Three Sappy People (1939) - full transcript
The stooges are phone repairmen who are mistaken for the psychiatrists in whose office they are working. A rich man hires them to treat his impetuous young wife who is always running of for submarine rides and the like. The boys ruin a dinner party at their clients mansion but their antics so amuse his wife the she is cured and the stooges are paid off handsomely.
[♪]
Isn't it rather odd
that your mistress
hasn't put in an appearance
at her own party?
Yes, madam,
I'm sorry, madam.
Where is she?
Where is that
wife of mine?
Take it easy, Rumsford.
A drink, sir?
Any word from Mrs. Rumsford?
Not a word, sir.
I'm terribly upset.
You're upset? What about me?
She invites these people
to her party
then runs out
on them.
She always does that, sir.
She'll probably be back
in a day or two.
Day or two?
Snap out of it, Rumsford.
You must make allowances for
her youth. Sherry'll turn up.
If I didn't love that woman
so much, I'd swear I'd--
[HORN HONKING]
[CROWD GASPS, TIRES SCREECH]
Oh, darling, hello.
I'll be right over.
Oh, Williams.
Ready, madam.
Listen, York, you're a doctor
and you're my best friend.
Isn't there anything
you can do for her?
I'm afraid she's a bit
out of my line.
The men you want are Doctors
Ziller, Zeller and Zoller.
You think
they can help her?
Well, they're the finest
psychiatrists in the business.
They're terribly expensive and
their methods are very peculiar,
but they do get results.
I'll have Williams
call them.
I'll have Williams
call them immediately.
I've got to see
a patient, Rummy.
I'll try to get back later.
Good luck.
Thanks.
Oh, Williams.
I want you to telephone Doctors
Ziller, Zeller and Zoller.
[TAPPING]
Oh, this switchboard!
Oh, it's dead.
Thank goodness you're through.
I've been almost crazy.
Yes, ma'am. I'll have
my stuff out right after lunch.
Looks like
there's nobody here.
This is the place
all right.
Maybe I got the--
Pudding head, why don't
you look what you're doing?
I couldn't help it.
I was looking to see
if there's anybody,
and when I turned--
Look what you did!
What?!
Oh!
Why don't you be careful?
Oh!
Drop that ladder
before you hurt somebody.
Oh, oh!
Remind me to tear out
your Adam's apple.
I'll make a note of it.
Give me that.
[GROWLS]
What's the matter
with you?
[GROWLS]
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck, nyuck.
Oh! You'll break my pencil.
I'll break your head.
Say,
what war is this?
Never mind.
We're troubleshooters
from the phone company.
What's wrong?
Painters ruined my switchboard.
Come on.
If you can bring it to life
and a call comes in
for the doctors,
say they're out.
I'm going to lunch.
Okay.
Hey, bring me back a piece
of burnt toast and a rotten egg.
Burnt toast
and a rotten egg?
Yeah, I got a tapeworm
and that's good enough for him.
Go on, get busy.
[WHIMPERS]
Oh.
How's she coming?
Not so good.
Say "ah."
What do you got here?
Hey, give me that,
give me that. Oh, oh!
Oh!
[TEETH CHATTERING]
Now go on,
get busy like I told ya.
Go on!
Pull this line through
and hook it on number six.
Ow!
[YELLING, CRASHING]
Hey, Larry, help me,
I'm surrounded.
Get up.
Ooh.
Get ahold of that.
Oh!
Hello?
Yes, I know it's out of order.
I've been trying
for half an hour to get it.
What's the matter with you?
You've been acting nutty
all day.
It's Gertie,
she's going to have--
That's wonderful.
When do you expect it?
Any minute,
that's why I'm so upset.
No fooling.
Why didn't you tell us?
But, you see, I--
I know, you're broke.
Flat as a floogy.
That's bad. We gotta figure out
a way to get some money
and get it quick.
Oh, thanks, Moe.
You're welcome.
Okay, I--
Come on.
[BARKING]
Come on, get to work.
Now, operator,
you must get that number.
Now, try again, please.
Ah...
[BUZZING]
Hello, operator?
Is this Susquehanna 2222?
Two, 2, 2, 2?
What do you think you're doing,
playing trains?
Oh, I love to play trains.
[IMITATES TRAIN]
[IMITATES WHISTLE, STEAM]
Why don't you get a toupee
with some brains in it?
Ah!
Oh!
Why y--
I want to speak to Dr. Ziller,
Zeller or Zoller.
This is an important case.
We'll pay any price,
if they'll come over
immediately. Money is no object.
We'll be there in a flash
in the flesh.
We need money,
and I got a way to get it.
What are we
supposed to do?
You're Ziller, you're Zeller,
and I'm Dr. Zoller.
Oh, glad to meet you, doctor.
How are you, son?
Listen, doc,
I'm troubled with TS.
What do you mean, TS?
Two stomachs.
Stick out your tongue.
Oh!
There's an impatient
patient waiting. Come on.
Wait a minute--
[CURLY WHIMPERING]
RUMSFORD:
Listen, darling--
[LAUGHING]
Wait.
Sherry, you can't run out
on your guests like this again.
But, darling,
I'm bored.
I'm only going for a short ride
in a submarine.
I'll be back
in a day or two.
Tell 'em all to wait.
But, Sher--
[BELL RINGS]
Gentlemen, I'm Mr. Rumsford.
Looking for someone?
I'm Ziller.
I'm Zeller.
MOE:
I'm Zoller.
Stick out
your tongue.
Say "ah" with
your mouth closed.
Ah.
Ah.
ALL:
Ah, rats.
