The Wife (1995) - full transcript
Tom Noonan's dark comedy features a husband-and-wife team of psychotherapists who run a New-Age therapy group out in the wilderness. Late one night, Jack and Rita are visited by one of their patients, Cosmo, and his wife, Arlie. Cosmo's wife has felt "left out," since her husband spends so much time with the therapists and confides all of their secrets to them. Arlie has insisted on meeting them--the evening begins awkwardly, then painfully grinds on, as various tensions and power struggles emerge between and among the two couples.
MAN (OFFSCREEN): (SINGING) Look
at me, sad, pink eyes,
floppy ears.
Love disguise, but in my
heart, I'm a lion.
Rita?
Wait up!
I was just kidding!
It was a joke!
I'll sing your favorite song!
I'll sing the rabbit song!
(SINGING) Please let
me love you!
Just let me try!
My heart will be happy.
I'll smile when I die.
[music playing]
-Honey,why don't-- why don't we
take a nap before dinner?
[phone ringing]
[phone ringing]
RECORDING: The doctors
are not in.
Please leave a message.
If you are in crisis, you could
call Dr. Jacobi, who is
covering for us at 555-3352.
Thank you.
[beep]
MAN (OVER PHONE): Rita
and Jack, it's Bill.
Um, I, I know it's late,
and it's, uh, Sunday.
I just, um, yeah, maybe I will
call, uh, that doctor, um,
I'll call back.
I didn't write his number down.
I, uh--
oh, I don't know, I just--
it's the thing with
breathing again.
I, uh, don't know--
-You startled me.
-No, I was just watching.
Is there anything to drink?
-I still--
I still have a DC, but there's,
um, a bottle of red
that you can--
-Sure.
Can I do anything, or--
-No, I think everything is
pretty much under control.
-Music, or--
-Um--
-We don't, we don't have to.
-No, something not
too wild, maybe.
-OK.
-Have you seen the
little sauce pan?
-You what?
-The little sauce pan.
Have you seen it?
-Oh, the pan.
Jesus.
-What did you think I said?
-I, uh, don't ask.
What?
-I'm sorry.
-What?
-No, you're funny.
-I, I don't think that--
-No, I mean it.
It's OK.
-It's-- it was really great
being here alone all weekend.
Did you, um, did
you get antsy?
-No, no, no.
-Because I remember that the
last bad time, you know, that,
that weekend that we had, uh--
-What?
-I'm just, um, tired.
No, when-- when I think about
how close we almost came that
time, well, I just, um--
I just thank god that we took
the time and got help.
-Did you wear your
sun block today?
-Jack, it's the winter.
-I don't know.
The sun reflects off the snow.
-No!
Don't you--
you don't think--
-This is kidding.
Come here.
-I just want to be close
to you, that's all.
Don't pull away.
I can feel you pulling away.
-Oh, no.
I saw headlights down the
end of the drive.
-You don't have to make
something up.
Saying that you don't want to
be close is a way of being
close.
-Right.
I, I saw them when I
came down before.
I just thought it was a car
turning around, and--
-It was probably just some
Sunday drivers lost.
-Right.
It's--
I don't like it.
-What are you doing?
-Don't worry, I'll
take care of it.
-Jack, if you're worried,
just call the police.
-I'm not worried.
-Honey?
-(ANGRILY) What?
MAN (OFFSCREEN): It's clear!
I mean--
-Hello?
MAN (OFFSCREEN): --every
relationship you've ever had.
Just look at your family.
WOMAN (OFFSCREEN): Don't
you bring up my family.
I've told you, no family.
You are my family now.
My fucking family has nothing
to do with you.
MAN (OFFSCREEN): It's
me, everybody!
It's Cosmo!
-Cosmo?
-Yeah, just me.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Our Cosmo?
WOMAN (OFFSCREEN): Your family
have some great--
COSMO (OFSCREEN): Well,
we'll be on our way.
WOMAN (OFFSCREEN): Don't
make me laugh.
MAN (OFFSCREEN): Are you
all right, Cosmo?
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): I, I
know this looks crazy.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Quit
calling me crazy.
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): I'm not
calling you crazy.
MAN (OFFSCREEN): Try
that, big man.
I dare ya.
WOMAN (OFFSCREEN): Yeah
What are you gonna do?
What?
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): Will
you be quiet?
Will you shut up?
-No!
No!
-What's going on?
-No, nothing.
Nothing.
I mean, we were just out
shopping, and you know, I
always talk about you two so
much, so I wanted to show
Arlie the house.
Then the car stalled.
-Hi.
I'm wifey.
JACK (OFFSCREEN): I'll check
the security system.
-Rita, I am so sorry.
I mean, I just--
-No, no, no, no.
-I hope we're not interrupting
anything.
-I was just a little
concerned.
-Concerned?
Well, don't be concerned.
I mean, this whole thing is
just, I mean, you know,
there's no significance to it.
Sometimes things just happen.
I mean, it's a spur of
the moment thing.
Arlie was driving.
-Calm down.
-It's OK.
-Well, I know.
I mean, I just--
-This is just how
I pictured it.
-Just, I know how
you must feel.
-Really?
-Oh, yeah.
-He talks about the two
of you all the time.
-Flow.
Right.
But I mean, but I mean, this
was not my kind of flow.
I mean, this flow is
hardly my idea.
-Hey, is this where
it happened?
-Yeah, this is where
it happened.
-Jack?
-I mean, it's just how
I pictured it.
-Arlie?
-Is this OK?
-Oh, please.
Please.
-I love your outfit.
I mean, the whole look.
-Oh, right, the outfit.
I-- it's required to
get your license.
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN):
That's funny.
Cosmo told me you were funny.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Hello?
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): Arlie?
-Oh, we're in here.
This is where you do it.
Jack's been telling
me all about it.
This is really great here.
You were so right, honey.
-Well, I think Jack and Rita
probably want to, uh--
-Hey.
Did you do everything yourself,
or did you have
people come in?
-Well, it was mostly
Jack and I.
