To Each His Own Cinema (2007) - full transcript
A collective film of 33 shorts directed by different directors about their feeling about Cinema.
"He wondered why
we want to do everything big
before we were capable
of doing small things well."
"EACH ONE HIS CINEMA"
Or that thrill when the lights dim
and the movie begins
< OPEN-AIR CINEMA >
< ONE FINE DAY >
One "farmer", please.
Okay, let's get started.
Sorry. Just a second.
Here we go.
Here we go.
'Do you think it's already over?'
'Hell, no! We haven't started yet.'
< THREE MINUTES >
'in memory of M.M.'
Anybody here?
Marcello!
This morning,
you were still sleeping
when I woke.
I heard your deep breathing.
And, through the hair
hiding your face,
I saw your eyes.
And I was choked by emotion.
Beyond your face,
I could see something purer
and deeper
in which I was reflected.
I was seeing myself
in a dimension
that contained all the time
that we have left to live.
All those years were there.
And also those that I lived
without knowing you
in order to know you.
At that moment,
I realized how much I loved you.
And the emotion was so strong
that my eyes filled with tears.
Three minutes.
Stop.
< IN THE DARK >
'Back in 15 minutes'
Timofei!
What?
The fuses have blown!
What? Again?
The second sector has blown again!
All right. Just a second.
'Sold out'
< DIARY OF A MOVIEGOER >
Focus!
Hey, the focus...
There's nobody here.
Is anybody here?
Cinema: Archimede.
Film: "The Ceremony".
I take my mother to the movies
every now and then.
We go to see < Legends of the Fall >,
a family melodrama.
Brad Pitt and lots of actors.
For years,
my mother will chide me
for having taken her
to see that movie.
In this cinema, I saw
Truffaut's < Domicile conjugal >.
< Bed and Board > in English.
The Italian title was
< Calm Down, It's Just Infidelity >.
< Anastasia >, a cartoon movie.
A few days ago, my son turned two.
Today is his first outing
to the movies.
After 10 minutes, he asks,
"Where's Mommy?"
I say, "Mommy's at home.
We'll join her after the movie."
After half an hour, he's screaming,
Mommy... Mommy...
"What's wrong?" she asks.
"Nothing," he says. "They're closing
the stadium. Nothing to fear."
"What did you say?"
"What?"
"Just now, when you said
there's nothing to fear."
"It sounded like a familiar voice."
If, at the end of < Heaven Can Wait >,
Julie Christie and Warren Beatty
hadn't gotten back together,
I'd have staged a sit-in
at the cinema.
The Arlecchino Cinema,
now the Antonveneta Bank garage.
Her feet in < What Lies Beneath >
are beautiful.
And the second toe,
the "index" toe,
just next to the big toe,
above all on the right foot,
is a little longer than the big toe,
which some people say
is a sign of excellence...
< Rocky Balboa >, January 2007.
When Sylvester Stallone
starts training
by running up the steps...
I'm the first to applaud.
My son is seven years old.
The film hasn't started yet.
They show the trailer for < Matrix 2 >.
Pietro asks:
"Will we see it when it comes out?"
"Sure, we'll see it."
Then I think, "Shall I tell him?"
I decide to:
"You know, Dad's movies
aren't much like that one."
"I know, Dad, but we'll go see
< Matrix 2 > when it comes out."
"All right, we'll see it."
< THE ELECTRIC PRINCESS
PICTURE HOUSE >
< DARKNESS >
Scissors?
Cool Scissors.
Where is this guy?
He's supposed to show us somethin'.
Hey- what's with the scissors?
They're what was used.
Whatever.
I can't hear you.
What the hell?
He said he can't hear you.
Gimme that megaphone.
I thought you were gonna show us a dance!
She was a dancer.
What?
I'm sort of afraid.
It's just a gag.
Who is he?
This is what she looked like
when she was younger.
Hey... that looks like you, Cindy.
What's goin' on?
It is me.
This is the one who did it.
I've had this dream.
That's Tom.
No, no, no... that ain't me.
Remember I told you about it?
What?! Tom, that was you!
Weird...
I'm not feelin' so good.
Wait a minute...
What's wrong?
Tommy,
what are you looking at me like that for?
So I feel a little strange, that's what!
What are you looking at me like that for?!
Tom! TOM! Stop Tom!
Tom, stop it!
So I went dancing.
I've always loved to dance.
'He loves you, totally, tenderly, tragically.'
< ANNA >
'Me too, Paul.'
'I don't know...'
'I saw you earlier
when he kissed you.'
'I know.'
'Why don't you love me anymore?'
'That's life.'
She's walking down the stairs.
'Why do you despise me?'
She's naked and
she's just lying next to the ocean.
'I'll never tell you that.
Even to save my own life.'
'I've watched you for 5 minutes.
I feel I've never seen you before.'
'I'll never forgive you.'
'I loved you so much!'
'It's too late now.'
'I hate you because
you're unable to move me.'
'Camille!'
'Camille!'
She's just dove into ocean.
She's swimming away from him.
Anna.
Was the film black and white?
No. It was in color.
< MOVIE NIGHT >
WARSAW 1936
'Satan can only be invoked'
'by whispering the unspeakable name'
'that melts into the burning flame.'
HAIFA 70 YEARS LATER
Sorry to interrupt the screening.
There's an air raid warning
for Haifa.
Please!
I'm expecting more news
any minute.
Death.
< DIBBOUK OF HAIFA >
< THE LADY BUG >
I am here for one reason only...
To find out who I am.
Oh, wonderful.
And?
It is not as easy as it sounds
for a lady...
to find out who she is.
Go away.
I know what you are going to say.
Do you?
Aren't you going to have a little whine,
my love.
About the lack of opportunity for ladies?
Yes. That's a good idea.
But I am more disturbed...
by something quite opposite and shocking
Yes
So what?
Would you call Alfred a man
or a gentleman?
Or what? A pussy?
Oh, pussy, don't you think?
I say, is that good
In some way, it is wonderful
because there are so many of you
But it is not good news for we ladies
Tell.
You see pussies like the ladies
to be kittens but without the claws
The claws, Alfred,
are essential for a lady.
What, for example, would she do
if a gentleman were to annoy her?
A lady needs to give him
a scratch with her claw.
Then she would know you will back off.
Yes, move away
I do not want to be scratched.
Oh, pussy.
You Alfred simply don't have the balls...
to make love to a real lady
Unlikely story.
You need a...
Super hero
A gentleman
Oh please, what makes a gentleman?
It fills a man with irony...
Do you think Jeremy Irons is a gentleman?
He is gorgeous
Oh yes, he is divine.
What rot!
What about Clint Eastwood?
Kitty Cat Clint is a pussy peanut.
Why don't you ladies look after the babies.
I want to know who I am.
I have to tell you that
job is uninteresting.
A gentleman would want to know who I am
Listen, you little fool.
We check and run
everything around here.
If you don't shut up,
I am going to squash you.
