Three Many Weddings (2013) - full transcript

I don't know, Ruth.

I need a girl who's more
stimulating,

who spices up the relationship.
We've been together 3 years

and everything is the same.
What can we look forward to?

Ending up like them?

It's all so...

petit bourgeois.

They're lying to themselves.

They think responsibility and
commitment will make them happier,

but that's not true.

It's not. Only those of us who live
outside the system know the truth.



And the truth is we're alone.

Yeah, you're telling me.
At least we think alike.

That's the problem, Ruth.

You always agree with me.
I don't know who you are.

Or what you like.
Like videotaping ourselves...

-I like that.
-You're lying.

You hold back. You're turned off
by the camera, I can tell.

Fine, but what matters
is we love each other.

We can try and make it work.

You're not supposed to try,

you're supposed to get horny.

I need a girlfriend
who goes wild in bed,

who asks me to try new things.

What's left to try?
You mean sadomasochism?



No, no.

Right?

Why "no, no"?

Sadomasochism.

I could go for you hitting me.

Yeah, I mean hard.
Punch me for real,

make me bleed.
I mean a serious injury.

I want people at work
to be suspicious.

I'll make up excuses
and they won't believe me.

More excuses, more suspicion...

Damn, I'm getting horny
just thinking about it.

Yeah, me too.

You did it again.

-Did what?
-You agreed with me again.

If it doesn't turn you on,
that's fine.

It's fine.
I don't like getting hit either.

You think I'm a pervert?

I... I can't go on
with a relationship like this.

Maybe we can discuss it
at another time.

Yeah, but the subject came up,
we should talk about it.

I think if we talk about it later
at home,

we can work it out.
I can change.

No, Ruth. It's over.

-Hurray for the newlyweds!
-Hurray!

I have a feeling she'll be next.

She's going to cry!
How cute!

Tell me the bar is free.

-Great news. You must be thrilled.
-Yes, I am.

How long have you known?

Two months, but we wanted to be sure
before telling anyone.

-Hi, Ruth. You hear the news?
-Sara's pregnant!

The girls say they can tell.
That I look prettier, happier...

But I don't know.
I feel fatter every day.

What? You look great!

Yeah, what do you mean?
You look...

Okay, let's stop talking about me,
I'm blushing.

-Get to work!
-Sara, one thing.

I'm making progress
with the lobsters

and I thought maybe we could present
my project to the subsidy committee.

I love the work you've done,
it's innovative and very bold.

And I appreciate the extra hours
you've put in

since Pedro dumped you,
but you know the committee.

Profit, that's all they care about.

But I think if we can understand
cell regeneration in lobsters,

the applications could be
very profitable.

Of course. And I support you
working on it, in your free time.

The cutbacks are coming.
We have to focus on getting results.

But don't worry,
I got them to send us someone else.

The new intern. He's going
to write his thesis with us.

Unpaid.

He's over there.

This is Daniel...

-Sampari.
-Dani.

Dani.

I'm busy, so Ruth
will take care of you.

Nice to meet you, boss.

Well, you can call her that
if you want.

We're not into hierarchies.
Imagine having to call me "boss."

Anyway,

Ruth will show you the ropes,
okay?

"Boss."

Get to work!

-They're all females?
-Yes.

When they mate, the females lose
their shells and the males eat them.

Female lobsters, female workers...
The only male is the unpaid intern.

This place is very egalitarian.

You haven't heard the worst part.
You have to pee sitting down.

Okay.

We won't be paying much attention
to the lobsters,

but you can start by entering
all this into the data base.

Written on both sides of the page.
Great.

That's your desk.

Dani, how are those graphs coming?

Great. They're not ready yet,
but I'm on it.

That's not the internet, is it?

I'm offended you think
that of me, boss.

Right.

You're lucky your mom
cooks for you.

Yeah, right. My mom wishes
she could cook like this.

Nailing a yogurt pound cake
with walnuts takes real talent.

Want some?

Yeah. I'm going to the gym later
anyway.

If my trainer saw me,
she'd kill me.

Is she tough?

The worst.

Right, right, left.
Come on, let's go!

Right, right, left.
Don't hold back.

Feel that adrenaline rush!

Can we start with something easier?

Pilates, sauna, water jets...

Water jets? Pilates?

A sauna won't get rid of
that cottage cheese.

You need cardio.

Don't worry, it gets better.
We throw in some kicks... Bam!

Whatever you say, Mom.

Combination. Right, right, left.

Come on, let's see it.

-I can't!
-What do you mean?

You're out of shape.

No wonder. All day in that lab.
You'll turn into a hamster.

-How long since he dumped you?
-It was mutual. 3 months.

You see? If I'd done the same
when your dad left me,

I'd be bored, bitter and I'd have
an ass like a bull ring.

Sure, so you joined the Fight Club.

I just want you to get out
and have fun.

And get laid.

Please!

That's right.

Water.

You're too soft.

You still aren't over it.

You need to show him
he can't treat you this way!

What do you want me to do?

Nothing, leave it to me.

There are two studly
Kosovar Albanians working here.

Real pros.

What are you trying to say?

You want to hire thugs
to break his legs?

I said they're pros.
They won't break anything.

-It worked great on your dad.
-Dad?

He was a kitten after that.
And it gave me a huge rush.

Come on. Right, right.
Imagine it's him.

Bastard! You can't treat
my daughter like that!

Motherfucker!
Come on, pretend it's him.

Jerk! Go on, hit him.
He's standing right here. Bam!

