Those Lips, Those Eyes (1980) - full transcript

Cleveland 1951. Pre-med student Artie Shoemaker dreams not so much of a medical career but a life in the theater, against the wishes of his working class parents. Despite having no experience in the theater whatsoever, he is hired as the props man at the Kempton Hills Park Theater, an open air venue that is part of the summer stock circuit. The resident leading man at Kempton Hills is Harry Crystal who, along with some of the other more experienced company members, is working toward more lucrative and higher profile acting jobs. For most, including Harry, the goal is back to Broadway. For some, that Broadway dream is more a delusion than a true possibility. Despite being a bit of a divo, which grates on many of the other crew members, Harry takes inexperienced Artie under his wing both in terms of guiding him through his current position in props, as well as a general life in the theater. Part of that general life includes romantic couplings, the person who Artie ultimately chooses, and she too chooses in return, is the lead dancer named Ramona. Artie's experiences with both Harry and Ramona over the course of the summer stock season shows him if he really wants a life in the theater and if Ramona truly is someone who will be part of his future as he initially envisioned.

Five, six, seven, eight!

# Did you call for fighting men?

Together!

# The gallant

fighting men of France?

Hup, hup, hup!

# We are here to answer you

# So let the bugle blow advance

# Out we'll go to rout the foe

# For back at home

there waits per chance

# A pretty charming

light of love... #

Half hour, Harry.

Half hour.

Use your imagination!

How much time do we have?

Oh, did you see that rehearsal?

Is this summer stock

or summer shock?

Ramona Wolfe!

Long distance telephone!

Shirley, lend me

your sponge, will ya?

Yeah. Two sheets of shocking pink.

Cleveland,

the garden spot in the universe.

Harry?

Harry, do I look 54?

15 minutes, Harry, 15.

Fifteen minutes,

everybody, 15 minutes.

Thanks a lot.

Same to you.

- Five minutes.

- Five minutes, everybody.

Five minutes.

Break a leg.

Break a leg, Sandy!

# In old New York

# In old New York

# The peach crop's always fine

# They're sweet and fair

and on the square

# The maids of Manhattan for mine

# You cannot see in Gay Paree in London,

or in Cork

# The girls you meet on any street

# In old New York

Come along.

Jeez, I'm hot.

I'm really hot.

Harry, did you get my note?

Yeah, I got your note. It's

right here. Give me a kiss.

Go. Be brave.

# In old New York

# In old New York

Meet me later, kid.

I'm desperate.

# They're sweet and fair

and on the square

# The maids of Manhattan for mine

# You cannot see in Gay Paree in London,

or in Cork

# The girls you meet on any street

# In old

# New York

Shoemaker!

Shoemaker!

Come here!

Well, what do you say?

You ready to shake on it?

Just about. I'll let you

know definitely tomorrow.

Well,

I hope we're gonna get together.

When I go to bed tonight, I want to pull

the covers under my chinny-chin-chin,

and close my eyes,

secure in the knowledge

that I have my new prop man.

Watch your back.

Who knows, Mr. D'Angeli,

maybe we'll both have pleasant dreams.

Okay.

Hans!

Leave those, return these.

That a boy, Mr. Henry.

You guard the fort, there.

Count on me, Mr. Crystal.

Have a good night.

I'll try.

"3.2 beer."

Where else but Cleveland would

they ask you to drink 3.2 beer?

This isn't a town,

it's a wide open grave.

We are doing

10 weeks in a graveyard!

I don't see you lying down, Har.

That comes later.

Oh, yeah?

Sure does.

Boy,

your ass is gonna be in such a sling.

You took it, didn't you?

Not exactly.

Bullshit.

Artie, are you bananas?

You're starting school this week.

How are you gonna have time?

Big deal. It's just a

summer makeup course.

Yeah, and if you flunk

that anatomy thing again,

you know what happens, don't you?

Goodbye, Pre-med, hello, Korea.

Look, the course meets early,

so it's no problem.

Besides, it's

just the prop crew.

It's what?

Running props.

Build a little furniture,

you crud together some odds and ends,

and you borrow the rest.

Artie, who are you kidding?

You can't build shit.

You don't know how

to hold a hammer.

You don't even know

which end of the nail gets in.

Got a 50-50 chance.

Well, I'm moving out.

I don't want to be around to

see the blood when they find out.

I'm not afraid of them.

What's so great about

a crummy theatre anyway?

Artie, you can't blame them.

They're just worried about

what's gonna happen to you.

Gentlemen, let me introduce you

to your companion for the summer.

Class Chondrichthyes, subclass

Elasmobranchii, that's two "I's",

order Selachii.

Mmm-hmm. Genus Squalus.

Or, as she is known to her friends,

the dogfish.

Observe her carefully, gentlemen.

You will soon be sharing

her most intimate secrets.

And she will, I trust,

never be far from your thoughts.

In fact, here is

your first love note.

For tomorrow, please read the

first four chapters in the lab manual.

And pages one

through 112 in the text.

There will also be a spot quiz

covering the material on Wednesday.

Jesus Christ!

I'm sorry to be starting so slowly.

Perhaps we could pick up

speed in a day or so, hmm?

Okay, Shoemaker. You got your

standard trunks, pirate chests, goblets,

banquet dishes on the third floor.

Furniture, settees, benches,

weapons and flags,

assorted instruments on the second.

The Desert Song.

What do we need?

A couple of more settees,

two more stools, your basic throne.

That's about it.

No problem.

Now, this is your prop list.

Your schematic.

No problem.

May Allah be with you.

- Thank heaven you're home.

- I want to talk to you.

Your son came home today

with a job. At some theatre.

Oh, that acting business?

Mmm. Worse.

Worse than acting?

Something in the, uh, the backstage,

stagehand something.

They're gonna give Arthur

money to work on the stage crew?

What about school?

What about school?

That's what I'd like to know.

He's always gotten fired.

Maybe he'll get fired.

My God, Shoemaker,

what are you doing?

What do you call that?

Getting there.

Getting there.

Jesus! I thought you

were a college man.

Look, never mind.

Let that go for now.

Do you have the list of hand props?

Spratt wants some

at rehearsals right away

so the actors can futz around.

Right.

No problem.

I wish you'd just...

Don't say that anymore.

I'm not going to panic.

I'm not going to panic.

I'm not going to panic.

Good luck,

Paul. I hope you catch the Red Shadow.

You don't like Paul, do you?

Well,

he wears a uniform rather well.

Oh, Pierre, you're...

- Don't grimace, dear.

- Concentrate.

I hope we're not disturbing you.

I'm sorry.

You said you wanted the props.

Thank you, Gunga Din.

Please continue.

Harry!

Yeah? Sorry.

Please continue.

Let's pick it up from

where we left off.