MOE:
This is serious.
You're wrong,
gentlemen.
It's strictly a case
of latkes and pippic.
[LAUGHING]
This is priceless.
I'm not the patient,
it's Mrs. Rumsford.
CURLY:
Oh, how do you do, madam?
Now, see here, Sherry--
Oh, darling,
you take the submarine ride.
I wouldn't leave these men
on a bet.
Come, gentlemen,
the last one in is a Republican.
[CURLY WHOOPING]
Sherry!
[CURLY WHOOPING]
Oh, isn't this fun?
[CRASHING, SCREAMING]
Oh, Countess, I'm so sorry.
Really!
Oh, Uncle John.
Oh.
I'll get you a drink.
Gentlemen,
what will I do with her?
Now, let me tell you
a little bit about Sherry.
Don't bother, I'll take Scotch.
Make mine rye.
I'll take gin smothered
in bourbon. Nyuck, nyuck.
Boys.
CURLY:
Whoo!
Gentlemen,
do have some rum punch.
Rum punch. Why, certainly.
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.
I knew this thing
would come in handy.
Will you join me?
Certainly.
Skoal.
Skoal.
[SLURPING]
This is weak.
Yeah.
The rum went through
this punch on stilts.
This Scotch
ought to help.
This gin should
make it fizzy.
Bourbon and rum
ought to help some.
[SNEEZING]
Hors d'oeuvre?
No, hay fever.
[LAUGHING]
Oh, witty!
Hey, here's some
new kind of liquor.
Worcestershire.
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
This says TOBASCO.
I ain't never drunk any.
We'll put it in.
What have you got to lose?
Hm. Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.
Champagne-y.
[TEETH CHATTERING]
Mm.
[GASPS]
You shouldn't handle
dangerous weapons. Give me that.
I will not!
Let me have it!
Oh...
[GRUNTING]
Look, it's boiling.
CURLY:
It must be done.
A marvelous accomplishment.
A prodigious achievement.
You said it.
It's putrid.
Gentlemen, will you be good
enough to look my wife over now?
A pleasure.
This way.
The doctors are going
to look you over.
Oh, goody.
Now, uh, we shall test
your reflex first.
Okay, doctor.
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.
[LAUGHS]
Hm!
[LAUGHING]
Hm!
This is the way
a normal reflex should act.
Hm.
I beg
your pardon.
Oh, you don't have
to apologize.
You can't help
if you're crazy.
[CHUCKLES]
Come here, guinea pig.
Now then, holding the palm
on a 45 degree angle.
Must be off
a couple of degrees.
Trouble is,
you got no life.
Oh! I made it!
[WHIMPERING]
[GRUNTS]
Pardon me.
I'm sorry.
Oh.
Hm!
Hm!
Oh! Ooh!
[WHIMPERING]
[THUD]
Hm.
[HOLLOW KNOCKING]
Come in. I--
[YELLING]
Oh, nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.
[YELLS, BARKS]
Dinner is served.
Eat.
[YELLS]
[LAUGHING]
[CURLY WHOOPING]
SHERRY:
Aren't they marvelous?
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
CURLY: Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.
I just love
cream puffs.
Oh, I hope you gentlemen
will like my Spanish dinner.
I'm just crazy about
Spanish food,
especially corn beef
and cabbage.
Ha-ha. Isn't he funny?
What's all the fuss?
I believe I dropped
my serviette.
Well, just keep seated,
nobody'll notice it.
Okay, have half of mine.
Thank you.
[BUZZING]
Oh!
[YELPS]
Really.
Biscuit, madam?
No, thank you.
Sir!
Quiet!
Biscuit, sir?
Oh, certainly. Ha-ha-ha.
Biscuit, sir?
Hey,
where's your Emily Post?
This is my favorite dish.
Biscuits. Biscuits all the time.
[LAUGHING]
Hm.
Hm.
[GROANS]
[SIGHS]
Uh-- Ugh! Ugh!
[SHERRY LAUGHING]
Oh, you funny,
funny man.
Yes,
isn't he a scream?
Ooh, I just love tamales
in the spring.
What a funny thing,
you don't know whether
it's coming or going.
Hm.
Speak to me, so I'll know which
is the head or the tail.
[BARKING]
Quiet now, quiet.
CURLY:
Nyuck, nyuck. Mm.
This thing can't lick me.
Mm, stubborn, huh?
Oh.
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.
Get tough with me.
Ah!
A bomb, an infernal machine.
Mm!
Hm!
[GROANS]
Why, you--
LARRY: I'm sorry.
Don't throw it.
Don't throw it.
Why, you--
Moe, don't!
[YELLS]
I ducked, and I-- Ah!
[LAUGHING]
[SHERRY LAUGHING]
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
This is outrageous! I demand
that something be done--
[SHERRY LAUGHING]
This is all your fault, you.
[WHOOPING]
[GASPS]
Cut it out, Moe.
Oh--
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.
[BLOWING]
You missed me, ah.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Yeah. That'll teach ya.
Folks, this must stop! Ah!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[SQUEALS]
I surrender. I--
[GROWLS]
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
Dr. York just--
[GRUNTS]
[GROANS]
WOMAN:
Oh, how dare you!
Gentlemen,
I think you better leave now
while my wife's
enjoying herself,
before she changes her mind.
Believe me, I'm grateful.
Will--?
Will about 1500 do?
Oh, that's just right.
Thanks.
Whoo! Ha-ha-ha.
Oh, my birthday cake.
Oh, darling, in all my life
I've never had so much fun.
Ha-ha.
Me too!
[♪]