-Oh, god, this is
so great here.
Honey?
Look at this.
He looks like you, baby.
Cosmo.
God, he's so highstrung.
I keep telling him, his head's
gonna pop like a balloon one
of these days.
But I suppose you know that
better than anyone.
-Well.
I guess we'll be off.
-It was really nice
of you to stop--
-But we just got here.
-Yeah, we just got here.
Oh, that's right, I live here.
I knew you looked familiar.
-What?
What?
-Jack's an incredible kidder.
He's always joking.
-Salsa.
-What?
JACK (OFFSCREEN):
It's a sauce.
-Well, as I was saying,
we're on our way.
-What's your hurry?
-Could I get you something
with your outfit, Arlie?
-What?
With my outfit?
-Yes.
He's joking.
One of his jokes.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Honey?
-Jack?
-What did he mean
about my outfit?
-Arlie!
-Could you calm down before
your head pops, and you're
flopping around on the
floor like a fish?
RITA (OFFSCREEN): This is
utterly inappropriate.
My uncle Sully--
-Would you stop with the head
popping thing all the time?
JACK (OFFSCREEN): They came
over, they're gonna leave.
Don't worry.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Jack.
-Don't touch anything.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): We're
his therapists.
-You mean I can't
touch anything?
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Tell him this
is inappropriate, and
that we'll offer him an hour.
JACK (OFFSCREEN): What do
you think of wifey?
RITA (OFFSCREEN): She's
not our client.
JACK (OFFSCREEN): Is she
anything like you
thought she'd be?
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Jack--
-And that dress?
It's amazing.
-Do it, and we could be
open to malpractice.
-Malpractice?
Rita--
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): Oh my
god, what's in here?
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): Look at
all those weird CDs.
-Yeah, Jack collects those.
-Wow.
How unusual.
-Don't you think we
should just go?
-Oh, but that's rude.
-Yeah.
-They won't mind.
-I mean, you wanted
to meet them.
Now you've met them.
-It's just that this is fun.
-I know, baby, buy you
don't understand.
I mean--
-No, please, dad.
-See, you don't get it.
-I'll [inaudible] for everything
when we get home.
Oh, hi.
-Hi.
-It's really great that
you have so many CDs.
CDs.
Yeah.
Right.
OK, dear, let's go.
-I just want to say
goodbye to Rita.
-Jack, I know this is completely
inappropriate.
I mean, I don't want
you to think--
-Need any help?
-Well, I wouldn't want you to
feel You don't need to feel.
-And you don't want
me to think.
What do you want me
to do, Cosmo?
-Wow, where'd you get it?
This is really--
-Come on, Jack.
I'm being serious.
-Really?
-In Mexico.
-You've been to Mexico?
-Uh-huh.
-Now she's in there with Rita.
-Wow, I've never been there.
-Oh, well it's very nice.
-Yeah, I heard that, you know?
With all the, the people,
and the--
-Let's talk about this.
-The food, and the music.
-I just find it very upsetting
that when she wanted to come
over here, and I
don't know why.
-Well, is it possible that you
needed to come over here?
-No, no!
I--
she has been pushing me
and pushing me to--
no, no!
[laughter]
-So you do it in here, huh?
-I'm sorry?
-The group.
It's a sitting around on the
floor kind of thing?
-A sitting around on the
floor kind of a thing?
-Yeah, you just sit
in a circle, like.
-Well, no, it's a--
it's a process.
It's a little bit, you know,
it's difficult to describe.
-Right.
Right.
- --has been making things very,
very difficult for me at
home, and Arlie is beginning
to sense that.
-No, no, not exactly.
-I mean, I don't know if I
should ever have started
exploring this whole area.
I mean, you know those feelings
that I've been trying
so hard to get to?
I've gotten to them.
-That's good.
-Here you go.
-I mean, I know they must
be somewhere inside me.
They always have
been, I'm sure.
But I mean, now they're
actually starting to--
-Were you really going
to have something?
-What?
-I could tell you didn't want
me to taste the sauce.
-Oh, no, no, no.
I'm sorry, I went to a cooking
school a couple years ago, and
they got us in the habit of
tasting the sauce from a spoon
that never goes into
your mouth.
-I mean, what's the worst that
could happen if you let
yourself feel this?
--That your mouth can put that
can have an effect on the
sauce if you pour it from
one spoon to another.
It's--
-Well, Jack, I mean, there
are a lot of--
-Just think of the
worst thing.
-Well, I don't feel comfortable
talking about this.
I mean, Arlie is right
in the next room.
-I appreciate that.
It's just--
-You're so pretty.
-Hang on.
-Thank you.
-Like a big doll.
So pretty.
-Honey, um, I'm gonna take
Cosmo for a short walk.
-Hey, can I see you in
there for a minute?
-Excuse us.
-Sorry.
-What?
No, it's OK.
Just go in the kitchen.
Please.
-Take your time.
We're doing fine.
-Thanks.
-Arlie.
-Shh.
-You can't do that.
-Jack, I, I thought
that we agreed?
-Rita, I really feel this is
the breakthrough I've been
looking for with Cosmo.
-They're talking about you.
Don't you want to hear what
they really think of you?
-I know what they think of me.
-I don't know.
Considering the context,
I just don't
see how that's possible.
-Well--
I don't know if I really
see a context, aside
from us helping him.
And--
-Oh, they just said--
-I don't want t know
what they said.
I want you to get
away from there.
-And what about us?
I mean, we've looked forward
to this day.
Just, just us--
-Christ!
I thought this whole thing was
about openness and sharing.
-See, this is exactly why I--
-It'll be OK.
Just let me do this.
-It's not for me to let you.
I just, I really don't
feel good about this.
-Right.
I know.
I just--
it'll be OK.
I just want to do that.
I want to take care of them,
and him, and it'll be OK.
-Great!
-Honey, just don't worry.
Relax.
-What?
-Shh!
-What are you doing,
shushing me?
You do this everywhere we go.
I was putting on and really
had a good time.
-Yeah, where are we going?
