Three Many Weddings (2013) Movie Script

I don't know, Ruth.

I need a girl who's more

stimulating,

who spices up the relationship.

We've been together 3 years

and everything is the same.

What can we look forward to?

Ending up like them?

It's all so...

petit bourgeois.

They're lying to themselves.

They think responsibility and

commitment will make them happier,

but that's not true.

It's not. Only those of us who live

outside the system know the truth.

And the truth is we're alone.

Yeah, you're telling me.

At least we think alike.

That's the problem, Ruth.

You always agree with me.

I don't know who you are.

Or what you like.

Like videotaping ourselves...

-I like that.

-You're lying.

You hold back. You're turned off

by the camera, I can tell.

Fine, but what matters

is we love each other.

We can try and make it work.

You're not supposed to try,

you're supposed to get horny.

I need a girlfriend

who goes wild in bed,

who asks me to try new things.

What's left to try?

You mean sadomasochism?

No, no.

Right?

Why "no, no"?

Sadomasochism.

I could go for you hitting me.

Yeah, I mean hard.

Punch me for real,

make me bleed.

I mean a serious injury.

I want people at work

to be suspicious.

I'll make up excuses

and they won't believe me.

More excuses, more suspicion...

Damn, I'm getting horny

just thinking about it.

Yeah, me too.

You did it again.

-Did what?

-You agreed with me again.

If it doesn't turn you on,

that's fine.

It's fine.

I don't like getting hit either.

You think I'm a pervert?

I... I can't go on

with a relationship like this.

Maybe we can discuss it

at another time.

Yeah, but the subject came up,

we should talk about it.

I think if we talk about it later

at home,

we can work it out.

I can change.

No, Ruth. It's over.

-Hurray for the newlyweds!

-Hurray!

I have a feeling she'll be next.

She's going to cry!

How cute!

Tell me the bar is free.

-Great news. You must be thrilled.

-Yes, I am.

How long have you known?

Two months, but we wanted to be sure

before telling anyone.

-Hi, Ruth. You hear the news?

-Sara's pregnant!

The girls say they can tell.

That I look prettier, happier...

But I don't know.

I feel fatter every day.

What? You look great!

Yeah, what do you mean?

You look...

Okay, let's stop talking about me,

I'm blushing.

-Get to work!

-Sara, one thing.

I'm making progress

with the lobsters

and I thought maybe we could present

my project to the subsidy committee.

I love the work you've done,

it's innovative and very bold.

And I appreciate the extra hours

you've put in

since Pedro dumped you,

but you know the committee.

Profit, that's all they care about.

But I think if we can understand

cell regeneration in lobsters,

the applications could be

very profitable.

Of course. And I support you

working on it, in your free time.

The cutbacks are coming.

We have to focus on getting results.

But don't worry,

I got them to send us someone else.

The new intern. He's going

to write his thesis with us.

Unpaid.

He's over there.

This is Daniel...

-Sampari.

-Dani.

Dani.

I'm busy, so Ruth

will take care of you.

Nice to meet you, boss.

Well, you can call her that

if you want.

We're not into hierarchies.

Imagine having to call me "boss."

Anyway,

Ruth will show you the ropes,

okay?

"Boss."

Get to work!

-They're all females?

-Yes.

When they mate, the females lose

their shells and the males eat them.

Female lobsters, female workers...

The only male is the unpaid intern.

This place is very egalitarian.

You haven't heard the worst part.

You have to pee sitting down.

Okay.

We won't be paying much attention

to the lobsters,

but you can start by entering

all this into the data base.

Written on both sides of the page.

Great.

That's your desk.

Dani, how are those graphs coming?

Great. They're not ready yet,

but I'm on it.

That's not the internet, is it?

I'm offended you think

that of me, boss.

Right.

You're lucky your mom

cooks for you.

Yeah, right. My mom wishes

she could cook like this.

Nailing a yogurt pound cake

with walnuts takes real talent.

