you a 100 bucks.
A day?
HARVEY: Fine.
Fine.
Okay so, so when do I...
(PHONE BUZZING)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
I think I just
got a writing job.
Oh, honey.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(TYPEWRITER DING)
WENDY: I wanna
meet him first.
GREG: Mom, no.
Yes!
No, he's not gonna take
me seriously if I have
to have my mom meet him first.
You don't even know him,
I'm not gonna let you go
hang out with some random
old guy without at least
speaking to him first.
He's not some random old guy,
he's an accomplished writer,
he's Harvey McCoy.
Literally the only notable
person to come from this town.
An accomplished writer
with a reputation.
Everyone has a reputation,
that's why you're banned
from garage sales.
Well you remember what
happened to Madison Sorvil.
Madison Sorvil got pregnant
because she slept with
a reporter during the
Christmas festival.
That's insanely different,
and not to mention,
a wildly unrealistic
outcome for me.
Listen, honey, I just don't
understand why you can't
hang out with
people your own age.
Martin gave me this opportunity
because he believes in me.
WENDY: Just because
someone is older
does not make them wiser.
Agreed.
(SIGHING)
Okay, but I'm giving you my
credit card for emergencies.
Just please let me
do this on my own.
(SIGHING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
What's the name
of this book again?
"The Grand Affliction".
(SIGHING)
Bye, Mom.
The credit cards
in your backpack.
I love you.
I love you too, Greg.
(CAR DOOR CLOSING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
(BANGING ON DOOR)
(DOOR CREAKING OPEN)
Was that you just
knocking on my door?
Yeah, I think
I'm your assistant.
All right.
So Greg is it?
I've known a few Greg's in my
day, some of them were good,
some of them were shit.
So I take it you're a writer?
Aspiring.
Ah that's too bad.
So what do you write about,
Craig, what are your demons?
I mostly write monster
stories, actually.
Uh-huh.
So uh, you got a girlfriend?
A mother.
(LAUGHING) That's even
better, they're the best demons.
You want a drink?
No thank you.
What are you allergic?
No, it's just
really not my thing.
All right.
Well, we got three
rules around here.
Number one, don't
touch anything.
Don't touch anything.
Leave all the doors closed
because I like it fucking
freezing in here.
And if I see you with a
cellphone in your hand,
I'll break it, all right?
If you gotta take a
shit, west, go west okay.
All the west.
Anywhere out west, not
the east, out the west.
That's your toilet
essentially, okay.
Finally,
the Wi-Fi passcode
is go fuck yourself, and
that's all in lower case.
You got it?
Got it.
So, Craig, what do you
expect to get out of this?
Well I'm saving up for
college and I've been working
on a short story
for some deadlines,
and I'm really just looking
to get some experience.
Yeah.
Well let's take you on a tour.
(LIGHT MUSIC)
That is your bed.
I said don't touch anything.
(LIGHT MUSIC)
GREG: Elijah entered
the monsters layer,
he was medicated, irrational,
and consumed by his ridiculous
list of ground rules.
The monster dragged Elijah
through the palace, straight
to his cell, but for the
first time in a long while
he felt alive.
And like a complete
fucking cliche.
So these next
three days are gonna
be pretty action packed.
There's gonna be
some press, you know?
I just need you to know
where I need to be,
when I need to be there.
That's your job,
it's very important.
Um, do we have a
game plan for tomorrow?
Uh tomorrow, yeah, we're
doing, we're going to Meaford
and then Collingwood,
and then Owen Sound.
Uh, Meaford's gonna be
just a book signing event,
I don't even think I'm
gonna do a reading unless
they ask me.
Unless like a fan
asks me or something,
but it's really just a
charity event, frankly.
Okay, um what time
are we gonna leave then?
Oh I think we're
gonna leave around uh,
well it's four hours to get,
four hours to get there
from uh...
I think eight o'clock, no
later than eight o'clock.
Okay, I'll uh,
set my alarm then.
You know people think
this is a comeback,
it's not a comeback
I never left.
I've been busy,
I've been busy, so.
But what can you do, you know?
Fans ask for it.
I'm living this life, you know
for them, they asked for it.
I didn't ask for it.
Right.
What was I sayin?
The tour.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
the tour the last stop,
that's Owen Sound.
Owen Sound's the last stop.
So that'll be the big
event, it's the main event.
It's where we land, right.
It's the final chapter.
Why in Owen Sound?
I mean, it's just kind of a
random place, don't you think?
I like to go where the fans
are, I don't need a big city.
So your job is gonna
be to pack this place.
Okay, and that's the
most important thing,
pack this place.
You used to be a
club promoter, right?
Um not me, no.
All right, you can
just ask me directly,
I mean I'm sure you
wanna know about it,
all the parties and the,
well it's California
and Judy Dench I met twice.
Did you know that they were
gonna make a film out of
"The Grand Affliction"?
What happened with that?
Ah, I said fuck it!
You know movies are just
books for idiots, really.
A proper story needs
to be told with words,
right, expression.
So uh, this book tour,
is it for a new book?
What do you mean?
I don't know how I
could reword that question
any clearer.
It's the 15th anniversary
of "The Grand Affliction".
Fifth fucken teen.
But you've written
other stuff since, right?
Like short stories
or any novels?
(SNIFFLING)
(DRINK SLOSHING)
Obviously, that's
why I live alone.
A writer needs isolation.
(SNIFFS)
Well and they need
a personal assistant
but it's distraction, that's
the problem is distraction.
There's no such thing
as writers block,
there's no such thing as
writers block, it's distraction.
Distraction.
So tell me about this,
tell me about this poem
that you wrote.
It's actually a short story.
I'd love if you read it,
you don't have to read it
right now or anything,
but maybe tomorrow
or on the book tour sometime.
I'd love to get some
notes or advice.
(SNORING)
Okay,
good night.
The monster served
Elijah cold pizza.
The master plan was
unveiled, Elijah's
pleas went unanswered.
The monster fell asleep.
The monster passed out.
The monster began
his slumber, no.
The monster started his
slumber, it was the perfect time
to attack, it was the
perfect time to pounce.
It was the perfect
time to strike.
However, Elijah had no
idea what to do next.
(LAPTOP CLOSING)
(LIGHT UPBEAT MUSIC)
HARVEY: If you think
this is when you met her,
you're wrong, she met you
first when your family died
and you were standing like a
slain stork refusing to fail,
or cry, or die.
And you said, "Hello, my whole
family died in a waterfall
or on a mattress."
(LIGHT MUSIC)
(ALARM DINGING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Who the fuck are you?
I'm Greg.
Oh.
Okay, let's go.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Ta-da!
Hang on Greg, are you
even old enough to drive?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
How old are ya?
I'm an adult.
You're an adult.
You don't look like an
adult, you got kinda look
a little fresh face
you got you there.
Eh, you look pretty.
Pre-pubescent I'd say.
(LAUGHING AND COUGHING)
Thanks.
You got a real post
mortem aura about you.
Yeah.
(SIGHING)
Hey, Greg.
How's the list look at the Roxy,
how the ticket sales doing?
The Roxy?
Yeah, the Roxy, the theater
down in Owen Sound there.
Huh, it's a main event!
Jesus man! (LAUGHING)
What were you into
last night, huh?
I thought last night
was an introductory.
Introductory, introductory.
Well consider yourself
introduced, here.
You know how to drive an RV?
Do you?
No, (CHUCKLING) good luck.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
You know what, Gregory, in
some ways I consider myself
your mentor, that
make sense to you?
Okay, I'm gonna give you
some advice about writing.
First, don't be a writer.
This is the next thing
you need to know,
never stop writing,
write everyday.
Like me, I write everyday.
I didn't write today, but, I
didn't write yesterday either.
So why aren't we just
sleeping in the RV?
Cause the RV is for naps.
We're not living in the
fucking thing, just naps.
I'm gonna write
tomorrow, I swear to God.
You should make the same
promise, make that promise.
GREG: I make a promise.
Make the promise.
I made the promise.
What's the promise?
I promise to write everyday.
Everyday, did you write today?
GREG: No.
HARVEY: No, did
you write yesterday?
- No.
- You're breaking
the fucking promise already.
Okay, so look it, we're
gonna do this right now,
do a haiku about the trees.
See the trees?
Haiku.
Go.
Go.
The green of your bush.
What?
Needles touching on me.
What?
Did you say the needles
touching on me? (LAUGHING)
Did you just say the
needles touching on me,
that's your fucking haiku?
We're forgetting something.
Like at the house?
No, no, no.
Book signing, book
signing, book signing.
I guarantee we've
got all the books.
No not the books,
not the books.
The standee, the standee.
All right, well we gotta find
a print shop along the way.
What print shop?
Where are we?
Beaverton.
Beaverton, (LAUGHING) that's
what I call serendipity.
You know what serendipity is?
Yes.
Okay, good.
All right, turn right up here.
How far are we?
I'll tell you when.
(LIGHT PLAYFUL MUSIC)
Is it?
I will tell you
when to turn, okay?
Now!
(TIRES SQUEALING)
(GREG SCREAMING)
That's perfect.
Let's get it in the RV.
Be careful, be careful,
be careful, be careful.
Don't bend it, don't bend it.
Is it in?
Yeah?
Oh yeah baby.
(DOOR SLAMMING)
Oh no,
Jesus Christ!
Look at that, oh my fucking God!
GREG: It's okay we'll figure
it out when we get there.
We're not going
there, that's it man.
