To Duck... or Not to Duck (1943) - full transcript
Daffy challenges duckhunter Elmer to a boxing match, rigged in his favor with the collusion of the duck referee. In the stands, Elmer's dog Larrimore suspects that something funny is going on, but he's drowned out by Daffy's all-duck cheering section.
[DUCKS QUACKING]
[HUMMING]
[GUNSHOT]
Duck shot.
[GIGGLING]
[GUNSHOT]
More duck shot.
Confidentially, those hunters couldn't hit
the broad side of a duck.
[SNIFFING]
Aah! They got me.
[GRO ANING]
Yipe!
ELMER:
Get him, Larimore.
Retrieve him. Retrieve him.
Take it easy, rover.
That's no way to retrieve a duck.
Look.
Gentle-like. See, Larimore?
Hello. Sorry I had to plug you, Mr. Duck...
...but I'm a sportsman.
A great, great sportsman.
[CHUCKLES]
A great sportsman, eh?
Huh. Hmm. Ha-ha. Hmm.
[GRUNTING INDIGNANTLY]
Sportsman.
Listen, sport...
...you don't know the meaning
of fair play.
What chance has a poor, helpless...
...fluffy, little winged creature like me
against you?
You, with your bullets and your shotgun
and your knife and your duck call...
...and your hunting coat and your dog,
and all kind of stuff like that there?
What protection have I got?
A bulletproof vest, I suppose?
Ha, ha. How did that get there?
How would you like to meet me
in a fair fight, Mr. Sport?
All things being equal...
...man-to-man,
Marquis of Queensberry rules, huh?
Ha. That's different, eh?
Yeah, that's something else again.
Yeah. You don't like that,
do you, sportsman?
No. Huh. Nyah.
You don't like it, huh?
[GRUNTING INDIGNANTLY]
Don't like it.
REFEREE:
Ladies...
...and gentleducks...
...in that corner...
[LAUGHING]
In that...
[LAUGHING]
He's a dog. Ha-ha-ha!
Oh, you can have him.
[LAUGHING]
What a tramp.
[LAUGHING]
[PANTING]
Elmer Fudd.
Hello.
[ALL BOOING]
Hooray!
And in this corner...
...a duck who needs no introduction.
That outstanding exponent
of clean sportsmanship...
...that champion of champions...
...your friend and mine...
...our own, our beloved
Daffy "Good to His Mother" Duck.
[ALL CHEERING]
Boo!
Now, boys, fight clean.
ALL:
Oh, brother.
No rough stuff.
None of this:
Or this:
Or this:
Or like so:
Or this... or this:
Or this:
You understand?
Yeah. You mean, none of this?
Or this? Or like so?
Or this... or this?
Or... or this?
Or this... huh?
How about a little of this?
Absolutely uh-uh.
You know, there's something
awfully screwy about this fight...
...or my name isn't Larimore.
And it isn't.
You got him punchy, champ.
He's practically a dead duck already.
Now get in there and fight.
Go on in and knock him out.
Give it to him, champ.
Let him have it, champ.
Hmm. Getting a little thin on top.
How about a little something
to stimulate the scalp?
[CROWD CHEERING]
Now shake hands.
Which hand do you take?
Mm, uh...
That one.
Nope.
Wrong. Guess again.
All right, all right.
I'll take that, over there. Ha-ha-ha.
Ain't he a dope?
You sure this is the one you want?
[LAUGHS]
You're right.
It's the right one.
And here's round one coming up.
[DINGS]
One, three, nine, 10, you're out.
The winner and new champion, Daffy Duck.
[CROWD CHEERING, APPLAUDING]
I'm not the one to complain,
Mr. Referee...
...but I thought you said no rough stuff.
None of this:
Or this:
Or this:
Or like so:
Or this... or this:
Or this:
T-T-That's all folks.
[HUMMING]
[GUNSHOT]
Duck shot.
[GIGGLING]
[GUNSHOT]
More duck shot.
Confidentially, those hunters couldn't hit
the broad side of a duck.
[SNIFFING]
Aah! They got me.
[GRO ANING]
Yipe!
ELMER:
Get him, Larimore.
Retrieve him. Retrieve him.
Take it easy, rover.
That's no way to retrieve a duck.
Look.
Gentle-like. See, Larimore?
Hello. Sorry I had to plug you, Mr. Duck...
...but I'm a sportsman.
A great, great sportsman.
[CHUCKLES]
A great sportsman, eh?
Huh. Hmm. Ha-ha. Hmm.
[GRUNTING INDIGNANTLY]
Sportsman.
Listen, sport...
...you don't know the meaning
of fair play.
What chance has a poor, helpless...
...fluffy, little winged creature like me
against you?
You, with your bullets and your shotgun
and your knife and your duck call...
...and your hunting coat and your dog,
and all kind of stuff like that there?
What protection have I got?
A bulletproof vest, I suppose?
Ha, ha. How did that get there?
How would you like to meet me
in a fair fight, Mr. Sport?
All things being equal...
...man-to-man,
Marquis of Queensberry rules, huh?
Ha. That's different, eh?
Yeah, that's something else again.
Yeah. You don't like that,
do you, sportsman?
No. Huh. Nyah.
You don't like it, huh?
[GRUNTING INDIGNANTLY]
Don't like it.
REFEREE:
Ladies...
...and gentleducks...
...in that corner...
[LAUGHING]
In that...
[LAUGHING]
He's a dog. Ha-ha-ha!
Oh, you can have him.
[LAUGHING]
What a tramp.
[LAUGHING]
[PANTING]
Elmer Fudd.
Hello.
[ALL BOOING]
Hooray!
And in this corner...
...a duck who needs no introduction.
That outstanding exponent
of clean sportsmanship...
...that champion of champions...
...your friend and mine...
...our own, our beloved
Daffy "Good to His Mother" Duck.
[ALL CHEERING]
Boo!
Now, boys, fight clean.
ALL:
Oh, brother.
No rough stuff.
None of this:
Or this:
Or this:
Or like so:
Or this... or this:
Or this:
You understand?
Yeah. You mean, none of this?
Or this? Or like so?
Or this... or this?
Or... or this?
Or this... huh?
How about a little of this?
Absolutely uh-uh.
You know, there's something
awfully screwy about this fight...
...or my name isn't Larimore.
And it isn't.
You got him punchy, champ.
He's practically a dead duck already.
Now get in there and fight.
Go on in and knock him out.
Give it to him, champ.
Let him have it, champ.
Hmm. Getting a little thin on top.
How about a little something
to stimulate the scalp?
[CROWD CHEERING]
Now shake hands.
Which hand do you take?
Mm, uh...
That one.
Nope.
Wrong. Guess again.
All right, all right.
I'll take that, over there. Ha-ha-ha.
Ain't he a dope?
You sure this is the one you want?
[LAUGHS]
You're right.
It's the right one.
And here's round one coming up.
[DINGS]
One, three, nine, 10, you're out.
The winner and new champion, Daffy Duck.
[CROWD CHEERING, APPLAUDING]
I'm not the one to complain,
Mr. Referee...
...but I thought you said no rough stuff.
None of this:
Or this:
Or this:
Or like so:
Or this... or this:
Or this:
T-T-That's all folks.