The World According to Garp (1982) Movie Script

CAPTIONING MADE

POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

♪ WHEN I GET OLDER,

LOSING MY HAIR ♪

♪ MANY YEARS FROM NOW ♪

♪ WILL YOU STILL BE

SENDING ME A VALENTINE ♪

♪ BIRTHDAY GREETINGS,

BOTTLE OF WINE? ♪

♪ IF I'D BEEN OUT

TILL QUARTER TO 3 ♪

♪ WOULD YOU LOCK THE DOOR? ♪

♪ WILL YOU STILL NEED ME ♪

♪ WILL YOU STILL FEED ME ♪

♪ WHEN I'M 64? ♪

♪ OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH ♪

♪ YOU'LL BE OLDER, TOO ♪

♪ AHH, AHH, AHH, AHH ♪

♪ AND IF YOU SAY THE WORD ♪

♪ I COULD STAY WITH YOU ♪

♪ I COULD BE HANDY,

MENDING A FUSE ♪

♪ WHEN YOUR LIGHTS HAVE GONE ♪

♪ YOU CAN KNIT A

SWEATER BY THE FIRESIDE ♪

♪ SUNDAY MORNINGS,

GO FOR A RIDE ♪

♪ DOING THE GARDEN,

DIGGING THE WEEDS ♪

♪ WHO COULD ASK FOR MORE? ♪

♪ WILL YOU STILL NEED ME ♪

♪ WILL YOU STILL FEED ME ♪

♪ WHEN I'M 64? ♪

♪ EVERY SUMMER WE

CAN RENT A COTTAGE ♪

♪ IN THE ISLE OF WIGHT ♪

♪ IF IT'S NOT TOO DEAR ♪

♪ WE SHALL SCRIMP AND SAVE ♪

♪ SAVE ♪

♪ GRANDCHILDREN ON YOUR KNEE ♪

♪ VERA, CHUCK, AND DAVE ♪

♪ GIVE ME YOUR

ANSWER, FILL IN A FORM ♪

♪ MINE FOREVERMORE ♪

♪ WILL YOU STILL NEED ME ♪

♪ WILL YOU STILL FEED ME ♪

♪ WHEN I'M 64? ♪

♪ OOH ♪

GARP?

GARP.

GARP?

YES. GARP.

SOUNDS LIKE A FISH.

MY DAUGHTER GOT

KNOCKED UP BY A GARP.

IS THAT HIS FIRST OR LAST NAME?

WAS THAT HIS FIRST

OR LAST NAME, DEAR?

IT WAS JUST GARP.

THAT'S THE WHOLE THING.

IT WAS HIS LAST NAME.

WHAT WAS HIS FIRST NAME?

I NEVER FOUND OUT.

SHE NEVER FOUND

OUT HIS FIRST NAME?

YOU MUST KNOW HIS FIRST NAME.

TECHNICAL SERGEANT GARP.

I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT.

A GODDAMN SOLDIER.

TECHNICAL SERGEANT?

T.S.

YES, T.S. GARP.

THAT'S MY BABY'S NAME.

IF I FIND HIM, I'LL KILL HIM.

HE'S DEAD ALREADY.

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU

BOTHERED TO GET MARRIED?

MARRIED? SHE NEVER EVEN MET HIM.

I DIDN'T WANT MARRIAGE.

I WANTED A BABY.

BUT A WEDDING RING...

I DIDN'T NEED HIS RING.

I NEEDED HIS SPERM.

DON'T...

DON'T YOU DARE SAY

SPERM IN THIS HOUSE.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

TO GET A JOB.

I'M A TRAINED NURSE.

I PLAN TO CONTINUE MY WORK.

JENNY!

JENNY! IN THE WAR,

WHICH SIDE WAS HE ON?

WAS HE ON OUR SIDE, AT LEAST?

HE WASN'T ON ANY SIDE.

HE WAS ON HIS BACK

IN THE HOSPITAL.

ONE NIGHT WHEN HE

HAD HIS USUAL ERECTION,

I GOT ON TOP OF HIM

AND INSERTED IT IN ME.

HE EJACULATED

ALMOST IMMEDIATELY.

NOW I HAVE A WONDERFUL BABY!

I CAN'T HEAR A DAMN THING.

WHERE'D SHE GO? WHERE THE...

OH, MY GOD!

WHAT A BOD.

THIS, GENTLEMEN, IS A BOD.

I WISH I WAS A GIRL.

I'D TAKE OFF MY CLOTHES

AND STAND IN FRONT

OF THE MIRROR,

LOOKING FOR HOURS.

THE ALL-AMERICAN BOD.

HEY, WHY CAN'T A

BASKETBALL PLAYER

FATHER A CHILD?

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.

HEY!

GET HIM!

PRITCHARD, GIVE ME THAT!

WHERE IS IT?

I HAVEN'T GOT IT.

WHERE'D YOU PUT IT?

OF COURSE YOU CAN

TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.

COME ON IN HERE.

WELL, I ZIPPED IT UP TOO FAST,

AND IT GOT CAUGHT.

I CAN SEE THAT.

WE'LL JUST HAVE TO UNZIP YOU.

I TRIED THAT

ALREADY, BUT IT HURTS.

IT'S EITHER THAT OR AMPUTATE.

YOU CAN'T PARADE AROUND

LIKE A SAVAGE FROM BORNEO.

AAH!

IT'S ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON.

I'LL PUT SOMETHING ON IT.

I'LL GET YOU FOR

THIS, PRITCHARD.

JEFFREY?

LEAVE IT ALONE FOR A WHILE.

YES, MISS FIELDS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING AWAKE?

DA-DA.

NOT DA-DA.

MAMA.

SAY MAMA.

MAMA.

DA-DA'S DEAD.

HE GOT KILLED.

NO, LET GO.

GIVE THIS TO ME.

LET GO. LET...

WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?

SICK.

EVEN WHEN THEY'RE HEALTHY,

THEY'RE SICK WITH LUST.

BOSWORTH.

BOSWORTH!

A WORD OF WARNING,

YOU FILTH MONGER.

IF YOU EXPOSE MY BABY

TO ANY MORE CHEAP SHOTS,

I'LL INOCULATE YOUR

JOCKSTRAP WITH BUBONIC PLAGUE.

IT'LL WORK SO WELL,

YOU'LL HAVE NOTHING

LEFT TO SCRATCH.

UNDERSTAND?

YES, MISS FIELDS.

FINE.

WELL, GOOD NIGHT,

THEN, BOSWORTH.

SLEEP WELL.

MY FATHER WAS A FLIER.

I TOLD YOU, HE WAS A

TAIL GUNNER IN A PLANE.

IF HE WAS IN A

PLANE, HE WAS A FLIER.

WAS HE REAL BIG?

I DON'T KNOW. I NEVER

SAW HIM STANDING UP.

WHY NOT?

I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT IT SOMEDAY.

THIS IS ONE COURSE

YOU WON'T BE TAKING.

THE TEXT IS DULL,

AND STEWART PERCY

IS EVEN DULLER.

I NEARLY FELL ASLEEP

IN HIS CLASS TODAY.

MAYBE HE DIDN'T DIE.

WHO?

MY FATHER.

HE SURE DID. DEAD AND GONE.

MYTHOLOGY.

I'LL CHECK OUT THIS CLASS

FOR YOU NEXT WEEK.

THE LONG RANGER DIED.

IT'S LONE RANGER, NOT LONG.

HE DIED.

I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

BUT HE REALLY DIDN'T.

EVERYBODY THOUGHT

SO, BUT HE DIDN'T.

MAYBE MY FATHER

DIDN'T REALLY DIE, EITHER.

NOT REALLY.

I'M A NURSE. I KNOW. HE DIED.

WILL I EVER FLY LIKE DADDY?

I DON'T KNOW.

I REMEMBER FLYING.

WHEN YOU WERE

BORN, I WAS SO HAPPY,

I THREW YOU UP AND DOWN.

I REMEMBER.

YOU WERE TOO YOUNG TO REMEMBER.

I WENT FLYING WITH

DADDY LAST WEEK.

ARE YOU GOING TO SLEEP,

OR ARE YOU GOING TO THINK

YOUR WEIRD THOUGHTS?

I'LL THINK WEIRD

THOUGHTS FOR A WHILE.

ALL RIGHT. FINE.

GOOD NIGHT.

I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.

IF I'M STILL HERE.

YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T

REALLY NEED A FATHER.

ALL THE OTHER KIDS HAVE ONE.

IF ALL THE OTHER KIDS

HAD TRENCH MOUTH,

WOULD YOU WANT THAT, TOO?

I'M TIRED OF THAT ANSWER.

AND I'M TIRED OF YOUR QUESTIONS.

GOOD NIGHT.

HEY, OVER HERE!

I KNOW HOW TO MAKE BABIES.

I KNOW, TOO!

HOW COULD YOU? YOU

DON'T HAVE A FATHER.

YOU'RE A BASTARD,

BUT I'LL TEACH YOU.

MONKEY IN THE MIDDLE.

ALL RIGHT. THE FIRST THING IS...

I HAVE A HEADACHE. OH, MY HEAD.

I HAVE A HEADACHE. NOT TONIGHT.

NOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ATTACK ME

AND PULL MY CLOTHES OFF.

ARE YOU SURE?

YES, AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY,

"EVERY NIGHT YOU

HAVE A HEADACHE," OK?

OK.

NOT TONIGHT. I HAVE A HEADACHE.

EVERY NIGHT YOU HAVE A HEADACHE.

NO, DON'T DO THAT.

THAT TICKLES.

NO, BONKERS! STOP IT, BONKERS!

STOP IT!

NO!

GO AWAY, BONKERS.

CUSHIE. CUSHIE!

NO, BONKERS.

CUSHIE!

AAH!

STOP!

BONKERS!

BONKIE!

OHH.

BONKIE, ARE YOU

ALL RIGHT, BIG BOY?

CUSHIE, WHAT HAPPENED?

BONKIE BIT GARP.

I SEE.

BONKIE BIT GARP.

OH, GOSH.

OHH.

AT LEAST THE DOG'S

GOT GOOD TASTE, RIGHT?

DOES IT HURT?

A LOT.

YOU SHOULDN'T TEASE BONKERS.

HE DIDN'T!

COME ON. RUN ALONG

TO YOUR HOUSE.

YOUR MOTHER'S A NURSE.

SHE CAN TAKE CARE OF IT.

WHAT HAPPENED?

BONKIE BIT GARP.

ALL RIGHT, KIDS.

FUN'S OVER!

Woman: COME ON, POOH.

TIME FOR LUNCH.

MOM!

GARP?

MOM!

WHAT HAPPENED?

BONKERS BIT ME.

SON OF A BITCH.

AAH!

HE BIT YOUR EARLOBE OFF.

MR. PERCY SAID

THAT I TASTED GOOD.

HE DID, DID HE?

STAY, BONKIE, STAY.

THAT'S A GOOD DOG.

SMILE, CUSHIE.

THAT'S RIGHT. COME

ON, POOH, SMILE.

THIS PICTURE'S GOING TO

ALL OUR FRIENDS THIS YEAR,

SO SMILE AND LOOK MERRY.

POOH, WILL YOU SMILE, DAMN IT?

IF YOU DON'T SMILE,

YOU'LL NEVER GET A HUSBAND.

DAMN IT.

OH.

MY SON IS NOT DOG

FOOD, GOD DAMN IT!

CALM DOWN, JENNY.

BONKERS GOT A LITTLE EXCITED.

I'M A LITTLE EXCITED, TOO.

WHERE'S BONKERS?

WHY?

I WANT TO GIVE HIM A SHOT

SO HE WON'T BITE PEOPLE.

A SHOT'LL DO THAT?

YEAH. HE'LL BE DEAD.

YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.

YOU BET YOUR FAT ASS I AM.

EITHER TIE HIM UP,

MAKE HIM BEHAVE,

OR I'LL MAKE HIM

DEAD AS A DOORNAIL.

COME ON, GARP!

OH, MOM.

I DON'T WANT ANY

DISCUSSION ABOUT IT.

OH, GOOD AFTERNOON, DEAN BODGER.

GOOD AFTERNOON, JENNY.

HELLO THERE, GARP.

HELLO, DEAN.

I UNDERSTAND YOU'LL

BE STARTING CLASSES

NEXT SEMESTER.