Want some?

Yeah. I'm going to the gym later

anyway.

If my trainer saw me,

she'd kill me.

Is she tough?

The worst.

Right, right, left.

Come on, let's go!

Right, right, left.

Don't hold back.

Feel that adrenaline rush!

Can we start with something easier?

Pilates, sauna, water jets...

Water jets? Pilates?

A sauna won't get rid of

that cottage cheese.

You need cardio.

Don't worry, it gets better.

We throw in some kicks... Bam!

Whatever you say, Mom.

Combination. Right, right, left.

Come on, let's see it.

-I can't!

-What do you mean?

You're out of shape.

No wonder. All day in that lab.

You'll turn into a hamster.

-How long since he dumped you?

-It was mutual. 3 months.

You see? If I'd done the same

when your dad left me,

I'd be bored, bitter and I'd have

an ass like a bull ring.

Sure, so you joined the Fight Club.

I just want you to get out

and have fun.

And get laid.

Please!

That's right.

Water.

You're too soft.

You still aren't over it.

You need to show him

he can't treat you this way!

What do you want me to do?

Nothing, leave it to me.

There are two studly

Kosovar Albanians working here.

Real pros.

What are you trying to say?

You want to hire thugs

to break his legs?

I said they're pros.

They won't break anything.

-It worked great on your dad.

-Dad?

He was a kitten after that.

And it gave me a huge rush.

Come on. Right, right.

Imagine it's him.

Bastard! You can't treat

my daughter like that!

Motherfucker!

Come on, pretend it's him.

Jerk! Go on, hit him.

He's standing right here. Bam!

Boss, how about a few beers

to celebrate you not firing me yet?

Okay.

But just one.

I don't know.

-I want something glamorous.

-Say no more.

One Cosmopolitan, coming right up.

I'll take something unglamorous.

A rum and Coke.

Another one!

Looks like the lobsters

will have to wait.

They're stupid animals.

The females deserve to get eaten.

Why do they keep trying?

Why not just be alone and happy?

It's instinct.

Ducks fly south,

mantises eat their mates

and lobsters like men

who mistreat them.

Luckily after all this evolution

it doesn't affect us anymore.

-Yeah, just as well.

-Right.

-We're leaving.

-Already?

I'm pregnant.

Really? We hadn't realized.

With the baby, I can't drink

as much as some people.

I need to pee.

Wow.

And some creep who thinks

he's Ronaldo kept hitting on us.

Hitting on us?

He didn't say a word,

he just kept flexing his pecks.

It didn't work?

I thought that worked every time.

Only someone desperate

would hook up with him.

Which one is he?

That one.

Morning, gorgeous.

Hi.

-You don't remember me?

-Yes.

Good. It happens all the time

when go home with drunk girls.

They wake up and say,

"No, it was a mistake."

"I was too drunk."

And they kick me out in 5 minutes.

And that's not very polite now,

is it?

I kill myself in the gym

to have nice muscles,

I spend a bundle

at the tanning salon...

Yeah, and you have accessories.

The diamond earring,

all that hair...

How about it?

You want an encore?

No, I'm not a morning person.

You know, bad breath...

Want some breakfast?

Okay.

I need to send some emails...

Sure,

go ahead.

-I just friended you on Facebook.

-Okay.

Are you connected?

So you can accept.

There.

Yeah. Look at this.

Who is "Mikel alias The Rider"?

My ex. Why?

-He just tagged a video.

-What?

Hey, guys! What's up?

You're wondering

why I'm uploading a video

after being away so long,

looking for the perfect wave...

I've got news.

That's your ex?

It was right here.

He's buff.

I was in the sand

and a hottie appeared

with a body you wouldn't believe,

and I've seen plenty.

She took me to her place...

I never had it so good

in my whole life.

We humped like crazy

while her sister made dinner...

and we're still going.

So The Rider has fallen, kids.

I'm getting married.