Squash you.
Don't you know you are playing with
the killing machine?
You little fool
< ARTAUD DOUBLE BILL >
Where are you?
Projection.
"Didere" will commence immediately.
Running time is 92 minutes
and 43 seconds.
Sorry! I went to something else...
What are you watching?
That's right. Lick it, Lick it all over.
I'm not hungry. I want
to see a film. Good-bye
Artaud is beautiful...
Come on, try to get me on.
Try to get me going.
I want you to get your cock out.
Come on, take it out.
I want you to throb it,
I want you to jerk off.
I'm hard. Well, show it to me.
Look how hard and good it's getting.
How beautiful?
Just watch me.
Watch me fornicating.
Death
< THE FOUNDRY >
'The might of progress
will defeat the former power'
'The weapons will be rock, rock'
'If you protest, the butcher dreams'
'The paralytic's ashes will be placed
in a bucket or a barrel'
'Rock, rock that approaches
strikes, seduces, mistreats'
'Come here, I'll show you the place'
< UPSURGE >
Excuse me...
- Hello.
- Hi!
- Okay?
- Great. I nearly called you.
Work's kind of crazy right now
but I'm doing okay.
My boss is in LA,
so they keep calling me at all hours.
I'm working around the clock.
We're on a site in Asia.
Why not change jobs?
That's 12 euros, please.
Enjoy the film.
I hardly had lunch.
Yes, it's me.
< 47 YEARS LATER >
Tell him to stop fidgeting.
He's making me dizzy.
- I bought them all.
- And?
I've searched them. Nothing.
But I'm afraid
fate has turned on us.
Explain.
Pascal, our friend,
the Egypto-Armenian critic, said
that before our film screened,
the critics went for fish soup
on a nearby island.
They looked as if they had wallowed
in the local wine.
I noticed that most of them
were unsteady on their feet
and in a daze.
You were too nervous to notice.
Enough gossip.
Tell me what it says in < Le Monde >.
It's published on Saturday.
And < Le Figaro >?
Nothing.
Nor in < Le Film Francais >.
< Les Cahiers > neither.
And that dolt Pascal?
He heard a French critic
call the film slow but "edible".
Like fish soup?
More or less.
Why are you so upset?
You expected a triumph?
It's only your second film.
I forgot. < Nice Matin > mentioned us.
"The sublime Czech film was followed
by Egypt's < Son of the Nile >."
Go on.
That's all.
At least it's proof
that we were selected.
Take this trash back
to the newsstand and get a refund.
You go.
No one will recognize you.
The special award
for the 50th festival goes to
Youssef Chahine
for his body of work,
for his humanity,
his tolerance,
his courage
and his clemency.
I've waited 47 years for this.
Some advice for young people...
Be patient. It's worth it.
< IT'S A DREAM >
'I dreamt of my father as a young man.'
'He woke me in the middle of the night.'
'We ate durians together.'
'My mother was there too.'
'She was already an old lady.'
'This is my maternal grandmother.'
'She loved the movies.'
'Every time she took me to the cinema,'
'she'd buy me pears on a skewer.'
'Last night, the moon was
pale and mesmerizing'
'Even the pine forest
held its breath'
'I thought of you
in my dream'
'My mind was caught'
'between sadness and joy'
'Tonight, the moon is bright like a mirror'
'As we stroll together under the bridge,'
'let me ask you
in my dream,'
'is this a dream or reality?'
< OCCUPATIONS >
Apart from reviewing films
on the Sunny Side...
I'm also businessman
I'm successful in business
A very very successful businessman
I came from a very humble beginning.
Now I own eight cars.
Eight cars
One for each day of the week.
One for the case if I am found dead.
But seriously
The leather industry
That's where the money is
Buy cheap and sell high
Damn it. Very simple
And what do you do?
What?
And what do you do?
I kill.
< THE GIFT >
A blind film buff
and his anthropologist niece
So all this happened
a long time ago.
Half a century.
Where?
In Chile. Atacama. Near the border.
In the mountains.
Our bishop decided to send a gift
to a tribe of Coya Indians.
A gift, you say?
Two, in fact. A 16 mm film projector
and a radio.
He thought that such a gift
was sure to delight them.
They didn't like it?
No idea. They didn't open the crates.
True, the Coya aren't very expressive.
No sign of gratitude. Not one smile!
They're like that.
One week later, a traveller told us
that he personally saw
the Coya sharing out pieces of the projector.
Oh, God!
Primitive communism. They often do that.
They had set fire to the radio.
They were laughing and dancing as it burned.
They do that occasionally.
Then what?
Two years passed.
Two years is a long time.
We returned there
and discovered an amazing sight!
You won't believe this.
They had rebuilt the projector.
But in wood, bit by bit.
I knew the Pita Indians
in the Upper Orinoco did that.
I had no idea the Coya did it too.
Now here's a surprise.
They had rebuilt our other gift too. The radio.
They had made a giant radio.
And the radio had become a movie theatre!
The radio?
But they never do that.
They led us inside the "Radio Temple"
where they had put the wooden projector.
And they showed us a film.
What film?
< Casablanca > with Ingrid Bergman.
And so we attended
a screening of < Casablanca >.
When it ended, it was three minutes later.
Three minutes...
That reminds me that I have to go.
See you tomorrow.
Shall I take you home?
Come on, I live here!
That's right. I always forget.
Tell me, they made you drink
a special kind of tea, didn't they?
Yes, they did
They always do that.
They are used to hallucinogenics.
Were you already blind at the time?
No, I went blind after the screening
but there's no relation.
I went blind and became an atheist
at the same time.
< THE CINEMA AROUND THE CORNER >
'If I could resume the story
of my parents in five dates,'
'the first would be 1936.'
'The year of the Popular Front,
the first paid vacations,'
'the year my father approached
my mother at the movies.'
- Don't you feel like dancing?
- No!
That's enough now!
You followed me here along the boulevards!
I'd follow you to the end of the world.
I'll count to five.
If you're still here, I'll scream.
One...
Two...
Three...
Four...
Five...
I forget the rest of the words.
But I'm glad I followed you
For you're so pretty, it's true
'And so, in my mother's womb,
from February to October 1937,'
'three times a week, I grew
with the 30s' greatest films.'
'I'm sorry to see you here.'
'We are too!'
'So the Germans
will not be accused of barbarity,'
'I have decided to apply French rules.'
'In 1943, since being Jewish
was seen in a bad light,'
'my mother resorted to the local cinema'
'to both shelter me and provide my education.'
'In 1956, the Soviet tanks
had invaded Budapest.'
'The same Soviets launched the first Sputnik'
'and Mikhail Kalazotov'
'shot The Cranes Are Flying,'
'the film that would give a meaning to my life.'
'After 1960 and my father's death,'
'my mother continued to frequent
our local cinema in Paris'
'where she had the joy and surprise,
30 years on, of seeing again,'
'with her son this time,
Ginger Rodgers and Fred Astaire.'
