Three on a Couch (1966) - full transcript

An artist has an opportunity to go to Paris and wants to bring his fiancee along. However, she's a psychiatrist who currently has three female patients who don't like men. So, he guises himself as three different men to gauge their trust and hopefully cure them so that his fiancee can go with him.

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mr.ambassador this is I mean this is

mine I'm Christopher pride I mean there

couldn't be two Christopher Prize I mean

they couldn't have made a mistake of

something like that would they

absolutely not it's a seeming you are

capable of those in our engine oh

there's an excited no I mean we just

know we for you yeah I'd like to hear

yours the judges of the world are

Congress after their third complete



below a war first prize money of $10,000

to mr. Christopher plate know that's

prime for USA along with first prize

money

mr. winner of creating the mural for the

new French government building a Perry

congratulations sincerely who shot it

managing director the dude

well could I take another look I'd love

to see my name again you will see it

again after the photographers Getty I

will end it to you it will be

oh oh I miss you why yes I would like to

kiss you on both cheeks you are it is



not something we will do in France for a

ceremony of this sort but in America it

is expected of us oh sure this is messy

pride

Hadi's do you has to be in Paris within

a month to start the mirror I say fine

it is a large wall and all mine you will

be given a studio on the left bank uh as

you know a bush wing and if you go under

this Bank and your expenses are pay for

one year perfect

infest paradise is fifty thousand francs

American money that is ten thousand

dollars give or take cash

well as long as you give I'll take a sip

or play how are you will enter the

keyboard hi this is not necessary

believe me listen for $10,000 you're

lucky it wasn't on the lips well I hope

you'll excuse me gentleman but I do have

to go and tell someone Oh your wife here

you have a wife yes I do

well I will have when I marry her and I

just thought a marvelous thing in Paris

she can do research

he says Jean walked well she's a

psychiatrist it's a cat

again thank you gentlemen I'll see you

soon goodbye we have these Americans

they fall in love with their

psychiatrist even worse they want to

marry them

you know when I look back at it now I

don't think I could have been really

deeply in love with Richard I mean not

the way you think of being deeply in

love like in the Russian novels my Romeo

and Juliet I Greta Garbo movie but I

should thought I was in love with him oh

gosh I was crazy about that guy my

stomach turned over every time he came

into the room and if you just touched me

accidentally well Susan do you have to

do that while you're talking it's good

for the abdominal muscles but it's

better for your subconscious if you just

lie still

oh my mind's working all the time boy

I'm remembering like a house on fire

today you want me to lie still I think

so okay no no where was I in love with

Richard yeah we've been over this though

I would like to go over it again well

there it is then one day all of a sudden

Wham

he ditched me Susan everyone's personal

life is unique and no one case is

exactly duplicated but I do wish you'd

keep telling yourself that almost every

girl has been ditched at one time or

another I know but to be ditched for

another guy

now this is terribly important to me

does the doctor give green stamps Green

Stamps yes

no ma'am she doesn't she doesn't no

ma'am

she doesn't

well though she certainly isn't going to

get my business hi Murphy you precious

pussycat mr. pride mr. pride I must ask

you not to do that

dr. record cannot be disturbed when she

has a patient yeah I know all about that

Murphy this is more than a social call

Liz I'm sorry Susan but we just can't go

on with that racket out there excuse me

that's okay Liz honey it's Chris this is

the most important day of my life but

that matter it's the most important day

of her life let me just explain to you

Liz I won Chris I've asked you a hundred

times please don't come in when I'm with

a patient is Liz I'm trying to tell you

something I won I won the contest we're

going to Paris doctor a card I tried to

keep it from knocking on the door I know

how you feel when you have a patient you

want yes that's a little context yes

yeah you do that Murphy oh you mean

first prize the whole schmear my own

world my own mural 50,000 francs and you

in Paris I can't believe it either

I can't believe the threshold the

thresholds getting closer I can't

believe it we're going to Paris 1-1 30

days four weeks we're gonna be in Paris

Paris together

what is it

Oh Chris I can't go what do you mean you

can't go Chris I have patients I'm

losing my patience Elizabeth those

patients that you're talking about you

can give to other psychiatrists there

are many psychiatrists in this town for

that matter they're all in this building

I know and I could probably work

something out for most of my patients

but well these three girls that what

three girls well they're not progressing

as rapidly as I would like and they all

have the same problem and they depend

completely on me I just can't leave them

Chris I just can't

Elizabeth what's the problem Chris I've

been trying to tell you they've all

three had very unhappy love affairs and

there's gonna be a fourth Elizabeth they

are in terrible shape I have a solution

for you they feel rejected they won't go

near men I have the answer for you

Elizabeth get them off the couch put

them back into circulation it's like the

old thing about you fall off a horse

Chris it's not that simple it is that

simple Elizabeth I want to go to Paris

and I want to take you with me I love

you Elizabeth

I'll see what I can do

what's a minute ah so I'm not trying to

get you to take him on oh he might say

that Susan I want to ask you something

you've been coming to me for a few

months now do you feel any better

oh sure I'm in great shape no I didn't

mean that

um do you have the feeling that you