If you're hearing this,

you're invited to the wedding.

Are his deltoids bigger than mine?

I'll get it.

But... This is my apartment.

-Yes?

-Certified letter for Ruth Belloso.

Excuse me...

All set.

Can I have it?

What a coincidence!

Another invitation.

Another one?

"Alex y Sagrario,

Villapuebla de Medinaceli."

Hey, that town is awesome.

You from there? Family of yours?

Co-workers, right?

That's my guess.

There's no prize for guessing right.

Well?

Another ex-boyfriend.

Another ex-boyfriend inviting me

to his wedding. Okay?

Okay, so I'll talk to you later...

Okay.

Bye!

Yeah, I'm going that way too.

Luna! Luna!

Luna!

Hi, Luna, gorgeous!

Did you miss me?

What are you doing here?

The dog is mine this week.

You share the dog?

Shared custody.

She loves us both, she can't stand

being away from either of us.

By the way, I'm Pedro,

Ruth's ex.

No, really? Another one?

What is this, Candid Camera?

Ruth, it's not about the dog.

I have very important news.

Fine, just don't say

you're getting married because...

Who told you?

How do you know?

-You're getting married?

-That's right.

I thought you said it was

too "peti-boogars."

I said " petit-bourgeois ."

What can I say?

I think you opened my eyes.

Me?

Yeah. Dumping you made me grow up.

You grew up in 3 months?

I'm surprised too,

it was super fast.

But I've discovered

that when you're really in love,

everything just fits.

I realized that when I was with you

I had to suppress my feelings

so I wouldn't suffer.

While with Marta I feel fulfilled.

I'm complete. Alive.

Alive!

Sure, man.

Hey, congratulations.

That's exactly what I'm looking for.

Okay. Good luck.

Ruth...

It's important to me

that you come.

You were a part of my life,

you were there for me...

You've really helped me.

Come.

Please.

It would be so nice.

Well... I guess I can try.

Thanks!

You're the best.

Thanks a lot.

See you there.

Ruth... Bring him if you want.

There's no problem.

Cool, huh?

Well? What do you think?

I think it sucks!

A bullshit wedding!

Now you bring it to me, huh?

Hey!

Surfing the internet

during work hours?

Which part of "I'm your boss"

did you not understand?

Okay, okay.

I see we're touchy.

I'm sorry, Dani.

My ex-boyfriend is getting married

and I was looking at photos

of his fiancé. I'm a mess.

No, we've all done that.

That's the one who dumped you

at the wedding?

That's the first thing the girls

told me about you.

No. This one's getting married too,

but he's Mikel.

Damn, you're in for quite a season.

Why does this guy want

to get married?

I don't know.

Go on, turn it off.

-No!

-Let me see!

It was a phase of my life

I'd rather forget.

You should tag it, your contacts

deserve to see it.

I look awful.

Not everyone agrees.

Read the comments.

"I forgot about that ex of yours,

she gives me a hummer!"

What crap is that?

"I think she's still single

and a little wacky.

So you might have a chance."

He writes that on Facebook

and invites me to his wedding.

What an idiot.

-You should go.

-Yeah?

Why, so he can set me up

with Crazytooth?

To show him he's wrong.

That he's wrong?

Dani, I'm single.

And you've seen me

when I drink too much.

Hey, don't diss yourself.

It's the truth.

Besides, if I went alone

it would only prove them right.

Then I'll go with you.

What? I don't even know

if I want to go.

Gee, I don't know. Free food, booze

and chicks who want to go wild.

Of course I want to go.

But especially to help my boss

show this dick what he's missing.

Trust me, it'll be a blast.

No.

No way!

I should never have let that woman

sell me this damn dress!

Boss, there's something

I don't get.

What?

Why do people pay for porn?

Porn? Do we have to talk

about that right now?

Pay websites are huge.

Who uses them?

How should I know? Get me a tissue

from the glove compartment.

You know how much free porn

is out there?

