Three of Hearts (1993) Movie Script

[MAN]

PICTURE THIS.

HA HA HA.

YOU'RE LYING

ON A DESERTED BEACH.

THE SAND IS SOFT.

SUN FEELS GOOD.

YOU SLIP OUT OF YOUR BIKINI

AND JUST LIE THERE...

ALL NAKED AND WARM.

HA HA HA.

I REACH OVER

TO THAT DRINK

BESIDE YOU

AND TAKE OUT

AN ICE CUBE,

PUT IT

IN YOUR MOUTH...

TWIRL IT AROUND

WITH YOUR TONGUE

A LITTLE BIT.

[WOMAN LAUGHS]

YOU'D LIKE THAT.

NOW SLIDE IT

OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.

LET THE COOL WATER

RUN DOWN ALL OVER

YOUR LIPS.

[WOMAN MOANS]

TAKE THE ICE.

O.K.

RUN IT DOWN YOUR NECK,

ACROSS YOUR BREAST

TO YOUR NIPPLE.

TO MY NIPPLE.

O.K.

OH, IT'S COLD.

HA HA!

AHEM.

IT'S COLD.

HA HA!

NOW RUN IT DOWN

YOUR STOMACH,

AROUND YOUR BELLYBUTTON.

MY STOMACH?

OH, OOH.

THEN ACROSS YOUR HIP

TO YOUR THIGH.

I AM. I AM. O.K.

OH, IT FEELS GOOD.

OH, IT'S WET.

WHAT DO I DO NOW?

[SIGHS]

NOW RUN IT

ALL THE WAY UP

THE INSIDE

OF YOUR THIGH.

OHH.

OH, GOD.

OH, YES.

[BEEPING]

SHIT.

SHIT?

NO.

LISTEN, HONEY, UM...

GO GRAB...GO GRAB

ANOTHER ICE CUBE, O.K.?

NO.

HELLO?

[MAN]

JOEY.

HEY, MICKEY.

HEY, LISTEN, MICK, I'M

A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW.

ARE YOU

ON THE OTHER LINE?

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT.

LISTEN TO ME.

YOU GOT A PROBLEM,

KID.

HARVEY'S

OUT OF JAIL,

AND HE'S

LOOKING FOR YOU.

SHIT.

DID YOU TALK TO HIM?

NO, BUT I'M

WORKING ON IT.

HE JUST GOT OUT

LAST NIGHT,

AND HE'S REALLY ANGRY.

GOD DAMN IT.

WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM?

YOU'RE HIS PROBLEM.

THIS GUY STILL THINKS

YOU SET HIM UP.

[SIGHS]

LOOK, JUST BE CAREFUL

TILL I FIX IT.

THIS GUY'S

LIABLE TO KILL YOU.

WHAT DO YOU GOT

FOR TONIGHT?

WHAT IS IT?

WEDNESDAY?

I GOT ISABELLA.

BELLA ISABELLA.

LOOK, DROP BY TOMORROW,

WE'LL HAVE LUNCH,

WE'LL STRAIGHTEN

THIS HARVEY THING OUT.

ALL RIGHT.

THAT SOUNDS GREAT.

THANKS FOR THE WARNING.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

ALL RIGHT. BYE.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO?

YOU SON OF A BITCH.

OH, JEEZ.

ELENA, I'M SORRY.

UH, DID YOU

GET THE ICE?

YEAH. I'D LIKE TO PACK

YOUR HEAD IN IT, PRICK.

[DIAL TONE]

SO YOU'RE

TELLING ME NOW?

IN THE PARK?

WELL, I'M SORRY.

I THOUGHT

IT WOULD BE BETTER

THAN HAVING A SCENE

IN THE APARTMENT.

OR EASIER FOR YOU,

BECAUSE

I'D BE TOO EMBARRASSED

TO MAKE A SCENE

IN FRONT OF

THE DAMN WORLD,

IS THAT IT?

NO. CONNIE...

EXCUSE ME, WORLD!

I JUST WANT

YOU ALL TO KNOW

THAT MY GIRLFRIEND

IS TEARING MY HEART OUT

HERE TODAY,

BECAUSE

SHE SUDDENLY DECIDED

SHE NEEDS MORE SPACE.

O.K.?

SO WOULD EVERYBODY

PLEASE GIVE HER

SOME MORE SPACE?

RIGHT, RIGHT.

I SHOULD'VE

DONE THIS IN PRIVATE.

LISTEN, HONEY,

YOU COULD LEARN

THE FUCKING

CODE OF SILENCE,

AND IT

WOULDN'T MATTER.

SO, WHAT,

YOU DUMPING ME?

ARE YOU DUMPING ME?

NO, I'M NOT.

I--I JUST...

I JUST NEED SOME TIME

TO SORT THINGS OUT.

I'VE FELT THIS WAY

FOR A LONG TIME.

I GUESS...

I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING

'CAUSE I HOPED

IT WOULD CHANGE.

IT WILL.

IT WILL CHANGE.

WE HAVEN'T

GOTTEN OUT OF TOWN.

WE'VE GOT CABIN FEVER.

LET'S TAKE A VACATION.

LET'S GO

TO THE POCONOS.

THAT'S NOT IT, CONNIE.

IT'S THE WEDDING?

WE DON'T HAVE TO GO

TO THEIR WEDDING.

MY PARENTS WILL LIVE.

IT WAS A PERFECT TIME

TO TELL THEM ABOUT US--

IT'S NOT THAT.

IT'S US.

LOOK, I DON'T WANT

TO HURT YOU.

JUST PLEASE...

PLEASE TRY

AND UNDERSTAND.

I--I--I

HAVE TO DO THIS.

I LOVE YOU.

PLEASE DON'T DO THIS

TO ME, O.K.?

I HAVE TO.

I NEED TO FIGURE

A FEW THINGS OUT.

I HAVE TO BE

AWAY FROM YOU

TO DO THAT.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I FOUND

AN APARTMENT.

WHAT?

HOW LONG HAVE YOU

PLANNED THIS?

I HAVE TO GO.

NO! ELLEN, WAIT!

OH...

WAIT!

I DON'T FEEL PRETTY,

AND I DON'T FEEL SEXY.

AND, UH...

I DON'T FEEL DESIRABLE.

AND SOMEHOW

I THINK IT'S...

ALL MY FAULT,

LIKE I MUST'VE

DONE SOMETHING

REAL WRONG.

ISABELLA,

YOU'RE WRONG.

DON'T YOU SEE

HE DID THIS TO YOU?

YOU KNOW YOU'RE

BEAUTIFUL AND SEXY.

IT'S, UM...

JUST THAT I'M AFRAID

I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE...

YOU KNOW,

THOSE--THOSE FEELINGS.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

WHY?

JUST DO IT.

TRUST ME.

DO YOU REMEMBER

YOUR FIRST BOYFRIEND...

YOUR FIRST LOVER?

DO YOU?

YES.

EXPLORING

ONE ANOTHER'S BODIES,

SKIN AGAINST SKIN,

KISSING EACH OTHER...

FOREVER AND EVER.

DO YOU REMEMBER

HOW THAT MADE YOU FEEL?

YES.

YOU STILL HAVE

ALL THOSE FEELINGS.

OHH.

GOD, IT'S JUST

BEEN SO LONG SINCE

ANYONE'S TOUCHED ME.

I WANT TO TOUCH YOU.

WE'RE BACK

AT HER PLACE,

I'M ON TOP OF HER,

THE BED'S ROCKING

LIKE A HORSE,

HER TITS WHACK ME.

THE LIGHT FLICKS ON.

GUESS WHO'S THERE

WITH MY PANTS

IN HIS HANDS?

HER HUSBAND.

YEAH. HOW'D

YOU KNOW THAT?

SHIT. YOU DIDN'T KNOW

SHE HAD A HUSBAND?

NO.

SO I'M STANDING THERE,

SCRAMBLING FOR MY SHOES.

I TURN AROUND,

AND SHE'S YELLING,

"IRV, IRV,

TODAY'S WEDNESDAY.

WHAT ARE YOU

DOING HERE?"

JOEY, HOW MANY TIMES

DO I GOT TO TELL YOU,

THE FIRST THING YOU DO

WHEN YOU GO IN

IS YOU LOOK AT

THE WEDDING PICTURES

ON THE WALL.

THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW

IF SHE'S MARRIED.

HOW DO YOU STAY

SO FUCKING TRIM?

DO ME A FAVOR.

TAKE THIS SHIT.

I DON'T WANT IT.

I'M GOING ON A DIET

RIGHT NOW.

SO, WHAT'S

THE PUNCH LINE?

WHAT'S THE PUNCH LINE?

THERE'S NO PUNCH LINE.

THE HUSBAND WALKS IN--

YOU GET THE MONEY?

WHAT?

THE MONEY

FROM ISABELLA.

NO, I DIDN'T

GET THE MONEY.

WHAT DO I TELL YOU,

JOEY?

GET THE MONEY FIRST.

JESUS CHRIST.

YOU MIND ME

ASKING YOU ONE THING?

HOW AM I

SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?

YOU GOT TO GET

THE MONEY FIRST.

YOU'RE GOING

TO GIVE YOURSELF

A FUCKING HEART ATTACK.

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU SAY IT AFTER ME.

THAT'S RIGHT.

I DIDN'T WEAR

ANY PANTIES.

OH, COME ON.

YOU CAN TELL ME MORE.

WHAT THE HELL

IS THIS CRAP?

DON'T START WITH ME.

SOUNDS DELICIOUS.

YOU LOVE THAT,

DON'T YOU?

COME ON, BABY.

WHAT THE HELL

ARE YOU DOING?

CHRIST ALMIGHTY.

DO IT AGAIN, BABY.

JOEY...

THAT'S RIGHT.

HOW ARE WE

DOING HERE?

HARDER, BABY.

OHH.

OH, IT'S TOO BIG.

OH, BABY.

[MOANING]

IT'S TOO BIG.

OH, IT HURTS.

OH, OH, BABY.

JOEY.

HEY, WHAT'S UP?

ARE YOU CHEATING ME?

WHAT?

ARE YOU

CHEATING ME?

'CAUSE IF

YOU'RE CHEATING ME,

THAT WOULD HURT ME...

VERY BAD.

I MEAN, CONSIDERING

OUR RELATIONSHIP,

CONSIDERING

THAT I'M THE GUY

THAT'S GOING

TO STRAIGHTEN OUT

THIS MESS WITH HARVEY.

YOU REMEMBER HARVEY.

HE THINKS

YOU WENT TO THE COPS

AND SENT HIM AWAY.

YOU KNOW I HAD NOTHING

TO DO WITH THAT.

WHAT'S THIS CHEATING?

I WOULDN'T RIP YOU OFF.

I KNOW.

AND I'M SURE

YOU APPRECIATE EVERYTHING

I'VE DONE FOR YOU.