I'm done, I'm not going.
Well why?
Why?
Because that my friend is a
bad omen if I've ever seen one.
Look at it, bad omen.
(LIGHT PLAYFUL MUSIC)
Mind you...
I mean most people know
what I look like, right?
That's just kinda
redundant if I'm there.
Ah, I think it's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be all right.
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- It's gonna be okay.
- Okay?
All right.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Hi, I'm gonna get the
eggs benedict, and does
that come with home fries?
WAITRESS: Yup.
Okay I'll get them, thank you.
WAITRESS: And for you?
Sir?
Uh, yeah I'll have a bourbon
please, shot of bourbon neat.
I thought we stopped
because you were famished?
I'll have a piece
of toast, something.
It's before 11 a.m., we
can't serve alcohol yet.
Are you serious?
Jesus Christ!
All right, I'll
have water, water.
A glass of water,
thank you, neat.
WAITRESS: Sure.
What are you doing,
you're freaking me out?
I can't find my
mom's credit card.
(MOCKING) I can't find
my mom's credit card.
Jesus Christ man,
listen to yourself.
I must have left
it at your place.
It's all right I got this.
Oh, I have to go pee.
Kids eat for free here?
WAITRESS: No.
(CHUCKLING)
(WATER RUNNING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
GREG: The monster was
beginning to show his true colors.
Elijah had it all wrong.
He didn't have to look for
the perfect moment to strike,
he was bound to self destruct.
That gigantic
fucken chocolate ass.
GREG: He saw it when
the monster saw itself,
its reflection.
I fucken told ya!
GREG: What he saw
wasn't the reality.
His power was merely a
mask, a mask that deflected.
(BANGING ON WINDOW)
Let's go.
Where are you going?
Book signing.
Did you pay?
What kind of a
question is that?
Of course I paid, I'm a New
York Times best selling author!
Okay, I'm sorry.
Did I pay!
Jesus Christ.
Did you pee when you
went to the bathroom?
(DOOR SLAMMING)
(TYPEWRITER DING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
What the
fuck is this?
This can't be right.
This can't be fucken right.
Home of the future,
the future new library.
I gotta make a phone call.
Jesus Christ.
(PHONE BEEPING)
Oh hello, it's
Harvey McCoy calling.
Yes, the author of
"The Grand Affliction".
You set up a reading for
me here at the Meaford
Public Library and I'm
very excited about that,
except it's not even
fucken built yet!
Half of the thing is a Foodland.
It says it's not gonna
be open for a year, man.
This is the 15th anniversary
tour of "The Grand Affliction",
not the 16th!
Not the fucken 16th!
You shoulda let me know.
No you didn't, no you didn't.
If you did I'd know.
GREG: What just happened?
What just happened,
what just happened is
a stupid fuck up just happened.
You can not trust anybody ever.
Should we call Meso?
HARVEY: Who?
Your agent.
My agents, my
agents on vacation.
Besides, this is all on
you, man, you fucked up.
You were supposed
to get results, man.
Results, how?
If you managed to get results,
how you did so is futile.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
GREG: I really
don't understand what
you want me to write.
HARVEY: A scathing letter.
GREG: To the library?
HARVEY: No, to
fucken Santa Claus!
These people are
lucky to have me.
All right, start writing.
Okay,
your institution
holds
histories and knowledge, and
all of these wonderful things.
So I find it appalling, no
frankly I find it obscene
that you are run by
inane cunts.
Geez!
Just keep writing.
Hatred is a very strong word,
but it is not strong enough
for the loathing I feel for you.
For you hairy horny
hobbit whores.
You know, you can get
a lot more attraction
writing a Yelp
review or something.
That's not a word,
Greg, you know that.
No, the website?
Where you can write reviews
and it actually has an effect
on a place.
You've heard of the
internet, right?
You little shit, of course
I've heard of the internet.
It could really be a
useful tool for promotion
for your events, it can
really help you out.
It's just a suggestion.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
All right, you write
that up at the motel, okay?
The Yelp review?
Yes, the Yelp review!
You can't just make up words.
So do you think you'll
have time tonight to read
my short story?
(MOCKING) So do you think
you'll have time to tonight
to read my short story?
Do you think time to read the
fucken (RAMBLED MUMBLING).
What?
I just don't feel
like reading right now.
And where the hell are we?
Oh, oh we got time for a pit
stop, just up here on the left.
I think we should
just get to the motel.
I got some property
right up here.
Why aren't we staying
there instead of the motel?
Because I am not a
fucken crystal ball, man.
I don't know.
It's more of a, more of
a storage unit really.
Why are we going there?
Greg, if you happen to
get a best selling novel
one day, what would you buy
with that first big pay
check, what would it be?
A plane ticket.
Wrong.
You would buy an expensive
suit, the best suit,
your favorite suit, the
suit you always wanted.
You know why?
Cause then you
look the part, huh?
Write it down.
Go ahead.
Write it down.
So we're detouring for a suit?
Oh no, my friend, not
just any suit a lucky suit.
And it's right up
here on the left.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
And you missed it.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
All right, so it's on the top
floor, upstairs bedroom closet
I think, uh, but I wouldn't
put it past me in the basement.
So go.
So you're not
coming in with me?
Well I,
no.
This is your house?
Yeah, it's my house,
it's my house, it's just
it's very dusty in there
and I don't wanna expose
myself to a dangerous dust.
GREG: But you're smoking.
Jesus Christ, for a fucken
assistant you complain a lot
about assisting.
Let's go, assist, assist.
Just thought I'd get some
writerly advice or some
knowledge or something,
but I guess I'm not.
Don't bang a groupie.
What?
Let's go, let's go!
(LIGHT MUSIC)
(STAIRS CREAKING)
(LIGHT PLAYFUL MUSIC)
What the fuck.
(CAR ENGINE APPROACHING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
No.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Harvey.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
I got it!
(GUN FIRING)
(DOG BARKING)
Fuck, fuck.
Who the fuck are you?
(STUTTERING) I'm Greg.
Shelby.
Well look who it fucking is.
Harvey goddamn McCoy.
I knew you'd have to
be lurking around here.
Hi, baby, how you doin?
It's been a long
time, you look great.
Are you fucking serious?
Yeah, you look...
Did you pay a fucking child
to come steal your suit back?
No, of course I
didn't, come on.
It's not what this looks like.
It doesn't look
like that at all.
Baby, you gotta
lower the gun okay.
The gun, lower the gun
please, so we can talk.
We can have a
little conversation.
Can I leave?
- No!
- No!
Okay, I don't know who you
are, but you should stay
away from this piece of shit!
He's a bad man.
Cheryl, please, you
gotta let me explain.
How could you leave
without saying anything?
I left a note.
You ripped out the words
at the end from your book
and taped it to a picture of us.
What?
Did I?
That sounds pretty
unlikely, really.
But still, for whatever
reason, I waited months
for you to come back.
I fucking used up all my
vacation days just in case
I would miss you.
Darling, that sounds
very ill advised.
Well I'm not taking your
shit anymore, no more.
Fuck I did everything for you.
I bought 40 copies of
your book and I basically
promoted the thing,
for what, for what?
For nothing, to be abandoned!
Darling, I think what we
gotta do right now please,
is we gotta look at
the positives, okay?
The positives between me
and you, in our relationship
we had positive moments.
We did.
Like,
the time I stopped you
from getting the tattoo.
You're not the
fucking stick and poke.
I thought that was
something very different.
Uh please, darling, you
know I would not come here
if I didn't have a good reason.
More like an opportunity?
Well yeah, yeah,
like an opportunity.
Like an opportunity to
introduce you to my child, okay.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Are you serious?
I'm very serious.
But I thought
you had a daughter.
So did I.
- Harvey?
- Yes.
This is huge.
It's gargantuan, huh?
Oh hi, sweetie.
(CHUCKLING)
Run!
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(GRUNTING)
(RV MOTOR STARTING)
Fuck you, Harvey!
HARVEY: Holy fuck!
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(GUN BANGS)
(SCREAMING)
(HARVEY CHUCKLING)
Never tell a girl you
wrote a book about her,
even if you did.
That's my advice to you, pal.
Oh man.
(BRAKES SQUEALING)
Jesus man, what the hell.
What the hell?
- Yeah.
- I'm the one
who should be asking
that question.
Okay look, I would never
have sent you into that house
if I had known that
woman had a gun.
I promise I never
would have, ever.
We almost fucking
died back there, died,
and for what, a suit?
Yeah, a very
expensive suit, man.
I quit.
You can't quit,
there's no where to go,
you're in the middle of nowhere.
This is fucking insane I'm
not doing this for $100 a day.
Okay, okay, I'll make it $150.
That's not why
I took this job.
(SIGHING) Okay.
What do you want?
I just want you to read my
short story and give me notes
on it to help me
become a better writer.
Writers get better by
writing, there you go.
Then I guess you peaked.
All right.
All right, I'll read your story.
I'll read your story.
You don't believe me?
Here, pass it over.
I'll read it tonight at
the motel, I promise.
Thank you very much.
(EMOTIONAL MUSIC)
(SNORING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
(TYPEWRITER DING)
(UPBEAT BANJO MUSIC)
♪ Well I'm stumbling down ♪
♪ On towards Owen Sound ♪
(HARVEY COUGHING)
♪ What I'm saying and
what I really mean ♪
♪ Life's getting hard ♪
♪ And I don't know
where to start ♪
♪ If I told you now ♪
♪ Would believe ♪
Testing, test.
