The Wonder Weeks (2023) - full transcript

THE WONDER WEEKS

- I can't do it.

- You can do it. You can do it.

Trust in your primal instincts.

Breathe through the pain.

You breathe through

the bloody pain, Barry.

You're doing brilliantly. Just keep going.

Stop filming me.

Get that phone out of my face.

You want this, trust me.

These will make beautiful memories.

Oh.

- Kaj?

- Yes?

- How's it going?

- Good. Coming.

Did you have to use a peanut butter jar?

It's the same jar I used

with Didi and Teun.

- Two shots, two winners.

- Okay, well let's try for a hat trick.

- Yeah. Do you think we could talk first?

- What, now?

I just thought it would be nice,

if Didi and Teun could stay over

by me sometime.

I don't think that's a good idea.

You can barely look after yourself,

let alone a child.

We can discuss it another time, Okay?

Not now.

- Sure.

- Great. Thanks.

Hey, Roos. Good luck.

Can I have some peanut butter too?

Uh...

Have you chosen a name yet

for your little man?

Fred. After my father.

Fred? You want to call him Fred?

Imagine what it'll be like for him

at school.

"Hey, Freddy." Yalla, seriously.

- Definitely not.

- Well, I quite liked it.

- Mohammed.

- Mohammed?

Babe, it's the world's most common name.

- Yeah, so?

- So?

- Samih.

- Samih.

Samih Fred Ouazzani.

Welcome to the world. Congratulations.

- He's having my surname though. De Jong.

- Your surname?

Hello! Hey there, little one.

You're going to have the best mom and dad

in the whole world. I promise.

- What's her Apgar-score?

- Your baby is perfectly healthy.

- She scored a seven.

- We don't need to worry about that then.

- Seven?

- That's good, right?

Do you think you could do it again?

THE WONDER WEEKS

Oh, aren't you a lovely sturdy girl?

I guess you can't sit up either,

with all those extra kilos.

Let's turn you around. Little fatty.

- Did she just say "fatty"?

- There we go.

Hey, sweetie.

Your daughter is at the upper limits

of the growth chart.

The growth curve grows exponentially.

It can have lasting consequences

for her motor skills, physical

and social-emotional development.

Excuse me?

Your baby is too fat.

It's a code yellow.

- Huh?

- That's impossible.

We follow the schedules religiously.

Feeding and sleep schedules.

I give her vitamin D drops,

there are visual stimulation cards

above her bed...

Mommy shouldn't worry so much.

Mommy's a bit neurotic, isn't she?

Are you surprised?

Is she rolling over yet? She should be.

- Uh... no.

- No.

Oh, God. There's something wrong

with our child.

She can't even roll over.

You both work, right?

Yes. Anne's recently gone back to work.

- And I occasionally work from home.

- That's what I thought.

Luckily she's going to daycare,

which will help her social

and emotional development.

Well... We still have

a slight issue there. Well...

See, all the nurseries

in our area are full

because everyone had babies

during the pandemic.

You need to spend more time with Mia.

We can hardly leave her

in her crib all day

just looking at those visually stimulating

cards of yours now, can we?

Do something different with her.

Baby yoga, baby swimming, it all helps...

Right, Mia has a bottle at 11

and she has a nap from 12 to two thirty.

Oh, and please make sure

she's in her sleeping bag.

And if she cries, that means

she's experiencing a developmental leap.

And if you forget,

just look at the development calendar...

We've been through this

at least ten times.

It's not exactly rocket science.

Remember the lists.

And the bottle

should be no hotter than 30 degrees.

- Check it on your wrists. It's important.

- Babe, I've got this. Seriously.

- It'll be fine.

- Good luck.

Oh, shit!

Was this all the milk?

- Barry.

- Fuck.

Sorry, but this was not part

of the agreement.

You can't suddenly want to play Dad

with the third child.

- You're the donor. That's it.

- I know.

Why now?

You were never interested

in our children before.

It's hard for me to see

I'm not a part of their lives.

Come on.

- What?

- No.

They're our children. Our children.

Look, Kim.

Nothing's going to change for you guys.

I can change.

I can take more responsibility,

I can be part of the family, help you...

Maybe it's not such a crazy idea for them

to have a father figure in their lives.

This is what you get

when the donor is your best friend.

Is Kaj my dad?

Uhm, yes, sweetie, he is.

Surprise.

Anne, something big's come in.

Woah!

Uh, do you read the tabloids?

- No.

- Really?

Here. A celebrity breakup.

It's good for the firm.

I was thinking of giving it to Floris.

Floris? Why?

But I always handle all the divorce cases.

NINA ZOMERS GETTING DIVORCED

Uhm, is it not too much for you

now that you're a mother?

- No. I'll just pick up where I left off.

- Great.

- Could you do something for me, Dirk-Jan?

- Of course.

- Clear off.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. No, of course.

Right. Sorry. Good luck with um...

Hey! Hey! Could you do something for me?

- Sorry. No time.

- Wait, wait, wait.

- Have you got time now?

- Well, petrol prices have gone up a lot.

- You're a bike courier.

- Yeah.

Here. Can you deliver this to my house?

It's Koningslaan 60.

- Sixty.

- Got it? Okay.

Oh, tell my husband to check

the temperature of the milk on his wrist.

Right.

You were meant to hand it in

last week.

Could you watch her for a minute?

I'll be right back.

Barry, wait.

Hi Mia. Coochy coo.

Hi. Thanks for getting here so quickly.

Your wife said you need

to check the temperature on your wrist.

Unbelievable. Uh, thanks.

She also said I'd get a tip.

No, of course, right.

She said 20.

- Twenty?

- Yeah.

Petrol prices.

Oh, right.

Ramon...

I think I'm going to need some more time.

Ooh. Uh.

Don't you like it anymore?

What's the matter?

Hello. How's my little cutie doing?

