The Wisdom of Trauma (2021) - full transcript

Our earliest experiences
being in the womb

form the template of
who we believe we are,

about how we see other people,

and our place in the world.

When I see human faces, I see beauty,

I see tremendous suffering

and enormous potential for transcendence.

A Greek playwright wrote
that the Gods created us

human beings so that we
have to suffer into truth.

Our job as human beings is to learn

from our suffering.



We don't have to keep
perpetuating pain for ourselves

and inflicting suffering onto others.

In working with so many other people,

I've learned that working

through trauma can teach us so much wisdom

and can reveal the
beauty of our existence,

that because of trauma,
you had lost sight of.

My name is Gabor Mate and
I'm a retired medical doctor

and these days I travel the world speaking

and teaching about child
development, health,

illness, stress and trauma.

And speaking about trauma is really part

of the zeitgeist these days.

And I'm very passionate
about it for a simple reason:



because in 30 years or
more of medical practice

and of addiction medicine,

what I found was that the common template

for virtually all
afflictions, mental illness,

physical disease is in fact trauma.

And there's a wisdom in trauma

when we realize that our
traumatic responses and imprints

are not ourselves and that
we can work them through

and thus become ourselves.

Virtually every week there's a study

that more and more people are needing

or seeking help for mental health issues.

More and more youth are
diagnosed with anxiety,

many more kids are diagnosed
with the whole plethora

of childhood conditions, such as ADHD,

(Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder).

Depression is rising,
youth suicide is rising,

addictions are rising.

Genuinely, it's an epidemic.

20% of youth or more are
now diagnosable with anxiety

according to all the recent studies.

That's one-fifth.

And those are all only people

who are sufficiently
anxious to be diagnosed.

We're talking about an epidemic.

- When you grew up in a
circumstance like I grew up,

you're waiting for
somebody to scream at you,

you're waiting for something to be thrown,

you don't know if you're going to eat,

you don't know if you're
going to be evicted.

So you're constantly anxious and stressed.

I used to think this was a rarity

but when I talked to people,

a huge number of people have
these traumatic experiences

as a child that carry,
they carry with them.

It's like a monkey on your back.

- Trauma is an overwhelming threat

that you don't how to deal with.

So trauma is not the bad
things that happen to you,

but what happens inside you

as a result of what happens to you.

- My father was shot and
killed on December 25th, 1999.

They found his body in
someone's front yard.

So essentially I didn't
have anybody to raise me.

So I was raised in the
juvenile court system.

I've lived on the streets

since I was 10-years-old by myself.

The law didn't scare me.

I mean, they could have locked me up,

I mean what's the difference?

Nobody out here is gonna miss me.

- My mother, alcoholic. Bad alcoholic.

My father, sex addiction.

His sex addiction ruined our whole family.

Cheating. Caused divorce.

I started heroin at 26.

That's what really destroyed me.

It just takes the pain away.

I tried building my dream so many times.

I don't really have a dream no more.

- So trauma fundamentally means
a disconnection from self.

Why do we get disconnected?

Because it's too painful to be ourselves.

That then becomes a lifelong dynamic.

I no longer know how
to deal with emotions.

It means that in relationships
when I feel a bit hurt,

I immediately withdraw
so I don't have to feel

those emotions that I
don't know what to do with.

So there's a disconnect.

It also means that when
I have a gut feelings,

I don't follow them.

So I create situations of risk for myself.

The trauma also affects
how our brains develop.

Certain key brain circuits
that have to do with

how we react and respond
and regulate ourselves,

how we handle stress, how we
interact with other people,

how much empathy and insight we have,

how much compassion we have.

These functions of the mid-frontal cortex

are limited and constricted by trauma

because we now know
that the brain develops

in interaction with the environment.

So the brains of traumatized children

don't look like the brains
of non-traumatized children.

- You can take it, please.

- I've had enough of your crap.

You're gonna start acting like a young man

instead of a toddler.

- As a matter of fact,

her ass is on punishment right now

and she ain't even gonna
go the fuck back outside.

- What the fuck are you doing?

Dad, I swear to god.

- No, no, wait.

- There's no other way for

you to learn this.
- Dad.

Please, stop.

- During your first 18 years of life,

if a parent or other
adult in the household

often or very often would swear at you,

insult you, put you down or humiliate you,

step inside the circle.

If a parent or other
adult in the household

often pushed, grabbed, slapped

or threw something at you,
step inside the circle.

If a parent or other
adult in the household

often or very often ever hit you so hard

that you had marks or were
injured, step inside the circle.

If you often felt that no
one in your family loved you,

step inside the circle.

Step inside the circle.

I think society got prison wrong

and they're seeing
what's wrong with people

instead of what happened to people.

Our mission at Compassion Prison Project

is to transform communities and prisons

with compassionate action.

An adverse childhood
experience is a terrible event

that continues to happen to a child.

And there's no way to know
when it's gonna happen again,

which puts the kid into
a hypervigilant state.

I have eight of those
aces, and when I found out

I have eight adverse childhood experiences

and that my behavior was a direct result

of the trauma that I
experienced in childhood,

it changed my life.

Men and women in prison, 64% of them

have six or more of those.

- Hi. Gabor.

- Monique.
- Monique?

Hi, Gabor.

I feel like I'm in a throne.

I wanna talk to you guys about why

you think you got addicted,

about what may have
happened to you as a child,

the way you saw yourself as
being deficient, somehow.

- I was kidnapped at 16 and sold off.

So that's a trauma and
that's just something that's

in my life that you
can't turn around, right?

- Kidnapped by whom?

- It was a taxi driver who
took me and a girlfriend

when we were 16.
- Okay.

- And held us
for six months in a motel

and sold off my virginity.

- And the police was looking

for you all that time, and...

- Well, my mom just thought
that I had run away from home,

so she didn't look for me.
- She didn't look for you?

- No.

- I really need your permission to

continue or not to continue.
- It's okay.

I give my permission.

- The taxi driver knew
exactly who to kidnap.

The predator can always tell
who is without protection.

Anybody hit you as a child?

- Yes, my father.

He would spank us and take a belt to us.

- Do you remember how that felt to you?

- Like I just remember the pain of it,

instead of thinking, oh, why?

Why did I deserve this?

I just remember the pain and the...

- And how long did that go on for?

- Well until I was approximately 16

and started fighting back.

- So, 10 or 11 years?
- Yeah.

- Okay.

Let's say you're the
mother of the five-year-old

and this five-year-old
is being hit with a belt,

and she's in pain.

She doesn't understand, you know,

she's just, it just hurts.

And it hurts emotionally

because this man who is supposed
to love me is beating me.

So when you're being hit like that,

there's only two possibilities.

My father is a bad person or hates me

or I'm a bad person.

So the only protection is to believe that,

oh, I'm not lovable.

Let's say you're the mother
of the five-year-old.

Who would you want that
five-year-old to talk to?

