Three Cockeyed Sailors (1940) - full transcript
Three British sailors find they've accidentally strayed on board a Nazi ship during WWII. They then proceed to take it over and requisition it for the Royal Navy.
♪ Of all the lives a man can lead ♪
♪ there's none that's like a sailor's ♪
♪ it's very much more exciting ♪
♪ than a tinker's ♪
♪ or a tailor's ♪
♪ he leaves his home sweet home ♪
♪ it seems he loves to roam ♪
♪ all over the place ♪
♪ wherever the sea ♪
♪ may happen to be ♪
♪ a sailor is found ♪
♪ knocking around ♪
♪ he's all over the place ♪
♪ all over the place ♪
♪ the north or the south ♪
♪ the east or the west ♪
♪ there's half of the world ♪
♪ tattooed on his chest ♪
♪ and ♪
♪ all over the place ♪
♪ all the around the universe
in any port of call ♪
♪ getting his fun ♪
♪ the son of a gun ♪
♪ never staying very long
in any place at all ♪
♪ he's here ♪
♪ he's there ♪
♪ he's everywhere ♪
♪ he's all over the place ♪
♪ the ladies adore ♪
♪ to get him ashore ♪
♪ he's there's for a day ♪
♪ and then he's away ♪
♪ all over the place ♪
♪ from the north or the south ♪
♪ the east or the west ♪
♪ there's half of the world ♪
♪ tattooed on his chest ♪
♪ and all over the place ♪
♪ all around the universe
in any port of call ♪
♪ he's getting his fun ♪
♪ the son of a gun ♪
♪ never staying very long
in any place at all »
♪ he's here ♪ ♪ here ♪
♪ he's there ♪ ♪ there ♪
♪ he's everywhere ♪
♪ everywhere ♪
♪ in most respects ♪
♪ that every man ♪
♪ save will do his duty ♪
♪ all over the place ♪
♪ wherever the sea ♪
♪ may happen to be ♪
♪ a sailor is found ♪
♪ knocking all around ♪
♪ he's all over the place ♪
♪ all over the place ♪
♪ north or the south ♪
♪ the east or the west ♪
♪ there's half of the world ♪
♪ tattooed on the chest ♪
♪ and all over the place ♪
♪ all around the universe
in any port of call ♪
♪ getting his fun ♪
♪ the son of a gun ♪
♪ never staying very long
in any place at all »
♪ he's here ♪ ♪ here ♪
♪ he's there ♪ ♪ there ♪
♪ he's everywhere ♪
♪ everywhere ♪
♪ he's all over the place ♪
♪ the ladies adore ♪
♪ to get him ashore ♪
♪ he's here for the day ♪
♪ and then he's away ♪
♪ all over ♪
wait for it.
♪ The ♪
♪ place ♪
Officers and men of the Ferocious.
I have good news for you.
We have been entrusted with a task
of the utmost importance.
It may be a long and a difficult one
but I am confident of
our ultimate success.
The German pocket battleship, Ludendorf,
is operating in the South Atlantic.
Our orders are to find, engage, and sink.
♪ All over the place ♪
♪ wherever the sea ♪
♪ may happen to be ♪
♪ a sailor is found ♪
♪ knocking around ♪
♪ he's all over the place ♪
San Felipe, what a fluke.
What a bit of luck.
Why, have you got any good addresses?
Yes, my sister, Jane.
Oh, sister?
Yeah, she's a governess there.
Hey, wait a minute.
Is she anything like you to look at?
Oh, not particularly.
I've uh, I've got a
photograph of her here.
Where?
Quick, give me, give me.
Just a minute.
Oh, she's not a bit like you.
Blimey, she's worse.
Well, she may have changed a bit.
Four years is a long time.
In your sister's case,
it's not long enough.
You can't judge by appearances.
I can.
Well, anyway, you
will come and meet her?
Look, four months at sea,
4,000 nautical miles and
you want us to,.
We got other plans, eh, Tommy?
A little spot called the El Dorado.
Dance partner?
Dance partner?
Two please.
Yes, sir.
Dance partner?
Are they pretty?
Oh, whoa.
We'll like some of those.
Yeah, I mean really good looking?
Oh, well if they're corazales,
we better have some, haven't we?
Keep going.
I'll tell you when to stop.
About a yard and a half.
How much is that?
This is plenty, this is plenty.
You're telling me.
Come on, come on.
Two. - Hurry up.
- Dance partner?
- Yes, please.
Good evening.
Is my sister in?
Who?
Oh, Ms. Jane Davis.
Oh, Suite Five, fourth floor.
Thank you.
Jane?
Coming, Mrs. Pilkington.
Jane.
Ah, there you are.
You're already packed.
Thank goodness.
The professor will never
get his things together.
The children are being impossible.
He keeps putting them in his trunks,
the things I mean,
and they keep taking them out again.
I'll come, Mrs. Pilkington.
Ah, there it is.
That's, no.
Bring your own things out, dear.
The men are just coming
up for the luggage.
Oh, be very careful with that, won't you?
It's got my husband's in there.
Si, senora.
Put them down, dear, put them down.
The man will look after them.
He'll look after them.
Digby, Digby.
Now, Digby.
Now, now, now, Digby.
Please, please.
Ah, Digby.
I have to pack that.
Digby. - Oh catch him, dear.
Catch him.
Digby, give that pack
to your uncle at once.
Shan't, I want to catch scorpions.
Well, Digby, you don't want us
to miss the boat, do you?
Now, give that to me.
- No, I want it.
- Now give it to me.
No, no, no.
Now come along.
You give it to your aunt at once.
Stop it.
Wilfred's got hold of your killing bottle.
Oh heaven's,
it's full of my cyanide
and potassium.
- Now, come on.
- No, I want it.
Let me have it.
I want it.
Let me have it.
I want it.
And there, now there.
I'm gonna tell uncle.
Well go and tell your uncle.
You treacherous little...
Come in, come in.
What?
Oh.
Oh, from the boat, I suppose?
But they said 11 o'clock.
It's only six o'clock now.
Oh, well tell the captain
we won't be a minute.
Oh, I think there must
of been some mistake.
No, no, no.
We should really of been ready hours ago
but Digby's been rather naughty.
There you are.
Well, I.
Llewelyn.
Oh, Jane.
I am glad to see you.
It's my brother, he's in the Navy.
Oh, how stupid of me.
I thought he was a sailor.
By Jove, you have changed.
You're very very pretty.
You wait till my pal's see you.
Llewelyn, you're improving.
And you've come all this way
to see your sister.
How splendid.
Well not absolutely,
we put in here to refuel.
Really?
And how you must need it.
But how lucky, one day later
and you'd of missed her.
Yes, we're sailing for home tonight.
Oh.
Nevermind, the boat
doesn't leave till 11:30.
Plenty of time for you and your sister
to run away and refuel.
Oh, but Mrs. Pilkington, I couldn't.
The children.
No, my dear child.
You change your frock, enjoy yourself,
and come straight to boat.
Porter.
Where are your friends?
Well, we better get a table first
and then I'll go and find them.
Hello, girly.
My name is Meadows, Johnny Meadows.
What's yours and how 'bout a dance?
Just a minute, just a minute.
How do ducks, may I introduce myself?
The name is Taylor.
T-a-y-I-o-r.
Pronounced, success.
Yo no hablo ingles.
Blimey, that's one I've wasted.
She doesn't speak English.
Oh, cut it out.
I saw her first.
Look, what about a drink?
You know?
Hey?
She says she hates the sight of you.
Go on, she doesn't want
anything at all to do with you.
It's chocolate she wants.
I say.
You know something, you
are the most beautiful girl
in the place.
Load of rubbish.
Here you are.
She doesn't want chocolates at all.
She wants flowers.
Oi,.
There you are.
Now you've bought those,
you'll have to buy her a vase
to put them in.
Oh, there they are.
I'll bring them over and introduce them.
She doesn't want ice cream.
Well she was looking
straight at the girl.
Well hello, boys, hello.
Oh, how do you do, how do you do?
Oh yes, yes.
Go away.
Oh, can't you see we are busy?
I want you to come meet my sister.
What, and leave my Spanish homework?
You tell your sister to
go and chase herself.
Hop it, we got no time
for scraggy women tonight.
Besides, she's got knocked knees.
Not now, she hasn't.
Look, Admiral, we
don't like your sister.
We don't want to meet your sister.
You've got a horrible sister.
But she's a beautiful sister.
Go away.
Go away, go on.
Waiter, waiter.
Just a minute.
There, there you are.
Darling, this is with me.
Where are you friends?
Uh friends, friends?
Oh, oh the friends.
Yes, well I'm terribly sorry
but they're frightfully busy chasing,
learning Spanish.
I thought you said they
were dying to meet me.
Oh I know they are
because I showed them your photograph.
Photograph?
Yes, this one.
Oh, I see.
Come on, let's dance.
Dance?
Oh shake a shoe.
Ah yes, lovely.
If there's anything
else you want, you know,
you only got to ask for it.
We're all set out for it.
Look, darling,
what about that little jiggity jog
we were gonna have?
You'd love it.
I'd whirl you around...
Husband.
You go round this way,
I'll 'round that way,
meet you over the other side.
There must be a bit of
unattached somewhere.
Your friends don't seem
to be having much success.
Well, that's funny.
'Cause they're not very particular.
Excuse me.
You go and dance with your sister.
Yes, but it is my, was my...
Oh.
Well, I just rescued you in time
from that fellow you picked up.
He's the worst guy in the fleet.
Is that so?
So you're English.
Now, I can really tell
you what I think of him.
Even his best friend won't tell him.
Really?
Me, of course, I'm different.
I'm quiet, shy, retiring,
never talks to strangers.
Would you like to dance with me?
No, thank you, very much.
A little drink?
No thank you, very much.
A little ride in the moonlight?
No thank you, very much.
Well, what would you like?
Oh no, thank you very much.
What about the rest
of tonight's programme?
What about it?
Well, we could go through for a drive
through the town in the gorgeous moonlight
and anything else there's time for.
Well, my Spanish boyfriend's
calling for me here
and he's a very jealous lover.
Well, with a little encouragement
I could be a very wicked wooer.
All right.
The taxi rank in 10 minutes.
Good, but how to I find you?
You just say to the doorman, in Spanish.
What?
Now, say that to me.
All right?
Perfect.
Oh, oh.
Pardon me.
Okay.
Speak English, beautiful?
A little.
Good for you.
You're the most beautiful
girl in the place
and I oughta know, I've been around.
I mean it.
You're a peach.
Yes?
How far do you live?
I no go home tonight.
That's the stuff.
No silly nonsense about you Spanish girls.
I sleep on ship.
Aye?
Well you don't waste much time, do you?
But you see, we aren't allowed
to take girls back on board.
No?
No.
Then you take me nice
drive in moonlight, yes?
Exactly what I was gonna suggest.
Come on, let's get settled.
My Spanish boyfriend, he
arrive, he very jealous.
I meet you taxi stand.
Which one?
Doorman, he know.
You say to him.
In 10 minutes.