Boss, how about a few beers
to celebrate you not firing me yet?

Okay.

But just one.

I don't know.

-I want something glamorous.
-Say no more.

One Cosmopolitan, coming right up.

I'll take something unglamorous.
A rum and Coke.

Another one!

Looks like the lobsters
will have to wait.

They're stupid animals.
The females deserve to get eaten.

Why do they keep trying?
Why not just be alone and happy?

It's instinct.

Ducks fly south,
mantises eat their mates

and lobsters like men
who mistreat them.

Luckily after all this evolution
it doesn't affect us anymore.

-Yeah, just as well.
-Right.

-We're leaving.
-Already?

I'm pregnant.

Really? We hadn't realized.

With the baby, I can't drink
as much as some people.

I need to pee.

Wow.

And some creep who thinks
he's Ronaldo kept hitting on us.

Hitting on us?

He didn't say a word,
he just kept flexing his pecks.

It didn't work?

I thought that worked every time.

Only someone desperate
would hook up with him.

Which one is he?

That one.

Morning, gorgeous.

Hi.

-You don't remember me?
-Yes.

Good. It happens all the time
when go home with drunk girls.

They wake up and say,
"No, it was a mistake."

"I was too drunk."
And they kick me out in 5 minutes.

And that's not very polite now,
is it?

I kill myself in the gym
to have nice muscles,

I spend a bundle
at the tanning salon...

Yeah, and you have accessories.

The diamond earring,
all that hair...

How about it?
You want an encore?

No, I'm not a morning person.

You know, bad breath...

Want some breakfast?

Okay.

I need to send some emails...

Sure,

go ahead.

-I just friended you on Facebook.
-Okay.

Are you connected?
So you can accept.

There.

Yeah. Look at this.

Who is "Mikel alias The Rider"?

My ex. Why?

-He just tagged a video.
-What?

Hey, guys! What's up?

You're wondering
why I'm uploading a video

after being away so long,
looking for the perfect wave...

I've got news.

That's your ex?

It was right here.

He's buff.

I was in the sand
and a hottie appeared

with a body you wouldn't believe,
and I've seen plenty.

She took me to her place...

I never had it so good
in my whole life.

We humped like crazy
while her sister made dinner...

and we're still going.

So The Rider has fallen, kids.
I'm getting married.

If you're hearing this,
you're invited to the wedding.

Are his deltoids bigger than mine?

I'll get it.

But... This is my apartment.

-Yes?
-Certified letter for Ruth Belloso.

Excuse me...

All set.

Can I have it?

What a coincidence!
Another invitation.

Another one?

"Alex y Sagrario,
Villapuebla de Medinaceli."

Hey, that town is awesome.
You from there? Family of yours?

Co-workers, right?
That's my guess.

There's no prize for guessing right.

Well?

Another ex-boyfriend.

Another ex-boyfriend inviting me
to his wedding. Okay?

Okay, so I'll talk to you later...

Okay.

Bye!

Yeah, I'm going that way too.

Luna! Luna!

Luna!

Hi, Luna, gorgeous!

Did you miss me?

What are you doing here?
The dog is mine this week.

You share the dog?

Shared custody.

She loves us both, she can't stand
being away from either of us.

By the way, I'm Pedro,
Ruth's ex.

No, really? Another one?

What is this, Candid Camera?

Ruth, it's not about the dog.
I have very important news.

Fine, just don't say
you're getting married because...

Who told you?
How do you know?

-You're getting married?
-That's right.

I thought you said it was
too "peti-boogars."

I said " petit-bourgeois ."
What can I say?

I think you opened my eyes.

Me?

Yeah. Dumping you made me grow up.

You grew up in 3 months?

I'm surprised too,
it was super fast.

But I've discovered
that when you're really in love,

everything just fits.

I realized that when I was with you

I had to suppress my feelings
so I wouldn't suffer.

While with Marta I feel fulfilled.

I'm complete. Alive.

Alive!

Sure, man.
Hey, congratulations.

That's exactly what I'm looking for.

Okay. Good luck.

Ruth...

It's important to me
that you come.

You were a part of my life,
you were there for me...

You've really helped me.

Come.

Please.

It would be so nice.

Well... I guess I can try.

Thanks!

You're the best.

Thanks a lot.

See you there.

Ruth... Bring him if you want.

There's no problem.

Cool, huh?

Well? What do you think?

I think it sucks!

A bullshit wedding!

Now you bring it to me, huh?

Hey!

Surfing the internet
during work hours?

Which part of "I'm your boss"
did you not understand?

Okay, okay.
I see we're touchy.

I'm sorry, Dani.

My ex-boyfriend is getting married

and I was looking at photos
of his fiancé. I'm a mess.

No, we've all done that.

That's the one who dumped you
at the wedding?

That's the first thing the girls
told me about you.

No. This one's getting married too,
but he's Mikel.

Damn, you're in for quite a season.

Why does this guy want
to get married?

I don't know.
Go on, turn it off.

-No!
-Let me see!

It was a phase of my life
I'd rather forget.

You should tag it, your contacts
deserve to see it.

I look awful.

Not everyone agrees.
Read the comments.

"I forgot about that ex of yours,
she gives me a hummer!"

What crap is that?

"I think she's still single
and a little wacky.

So you might have a chance."

He writes that on Facebook
and invites me to his wedding.

What an idiot.

-You should go.
-Yeah?

Why, so he can set me up
with Crazytooth?

To show him he's wrong.

That he's wrong?

Dani, I'm single.