might be seeing your way clear to

resolving your problem what problem men

Oh huh need them Susan suppose I were to

tell you um suppose that something came

up

that made it look as if I might have to

go away what I would send you to another

psychiatrist er a very good psychiatrist

of course someone who would be kind and

understanding you're going away well I

just said I might you won't be here to

talk to

I'll be able to come see you

it's just something I'm considering

Elizabeth I don't care about the girls I

only care about getting married and buy

your own diagnosis I'm ready I'm cured I

quit my job I'm an artist I even won a

contest Elizabeth I am just completely

secure and what happens you have to get

stuck with three nutty females

okay I'm sorry coots you won't go to

Paris I won't go to Paris Chris you

can't say that I did say it and I mean

it Elizabeth but you have to go no I

don't I'm gonna stay right here as a

commercial artist and you know what's

gonna happen I'm gonna grow to hate you

Elizabeth

then you're gonna feel rejected

Elizabeth then I don't turn into

insecurity then you'll need a

psychiatrist now who I'd be the last one

in the world to suggest that zoology is

not a rewarding and exciting study if

absolutely silent England but you know

it isn't a complete life is it y'all

gonna talk about man again you'll never

raise a family in an animal compound at

least insects have integrity Matt don't

they

uh-huh I suppose I've never had much

contact with insects really Mary Lou I

want to ask you something

and I don't want you to give it any

importance because it's just an idea

suppose just suppose mind you that I had

to go away for Oh quite a long time as

much as a year now you all going away

are you going away leave me

oh well no III just said suppose I I

think I'm feeling better don't you

doctor yes Allah I think you are you

know living abroad is exciting love it

but I do have kind of a thing for the

west as you know even though that man

who was so awful was a cowboy he wasn't

a real cowboy he was a cowboy singer

from Brooklyn and the furthest west he

ever got was Philadelphia I still laugh

too much westerns

you mean like western movies movies TV

anything I watch them all the time

the only thing is I root for the Indians

now especially Just Cause

but other you're so pretty

you must find it very difficult to just

ignore them then who speak to you surely

some men come to where you work and want

to buy things for their wives or their

sweethearts you bet they do and they ask

for dates - well then you're working a

little more used to men aren't you

oh no I put up my nose like so it's the

foreign girl huh yes it is and the

doctor would not like you listening at

the door I'm listening but I can't hear

anything it's still not nice even if I

don't hear anything no Murphy I think

it's gonna work Anna you're in such a

good mood today

and you really have improved since you

came to me at least I think you have I

don't have the terrible nightmares

anymore

course not Anadyr there's something I

want very much to tell you and I know

you're going to be quite calm about it

if we get this gallon of bag I'm Chris

Chris you just have to understand you

can see what the situation is now it it

isn't as though I didn't try you know I

tried I have a responsibility and I I

just can't turn away from it this

responsibility cannot be treated lightly

Chris I took an oath

Chris

oh yes Liz oh hi Ben are you all right

sure sure

hey what is this my best friend wins our

great contest a small fortune the one

tells me about it well it just happened

the other day isn't it too much oh it's

just great for Chris right ya know after

all these years of hard work they

finally realize he's a great artist they

sure did

and Liz

he must be awfully happy huh Oh

delirious okay what's wrong well this

may be the end of a beautiful friendship

what is winning a prize why because he

wants to go to Paris get married right

away in a month and you're going to

aren't you well how can i I mean you're

a doctor you have patients oh now Liz

come on you've got to be kidding man I

don't want to discuss it

Welland don't hello dr. miser hello

Murph you don't want to discuss if we

don't have to discuss it

it's I really don't want to discuss it

dish but I'll tell you one thing it's

the most important thing in Chris's life

I know that Ben and I'll go as soon as I

can come on Liz that's not good no I

don't want your face don't you start on

me isn't that amazing just as you looked

at me I realized I had to go file

something Ben please do me a favor go

find him and try to persuade him that it

won't be the end of the world if if he

we have to wait a little while no no I

won't you forget I'm an obstetrician and

any girl that won't get married and have

babies man time business please Ben be a

friend I am

I'm a friend of the family's all right

I'll go find him I I think I know where

he is - thank you

and when I find him I'm going to tell

him that all doctors are a little bit

nuts it's all that formaldehyde Neath

her we breathe when we're in pre-med no

well doctors been and even if you're

right I am still responsible for those

people lovely as you keep forgetting

that I'm a doctor too now when I took

the oath I too like all new doctors felt

it that's all there was in the whole

world but after you've been in practice

for a little while you'll find that

there are other things in life like

being a person and still being a doctor

because you can carry that Hippocratic

oath jazz just a little too far then

you've got to decide whether you want to

be a woman or a doctor are both from

here you look like a woman doctor

Chris oh hi there

what's your first and last name what'll

I have when you have gray label and soda

no I wasn't asking you what you wanted

to order no I think I'll have a beer no

sense of getting loaded just because

it's free what is your personal last

beer beer is his last your first huh how

you been dr. Ben

I've been reading about you in the paper

you celebrating you good fortune

huh what'd you say I said ha huh that's