I POLISHED YOU

LIKE A DIAMOND

SO YOU COULD SPARKLE

FOR ALL THOSE RICH BITCHES

ON PARK AVENUE.

LOOK, I APPRECIATE

WHAT YOU'VE DONE, O.K.?

IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

YOU WERE RIGHT.

I'M WRONG.

IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

I PROMISE.

ALL RIGHT.

HEY.

I'M JUST CHECKING.

ALL RIGHT.

SO WHAT'S UP

FOR TONIGHT?

YOU GOT SOMETHING

FOR ME?

IT'S A GOOD SPACE.

IT FEELS GOOD,

DOESN'T IT?

YES, IT FEELS GREAT.

IT REMINDS ME

OF THAT MOVIE,

THAT MOVIE WITH

THE PUERTO RICAN GIRL

AND THE INDUSTRIALIST,

OFF-THE-SHOULDER

SWEATSHIRT.

WHAT WAS THAT?

FLASHDANCE.

YOU KNOW, ELLEN,

IT'S VERY ARCHITECTURAL.

YOU HATE IT.

I DON'T HATE IT.

IT'S O.K.

IT'S NOT WEST PORT,

BUT WHAT IS?

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

DON'T BE NASTY.

YOU JUST

SOUNDED LIKE MOM

WHEN YOU SAID THAT.

"GIRLS, GOOD MANNERS

ARE THE BACKBONE

OF SOCIETY."

[BEEP]

[CONNIE]

ELLEN?

ELLEN, ARE YOU THERE?

THIS IS SO WEIRD.

HONEY, PLEASE PICK UP.

I NEED TO TALK

TO YOU, O.K.?

I LOVE YOU.

[BEEP]

I JUST THINK

IT'S BETTER

IF WE DON'T TALK

FOR A WHILE.

GOOD IDEA.

DOES THIS NEED LIGHT?

I CAN NEVER REMEMBER

IF IT'S...

A LOT OF LIGHT

AND A LITTLE WATER

OR A LITTLE LIGHT

AND A LOT OF WATER.

EITHER WAY,

I'LL KILL IT.

WE'VE NEVER

REALLY TALKED ABOUT

THIS BEFORE, BUT--

I REALLY APPRECIATE

EVERYTHING, BUT I'M FINE.

WELL, NOT FINE,

BUT I'M HERE.

I'M ABOUT

TO HUMILIATE MYSELF

IN FRONT OF A CLASS

FULL OF ENGLISH MAJORS,

BUT I'M...I'M

MOVING FORWARD, RIGHT?

ELLEN, I CARE ABOUT YOU.

I'M YOUR SISTER.

I'M NOT JUST SOME BITCH

FROM CONNECTICUT.

I LOVE YOU.

I KNOW.

I UNDERSTAND ABOUT

THIS HOMOSEXUAL--

BISEXUAL--

WHATEVER THING.

NO, YOU DON'T

UNDERSTAND.

YES, I DO.

I WASN'T WITH CONNIE

BECAUSE...

IT'S NOT LIKE

I WAS TRYING A NEW PERM

OR SOMETHING.

SHE TOOK ADVANTAGE

OF YOU.

YOU WERE WEAK.

YOU WERE

AN EMOTIONAL MESS.

I REMEMBER.

I WAS THERE.

CONNIE

JUST SWOOPED IN

AND TOOK CONTROL.

THAT IS BULLSHIT, O.K.?

CONNIE LOVED ME,

AND I LOVED HER.

GET IT?

CONNIE HELPED ME,

ALLISON.

SHE...

LOOK, LET'S JUST

FORGET IT, O.K.?

I DON'T--

LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT

WHAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

O.K.

I'M SORRY.

BESIDES,

I DECIDED NO DATING,

NO MORE RELATIONSHIPS,

NOTHING.

[SIREN]

IT'LL BE FUN.

NO.

NO, IT WON'T BE FUN.

IT'LL BE THE COMPLETE

OPPOSITE OF FUN.

IT'LL BE

A LIVING HELL.

IT'S JUST A WEDDING.

LORENZO, PLEASE.

MY YOUNGER SISTER'S

GETTING MARRIED

IN FRONT OF

HALF OF KRAKOW.

YOU EVER BEEN

TO A POLISH WEDDING?

I'VE BEEN

TO BAPTIST WEDDINGS.

FAMILY IS WEIRD SHIT,

YOU KNOW?

BUT YOU SURVIVE IT.

THAT'S THE THING

ABOUT FAMILY.

THEY'RE EXPECTING--

I PROMISED THEM

SOMETHING.

OH, WHAT?

THE WHOLE FAMILY'S

GOING TO BE THERE,

SO I--I...

I TOLD THEM

I WAS GOING TO

BRING MY FIANC .

IT WAS

TO BE MY MOMENT.

I WAS GOING

TO COME OUT.

I WAS TO SAY,

"THIS IS THE GIRL

I'M IN LOVE WITH."

OPEN.

I WANTED THEM TO SEE

ME AND ELLEN TOGETHER.

I CAN'T DO THIS ALONE.

THEY DON'T KNOW

ABOUT YOU?

THEY'RE OLD-WORLD

POLACKS.

MY FATHER LOOKS AT ME

AND SEES AN AGING NURSE

WITHOUT HER DOCTOR.

BLOW IT OFF.

SAY YOU'RE SICK.

MY...MY MOTHER

IS SUCH A--

IF I WAS

ON LIFE-SUPPORT,

MY MOTHER WOULD

RIP OUT THE I.V.

AND DRAG ME

TO THE CHURCH.

HA HA HA.

HEY.

WHY DON'T YOU DO IT?

YOUR FAMILY WOULD SHIT

IF YOU BROUGHT HOME

A BLACK MAN.

DON'T YOU KNOW

ANY OTHER GUYS?

WHAT,

LIKE NORMAL GUYS?

I DON'T KNOW.

HOW ABOUT, UH...

WELL, THERE'S

MR. GOODWRENCH.

HOW ABOUT

THE ALLSTATE AGENT?

PERHAPS

THE TIDYBOWL MAN.

I KNOW.

WAIT.

WHY DON'T YOU

RENT A GUY?

HIRE A MALE ESCORT.

HEY.

HOW ARE YA?

I'M JOE CASELLA.

I'M CONNIE.

I'LL BE WITH YOU

IN A SEC.

NICE PLACE YOU GOT HERE.

THANKS.

YOU LOOK GREAT.

YEAH?

YEAH.

I LIKE THE, UH...

THE LEATHER.

LOOKS GOOD?

I DON'T THINK SO.

OH, YEAH.

UM...

BEFORE I FORGET, UH...

THERE'S A LITTLE

FINANCIAL MATTER

WE NEED TO DISCUSS.

YOU KNOW,

I DON'T MEAN

TO RUSH YOU, BUT...

I GOT TO GET PAID

UP-FRONT.

YEAH?

YOU KNOW,

BEFORE.

OHH.

BEFORE WHAT?

AHEM.

WHATEVER YOU LIKE.

YEAH, RIGHT.

COULD YOU

TAKE MY KEYS?

[SINGING IN LATIN]

[SPEAKING POLISH]

Don't say a word,

especially

to my mother.

Just do what I tell you

and follow my lead.

Got it?

Got it.

[SPEAKING POLISH]

Who is she with?

Weirdo.

From high school.

The high school weirdo.

He gives me the creeps.

[SPEAKING POLISH]

YOU HAVE A LOVELY FAMILY.

THANKS FOR HAVING ME.

YOU'RE MISSING

THE BEST PART.

THE RECEPTION.

I NEED THE BRIDESMAIDS

A LITTLE CLOSER.

HEY, FELLAS, THIS IS

NOT THE TIME TO SMOKE.

OH, YOU'RE TAKING

A PICTURE?

JOE, MY MAMA WANTS YOU

IN THE PICTURE.

OH, YOU WANT ME--

YOU WANT ME

IN THE PHOTOGRAPH?

[SPEAKING POLISH]

I WANT YOU

FOR PHOTOGRAPH.

WHERE DID YOU

MEET HIM?

WHAT DIFFERENCE

DOES IT MAKE?

WE MET

AT A MUSEUM.

OH.

WHEN I TURNED AND SAW

YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER

STANDING THERE...

WHEN SHE TOLD ME

SHE WAS POLISH,

FORGET IT.

IT WAS

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.

I'M PART POLISH, TOO.

YOU POLISH?

OH, YOU DIDN'T KNOW?

W-W-WAIT A SEC.

CONNIE,

TOO BAD YOU BROUGHT

MR. ATTITUDE WITH YOU.

I MEAN, YOU AND ME,

WE COULD'VE

HAD SOME FUN.

WHAT IS THAT?

"I'M PART POLISH."

WHAT IS THAT,

YOU KNOW?

GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME.

HEY.

WHAT?

WE GOT A PROBLEM

HERE?

EXCUSE ME?

NO PROBLEM.

SAY YOU'RE SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

PADRE,

CAN WE GET A SMILE?

IT'S A HAPPY OCCASION.

O.K., I'M GOING.

GET OVER HERE.

WE'RE TAKING A PICTURE.

EVERYONE,

LOOK THIS WAY.

THIS WAY.

1...2...

3.

NICE.

VERY NICE.

THANK YOU.

* GIRL, GIRL, GIRL *

* YOU GOTTA

MAKE UP YOUR MIND *

* MAKE UP YOUR MIND *

* GIRL, GIRL, GIRL *

* YOU GOTTA

MAKE UP YOUR MIND *

* MAKE UP YOUR MIND *

* GIRL, GIRL *

* GIRL *

* YOU GOTTA

MAKE UP YOUR MIND *

* MAKE UP YOUR MIND *

* AHH *

* AHH... *

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HI. IT'S ELLEN.

PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE,

AND I'LL RETURN THE CALL.

THANKS.

[SINGING IN POLISH]

[SPEAKING POLISH]

HEY.

[SPEAKING POLISH]

PLAY THE SAMBA

FOR ME.

[SPEAKING POLISH]

[SINGING IN PORTUGUESE]

[SPEAKING POLISH]

WHOO!

CATCH IT!

NO!

[CHANTING IN POLISH]

KISS HER!

KISS HER! KISS HER!

KISS HER!

[CHANTING IN POLISH]

[SINGING]

* AH, BUT MY HEART

BELONGS TO SOMEONE ELSE *

* HOW COULD

I BE SO BOLD... *

THAT WAS SOME KISS.

YEAH, WELL,

WE, UH...

STILL GOT

A COUPLE HOURS LEFT.

ANYTHING ELSE

YOU MIGHT WANT TO DO?

I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT DO YOU

HAVE IN MIND?

ANYTHING YOU WANT.

HOW DO YOU

FEEL ABOUT TWO WOMEN?

SOUNDS GREAT.

THE MORE

THE MERRIER.