Thanks, Dad
Thanks, Mom
< FIRST KISS >
< EROTIC CINEMA >
Outrageous!
Do something.
- What can I do?
- Go on!
- Go where?
- We can't watch the film like this.
Find the usherette!
Excuse me...
Yes?
A man's being a nuisance.
Really?
Can't you do something?
Well, yes.
Ah, I see.
I'll take care of it.
Sir...
People are complaining.
Complaining about what?
A man being a nuisance.
- A nuisance?
- Yes.
- Where?
- Over there.
I understand.
I'll take care of it.
Sir... Excuse me!
Excuse me!
Your ticket, please.
It's a circle seat!
I know.
I fell!
< NO TRANSLATION NEEDED >
Enough! Keep the noise down!
But the police... You Cubans, cut it out!
There's too much noise! Silence!
You're hot!
What an ass!
Marry me! Come on, marry me!
Who do you think you are? Miguel Cimino?
Not "Miguel" Cimino.
That's enough!
Play your music!
You look like Godard now!
You're pissing me off! Enough already.
What the hell is this?
Those Cuban jerks started without me!
Magnificent!
- What do you think?
- It's perfect!
Stop! I have an idea!
Not again!
Sorry, baby!
- It's fantastic!
- Look!
Wow, that's sexy.
Look how pretty she is!
Fuck!
What is this shit?
You're the best! We love you!
I'll kill you!
Look!
It's really cute! Look!
THE END
< AT THE SUICIDE... >
I think we are inside now.
Oh dear, I think he's taken up
residence in men's toilet.
I guess it's suitable,
under the circumstances.
Do we have a shot of the exterior
of the place, boys? We do? We do.
It's coming up. No.
We'll have that for you as soon as we can.
This so-called movie house.
It's pathetic, isn't it?
Sherry, it's the last of its kind. You are
looking at the last cinema in the world.
The emotion that conjures up.
Not really, Rolf.
It's been a long time coming.
The world will have a sign of relief
when the thing is blown to bits.
We'll have that for you
a little later on tonight.
No regret, Sherry?
No fond memories of the movies?
No adventures on the movie houses
or more elegantly the "cinemas"?
I am a little younger than you are, Rolf.
No, no memories what so ever.
But from what people tell me,
we'll a lot better without them.
We are in a better place now. We don't
need them. We have better things now.
Well said, Sherry. We have us now,
if that's what you mean.
It is exactly what I mean.
What about this man inside.
What are we seeing now?
It's kind of perfect, Rolf.
He is the last Jew in the world, I am told.
And he is in this last cinema in the world.
Whoa, that's perfect.
Given what they say about
Jews invented movies.
We know the horrific cost of that creation.
Well, they really say the
Jews invented Hollywood. But...
Same thing, isn't it?
Same thing.
Who is this man, exactly?
What is he? How do we know...
Apparently, he used to work in films somehow,
somewhere. It might have been in Budapest.
That's Hungry. He is Hungarian.
Right. A Hungarian Jew.
There were never many of them anyway,
weren't there.
- Not worldwide. And he is the last.
- He is the last.
Apparently there are organizations
that have kept tracked,
And he is absolutely, certifiably the last.
Not just Hungarian.
No, the last of any Jew of any kind,
strike or flavour.
It's a significant moment
in world's history.
At least some kind of history
of subcultural world.
And the camera, the camera that sends us
these fantastic images.
It's ours. He asked for it.
We let him use it.
One of our autobiocam.
Sherry, I understand that this man could have
chosen execution over suicide, is that right?
That's right, Rolf. Execution was
an option. And to my way of thinking...
that would have been the stronger,
the more forceful.
Perhaps, suicide is the weaker,
and is more typical and is to be expected.
Exactly of what I am thinking.
But here we are, in a men's toilet.
So let me ask you again, Sherry. Why the
toilet? Why not in the cinema itself?
Sitting in a comfortable chair, with that wide
screen in front of me. That's what I would do.
Apparently, I am not certain about this.
The cinema itself is full of garbage.
The seats were ripped up long ago. This is a
private cinema, owned by a wealthy Jewish family.
It was hidden for many years,
disguised as a garage.
But it was exposed when some maintenance person
phoned an organization that tracked those things.
We'll get back to you on that one.
That man, he seems to have trouble
in pulling the trigger.
I don't know, Rolf. From just looking
at him, it seems like it will be soon.
We won't blink, we won't turn away.
We will be here until the end.
< I Travelled 9000 km To Give It To You >
'Do you have a light?'
'Yes, I travelled 9,000 km
to give it to you.'
'I'm Natasha Von Braun.'
'Yes, I know.'
'How do you know?'
'Are you well, Miss Von Braun?'
'Yes, I'm well. Thank you very much.'
'You're from the Outlands, Mr Johnson?'
'Yes.'
'Satisfied with everything?'
'Yes.'
'I've been ordered to assist you
during your stay in Alphaville.'
'Who ordered you to do that?'
'The authorities, of course.'
'Did you come for the festival, Mr Johnson?'
'What festival?'
'The main one.'
'That's why people
from the Outlands are here.'
'I think it's silly you did not.'
'Why?'
'The festival is nearly over.'
'Nothing until next year.'
'You don't say.'
The year I met her
'Yes, Mr Johnson.'
'But, tonight, there's a gala reception.'
'An important one.'
'At a ministry.'
I felt an unusual desire,
recurring, strong and citric...
Forever
It was a hot summer afternoon in August.
< WHERE IS MY ROMEO >
I do remember well where I should be.
There I am.
Where is my Romeo?
Your lips so warm
Hey, noise.
No.
Than I'll be brave.
Oh, Happy dagger.
This is Thee shield.
Go rust and let me die!
Where thee these enemies.
Capulet.
Montague.
See what a scourge is laid up on your hate.
That heaven finds mean
to kill your joys with love!
And I...
For winking at your discords, too...
Have lost...
A brace of kingsmen.
All are punish'd.
All are punish'd!
A blooming peace this morning with it bring
The sun for Sorrow will not show His head.
For never was a story of more woe
Then this Of Juliet and her Romeo.
< THE LAST DATING SHOW >
...but they let the ape in the veil in.
I've heard that one before.
Hello, Samian...
Samina...
I have our tickets...
What's going on over there?
I'm sorry. I don't speak Danish.
Oh, Tickets.
Ye, I'm afraid it's a Danish movie.
'You knew the deceased?'
Then he says:
"Do you love me? You want me?"
'He was a friend of our family,
almost a brother to me.'
He wants to start a family.
"You can stay at my place."
'Where were you between December 6 and 7?'
'I told you. I was abroad.'
"Stay with me tonight."
"Between 6 and 7."
Can you shut up?
Calm down.
'One of our men
saw you at the crime scene...'
'I tell you I was abroad...'
"He's the most beautiful man
in the palace".
'... in Maryland.'
"Marry me."
Shut up, dammit!