what I thought you said there are more

than if you'd like to hear well here's

the Paris there's another ha ha you are

really getting to those huh oh yeah

it's a marvelous way to get your heart

started in the morning I save you can't

get stoned by 12 o'clock there's no

point in getting up what's the trouble

yeah what's the matter Elizabeth hmm

what's the matter with her she just

won't go to parish that's all why not

she has to take care of three girls her

sister's children no not babysitting

three big girl patients what's the

matter with him hate men

don't change the subject I didn't change

the subject you said you hated men they

ain't men then they a man who the three

girls oh the patients Elizabeth patients

she has to talk him out of it huh how's

she gonna do that she's a girl and she's

a psychiatrist

no but first she's a girl oh if I were

if I hated men was a girl I I wouldn't

go to another girls

talk me out of it I'd go to Cary Grant

let's say that again

what uh Cary Grant Cary Grant no I don't

mean say Cary Grant again I mean say

what you said about a few is a really if

we can go to a girl oh yeah well if mad

man is a cause and a man is a cure you

ask the doctor I may be a simple

obstetrician but I do know that yeah

three guys to romance three girls sure

taking these three girls can get some

fellas who will understand them and make

them feel one sure restore there you go

build up their confidence make them

realize that all men are villains they

be cured right then they wouldn't have

to go to the doc right right can I get

my dog back right right that's marvelous

three guys take care of their three

girls let's toast to that where we gonna

get him that's not toast yet well we're

gonna get him sure they have to be a lot

of different things not just plain

fellas that's right

Who am I gonna get what are you well

you've got to get somebody that's uh

Footloose and fancy-free someone that's

carefree artistic bohemian like no you

there's only one person in the world can

do this for you and that's you no no

it's not a very good idea you want to

get Liz to Paris or not well sure but

the romance three girls at one time yes

you can do it yes since when oh come on

we went to college together remember

there wasn't anything you couldn't do

once you put your mind to it yeah yeah

there's a couple of times when hey I'm

out of practice band I've been going

steady well you'll come back to you it's

like riding a bicycle well

I don't know I wouldn't know how to go

about it I don't even know anything

about it I don't know that first night

well there I can help you

I'll get Maryland to talk to Murphy

Marilyn Marilyn's my secretary oh yeah

and they'll get all the information

their buddies you seem awfully happy

about this all of a sudden well it's

good for business I want you and Liz to

get married and have lots of baby so I

can deliver them not deliver them I've

got to go I'm about to have twins you've

been having much morning sickness

- speaking of sickness you better round

they just cool it that's doctor's orders

okay doctor I'll cool it I'll blow on it

that'll cool it

now there she is go ahead and get her I

don't think I'll make it family it's too

far

I hope these boots take killing me my

feet are you money don't shove them

where are you going yes I'm going never

played cool yeah I'll remember don't

worry about it but do you remember what

you're supposed to do don't worry about

me no I won't I'm worried about me no

I'm worried about you because of you Oh

good afternoon ma'am good afternoon

right smart down one Marlatt gaze where

the buffalo roam and a deer and antelope

like to play a lot that's terrific

did you want anything or do you intend

to finish your song oh I see yeah hello

well yes I'd like to I'll get through

this fine mother perfume for my mother

back in Iraq do you have a wrench well

I've got the bigger trench with the

Denver and Chicago oh that's really

perfume now where is your end

oh wow in the country - wah wah wah wah

wah wide why woman country why or near

Jackson Hole you wouldn't know about

that being a city slicker oh yes I know

Jackson Hole Wyoming Sitting Bull

country why are we run darn if we didn't

know your little filly whatever no one

starting our history book I see it all

in the movies uh-huh well maybe one day

I'd like to see you personally huh I beg

your pardon

oh yes that's a fair enough well I guess

I'll be moving on morphine wrong share

this room with me yeah yeah sure thing

fine ma'am little filly hmm

I will tell you the truth round let me

up let me just tell you that doll what

I'm trying to say is there's no when I'm

out there riding a ranger when writing

rain drove on our self with new

companionship and just you don't want

occasional prairie dog to keep me a

company when I give back to civilization

well I just feel uncomfortable over

women

just sit down I just can't

well I would would you like would you

like it good thing to know that when

you're told or die

Ringo ring tree why I don't believe I

had the pleasure I'll meet up with you

sure no you don't know me but I know you

Ringo raintree king of the Cowboys yeah

greatest cow hand in the West Worley

just Roper I will be just rider

bulldogger no football no fastest gun -

righto I wonder if I could trouble you

mr. Raintree to have an autograph if I

could just take an autograph home to my

wife and kids make them happy some young

uns young well let me find out there

laying it on a little thick I see there

to be my pleasure to write down in here

this happiest day of my life spell

Raintree like any any senior you write

anything when people wonderful there is

algo Monica oh oh

Ringo ringing tree there he is talking

to you little lady you from the big city

just like he was a plain ordinary person

if you could get him to tell you about

his life down in West it would be

fabulous and tell you about some of

these fabulous experiences it would be

fabulous just fabulous

oh sure sir as a fellow American I

salute you god bless you

Ringo now do you remember everything I

told you yeah I remember everything