SURE YOU CAN

HANDLE IT?

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY

TO FIND OUT.

I DIDN'T HIRE YOU

FOR THE REASONS

YOU THINK.

OHH.

SO WHAT'D YOU

HIRE ME FOR THEN, HUH?

BECAUSE MY GIRLFRIEND

DUMPED ME.

[HORN HONKS]

IT'S RIGHT UP HERE

ON THE CORNER.

HEY, THANKS.

I HAD A GREAT TIME.

YOU SURE I, UH...

CAN'T CONVINCE YOU

TO COME UPSTAIRS?

GET OUT OF HERE.

IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.

I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.

O.K.

ALL RIGHT.

I'LL SEE YA.

BYE.

OH, SHIT. MY KEYS.

J-JUST WAIT.

KEEP THE METER

RUNNING, O.K.?

SHIT.

JOE.

JOE, YOU

HAVE MY KEYS.

JOE.

OH, MY.

OH, MY GOD.

YOU SHOULD

CALL THE POLICE.

NO, NO. NO COPS.

THEY CUT

THE LINES.

L-LET'S GET

OUT OF HERE, O.K.?

YOU CAN COME

TO MY PLACE

AND USE THE PHONE.

IT'S O.K.

COME ON.

WHAT'S THIS,

THE HAMPTONS?

JERSEY SHORE.

CAPE MAY.

IS THAT YOU?

YEAH. WHY?

'CAUSE IT LOOKS

A LITTLE LIKE

AXL ROSE.

THANKS.

THAT WAS UP

IN THE CATSKILLS.

SHE LOOKS LIKE

A MOVIE STAR,

DOESN'T SHE?

LIKE VIVIEN LEIGH.

AUDREY HEPBURN.

SHIT.

I'M NOT GOING

TO GET THROUGH THIS.

I'M NOT GOING

TO BE ABLE TO.

I CAN'T IMAGINE MY LIFE

WITHOUT HER.

HEY, HEY, HEY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

SHE'S GOING

TO COME BACK.

SHE'S GOING TO

COME RUNNING BACK.

HOW THE HELL

DO YOU KNOW?

I DON'T,

BUT, YOU KNOW,

SHE'S--SHE'S

ON THE REBOUND,

SHE'S VULNERABLE,

SO...

ANY ASSHOLE THAT'S

NICE TO HER GETS HER?

NO, BUT...

LOOK, DON'T GET MAD,

BUT...

YOU KNOW, IS SHE...

SHE ONLY INTO GIRLS,

OR WHAT?

GIRLS?

LADIES, WOMEN.

WELL...NO.

SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND

BEFORE ME.

BINGO.

PERFECT. I MEAN...

WHO KNOWS?

MAYBE

SHE'LL TRY A GUY.

SINCE MOST GUYS

ARE ASSHOLES,

IT'S ONLY

A MATTER OF TIME

BEFORE ONE OF THEM

FUCKS HER OVER,

SO SHE'LL BE BACK

IN YOUR ARMS SOON.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

'CAUSE IT'S MY JOB.

I KNOW WOMEN.

[RING]

HELLO.

JOEY THERE?

YEAH.

HE'S RIGHT HERE.

PUT HIM ON. JOEY.

HEY, MICK. YOU

GOT THE MESSAGE.

I GOT THE MESSAGE.

I'LL BET YOU ANYTHING

HARVEY DID THIS.

OF COURSE

IT WAS HARVEY.

ALL RIGHT, WAIT.

WHERE ARE YOU?

TALK TO THIS GUY.

HE'S A FUCKING

PSYCHO.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

WHERE ARE YOU?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU CAN STAY WITH ME.

IF I COME

TO YOUR PLACE,

HE'LL BE WAITING

WITH A BLOWTORCH.

WHERE WILL YOU STAY?

I DON'T KNOW.

HOTEL, I GUESS.

NO. COME TO MY HOUSE.

STAY HERE.

STAY HERE TONIGHT.

JOEY, YOU COME

TO MY--HELLO!

JOE!

HEY, MICK,

I'M GOING TO STAY

HERE TONIGHT.

WHERE'S HERE?

A GIRL--A FRIEND.

SHE A CLIENT?

A FRIEND.

SHE'D BETTER NOT

BE A CLIENT.

YOU GOT THE NUMBER?

TAKE CARE OF THIS

FOR ME. CALL HIM.

YEAH.

DON'T GO OUT.

TALK TO YOU TOMORROW.

LATER.

THANKS.

YOU KNOW, IT'S ONLY

FOR A DAY OR TWO,

TOPS.

WHAT?

YOU COULD DO IT,

JOE.

EXCUSE ME?

YOU GET ELLEN

BACK FOR ME.

WHAT ARE YOU

TALKING ABOUT?

ARE YOU

GOOD WITH WOMEN?

ARE YOU GOOD

WITH YOUR JOB?

YEAH.

YOU CAN

BREAK HER HEART

AND SEND HER

RUNNING BACK TO ME.

LOOK, I'M GOING

TO STAY HERE

ON THE COUCH, O.K.?

NO, JOE, LOOK,

IT'LL WORK.

I GOT

NOTHING TO LOSE.

YOU KNOW,

SHE ALREADY LEFT ME.

JUST GO M--SEE HER.

UH, MEET WITH HER.

YOU CAN

SIT IN HER CLASS.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

ALL RIGHT.

O.K.

I'LL SLEEP ON IT,

ALL RIGHT?

GREAT!

UH, GREAT.

I MEAN, SLEEP ON IT.

THAT'LL--THAT'S--

THAT'LL WORK.

THAT'S--

THAT'S PERFECT.

SO LET'S START

WITH INSPIRATION.

I'VE GOT SOMETHING

I'D LIKE TO READ

FOR YOU TODAY.

IT'S FROM A NOVEL

CALLED VICTORIA,

WRITTEN BY NEWT HAMPSON.

YOU MINIMALIST GUYS

WILL THINK

IT'S A LITTLE

OVER THE TOP,

BUT THAT'S THE POINT.

IT'S A LOVE STORY,

A TRAGIC LOVE STORY.

THE BEST KIND, RIGHT?

"DEAR JOHANN,

WHEN YOU READ THIS LETTER,

I SHALL BE DEAD."

"EVERYTHING

SEEMS SO STRANGE NOW.

"I DON'T FEEL ASHAMED

TO WRITE TO YOU ANYMORE,

"AND I'M WRITING

JUST AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED

TO PREVENT IT."

"BEFORE, WHEN I WAS

FULLY ALIVE..."

"I WOULD RATHER

HAVE SUFFERED NIGHT AND DAY

"THAN WRITTEN TO YOU AGAIN,

"BUT NOW I'VE

STARTED TO DIE,

AND I DON'T THINK

IN THAT WAY ANY LONGER."

"STRANGERS HAVE

SEEN ME BLEED.

"FORGIVE ME FOR THE WRONG

I'VE DONE YOU

"AND FOR NEVER HAVING

THROWN MYSELF AT YOUR FEET

"AND BEGGED

YOUR FORGIVENESS.

"I DO SO NOW

WITH ALL MY HEART.

"BE HAPPY, JOHANN,

AND GOODBYE FOREVER.

YOURS, VICTORIA."

SO YOUR FIRST ASSIGNMENT

IS TO WRITE A LETTER

TO A LOVER.

IT CAN BE A REAL

OR IMAGINARY PERSON.

WELL...

GOOD. SO...

HAVE A GOOD WEEK.

THAT, UH...

JOHANN WAS

A LUCKY GUY, HUH?

LUCKY?

VICTORIA DIES.

OH, SHE DIES? OH.

WELL, YOU KNOW...

AT LEAST HE WAS LOVED.

UH...

I'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

YEAH.

O.K.

BYE-BYE.

BYE.

JOE?

YEAH. I'M

IN THE BATHROOM.

HEY.

HEY, HOW YOU DOING?

ALL RIGHT.

SO DID YOU FIND HER?

RIGHT ON SCHEDULE.

HOW DID SHE LOOK?

DID SHE LOOK HAPPY?

HAPPY? I DON'T KNOW.

SHE LOOKED NERVOUS.

IT WAS THE FIRST

DAY OF CLASS.

WANT TO GRAB MY SUIT

FOR ME?

SO W-WHAT DID YOU

SAY TO HER?

I SAID I'D

FUCK HER LIGHTS OUT

AND BREAK HER HEART.

YOU GOT ANY DEODORANT?

YOU'RE

SUCH AN ASSHOLE.

WHAT WAS--

WHAT WAS SHE WEARING?

WHAT IS THIS,

20 QUESTIONS HERE?

JESUS.

WHAT

WAS SHE WEARING?

SHE WAS

ALL DRESSED UP.

SHE LOOKED GREAT.

SLUT.

LISTEN, DO ME A FAVOR

AND GRAB MY SHOES.

THEY'RE

OUT IN THE HALLWAY.

GOD, I'M LATE.

WHAT'S THE BIG HURRY?

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I'M GOING TO WORK.

TO WORK?

YEAH.

WHAT ABOUT ME?

WHAT ABOUT ME

AND ELLEN?

WHAT ABOUT ELLEN?

PIECE OF CAKE.

NO PROBLEM.

LISTEN, I--

I GOT TO RUN.

WHAT?

YOU--SHAVING CREAM.

OH, YEAH. O.K. THANKS.

BYE.

BYE. HAVE FUN.

SHIT.

I'M SORRY.

YOU WANT HER?

YEAH?

YOU GOT HER.

YOU O.K.?

I GOT TO RUN.

O.K.

BYE.

YES.

GOOD EVENING.

BILLY, TOTO NEEDS

A LITTLE TREAT.

THINK OF

SOMETHING SPECIAL.

SURE WILL.

GOOD EVENING,

MISS THOMAS.

GOOD EVENING, MITCH.

GOOD NIGHT, MITCH.

HAVE A NICE NIGHT,

MISS THOMAS.

THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

IT'S NOT LOADED.

[GUNSHOT]

AAH!

"NOT LOADED"?

GOD, YOU DIDN'T THINK

I KNEW IT WAS LOADED.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

WHERE THAT GUN'S BEEN?

ROOM SERVICE.

HOLD ON!

HELP!

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

HELP ME!

FAKE IT.

LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH

AND FAMOUS BITCHES.

LIFESTYLES OF THE BITCHY

AND THE FAMOUS,

OR THE INFAMOUS.

HA HA HA HA!

SHIT.

HAVING TROUBLE,

LORD BYRON?

YEAH.

YOU DIDN'T SAY

NOTHING ABOUT HOMEWORK.

LOOKS LIKE

STUDY HALL FOR YOU.

YEAH, RIGHT.

I SPENT MY WHOLE

SENIOR YEAR IN DETENTION.

YOU WENT

TO HIGH SCHOOL?

YEAH.

WHAT DID YOU THINK?