And please, let's have quiet!

Well, to be honest...

Hey, Shoemaker!

I thought you'd

grow up differently.

Sit down.

Oh, Margo,

if you could only realize that this...

Hey, Loomis, eight points.

Bullshit.

C'mon, man,

that ass alone is worth five.

Ah, I give you three.

With the boobs maybe four.

Oh, yeah?

Well, it felt like a lot more

last night, I can tell you.

Yeah, sure, c'mon.

Come on, Artie.

What do you say?

Hey, you're an objective observer.

Well, what's the verdict?

Just a minute.

I'm adding.

It's better than,

uh, multiplying, Shoemaker.

All right, Harry.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please.

Let us dispense with formalities.

I give you a toast.

That asshole. Crystal

thinks he's God's gift.

I mean, him and his hot

shit New York phone calls.

Hey, take it easy, Cooky.

Look, you can always

console yourself with Ramona.

How many points for that, Cook?

Ah, Susan!

I was caught, captured by the

Red Shadow and the Riffs' Band.

Oh, really?

Was it a big band?

Was it a big band? It was

bigger than Glenn Miller's.

Uh, you take the notes.

I'll write the story later.

Wait a minute!

Huh?

Props?

Props!

Hey, props!

Get up!

What is that,

if you don't mind my asking?

The list said a pencil?

I ask for a pencil and

you give me a pencil?

I don't want a pencil,

I want a pencil.

What kind of a dummy are you?

And what, pray tell, is this

yummy little monstrosity?

You said a wine jug.

It may interest you to know that The

Desert Songis set in the Moroccan desert.

You think they have

Gallo wine in Morocco?

Where did you come from?

What's your name?

Shoemaker.

Artie Shoemaker.

Well, what are you?

Another of D'Angeli's

brilliant discoveries?

Another Belasco from his

high school drama club?

Sherman.

Take 10 minutes.

I suppose I'd better look

at the rest of his gems.

Well, are you coming,

Mr. Belasco?

And this, I suppose is your

idea of exotic harem food?

Pathetic!

I mean,

would you just look at this!

We need a sword for the Red Shadow,

for the hero.

Someone dashing, larger than life.

And you come up with

this thin toothpick?

What can he do with this?

I mean, it's simply pathetic!

Where's D'Angeli?

Does D'Angeli know

what you're doing?

Right on the money, Sperm.

- Pathetic is the word.

- What do you want, Harry?

I mean, there's nothing the Red Shadow

could possibly do with this, right?

Do we fight?

This happens to be

none of your business,

so don't get cute now, Crystal.

I wouldn't dream of it, Sperm.

The name is Sherman.

That's right, Sperm.

You tell 'em, Sperm.

Hiya!

Out! Out! Out!

You really think you're clever,

don't you?

I just thought I'd

back you up, Sperm.

Now, careful with that.

Except I really don't think we need

to bother D'Angeli, now do you?

Do ya?

This is ridiculous.

Ha!

Crystal!

Do ya, Sperm?

You better have something decent

by rehearsal this afternoon, that's all.

I hope you enjoyed

that infantile display.

Hut! Yes!

Crystal!

Oy! What a putz.

This is really some sad-ass pile

of shit you got here, Shoemaker.

You're telling me.

Okay, kid.

Okay.

I'll give you a

couple of quick hints.

First, there's about

3,500 seats in this barn.

So everything's gotta be overblown.

It's gotta be exaggerated,

just to be seen.

Now, he wants a pencil, you get

him one of those dime store jobs.

It's a foot long.

Get him a club.

Here.

Get him a ball bat.

Put a point on the end.

Anything! Just so it's big.

Roger.

Okay?

Next is food.

Now just remember that

everything eaten on stage is bananas.

Bananas?

Yeah. Mashed potatoes

are mashed bananas.

Scrambled eggs are

bananas mushled around.

Steak is bananas pushed together.

But steak is brown.

You leave bananas out,

they get brown.

It's the same with booze on stage.

Everything is something else.

Scotch is tea.

Gin is water.

Champagne is ginger ale.

Ice cubes are glass.

You gotta soap all the mirrors

so they don't blind the customers.

Look, leave a little bit

of water in all the ashtrays

so cigarettes can go out

with one push.

Run one inch plywood

under all the sofa cushions.

In fact, reinforce everything

in sight with five-ply.

One by three oughta hold.

Get one thing straight, Shoemaker.

An actor can destroy anything.

But if they sit carefully.

An actor is a piece of meat

standing in front of 3,500 people.

Most of the time he's worried about

whether his pecker's hanging out.

You want him to

think about furniture?

They're gonna fire me.

By next week,

I wanna see plywood. You got it?

If I'm still here.

Oh, you'll be here.

I don't know,

I just got this feeling you'll survive.

It's obvious you possess the

prime qualifications for the job.

Yeah?

What's that?

You don't know what

the fuck you're doing.

See ya.

Again.

You have to eat so fast?

Put down your fork.

Chew for a minute.

That's just how people constipate

themselves, gobbling like that.

Mom, will you please?

I'm not eating fast.

I don't care. You'll be the one

drinking milk of magnesia, not me.

Boy, dinner conversation

around here sure is scintillating.

Good evening.

Dr. Fuldauer!

Sit down! Have something. Come on.

I'm just on my way out.

Please, go ahead.

Enjoy your dinner.

How's our pupil?

Sanford, he is absolutely a

brilliant boy. Absolutely brilliant.

But a boy who is in love

with bolts and nuts.

Bolts and nuts, huh?

I'll give him bolts and nuts,

yes, sir.

Two quiz kids we got here.

I'm gonna put them on the radio.

One of the flunks

junior high school Latin

because he can't keep

his hands off a screwdriver.

And this one fails his

comparative anatomy in college,

but all he wants to do is hang

around some theatre all the time.

A theatre?

Where?

In, uh,

Kempton Hills Park somewhere.

A theatre!

I haven't been to a theatre.

Well, it's a different world.

And where do you think

you're going?

Mother, if I'm gonna walk,

I have to leave now.

It takes 20 minutes.

You're not walking anywhere.

The theatre will have to wait.

You're driving

Dr. Fuldauer home first.

But, I won't have time

to bring the truck back.

Then, take the truck,

Mr. Backstage. Take the truck.

No. I can't impose.

I'll just take the bus.

It's no imposition.

He's going your way.

No, no,

no. It's all right. No problem.

There you go.

Come on.

No problem. Good night.

Good night.

You are fortunate, Arthur.

Some of us have only the

comfort of Cicero and Virgil.

But you,

you have the mysteries of the theatre.

Salute.

Stop!

You oughta be a spy.

Spy for us among the French.

That's not what I choose.

You have no choice.

What could be fairer than that?

Do you get a glass?

