Three Missing Links (1938) Movie Script

[♪]

Oh, where is Mirabell,

Mirabell?

Do you hear:

where is she?

How do I know?

I'm not her husband.

I'm only her director.

Well, she knows

we're waiting for her.

Where is Mirabell,

Mirabell?

Here I am, BL.

Why all the huff?

Oh, my darling, you know we

leave within a week for Africa,

to make

Jilted in the Jungles.

Why, you've got

to get ready, my dear.

Well, why go clear to Africa?

The studio alone

looks like a jungle.

Yea--

Besides, we can't leave until

you get me a leading man.

Leading man?

But in this picture, my darling,

you work opposite a gorilla.

Haven't we got anyone

under contract that, uh,

looks like an ape?

No, not even

your relatives.

You look--

Oh, pretty fresh, huh?

Heh, heh.

But we'll find one.

Get that script.

I want to go over it.

Come on, we'll sit over here.

We've got a lot of work to do.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Come in.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Hi, Mr. Botswaddle.

Can we clean up now?

We'll be as quiet

as a mouse.

Yeah, a deaf and dumb mouse.

Nyuk, nyuk.

Okay, but

don't disturb us.

Shh.

Now, Mr. Botswaddle--

Ow!

Quiet!

Shh.

[EQUIPMENT CLATTERING]

Wait a minute--

Shh!

I'll knock

your brains out!

Hold this.

[GASPS]

Give me that bucket!

Give me the bucket!

CURLY:

See, you missed me.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

See what

you made me do?

[CRIES OUT]

That'll cost us

a month's salary.

Oh no, it won't.

Oh, it won't, huh?

BOTSWADDLE: You're fired!

[ALL CLAMOR]

Wait a minute.

Please give us another chance,

will you, Mr. Botswaddle?

No, no.

We're not really janitors.

We're actors.

Why, Mr. Herbert,

we're the greatest

animal impersonators

in the world.

We're terrific.

We're colossal.

We're even mediocre.

Here's an impersonation of

a chicken with its head cut off.

[GIBBERISH]

What do you think

of that, huh?

What do I

think of that?

Let me kill him.

Just once,

it won't cost you.

Oh, ungrateful, hey?

Arf! Arrr!

Do you see

the same thing I do?

The fat one,

fate must have sent him.

He's the dead image

of the missing link.

Oh, thank you.

Huh?!

I think

you're right.

And look

at the other two:

Neanderthal men straight

from the Stone Age.

We've found our leading man,

now we can start

our picture at once.

You men are hired.

Fired and hired in one day.

Thanks, BO.

To our success,

and Africa!

ALL:

To Africa!

Darkest Africa.

Ah.

Good cordial.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Boy, I wonder

where that safari is.

We ought to be up

with them by now.

Maybe they're so-far-i away

we'll never catch them.

Nyuk, nyuk,

nyuk, nyuk.

[YELLS]

That's our equipment.

Come on.

Well, this is

a fine kettle of fish.

I told BL not to pay

those porters in advance.

Now they've

deserted us.

You mean they: ftt!?

Yes, they: ftt!

Ooh!

I knew it all of the time.

It'll be dark

pretty soon.

We're gonna pitch camp

right here.

You fellas see if you

can find some water.

Come on, darling,

I'll make you comfortable.

We've gotta

find some water.

Why, there's

water everywhere.

There's water here.

Where?

Up there.

[CRIES OUT]

I didn't think there

was that much water...

I'll murder you.

You didn't think, eh?

Agh, water everywhere, huh?

Ooh!

I didn't mean that, kid.

Look!

Maybe there's

water over there.

Are you gonna

start that again?

[SPEAKING MOCK FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Water welcome.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

What are

we waiting for?

Let's go!

Come on!

Get in there.

Oh boy, am I hungry.

What have we got for supper?

Nice fat missionary.

[ALL CRY OUT]

Mm. Make nice big stew,

and I do mean stew!

Maybe you'd rather have some

pelican, and I do mean pelican.

Here's some

wild muskrat for you.

Hey, what's this?

Him, love candy.

Make big strong love.

Love candy?

Oh, boy, Mirabell.

Maybe it'll make her love me!

Me thinks customer

always right.

[CASH REGISTER DINGS]

Me give you love candy.

You give me nice big bone.

Make good soup.

[CRIES OUT]

[YELLS]

Hey, kid! Hey, kid! Come on,

he'll make soup out of you!

[CURLY SINGING]

Hey, where are you going?

I'm going to give Mirabell

some love candy.

Get back there

and get to work.

Oh, stop it now. Stop it.

All of the time, you always--

Always beating, always popping.

[SNORING]

My day will come.

[GASPS]

[YELLS]

Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe!

Hey, Moe!

What's the matter

with you?

They won't stay

in the ground.

What won't?

The stakes.

Oh, you turnip-head! Hold it!

You never learn anything.

[CRIES OUT]

What do you want to do,

drive me in the ground?

Let me do it.

Hey, you ain't out

for revenge, are you?

No, I wouldn't hit you.

I never hit anybody in my life.

Well, just watch

your P's and Q's.

Where are they? Oh.

Nyuk, nyuk,

nyuk, nyuk.