And you've seen me
when I drink too much.

Hey, don't diss yourself.

It's the truth.
Besides, if I went alone

it would only prove them right.

Then I'll go with you.

What? I don't even know
if I want to go.

Gee, I don't know. Free food, booze
and chicks who want to go wild.

Of course I want to go.

But especially to help my boss
show this dick what he's missing.

Trust me, it'll be a blast.

No.

No way!

I should never have let that woman
sell me this damn dress!

Boss, there's something
I don't get.

What?

Why do people pay for porn?

Porn? Do we have to talk
about that right now?

Pay websites are huge.
Who uses them?

How should I know? Get me a tissue
from the glove compartment.

You know how much free porn
is out there?

Take your pick:

gay, lesbian, interracial, MILF,
pregnant women, bukkake,

golden showers, squirting,
fistfucking, amateur, gangbang...

Okay, I get the idea.

There are people who see all that
for free and still say:

"I need more. I'm going to pay."

-Maybe it's higher quality.
-What do you mean?

I don't watch porn.
But there's nothing you'd pay for?

No. No.

But it would be nice if they made
the situations more arousing.

More arousing?
Sure, that's exactly what it needs.

They go so out of their way
to avoid subtlety and romance...

That's not what I mean.

Seriously, Dani. You're nuts.

What's a "buzake"?
Or "bukkake"...

One thing. Don't pretend
I'm your boyfriend.

Trust me, it's the worst strategy
of all time.

I wasn't planning to.

Why is everyone dressed in white?

Because it's a beach wedding.

Why didn't anyone tell me?

Excuse me? Can I take some pictures
of you two?

-Sure.
-Yeah?

-Like that.
-Boss.

No. Don't look at the camera.

Get lost in space.

You're two soap bubbles.

Weightless...

and beautiful.

Look, it's Mikel!

That's why he's getting married.

"Mikel's getting married."

When I heard, I said...

"Ouch."

But then I smoked

a big fat doobie and thought:

"Why can't a surfer get married?
That's prejudice."

Okay, okay, it's true.

The partying, the traveling...

But I have three kids...

and they might be in Indonesia
and I've never seen them,

but I get them surfboards
for wholesale.

Ruth!

Hi!

It's me, Lucia.

Hi! What's up?

-How are you?
-Great.

What's this?

This was an insemination
and this one's in vitro.

What do you think?

Hey!

Look, look!

Oh, well.

There, there. It's okay.

I'm out of milk, but it's the only
way to calm him down. Here.

Being a single mother
is the best thing I ever did.

I felt the need.
Especially nowadays.

The only ones who have kids
are immigrants, gypsies

and the Opus Dei.
At this rate, in a few years...

-Have you got kids?
-No, no.

But I recycle a lot
to leave them

-a better world.
-You recycle.

There, there, there...

Okay, I think that's all.

So...

let's get it on!

Everybody kiss each other!

No, no, no!
Ruther!

How great that you came!

I mean... and look at that!

Damn, you're something.

I thought you wouldn't have
the snatch.

Why not? I'm doing great.

Actually I've never been better.

Sure, that is really awesome.
Totally awesome.

Having you here
to share a day like this...

really means a lot to me.

Ruther!

Hot damn!

Oh, he's your...

Her friend Dani.

What's up, Dani?

Yeah, we say "friends"
to avoid the labels.

Right, honey?
It's easier that way.

Yeah, I've been chasing her
for months,

but the line is too long, so if you
have any single lady friends...

No problem, bro.
This place is full of hotties.

How cool, huh?

How is everything, Ruther?
You were into...

shrimp or something, right?

Yeah, lobsters. They're lobsters.

We're doing tons of research,
it's an important project.

-I'm very happy.
-That's great.

Hey, we cooked a bunch for dinner.
Take a look.

Hi!

Natasha.

Congratulations.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Sorry we didn't say hi before.

This is such a crazy wedding...
Everything's crazy with Mikel.

I mean we know each other.
We went out for a long time.

A really, really long time.
Longer than you, but...

we don't want to talk about that.

How are you?
Are you happy?

Horny.

Is that the right word?

No, you got mixed up.
But that's okay, we understood.

-You mean you're having a blast.
-Yeah.

And I feel like fucking.

Oh.

You got the right word then.

No, no, no!
Aitor!

That guy is too much.
You have to meet him.

Okay, kids.
Have fun, Ruther!

We're off to a good start.

We know nobody here
except my ex and his horny bride.

And you won't talk to me,
you're too busy with the buffet.

I can't help myself.
I need to try everything.

With a fixed menu
you know what you're getting,

but here I feel like people are
trying to take food away from me.

-But I can still talk.
-Sure.

What about, porn again?

I don't get that tone.
It's as valid a subject as any.

You know what I would outlaw?

You don't watch porn.

Yeah, but it affects me.
Every guy I go out with does.

Cumming in someone's face.
What's the point?

The girls waiting for it,
like they want it. Well, they don't.

They open their mouths,
but they don't.

Because it'll get in their eyes.

Bullshit. Semen doesn't taste good.
It's not yummy.

You make an effort
for that special someone,

but Ferran Adrià won't be making
semen foam for shrimp any time soon.

-Will he?
-I hope not.

I've always preferred ketchup.

-Have you got any?
-Ketchup?

-For the shrimp?
-Please.

Thank you.

I always get weird looks,
but I love it.

See you around.

Well?

What?

What? I don't know.

The glances, the smiles,
now the crap about the ketchup...

I thought I was single and wacky.