♪ Well I'm falling down ♪
♪ On towards the ground ♪
♪ Here she comes up to meet me ♪
♪ She's smiling so sweetly ♪
♪ She says, would you believe ♪
How much time we got, Greg?
You're already
15 minutes late.
Perfect.
I want you to go see how
many people are sitting
in those chairs.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
ANNOUNCER: Please welcome
Mr. Harvard Wolworth McCoy.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
HARVEY: Well hello
everyone. (COUGHING)
I'd like to thank you
all for coming out.
It's very hard to believe
that "The Grand Affliction"
is 15 years old.
I've been asked to do a Q
and A, but I'm gonna forgo
that for the time being,
because my friend here asked
for me to read a
special passage.
I don't mind saying it's
a difficult passage,
and I'll be frank,
it's a painful passage.
So bear with me.
Name?
LAUREN: Lauren.
HARVEY: Lorraine.
Lauren.
There you go, thank you.
I love your book.
Oh thank you very much.
I wrote a paper on it.
No kidding!
I'm very flattered,
what's your name?
Dan.
There you go, Dan.
Thank you.
Have a good day.
Harvey McCoy.
Do I know you?
Probably, I'm a reporter
for the local paper.
I was hoping you'd be open
to answering a few questions.
Look, press questions
go through my agent.
Hey, what just
happened in there?
Don't worry, this
isn't about the book.
Oh, I'm answering questions
only about the book.
Fine.
What about the
inspiration behind the book?
(GROANING)
(GRUNTING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Let's go.
(LIGHT EMOTIONAL MUSIC)
(TYPING)
I have a daughter.
I saw a picture
on your mantle.
Yeah, hm.
Where is she?
(SIGHING)
I was a good father.
I was a good father, for a
few years I was a good father.
It was something I wanted to
be, I made the commitment.
I loved her, she loved
me, I was her whole world,
she was my whole world.
And when they're that age
and they look up at you,
they don't want anything from
you but for you to love them
and I did, I loved
her and she loved me.
Which is fine, but I wasn't
totally getting along
with her mother.
We were living together,
we were married.
Anyway, so I got this, my first
big, my first big book deal.
And it was a big deal
to me, and I thought,
"Man, I better take this
seriously and I've gotta put
some time into it."
And I put all this time into
and that took time away from,
from her and my marriage.
You know, it's not an
uncommon story, right,
when you just head off
in different directions.
And, you know, I knew
it was coming to an end,
so did she.
And we separated, and for
awhile it wasn't all that bad,
it was...
It was manageable, you
know, like it wasn't ideal
it wasn't the dream,
it was just manageable.
But to cope with it,
man I started drinking.
I started drinking real heavy.
And that just uh, I
just turned everything
into a giant mess.
So, I couldn't visit anymore,
she didn't want me to come
around, because of things
that happened that I'm
not even gonna go into
that frankly, I don't
even remember, not really.
I don't remember everything.
But I always remember
her birthday.
I needed that connection,
I needed to feel
I had a connection with her.
And I looked for it on her
birthday's, and when her
fifth birthday came around
her mother didn't
want me to see her.
That was the thing, she
was not gonna let me see
my own daughter on her fifth,
fifth birthday, which
honestly I understood.
At the time when she said
that, as pissed as I was,
I understood why.
So on the day of her
birthday I drank.
I got up early
and I drank a hell of a
lot and I got hammered,
I got blackout drunk.
And the next thing
I know (SIGHING)
next thing I know,
I was wrapped around the
tree out front of the house.
Totaled the car.
And there were kids, it
was a birthday party,
so there's kids coming
in and out of the,
my daughter was coming
in and out of the house.
And that was it,
I'd finished it.
I was never to be
forgiven for that.
And again,
I knew why.
As horrible as it looked, it
was as horrible as I felt.
And I knew that I had
lost, I'd lost them.
It's not something
you can accept really,
so what I did was, I thought
to myself, "There's gotta
be a way that I can make this,
some way that I can make this,
some way I could make it okay."
You know, manageable
again, normal again.
So I did the smart
thing, I quit drinking.
I stopped drinkin.
Which was a big deal
and wasn't easy.
And uh, the next thing I
thought I had to do was,
well I'm gonna write that book.
And I did.
It wasn't the book
the publisher wanted,
but a different book.
But luckily he liked
it, he loved it.
And so did other people,
because it ended up on
the New York Times best
selling list, as I like to say.
But that book,
that 300 page book,
was meant for one person only,
meant for Hannah.
So that she could
see how I felt,
hear my apology,
and understand that
this is important to me.
That she understood that I knew
I had, I had ruined
her first family,
and that maybe this was a
place to start from, this book.
Because I was never gonna
reach her, I was never
gonna get a card to her,
I was never gonna get
a phone call to her.
I didn't even know for
a long period of time,
where they were living.
But if I put a book out,
it's out there forever,
she'll find it one day
and she'll read it.
And it's dedicated
to Hannah McCoy.
But she didn't read it,
or at least if she did
I guess it didn't
mean much to her,
because I never heard from
her or her mother again,
for 15 years,
16 years.
So I decided that the next
best thing I could do,
because I knew, the only
thing I knew about her
was that she lives in
Owen Sound.
- The last stop.
- The last stop.
That's what this
whole thing is about.
This what everything is about,
I sank in my very last penny,
I made sure my name
was in the newspapers,
I did the interviews,
because I thought if
she knew I was here
then maybe, you know
maybe, maybe she comes.
I don't think she's gonna come.
I mean, I don't think
this is the right move.
I just can't accept this.
(SIGHING)
This is the stupidest
fucking idea I ever had.
I don't think it's stupid.
No? (CHUCKLING)
All right, I'm gonna go
outside and get some fresh air.
Hm, don't stay up all night
on that thing, all right?
I think tomorrow's
gonna be a good one.
I hope you're right, kid.
(DOOR CLOSING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hey, Mom.
WENDY: Where
the hell are you?
Are you running away?
What?
No I'm not running away.
WENDY: There's over 20
charges on my credit card,
- what are doing?
- How many charges?
WENDY: Yes, you racked
up over $2,000 on my card!
I thought I left the
credit card at Harvey's.
WENDY: I am calling
the police right now,
and I'm coming to get you.
No, Mom, don't call anyone,
I know how to fix this.
WENDY: I warned you about
this fucking guy, Greg.
Mom, it's okay, I
love you good bye.
WENDY: No, Greg, do
not hang up the phone.
(PHONE BEEPING)
(BANGING ON DOOR)
Who the fuck are you?
Fucking, Greg!
Look, Greg, I think
you got the wrong room.
No, I've got the right one.
Oh fuck!
Where the fuck is my
mom's credit card, Harvey?
Hey!
Hey, really?
Greg, I don't have
your mom's credit card.
I don't know what you're
talking about, get off me.
(LAUGHING)
Ow, ow.
What the fuck is this?
I'll tell you
what this is, Grego,
that's my credit card my name
is Wendy Giggles. (CHUCKLING)
Shut the fuck up, Harvey.
I don't think that's her
name, I don't think that's
her real name.
(DOOR SLAMMING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
(DOOR CLOSING)
Greg.
I'd like to talk.
What could you possibly
have to say to me right now?
HARVEY: Well, thank
you for finding me.
That's it, not sorry?
What the fuck are you
thinking in there?
Your biggest event is
tomorrow and you're drinking
yourself stupid?
Everything you've
put towards this
is shot now, do you not
give a fuck about anything?
I thought this was
for your daughter.
Or was that even true?
I would never lie
about her, Greg.
I don't know to what
extent you'd lie anymore
to get what you want.
What everyone says
about you is true,
you're a washed up asshole.
(HARVEY CRYING)
What are you doing?
I think I'm having
a heart attack, Greg.
What, a heart attack?
(GROANING)
(SIRENS WAILING)
(GROANING)
911 OPERATOR: Hello,
911 what's your emergency?
Hello, I think my boss
is having a heart attack.
911 OPERATOR:
Okay, is he breathing?
Yeah, he's conscious.
911 OPERATOR:
What's your location?
GREG: We're at
the Traveler's Motel.
911 OPERATOR: Okay, stay
with me, we have someone
on the way.
(LIGHT MUSIC)
Is he gonna be okay?
PARAMEDIC: You
called us just in time.
(LIGHT EMOTIONAL MUSIC)
(SIRENS WAILING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
IAN: No offense, but
this Greg protagonist
is so unlikeable.
SHEILA: He's really
the shell of a human.
IAN: He was just
frustratingly passive.
KEN: Okay, your
story was jarring,
there's no passion
behind your work.
WENDY: I'm so sorry.
MARTIN: It just
doesn't seem like
it's coming from anywhere
that feels real right now.
WENDY: It's just one school.
MARTIN: You got
to make it about you.
GREG: Hey how's it
going, this is Greg Gifford.
I too, as well, write.
I am a writer.
HARVEY: So what do
you write about, Craig?
What are your demons?
What are these?
Isolation, it's the distraction
that's the problem,
is distraction.
There's no such thing
as writers block.
Distraction...
Distraction.
(VOICES ALL RAMBLING TOGETHER)
(TYPEWRITER TYPING)
(TYPEWRITING DING)
(GLASS CLANGING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
(PHONE VIBRATING)
(DOOR SLAMMING)
You waited for me.
You gotta be
fucking kidding me.
I never doubted you kid.