Take your pick:

gay, lesbian, interracial, MILF,

pregnant women, bukkake,

golden showers, squirting,

fistfucking, amateur, gangbang...

Okay, I get the idea.

There are people who see all that

for free and still say:

"I need more. I'm going to pay."

-Maybe it's higher quality.

-What do you mean?

I don't watch porn.

But there's nothing you'd pay for?

No. No.

But it would be nice if they made

the situations more arousing.

More arousing?

Sure, that's exactly what it needs.

They go so out of their way

to avoid subtlety and romance...

That's not what I mean.

Seriously, Dani. You're nuts.

What's a "buzake"?

Or "bukkake"...

One thing. Don't pretend

I'm your boyfriend.

Trust me, it's the worst strategy

of all time.

I wasn't planning to.

Why is everyone dressed in white?

Because it's a beach wedding.

Why didn't anyone tell me?

Excuse me? Can I take some pictures

of you two?

-Sure.

-Yeah?

-Like that.

-Boss.

No. Don't look at the camera.

Get lost in space.

You're two soap bubbles.

Weightless...

and beautiful.

Look, it's Mikel!

That's why he's getting married.

"Mikel's getting married."

When I heard, I said...

"Ouch."

But then I smoked

a big fat doobie and thought:

"Why can't a surfer get married?

That's prejudice."

Okay, okay, it's true.

The partying, the traveling...

But I have three kids...

and they might be in Indonesia

and I've never seen them,

but I get them surfboards

for wholesale.

Ruth!

Hi!

It's me, Lucia.

Hi! What's up?

-How are you?

-Great.

What's this?

This was an insemination

and this one's in vitro.

What do you think?

Hey!

Look, look!

Oh, well.

There, there. It's okay.

I'm out of milk, but it's the only

way to calm him down. Here.

Being a single mother

is the best thing I ever did.

I felt the need.

Especially nowadays.

The only ones who have kids

are immigrants, gypsies

and the Opus Dei.

At this rate, in a few years...

-Have you got kids?

-No, no.

But I recycle a lot

to leave them

-a better world.

-You recycle.

There, there, there...

Okay, I think that's all.

So...

let's get it on!

Everybody kiss each other!

No, no, no!

Ruther!

How great that you came!

I mean... and look at that!

Damn, you're something.

I thought you wouldn't have

the snatch.

Why not? I'm doing great.

Actually I've never been better.

Sure, that is really awesome.

Totally awesome.

Having you here

to share a day like this...

really means a lot to me.

Ruther!

Hot damn!

Oh, he's your...

Her friend Dani.

What's up, Dani?

Yeah, we say "friends"

to avoid the labels.

Right, honey?

It's easier that way.

Yeah, I've been chasing her

for months,

but the line is too long, so if you

have any single lady friends...

No problem, bro.

This place is full of hotties.

How cool, huh?

How is everything, Ruther?

You were into...

shrimp or something, right?

Yeah, lobsters. They're lobsters.

We're doing tons of research,

it's an important project.

-I'm very happy.

-That's great.

Hey, we cooked a bunch for dinner.

Take a look.

Hi!

Natasha.

Congratulations.

-Hi.

Sorry we didn't say hi before.

This is such a crazy wedding...

Everything's crazy with Mikel.

I mean we know each other.

We went out for a long time.

A really, really long time.

Longer than you, but...

we don't want to talk about that.

How are you?

Are you happy?

Horny.

Is that the right word?

No, you got mixed up.

But that's okay, we understood.

-You mean you're having a blast.

-Yeah.

And I feel like fucking.

Oh.

You got the right word then.

No, no, no!

Aitor!

That guy is too much.

You have to meet him.

Okay, kids.

Have fun, Ruther!

We're off to a good start.

We know nobody here

except my ex and his horny bride.

And you won't talk to me,

you're too busy with the buffet.

I can't help myself.

I need to try everything.