Just because I let a guy look at me
doesn't mean

I go home with the first one
who does.

At least until I've had 3 drinks.

Well?

You're not giving up?

No. I always start with a girl
who's obviously out of my league.

For 3 reasons.
One: You never know.

Two: Rejection keeps you
on your toes.

And three: When I hook one
a little uglier than her

I'll be a lot more grateful.

So to answer your question...
No, I'm only warming up.

Don't look now, but the ketchup guy
keeps checking you out.

-He's nuts about you.
-Seriously?

Third drink.

Will you please dance with me?

Well, okay.

Sure.

What happened?

Sorry, I really like your boobs.

Okay.

Don't worry about it.
These things happen.

What we'll do now

is wait for you...

to relax.

Let's go sit down.
Come on.

No, please!
Everyone will see!

Okay. Then we'll play it off.

Here we go.

Right, left. Let's go.

Right, left.

Right, left.

You see? Nobody's watching.
Good.

Right, left, right, left,
right, left...

Conga! Conga!

Conga!

No, Mikel!
Not the Conga!

No, stop, stop!

Stop!

Dani, make them stop!
The boy has a woody!

Turn!

-Good evening.
-What's up?

Excuse me, I'd like...

something sexy,
something glamorous.

How about a Cosmopolitan?

Sorry, I don't know how to make one.
If you tell me I can try.

That's okay.
Give me a rum and Coke.

I feel bad.
Let's try, that way I can learn.

No, the ingredients
are very complicated.

For example, it has...

papaya skin... aged.

Ruther!

I was looking for you.
Remember Crazytooth?

-My buddy Aritz.
-No, no.

He's crazy but he's a great guy
and he thinks you're hot.

Yeah, but...

I'm over my surfer phase.

Oh.

Oh, right, okay.
I get the picture.

You're more into guys who read
and all that.

I got your wifi, Ruther.

-We have papaya skin.
-And raspberry extract?

-Nice party, huh?
-Yeah.

Do you know Ruth?

No. We spoke earlier,
but we haven't met.

Then it's official.

He's...

Jonas.

Jonas, the best plastic surgeon
around.

He operated on my finger when mine
got amputated in Annapurna.

It looks great. I didn't even notice
until you showed me.

He means his toe.

A common procedure.

It's perfect, man, perfect.
I don't walk so great anymore,

but I can wave hi to the kids.

Here's the raspberry.
What else?

You guys have everything.

Two parts vodka, lemon...

a little African black pepper
and some shrimp juice.

Perfect.

Yeah.

Ruth is something else,
she's something else.

She knows a lot about lobsters,
more than anyone in Spain.

And she goes all out.

-Well, not really...
-Not really?

She's crazy, take it from me.

She'd have to be to go out with me.

You two were together?

-They were strange years.
-Sure.

-Remember the trip to Morocco?
-No.

-Not really.
-Here you go, beautiful.

You don't remember because
we were high the whole time.

We had the most amazing hash...
Pure pollen.

When we reached the border
she insisted

on carrying it because I always
get stopped for looking radical.

So she stuck it in her box.

I thought you were going
to get nailed but no,

she kept her cool.
She was a real trooper.

Two days, man.
They had there, stark naked,

searching her,
squatting for hours...

I think he gets the idea...

She put it down there, you know?
In her snatch!

In her snatch!

I don't know where she put it
because

not even the X-ray saw it.

She must have put it
way back there.

That was me!

Hey, Crazytooth!

Abort, abort, she's not into it.

-Want some space cake?
-Sure!

-Go on, try it.
-Here goes.

Damn!

Doctor Frankenstein
getting high at my wedding.

This will be historic!

What do you mean?
What's in it?

Shrooms, fungus, stinkhorns,
the works.

Who knows?
This guy goes all the way.

Relax and enjoy the ride.

You okay?

I'm very worried.

I don't take drugs,
I'm hypersensitive to chemicals.

-Why did you eat it?
-I don't know.

"Space cake."

I think I'm gonna freak out.

No, look.

You only took a little bite.

You won't feel it.

Are my pupils normal or dilated?

-Fine.
-Yeah?

Yeah. You're fine.

I'm fine.

-It's okay.
-It's okay.

Don't get paranoid.

I won't get paranoid.

Get up. There.

Sorry for spoiling the party.

It's the best thing
that's happened to me all night.

-Here.
-Here?

There.

That's it. Better?

Yeah.

What's wrong?

Hallucinations.

They're starting.

This one is typical.
Standard.

There's a midget smoking a cigar.

That's Juanito!

-Mikel's cousin.
-It is?

He's coming over.
What do I do?

He's going to hear you.

-Stop staring.
-I can't. I'm mesmerized.

Look at him.

Think about something else.

-Something else?
-Yeah.

Right.

I just went blank.

Do you go to many patients'
weddings?

Yeah.

Weddings, baptisms, communions,
birthdays...

They always invite me
because they wanna thank me...

and I can't say no. But it's fine
because I get more patients.

-I'm talking pretty fast.
-Yeah.

It's okay.
Look, here we are.

-Facing the sea.
-The sea.

Take a deep breath.

I never realized...

how bright the stars are here.

There are millions of them.

-I should have eaten some.
-So many!

This is incredible!

Holy shit!

I can't believe I'm saying it,
but I'm dying to kiss you.

Who's stopping you?

Who's stopping me?

Nobody.

Maybe we can get out of here.

If you want to.
Do you want to?

Yes.

Seriously? Cool!