I DON'T KNOW.

I THOUGHT

YOU WERE ONE OF

THOSE STREET KIDS.

WHO FOUGHT HIS WAY

OUT OF THE GHETTO?

YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING

TOO MANY EPISODES

OF MACGYVER.

I GREW UP OVER THE BRIDGE

IN HACKENSACK.

MY OLD MAN RAN

A LINCOLN MERCURY

DEALERSHIP,

AND MY MOM...

SHE SPLIT.

THAT'S IT.

THE AMERICAN DREAM.

HOW DID YOU

BECOME AN ESCORT?

I WATCHED TOO MANY

MACGYVER EPISODES.

ALL RIGHT. SO WHAT'S

THIS ASSIGNMENT?

SHE WANTS US TO WRITE

SOME KIND OF LOVE LETTER.

BITCH.

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S GIVE HER ONE

THAT WILL MAKE HER

BEAUTIFUL CHEEKS

BLUSH.

GREAT.

UM...

SHOOT.

AS YOU CAME

FROM THE HOT BATH,

I TOOK YOU

BEFORE THE LONG MIRROR--

WHOA, WHOA.

AS...

OH.

"AS YOU CAME

FROM THE HOT BATH,

"I TOOK YOU BEFORE

THE LONG MIRROR.

"YOUR BREASTS

QUIVERED IN MY HANDS.

"YOUR BUTTOCKS

SHIVERED AGAINST ME.

"MY TONGUE MOVES INTO YOU...

"AND YOU BECOME HOLLOW,

"ABLAZE

WITH WHIRLING LIGHT,

LIKE THE INSIDE

OF A VAST, EXPANDING PEARL."

UM...

"I CANNOT FORGET

THE PERFUMED DUSK

"INSIDE THE TENT

OF YOUR BLACK HAIR,

"AS WE AWOKE IN THE DAWN

TO THE LOVE

"AFTER A NIGHT OF LOVE.

"AT THIS MOMENT,

WE ARE THE HAPPIEST

PEOPLE IN THE WORLD."

"BUT NOW, EVERY MORNING,

I WAKE ALONE..."

"DREAMING..."

UM...

"MY ARM IS YOUR SWEET FLESH

PRESSING MY LIPS.

"WHAT CAN I WRITE TO YOU?

"SICK WITH LOVE,

I LONG TO SEE YOU.

"I CAN WRITE

ONLY I LOVE YOU,

I LOVE YOU..."

UM...

"I LOVE--I LOVE YOU."

THAT'S IT.

O.K.

THAT'S IT FOR TODAY.

CLASS DISMISSED.

MR. CASELLA, COULD YOU

STAY FOR A MINUTE?

UH, SURE. SURE.

THAT WAS A VERY

BEAUTIFUL LETTER.

THANKS.

YOU KNOW,

YOU'VE VERY IN TOUCH

WITH THE FEMININE

SIDE OF YOURSELF.

I NEVER KNEW THAT.

IN FACT, YOU WOULD

HAVE TO HAVE BEEN

A JAPANESE WOMAN.

UM...

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

YOUR LETTER WAS

WRITTEN BY A POET--

A JAPANESE POET

NAMED MARAKIKO.

MR. CASELLA,

YOU'RE A PLAGIARIST.

GOODBYE.

SON OF A BITCH.

THAT'S JUST IT.

I AM

A JAPANESE WOMAN.

WHAT DO YOU THINK,

IT'S FUN BEING TRAPPED

INSIDE THIS BODY?

ALL RIGHT. O.K.

I'M SORRY.

ALL I WANTED TO DO

WAS IMPRESS YOU.

YOU'RE LATE

TO MY FIRST CLASS,

YOU PLAGIARIZE.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD

TRY ANOTHER TEACHER.

I DON'T WANT

ANOTHER TEACHER.

LOOK, JUST GIVE ME

FIVE MINUTES.

FIVE MINUTES

OUT OF YOUR DAY.

COME ON.

PLEASE?

I DON'T KNOW,

I MUST

HAVE BEEN 6 OR 7.

I WAS 6. I WAS

IN FIRST GRADE,

AND I WAS SITTING

ON THE LIVING ROOM

FLOOR

WATCHING BATMAN,

AND I WAS STARVING.

IT WAS AFTER SCHOOL,

AND I WAS

REALLY HUNGRY,

SO, UH...I GOT UP,

AND I--I WALKED

INTO THE KITCHEN,

AND, UH...

UH...

THERE SHE WAS.

UH, MY MOTHER WAS...

LAYING ON

THE KITCHEN FLOOR.

SHE HAD, UH...

SHE--SHE HAD DIED.

SHE WAS--

SHE WAS DEAD.

SHE WAS INTO

THIS COMBINATION

OF BOOZE AND SMACK.

REALLY KNOCKED HER

FOR A LOOP.

BUT THIS TIME,

YOU KNOW,

WAS THE LAST TIME.

I'M SORRY.

ANYWAY, COME ON.

YOU GOT

TO PLAY FAIR.

YOU OWE ME

A PERSONAL ANSWER.

COME ON.

O.K.

ONE...

AND NOT TOO PERSONAL.

O.K.

UM...

SEEING THAT

I'M...AUDITING

AND, UH, YOU KNOW,

NOT A REAL STUDENT,

YOU KNOW,

IF IT'S NOT ILLEGAL,

I THOUGHT

MAYBE WE COULD, UH,

GET TOGETHER

FOR DINNER

OR, UH, A MOVIE,

MAYBE ANOTHER CUP

OF COFFEE SOMETIME.

WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M--

I'M INVOLVED WITH SOMEBODY.

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T

THINK IT'S THE RIGHT TIME.

UH...

WHAT'S--WHAT'S,

UH, HIS NAME?

CONRAD.

HIS NAME'S CONRAD.

CONRAD!

OH, CONRAD, BABY.

SHE SAID

YOUR NAME WAS CONRAD

AND YOU TWO

WERE STILL AN ITEM.

THAT LYING BITCH.

I GOT HER

AGAINST THE ROPES.

SHE CAN'T KEEP LYING

TO ME FOREVER.

DID SHE READ

MY LOVE LETTER?

YEAH. SHE BUSTED ME

FOR PLAGIARISM.

NICE GOING.

FUCK.

SHE KNEW THAT ONE.

CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

THEN IT TOOK ME

15 MINUTES

TO CONVINCE HER

TO HAVE COFFEE.

THANKS.

AND?

AND...

HOW DOES

A GUY LIKE ME

CHARM A GIRL

LIKE HER?

HOW?

I MADE UP

THIS TOTALLY

OUTRAGEOUS STORY

ABOUT MY FUCKED-UP

CHILDHOOD.

SHE ATE IT UP.

THE TWO OF YOU ARE

FRIENDS NOW OR SOMETHING?

YOU SHOULD HAVE

SEEN HER EYES.

SHE LOVED IT.

OH, GOD, I CAN'T

TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

I'M GOING

TO GO CRAZY.

WOULD YOU RELAX?

I KNOW WHAT I'M

DOING, ALL RIGHT?

I GOT EVERYTHING

UNDER CONTROL, O.K.?

HA.

LOOK AT YOUR FACE.

WHY DON'T YOU

FINISH WHATEVER

YOU'RE DOING?

WE'LL GO

DROWN SOME OLIVES.

O.K.

I KNOW JUST THE PLACE.

J. EDGAR HOOVER.

THE FBI GUY?

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME

THE GUY WHO FOUNDED

THE FBI IS GAY?

TOTAL SCREAMER.

HE HAD EVEN

BUGGED HIS OWN

SWING PARTIES.

I HEARD THE TAPES.

MAMIE EISENHOWER.

GET OUT OF HERE!

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO.

NO WAY, ALL RIGHT?

YOU EVER SEEN HOW THEY

LOOKED AT EACH OTHER?

I'M TELLING YOU,

BABY, YOU GOT

TO BELIEVE ME.

IT'S INSTINCT.

YOU CAN TELL.

IT'S IN THEIR EYES--

THE LOOK.

REALLY?

HI THERE.

YOU AIN'T THE ONLY KING

IN THIS JOINT, SWEETHEART.

WANT TO DANCE?

AH, COME ON.

COME ON, DANCE,

CONNIE.

DANCE WITH HIM.

COME ON.

* HIGHER *

* WHEN YOU SHAKE

WHAT YOU GOT *

* AND, GIRL,

YOU'VE GOT A LOT *

* YOU'RE REALLY

SOMETHIN', CHILD *

* YES, YA ARE *

AAH!

* WHEN YOU'RE HOT,

YOU'RE HOT *

* YOU REALLY

SHOOT YOUR SHOT *

OH, YEAH!

YEAH!

* THE WAY YOU WALK,

YOU TALK *

* REALLY TURNS ME ON *

SO YOU HAD

A GOOD TIME?

ABSOLUTELY.

YOU'D SAY I'M

A PRETTY GOOD DATE?

THE BEST.

ATTRACTIVE TO LOOK AT?

SENSATIONAL.

ALL-AROUND FUN GAL?

A BLAST, WHY?

I'M THINKING ABOUT

GETTING OUT OF MEDICINE,

GOING INTO THE LESBIAN

ESCORT BUSINESS.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU'RE GOING

TO HAVE TO LEARN

THE TRICKY PART.

THE SEX?

IT'S A TOTALLY

SEPARATE NEGOTIATION.

IT'S WHERE

THE BIG BUCKS ARE AT.

HOW MUCH CAN YOU MAKE?

I'VE BEEN TIPPED

A GRAND.

A THOUSAND DOLLARS?

WHOA.

WHAT DID YOU DO?

I HAD TO DRESS UP

LIKE A CUB SCOUT.

WHAT DO YOU DO

IF THEY'RE OLD

AND WRINKLED AND UGLY?

MAKE THEM FEEL LIKE

THEY'RE THE HOTTEST

WOMAN IN THE WORLD.

YOU CAN DO THAT?

ANY WOMAN, ANYTIME,

ANYPLACE, GUARANTEED.

YOU'RE

FULL OF SHIT.

ANY WOMAN, ANYTIME,

ANYPLACE.

I'M GOING TO BE

SO HUNG OVER TOMORROW.

I HARDLY HAVE A VOICE.

IT WAS GREAT.

WOW. YOU GOT

BEAUTIFUL EYES.

THEY'RE HUGE.

HEY, THEY CHANGE

COLOR, DON'T THEY?

LIKE BLUE TO GREEN.

WHAT ARE THEY NOW?

THEY'RE KIND OF

SILVERY RIGHT NOW.

YEAH. THERE'S

LIKE A LITTLE BROWN

AROUND THE CENTER.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW, CONNIE...

I REALLY DON'T KNOW QUITE

HOW TO SAY THIS, BUT...

I DON'T THINK

I REALLY MET

A WOMAN QUITE

LIKE YOU BEFORE.