what's her name Susan Manning Manning

right and what does she do she runs

around the park every day right and and

what does she like she likes judo karate

she breaks board right right yeah wrong

this whole thing feels wrong Ben I'm

gonna get me here she comes

all right remember your entire future

depends my hotel go hail and farewell

hey why don't you watch where you're

going buster

don't call me buster I'm a girl you're

kidding just stop fold my shoelace was

untied well why didn't you yell

something like for a shoelace or

something

why didn't you watch where you were

going and what were you chasing me for I

wasn't chasing you well for someone who

wasn't chasing me was sure working very

hard and catching me I was not and

besides I could have caught you anytime

I want

oh really well it wasn't my shoelace I

could have left you so far behind it

would have been funny oh yeah yeah yeah

I'll write you right now yeah oh oh I

think you sprained my ankle I did yeah

don't touch it I don't like girls to

touch me you don't know I'll tell you

what I'll do with you I'll go home I'll

soak it if it's better tomorrow I'll

race you tomorrow okay if you don't mind

taking a lickin no I don't want same

time same place you got a race where and

what time same time same place

oh that's why I heard it all right and I

just knew I'd beat him today

it was a great race though and what did

you do afterwards nothing I just helped

into a taxi wait well he's got this sort

of a trick ankle that goes out all the

time and he went right after the race oh

I see but he said he didn't have

anything to do with my beating him he

said I beat him fair and square

mm-hmm he's so honest well Susan it

seems like you found a nice companion

now don't get any ideas doc weren't just

somebody to race with and all that oh of

course

what is it Warren mm-hmm that's his name

Warren he's got a nice smile well I just

had to come and tell you about it

because this is really the first

breakthrough well that's great what was

the name Warren Warren I don't know his

last name

oh it's oh you don't know his last night

she met him in the park running isn't

that lovely

running and mmm this is very good

maybe drinks better all the time you

know what's so lovely about people

meeting as you say like running in the

park the nice thing is that today what

are you doing oh just some laundry that

was soiled the SOI laundry I that well I

didn't think you were coming it was kind

of embarrassing to have but what we tell

me about the the park with the running

OH

let me explain she didn't reject him the

important thing is she was willing to

see him again well that's great then she

must be interested in him did she say so

Oh better than that much better she

accepts him do you know what this means

no except he must be very attractive oh

yeah well he sounds very attractive but

once there's a breakthrough like this

the therapy always goes much faster oh I

do have some hope now I always said you

were the greatest psychiatrist in the

whole world

oh well don't find the tickets yet this

is just the beginning no I won't but you

don't mind if I'm just a little more

confident now yeah I love you Liz I love

you Chris

well then after dinner I thought I'd

just go down the music room and set you

know but I took my book long case I got

forward within this very polite ladies

come strolling up and says you all don't

mind if I sat down here next to you

do y'all that's a very nice thing to

have happen

Mary Lou wait you ain't heard nothing

yet as I said she has to sit down and

she did and then she said my name's

Heather my name is Mary Lou awfully be

Denari Marilee

my pleasure

won't you eat man honey

well that's my my zoology book zoology

Oh for heaven sakes I have a twin

brother brother for the just loves zoo

allergy why haven't tried Mona new

tonight it's only does it talk about

zoology he raved on and on about zoology

discs zoology got here is do they'll zoo

everywhere Lulu not only that but he

really loves botany in biology he love

bug I do too

I'll show nice well you just couldn't

love him like my brother but love them

he just lives eats and sleeps bugs bugs

here a bug there a bug 35 oh that's just

a terrible shame honey what well I mean

that you and mother book could never

meet you see it doesn't like girl he

does it well to be perfectly honest with

you the truth is not is he didn't got

people no for life especially girls he

says that he can't trust them he trusts

bugs

I guess because he says that bugs is

man's best friend you know I feel

exactly the same way

Shana yes I mean not about girls of

course about men of any bad bird

oh that's just more there I wonder if

you could do me a favor married oh no no

I shouldn't act it just wouldn't look

you know want me to meet up with food

I just don't think I could do that I

mean meet up with a man you know well it

wouldn't be like just meeting an old man

it would be like two people sharing a

common interest you know bug bug bug we

would just be fellow scientists together

now wouldn't we exactly

I just don't think I could do it it's

just chill oh I'm sorry oh I just don't

know what didn't do it that boy well

maybe I could just talk to him for a

couple of minutes oh yes that just a

couple minutes wouldn't do in a home you

wouldn't do a home I mean I could just

just sorta talk to him that so yeah

that's all be just talk to him like

you'd say that's all oh that would be

Marvin man Lou I sure will be a push it

Earl

it's my pleasure you wouldn't do

anything to upset him though

well heavens to Betsy no Mary Lou I saw

nothing you just saved my life

Marylou called me this afternoon and

said I have to see you right away so of

course I said you coming in

oh sure well but she can't get the

office and started to tell me about it I

just about died I mean I really am

starting to get excited

looks like I'll get her to Paris after

all have been are you bet oh well now

don't get your hopes up too high yet but

I am beginning to see a little light so

one of your rejects found a man huh oh

don't call her that

besides she hasn't even met him yet and