With a fixed menu

you know what you're getting,

but here I feel like people are

trying to take food away from me.

-But I can still talk.

-Sure.

What about, porn again?

I don't get that tone.

It's as valid a subject as any.

You know what I would outlaw?

You don't watch porn.

Yeah, but it affects me.

Every guy I go out with does.

Cumming in someone's face.

What's the point?

The girls waiting for it,

like they want it. Well, they don't.

They open their mouths,

but they don't.

Because it'll get in their eyes.

Bullshit. Semen doesn't taste good.

It's not yummy.

You make an effort

for that special someone,

but Ferran Adrià won't be making

semen foam for shrimp any time soon.

-Will he?

-I hope not.

I've always preferred ketchup.

-Have you got any?

-Ketchup?

-For the shrimp?

-Please.

Thank you.

I always get weird looks,

but I love it.

See you around.

Well?

What?

What? I don't know.

The glances, the smiles,

now the crap about the ketchup...

I thought I was single and wacky.

Just because I let a guy look at me

doesn't mean

I go home with the first one

who does.

At least until I've had 3 drinks.

Well?

You're not giving up?

No. I always start with a girl

who's obviously out of my league.

For 3 reasons.

One: You never know.

Two: Rejection keeps you

on your toes.

And three: When I hook one

a little uglier than her

I'll be a lot more grateful.

So to answer your question...

No, I'm only warming up.

Don't look now, but the ketchup guy

keeps checking you out.

-He's nuts about you.

-Seriously?

Third drink.

Will you please dance with me?

Well, okay.

Sure.

What happened?

Sorry, I really like your boobs.

Okay.

Don't worry about it.

These things happen.

What we'll do now

is wait for you...

to relax.

Let's go sit down.

Come on.

No, please!

Everyone will see!

Okay. Then we'll play it off.

Here we go.

Right, left. Let's go.

Right, left.

You see? Nobody's watching.

Good.

Right, left, right, left,

right, left...

Conga! Conga!

Conga!

No, Mikel!

Not the Conga!

No, stop, stop!

Stop!

Dani, make them stop!

The boy has a woody!

Turn!

-Good evening.

-What's up?

Excuse me, I'd like...

something sexy,

something glamorous.

How about a Cosmopolitan?

Sorry, I don't know how to make one.

If you tell me I can try.

That's okay.

Give me a rum and Coke.

I feel bad.

Let's try, that way I can learn.

No, the ingredients

are very complicated.

For example, it has...

papaya skin... aged.

Ruther!

I was looking for you.

Remember Crazytooth?

-My buddy Aritz.

-No, no.

He's crazy but he's a great guy

and he thinks you're hot.

Yeah, but...

I'm over my surfer phase.

Oh.

Oh, right, okay.

I get the picture.

You're more into guys who read

and all that.

I got your wifi, Ruther.

-We have papaya skin.

-And raspberry extract?

-Nice party, huh?

-Yeah.

Do you know Ruth?

No. We spoke earlier,

but we haven't met.

Then it's official.

He's...

Jonas.

Jonas, the best plastic surgeon

around.

He operated on my finger when mine

got amputated in Annapurna.

It looks great. I didn't even notice

until you showed me.

He means his toe.

A common procedure.

It's perfect, man, perfect.

I don't walk so great anymore,

but I can wave hi to the kids.

Here's the raspberry.

What else?

You guys have everything.

Two parts vodka, lemon...

a little African black pepper

and some shrimp juice.

Perfect.

Yeah.

Ruth is something else,

she's something else.

She knows a lot about lobsters,

more than anyone in Spain.

And she goes all out.

-Well, not really...

-Not really?

She's crazy, take it from me.

She'd have to be to go out with me.

You two were together?

-They were strange years.

-Sure.

-Remember the trip to Morocco?

-No.

-Not really.

-Here you go, beautiful.

You don't remember because

we were high the whole time.

We had the most amazing hash...

Pure pollen.