My, haven't you grown, my dear.

So, when are you two getting married?

You've got a baby now.

You're done playing around.

Mom, would you like some tea?

What's in the suitcase?

I'm staying over.

I've come to help you with the baby.

Oh. You never told me.

That way the little one

can get to know his grandma.

Right. That'll be nice.

Look. Samih's already crawling.

So nice to see.

Wow, Mia can't even sit up yet,

can you, sweetie?

Teun was the same at his age.

It helps them sleep through the night too.

- Which daycare does Mia go to?

- She's still on the waiting list.

They've not called me up yet.

I don't know.

How long did you guys have to wait?

I never did. I've got Kim.

She sorts everything out.

- Hi.

- Hi.

I signed my child up here a few months ago

and I've still not heard anything.

- The waiting list is completely full.

- How long is that waiting list exactly?

About 12 months.

Right. Thanks?

Hi, I'm a member of Moms for Moms

and I'd like to enroll my child.

Okay. We've got a place available.

Perhaps you'd like to have a look around,

and I'll come and find you.

I thought you said you were full.

Yes, but we reserve a certain number

of places for members of Moms for Moms.

Moms for Moms?

What's that? Some kind of elite club?

Felix.

That's the starting line.

And that's the brake.

Very important, Okay?

You put one foot on the front,

one on the back, and push up and down.

- But, I'm scared.

- I'll hold on to you, sweetie.

And you'll pick it up as you go along.

All right? Come on, high five.

Ah, come on!

I've got you. Good. And a bit faster...

- You're like a rocket. Faster?

- Well done, Didi.

Not on the grass!

Look, Daddy's fallen over too. Arg.

It's all right. It's all right.

She's Okay. She's Okay.

On your feet. That's Okay.

Head's all right.

The kids are crazy about him.

I'll push. Well done.

Right, I've set up a co-parenting plan,

so that everything's legally correct.

Are there any agreements

I need to know about?

No, but it's not necessary.

We've known each other such a long time...

Honey, we don't even know

if Kaj can handle fatherhood.

- Kaj is the biological father, right?

- Yes.

How about having a trial period?

Huh? A temporary transitional phase.

That way we can see how it goes

and how it feels,

and then take it from there.

What do you think?

Well, maybe that's not such a bad idea.

Right, babe?

I can live with that for now.

But if anything happens,

I will pull the plug immediately.

You shouldn't worry so much, Kim.

Thanks.

Huh?

Great. All I need from you, Kaj,

is a certificate of conduct.

Do all parents need that?

No, but that wouldn't be a bad idea.

Oh, I need to express milk.

Excuse me.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Did you manage to sort out the daycare?

No.

Their waiting list is over a year long.

Except members of some dumb little club,

Moms for Moms, can enroll.

I'm the founder of Moms for Moms.

Right. That's good.

Maybe you should

pay that dumb little club a visit?

- Yes. I mean... Yes, I'll do that.

- Bye.

- Darling, Mia's awake again.

- Yeah.

You can go check on her, too, you know.

I would love to,

but I don't have any breasts.

Right. The milk factory will see to it.

Come on, come on.

Just latch on, latch on.

Ouch.

I can't do it anymore.

I've got inverted nipples,

they're all cracked.

My boobs feel like watermelons.

- Honey, why don't you just stop?

- Ow.

Shall I just make a bottle?

- Hi.

- Yo.

Done?

Thanks.

Legend. There you go. Nice one.

What's it for?

It's for my children.

- You should try it sometime.

- Rather you than me.

Thanks.

I don't think he's at home.

That's a promising start.

Hey! You're early.

Kaj, I said five o'clock.

Is it five already?

Didi's so excited.

All she can talk about lately

is that she's going to stay with Daddy.

Come on up. I'll open the door.

- Yoo-hoo.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Daddy!

Woah, yes. You're saying "Daddy"

because you know I'm your daddy.

- Hey.

- Hello.

I'm so happy to see you.

Are you collecting beer cans?

Nice collection.

I had a party last night.

And it didn't occur to you to

tidy up a bit before the kids arrived?

I didn't have time. Sorry, Kim.

- Where are the kids going to sleep?

- Here, on the couch, nice and cosy.

- You are joking.

- Chill.

I've ordered a kids bed

from the thrift shop.

- I'm sure Didi will love that, right?

- Right?

- All right. We're off.

- You're off? Okay.

You're so heavy.

Daddy's going to do a workout with you.

- Come to Daddy.

- Bye, sweetheart.

- See you soon.

- I... I...

Just put it on the floor. No worries.

Okay. Bye, Kim.

Uh...

- Yes, Okay. See you.

- Bye.

- Bye.

- Say, "Bye, Mommies".

Bye. We'll be fine.

Roll over. Go on. Go on. There.

What are you doing?

I want her to learn

to roll over.

I don't want her to be behind.

You think this is going to work?

Look. Have a good look what it says.

Thanks.

"Don't get too hung up

on the development of motor skills."

Think of other things that will be

more useful to her when she's older.

That's all well and good.

But I still want her to learn

to roll over.

Mia. Mia. Come on.

Let's roll over.

No? Don't be a jerk.

- Join in. Come on. Look.

- Okay.

- Three, two, one.

- Go on.

- Nothing.

- The other way. The other way. Good.

Man, you're lucky he takes after Ilse.

You ugly mug.

Sabri,

what are all these people doing here?

Didn't I say my family wanted

to meet the little one?

When you said relatives, I didn't think

it would be your entire family.

Darling,

this isn't even ten percent.

We've brought you

this beautiful djellaba from Marrakesh.

There you go. Put your head through.

Smile, and maybe do a bit of this as well.

Honestly, babe, it really suits you.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Oh, honey, you're still in your pyjamas.

Should we come back later?

No, it's not my pyjamas.

It's a kind of Moroccan poncho.

Nice.