Will you wait here
while I go to the bathroom?

Of course!
Where would I go?

The stars.

The stars.

-All set.
-Hi.

Hi. Say hi to Ruth.

Shit fucking damn it!

What happened?

I left the thermal protective wipes
in the car.

He can't go without them.
Hold him a second, I'll go get them.

-But...
-It'll only be second.

Well?

Nice wedding, huh?

Did you like the party?

Damn!

What...?

Done?

There, there...

There, there...

There, there, there...

It was only a little bump.

It was nothing.

Excuse me, Miss.

-You know Ruth, right?
-Yes.

Can you check if she's still
in the bathroom?

I've been waiting for her
and I'm worried.

It's my fault.
She's watching my baby for me.

But don't think I leave my baby
with just anyone.

Ruth is great with kids.

She'll be an awesome mother,
take it from me.

Holy shit!

What the fuck are you doing?

Get your tit out of his mouth,
you filthy whore!

What a hussy!

Wait! Let me explain!

Nasty bitch!

You'd better let her go.

He was crying and she said
that's how she makes it stop.

So I got out my tit and...

It's okay, I believe you.

Don't believe her!
That's a filthy thing to do!

Who would do such a thing
with someone else's baby?

Especially with that black nipple!
It's a white baby!

Are you crazy?

You'll traumatize the poor thing!
A black nipple for a white baby!

How gross!

There, there...

I feel bad but I have to go.

There's an emergency
at the clinic.

Someone needs a prosthesis
in the middle of the night?

It's not an excuse.

I had a great time with you.

Seriously.

You're not even going to ask me
for my number?

I'll friend you on Facebook.

Ruth Belloso.

My nipple isn't black...

Another Cosmopolitan?

Tequila. The bottle.

-Looking for this?
-Yeah.

Boss, were you gonna leave
without saying goodbye?

Don't argue, you'll spoil it.

Last night the three of us
created something wonderful.

The energy flowing
through our bodies

was unstoppable.
Something almost sacred.

Come here.

Come to me.

Give me a hug.

Good.

That's it.

Anyway, thanks a lot.
I think I'm gonna go.

No...

No, no, no...

No, no, no...

That's Takeshi and Lars.

Wait...

Here.

I can't find the Ben Wa balls,
you might still have them in there.

I'm sure you think this is funny,
but I'm not in the mood.

That's the door, boss.

Boss... Seriously,
don't leave like this.

Leave me alone.

Where's the bathroom?

I think I left my purse
at the wedding.

Can you lend me money
for a taxi?

Oh, yes, German...

That feels so good.

No, damn it.

Don't answer.

Nothing outside of this jacuzzi
matters.

Fuck!

Who died?

I did. I need your keys
to my apartment. Don't ask.

Well now. It looks like the wedding
wasn't so bad.

Actually...
I'd rather not go into detail.

Hello. I'm German.

Hello!

-Can I make you two breakfast?
-No, she's leaving.

I had no idea...
Where did you meet him?

Where do you think? With my Visa.
The stud charges by the hour.

Hurry up, the meter is running.

Now he's having breakfast...
I'll call you later!

You know I'm totally interested
in your stuff. Tell me everything.

I love you.
You look awful, go to bed. Bye!

German!

Today you have to give me
a discount.

We've wasted the whole morning
screwing around!

Boss... Here.

The video we made the other night.
You'll probably erase it,

but I wouldn't. There's a part
with you and the photographer

that's hard core porn.
Filthy.

I'm joking.
What do you take me for?

Guys! The girls brought me
some gifts for the baby.

Some are big and look expensive.

You know I think it's too mushy,
but they insisted and I feel bad.

You can come if you want.

Dani, I was totally drunk
and totally high.

It was crazy, so we should never
joke about it or mention it again.

Fine, if you can't be mature
about it.

-Talking about it helps.
-No, it doesn't.

It's wrong for you to fuck us
to get back at that guy

and then walk out on us.

Miss Soap Bubble is devastated.

She says her pain flies
with dove wings.

Seriously, boss...

I don't want any weird vibes
between us.

Because I'd have to join
Sara's group.

And I didn't get her anything.

"It's me, Jonas, from the wedding.

I'm not into the whole
social networking thing,

but I'd like to be your friend
on Facebook and in real life,

if possible.

Sorry I left like that and I hope
you'll meet me for coffee sometime."

Who wants to see me?

A guy who saw you breastfeeding
a baby and took off running.

You prefer him to us?

I really like him.

Besides, look. I was wrong.
He really did have an emergency.

You're breaking my heart.
You know that, right?

Cool, bro. Bull's-eye!

Boys, you can't do this.
I want to talk to your father.

He can't right now,
he's fucking your mom.

He's doing what?

Right on your head, retard!

Hit him in the face!

-Schmuck!
-Run!

Pretty apartment.

-Are you okay?
-Yeah.

Yeah? You sure?

Sorry.

-Which way?
-That way.

Good morning.

Good morning.

I'm late for work,
but it was an incredible night.

Right.

But do you mean an incredible night
we'll never forget...

or an incredible night
and you want more?

I don't know.
Do you want more?

I mean, if you don't, that's okay.

It's...

Anyway...

All I know is
I want to see you again.

Okay.

Call me.

Yes!

Yes, yes, yes!

Yes, yes, yes!

Yes!

The mattress is too hard.

Did you notice? I thought
jumping on it might soften it.

My jacket.

I see you took the vitamins
I gave you.

No.

It's not the pills,

-Mom.
-It's not?

No.