YES. WE'RE ON OUR WAY

TO ENTER HIM IN A SPORT.

WHAT SPORT?

BASKETBALL.

I DON'T KNOW.

I'M SURE YOU'LL DO SPLENDIDLY.

GOOD LUCK.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WHY CAN'T I DECIDE

WHAT SPORT TO TAKE?

YOU'RE TOO YOUNG. I'VE

LOOKED INTO THEM ALL.

BASKETBALL IS THE BEST.

I'M TOO SHORT FOR BASKETBALL.

GARP, YOU WANT TO PLAY?

YES. I DO.

NO, YOU DON'T.

THAT CUSHIE COULD USE

A GOOD SPORT HERSELF.

ALL RIGHT. OVER HERE. LET'S GO!

GET THE REBOUND! GET AROUND.

GOOD, WE GOT THEM.

BACK ON DEFENSE!

LET'S GO. SET UP NUMBER 4.

LET'S GO, CHRIS.

SET UP ON THE BASE LINE.

GIVE AND GO, GUYS!

MOVE IT UP.

COME ON, CHRIS. LET'S GO!

WEAK SIDE. COME ON.

GET ON THE BOARDS! COME ON!

WE GOT THEM! WATCH HIM!

TAKE A SHOT. SWISH! NICE SHOT.

ALL RIGHT! SAME THING!

BOTTOM MAN DOWN! SAME MAN DOWN!

LET'S GO! READY?

HOLD HIM DOWN. RIDE HIM. GOOD!

GOOD REVERSAL.

STAY OFF YOUR BACK!

10 SECONDS!

HOLD HIM. HOLD HIM.

5...

4...

3...

2...

OK, GENTLEMEN, THAT'S

IT. HIT THE SHOWERS.

HEY, GARP, HOW YOU DOING?

GOOD TO SEE YA, GARP.

WHY CAN'T BASKETBALL

PLAYERS FATHER A CHILD?

BECAUSE THEY'RE UGLY!

NO. BECAUSE THEY DRIBBLE

BEFORE THEY SHOOT.

WHAT'S THE DEFINITION

OF BRASSIERE?

I DON'T KNOW. WHAT?

AN OVER-THE-SHOULDER

BOULDER-HOLDER.

WHAT'S THE

DEFINITION OF A GIRDLE?

WHAT?

IT'S A LOWER-DECKER

PECKER-CHECKER.

MY FATHER WORE A HELMET.

HE WAS A FLIER.

OH?

CAN YOU FLY?

NO.

GARP?

JESUS CHRIST!

WHAT'S SHE DOING IN HERE?

SPARE ME YOUR MODESTY.

YOU KNOW WHY SANTA

CAN'T FATHER A CHILD?

BECAUSE HE COMES

DOWN THE CHIMNEY.

GARP!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?

WRESTLERS, BIG MEET TOMORROW.

SO NO BEATING THE MEAT TONIGHT.

HI, JENNY.

I WANT TO DO WHAT THEY DO.

ANIMALS.

GARP?

PLOOSH!

PLAAT!

AAH!

MOM! MOM!

GARP?

MOM! HELP ME!

GARP!

HELP!

MOM! HELP!

DEAN BODGER!

WHO'S ON THE ROOF?

MOM!

WHO'S THAT?

GARP?

MOM!

GARP!

I'M AFRAID.

GARP, I'M HERE.

I'M COMING TO GET

YOU. STAY VERY STILL.

HOLD TIGHT. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

GET SOME MATTRESSES!

SOMETHING TO CUSHION THE FALL!

I WANTED TO FLY.

I UNDERSTAND. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

CAREFUL. GIVE ME YOUR FOOT.

GET THE MATTRESSES

CLOSE TOGETHER.

NEXT TO THE BUILDING

SO HE CAN FALL ON THEM.

GIVE ME YOUR FREE FOOT.

A LITTLE BIT MORE OVER.

I'VE GOT YOU! I WON'T LET GO.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.

QUICKLY.

NOW SLOWLY TAKE YOUR

FOOT OUT OF THE GUTTER.

THAT'S A GOOD BOY.

TAKE IT OUT.

I'M SLIPPING.

I GOT YOU!

I'M GONE!

UHH!

MMM!

MISS FIELDS!

YES?

WHAT ABOUT DEAN BODGER?

BRING HIM INTO THE INFIRMARY.

LET'S GO, BOYS.

EVERYBODY BACK INSIDE.

YOU SURE LIKE

TROUBLE, DON'T YOU?

THANK GOD I CAUGHT HIM.

YES. JUST IN TIME.

WHAT WAS HE DOING UP THERE?

PRETENDING TO BE

HIS DEAD FATHER.

I WANTED TO BE A FATHER MYSELF,

BUT I NEVER GOT MARRIED.

NEITHER DID I.

HMM?

I ALWAYS WANTED A CHILD.

IF I COULD'VE HAD ONE

BY MYSELF, I WOULD'VE.

BUT GOD OR NATURE OR WHATEVER...

WELL, YOU NEED A MAN.

YOU KNOW MEN... FULL OF LUST.

I CAN TALK TO YOU.

YOU'RE PAST ALL THAT.

WHAT?

YOU'RE NOT WELL ENOUGH TO WALK.

THAT'S A VERY NASTY BUMP.

ANYWAY...

THE WAR WAS ON.

I WAS A NURSE.

ONE DAY, THEY BROUGHT

IN A TAIL GUNNER

WHO'D BEEN WOUNDED

BY ANTIAIRCRAFT

IN A RAID OVER GERMANY.

A SPLINTER OF STEEL

LODGED IN HIS BRAIN.

ALL HE COULD SAY

WAS HIS NAME... GARP.

FOR MEDICAL REASONS I

COULDN'T UNDERSTAND,

HE ALSO HAD A CONSTANT ERECTION,

AND HE DETERIORATED STEADILY,

UNTIL ONE DAY, ALL HE COULD SAY

WAS PART OF HIS NAME... ARP.

IT WAS THEN I KNEW HE

WOULDN'T LAST MUCH LONGER.

HIS ERECTIONS CONTINUED

HOWEVER, QUITE UNABATED.

I SEE.

I'LL JUST BE GOING.

NOT YET. NO, NOT YET.

YOU'D BETTER REST.

ANYWAY...

WHERE WAS I?

HE KEPT HAVING ERECTIONS.

THANK YOU.

HE WAS DYING.

I WANTED A CHILD.

IT SEEMED A GOOD WAY TO HAVE ONE

WITHOUT THE BOTHER OF A HUSBAND.

SO ONE NIGHT, WHEN

THE WOUNDED AND MAIMED

WERE ALL ASLEEP, I WENT TO HIM.

HE WAS ASLEEP,

BUT HIS ERECTION

WAS THERE AS ALWAYS.

I REMOVED MY UNDERGARMENTS

AND CLIMBED ON TOP OF HIM.

HE WOKE UP THEN,

SAID THE ONLY WORD

OTHER THAN HIS NAME

I'D EVER HEARD HIM UTTER.

HE SAID, "GOOD."

IT DIDN'T TAKE LONG.

ONCE WAS ALL THAT WAS NEEDED.

YOU RAPED HIM.

YOU RAPED A DYING MAN.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

NO.

UH, YES.

I HAVE TO GET HOME NOW.

YOU'VE BEEN VERY KIND.

I'VE NEVER HEARD ANYTHING...

GOOD NIGHT.

AND THEN HE DIED.

HE DID DIE.

REALLY?

REALLY.

WILL YOU THROW ME IN THE AIR

LIKE YOU USED TO?

YOU'RE TOO BIG FOR THAT NOW.

MAY THE LORD'S

LIGHT SHINE UPON YOU

AND GIVE YOU PEACE.

AMEN.

NOW YOU DON'T HAVE

A FATHER, EITHER.

I KNOW.

EVERYBODY DIES.

MY PARENTS DIED.

YOUR FATHER DIED.

EVERYBODY DIES.

I'M GOING TO DIE, TOO.

SO WILL YOU.

THE THING IS...

TO HAVE A LIFE BEFORE WE DIE.

IT CAN BE A REAL

ADVENTURE HAVING A LIFE.

GARP!

CAREFUL OF THE UNDERTOW!

THE UNDERTOW!

BE CAREFUL OF THE UNDERTOW!

HOWDY DO!

HI.

HELLO AGAIN.

I HOPE I'M NOT DISTURBING YOU

RUNNING UP AND DOWN HERE.

NOPE.

IT'S DISTRACTING, ISN'T IT?

NOT TO ME, IT'S NOT.

WHAT DO YOU WEIGH?

ABOUT 112 OR SO?

113.

AHH. PLEASED TO MEET YOU.

I'M 158, ON MY WAY TO 147.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

MY NAME IS T.S. GARP.

WHAT'S T.S. STAND FOR?

TERRIBLY SEXY.

I USED TO BE TERRIBLY SHY,

BUT I CHANGED.

I'M HELEN HOLM.

HOME SWEET HOME.

OUR NEW WRESTLING

COACH IS NAMED HOLM.

WHAT A HARD ASS.

WE CALL HIM HOME SWEAT HOLM.

HE'S MY FATHER.

I'M HIS DAUGHTER.

WE'RE THE HOLM TEAM.

TAKE CARE.

YOU ASSHOLE.

LET'S GET HIM, GARP!

NEXT PLAYOFF.

DO IT!

2!

YOU'RE OUT OF BOUNDS!

CONCENTRATION.

YOU WALKED RIGHT

INTO THAT FIREMAN'S CAP!

LET'S GO! LET'S GO!

THAT'S 2!

OFF THE FACE! OFF THE FACE!

THAT'S 2! COME ON! 2 DOWN!

GET HIM, GARP!

DOWN 2!

2 THERE!

THAT'S 2.

2 BACK!

ERNIE, CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU BEAT US ON THE TAKEDOWNS,

AND WE'RE LOUSY ON TAKEDOWNS.

THANKS. WE GOT SOME GUYS.

NICE JOB.

NICE YOURSELF.

HE GOT ALL THE TAKEDOWNS.

AND MOST OF THE FALLS.

MR. HOLM.

OH. HI, JENNY.

MR. HOLM, WERE YOU AWARE

OF WHAT WAS GOING ON OUT HERE?

WELL, GARP WASN'T

REALLY CONCENTRATING

THE FIRST PERIOD.

IT WAS LUST.

BEG YOUR PARDON?

LUST.

MR. HOLM, YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER.

I HAVE A SON.

HE'S A FINE BOY.

HE'S ALSO FULL OF LUST.

I CAN SPOT IT A MILE AWAY.

HE'S LUSTING AFTER

YOUR DAUGHTER.

I WOULDN'T WORRY.

HELEN CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF.

AFTER ALL, IT'S ONLY NATURAL.

DISEASES ARE NATURAL, TOO.

DOESN'T MEAN WE

HAVE TO GIVE IN TO THEM.

KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR DAUGHTER.

HEH HEH.

HELLO, GARP?

CUSHIE?

GARP!

SO, WHAT BRINGS YOU HOME?

I'M VISITING.

I'M STUCK AT THIS

ALL-GIRLS SCHOOL.

I THOUGHT I'D SEE HOW

THE BOYS ARE DOING.

HOW ARE YOU?

I HAVE THIS TERRIBLE HEADACHE.

I'LL SEE YOU.

TAKE CARE.

HI.

AM I DISTURBING YOU?

I THINK YOU LIKE TO DISTURB ME.

YOU SURE READ A LOT.

I'VE ALWAYS READ A LOT.

ME, TOO.

YOU'RE GOING TO RUIN

YOUR EYES, THOUGH.

THEY'RE ALREADY RUINED.

OH. ULYSSES.

YOU GOING TO BE A WRITER?

NO CHANCE.

I'M GOING TO BE A READER.

MAYBE YOU'LL MARRY A WRITER.

IF I MARRY ANYBODY,

IT'LL BE A WRITER,

BUT I DOUBT I'LL MARRY ANYBODY.

YOU'RE CERTAINLY NOT

GOING TO MARRY A WRESTLER.

YOU CAN BE VERY SURE OF THAT,

UNLESS IT'S A WRESTLER

WHO'S ALSO A WRITER.

BUT A WRITER FIRST AND FOREMOST?

YEAH. A REAL WRITER.

LIKE JOYCE?

MAYBE.

BUT HE NEVER MADE ANY MONEY.