Ah, no, no, no.

Just those two get them.

Hey, Shoemaker!

You're doing a great job.

- Do you get a glass?

- Yes, thank you.

You're new here, aren't you?

Yes, my name's Artie.

What happened to the other boy?

Now, hold still.

This is gonna be good.

Hold still.

I'm holding still.

Blow.

Down.

Hey, Artie.

Don't screw around with the props.

Hey, relax, huh.

We're just playing a little

trick on Harry, you know?

- All right, everybody.

- Stand by for scene change.

Lights. Get ready.

Hide out!

Draw the French away.

They must not find this retreat.

Shoemaker!

Clear the area!

Lights! Go! Now!

Go! Shoemaker!

My God, it's glue!

Hold it!

Harry!

Coming through!

I gotta save this turkey.

Harry!

Hey, baby. Fix this.

Harry!

You wore me out last night.

I wouldn't go out there if I were you,

Harry. Deadly!

You're getting too many

laughs tonight. I don't like it.

Harry!

Harry!

Ladies and gentlemen, please,

let us dispense with formalities.

I give you a toast.

Ladies and gentlemen, a toast!

To honor the glories of France.

Margot Bonvalet.

Ah!

Gentlemen, the King.

Amateur night in Cleveland.

D'Angeli!

Come over here!

What the hell id going on?

Jesus!

Honest! It wasn't my fault,

honest, except that

I guess I should have been

watching. So go ahead and say it.

Say what? Hey, look, kid,

I got a quick change here.

It is my fault. The glasses

are props. It's my responsibility.

What, that?

Forget it.

I've never been

in a theatre in my life

where the crew and the actors

weren't out for each other's blood.

Besides, I am not really here.

This Farmer Brown place

does not really count.

Nothing that happens here is real.

I'm just waiting for Mickey

Bellinger to get out here

and catch me in the show,

and I'm long gone.

Who's Mickey Bellinger?

He's the big guy in legit at MCA.

As soon as I sign with him, it's

goodbye, graveyard, hello, Shubert Alley.

Ah!

Back to the real theatre.

You're leaving?

Are you kidding?

In New York they're doing

Where's Charley?

Kiss Me Kate, Cole Porter,

Frank Loesser.

Real shows.

While I'm out here

in the boondocks,

trying to breathe some life

into stupid fucking road shows.

Here, give me a hand, will you?

Oh, boy.

Day I get back,

I am going to hit the Stage Deli.

I'm gonna order me a number three.

Tongue, Swiss,

corn-beef, a little Russian.

Then I'm gonna sit down in

the middle of Seventh Avenue,

and I'm gonna have myself a picnic.

If I don't louse you up first.

Shoemaker, you worry too much.

This is your first summer

in stock, you know that?

There's no season

like the first season.

You're gonna

remember it all your life.

You pick that dancer yet?

What dancer?

Doesn't matter.

The best thing about dancers

is the known fact they all boff.

Listen, this is 1951.

This may be the last age

in which "screw" is both

a dirty word and

the ultimate glory.

So, get yourself some glory,

Shoemaker, huh?

That's my advice.

# Did you call for fighting men?

# The gallant fighting

men of France?

# We are here to answer you

# So let the bugle blow advance

# Out we'll go to rout the foe

# For back at home

there waits per chance

# A pretty charming light of love

# An amourette we long to see

# Antoinette or

sweet Marie... #

# This would be a magic world to me

Pierre!

Margot!

# If you were mine

# All

# Mine

The camel has got to go.

I could not get a laugh

with that camel in Morocco.

Something I can do for you?

Listen, I'm goin crazy.

Did you by any chance

come across a feather?

A what?

I know it sounds ridiculous,

but it came out of this thing.

And don't ask me how

feathers come to a harem,

but if I don't find it,

they'll kill me.

Is this what you're looking for?

Thank God!

You saved my life.

Spratt just loves people

from New York as it is.

You're from New York?

You don't sound like it.

Don't believe everything you hear.

Anyway, thanks.

Anytime, Ramona, kid.

Anytime.

Hey, you know my name.

Well, I I've seen you with Cooky.

You know, around.

Don't believe everything

you see, either.

Optic, oculamotor, trochlear.

Uh.

Artie, will you stop worrying

about what's gonna happen to you.

Wanna hear something awful?

I wasn't.

Uh-oh!

What's this gonna be?

More about that fabulous

making-out down at the theatre?

Dancers all boff, you know.

Bullshit!

It's a known fact.

Yeah? Then why are

you sitting here with me?

It's just a question of

when I make my move.

Hi. I just wondered, you didn't by

any chance lose something, did you?

From your costume?

What is that?

A feather?

Yeah.

You want to watch that shedding,

now. I'm Artie Shoemaker.

I don't wear feathers.

Just the girl I'm looking for.

Listen, I know this is gonna

sound ridiculous, but, uh,

I was wondering if you

were missing a feather.

Sorry, us chickens are

already plucked.

Oh, well,

maybe I could console you later.

You know, uh,

chug a couple of beers?

Tonight?

Yeah.

Well, I did have sort of an iffy date,

I think.

Not anymore.

You got a definite.

I'll catch you after the show,

okay?

Okay.

Arthur! Arthur!

Here I am, it's me.

Dr. Fuldauer, hi.

You see, our paths cross again.

I am also summoned by

the mysteries of the theatre.

Wow! That's terrific. So

you enjoyed the show, huh?

Enjoyed?

No, no, no.

I'm employed. And

I have you to thank.

Me?

Yes.

I hear you say a theatre,

so I call on the telephone.

They seem to have

an unexpected opening.

You are gazing at the new watchman.

We are colleagues now.

No kidding!

That's terrific.

Yes. You know, we had also in

Dusseldorf a marvelous theatre,

just marvelous.

I went every week.

Now, here I have some

pictures I want you to look at.

This is...

Oh, I'd love to, but, uh,

actually I'm supposed

to meet someone.

Oh, of course.

A fellow artist, huh?

Ah, go, go, go.

Virgil and Dusseldorf,

we'll all be here tomorrow.

Oh,

guess what? It wasn't iffy after all.

Oh, that's okay.

I'll grab somebody else.

Caruso's.MAN: Yeah.

We'll save Ramona and you a table.

Hi.

Hey, Shoemaker.

See you there?

You never know.

They in bed?

Well, I see you

made your move, Tiger.

Don't you worry about me.

I may get a call.

Oh, sure, sure.

I mean,

it's a known fact that dancers all boff.

Boy, wouldn't you be surprised

if that phone rang right, now.

Yeah.

I'd be hysterical.Yeah.

Hello? HARRY:

Hey, Shoemaker.

Harry. Hi.

Get your ass over here.

What, you mean now?

Where are you?

Where the hell do you think I am?