You got laid!

Mom!

I'm so happy for you!

Come on.
Ten more minutes to celebrate.

I'm so proud of you.

You gave it everything you had
and you did it.

Mom... thank you!

I mean, we're only starting out,
but...

that means a lot coming from you.

-I mean your work-out.
-Oh.

But I'm glad you met someone,
I really am.

-I think it's great.
-But?

-But nothing.
-Come on, I know you. Spit it out.

Every time you meet a guy
you get so intense

that you forget yourself.
I don't like it.

Don't worry,
I'll keep coming to the gym.

I just want you to be happy.
Don't think men solve problems.

Most of the time
they are the problem.

I know, but what should I do?
Assume he's a jerk?

-Sorry for being excited.
-No, I understand.

Look.

The jerk wants to take me
to a movie.

Go ahead, enjoy it.

Don't listen to me,
I'm an old bag who hires gigolos.

That's right, ma'am.
I hire gigolos.

I pay them, I fuck them...

More than once if possible.
Till they're dry.

How do you like that?

Want the agency's number?
They have good product.

Mom, please...

We'll go together!
I know one who's perfect for you!

And Nicolas Cage.
I never miss his movies.

He fascinates me. Not as an actor.
His hair implants.

People don't notice a masterpiece.
John Travolta is up there.

In "Face/Off"
I couldn't make up my mind.

Can you hold this
while I go to the bathroom?

Perfect. Hi.

Hi, Ruth.

It's me, Alex.

Your ex.

This must be awful for you.
I'm sorry.

What are you, a transv...
transsexual?

-I'm a woman.
-A woman?

You mean a woman, woman.

We're talking about...

cutting it off.

I was ashamed but I had to do it.

Besides, Sagrario was there with me
the whole time, supporting me...

What is Sagrario, a woman?

I don't know, even though
you had the operation...

you might be a lesbian.
You always liked women.

Sagrario is a man.

He has a weird name
because he's Cuban,

but he's wonderful. You'll meet him
Saturday at the wedding.

You'll love him.

I don't think that's a good idea.

I know. I have no right to ask you.
You must hate me.

No, I don't hate you.
If you're a happy man... woman...

Yeah, but I thought you would be
at my wedding and...

and it would be a special day...

and I know it must be awful
for you but...

I think I can try to be there.

You're the best, Ruth, the best!

I'll never forget this!

I don't get it.
Why don't you invite him?

Because I really like this one,
I don't want to scare him.

That's nonsense. Why would he?
It's an exotic wedding.

Yeah, right. My transsexual
ex-boyfriend's wedding.

The perfect 4th date.

Sure, it's better to coerce me,

your menage-a-trois intern
to go with you.

Nice going, boss.

I'm sorry, Dani.

I know I shouldn't have asked you,
but...

-Please, come with me.
-I don't know.

Though I do have a morbid curiosity
about meeting your ex.

-You owe me two now.
-Ruthy.

I need to talk to you.

We need space for the jellyfish.
The lobsters have to go.

What's the problem?
Where are they taking them?

A restaurant made an offer.
I already said absolutely not.

But we could use the money.

But Sara, listen to me...

Isn't there something else
we can do?

Unless someone takes them home.

And another thing.

I need the samples
I asked you for.

I understand you're busy
with your new boyfriend

and we're all very happy for you,
but you have to make ends meet.

I can't wait until he dumps you
for you to get your act together.

What a bitch.

Yeah, but that bitch
runs this laboratory.

Especially if nobody
stands up to her.

What good would that do?

I don't know, but you could try
and see what happens.

Why don't you publish your research
on your own?

What are you talking about?
It's not ready yet.

Besides, if nobody here
is interested, who else would be?

I would be.

Oh, yeah?
More than videos on YouTube?

You're scared.

You heard her, we have work to do.

Go on.

Hi, sweetie. Have a good day.

-Good morning.
-Have a good day.

Okay, boss. We're clear.
No three-ways this time.

If something happens,
just between us.

Look.

Ruth!

-Hi, Fernando!
-Hi.

-Jacinta.
-Hi.

How are you?

-Marvelous, darling.
-Yeah?

Well, Alex is getting married
at City Hall, I'm presiding...

Excuse me.
Everybody start going in, let's go.

-And you, Jacinta?
-Everyone's happy,

but not me...

It should have been you.

When he put on my clothes
as a boy,

I should have done something.

Take him to a doctor, you know,
electro-shock therapy.

Or beat it out of him.

Here they come, here they come!

Dani,

I'm going to ask you a question
and I want you to be honest with me.

Is he hotter than me?

Don't torture yourself, boss.

Okay.

Before we begin,
I'd like to say a few words

as father of the bride

and your mayor.

Save it, they'll vote for you
anyway.

Keep your mouth shut.

I'd like to say that...

it fills me with pride,
you getting married here,

with us. It's an honor
for Villapuebla

to be the first town in Spain
to celebrate a transsexual wedding.

Some say that rural Spain

is full of uncultured rednecks

who only like throwing goats
out of bell towers.

Today we will prove
to the whole world

that such prejudice is false.

Here we not only accept
different things,

we celebrate them.

I invite anyone who doubts this
to come here and meet

these nice, modest,
hardworking people.

And I invite them to stay

in our wonderful hotel-spa
that will be ready in a few months.

90,000 square feet dedicated
to the power of thermal water.

Hello?

-Want me to help you down?
-No.

I was going to get up,
roll down the stairs

and have you whack my head
with my wheelchair.