She'd hear without the scarf!
She hears but can't speak Danish.
So send her Tehran to see it.
Watch your mouth.
Why should I? She can't understand.
I translate that?
Try translating "Hasta la vista, baby".
I'd like to see the manager.
Not so loud, please.
Three Nazis just attacked us.
What?
Three Goebbels keep insulting us.
Do I get the cops?
Brilliant! Danes get thrown out
of a Danish movie now!
Maybe we should go somewhere else.
But I really want to see that movie.
Ye, but...
I would like see if that man and woman
will get married.
I've seen the movie lots of times
And they get married many times.
Really?
Ya.
I want my money back!
Oh, sorry, Frank.
I've forgot my emendel dendal.
They're up there.
'I'm now arresting you for the murder.'
He's on mission for a murder.
I don't think they are getting married.
< AWKWARD >
'Where are you? The film has finished.'
A silver Peugeot 405 is blocking the exit.
Would its owner please move it?
Start it and put your foot down on the gas.
Wait a second.
Try now.
Go on, God be with you!
< SOLE MEETING >
This film relates the sole meeting of...
Khrushchev and Pope John XXIII.
Who is that portly fellow dressed in white?
That's the comrade...
Comrade? What comrade?
The head comrade for the Catholics,
Pope John XXIII.
A comrade? Hah!
Why not?
When Comrade Stalin told us to dance,
didn't we dance?
When Comrade Pope tells Catholics
to pray, they all start praying.
- Look! He's coming over.
- Who is? Ah, Comrade Pope!
We have something in common after all...
my dear Khrushchev.
MIGUEL PEREIRA, BRAZIL...
< 5,557 MILES FROM CANNES >
"THE 400 BLOWS"
Hey, Chestnut,
they show porn movies here now?
Don't be a hick,
that movie has won an award.
Where did it win?
In Cannes!
It's a French movie, idiot.
Since when do you speak French?
Since I went to Cannes.
Listen carefully, Cashew.
Come on, gather round me here.
The Cannes Festival turns 60 this year.
Come on, gather round me here.
The Cannes Festival turns 60 this year.
I saw screens big as the Maracana,
people disguised on the steps of the Palais.
I saw a French guy
with your sister on his lap!
Cut it out now, you're talking crap.
Maybe you were a king over in Cannes,
but here you eat once a month, man!
You see English, Portuguese, Koreans
Chinese, Japanese, French and Cape Verdians!
The Frogs loved this Pernamboucian!
Hey, come off it, that's all bullshit!
I stay at home in front of my TV
watching movies all for free.
The town goes wild, hunting for gold.
Flashguns pop, stars turn on the charm,
all wanting to touch my Golden Palm!
You're too much, give me a break.
You were in Cannes? For heaven's sake!
You were in jail, you big fake!
In Cannes, you don't use ploys.
All the French love Brazilians boys.
Chasing your ass is one of their joys!
These dreams of yours fade like smoke.
What ploys? What a joke.
You need to kick the coke!
I saw loads of films, I lie not:
< L'Avventura >, < La Dolce Vita >,
< Padre Padrone >, < Paris, Texas >
and more Wim Wend... as.
But I've saved the best for last.
I blew them away with my tambourine.
Brushing, beating, grooving, moving,
picking, choosing, losing, loving.
I've saved the best for last.
No more grimace on my face,
no more place for my case.
There's this old lady
who wants to be my baby.
There's this girl, so hot,
she grabs me and says what?
"That's life!"
I'm gonna blow them away.
- That I swear.
- Hear what I say!
That's it, Cashew.
I have to admit something.
I've never been to Cannes.
You haven't?
So how do you know all that?
I saw it on the Internet.
So where's Cannes?
In France. It's a tiny,
rundown fishing port.
Its leader is called Gil.
You mean Gilberto Gil?
No, don't be a hick! Another Gil. Gil Jacob.
< WAR IN PEACE >
-
-
< ZHANXIOU VILLAGE >
- What are you doing?
- Don't hassle me!
What are you up to?
You do it if you know how!
Hurry!
The power's gone!
I have an idea.
Get on the bikes!
Pedal!
Pedal faster!
How dare you?
Stop!
Uncle, can I finish watching the film?
< HAPPY ENDING >
OK. What are you fancy? Can you say?
Why don't know none of them at all.
We got through this cop films and stuff.
Go on, get one of the leaflets,
Let's have some fun with it.
Here you go. "Warriors of god".
Action has a new man of Iron.
The hero is recruited by
Christian human rights missionaries
to protect them
against the rage of pirates.
No.
OK, What about the "Race for dial",
that's a Cop film.
A dismembered blonde, a blind man,
a three legged dog... The chase begins.
Or..."Double bill". Oh, They are lovely.
That right up at your stream.
Oh, You'll love these.
"WUSP girl"
a beautiful woman by day,
a lasting queen wasp by night, and...
"And Queen of flesh"
A ring of Nazi's inflator.
Are in possession of the body
of Adolf Hitler
are Planning to revive him
and take over the world.
What's that?
- Do you remember Adolf Hitler?
- Not Really.
Well, that's history. He was barking mad.
Move alone, mate. We want to see this film!
Sorry, mate. We're just bumped in,
you see? We're just deciding.
He's just a kid, you can't get them
to decide really quickly, can you?
Sir, come on, move alone.
I wanna watch film, ye?
Sure you got to watch film.
Let me guess, "Sexy sex".
The film is so darn sexy you'll forget to
breathe. You'll give youself heart attack.
No Wollis with me, lad.
Why don't you be quite.
Leave the boy lone.
He's having a nice day out with his dad.
This is a lovely film. Why don't you go
and watch that, it's a romance.
You'll really enjoy that.
My sister saw that and she said it's fine.
- What's that called?
- It's called love across the ages.
- I don't think so.
- You'll love it.
Oh, Thank you very much.
I might take him to see the one about
the queen wasp and Adolf Hitler.
What about a comedy?
Here you are. "Campus girls chase".
"All the action, All the women.
Arty intelligent."
Look, the film's gonna start in a minute.
Hang on, mate.
Just give him half a chance, ye?
No.
Look, look. CIA film. "Black hock wins
through". Truth needs a soldier. Fantastic.
- That'll be full of action.
- Full of rubbish.
What about "Korean chips"?
A British film.
No, dad. That probably
will be really boring, daddy.
Man, we shut this afternoon, didn't we?
Sorry, I'm gonna have to rush you, there's
a bit of queue building right behind.
- Ye, I know all about it.
- What's the time?
Time is 2:15.
Why don't we go football?
- Why don't we go and have a football?
- Yes.
Now, that the sort of choice I like!
Football it is. Come on, stud.
- After all that you ain't even going
watching the film! - Oh, shut up.
Buy yourself a jumbo hot dog
and stick it in your side base.
Good kick.
But this time, when Madeleine
approaches the window...
< EPILOGUE >
- You like a happy ending, miss?