Sure. Why not?

I'm on my way.

Artie, do you know what time it is?

Where're you going?

Caruso's.

What's that?

Where everybody goes, baby.

Where everybody goes.

And then with this great,

kind of mean smile on her face,

she extends her hand to me

with the telephone in it, right?

And she says..."It's for you."

And it was funnier the first time,

when the Lunts did it.

You phoney!

God, I'll get you for that, Harry.

Well, finally made it.

Up, sound the trumpets.

You guys all know Shoemaker,

the demon prop man.

Yeah.

How're you doing?

So, what's up?

I was calling for a friend.

Hi.

Madam, is this seat taken?

I hope so.

Hey, Lewis,

will you let it breathe a minute, huh?

I'm expecting a call.

Oh, yeah, Lewis.

Stay off the phone, to be sure.

Hey, nobody touch the phone.

Keep the line open.

This is Harry Crystal's

personal phone.

And the great Harry Crystal is

expecting his nightly phone call

which never comes.

Happens to be long distance.

Long distance.

Long distance.

Oh, yes.

And I'll bet it's, uh,

New York, right?

Yes. Famous phone call from

the famous agent, Mickey Bellinger.

Oh,

yes. We gotta keep this line open.

If Bellinger doesn't call,

it could be one of your famous friends.

Maybe Kit Cornell.

Ay.

Or, uh, I don't know, Josh Logan.

Or maybe your goddamn Lunts,

whoever the hell they are.

Oh, they're nobody.

Nobody at all.

Jesus, what business are you in?

What do you dream of at night?

What names are in your head?

Gene Autry? Hoot

Gibson? Howdy Doody?

Do you think I'm talking about

a box in your living room,

or pieces of film five minutes long,

pasted together?

I'm not.

I'm talking about the theatre.

An actor daring people to

look at him for two hours.

And I'm not talking

about me, either.

I'm talking about Pauline Lord,

Walter Hampden, Laurette Taylor.

Giants that haunt you for life!

You putz!

I saw Barrymore!

Jesus!

Hey, is he all right?

Get a doctor.

I don't know.

Ay, ay,

a scratch, a scratch,

marry, 'tis enough.

Ask for me tomorrow,

and you shall find me a grave man.

A plague o' both your houses!

They have made worms' meat of me.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you're wondering

why I brought you all together...

Uh, where are we?

Behind my fraternity house.

I didn't know where else to go.

Oh.

Well, at least it's dark.

Okay. Why me?

Why not?

Are you kidding?

Things like this

just don't happen to me.

I mean, God wouldn't allow it.

I mean, here's Cooky,

this big jock operator, and...

Oh, well, he's a little too jock.

Maybe I need something

else once in awhile.

Like what?

Hey, hey, Mr. Shoemaker.

Do yourself a favor.

Don't ask so many questions.

You'll only be disappointed.

There's nothing special

to say about me.

I'm just trying to make it

through the summer, that's all.

So, if you're wondering why

I brought you all together...

God, I'd love to think of

something clever to say.

No, it's...

It's a French bra.

It opens in front.

No. Here, let me.

I know the way.

Let's go!

So what if you don't like her?

It's okay. It's just

someone pulling out.

Listen, uh, Artie, I can't. I...

Please don't hate me,

but I'm just getting a little old

to play "Fumble

Johnny" in parked cars.

Maybe some other time,

when it feels right.

Sure.

We've got the whole season.

Sure, I understand.

Say you don't hate me?

No. That's okay.

I'm probably just dreaming

this whole thing anyway.

I'll probably wake up tomorrow,

and you'll turn out to be my

kid brother in the next bed.

I doubt it.

Poor fellow.

I hate to send him home

in that condition.

Oh.

He'll survive.

This is a spermatozoa.

I'm sure you've all seen

them in large quantities.

We're going to be

studying them one by one.

Mr. Shoemaker?

Mr. Shoemaker.

Are you with us?

Yes, sir.

I hope so.

Trace the urogenital system

for us, please.

Testes,

mesonephric duct, vas deferens,

seminicle...

seminal vesicle,

uh, seminal vesicle...

Vestigial oviducts, cloaca.

Mr. Shoemaker,

if you don't know the way,

how will our hero ever get out?

Mr. Davids, would you please pick

up where Mr. Shoemaker left off?

- All right, bring him back.

- More. More.

Hold it. Hold it.

Whoa!

Okay. Jim, Phil.

Give him a hand.

Okay, that's two ton

for Bessemer smelting,

and the pick up at

Moreland. Moreland Buick.

And no holidays. I wanna see

you back here for lunch, huh?

Okay, Barney, good.

Okay. They're consecutive.

So are the order cards.

Can I take off now?

Wait.

Talk to me a minute.

I feel like I haven't

seen you for a month.

How's school?

No problem.

A breeze.

Dad, I'm really

gonna be late for work.

Arthur, I want you

to quit that job.

You're not serious!

You can't do your school work

and hold a job at the same time.

I haven't seen you open a book.

How can you breeze

if you don't open a book?

Gotta study to pass anatomy.

Dad, you don't even know

what comparative anatomy is.

I know it's the pre-med

course that if you flunk it twice,

you've got to look for

another way to make a living.

Mel, I told you to move it.

Okay, okay. See you guys later,

all right?

Your mother's so upset I have to get

you down here to talk to you in peace.

And all for what?

At least if it was a real job.

Sure.

As long as it's delivering

for a florist, that I hated,

or washing spinach in the basement

of the A and P on Saturdays,

or sorting out delivery tickets.

But if it's something

that I enjoy...

I don't know what to

say to you sometimes.

I'm talking about making a living.

You played around

with acting in high school.

That was no good.

Now you're gonna make the scenery,

take the tickets, what?

You're gonna get distracted

by all this song and dance,

you're gonna end up with a lot of holes,

and no donut.

Well, what're you worried about?

I can always go into the junk business,

can't I?

One of these days,

you're gonna wake up and discover,

you had scorn for the wrong people.

Listen, Dad, I promise.

As soon as I see I can't handle both,

I'll quit.

Okay?

Remember.

Keep your eye on the doughnut.

Okay, reach. Energy.

That's it.

Now, look at the others.

Use the arms and legs. That's

it. Now hold. Hold. Now that's it.

Use the arms.

Use the arms.

Larry, I'm afraid you're

going to have to simplify that.

Stop. Stop.

Stop the music.

He doesn't have to simplify

anything. I can do the step.

Oh, I forgot. You're Miss

New York Twinkle-Toes.

Miss Tops-in-Taps.

Larry, would you make a note

to simplify it for the child, please?

All right, everybody,

let's take it at the end of the number.

If you let me try it again,

I'm sure I can get it.

My dear Miss R.