HE WORKED AS A CLERK

TO SUPPORT HIMSELF AND HIS WIFE.

YOU'VE READ HIM?

DID YOU KNOW HE HAD A

BEAUTIFUL TENOR VOICE?

NO, I DIDN'T.

HE WAS 21 WHEN HE ENTERED

THE FEIS CEOIL IN DUBLIN.

IT'S A GAELIC

MUSICAL COMPETITION.

HE WAS RUNNER-UP IN

THE TENOR CATEGORY.

KNOW WHO THE WINNER

WAS? JOHN McCORMACK.

REALLY?

DO YOU ALWAYS WEAR A SWEAT SUIT?

DON'T YOU LIKE IT?

I WAS JUST IMAGINING WHAT

YOU'RE LIKE WITHOUT IT...

I MEAN, IN A DRESS.

I SPEND A LOT OF

TIME IMAGINING THINGS.

IT'S PART OF MY

TRAINING AS A WRITER.

ALL REAL WRITERS IMAGINE.

GOOD NIGHT, GARP.

OH, MY GOD.

GARP, YOU'VE NO

RIGHT TO WRITE THIS.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO WRITE

ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE,

WAIT TILL I'M DEAD.

WHILE I'M ALIVE, THE

SUBJECT BELONGS TO ME.

I MIGHT WANT TO

WRITE ABOUT MYSELF.

NOTHING'S HAPPENED

TO ME YET, MOM.

TOO BAD. MAKE

SOMETHING UP, THEN.

GOOD NIGHT, SON.

GOOD NIGHT, MOM.

SLEEP WELL.

YOU, TOO.

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE

GOING TO BE A WRITER?

IT'S JUST SOMETHING YOU KNOW.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING

TO WRITE ABOUT?

MY LIFE, ONCE I'VE

EXPERIENCED ENOUGH.

YOU'LL WRITE,

YOU'LL MARRY HELEN,

AND SHE'LL READ.

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

MAYBE.

I GUESS I'D BETTER

GIVE YOU SOMETHING

TO WRITE ABOUT, HUH?

OH, BOY.

IT'S STUCK, HA HA!

IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME?

NO.

I THOUGHT SO. HA HA!

WHERE'S YOUR THING?

WHERE'S WHAT?

YOUR THING.

MY THING? DON'T YOU

HAVE AHOLD OF IT?

NO, YOUR GLOVE.

MY GLOVE?

LOOK, I DON'T WANT BABIES.

NO GLOVE, NO LOVE.

OH, YOU MEAN RUBBERS.

POOH?

OH, POOR GARP.

YOU'RE ABOUT TO BURST.

OH...

OH, HA HA.

HELEN! OH, HELEN!

HELEN!

HA HA!

I'M GAINING ON YOU, HELEN.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

OHH!

WATCH WHERE THE

HELL YOU'RE RUNNING.

SORRY. HELEN!

HELEN! MY SHORT STORY!

OH...

IT'S MY FIRST SHORT STORY.

I WROTE IT FOR YOU.

YOU WROTE IT FOR ME?

YEAH.

WHAT'D CUSHIE THINK OF IT?

CUSHIE?

CUSHIE.

I DON'T THINK SHE'S THE TYPE

TO APPRECIATE

SERIOUS LITERATURE.

FROM WHAT I SAW,

SHE SEEMED TO HAVE

A PRETTY GOOD HEAD

ON HER SHOULDERS.

OH...

BOY!

HELEN!

WE HAVEN'T GOT MUCH TIME!

MEN DIE YOUNG IN

MY FAMILY, HELEN!

I'M LEAVING!

I'M GOING TO NEW YORK

TO BECOME A REAL WRITER!

HELEN!

HEL...

OH, GOD.

OH...

OH... BONKERS.

BONKIE...

COME ON NOW.

GIVE ME THE PAPER.

HA HA.

BONKERS, GIVE ME THAT PAPER,

YOU HAIRY SON OF A BITCH!

AAH!

HELP!

BONKERS, YOU CHICKENSHIT!

IF I WERE A DOG, YOU'D BE DEAD!

WHAT HAPPENED?

I HAD A FIGHT WITH HELEN.

WITH HELEN?

OH, AND BONKERS, TOO.

I WANT TO GET THE

HELL OUT OF HERE.

I WANT TO GO TO NEW YORK

AND BECOME A REAL WRITER.

WE OUGHT TO LEAVE. WE'VE

BEEN HERE LONG ENOUGH.

ARE YOU GOING TO COME?

I THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA.

MAYBE I COULD WRITE THERE, TOO.

WHAT'S THIS?

BONKER'S EAR.

HIS EAR?

A PART OF IT.

GARP! ARE YOU UP THERE?

JENNY FIELDS! ARE YOU UP THERE?

YES, WHAT IS IT YOU WANT?

WHAT THE HELL DID

YOUR BASTARD SON

DO TO MY DOG? THERE'S

BLOOD EVERYWHERE!

HE'S UNDER THE HOUSE

AND WON'T COME OUT!

GARP BIT BONKIE.

WE GOT ORANGES,

FRUITS, AND VEGETABLES.

NOW ALL WE NEED

IS SOME BUTTER,

SOME MILK, AND...

SOME COFFEE.

AND, UH...

WE'RE ALSO OUT OF CEREAL.

IS THAT THE LATEST FASHION?

NO, MOM, THAT'S THE

OLDEST PROFESSION.

WHORES?

OH, YES.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

OH, JUST A WRITER'S INSTINCT.

I WANT TO TALK WITH ONE OF THEM.

COME ON.

NO, I WANT TO ASK

HER ABOUT SOMETHING.

ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT LUST!

MOM! MOM!

OH, BOY.

PARDON ME. MY

NAME IS JENNY FIELDS.

ARE YOU A PROSTITUTE?

WHAT'S IT TO YOU?

MY MOTHER AND I

WERE JUST PASSING BY...

YOUR MOTHER?

I'LL BE GLAD TO PAY YOU.

I DON'T GO FOR KINKY STUFF.

YOU WANT THAT? TRY 8th AVENUE.

SHE JUST WANTS TO TALK.

WELL, WHAT'S YOUR

REGULAR CHARGE?

WOULD $10 BE ENOUGH?

$10?

WHAT'S THE USUAL CHARGE?

IT DEPENDS.

I'LL GIVE YOU 20.

WE'LL GET SOME COFFEE,

GET WARM, AND TALK.

YOU PAY FOR THE COFFEE?

OF COURSE.

OH, WHAT THE HELL.

GOOD.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

MOM, CAN WE GO NOW?

DO YOU FEEL ANYTHING?

DO YOU GET PHYSICAL

ENJOYMENT FROM IT?

NOT WHEN I'M WORKING.

OH, SOMETIMES.

WHY DO YOU THINK MEN LIKE YOU?

WE REALLY GOT TO GO.

WHY, DO YOU LIKE HER?

SHE'S VERY NICE, MOM...

WHAT IS IT ABOUT HER YOU WANT?

I DON'T MEAN JUST HER SEX PARTS.

IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE

THAT'S SATISFYING?

WELL, IT'S...

WELL, AHEM,

WELL, IT'S A COMBINATION.

HOW DO YOU FEEL TO

BE WANTED IN THAT WAY?

DOES IT DEGRADE YOU

TO HAVE MY SON WANT YOU,

OR DO YOU THINK IT

ONLY DEGRADES HIM?

I DON'T KNOW.

DO YOU WANT HER?

DO YOU WANT HER

LIKE YOU WANT HELEN?

IS IT THE SAME KIND OF WANT?

YOU REALLY WANT TO

HAVE SEX WITH HER?

WELL, DO YOU?

YES.

OF COURSE I DO.

ALL RIGHT.

IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME

IF YOUR MOTHER WANTS

TO BUY ME FOR YOU,

BUT SHE CAN'T COME ALONG.

OH, NO...

I WON'T HAVE HER WATCH US.

I'M STILL CATHOLIC,

BELIEVE IT OR NOT.

I DON'T INTEND TO WATCH.

I'VE HEARD QUITE ENOUGH.

THANKS FOR YOUR TIME.

YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT

OR YOU HAVE TO DO, I GUESS.

HERE.

DON'T GIVE ME MONEY HERE!

WHY NOT?

'CAUSE IT'S ILLEGAL, MOM.

WHY?

BECAUSE IT IS, THAT'S WHY.

THAT'S SILLY. IT'S HER BODY.

WHY SHOULDN'T SHE USE IT

THE WAY SHE WANTS TO?

HERE.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

GOOD NIGHT.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

YOUR MOTHER'S WEIRD.

YOU COULD SAY THAT.

MOM?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WRITING.

ABOUT WHAT?

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

JUST LAY OFF ME, WILL YOU?

YOU'VE BEEN HAMMERING AT ME

SINCE WE GOT ON

THE GODDAMN PLANE.

WE SHOULD HAVE

STAYED IN CHICAGO.

OH, RACHEL...

DON'T RACHEL ME, STEPHEN.

GET YOUR MATTRESSES!

PUT MATTRESSES UNDER

HIM! CUSHION HIS FALL!

GO!

JUMP!

GO AHEAD AND JUMP!

OH, MY GOD!

STEPHEN!

RACHEL?

STEPHEN!

REMEMBER CHICAGO?

DO YOU?

DO YOU REMEMBER THESE, RACHEL?

DO YOU?

I DON'T WANT THEM ANYMORE.

♪ THERE WILL BE

OTHER SONGS TO SING ♪

♪ ANOTHER FALL, ANOTHER SPRING ♪

COME DOWN, STEPHEN.

♪ BUT THERE WILL NEVER ♪

AAH! AAH!

WATCH OUT!

AAH! AAH!

WELL?

IT'S, UH...

A BIT THIN.

YEAH, BUT IT'S NOT

QUANTITY THAT COUNTS.

THANK GOD FOR THAT.

THIS IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

THAT'S NOT VERY

ARTISTIC, THOUGH.

WELL, I'M NOT AN ARTIST.

I'M A NURSE.

IT'S TIME I GOT BACK TO IT.

WELL, I WANT TO BE AN ARTIST.

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT.

I'M NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND IT.

IT'S VERY SIMPLE.

HE DOES WONDERS

WHEN HE'S WEARING

HIS MAGIC GLOVES.

IF HIS WIFE IS SAD,

HE TOUCHES HER WITH HIS

GLOVES, AND SHE'S HAPPY.

IF HIS CHILDREN ARE CRYING,

HE JUST TOUCHES

THEM, AND THEY SMILE.

BUT HE CAN'T FEEL THEM.

HE YEARNS TO FEEL.

HE CAN EVEN HOLD OFF

DEATH WITH HIS GLOVES,

BUT HE CAN'T FEEL LIFE.

SO HE TAKES OFF THE

GLOVES, AND HE DIES,

BUT HE FINALLY FEELS LIFE

AS HE'S FLYING INTO

THE ARMS OF DEATH.

I LIKE THAT.

IF THAT'S WHAT

IT MEANS, I LIKE IT.

WELL, LET ME SEE YOURS.

NO. I'VE GOT TO GO.

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

I SHOWED YOU MINE,

YOU SHOW ME YOURS.

YOU THINK YOU'RE PLAYING

DOCTOR'S OFFICE WITH CUSHIE?

I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT.

WITH WHO?

WHOM.

WITH WHOM WAS YOUR

APPOINTMENT, MOTHER?

WITH HIM.

HE'S A PUBLISHER.

HE LOOKS LIKE A NICE MAN.

I'LL LET HIM PUBLISH MY BOOK.

LET HIM?

WHY NOT? BRING

THAT ALONG, WILL YOU?

WE CAN RETURN IT.

COME ALONG.

"IN THIS DIRTY-MINDED WORLD,

"YOU ARE EITHER SOMEBODY'S

WIFE OR SOMEBODY'S WHORE

OR FAST ON YOUR WAY TO

BECOMING ONE OR THE OTHER."

I THINK SO. DON'T YOU?

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

I'VE NEVER GIVEN THE

MATTER MUCH THOUGHT,

BUT... GARP!

IS THAT RIGHT... GARP?

THAT'S RIGHT. GARP.

MOM, YOU DIDN'T WRITE

ABOUT ME, DID YOU?

I WROTE ABOUT MY LIFE.

YOU'RE A PART OF IT.