NO SHIT.

NO, I MEAN IT.

I'M SERIOUS.

I KNOW WE JUST MET--

WE'RE PRACTICALLY

STRANGERS, BUT,

YOU KNOW,

I FEEL

LIKE I KNOW YOU,

LIKE THERE'S SOME

KIND OF CONNECTION.

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

IT'S REALLY WEIRD.

EVERYTHING

ABOUT YOU--

THE WAY YOU TALK,

THE WAY YOU DANCE.

ANYWAY, I JUST

WANTED TO TELL YOU

I THINK YOU GOT

A LOT OF STYLE.

JOEY,

YOU'RE SO SWEET.

THAT'S HOW I DO IT.

OH, YOU BASTARD.

ANY WOMAN, ANYTIME,

ANYPLACE,

GUARANTEED.

STOP.

TOLD YOU.

YOU DON'T NEED TO BE

SUCH A SEX MACHINE.

WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?

BECAUSE YOU'RE

A NICE GUY, JOE.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU

FOR MORE REASONS

THAN YOU THINK.

THANKS.

SLEEP TIGHT.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5...

WHAT IS THIS?

WHAT IS THIS,

JACK LALANNE?

THIS IS NOT

AN AEROBICS CLASS.

OH, I'M SORRY.

I--I'M SORRY.

I JUST WASN'T

SURE EXACTLY

WHAT YOU WANTED.

LET ME EXPLAIN

SOMETHING TO YOU,

JACKIE.

THE CUSTOMERS

THAT YOU'RE GOING

TO BE DEALING WITH,

THEY'RE LIKE, THEY'RE--

THEY'RE--THEY'RE LONELY,

THEY'RE

DESPERATE PEOPLE.

THEY'RE PAYING

A BUCK A MINUTE

FOR SOME EMOTION.

YOU WANT THIS JOB?

OH, YES.

YOU GOT

TO MAKE ME COME.

I'VE GOT TO--I'VE GOT--

NOT--NOT LIKE THAT.

YOU KNOW, LIKE,

YOU KNOW, FIGURATIVELY

ON THE COUNT. ONE FRY.

HE WANTS YOU

TO TURN HIM ON

BY COUNTING TO 10.

YOU GOT TO DO IT

SEXY--1, 2--

HOT, HOT, HOT.

LIKE THIS. LOOK AT ME.

OH...

2, 3. GO AHEAD.

1...

2...

[GASP]

3...

YEAH.

4...

FASTER.

5...

FASTER.

MICKEY, IT'S HARVEY

ON LINE 2.

7!

YOU GOT THE JOB.

THANK YOU!

TALK TO DORIS OVER THERE.

SHE'LL HANDLE

THE FORMALITIES.

I WANT

TO TALK TO HIM.

LET ME HANDLE THIS.

I CAN TAKE CARE

OF MYSELF.

LET ME HANDLE IT.

SHUT UP.

HARVEY, WHAT IS IT?

I WAS ON MY WAY OUT.

I'M LOOKING FOR CASELLA.

YEAH, RIGHT,

JOE'S STILL WITH ME.

HE'S BEEN HAVING

SOME PROBLEMS LATELY.

MICKEY, I'M ASKING YOU

AS A PERSONAL FAVOR--

DON'T GET INVOLVED

WITH THIS.

HEY, HARVEY,

GO FUCK YOURSELF.

I KNOW YOU TRASHED

THE KID'S APARTMENT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER

WITH YOU?

THAT--THAT'S

YOUR WEAKNESS, HARVEY.

YOU JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS

WITHOUT ANY EVIDENCE.

YOU'RE BLAMING THIS KID

FOR SOMETHING HE HAD

NOTHING TO DO WITH.

THE PRICK SET ME UP.

I'LL USE HIS BALLS

AS A FUCKIN' NECKLACE.

JESUS.

LISTEN TO ME,

YOU COCKSUCKER.

YOU TOUCH THIS KID,

YOU TOUCH ME.

YOU GOT IT?

IF HE COMES IN HERE

WITH EVEN

A FUCKING BRUISE,

YOU DEAL WITH ME.

LEAVE HIM

THE FUCK ALONE!

WHY WON'T YOU LET ME

TALK TO HIM?

YOU WANT TO REASON

WITH HIM?

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

LET ME HANDLE IT!

GODDAMN KID WANTS TO

BE A FUCKIN' HERO!

O.K. ALSO--ALSO,

THE MAN NEVER

READ A BOOK.

EVER.

AND BECAUSE...

BECAUSE

HE HAD WET HANDS.

YOU MADE HIM NERVOUS.

ALL I'M SAYING IS

YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT,

BUT HE LIVES

IN THE CITY,

AND HE'S GOT THE BEST JOB

ON WALL STREET,

AND BRIAN WEARS THE CUTEST

LITTLE HORN-RIMMED GLASSES.

MMM. GREAT. YOU DATE

HIM, ALLY, O.K.?

WHAT, DID MOM

WRITE THIS UNDERWATER?

SHE PROBABLY

JUST WEPT ALL OVER IT.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

OH, THAT'S

THE GUY FROM

THE WINE STORE.

GOOD.

LOOK. LOOK AT ME.

YOU'RE TURNING ME

INTO PAT NIXON.

ALL I WANT IS FOR YOU

TO MEET A NICE, CHARMING,

INTELLIGENT, SEXY--

DO I HAVE

THE RIGHT APARTMENT?

MAN.

I'M LOOKING FOR

ELLEN ARMSTRONG.

AND WHOM SHALL I

SAY IS CALLING?

JOE. CASELLA.

I'M A STUDENT

IN HER CLASS.

ELLEN. ELLEN. ELLEN.

ELLEN, DARLIN',

JOE'S HERE.

I HEARD.

Get a grip.

HI, JOE.

HI.

SO,

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHAT ARE YOU

DOING HERE?

WELL, THAT WAS POLITE.

WOULD YOU

LIKE TO COME IN?

I DIDN'T MEAN

TO CATCH YOU

AT A BAD TIME.

NO, NO, NO. JUST TWO SISTERS

TORTURING EACH OTHER.

IS EVERYTHING O.K.?

WELL, YEAH, SURE.

I, UH, I--I

FINISHED THAT PAPER

WE WERE

TALKING ABOUT

IN THE COFFEE SHOP--

THE ONE ABOUT

WHEN I WAS A KID.

OH, GREAT.

I THINK

IT TURNED OUT GOOD.

I JUST HAPPENED TO BE

IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

I FIGURED

I'D JUST DROP IT OFF.

I THINK YOUR...

I THINK YOUR

GARLIC'S BURNING.

YEAH. EXCUSE ME.

ELLEN'S WORKING

ON A NEW RECIPE.

WE'RE

ALL VERY CONCERNED.

HERE IT IS.

READ IT AND WEEP.

GREAT. THANKS.

I, UH, BETTER RUN.

YOU TWO ENJOY DINNER.

DID YOU SCRUB THOSE?

SHOULD YOU?

OH, YEAH. IT'S

SHELLFISH. SURE.

UM...

SCRUB.

SCRUB AND THEN EAT.

LET ME DO THAT

FOR YOU.

I, ON THE OTHER HAND,

I'VE GOT TO PICK UP KEVIN

FROM NINJA CLASS.

IF I'M NOT THERE, HE'LL

HURT THE OTHER CHILDREN.

NO--

JOE, NICE TO MEET YOU.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

YOU'RE SURE THIS IS,

UH, ALL RIGHT

WITH, UH, CONRAD?

WHO?

CONRAD'S ON DUTY

AT THE HOSPITAL.

BESIDES, I HAVE

MY OWN LIFE.

UH, I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW,

LITTLE SISTER.

ENJOY YOUR DINNER.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT

HAVE WE GOT HERE?

OREGANO.

I HAD A FRIEND

WHO TOLD ME ONCE--

SHE SAID THAT IF

YOU REALLY LOVE

SOMEBODY--

I MEAN, REALLY,

LIKE, WHERE YOU

CAN'T BREATHE--

IF YOU REALLY

LOVE SOMEBODY

LIKE THAT,

THEN

THEY'RE PROBABLY

LOVING YOU BACK.

DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

EXCUSE ME?

WHAT DO YOU WANT

FROM MY CLASS?

I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW

ANYTHING ABOUT YOU.

YOU COOK

LIKE A CHEF,

YOU LOOK LIKE

A MOVIE STAR

OR SOMETHING.

MOVIE STAR.

YOU DO.

WELL, ACTUALLY...

I'M A MALE ESCORT.

SOMEBODY HIRED ME

TO SHOW YOU A GOOD TIME.

MY SISTER'S TOO CHEAP.

WELL...

I'VE GOT A HELL

OF A DAY TOMORROW.

THANK YOU FOR DINNER.

I HAD A...

VERY NICE TIME.

HEY, YOU SCRUBBED

MY CLAMS, YOU KNOW.

I WHAT?

MY GOD!

GET OUT.

YOU BETTER GO.

YEAH.

WELL,

I'LL SEE YOU SOON.

DO YOU LIKE THEATER?

SURE.

WELL,

'CAUSE THERE IS--

THERE'S THIS PLAY

ON WEDNESDAY

NIGHT...

YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE

INTERESTED.

IT'S A DATE.

GREAT.

SO RALPH RUNS OFF

SCREAMING LIKE A WOMAN,

LOOKING FOR A DOCTOR,

AND THIS STUPID IDIOT

FROM ADMITTING

IS THERE.

SHE'S FREAKING OUT.

THE WHOLE ROOM

IS STARING AT ME.

I GRABBED

THIS GUY'S COAT,

LAID THE WOMAN

ON THE FLOOR.

SHE'S SCREAMING,

"MY, GOD, IT'S COMING."

THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW,

THE BABY'S HEAD--

IT WAS LIKE A FOOTBALL.

IT JUST CAME RIGHT OUT,

AND I CAUGHT IT.

YOU DID THIS

ALL BY YOURSELF?

WHERE THE HELL

WAS RALPH?

I SAID HE WAS LOOKING

FOR THE DOCTOR.

ALL BY YOURSELF, HUH?

PRETTY GOOD.

HEY, CON, DID YOU SEE

MY MONEY CLIP?

OH, NEVER MIND.

I GOT IT RIGHT HERE.

7, ALL RIGHT.

I'M CALLING IT OFF.

CALLING OFF WHAT?

OUR DEAL OR WHATEVER

YOU WANT TO CALL IT.

IT'S WRONG.

WHAT ARE YOU

TALKING ABOUT?

YOU CAN'T BAIL OUT ON ME.

WE'RE WINNING.

I DON'T FEEL

LIKE I'M WINNING.

ALL I NEED IS

A LITTLE MORE TIME.

COME ON, NOT LONG.

JUST A FEW MORE DAYS.

YOU KNOW

SHE'S WORTH IT.