I realize that a great

artiste like yourself,

a great New York artiste,

I should say,

has only come out here to give

us poor provincial clods a break.

But this happens to be a rehearsal.

If you wanna brush up your technique,

go back to class.

Come on, Sherman, come on.

We all know you're tough.

Sherman? What's the matter,

Harry boy? Forget your sword?

I said we will take it from

the end of the number, that is,

if Miss Twinkle Toes has

no further objection.

I couldn't care less.

Okay let's take it bar 15.

Easy, fellows, easy with that.

Table and chair.

Hey, Shoemaker, where's the fire?

Look, I just got a rush order.

Terrific. This whole

summer is a rush order,

you Farmer Browns!

Cooky, I don't care what he said.

All right. All right. All right.

All right, back to the salt mines.

Who's got the cards?

Yeah, it's another night of

making jerko Crystal look good.

Yeah, I get to watch him again.

Aw, shit, I forgot the glue.

Will you meet me

after the scene shift?

I've got some for you.

Come on, a dollar,

just a dollar, that's all.

I'll play.

All right, deal.

Let's go.

Would you guys be interested in

making this a three buck game?

$3? Yeah.

Hold on, wait, wait, wait.

Hey, wait a minute,

just put it down there.

How long do we have

to do this change?

Uh, just about two minutes.

All right. Come on boys,

we've got a scene change.

Hey, let's get in position, please.

Just one more game.

We got time.

Come on.

Stand by for lights.

Go!

Get off my foot.

Hold it, hold it!

Who loosened the screw?

I loosened them...

Hey, hold it, hold it.

What's the matter with you?

Shut up!

Now, let's go out there

and beef it.

Come on, let's go out

in the front...

Get some Mounties up!

Get some Mounties up!

We're not ready yet.

Okay, we got to get some

new hardware in this unit here.

I'll get them.

Now!

Hey, cool! I think you're

gonna be needing this, huh?

What?

Uh-huh.

Hey, take it easy!

What are you doing?

# We are out to get you

dead or alive

# And we'll get you sure

if you're the one

# Better run Better run away

# Son, you are done Throw your gun

# Throw your gun away

# Here come the Mounties to

get the man they're after now

# On thru' the hail

# Like a pack of angry wolves

on the trail

# We are after you Dead or alive

# We are out to get you

dead or alive

# And we'll get you soon

if you're the one

# Better run better run away

# Son, you are done throw your gun

# Throw your gun away

# Here come the Mounties to

get the man they're after now #

Everybody, check the board

tomorrow for notes.

Come on.

Artie, what is this?

What's going on?

Nothing. Just a little

surprise to cheer you up.

Artie, you nut!

For those yelled at

by Sherman Spratt,

I would like the honor to bestow

upon you this lovely flower.

Is this a dagger

that I see before me?

The handle toward me?

If it were done,

it has to be done quickly.

He's not supposed to be up there.

Don't worry.

And all our yesterdays,

sound and fury signifying nothing.

Hey, Harry, you busy?

Can I talk to you for a sec?

You're free.

You mind if I close the door?

No.

It's in the drawer.

No, that's not what I meant.

For a change, I don't want a drink.

How about that?

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

I hate hard luck stories.

Come on Fibby,

you've had a solid career.

Yeah, had.

That's right, Harry.

Now, this time,

I think I've got a shot at getting back.

A real shot. Something that

would establish me again.

Hey, maybe...

Maybe I will have that drink, eh.

That's great. What is it? Broadway?

Uh, no, not quite.

It's a soap, out of Chicago

with a continuing part at

least two segments a week.

Sounds good.

Yeah, it is, isn't it?

Yeah, and it's none of this

television bullshit either, Harry.

It's radio.

The real thing.

It's practically a lock.

Now all I've got to do is, uh,

get to Chicago for the audition.

How much do you need?

$65 should do it.

I can't tell you how much

I appreciate this, Harry.

Ah, forget it,

you pay me back, huh?

Yeah.

So, it's like money in the bank.

Yeah.

Thanks, Harry.

I appreciate it.

All set?

Hey, you coming to Caruso's?

Yeah.

It's farewell time. I'm leaving

next week, so I'm buying. Okay?

Harry, we're waiting.

Harry?

Not now.

Is this locked?

Do you mind?

I'm not alone.

Excuse me.

You're excused.

We're all excused.

# If you say that you love but me

# Love but me Love but me

# What a paradise life would be

# Life would be

# When you ask me to name the day

# Name the day Name the day

# I would say right away

"Don't delay"

Thanks.

# If you love but me

One more time.

# If you say that you love but me

# Love but me Love but me #

# What a paradise life would be

# Life would be

# If you ask me to name the day

# Name the day Name the day

# I would say...

Well, here we are again.

All dressed up and no place to go.

Ah, it's just as well.

You've got that exam tomorrow.

Oh, don't remind me.

That's the way it is.

Into each life a little

summer must fall.

Hey, hey!

Hey, come on.

Don't let that creep Spratt

get you down.

Me, I couldn't care less.

Listen, you're too good

for this place anyhow.

Yeah, sure.

I bet you could work

anywhere you wanted.

New York.

Hollywood.

Why not?

You're good enough.

Good enough isn't good enough.

You got to care enough,

and I don't.

It just doesn't seem

worth it to me.

What,

you knock your brain out to try and be

on the fourth road company

of South Pacific.

I mean, who needs it?

Boy, I envy you.

At least you're in the business,

in the theatre.

I don't even know really

what I'm doing down there.

Probably never will.

You'll learn.

You'll probably end up being a

sensitive play righter some day.

No, I mean, what it must feel

like to be inside the business,

to be a part of a life.

You look at the life

some people lead...

My father, Dr. Fuldauer.

You wonder how they can stand it.

Boy, I tell you, sometimes, the idea

of making a living is a mystery to me.

Yeah, definitely a play writer.

Hey, I thought we were

talking about me.

We are,

you really are a part of it all.

You could be great

if you wanted to.

Oh, Artie, what do you know?

I could watch you dance

for the rest of my life.

Artie Shoemaker, listen,

how soon can you find us a place?

Come on, I'll make you

a man of the theatre.

Forget it, Goldman. I wouldn't

dream of borrowing your room.

I wouldn't dream of defiling

your sacred Goddamn sheets!

Some fraternity.

Gimme.

That was my last one.

That's okay. I don't know

anybody else to call anyway.

That's 90 cents worth of

dimes you went through.

What's your problem?

What's my problem? I'll

tell you what my problem is.

A dream is waiting to come true

and I can't find a bed to put it on.

Would you like a semaphore?

What's this?

Ah, yes.

I'd recognize your

masterful touch anywhere.

Earnest but inept.

Well, at least we have the props,

such as they are.

Now all we need is the actor.

