Tit for Tat (1935) - full transcript

Stan & Ollie have set up their own electrical repair store. Unfortunately, for them, the grocery store opposite is run by the man & wife they encountered with in Them Thar Hills (1935). Stan & Ollie go and visit, to offer the hand of friendship, but the grocer soon becomes convinced that Ollie is trying to seduce his wife. The grocer takes his revenge first upon Stan & Ollie and then upon the goods in their shop, with the duo carrying out similar attacks on the grocer and his property.

- Good morning, Officer.
- Good morning.

- Open for business?
- Yes, sir.

Would have been yesterday
but my partner had a nervous breakdown.

Oh, well. And a nice little store
you have here, too.

- Thank you very much.
- Well, success.

Thank you again.

- Where have you been?
- Down the basement

to get globes to put in the electric sign.

Sorry, Officer, that was my partner's fault.

He's not quite
over his nervous breakdown yet.

lt won't happen again,
l assure you. Goodbye.

- Why don't you be more careful?
- l didn't know he was on top of it.

Do you want us arrested
before the customers arrive?

- What time they gonna be here?
- Why, about...

''What time are they going to be here''!
Why, customers come at any time.

Get a ladder
and put those globes up in the sign.

Where you going?

l'm going over to Mr Hall's,
to pay my respect. Our neighbour.

That's a good idea. l'd like to meet him too.

Come along.

- Er, pardon me, are you Mr Hall?
- That's the name.

Er, good morning. l'm Mr Hardy
and this is my partner, Mr Laurel.

- ls that so?
- We have the electrical store next door.

So what?

What's he looking at?

Remember that fella
who we met in the trailer?

Remember his wife came in
and asked for a drink of water?

## Tra-la-la la-la-la la-la-la-la ##


- l remember you.
- And l remember you, too.

- Now get out of my store and stay out.
- Aw, don't be like that.

Let bygones be bygones.

You have a business and we
have a business. Let's help each other.

You send people to our store
and we'll send people to your store.

What do you say?

You mind your business
and l'll mind my business.

Now get out of here before l throw you out.

Be it as it may.

Remember - beggars can't be choosers.

You go your way

and we'll go our way.

You're right, Ollie. We'll take the high road
and let him take the low road.

Henceforth, we'll neither nod nor speak.

Come, Stanley.

## We'll take the high road and you... ##

You don't have to sing it.
Go downstairs and get that ladder.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

- You heard me tell 'em, baby?
- Sure did, daddy.

When l tell 'em, they stay told.

- No beating around the bush with me.
- That's right.

Take off your hat.

Now get me some more globes.

Will you watch the store a few minutes?
l'm going upstairs.

## You take the high road... ##

Ah! Aah!

Ah, oh! No!

No! Oh.

(Crowd talking)

(Woman) Oh, goodness.
(Man) Sorry, old man.

What you doing up there?

l'm waiting for a streetcar.

Where you going?

- Wha...?
- Oh, erm.

l'm in a slight predicament.

Would it be asking too much
if l used your stairway?

Oh, why, it would be a pleasure.

- Er, come right in.
- Thank you.

(Loud popping)



(Mrs Hall laughing)

- (Both laughing)
- l was never in a position like that before!

- lt's certainly a pleasure to see you again.
- lt's my pleasure.

- Thank you so much. Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Hey. Just a minute, you.

What is the secret
between you and my wife?

l have nothing to say.

Neither have l.

Listen, weasel, you keep out of this.

lf l ever catch you even looking
at my wife again,

l'll hit you so hard that he'll feel it.

- ls that so?
- Yeah, that's so.

And don't forget -
the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

How do you do?

- Who's that fella?
- Never mind him.

There are more important things to think of.

- What?
- My character.

lt has been smirched.

- Ruthlessly dragged through the mud.
- How do you mean?

Didn't you hear him accuse me of having
a clandestine meeting with his wife?

Never let it be said
that a Hardy's spotless reputation

should be so maliciously trodden upon.

- Come, Stanley.
- Where you going?

l am going to demand an apology.

You're right, Ollie.

He who filters your good name,

steals trash.

- Come, Stanley.
- Just a minute.

Next time you tell me to keep an eye
on the store, l'll keep the other eye on you.

Oh, you make me sick.

- What do you want?
- Pardon the intrusion

but l have come to seek redress
for the gross insult to my character.

ln other words, l demand an apology.


l shall take this up with my barrister.

Come, Stanley.

Pick up those globes
and let's clean this place up.

Put 'em right over there.

You've been picking on me all morning,

making my life miserable.

lf it's fights you want,
l'm the guy that'll give it to you.


(Ollie laughs)

Oh! Oh! Oh!


Put that down. Come on.

- Tit for tat.
- What?

Tit for tat.

- What's that for?
- l thought you said tip me hat.

Come on.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

(Whizzing, clanking)


Come, Stanley.


How do you do?

(Struggling to speak) We showed him.

(Struggling to speak) Sure did. And...

- (Stan squeals)
- Why can't l talk?


lt's fine.

- That's better.
- Uh-huh.

(Crowd) Oh! Ooh!

Now will you stop?

Hold that.

l'll give you one more chance to apol...

Say, what's going on here?

You keep out of this.

(Crowd laughs)

(Crowd laughs)

Now just a minute.
Don't you think this has gone far enough?

- Who started this?
- He did.

- l did not.
- Why, he did too.

This upstart, in the presence
of my friend, slandered my character,

for which l demanded an apology.

He refused to give it.
Hence this petty little argument.

- Slandered your character?
- Yes, sir.

- He filtered his good name.
- Yes.

- Filtered his good name?
- You know what he did?

He accused me
of a clandestine meeting with his wife.

- (Mrs Hall gasps)
- For which l was wholly

and absolutely innocent.

Then what were you doing
coming downstairs with my wife?

- What nonsense. There was nothing to it.
- Nothing to it.

He was waiting for a streetcar...didn't you?

You're to blame.
You better apologise to this gentleman.

- l will not.
- Oh yes you will, or l'll run you in.

Well, all right but don't let it happen again.

No hard feelings.


allow me.


Here. Come on, get out of here.
You, go on back to your work. Go on.

How do you do?

Come on, folks, get out of here.

(Struggles to speak) What's the matter?

Why you standing round,
blocking the man's place?

You get out of it. Come on.