When we reached the border

she insisted

on carrying it because I always

get stopped for looking radical.

So she stuck it in her box.

I thought you were going

to get nailed but no,

she kept her cool.

She was a real trooper.

Two days, man.

They had there, stark naked,

searching her,

squatting for hours...

I think he gets the idea...

She put it down there, you know?

In her snatch!

I don't know where she put it

because

not even the X-ray saw it.

She must have put it

way back there.

That was me!

Hey, Crazytooth!

Abort, abort, she's not into it.

-Want some space cake?

-Sure!

-Go on, try it.

-Here goes.

Damn!

Doctor Frankenstein

getting high at my wedding.

This will be historic!

What do you mean?

What's in it?

Shrooms, fungus, stinkhorns,

the works.

Who knows?

This guy goes all the way.

Relax and enjoy the ride.

You okay?

I'm very worried.

I don't take drugs,

I'm hypersensitive to chemicals.

-Why did you eat it?

-I don't know.

"Space cake."

I think I'm gonna freak out.

No, look.

You only took a little bite.

You won't feel it.

Are my pupils normal or dilated?

-Fine.

-Yeah?

Yeah. You're fine.

I'm fine.

-It's okay.

Don't get paranoid.

I won't get paranoid.

Get up. There.

Sorry for spoiling the party.

It's the best thing

that's happened to me all night.

-Here.

-Here?

There.

That's it. Better?

Yeah.

What's wrong?

Hallucinations.

They're starting.

This one is typical.

Standard.

There's a midget smoking a cigar.

That's Juanito!

-Mikel's cousin.

-It is?

He's coming over.

What do I do?

He's going to hear you.

-Stop staring.

-I can't. I'm mesmerized.

Look at him.

Think about something else.

-Something else?

-Yeah.

Right.

I just went blank.

Do you go to many patients'

weddings?

Yeah.

Weddings, baptisms, communions,

birthdays...

They always invite me

because they wanna thank me...

and I can't say no. But it's fine

because I get more patients.

-I'm talking pretty fast.

-Yeah.

It's okay.

Look, here we are.

-Facing the sea.

-The sea.

Take a deep breath.

I never realized...

how bright the stars are here.

There are millions of them.

-I should have eaten some.

-So many!

This is incredible!

Holy shit!

I can't believe I'm saying it,

but I'm dying to kiss you.

Who's stopping you?

Who's stopping me?

Nobody.

Maybe we can get out of here.

If you want to.

Do you want to?

Yes.

Seriously? Cool!

Will you wait here

while I go to the bathroom?

Of course!

Where would I go?

The stars.

-All set.

-Hi.

Hi. Say hi to Ruth.

Shit fucking damn it!

What happened?

I left the thermal protective wipes

in the car.

He can't go without them.

Hold him a second, I'll go get them.

-But...

-It'll only be second.

Well?

Nice wedding, huh?

Did you like the party?

Damn!

What...?

Done?

There, there...

There, there, there...

It was only a little bump.

It was nothing.

Excuse me, Miss.

-You know Ruth, right?

-Yes.

Can you check if she's still

in the bathroom?

I've been waiting for her

and I'm worried.

It's my fault.

She's watching my baby for me.

But don't think I leave my baby

with just anyone.

Ruth is great with kids.

She'll be an awesome mother,

take it from me.

Holy shit!

What the fuck are you doing?

Get your tit out of his mouth,

you filthy whore!

What a hussy!

Wait! Let me explain!

Nasty bitch!

You'd better let her go.

He was crying and she said

that's how she makes it stop.

So I got out my tit and...

It's okay, I believe you.

Don't believe her!

That's a filthy thing to do!

Who would do such a thing

with someone else's baby?

Especially with that black nipple!

It's a white baby!

Are you crazy?

You'll traumatize the poor thing!

A black nipple for a white baby!

How gross!

There, there...

I feel bad but I have to go.

There's an emergency

at the clinic.