The famous Mr. Crystal,

who may be returning to the Great

White Way sooner than he expects.

Look, do you want me

to go look for him?

No, no, we'll wait.

We'll all just sit here and wait.

How can you expect

a man to hang himself

if you don't give him enough rope?

Have you seen

Mr. Crystal?

Yeah, he's on the phone.

No, don't put me on hold.

Hey, come on.

Jesus, don't put me on hold in Ohio,

for God's sake!

I've been on hold all summer.

All right, all right.

Look, don't get sore, huh?

Just tell him to get back to

me as soon as you can, huh?

Tell him it's urgent.

I'm on a rehearsal break.

Yeah, I know, but I can't wait

that long. Tell him it's urgent, Jim.

Okay?

They're waiting rehearsal.

Yeah, yeah, in a minute.

He's gonna call me back.

Harry, Spratt's

getting really sore.

Oh, come on!

I've got Bellinger

nailed in his office.

I know he's there and I'm not

moving until that goddamn phone rings.

Jesus, these fucking agents!

Isn't he coming?

Oh, he'll show.

He's gotta show.

But if it's only

a question of when.

I'm in a hurry.

Timers winged chariot is

breathing up my ass, baby.

Meaning I can touch up my hair,

but not my life.

And I lost 10 big ones. Five in

the army and five catching up.

Come on, you fucking bastard, ring!

Why does it have to be New York?

What's it cost to buy an

orchestra seat here, huh?

Three bucks. Well,

in New York it's six.

What the public will pay to see you,

that's what you're worth.

And I'm a $6 actor, kid.

You tell that to Sherman Shit-Face.

Let me warn you

about this business, kid.

If you're not a winner, it's shit.

You spend your life on hold, while

they give the part to some other guy.

And I'm not gonna piss

away my best years.

I'm not gonna

end up like Fibby Geyer,

farting around with

Shakespeare in a bar.

Fifteen years ago, I saw that

guy do Shakespeare on a stage.

And now what's he doing?

That's just not going

to happen to me.

Harry, come on, please.

If you get canned,

how am I gonna handle my love life?

Your what?

Jesus.

Oh, well, what the hell,

what the hell.

I guess Bellinger knows

where to find me, right?

Oh, while I think about it,

tomorrow's strike night, right?

Gonna tear down the old set,

put up the new.

You might get home late.

As a matter of fact, you might

not be able to get home at all.

So, here.

This is just in case

you need a place to flop.

I'm sorry I won't be able to be there

myself, you know. I hope you'll excuse me.

Oh, uh. You wanna watch yourself now,

you know.

It's strike night,

anything could happen.

# When I'm calling you

# Will you answer, too?

As soon as the actors

get off the stage, strike!

And keep moving. Don't

stop until we're finished.

Otherwise, we'll be here

until next week.

# You belong to me

# I'll belong to you

Loved it again, didn't you, guys?

Yeah, yeah.

Hold back, you wood butchers.

Paul, lights up.

Go!

All right, let's rip the shit out of it.

All right, mothers,

let's go here, huh?

Dr. Fuldauer.

Arthur, how am I doing?

Great!

Shoemaker, what are you doing?

Shoemaker's you'll

give yourself a hernia.

Shoemaker!

Shoemaker, you've gone crazy.

Shoemaker you're crazy.

Shoemaker you're crazy.

# When I'm calling you

Hey, King Kong! Hey, you want

to do the whole strike by yourself?

I'm impressed.

Will you slow down?

Look, we got all night...

Shoemaker!

So you get to bed an hour later.

So what's the difference?

Hey, Shoemaker.

Shoemaker!

There's someone here to see you.

You're here.

Why didn't you tell me

you were coming?

We just wanted to see

with our own eyes.

I just wanted to know what

was gonna take so long tonight.

Well, I'd love to show you around,

but,

the thing is I'm kind of busy right now.

That's all right. We'll

wait till you've finished.

You can't do that! It might take

hours. It might even take all night.

All night? What

could take all night?

My God!

Look at this.

That's right. That's number one pine,

clear.

Fifty-three cents a running foot.

How do you do?

My name's Harry Crystal.

I'm afraid I work with all

these demented people.

It's a pleasure to shake hands

with the parents of a boy like Arthur.

This is prime lumber. You could

really do something with this stuff.

Build real houses.

Yes, that's right, we could.

And we just chew it up for nothing.

Just so people can sit and

stare at a phony fairyland

for a couple of hours.

Really is kid stuff, isn't it?

Well, I didn't want to say it.

Oh, sure.

Yes, I know.

Sometimes I think we are the last

of the world's children down here.

But for those two hours when the

sun goes down and the lights come up,

I think we do make people

believe. Just a little bit.

In a way, you know, the whole

thing is no more impossible than God.

But that doesn't explain why

Arthur has to stay out all night.

Oh, well,

we have to have the new set ready

by noon tomorrow

for dress rehearsal.

Even a fairyland takes work,

you know.

Well...

Ah, Mrs. Shoemaker!

If it'll make you feel any better,

I'm not going to go home

tonight, either.

You're getting to be

a suspicious old man.

I'm not suspicious at all

I'm telling you, be careful.

It must be upstairs.

Yeah, come on.

This is not exactly the bridal suite,

is it?

So what?

At least it's ours.

Yeah, you've got a point.

Just wish I knew where this

guy Harold Krebs was, that's all.

Who?

There's all this stuff here addressed

to somebody named Harold Krebs.

Harry never said anything

about having a roommate.

Artie, you're too much.

Here, meet Harold Krebs.

My God, You look like someone who just

stumbled into Superman's phone booth

and found out he was Clark Kent.

So he changed his name

for the marquee.

What's the difference anyway?

Yeah.

What's the difference?

Listen, you really are Ramona,

aren't you?

I mean,

I'm not gonna get to New York this fall

and discover you're

really somebody else?

Well, how can you come to New York?

You'll be back in school.

I get a long weekend

at Thanksgiving.

I got it all figured out. I know

exactly where I'm gonna meet you.

In the West 50s,

around 6:00,

when everyone's

rushing home from work.

You know, Artie,

you scare me a little bit.

It's like you're floating

inside this soap bubble.

And anything it touches

will make it pop.

You mean,

you won't be there at Thanksgiving?

Oh, how do I know where

I'm gonna be at Thanksgiving?

I have enough trouble

trying to be where I am now.

I know one thing we can

both do on Thanksgiving.

We can think about tonight.

Come on.

We'll make a memory.

Ramona!

I love you.

Oh, you don't have to say that.

Do to me the way I do to you.

I just want you to know one thing.

I don't believe any of

this is really happening.

Yeah? Hello?

Is Harry Crystal there?

Uh, no, no, no.

No one's here.

I mean, he's not in.