Sorry, Moe, I couldn't help it.

It just slipped, honest.

I-it's an accident.

I'm sorry, pal.

You must have moved.

Yeah, that's all right, kid.

Forget about it.

Thank you, I--

I was really--

[YELLING]

Take this hammer

and drive those stakes.

You help him.

I'll show you

how to drive 'em.

Get this off my face and I'll

come back and murder you.

You don't know

how to do nothing.

Get that rope on.

Oh! Whoa!

[SPLASH]

Help! Help me, help me!

Come here, you.

Give me a hand.

[GROANING]

Come on, come on. All right.

What made you ever

do a thing like that?

What happened?

I don't know.

Women and children first.

What was the number

of that truck?

It's Moe!

[SNORING]

[GROWLS]

[CHUCKLING]

What's the matter with you?

MOE [LAUGHING]:

Stop tickling my feet!

I ain't tickling your feet.

You must be dreaming!

[LAUGHING]

Hey, what's eating you?

CURLY:

Stop tickling me.

I can't stand it!

I'm not tickling you.

Go on, go!

[ROARS]

[SNORES]

Hey, quit snoring,

will you?

I ain't snoring.

It's him.

What's the matter?

Wake up and go to sleep.

What did you

wake me up for?

You snore like

a roaring lion.

I do not. I stayed awake all

last night to see if I snored,

and I didn't.

That's different.

[ALL YELL]

[ALL YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

Well, how do I look?

Well, you look beautiful.

You look beautiful.

Now, come on, darling.

Gee, I wish I was

playing the gorilla part.

Are you lucky. You get

to make love to Mirabell.

Well, I'm the

Robert Taylor type.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

Go on.

Ruff!

Snort! Arf!

Don't you growl at me.

MR. HERBERT:

Hey, you guys!

Hey, come on, hurry up.

He's waiting for us.

LARRY:

Here we are.

Do we kiss her

in this scene?

Now wait a minute, not so much

of a hurry. Let me look at you.

Well, wait till

I get with Mirabell...

Where's my love candy?

Oh! Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Mm! Mirabell!

Curly, come on.

Hurry up with that suit!

[GROWLS]

Now you're in character,

bubble brain.

Character?

Why, he looks

positively real.

Now pay attention

or I'll whack you

with this club.

You pay attention too.

As the scene opens,

you're kneeling at her feet.

Yes.

That's where Curly

comes in.

You grab your clubs

and you fight him.

BOTH:

Yes.

He knocks you down.

BOTH: Yes.

You understand?

No.

Well, try it anyway.

Hey, Curly, you understand?

[GROWLS]

He understands.

That'll help some.

Alrighty, action.

Oh, fair princess,

in this gorgeous jungle setting

I throw

my heart at your feet.

I love you!

[GORILLA GROWLS]

[SCREAMS]

Back, foul beast!

No harm shall come

to you, my love.

That's marvelous!

Keep it up now, boys!

You bonehead,

you don't have to overdo it.

After all,

we're only acting.

Back, you!

Back!

[BOTH CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[BOTH YELL]

Where are you going?

Come on, Curly!

Curly, will you come

out of the cave?

Curly, I'm calling you!

Here I am.

What do I do now?

[STAMMERING]

What's the matter with you?

Are you crazy?

Where is everybody?

[GROWLS]

So that's

how it is, hey?

Now scram, Moe.

I told you before,

I'm gonna play this part!

Now go on, beat it!

Go on!

The g-- The gorilla,

he'll kill Curly.

We gotta do something.

Come on!

Moe, Larry.

Moe, Larry!

Look out, look out!

Look out! Go away, go away!

What'll we do?

We'll scare him out

with a coconut.

When he comes out,

we'll shoot him.

[YELLS]

So you wanna

play rough, hey?

Get over there.

Get him!

Hey, wait a minute,

it's me!

What's the idea?

Where's the gorilla?

He's inside.

I knocked him out with a rock.

Let's get started.

Okay.

Hey, my gun's jammed.

So is mine.

I'm gonna get this skin off.

It got me in plenty of trouble.

Fine guns.

[WHOOPS]

I gotta get it

in that cage.

Yeah.

Hey, quit breathing

on me, will you?

Cut it out,

pudding head.

I'm not me.

That's fine grammar

for you: I'm not me.

Hey, Moe, here I am.

[ALL YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

Hurry up, would ya?

Whoa!

Look out, Moe!

Let me in, let me in!

Okay, just a minute!

Hold tight

so he don't get in.

Quiet, maybe he'll go away.

Okay, okay.

Let me in, let me in!

I can't hold out much longer!

Okay, kid, we'll have--

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

That'll keep him out.

We'll take this head off

before something else happens.

You know, if you hadn't

had let me in, I'd--

Larry, Moe, let me in!

Oh, please,

go away, go away!

Please, here-- Here's--

Here. Some love candy.

See, you know,

love thy neighbor?

Here, take some.

It's delicious, see? Look.

Mm. Mm, mm.

[GASPS]

Darling, I love you.

Give me a little kiss, baby.

Wait for Papa, baby! Hey, baby!

[♪]

Three Missing Links (1938) - full transcript