Fuck off, Harvey.
Greg, please.
You just had a
fucking heart attack,
what are you doing here?
Exactly.
And the only reason I am
here is because of you, man.
Look, I know maybe
I've been a bit,
I've been a bit unreliable.
Unreliable?
Yeah, maybe you're still
pissed off about the whole
mom Visa thing, but this
heart attack has shown me
that maybe I don't got
a lot of chances left
to say I'm sorry,
and Greg, I'm sorry.
Buddy, you're my lucky suit.
You don't believe me?
You don't believe me?!
All right,
all right.
See that.
Out with the old,
in with the new.
(FLAMES IGNITING)
GREG: What the fuck was
that supposed to prove?
I don't really know actually,
but god that felt great, eh?
So come on, what do you
say, we go to the Roxy?
I don't know.
You know, Elijah
woulda followed through.
You read my story?
Yeah, I did.
Look, tonight's not
gonna be about me,
I want it to be about us.
I promise,
please.
Yeah?
Yeah. (CHUCKLING)
♪ Ladybird, head first
into the mystic masses ♪
♪ Tug hard she's
not coming out ♪
♪ Feels like molasses ♪
Get you up in
a nice suit, man.
♪ Came ashore to the warmth
of her dearly beloved ♪
♪ Shimmer shells, summer swells
and simply the sum of it ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
Say, that looks spiffy.
I look like a
weight loss promo.
Yeah, one that
works. (LAUGHING)
Oh, oh, this is it, man.
Yeah, this?
Yeah, this looks great.
How's it feel?
It feels lucky.
Look at us now, man,
we are legends baby.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(CROWD ROARING)
(CAMERA'S FLASHING)
(CHUCKLING)
This place is packed, man.
How the shit did you do that?
If you manage to get a result,
how you did so is futile.
Shut up.
Hey, how do I look?
Optimistically, decrepit.
Perfect, perfect.
Okay, we can't go in this way,
we're gonna have to
find another way in.
Go around back.
You do that, I have to
take care of something first,
but I'll meet you in there.
All right, okay,
I'll see you in there.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Hey, Hannah.
Hey, Greg right?
Yeah, sorry I couldn't
find you anywhere.
You found me.
(LAUGHING) I did.
Uh, nice suit.
(LIGHT MUSIC)
So are you gonna come
in and watch the show?
Uh, yeah.
I'm pretty much done setting
up here, so I'll come in
once I'm finished.
Cool.
Okay, well goodbye.
Bye.
GREG: It's time.
I thought this
was for a movie.
I don't know.
Hello.
(CROWD CHATTERING)
Hello.
Hello!
Wow, I really wasn't
expecting this.
Thank you all for coming.
We are lucky tonight to
have Harvey McCoy here
to read a passage from his
book "The Grand Affliction".
So without further ado,
I'd like to introduce
Harvey McCoy.
Hello everyone.
I wanna thank you
all for coming.
I'm very excited
to be here myself.
15 years ago I wrote a book
called "The Grand Affliction",
it was written for my daughter,
Hannah.
I didn't ever get the
chance to know her
and that is my regret.
And that is my book.
I came here to make a grand
apology and I realized
that that's still just me being
in grand.
But I'm not grand.
There's a writer in this
room right now, though,
and he's listened to my grand
ramblings for three days now.
And that, he's listening.
It taught me more than 50
years of my own bullshit.
And so, let's all
listen to a short story
from my good friend
Greg.
(LIGHT MUSIC)
I actually have something
else that I'd like to read.
I wrote this last night.
I've never read this aloud
before, so here it goes.
This is called, "To
Hell with Harvey".
Warmth is an accident,
it is a thin atmosphere,
much like on earth
it surrounds us.
It is a flimsy shroud, invisible
and lighter than a feather.
It may be our friends,
our family, and our hope.
Thin and ephemeral,
and it can slip off us
with a light force
of a cold drought.
Some of us live without
it, live in the cold
and we tremble.
That is me, who I am if
exposed all the time.
Everything hurts, but I
am convinced that I can
restore that blanket, that
shroud if I just stand still.
If I open myself
up to a stranger.
If I try to be good.
I doubt that I am good.
I pray that one day I will
do something that brings
people to me.
Warmth,
that's what will save me.
(AUDIENCE CLAPPING)
(INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC)
What's this?
Greg, I got a bad
habit of burning bridges,
but one bridge I did not
burn was my publishers.
And I gave her your
story, and she loved it.
She did?
Oh yeah she did.
Her phone numbers in there,
so make sure you call her.
You're a great writer, Greg.
So are you.
Nah, I'm just a character
in a novel. (CHUCKLING)
Yeah, but you
wrote that novel.
Well buddy, now
it's your turn.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna live
forever, man. (LAUGHING)
Look, there's someone
over there waiting for ya.
(CAR DOOR OPENING)
(LIGHT UPBEAT MUSIC)
(UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC)
♪ Brother, my brother ♪
♪ You can hold it all together ♪
♪ Night brings night ♪
♪ Where it's cold
and dark forever ♪
♪ If our lines alright ♪
♪ I never wanna see the night ♪
♪ Why oh why ♪
♪ In the darkness
I'll be back for you ♪
♪ Brother, my brother ♪
♪ You've got to hold
yourself together ♪
♪ Night, all night ♪
♪ I'll be running out forever ♪
♪ No we'll live and die ♪
♪ Far, far away from any eyes ♪
♪ Oh, now the
darkness comes alive ♪
♪ Now the darkness
comes for me ♪
♪ And it comes for you ♪
♪ And I heard your final cry ♪
♪ Through the dark tonight ♪
♪ I'm coming back for you ♪
♪ And I'll find you alright ♪
♪ Where you sleep tonight ♪
♪ I guess that's all you do ♪
♪ Brother, my brother ♪
♪ We can hold it all together ♪
♪ Night, all night ♪
♪ We're running out forever ♪
♪ No, we'll live and die ♪
♪ Far, far away from any eyes ♪
♪ Oh, now the
darkness comes alive ♪
♪ It comes for me ♪
♪ And I come for you ♪
♪ And I heard your final cry ♪
♪ Through the dark tonight ♪
♪ I'm coming back for you ♪
♪ And I'll find you alright ♪
♪ Where you sleep tonight ♪
♪ I guess that's all you do ♪
♪ And I heard your final cry ♪
♪ Through the dark tonight ♪
♪ I'm coming back for you ♪
♪ And I heard your final cry ♪
♪ Where you sleep tonight ♪
♪ I guess that's all you'll do ♪
♪ There's a dream I had ♪
♪ Where somebody watched
out for me and you ♪
♪ And in the end of life ♪
♪ There was no one
there for me and you ♪
♪ There's a dream I had ♪
♪ There was no one there ♪
♪ In the dark tonight ♪
♪ I'm coming back for you ♪
♪ Baby, in our lives ♪
♪ There was no one
there for me and you ♪
(TYPEWRITER DING)
GREG: The town of
Ashton Cove was left
in a nasty blood bath.
No.
The town of Ashton Cove was
left crumbled, smoldering,
abandoned...
No, in ruins.
Oh no.
The town of Ashton Cove was
left drenched in a state
of sorrow.
No, I can do better.
Drenched in a state of ennui.
It was left in a state of ennui.
That's the one.
(VACUUM RUNNING)
Mom.
Yes, honey.
Sorry, sorry.
(VACUUM RUNNING)
GREG: Elijah knew
if he was ever going
to escape, flee, no.
He would have to conquer,
face, he would have to face
the monster head on.
Everyone else had already
surrendered, given up,
white flag.
Everyone else had already
risen their white flags,
leaving for most of them
just wasn't an option.
Elijah was the only one, he'd
been held captive long enough
to know that even utter failure
would be worth the attempt.
He knew that before he
became a slave to Ashton Cove
he had to act.
He didn't have a plan,
but he knew deep inside
that once he got out
of here he'd be free.
The end.
(MAN COUGHING)
Sorry, continue.
GREG: That was
it, that was the end.
MARTIN: Thanks
for that, Greg.
Thoughts, everyone?
Is it wrong to admit that
I was rooting for the monster
the entire time.
I mean, no offense but
this Greg protagonist
is so unlikable...
GREG: Elijah?
No, it's Ian.
GREG: The character's
name is Elijah.
Whatever, he was just
frustratingly passive,
I don't understand why anyone
would find him or anything
he does interesting,
he's just too...
Meek.
Precisely.
He's really the
shell of a human.
I just don't believe in
building an entire story
just so he could
say the words ennui.
Okay, okay, there's no denying
that you have talent, Greg,
for your age, it's just that
the story was a
little superfluous,
there's no passion
behind your words.
When you're writing comedy...
It's not really a comedy.
You have to make
it unique to you.
You must, you have to, you
got to make it about you.
Life is like a reading
joke book backwards.
You're constantly being
delivered the punchline
and it's up to you to
figure out why it's funny.
GREG: That's a
beautiful analogy, Martin.
And tonally, your
story was jarring.
GREG: Isn't life
jarring though, tonally?
Okay, okay, let's have some
positives about Greg's story.
(SIGHING)
(DOOR CLOSING)
Hey, Mom.
Hi, honey.
I am so sorry.
It's just one school.
Did you open this?
WENDY: Yes.
You know what we should
do, we should go bowling.
Mom.
I can't believe you.
MARTIN: I really don't
want you to get too down
on yourself, being able to
take criticism is a huge part
of being a successful writer.