Come on, llewelyn, we must go now.
Oh right, yes.
So, she chucked you up?
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
I must be going.
Got a date.
Well, I think I'll just hang around.
You never know, I might pick something up.
I shouldn't get upset.
I'll see you aboard, eh?
That's right.
Well, uh.
- So long.
- Good bye.
Bye bye.
Yes, that is very funny.
Pero, Alfonzo, Romero.
Yes, now say that again.
Yeah, yeah.
Yes, that is very funny.
So, I do not wash my feet, huh?
Come on, throw this man out.
Oi, you, you the doorman?
Si, senor.
Oh well, uh.
What?
Sorry, we can't stop, boys.
But I'm to see my sister off
on the S.S. Savanna.
Sister?
Yes, the one with the
ankles all the way up.
Driver.
S.S. Savanna.
Well, that's that.
Yes, I hope I never
set eyes on her again.
Same here.
Well, there's still a
couple of hours to go.
I think I'll pop round the corner
to the Alcazar.
Well, I think I'll go to
the Alhambra over there.
I don't know.
See you aboard.
Yeah, sure.
- So long.
- So long.
So long.
I do wish you weren't going
back on this ship, Jane.
Well how do you I suggest
I get back to England, on the Ferocious?
Well, it be very much safer.
I doubt it.
Now bedtime, Digby, come along.
Shan't.
Digby, come out and be undressed.
You've never seen your
uncle behave like that.
Shan't, I want Jane.
Oh, get him out, dear.
Digby's got his pea shooter under there.
Oh, pea.
Are we late?
I'm so sorry.
Oh no, it's quite all right.
We've been managing splendidly.
Digby, that's a very rude noise to make.
It was me dear, moving the bed.
Oh, well come along, dear, come along.
Jane can manage without us.
Come on.
Goodnight. - Goodnight.
No, no.
Don't bother to hoist your flags to me.
Good evening.
Good evening, sir, good evening.
Look here, shall I get him out?
No, leave him to me.
He's not naughty, he's only playful.
Oh, very playful.
Let me play with him.
No, you can't.
Digby, come along out and have your milk.
Won't.
Yes you will, darling.
Digby, you heard what Jane said.
Go along and get a glass of milk for me.
Glass of milk, yes.
Anything in it?
No and hurry, the boat will be off.
Oh right, yes.
Now, Digby.
Okay, ta.
Thanks, mate.
Porter.
Porter.
Sailor, sailor.
Take my bag aboard, will you, please.
I should think so.
That might be an idea.
Look at what you're doing.
Well, if it's not my old pal, Johnny.
What are you doing here?
Well, I just thought
I'd pick up the Admiral.
What are you doing?
Same as you, you liar.
All right, then.
Winner stops and finds her,
loser clears out.
We don't toss about
this, this one's different.
Okay, then it's who finds her first.
You're on.
Tommy.
Out of my way.
Oh no, just a minute.
Where's Jane?
Up top, stateroom B.
Oh and having a spot of bother.
Is she?
Listen, listen everybody,
this is a very important day, you know?
It isn't everyday you are getting married.
For you, you're getting your drink, so.
A glass of milk, please.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let us wish the bride
long life, happiness.
And a glass of milk, please.
Who said that?
Milk?
You want for us to drink the
health of the bride in milk?
You a British sailor.
Fill up his glass with champagne.
Champagne?
You come out.
Let go at once.
Digby, how dare you kick me?
Oh, Digby, you've bitten me.
What are you doing here?
Who bit you?
That's my affair.
Will you please get out of my cabin?
What and leave you to get
your fingers chewed off?
Where's Digby?
Are you going or must
I ring for the steward?
Oh, I see.
Pulling my leg again.
Why didn't you tell me in the first place
who you really were?
I'm not going to talk
to you, so please go.
Look, if you didn't
want me to come in here
you wouldn't of started
that stuff about Digby.
You know as well as I do
there isn't any Digby.
More champagne!
More champagne.
Champagne for the bride and groom.
How dare you?
Please don't.
- I don't mind.
- How dare you?
You mustn't do that.
You mustn't.
No don't, you brute.
What's going on in here?
You little...
Give me that brush.
No, give it back to me and get out
both of you.
I heard you calling for help
so I came in to put him out.
Oh did you?
Well you can put each other
out, have you got that?
That's the word I like, lady.
How dare you fight in here?
Just wait till my brother gets back.
I don't want any help.
It's all right.
I want my milk!
I want my milk.
And now ladies and
gentlemen, the bride's uncle.
Haven't you two gone yet?
I want my milk.
Will one of you go and find my brother?
He's getting Digby some milk.
Well if you won't go,
make yourself useful.
Turn Digby's bed down.
Come along, Digby.
Nice bye byes.
Will you hurry along
and get that milk for me?
Well, uh.
Yes, yes of course I will.
I'd do anything for you.
Milk.
What are you doing?
Just making Digby comfortable.
Well, let me do it.
A glass of milk, please.
And now, the bride's uncle's cousin.
The bride's uncle's cousin.
And her cousin's cousins.
There's something I want to explain.
I dare say there is.
Please.
Certainly not.
Besides, I can't go until Digby's asleep.
Go to sleep, Digby.
Shan't.
Look, will you go to sleep
if I told you a fairy story?
Let's hear it then first.
All right, close your eyes.
Once upon a time, there
was a beautiful girl
her name was Cinderella.
I've heard that one.
Oh no, no you haven't.
This is an entirely different story.
She went to a dance and
she met a fairy prince.
Well, he was not a fairy,
he was a seaman gunner
and a couple of good conduct stripes
and he fell in love with her.
Now, the moment the magnificent prince,
with a seaman gunner's badge
and the two good conduct stripes,
saw the beautiful Cinderella,
he said to himself,
blimey what a turn up for them.
Come on, Admiral.
What about that milk?
Admiral?
All visitors ashore, please.
Come on along, man,
pull yourself together.
That's the gong for the visitors ashore.
Come along.
Let go of that rail.
Admiral!
Now, the fairy prince
turned to Cinderella and said,
does thou think thou could fall in love
with a charming fairy prince like me ducks?
With that, he took her into his arms
and he whirled her into happiness
with an all consuming passion.
What does that mean?
What do you care?
In any case, you're far too young.
Now look, if you go to
sleep like a good boy,
the next time the fairy
prince goes to sea,
he'll bring you back a beautiful present.
A real live mermaid.
I'm sorry, Jane.
I want my milk!
All right, I'll go and
get your blooming milk.
Hey, mister, at last the
boat she is going, huh?
Yes, and I've got to get off.
Listen my friend, I live in Tangiers.
Three months ago, I cross the water
to Al Aferias for the day.
Do you mind?
On the way back, the
ferry boat, what I am,
is torpedoed.
I am rescued by American boat,
so I go to America.
From America, I go to Spain
and I am again torpedoed.
I am rescued to France
and from France I am bombed
with magneticical mines.
I am again rescued to Portugal.
From Portugal, I am
torpedoed to South America
and I am only want to go home to Tangiers.
For three months I've been trying.
My wife will be very cross with me.
Have you got a lodger?
Yes.
I shouldn't worry.
Come on, you two, didn't
you hear the bell?
I heard it all right.
Can't get this blinking idiot to let go.
What's the matter?
I can't get his hands off the rail.
Don't be a fool, let go.
Have some sense.
Come on, drop it.
Saw the rail off.
He can keep the piece.
What have you been giving
him to drink, secatine?
At last the boat, she sails.
What?
He said the boat, the boat it's sailing.
Yes, that's right, sir.
What are you two doing here?
We've started.
You're telling us.
Where's my brother?
He's in there, full of milk.
But you'll get into trouble, won't you?
Trouble?
We'll cop it good and proper.
We should of been on board by midnight
and here we are next stop England.
What about the pilot boat?
That's an idea.
You can go back on that?
We hope.
You two fix it while I get Llewelyn.
Who?
Llewelyn, my brother.
Llewelyn.
Come on, let's go and
find the pilot's mate.
It's good wine, you no like?
It's not bad, seeing it's free.
But when we're finished this,
I'll give you a drop of
something that's a man's drink.
This is the best drink in the world.
Come in.
Look, it's a couple of blue jackets.
Excuse us but is he the pilot's mate?
Aye.
Well, we want to catch a lift to shore.
Louis, will you take the
two lads back in your boat?
Si, si, they can come.
Thanks, you're a pal.
Just about saved our bacon.
Oh just now you drink.
Ah no thanks, very much.
No, we ought to be getting along.
Oughten we?
Yes, not now, thanks.
Drink.
Thanks, we'd rather not.
You do not drink with me, bueno,
you do not sail with me.
Go away.
Half a minute.
We've got to get back to our ship.
Then drink.
Okay, we don't mind if we do.
Do we, Tommy?
We'd be delighted.
Well, here's how.
You'll find it a grand
disinfectant, boys.
The wine of my country
should be drunk so.
You drink like that, si.
Yes of course we will.
Drink!
You like that nice wine, yes.
Lovely, it's lovely.
Delicious.
Yes, good then we have some more.
Oh, can't you get that
wood out of his hands?
No, he won't let go.
Well, we better get him into fresh air.
Yeah, fresh air that's what
he needs and black coffee.
All through drink.
♪ I love my girl ♪
♪ and I love her dearly ♪
goodbye, goodbye.
Thanks for having us.
You're drunk, both of you.
Johnny, the lady said
you're drunk both of you.
What, me drunk?
Say, come here and let me look at you.
No, stay there.
Stay where you are.
Come along, Admiral, come along.
The taxi's waiting.
Goodbye, goodbye.
Goodbye and I hope I never set eyes
on either of you again.
Bye bye.
Cheerio, goodbye.
Come on, Admiral.
I think you've got something there.
Give me a rope chain, will you, Johnny?
♪ What do we do with a drunken sailor ♪
♪ take him ♪
♪ ♪
come on, Admiral.
♪ All over the place ♪
♪ wherever the sea ♪
there she blows.
Who?
The Ferocious, you sap.
Come on.
I knew it was the Ferocious
the minute I saw her.
Come on, Admiral, wake up.
Wake up, you're almost home.
♪ All around the universe
and any port of call ♪
a glass of milk, please.
We're not on the Savannah now.
Hey, hey, I've been robbed.
Come on, let go.
Let go. - The Ferocious.
Straight ahead!
Ahoy there, Ferocious.
Shut down.
Do you want everybody to hear us?
Come on, llewelyn, llewelyn, come on.
Come on, men.
Come on.
Come on.
Sorry, officer.
That's not an officer, it's a gun.
Sorry, gun.
Gun?
It wasn't here this morning.
Well, what did I tell you?
It's smaller.
It's been raining a lot lately.
It must of shrunk.
Sounds all right.
Llewelyn, llewelyn.
I must ask you to turn it up.
If the guns where the hatchway used to be.
The hatchway must be
where the gun used to be.
Sad, sad.
Very very sad.
Lou Lou, I agree with you.
Boys, absolute silence.
Nest eggs.
It's much bigger than
it was this morning.