YEAH, SHE IS.

SO WHERE ARE YOU

GOING?

I'M GOING TO WORK.

I'LL BE HOME LATE.

THANKS.

BYE.

HELLO, THIS IS YVONNE.

I'M NOT AT HOME.

LEAVE A MESSAGE.

[BEEP]

HI, YVONNE.

IT'S JOE CALLING.

LISTEN, I'M NOT

FEELING TOO GOOD

TONIGHT,

SO I'M GOING

TO HAVE TO CANCEL

FOR LATER ON,

AND I'LL GIVE YOU

A RAIN CHECK.

O.K.

IS EVERYTHING O.K.?

GREAT.

AFTER YOU.

[MODERN MUSIC PLAYING]

[THUNDER]

IT WAS SIMPLE,

BUT IT WAS LOVED.

AND NOW IT STANDS COLD AND

SHRIVELED WITH LONELINESS

AT THE EDGE OF TIME.

I DON'T THINK

THESE PEOPLE

EVEN LIKED IT.

LET'S GO.

ELLEN!

ELLEN.

HI.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

OH, YOU LOOK AMAZING.

JOE, THIS IS

MY FRIEND CONNIE.

HEY, CONNIE,

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

FINE.

PLEASURE.

AHEM.

SO YOU GUYS KNOW

WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT?

IT WAS LIKE...

REALLY SILLY.

WELL...WE SHOULD

GET GOING.

GUESS YOU GOT, WHAT,

DINNER PLANS OR SOMETHING?

YEAH.

IT'S A PLEASURE

TO MEET YOU.

YEAH.

WAIT. THERE'S THIS GREAT

NEW CUBAN RESTAURANT

DOWN ON CORNELIA.

OH, GREAT.

DO YOU STILL

LOVE PLANTAINS?

YEAH, I DO.

THAT SOUNDS GREAT.

THANKS.

YOU READY?

YEAH. TAKE CARE.

EXCUSE ME.

I NEED A STORY,

YOU KNOW.

THERE WAS NO STORY.

COULD YOU TELL ME

WHAT THAT WAS ALL ABOUT?

THAT'S WHY

I'M TAKING YOUR CLASS,

BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS

READ A LOT,

BUT I REALLY WANT

TO LEARN HOW TO WRITE.

JOE, I NEED TO TELL

YOU SOMETHING.

THAT WOMAN

BACK THERE,

THAT WOMAN

WE JUST MET...

YEAH, SURE.

SHE--SHE AND I

WERE A COUPLE.

WE WERE A COUPLE.

WE WERE

LIVING TOGETHER.

UH, CONNIE.

YEAH. CONRAD.

STUPID.

I DON'T KNOW WHY

I LIED ABOUT THAT,

YOU KNOW.

I GUESS...

I DON'T KNOW.

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO

THINK ABOUT THAT.

BUT, UM...

YOU KNOW,

I'M--I'M SORRY.

SO WHAT ARE YOU, UH...

WHAT ARE YOU,

ARE YOU STILL TOGETHER?

NO.

DO YOU, UH...

WHAT, DO YOU STILL

LOVE HER?

YEAH, I DO.

I LOVE HER.

CONNIE'S

IN MY HEART.

UH, BUT IT'S

NOT LIKE YOU CAN

MAKE YOURSELF

STAY IN LOVE.

YOU CAN'T.

IT'S NOT LIKE

YOU CAN--

IT'S NOT LIKE YOU

CAN TAKE SOME PILL

THAT KEEPS YOU

IN LOVE FOREVER.

HEY, HEY, HEY.

COME HERE.

IT'S O.K.

CAN I ASK YOU

SOMETHING?

SURE.

WHAT IS THIS THING

ON TOP OF YOUR HEAD?

I'M SERIOUS.

WHAT HAVE YOU

GOT IN THERE?

ARE YOU STORING

CHANGE IN THERE?

YOUR LIPSTICK

UP THERE?

THIS IS A VERY

SOPHISTICATED HAIR STYLE.

HELLO.

IT ONLY TOOK ME

HALF THE DAY, CREEP.

[MUMBLING]

YOU WANT ME

TO TAKE IT DOWN?

I CAN TAKE IT DOWN.

NO,

I'M ONLY KIDDING.

YOU HATE IT.

I LOVE IT.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL

YOU MAKE MY HEART

STOP.

* SUMMER GREEN

TURNS GRAY COLD *

* THE BOYS WERE LEAVIN'

WE WERE TOLD *

* AND SO WE SAID GOODBYE *

JOE...

JOE, I WANT YOU

TO STAY HERE TONIGHT.

* PLAYIN' WITH US

IN THE STREAM *

O.K., STAY WITH ME.

* TO ALL OUR HEROES... *

I CAN'T, UM...

I'M SORRY.

IT'S JUST...

I CAN'T STAY

TONIGHT.

WELL, WHAT'S WRONG?

NOTHING. IT'S, UM...

IT'S NOT YOU,

IT'S ME.

I JUST CAN'T...

STAY HERE...

UH, NOW, TONIGHT.

THIS IS CRAZY.

I'M SORRY.

I BETTER--

I BETTER GO.

SORRY.

GOOD NIGHT.

COME ON. OOH.

I'LL SEDUCE

YOUR FOOT.

COME TO BED.

I'LL KISS

YOUR TOES.

I'LL KISS

YOUR LITTLE TOES.

ALL RIGHT,

NOW GO BACK TO THE CAMERA

LIKE YOU WERE.

GO LIKE THIS.

THAT CLOSE, O.K.

NOW TELL ME

WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT ME.

COME ON, DO IT.

DO IT.

COME ON, O.K.

TELL ME.

THINK OF SOMETHING.

I'M THINKING.

NO, NO, NO. COME ON.

OFF THE TOP

OF YOUR HEAD.

YOU'RE SWEET,

AND YOU'RE FUNNY,

AND YOU'RE LOVING,

AND YOU'RE WARM...

ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL?

AND YOU'RE

MY BEST FRIEND,

AND

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL,

AND YOU HAVE LEGS

FOR DAYS,

AND YOU'RE

A GREAT KISSER.

WHEN ARE YOU GOING

TO GET OVER THIS--

THIS OBSESSION,

THESE STUPID,

FUCKING VIDEOS?

IT'S PATHETIC.

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU CARE

WHAT VIDEOS I WATCH?

I CAN WATCH

WHATEVER VIDEOS

I WANT TO.

WHAT THE HELL WERE

YOU DOING THERE?

WHAT WAS THAT

ALL ABOUT?

I WANTED

TO SEE HER.

WELL, YOU SAW HER,

ALL RIGHT?

YOU FEEL BETTER?

WHAT HAPPENED

TONIGHT?

WHAT HAPPENED?

YOU ALMOST FUCKED

EVERYTHING UP.

THAT'S ALMOST WHAT

HAPPENED TONIGHT.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID

YOU WERE GOING TO WORK.

I WAS WORKING,

REMEMBER?

HOW COULD

THEY NOT LOVE YOU?

I DON'T KNOW.

I'M EXHAUSTED.

MAYBE ONCE

THEY GET OVER

THEIR SHOCK.

I'M GOING TO BED.

IT'LL BE O.K.

I KNOW, IT'S LIKE

THE UNSPOKEN THING.

WE'RE ALL PASSIVE,

AGGRESSIVE,

AND CRAZY AND POLISH

AND CATHOLIC,

AND WE'RE PRETTY FUNNY.

THEY'RE GOING TO LOVE YOU.

I KNOW IT.

MY MOM WILL LOVE YOU.

WHERE?

ALL RIGHT,

LOOK. WAIT HERE,

AND DON'T COME OVER

TILL I CALL YOU.

HARVEY.

HEY, STILL MAD AT ME?

HEY, WHAT IS THIS THING?

IS IT FOR THE ARMS?

GET THAT

PIECE OF SHIT

OUT OF MY SIGHT.

HEY, HARVEY, COME ON.

THIS IS JOEY.

JOEY'S COOL,

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

IF HE SAYS

HE DIDN'T TURN YOU IN,

HE DIDN'T TURN YOU IN.

YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?

THIS IS A COMMUNICATION

SITUATION HERE.

COME ON, DO IT FOR ME.

WOULD YOU GUYS

KISS AND MAKE UP?

I MEAN, TALK TO HIM.

HE FEELS LIKE SHIT.

DON'T FUCK

WITH MY MIND, MAN.

I KNOW

WHAT HAPPENED.

I KNOW WHAT HE DID.

WHY DO YOU WANT TO GET

IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS?

I DON'T KNOW

WHERE YOU GET

YOUR INFORMATION,

BUT IT'S WRONG, PAL.

TAKE IT EASY.

YOU THINK

I'D WASTE MY TIME

TALKING TO THE COPS

OR ANYBODY

ABOUT YOU?

YOU'D SELL YOUR MOTHER

FOR MONEY. YOU'RE A WHORE.

EXACTLY. EXACTLY, HARVEY.

HE IS. HE'S A WHORE.

YOU'RE A WHORE...

BUT HE'S MY FUCKING WHORE.

LOOK AT

THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE.

YOU FUCK WITH THAT FACE,

YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME.

SO LET'S JUST

CALM THE FUCK DOWN.

HOW DO I MAKE THIS RIGHT

WITH YOU?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

I WANT TO SEE

THIS ASSHOLE

ON A STRETCHER.

I WANT TO SEE

HIS FUCKING BONES BROKEN.

YOU WANT TO

THROW DOWN?

FUCK YOU.

COME ON.

WHY ARE YOU PUSHING ME?

GET THE FUCK--

HEY, FUCK YOU.

STAY HERE. I WANT

TO TALK TO YOU.

GET OVER HERE.

COME HERE,

COME HERE.

MOTHERFUCKERS.

GET OUT OF HERE.

LET ME TALK TO HIM.

GET OUT OF HERE.

YOU GOT A DATE. GO.

I'M NOT WORKING.

I GOT PLANS.

I CALLED YOUR

MACHINE LAST NIGHT.

I TOLD YOU

YOU HAVE A DATE.

HERE.

YEAH, HERE. DONNA.

GO. JUST GO.

WAIT A MINUTE.

GO AHEAD.

WHAT, AM I SUPPOSED

TO GO LIKE THIS?

THEY DON'T CARE.

THEY CARE ABOUT

WHAT YOU DON'T WEAR.

HEY, WHAT ARE WE

GOING TO DO?

HE FUCKED ME,

MICKEY,

AND HE'S GOING

TO FUCK YOU.

I'M SORRY.

JOE, CUT IT OUT.

THIS IS STUPID, O.K.

YOU DON'T WANT

TO BE HERE, FINE,

JUST DON'T WASTE MY TIME.

I DO WANT

TO BE HERE. WHAT?

I WANT

TO BE WITH YOU.

FORGET IT.

ELLEN.