No, it's cool.
I'm not that down about it.
Heard from any schools yet?
GREG: No, not yet.
MARTIN: I'm sure you
will, you have a lot of drive
to write and that's
a really great thing,
but it just doesn't seem like
it's coming from anywhere
that feels real right now.
You need some experiences,
like outside of your laptop
or you know, working
at Bent Taco.
GREG: I actually enjoy
the solitude in the dish pit.
Does the name Harvey
McCoy mean anything to you?
I know that name, what was
that book, he had a book?
The one book wonder.
He's a fucken lunatic too.
It just so happens he's
looking for an assistant
for this new book tour
that he has, and uh,
he's a bit of a dick
but we go way back.
And it might be a good
opportunity for you.
It's gonna give you more
inspiration than a fucking
dish pit anyway.
Plus I'll be on the uh,
I'll be on the last stop
and I'll see ya.
See ya at the finish line, yeah?
That'd be great.
And if you can make it.
Look, you're doing a great job.
What do I always say...
- Writer's...
- Get better by writing.
Yeah.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Hi, uh, this is
Greg Gifford speaking.
Hey, how's it going,
this is Greg Gifford.
Greetings, I'm calling
you, Harvey McCoy.
I too, as well write.
I am a writer.
Six foot two, 145 pounds,
18 years old, looking for
some writerly knowledge.
Hi, I'm Greg Gifford.
I'm a writer and I am
looking to be your assistant.
(TAKING A DEEP BREATH)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
HARVEY: Hi (COUGHING)
Hello?
HARVEY: I said hello.
I'm calling about
the assistant job.
HARVEY: Assistant
job, uh, yeah um...
I'm actually a big fan,
so this opportunity seemed..
HARVEY: I uh, Meso.
Meso!
Hello, this is Meso
Halloway, Harvey's agent.
Hi, Meso, I'm Greg Gifford
calling for the assistant job.
I got this number from Martin.
HARVEY: Yeah, Martin.
Yeah, Harvey's
incredibly busy with,
he's busy with carry work,
so you as you can imagine,
a very busy man.
Okay.
HARVEY: He does need
some assistance, he needs
an assistant, so uh,
some help on the job.
Of course.
HARVEY: He's doing
a lot of stuff, yes.
(RAMBLING MUMBLES)
So the assistant job.
HARVEY: The
what, assistant job?
Yeah, I have a few serious
questions if that's okay?
Yeah, definitely.
HARVEY: Question
one, uh can you drive?
You'll be driving.
I have my full license, yup.
HARVEY: Question two.
Can you start tomorrow?
Uh, yeah.
HARVEY: Meso.
Yes.
I can only offer
you a 100 bucks.
A day?
HARVEY: Fine.
Fine.
Okay so, so when do I...
(PHONE BUZZING)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
I think I just
got a writing job.
Oh, honey.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(TYPEWRITER DING)
WENDY: I wanna
meet him first.
GREG: Mom, no.
Yes!
No, he's not gonna take
me seriously if I have
to have my mom meet him first.
You don't even know him,
I'm not gonna let you go
hang out with some random
old guy without at least
speaking to him first.
He's not some random old guy,
he's an accomplished writer,
he's Harvey McCoy.
Literally the only notable
person to come from this town.
An accomplished writer
with a reputation.
Everyone has a reputation,
that's why you're banned
from garage sales.
Well you remember what
happened to Madison Sorvil.
Madison Sorvil got pregnant
because she slept with
a reporter during the
Christmas festival.
That's insanely different,
and not to mention,
a wildly unrealistic
outcome for me.
Listen, honey, I just don't
understand why you can't
hang out with
people your own age.
Martin gave me this opportunity
because he believes in me.
WENDY: Just because
someone is older
does not make them wiser.
Agreed.
(SIGHING)
Okay, but I'm giving you my
credit card for emergencies.
Just please let me
do this on my own.
(SIGHING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
What's the name
of this book again?
"The Grand Affliction".
(SIGHING)
Bye, Mom.
The credit cards
in your backpack.
I love you.
I love you too, Greg.
(CAR DOOR CLOSING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
(BANGING ON DOOR)
(DOOR CREAKING OPEN)
Was that you just
knocking on my door?
Yeah, I think
I'm your assistant.
All right.
So Greg is it?
I've known a few Greg's in my
day, some of them were good,
some of them were shit.
So I take it you're a writer?
Aspiring.
Ah that's too bad.
So what do you write about,
Craig, what are your demons?
I mostly write monster
stories, actually.
Uh-huh.
So uh, you got a girlfriend?
A mother.
(LAUGHING) That's even
better, they're the best demons.
You want a drink?
No thank you.
What are you allergic?
No, it's just
really not my thing.
All right.
Well, we got three
rules around here.
Number one, don't
touch anything.
Don't touch anything.
Leave all the doors closed
because I like it fucking
freezing in here.
And if I see you with a
cellphone in your hand,
I'll break it, all right?
If you gotta take a
shit, west, go west okay.
All the west.
Anywhere out west, not
the east, out the west.
That's your toilet
essentially, okay.
Finally,
the Wi-Fi passcode
is go fuck yourself, and
that's all in lower case.
You got it?
Got it.
So, Craig, what do you
expect to get out of this?
Well I'm saving up for
college and I've been working
on a short story
for some deadlines,
and I'm really just looking
to get some experience.
Yeah.
Well let's take you on a tour.
(LIGHT MUSIC)
That is your bed.
I said don't touch anything.
(LIGHT MUSIC)
GREG: Elijah entered
the monsters layer,
he was medicated, irrational,
and consumed by his ridiculous
list of ground rules.
The monster dragged Elijah
through the palace, straight
to his cell, but for the
first time in a long while
he felt alive.
And like a complete
fucking cliche.
So these next
three days are gonna
be pretty action packed.
There's gonna be
some press, you know?
I just need you to know
where I need to be,
when I need to be there.
That's your job,
it's very important.
Um, do we have a
game plan for tomorrow?
Uh tomorrow, yeah, we're
doing, we're going to Meaford
and then Collingwood,
and then Owen Sound.
Uh, Meaford's gonna be
just a book signing event,
I don't even think I'm
gonna do a reading unless
they ask me.
Unless like a fan
asks me or something,
but it's really just a
charity event, frankly.
Okay, um what time
are we gonna leave then?
Oh I think we're
gonna leave around uh,
well it's four hours to get,
four hours to get there
from uh...
I think eight o'clock, no
later than eight o'clock.
Okay, I'll uh,
set my alarm then.
You know people think
this is a comeback,
it's not a comeback
I never left.
I've been busy,
I've been busy, so.
But what can you do, you know?
Fans ask for it.
I'm living this life, you know
for them, they asked for it.
I didn't ask for it.
Right.
What was I sayin?
The tour.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
the tour the last stop,
that's Owen Sound.
Owen Sound's the last stop.
So that'll be the big
event, it's the main event.
It's where we land, right.
It's the final chapter.
Why in Owen Sound?
I mean, it's just kind of a
random place, don't you think?
I like to go where the fans
are, I don't need a big city.
So your job is gonna
be to pack this place.
Okay, and that's the
most important thing,
pack this place.
You used to be a
club promoter, right?
Um not me, no.
All right, you can
just ask me directly,
I mean I'm sure you
wanna know about it,
all the parties and the,
well it's California
and Judy Dench I met twice.
Did you know that they were
gonna make a film out of
"The Grand Affliction"?
What happened with that?
Ah, I said fuck it!
You know movies are just
books for idiots, really.
A proper story needs
to be told with words,
right, expression.
So uh, this book tour,
is it for a new book?
What do you mean?
I don't know how I
could reword that question
any clearer.
It's the 15th anniversary
of "The Grand Affliction".
Fifth fucken teen.
But you've written
other stuff since, right?
Like short stories
or any novels?
(SNIFFLING)
(DRINK SLOSHING)
Obviously, that's
why I live alone.
A writer needs isolation.
(SNIFFS)
Well and they need
a personal assistant
but it's distraction, that's
the problem is distraction.
There's no such thing
as writers block,
there's no such thing as
writers block, it's distraction.
Distraction.
So tell me about this,
tell me about this poem
that you wrote.
It's actually a short story.
I'd love if you read it,
you don't have to read it
right now or anything,
but maybe tomorrow
or on the book tour sometime.
I'd love to get some
notes or advice.
(SNORING)
Okay,
good night.
The monster served
Elijah cold pizza.
The master plan was
unveiled, Elijah's
pleas went unanswered.
The monster fell asleep.
The monster passed out.
The monster began
his slumber, no.
The monster started his
slumber, it was the perfect time
to attack, it was the
perfect time to pounce.
It was the perfect
time to strike.
However, Elijah had no
idea what to do next.
(LAPTOP CLOSING)
(LIGHT UPBEAT MUSIC)
HARVEY: If you think
this is when you met her,
you're wrong, she met you
first when your family died
and you were standing like a
slain stork refusing to fail,
or cry, or die.
And you said, "Hello, my whole
family died in a waterfall
or on a mattress."
(LIGHT MUSIC)
(ALARM DINGING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Who the fuck are you?
I'm Greg.
Oh.
Okay, let's go.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Ta-da!
Hang on Greg, are you
even old enough to drive?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
How old are ya?
I'm an adult.
You're an adult.
You don't look like an
adult, you got kinda look
a little fresh face
you got you there.
Eh, you look pretty.
Pre-pubescent I'd say.