- Myself.

- Okay. Who did you talk to?

- Nobody.

- That's the trauma.

In other words, by the time
you were five-years-old,

you were completely alone.

What I'm suggesting really, Alicia,

is that your mother was traumatized, too.

Do you know anything about her childhood?

- Well, she was abused as a child as well

from an alcoholic father.

- See, she learned in her childhood

not to pay attention to her feelings.

That's the only way she could survive.

- Yeah.

- So the reason she didn't know it

was not because she didn't love you,

but because she herself
was shut down inside.

And that's what I'm saying,

it's multi-generational

- Mm-hm.
- Okay?

- It sucks.
- Yeah.

You can't pick out who's at fault here.

It didn't begin with anybody.

It goes on and on and on from
one generation to the next.

- We were talking about
the effects of slavery

on our behavior, and
I'll be honest with you,

I ain't agree with it
when I first heard it.

But then when he talked
about the discipline

I had a flashback of how
I used to get whipped

with a bullwhip.

Naked.

I hadn't put the two and two together,

but I realized, that's
how slaves were whipped,

because it was generational trauma

passed on from one
mother to another mother

to another mother and
then passed on to me.

I still got marks on my
legs and stuff behind that.

And I just remembered there
was no one I could run to.

No one that would help me.

And she just was telling
me how much she loved me

as she cried and she
beat me with a bullwhip.

- He's the best-selling
author of four books

published in 12 languages
sold on five continents.

Please welcome Dr. Gabor Mate.

- I actually wrote my speech out tonight,

which I don't usually do
but maybe of nervousness

in front of this group of strong women.

The truth is that guys
are afraid of women.

I don't know if you
realize that, but that's,

a lot of the stuff that we
do is totally out of fear.

Well,

When you felt bad as a
kid, who did you speak to?

When the pain is there and
there's no one to share it with,

and the child's got
very limited resources,

to deal with that, and what they do

is they disconnect from themselves.

When you disconnect from yourself,

you no longer have yourself.

You've lost yourself.

When we talk about trauma,

we usually think of something
terrible happening to a person

but that's not the only trauma there is.

As the other kind of trauma may not

have to do with terrible
things happening to you.

- Most people look at my childhood

and they're like: damn, you had an awesome

childhood, and because I had everything.

I come from upper, upper middle
class, you know, in Idaho,

and I got everything given to me,

but that was their way of parenting.

They'd give me everything.

So I'd shut up and wouldn't bug them.

They were too busy, they
were always working.

- So children don't get
traumatized because they get hurt.

Children get traumatized because

they're alone with the hurt.

- I'm a lifer inmate.

I'm here on a first degree murder.

I committed my crime
when I was 20-years-old.

And I asked myself what events in my life

brought me to the point
where I could think

that it's okay to take a human life?

And it had to do with a lot of

adverse childhood experiences.

My main one as to why I
started going downhill

was being abandoned by my father.

I looked up to him.

I wanted to be just like my dad.

He was my hero.

When I turned eight or nine-years-old,

he got deported to Mexico,
and that devastated me.

As a kid, my mom used to tell me,

Mi hijo, pray to God
that he will come back,

but he never came.

- A baby that you don't
pick up will actually die.

Even if you feed them and you change them

and look after them,

because they get overwhelmed
by their feelings

and they get over stressed.

And so the baby needs the
mother's and the father's brain

to regulate her own brain,
to regulate her emotions.

It's not just that you're overwhelmed.

It's also there's nobody
there to hold you.

There's a huge school of
thought in North America

that teaches mothers to
help their babies sleep

by ignoring their crying.

Nevermind the mother's milk,

the infant just wants to attach,

because the only way the infant
can attach is physically.

When he's not being held, he's
not being attached to them.

When that's done night
after night after night,

that's traumatic. And we're still telling

mothers to do that.

If you actually look
at genuine human needs,

if you connect the gut and
the heart and the soul,

then there's nothing more normal

than a child sleeping
in the arms of a parent.

So I've often thought about
the sources of my own issues.

An infant two months of age in Hungary,

when the Germans, the Nazis,
marched into the country

and they began to exterminate
the Jewish population.

So that was my first year of life,

with a terrorized mother,
grandparents killed in Auschwitz,

a father away in forced labor,

antisemitism, the ever nearing
shadow of annihilation,

and ultimately a
separation from my mother.

I was a little short of one-year-old

when my mother had to
hand me to a stranger

in the ghetto of Budapest

and send me away to some
relatives in hiding,

so we didn't see each other for six weeks,

and she didn't know if
she would live or not.

In her diary she said: "this was

the hardest six weeks of her life."

That was the experience of the first

nearly year and a half of my life.

And sometimes I thought, well, gee,

I must have received a lot
of love at the same time

otherwise I'd be a lot more
crazy than I actually am.

For trauma to happen,

you don't need second World
War and you don't need racism,

you don't need genocide,

and you don't need the privations of war.

You just need parents who are so alienated

from their own gut
feelings that they will let

their infants cry without picking them up

and that child is desperate
for a relationship.

That's all it takes.

- Well, hi.
- Hi Alison.

- Welcome.
- Hi, Gabor.

- Welcome, Gabor.

- Wow.

What a view.

- Thank you.

For me being a drug addict,
the deep down need to escape,

I think it's almost into
a more realistic place

than the insanity that we see,
the chaos we see around us.

I just wanted that place all the time.

I can really talk for the
37 years I've been recovered

and have had slips in
the program, quote, AA.

- And what's the fear?

- Well, the fear is I'll be abandoned.

It's back with the homo sapiens,

I'll be thrown out of the cave.

- What is your fear of being abandoned?

- Well naturally that I'll die

unless I do all of the
stuff for other people.

- When you do all
the stuff for the people,

- Mm-hm.

- what are you doing to yourself?

- I'm abandoning me.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Yeah.
- So you're actually enacting

your worst fear.
- Mm-hm.

I was the youngest of five,
very ambitious family,

very successful, except
everyone's an alcoholic.

I go in the bar, they're drinking.

There's no room for me.

It's like, oh, shut up Alison, shut up.

You're wrong. You're wrong.

So my job was to be wrong in the family.

I'll never forget my mother saying to me:

"I just don't understand you!"

And I was six-years-old and I thought,

my god, if you don't
understand me, I'm lost.

- Allow me to give you
another perception of you.

You're the one that more than others

absorbs all the pain and
stress in the family.

And then you manifest it and
they can't stand seeing it.

So in exiling you, they're exiling

their own pain and stress.
- Right, right.

- As a child, we have
two fundamental needs.

One need that's with us since infancy,

and it's absolute and it's
not negotiable is attachment.

And so the other need
then is authenticity.

Authenticity, therefore, is
the connection to ourselves,

because without authenticity,

without a connection to our gut feelings,

just how long do you
survive out there in nature?

So authenticity is not some new age,

pseudo-spiritual concept.