BUT YOU SAID WHEN I WANTED

TO WRITE ABOUT YOUR LIFE...

MY SON'S ALSO A WRITER.

SHORT STORIES.

"SEXUAL SUSPECT?"

WELL, I WANTED A JOB,

AND I WANTED TO LIVE ALONE.

THAT MADE ME A SEXUAL SUSPECT.

I WANTED A BABY,

BUT DIDN'T WANT TO SHARE MY LIFE

TO HAVE ONE.

THAT ALSO MADE ME

A SEXUAL SUSPECT.

OH.

I WANTED TO EXPRESS

AN INNER LONGING...

WELL, I'LL CALL YOU.

MOM, THAT WASN'T FAIR.

YOU SAID I COULDN'T

WRITE ABOUT YOU.

OH, MY GOD.

GO AWAY.

WELL?

IT'S...

SO SAD.

REALLY?

SO SAD!

OH, THAT'S GREAT.

I MEAN, THANK YOU.

OH-HO!

IT'S THE SADDEST

STORY I HAVE EVER READ.

HA!

YEOW!

HA!

THAT'S WONDERFUL!

OH, I'M SO HAPPY!

I'M SO SAD!

HELEN, DO YOU KNOW

THIS WILL BE PUBLISHED

IN THE REVIEW?

AND MOM'S PUBLISHER SAID

HE'LL PUBLISH MY

FIRST NOVEL, TOO.

DO YOU THINK I'LL

BE A REAL WRITER?

I DO.

OH, I DO!

OH, HEH HEH.

OH...

AND YOU SAID

THAT YOU'D ONLY

MARRY A REAL WRITER.

I DID.

AND I DO.

I DO, TOO.

IT'S SICKENING.

EVERY BOOKSTORE IN

NEW YORK LOOKS LIKE THIS.

EVERY BOOKSTORE IN THE U.S.

I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL

DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT LUST?

SHE NEVER FELT IT, NOT ONCE.

SOME AUTHORITY SHE IS.

IT'S LIKE LISTENING TO PLANTS

DISCUSS THE MOTIVES OF MAMMALS.

IT'S TIMING.

TIMING? IN WRITING, IT'S

SUPPOSED TO BE THE WRITING.

IN WRITING, IT'S WRITING.

IN PUBLISHING, IT'S TIMING.

I'M STUNNED.

IT UPSETS PEOPLE.

I'M GETTING HATE MAIL

JUST FOR PUBLISHING IT.

IT'S DANGEROUS STUFF,

AND DANGEROUS STUFF SELLS.

IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER,

WE HAVE ALL BEEN

SUSPECT ALL OF OUR LIVES.

THANK YOU.

WE HAVE BEEN SUSPECT

AS THE WEAKER SEX.

YEAH! YEAH!

WHEN WE SHOWED

STRENGTH, WE WERE SUSPECT

AS NOT BEING WEAK ENOUGH.

WHEN WE SHOWED INTELLIGENCE,

WE WERE SUSPECT

OF COVERING UP SOME

DEFECT IN OUR FEMININITY

WITH OUR BRAINS.

YEAH! YEAH!

WHAT REALLY GETS MY GOAT

IS THAT SHE WROTE ABOUT ME.

I AM KNOWN AS THE BASTARD SON

OF JENNY FIELDS.

HELLO. HOW NICE

TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

HOW YOU DOING?

VERY WELL, THANK YOU.

YEAH?

THANKS SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING.

AW, WHAT THE HELL.

AM I IN IT?

IN A WAY.

YEAH? I'LL READ IT.

SHE IS GOING TO

BE VERY, VERY RICH

AND VERY, VERY FAMOUS.

I GET THE PICTURE.

I DON'T THINK YOU DO.

YOU'RE A WONDERFUL WRITER, GARP.

YOUR NOVEL'S A GOOD FIRST NOVEL.

I'M PROUD TO PUBLISH IT.

BUT YOUR MOTHER HAS

WRITTEN A POLITICAL MANIFESTO.

SHE'S A CULT, NOT A WRITER.

HI.

COULD YOU WRITE A

LITTLE SOMETHING IN THERE?

IT'S FOR FRANK, MY HUSBAND.

"DEAR FRANK, THE

KIDS ARE IN THE SCHOOL,

"THE DOG IS IN THE YARD,

"AND I AM GONE, GONE, GONE.

LOVE, RUTH."

I THINK YOU BETTER WRITE THAT.

THANK YOU. I WILL.

WE'RE NEITHER LITTLE NOR WEAK,

BUT A FORCE TO BE DEALT WITH!

YEAH!

THE WOMEN OF AMERICA,

HUNGRY FOR A HEROINE,

HAVE AT LAST FOUND

ONE IN JENNY FIELDS!

THE MEN OF AMERICA

WILL SOON FIND OUT

WHAT THAT MEANS.

MOM!

I'M ALL RIGHT, DARLING!

WE DON'T USUALLY FIND

HOMES QUITE THIS LOVELY

IN THIS QUIET OF A LOCATION.

IS THIS NICE?

ISN'T THIS A BEAUTIFUL STREET?

AND THE LANDSCAPING...

THEY'VE DONE LOVELY

THINGS HERE WITH THE LAWN.

IT'S A LOVELY PLACE.

LOVELY.

JUST THE TICKET

FOR YOUNG MARRIEDS.

AND MY FIRM WILL EVEN

FINANCE THE MORTGAGE.

MY MOTHER'S PAYING FOR IT.

SHE'S BECOME A FIRM THESE DAYS.

OH.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, HELEN?

IS IT A HOME?

UH...

IT'S CLOSE TO THE COLLEGE

WHERE I'LL BE TEACHING.

AND CLOSE TO THE SUPERMARKET

WHERE I'LL BE SHOPPING.

HA HA! JUST LIKE OUR HOUSE.

I WORK. MY HUSBAND

PUTTERS AROUND THE HOUSE.

MY HUSBAND DOESN'T PUTTER.

HE'S A WRITER.

HIS NOVEL WAS JUST PUBLISHED...

PROCRASTINATION BY T.S. GARP?

T.S. GARP?

NOT THE BASTARD

SON OF JENNY FIELDS!

OH, I LOVED YOUR MOTHER'S BOOK!

LOVED IT!

OH! I KEEP BUYING THEM,

AND MY HUSBAND

KEEPS BURNING THEM.

HA HA!

HA HA.

HA HA!

OH! AND YOU WRITE, TOO.

ISN'T THAT NICE?

YOU MUST BE SO

PROUD OF YOUR MOTHER.

OH, I'M VERY, VERY PROUD OF MOM.

YOU FOLKS ALL RIGHT DOWN THERE?

YEAH, OK. WE'RE ALL RIGHT.

BUT ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

OH, I'M FINE. MIND IF

I USE YOUR PHONE?

SURE, IF YOU CAN FIND IT.

THANKS A LOT.

WE'LL TAKE THE HOUSE.

GARP...

THE CHANCES OF ANOTHER

PLANE HITTING THIS HOUSE

ARE ASTRONOMICAL.

IT'S BEEN PREDISASTERED.

WE'RE GOING TO BE SAFE HERE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

NOTHING.

YES, THERE IS.

NOBODY IS BUYING MY NOVEL.

I'M STARTING MY SECOND,

AND THE SAME NOBODIES

ARE GOING TO LINE UP

NOT TO BUY THAT ONE, TOO.

I HAVE JUST READ

IN TIME MAGAZINE...

THAT MY MOTHER'S BOOK

HAS BEEN TRANSLATED INTO APACHE.

APACHE, HELEN.

NOT EVEN SHAKESPEARE OR DICKENS

HAS BEEN TRANSLATED INTO APACHE.

SHE'S TIMELY.

SHE STRUCK A CHORD

WOMEN WANTED TO HEAR.

THE REVIEWERS

TOOK HER TO PIECES.

THEY SAID WONDERFUL

THINGS ABOUT YOUR BOOK.

I DON'T WANT REVIEWS.

I WANT AN AUDIENCE.

A BIG AUDIENCE.

ONE OF MY STUDENTS

BROUGHT YOU UP IN CLASS TODAY.

HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW

WE WERE MARRIED.

THEY STARTED TALKING

ABOUT MAGIC GLOVES.

WELL, WHAT WAS THE VERDICT?

THEY LOVED IT.

ONE OF THEM EVEN

CALLED IT A NOVELLA

INSTEAD OF A SHORT STORY.

I LIKE THAT KID.

THERE'S ANOTHER KID I'M

SURE YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE, TOO.

REALLY? WHAT'S HE LIKE?

CAN'T TELL YET.

QUIET TYPE?

YEAH, REAL.

HE'S VERY YOUNG.

A REAL BABY.

I INVITED HIM OVER TO MEET YOU.

WHEN?

SHOULD BE HERE IN

ABOUT 7 1/2 MONTHS.

HMM.

OH, DON'T CRY.

I'M THE ONE WHO'S

SUPPOSED TO BE CRYING.

I GOT TO DO EVERYTHING

AROUND HERE.

I GOT TO COOK, GOT

TO CLEAN, GOT TO CRY.

HE'S IN THERE, RIGHT?

YEAH.

OH, YEAH.

OH, IT'S NICE IN THERE. I KNOW.

CUTE LITTLE BUGGER, ISN'T HE?

IT'S OUR BABY.

OH...

I GOT TO KISS OUR BABY.

MMM.

COME ON, DUNCAN.

SAY DA-DA.

IT'S EASY.

DA... DA.

ANYBODY CAN SAY MAMA, DUNCAN.

QUIT TORTURING ME. SAY DA-DA.

SAY IT, SAY IT.

ALL RIGHT, DUNCAN.

THIS IS TECHNICAL SERGEANT GARP.

MAKE IT EASY ON YOURSELF.

DON'T BE A BABY,

DUNCAN. SAY DA-DA.

DA DA-DA-DA.

♪ DA DA-DA-DA DA ♪

HEY, YOU! WAIT! WAIT!

HEY!

WAIT!

HELLO.

THIS IS A RESIDENTIAL

NEIGHBORHOOD.

AND THIS TIME OF DAY,

THE RESIDENTS ARE KIDS

WHO CAN'T LOOK

OUT FOR THEMSELVES,

SO WE HAVE TO LOOK OUT FOR THEM.

WE HAVE TO FOLLOW SPEED LIMITS.

YEAH, YEAH.

COME TO A FULL STOP,

YOU SON OF A BITCH!

EVERY TIME WE COME HERE,

THERE ARE MORE PEOPLE.

BOY, THEY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HER.

WONDER WHO THEY ALL ARE.

MOOCHERS, HANGERS-ON.

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN

YOU BECOME RICH AND FAMOUS.

THAT'S WHY I AVOIDED IT.

HA, HA, HA.

GARP?

GARP!

GARP, HOW LOVELY TO SEE YOU.

YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.

HELEN.

HI.

HELLO, DEAR.

WHO'S THAT?

HELLO, DUNCAN.

HOW ABOUT A HUG FOR GRANDMA?

MMM. OH, YES.

SAY GRANDMA.

NO.

WELL, COME ON INSIDE.

I'LL TAKE YOU UPSTAIRS.

THERE WE ARE.

WE'RE GOING TO GO IN THERE.

HI.

BYE.

WHO'S THAT?

SOMEBODY MOTHER

INTRODUCED ME TO.

BACK TO YOUR BASIC

HOSPITAL WHITE, EH, MOM?

YES.

COME ON UPSTAIRS.

I'LL SHOW YOU YOUR ROOMS.

I'M WANT TO SEE MY ROOM.

YES, IT'S A BRAND-NEW

ROOM THAT I HAD...

HI. MY NAME'S T.S. GARP.

OOH! DON'T TOUCH

ME! DON'T TOUCH ME!

DON'T TOUCH ME!

ALICE, DEAR, IT'S

ALL RIGHT, DARLING.

COME ON. SIT DOWN.

HE TOUCHED ME! HE TOUCHED ME!

I'M SORRY. ALL I DID

WAS JUST TOUCH HER.

IT'S OK. SHE CAN'T BEAR A

MAN'S HAND TOUCHING HER.

BOY, SHE'S GOT PROBLEMS.

YES, SHE DOES.

IT'S HARD TO AVOID

BEING TOUCHED.

YES, IT IS, BUT THAT'S

WHY SHE'S HERE.

MY NAME'S ROBERTA.