It's the hot climate.
Swollen.
Absolute silence.
Sleeping with their mouths open.
Let's shut 'em.
Admiral, Admiral.
Admiral, wake up.
What, what?
Look.
Johnny, Johnny.
What are we gonna do?
We better do what the others do.
Let's.
So none of you speak English?
Well maybe a little
piece English I speak.
Which country do you come from?
You speak Spanish?
Not Spanish.
You speak Russian?
No.
Me Russian, from Moscow.
So, you come from Moscow.
How did you get aboard this ship?
Me and my comrades,
we go to South Africa
to start a volkswagon revolution.
Why to South Africa?
Well, we start from the bottom
and work our way up.
Is that right?
Sure.
So you are speaking English?
Sure it is buddy, Johnny C. Meadows
of Kansas City, Missouri USA.
Howdy, toots.
And what are you?
Oh, who, me?
So you, speak English to?
No, no.
That's his name.
Oh who me.
Chinese.
Me welly miserable Chinese man, sir.
Your skin is white.
If you are Chinese, why isn't it yellow?
Oh me welly welly old
miserable Chinese man, sir.
So, you work in South Africa
and this ship is near South America,
how do you get aboard?
We are betrayed to the police.
We escape from prison.
We find him a little boat
and we row and we row and we row.
From South Africa?
That's 3,000 miles away.
And we row, and we row.
Now go on.
And we row, bonk.
We hit him a big ship.
We find a rope and we climb and we climb.
Oh god, go on.
We climb, climb, climb, climb,
and we come aboard.
German and Russia are friends.
Why didn't you tell the truth at once?
Why did you pretend to
be a member of our crew?
We think this police ship
and we get tortured.
You lucky people.
You said that?
The German's known to always
treat our prisoner's well.
Says you.
What?
Russian.
Yeah.
Say, look here, cap.
I don't quite...
Don't quite get this prisoner angle.
What say you put us ashore some place?
Impossible.
You will remain aboard
until the end of the war.
You have seen too much
of our ship already.
That's all.
So, you will receive
medical inspection now.
Take off, please.
You also take off.
Turn, please.
Take off, I said.
That's good.
That's all.
As I say, take off.
Take off.
Very sore.
And not long done, yes?
No, not long.
So, then turn please.
What, he's an Englander?
And three absentees, sir.
Able seamen Taylor, Meadows, and Davis.
What, those three in trouble again?
Yes, sir.
Has the British consul been notified?
Yes, sir.
Oh, what's next?
Division at the usual time, sir?
Yes.
No, not a sign of her.
I'll give a month's pay
to be the first man to spot the tail
of the Ludendortf.
You and your flag.
And your Nelson.
Well, I'm very proud of my Nelson.
Besides, all the best
sailors are tattooed.
I suppose all the best
sailors are called Llewellyn.
Oh.
Don't even make a good chinaman.
Oh, I wonder how much longer
we'll have to stew in this oven.
Listen, the engines have stopped.
So they have.
Hey, come here, both of you.
Hear that?
What?
She's dropping anchor.
Wotcha, Fritz.
Not Fritz, Hans.
Alright, wotcha, Hans.
Cigarette?
No, don't touch 'em.
They'll explode.
Ah, they're all right.
Well, it may catch fire.
No please, help yourself.
Oh, no, no.
Thanks very much.
Will you please blow the smoke
out of the shuttle in case
I will be punished.
Thanks, old man, you're a pal.
Yes, fancy meeting a nice German.
I am not German.
I am Austrian.
That is very different.
Do you come from London?
Don't tell him, careless talk.
What difference.
Sure yes, we come from London.
Good, well if one of
you goes back to London
would you do something for me?
Fat chance we got of getting there.
Why not?
You might escape or be recaptured
or you might be exchanged.
Exchanged.
What could we get for him?
Well if you do go back,
will you do something for me please?
What is it?
Do you know this place?
It's Selfridges.
That is my shop.
What, Selfridges?
No, no the little shop in behind there.
What, this little baker's shop?
Yes, H. Mueller Baker.
Most of my life I live in that shop.
Would you go there, please,
and tell my wife that you have seen me
and that I was well?
First thing we do.
You are very kind.
Oh, what a lovely lot of loaf.
What a lovely load of bananas.
Bananas for supper last night.
Bananas for breakfast
and have bananas for lunch.
What's the idea?
It's all we have.
The only ship we capture
is filled with bananas.
But soon we get something new.
Today we get fresh supplies.
Oh, is that why we're stopping here?
Yes.
There they go.
How many left aboard?
Just a skeleton crew.
What do you people call a skeleton crew?
60 or 70 men, and one or
two officers, of course.
Is that all?
Sounds like Hitler.
No, they all sound like Hitler.
That's very good.
Is it?
I wonder if it's good enough.
Good enough for what?
Hans, I bet the captain's
on his bridge now.
No, not now.
He's asleep in his cabin.
You're wrong.
But always at this time of the day.
Hans, you don't know your captain.
I don't know, he's always there.
If I'm wrong, I'll buy every loaf
of bread in your shop the
first day I reach London.
You would?
Why don't you go and find out?
Very well, I will.
You'll find I'm right.
60 or 70 of them.
There's three of us.
I tell you, it's easy.
What is?
To pinch their ship.
Do what?
You're mad.
It can't be done.
Can’t it?
With that thing giving orders
and no one seeing who gives them?
Here he comes.
Well?
I was quite right.
The captain is sleeping in his cabin.
That's all we wanted to know.
You will have to buy all my loafs.
Yeah.
Now, you want to go to England, don't you?
We're gonna make a break for it.
Are you with us?
Open it.
Good work, Johnny.
What are you going to do?
You're going to show
us the way to the bridge.
Go on, go on.
How do you feel now, Fritz?
I'm sorry about the toe.
Come on.
Now come on, boys.
When I give you the word
I want you to go like greased lightning
forward and slip the anchor.
Yeah, but somebody may stop it.
They won't, take this.
Johnny, your jobs the engine room.
How many down there?
Four, five, six.
You can handle them, here.
Your job is to keep the engineers at it.
Easy.
Wait for it, wait for it.
You've got to catch before they bolt.
Why should they bolt?
You'll find out.
What's German for abandon ship.
For what?
Abandon ship.
Right.
You're crazy, they won't believe you.
Tell 'em it's part of the exercise.
Come on.
Come on, come.
I don't think they will do it.
Go on, go on.
All right, now’s your time.
Admiral, the anchor.
Johnny, the engine room
and I'll give you the word
through the loud speaker.
Well played sir, well played.
Oh, Johnny.
Back to stations, quick.
Go on, all of you.
Get back, go on.
Jump to it, go on, get back.
Back against the wall.
Now hurry up.
That's the way to talk to 'em.
Remind me to tell 'em
to make me a captain,
sometime, will ya?
The captain, he is down in his cabin.
Blimey, I forgot him.
Tell me, where's his speaking tube?
This one.
It's all right, I hear him talking.
Now, I'll tell you what to do.
Shout down, tell the old
fool to come up here.
Tell him there's trouble on the bridge,
tell him anything.
I'll stand behind the door
and as the silly old
battle axe comes through,
I'll dot him on the crumpet,
right up my street, it's easy.
Go on tell him.
No, no pep it up.
Go on.
That's the idea, that will
bring him up here in no time.
Now, what can I dot him with?
How do you do?
Are you happy in your works?
So, you will dot
the silly old battle axe
with a trumpet?
Did he say that?
I will count three
and then you will be gone.
I shouldn't bother
to count, I'll go now.
Stay where you are!
No trouble.
One, two.
Heil Hitler.
Has the last boat gone yet?
Just going.
Good, then we're all
set to slip the cable.
Admiral, stand by.
He's not there yet.
- Not there?
- No.
I'm here, I'm here.
Help, help!
Admiral, Admiral, can you hear me?
Admiral, don't lie down on us.
I'm trying not to.
Admiral.
I'll go.
No, I need you to
speak to the engineers.
Johnny, are you there?
Hello, Johnny.
Hello, are you all right?
All set.
Okay, stand by to start 'em up.
And that goes for me, too.
Go on, obey those orders.
Quick!
And now for the anchor.
You stay here.
When I cut her away, give full speed ahead
and when I get that admiral
I'll use his liver for a neck tie.
It's all right, he's here, look.
Okay, Admiral, let her go.
Jump to it.
Where have you been all this time?
Messing us about, keeping us all waiting.
What do you think you're doing, knitting?
Go on, hit it man, hit it.
You're not playing crown and anchor.
Hooray.
Now go to the steering
wheel, go on, at the double.
Quicker!
Everything's in order now, Hans.
Johnny's in the engine room,
Admiral's at the wheel,
and I'm on the bridge.
Slow ahead.
Go on, do that and do it quick.
Full speed ahead.
Hurry up, do as the gentlemen says.
Look, look the boats.
Ta ta,
have a good row, boys.
Bye bye.
Hans, we've done it.
But what do we do now?
Bang off home as fast as we can.
Admiral, are you there?
Aye, aye, sir.
Where to?
Portsmouth harbour,
but stop at Selfridges
to put Hans off, first.
Aye, aye, sir.
Johnny, Johnny.
We've done it.
I've pinched their blinking battleship.
You pinched it?
What about me?
Yes, sir.
Come down here and drive it.
There's something wrong.
He doesn't answer.
Johnny, Johnny.
Look quick, the engineers.
They're trying to escape.
I told him to keep them down there.
Hey, come back.
Get back to that engine room.
Stay where you are.
What do you mean letting
them go, you twerp.
I'll talk to you later.
See what you've done?
You frightened them away.
Well, we're getting along
all right without them.
Yeah, we got her started.
How are we gonna stop her?
We don't want to stop it.
Home, James, and don't spare the horses.
10 degrees, 44 minutes south.
39 degrees, 12 minutes west.
Are you sure you're right?
There's not an island
anywhere in sight here.
Well it's the last entry in the log.
You can't get away from that.
Did you say 39 or 93?
39.
Oh, well of course.
That makes all the
difference in the world.
Here we are, island and all.
There we were this afternoon, you mean.
It's close to midnight now.
Well, we've been steering due east.
Say 50 knots.
That brings us to 15 two, 15 four
and a pair of six.
Here we are, right in the middle
of Portuguese west Africa.
Ahoy there Tommy, ahoy.
Tommy?
What's that?
Put the brakes on,
we've run somebody over.
Ahoy there, Admiral.
I say, you know we stopped moving,
I suppose it's all right.
So we have.
Haven't we, yes.
Johnny, ahoy there, Johnny.
Ahoy there, skipper.
What's happened to the engines?
Nothing, we're doing a steady...
No we're not.
We're not doing anything.
Look, on top of the water.
Oil.
Tommy.
Oil, oil, everywhere oil.
I suppose that's Johnny's
idea of having a good time.
He wants to play.
All right, I must of turned
the wrong tap or something.
These darn German engines are terrible.
They aren't a bit like
the ones on the Ferocious.
You've ditched us good and proper.
I suppose we'll have to sit here
and eat bananas till the cows come home.