It's actually a survival necessity.

What happens if in order to survive

or to adjust to your environment,

you have to suppress your gut feelings,

you have to suppress your authenticity?

So normal society does not allow anger,

and the child who's
angry must be separated.

In other words, we have to threaten

his attachment to relationships,
on which is life depends

so that he can suppress his emotions.

Well that child, if he
learns the lesson well,

will disconnect from their anger,

and then he's a sitting
duck for depression,

mental illness or for physical illness.

Okay, so kid is angry,
but how about helping him

move through the anger to
learn how to modulate it?

Not to repress it, but to learn
to become friends with it.

We don't want people that are not angry.

We want people to know that anger

doesn't have to be destructive.

What were you pushing down
when you were depressed?

- Anger.
- Right.

You were pushing down-
- Rage.

- You were pushing down your anger, right?

- Yeah.

- Can you see how
why for a six-year-old

it might be a really brilliant
idea to push down the rage?

- Yeah.

- Why?

- For survival.

- Exactly.

You talked about your many failures.

I just want you to pick one.

- The fear if left on my
own, I won't get out of bed.

I've done that before.

- And you regard
that as a failure?

- Falling apart I
regard that as a failure.

- You regard that as a failure?

- Right.

- Okay.

So your failure is that you got depressed

and as you put it, you fell apart.

Is that the failure?

- Yeah.

- Just identify the age that you

first recall being depressed then.

- Probably about six or seven.

- How old are your kids now?

My oldest daughter is 33,

my son is 30 and my
youngest daughter's 27.

- Okay.

Choose one as a thought
experiment right now,

and I want you to imagine
them at age seven.

- Mm-hm.

- Let's say they get depressed.

Would you go to them and
say: "You are total failure?"

- Of course not.

- Why not?

Notice you're calling yourself a failure?

I'm going to say something radical to you.

- Okay.

- The depression was a major success,

not a failure.

Okay? Now I know that
sounds ridiculous, but-

- No, no. I'm listening.

You're telling me that having that pain

showed me deeper inside of myself,

how I was abandoning myself.
- Precisely.

So maybe you want to stop
calling it a failure.

- Mm-hm.

- You go through
your whole life like that

and see how everything that
you judge about yourself

actually served the purpose at the time.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm-hm.

- Really, isn't it simple?
- It is simple.

- Gabor Mate, thanks very much
for coming on Under the Skin.

The reason I'm so excited to talk to you,

the reason that I believe
you're having such

an important cultural
impact is because of your

rare compassion and insight
into the world of addiction.

When it was heroin, I would like have,

I would reflect. Well, after
I'd used and just go, right,

this isn't for me, this has got to stop.

This is not a sustainable system.

- You think you'd never need it anymore

'cause you feel complete.
- Mm.

- And then comes the
remorse of what have I done?

And then you say I don't need
to do to this ever again.

And then by the time I'm home,

I'm running back to the store again

to get the next thing that I didn't buy.

In the life of every person
who's ever been addicted

and ever will be addicted,
there's always trauma.

An addiction is any behavior

that a person finds
relief in the short term

and craves but suffers
negative consequences

and cannot give it up.

There are so many addictions.

Could be drugs, obviously,
alcohol, nicotine.

Could also be sex, could be gambling,

could be shopping, could be eating,

could be pornography,
could be the internet,

could be gaming, could be
work, could be relationships.

That's what an addiction is.

First issue is not why the addiction

but why the pain?

In our society there are
two myths around addiction.

The pernicious line is the belief

that addiction is a choice
and that the decisions

that arise out of addictions

are therefore a matter of
individual culpability.

And so therefore addicts for the most part

are punished for being addicted.

Now the other belief around addiction,

but still misleading, is that
it's an inherited disease,

it's a biological disorder of the brain.

That belief is more humane,

much more than the choice belief,

because at least if
somebody inherits a disease,

they're not to be punished for it

but they are to be provided

with treatment as with any disease.

However, it's also
misleading because it ignores

why people really get addicted,

which has got nothing to do with disease.

It's among the normal
human responses to trauma.

When people are suffering,

they want to escape their suffering.

That's normal.

- My name is Tuta Ponchiao Chi.

I'm 43-years-old.

I come from a family of
Thai restaurant owners.

I moved away when I was 14.

I was never good enough.

I mean, I think if I had
parents who didn't really care

and was lenient, no, I
don't think I would have

really got right into it
and really got addicted.

I might've just, you know,
tried it once or twice,

but I think the pressure
was on from the upbringing

and having to feel like I had to achieve

and be the best of what
I did, an A student.

And so when I moved away,
I really wanted to prove

not just myself but to them that I was

more than what they saw.

You know, I did apply
to Stanford University.

That was my number one choice.

I was disappointed I didn't get in.

And San Francisco State
University was my second choice

and while there I did do the same things

that I was doing when
I was in high school,

playing for the NCWA, singing choir.

With doing so many things,
pledging sororities

and doing, being different club members,

I'm saying I was just trying
to find my way in the world.

And then I started to work
at the nightclubs here.

And so I think that's
when I really evolved

because I wanted to do everything.

I wanted to go to school,

I wanted to work, but I
needed to do homework as well.

So the pressure was on then.

So then it got into heavier drugs,

so I needed the meth to stay up.

- I think our society just
doesn't understand addiction.

Without the addiction,
they felt incomplete,

they felt this huge emptiness inside.

It's as if the addiction
was to complete themselves,

and to somehow temporarily
cover up the emptiness.

Why the finger-pointing, why the judgments

on a particular group of
people who are addicted

who happen to use substances?

My first job that I ever had
as a physician in Vancouver

after I did my internship was actually

in the downtown east side of Vancouver.

It's North America's most concentrated

and most dramatic area of drug use

where there's more people injecting

and ingesting and inhaling
all kinds of substances

than anywhere else in the planet.

And I go this old, broken down hotel

with cracking paint on the walls

and there's strange
people walking in and out,

and I felt totally at home right away.

And after two years, I
shifted my full-time work

to the downtown east side.

So I worked there for 12 years.

They all had suffered
tremendous torment as children,

which also meant that their
addictions were extreme.

They were quite willing
to sacrifice love, life,

relationship, health
just for the next hit.

They were that desperate
to escape from reality

because reality had been so cruel to them.

We were dealing with people
with severe infections.

They would inject drugs.

That would give them abscesses,

not only in their skin or their muscles,

but also in their brains,

in their spinal cord, in their joints.

So they have to be hospitalized,

which is the only facility
where you can deliver

IV antibiotics several times a day.

But they were users, so there'd be

always absconding from the hospital

and even using the IV
lines to inject through.

So inevitably they would
be kicked out of hospital,

which means that their
life-threatening infections

would be untreated.

This is how I met Joey Carter.

I think I pushed him
across an intersection once

in his wheelchair, maybe
that's the first time

we actually met.