We haven't gone somewhere.
We haven't been invited.
-OK--
-Excuse me.
-Sorry.
-Um--
why don't you and
I take a walk?
Just the two of us,
and talk a little?
Thanks.
Be right back.
-Bye, bye!
Bye, bye!
[humming]
[humming]
-Men talk, I guess.
So people say all kinds
of crazy shit?
-I'm sorry?
-The, um, group thing.
You know?
-I, um, I wouldn't call
it crazy, but I--
-Yeah, wow.
And you two kind of, you know,
set everyone straight?
You know, advice wise
and all that?
-Well, um, advice isn't
really how I'd put it.
I mean, we, um, we give people
a chance to feel safe with
their thoughts and
their feelings.
To kind of help them find
their way, but it
really isn't advice.
-And people must get involved
with each other?
-Involved?
-Well, you know, I mean,
shit must happen.
I mean--
well, you're saying all this
stuff, and, then I'm sure
people are crying, and carrying
on about all their
secret thoughts.
And then, you know
what I mean.
-Go on.
-It's so cool how
you say that.
I can feel it.
I mean, they teach you that
in school, or what?
-Well, I'm not sure that I--
I think what you're sensing is
something that comes from
experience.
I mean, we, we do this all the
time, so you kind of get a
feel for it.
It's a way of connecting,
I suppose.
-Yeah, yeah.
Feel.
Right.
I know that, that connecting
thing.
-Really?
-Yeah.
I was a, I was a dancer.
I understand something
about connecting.
-Really?
A dancer?
Well, I guess that's a similar
sort of a thing.
-Yeah.
Pretty cool.
-Yeah.
Pretty cool.
-Do you have anything
to drink?
-Um, a DC?
-Huh?
-Diet Coke?
-Jack, where we going?
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): No, I meant
something to drink.
-Can you feel it?
-Oh.
Um--
-Oh, you don't have to.
I mean, Cosmo's nervous, and I
guess you people probably have
ideas about everything, so
you're probably right.
-What would you like?
-A beer would be great.
-Let me see.
Here we go.
Do you want a glass?
-No, no.
Bottles, cans.
Hey.
Oh, Christ, that's better.
Can I help do something
or something?
-No, no, I think everything's
pretty much under control.
-I'll set the table.
-No, really, it's fine.
-No, no, I'm itchy, you know?
-Plates are right there.
So you're, uh, a dancer?
-No, I quit that.
-Really?
Well, um, what do you do now?
-Nothing much.
-Because I--
I knew that you didn't
have any kids, so--
-Hey.
-I'm sorry.
That was really inappropriate.
-Yeah, I, I know what Cosmo's
told you guys.
It's totally fine.
I mean, you know everything.
Right?
-What do you mean?
-I thought maybe you were
going to say something--
-No.
-Hair.
I do hair.
-Hair?
-Yeah, you know, you asked what
I did, and sometimes I do
hair, kind of here and there.
Hair?
I know there's not that
much to say about it.
-No, I'm sorry, something
just isn't
happening with this sauce.
-Where do you keep
your napkins?
-We just, um, fold
up paper towels.
-Oh, cool.
We do that, too.
Hey, what do you think
of my hair?
-What?
Oh, it's very--
-Yeah.
I don't know.
It's--
when you're a professional,
it's kind of hard to get
perspective.
You know, I mean, you must
understand that stuff.
-So you used to be a dancer?
That's, um, that's great.
You know, when I was a little
girl, I, I always
wanted to be a dancer.
But I guess, well, all little
girls wanted to be dancers.
Do you do most of the cooking?
Hello?
Hello?
-Jack, aren't we gonna talk?
I'm concerned about the time.
-Don't worry.
Be as long as you like.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Jack!
-Oh, I'm worried about Rita.
-Don't worry about Rita.
It's not gonna help you.
Or her.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Jack!
Jack!
-See, i come here to,
um, to be myself.
To feel myself.
To find my authenticity.
-Do I have to hold your hand?
-No.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
So what's going on, Cosmo?
-Well, I'm--
I'm feeling afraid.
-Afraid of what?
-Well, of women.
Are they all crazy?
-Well, that's their nature.
That's what makes them
so wonderful.
-What do you mean?
-Well, you know, women, it's
what it's all about.
I mean, what else is there?
-Wow.
That's really--
it's really--
But what about, I mean,--
-Well, men, and we've
talked about men.
I mean, it's our nature
to want to be
near that crazy thing.
And to want to be with as
many women as we can.
-Right.
Right.
Jack, I feel I'm facing an
opportunity, and I don't want
that opportunity
to be cut off.
-Cut off?
-Well, I mean, the way I was
raised and everything, I
always felt that all my--
-Your opportunities?
-They were always
being cut off.
And I don't want that
to happen this time.
-Right.
I've heard it's very painful
to have your
opportunities cut off.
-Do mean that--
-It's not funny, Cosmo.
It's--
I mean, it's sad to have all the
opportunities in your life
not come to anything, and
have yet another one
facing you, and not--
-Jack, i don't know what
I'm going to do.
-Right.
See, I think you do.
[chanting]
[phone ringing]
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Arlie?
Arlie?
-I'm up here!
RECORDING: The doctors
are not in.
Please, leave a message.
-It's amazing up here.
RECORDING: If you are in crisis.
you can call Dr.
Jacobi--
-Oh.
Um, you don't mind?
-No, no, no.
Not at all.
[recording continues]
-I, um, I love your outfit.
-Oh, yeah, yeah, it looks good
with the fuck me pumps.
-The what?
-Oh.
Has Cosmo seen this?
-I'm not sure.
We usually keep to
the living room.
-Uh-huh.
Oh.
It's the men.
So?
You two have a nice talk?
-Arlie, you've made
your point.
Now can we go?
-Well, Rita and I had
a very nice talk.
All about you.
-Arlie, we have to
leave here now.
Look, don't do this to me.
I mean it.
Arlie.
-Christ, you're twice as wound
up as when you went outside.
What happened?