I say, you fellows,
crude bit of oil about.
Somebody must of emptied our sump.
I think somebody must of emptied yours.
Well, there's no use standing here.
I think we ought to see
if we can do something.
I say, llewelyn.
Yes.
If you take this off,
you'll be able to see better.
Oh, thank you very much.
Well anyway, it's dark.
Now what I suggest is we mend the radio
and then we can get the Ferocious to come
and fetch us.
I'll have a go at the radio.
Sure, you're a marvel with machinery.
I don't see what you're
all worrying about.
Some ship or other is bound to pass soon.
Here we are, 200 miles
from the nearest trade route.
There won't be a ship passing here
from year's end to another.
Look.
It's a destroyer.
What, one of ours?
German, she's flashing a signal.
Yeah and if she doesn't
get the right reply.
She's liable to open fire.
I know the right reply.
- Well come on.
- Yes.
GL twice, then wait.
Am I glad you remembered that right.
- Chaps are starting a message.
- Make an R.
H.
I.
E.
R.
H-i-e-r, here.
They don't spell very well, do they?
It's in German, ya.
W-o-I-f.
Wolf, well that's English enough.
Wolf, that is her name.
We can't take on 10 prisoners.
Supposing the bananas give out.
I wonder if they're British.
What's the odds?
We can let the poor blighters stay put.
Hans, how do you spell okay in German?
O-k.
Okay.
But don't you realise, you poor dope,
an officer will bring
the prisoner's aboard.
Yes and he'll expect to
be received by the captain.
All right, he will be
received by the captain.
Ah, stop your shoving.
Hello, boys.
Haven't I seen that ugly mug before?
Was is das, mug?
I say, dear, most extraordinary thing.
It's exactly like your brother.
Llewelyn.
All right, all right.
A much nicer boat, but anywhere.
Ah, there we are.
Look, auntie, there's Jane's brother.
Don't be silly, dear.
It's a no good coming on board.
11 times I've been torpedoed.
Two more times is 13, that's unlucky.
Don't you touch me.
I'm a non belligerent from Tangiers.
Oh, the British sailor.
Did you got your glass of milk?
Pig dog, pig dog.
He no speak English.
There's the sailor that told me
the rotten fairy story.
Tommy.
Pig dog.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
I'll lay you 10 to one
we don't spot her today.
Make it 20 to one.
We'll split the difference, 15.
Okay, only I'm inclined
to think the Ludendorf's
camouflaged herself as a
coral reef or something.
Right, let me machine
gun every coral reef
of correct size and shape.
Ahoy, ahoy.
What have you sighted?
I don't sight anything.
I just say ahoy!
Well don't shout ahoy for nothing.
You'll frighten the fish.
Here, pass the bait, please.
I can't understand why
they don't like these.
I mean, after all, there
must be some vegetarians
amongst them.
Oh if only we had worms.
Yeah, what?
Oh I see what you mean, yes.
Well you know, you can't
blame the poor things.
I mean three weeks of
unadulterated banana.
Perhaps we could camouflage.
That's a very good,
by Jove, I've got a bite.
- No.
- I've got a bite.
Help me, help me.
And that, madam,
concludes our inspection
of this highly desirable residence.
Central heating throughout,
sleeping accommodation for 850
and within easy reach of the sea.
Very nice, thank you.
And now I must go and help
Mrs. Pilkington with the lunch.
Oh Jane, I mean Ms. Davis, don't go.
Look, I've got an apology to offer.
Oh?
On Johnny's behalf.
That night on the Savannah,
getting your brother lit to the eyebrows,
he's a terror.
Johnny I mean, not llewelyn.
You know, even the marines
won't go out with him.
The next thing you'll know...
I'll be lit to the
eyebrows, too, I suppose.
Ahoy, there, ahoy!
It's enemy aircraft approaching.
It is a plane.
Ahoy there, can you see her markings?
Oh, it's all right.
It's enemy British aircraft.
It's British aircraft.
Ahoy!
Hooray, at last we are saved.
She will take me back to Tangiers.
It's ours, it's a
plane from the Ferocious.
How perfectly delightful.
Yeah, but here here.
She think we're German,
she'll let fly at us.
Blimey, that's right.
We're still the Ludendorf
from her point of view.
Come on, women and children below.
I'm in the kitchen.
Well go on, hurry.
Boys to the search lights,
we gotta signal her.
Come on.
Mister, don't shoot, don't shoot.
We are friends of yours.
Dear little Digby.
I suppose he's ruined
every lamp on the ship.
What about the signal flares?
No good, they are
different from the British.
Maybe you better write a note
and send it up to him.
Right, we'll write.
Come on, the paint.
Here they are.
Help me, so.
Well, what message are we gonna write?
We'll have to keep it short.
Right oh yes, dear, sir.
Cut it out.
Tell them to notify
the American consulate.
Pip down Slugsy.
Now, let me see, possibly...
I know.
The swastika, come on.
Come on, sir George, sir
Andrew, and sir Patrick.
What we say, 20 to one?
No, 15.
I wonder why she hasn't opened up.
She's waiting for you.
Toujour la politesse.
Hurry, British!
Can you see what I see?
It's the Union Jack,
- there's no mistake about that, sir.
- Seems incredible.
[??] will be gone cracker, sir.
That's why I used my camera.
- Very likely a trap, don't you think so, sir?
- We'll see.
I'll close in on her now.
All guns loaded and bearing on her.
See if that will draw her fire.
Commander, hands to action
stations immediately.
Very good, sir.
Come then, jump to it, the
sound of action stations.
Ladies and gentlemen.
More champagne.
I'm going to ask you to drink
to the health of our four hosts.
But for who's courage and presence of mind
we shouldn't of been sitting here today
in happy anticipation of rescue.
Our four hosts.
Speech, speech.
Speech.
Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking,
I feel that I must play the perfect host
and say a word or two of gratitude to you
in answer to your lovely piece of toast.
♪ To help has been an awful lot of fun ♪
♪ and now I say to you ♪
♪ what I say to everyone ♪
♪ when your pockets are full of trouble ♪
♪ and the merry go round goes wrong ♪
♪ don't sigh ♪
♪ don’t cry ♪
♪ sing a happy go lucky song ♪
♪ when your horoscope says a blue day ♪
♪ and the minutes seem far too long ♪
♪ don't moan ♪
♪ don't groan ♪
♪ sing a happy go lucky song ♪
♪ you lucky people ♪
♪ here's a melody ♪
♪ you lucky people ♪
♪ sing a song with me ♪
♪ when there's nothing
but stormy weather ♪
♪ till the summer time comes along ♪
♪ be gay ♪
♪ today ♪
♪ sing a happy go lucky song ♪
♪ if your mother in law's got symptoms ♪
♪ and discusses them all day long ♪
♪ don't cringe ♪
♪ don't binge ♪
♪ sing a happy go lucky song ♪
♪ if your eyes go dark and soulful ♪
♪ and your a chins a pinch too long ♪
♪ don't pine ♪
♪ for mine ♪
♪ sing a happy go lucky song ♪
♪ you lucky people ♪
♪ you good cause to cheer ♪
♪ hey you lucky people ♪
♪ shout the Navy's here ♪
♪ I'm the Ludendorf's brand new captain ♪
♪ a position I shan't hold long ♪
- Hey!
- # but still #
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
I say everybody, there's
boats full of Germans
coming towards the ship.
Take no notice, take no notice.
Don't interrupt and don't steal my stuff.
'Cause if anyone's gonna
be funny around here
it's going to be me.
Dozens of them.
Armed to the teeth,
cutlasses and everything.
Yes and guns some of them.
One of these days,
one of your stories is going to come true
and you're going to look very very silly.
Hands up.
Back against the wall, everybody.
Quick come on, you too.
Hey, mister.
I am Luda from Tangiers,
involuntarily I am here.
North, south, east, and west.
Silence, go back against the wall, you.
Shall we try and rush 'em?
I'm not in the mood for suicide.
If only we could stall them
till the Ferocious arrives.
So.
They have sighted the Ferocious.
Your faces to wall.
I am a man of honour.
I do with my face to the foe.
A turn around, Louis,
they won't know the difference.
Your faces to the wall.
Bridge, red 30.
German battleship on port bow.
Hello, hello.
They are going to open fire
on the Ferocious.
And she'll come right in
without doing a thing after our message.
The Germans are gonna blow
them right out of the water.
Come on.
Get him tied up.
Bloody good.
Now the women and children stay here.
The rest up on the deck.
We've got to stop them firing those guns.
Come on.
Hello.
That's for the first torpedo.
Well done.
Look what I got, look.
I put it in a white flag
to show I am a non belligerent.
Good.
Come on.
Come on.
Look out.
You go on, Tommy.
I'll attend to these two.
That's for the magnetical mines.
Thanks, pal.
Must be all right, sir.
They've of opened fire by now.
Yes.
Well within range of their main armament.
Okay, Johnny.
Let her go, all right.
Fire!
- Oh excuse me.
- Oh, yes, sir.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Ah ha.
Let me up. - Let me down
let me up.
Oh.
Ah now, out you go.
With your hands above your head.
Go on now, go on.
Out you go, out.
So you're taking it lying down, eh?
Ah ha, the dirty dogs.
That's five torpedoes I am doing good.
Bravo.
Well, that seems to be about the lot.
And not a shot fired at
the good old Ferocious.
It is a trap.
All right, we'll let 'em have it.
I suppose you fired that gun.
Dear little Digby.
Johnny, quick, let's get to the semaphore.
Hans, get a white flag or something.
- Admiral, hold down the ensign.
- Right.
The rest of you stay below.
Come on.
Open fire right away.
Bridge, Control Top, open fire!
They're firing at us.
Well, what do you expect?
We fired on them.
Please, please, please.
I must have a white flag.
Good work, we nearly got her first time.
We ought to get her
with the second salvo.
Stop, oh.
Stop, stop!
White flag.
This is all I could find.
Quick, where's the white flag?
This is it.
Why don't you do something?
Glass of milk, please.
What, are you at it again?
Hey, come on you two, get below quick.
I think we've crippled her, sir.
She's not replying.
Well then, give her
another salvo and make sure.
Give me something.
Oh, oh my bag.
You can't have my bag, no you can't.
Heliograph message
from the Ludendorf, sir.
All right, take it down.
Message, to Commander Ferocious
from AB, commanding Ludendorf.
Cease firing. It's us.
T. Taylor, J. Meadows, L. Davis.
Reporting for duty.
P
S
Do
you
want
any
bananas?
So it is that HMS Ferocious
returns in triumph to her home port,
after a voyage that makes Trafalgar
sound like a trip 'round the lake.
The three heroes are
congratulated by the Admiral
on the part they played.
Johnny Meadows.
Llewellyn Davis, nicknamed 'The Admiral'
because you never see him working.
Tommy Taylor, the leader of the party.
The mastermind of the mess deck.
Their gallant ally, Hans Mueller,
hears that he will immediately
become a full British subject,
and the fuller the better.
Newlywed Mrs. Tommy
Taylor leads the cheers.