- And you helped me out and
you said, what are you doing?

Enough's enough.

I'm going to admit you to CTC-R,
are you going to go there?

And I was like, well,
what about my addiction?

And then you said, well,
what are you using?

And I said, well, I've been
using morphine and m-eslon.

I said, how many will you give me a day?

You said as many as you
have in your pocket.

- By meeting people where they're at

and treating them like human beings

and not trying to change them

actually opens up the possibility

of transformation for them.

And Joey's a plain example.

- 'Cause they had come
in like every four hours

to give me my morphine.
- Yeah.

- And I wasn't needing it.

I was saving it, right.

And I woke up and there is
like morphine all over the bed

and I thought it was in heaven.

- I do recall your poetry,

and you were a very, a very avid writer.

- Yeah.

- And you've shared some of that with me.

Is there one that, you know,
that you can recite now?

- Yeah.

It goes

I misbehave when I crave to
push the venom in my veins.

I lose all control of my inner soul

and my demons hold the reins.

I deceive whoever believes,
I twist their open trust.

With nefarious precision
and tunnel vision,

I pursue the venom with lust.

With the desire so strong,

I forget all bonds
hurting the ones I adore,

And even though they love
me, they move on from me

to let me fight my war.

Uncontrollable, I'm inconsolable,

slowly I'm dying inside.

A glutton of such, I've used too much,

now there's no life in my eyes.

- Wow.

I wanna talk to you guys

about why you think you got addicted?

Like, what did it do for
you in the short term

that you wanted it,
like you appreciated it?

- The one thing that I've learned

was gratification through sex.

It would pay my rent,
it would pay my food,

it would pay my clothes.

But it was also feeling loved.

- Feeling loved? Like...

- Having that desire for
somebody to care and-

- And want you.
- Want you.

- I wouldn't be able to
have a sexual relationship

if I wasn't using, because
I couldn't feel anything

towards the other person.

- It made you feel more alive?

- Yeah. It made me feel more in tune.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, like that's...

And I used it to have feelings.

- I didn't feel pretty,

I didn't feel like...

And as soon as I would
do a little bit of drugs,

my self-esteem would instantly go up.

- I did so much sports and
was on such a strict schedule

that when I started to
use in like grade eight,

grade nine, like, I was free.

- So freedom.

Sense of aliveness.

Completion. Self-esteem.

These are all wonderful
things, aren't they?

When they talk about
addiction being a bad choice,

I say no, it isn't.

It's actually a solution to a problem.

If we understand that the addiction

is not the primary problem,

but really a response to trauma,

then it becomes obvious that
in order to heal addiction,

you have to heal the trauma.

But it means that you see the wound

that's driving that person.

Underneath that traumatized persona,

there's the healthy
individual who has never

found expression in this life

because they were never given

the venue for expression,
never given the relationships,

in which they could, their all

authentic humanity could be expressed.

Are we free? Are we conscious?

Are we making a decision
based on full awareness

or are we driven by unconscious dynamics

that we've inherited or that we developed

as a response to childhood trauma?

Well, insofar as we're not
conscious, we are not free.

We have then a social
structure that induces trauma

in a lot of people,

therefore it induces escapist,

addictive behaviors in a lot of people,

and those inner trends line up

with how society looks
like on the outside.

So therefore all this
looks perfectly normal

and perfectly natural.

Fundamentally the message
is that with our minds

we create the world.

So if I have a worldview that
the world is a horrible place,

then I'm going to live in a world where

I have to be aggressive,
suspicious, competitive

and make myself as big as possible

so I don't get eaten up.

So I have to be grandiose and cunning

because that's the world I'm living in.

And these are the people that our society

rewards with power.

- Do you think that the
inability of these individuals

to manifest real change is a demonstration

that what we have are deeply entrenched

and traumatized systems
that are predicated

on unconscious choices, unconscious drives

and that the system cannot and will not

alter itself from within
itself, but will sustain itself,

and it's only sort of new,
radical ideas that can alter it?

- That's exactly what I'm saying.

Large segments of the economy survive

because people buy things that
give them temporary pleasure

but do them no good
whatsoever in the long-term,

in fact are even harmful.

I mean, we're going so far
as to destroy the earth

because of our addiction.

The disconnect from the body of the earth

really has to do with the
disconnect from our own bodies.

The two are together.

And the exploitation of the earth

as if it was something separate from us

has a lot to do with
patriarchal domination.

I mean, we talk about mother earth.

Look what we're doing to mother.

It's a mother hatred almost.

It speaks to a blindness and a passivity

which itself is a marker of
societal and collective trauma.

Our schools are full of kids
with learning difficulties,

mental health issues
that are trauma-based,

but the average teacher never gets

a single lecture on trauma.

They're fundamentally working with

an essential lack of information.

I actually barely mentioned
the criminal justice system

has no understanding or even acquaintance

with the concept of trauma.

In fact, they often create policies

that further deepen people's trauma.

That these institutions
need to be informed

of what trauma is and
how to respond to it.

- I went between custodies of different

states and counties...

Since 18.

I struggled with addiction
and they were sending me

to these places to get
the help that you needed.

I had nothing but the
authorities telling me

that it was my fault, my fault, my fault,

because you're choosing this, you know

and I can't keep choosing it.

And you're supposed to trust
and believe in these people.

California industrialized prison.

- Trauma doesn't know of color,

trauma doesn't know of age,

trauma doesn't know a tax bracket,

trauma doesn't know any of these things.

Anybody can be traumatizing anybody.

Symptoms of trauma:

nightmares and night terrors.

- Inability to love.

- Addictive behavior.

- Insomnia.

- Depression.

- Shame.

- That's not who you are,

but it's a symptom of being traumatized,

and we're here to heal each other.

We heal in community.

When I do these circles with anybody,

when they see the extent of
childhood trauma in themselves,

but also in the people
around them, it's a shift.

It takes the othering out. It
actually brings a human in.

And that, as a society,
is one of the imperatives

that we need to get to.

We gotta start seeing each other

for what happened to us and
not what's wrong with us.

- My name is Romie Nottage.

I am the senior director of San Francisco

and social innovation for
Downtown Streets Team,

and that is changing the lives of people

who are currently homeless
through the dignity of work.

Labeling people as just drug addicts,

like, it's deeper than that.

They probably at a younger
age have been reinforced

that their value is not
as significant as others.

The pain is the root cause of people

trying to feel comfortable in this world.

Using street drugs is a method.

It is a behavior to support
something that is uncomfortable.

- I was homeless for about 15 years.

It is a survival of the fittest.

I had three kids on the
street while homeless,

walking around, no shoes,
selling drugs, doing drugs,

hoping they would miscarry.

All the babies came out with everything.

Meth, crystal, cocaine,
everything you could think of.

I did utilize those three moments in time

where I had those babies to just rest up

in a nice place and eat a hot meal.