(LAUGHING AND COUGHING)
Thanks.
You got a real post
mortem aura about you.
Yeah.
(SIGHING)
Hey, Greg.
How's the list look at the Roxy,
how the ticket sales doing?
The Roxy?
Yeah, the Roxy, the theater
down in Owen Sound there.
Huh, it's a main event!
Jesus man! (LAUGHING)
What were you into
last night, huh?
I thought last night
was an introductory.
Introductory, introductory.
Well consider yourself
introduced, here.
You know how to drive an RV?
Do you?
No, (CHUCKLING) good luck.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
You know what, Gregory, in
some ways I consider myself
your mentor, that
make sense to you?
Okay, I'm gonna give you
some advice about writing.
First, don't be a writer.
This is the next thing
you need to know,
never stop writing,
write everyday.
Like me, I write everyday.
I didn't write today, but, I
didn't write yesterday either.
So why aren't we just
sleeping in the RV?
Cause the RV is for naps.
We're not living in the
fucking thing, just naps.
I'm gonna write
tomorrow, I swear to God.
You should make the same
promise, make that promise.
GREG: I make a promise.
Make the promise.
I made the promise.
What's the promise?
I promise to write everyday.
Everyday, did you write today?
GREG: No.
HARVEY: No, did
you write yesterday?
- No.
- You're breaking
the fucking promise already.
Okay, so look it, we're
gonna do this right now,
do a haiku about the trees.
See the trees?
Haiku.
Go.
Go.
The green of your bush.
What?
Needles touching on me.
What?
Did you say the needles
touching on me? (LAUGHING)
Did you just say the
needles touching on me,
that's your fucking haiku?
We're forgetting something.
Like at the house?
No, no, no.
Book signing, book
signing, book signing.
I guarantee we've
got all the books.
No not the books,
not the books.
The standee, the standee.
All right, well we gotta find
a print shop along the way.
What print shop?
Where are we?
Beaverton.
Beaverton, (LAUGHING) that's
what I call serendipity.
You know what serendipity is?
Yes.
Okay, good.
All right, turn right up here.
How far are we?
I'll tell you when.
(LIGHT PLAYFUL MUSIC)
Is it?
I will tell you
when to turn, okay?
Now!
(TIRES SQUEALING)
(GREG SCREAMING)
That's perfect.
Let's get it in the RV.
Be careful, be careful,
be careful, be careful.
Don't bend it, don't bend it.
Is it in?
Yeah?
Oh yeah baby.
(DOOR SLAMMING)
Oh no,
Jesus Christ!
Look at that, oh my fucking God!
GREG: It's okay we'll figure
it out when we get there.
We're not going
there, that's it man.
I'm done, I'm not going.
Well why?
Why?
Because that my friend is a
bad omen if I've ever seen one.
Look at it, bad omen.
(LIGHT PLAYFUL MUSIC)
Mind you...
I mean most people know
what I look like, right?
That's just kinda
redundant if I'm there.
Ah, I think it's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be all right.
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- It's gonna be okay.
- Okay?
All right.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Hi, I'm gonna get the
eggs benedict, and does
that come with home fries?
WAITRESS: Yup.
Okay I'll get them, thank you.
WAITRESS: And for you?
Sir?
Uh, yeah I'll have a bourbon
please, shot of bourbon neat.
I thought we stopped
because you were famished?
I'll have a piece
of toast, something.
It's before 11 a.m., we
can't serve alcohol yet.
Are you serious?
Jesus Christ!
All right, I'll
have water, water.
A glass of water,
thank you, neat.
WAITRESS: Sure.
What are you doing,
you're freaking me out?
I can't find my
mom's credit card.
(MOCKING) I can't find
my mom's credit card.
Jesus Christ man,
listen to yourself.
I must have left
it at your place.
It's all right I got this.
Oh, I have to go pee.
Kids eat for free here?
WAITRESS: No.
(CHUCKLING)
(WATER RUNNING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
GREG: The monster was
beginning to show his true colors.
Elijah had it all wrong.
He didn't have to look for
the perfect moment to strike,
he was bound to self destruct.
That gigantic
fucken chocolate ass.
GREG: He saw it when
the monster saw itself,
its reflection.
I fucken told ya!
GREG: What he saw
wasn't the reality.
His power was merely a
mask, a mask that deflected.
(BANGING ON WINDOW)
Let's go.
Where are you going?
Book signing.
Did you pay?
What kind of a
question is that?
Of course I paid, I'm a New
York Times best selling author!
Okay, I'm sorry.
Did I pay!
Jesus Christ.
Did you pee when you
went to the bathroom?
(DOOR SLAMMING)
(TYPEWRITER DING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
What the
fuck is this?
This can't be right.
This can't be fucken right.
Home of the future,
the future new library.
I gotta make a phone call.
Jesus Christ.
(PHONE BEEPING)
Oh hello, it's
Harvey McCoy calling.
Yes, the author of
"The Grand Affliction".
You set up a reading for
me here at the Meaford
Public Library and I'm
very excited about that,
except it's not even
fucken built yet!
Half of the thing is a Foodland.
It says it's not gonna
be open for a year, man.
This is the 15th anniversary
tour of "The Grand Affliction",
not the 16th!
Not the fucken 16th!
You shoulda let me know.
No you didn't, no you didn't.
If you did I'd know.
GREG: What just happened?
What just happened,
what just happened is
a stupid fuck up just happened.
You can not trust anybody ever.
Should we call Meso?
HARVEY: Who?
Your agent.
My agents, my
agents on vacation.
Besides, this is all on
you, man, you fucked up.
You were supposed
to get results, man.
Results, how?
If you managed to get results,
how you did so is futile.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
GREG: I really
don't understand what
you want me to write.
HARVEY: A scathing letter.
GREG: To the library?
HARVEY: No, to
fucken Santa Claus!
These people are
lucky to have me.
All right, start writing.
Okay,
your institution
holds
histories and knowledge, and
all of these wonderful things.
So I find it appalling, no
frankly I find it obscene
that you are run by
inane cunts.
Geez!
Just keep writing.
Hatred is a very strong word,
but it is not strong enough
for the loathing I feel for you.
For you hairy horny
hobbit whores.
You know, you can get
a lot more attraction
writing a Yelp
review or something.
That's not a word,
Greg, you know that.
No, the website?
Where you can write reviews
and it actually has an effect
on a place.
You've heard of the
internet, right?
You little shit, of course
I've heard of the internet.
It could really be a
useful tool for promotion
for your events, it can
really help you out.
It's just a suggestion.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
All right, you write
that up at the motel, okay?
The Yelp review?
Yes, the Yelp review!
You can't just make up words.
So do you think you'll
have time tonight to read
my short story?
(MOCKING) So do you think
you'll have time to tonight
to read my short story?
Do you think time to read the
fucken (RAMBLED MUMBLING).
What?
I just don't feel
like reading right now.
And where the hell are we?
Oh, oh we got time for a pit
stop, just up here on the left.
I think we should
just get to the motel.
I got some property
right up here.
Why aren't we staying
there instead of the motel?
Because I am not a
fucken crystal ball, man.
I don't know.
It's more of a, more of
a storage unit really.
Why are we going there?
Greg, if you happen to
get a best selling novel
one day, what would you buy
with that first big pay
check, what would it be?
A plane ticket.
Wrong.
You would buy an expensive
suit, the best suit,
your favorite suit, the
suit you always wanted.
You know why?
Cause then you
look the part, huh?
Write it down.
Go ahead.
Write it down.
So we're detouring for a suit?
Oh no, my friend, not
just any suit a lucky suit.
And it's right up
here on the left.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
And you missed it.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
All right, so it's on the top
floor, upstairs bedroom closet
I think, uh, but I wouldn't
put it past me in the basement.
So go.
So you're not
coming in with me?
Well I,
no.
This is your house?
Yeah, it's my house,
it's my house, it's just
it's very dusty in there
and I don't wanna expose
myself to a dangerous dust.
GREG: But you're smoking.
Jesus Christ, for a fucken
assistant you complain a lot
about assisting.
Let's go, assist, assist.
Just thought I'd get some
writerly advice or some
knowledge or something,
but I guess I'm not.
Don't bang a groupie.
What?
Let's go, let's go!
(LIGHT MUSIC)
(STAIRS CREAKING)
(LIGHT PLAYFUL MUSIC)
What the fuck.
(CAR ENGINE APPROACHING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
No.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Harvey.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
I got it!
(GUN FIRING)
(DOG BARKING)
Fuck, fuck.
Who the fuck are you?
(STUTTERING) I'm Greg.
Shelby.
Well look who it fucking is.
Harvey goddamn McCoy.
I knew you'd have to
be lurking around here.
Hi, baby, how you doin?
It's been a long
time, you look great.
Are you fucking serious?
Yeah, you look...
Did you pay a fucking child
to come steal your suit back?
No, of course I
didn't, come on.
It's not what this looks like.
It doesn't look
like that at all.
Baby, you gotta
lower the gun okay.
The gun, lower the gun
please, so we can talk.
We can have a
little conversation.
Can I leave?
- No!
- No!
Okay, I don't know who you
are, but you should stay
away from this piece of shit!
He's a bad man.
Cheryl, please, you
gotta let me explain.
How could you leave
without saying anything?
I left a note.
You ripped out the words
at the end from your book
and taped it to a picture of us.
What?
Did I?
That sounds pretty
unlikely, really.
But still, for whatever
reason, I waited months
for you to come back.