- What are you doing here?

- Sabri said you weren't feeling too great.

Right. Well, come in.

Yeah.

- Hey, I brought something.

- Hi, sweetie.

- Samih Ouazzani.

- No, he's got my surname.

- When's the circumcision?

- What?

When is Samih's circumcision?

Well, soon.

If god wills it.

Circumcision?

It's fine.

It's like having your tonsils removed.

Okay. We'll throw in a little bit of this

and some of this magic potion.

Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug.

Whipped cream for a yummy flavor.

Cover your ears.

Ready, Teun?

Lalalalalalalalalalalala.

Hmm.

- Not bad. Okay, pal. There.

- Ew.

- But... He likes it.

- He smells.

Again? Jesus.

Where does it all come from, little one?

It's all right. Daddy will be quick.

It's Okay. What a brave boy. Oh! Oh, shit.

- You said "shit".

- Did I say "shit"? Is it not allowed?

- No.

- Sorry.

Okay. A diaper. A diaper.

We have no diapers.

- What's this?

- A tea towel.

Look, in the old days,

people used a tea towel...

Yes, yes, Daddy will be quick.

Which was reusable.

Okay, this goes like that.

- Hi, sweetie.

- I'm so glad you came.

- Thanks for the invitation.

- Of course.

- Here you go.

- Thank you.

- Hi, congratulations.

- Thank you.

- Welcome to Moms for Moms.

- Yeah, wow.

Goodness. Really impressive.

- Hi, congratulations.

- Thank you.

- Does this whole estate belong to you?

- It belongs to Moms for Moms.

I've never seen so many friendly moms

together in one place before.

It's amazing. And it's all thanks to Kim.

- Anne, I'm glad you came.

- Thank you.

Always good to have a lawyer in our midst.

Let me give you the tour.

- See you later.

- See you later.

- Nice spot, isn't it?

- You can say that again.

Moms for Moms provides access

to the best schools,

best swimming lessons,

babysitters, daycares.

We have our own website with tips,

we organize parties, baby showers,

gender reveals like this one.

The moms are always there for each other,

but we do expect loyalty.

- Of course, I'll make time for it.

- Great, so what do you think?

- It's... It's fantastic.

- Welcome to the dumb little club.

Hey, little T. Let's go party.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- What's that?

- We ran out of diapers. It's no big deal.

Don't ask. Good boy.

- I'm glad you came.

- Did I have a choice?

- No.

- It's my first gender reveal party.

It's not the kind of party

Daddy normally goes to.

Today, we're announcing what it is.

- Yeah. I can't wait.

- It's a girl.

What? Really?

- You're getting a sister.

- Don't tell anyone.

- Very nice.

- Look, there's mommy.

- Mommy.

- Hello, sweetie.

- Good to see you again.

- Hi, Kim.

Hi, little one. What's that?

A tea towel. I had to get creative.

We ran out of diapers.

We've got some diapers inside.

- Wow, it really suits you.

- Yeah?

- Look at Super Dad over here!

- With the wings.

Look what I've got.

I got my certificate of conduct today.

That's great. That means I can

get it all sorted. It's almost official.

Hey, it's a girl.

- Kaj!

- What?

Thanks a lot.

- What, she didn't know?

- No.

Yeah, but...

Come on, kids. Let's drink some beer.

Didi, let's go, there's cake.

- I told you he's an idiot.

- He's a bit tactless, isn't he?

Surprise.

- Okay. Three, two, one.

- Three, two, one.

It's a girl!

- It's your turn.

- No. No, I did it last night.

And I did it the day before

and the day before that,

for months on end.

I love you.

I've already fed her,

you only need to check on her.

I love you very much.

Yeah, sure.

Mia, you're going through

one of those annoying leaps, aren't you?

Shush, shush, shush.

There you go, next to lion.

Lion is going to sleep next to you.

Lion is also going to sleep.

With his eyes closed.

He's closing his eyes

and he's lying down next to you.

"Rice dishes. In a city of countless

cuisines, four culinary writers take..."

Want to play with the cow?

Cow is also going to sleep.

Moo says the cow. Moo says the cow.

Cow is also going to sleep.

- Hey, hey.

- It's about time you went to sleep now.

How much longer is this going to take?

Dearest moms. We will do our very best

to ensure the health of our babies.

A lot of babies and children

are too fat nowadays.

That's why we're organizing

a Stay Healthy day

for schools and the community.

And I still need some volunteers.

I need someone for the animation team.

Anne, are you any good at dancing?

- Well...

- Perfect. I'll put you on the list.

You know what, I'm going to pass

the list around, so you can sign up.

We're all going to prepare healthy snacks.

Moms for Moms.

Hey, what's the matter?

You look like you've come straight

from the trenches.

- Yes. The nights are a bit short.

- Hmm-mm.

That's not nice.

Is Mia not sleeping through the night?

No. I really don't know what to do.

She cries all the time, for no reason.

I've got some good news.

You're on the shortlist for the daycare.

And in the meantime,

we've organized a babysitter for you.

Ah, that's amazing.

That will make your life

a whole lot easier.

- Hester is really great.

- You sorted that out quickly.

Hmm-mm.

And baby swimming lessons

have also been arranged.

I pushed it through a bit because your

baby really is a little bit too heavy.

Mom. Don't put him to sleep yet.

He still needs to be fed.

Are you going to teach Samih

to speak Moroccan as well?

Yes. I want him to be able

to communicate with his cousins.

It'll be really cool

for him to speak two languages.

- Why doesn't she breastfeed her son?

- Ilse's stopped breastfeeding.

It's too hard for her.

If she was Moroccan,

you wouldn't have had this issue.

- What did she say?

- Ah, nothing.

She thinks I'm terrible, doesn't she?

It's just that he's her first grandchild,

and she wants what's best for him.

Like a circumcision.

Isn't that incredibly painful?