They've got thousands
to come in prize money
and this will be a leave
where nobody says leave off.
Ha, you lucky people.
♪ there's none that's like a sailor's ♪
♪ it's very much more exciting ♪
♪ than a tinker's ♪
♪ or a tailor's ♪
♪ he leaves his home sweet home ♪
♪ it seems he loves to roam ♪
♪ all over the place ♪
♪ wherever the sea ♪
♪ may happen to be ♪
♪ a sailor is found ♪
♪ knocking around ♪
♪ he's all over the place ♪
♪ all over the place ♪
♪ the north or the south ♪
♪ the east or the west ♪
♪ there's half of the world ♪
♪ tattooed on his chest ♪
♪ and ♪
♪ all over the place ♪
♪ all the around the universe
in any port of call ♪
♪ getting his fun ♪
♪ the son of a gun ♪
♪ never staying very long
in any place at all ♪
♪ he's here ♪
♪ he's there ♪
♪ he's everywhere ♪
♪ he's all over the place ♪
♪ the ladies adore ♪
♪ to get him ashore ♪
♪ he's there's for a day ♪
♪ and then he's away ♪
♪ all over the place ♪
♪ from the north or the south ♪
♪ the east or the west ♪
♪ there's half of the world ♪
♪ tattooed on his chest ♪
♪ and all over the place ♪
♪ all around the universe
in any port of call ♪
♪ he's getting his fun ♪
♪ the son of a gun ♪
♪ never staying very long
in any place at all »
♪ he's here ♪ ♪ here ♪
♪ he's there ♪ ♪ there ♪
♪ he's everywhere ♪
♪ everywhere ♪
♪ in most respects ♪
♪ that every man ♪
♪ save will do his duty ♪
♪ all over the place ♪
♪ wherever the sea ♪
♪ may happen to be ♪
♪ a sailor is found ♪
♪ knocking all around ♪
♪ he's all over the place ♪
♪ all over the place ♪
♪ north or the south ♪
♪ the east or the west ♪
♪ there's half of the world ♪
♪ tattooed on the chest ♪
♪ and all over the place ♪
♪ all around the universe
in any port of call ♪
♪ getting his fun ♪
♪ the son of a gun ♪
♪ never staying very long
in any place at all »
♪ he's here ♪ ♪ here ♪
♪ he's there ♪ ♪ there ♪
♪ he's everywhere ♪
♪ everywhere ♪
♪ he's all over the place ♪
♪ the ladies adore ♪
♪ to get him ashore ♪
♪ he's here for the day ♪
♪ and then he's away ♪
♪ all over ♪
wait for it.
♪ The ♪
♪ place ♪
Officers and men of the Ferocious.
I have good news for you.
We have been entrusted with a task
of the utmost importance.
It may be a long and a difficult one
but I am confident of
our ultimate success.
The German pocket battleship, Ludendorf,
is operating in the South Atlantic.
Our orders are to find, engage, and sink.
♪ All over the place ♪
♪ wherever the sea ♪
♪ may happen to be ♪
♪ a sailor is found ♪
♪ knocking around ♪
♪ he's all over the place ♪
San Felipe, what a fluke.
What a bit of luck.
Why, have you got any good addresses?
Yes, my sister, Jane.
Oh, sister?
Yeah, she's a governess there.
Hey, wait a minute.
Is she anything like you to look at?
Oh, not particularly.
I've uh, I've got a
photograph of her here.
Where?
Quick, give me, give me.
Just a minute.
Oh, she's not a bit like you.
Blimey, she's worse.
Well, she may have changed a bit.
Four years is a long time.
In your sister's case,
it's not long enough.
You can't judge by appearances.
I can.
Well, anyway, you
will come and meet her?
Look, four months at sea,
4,000 nautical miles and
you want us to,.
We got other plans, eh, Tommy?
A little spot called the El Dorado.
Dance partner?
Dance partner?
Two please.
Yes, sir.
Dance partner?
Are they pretty?
Oh, whoa.
We'll like some of those.
Yeah, I mean really good looking?
Oh, well if they're corazales,
we better have some, haven't we?
Keep going.
I'll tell you when to stop.
About a yard and a half.
How much is that?
This is plenty, this is plenty.
You're telling me.
Come on, come on.
Two. - Hurry up.
- Dance partner?
- Yes, please.
Good evening.
Is my sister in?
Who?
Oh, Ms. Jane Davis.
Oh, Suite Five, fourth floor.
Thank you.
Jane?
Coming, Mrs. Pilkington.
Jane.
Ah, there you are.
You're already packed.
Thank goodness.
The professor will never
get his things together.
The children are being impossible.
He keeps putting them in his trunks,
the things I mean,
and they keep taking them out again.
I'll come, Mrs. Pilkington.
Ah, there it is.
That's, no.
Bring your own things out, dear.
The men are just coming
up for the luggage.
Oh, be very careful with that, won't you?
It's got my husband's in there.
Si, senora.
Put them down, dear, put them down.
The man will look after them.
He'll look after them.
Digby, Digby.
Now, Digby.
Now, now, now, Digby.
Please, please.
Ah, Digby.
I have to pack that.
Digby. - Oh catch him, dear.
Catch him.
Digby, give that pack
to your uncle at once.
Shan't, I want to catch scorpions.
Well, Digby, you don't want us
to miss the boat, do you?
Now, give that to me.
- No, I want it.
- Now give it to me.
No, no, no.
Now come along.
You give it to your aunt at once.
Stop it.
Wilfred's got hold of your killing bottle.
Oh heaven's,
it's full of my cyanide
and potassium.
- Now, come on.
- No, I want it.
Let me have it.
I want it.
Let me have it.
I want it.
And there, now there.
I'm gonna tell uncle.
Well go and tell your uncle.
You treacherous little...
Come in, come in.
What?
Oh.
Oh, from the boat, I suppose?
But they said 11 o'clock.
It's only six o'clock now.
Oh, well tell the captain
we won't be a minute.
Oh, I think there must
of been some mistake.
No, no, no.
We should really of been ready hours ago
but Digby's been rather naughty.
There you are.
Well, I.
Llewelyn.
Oh, Jane.
I am glad to see you.
It's my brother, he's in the Navy.
Oh, how stupid of me.
I thought he was a sailor.
By Jove, you have changed.
You're very very pretty.
You wait till my pal's see you.
Llewelyn, you're improving.
And you've come all this way
to see your sister.
How splendid.
Well not absolutely,
we put in here to refuel.
Really?
And how you must need it.
But how lucky, one day later
and you'd of missed her.
Yes, we're sailing for home tonight.
Oh.
Nevermind, the boat
doesn't leave till 11:30.
Plenty of time for you and your sister
to run away and refuel.
Oh, but Mrs. Pilkington, I couldn't.
The children.
No, my dear child.
You change your frock, enjoy yourself,
and come straight to boat.
Porter.
Where are your friends?
Well, we better get a table first
and then I'll go and find them.
Hello, girly.
My name is Meadows, Johnny Meadows.
What's yours and how 'bout a dance?
Just a minute, just a minute.
How do ducks, may I introduce myself?
The name is Taylor.
T-a-y-I-o-r.
Pronounced, success.
Yo no hablo ingles.
Blimey, that's one I've wasted.
She doesn't speak English.
Oh, cut it out.
I saw her first.
Look, what about a drink?
You know?
Hey?
She says she hates the sight of you.
Go on, she doesn't want
anything at all to do with you.
It's chocolate she wants.
I say.
You know something, you
are the most beautiful girl
in the place.
Load of rubbish.
Here you are.
She doesn't want chocolates at all.
She wants flowers.
Oi,.
There you are.
Now you've bought those,
you'll have to buy her a vase
to put them in.
Oh, there they are.
I'll bring them over and introduce them.
She doesn't want ice cream.
Well she was looking
straight at the girl.
Well hello, boys, hello.
Oh, how do you do, how do you do?
Oh yes, yes.
Go away.
Oh, can't you see we are busy?
I want you to come meet my sister.
What, and leave my Spanish homework?
You tell your sister to
go and chase herself.
Hop it, we got no time
for scraggy women tonight.
Besides, she's got knocked knees.
Not now, she hasn't.
Look, Admiral, we
don't like your sister.
We don't want to meet your sister.
You've got a horrible sister.
But she's a beautiful sister.
Go away.
Go away, go on.
Waiter, waiter.
Just a minute.
There, there you are.
Darling, this is with me.
Where are you friends?
Uh friends, friends?
Oh, oh the friends.
Yes, well I'm terribly sorry
but they're frightfully busy chasing,
learning Spanish.
I thought you said they
were dying to meet me.
Oh I know they are
because I showed them your photograph.
Photograph?
Yes, this one.
Oh, I see.
Come on, let's dance.
Dance?
Oh shake a shoe.
Ah yes, lovely.
If there's anything
else you want, you know,
you only got to ask for it.
We're all set out for it.
Look, darling,
what about that little jiggity jog
we were gonna have?
You'd love it.
I'd whirl you around...
Husband.
You go round this way,
I'll 'round that way,
meet you over the other side.
There must be a bit of
unattached somewhere.
Your friends don't seem
to be having much success.
Well, that's funny.
'Cause they're not very particular.
Excuse me.
You go and dance with your sister.
Yes, but it is my, was my...
Oh.
Well, I just rescued you in time
from that fellow you picked up.
He's the worst guy in the fleet.
Is that so?
So you're English.
Now, I can really tell
you what I think of him.
Even his best friend won't tell him.
Really?
Me, of course, I'm different.
I'm quiet, shy, retiring,
never talks to strangers.
Would you like to dance with me?
No, thank you, very much.
A little drink?
No thank you, very much.
A little ride in the moonlight?
No thank you, very much.
Well, what would you like?
Oh no, thank you very much.
What about the rest
of tonight's programme?
What about it?
Well, we could go through for a drive
through the town in the gorgeous moonlight
and anything else there's time for.
Well, my Spanish boyfriend's
calling for me here
and he's a very jealous lover.
Well, with a little encouragement
I could be a very wicked wooer.
All right.
The taxi rank in 10 minutes.
Good, but how to I find you?
You just say to the doorman, in Spanish.
What?
Now, say that to me.
All right?
Perfect.
Oh, oh.
Pardon me.
Okay.
Speak English, beautiful?
A little.
Good for you.
You're the most beautiful
girl in the place
and I oughta know, I've been around.
I mean it.
You're a peach.
Yes?
How far do you live?
I no go home tonight.
That's the stuff.
No silly nonsense about you Spanish girls.
I sleep on ship.
Aye?
Well you don't waste much time, do you?
But you see, we aren't allowed
to take girls back on board.
No?
No.
Then you take me nice
drive in moonlight, yes?
Exactly what I was gonna suggest.
Come on, let's get settled.
My Spanish boyfriend, he
arrive, he very jealous.
I meet you taxi stand.
Which one?
Doorman, he know.
You say to him.
In 10 minutes.
Come on, llewelyn, we must go now.
Oh right, yes.
So, she chucked you up?
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
I must be going.
Got a date.