he doesn't sound like much anyway well

you never can tell this know you might

be very surprised

well anyway at least she's met this girl

Heather Heather that's a pretty name

either her name's Heather and she's

invited Mary Lou to her apartment

tomorrow afternoon to meet her brother

Heather has a brother uh how about some

more vodka Ben - oh this fine that's

fine I told her I think she should go

and she wants to go and that's a good

sign but she's frightened she insisted

that Heather's stay there the whole time

as her chaperone oh here's a medicine

these damn is drink let me get this

straight Liz when this girl goes to the

apartment to meet the guy Heather's

going to be there too with her brother

well I think that's wise yeah what's

wrong with that

both together of course at the same time

why not

won't that be a little difficult Oh

no I mean well why why should it be yeah

well I heaven and her brother I just

can't wait to hear what happens I'm

trying so hard to picture the scene so

am i anything in this oh maybe he's not

home

oh heavens lamb of course he told me is

just below me and he's not answering

would you shoot him in an elevator to me

smell rancifer grab a bit sweetheart oh

they all didn't hear me call you at the

party

yeah I heard you have a I sure did heard

you but I just didn't want to answer

yeah but I told you that was bringing it

lovely Miss Mary hairball from Virginia

good night I tell ya and I told you I do

like this it is know how anytime no

matter what where when best be here hold

your voice that you can hear oh by the

way man you want to submit yourself cozy

on it well don't let it be cozy Heather

then she'll stay I don't want to stay I

don't want to meet no lady from Richmond

she's kidding

now why don't you get out there and be

nice and friendly and pay her a visit

because I King now quit and I don't want

to meet no lady you know the trouble

with you at the hood is that you are

just too shy now why don't you get out

there and show some of your nice

southern gentlemen their actions and be

a Southern gentleman why I don't want

you now you go ahead I don't want to

have a now you just go on out there

rather gonna be friendly and have a nice

visit no I don't want to now quit no but

if I'm sure that's not my fault I'm just

shy that's all well yes you can brother

but no one can't help it yes you can't

you can help it if you try weather but

no I can't I can't help it

yeah you can't help it brother you just

you shot well I tell you what I'll just

go and wash my hair that way there's

just no chance my ball on you all right

well

hi hello time Rutherford

Marylou please Dan Eliot I'm pleased to

know you too

I see my sister she wishes to be excused

Oh certainly

that's quite all right she took it in

the mind that while sure he'll oh she

picks strangers times to wash your hair

well women I like that yeah girls I mean

home I mean sometimes I'll get up in the

middle of the night and wash my hair huh

how about that but well not what you'd

call often my sister tells me that you

are interested in zoology oh yes yes I

am oh it's kind of strange to hear a

girl in students oh I heard you

oh yeah well it's my life's passion

where's Sydney and Joe life's passion

where's my life's passion of clothes no

I I suppose not Ted what your field um

your field I mean what branch of

versatility do y'all express a

preference for oh I like them oh just

ever down itty-bitty one oh just every

my isn't that spreading yourself a bit

thin maybe for lady but not for man you

must be awfully learn aid I do Drabek

Eber

well what branch is your field in oh

well I do confess I don't suppose it

would seem that much to you but they're

really true abiding passion in my life

is collie Optra the copter yes do you

all have a feeling for collie after no

Oh daddy what what but why well I think

that they are I suspected that they

build the best cities of all cities oh

oh

you thought our men danced well no I was

in reference to not Vitaly opera the

buildings that's it well you know the

Collier my favorite tribe of collie opt

is what I'm trying to say Oh so water

tell me more more my favorite tribe

Calliope music ah Liaquat

now you know sue me you you remember

when they had that they had just the

most mouths that they were just no

bigger than and yeah you'd see it you

could almost knew if you were to it hold

I love the color but a copter to my with

when they are just you breathe air well

some don't for me it would be the best

if it were justice

you know they can't remember they have

the love this side and actually the

various Carly after you know depend now

I had all kinds of species and when I

was younger then I really Oh for

heaven's sakes

I never realized that time you must

forgive me are you going well here so

now I'm awfully sorry I didn't realize

the time just shot away like that around

and died I promised myself an afternoon

at the Museum of Natural History and I

didn't enjoy still much meeting you man

no I hope I see you again oh by the way

would you care to join me oh thank you I

would love to go fit or it would be rude

of me to leave your sister oh heavens no

Mary Lou she's

by washing her hair and I think will be

much rude a motto to leave you here all

day long well then I would surely love

to go oh that's marvelous

Oh oh wait a minute I had a wonderful

idea

daddy I had this friend well he's not

really a friend he's more like an emetic

anyway he has this wonderful collection

of collie after in his home oh I see

what do you mean but more like an enemy

oh wait he's a man and well he acts like

one you know what I mean

well I'm a man well yes but you don't

act like one oh-ho

thank you anyway

you see he has this wonderful collection

and I could call him and with you there

he wouldn't dare try any funny stuff

oh that's just mom it's a marvelous idea

oh well you call up your friend and I'll

go tell sissy that we're gonna leave all

right oh oh by the way he has

Lepidoptera - oh really

well I think I had that when I was a kid

since I butterflies silly you know that

oh well that's me always joking

[Applause]