- Oh yes, sir!
So do I.
THE END
'Thanks to Rene Clair'
we want to do everything big
before we were capable
of doing small things well."
"EACH ONE HIS CINEMA"
Or that thrill when the lights dim
and the movie begins
< OPEN-AIR CINEMA >
< ONE FINE DAY >
One "farmer", please.
Okay, let's get started.
Sorry. Just a second.
Here we go.
Here we go.
'Do you think it's already over?'
'Hell, no! We haven't started yet.'
< THREE MINUTES >
'in memory of M.M.'
Anybody here?
Marcello!
This morning,
you were still sleeping
when I woke.
I heard your deep breathing.
And, through the hair
hiding your face,
I saw your eyes.
And I was choked by emotion.
Beyond your face,
I could see something purer
and deeper
in which I was reflected.
I was seeing myself
in a dimension
that contained all the time
that we have left to live.
All those years were there.
And also those that I lived
without knowing you
in order to know you.
At that moment,
I realized how much I loved you.
And the emotion was so strong
that my eyes filled with tears.
Three minutes.
Stop.
< IN THE DARK >
'Back in 15 minutes'
Timofei!
What?
The fuses have blown!
What? Again?
The second sector has blown again!
All right. Just a second.
'Sold out'
< DIARY OF A MOVIEGOER >
Focus!
Hey, the focus...
There's nobody here.
Is anybody here?
Cinema: Archimede.
Film: "The Ceremony".
I take my mother to the movies
every now and then.
We go to see < Legends of the Fall >,
a family melodrama.
Brad Pitt and lots of actors.
For years,
my mother will chide me
for having taken her
to see that movie.
In this cinema, I saw
Truffaut's < Domicile conjugal >.
< Bed and Board > in English.
The Italian title was
< Calm Down, It's Just Infidelity >.
< Anastasia >, a cartoon movie.
A few days ago, my son turned two.
Today is his first outing
to the movies.
After 10 minutes, he asks,
"Where's Mommy?"
I say, "Mommy's at home.
We'll join her after the movie."
After half an hour, he's screaming,
Mommy... Mommy...
"What's wrong?" she asks.
"Nothing," he says. "They're closing
the stadium. Nothing to fear."
"What did you say?"
"What?"
"Just now, when you said
there's nothing to fear."
"It sounded like a familiar voice."
If, at the end of < Heaven Can Wait >,
Julie Christie and Warren Beatty
hadn't gotten back together,
I'd have staged a sit-in
at the cinema.
The Arlecchino Cinema,
now the Antonveneta Bank garage.
Her feet in < What Lies Beneath >
are beautiful.
And the second toe,
the "index" toe,
just next to the big toe,
above all on the right foot,
is a little longer than the big toe,
which some people say
is a sign of excellence...
< Rocky Balboa >, January 2007.
When Sylvester Stallone
starts training
by running up the steps...
I'm the first to applaud.
My son is seven years old.
The film hasn't started yet.
They show the trailer for < Matrix 2 >.
Pietro asks:
"Will we see it when it comes out?"
"Sure, we'll see it."
Then I think, "Shall I tell him?"
I decide to:
"You know, Dad's movies
aren't much like that one."
"I know, Dad, but we'll go see
< Matrix 2 > when it comes out."
"All right, we'll see it."
< THE ELECTRIC PRINCESS
PICTURE HOUSE >
< DARKNESS >
Scissors?
Cool Scissors.
Where is this guy?
He's supposed to show us somethin'.
Hey- what's with the scissors?
They're what was used.
Whatever.
I can't hear you.
What the hell?
He said he can't hear you.
Gimme that megaphone.
I thought you were gonna show us a dance!
She was a dancer.
What?
I'm sort of afraid.
It's just a gag.
Who is he?
This is what she looked like
when she was younger.
Hey... that looks like you, Cindy.
What's goin' on?
It is me.
This is the one who did it.
I've had this dream.
That's Tom.
No, no, no... that ain't me.
Remember I told you about it?
What?! Tom, that was you!
Weird...
I'm not feelin' so good.
Wait a minute...
What's wrong?
Tommy,
what are you looking at me like that for?
So I feel a little strange, that's what!
What are you looking at me like that for?!
Tom! TOM! Stop Tom!
Tom, stop it!
So I went dancing.
I've always loved to dance.
'He loves you, totally, tenderly, tragically.'
< ANNA >
'Me too, Paul.'
'I don't know...'
'I saw you earlier
when he kissed you.'
'I know.'
'Why don't you love me anymore?'
'That's life.'
She's walking down the stairs.
'Why do you despise me?'
She's naked and
she's just lying next to the ocean.
'I'll never tell you that.
Even to save my own life.'
'I've watched you for 5 minutes.
I feel I've never seen you before.'
'I'll never forgive you.'
'I loved you so much!'
'It's too late now.'
'I hate you because
you're unable to move me.'
'Camille!'
'Camille!'
She's just dove into ocean.
She's swimming away from him.
Anna.
Was the film black and white?
No. It was in color.
< MOVIE NIGHT >
WARSAW 1936
'Satan can only be invoked'
'by whispering the unspeakable name'
'that melts into the burning flame.'
HAIFA 70 YEARS LATER
Sorry to interrupt the screening.
There's an air raid warning
for Haifa.
Please!
I'm expecting more news
any minute.
Death.
< DIBBOUK OF HAIFA >
< THE LADY BUG >
I am here for one reason only...
To find out who I am.
Oh, wonderful.
And?
It is not as easy as it sounds
for a lady...
to find out who she is.
Go away.
I know what you are going to say.
Do you?
Aren't you going to have a little whine,
my love.
About the lack of opportunity for ladies?
Yes. That's a good idea.
But I am more disturbed...
by something quite opposite and shocking
Yes
So what?
Would you call Alfred a man
or a gentleman?
Or what? A pussy?
Oh, pussy, don't you think?
I say, is that good
In some way, it is wonderful
because there are so many of you
But it is not good news for we ladies
Tell.
You see pussies like the ladies
to be kittens but without the claws
The claws, Alfred,
are essential for a lady.
What, for example, would she do
if a gentleman were to annoy her?
A lady needs to give him
a scratch with her claw.
Then she would know you will back off.
Yes, move away
I do not want to be scratched.
Oh, pussy.
You Alfred simply don't have the balls...
to make love to a real lady
Unlikely story.
You need a...
Super hero
A gentleman
Oh please, what makes a gentleman?
It fills a man with irony...
Do you think Jeremy Irons is a gentleman?
He is gorgeous
Oh yes, he is divine.
What rot!
What about Clint Eastwood?
Kitty Cat Clint is a pussy peanut.
Why don't you ladies look after the babies.
I want to know who I am.
I have to tell you that
job is uninteresting.
A gentleman would want to know who I am
Listen, you little fool.
We check and run
everything around here.
If you don't shut up,
I am going to squash you.
Squash you.
Don't you know you are playing with
the killing machine?