Well, I think I'll just hang around.
You never know, I might pick something up.
I shouldn't get upset.
I'll see you aboard, eh?
That's right.
Well, uh.
- So long.
- Good bye.
Bye bye.
Yes, that is very funny.
Pero, Alfonzo, Romero.
Yes, now say that again.
Yeah, yeah.
Yes, that is very funny.
So, I do not wash my feet, huh?
Come on, throw this man out.
Oi, you, you the doorman?
Si, senor.
Oh well, uh.
What?
Sorry, we can't stop, boys.
But I'm to see my sister off
on the S.S. Savanna.
Sister?
Yes, the one with the
ankles all the way up.
Driver.
S.S. Savanna.
Well, that's that.
Yes, I hope I never
set eyes on her again.
Same here.
Well, there's still a
couple of hours to go.
I think I'll pop round the corner
to the Alcazar.
Well, I think I'll go to
the Alhambra over there.
I don't know.
See you aboard.
Yeah, sure.
- So long.
- So long.
So long.
I do wish you weren't going
back on this ship, Jane.
Well how do you I suggest
I get back to England, on the Ferocious?
Well, it be very much safer.
I doubt it.
Now bedtime, Digby, come along.
Shan't.
Digby, come out and be undressed.
You've never seen your
uncle behave like that.
Shan't, I want Jane.
Oh, get him out, dear.
Digby's got his pea shooter under there.
Oh, pea.
Are we late?
I'm so sorry.
Oh no, it's quite all right.
We've been managing splendidly.
Digby, that's a very rude noise to make.
It was me dear, moving the bed.
Oh, well come along, dear, come along.
Jane can manage without us.
Come on.
Goodnight. - Goodnight.
No, no.
Don't bother to hoist your flags to me.
Good evening.
Good evening, sir, good evening.
Look here, shall I get him out?
No, leave him to me.
He's not naughty, he's only playful.
Oh, very playful.
Let me play with him.
No, you can't.
Digby, come along out and have your milk.
Won't.
Yes you will, darling.
Digby, you heard what Jane said.
Go along and get a glass of milk for me.
Glass of milk, yes.
Anything in it?
No and hurry, the boat will be off.
Oh right, yes.
Now, Digby.
Okay, ta.
Thanks, mate.
Porter.
Porter.
Sailor, sailor.
Take my bag aboard, will you, please.
I should think so.
That might be an idea.
Look at what you're doing.
Well, if it's not my old pal, Johnny.
What are you doing here?
Well, I just thought
I'd pick up the Admiral.
What are you doing?
Same as you, you liar.
All right, then.
Winner stops and finds her,
loser clears out.
We don't toss about
this, this one's different.
Okay, then it's who finds her first.
You're on.
Tommy.
Out of my way.
Oh no, just a minute.
Where's Jane?
Up top, stateroom B.
Oh and having a spot of bother.
Is she?
Listen, listen everybody,
this is a very important day, you know?
It isn't everyday you are getting married.
For you, you're getting your drink, so.
A glass of milk, please.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let us wish the bride
long life, happiness.
And a glass of milk, please.
Who said that?
Milk?
You want for us to drink the
health of the bride in milk?
You a British sailor.
Fill up his glass with champagne.
Champagne?
You come out.
Let go at once.
Digby, how dare you kick me?
Oh, Digby, you've bitten me.
What are you doing here?
Who bit you?
That's my affair.
Will you please get out of my cabin?
What and leave you to get
your fingers chewed off?
Where's Digby?
Are you going or must
I ring for the steward?
Oh, I see.
Pulling my leg again.
Why didn't you tell me in the first place
who you really were?
I'm not going to talk
to you, so please go.
Look, if you didn't
want me to come in here
you wouldn't of started
that stuff about Digby.
You know as well as I do
there isn't any Digby.
More champagne!
More champagne.
Champagne for the bride and groom.
How dare you?
Please don't.
- I don't mind.
- How dare you?
You mustn't do that.
You mustn't.
No don't, you brute.
What's going on in here?
You little...
Give me that brush.
No, give it back to me and get out
both of you.
I heard you calling for help
so I came in to put him out.
Oh did you?
Well you can put each other
out, have you got that?
That's the word I like, lady.
How dare you fight in here?
Just wait till my brother gets back.
I don't want any help.
It's all right.
I want my milk!
I want my milk.
And now ladies and
gentlemen, the bride's uncle.
Haven't you two gone yet?
I want my milk.
Will one of you go and find my brother?
He's getting Digby some milk.
Well if you won't go,
make yourself useful.
Turn Digby's bed down.
Come along, Digby.
Nice bye byes.
Will you hurry along
and get that milk for me?
Well, uh.
Yes, yes of course I will.
I'd do anything for you.
Milk.
What are you doing?
Just making Digby comfortable.
Well, let me do it.
A glass of milk, please.
And now, the bride's uncle's cousin.
The bride's uncle's cousin.
And her cousin's cousins.
There's something I want to explain.
I dare say there is.
Please.
Certainly not.
Besides, I can't go until Digby's asleep.
Go to sleep, Digby.
Shan't.
Look, will you go to sleep
if I told you a fairy story?
Let's hear it then first.
All right, close your eyes.
Once upon a time, there
was a beautiful girl
her name was Cinderella.
I've heard that one.
Oh no, no you haven't.
This is an entirely different story.
She went to a dance and
she met a fairy prince.
Well, he was not a fairy,
he was a seaman gunner
and a couple of good conduct stripes
and he fell in love with her.
Now, the moment the magnificent prince,
with a seaman gunner's badge
and the two good conduct stripes,
saw the beautiful Cinderella,
he said to himself,
blimey what a turn up for them.
Come on, Admiral.
What about that milk?
Admiral?
All visitors ashore, please.
Come on along, man,
pull yourself together.
That's the gong for the visitors ashore.
Come along.
Let go of that rail.
Admiral!
Now, the fairy prince
turned to Cinderella and said,
does thou think thou could fall in love
with a charming fairy prince like me ducks?
With that, he took her into his arms
and he whirled her into happiness
with an all consuming passion.
What does that mean?
What do you care?
In any case, you're far too young.
Now look, if you go to
sleep like a good boy,
the next time the fairy
prince goes to sea,
he'll bring you back a beautiful present.
A real live mermaid.
I'm sorry, Jane.
I want my milk!
All right, I'll go and
get your blooming milk.
Hey, mister, at last the
boat she is going, huh?
Yes, and I've got to get off.
Listen my friend, I live in Tangiers.
Three months ago, I cross the water
to Al Aferias for the day.
Do you mind?
On the way back, the
ferry boat, what I am,
is torpedoed.
I am rescued by American boat,
so I go to America.
From America, I go to Spain
and I am again torpedoed.
I am rescued to France
and from France I am bombed
with magneticical mines.
I am again rescued to Portugal.
From Portugal, I am
torpedoed to South America
and I am only want to go home to Tangiers.
For three months I've been trying.
My wife will be very cross with me.
Have you got a lodger?
Yes.
I shouldn't worry.
Come on, you two, didn't
you hear the bell?
I heard it all right.
Can't get this blinking idiot to let go.
What's the matter?
I can't get his hands off the rail.
Don't be a fool, let go.
Have some sense.
Come on, drop it.
Saw the rail off.
He can keep the piece.
What have you been giving
him to drink, secatine?
At last the boat, she sails.
What?
He said the boat, the boat it's sailing.
Yes, that's right, sir.
What are you two doing here?
We've started.
You're telling us.
Where's my brother?
He's in there, full of milk.
But you'll get into trouble, won't you?
Trouble?
We'll cop it good and proper.
We should of been on board by midnight
and here we are next stop England.
What about the pilot boat?
That's an idea.
You can go back on that?
We hope.
You two fix it while I get Llewelyn.
Who?
Llewelyn, my brother.
Llewelyn.
Come on, let's go and
find the pilot's mate.
It's good wine, you no like?
It's not bad, seeing it's free.
But when we're finished this,
I'll give you a drop of
something that's a man's drink.
This is the best drink in the world.
Come in.
Look, it's a couple of blue jackets.
Excuse us but is he the pilot's mate?
Aye.
Well, we want to catch a lift to shore.
Louis, will you take the
two lads back in your boat?
Si, si, they can come.
Thanks, you're a pal.
Just about saved our bacon.
Oh just now you drink.
Ah no thanks, very much.
No, we ought to be getting along.
Oughten we?
Yes, not now, thanks.
Drink.
Thanks, we'd rather not.
You do not drink with me, bueno,
you do not sail with me.
Go away.
Half a minute.
We've got to get back to our ship.
Then drink.
Okay, we don't mind if we do.
Do we, Tommy?
We'd be delighted.
Well, here's how.
You'll find it a grand
disinfectant, boys.
The wine of my country
should be drunk so.
You drink like that, si.
Yes of course we will.
Drink!
You like that nice wine, yes.
Lovely, it's lovely.
Delicious.
Yes, good then we have some more.
Oh, can't you get that
wood out of his hands?
No, he won't let go.
Well, we better get him into fresh air.
Yeah, fresh air that's what
he needs and black coffee.
All through drink.
♪ I love my girl ♪
♪ and I love her dearly ♪
goodbye, goodbye.
Thanks for having us.
You're drunk, both of you.
Johnny, the lady said
you're drunk both of you.
What, me drunk?
Say, come here and let me look at you.
No, stay there.
Stay where you are.
Come along, Admiral, come along.
The taxi's waiting.
Goodbye, goodbye.
Goodbye and I hope I never set eyes
on either of you again.
Bye bye.
Cheerio, goodbye.
Come on, Admiral.
I think you've got something there.
Give me a rope chain, will you, Johnny?
♪ What do we do with a drunken sailor ♪
♪ take him ♪
♪ ♪
come on, Admiral.
♪ All over the place ♪
♪ wherever the sea ♪
there she blows.
Who?
The Ferocious, you sap.
Come on.
I knew it was the Ferocious
the minute I saw her.
Come on, Admiral, wake up.
Wake up, you're almost home.
♪ All around the universe
and any port of call ♪
a glass of milk, please.
We're not on the Savannah now.
Hey, hey, I've been robbed.
Come on, let go.
Let go. - The Ferocious.
Straight ahead!
Ahoy there, Ferocious.
Shut down.
Do you want everybody to hear us?
Come on, llewelyn, llewelyn, come on.
Come on, men.
Come on.
Come on.
Sorry, officer.
That's not an officer, it's a gun.
Sorry, gun.
Gun?
It wasn't here this morning.
Well, what did I tell you?
It's smaller.
It's been raining a lot lately.
It must of shrunk.
Sounds all right.
Llewelyn, llewelyn.
I must ask you to turn it up.
If the guns where the hatchway used to be.
The hatchway must be
where the gun used to be.
Sad, sad.
Very very sad.
Lou Lou, I agree with you.
Boys, absolute silence.
Nest eggs.
It's much bigger than
it was this morning.
It's the hot climate.
Swollen.
Absolute silence.
Sleeping with their mouths open.
Let's shut 'em.