No. I was the same age as Samih

and it never bothered me.

I can't even remember it.

He's born into two cultures.

Please can we pass that down to him?

Yes. I agree. You're right.

I just don't know how to tell my parents.

We could tell them together.

It'll be fine, honey. I promise.

- Don't worry, Okay?

- Okay.

His little willy.

It's not that bad.

In the USA, this happens all the time.

How do you know?

When was the last time you saw a willy?

Twenty years ago?

Come on, Kaj.

Is there something you're not telling us?

Have you been converted?

- Would you do it to Teun?

- No.

- Hi. Come in.

- Thank you.

Okay. Here are the schedules.

The milk is in the fridge.

I've labeled everything.

Give Mia her bottle at 11 o'clock.

She has a nap between 12 and two thirty.

Not too long,

but definitely not short.

At three o'clock give her another bottle.

A little less. It's all written down.

It's essential that you stick to

the schedules and don't miss anything out.

And make sure not to give her more food

than what it says here.

Okay. I'll go and play with her first

so she can release some energy.

Great. And if you have

any other questions,

you can always text or call me.

I'd really appreciate it

if you could send me

a photo or a video from time to time.

- Of course.

- Hey, cookie. Hello.

- Hi. I'm Barry.

- Hi. Hester.

- Welcome. We're glad you're here.

- Thanks.

Here's Mia, our little air raid siren.

Hi.

Hello, Mia.

How did you do that?

Baby's are highly sensitive.

They pick up on everything.

- So, if you're relaxed, they will be too.

- That's good to know.

Women who have children later in life

are often very stressed.

Later in life?

- I'm only 32.

- Sorry, I thought you were older.

Right, shall we get going?

Yes.

Compensation? What for?

I've always supported you

so you could grow.

You have me to thank for your success.

I am successful is thanks to the fact

that I've worked extremely hard.

Who came up with the name?

Me, right?

The name is everything.

You mean to say

the name is worth 60 million?

- And I built the website.

- The website was useless, remember?

It was full of bugs, and when you

ordered something, it ended up in China.

Those were teething problems.

Teething problems that I needed

to hire a professional to sort out.

Literally, everything you touch

turns to shit.

I'm not the one who jumped into bed

with the tennis instructor, Nina.

That was you.

Okay. I think we should

leave it there for now.

I will discuss everything with my client,

and we'll get back to you

as soon as possible.

Thank you for coming.

Thank you.

Barry. Barry!

Could you check on Mia?

No, I'm on the phone.

I don't even have time

to wipe my own butt.

Yeah. I'm going, I'm going.

- What is he doing?

- Trust me. It's all good.

Is he all right?

He's tapping into Mia's energy pathways.

He's dialing in. Like you did

with the Internet in the old days.

You are out of touch with yourself.

You're being sucked dry, I can tell.

Negative energies.

You're passing them on to Mia.

You can't enjoy life this way.

Oh-o-o-oh.

Sorry, but with all due respect

for my energy pathways

and mister Shanti Shanti here,

I don't think this is for me. Sorry.

Anne, do you want your baby to sleep,

or would you prefer more sleepless nights?

Of course, I want Mia to sleep through,

but I think this is traumatizing her.

Just give it a chance. We're here now.

Give it a chance.

Just let him do his thing, Okay?

Sorry,

but this is ridiculous.

Oh?

She's asleep. She's asleep.

You're a genius. Thank you.

- She's adorable.

- Look at you.

Yeah. Look, look, look, look.

Mia.

- Voilà.

- What's this?

- For you.

- No way.

- Thank you.

- All yours. Try it out?

Thank you.

That's so annoying.

Have you looked

into the de Vries-de Jong case yet?

Certainly. I've already filed the case.

The counter party made a procedural error,

so we're guaranteed to win it.

- Do you still want to become partner?

- Of course, I do.

Even now that you're a mother?

Yes. Don't write me off

just because I'm a mother.

Hans is retiring soon,

so there'll be a spot available.

I will put your name forward

with the other partners.

Thanks for your confidence.

I'll be honest, I had my doubts

when you first came back to work,

but you're back

to being the old Anne again.

- Hi, Dirk.

- Where are you?

We're about to have the strategy meeting

for the Nina Zomers case.

What? I rescheduled for tomorrow.

I sent out an e-mail to everyone.

Well, it clearly hasn't been received,

because she's here, waiting for you.

Could you take over, please?

I'm at a really important meeting.

- Dressed like a giant strawberry?

- A watermelon.

If I don't do this,

my child won't get into daycare.

Don't worry. I'll take over.

Great. Thank you. The file is on my desk.

The strategy is all set.

All you need to do is read through it.

I really need to get back. Thank you.

Thanks again, Dirk.

Hold this, buddy.

Anne. Anne, can you give me a hand?

- Please.

- All right, hurry up.

Here you go.

Nice outfit.

Hey, um... Teun. Do you know what you did?

You pressed the button

and you shouldn't have done that.

Teun. Open the door, mate. Teun.

- Come on...

- Hey, calm down.

I can go and get your spare key.

I don't have one. I lost it.

- Teun, seriously.

- Call roadside assistance.

That's too obvious. Go inside,

keep Kim busy. I'll sort this out.

- I don't think so. No, no way.

- Kim is going to kill me if she sees this.

Okay. I'll give you ten minutes and then

I'm calling roadside assistance.

Ten Minutes. You're a hero.

Look at Daddy. Teun.

- Where did you disappear to?

- I had an unexpected important meeting.

This is also important.

You just do as you please.

And where is Kaj anyway?

Oh, he's still with Teun. He threw up,

so he had to change him.

- Can I get you anything else?

- Hey.

- Any luck?

- No.

- You have to tell them.

- I'm not telling Kim.

- Then I'm calling roadside assistance.

- What? No way. Hi.

Where is Teun?