Just basically took a
shower those three times,

'cause while I was homeless,
most of us don't shower.

Maybe once a year, if that.

But I was lucky I had the same
foster mom, all three boys.

Albert, Jetson and James are all thriving.

They're very healthy.

I did fight for them. Don't get me wrong.

I did try to fight for them,

but I wasn't ready to
give up the drug life.

- It was fall, so it was the rain season.

I just remember that constant worry

about where was I gonna go that night?

Would I find shelter?

'Cause there's no where to go, right?

The people that did love
me just said you know what?

We're not going to stand by
anymore while you kill yourself.

We can't do it.

It's hurting more.

We're dying a harder death than you are.

And they just scattered from my life.

I was utterly alone.

- I've been in the city on the streets now

for four years.

Went to college on my GI bill.

I was in the army for a total of 11 years,

then I got diagnosed with
non-Hodgkin's lymphoma

and I retired.

My PTSD comes from experiences with

trying to beat this monkey
on my back, you know?

I've had a beautiful home and vehicles

and wife and kids and thrown
it all away for drugs.

- So when you pass by someone
homeless on the street,

that is such a painful world to live in,

and a very important thing
to do is acknowledge them

and not pretending or literally thinking

that no one's sitting right there.

How are you doing?

Hanging in there?

Had a rough sleep last night?

You stay in the TL?
- I do.

- Yeah, cool. How long have you been here?

- I moved here from
Atlanta February the 7th.

- The number one thing that people

who are experiencing
homelessness suffer from

is feeling looked down on.

It's like people just passing by them,

not acknowledging their experience.

That forms an identity
that is internalized.

Their sense of self has been attacked.

Their dignity has been
completely reinforced

as non-existent every single day.

Humanization of homelessness
is where we need to start

because we're working with people,

we're working with nervous systems,

we are working with deflated
and traumatized senses of self.

To be honest, if I lived in that world,

I would want to use, too.

It'd get me out of it.

It'd make me feel not
like that for a minute.

- Hey, Duane, you home?

It's Tessa.

Hey, how are you?
- Hi, how are you?

- I'm Tessa.

I'm a harm reduction specialist
at Abode Housing Services.

I help people move through
the pain of their addiction

and regain dignity.

So, oh my gosh, your place looks amazing.

I took this job because of
the harm reduction approach,

where people get housing.

You don't have an agenda.

You must do this or that
in order to access housing,

you're worthy of housing because
housing should be a right.

When people get housed
after they've been outdoors

for seven, 15, 25 years,
whatever the number is,

you're alone.

You don't have survival to do,

so this is when I'm starting to see

everybody's pain start surfacing

and people are starting to have, you know,

more challenges and emotional challenges

than they did out on the streets.

Dr. Gabor Mate, when
I found his teachings,

and specifically The
Realm of the Hungry Ghost

kind of changed my outlook in life.

I'm very dear to this work.

- I'm Gabor's wife and I have
been for close to 50 years.

I met Gabor in October of 1967

when I was a first year student at UBC.

I saw in the student
newspaper that they were

looking for cartoonists and I draw.

I walked into the small
room and he's sitting there

reading a book and I said:

"My name's Rae.

I'm supposed to draw you.

Would you mind just sitting there?"

This is it.

I did this before I knew who he was,

before I'd had a conversation.

What a mysterious guy.

Dark, you know?

Intense.

He was so interesting to me.

- I've always been a rebel.

I mean, in communist
Hungary, in grade six,

my teacher wrote in my report card that:

you should watch it because
he incites the other students.

But so that tendency to
resist arbitrariness,

what I'm being told and
what the official line is.

So I'm really not one for group-think,

and it really helps me
to see through all kinds

of nonsense that people
accept without questioning.

On a personal level, I'm
also a contradiction.

My longing is really a
sense of being excluded

from something, and a
sense of impossibility,

and I very easily go there.

I mean, that is my baseline.

- Very early in my meeting with Gabor,

I saw clearly the light that he was

and the dark that he was.

So I saw brilliance and I saw real,

I guess trauma is the word I'd use now,

but I didn't know then.

To me it was dark.

And of course, by then I knew he was,

directly had been in the Holocaust,

but it was going to be my job to heal him,

to bring out that light.

I really believe that
the purpose of marriage

is to actually go back
to the original trauma,

which comes from the family.

I married a man who was
so much like my father.

- My scientific interest as well

has been having to deal with my own trauma

because in my 40s, I was a
very successful physician

and I was a national columnist
for a Canadian newspaper,

and I was the head of the
palliative care department

at a major Canadian hospital,

and I was depressed and alienated,
in a difficult marriage,

and my children were scared of me

and I didn't like being alive.

- Well, there's just
nothing more frustrating

to be in a situation, to see him out there

doing this amazing work, just
the healing and the wisdom

and the support, and then come home

and be completely exhausted, irritable.

And then I get the negativity.

I have to be me, I have to be authentic.

My nervous system is so wired

that if I'm not authentic
to myself, I'm sick.

I have a stomach ache.

I can't sleep.

I'm anxious.

And it's usually here.

It's usually something in this dynamic.

- Yeah.
- Right?

- When I would compulsively
shop for compact discs

and lie about it.

Rae would get neck aches.

And after a while she figured
out if I got a neck ache,

this guy is lying to me.

- He doesn't get away with anything.

- Yeah.

- How are you, Gabor Mate,
not processing your trauma?

- How am I not processing it?

- Yeah, because like,
if you are not doing it,

that's like Steve Jobs going:

"I couldn't get my phone to work."

- That's another traumatized
person, by the way,

whose cancer is everything to do with

the childhood trauma that he experienced,

but that's another book and another story.

- So you sort of are a
bit like in the Matrix,

when Neo sees everything's
made out of numbers,

you look at people and you see
all their trauma and damage?

- That's what I see.

Until I realized that I was traumatized,

which really wasn't until
my late 30s and mid-40s,

and began to realize that it
didn't have to be this way,

that there were reasons for it,

and I started looking for those reasons.

So I started waking up
fairly late in life.

I was a driven, workaholic doctor.

Now why was a driven workaholic doctor?

Because the message I got as an infant

is that the world didn't want me.

Now how do you deal with not being wanted?

You make yourself needed.

So if you're traumatized

and if you don't think you're lovable,

my god, go to medical school.

Now they're going to
want you all the time.

When they're dying,
when they're being born,

every moment in between,
and that's highly addictive,

because you get the
validation all the time.

A lot of people that go into medicine

the last thing they want is
to be open and vulnerable.

In fact, what they want is the authority

of the white coat and the stethoscope.

And medical school is very hard on people.

You might look at it almost

as a selection process that weeds out

the people that are too vulnerable.

The long hours, the deference
to unreasonable authority,

the stress that you are
willing to subject yourself to,

and these are the people that,
like me, become physicians.

So that selects out
against the vulnerable.

I went to medical school here at UBC.