WHAT--WHAT

DO YOU WANT?

I WANT TO KNOW

WHO YOU ARE.

I DON'T GET IT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN

WHO AM I?

LOOK, YOU'RE NOT

A WRITING STUDENT.

YOU'RE CERTAINLY

NOT WITH ME.

WHO ARE YOU?

I'M JUST JOE.

THAT'S NOT

GOOD ENOUGH, JOE.

DID YOU BRING

YOUR ASSIGNMENT?

IT WAS TO DESCRIBE

YOUR FEAR.

I DIDN'T DO IT.

DO IT NOW.

DO WHAT?

THIS IS...IT'S BLANK.

DESCRIBE YOUR FEARS.

LOOK, I CAN'T

DO THIS, O.K.

I JUST...THIS IS STUPID.

I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT.

NO.

I'M THE IDIOT.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

HEY, NO, NO. WAIT.

HEY, COME HERE.

I'M...JUST,

YOU KNOW...

I'M AFRAID

OF...NOTHING.

NOT REAL.

I'M AFRAID

OF MYSELF, YOU KNOW,

WHAT I AM.

WHAT AM I TO DO?

I'M AFRAID

OF YOUR HONESTY

AND THE WAY

YOU MAKE ME FEEL...

AND THE THINGS

YOU MAKE ME SEE.

I FEEL SO WEAK

SOMETIMES.

YOU'RE NOT WEAK.

I'M NOT VERY GOOD

AT THIS.

IT'S HARD TO SAY.

THAT'S TOUGH.

SORRY.

THANK YOU.

[WOMAN TALKING]

OH, DARLING,

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND.

LAST TIME

I USED THESE PEOPLE

THEY PUT WAY TOO MUCH SALT

ON EVERYTHING.

I SPENT MORE ON WATER

THAN I DID ON THE FOOD.

DON'T LET THEM SELL YOU ON

THE DIM SUM OR THE CANAPES.

THEY'LL CHARGE YOU

A FORTUNE,

AND EVERYONE'S

STILL HUNGRY.

YEAH.

[SNAPS FINGERS]

YEAH. AH. YEAH.

THEY HAVE AN ABSOLUTELY

SNIPPY BARTENDER--JUAN.

DON'T IF THEY

GIVE YOU JUAN.

ASK FOR, UH...

ASK FOR NEIL.

HE'S TALL, AND HE MAKES

A PERFECT MANHATTAN.

YEAH, I KNOW,

AND THEY'RE GOING TO TRY

AND SOAK YOU ON THE WINE,

BUT THEY HAVE A PERFECTLY

GOOD CHARDONNAY--

'83. YEAH.

IT'S CHEAPER, AND NOBODY

WILL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

I GOT TO GET OFF.

I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

WHAT'S WRONG

WITH YOU?

I'M SORRY. I'M JUST...

I'M JUST TIRED.

WELL,

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I CAN HELP YOU

WITH THAT.

STOP IT.

DON'T TOUCH ME.

WHAT'S THE MATTER

WITH YOU?

DON'T...

DON'T TOUCH ME.

LAST TIME YOU

CANCELED ON ME,

AND NOW YOU'RE

PLAYING GAMES

WITH ME.

GET OUT

OF THOSE CLOTHES

AND INTO BED.

I DON'T WANT

TO TOUCH YOU.

YOU MAKE ME SICK.

I MAKE YOU SICK?

OH, JOE.

I'VE SPOILED YOU.

YOU THINK

YOU'RE SPECIAL.

YOU'RE NOT SPECIAL,

BUT I DO OWN YOU

TILL TOMORROW

MORNING.

WHERE DO YOU THINK

YOU'RE GOING?

JOE, GET BACK HERE.

YOU CAN'T WALK OUT

ON ME, JOE.

I'LL CALL MICKEY.

YOUR TROUBLE'S

JUST BEGINNING, JOE.

THIS ISN'T THE END

OF THIS.

ELLEN.

HEY.

HI.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I HAVE TO TELL YOU

SOMETHING.

WHAT?

MY LIFE

IS SUCH A MESS.

IT'S O.K.

COME HERE. IT'S O.K.

* HE DEALS THE CARDS *

* AS A MEDITATION *

* AND THOSE HE PLAYS

NEVER SUSPECT *

* HE DOESN'T PLAY

FOR THE MONEY HE WINS *

* HE DOESN'T PLAY

FOR RESPECT *

* HE DEALS THE CARDS

TO FIND THE ANSWER *

* THE SACRED GEOMETRY

OF CHANCE *

* THE HIDDEN LAW

OF A PROBABLE OUTCOME *

* THE NUMBERS LEAD A DANCE *

* I KNOW THAT THE SPADES *

* ARE THE SWORDS

OF A SOLDIER *

* I KNOW THAT THE CLUBS

ARE WEAPONS OF WAR *

* I KNOW THAT DIAMONDS *

* MEAN MONEY FOR THIS ART *

* BUT THAT'S NOT THE SHAPE

OF MY HEART *

* HE MAY PLAY

THE JACK OF DIAMONDS *

* HE MAY LAY

THE QUEEN OF SPADES *

* HE MAY CONCEAL *

* THE KING IN HIS HAND *

* WHILE THE MEMORY

OF IT FADES *

I LOVE YOU.

* I KNOW THAT THE SPADES *

* ARE THE SWORDS

OF A SOLDIER *

* I KNOW THAT THE CLUBS

ARE WEAPONS OF WAR *

* I KNOW THAT DIAMONDS *

* MEAN MONEY FOR THIS ART *

* BUT THAT'S NOT THE SHAPE

OF MY HEART *

* THAT'S NOT THE SHAPE *

* THE SHAPE OF MY HEART *

I CAN'T BELIEVE

YOU DID THIS TO ME.

YVONNE'S FURIOUS.

SHE'S

MY BEST CLIENT.

DID YOU EVER THINK

ABOUT RETIRING, MICK?

PLEASE, PLEASE.

JOEY, JOEY.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE

YOU TALKING ABOUT?

SO SHE'S

A LITTLE CRAZY.

SO WHAT?

NO, IT'S NOT JUST HER.

IT'S EVERYTHING.

I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE.

WHAT IS THIS, SOME

BULLSHIT FANTASY?

YOU WANT

TO PRETEND YOU'RE

SOMEBODY ELSE?

IS THAT IT?

ALL RIGHT, JUST

OUT OF CURIOSITY,

WHAT ARE YOU

GOING TO DO

FOR MONEY?

ARE YOU GOING

TO DIG DITCHES?

ARE YOU GOING

TO SELL NEWSPAPERS

ON THE CORNER?

WHAT ARE YOU

GOING TO DO?

HOW ARE YOU

GOING TO GET BY,

WITH YOUR BRAINS?

WITH YOUR WONDERFUL

PERSONALITY?

IT'S YOUR DICK, JOE.

YOUR DICK,

AND I'M THE GUY

THAT KNOWS WHERE

TO SEND IT,

TO MAKE YOU MORE

MONEY THAN YOU

EVER DREAMT OF.

I DON'T KNOW

WHAT I'M GOING TO DO,

BUT I'M NOT

DOING THIS ANYMORE.

I'LL BARTEND, WAIT TABLES,

GO TO SCHOOL. WHO KNOWS?

GO TO SCHOOL?

I'D LIKE

TO SEE THAT.

HERE YOU GO,

TEACHER.

HERE'S A NICE

SHINY APPLE,

OR BETTER YET,

I'M KIND OF DUMB.

MAYBE I CAN

FUCK YOU AFTER CLASS

FOR AN "A."

YOU WANT ME

TO SAY O.K.?

YOU'RE RIGHT.

GO AHEAD.

GO TO SCHOOL.

I'LL SEE YOU

AT GRADUATION.

YOU WERE NOTHING

WHEN I MET YOU.

I TURNED YOU

INTO SOMETHING,

AND IF YOU THINK

I'M GOING TO LET YOU

WALK AWAY

AFTER ALL THAT,

THEN YOU'RE WRONG,

DEAD FUCKING WRONG.

YOU JUST DON'T GET IT,

DO YOU?

I'M NOT GOING

TO APOLOGIZE TO NOBODY,

AND I'M NOT GOING TO BE

ANYWHERE AT 8:00 OR 9:00

OR 10:00

TO FUCK ANYBODY.

GOT IT?

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

JOEY.

LOOK, WHAT THE HELL

ARE WE FIGHTING FOR?

COME ON BACK

IN THE OFFICE.

WE CAN

WORK THIS OUT.

JOEY.

[DOOR CLOSES]

HARVEY.

WE GOT TO TALK,

CONNIE.

WOULD YOU STOP CLEANING?

I SPENT THE NIGHT

WITH HER, CONNIE.

OH, REALLY?

LOOK, DO YOU HEAR

WHAT I'M SAYING?

DO YOU KNOW

WHAT THIS MEANS?

CONNIE, I CAN'T

DO THIS ANYMORE.

HOW DARE YOU

LIVE WITH ME

IN MY HOME

AND FUCK

MY GIRLFRIEND.

I TRUSTED YOU.

YOU ANIMAL.

CONNIE, LOOK,

I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T

WANT TO HURT--

GET OUT!

I DIDN'T WANT

TO HURT YOU.

WOULD YOU STOP?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

STOP IT, WILL YOU?

GET OUT

OF MY HOUSE!

GET OUT!

CONNIE, OPEN THE DOOR,

WOULD YOU, PLEASE?

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

PLEASE, JUST OPEN UP.

CONNIE, OPEN THE DOOR.

[BANGING]

OPEN UP

THE GOD DAMN DOOR!

OPEN UP! LET ME IN!

AAH!

OH, MY GOD! STOP!

HI. MY NAME IS HARVEY.

MISS ME, FUCK HEAD?

[CONNIE]

OH, GOD.

GET HER OUT OF HERE.

JOE! JOE!

JOE!

NOW WE'RE GOING

TO TEACH YOU

SOME RESPECT, JOE.

DO HIM GOOD.

[CONNIE]

NO!

AAH!

OH, GOD!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHERE IS HE?

ELLEN, I'M SO GLAD

YOU'RE HERE.

JOE'S BEEN BEAT UP.

HE'S BEEN BEAT UP

PRETTY BAD.

HE'S OVER THERE.

HE'S GOING TO BE O.K.

ELLEN, NO MATTER WHAT,

I DID IT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

I WANTED YOU TO KNOW--

HOW DO YOU KNOW JOE?

JOE'S

A MALE ESCORT, O.K.?

I HIRED HIM

TO GET YOU BACK.

OH,

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS,

CONNIE.

COME ON.

CONNIE, STOP.

HI.

TELL HER, JOE.

COME ON,

TELL HER THE TRUTH.

SHE DOESN'T

BELIEVE ME.

COME ON.

GOD DAMN IT, JOE.

TELL HER ABOUT US.