[Applause]

nice or leave Polly opted triumph and

we'll head up memory and a big flying

wheel head

I got it I got it Mary Lou Lou I got

that looks like

Joe thought it was but a dying

it was just the most enjoyable afternoon

of my whole life

well um are you going to see Rutherford

again Mary Lou oh yes I'll guess he's

not so old fides scare the girls as he

gives that to be oh he was gonna take me

to the zoo tomorrow onlys got to go up

to San Francisco to visit his aunt she's

got some kind of skin problem I think

it's hives and he goes up and sets with

her and comforts her oh well he sounds

so nice yes he is nice he really is nice

and it makes me feel so good to think

that I could help him to come out of his

shell that way not graceful what are you

looking so sad about what am I looking

so sad about suppose Elizabeth finds out

how's she gonna find out that's what I'm

worried about that in a city as big as

la will never happen in a city as big as

la that's when it does happen will you

stop worrying no but I'll stop talking

about who's there it's me with you

nothing's matter I'm just a little

nervous you know Paul Louis Frenchmen

well I gotta be going huh Chris you'll

call me if you need anything

you know see you around the quarters

listen yeah right it's working it it is

mm-hmm

what Mary Lou and her young man the

zoologist she says he's fascinating yes

uh-huh

Wow you mean she said he was fascinated

yes isn't that marvelous

that means a breakthrough for two of

them really if my third girl finds a man

I'll begin to think someone is

manipulating things for me something God

or something yeah I suppose you could

say that Luce

you've been on my car chance oh darling

well let's say that makes us even

ever since you said you weren't going to

see me very much anymore so that you get

used to it

I didn't make those

I couldn't go without seeing

you know that

port I so trouble

this track

I have a feeling you're going three ways

at once these days

so am I

and now folks next up on killer Joe is

the pride of the Panhandle Wow

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]

well well where'd you go you'll find out

folks can I have your attention for just

a moment please

we are indeed honored today by the

presence in our audience of the great

Estrada greatest Roper the greatest bull

Doga and the longest gun in the West the

one and only mr. Ringo ranger

[Applause]

vote

[Applause]

and our boats Ringo range we will rope

together

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]

really that really hello oh hi Liz I'm

fine how are you done um Oh tonight oh I

would love to yeah huh oh I could be

ready in a half hour an hour fine all

right sweetheart right here bye

[Applause]

there's a complete love I know

[Laughter]

that makes my

stern state

No

together

we come

whoa

two's

it may seem strange

nothing on earth could ever change

but the gods could have arranged such a

love

No

this is the

I have a

my

stern

[Applause]