Okay, then I'll help you.

Excuse me, can you give me a hand?

My stupid boyfriend
is still parking the car.

So if you can make the tremendous
sacrifice of helping an invalid

down four tiny steps...

One, two, three.

There's no hurry.

Careful...

Careful...

Be careful, please!

Just one more...

Thank you.

The invalids of the world
thank you for your effort.

Thanks for letting me by.

What a bitch.

Hey, she's in a wheelchair.

That's right.
A bitch in a wheelchair.

You may kiss the bride.
No tongue!

Hurray for the newlyweds!

Look.

This guy missed the whole ceremony.

It's Jonas!

What is he doing here?

Hey, you might have to go home
by yourself.

Who are you?

Surprise!

Ru...!

Jonas! Finally!

It's about time!

That kid had to carry me down
the steps and he almost killed me.

He should have been my boyfriend.
You're never around.

I'm coming through,
if you don't mind.

Where were you?

We can leave whenever you want.

No, I can't just leave.
I need to talk to him.

Thank you so much for coming.

It must have been hard to get here.

Yes, thanks for everything.
You are truly an artist.

Everything is perfect down there,
perfectly sculpted...

Glad to help.

You're the best surgeon
in the world.

Expensive,
but amazing craftsmanship.

Boss, I think spying on him
will only make you feel worse.

You seem to be having a nice time.

Things may be bleak, but
this great food can't go to waste.

He's gonna shit.

He's gonna shit.

Dance with me, silly!

I need to stay focused.
There are clients.

What clients? Come on!

Jonas, come on!

Dani, why don't you dance with her
so I can talk to Jonas?

You can't ask that of me.

Please, it's my only chance.
Please.

Okay, but I'm not cleaning
the tanks for a week.

Okay.

A week.

Talk!

Hit me if you want, but no shouting.
Let's not make a scene.

Or what? I should make one
to show her what a pig you are.

You're right, I lied
and I feel awful about it.

But my feelings for you are real.

I knew this would happen,
but I couldn't stop myself.

All I think about
is running away with you.

But you didn't.
You came here with her.

It's very difficult.

Especially after the accident.
I can't leave her.

What accident?

What are you doing to do?
Stay with her out of pity?

These things happen, Jonas.
You can't feel guilty about them.

Yes, I can.

Jonas...

Here's my gift.

What is it?

Oh, a voucher. For sex.

It expires in 3 hours.
You'd better cash it soon.

Anything I want?

Your wildest fantasy.

You sure?

-You sure?
-Yes.

In the ass?

Careful! Careful!

Careful!

Careful!

You're gonna break me!

Yeah, baby!
I'm gonna break you!

I can't tell you I'm sorry.

I had no right
to put you through this.

But believe me.
I never wanted to hurt you.

Well... I imagine
I feel really bad for you.

I wish things were different
and we could be together.

I'm so sorry, Ruth.

I told you he was a jerk.

Yeah, but he feels responsible
for what happened.

That makes him a good person,
right?

A good person?

He's a coward. He'd rather
cheat on her than leave her.

Can I have a drag?

-You stopped.
-It's a good day to start again.

Okay, but go easy. It's strong weed.
Mikel's friend got it for me.

It's just what I needed.

-Go easy.
-Ruth! Come on!

You have to go inside!

Alex is asking for you!

Okay, first I'd like
to thank everyone for coming.

I wanted to tell you that
when I decided to have the operation

what scared me most
wasn't the scalpel.

It was...

It was being alone.

Gorgeous!

Sorry.

The hormones make me cry
all the time.

I've spent my whole life

pretending to be someone else.

I even had a girlfriend
who I lied to

and used so no one would suspect.

I feel sick.

And today she forgave me.

I told you it was strong weed.
You're pale.

And she's here to support me.

That's the best gift of all.

I feel dizzy.

Thank you, Ruth.
I love you!

Unbelievable!

Unbelievable!

What is?

The ex-girlfriend.

Oh. Yeah.

She has no dignity.
How could she come to the wedding?

I would never!

Never!
And we're supposed to believe

she didn't realize what Alex was
like when she was with him. Please!

Have you seen his arms?
He looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger!

If a woman doesn't see that,
it's because she doesn't want to.

You fucking bitch!

Slut!

You did it on purpose, you bitch!

Sorry, I didn't mean to...

Bitch!

Hurry up, this stinks.

It sure does.

All set, honey.

You're a piece of shit.

I don't want to argue.

You're hurting her, don't you see?

You don't know anything.

Yes, I do. Jerks like you have
broken her heart a hundred times.

You don't deserve her.

I just wanted to clarify that
for you.

Stop chatting like a schmuck!
Can we leave or what?

I'm coming, Catalina, darling.

Listen to her.
You'd better leave.

I swear...

Where are you going?

No...

No, no, no...

He's my friend!

He's my friend...

I saw the Jonas thing coming.

You can't trust a guy who pumps gas
with plastic gloves.

In fact you should patent that.

Whenever someone mistreats people
or gets bitchy...

Splat!
Shit in their face.

I don't think I'll fall asleep.
Maybe we can be quiet for a while.

I don't know.

When Alex was a guy
he was good-looking, right?

Have you got a photo?

She's charismatic, elegant,
a great actress...

But let's face it.
Kate Winslet is not pretty.

Are we far away?

No, we're almost there.

Then maybe I should break out
the heavy artillery.

Well?

What?

What's wrong?

-You're not going to sing?
-No.

Embarrassed?

-I don't feel like it.
-You're embarrassed.