Teun, listen to Daddy.

Look at Daddy. Press it. Like that.

There's no point, guys.

- How long has he been locked in?

- He's not locked in. He managed...

What are you doing?

- Teun is locked in.

- Maar...

What is wrong with you?

- Calm down, Kim. It was an accident. It...

- An accident?

You can't leave a baby

in a car on its own.

I called roadside assistance.

It'll be fine.

They'll be here in an hour.

An hour? It's really hot and the windows

are shut. He might suffocate.

- Stand back.

- No, Kaj!

Oh no. Man oh man,

are you all right, sweetie?

Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie.

Are you Okay?

- It's all all right. You're all right.

- There, there, sweetie.

He quickly had to change him, seriously?

- Come on, sweetie.

- Come on, lovely.

I'm sorry, Anne.

- Hi, sweetie. Yeah.

- Hi, lovely.

- What time is Hester coming?

- Oh, I gave her the day off.

How come?

Why didn't you discuss it with me?

I wrote it on the calendar.

- So, what now? I have to work.

- Me too.

I'm working on location,

so I really can't take her with me.

Try calling my mom.

Sorry, I really have to go.

- Anne. What's going on?

- Sorry. I had no choice.

- Maybe you could babysit her for a bit?

- This isn't a daycare center.

I know. I've got an appointment

with Nina Zomers.

- Don't make a habit of this.

- I won't. You're a hero.

- Here's the diaper bag.

- What a cute little guy.

- She's a girl.

- What's her name again?

These are the divorce papers

and the agreements

that you both need to sign.

After that it's official.

I'm sorry. She vomited all over me.

Take her for a bit, So I can freshen up.

Hey, sweetie. Vomiting all over Dirk,

that's not very practical.

- Right. Sorry.

- That's Okay.

- I'm sorry.

- Is she yours?

- Yes, she's mine.

- May I?

Yes. Go to Ruben.

Careful you don't get any mess on you.

- What's her name?

- Mia.

Mia.

- Hi, Mia. aren't you gorgeous, Mia.

- Suits you.

Thank you.

- You can have it all.

- What?

Nina, hang on,

can we talk about this in private?

No. That won't be necessary.

But... Nina.

I miss you.

I've done some terrible things.

It's Okay. I miss you too.

Okay.

And I think you are missing your bottle.

I think you want your bottle.

Everyone prepares for the pregnancy,

but not what comes after it.

Giving birth is an attack on your body.

Recovering from it takes time,

energy, love...

I want to break a taboo today.

When was the last time you had sex?

- Since I got pregnant, I'm unstoppable.

- Don't think I hadn't noticed, babe.

Well, it's always been great for us.

Except, less often now

that my mother-in-law has moved in.

Just feels a bit weird.

- How long is she staying?

- No idea.

But every day is a day too long.

- What about you, Anne?

- Huh?

How's it going for you?

Uh... Fine, yeah. We did it recently.

- On his birthday.

- His birthday? That was three months ago.

Come on, Anne. You have to put in

the work. It won't happen by itself.

It's just different now with Mia.

I mean, we're barely sleeping

and I'm really busy.

Is it really because of Mia?

Or is there something else?

Well, I hardly feel

like the sexiest woman on Earth.

I mean, I don't feel great about myself.

And the stretch marks don't exactly help.

Oh, but that's nothing to be ashamed of.

Stretch marks are your tiger stripes,

right, ladies?

The proud marks of motherhood.

- Right. Okay.

- You have to learn to love yourself again.

I want to do some hip-openers together

to bring you back in touch with your yoni.

Breathe in...

...and out towards your perineum.

Breathe in through your nose,

and out through your vagina.

Your piggy bank of happiness.

Let your piggy bank glow.

- Ah-ha.

- Welcome.

Lovely. That's the big advantage

of Moroccan in-laws.

- Always great food.

- My mother made it extra big.

Especially for you.

You can just use a fork and knife.

No, I'll do it the Moroccan way.

It's the tradition.

Sabri and I need to tell you something.

We're having a party

and we'd like to invite you.

Well, we'll be there.

- Are you finally getting married?

- Yes.

No.

We're having...

Samih is getting circumcised.

Oh.

How nice.

It sounds more extreme than it is.

It's just a small procedure.

What is the point of that, for God's sake?

- Dad, come on.

- What?

Are you okay with that?

I also had to get used to the idea.

But Sabri did it as well.

And it never bothered him. And me neither.

It's more hygienic, right?

And it's also better for your sex life.

I never heard you complain.

But you did moan a lot.

- So, you are coming?

- Yes.

Lovely.

Barry?

You need to come to the bedroom.

Is she already asleep?

As a baby.

Then maybe you should come to bed as well.

So that's why you're becoming a partner,

because you have great ideas.

Partner? That sounds sexy.

It does.

Tell me what to do.

I'm all yours.

- Should we check on her?

- No, no.

She'll be fine.

Hey.

- Shit, the blanket fell off.

- Put that thing away.

- I'll go check on her in a minute.

- What if she gets cold?

I'm just going to check.

Sweetie...

Hmm.

Sweetie.

Close your eyes.

Shhh.

Oh fuck.

- Everything okay?

- Yes, he's asleep.

- Why are you out so late?

- He just kept crying.

I couldn't get him to calm down

and Didi said he sleeps in the car.

- Where's Didi?

- Still at home.

- By herself?

- Kaj, you can't leave her alone.

- You know what can happen in five minutes?

- The door is locked.

Are you coming or what?

Hey, sweetie.

- Are you okay?

- Yes.

Okay. Let's put this away.

- Why isn't she in bed?

- She didn't want to go to sleep yet.

Roos, this is ridiculous.

We're going home and taking the kids.

Sorry, I made a mistake.

I'm still learning.

Just give me another chance

and when something goes wrong,

I'll call you or take them home myself,

really.