-Look, there's certain
things--
-Hey.
-Hi.
-So you two had dinner?
-Yes.
-No.
-Well, technically speaking, we
didn't have dinner, but we
had a very late lunch.
-Maybe I should interrogate
the suspects separately.
-Jack, we didn't come
over here to
bust in on your dinner.
-Then why did you
come over here?
-Arlie!
-Well, he's funny.
-Christ, you go on and on about
how fucking funny he is,
and then he's funny,
and you yell at me.
-So you'll stay for dinner?
-We'd love to stay.
-Great, that's settled.
-Can we do anything?
-Um, well, sure.
There's a salad here you
could take care of.
And, would you mind
setting the table?
-No.
-Thanks.
This is gonna be great.
-Jack--
-Isn't this fun?
-So, uh, are you happy now?
-What's that supposed to mean?
-Hey, how many of those
beers have you had?
-Oh, daddy doesn't like
Arlie to get drunk?
-Just don't start up.
-Start up?
What's that supposed to mean?
-If you fuck this up for me--
-Hey, don't you talk
to me like that.
You can't talk to
me like that.
Is this what you learn
over here?
Just how to treat your
wife disrespect?
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): I'm going.
I'll be out in the car.
-Hey.
-Hi.
-How you doing?
-I'm tired.
-Yeah, yeah.
-Have they, uh--
-Um--
listen, they, they invited
themselves to dinner.
-What?
-No, I feel like they're
asking for our help.
-Jack--
-And Cosmo's in such
a fragile state.
-Jack, Jack, he's our client.
That's completely
unprofessional.
I don't even know how you can,
like, entertain the idea.
-Rita, I guess I don't see
things quite as black and
white as you.
-This is very clear.
-Well, I mean, they're people.
We're people.
We asked him to get him
something going with his life,
and now that it's going, we
can't just let it go.
-This is gonna turn into another
cosmic free for all?
-Well, free for all,
not exactly.
I just thought this was an
opportunity to help him.
I thought, I mean, we can
do this together.
-Really?
Why?
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): Put your
wife in her place.
Leave her, just drive off.
Go ahad.
-Sure.
No.
Right.
Um, why don't you just go to
sleep, and I'll sneak in in a
little while?
-Jack, is something wrong?
-Oh, no.
Things are great.
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): Don't try
talking like you do.
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): What are
you gonna do, little king?
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): You
love this, don't you?
Seeing me like this.
You don't care about
meeting Jack, Rita.
You're just trying to screw
this up for me.
-You think you're such
a little king.
-I mean, what is so
awful about--
-Do you ever listen
to yourself talk?
You're one of those people who
it would help if you were
videotaped, like on those
shows, and then
made to watch it.
You're one of those people.
-How's everything coming?
-Great.
Just about finished.
-Wow.
Really?
-Anything else we could do?
-Um, I guess you could let
Rita know we're ready.
I don't think she'll
join us, but--
-Sure.
-Thanks.
-Shit.
[music playing]
[knocking]
-Oh, hi.
-Jack sent me up.
We're ready to eat.
-Tell him I'll be down
in a minute.
-Sure thing.
Take your time.
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): Jack?
[chanting]
-Jack?
Jack, I, I--
-Boo.
-Jack, I, I still feel
uncomfortable about coming--
-Cosmo, Cosmo, Cosmo.
What is it?
-I'm sorry.
I--
I'm sorry.
Is there something else
that I should do?
-You know, why don't you
spin the chairs around
so we can eat, OK?
Thanks.
-She'll be right down.
-Arlie?
Why don't you sit right there?
-Sure.
-And Cosmo, take that chair.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
So let's eat.
-Well, aren't we going
to wait for Rita?
-Oh, I don't think
she'll be down.
And she wasn't feeling
up to it before, so--
thanks.
-Well, Arlie just said
she was coming.
She did make the meal.
[laughter]
-Oh.
Rita.
Well.
We're gonna eat quickly, and be
out of here in half an hour
at the most.
-I'm sorry.
-Rita?
-Why don't we join hands?
As--
as I see into our hearts,
the ocean of life.
(SINGING) Shanti.
Shanti.
-Shanti.
Peace, peace, peace.
-Over the teeth and
over the gums.
Look out, stomach,
here it comes.
What was that?
-Why don't you serve
yourselves?
-You know, Arlie
made the salad.
-Cosmo.
-Mm.
-Thank you.
-What is this?
-Bulgur.
You didn't take any bulgur.
-Well, that certainly
looks great.
-Cos, can I get you
something else?
-Why don't you just take
your bulgur, darling?
-Well, you know, Arlie, we
ate so late that I just--
-I'm sure you know my
husband won't eat
anything I don't cook.
Oh, yeah.
See?
I'm his little mommy.
Right, honey?
I feed my little baby?
-That's a complete
exaggeration.
-Exaggeration?
Once I got this great casserole
at a swap meat, and
when I served it, Cosmo tasted
it and said, you didn't make
this, did you?
So I tried to lie for a while,
and when he finally--
-Andele, andele.
-Forced it out of me that
it wasn't mine, he
wouldn't eat it.
Just refused.
Said he wanted his mommy
to make him dinner.
You're so cute.
-Oh, well, that really
is great.
-Thank you.
-Well, it was--
-I don't know.
Sometimes you have to
live with someone to
really get to know them.
Sometimes not.
-So--
-Wine, anyone?
-Well, I started with
a beer, but I--
-Well, I mean, aren't we going
to be leaving soon?
-What do you think, Arlie?
-It's a school night.
Why not?
-All right.
Why not?
-Sorry.
-No, it's fine.
It's fine.
-What are you apologizing for?
-Well, we said we were going to
stay for half an hour, and
now we're drinking wine.
-Can't we just have a
good time for once?
JACK (OFFSCREEN): Somebody
say good time?
-Oh, goodie.
-Could you hold that for me?
-Sure.
-There you go.
-Thank you.
-I like this house, Mo Mo.
-Mo Mo?
-Oh, that's just a little
jokey name.