I'M GARP.

YOU'RE JENNY'S SON!

YES, I AM.

I JUST FINISHED

READING YOUR NOVEL.

I THINK IT'S

WONDERFUL. I ADORED IT.

WHAT HAPPENED?

OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

GARP FRIGHTENED ALICE

A BIT, BUT SHE'S FINE.

I JUST TOUCHED HER.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, DARLING.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE.

GO BACK TO WHATEVER

YOU WERE DOING BEFORE,

'CAUSE EVERYTHING IS FINE.

BARBARA! BARBARA.

BARBARA, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

MAMA, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T KNOW.

HE'S MY SON.

WHAT'S HER PROBLEM?

OH, SHE'S AN ELLEN JAMESIAN.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT

AN ELLEN JAMESIAN IS?

NO. HAS SHE TAKEN

A VOW OF FROWNS?

WHAT'S ALL THIS?

SHE HAS NO TONGUE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

SHE HAS NO TONGUE.

IT WAS CUT OFF.

OH, CHRIST. I'M SORRY...

IT WAS CUT OFF ON PURPOSE

BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED

TO A GIRL NAMED ELLEN JAMES.

2 MEN RAPED HER WHEN SHE WAS 11.

THEY CUT OFF HER TONGUE

SO SHE WOULDN'T BE

ABLE TO DESCRIBE THEM.

SOME WOMEN FORMED

A SOCIETY IN HER HONOR.

YOU MEAN THIS

ELLEN JAMES SOCIETY

GOES AROUND NOT TALKING

AS IF THEY HAD NO TONGUES?

NO. THE WOMEN IN THE SOCIETY

HAVE THEIR TONGUES CUT OFF

TO PROTEST WHAT

HAPPENED TO ELLEN JAMES.

THEY HAVE THEIR TONGUES CUT OFF?

YES. THE SOCIETY...

OH, MOM, I DON'T WANT

TO HEAR ABOUT THIS SHIT!

YOU'RE SHORT ON SYMPATHY.

I GOT LOTS OF SYMPATHY

FOR A GIRL WHO'S RAPED,

BUT THIS IS SELF-MUTILATION!

SUPPOSING AFTER THE NEXT RAPE,

I CUT OFF MY PRICK AND

WEAR IT AROUND MY NECK?

BARBARA, WHAT?

WHAT?

WHY NOT CUT OFF YOUR LEFT TIT?

THAT WAY, YOUR ARMOR WILL FIT!

IT'S OK.

JESUS CHRIST!

NO SENSE MAKING THINGS

WORSE THAN THEY ARE.

THIS HOUSE IS FULL OF...

I KNOW. EVERYONE HERE

HAS SOMETHING MISSING

OR SOME WOUND THAT WON'T HEAL,

AND YOUR MOTHER TRIES TO

NURSE THEM BACK TO HEALTH.

SHE'S A WONDERFUL PERSON.

WHAT, ARE YOU VISITING

SOMEBODY HERE?

NO, WHY?

YOU JUST SEEM LIKE THE

ONLY NORMAL PERSON

AROUND THE PLACE.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

PARDON ME. I HATE TO

USE A CORNY LINE LIKE THIS,

BUT HAVEN'T I SEEN YOU BEFORE?

YOU LIKE FOOTBALL?

I'VE WATCHED IT QUITE A BIT.

YOU MIGHT'VE SEEN ME.

I WAS A TIGHT END WITH

THE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES.

NUMBER 90? ROBERT MULDOON?

OH. OH, YEAH.

I HAD A GREAT PAIR OF HANDS.

YES, YOU DID.

YEAH.

HEH HEH HEH.

ARE WE GOING TO

COME BACK, DUNCAN?

YOU WANT TO COME BACK?

MMM. GOODBYE, HELEN.

BYE, ROBERTA.

DUNCAN, KISS FOR GRANDMA?

CAN YOU SAY "BYE, GRANDMA"?

BYE, GRANDMA.

DID HE?

YES, HE DID.

WHEN ARE YOU DUE?

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

I'M A NURSE. I KNOW.

WHEN'S WHAT DUE, MOM?

OH, SON, HELEN'S EXPECTING.

NO, SHE'S NOT.

YEAH.

SHE IS.

OH, BOY.

HELEN!

HELEN.

OH, BOY.

OH, WONDERFUL!

HEY, NOT SO HARD.

WELL, HAVE A LOVELY TRIP BACK.

WE WILL.

I'LL SEND YOU THE

BOOK WHEN I'M FINISHED.

CALL YOU WHEN WE GET HOME.

DRIVE CAREFULLY.

YEAH.

GOODBYE, SWEETHEART.

I DID IT AGAIN.

YOU SURE DID.

HOPE IT'S A GIRL.

BYE, DUNCAN, DARLING.

BYE-BYE, SWEETHEART.

BYE-BYE!

PRETTY NICE

HALLOWEEN PARTY, HUH?

DEATH SCARED ME.

IT WASN'T DEATH. THAT

WAS JUST A COSTUME.

IT SCARED ME.

NOBODY IS SCARED OF BEARS.

AND BEARS ARE SCARED OF NOBODY.

EXCEPT DEATH.

WHAT'S GRADUAL SCHOOL?

GRADUAL SCHOOL?

YEAH. MOM SAYS SHE TEACHES KIDS

THAT GO TO GRADUAL SCHOOL.

OH. GRADUAL SCHOOL'S

WHERE YOU GO

AND GRADUALLY FIND OUT

THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO

GO TO SCHOOL ANYMORE.

WHO'S MOMMY TALKING TO?

I DON'T KNOW.

WHO DO YOU THINK

SHE'S TALKING TO?

AAH!

DAMN YOU, DUNCAN.

LEAVE HIM ALONE.

GOTCHA! I GOTCHA!

WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE?

HEY.

WALT'S SCARED OF DEATH, MOM.

NO, HE'S NOT.

I AM SO.

INSIDE, DUNCAN.

ROBERTA CALLED.

TO WISH US A HAPPY HALLOWEEN?

THAT'S RIGHT.

SHOULD INVITE HER

OVER NEXT WEEKEND.

I JUST DID.

THANKS.

THANK YOU.

OH, NO.

I DON'T WANT YOUR

NAMES ON THESE.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW

WHY YOU SELECTED

THIS PARTICULAR

LITERATURE COURSE.

ANONYMITY PROMOTES HONESTY.

THANK YOU.

THAT'S IT.

I WILL SEE YOU TUESDAY.

MICHAEL MILTON.

THE THING THAT'S HARD IS,

I'D LOVE TO HAVE KIDS.

OF COURSE, I CAN'T,

AND THEY WON'T LET ME ADOPT.

JENNY'S DOING ALL SHE CAN.

WE'RE TAKING THE CASE TO COURT.

I LOVE KIDS.

OH, ME, TOO.

I DIDN'T KNOW I

LOVED THEM SO MUCH

UNTIL I BECAME A WOMAN.

IF I'D KNOWN, I'D HAVE

HAD SOME WHILE A MAN.

DUNCAN AND WALT

ARE CRAZY ABOUT YOU.

WELL, YOU KNOW HOW

I FEEL ABOUT THEM.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE

RAGING HORMONAL ATTACKS.

OH, COME ON, COME ON.

SON OF A BITCH!

GARP?

GARP.

GARP!

HEY! HEY, YOU! STOP!

THERE'S A STOP

SIGN THERE, RIGHT?

MEANS YOU'RE

SUPPOSED TO STOP, RIGHT?

MEANS A FULL STOP, RIGHT?

CHILDREN COULD HAVE

BEEN PLAYING THERE!

PREGNANT WOMEN!

OLD MEN!

GARP! GARP, WHAT ARE YOU...

RIGHT?

GARP!

WE ARE CIVILIZED PEOPLE,

AND CIVILIZED PEOPLE OBEY RULES,

YOU NEOLITHIC DIPSHIT!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF?

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

THAT GUY'S BEEN TERRORIZING

THIS NEIGHBORHOOD FOR YEARS.

WASN'T THAT OVERREACTING?

HE WAS...

OH, FUCK!

COME ON!

THAT SON OF A BITCH

RAN THE SAME STOP SIGN.

YOU HAVE ONE HELL OF A WAY

OF MAKING CONVERTS

TO CIVILIZATION.

THE ONLY THING YOU'VE

INHERITED FROM YOUR MOTHER

IS YOUR... YOUR NATURAL

ABILITY TO PISS PEOPLE OFF.

THAT WAS A DREADFUL FILM.

I LOVE DREADFUL FILMS.

WHOEVER MADE THIS DREADFUL FILM

IS A FRIEND OF MINE.

WISH I HAD FRIENDS

WHO WROTE DREADFUL NOVELS,

NOVELLAS, AND SHORT STORIES.

PRACTICALLY A WHOLE

WINDOW TO YOURSELF.

HOW ABOUT THAT?

I LIKE IT.

HIYA, TEACHER.

HI.

WHO'S THAT?

JUST ONE OF MY GRADUAL STUDENTS.

♪ WARM SUMMER NIGHTS ♪

♪ LIKE THIS ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE STANDING HERE ♪

♪ WITH SOMEONE NEW ♪

♪ THERE WILL BE

OTHER SONGS TO SING ♪

♪ ANOTHER FALL ♪

♪ ANOTHER SPRING ♪

♪ BUT THERE WILL ♪

I WISH YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS.

♪ NEVER BE ANOTHER YOU ♪

THE KIDS LOVE

IT. IT'S LIKE FLYING.

IT'S DANGEROUS AND SILLY.

♪ TARAN-TARANTARA ♪

♪ THERE WILL BE OTHER LIPS ♪

♪ TAN TAN TAN TAN TAN ♪

OH!

I'LL SEND THE SITTER OUT.

ROGER AND OUT.

♪ BUT THEY WON'T THRILL ME ♪

♪ LIKE YOURS USED TO DO ♪

♪ YES, I MAY DREAM ♪

♪ A MILLION DREAMS ♪

♪ BUT HOW CAN THEY COME TRUE? ♪

HI.

♪ WE STILL GOT A

LONG WAY TO GO ♪

♪ WE STILL GOT A

LONG WAY TO GO ♪

♪ WE BOTH GOT A LONG WAY TO GO ♪

♪ WHAT'S KEEPIN' US

APART IS THIS SELFISHNESS ♪

♪ WHAT'S HOLDIN' US TOGETHER? ♪

♪ IS IT LOVE? ♪

YOU KNOW, I'VE JUST

BEEN READING THIS.

REALLY? HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?

I LOVE IT.

IT'S AWFULLY SAD.

I'VE READ EVERYTHING

YOU'VE WRITTEN, MR. GARP.

REALLY?

MM-HMM.

WHAT DOES THE T.S. STAND FOR?

"TERRIBLY SAD."

USED TO BE "TERRIBLY SEXY,"

BUT I... BUT I CHANGED.

OH, I DON'T THINK SO.

REALLY?

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

18.

IS THERE ANY WORD IN

THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

AS SEXY AS THAT?

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

MMM...

30.

MMM.

30.

DIRTY 30?

YOU REALLY 18?

MM-HMM.

PROMISE.

♪ WE STILL GOT ♪

♪ STILL GOT A LONG WAY TO GO ♪

WISH I'D KNOWN YOU

WHEN YOU WERE 15.

I REALLY WISH I'D KNOWN

YOU WHEN YOU WERE 5.

YEAH, 5.

WISH WE GREW UP

TOGETHER AS KIDS.

THAT WAY, I COULD

SEE YOU FLAT-CHESTED

AND WATCH YOU AS

YOUR BREASTS GREW.

YOU JUST SEE MY BREASTS SAG,

MY TEETH FALL OUT,

AND MY HAIR TURN GRAY.

IT'S NOT AS EXCITING, BUT...

OUR YOUTH IS GONE, ISN'T IT?

MM-HMM.

HOW ABOUT THAT?

I'M 30.

DIRTY 30.

WHY DIRTY?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE SHOULD MOVE.

WHY?

THERE'S, LIKE, NUCLEAR

POWER PLANTS NEARBY,

AND THERE ARE CRAZY

DRIVERS EVERYWHERE.

STRANGERS.

WHAT STRANGERS?

OH... WELL, WE HAVEN'T

HAD ANY STRANGERS,

BUT... WELL, STRANGERS

CAN COME BETWEEN US.