I fucking used up all my
vacation days just in case
I would miss you.
Darling, that sounds
very ill advised.
Well I'm not taking your
shit anymore, no more.
Fuck I did everything for you.
I bought 40 copies of
your book and I basically
promoted the thing,
for what, for what?
For nothing, to be abandoned!
Darling, I think what we
gotta do right now please,
is we gotta look at
the positives, okay?
The positives between me
and you, in our relationship
we had positive moments.
We did.
Like,
the time I stopped you
from getting the tattoo.
You're not the
fucking stick and poke.
I thought that was
something very different.
Uh please, darling, you
know I would not come here
if I didn't have a good reason.
More like an opportunity?
Well yeah, yeah,
like an opportunity.
Like an opportunity to
introduce you to my child, okay.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Are you serious?
I'm very serious.
But I thought
you had a daughter.
So did I.
- Harvey?
- Yes.
This is huge.
It's gargantuan, huh?
Oh hi, sweetie.
(CHUCKLING)
Run!
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(GRUNTING)
(RV MOTOR STARTING)
Fuck you, Harvey!
HARVEY: Holy fuck!
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(GUN BANGS)
(SCREAMING)
(HARVEY CHUCKLING)
Never tell a girl you
wrote a book about her,
even if you did.
That's my advice to you, pal.
Oh man.
(BRAKES SQUEALING)
Jesus man, what the hell.
What the hell?
- Yeah.
- I'm the one
who should be asking
that question.
Okay look, I would never
have sent you into that house
if I had known that
woman had a gun.
I promise I never
would have, ever.
We almost fucking
died back there, died,
and for what, a suit?
Yeah, a very
expensive suit, man.
I quit.
You can't quit,
there's no where to go,
you're in the middle of nowhere.
This is fucking insane I'm
not doing this for $100 a day.
Okay, okay, I'll make it $150.
That's not why
I took this job.
(SIGHING) Okay.
What do you want?
I just want you to read my
short story and give me notes
on it to help me
become a better writer.
Writers get better by
writing, there you go.
Then I guess you peaked.
All right.
All right, I'll read your story.
I'll read your story.
You don't believe me?
Here, pass it over.
I'll read it tonight at
the motel, I promise.
Thank you very much.
(EMOTIONAL MUSIC)
(SNORING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
(TYPEWRITER DING)
(UPBEAT BANJO MUSIC)
♪ Well I'm stumbling down ♪
♪ On towards Owen Sound ♪
(HARVEY COUGHING)
♪ What I'm saying and
what I really mean ♪
♪ Life's getting hard ♪
♪ And I don't know
where to start ♪
♪ If I told you now ♪
♪ Would believe ♪
Testing, test.
♪ Well I'm falling down ♪
♪ On towards the ground ♪
♪ Here she comes up to meet me ♪
♪ She's smiling so sweetly ♪
♪ She says, would you believe ♪
How much time we got, Greg?
You're already
15 minutes late.
Perfect.
I want you to go see how
many people are sitting
in those chairs.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
ANNOUNCER: Please welcome
Mr. Harvard Wolworth McCoy.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
HARVEY: Well hello
everyone. (COUGHING)
I'd like to thank you
all for coming out.
It's very hard to believe
that "The Grand Affliction"
is 15 years old.
I've been asked to do a Q
and A, but I'm gonna forgo
that for the time being,
because my friend here asked
for me to read a
special passage.
I don't mind saying it's
a difficult passage,
and I'll be frank,
it's a painful passage.
So bear with me.
Name?
LAUREN: Lauren.
HARVEY: Lorraine.
Lauren.
There you go, thank you.
I love your book.
Oh thank you very much.
I wrote a paper on it.
No kidding!
I'm very flattered,
what's your name?
Dan.
There you go, Dan.
Thank you.
Have a good day.
Harvey McCoy.
Do I know you?
Probably, I'm a reporter
for the local paper.
I was hoping you'd be open
to answering a few questions.
Look, press questions
go through my agent.
Hey, what just
happened in there?
Don't worry, this
isn't about the book.
Oh, I'm answering questions
only about the book.
Fine.
What about the
inspiration behind the book?
(GROANING)
(GRUNTING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Let's go.
(LIGHT EMOTIONAL MUSIC)
(TYPING)
I have a daughter.
I saw a picture
on your mantle.
Yeah, hm.
Where is she?
(SIGHING)
I was a good father.
I was a good father, for a
few years I was a good father.
It was something I wanted to
be, I made the commitment.
I loved her, she loved
me, I was her whole world,
she was my whole world.
And when they're that age
and they look up at you,
they don't want anything from
you but for you to love them
and I did, I loved
her and she loved me.
Which is fine, but I wasn't
totally getting along
with her mother.
We were living together,
we were married.
Anyway, so I got this, my first
big, my first big book deal.
And it was a big deal
to me, and I thought,
"Man, I better take this
seriously and I've gotta put
some time into it."
And I put all this time into
and that took time away from,
from her and my marriage.
You know, it's not an
uncommon story, right,
when you just head off
in different directions.
And, you know, I knew
it was coming to an end,
so did she.
And we separated, and for
awhile it wasn't all that bad,
it was...
It was manageable, you
know, like it wasn't ideal
it wasn't the dream,
it was just manageable.
But to cope with it,
man I started drinking.
I started drinking real heavy.
And that just uh, I
just turned everything
into a giant mess.
So, I couldn't visit anymore,
she didn't want me to come
around, because of things
that happened that I'm
not even gonna go into
that frankly, I don't
even remember, not really.
I don't remember everything.
But I always remember
her birthday.
I needed that connection,
I needed to feel
I had a connection with her.
And I looked for it on her
birthday's, and when her
fifth birthday came around
her mother didn't
want me to see her.
That was the thing, she
was not gonna let me see
my own daughter on her fifth,
fifth birthday, which
honestly I understood.
At the time when she said
that, as pissed as I was,
I understood why.
So on the day of her
birthday I drank.
I got up early
and I drank a hell of a
lot and I got hammered,
I got blackout drunk.
And the next thing
I know (SIGHING)
next thing I know,
I was wrapped around the
tree out front of the house.
Totaled the car.
And there were kids, it
was a birthday party,
so there's kids coming
in and out of the,
my daughter was coming
in and out of the house.
And that was it,
I'd finished it.
I was never to be
forgiven for that.
And again,
I knew why.
As horrible as it looked, it
was as horrible as I felt.
And I knew that I had
lost, I'd lost them.
It's not something
you can accept really,
so what I did was, I thought
to myself, "There's gotta
be a way that I can make this,
some way that I can make this,
some way I could make it okay."
You know, manageable
again, normal again.
So I did the smart
thing, I quit drinking.
I stopped drinkin.
Which was a big deal
and wasn't easy.
And uh, the next thing I
thought I had to do was,
well I'm gonna write that book.
And I did.
It wasn't the book
the publisher wanted,
but a different book.
But luckily he liked
it, he loved it.
And so did other people,
because it ended up on
the New York Times best
selling list, as I like to say.
But that book,
that 300 page book,
was meant for one person only,
meant for Hannah.
So that she could
see how I felt,
hear my apology,
and understand that
this is important to me.
That she understood that I knew
I had, I had ruined
her first family,
and that maybe this was a
place to start from, this book.
Because I was never gonna
reach her, I was never
gonna get a card to her,
I was never gonna get
a phone call to her.
I didn't even know for
a long period of time,
where they were living.
But if I put a book out,
it's out there forever,
she'll find it one day
and she'll read it.
And it's dedicated
to Hannah McCoy.
But she didn't read it,
or at least if she did
I guess it didn't
mean much to her,
because I never heard from
her or her mother again,
for 15 years,
16 years.
So I decided that the next
best thing I could do,
because I knew, the only
thing I knew about her
was that she lives in
Owen Sound.
- The last stop.
- The last stop.
That's what this
whole thing is about.
This what everything is about,
I sank in my very last penny,
I made sure my name
was in the newspapers,
I did the interviews,
because I thought if
she knew I was here
then maybe, you know
maybe, maybe she comes.
I don't think she's gonna come.
I mean, I don't think
this is the right move.
I just can't accept this.
(SIGHING)
This is the stupidest
fucking idea I ever had.
I don't think it's stupid.
No? (CHUCKLING)
All right, I'm gonna go
outside and get some fresh air.
Hm, don't stay up all night
on that thing, all right?
I think tomorrow's
gonna be a good one.
I hope you're right, kid.
(DOOR CLOSING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hey, Mom.
WENDY: Where
the hell are you?
Are you running away?
What?
No I'm not running away.
WENDY: There's over 20
charges on my credit card,
- what are doing?
- How many charges?
WENDY: Yes, you racked
up over $2,000 on my card!
I thought I left the
credit card at Harvey's.
WENDY: I am calling
the police right now,
and I'm coming to get you.
No, Mom, don't call anyone,
I know how to fix this.
WENDY: I warned you about
this fucking guy, Greg.
Mom, it's okay, I
love you good bye.
WENDY: No, Greg, do
not hang up the phone.
(PHONE BEEPING)
(BANGING ON DOOR)
Who the fuck are you?
Fucking, Greg!
Look, Greg, I think
you got the wrong room.
No, I've got the right one.
Oh fuck!
Where the fuck is my
mom's credit card, Harvey?
Hey!
Hey, really?
Greg, I don't have
your mom's credit card.
I don't know what you're
talking about, get off me.