IT'S NOT TRUE.

I KNOW IT'S NOT TRUE,

RIGHT?

COME ON, TELL ME.

I'M SORRY.

IS IT? IS IT TRUE?

I TRIED TO TELL YOU.

OH, GOD.

YOU TWO

DESERVE EACH OTHER.

ELLEN, WAIT, WAIT.

I CAN--

WE BLEW IT.

HEY, KID.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT.

THE DOC SAYS

YOU'LL BE OUT SOON.

FUCKING HARVEY,

HE CAN'T DO NOTHING

WITHOUT RESORTING

TO VIOLENCE.

OH, I, UH...

I ALSO, UH...

I GOT YOU...

A GET-WELL PRESENT,

BUT, UH...

WHAT DID I DO WITH IT?

UH...

HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

UH...YOU KNOW,

I FIGURED WHILE

YOU'RE RECUPERATING,

MAYBE, YOU KNOW,

WE'LL MAKE

A FEW BUCKS.

YVONNE CALLED.

SHE, UH...

SHE LIKES TO TALK

ON THE PHONE.

MAYBE YOU CAN

GIVE HER A CALL,

YOU KNOW, MAKE UP.

YOU DID THIS

TO ME, MICKEY.

YOU DID IT.

WHAT ARE YOU

TALKING ABOUT?

YOU WERE

THE ONLY ONE WHO

KNEW THE ADDRESS,

THE ONLY ONE

WHO COULD HAVE

TOLD HARVEY.

ARE YOU OUT

OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?

I WOULD NEVER

DO THAT TO YOU. NEVER.

I SWEAR

ON MY MOTHER

I WOULDN'T

DO THAT TO YOU.

I MEAN, I PAID

YOUR HOSPITAL BILL,

FOR CHRIST'S SAKES.

ALL YOU EVER

TALK ABOUT

IS THE THINGS

YOU DONE FOR ME,

HOW I NEED YOU...

WHEN THE TRUTH IS

YOU USED ME

SINCE THE FUCKING

START...

AND I'M THROUGH WITH

THAT, YOU HEAR ME?

I'M THROUGH

WITH THAT.

SO WHY DON'T YOU

DO ME A FAVOR

AND JUST GET

THE HELL OUT

OF HERE, HUH?

IF YOU DON'T

GET OUT OF HERE,

MICKEY,

I'M AFRAID OF WHAT

I MIGHT FUCKING

DO TO YOU!

GET OUT OF HERE!

WHAT THE HELL IS

TAKING SO LONG HERE?

A LOT

OF PAPERWORK.

I'LL SAY.

RELAX.

THANKS FOR COMING

AND GETTING ME

OUT OF THIS PLACE.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

WHAT'S THIS FOR?

HOSPITAL PROCEDURE.

WHAT, DO I LOOK

LIKE I CAN'T WALK?

IF YOU'RE CARRIED IN,

YOU WHEEL OUT.

THIS IS INSANE.

I'M AN RN.

I'LL WHEEL HIM OUT.

I DON'T CARE WHO PUSHES,

AS LONG AS YOU'RE IN IT.

I'LL BE BACK

WITH YOUR PAPERS.

WHILE WE'RE STILL YOUNG.

SO DID YOU TALK

TO ELLEN?

I TRIED.

I MUST HAVE CALLED HER

A MILLION TIMES,

BUT SHE WON'T PICK UP.

SO?

SO THAT...THAT'S IT.

WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?

GO SEE HER.

CONNIE, SHE DON'T

WANT TO SEE ME.

SHE...

SHE DON'T LOVE ME.

BULLSHIT.

SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME.

JESUS,

IT TOOK ME A WHILE

TO FIGURE THAT OUT.

I WAS TURNING INTO

THE MAD STALKER.

PRETTY GLAD

I DIDN'T SEND HER

MY NUDE PHOTOS.

OW! OW!

I JUST COULDN'T

LET HER GO.

LOVE IS LIKE

SOME FUCKING FORCE

OF NATURE.

YOU CAN'T TRICK IT.

YOU SURE

CAN'T CONTROL IT.

BUT THAT'S

THE GREAT PART.

THAT'S THE RIDE.

ENJOY IT, JOE.

YEAH, RIGHT.

IT'LL NEVER WORK

AFTER WHAT WE DID TO HER.

IT'LL WORK.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE

I KNOW WOMEN.

I CAN GET ANY WOMAN,

ANYPLACE, ANYTIME.

GUARANTEED.

OW! DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH.

IT HURTS MY RIBS.

O.K., HERE YOU GO.

COME ON.

HOP IN, CASELLA.

I'LL GIVE YOU

A RIDE.

UH, TOUCH .

COME ON, I'M

A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL.

THAT'S WHAT

WORRIES ME.

SEE YOU LATER.

WE CAN STILL

MAKE THAT SHOW.

GOING UPTOWN.

JULIE, WAIT FOR ME.

I'M OUT OF HERE,

GUYS.

YOU WANT TO GET A CAB?

TAXI!

HEY.

I'M SORRY.

NO.

ELLEN, WHAT

COULD I DO? I...

DO?

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

NOTHING.

"FORGIVE ME

THE WRONG I'VE DONE YOU...

"AND FOR NEVER HAVING

THROWN MYSELF AT YOUR FEET

"AND BEGGED

YOUR FORGIVENESS.

I DO SO NOW

WITH ALL MY HEART."

YOU SEE, I...

I LISTENED, ELLEN.

I HEARD YOU.

ELLEN,

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND

THAT EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE

IS DIFFERENT NOW?

I MEAN, BECAUSE OF YOU.

I WAS A HUSTLER.

I HUSTLED YOU.

YOU WERE BRILLIANT.

NO.

I SCREWED UP...

BECAUSE

I FELL IN LOVE,

AND I NEVER

EXPECTED THAT.

LOOK,

I KNOW YOU THINK

EVERY WORD

OUT OF MY MOUTH

IS A LIE.

WOULDN'T YOU?

I JUST WANT YOU

TO KNOW THE TRUTH.

I LOVE YOU.

I--I REALLY

SHOULD GET GOING.

O.K.

YOU KNOW,

I'M NOT GOING

TO CHASE YOU

OR, YOU KNOW,

PRESSURE YOU

OR ANYTHING...

IF YOU NEED TIME.

YEAH, O.K.

FUCK THIS.

[HONKING]

ELLEN!

WELL,

THAT WAS IMPRESSIVE.

I COULD HAVE CAUGHT

THAT CAB IN HEELS.

YOU SEE?

YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS

I TAKE YOUR ADVICE?

WHO KNEW YOU WERE

GOING TO BE SO SLOW?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU

DOING HERE, ANYWAY?

I THOUGHT YOU

GAVE UP STALKING.

I'M NOT STALKING.

I'M LURKING.

BESIDES, ELLEN AND I

HAD A DATE.

YEAH, RIGHT.

CALM DOWN, HANDSOME.

I'M JUST RETURNING

SOME OF HER STUFF.

SWITCHING

TO LASER DISC.

IT'S THE WAVE

OF THE FUTURE.

SO...

WHAT NOW, DR. LOVE?

I ALREADY TRIED

APOLOGIZING.

EVER HEAR OF

EXPENSIVE JEWELRY?

I'M OUT OF WORK,

REMEMBER?

THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S A DRAG.

YEAH, YOU AIN'T KIDDING.

SO, CON, I WAS THINKING.

SINCE I GOT TO GET OUT

OF MY PLACE, MAYBE--

OUT OF THE QUESTION.

COUPLE DAYS!

CONNIE...

YOU COULD GET ELLEN

BACK FOR ME.

YOU'RE GOOD

WITH WOMEN...

GET AWAY FROM ME!

HA HA HA HA!

COME HERE.

O.K., I'LL--

I'LL GET HER BACK...

UNDER ONE CONDITION.

WHAT'S THAT?

JUST DON'T INVITE ME

TO THE WEDDING.

I HATE WEDDINGS.

OH, YEAH?

ANYWAY, I KNOW YOU--

YOU'RE GOING

TO GET DRUNK,

YOU'RE GOING

TO WANT TO KISS ME.

ELLEN WILL GO MOCUS.

HA HA HA HA!

IT'LL BE A NIGHTMARE.

IT'LL BE ROMANTIC.

* HE DEALS THE CARDS *

* AS A MEDITATION *

* AND THOSE HE PLAYS

NEVER SUSPECT *

* HE DOESN'T PLAY *

* FOR THE MONEY HE WINS *

* HE DOESN'T PLAY

FOR RESPECT *

* HE DEALS THE CARDS

TO FIND THE ANSWER *

* THE SACRED GEOMETRY

OF CHANCE *

* THE HIDDEN LAW *

* OF A PROBABLE OUTCOME *

* THE NUMBERS

LEAD A DANCE *

* I KNOW THAT THE SPADES *

* ARE THE SWORDS

OF A SOLDIER *

* I KNOW THAT THE CLUBS

ARE WEAPONS OF WAR *

* I KNOW THAT DIAMONDS *

* MEAN MONEY FOR THIS ART *

* BUT THAT'S NOT

THE SHAPE OF MY HEART *

* HE MAY PLAY

THE JACK OF DIAMONDS *

* HE MAY LAY

THE QUEEN OF SPADES *

* AND HE MAY CONCEAL *

* THE KING IN HIS HAND *

* WHILE THE MEMORY

OF IT FADES *

* I KNOW THAT THE SPADES *

* ARE THE SWORDS

OF A SOLDIER *

* I KNOW THAT THE CLUBS

ARE WEAPONS OF WAR *

* I KNOW THAT DIAMONDS *

* MEAN MONEY FOR THIS ART *

* BUT THAT'S NOT

THE SHAPE OF MY HEART *

* THAT'S NOT THE SHAPE *

* THE SHAPE OF MY HEART *

* AND IF I TOLD HER

THAT I LOVED YOU *

* YOU MAYBE THINK

THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG *

* I MET A MAN *

* WITH TOO MANY FACES *

* THE MASK

I WEAR IS ONE *

* ALTHOUGH THEY SPEAK,

KNOW NOTHIN' *

* OR FIND OUT

TO THEIR CROSS *

* LIKE THOSE WHO CURSE

THEIR LUCK *

* IN TOO MANY PLACES *

* FOR THOSE

WHO FEAR ARE LOST *

* I KNOW THAT THE SPADES *

* ARE THE SWORDS

OF A SOLDIER *

* I KNOW THAT THE CLUBS

ARE WEAPONS OF WAR *

* I KNOW THAT DIAMONDS *

* MEAN MONEY FOR THIS ART *

* BUT THAT'S NOT

THE SHAPE OF MY HEART *

* THAT'S NOT

THE SHAPE OF MY HEART *

* THAT'S NOT THE SHAPE *

* THE SHAPE OF MY HEART *

Three of Hearts (1993) - full transcript