I think we'll just make things worse

if we take them now.

Sweetie, Mommy is taking you to bed.

Why don't you get your toothbrush?

- I'll get Teun.

- Bye, sweetie.

Bye.

Kids need structure

and you need to give them that.

- Going to bed on time is part of it.

- Don't you ever make mistakes?

But yours are pretty bad.

Kim is furious and she has a right to be.

- Why did she come? I called you.

- I don't want to lie to her.

I already kept quiet

about your criminal record.

- It's taken care of.

- Don't ask why.

Listen, if you want this to work,

something needs to change.

The kids are counting on you.

And so am I.

- They went right to sleep.

- Thank you.

Shall we go?

- Hmm. Yes.

- I'm sorry.

- Is your tummy okay?

- I'm fine.

It's a code red.

Yeah, it's not going well.

Red? How can that be?

We follow all the schedules.

We went to swimming for babies

and some weird reiki.

- Reiki?

- There was an issue with her chakras,

but they're working perfectly now,

she's sleeping like a baby.

We can't measure chakras here,

but we can measure her weight.

You're clearly not following

the schedules correctly.

That's absurd.

Well, the numbers don't lie.

It's not your fault, right?

No, it's not your fault.

No, you have no control over

what they put in your mouth.

- No.

- Hey, look at this. Look.

Hmm.

She's giving her the wrong food.

It's not macrobiotic.

I think she's trying to poison her.

Don't you think

you're exaggerating?

Huh? How is that possible?

It's not even labeled.

What a mess.

I don't think Hester is using

the feeding schedules or checklists.

Does she even tick the boxes?

You need to watch her.

Some people aren't used to a dictatorship.

I know what my child needs.

Sweetie, try to let it go, a little bit.

Yeah, so Mia can develop obesity, right?

We don't want that, right? No.

We don't want that, sweetie.

I'm really bothered by this.

Now I can start all over again.

You know

how long it took to label everything?

It's incomprehensible,

she only has to follow the lists.

I did everything for her.

The timing, the exact amounts.

Sabri.

You're still over there, man.

- Why is there a sheep in the bathroom?

- Hmm.

What?

I still need to wash it, it smells awful.

- I'll take it with me in a minute.

- Why did you bring it?

For the party. I couldn't keep it with me.

I needed to put it somewhere.

Not in my house.

What does a sheep

have to do with the party?

It's an offering.

It's a blessing for Samih.

You're slaughtering that sheep?

No chicken, remember?

You always get me in trouble.

Sweetie, Mia is doing amazing.

She's like a fish in the water.

- Hey, Hester.

- Hey.

What are you doing here?

I dropped off Mia and decided to join in.

I felt like taking a swim.

Okay.

Nice bikini.

Yes, a bathing suit is more for moms.

But it looks amazing on you.

Hi.

Are you joining us?

No, I want to keep my hair dry.

I have a meeting later.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'll just watch you.

Look at all that snot. It's everywhere.

On my shoulder.

Up.

Hello, Anne.

Hello.

- Did we have an appointment?

- No.

I have good news for you.

Oh?

We have an open spot

at the daycare center.

Uh, no way.

You really are a lifesaver.

- I wouldn't know what I'd do without you.

- You can start next Monday.

I've moved heaven and earth

to get Mia into that daycare.

- I only do that for friends.

- Thank you.

I'm forever grateful.

I could also use your help.

I'm not comfortable with the idea

that Kaj is raising my kids.

Okay.

He's trying,

but I understand your concerns.

I want you to go through his file again.

I can't just do that, Kim.

- That's confidential information.

- Do you know he has a criminal record?

I don't think so.

He had a certificate of conduct.

Well, I would take another look.

Thank you.

Enjoy your day.

- Hey, sweetie.

- Hey, what's taking so long?

I'm still at the office,

I needed to finish something.

You didn't forget, right? It's our night.

I'll leave soon.

Love you.

Shall we begin?

- Yes.

- Come on.

CERTIFICATE OF CONDUCT

Mommy.

Yes.

Perfect.

- Come on.

- Okay.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

KAJ DOES HAVE A CRIMINAL RECORD!

KIM: OMG, I KNEW KAJ WASN'T TO BE TRUSTED.

I FEEL SICK MY KIDS ARE WITH A CRIMINAL.

Is Anne still not home?

No. No.

I really went all out

and now the food is getting cold.

Working late?

What are you doing?

I need to finish something

for Nina Zomers.

In the dark, with a UV light?

She thought Ruben

had falsified documents.

- Really?

- Yes, and we need to be thorough.

- You can never be too sure nowadays.

- And, did you find something?

- Unfortunately, not.

- Do you need my help?

I found two false documents

with the Jansen audit the other day.

No, I'm okay.

Everything's correct.

I've already let her know.

- Will you lock up?

- Yes.

- Bye, bye.

- Bye.

A few years ago,

I traveled through Asia for a year, alone.

- Hmm.

- Well, I wasn't alone, I had my backpack.

- But I never felt that free before.

- Really?

- I've always wanted to do that.

- Then you definitely should do it.

It's an experience you'll never forget.

It sounds amazing.

- But, tell me...

- Sorry I'm so late.

- Hey.

- Hey, Hester.

- You're still here.

- Yes.

Barry asked me to stay for dinner

and he's an amazing cook.

It was delicious.

- Yes, he's good at that.

- It put some leftovers in the oven.

Okay.

I'm going to check on Mia first.

I've heard so many stories about Vietnam.

And then we go past the wild sea

and the poisonous snake

all the way around, across the mountains.

- Until we reach...

- The treasure.

The pirate's treasure.

Come on, hurry.

I'll chop you into little pieces

and feed you to the fish.

Come, quickly. Other pirates.

Stay low. Shhh.

Hey T.

Kaj?

- Kaj?

- Yes?

Hey, Kim. Why are you here?