You little fool
< ARTAUD DOUBLE BILL >
Where are you?
Projection.
"Didere" will commence immediately.
Running time is 92 minutes
and 43 seconds.
Sorry! I went to something else...
What are you watching?
That's right. Lick it, Lick it all over.
I'm not hungry. I want
to see a film. Good-bye
Artaud is beautiful...
Come on, try to get me on.
Try to get me going.
I want you to get your cock out.
Come on, take it out.
I want you to throb it,
I want you to jerk off.
I'm hard. Well, show it to me.
Look how hard and good it's getting.
How beautiful?
Just watch me.
Watch me fornicating.
Death
< THE FOUNDRY >
'The might of progress
will defeat the former power'
'The weapons will be rock, rock'
'If you protest, the butcher dreams'
'The paralytic's ashes will be placed
in a bucket or a barrel'
'Rock, rock that approaches
strikes, seduces, mistreats'
'Come here, I'll show you the place'
< UPSURGE >
Excuse me...
- Hello.
- Hi!
- Okay?
- Great. I nearly called you.
Work's kind of crazy right now
but I'm doing okay.
My boss is in LA,
so they keep calling me at all hours.
I'm working around the clock.
We're on a site in Asia.
Why not change jobs?
That's 12 euros, please.
Enjoy the film.
I hardly had lunch.
Yes, it's me.
< 47 YEARS LATER >
Tell him to stop fidgeting.
He's making me dizzy.
- I bought them all.
- And?
I've searched them. Nothing.
But I'm afraid
fate has turned on us.
Explain.
Pascal, our friend,
the Egypto-Armenian critic, said
that before our film screened,
the critics went for fish soup
on a nearby island.
They looked as if they had wallowed
in the local wine.
I noticed that most of them
were unsteady on their feet
and in a daze.
You were too nervous to notice.
Enough gossip.
Tell me what it says in < Le Monde >.
It's published on Saturday.
And < Le Figaro >?
Nothing.
Nor in < Le Film Francais >.
< Les Cahiers > neither.
And that dolt Pascal?
He heard a French critic
call the film slow but "edible".
Like fish soup?
More or less.
Why are you so upset?
You expected a triumph?
It's only your second film.
I forgot. < Nice Matin > mentioned us.
"The sublime Czech film was followed
by Egypt's < Son of the Nile >."
Go on.
That's all.
At least it's proof
that we were selected.
Take this trash back
to the newsstand and get a refund.
You go.
No one will recognize you.
The special award
for the 50th festival goes to
Youssef Chahine
for his body of work,
for his humanity,
his tolerance,
his courage
and his clemency.
I've waited 47 years for this.
Some advice for young people...
Be patient. It's worth it.
< IT'S A DREAM >
'I dreamt of my father as a young man.'
'He woke me in the middle of the night.'
'We ate durians together.'
'My mother was there too.'
'She was already an old lady.'
'This is my maternal grandmother.'
'She loved the movies.'
'Every time she took me to the cinema,'
'she'd buy me pears on a skewer.'
'Last night, the moon was
pale and mesmerizing'
'Even the pine forest
held its breath'
'I thought of you
in my dream'
'My mind was caught'
'between sadness and joy'
'Tonight, the moon is bright like a mirror'
'As we stroll together under the bridge,'
'let me ask you
in my dream,'
'is this a dream or reality?'
< OCCUPATIONS >
Apart from reviewing films
on the Sunny Side...
I'm also businessman
I'm successful in business
A very very successful businessman
I came from a very humble beginning.
Now I own eight cars.
Eight cars
One for each day of the week.
One for the case if I am found dead.
But seriously
The leather industry
That's where the money is
Buy cheap and sell high
Damn it. Very simple
And what do you do?
What?
And what do you do?
I kill.
< THE GIFT >
A blind film buff
and his anthropologist niece
So all this happened
a long time ago.
Half a century.
Where?
In Chile. Atacama. Near the border.
In the mountains.
Our bishop decided to send a gift
to a tribe of Coya Indians.
A gift, you say?
Two, in fact. A 16 mm film projector
and a radio.
He thought that such a gift
was sure to delight them.
They didn't like it?
No idea. They didn't open the crates.
True, the Coya aren't very expressive.
No sign of gratitude. Not one smile!
They're like that.
One week later, a traveller told us
that he personally saw
the Coya sharing out pieces of the projector.
Oh, God!
Primitive communism. They often do that.
They had set fire to the radio.
They were laughing and dancing as it burned.
They do that occasionally.
Then what?
Two years passed.
Two years is a long time.
We returned there
and discovered an amazing sight!
You won't believe this.
They had rebuilt the projector.
But in wood, bit by bit.
I knew the Pita Indians
in the Upper Orinoco did that.
I had no idea the Coya did it too.
Now here's a surprise.
They had rebuilt our other gift too. The radio.
They had made a giant radio.
And the radio had become a movie theatre!
The radio?
But they never do that.
They led us inside the "Radio Temple"
where they had put the wooden projector.
And they showed us a film.
What film?
< Casablanca > with Ingrid Bergman.
And so we attended
a screening of < Casablanca >.
When it ended, it was three minutes later.
Three minutes...
That reminds me that I have to go.
See you tomorrow.
Shall I take you home?
Come on, I live here!
That's right. I always forget.
Tell me, they made you drink
a special kind of tea, didn't they?
Yes, they did
They always do that.
They are used to hallucinogenics.
Were you already blind at the time?
No, I went blind after the screening
but there's no relation.
I went blind and became an atheist
at the same time.
< THE CINEMA AROUND THE CORNER >
'If I could resume the story
of my parents in five dates,'
'the first would be 1936.'
'The year of the Popular Front,
the first paid vacations,'
'the year my father approached
my mother at the movies.'
- Don't you feel like dancing?
- No!
That's enough now!
You followed me here along the boulevards!
I'd follow you to the end of the world.
I'll count to five.
If you're still here, I'll scream.
One...
Two...
Three...
Four...
Five...
I forget the rest of the words.
But I'm glad I followed you
For you're so pretty, it's true
'And so, in my mother's womb,
from February to October 1937,'
'three times a week, I grew
with the 30s' greatest films.'
'I'm sorry to see you here.'
'We are too!'
'So the Germans
will not be accused of barbarity,'
'I have decided to apply French rules.'
'In 1943, since being Jewish
was seen in a bad light,'
'my mother resorted to the local cinema'
'to both shelter me and provide my education.'
'In 1956, the Soviet tanks
had invaded Budapest.'
'The same Soviets launched the first Sputnik'
'and Mikhail Kalazotov'
'shot The Cranes Are Flying,'
'the film that would give a meaning to my life.'
'After 1960 and my father's death,'
'my mother continued to frequent
our local cinema in Paris'
'where she had the joy and surprise,
30 years on, of seeing again,'
'with her son this time,
Ginger Rodgers and Fred Astaire.'