DID YOU SEDUCE THAT BABYSITTER?

FO... JESUS CHRIST!

AW, THAT REALLY...

THAT REALLY GETS ME!

SORRY.

I SHOULD HOPE SO.

LET'S MAKE LOVE.

I DON'T THINK SO.

DON'T YOU THINK I WANT TO?

I DON'T WANT TO.

I REALLY, REALLY DO.

I DON'T. I REALLY DON'T.

I WANT TO FINISH

READING THIS STORY.

YOU'RE READING ANOTHER

WRITER IN MY BED, HELEN.

THAT'S ADULTERY.

SEE? A STRANGER

HAS COME BETWEEN US.

BLACK SNOW.

THAT'S CATCHY.

MICHAEL MILTON. THAT'S HIS NAME?

YEAH.

SOUNDS LIKE A FLAVOR

IN A GAY ICE CREAM PARLOR.

STRAWBERRY SWIRL.

CHOCOLATE-CHOCOLATE

MOCHA MADNESS MICHAEL MILTON.

HE'S NOT GAY.

HIS WRITING'S NOWHERE

NEAR AS GOOD AS YOURS.

HE WRITE SAD STUFF, TOO?

HARDLY.

MMM.

HE'S ONE OF MY GRADUAL STUDENTS.

HE'S BRIGHT ENOUGH. HE'S JUST...

WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOUNG... MAYBE.

HE'S JUST...

YOUNG.

VERY BRIGHT, BUT YOUNG.

WELL, HOW YOUNG? 17?

NO. NOT 17.

18?

19?

IS HE A TEEN?

I DON'T KNOW.

LET'S GO LOOK AT THE KIDS.

WE LOOKED AT THEM LAST NIGHT.

I KNOW, BUT I REALLY

FEEL THE NEED

TO LOOK AT THEM.

FOR BOTH OF US TO LOOK AT THEM.

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S GO LOOK AT THE KIDS.

I JUST REALLY LOVE IT.

WHAT?

ME BEING A FATHER.

BEING A HUSBAND AND A FATHER.

OH, I REALLY ADORE IT.

I WILL NEVER, EVER WRITE

ANYTHING THAT LOVELY.

I MEAN, I HAVE

TALENT AS A WRITER,

BUT I'M A NATURAL

AT ONLY 2 THINGS...

WRESTLING...

AND BEING A FAMILY MAN.

COME ON, FAMILY MAN.

HELP! HELP!

OH!

HI, DRAGON!

IT'S COMING! HELP ME!

AAH!

GET HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!

HELP! HELP! HELP!

AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!

AH! AH! AH! AH!

YOU'RE WOUNDED.

WHEN YOU'RE WOUNDED,

YOU BECOME A VILLAIN.

THAT'S THE RULE.

I'LL BECOME THE VILLAIN.

YOU'VE DISGRACED YOUR TRIBE.

SCUM OF THE EARTH.

IT'S TIME TO DIE, SIR SCUM.

I'M REVENGING MY UNCLE'S DEATH.

YOU AND WHO ELSE?

ME AND HIM. YOU READY, SIR WALT?

READY, ROGER, AND

OUT, SIR DUNCAN.

SOUND THE CHARGE.

TARAN-TARAN-TARAN-TARANTARA!

CHARGE! CHARGE!

COME ON! GO GET HIM!

AAH! GOTCHA!

AAH! AAH!

AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!

AAH!

AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!

WELL, WHAT'S THE MATTER, WALT?

WHAT'S WRONG?

YOU GUYS ALWAYS GET TO DIE.

I NEVER GET TO.

YOU CAN'T. SOMEONE HAS

TO RESCUE THE FAIR MAIDEN.

I WANT TO DIE, TOO.

ALL RIGHT.

WITH HIS LAST DYING BREATH,

SIR SCUM MANAGES

TO CRAWL FORWARD

AND FLING HIS VILE BLADE.

AAH! AAH!

AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!

UHH! UHH! UHH!

UHH! UHH! UHH! UHH!

OH. SORRY ABOUT THAT.

WE HAVE TO END THE WAR

BECAUSE OF A POT ROAST.

ISN'T THAT A PITY?

Kids: AW.

DON'T MOAN IF YOU

WANT TO EAT DINNER.

DEAD MEN DON'T EAT.

THEY DON'T BITCH, EITHER.

I'VE GOT TO GO. IT'S LATE.

GOODBYE, DUNCAN.

SURE YOU CAN'T STAY?

NO. I HAVE TO GO HAVE A

HEARTBREAK IN MANHATTAN.

HE'S YOUNG. HE'S HANDSOME.

AH, WHAT CAN I DO?

MAYBE THIS TIME IT'LL WORK OUT.

MAYBE SO. I'M A

HOPELESS ROMANTIC

IN A MALE CHAUVINIST WORLD.

GOODBYE, DARLINGS!

HAVING SOME TROUBLE?

LOOKS THAT WAY.

CAN I GIVE YOU A LIFT SOMEPLACE?

WHERE TO?

IS YOUR APARTMENT CLEAN?

PRETTY CLEAN.

IF ANYONE FINDS OUT

ABOUT THIS, IT'S OVER.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

IT'S A SMALL TOWN.

IT'S NOT THAT SMALL A TOWN.

YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING

WITH MARGE TALLWORTH.

SHE'S IN DIRKSON'S

DRAMA THROUGH THE AGES.

THAT'S HOW SMALL THIS TOWN IS.

YOU'VE BEEN DOING YOUR

HOMEWORK, TEACHER.

I LIKE YOU CALLING ME TEACHER.

IT UNDERLINES THE AGE DIFFERENCE

AND REMINDS ME

WHY I'M DOING THIS.

SO KEEP IT UP.

NOT HERE.

ONLY IN YOUR APARTMENT...

AND ONLY IF IT'S CLEAN.

IT'S BEEN ONE OF THOSE DAYS.

I SAW THE KIDS GET

UP, GO TO SCHOOL,

I SAW YOU GO TO WORK.

THEN WE PLAYED THIS

GAME WITH ROBERTA.

TA-RAN-TA-RAH! TA-RAN-TA-RAH!

TA-RAN-TA-RAH!

WE BEAT HIM, MOM.

WE DID IT. WE KILLED HIM.

OH, BOY, DID THEY.

THEN WE TALKED ABOUT THE FACT

THAT I'VE NEVER WRITTEN

A CHRISTMAS STORY.

IT WAS MY IDEA.

STORY CREDIT GOES TO DUNCAN.

IT'S GOING TO BE CALLED,

"A CHILD'S CHRISTMAS

WITH A WHALE."

IT'S ABOUT THIS LITTLE LAME GIRL

WHO RUNS ACROSS A

BEACHED WHALE, STILL ALIVE,

AND SHE HELPS IT.

I GET TO DO THE DRAWINGS.

WALT GETS TO DO

THE ILLUSTRATIONS.

YOU REALIZE HOW GOOD HE IS?

UH-HUH.

THIS IS GOING TO BE A

REAL FAMILY PROJECT.

SOMETIMES YOU CAN

HAVE A LIFETIME IN A DAY

AND NEVER NOTICE

THIS IS AS BEAUTIFUL

AS LIFE GETS.

OH, I JUST FEEL

HAPPY THAT I NOTICED.

I HAD A BEAUTIFUL LIFE TODAY.

I EVEN DIED AND

LIVED TO TELL ABOUT IT.

RIGHT.

WHAT A DAY.

43, 29!

DOWN! SET! HUT! HUT! HUT! HUT!

YOU GOT HIM!

NO FAIR! NO TACKLING!

UNNECESSARY ROUGHNESS.

OH, WALT, ISN'T THIS LOVELY?

LOOK AT HIM.

WHAT'S HE SAYING?

BOO-HOO.

DID YOU REALLY DO THEM YOURSELF?

YES. DUNCAN DID THE

EYEBROWS ON THE WHALE,

BUT I DID THE REST.

YOUR DADDY USED TO DRAW.

NOT AS WELL AS YOU.

DOWN! SET! HUT! HUT! HUT! HUT!

1 MISSISSIPPI, 2

MISSISSIPPI, 3 MISSISSIPPI.

STAY TIGHT WITH HIM.

OH! HEY! HEY!

GARP!

COME ON, DAD. LET'S GO!

COME ON!

HOW OLD ARE YOU, GRANNY?

OLD AS THE HILLS.

REALLY?

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU'LL BE OLD, TOO, SOMEDAY.

OLD MAN WALT.

IT'S NOT BAD BEING OLD.

IT'S KIND OF NICE, ACTUALLY.

YOU CAN HAVE CAKE AND ICE CREAM

AND NOT WORRY ABOUT CAVITIES.

YOU'RE DONE WITH SCHOOL,

AND, IF YOU'RE VERY LUCKY,

YOU'LL HAVE MANY, MANY FRIENDS

AND MANY, MANY MEMORIES,

AND YOU CAN THINK ABOUT THEM.

WOULD YOU LIKE THAT?

CAN I GO SWIMMING?

OF COURSE YOU CAN, DARLING.

JUST DON'T GO IN

OVER YOUR KNEES.

TIME OUT.

TIME OUT. 5.

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

NEW CONSTITUTION?

THEY HAD A CRISIS.

ELLEN JAMES WROTE THEM A LETTER

BEGGING THEM TO DISBAND

AND STOP GETTING OTHER

WOMEN TO HURT THEMSELVES.

WELL, GOOD FOR HER.

THEY TOOK A VOTE AND

DECIDED TO CONTINUE.

THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE

AN ELLEN JAMES SOCIETY,

AND ELLEN JAMES IS AGAINST IT?

IT'S THEIR RIGHT TO

DO WHAT THEY WANT.

SHE SENT ME A

PICTURE OF HERSELF.

SO THIS IS THE LITTLE GIRL.

SHE'S NOT LITTLE ANYMORE.

SHE DOESN'T WANT ANYONE

TO KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE

OR WHERE SHE IS.

THERE STILL ARE MEN

WHO WOULD HURT HER.

POOR KID.

SHE NOT ONLY HAS TO HIDE,

BUT SHE'S GOT TO

FEEL RESPONSIBLE

FOR ALL THESE WOMEN

WHACKING THEIR TONGUES OFF.

I'D HELP HER IF I

KNEW WHERE SHE IS,

BUT I CAN'T FIND OUT.

CAN I HAVE IT?

WHAT?

THE PICTURE.

WHY?

I DON'T KNOW.

WALT!

WATCH OUT FOR THE UNDERTOW!

BE CAREFUL OF THE UNDERTOW!

HOW'S YOUR FELLA IN

NEW YORK WORKING OUT?

HA HA. IT ISN'T.

HE SAYS I MAKE HIM FEEL

SEXUALLY AMBIGUOUS.

CAN YOU IMAGINE?

SORRY.

I'M GOING ON A

CRUISE NEXT FRIDAY...

2 WEEKS TO CLUB MED.

MAYBE THINGS WILL CHANGE.

OH, GOD!

WHAT'S THAT?

SOME OF MY HATE MAIL.

THIS ONE HOPES THAT

I'LL GET GANG-BANGED

BY THE OAKLAND RAIDERS.

A LOT OF SICK PEOPLE OUT THERE.

YOUR MOTHER GETS

EVEN WORSE THAN THESE.

YOU WRITING ANYTHING?

NO.

IF I COULD WRITE,

I'D FEEL BETTER...

MAYBE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, ROBERTA?

I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK I'M DEVELOPING

FEMALE INTUITION.

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S

PROBABLY NOTHING.

YOU COMING?

IN A MINUTE.

TOAD? WHAT TOAD?

I'M ALMOST SORRY

WE'RE GOING BACK.

HOME IS HOME.

YOU KNOW, UNDERTOAD.

THERE'S NO TOAD UNDER THE WATER.

BOY, YOU ARE SOMETHING, WALT.

YOU HEAR THAT, DAD?

WHAT'S THAT?

WALT THINKS THERE'S A BIG TOAD

UNDER THE WATER.

YOU KNOW, UNDERTOAD.

COME HERE.

FIRST, THERE WAS

THE GRADUAL STUDENT,

AND NOW THE UNDERTOAD.

COME ON, WALT'S A FINE KID.

I KNOW. HE JUST CAN'T TALK.

HEY!

AAH!

CAN I HELP YOU?

WELL?

WHAT IS IT?