-No, it's my favorite
name for Mo Mo.
[music playing]
-Is that too loud?
-I, I really can't listen
to this, hon.
I'm sorry.
-See, that's a little game they
play, and he's asked if
it's too loud, and then
she says yes.
-Did I miss anything?
[music stops]
-We were talking about
Cosmo's nickname.
-Oh, come on.
-Nickname?
-Yeah.
Mo Mo.
-Mo Mo.
-I think we've given Cos a
hard enough time for now.
-Naw.
Let's really give
it some more.
-Oh, Arlie.
-Just kidding you, Mo Mo.
-That's what he always says
when he's being cruel.
-So Arlie, do you
like to cook?
-Well, I didn't used to
love it, but every--
-You know, Arlie's actually
quite domestic.
But her domestic sense is
a little bit misshapen.
It's sort of like a hardy fruit
after a rugged winter.
-What the fuck does that mean?
-Just a joke.
-Oh, I'm just busting
a guy over here.
-So, so you were out doing
some shopping today?
-Yeah.
-I was out looking
for outfits.
How do you like it?
-Well, it's--
-It's very cute.
-Really?
thank you.
Yeah, Coco likes to be with me
when I shop for my outfits.
-Coco?
I thought it was Mo Mo.
-I call him that when
he's a bad boy.
Sometimes I sneak Coco into the
dressing room with me, you
know, because they--
-Bad boy, eh, Coco?
I'm sorry.
Go on.
-Well, I caught him once, trying
to peek into the next
stall--
-Arlie.
Aren't we gonna be
leaving soon?
-So you were out doing
some shopping today?
-Yeah.
-Boy, did we see some
real types today.
-Really?
At the mall.
-Christ.
Sometimes I wonder how people
have the nerve to go outside.
-Arlie, that's terrible.
-Oh, admit it.
Most people have such pathetic
little lives.
-Oh, I dunno.
Cosmo does pretty well
for himself.
-No, no, no, that was mean!
-It was a joke.
Come on.
-So, we were at the
supermarket--
-Are you OK?
-He's fine.
-Yeah, I understand Jack's
sense of humor now.
It took me a little while
to get used to it, but--
-Hey.
I was talking here, you know?
-Oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
-Thank you.
So we're waiting in line, and
there's this smelly, weird,
bend up guy who's buying
lottery tickets.
Like, like he's holding up the
whole line while he tries to
figure out his lucky number.
Like, like, people are starving,
and their kids are
getting nuts.
And this schmendrick is asking
this stacked 15-year-old girl,
and you should have seen Coco
staring at her tits.
-Was not.
-It's no big deal.
You always do it.
-She's completely
making that up.
-Bad boy, eh, Coco?
-Oh, god.
Everybody does it.
I mean, doesn't everyone?
-What number did he pick?
-Excuse me?
-The uh, smelly, bent up guy?
-Oh, yeah.
Um, I don't know.
Oh, Christ, what a scene.
Did you ever notice how
everybody on that
side of town is fat?
Or limps?
Or is cross eyed?
-Arlie, don't be stupid.
-Stupid?
Talk about stupid?
No.
What they are thinking about,
that's what's stupid.
Unbelievable.
-Arlie, I'm not sure
if everybody's--
-Did you ever wonder
what's behind those
pinched up little mugs?
Those swollen, about to explode
faces that come
sprouting out of those
fat, pimply necks?
Ugh.
I mean, you should have seen
this kid they had.
This kid was so angry,
he had little pointy
teeth, like a vampire.
He was like a channeler
for their unhappiness.
Yeah, a, a, a conduit
for their anger.
A, a, a hostile little weed
choking off my air.
-Must have felt sad
for the child.
-I wanted to slap this
sad little fuck.
-How lyric.
-What?
-How lyric.
How beautiful apt your
description was.
-Yeah.
I mean, that kid is gonna be
raping you in an alley 10
years from now.
You know it's true.
I mean, that's where creeps
like that come from.
I mean, what do these people
think they're doing?
It just makes me nuts.
And then they always want to get
on to the six item or less
line, when they have
about 50 things?
Like, like, where are
they going that
they're in such a rush?
To go home and stuff
their faces, and
limp around the house?
Oh, and the, the
shit they eat.
I mean, you can see why sleep
with their kids, and shoot
each other at these things
they call picnics.
I mean, sometimes it
makes you think
Hitler wasn't so misguided.
-Arlie, I don't think you know
what that sounds like.
-Oh, come on.
Most of them aren't
even Americans.
-She doesn't even mean this.
-No.
It is true, it's so true.
I mean, do you ever listen
to them talk?
It's unbelievable.
I mean, talk about aliens
from outer space.
Christ.
-Oh, Christ, and the kids.
Like, deformed little
greasy clones.
And they look at you like you're
some kind of freak.
It's amazing.
Why do they have kids?
-Maybe so they have more ugly
people around the house.
They don't feel so bad
about themselves.
-Exactly.
You know, it makes you wonder
whether they should allow some
people to reproduce.
Like, like, they should have
some board of people to give
out licenses.
The whole thing is sick.
This is really good.
Eh, Cosmo?
Oh, Christ.
Ah.
That's what I think.
JACK (OFFSCREEN): Don't forget
your opportunities, Cosmo.
-I really don't think--
-Let it go, Rita.
Just let it go.
What are you feeling?
-Thank you.
-Don't mention it.
-Well, you know, I, I think
that deep down, that--
-That's the only way to think
about anything, really.
Deep down's good.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Jack.
-What is it, lover?
-Lover?
What did you mean by that?
I'm asking you what
you meant by that.
-Why?
-Because you hurt my feelings.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
Go on.
I'm just kidding, honey.
-Well, I, um, I'd really
rather not.
Thank you.
-Well, Rita, um, I would
love to hear what you
were going to say.
I mean, Jack was just joking.
This--
-It's her house.
If she doesn't want to talk,
she doesn't have to.
-Well, I, I think that deep
down, that the characters at
the mall were an expression of
the eternal conflict between
the upper and the
lower chakras.