At that time, we did not get
a single lecture of trauma.

We did not even hear the word.

They still don't hear the
word trauma in medical school.

So I've looked at the whole
range of human experience

from birth to death because
I've worked in obstetrics

and I've worked in palliative care

and everything else in between.

The modern medical paradigm in practice

separates mind from the body

and it separates the individual
from the environment.

So when you look at, there's an epidemic

of asthma right now in North America,

more and more people, kids
are being diagnosed with it,

it's all about, or largely about,

the increasing stress in our society.

So it's a cultural manifestation,

and this is completely
missing in medical practice.

If you look at Black Americans,

Black Americans are more
likely to get prostate cancer

and more likely to die of it,

and not because of a lack of medical care.

Maybe there's something
about being a minority

in this particular culture
that is so highly stressful

that it deranges the immune system.

If you look at the asthmatic
Afro-American woman,

is that asthma a manifestation
of her own pathology?

Or is it reflecting a social malaise?

Which means the emotion,
whatever you've experienced,

probably suppressed rage or shame,

whatever you experience,

actually affects the
physiology of your lungs.

Medicine is very interesting that way.

If you go to a dermatologist
with an inflamed skin,

what kind of cream are
they going to give you?

Anybody know?

Steroid cream, right.

If you go to a rheumatologist
with an inflamed joint,

what medication are
they going to give you?

Steroids very often.

If you go to a lung
specialist with asthma,

what kind of inhaler are you going to get?

Steroid.

If you go to a gastroenterologist

with an inflamed intestines,

what kind of medication are you gonna get?

Steroids.

Now, what are steroids?

They're copies of cortisol.

What is cortisol?

The stress hormone.

We're treating everything
with stress hormones.

Maybe it should occur to us

that stress has something to do

with the onset of these conditions.

The fundamental problem is capitalism,

or I should say materialism.

As long as the research
is driven by the profits

of pharmaceutical companies,

what's going to drive the
education of physicians

except the profit motive of
pharmaceutical companies?

I mean, it's just obvious.

People have to be seen as automatons,

as beings without really emotional needs

or spiritual needs.

As globalization and
globalized materialism

spreads throughout the world,

so there's auto immune disease

spreading throughout the world

in societies that hardly
even knew them before.

Diseases, whether mental or physical,

are normal responses to
abnormal circumstances,

and what would be considered normal

in this society is often actually insane.

In the most health obsessed
humans society ever,

all is not well.

In the US, the richest society in history,

fully half of the citizens
have a chronic disorder

such as high blood pressure or diabetes.

Illness is when part of an organism,

starts working against the overall benefit

of the organism.

So that say, in an autoimmune disease,

the immune system attacks
the host organism.

So a system that was designed
by nature to protect you

now it turns against you.

Cell division, which is
meant to be coordination

with the needs of the entire organism,

gets out of hand and
now you've got cancer.

The search is always to find out

what's wrong with the individual cell,

or how do you kill the abnormal cells?

So the treatment is restricted
to the biological plane.

We either cut it out or we
poison it or we burn it.

That's our approach to treating cancer.

Most chronic illness is a
way of the body saying no

when the person suppress their no's

in order to fit in.

I'm saying that when
the illness comes along,

we can just look upon it
as a nuisance to get rid of

and an enemy to fight,

or we can say, okay, well, it's here now.

What's the teaching?

Which it doesn't mean that
we don't accept treatment

or we don't do our best to heal,

but that, as part of that healing process,

we actually ask ourselves

what does this mean about
my life and my relationships

and particularly about how I treat myself?

What is the teaching?

- My name is Tim.

I'm 51-years-old.

I was given a diagnosis of prostate cancer

about a year and a half ago.

I actually had a full,
radical prostatectomy,

so that means the whole
removal of my prostate

which was no walk in the park.

It's quite a, quite an extensive surgery.

In October they did a bone scan

and found that there was multiple areas

in my spine, ribs and some pelvis

that the cancer had metastasized to,

which was devastating to me at the time.

There was no need for me
to have the operation.

If someone has prostate cancer

and they have the prostate removed

but the cancer is still in their body,

then the surgery hasn't done any good.

There was no root cause
analysis of why I got it.

What I soon discovered was
that everything was a band-aid.

- The average general practitioner

under the insurance programs

gets to see a person for 6 minutes

and a psychiatrist gets to
see them for 10 minutes.

What can you do in 10 minutes?

You can adjust medications.

And the average psychiatrist today

is not trained in psychotherapy.

They are trained in what's
called biological psychiatry

which fundamentally means
altering the biology

of the brain by handing out prescriptions,

which never get to the
heart of the problem.

So while I'm not dogmatically
opposed to medications,

in the contrary, I acknowledge
their value in my own life,

they are not the answer.

And at the very best they should be only

as a stop gap measure until we get

to work on the real issues.

Why this disease, why in
this person and why now?

Unless I answer those questions,

unless I ask those questions,

we can't talk about wholeness.

We can't talk about healing
in the deepest sense.

- I grew up in a family with
a father who was very angry

and never even realized it because for me

it was just natural and normal.

As a kid I didn't know any different,

and I was very scared.

Anytime I acted out in
anger, it always backfired,

so I could never express that anger.

So I decided to go more on
a healing journey myself

and try to find out what could I do myself

to be able to maybe cure this thing,

or at least live longer, feel better

and address it at many different levels.

So I turned to ayahuasca

mainly because of the anxiety

and realizing like what's
a deeper spiritual reason

that I got this diagnosis?

Why did I get this cancer?

I got more out of ayahuasca in one journey

than I probably did in five
years of psychoanalysis.

- What I know about ayahuasca

in the healing of addiction,

ayahuasca being an Amazonian brew

which has got psychedelic qualities.

It can induce visions
and deep experiences.

So there was a ceremony here
led by a Peruvian shaman

and within half an hour of
having ingested the brew,

it felt very much real,
it felt very much like me,

but it was new because I
experienced a state of, um,

such deep love and gratitude such as

I have not recalled experiencing before.

And I saw that my own addictive behaviors

were driven precisely
because I hadn't been able to

experience that kind of love
and that kind of gratitude.

From that state, there's no need to look

for anything else outside of yourself.

And I also learned very shortly

that the ayahuasca has
the power to teach people

about their trauma,

to actually show them
what happened to them.

All of a sudden, oh yes,
this is what happened.

This is why I decided
that life is unbearable.

This is why I decided
that I wasn't lovable.

This is why I decided that
I had to soothe myself

from the outside because
there was no peace inside,

and immediately I sat down
and I worked with this.

And once you start working
with one psychedelic

then you become aware that
there's a whole world out there

and there's a whole resurgence now

in the healing powers of
psychedelic modalities,

and so there are other substances.

The deep therapeutic
potential of psychedelics

resides in the fact that they get

the conditioned mind out of the way.

So people have access to
two aspects of reality

that they're usually not in touch with.