GOD. YOU'RE ONE OF THEM.

LISTEN, YOU GOT THE WRONG HOUSE

AND THE WRONG GUY.

MY NAME IS GARP.

IT'S MY MOTHER YOU WANT.

OH, LISTEN, I KNOW...

I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT.

I THINK IT'S A HIDEOUS

THING THAT YOU'VE DONE.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU KNEW.

YOU CAN TALK.

WHY CAN'T BASKETBALL

PLAYERS HAVE KIDS?

BECAUSE THEY'RE GUYS.

DADDY'S A GUY.

BUT DADDY HAS MOMMY.

DADDY HAD MOMMY WHEN

HE WAS A BASKETBALL PLAYER.

YOU'RE SO DUMB. IT'S A JOKE.

YOU DIDN'T SAY IT WAS A JOKE.

WHERE'S YOUR HANDKERCHIEF?

I DON'T HAVE ONE.

HERE, TAKE MINE.

HOW COME WE'RE EATING OUT?

IT'S FUN.

HEAR THAT? WE'RE HAVING FUN?

WHAT'S MOM GOING TO

EAT WHEN SHE COMES HOME?

SHUT UP AND EAT.

THIS SURE IS FUN, DAD.

GARP?

DUNCAN?

WALT?

OH, GOD.

HELLO?

HELLO, HELEN.

WHERE ARE YOU?

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU

CARE WHERE WE ARE?

YOU CALL HIM, HELEN.

YOU CALL HIM AND

TELL THAT LITTLE WIMP

IT IS ALL OVER.

OF COURSE I WILL.

CALL HIM, SAY GOODBYE...

ON THE PHONE. NO

LAST FUCK FOR THE ROAD.

COME HOME.

I FEEL HORRIBLE

WITHOUT ALL OF YOU HERE.

WALT HAD A COLD THIS MORNING.

HE SHOULD BE HOME.

HOME? WHAT HOME?

WE'RE GOING TO GO TO A MOVIE.

I JUST CAN'T SEE YOU RIGHT NOW.

WILL YOU CUT THAT SHIT OUT!

WE'LL BE HOME LATER,

IF WE COME HOME AT ALL.

THE WORD HOME KEEPS COMING UP,

BUT IT SURE DOESN'T

SOUND THE SAME ANYMORE.

GET IN THE GODDAMN BACK SEAT!

GET IN THERE!

MICHAEL, DAMN IT,

WILL YOU LISTEN?

YOU CAN'T, HELEN.

YOU JUST CAN'T.

NOT LIKE THIS.

I SAID IT'S OVER.

I'VE GOT TO SEE

YOU ONE MORE TIME.

I'M COMING OVER.

NO! YOU CAN'T. MICHAEL!

MICHAEL?

COME ON.

I DON'T FEEL LIKE A MOVIE.

ME, NEITHER.

TOO BAD. LET'S GO.

GUESS WHAT?

WHAT?

I THINK WE'RE STILL HAVING FUN.

Dumb.

I'VE GOT TO SEE YOU.

GO! YOU CAN'T COME IN.

THEN GET IN THE CAR.

NO. PLEASE.

I BROUGHT SOME CHAMPAGNE.

JUST FOR A MINUTE.

WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

I JUST WANT TO SIT

AND TALK WITH YOU.

GIVE ME THE KEYS.

GIVE ME YOUR KEYS, AND

I'LL GET IN FOR A MINUTE,

BUT THEN YOU'VE GOT TO GO.

BE RIGHT BACK.

LET'S GO.

THE MOVIE'S NOT FINISHED YET.

IT'S FINISHED WHEN

I SAY IT'S FINISHED.

WOW. IT'S REAL MACHO TIME.

STOP QUOTING ROBERTA.

I'M QUOTING GRANNY.

HE IS. HE'S QUOTING GRANNY.

SHH!

GO FUCK YOURSELF.

THERE. I'VE HAD 2

GLASSES OF CHAMPAGNE.

YOU HAVE TO LEAVE NOW.

I CAN'T. I JUST CAN'T.

I TOLD YOU THE MINUTE

ANYONE FOUND OUT,

IT WAS OVER.

BUT YOU'RE ALL I'VE GOT.

I BROKE UP WITH MARGE.

YOU BROKE UP WITH

MARGE TOO LATE.

BE A MAN, MICHAEL.

YOU STARTED IT.

NOW BE A MAN AND LEAVE.

IT'S LIKE BEING UNDERWATER.

YEAH, AND YOU KNOW

WHO LIVES UNDERWATER.

THE TERRIBLE, THE UGLY...

UNDERTOAD!

IF WE COULD...

HAVE JUST ONE MORE TIME.

MICHAEL!

WE WOULDN'T HAVE

TO LEAVE THE CAR.

OH, MY GOD.

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED YOU TO.

OHH! GOD!

PLEASE?

IF I DO IT,

WILL YOU LEAVE THEN?

DO YOU PROMISE?

YES.

PROMISE!

I PROMISE.

MAKE IT FLY, DAD.

COME ON, WE WANT TO FLY.

OHHH!

OHH!

IT'S LIKE A DREAM.

YOU'VE GOT A NICE TAN.

THAT'S ALL I GOT.

I CAME AS SOON AS I COULD.

THE CRUISE WAS A

DISASTER ANYWAY.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

HOW ARE THEY?

WELL, WE NEED YOU HERE.

THERE'S A LOT OF

HEALING YET TO BE DONE.

YOU OK?

IT WAS FINE.

NO, IT WASN'T. IT WAS A BORE.

I MISSED YOU ALL,

AND I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET BACK.

COME ON.

I'LL TAKE YOU UP TO YOUR ROOM.

THE DOCTOR SAYS HE'LL BE FINE

ONCE THEY TAKE THE STITCHES

OUT OF HIS TONGUE

AND UNWIRE HIS JAW.

AT LEAST HE'S BETTER OFF THAN...

WHAT WAS HIS NAME?

MICHAEL MILTON.

YES... MILTON.

I MEAN, I HAD MINE

REMOVED SURGICALLY

UNDER GENERAL ANESTHESIA.

BUT TO HAVE IT BITTEN OFF...

IT'S A NIGHTMARE.

IT'S LUST.

WHAT THE HELL'S THE

MATTER WITH YOU?

YOU THINK YOU'RE THE

ONLY ONE AROUND HERE

WITH A BROKEN HEART?

IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK?

WELL, YOU'RE NOT.

LOOK AROUND YOU!

THIS HOUSE IS FULL OF THEM...

AND MINE IS ONE!

GARP!

LAUREL!

HEY!

LAUREL!

NOW, HOLD ONTO IT.

HAVE ANY OF YOU SEEN MY LAUREL?

GOT IT?

YEAH. YOU CAN LET GO NOW.

THE MORE THE WIND BLOWS,

THE MORE YOU LET OUT.

LAUREL!

HEY, YOU!

DILDO.

THIS THE NUTHOUSE WHERE

YOU'RE KEEPING MY LAUREL?

STAY RIGHT HERE.

OK.

LAUREL'S HERE, BUT

WE'RE NOT KEEPING HER.

BULLSHIT, YOU BIG DYKE.

I'M NOT A DYKE. IS

LAUREL EXPECTING YOU?

LOOK HERE, DOUCHE BAG...

ALL YOU MEN

UNDERSTAND IS VIOLENCE.

I KNOW WHAT SORT OF

FREAKS HANG AROUND HERE.

IT'S A BIG LESBIAN SCENE.

WHAT ARE YOU, THE

MAN OF THE HOUSE

OR THE COURT EUNUCH?

LAUREL! YOU IN THERE, YOU BITCH!

HELLO.

OH, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

MY LAUREL'S NOT

YOUR TYPE, SWEETIE.

PERHAPS SHE'S NOT

YOUR TYPE, EITHER.

LISTEN, IF YOU DON'T

GET LAUREL'S ASS OUT...

UGH!

OOH!

RANDY!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

RANDY. YOU FOUND ME.

I DON'T THINK I CAN

DRIVE THE FUCKING CAR.

I CAN DRIVE. YOU

JUST NEVER LET ME.

I GUESS RANDY NEEDS ME.

I'M SORRY, BABY.

THAT CRAZY DYKE BLIND-SIDED ME.

I'LL TELL YOU HONESTLY, SON,

I THINK YOU'VE BEEN

BEHAVING VERY BADLY.

I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU,

AND I'VE BEEN TALKING TO HELEN.

WHAT HAPPENED, HAPPENED.

YOUR BLAMING HER ISN'T

GOING TO CHANGE THAT.

SHE'S HURT, AND YOU'RE HURT.

YOU JUST KEEP POURING

SALT ON THE WOUNDS.

THAT'S NO WAY FOR A

NURSE'S SON TO BEHAVE.

HEAL YOURSELF, DAMN IT.

AND HELP HER HEAL HERSELF,

BEFORE IT'S TOO

LATE FOR BOTH OF YOU.

COME IN.

DID YOU SEE THE DOCTOR?

DID HE TAKE OUT THE STITCHES?

CAN YOU SPEAK?

I MISS YOU.

I MISS YOU, TOO.

I REALLY MISS YOU.

ME, TOO.

I MISS WALT.

ME, TOO.

I WANT ANOTHER CHILD, GARP.

YOU DO?

OH, YES. DON'T YOU?

OHH! OF COURSE. YEAH.

AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

OH, HELEN.

I'M SO, SO SORRY.

NO, I'M SORRY.

NO, I AM. I'M SO...

NO. NO. I'M SORRY.

OHH.

YOU CAN ORDER A NICE GLASS EYE

FOR ANY OCCASION.

IS THAT REALLY TRUE?

YES. FOR VALENTINE'S DAY,

YOU CAN HAVE ONE WITH A HEART.

A, UH... FLAG FOR

THE FOURTH OF JULY.

A TURKEY FOR THANKSGIVING?

IF YOU INSIST.

I KNOW WHAT I WANT.

FOR CHRISTMAS, I WANT ONE

LIKE THOSE CRYSTAL BALLS

THAT HAVE SNOW INSIDE THEM.

WHEN I TIP MY HEAD

BACK LIKE THIS OR THIS,

THERE'S SNOW FALLING IN MY EYE.

THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL.

SHH.

LISTEN.

IS DADDY WRITING AGAIN?

OHH, DUNCAN!

I SEE A MAN WITH ONE LEG.

I WISH YOU'D RECONSIDER.

I WANT IT PUBLISHED.

PEOPLE USED HER. THEY

TOOK HER LIFE AWAY.

YOU'RE USING HER, TOO.

I'M HELPING TO STATE HER CASE.

MAYBE, BUT YOU WANT

TO GET AT THE JAMESIANS.

YOU WANT TO HURT THEM.

I WANT THEM TO STOP

WHAT THEY'RE DOING.

ELLEN WANTS THAT, TOO.

HAVE YOU TALKED WITH HER?

COULDN'T FIND HER. I

DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE IS.

YOU'VE A FINE REPUTATION

AS A WRITER OF SERIOUS FICTION.

THIS IS SERIOUS STUFF,

BUT IT'S NOT FICTION.

IT'S A LONG, MERCILESS ATTACK.

YOU'RE A PUBLISHER,

NOT A CRITIC.

YOU JUST PUBLISH IT.

I SEE A MAN WITH ONE ARM.

I'M ALSO A FRIEND.

YOU'LL BE VERY

SORRY YOU WROTE THIS.

I'LL CHANCE IT. JUST PUBLISH IT.

HE'S GOT A DOG...

AT LEAST CHANGE THE TITLE.

NO. I WANT IT ELLEN.

JUST ELLEN, AND THAT'S IT.

BYE, UNCLE JOHN.

GOODBYE, DUNCAN.

GARP?

GARP!

IS IT ALL OVER?

YES.

IS IT ALL RIGHT?

IT'S NOT AN IT.

IT'S A SHE, AND SHE'S ALL RIGHT.

SHE'S JUST A QUIET LITTLE GIRL.

SHE'S GOT THE HICCUPS.

HOW'S HELEN?

SHE'S FINE.

SHE WANTS TO NAME HER JENNY.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL NAME.

YES, IT'S ABOUT TIME

WE HAD ANOTHER ONE.

I'VE BEEN JENNY LONG ENOUGH.

COME HERE.

SAY HI TO YOUR BABY SISTER.

HELLO.

SAY DUNCAN.