Now, I--
I don't presume any great
wisdom, although as you do
know that I follow--
-There's no conflict
between chakras.
-Well, sometimes--
-There's no conflict.
They're all of one.
There's no hierarchy.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): I wasn't
positing hierarchy.
-Well, not overtly, Rita,
but we, uh, we
all know your agenda.
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): Now, Jack,
uh, I think that might be a
little unfair.
-What do you mean, unfair?
-They all seem the same to me.
-Wait a minute.
I want to know what he's
talking about.
-Well, I just think that some
people feel that, you know,
the chakras are, uh, are
not so sharply defined.
-You're telling me
about chakras?
It's OK, Cosmo.
Sorry, what were you saying?
-Thank you.
So, I mean, seriously,
look at people.
Some are more valuable
than others.
I mean, certainly--
-See, I think every human being
is of equal value, no
matter where they've come from,
or how they've been
brought up in their souls.
-Most people don't have souls.
-Well, I beg to differ.
I think people can
overcome their
background, and their past.
-Right.
Rich people.
-People can recover.
They can heal.
They can evolve past--
-Serious?
Some of those people are less
evolved than Chico.
-Chico?
-Chico is Arlie's dog.
-Chico is not a dog.
I've told you.
-I'm not permitted to use
the word dog when
I'm speaking of Chico.
-What is Chico, then?
Sorry.
-Chico is Chico.
-To Chico.
-Yeah.
She, uh, cares more about the
dog than she cares about me.
-Coco hates his little
brother Chico.
-He is not my little brother.
-Chico.
That'd be a boy.
-Of course.
-I, uh, I see a lot of sad
cases at St. Jerome's.
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN):
St. Jerome's?
-The clinic in town?
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): That
must be a scene.
You know, when they turn
on each other?
Those kinds of people to that
kind of thing every night.
You see it on those TV shows.
Hey, do you have anymore
of this?
-Yeah, there's another one in
on the counter by the coffee
maker.
-The whole situation in the
city is just infuriating.
Oh, and those homeless people.
Don't get me started.
Talk about evolved.
-I'm sorry.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): No, no, no.
It's fine.
JACK (OFFSCREEN): No, no.
Go on, Cosmo.
What are you feeling?
-Well, I mean, it--
-I'm gonna go take a pee.
Be right back.
-So, do you understand now?
-I'm not the one who needs
to understand, Cosmo.
-Well.
Now you've seen her.
Was I exaggerating?
See, you always thought
I was exaggerating.
That there was some other
side to the story.
Well, I guess there's only
one side to this story.
-No, no, no.
Cos, these things are
really complicated.
And--
what?
What?
[music playing]
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): Rita?
She's not normal.
You can't tell me
she's normal.
I mean, I feel I fall under
the normal range.
I mean, maybe toward one end
or the other, but I think
she's mentally ill.
She's just plain sick.
I mean, don't you
agree with me?
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Cos, it's
really getting late, and I--
look, we all have to go
to work tomorrow.
And--
-Oh, no.
She doesn't have
to go to work.
Because she doesn't work.
So she doesn't have to
go to work tomorrow.
-I don't know.
Maybe I can give you
the name of, um--
I don't--
maybe somebody down at
the clinic might--
-Clinic?
She wouldn't talk to anybody.
I mean, she doesn't
even have friends.
Do you know what that means?
To not even have friends.
I mean, she wouldn't
talk to anybody.
I mean, you've seen her.
So tell me you don't see
what she's like now.
-Cosmo, you're giving
her a lot of power.
I mean, can't you just say
what you're feeling?
Just take a breath, and just
say what you're feeling.
-There's this couple who live
across the courtyard
from us, you know?
They never turn their
lights on at night.
The only time you can see them
is when they open the
refrigerator.
It's amazing.
It's been fascinating.
I mean, did--
-No.
They're just fat.
-Just take a breath and talk
about your feelings.
-Jack.
-What are you feeling?
-See, I--
I remember when I was, um,
seven or eight years old.
Uh, I was a very protective
child.
See, my mother was
not the kind of--
Well, I mean, I don't even--
It's funny, I--
When you look back, I guess
you think you invented all
these things.
Somebody probably showed me
this, or I saw somebody doing
it, or I don't know how
it's possible that
I can't even remember--
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): Oh,
christ, we get it.
You're really interesting.
Get to the freaking
point, would you?
-Yes dear.
Don't you just love her?
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): They
could give a shit.
It's just a dinner party, man.
We leave, they talk about
us, dissect our lives.
We get in the car
and trash them.
That's how it's done, right?
OK, OK.
Just tell the fucking
story, OK?
Mhmm.
-All right, forget it.
-No, no.
Go on.
-Just let it go, honey.
What are you feeling?
-See, uh, I--
I realized that you could take
a pee outdoors, and it was
like the whole world had
opened up to me.
I went outside every
chance I got.
I felt like Marco Polo
or Einstein.
I understood the world.
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): Wow.
-It's like--
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN):
How fascinating.
-Look.
I want to talk about
how I feel.
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): Christ.
-See, then, uh--
then my parents put in this, um,
outdoor shower so that we
could, uh, wash off the
sand when we came
home from the beach.
And, uh, it was right outside
the back door and I remember I
used to go out there at night
and take showers in the dark.
You know, late at night in the
summer in the dark, stars and
everything without
my clothes on.
And then I would, uh, walk
around in the backyard without
my clothes on.
I just felt like Alexander
the Great or something.
I--
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): Bet you were
touching yourself all
over, weren't you?
-Wh--
Why are you doing this?
-I'm just being a good
little wifey.
-Well, go on.
Tell everyone how you
touched yourself.
I mean, who did that
make you feel like?
Um, Bela fucking Lugosi,
or some other
good inventor or conqueror?
-I think it's great, Cos.
-Oh, me too.
Really.
-Well, you--
I mean, you must have
had something like
this happen to you.
-What do you mean?
-Some seminal event.
Something that-- that
helped form you.