Someone needs a prosthesis

in the middle of the night?

It's not an excuse.

I had a great time with you.

Seriously.

You're not even going to ask me

for my number?

I'll friend you on Facebook.

Ruth Belloso.

My nipple isn't black...

Another Cosmopolitan?

Tequila. The bottle.

-Looking for this?

-Yeah.

Boss, were you gonna leave

without saying goodbye?

Don't argue, you'll spoil it.

Last night the three of us

created something wonderful.

The energy flowing

through our bodies

was unstoppable.

Something almost sacred.

Come here.

Come to me.

Give me a hug.

Good.

That's it.

Anyway, thanks a lot.

I think I'm gonna go.

No...

No, no, no...

That's Takeshi and Lars.

Wait...

Here.

I can't find the Ben Wa balls,

you might still have them in there.

I'm sure you think this is funny,

but I'm not in the mood.

That's the door, boss.

Boss... Seriously,

don't leave like this.

Leave me alone.

Where's the bathroom?

I think I left my purse

at the wedding.

Can you lend me money

for a taxi?

Oh, yes, German...

That feels so good.

No, damn it.

Don't answer.

Nothing outside of this jacuzzi

matters.

Fuck!

Who died?

I did. I need your keys

to my apartment. Don't ask.

Well now. It looks like the wedding

wasn't so bad.

Actually...

I'd rather not go into detail.

Hello. I'm German.

Hello!

-Can I make you two breakfast?

-No, she's leaving.

I had no idea...

Where did you meet him?

Where do you think? With my Visa.

The stud charges by the hour.

Hurry up, the meter is running.

Now he's having breakfast...

I'll call you later!

You know I'm totally interested

in your stuff. Tell me everything.

I love you.

You look awful, go to bed. Bye!

German!

Today you have to give me

a discount.

We've wasted the whole morning

screwing around!

Boss... Here.

The video we made the other night.

You'll probably erase it,

but I wouldn't. There's a part

with you and the photographer

that's hard core porn.

Filthy.

I'm joking.

What do you take me for?

Guys! The girls brought me

some gifts for the baby.

Some are big and look expensive.

You know I think it's too mushy,

but they insisted and I feel bad.

You can come if you want.

Dani, I was totally drunk

and totally high.

It was crazy, so we should never

joke about it or mention it again.

Fine, if you can't be mature

about it.

-Talking about it helps.

-No, it doesn't.

It's wrong for you to fuck us

to get back at that guy

and then walk out on us.

Miss Soap Bubble is devastated.

She says her pain flies

with dove wings.

Seriously, boss...

I don't want any weird vibes

between us.

Because I'd have to join

Sara's group.

And I didn't get her anything.

"It's me, Jonas, from the wedding.

I'm not into the whole

social networking thing,

but I'd like to be your friend

on Facebook and in real life,

if possible.

Sorry I left like that and I hope

you'll meet me for coffee sometime."

Who wants to see me?

A guy who saw you breastfeeding

a baby and took off running.

You prefer him to us?

I really like him.

Besides, look. I was wrong.

He really did have an emergency.

You're breaking my heart.

You know that, right?

Cool, bro. Bull's-eye!

Boys, you can't do this.

I want to talk to your father.

He can't right now,

he's fucking your mom.

He's doing what?

Right on your head, retard!

Hit him in the face!

-Schmuck!

-Run!

Pretty apartment.

-Are you okay?

-Yeah.

Yeah? You sure?

Sorry.

-Which way?

-That way.

Good morning.

I'm late for work,

but it was an incredible night.

Right.

But do you mean an incredible night

we'll never forget...

or an incredible night

and you want more?

I don't know.

Do you want more?

I mean, if you don't, that's okay.

It's...

Anyway...

All I know is

I want to see you again.

Okay.

Call me.

Yes!

Yes, yes, yes!

Yes!

The mattress is too hard.

Did you notice? I thought

jumping on it might soften it.