CAN I GO IN?

CAN'T YOU STAY?

NO. I'VE DELAYED THE

CAMPAIGN LONG ENOUGH.

I WANTED TO BE HERE

TO DELIVER THE BABY.

WE NEED A GRANNY

AROUND THE HOUSE.

I DON'T WANT TO BE THE

GRANNY AROUND THE HOUSE.

I DON'T SEE WHAT

YOU SEE IN POLITICS.

A MESS, THAT'S WHAT,

AND I DON'T LIKE IT.

I'M TRYING TO CLEAN IT UP.

THIS WOMAN I'M SUPPORTING

WILL MAKE A FINE PRESIDENT,

AND SHE'S RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR.

GOODBYE, DARLING.

I DID A FINE THING,

SON, HAVING YOU.

I'M KIND OF GLAD

YOU DID, TOO, MOM.

MOM!

I NEVER NEEDED A FATHER!

JENNY! JENNY! JENNY!

EVER SINCE I BEGAN RUNNING

FOR GOVERNOR OF NEW HAMPSHIRE...

I'VE BEEN THE ONE WHO GETS

INTRODUCED AT THESE RALLIES.

WITH THE ELECTION DAY SO CLOSE,

I WANT TO REVERSE THAT,

SO THAT WIN OR LOSE,

I'LL BE ABLE TO SAY LATER ON

THAT WAS THE YEAR

THAT I GOT TO INTRODUCE

JENNY FIELDS!

HERE SHE IS!

JENNY! JENNY! JENNY!

I AM JENNY FIELDS AND...

IT SEEMS MOST OF

YOU KNOW WHO I AM.

I ONLY WISH THAT...

GET OUT OF THE WAY!

HELP ME GET HER INTO THE CAR!

HELLO?

YES. YES, IT IS.

OH, GOD!

UH, YES.

YES, HE IS. I'LL GET HIM.

GARP.

OH, GARP.

I TRIED TO LOOK AFTER HER.

I DID.

I KEPT WARNING HER TO

STAY AWAY FROM CROWDS.

IT'S HARD TO PROTECT

HER IN A CROWD.

I HATED CROWDS.

I KEPT WARNING HER. I DID.

IF I'D SEEN THE

MAN WITH THE GUN,

IF I'D ONLY SEEN HIM A SECOND,

JUST A SPLIT SECOND SOONER,

I COULD HAVE BLOCKED THE SHOT.

I WOULD HAVE DONE IT.

I KNOW.

I LOVED HER SO.

SHE SCARED THE

HELL OUT OF ME ONCE,

BUT I THOUGHT SHE

WAS A FINE WOMAN.

I SAVED HER BOY'S LIFE.

REALLY?

YEP.

CAUGHT HIM WHEN

HE FELL OFF THE ROOF.

JUST PLAIN CAUGHT HIM.

DEATH'S LIKE THAT.

IT JUST PLAIN CATCHES YOU.

HOW'S THE BASKETBALL

TEAM, COACH?

I'M A WRESTLING COACH.

CHANGED JOBS, EH?

NO. I'M RETIRING.

DON'T SAY THAT.

YOU'VE GOT A LONG LIFE AHEAD.

NO. THIS IS THE LAST YEAR

THAT I'LL BE COACHING.

I'M OFF TO FLORIDA.

OH.

GARP WANTS TO TAKE OVER.

TAKE OVER WHAT?

COACHING.

WHAT DO YOU COACH?

IT'S BEING HELD AT 5:00

TOMORROW IN NEW YORK,

BUT I'M AFRAID YOU CAN'T GO.

WHAT THE HELL DO

YOU MEAN? I'M HER SON!

IT'S JUST FOR WOMEN.

IT'S GOING TO BE

THE FIRST FEMINIST

MEMORIAL FUNERAL,

AND THEY AREN'T GOING

TO ALLOW ANY MEN.

A MAN KILLED HER.

THEY'RE VERY UPSET.

I'M UPSET. SHE'S MY MOTHER!

I WARNED YOU ABOUT YOUR BOOK.

THE ELLEN JAMESIANS ARE SENDING

THREATENING LETTERS TO ME.

ME, TOO. SO WHAT?

THERE'S BEEN ENOUGH VIOLENCE.

THEY'RE FURIOUS AT YOU.

I KNOW THESE WOMEN.

IF A MAN SHOWS UP...

A MAN IS SHOWING UP!

YOU WANT TO MAKE

TROUBLE, DON'T YOU?

NO. NO, I DON'T.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT.

I WANT MY MOTHER ALIVE AGAIN.

AND SINCE I CAN'T HAVE THAT

AND SINCE I MISS HER TERRIBLY,

I WANT TO BE AROUND

AS MANY PEOPLE

WHO FEEL THE SAME WAY AS I DO.

I'M GOING TO MOURN HER

DEATH ALONE FOREVER.

BUT RIGHT NOW, I

WANT TO SHARE IT

WITH AS MANY PEOPLE AS I CAN.

THERE WAS A VOICE IN THE LAND,

BUT NOW THAT VOICE

HAS BEEN SILENCED

BY A MADMAN'S BULLET.

JENNY'S VOICE HAS

BEEN SILENCED...

BUT HER WORDS

HAVE BEEN PASSED ON

TO EACH ONE OF US,

AND WE NOW CAN

SPEAK FOR OURSELVES

BECAUSE SHE TAUGHT US HOW.

I GRIEVE,

NOT BECAUSE I'M AFRAID WE

WON'T BE ABLE TO CONTINUE.

WE WILL CONTINUE.

I GRIEVE BECAUSE I LOVED HER.

BECAUSE WE ALL LOVED HER.

SHE WAS OUR MOTHER.

AND THEREFORE, WE

ARE NOW ORPHANS.

SHE WAS OUR HOME, AND

NOW WE ARE HOMELESS.

ARP!

I HAD MORE TO SAY...

ARP!

POOH!

ARP!

A MAN!

I'VE GOT A RIGHT TO STAY!

EVERYONE, PLEASE

SIT DOWN. PLEASE!

SILENCE, PLEASE.

SILENCE IN THE HOUSE.

WAIT, UH...

OH. I KNOW. IT'S MY BOOK.

I REALLY DON'T...

OH, YOU'RE AN ELLEN JAMESIAN.

THANK GOD.

YOU'RE ELLEN...

YOU'RE ELLEN JAMES?

I JUST WANT TO

TALK TO YOU. WAIT!

NO POINT IN TAKING

DONALDSON'S CLASS.

THAT'S A REAL BORE.

WHAT SHALL I TAKE?

I'M NOT SURE.

WHAT THE HELL IS GLOBAL

DEVELOPMENT STUDIES?

I'LL HAVE TO SIT IN ON THAT

ONE AND LET YOU KNOW.

THAT MUST BE THE BABYSITTER.

I'LL GET IT.

HI, MRS. GARP.

HI, TIMMY. COME ON IN.

HI, JENNY.

OH, TIMMY.

JEN.

THE MOVIE SHOULD

BE OVER BY 10:30.

WE'LL BE BACK BY 11:00.

OK.

I LEFT THE NUMBER BY

THE PHONE IN THE STUDY.

BYE-BYE.

BYE, MOM. BYE, DAD.

THAT'S A BABYSITTER?

I THOUGHT WE WERE

GOING TO THE MOVIE.

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

I SEE.

WE'RE GOING TO STAY

HERE AND LOOK AT THE KIDS.

THIS IS SOME DATE.

DO YOU MISS WRITING?

NO. NOT AT ALL.

IF I DO, I'LL START AGAIN.

KNOW WHAT I REALLY LOVE THOUGH?

THINKING ABOUT EVERYTHING.

HOW WE MET.

ALL OF THAT.

WE CAN'T LIVE IN THE PAST.

I'M NOT, BUT I CAN

LIVE IN THE PRESENT

AND THINK ABOUT THE PAST.

YOU DO THAT WHEN

YOU'RE OLD AND GRAY.

THE HELL WITH THAT.

WHEN I'M OLD AND GRAY, I

WON'T REMEMBER MY PAST.

YOU GOT TO BE

YOUNG WHEN YOU DO IT.

IT'S REALLY NICE, YOU KNOW?

TO LOOK BACK AND SEE

THE ARC OF YOUR LIFE,

HOW IT'S ALL CONNECTED.

HOW YOU GOT FROM THERE TO HERE.

TO SEE THE LINE, YOU KNOW?

MM-HMM.

IT REALLY HAS BEEN AN ADVENTURE.

I'M GOING TO START

TEACHING AGAIN.

I'M GOING TO TAKE

UP HANG GLIDING.

THIS IS WHAT YOU

HAD IN MIND ALL ALONG.

AND I BET I KNOW WHAT

WE CAN DO LATER ON.

WE'LL GO LOOK AT THE

KIDS WHEN THEY'RE ASLEEP.

HELEN HOLM.

GO!

LEGS, LEGS!

GO, MARC. COME ON.

TAKE HIM DOWN!

THAT'S IT. MOVE. GOOD MOVE.

10 SECONDS!

COME ON, MARCUS. RIDE HIM!

5!

COME ON, ELMER.

SAME MEN ON THE BOTTOM.

I TOLD YOU TO DROP HIM.

GET OFF YOUR BACK, FRUJO.

TIE HIM UP UNDERNEATH.

YEAH! THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT!

10 SECONDS!

BEHIND YOU, MARCUS.

5 SECONDS!

BEHIND YOU. BRING HIM DOWN.

THAT'S IT.

POOH.

GET SOMEONE! QUICKLY!

GET A DOCTOR!

GET AN AMBULANCE!

OH, GOD! PLEASE!

WE'RE TAKING YOU TO

A HOSPITAL IN BOSTON.

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

HELEN?

REMEMBER.

WHAT, MY LOVE?

EVERYTHING, HELEN.

YES, MY LOVE.

I'M FLYING, HELEN.

YES, MY LOVE.

I'M FLYING. TA-RAN TA-RAN TA-RA.

♪ YES, I MAY DREAM

A MILLION DREAMS ♪

♪ BUT HOW CAN THEY COME TRUE ♪

♪ IF THERE WILL NEVER EVER BE ♪

♪ ANOTHER YOU? ♪

CAPTIONING MADE

POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

♪ WHEN I GET OLDER,

LOSING MY HAIR ♪

♪ MANY YEARS FROM NOW ♪

♪ WILL YOU STILL BE

SENDING ME A VALENTINE ♪

♪ BIRTHDAY GREETINGS,

BOTTLE OF WINE? ♪

♪ IF I'D BEEN OUT

TILL QUARTER TO 3 ♪

♪ WOULD YOU LOCK THE DOOR? ♪

♪ WILL YOU STILL NEED ME ♪

♪ WILL YOU STILL FEED ME ♪

♪ WHEN I'M 64? ♪

♪ OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH ♪

♪ YOU'LL BE OLDER, TOO ♪

♪ AH AH AH AH ♪

♪ AND IF YOU SAY THE WORD ♪

♪ I COULD STAY WITH YOU ♪

♪ I COULD BE HANDY

MENDING A FUSE ♪

♪ WHEN YOUR LIGHTS HAVE GONE ♪

♪ YOU CAN KNIT A

SWEATER BY THE FIRESIDE ♪

♪ SUNDAY MORNINGS,

GO FOR A RIDE ♪

♪ DOING THE GARDEN,

DIGGING THE WEEDS ♪

♪ WHO COULD ASK FOR MORE? ♪

♪ WILL YOU STILL NEED ME ♪

♪ WILL YOU STILL FEED ME ♪

♪ WHEN I'M 64? ♪

♪ EVERY SUMMER WE

CAN RENT A COTTAGE ♪

♪ IN THE ISLE OF WIGHT ♪

♪ IF IT'S NOT TOO DEAR ♪

♪ WE SHALL SCRIMP AND SAVE ♪

♪ SAVE ♪

♪ GRANDCHILDREN ON YOUR KNEE ♪

♪ VERA, CHUCK AND DAVE ♪

♪ GIVE ME YOUR ANSWER ♪

♪ FILL IN A FORM ♪

♪ MINE FOREVERMORE ♪

♪ WILL YOU STILL NEED ME ♪

♪ WILL YOU STILL FEED ME ♪

♪ WHEN I'M 64? ♪

♪ HOO ♪

The World According to Garp (1982) - full transcript

Extract Subtitles From Media