-Is this how you people
sit around over here?
Talking about seminal events?
Oh man, this is really out.
-Yeah, it's called,
uh, sharing.
Some people do it.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-You don't believe in
sharing, Arlie?
-Well, I, I guess it seems
cool if you're trying to
really say something.
-Yes?
-I mean, nobody really wants
to ever hear anything.
I mean, you come here.
Who knows why people do
this kind of thing?
This-- this dinner party shit.
But it's hardly to find
anything out.
-What do you mean?
-Well, I mean, poor
Cosmo out here.
He's such a sad fuck he
has to pay to have
people listen to him.
He has to pay to have friends
like your little group.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): You sound
very, very angry, Arlie.
-Hey, relax, doc.
I'm just talking here.
-Arlie, relationships are
really complicated.
And-- and, um, when, um--
when Jack and I feel
connected--
well-- well, I mean, when we're
feeling-- when we feel
connected, so it helps us to--
-Yeah, right.
Like you're going to help us.
Is that what this
is all about?
-Well, we were thinking--
I was thinking that you wanted
to talk things out.
I think that Cos
would like to--
-I think we should all
become friends.
-To--
-I mean, I haven't talked this
over with you, Rita, but I'm
sitting here and I'm thinking,
we should spend the holidays
together, just the four of us.
You know, skip the
family for once.
Spend time with people
we really care about.
-Are we really the best
you could do?
That's so sad.
We hardly know you and tonight
we're all friends.
Where did everybody go?
What happened?
I mean, this-- this--
This is not how they told
me it would be.
I mean, life is not supposed
to be this way, you know?
Something's gone really wrong
here, and I'm not going to--
-I think I have--
-(YELLING) What?
-I need to talk about
how I feel.
-Cosmo, wh-- why are you
talking like this?
-Something's happened to me.
-You don't talk like this.
This is not you.
-I think you're right.
-What does that mean?
-(QUIETLY) Is he, um, saying
something that you find
hurtful?
-What?
-(LOUDER) Is he saying
something that--
that's painful?
-What the fuck are you
talking about?
-Arlie?
-Well, where does she get off?
I mean, she's been pushing me
and pushing me, doing this
thing to you.
-I think she's just
trying to help us.
-Well, who says we need help?
-I'm sorry if I intruded,
I was only--
-Yeah, you did, so butt out.
-I am saying I'm sorry!
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): I just
can't do this anymore.
I just can't.
-I'm sorry, what?
-I just--
I--
It's too difficult.
-No, no, no.
Just take a breath.
I just can't.
I just--
-What are you two
talking about?
COSMO (OFFSCREEN):
I honestly just--
-You little weasel.
-What?
-You heard me, you're
a little sneak.
-Oh, help me anybody.
-You are such a worm.
-Can we all just calm down?
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): You fucking
people, setting me up.
-How's that?
-You pump poor old Cosmo here
for his life story so he can
feel superior.
I mean, who knows what he hasn't
told you about us.
And then you sit around
and play with us.
I mean, I can tell you he's
told you all kinds of shit
about us, and I think
it stinks.
-See, this is exactly why
I never wanted you to
meet Jack and Rita.
I mean, do you know that she
was so upset that I had
something in my life apart from
her that she wanted me to
get her into our group?
-Oh!
-Can you believe that?
Can you imagine her
in the group?
-Hey, I didn't have any--
-It wouldn't work!
You wouldn't get it.
You just--
-You--
-We just don't speak
the same language.
I'm sorry, but we don't.
That's our problem.
Your life is over there,
my life is over
here, and we just don't.
It doesn't--
it isn't happening anymore.
Sometimes I wonder
if it ever was.
-Arlie's a dancer.
Did you know that she--
she's a dancer.
-Really?
Wow.
-Yeah.
-Oh, god.
-What?
-I just feel--
-What are you feeling?
-I feel, I feel--
-Stay with the feeling.
Stay with--
-Cosmo, you're an asshole.
-Oh, and she doesn't
even mean that.
I just, I feel guilty that I
told you so much about--
-What did you tell them?
-Just the high points.
-What?
-Oh.
Nothing.
I'm sorry.
Go on.
-Go.
Just, I feel bloated.
-Bloated?
What do you mean?
-You hardly ate anything.
-You ever, you know when you're
hungry, and you know
the feeling of eating?
When you're not hungry, you just
that disgusted feeling?
Why can't I do what I want?
-Oh, Christ.
-Sometimes I feel I can't
take anymore in.
It's like it's killing
me in some way.
There's something in me telling
me just to stop!
RITA (OFFSCREEN): It really has
gotten late, and I think
we're all tired.
-No, I think Cosmo has something
to tell us, don't
you, Cosmo?
-Oh, Arlie--
-You know, I heard what you were
all saying about me when
I went upstairs, Cosmo.
-Arlie, I--
this, this is really hard.
-Oh.
Really?
-I want to do what I want.
Why can't I do what I want?
-Oh, Christ.
-What do you want, Cosmo?
-I am so afraid.
-Is therapy what we're
doing now?
-I really think that this
has gone far enough.
-No, I think Cosmo needs
to talk about this.
-I just can't do this anymore.
I just can't go on.
-What does he mean,
he can't go on?
-I mean, how do you go on?
I don't know anyone does it.
I mean, they're everywhere!
-What do you mean?
-All the girls out there
on the street.
I mean, you've seen them!
It's insane!
-What the hell do
you mean, girls?
-I just don't think I
can go on anymore!
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): Take what?
-It, it, um--
-Go to bed, honey.
-No, Rita, please, don't go.
Just for a minute!
Please!
-What?
-I'm just trying to say this
is too much for me.
There is nothing in this
for me anymore.
-Well, what is this?
I mean, what the fuck
does this mean?
-Oh, Arlie.
-Do you have anything
else to drink?
-I think we finished
our last bottle.
-No, I think I could
dig something up.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Jack!
-Free for all, anyone?
How's scotch?
-Great.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Why
are you doing this?
-It's called living, honey.