Child Services has decided

to withdraw the parental authority.

What?

There'll be an investigation to find out

if you're able to take care of the kids.

- What kind of investigation?

- I want my children to be safe.

Kim, they are safe here.

You concealed your criminal record.

- How do you know?

- Does it matter?

Ten years ago, I scammed people online.

It has nothing to do with kids.

I don't trust you with my children.

Sweetie, come with Mommy.

I'll chop you up in bits

and feed you to the fish.

Stop playing.

I want to stay with daddy.

We're leaving.

Sweetie,

Daddy would really love it if you stayed.

But now you need to listen to Mommy

and go with your other Mommy.

- Okay. And I'll see you soon.

- Promise?

Of course, I'm your daddy.

Give me a hug.

Sweetie, let's go.

Let's go.

There, this is for you.

Leave the sword here.

Not suited for kids.

What the fuck?

Look at that, you're already here.

Hi. Right.

I don't know how you did it,

but Nina Zomers is very happy with us.

You should have seen her.

A proper matchmaker.

- Right, Anne?

- "All You Need is Love".

We've come to a decision

and we have good news for you.

BEKER BOSMAN & LINDENBERG

LAWYERS - MEDIATORS

You're going to be our new partner.

- No.

- Yes.

Your hard work paid off

and I put in a good word for you.

- It's amazing, Dirk, thank you.

- Congratulations.

But I do need to discuss it at home first.

What?

- Haven't you done that already?

- We just need to take care of some things.

It will have a huge impact

on the home front.

This is a one-time offer

and you have a week to decide.

- Okay?

- Yes.

- Here, for the sheep.

- No way.

I wasn't planning it, but now

I need to pay you for the sheep.

Why would I want that?

Now you can finally pay alimony

for your three kids.

You're family, this is my present.

- Thank you, man.

- My pleasure.

Why is the sheep still here?

Ooh, is it that time already?

I need to leave. Good luck, man.

I did tell you about our traditions.

But not about animal offerings.

I give you space to be yourself, as well.

I would appreciate it,

if you would do the same.

Live and let live?

Tell your sheep.

What?

Here we go. Three, two, one, rollover.

Rollover.

- Barry?

- Hi.

We need to talk.

I followed all the lists perfectly.

And she even did an afternoon nap.

It's not about that.

Did you see that?

- Incredible.

- Amazing.

Mia is able to roll over, finally.

I'm so relieved.

What did you want to say?

They offered to make me a partner.

What, you're kidding?

This is such an amazing day.

- We need to celebrate.

- Yes.

You can put it here.

Thank you.

- Hey congratulations, bro.

- Thanks.

A small contribution for the little one.

- Ah. Thank you.

- Here you go.

This is too much, I can't accept it.

Yes, you can.

You can take a holiday with Samih.

Hey, sweetie.

I bet you're looking forward

to Monday.

I can't wait until Mia goes to daycare.

- Teun and Mia are in the same group.

- Really?

- And they have an amazing teacher.

- How nice.

Teun isn't feeling great.

He needs rest

instead of all this commotion.

Yeah, I get it.

I'll take him to the nursery.

That would be amazing, thank you.

That's nice.

Hey. Hey, sweetie.

Come with your aunt.

- Is everything okay?

- Definitely.

- You're looking good.

- Thank you.

- Very smooth.

- Nice party, right?

So what have you been up to?

'Cause I don't see you anymore now.

- Hey.

- Hey, it's okay.

There you go.

- It's a nice party.

- It is.

They even decorated the sheep.

Do people know it will be sacrificed?

- Well, they'll find out soon enough.

- Yes.

Anne.

Did you fire Hester?

Yes.

Why didn't we discuss that?

If you could keep your dick in your pants,

we could talk about it.

- What are you talking about?

- You were jerking off with her photos.

Sweetie, it was just a fantasy.

It didn't mean anything.

It's disgusting. You don't jerk off

to your nanny as some horny teenager.

Hey.

Where are Ilse and Samih?

They're in the nursery.

Hester.

I'll go get her.

Come on, we need to change your clothes.

Your clothes.

Come on, this way.

Let's go. Good boy.

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, okay.

- Hi, have you seen Ilse?

- No.

- Okay, tell her we're going to start.

- I will.

We didn't see anyone.

- Can we talk?

- Not now. I can't find Ilse.

It's urgent, I want to start legal

proceedings against Kim and Roos.

- I can't see the kids anymore.

- Hold on, I'll come back to that.

Yes, It'll be over soon.

Go ahead. Go ahead, sheep.

- Where's Ilse?

- I can't find her anywhere.

Mom, we need to wait for Ilse.

What are we going to say to our guests?

She's coming.

I don't care what they say.

She has affected your mind.

She's embarrassing us.

Mom, enough.

I won't begin without her.

No, wait.

This is not Samih.

What do you mean?

- Bro, I just grabbed a baby.

- Oh no.

Oh, no, no, no.

This can't be happening.

- Hey, sweetie.

- What did you do?

Did you circumcise Teun?

It was an accident.

Shhh.

You've mutilated my child.

Me? Why is this my fault?

You were watching Teun.

You're an awful mother.

Not here.

Like you're such a perfect mother.

You manipulate everyone,

you act like a dictator.

- I only tried to help you.

- Help me?

Stop it, you only think about yourself

and you don't care who gets hurt.

I want nothing do to with you

or your creepy club anymore.

You're like a cult.

- You can forget about that daycare.

- Kim, will you keep taking things away?

- What?

- Don't be such a hypocrite.

- You reported me to Child Services.

- No, I didn't.

- Only you know about my past.

- I would never do that.

- Anne, why?

- I can explain.

Jesus.

Hicham, it was Hicham, okay?

I can't just accept it. What do you think?

No, right?

What? You think it's my fault?

Maybe.

Maybe you're right.

Yes.