You sound confused, kid.

Well, no wonder I sound confused.

You always call people

at 3:30 in the morning?

Who is this anyway?

It's Mickey Bellinger.Right.

Tell Crystal I'm coming

through this week.

Right!

I'm coming Thursday,

and I want to see him in the show.

Right, I'll tell him.

Did I wake you?

No, no, no, it's okay.

I happen to be up anyway.

A message for Superman.

Bellinger's gonna be

here on Thursday.

Are you all right?

Oh!

Fantastic.

Absolutely fantastic.

# Only a rose to whisper

# Blushing as roses do

# Roses do

# I'll bring along

Oh, shit! No, no.

Kill it, kill it!

No good. It's muddy.

I know Mickey.

He likes a big voice,

a cleaner tack.

Harry, it's suppertime.

I gotta get home.

Oh, no. Come on,

wait a minute. I just want to get this.

You sure he said Thursday?

I swear to you,

for the 11th time. Thursday.

Somebody must be casting.

I know Bellinger.

He would not come unless there

was something he could sell me for.

Now, I just gotta hit it once!

Harry, you do the number great.

That's all that matters.

What matters is if

he got laid night before,

and how's his heartburn.

He casts the Rodgers

and Hammerstein stuff.

Maybe it's the Rodgers

and Hammerstein musical.

And it's gotta be a decent part.

I mean, he wouldn't schlep all this

way if it wasn't a decent part, right?

Could be something featured.

Harry, you're gonna miss supper.

Listen, if I get this part,

I'm gonna buy you six suppers.

I'm gonna take you to Sardi's.

We're gonna suck up a

terrific cannelloni at Sardi's!

Jesus, a featured part in a

Rodgers and Hammerstein musical.

Well, if he got laid,

I'm in business.

If he has a hard on,

I'm in the toilet.

Hit it!

# I'll bring along

a smile or a song

# For anyone

# Leave a rose for you

Get in. Get in!

Well, to what do I owe the honor?

The Dean.

Isn't it wonderful?

He's such a busy man, and he

takes the time to write me letters.

You want to explain this?

It's nothing.

You were right, that's all.

Is that so?

I couldn't handle both things.

So I dropped the course.

You get a refund.

Wonderful!

Your mother can use a

goodbye gun to kill herself,

or you.

I'm afraid to take this

home for her to see.

That lousy job.

Dad, it isn't just a job.

It's... It's a whole

different life.

Yeah.

I saw what it was.

I saw what was

sitting in this truck.

Here's $10.

Go down to that whorehouse

on Prospect Avenue,

and buy yourself five more lives.

How do you expect to get through

college if you keep dropping courses?

It doesn't matter. I've

been thinking it over.

Besides, I'm going to

New York in the fall anyway.

You're gonna quit school?

With only one year left to go?

What for?

What can you do in New York?

Try and be a playwright.

A what?

Dad, I don't expect you

to understand.

A playwright?

Have you ever written anything?

Well, not really, but...

I've got a feeling

that if I go there and...

Look, you don't want

to be a doctor,

you wanna commit financial

suicide for a little while, all right.

But at least finish college first.

Equip yourself for something.

Dad, you don't need to

go to college to be a writer.

What you need is

to understand people.

I wish you were on my side.

Oh, I am, Arthur.

I am.

I hope you get everything you

want from this theater business.

I hope you win the Nobel Prize.

Because if you don't finish college,

sonny boy,

you're gonna need it.

Five minutes, Harry.

Yeah, on my way.

Well, it's the big night.

Keep your fingers crossed.

- Backstage.

- Kempton Hills.

Hey, take it easy. Whose

audition is this anyway?

Ramona Wolfe.

Long distance.

Last call.

Hello.

Hi.

How are you?

Here we go.

From here, we operate the light.

All right, everybody, places.

If you want to,

you can watch the show from here.

Grandpa,

is this really all right? I didn't pay.

I just walked in.

Oh, of course, it is.

Why not? You are here

with me. They know me.

Good evening.

Hi. How are you?

See?

They all know me.

Boy, you can really

count on Mickey.

He never shows

till the last split second.

Have a good show, Harry.

Thanks, Babe.

You, too.

Shit!

That son of a bitch!

Just once, just once!

Just once couldn't somebody

just fucking be there once?

- Hey, Harry.

- You all set?

Yeah. Sure.

Let's kill 'em.

Are your words brazen or true gold?

My words are my life.

Why did you send them to me?

If all my dreams of loveliness

had been pieced together

into one perfect woman,

she would have been like you.

My love is no greater than a

piece of dirt fallen from your gown.

Good ol' Mickey.

Yup.

You can always count on Mickey.

If I were King.

If I were King,

what tributary nations I would...

Here you are.

Kempton Hills.

But you already missed

half the show.

Did I?

Shame on me.

Thank you.

- I love you, Lady Katherine.

- I love you.

And to swear allegiance to your lips,

your eyes, your hair.

Beneath your feet what treasures

I would fling, if I were king.

What manner of man are you

to speak to me like this?

I would dare this and more.

Lady Katherine.

Go quickly or they'll see you.

Lady Katherine.

Gimme. Gimme. Gimme.

Where the fuck's the rose? Thanks.

Shit! Where the

hell's the entrance?

Is there something

I can do for you?

Thank you.

You may continue

your rounds, Captain.

# Only a rose

# I give you

# Only a song

# Dying away

# Only a smile

# To keep in memory

# Until we meet

# Another day

# Only a rose

Where is it? Where's the

entrance? Just show me where.

At the dress rehearsal we

had an entrance for the dancers.

Now you've got this thing up.

It's opening night,

Mr. Spratt. We got a little rush.

Shh!

How are they supposed to

get on stage for the number?

Flap their tutus and fly?

I need an entrance.

What's the matter with you guys?

There's a show going on. They

can hear all of this on stage.

Oh, yes, excuse me.

We might rattle the master,

the great star.

Blow it, Shoemaker!

You want an entrance, Sherm?

Control yourself, Shoemaker.

There's your entrance.

All right, let's go.

Let's go.

Even you ought to be able to

stumble through that, Ms. Twinkle Toes.

You know something, Sherman?

You really are a little prick.

Here, here!

# I'll bring along

a smile or a song

# For anyone

# Only a rose

# For you

# Only a rose

# To whisper

# Blushing as roses do

# I'll bring along

a smile and a song

# For anyone

# Only a rose

# Only a rose

# Only a rose

# Only a rose

# For you

Good show.

Yeah? Thanks.

Hi, kiddie.

Oh, my God, Mickey, was it

tonight? Were you out there tonight?

Oh, Jesus, I forgot

you were coming.

It went clean out of my head.

You were sensaish, kid.

Just dynamite.