Admiral, Admiral.
Admiral, wake up.
What, what?
Look.
Johnny, Johnny.
What are we gonna do?
We better do what the others do.
Let's.
So none of you speak English?
Well maybe a little
piece English I speak.
Which country do you come from?
You speak Spanish?
Not Spanish.
You speak Russian?
No.
Me Russian, from Moscow.
So, you come from Moscow.
How did you get aboard this ship?
Me and my comrades,
we go to South Africa
to start a volkswagon revolution.
Why to South Africa?
Well, we start from the bottom
and work our way up.
Is that right?
Sure.
So you are speaking English?
Sure it is buddy, Johnny C. Meadows
of Kansas City, Missouri USA.
Howdy, toots.
And what are you?
Oh, who, me?
So you, speak English to?
No, no.
That's his name.
Oh who me.
Chinese.
Me welly miserable Chinese man, sir.
Your skin is white.
If you are Chinese, why isn't it yellow?
Oh me welly welly old
miserable Chinese man, sir.
So, you work in South Africa
and this ship is near South America,
how do you get aboard?
We are betrayed to the police.
We escape from prison.
We find him a little boat
and we row and we row and we row.
From South Africa?
That's 3,000 miles away.
And we row, and we row.
Now go on.
And we row, bonk.
We hit him a big ship.
We find a rope and we climb and we climb.
Oh god, go on.
We climb, climb, climb, climb,
and we come aboard.
German and Russia are friends.
Why didn't you tell the truth at once?
Why did you pretend to
be a member of our crew?
We think this police ship
and we get tortured.
You lucky people.
You said that?
The German's known to always
treat our prisoner's well.
Says you.
What?
Russian.
Yeah.
Say, look here, cap.
I don't quite...
Don't quite get this prisoner angle.
What say you put us ashore some place?
Impossible.
You will remain aboard
until the end of the war.
You have seen too much
of our ship already.
That's all.
So, you will receive
medical inspection now.
Take off, please.
You also take off.
Turn, please.
Take off, I said.
That's good.
That's all.
As I say, take off.
Take off.
Very sore.
And not long done, yes?
No, not long.
So, then turn please.
What, he's an Englander?
And three absentees, sir.
Able seamen Taylor, Meadows, and Davis.
What, those three in trouble again?
Yes, sir.
Has the British consul been notified?
Yes, sir.
Oh, what's next?
Division at the usual time, sir?
Yes.
No, not a sign of her.
I'll give a month's pay
to be the first man to spot the tail
of the Ludendortf.
You and your flag.
And your Nelson.
Well, I'm very proud of my Nelson.
Besides, all the best
sailors are tattooed.
I suppose all the best
sailors are called Llewellyn.
Oh.
Don't even make a good chinaman.
Oh, I wonder how much longer
we'll have to stew in this oven.
Listen, the engines have stopped.
So they have.
Hey, come here, both of you.
Hear that?
What?
She's dropping anchor.
Wotcha, Fritz.
Not Fritz, Hans.
Alright, wotcha, Hans.
Cigarette?
No, don't touch 'em.
They'll explode.
Ah, they're all right.
Well, it may catch fire.
No please, help yourself.
Oh, no, no.
Thanks very much.
Will you please blow the smoke
out of the shuttle in case
I will be punished.
Thanks, old man, you're a pal.
Yes, fancy meeting a nice German.
I am not German.
I am Austrian.
That is very different.
Do you come from London?
Don't tell him, careless talk.
What difference.
Sure yes, we come from London.
Good, well if one of
you goes back to London
would you do something for me?
Fat chance we got of getting there.
Why not?
You might escape or be recaptured
or you might be exchanged.
Exchanged.
What could we get for him?
Well if you do go back,
will you do something for me please?
What is it?
Do you know this place?
It's Selfridges.
That is my shop.
What, Selfridges?
No, no the little shop in behind there.
What, this little baker's shop?
Yes, H. Mueller Baker.
Most of my life I live in that shop.
Would you go there, please,
and tell my wife that you have seen me
and that I was well?
First thing we do.
You are very kind.
Oh, what a lovely lot of loaf.
What a lovely load of bananas.
Bananas for supper last night.
Bananas for breakfast
and have bananas for lunch.
What's the idea?
It's all we have.
The only ship we capture
is filled with bananas.
But soon we get something new.
Today we get fresh supplies.
Oh, is that why we're stopping here?
Yes.
There they go.
How many left aboard?
Just a skeleton crew.
What do you people call a skeleton crew?
60 or 70 men, and one or
two officers, of course.
Is that all?
Sounds like Hitler.
No, they all sound like Hitler.
That's very good.
Is it?
I wonder if it's good enough.
Good enough for what?
Hans, I bet the captain's
on his bridge now.
No, not now.
He's asleep in his cabin.
You're wrong.
But always at this time of the day.
Hans, you don't know your captain.
I don't know, he's always there.
If I'm wrong, I'll buy every loaf
of bread in your shop the
first day I reach London.
You would?
Why don't you go and find out?
Very well, I will.
You'll find I'm right.
60 or 70 of them.
There's three of us.
I tell you, it's easy.
What is?
To pinch their ship.
Do what?
You're mad.
It can't be done.
Can’t it?
With that thing giving orders
and no one seeing who gives them?
Here he comes.
Well?
I was quite right.
The captain is sleeping in his cabin.
That's all we wanted to know.
You will have to buy all my loafs.
Yeah.
Now, you want to go to England, don't you?
We're gonna make a break for it.
Are you with us?
Open it.
Good work, Johnny.
What are you going to do?
You're going to show
us the way to the bridge.
Go on, go on.
How do you feel now, Fritz?
I'm sorry about the toe.
Come on.
Now come on, boys.
When I give you the word
I want you to go like greased lightning
forward and slip the anchor.
Yeah, but somebody may stop it.
They won't, take this.
Johnny, your jobs the engine room.
How many down there?
Four, five, six.
You can handle them, here.
Your job is to keep the engineers at it.
Easy.
Wait for it, wait for it.
You've got to catch before they bolt.
Why should they bolt?
You'll find out.
What's German for abandon ship.
For what?
Abandon ship.
Right.
You're crazy, they won't believe you.
Tell 'em it's part of the exercise.
Come on.
Come on, come.
I don't think they will do it.
Go on, go on.
All right, now’s your time.
Admiral, the anchor.
Johnny, the engine room
and I'll give you the word
through the loud speaker.
Well played sir, well played.
Oh, Johnny.
Back to stations, quick.
Go on, all of you.
Get back, go on.
Jump to it, go on, get back.
Back against the wall.
Now hurry up.
That's the way to talk to 'em.
Remind me to tell 'em
to make me a captain,
sometime, will ya?
The captain, he is down in his cabin.
Blimey, I forgot him.
Tell me, where's his speaking tube?
This one.
It's all right, I hear him talking.
Now, I'll tell you what to do.
Shout down, tell the old
fool to come up here.
Tell him there's trouble on the bridge,
tell him anything.
I'll stand behind the door
and as the silly old
battle axe comes through,
I'll dot him on the crumpet,
right up my street, it's easy.
Go on tell him.
No, no pep it up.
Go on.
That's the idea, that will
bring him up here in no time.
Now, what can I dot him with?
How do you do?
Are you happy in your works?
So, you will dot
the silly old battle axe
with a trumpet?
Did he say that?
I will count three
and then you will be gone.
I shouldn't bother
to count, I'll go now.
Stay where you are!
No trouble.
One, two.
Heil Hitler.
Has the last boat gone yet?
Just going.
Good, then we're all
set to slip the cable.
Admiral, stand by.
He's not there yet.
- Not there?
- No.
I'm here, I'm here.
Help, help!
Admiral, Admiral, can you hear me?
Admiral, don't lie down on us.
I'm trying not to.
Admiral.
I'll go.
No, I need you to
speak to the engineers.
Johnny, are you there?
Hello, Johnny.
Hello, are you all right?
All set.
Okay, stand by to start 'em up.
And that goes for me, too.
Go on, obey those orders.
Quick!
And now for the anchor.
You stay here.
When I cut her away, give full speed ahead
and when I get that admiral
I'll use his liver for a neck tie.
It's all right, he's here, look.
Okay, Admiral, let her go.
Jump to it.
Where have you been all this time?
Messing us about, keeping us all waiting.
What do you think you're doing, knitting?
Go on, hit it man, hit it.
You're not playing crown and anchor.
Hooray.
Now go to the steering
wheel, go on, at the double.
Quicker!
Everything's in order now, Hans.
Johnny's in the engine room,
Admiral's at the wheel,
and I'm on the bridge.
Slow ahead.
Go on, do that and do it quick.
Full speed ahead.
Hurry up, do as the gentlemen says.
Look, look the boats.
Ta ta,
have a good row, boys.
Bye bye.
Hans, we've done it.
But what do we do now?
Bang off home as fast as we can.
Admiral, are you there?
Aye, aye, sir.
Where to?
Portsmouth harbour,
but stop at Selfridges
to put Hans off, first.
Aye, aye, sir.
Johnny, Johnny.
We've done it.
I've pinched their blinking battleship.
You pinched it?
What about me?
Yes, sir.
Come down here and drive it.
There's something wrong.
He doesn't answer.
Johnny, Johnny.
Look quick, the engineers.
They're trying to escape.
I told him to keep them down there.
Hey, come back.
Get back to that engine room.
Stay where you are.
What do you mean letting
them go, you twerp.
I'll talk to you later.
See what you've done?
You frightened them away.
Well, we're getting along
all right without them.
Yeah, we got her started.
How are we gonna stop her?
We don't want to stop it.
Home, James, and don't spare the horses.
10 degrees, 44 minutes south.
39 degrees, 12 minutes west.
Are you sure you're right?
There's not an island
anywhere in sight here.
Well it's the last entry in the log.
You can't get away from that.
Did you say 39 or 93?
39.
Oh, well of course.
That makes all the
difference in the world.
Here we are, island and all.
There we were this afternoon, you mean.
It's close to midnight now.
Well, we've been steering due east.
Say 50 knots.
That brings us to 15 two, 15 four
and a pair of six.
Here we are, right in the middle
of Portuguese west Africa.
Ahoy there Tommy, ahoy.
Tommy?
What's that?
Put the brakes on,
we've run somebody over.
Ahoy there, Admiral.
I say, you know we stopped moving,
I suppose it's all right.
So we have.
Haven't we, yes.
Johnny, ahoy there, Johnny.
Ahoy there, skipper.
What's happened to the engines?
Nothing, we're doing a steady...
No we're not.
We're not doing anything.
Look, on top of the water.
Oil.
Tommy.
Oil, oil, everywhere oil.
I suppose that's Johnny's
idea of having a good time.
He wants to play.
All right, I must of turned
the wrong tap or something.
These darn German engines are terrible.
They aren't a bit like
the ones on the Ferocious.
You've ditched us good and proper.
I suppose we'll have to sit here
and eat bananas till the cows come home.
I say, you fellows,
crude bit of oil about.
Somebody must of emptied our sump.
I think somebody must of emptied yours.