My jacket.

I see you took the vitamins

I gave you.

No.

It's not the pills,

-Mom.

-It's not?

No.

You got laid!

Mom!

I'm so happy for you!

Come on.

Ten more minutes to celebrate.

I'm so proud of you.

You gave it everything you had

and you did it.

Mom... thank you!

I mean, we're only starting out,

but...

that means a lot coming from you.

-I mean your work-out.

-Oh.

But I'm glad you met someone,

I really am.

-I think it's great.

-But?

-But nothing.

-Come on, I know you. Spit it out.

Every time you meet a guy

you get so intense

that you forget yourself.

I don't like it.

Don't worry,

I'll keep coming to the gym.

I just want you to be happy.

Don't think men solve problems.

Most of the time

they are the problem.

I know, but what should I do?

Assume he's a jerk?

-Sorry for being excited.

-No, I understand.

Look.

The jerk wants to take me

to a movie.

Go ahead, enjoy it.

Don't listen to me,

I'm an old bag who hires gigolos.

That's right, ma'am.

I hire gigolos.

I pay them, I fuck them...

More than once if possible.

Till they're dry.

How do you like that?

Want the agency's number?

They have good product.

Mom, please...

We'll go together!

I know one who's perfect for you!

And Nicolas Cage.

I never miss his movies.

He fascinates me. Not as an actor.

His hair implants.

People don't notice a masterpiece.

John Travolta is up there.

In "Face/Off"

I couldn't make up my mind.

Can you hold this

while I go to the bathroom?

Perfect. Hi.

Hi, Ruth.

It's me, Alex.

Your ex.

This must be awful for you.

I'm sorry.

What are you, a transv...

transsexual?

-I'm a woman.

-A woman?

You mean a woman, woman.

We're talking about...

cutting it off.

I was ashamed but I had to do it.

Besides, Sagrario was there with me

the whole time, supporting me...

What is Sagrario, a woman?

I don't know, even though

you had the operation...

you might be a lesbian.

You always liked women.

Sagrario is a man.

He has a weird name

because he's Cuban,

but he's wonderful. You'll meet him

Saturday at the wedding.

You'll love him.

I don't think that's a good idea.

I know. I have no right to ask you.

You must hate me.

No, I don't hate you.

If you're a happy man... woman...

Yeah, but I thought you would be

at my wedding and...

and it would be a special day...

and I know it must be awful

for you but...

I think I can try to be there.

You're the best, Ruth, the best!

I'll never forget this!

I don't get it.

Why don't you invite him?

Because I really like this one,

I don't want to scare him.

That's nonsense. Why would he?

It's an exotic wedding.

Yeah, right. My transsexual

ex-boyfriend's wedding.

The perfect 4th date.

Sure, it's better to coerce me,

your menage-a-trois intern

to go with you.

Nice going, boss.

I'm sorry, Dani.

I know I shouldn't have asked you,

but...

-Please, come with me.

-I don't know.

Though I do have a morbid curiosity

about meeting your ex.

-You owe me two now.

-Ruthy.

I need to talk to you.

We need space for the jellyfish.

The lobsters have to go.

What's the problem?

Where are they taking them?

A restaurant made an offer.

I already said absolutely not.

But we could use the money.

But Sara, listen to me...

Isn't there something else

we can do?

Unless someone takes them home.

And another thing.

I need the samples

I asked you for.

I understand you're busy

with your new boyfriend

and we're all very happy for you,

but you have to make ends meet.

I can't wait until he dumps you

for you to get your act together.

What a bitch.

Yeah, but that bitch

runs this laboratory.

Especially if nobody

stands up to her.

What good would that do?

I don't know, but you could try

and see what happens.

Why don't you publish your research

on your own?

What are you talking about?

It's not ready yet.

Besides, if nobody here

is interested, who else would be?

I would be.

Oh, yeah?

Three Many Weddings (2013) - full transcript