(LAUGHING)
Ow, ow.
What the fuck is this?
I'll tell you
what this is, Grego,
that's my credit card my name
is Wendy Giggles. (CHUCKLING)
Shut the fuck up, Harvey.
I don't think that's her
name, I don't think that's
her real name.
(DOOR SLAMMING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
(DOOR CLOSING)
Greg.
I'd like to talk.
What could you possibly
have to say to me right now?
HARVEY: Well, thank
you for finding me.
That's it, not sorry?
What the fuck are you
thinking in there?
Your biggest event is
tomorrow and you're drinking
yourself stupid?
Everything you've
put towards this
is shot now, do you not
give a fuck about anything?
I thought this was
for your daughter.
Or was that even true?
I would never lie
about her, Greg.
I don't know to what
extent you'd lie anymore
to get what you want.
What everyone says
about you is true,
you're a washed up asshole.
(HARVEY CRYING)
What are you doing?
I think I'm having
a heart attack, Greg.
What, a heart attack?
(GROANING)
(SIRENS WAILING)
(GROANING)
911 OPERATOR: Hello,
911 what's your emergency?
Hello, I think my boss
is having a heart attack.
911 OPERATOR:
Okay, is he breathing?
Yeah, he's conscious.
911 OPERATOR:
What's your location?
GREG: We're at
the Traveler's Motel.
911 OPERATOR: Okay, stay
with me, we have someone
on the way.
(LIGHT MUSIC)
Is he gonna be okay?
PARAMEDIC: You
called us just in time.
(LIGHT EMOTIONAL MUSIC)
(SIRENS WAILING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
IAN: No offense, but
this Greg protagonist
is so unlikeable.
SHEILA: He's really
the shell of a human.
IAN: He was just
frustratingly passive.
KEN: Okay, your
story was jarring,
there's no passion
behind your work.
WENDY: I'm so sorry.
MARTIN: It just
doesn't seem like
it's coming from anywhere
that feels real right now.
WENDY: It's just one school.
MARTIN: You got
to make it about you.
GREG: Hey how's it
going, this is Greg Gifford.
I too, as well, write.
I am a writer.
HARVEY: So what do
you write about, Craig?
What are your demons?
What are these?
Isolation, it's the distraction
that's the problem,
is distraction.
There's no such thing
as writers block.
Distraction...
Distraction.
(VOICES ALL RAMBLING TOGETHER)
(TYPEWRITER TYPING)
(TYPEWRITING DING)
(GLASS CLANGING)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
(PHONE VIBRATING)
(DOOR SLAMMING)
You waited for me.
You gotta be
fucking kidding me.
I never doubted you kid.
Fuck off, Harvey.
Greg, please.
You just had a
fucking heart attack,
what are you doing here?
Exactly.
And the only reason I am
here is because of you, man.
Look, I know maybe
I've been a bit,
I've been a bit unreliable.
Unreliable?
Yeah, maybe you're still
pissed off about the whole
mom Visa thing, but this
heart attack has shown me
that maybe I don't got
a lot of chances left
to say I'm sorry,
and Greg, I'm sorry.
Buddy, you're my lucky suit.
You don't believe me?
You don't believe me?!
All right,
all right.
See that.
Out with the old,
in with the new.
(FLAMES IGNITING)
GREG: What the fuck was
that supposed to prove?
I don't really know actually,
but god that felt great, eh?
So come on, what do you
say, we go to the Roxy?
I don't know.
You know, Elijah
woulda followed through.
You read my story?
Yeah, I did.
Look, tonight's not
gonna be about me,
I want it to be about us.
I promise,
please.
Yeah?
Yeah. (CHUCKLING)
♪ Ladybird, head first
into the mystic masses ♪
♪ Tug hard she's
not coming out ♪
♪ Feels like molasses ♪
Get you up in
a nice suit, man.
♪ Came ashore to the warmth
of her dearly beloved ♪
♪ Shimmer shells, summer swells
and simply the sum of it ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
Say, that looks spiffy.
I look like a
weight loss promo.
Yeah, one that
works. (LAUGHING)
Oh, oh, this is it, man.
Yeah, this?
Yeah, this looks great.
How's it feel?
It feels lucky.
Look at us now, man,
we are legends baby.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(CROWD ROARING)
(CAMERA'S FLASHING)
(CHUCKLING)
This place is packed, man.
How the shit did you do that?
If you manage to get a result,
how you did so is futile.
Shut up.
Hey, how do I look?
Optimistically, decrepit.
Perfect, perfect.
Okay, we can't go in this way,
we're gonna have to
find another way in.
Go around back.
You do that, I have to
take care of something first,
but I'll meet you in there.
All right, okay,
I'll see you in there.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Hey, Hannah.
Hey, Greg right?
Yeah, sorry I couldn't
find you anywhere.
You found me.
(LAUGHING) I did.
Uh, nice suit.
(LIGHT MUSIC)
So are you gonna come
in and watch the show?
Uh, yeah.
I'm pretty much done setting
up here, so I'll come in
once I'm finished.
Cool.
Okay, well goodbye.
Bye.
GREG: It's time.
I thought this
was for a movie.
I don't know.
Hello.
(CROWD CHATTERING)
Hello.
Hello!
Wow, I really wasn't
expecting this.
Thank you all for coming.
We are lucky tonight to
have Harvey McCoy here
to read a passage from his
book "The Grand Affliction".
So without further ado,
I'd like to introduce
Harvey McCoy.
Hello everyone.
I wanna thank you
all for coming.
I'm very excited
to be here myself.
15 years ago I wrote a book
called "The Grand Affliction",
it was written for my daughter,
Hannah.
I didn't ever get the
chance to know her
and that is my regret.
And that is my book.
I came here to make a grand
apology and I realized
that that's still just me being
in grand.
But I'm not grand.
There's a writer in this
room right now, though,
and he's listened to my grand
ramblings for three days now.
And that, he's listening.
It taught me more than 50
years of my own bullshit.
And so, let's all
listen to a short story
from my good friend
Greg.
(LIGHT MUSIC)
I actually have something
else that I'd like to read.
I wrote this last night.
I've never read this aloud
before, so here it goes.
This is called, "To
Hell with Harvey".
Warmth is an accident,
it is a thin atmosphere,
much like on earth
it surrounds us.
It is a flimsy shroud, invisible
and lighter than a feather.
It may be our friends,
our family, and our hope.
Thin and ephemeral,
and it can slip off us
with a light force
of a cold drought.
Some of us live without
it, live in the cold
and we tremble.
That is me, who I am if
exposed all the time.
Everything hurts, but I
am convinced that I can
restore that blanket, that
shroud if I just stand still.
If I open myself
up to a stranger.
If I try to be good.
I doubt that I am good.
I pray that one day I will
do something that brings
people to me.
Warmth,
that's what will save me.
(AUDIENCE CLAPPING)
(INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC)
What's this?
Greg, I got a bad
habit of burning bridges,
but one bridge I did not
burn was my publishers.
And I gave her your
story, and she loved it.
She did?
Oh yeah she did.
Her phone numbers in there,
so make sure you call her.
You're a great writer, Greg.
So are you.
Nah, I'm just a character
in a novel. (CHUCKLING)
Yeah, but you
wrote that novel.
Well buddy, now
it's your turn.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna live
forever, man. (LAUGHING)
Look, there's someone
over there waiting for ya.
(CAR DOOR OPENING)
(LIGHT UPBEAT MUSIC)
(UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC)
♪ Brother, my brother ♪
♪ You can hold it all together ♪
♪ Night brings night ♪
♪ Where it's cold
and dark forever ♪
♪ If our lines alright ♪
♪ I never wanna see the night ♪
♪ Why oh why ♪
♪ In the darkness
I'll be back for you ♪
♪ Brother, my brother ♪
♪ You've got to hold
yourself together ♪
♪ Night, all night ♪
♪ I'll be running out forever ♪
♪ No we'll live and die ♪
♪ Far, far away from any eyes ♪
♪ Oh, now the
darkness comes alive ♪
♪ Now the darkness
comes for me ♪
♪ And it comes for you ♪
♪ And I heard your final cry ♪
♪ Through the dark tonight ♪
♪ I'm coming back for you ♪
♪ And I'll find you alright ♪
♪ Where you sleep tonight ♪
♪ I guess that's all you do ♪
♪ Brother, my brother ♪
♪ We can hold it all together ♪
♪ Night, all night ♪
♪ We're running out forever ♪
♪ No, we'll live and die ♪
♪ Far, far away from any eyes ♪
♪ Oh, now the
darkness comes alive ♪
♪ It comes for me ♪
♪ And I come for you ♪
♪ And I heard your final cry ♪
♪ Through the dark tonight ♪
♪ I'm coming back for you ♪
♪ And I'll find you alright ♪
♪ Where you sleep tonight ♪
♪ I guess that's all you do ♪
♪ And I heard your final cry ♪
♪ Through the dark tonight ♪
♪ I'm coming back for you ♪
♪ And I heard your final cry ♪
♪ Where you sleep tonight ♪
♪ I guess that's all you'll do ♪
♪ There's a dream I had ♪
♪ Where somebody watched
out for me and you ♪
♪ And in the end of life ♪
♪ There was no one
there for me and you ♪
♪ There's a dream I had ♪
♪ There was no one there ♪
♪ In the dark tonight ♪
♪ I'm coming back for you ♪
♪ Baby, in our lives ♪
♪ There was no one
there for me and you ♪