Well, there's no use standing here.
I think we ought to see
if we can do something.
I say, llewelyn.
Yes.
If you take this off,
you'll be able to see better.
Oh, thank you very much.
Well anyway, it's dark.
Now what I suggest is we mend the radio
and then we can get the Ferocious to come
and fetch us.
I'll have a go at the radio.
Sure, you're a marvel with machinery.
I don't see what you're
all worrying about.
Some ship or other is bound to pass soon.
Here we are, 200 miles
from the nearest trade route.
There won't be a ship passing here
from year's end to another.
Look.
It's a destroyer.
What, one of ours?
German, she's flashing a signal.
Yeah and if she doesn't
get the right reply.
She's liable to open fire.
I know the right reply.
- Well come on.
- Yes.
GL twice, then wait.
Am I glad you remembered that right.
- Chaps are starting a message.
- Make an R.
H.
I.
E.
R.
H-i-e-r, here.
They don't spell very well, do they?
It's in German, ya.
W-o-I-f.
Wolf, well that's English enough.
Wolf, that is her name.
We can't take on 10 prisoners.
Supposing the bananas give out.
I wonder if they're British.
What's the odds?
We can let the poor blighters stay put.
Hans, how do you spell okay in German?
O-k.
Okay.
But don't you realise, you poor dope,
an officer will bring
the prisoner's aboard.
Yes and he'll expect to
be received by the captain.
All right, he will be
received by the captain.
Ah, stop your shoving.
Hello, boys.
Haven't I seen that ugly mug before?
Was is das, mug?
I say, dear, most extraordinary thing.
It's exactly like your brother.
Llewelyn.
All right, all right.
A much nicer boat, but anywhere.
Ah, there we are.
Look, auntie, there's Jane's brother.
Don't be silly, dear.
It's a no good coming on board.
11 times I've been torpedoed.
Two more times is 13, that's unlucky.
Don't you touch me.
I'm a non belligerent from Tangiers.
Oh, the British sailor.
Did you got your glass of milk?
Pig dog, pig dog.
He no speak English.
There's the sailor that told me
the rotten fairy story.
Tommy.
Pig dog.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
I'll lay you 10 to one
we don't spot her today.
Make it 20 to one.
We'll split the difference, 15.
Okay, only I'm inclined
to think the Ludendorf's
camouflaged herself as a
coral reef or something.
Right, let me machine
gun every coral reef
of correct size and shape.
Ahoy, ahoy.
What have you sighted?
I don't sight anything.
I just say ahoy!
Well don't shout ahoy for nothing.
You'll frighten the fish.
Here, pass the bait, please.
I can't understand why
they don't like these.
I mean, after all, there
must be some vegetarians
amongst them.
Oh if only we had worms.
Yeah, what?
Oh I see what you mean, yes.
Well you know, you can't
blame the poor things.
I mean three weeks of
unadulterated banana.
Perhaps we could camouflage.
That's a very good,
by Jove, I've got a bite.
- No.
- I've got a bite.
Help me, help me.
And that, madam,
concludes our inspection
of this highly desirable residence.
Central heating throughout,
sleeping accommodation for 850
and within easy reach of the sea.
Very nice, thank you.
And now I must go and help
Mrs. Pilkington with the lunch.
Oh Jane, I mean Ms. Davis, don't go.
Look, I've got an apology to offer.
Oh?
On Johnny's behalf.
That night on the Savannah,
getting your brother lit to the eyebrows,
he's a terror.
Johnny I mean, not llewelyn.
You know, even the marines
won't go out with him.
The next thing you'll know...
I'll be lit to the
eyebrows, too, I suppose.
Ahoy, there, ahoy!
It's enemy aircraft approaching.
It is a plane.
Ahoy there, can you see her markings?
Oh, it's all right.
It's enemy British aircraft.
It's British aircraft.
Ahoy!
Hooray, at last we are saved.
She will take me back to Tangiers.
It's ours, it's a
plane from the Ferocious.
How perfectly delightful.
Yeah, but here here.
She think we're German,
she'll let fly at us.
Blimey, that's right.
We're still the Ludendorf
from her point of view.
Come on, women and children below.
I'm in the kitchen.
Well go on, hurry.
Boys to the search lights,
we gotta signal her.
Come on.
Mister, don't shoot, don't shoot.
We are friends of yours.
Dear little Digby.
I suppose he's ruined
every lamp on the ship.
What about the signal flares?
No good, they are
different from the British.
Maybe you better write a note
and send it up to him.
Right, we'll write.
Come on, the paint.
Here they are.
Help me, so.
Well, what message are we gonna write?
We'll have to keep it short.
Right oh yes, dear, sir.
Cut it out.
Tell them to notify
the American consulate.
Pip down Slugsy.
Now, let me see, possibly...
I know.
The swastika, come on.
Come on, sir George, sir
Andrew, and sir Patrick.
What we say, 20 to one?
No, 15.
I wonder why she hasn't opened up.
She's waiting for you.
Toujour la politesse.
Hurry, British!
Can you see what I see?
It's the Union Jack,
- there's no mistake about that, sir.
- Seems incredible.
[??] will be gone cracker, sir.
That's why I used my camera.
- Very likely a trap, don't you think so, sir?
- We'll see.
I'll close in on her now.
All guns loaded and bearing on her.
See if that will draw her fire.
Commander, hands to action
stations immediately.
Very good, sir.
Come then, jump to it, the
sound of action stations.
Ladies and gentlemen.
More champagne.
I'm going to ask you to drink
to the health of our four hosts.
But for who's courage and presence of mind
we shouldn't of been sitting here today
in happy anticipation of rescue.
Our four hosts.
Speech, speech.
Speech.
Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking,
I feel that I must play the perfect host
and say a word or two of gratitude to you
in answer to your lovely piece of toast.
♪ To help has been an awful lot of fun ♪
♪ and now I say to you ♪
♪ what I say to everyone ♪
♪ when your pockets are full of trouble ♪
♪ and the merry go round goes wrong ♪
♪ don't sigh ♪
♪ don’t cry ♪
♪ sing a happy go lucky song ♪
♪ when your horoscope says a blue day ♪
♪ and the minutes seem far too long ♪
♪ don't moan ♪
♪ don't groan ♪
♪ sing a happy go lucky song ♪
♪ you lucky people ♪
♪ here's a melody ♪
♪ you lucky people ♪
♪ sing a song with me ♪
♪ when there's nothing
but stormy weather ♪
♪ till the summer time comes along ♪
♪ be gay ♪
♪ today ♪
♪ sing a happy go lucky song ♪
♪ if your mother in law's got symptoms ♪
♪ and discusses them all day long ♪
♪ don't cringe ♪
♪ don't binge ♪
♪ sing a happy go lucky song ♪
♪ if your eyes go dark and soulful ♪
♪ and your a chins a pinch too long ♪
♪ don't pine ♪
♪ for mine ♪
♪ sing a happy go lucky song ♪
♪ you lucky people ♪
♪ you good cause to cheer ♪
♪ hey you lucky people ♪
♪ shout the Navy's here ♪
♪ I'm the Ludendorf's brand new captain ♪
♪ a position I shan't hold long ♪
- Hey!
- # but still #
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
I say everybody, there's
boats full of Germans
coming towards the ship.
Take no notice, take no notice.
Don't interrupt and don't steal my stuff.
'Cause if anyone's gonna
be funny around here
it's going to be me.
Dozens of them.
Armed to the teeth,
cutlasses and everything.
Yes and guns some of them.
One of these days,
one of your stories is going to come true
and you're going to look very very silly.
Hands up.
Back against the wall, everybody.
Quick come on, you too.
Hey, mister.
I am Luda from Tangiers,
involuntarily I am here.
North, south, east, and west.
Silence, go back against the wall, you.
Shall we try and rush 'em?
I'm not in the mood for suicide.
If only we could stall them
till the Ferocious arrives.
So.
They have sighted the Ferocious.
Your faces to wall.
I am a man of honour.
I do with my face to the foe.
A turn around, Louis,
they won't know the difference.
Your faces to the wall.
Bridge, red 30.
German battleship on port bow.
Hello, hello.
They are going to open fire
on the Ferocious.
And she'll come right in
without doing a thing after our message.
The Germans are gonna blow
them right out of the water.
Come on.
Get him tied up.
Bloody good.
Now the women and children stay here.
The rest up on the deck.
We've got to stop them firing those guns.
Come on.
Hello.
That's for the first torpedo.
Well done.
Look what I got, look.
I put it in a white flag
to show I am a non belligerent.
Good.
Come on.
Come on.
Look out.
You go on, Tommy.
I'll attend to these two.
That's for the magnetical mines.
Thanks, pal.
Must be all right, sir.
They've of opened fire by now.
Yes.
Well within range of their main armament.
Okay, Johnny.
Let her go, all right.
Fire!
- Oh excuse me.
- Oh, yes, sir.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Ah ha.
Let me up. - Let me down
let me up.
Oh.
Ah now, out you go.
With your hands above your head.
Go on now, go on.
Out you go, out.
So you're taking it lying down, eh?
Ah ha, the dirty dogs.
That's five torpedoes I am doing good.
Bravo.
Well, that seems to be about the lot.
And not a shot fired at
the good old Ferocious.
It is a trap.
All right, we'll let 'em have it.
I suppose you fired that gun.
Dear little Digby.
Johnny, quick, let's get to the semaphore.
Hans, get a white flag or something.
- Admiral, hold down the ensign.
- Right.
The rest of you stay below.
Come on.
Open fire right away.
Bridge, Control Top, open fire!
They're firing at us.
Well, what do you expect?
We fired on them.
Please, please, please.
I must have a white flag.
Good work, we nearly got her first time.
We ought to get her
with the second salvo.
Stop, oh.
Stop, stop!
White flag.
This is all I could find.
Quick, where's the white flag?
This is it.
Why don't you do something?
Glass of milk, please.
What, are you at it again?
Hey, come on you two, get below quick.
I think we've crippled her, sir.
She's not replying.
Well then, give her
another salvo and make sure.
Give me something.
Oh, oh my bag.
You can't have my bag, no you can't.
Heliograph message
from the Ludendorf, sir.
All right, take it down.
Message, to Commander Ferocious
from AB, commanding Ludendorf.
Cease firing. It's us.
T. Taylor, J. Meadows, L. Davis.
Reporting for duty.
P
S
Do
you
want
any
bananas?
So it is that HMS Ferocious
returns in triumph to her home port,
after a voyage that makes Trafalgar
sound like a trip 'round the lake.
The three heroes are
congratulated by the Admiral
on the part they played.
Johnny Meadows.
Llewellyn Davis, nicknamed 'The Admiral'
because you never see him working.
Tommy Taylor, the leader of the party.
The mastermind of the mess deck.
Their gallant ally, Hans Mueller,
hears that he will immediately
become a full British subject,
and the fuller the better.
Newlywed Mrs. Tommy
Taylor leads the cheers.
They've got thousands
to come in prize money
and this will be a leave
where nobody says leave off.
Ha, you lucky people.