Thanks, Dad
Thanks, Mom
< FIRST KISS >
< EROTIC CINEMA >
Outrageous!
Do something.
- What can I do?
- Go on!
- Go where?
- We can't watch the film like this.
Find the usherette!
Excuse me...
Yes?
A man's being a nuisance.
Really?
Can't you do something?
Well, yes.
Ah, I see.
I'll take care of it.
Sir...
People are complaining.
Complaining about what?
A man being a nuisance.
- A nuisance?
- Yes.
- Where?
- Over there.
I understand.
I'll take care of it.
Sir... Excuse me!
Excuse me!
Your ticket, please.
It's a circle seat!
I know.
I fell!
< NO TRANSLATION NEEDED >
Enough! Keep the noise down!
But the police... You Cubans, cut it out!
There's too much noise! Silence!
You're hot!
What an ass!
Marry me! Come on, marry me!
Who do you think you are? Miguel Cimino?
Not "Miguel" Cimino.
That's enough!
Play your music!
You look like Godard now!
You're pissing me off! Enough already.
What the hell is this?
Those Cuban jerks started without me!
Magnificent!
- What do you think?
- It's perfect!
Stop! I have an idea!
Not again!
Sorry, baby!
- It's fantastic!
- Look!
Wow, that's sexy.
Look how pretty she is!
Fuck!
What is this shit?
You're the best! We love you!
I'll kill you!
Look!
It's really cute! Look!
THE END
< AT THE SUICIDE... >
I think we are inside now.
Oh dear, I think he's taken up
residence in men's toilet.
I guess it's suitable,
under the circumstances.
Do we have a shot of the exterior
of the place, boys? We do? We do.
It's coming up. No.
We'll have that for you as soon as we can.
This so-called movie house.
It's pathetic, isn't it?
Sherry, it's the last of its kind. You are
looking at the last cinema in the world.
The emotion that conjures up.
Not really, Rolf.
It's been a long time coming.
The world will have a sign of relief
when the thing is blown to bits.
We'll have that for you
a little later on tonight.
No regret, Sherry?
No fond memories of the movies?
No adventures on the movie houses
or more elegantly the "cinemas"?
I am a little younger than you are, Rolf.
No, no memories what so ever.
But from what people tell me,
we'll a lot better without them.
We are in a better place now. We don't
need them. We have better things now.
Well said, Sherry. We have us now,
if that's what you mean.
It is exactly what I mean.
What about this man inside.
What are we seeing now?
It's kind of perfect, Rolf.
He is the last Jew in the world, I am told.
And he is in this last cinema in the world.
Whoa, that's perfect.
Given what they say about
Jews invented movies.
We know the horrific cost of that creation.
Well, they really say the
Jews invented Hollywood. But...
Same thing, isn't it?
Same thing.
Who is this man, exactly?
What is he? How do we know...
Apparently, he used to work in films somehow,
somewhere. It might have been in Budapest.
That's Hungry. He is Hungarian.
Right. A Hungarian Jew.
There were never many of them anyway,
weren't there.
- Not worldwide. And he is the last.
- He is the last.
Apparently there are organizations
that have kept tracked,
And he is absolutely, certifiably the last.
Not just Hungarian.
No, the last of any Jew of any kind,
strike or flavour.
It's a significant moment
in world's history.
At least some kind of history
of subcultural world.
And the camera, the camera that sends us
these fantastic images.
It's ours. He asked for it.
We let him use it.
One of our autobiocam.
Sherry, I understand that this man could have
chosen execution over suicide, is that right?
That's right, Rolf. Execution was
an option. And to my way of thinking...
that would have been the stronger,
the more forceful.
Perhaps, suicide is the weaker,
and is more typical and is to be expected.
Exactly of what I am thinking.
But here we are, in a men's toilet.
So let me ask you again, Sherry. Why the
toilet? Why not in the cinema itself?
Sitting in a comfortable chair, with that wide
screen in front of me. That's what I would do.
Apparently, I am not certain about this.
The cinema itself is full of garbage.
The seats were ripped up long ago. This is a
private cinema, owned by a wealthy Jewish family.
It was hidden for many years,
disguised as a garage.
But it was exposed when some maintenance person
phoned an organization that tracked those things.
We'll get back to you on that one.
That man, he seems to have trouble
in pulling the trigger.
I don't know, Rolf. From just looking
at him, it seems like it will be soon.
We won't blink, we won't turn away.
We will be here until the end.
< I Travelled 9000 km To Give It To You >
'Do you have a light?'
'Yes, I travelled 9,000 km
to give it to you.'
'I'm Natasha Von Braun.'
'Yes, I know.'
'How do you know?'
'Are you well, Miss Von Braun?'
'Yes, I'm well. Thank you very much.'
'You're from the Outlands, Mr Johnson?'
'Yes.'
'Satisfied with everything?'
'Yes.'
'I've been ordered to assist you
during your stay in Alphaville.'
'Who ordered you to do that?'
'The authorities, of course.'
'Did you come for the festival, Mr Johnson?'
'What festival?'
'The main one.'
'That's why people
from the Outlands are here.'
'I think it's silly you did not.'
'Why?'
'The festival is nearly over.'
'Nothing until next year.'
'You don't say.'
The year I met her
'Yes, Mr Johnson.'
'But, tonight, there's a gala reception.'
'An important one.'
'At a ministry.'
I felt an unusual desire,
recurring, strong and citric...
Forever
It was a hot summer afternoon in August.
< WHERE IS MY ROMEO >
I do remember well where I should be.
There I am.
Where is my Romeo?
Your lips so warm
Hey, noise.
No.
Than I'll be brave.
Oh, Happy dagger.
This is Thee shield.
Go rust and let me die!
Where thee these enemies.
Capulet.
Montague.
See what a scourge is laid up on your hate.
That heaven finds mean
to kill your joys with love!
And I...
For winking at your discords, too...
Have lost...
A brace of kingsmen.
All are punish'd.
All are punish'd!
A blooming peace this morning with it bring
The sun for Sorrow will not show His head.
For never was a story of more woe
Then this Of Juliet and her Romeo.
< THE LAST DATING SHOW >
...but they let the ape in the veil in.
I've heard that one before.
Hello, Samian...
Samina...
I have our tickets...
What's going on over there?
I'm sorry. I don't speak Danish.
Oh, Tickets.
Ye, I'm afraid it's a Danish movie.
'You knew the deceased?'
Then he says:
"Do you love me? You want me?"
'He was a friend of our family,
almost a brother to me.'
He wants to start a family.
"You can stay at my place."
'Where were you between December 6 and 7?'
'I told you. I was abroad.'
"Stay with me tonight."
"Between 6 and 7."
Can you shut up?
Calm down.
'One of our men
saw you at the crime scene...'
'I tell you I was abroad...'
"He's the most beautiful man
in the palace".
'... in Maryland.'
"Marry me."
Shut up, dammit!
She'd hear without the scarf!
She hears but can't speak Danish.