One is the deep trauma and
pain that they're carrying

that they can actually look at now,

and in an appropriate,
compassionate, safe context

they can experience
these troubled emotions

and mind states without having to

be driven into insanity
or having to escape.

If you're going to use psychedelics,

it has to be combined with

very adept therapy at the same time.

So in my work with Tim tomorrow,

we'll be using one of these modalities

to see if he can be
guided deep into himself

so that some answers may emerge

for the existential and life
issues that he's facing.

Hey, Tim.
- Hi, Gabor.

- Come on in.

How are you?
- Good, thank you.

- You're all set?
- Yeah, I'm all set.

- Okay, come on in.

The medication will
take about half an hour

to take effect.

When you're ready, just ingest it.

You've been diagnosed
with prostate cancer.

- Correct.

- And stage four
means that it's spread

to elsewhere in the body?

- Yes, it spread to bone.

Places in my spine, pelvis and ribs.

- In my view of people that develop cancer

tend to be nice people
who are more concerned

with the emotional needs
of others than their own.

They have a hard time
expressing healthy anger.

And also they have this belief

that they must not disappoint anybody.

How do you feel when you perceive

that somebody is not seeing
you, is not listening to you?

- I felt very sad and probably a bit of

a tinge of anger there too, as well.

Yeah.

- So how about
if we rephrase that?

- Aha, anger.

Yeah, yeah, I felt anger.

- What do you feel in your body

when you say those things?

Just check in with your body.

What's happening there?

- I feel a little bit energized from it,

just to saying it, yeah.

Absolutely.

I feel a little bit more awake.

- So notice how you
deprive yourself of energy.

- Mm-hm.

- Okay.

- That makes me just really sad

just thinking about that.

Man it feels good to feel.

But underneath that I just...

Feeling this frustration.

Fuck, it's too much energy that

I've been holding on to contain that.

Like I'm pissed off

that I have to keep fucking
focusing on all this shit,

working on myself.

I'm fucking tired of it.

- So what is the thing that
you need to keep your mind off?

By trying to figure everything out?

- This little boy that
just wants to be loved

and accepted unconditionally...

He wasn't.

And so he's had to figure
out how to be accepted

and loved by others,

and even my internal judge.

It was rough when I was angry.

- You can stop all this work,

just actually, just be
here and whatever there is.

See, as long as you don't
allow the fear to be there,

you're going to be always
working to get rid of it.

That's what the work is all about,

all the work that you're doing.

And then you're gonna keep working

to make yourself
acceptable and always nice

and dutiful and all that.

Or you could say, okay, the fear is there.

I'll let it be there.

I'm big enough to...

There's enough space here for it to,

to be a part of me.

- It just seems too easy.

- Yeah, it's gonna be a lot
more complicated than that.

I developed a method of
therapy or exploration

with people called compassionate inquiry.

The essence of which is the belief that

the truth is inside all of us,

we just have to ask the right questions

to help people arrive at the truth.

If that clenched jaw could speak,

what would it say now?

- I don't want this anymore.

- Okay.

What is the this that you don't want?

- That's what I don't know.

- Look, if you didn't
shut our mouth like this,

what is it that wants to come out

that we're not letting out?

- Rage.

- Yeah. That is the inquiry.

How do you feel about that?

- I think there's a few
feelings associated with that.

- I'm not buying that one.

How do you feel towards it?
How do you feel about that?

I'm a part of you. How
do you feel about that?

What comes up right now?
- Shame.

- Thank you.

What are you ashamed about? Do you know?

- That it is a weakness.

- And you must not be weak?

- Correct.

- Because if you're weak, then what?

- I won't to be able to
take care of those I love.

- So you locate it and it's
here in the chest area.

Just put your attention on it right now.

I mean, we're looking at this blockage

or sense of blockage, okay?

What does it want to say to you?

- It's not a word. It's soothing.

- It's soothing?
- Yeah.

Desiring.
- That it's wanting soothing?

- Yeah.

- If you're in touch with this sense here

that you've just identified,

how familiar is it to you?
- Oh, very.

- How far does it go back?

- Seven. That's when I lost my mother.

But it was present before that.

- Okay.

- So what does it need from you?

- To be held.

- To be held?

- Yeah.

- Like your mother might've held you?

- Yeah.

- So when it arises,
my advice is don't try

and figure out how better to do your work

or how better to be
present or any of that,

or how will I fulfill my calling?

Your calling is really clear,

but this part of you guess what?

Needs to be here, heard and seen.

- All righty.

- Okay?

Yeah?

- Mm-hm. That makes sense.

- That's good.

Any questions?

- I think I'm just supposed
to feel right now.

- Well, that's good.

That means you're paying attention.

He called you something.

- Monster.

- Oh yeah.

He called me monster.
- He called you monster?

- He's called me delusional.

- How do you feel when
he calls you a monster?

- I mean, I feel hurt.

I feel angry.

- Okay.

So what if I said to you,
you got beautiful green hair.

How would you feel about that?

- I'd laugh, I wouldn't-
- Why would you laugh?

- 'Cause I knew my hair is not green.

- Uh huh.

What if I say you were a monster?

- The feeling of the anxiety was so strong

that I wanted to end it.

- Anything familiar about any of that?

- Are you trying to go
back to childhood trauma?

- Who, me?

You see that you developed a belief

that I can't be touched,
nothing can touch me.

Guess what happens when you get sick?

- Mm-hm.

- That defense is now destroyed.

- Pow.

Wow.

- I ask people to tell
me some recent episode

when they're upset with
somebody in their lives,

and something that
they're open to sharing.

So it doesn't have to be
anything sordid or anything

but just something, you know,

whether it's your spouse,
partner, the bus driver,

I don't care.
- Sure.

- A friend.

Okay, so what happened?
- You want me to describe it?

- What happened? Yeah.

- All right, there were a
number of issues in my home

and I had hired someone to do
these things while I was gone

and I came back and
none of them were fixed.

- Okay. And your emotional reaction was?

- Anger.

- Anything else besides anger?

- I was disappointed.

- Disappointed is sadness.

- Let's go with that.
- Okay.

So I'm going to ask you a silly question.

What were you sad and angry about?

- Well angry that someone
had made commitments to me

and not fulfilled those commitments.

- What does that mean that they didn't

fulfill their commitments?

- Uh, it meant that they
didn't care about me.

They didn't have that...

They disrespect me.
- So they didn't care

about you and didn't respect you.

What kind of person doesn't
get cared or respected?

- I don't know.

Someone who doesn't deserve
to be cared for or respected.

- Exactly.

Are there other reasons
why this other person

might not have done the
work that has nothing

to do with him or her not caring about Tim

or not respecting him?

So what other reasons might there be?

- Uh, he had a flight delay

and got caught on Puerto
Rico during a hurricane.

- Yeah, he's got ADHD.

- Yeah.

- And he can't follow through,

and any number of possibilities.