-You're embarrassed!
-No.

No?

You are such a dork.

Come on, here it comes!
Here it comes!

There's a spot over there
on the right.

No, it's too tight.

Come on, you can do it.

You think?

You'll see.

You see?

Okay, pull out and turn earlier.

I think I hit it hard.

-No...
-Did I?

Keep laughing.

Dani, let's forget it.

No way, it's perfect.
You live right there. He can wait.

-I'll help you.
-I can't.

Pull out.

Dani, why don't you park it?

Stop whining and just do it.

But...

Listen to me, trust yourself.

Okay, pull out.

Okay.

Back up.

That's it.

Good.

Perfect.
Now straighten it out.

There you go, all set.

Yes!

-Eat shit and die!
-Have a nice day!

Yes, yes, yes!

I did it! I did it!
Look!

I get a little credit, don't I?

Right...

It wasn't such a bad night.

We didn't hook up with any crazy
photographers, but it was fun.

Anyway...

It looks like it's time for bed.

Or to get up.

Thanks for everything, Dani.

Seriously.

Thank you.

Ruth...

You're bummed about Jonas and
you'll regret it. I don't want that.

I'm sorry, Dani.
I'm a selfish idiot.

It's not that.
Tomorrow you'll run away again

and I'm all out of jokes
to make you think I don't care.

I think it's time for me to go.

Boss...

You live that way.

What are you doing here?

-What do you want?
-I know I shouldn't be here.

I know it's wrong
and I'll leave if you want.

But I had to see you, Ruth.

I needed to.

I've been trying to convince myself
not to all night.

"Don't go, it's wrong."

But I can't.

I want to be with you.

All I'm asking is a little time
to soften the blow.

To help her accept
that we're going to be apart.

I know I have no right
to put you through this.

And I'm sorry.

Hold on a little for us.

Please.

One last effort.

I guess I can wait a little longer.

Just a little.

You're the best.

This is Dani's answering machine.

I was going to leave a funny message
but I'm too lazy.

Ruthy, it's Sara.

Yeah. Look, I can't talk to you
right now.

Nature Magazine called.
They want to publish your research.

What?

They love your lobster research.

They want to do a feature
on cell regeneration.

But I didn't send them anything.

Come on, I'm not mad anymore.
There's no need to keep hiding it.

Let's get to the point.

We need to make the most of it.
It could be great publicity for us.

I want you to do a presentation
at the symposium next month.

We need to make
all the noise we can. Quickly.

No...

What? I can't hear you.

I said no.

What do you mean?

I want time to do things right.

And I want...

I want my own team.

And money to keep testing
before I decide on the next phase.

Okay,

let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Sara, this is how it's going to be.
I have faith in the project.

If you don't,
another university will.

And another thing.
Never call me "Ruthy" again.

Okay.

Hi.

I told her I have a conference
on Botox.

Huge pain in the ass.

I think she bought it.

Ruth, we can leave anytime.

Yeah.

Do you mind if we turn off
that crap?

I'm still a little nervous.

Yeah.

I would recommend a small dog.

Mine is so tall
he shit in my hood.

Look, there's a spot.

Oops.

Sorry. No problem.

No problem.

Want me to do it?

That guy is getting nervous.
What do we do?

Ruth.

What do we do?

Get out.

I'm lousy at helping people park.
Always have been.

Jonas, it's over.

So don't make it harder on me.
Get out of my car.

Why?

Because this isn't what I want.
And I won't take it anymore.

No more.

You seem nervous,
probably from hitting that car.

-Can we talk it over calmly?
-Jonas, get out.

Get out!

Ruth, you're late!

We were waiting for you.
You have to read a passage.

Did you write something nice?

A poem?
Make me look good.

You know what?

What?

I don't give a shit
about your damn wedding.

Having the balls to invite me
only proves what a schmuck you are.

Ruth, I don't understand.

Ruth...

I'll get it.

Hi.

Well? Are you writing my article
for Nature Magazine?

No.

No, I'm on YouTube.
I just got a gem.

Well, it's official.
We're going to be on the cover.

All I did was cut and paste.

No, you did a lot more than that.

And you were right, I was scared.

But I didn't come here
to talk about lobsters.

I know...

it might be too late...

and I'm older than you,
I'm your boss...

and the menage-a-trois
didn't work out.

Don't hold that against me.

But I want to be with you.

Can you forget the computer
for a second?

I'm trying to open my heart
to you here...

I think you should watch this video.

Can we watch it later?

Can you stop looking at that
and look at me?

Who do you think I'm looking at?

What?

What? That's me!
Who recorded this?

Watch out!

No, please...

It's a huge hit.

-I have to leave the country, right?
-You can't hide.

Six million hits worldwide.

Six million?

That's a lot, isn't it?

Cupcake!

Poor thing...

What the fuck are you doing?

Stop recording, damn it!

Hey, it's okay.

I've always wanted to date a star.

Even one on YouTube.

Holy shit!

It's coming!

It's coming...

25 YEARS EARLIER

Ruth, you know I love you
and I always will.

But right now I have to leave.

Mom and I can't live together.

It's nobody's fault,
when you grow up you'll understand.

Sometimes a woman overwhelms a man.

She smothers him,
screws up his dreams...

Promise me you won't do that to
your boyfriends. Take care of them.

Don't try to change them
or castrate them.

Don't humiliate them
or make them cry in public.

Don't laugh at their body hair.

If you do, you'll end up alone,
like your mother, the bitch.

The patch was her idea.