So send her Tehran to see it.
Watch your mouth.
Why should I? She can't understand.
I translate that?
Try translating "Hasta la vista, baby".
I'd like to see the manager.
Not so loud, please.
Three Nazis just attacked us.
What?
Three Goebbels keep insulting us.
Do I get the cops?
Brilliant! Danes get thrown out
of a Danish movie now!
Maybe we should go somewhere else.
But I really want to see that movie.
Ye, but...
I would like see if that man and woman
will get married.
I've seen the movie lots of times
And they get married many times.
Really?
Ya.
I want my money back!
Oh, sorry, Frank.
I've forgot my emendel dendal.
They're up there.
'I'm now arresting you for the murder.'
He's on mission for a murder.
I don't think they are getting married.
< AWKWARD >
'Where are you? The film has finished.'
A silver Peugeot 405 is blocking the exit.
Would its owner please move it?
Start it and put your foot down on the gas.
Wait a second.
Try now.
Go on, God be with you!
< SOLE MEETING >
This film relates the sole meeting of...
Khrushchev and Pope John XXIII.
Who is that portly fellow dressed in white?
That's the comrade...
Comrade? What comrade?
The head comrade for the Catholics,
Pope John XXIII.
A comrade? Hah!
Why not?
When Comrade Stalin told us to dance,
didn't we dance?
When Comrade Pope tells Catholics
to pray, they all start praying.
- Look! He's coming over.
- Who is? Ah, Comrade Pope!
We have something in common after all...
my dear Khrushchev.
MIGUEL PEREIRA, BRAZIL...
< 5,557 MILES FROM CANNES >
"THE 400 BLOWS"
Hey, Chestnut,
they show porn movies here now?
Don't be a hick,
that movie has won an award.
Where did it win?
In Cannes!
It's a French movie, idiot.
Since when do you speak French?
Since I went to Cannes.
Listen carefully, Cashew.
Come on, gather round me here.
The Cannes Festival turns 60 this year.
Come on, gather round me here.
The Cannes Festival turns 60 this year.
I saw screens big as the Maracana,
people disguised on the steps of the Palais.
I saw a French guy
with your sister on his lap!
Cut it out now, you're talking crap.
Maybe you were a king over in Cannes,
but here you eat once a month, man!
You see English, Portuguese, Koreans
Chinese, Japanese, French and Cape Verdians!
The Frogs loved this Pernamboucian!
Hey, come off it, that's all bullshit!
I stay at home in front of my TV
watching movies all for free.
The town goes wild, hunting for gold.
Flashguns pop, stars turn on the charm,
all wanting to touch my Golden Palm!
You're too much, give me a break.
You were in Cannes? For heaven's sake!
You were in jail, you big fake!
In Cannes, you don't use ploys.
All the French love Brazilians boys.
Chasing your ass is one of their joys!
These dreams of yours fade like smoke.
What ploys? What a joke.
You need to kick the coke!
I saw loads of films, I lie not:
< L'Avventura >, < La Dolce Vita >,
< Padre Padrone >, < Paris, Texas >
and more Wim Wend... as.
But I've saved the best for last.
I blew them away with my tambourine.
Brushing, beating, grooving, moving,
picking, choosing, losing, loving.
I've saved the best for last.
No more grimace on my face,
no more place for my case.
There's this old lady
who wants to be my baby.
There's this girl, so hot,
she grabs me and says what?
"That's life!"
I'm gonna blow them away.
- That I swear.
- Hear what I say!
That's it, Cashew.
I have to admit something.
I've never been to Cannes.
You haven't?
So how do you know all that?
I saw it on the Internet.
So where's Cannes?
In France. It's a tiny,
rundown fishing port.
Its leader is called Gil.
You mean Gilberto Gil?
No, don't be a hick! Another Gil. Gil Jacob.
< WAR IN PEACE >
-
-
< ZHANXIOU VILLAGE >
- What are you doing?
- Don't hassle me!
What are you up to?
You do it if you know how!
Hurry!
The power's gone!
I have an idea.
Get on the bikes!
Pedal!
Pedal faster!
How dare you?
Stop!
Uncle, can I finish watching the film?
< HAPPY ENDING >
OK. What are you fancy? Can you say?
Why don't know none of them at all.
We got through this cop films and stuff.
Go on, get one of the leaflets,
Let's have some fun with it.
Here you go. "Warriors of god".
Action has a new man of Iron.
The hero is recruited by
Christian human rights missionaries
to protect them
against the rage of pirates.
No.
OK, What about the "Race for dial",
that's a Cop film.
A dismembered blonde, a blind man,
a three legged dog... The chase begins.
Or..."Double bill". Oh, They are lovely.
That right up at your stream.
Oh, You'll love these.
"WUSP girl"
a beautiful woman by day,
a lasting queen wasp by night, and...
"And Queen of flesh"
A ring of Nazi's inflator.
Are in possession of the body
of Adolf Hitler
are Planning to revive him
and take over the world.
What's that?
- Do you remember Adolf Hitler?
- Not Really.
Well, that's history. He was barking mad.
Move alone, mate. We want to see this film!
Sorry, mate. We're just bumped in,
you see? We're just deciding.
He's just a kid, you can't get them
to decide really quickly, can you?
Sir, come on, move alone.
I wanna watch film, ye?
Sure you got to watch film.
Let me guess, "Sexy sex".
The film is so darn sexy you'll forget to
breathe. You'll give youself heart attack.
No Wollis with me, lad.
Why don't you be quite.
Leave the boy lone.
He's having a nice day out with his dad.
This is a lovely film. Why don't you go
and watch that, it's a romance.
You'll really enjoy that.
My sister saw that and she said it's fine.
- What's that called?
- It's called love across the ages.
- I don't think so.
- You'll love it.
Oh, Thank you very much.
I might take him to see the one about
the queen wasp and Adolf Hitler.
What about a comedy?
Here you are. "Campus girls chase".
"All the action, All the women.
Arty intelligent."
Look, the film's gonna start in a minute.
Hang on, mate.
Just give him half a chance, ye?
No.
Look, look. CIA film. "Black hock wins
through". Truth needs a soldier. Fantastic.
- That'll be full of action.
- Full of rubbish.
What about "Korean chips"?
A British film.
No, dad. That probably
will be really boring, daddy.
Man, we shut this afternoon, didn't we?
Sorry, I'm gonna have to rush you, there's
a bit of queue building right behind.
- Ye, I know all about it.
- What's the time?
Time is 2:15.
Why don't we go football?
- Why don't we go and have a football?
- Yes.
Now, that the sort of choice I like!
Football it is. Come on, stud.
- After all that you ain't even going
watching the film! - Oh, shut up.
Buy yourself a jumbo hot dog
and stick it in your side base.
Good kick.
But this time, when Madeleine
approaches the window...
< EPILOGUE >
- You like a happy ending, miss?
- Oh yes, sir!
So do I.
THE END
'Thanks to Rene Clair'