It's more fun with him around.

- Mama.

- What?

Mama? Yes, Mia. Yes.

I'm your mama.

- Barry...

- Mama.

It really calms him down.

- Yes.

- My mother used to sing that to me.

Maybe she'll come back.

I wouldn't count on it.

You've offended her.

And what about me?

Do I just have to accept everything?

Of course not.

But why didn't you say anything?

I didn't want to disappoint you.

You're doing so great.

Mommy is so proud of you.

Fortunately, he's almost

back to himself again.

Yes, fortunately he is.

Why did you never tell me?

I wanted kids with someone I trust.

I get it, but you should've told me.

- So I could've decided myself.

- You pushed us into doing what you wanted.

Without thinking about me or the kids.

- I'm trying to protect our kids.

- You did great.

It worked.

Hey, sweetie.

[indistinct mumbling]

Nice job.

Daddy, can I stay with you tonight?

- That's not possible right now.

- Why not?

Um...

- It's grown-up stuff, sweetie.

- Okay.

Have you come

to twist the knife a bit more?

I want to help you get your kids back.

If you want me to.

- No, never mind.

- I get you never want to see me again.

I was so worried about being the

perfect mother, and the daycare center.

So, to be the perfect mother,

you betray your friends?

Hm?

I'm sorry.

I never should've done it.

I lost sight of what was important.

My friends, Barry.

You make it all so fucking difficult.

Nobody can be the perfect mother,

you're just starting out.

She's the perfect mother.

And I was the perfect father.

So, maybe I could come in third place?

I'm so sorry, really.

Okay.

And talk to Barry, he feels awful.

- Yes, okay.

- Yes?

Guys, my water broke.

- What?

- Here? No.

- Are you okay? Are you in pain?

- No.

- Come, sweetie.

- Kim isn't answering.

- I'll go find Kim and I'll take the kids.

- Should I carry you?

- No.

- Come on, not too fast.

- Are you sure you're okay? No pain?

- No.

The baby's coming. Are you okay?

- You forgot Teun.

- Sorry.

Hey, little buddy.

Your sister is coming.

I'm coming.

The numbers don't lie.

Teen pregnancies increase every year.

And those young girls have no idea

about the responsibilities.

Kim.

- I've called you, like, ten times.

- Why are you here?

Roos is in labor,

she's in the hospital with Kaj.

And you took care of my kids?

Moms for Moms, right?

- What are we waiting for?

- Shall I take care of the kids?

If you can, that would be great.

Thank you.

See you later, Roos is in labor.

Hey, Didi.

Doing great. Doing great.

- Are you okay? Do you want water?

- No.

Kaj, I promise

I will set it right with Kim.

That's not important now.

Focus on the baby.

You're completely dilated.

But you need a C-section.

- No, I want a natural birth.

- Why?

The baby is in a breech position

and we can't wait.

It will increase the risk

of complications. Nurses?

We need to go

to the operation room.

- I'm here with you.

- Where's Kim?

She's on her way and I'm staying with you.

- I'm staying with you.

- You have to stay here.

- Are we on time?

- They're working on her.

There are complications,

the baby is in the wrong position.

- Where is she?

- They're operating on her now.

- What?

- The doctor is with her

and she's strong.

You know how strong she is.

Hey.

Hello.

I'm sorry if I offended you.

That was never my intention.

- But it's our tradition.

- You're right.

But I also have my standards and values.

I want Samih to learn about both cultures.

So he learns from it and enjoys it.

I want the same thing.

I'm fine with the circumcision,

but I don't want to sacrifice a sheep.

Okay, deal.

No sheep.

And you're always welcome,

you can stop by whenever you want.

- But I can't stay over?

- Of course, we're family.

Yes.

Do you want to come

to the market with me?

- Yes.

- The mother lost a lot of blood

but mother and child are both fine.

- Really?

- They're resting now.

Oh.

- Can we see her?

- Of course, you can.

Thank you.

- Do you want to come?

- I'll come by later.

Okay.

There's something I need to take care of.

Give Roos a kiss from me,

I'll see you later.

- Okay. Hey.

- Yeah.

Oh, sweetie.

Hey, sweetie.

- You really scared us. How are you?

- Fine.

Hey.

- Are you okay?

- Yes.

You can do the next one.

Do you want more children?

Can I please hold her?

Sweet girl.

Do you want to hold her? Here.

Oh, shit! She's so small.

Hey, I'm your daddy.

How are you?

You have the prettiest

and sweetest moms in the world.

- Yes, hi.

- Your dad is not so bad either.

He still needs to learn some things,

but we'll help him.

You're so small. I'm sure you're tired,

it was a long journey.

Can Didi and Teun stay with you tonight?

It might be easier,

the next couple of days.

Of course, I'd love to.

Yes.

Yeah.

Hey, sweetness.

She's amazing. Nice job, she's so pretty.

And she's so calm.

There, what you put on the drawings,

we didn't get to finish that part.

- You were pretty late.

- Barry?

Anne, what are you doing here?

You're right.

I've been a complete control freak.

I want the best for Mia and I wanted

it all to be perfect and I went too far.

I also want the best for her.

She said the word "Mama".

- Really?

- Yes.

Did she also say Papa?

Not yet.

But I wanted to share this with you.

I want to share everything with you.

Will you please come home?

Back to Mia and me?

On one condition.

That you throw away the baby monitor.

Okay.

And no more jerking off to the nanny.

Otherwise I want a manny.

One, two, three.

Nice job, Mia.

Congratulations, sweetie.

- Sweetie.

- Who wants cake?

- Me.

- Well...

We're also having a party next month.

- Oh, what's the reason?

- Samih's circumcision.

- You're all invited.

- We'll leave the baby at home this time.

Hester is babysitting next week.

Oh, that's nice.

- You think you can handle it?

- I think so.

- I love you.

- I love you too, honey.