- Yeah.

- Now, of all the possibilities

that you've just outlined,

including that they don't
care about you or respect you,

which is the worst one?

- The one I immediately defaulted to.

- So let's notice something.

A, you, I should say we,

'cause we're all like this,

we don't respond to what happens.

We respond to our
perception of what happens.

- Right.
- Okay.

That's what the Buddha said.

It's with our minds we create the world.

Number two, of all the
possible interpretations,

we choose the worst one.

Thirdly, what I just said isn't true.

We didn't choose it.

It's not like you went through
all these possibilities

and you said-
- Was a multiple choice

and I chose option D.
- Oh no,

he doesn't care about me
and he doesn't respect me.

You didn't do that.

Your brain jumped there
automatically, right?

My question is why?

First time in your life

that you felt hurt and angry

when you perceived somebody
didn't care about you

and didn't respect you?

- It's not the first time.
- Very good.

And most people I talk
to, it goes back way back.

- Yeah. This goes way back.

- Into childhood.

- Mm-hm.
- Okay.

And that's what trauma is.

We don't respond to the present moment.

We respond to the past.

So who's the one that
doesn't care about you

and who's the one that doesn't think

you're worthy of respect?
- Oh, it'd be me.

- It would be you.
- Yeah.

- So that's the learning,

and that's the beauty of healing

is that when you reframe things

and you actually see the
source within ourselves,

all of a sudden that's liberating.

Because guess what?

If you're feeling that way
because this guy did this

or didn't do that, that
makes you a victim.

- Yeah.

- But if you see that you are the source,

now you're powerful.

Can you have a vision of
society that incorporates

the achievements of modern civilization

while at the same time still honors

the essence of human nature?

I think the answer is yes.

I know the answer is yes,

not that I expect to
see it in my lifetime.

We need trauma informed medical care,

trauma informed education

and trauma informed therapy.

- Everybody that has listened to a talk

or read his book always said to me

I don't feel like I'm
a bad person anymore.

I can see their heads higher.

Yeah, they're still using substances,

but something inside of
them is starting to change.

That's their shame is kind of dissipating.

- Without me stumbling
across his work, I tell you,

I tell you, I would've
been a different person.

Personal childhood trauma is key

because once you understand that,

know you were a child
and you didn't have help,

and if it's about love them
why are we locking them up?

- Underneath that traumatized persona,

there's the healthy individual

who has never found
expression in this life.

If you see that, then
you're trauma informed,

it's not a question of healing the trauma

or of ever getting rid of
the memory of what happened,

but to help that person expand

so that there's space
for all those emotions.

- Dr. Mate, he allowed me to feel

that what I was seeing
was a humanistic crisis.

It was a human not being identified

in the light in which they deserve to be.

We as caretakers in this world

need to see the human in
front of us, not the problem.

We still have each other's numbers.

You'll call me?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Okay.
- All right.

Good to see you, buddy.
- Good to see you.

I missed you.
- All right.

- Bye.

How have you been?

It cannot be a general construct

of this is how we're dealing
with people who are homeless,

this is how we're dealing with people

who are are addicted to drugs.

No, this is how we deal with Sarah,

this is how we deal with Jose.

This is how we are in relationship

to each and every person
experiencing trauma

within their lives.

That is what has been the
essence to his teaching for me.

Hi, who's this?

- Fang.

- Hi Fang, how are you doing?

Fang, are you his little companion?

- When we start the journey
of being compassionate

with ourselves, not only
does it change ourselves,

it changes our communities
and our society.

- Today I'm still healing.

I'm still healing from
my abandonment issues.

I'm a lifer inmate.

Being here today, witnessing all you guys'

traumatic experiences gives me motivation,

gives me inspiration to continue on

the path that I'm currently on.

- Every human being has a
true, genuine, authentic self.

And that true, genuine authentic self

can never be destroyed.

- When people say you have
a second chance in life,

today I know what that means.

So I performed for the first time singing,

after not singing in 20 years.

So I performed in front
of over 400 people.

That was a dream come true,

and I was able to reunite with my mother.

When God blessed me with this son,

my four-year-old boy Douglas,

I made a promise to
myself and I said, listen,

I want to be a mom.

I want to be a good mom.

The baby's dad is also with me.

He's my babysitter.

- I've been clean for the
last 10 and a half months.

'Cause you did, you made
a difference in my life.

- Thank you for being in touch.

# Through the mist and the pain #

# I've learned to maintain #

# There is no shame #

# There is no shame #

- I am happy to say now
that through my own healing,

after being off my medication
now for six months,

I've gone in remission.

The cancer is just not, is not growing.

This is the first time in four years

where this has happened, so
this is absolutely amazing.

- It's been spiritual work for us both

and I've grown up in the relationship.

I've healed in the relationship.

I'm still healing in the relationship.

To me this is an incredible love story.

It's really inspiring how he's changed.

So as we've gotten older,

somehow we've gotten freer and younger.

We just get closer and closer.

It gets better and better.

- It's a dynamic, emergent process

of confrontation with the truth
that solutions will arise.

Trauma involves a lifelong pushing down,

a tremendous expenditure of energy,

into not feeling the pain.

As we heal, that same
energy is liberated for life

and for being in the present.

So the energy of trauma can be transformed

into the energy of life.

# You can see it in the cars #

# It's playing on the radio #

# It's written in the stars #

# And living in me #

# You can read it in the cards #

# And hear it in stereo #

# It's a bullet in your heart #

# And a trigger in me #

# You can see it in the young #

# They saw it on a video #

# Loaded like a gun #

# It's aiming at me #

# Everybody in the run #

# Talking on the telephone #

# Hurry up and have fun #

# 'Cause it's killing me #

# Over and over and over once again #

# They will find you #

# You'll let them in #

# Over and over and over once again #

# They will find you #

# Under your skin #

# The way that it's working #

# You know it's not working #

# The way things are going #

# Where are we going #

# What does it matter #

# It's mind over matter #

# When it's all over #

# Nothing is over #

# Ooh ooh ooh ooh #

# Ooh ooh ooh #

# Ooh ooh ooh ooh #

# Ooh ooh #

# It's a devil in disguise #

# hidden in the media #

# It's a hunger in your eyes #

# It's feeding on me #

# Everybody with their lives #

# Coming from the satellite #

# I'm walking on a wire #

# They keep following me #

# Over and over and over once again #

# They will find you #

# You'll let them in #

# Over and over and over once again #

# They will bind you #

# Under your skin #

# But the way that's it working #

# You know it's not working #

# The way things are going #

# Where are we going #

# What does it matter #

# It's mind over matter #

# When it's all over #

# Nothing is over #

# The way that it's working #

# You know it's not working #

# The way things are going #

# Where are we going #

# What does it matter #

# It's mind over matter #

# When it's all over #

# Nothing is over #

# What does it matter #

# It's mind over matter #

# It's mind over matter #