here you are how are you oh I'm just

fine good rather a special day today

special day this is graduation day and

now I don't have to get on the couch you

can tell me on my feet I think so if you

do oh sure I'm in marvelous shape well

actually I don't have much more to tell

you that you don't already know I just

wanted to make certain there were no

cloudy areas I'm fine I'm wonderful Oh

duck I'm so happy so am i and so pleased

for you not to me

what about you young man is it serious

oh no not really

I mean well he hasn't said anything a

done in thing that hey oh you know what

I mean you mean he hasn't made a pass no

and I don't care he's she's just fun to

be with that's all

you couldn't bring him in later this

afternoon could you know he's in San

Francisco today San Francisco yes he

hasn't aunty visits there she doesn't

get out much I think she has highs and

he drops in and visits or once or twice

a week San Francisco he's so nice oh I'm

sure he is Susan you didn't tell me this

before did you what that your friend has

an aunt in San Francisco he visits once

in a while I don't think so

maybe strange well you will bring him in

before I go

oh yeah sure as soon as I can get hold

of him good then I'll see you before I

go and I'm so happy for you Susan

goodbye a doctor and thanks a lot

San Francisco that'll hold you only for

a minute tell me again I wanna hear you

tell it to me again

and let me hear it loud it's really true

it's really true it's really true it's

really and the best thing is that girls

are also happy why not

nothing like the love of a good man to

clear the brain you're right and I'm the

happiest man in the world

yeah what are you gonna do with the

officers

oh I'm subletting them too and I've

adopted well what about Murphy it's just

a with him that's strange

what's strange Martini's for all Oh with

the lady dr. burrows Thank You Stan for

the man dr. sevinor sure yeah what were

you saying what what's strange Oh

something about San Francisco San

Francisco hmm what about San Francisco

yeah what about Sam just called it just

bothers me but even though I know

everything is all right

yes when you please tell me what you're

talking about

well it seems strange to me that Susan's

bow goes to San Francisco to visit an

aunt and Mary Lou's bow goes to San

Francisco to visit an aunt I mean that

doesn't that sound strange to you Chris

what are you doing oh it's okay Liz I'll

drink it I'll help you oh yeah happy

well now don't you think that sounds

strange Wow

what I just told you about San Francisco

straining straining I don't think it's

strange

do you Chris no stress Noah and like I

got to go along with Ben there's an

awful lot of people that have ants in

San Francisco as a matter of fact San

Francisco was loaded with people's ants

absolutely yeah you do you know that I

read Liz yeah no no wait a minute Chris

just a minute but both of these hands

have hives well you know what I what I

was going to say before Liz that I had

bread this is the same thing that we

were talking about that if you would

take a poll of the men in Los Angeles in

the specific economic bracket you would

find that one out of every two have an

aunt in San Francisco that has hives at

least 80% with hives oh you too and

that's a conservative estimate

you know that's odd then I had a hunch

that that estimate would be conservative

your conservative with the boos oh sorry

here we are

San Francisco

13 please 11 you live in

they make three of us

hi miss nothing doctor asked me to be

here five yes that's right

but she asked me to be here at 5:00 yes

you see also she asked I'm not to be

here at 5:00 yes that's right she wants

to see all three of you together yes

oh you don't know each other I'm sorry

here you are girls won't you come in

well this is Susan Manning Mary Lou mold

on a Jacque hi did just sit down

anywhere girls as you can find a place I

know you're all puzzled about this so

I'll get to the point as quickly as

possible to begin with you're all three

patients of mine so I feel I can speak

freely oh yes sure but doctor I feel all

kind of funny inside I I sure wish you'd

tell us what's the matter well probably

nothing's a matter Mary Lou I just want

to make certain about something

would you tell me what your friend

Rutherford looks like resident hmm well

he's about six feet tall and he's sort

of a medium weight and and you've got

the nicest smile what color hair his

hair is sandy colored I guess Susan what

about Warren does he fit Mary Lou's

description oh oh no Warren's a little

taller and he has light brown hair I

think Oh and rather furred wears glasses

Oh Warren doesn't know does Ringo oh no

he's a real western with plenty eyes and

his hair is real dark black almost well

not getting me very far is it I don't

suppose any one of you has a picture of

your friend no no well what is it that

bothers you duh well the other day you

told me that your friend Warren goes to

San Francisco to visit a sick aunt

right well Mary Lou didn't you tell me

somewhat the same thing about Rutherford

a short time ago well yes I did well is

that all that's bothering your little ol

here it's just a coincidence

oh oh you're worried about them being

the same person

Oh doctor that's funny oh it is I mean

we just we just gone and told you how

different they all are

why declare they just couldn't be any

people in the whole world is different

is Rutherford and these two ladies

gentlemen friends honor does Ringo ever

go to San Francisco yes he does but not

to visit a sick aunt a sick horse

well I guess you're right

it must be a coincidence it's just that

I go to thinking about it and thinking

about it and thinking about it well it

certainly appears that you three lovely

young ladies are happy and well-adjusted

again

therefore my work is done and I'll be

leaving for Paris tomorrow and I

couldn't be happier when are you getting

married tomorrow in the boat after it

sails the captain's going to perform the

ceremony oh that's marvelous doctor if

you don't mind I sure would love to come

down the boat remind Senor oh that's a

great idea it's a marvelous idea

oh I would just love that please do it's

the SS President Roosevelt in a sails at

five o'clock pier 13 cabin a 58 ok

wonderful hiji and you'll meet my fiance

he's a brilliant artist oh I sure do

look forward to meeting him

so do I me too well I'm sure he'll be

charmed by all of you

your will hey Liz what are we stopping

here for

oh let's forgot a couch please don't be

too long messy bride we want to miss the

boat would it be oh don't worry mr.

ambassador we'll only be a minute

my secretary called and I think she has

a little wedding present we'll be right

yeah and why want that then you can go

in your office and add a little

something to the population explosion I

was just kidding this I'm sorry

hey wanna me finished this cassette

population explosion I think it's a new

Janice that was a lot of people

that Murphy always trying to save my

money

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]

Oh diagnosis on your Oh easy

I just called all your friends and I

said you and grits were getting married

nature donate to the cause and they

could write off as charity

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]

the girls know the letters here was that

it I wrote each one a very very sweet

note now please Ben don't forget to mail

it

and doctor no over here

but you said there Christopher pricing

on dr. Bend and one for you thank you

we're going to have our own private

toast Wow Marcus still with it dad you

better hurry

oh it's nice we thought that's marvelous

it's kind of like family right get it i

toast the newlyweds I wish I was one of

them

either one and I toast the greatest gal

in the world worth me two beautiful

there you see mr. smart dr. miser

these people have taste

[Applause]

um

oh oh yes oh oh let me get our towers

stay right there

oh it's perfectly sorry for terribly

tell me I'll go to the boys room and

I'll take care of Canada no it's okay

[Applause]

Oh Marilu

what you're doing here oh oh I seem to

misplace my glasses but we just come

here from every job

yeah

do you all know dr. Cole dr. Khalid you

all know dr. a carload oh uh dr. Cole oh

yeah no that is I know doctor called

fiancé Christopher fried I know him who

now isn't that a coincidence

yeah yeah oh is it yes because I'm here

to see dr. a : oh you are yeah and I

don't know what I did with my glasses

you're here to see that girl why don't

you go and see her well I tell you what

what am I gonna find I used to know why

don't we go together then together this

to money we can go find out

oh well that's awfully sweet of you

Victor if y'all would excuse me just for

protection

yeah you know a pretty girl like you

should have protection you'd be

surprised how many drunks are running

around loose at these Christmas office

party

well if y'all excuse me I'm looking for

the doctor oh I happen to be exactly but

I am NOT in surgery today see I'm

driving the ambulance see what's your

name Oh Duda play

me oh I'm what am i what are you doing

here uh I came to see my doctor off Oh

what are you doing here

what oh well I know not to see I have a

friend so glad to hear come on I would

introduce you to the doctor oh yes yes

we'll leave the way

how did you wait right here and I'll get

a drink and then we're gonna find the

doctor

[Applause]

you're looking for layers

oh my tweet girls what three girls oh

you know the ones that I told you about

my three special patients they're coming

here you can't I mean you shouldn't

you must as you've already said goodbye

to them my father they want to keep

hanging around for don't they know

they're cured I wanted him to be here I

mean well they want to meet Chris

shouldn't they can't get up say well my

seen it what are you making nervous

meeting three strangers nervous have you

ever seen the calm and cool Christopher

pride nervous

[Applause]