Oh, but you should have

caught the dress rehearsal.

I mean, the dress rehearsal

would have put you away.

But today was... It was

just a disaster area here.

The attacks were sloppy. I don't

know what the conductor was doing.

I mean the conductor

was really out to lunch.

I love this guy.

Don't you love this guy?

Relax, you were dynamite.

Now, when you get back to town,

give me a call.

I've got something lined

up for you. Second lead.

You're kidding.

Bellinger doesn't kid.

Oh, Mickey, you're incredible.

The second lead?

That's right.

The Shuberts are sending out a

package of The Student Prince.

You're gonna knock 'em dead.

Student Prince?

Mmm-hmm.

10 weeks guaranteed.

Omaha. Memphis. Toledo.

Gee, that's great, Mickey.

But, you know, I was kinda

hoping for something back in town.

I mean, can't you find me

something back in town?

Well, I'm sorry, kiddie. There's

nothing right for you this season.

Well, couldn't you try?

I said nothing this season.

Yeah, but that's what

you told me last season.

Hey, Mickey, come on,

just look at me once, will ya?

Hey, hey. We getting

a little hysterical here?

Now don't you want the job?

Work is work.

Oh, Mickey,

Mickey. I didn't mean it like that.

Come on, Mick.

Look, let's just go back in my

dressing room, we'll talk about it.

Ah, I'm sorry. I'd like to. I'd like to,

Harry.

But I've got to catch a train.

But, Mickey, if I'm gonna sign with you,

shouldn't we at least...

Sign what?

Come on now,

let's just keep it

on the basis of trust.

Now, you think about that

job and you let me know.

Oh, by the way,

who handles the girl?

What girl?

The lead dancer.

I'd like to meet her.

Mickey, look, she's kinda tied up,

you know what I mean?

Oh, I love you, kiddie.

I don't want action.

I just want to talk to her,

so you can stop worrying.

All right,

now give me a call. You know the number.

- David! David!

- You came.

Of course, dear.

You want to put it on?

Grandpa!

There you go!

Hey!

Get your hands off that!

What the hell do you

think you're doing?

I'm sorry, I...

Who told you to mess

with the costumes?

Never touch an actor's costumes!

I was just trying to show

my granddaughter how you...

Your what?

What the hell is this,

a guided tour?

Why don't you just invite the whole

goddamn audience backstage?

Sherman!

Can't you keep these people the hell

outta here when we're trying to work?

What people?

I mean how can anybody

give a decent performance,

with all these clowns

hanging around, know?

I mean, some of us are trying

to give a decent performance!

Some of us are trying.

Please, I'm not in the way. I work.

- The watchman has a chair.

- Go sit on the chair.

Bravo, kid.

Bravo.

Hiya, Shoemaker.

Sit down.

I forgot to give you something.

There's no hurry.

You might need it.

He's just an old man.

A harmless old man.

You didn't have to

yell at him like that.

Why did you have to do that?

I don't know what

you're talking about.

I thought that was my best

performance of the night.

Here. Keep it. For luck.

I don't want your luck.

Mr. Krebs.

Well, I don't blame you kid.

Neither do I.

Bellinger?

Union Station.

Do you mind if I just

sit here in a quiet daze?

You're not going to believe

what happened me.

I might.

I can hardly get the words out.

Bellinger says,

I'm gonna be in a Cole Porter show.

A real part.

With lines.

And a solo.

I'm gonna be in a Cole

Porter show on Broadway.

Oh!

And Benninger wants me

to sign with him, too.

Listen would you mind

terribly if we cut it short tonight?

I've got a million

letters to write.

You're not gonna say

a word about it are you?

About what?

I've been sitting here

for over an hour.

Jesus, what did he do?

Make a pass at you?

Not really.

Not really?

Well, so what? He's just an

old guy looking for a little life.

He was kind of sweet, really.

Oh, terrific.

Terrific.

I'm talking about

coming to New York,

and you let some

dirty old man feel you up.

Artie, will you stop with New York?

You can't come to New York.

It would never work.

Why not?

I got it all planned.

I'm gonna quit school.

Oh! I'm married.

What?

Well,

that casts a slight pall

over the conversation.

Why didn't you tell me before?

I thought you knew.

How could I know?

You let me make all these

jerk off plans.

I'm sorry. I really

thought you knew.

No.

But I'm learning.

Listen, about the fall.

I guess maybe I'll be goin'

back to school, after all.

No New York?

Maybe I don't know as much

about people as I thought I did.

I'll finish the season

and that's it.

Come on, Westervelt,

tell us about this famous chick.

I swear, her legs went from here to Toledo.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, Shoemaker. How's your friend,

the great Harry Crystal?

Excuse me, Harry.

You ready for the magic word?

Bishkin.

Hit me like a flash.

No kidding.

Who's that?

You never heard of Lou

Bishkin at the Morris Office?

What business are you in?

Come on, Harry, I'm not in

this business yet, you know that.

Besides, after last night,

I'm not sure I want to be.

Oh, yeah, sure, that's right.

The girl's married,

the actor's a bum.

So when the season's over you

just forget the whole thing, right?

You just don't decide

to be a playwright.

Who said you did? Besides,

none of that matters.

Playwright, no playwright,

you're hooked, kid.

You're hooked.

If you quit now,

you're gonna have an ache in your heart

the rest of your life.

You're full of beans tonight.

Me? Yeah!

I'm a busy man.

I gotta play this turkey

two more weeks.

Then, I gotta go on tour

in The Student Prince.

So me my props and

get out of my way.

Places for act one, let's go.

Come on, let's go, let's go.

Thank you.

This guy, Bishkin.

He's really big, huh?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding?

He want walk me into people.

Bellinger can't even

get on the telephone.

I mean, all Bellinger knows is summer

stock anyway. His reflex isn't Broadway.

Now, Lou Bishkin, oh,

ho, ho, that's Broadway.

You sign with him,

it is Tiffany's all the way.

Yes, sir, Lou Bishkin.

Hiya, kid.

What do you say?

You still gonna try?

I mean,

after last night's show,

I thought you'd be...

You know?

What, that?

Forget it.

Even Barrymore wasn't

Barrymore every night, right?

I just got to keep

working. And hang on.

It's great that you

can get to him. I mean,

that you can somebody

bigger like that.

Shoemaker,

in this business

you learn one thing.

And you keep on learning it.

There's always a bigger agent.

There's always a better job.

And there's always a prettier girl.

# Someday

# You will seek me

# And find me

# Someday

# Of the days that shall be

# Surely

# You will come and remind me

# Of a dream that is calling

# For you and for me

# Someday

# When the winter is over

# Someday

# In the flush of the spring

# My soul

# Shall discover

# The soul born

# Of a lover

# The man

# With the heart

# Of

# A king