[Applause]

they are

[Applause]

are you doing here what are you doing

here it's about a fact I was just about

to tell little woman heart jump you hold

me I'm sorry dr. Martha doctor - no

listen and when we go to my office

no wait wait wait wait honey I was gonna

tell matters over you got Susie and had

a tiger the terms in tiger claw

Hey Oh howdy ma'am I mean hi ma'am I'm

sorry loose howdy ma'am sorry what do

you say we get going home late

oh well I I didn't want to see my three

girls but I guess they decided not to

come I guess not but I'll go tell me

more if they were going to sneak off and

I'll be right Oh where's be okay Ben and

I I don't know I don't know feeling

about

oh I'm sorry they I'm jumping all right

you go find then I'll see where it being

on me to Becky

all right okay hurry up hurry through

the window

the light oh yeah yeah yeah see you seen

Claire Claire no

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]

what waiting for you in that office in

that room I went up into the drinks oh

well I I went to the bar Susan but it

was really loaded there were so many

people I just I couldn't get through

what why don't you go and get us a drink

bill I can't take the crowds oh you you

want me to go get the drinks well what I

mean is if you got us a drink you find a

doctor maybe and and then come back I'll

wait here I can't find anybody well son

of a gun I can't fire anybody either I

was looking all around and I did not a

shame there why don't you go to the bar

and get us a drink honey that's an idea

while your dad you might find someone

while I'm here I might find someone okay

but now don't you go away cuz I just

can't wait for you to meet dr. Coleman I

can't wait either I can go I'll be right

here Mary

just broken it has my coach I say the L

would you press the button apparently

this elevator here I think the Fed

friend of yours is a little screwy

oh my bet friends little screwy how come

on II try to take me out on the fire

escape

could use a drink I'd get you a drink

dusty huge yeah please get me a drink I

appreciate let's go means that I found

you been all over sweetheart but it was

so crowded I couldn't find out what he

was with some friends just bread like

let's go we need the elevator that's

what I'm standing here with you too oh

nothing

I mean nerves nerves no not his there's

miners it's not every day that a guy

goes under honey

now because I'd like to give the girl's

mother 10 minutes before we leave anyway

why-why-why yeah that's the least I

could do will you stop worrying we have

plenty of time do we can't wait no we

can't

big storm coming yes but sailing store

they do oh yeah

[Applause]

the way you two are acting you think

that we just escaped from a fate worse

than death

no it's just that the parties make me

nervous me too

I keep feeling that everyone's closing

in on me

[Applause]

everybody I just give me your undivided

[Applause]

dr. and mr. pride are already on their

way to the boat and I have got the

greatest idea

how do you like a honeymoon cars oh it's

just beautiful what's the hurry Ben

there's no rush now just relax you're in

the picture Ben I want to watch go ahead

step away but listen good what about the

storm

I think it's mistis relaxed smile and

say cheese

[Applause]

officer how much time do we have about

20 minutes they have to get the visitors

off first the visit is met with the

Ambassador mystery from the investor yes

we're late

I'll bet excuse me from the girls to

meet Chris oh oh

he was here girl system and he was just

here gone ahead Chris oh there he is

what are you doing down there

Ringo

[Applause]

Elizabeth Elizabeth

Elizabeth would you please let me

explain

you don't understand oh yes I do oh yes

I understand you

you lost making infamous file corrupt

the evil shameful wicked vicious vile

monster Elizabeth you seem so disturbed

no well what I mean is I did it for you

honey

you know girls you mustn't let this

thing destroy you as it's destroying me

you mustn't let it set you back

do you understand me you you mustn't let

it shake you up because this this room

it can be used it can be used for um for

understanding whether you are trying to

understand men or whether your Elizabeth

will you please listen to me I only did

it for you honey

I did it because I love you and because

I can't live without you and because I

didn't want to go to Paris without you

will you please leave us alone and and

leave girls really I apologize I only

did it for her I did it because I love

her and I didn't mean to do anything

wrong and if I did I'm terribly sorry

will you please just tell her I was

always a gentleman

Elizabeth if you're not gonna listen to

me I'm gonna kill myself I'll jump

overboard you are not even on the ship

well then I'll get on the ship and then

I'll jump you haven't got the nerve you

haven't got the will you couldn't kill

yourself if you wanted to oh is that so

driver what's holding us up

I'll never forgive him

oh but if you keep on that way you'll

make yourself sick

don't you see you've just found out what

he did and it's a it's a traumatic shock

but you just can't let up a little old

traumatic shock just cloud up your

entire life but it isn't really a deep

soul wound is it doctor maybe not maybe

not but I will never forgive him

you do what I love

I know

Oh