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): So, Cosmo,
everybody wants to hear what
you have to say.
All your friends.
-I need to be my own person.
I need to be--
-Let tell you about Cosmo.
Do you know how I met Cosmo?
-Arlie, that's not important.
-Oh, I think it is.
-Well, I don't think anybody
wants to hear about that.
-Oh.
You mean you didn't tell
them about this?
You told tell them everything
else about us, but not this?
-Oh, please!
-I don't know if you could tell,
but I'm not like the
rest of you.
No, I didn't go to college.
I was kind of a hippie.
I mean, the, the hippie thing
was dead, but I, I lived in
this commune--
-This is really happening.
-Kind of thing, and we got high
a lot, and partied all
the time, and I worked
in this bar.
Dancing.
-Look, I want to
talk about now.
-Does anybody want
to hear this?
-I, I'd love to hear this.
-Fine.
I'm going to bed.
Would you lock up?
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): Can
I use your stereo?
JACK (OFFSCREEN): Oh, sure.
It's your house now.
-This is not going well.
-Oh, it's going where
it's going.
[music playing]
-I worked in this bar.
Cosmo would come into
this place.
All the time.
He was this nondescript
kind of guy.
He hasn't changed.
But he would sit and watch.
See, I would dance.
Oh, he was in grad school.
Like I could care.
I was a dancer.
And Cosmo had this
problem, see?
Cosmo couldn't do it.
I was the only one he could
do it with, and now he
hates me for it.
Right, wormy?
See?
I fixed Cosmo!
I fixed Cosmo!
-All right, stop it!
Stop it!
That's enough!
Look--
I need to be myself!
I need to be--
-What are you saying?
-It's a question of--
of independence!
-Please, just say it!
[music stops]
-I need to be alone.
I want to be alone.
Without you.
-We-- we were OK until you
started coming over here.
We were fine.
You were happy.
-No!
I was not!
I'm not!
I'm not happy!
-OK.
Fine.
You're a nobody.
You know?
I knew that when I met you.
But as time has gone by, you've
climbed up my body.
You stood on my back, and you
were able to see into the
world of people who were
somebody, and that started to
make you feel like you
were a regular guy.
You had the right to have
regular feelings.
But you see?
You don't.
You hear me?
You don't!
You think you can just
walk away from me,
but you see you can't.
You're just going to
fall back down.
It's not fair.
I held you up all these years,
and then you do this?
I mean, I could have walked away
anytime, and you would
have fallen.
And you'd still be falling.
But I didn't.
I wouldn't do that to you.
Without me here, you're
gonna keep falling.
Forever.
And you know it.
-I'd--
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): What?
I gotta get out of here.
-I hope it wasn't something
I said.
-God.
I feel alive.
-What are you doing?
-Oh, I heard it's good to
get a breath of fresh
air after a, .
Big meal.
I was gonna take a--
-Why are you going out there?
-What do you suggest, doctor?
-It's not our problem.
-It's not our problem?
What do you think
of that, Cosmo?
It's not our problem.
-I just feel very tired.
-He feels very tried.
-Jack, it's really
getting late.
-Yeah, right.
Arlie?
-You think I did the
right thing?
-I don't know.
-Well, I think I did.
So easy to forget.
That's what counts.
I've never done this before.
I've never left someone.
-Arlie?
It's Jack!
-You know, when I first started
coming over here to
see you and Jack, this thing
started happening.
I just--
I started looking at girls.
And it was all the time.
I mean, I look over at Arlie,
and I just sink
like a little boat.
You know, sometimes I get up in
the middle of the night, I
look over at her sleeping
next to me.
And I just go downstairs into
the living room, and
I lie on the floor.
Listen to music from long ago.
And then I just, I
just float away.
To the place I should
have gone.
Because I never did what
I wanted to do.
This is my last chance.
She wants to have a kid now.
If that happens, I'll
be lost forever.
I'll be stuck forever.
There will be two of them
following me around the house
all day long.
I mean, she's great
for herself.
She's just not great for me.
I mean, there's something
in me that's been
asleep for so long.
I mean, sometimes I get these
great feelings of expansion,
and limitlessness.
And then she just puts
a pin in me.
It's like how you
feel at a party.
You've had a few drinks, and
you've danced for the first
time in months, and some woman
you've never seen before
smiles at you, and you really
feel yourself at that moment.
You really feel yourself.
And you need to use the toilet,
so you get in some
strange bathroom.
You turn around, there's a
full length mirror on the
wall, you see yourself,
and you say, yuck!
That's me!
That's not me.
-You know, I was reading
this book.
And the book was saying that
you have to follow your own
heart, and you have to
listen to your heart.
And so I decided I
would do that.
And I really sat there and
listened, and the crazy thing
was, I didn't hear anything.
And I realized, you have to
be listening all the time.
It's like a kid.
You can't be a parent
part of the time.
A kid needs you all the time,
or else it just shrivels up,
and it's that attitude
that counts.
It's that feeling that your
heart is where it all starts.
I mean, you can't be doing
all this other shit.
These things for everybody
else, and getting
old and sick inside?
And then you decide when you
read a book, to then decide to
listen to your heart?
I mean, that's ludicrous.
I mean, everybody's out there
killing and robbing, and
looting, and screwing
around, and doing
everything they want?
And I have to sit here and
live with my mistake?
I mean, I was--
I was watching the tube the
other night, just thinking,
and she called out to me.
And it was unbelievable what I
said, before I even knew what
I was saying.
She called out to me and
I said, what, Mom?
Mom.
It was so scary.
It was frightening, like--
like there was something in me
that I didn't even know was
there that was coming out, like
some futuristic science
fiction thing where I'd been
taken over, or something had
been planted in me, and now the
aliens were returning to
harvest their crop.
It was so creepy.
I find myself looking
at women.
A lot.
-Arlie?
Where are you?
-I've--
I've never talked like
that in my life.
Was I embarrassing you?
Would--
Would you like to join me?
-No, no, no, I'm fine,
thank you.
-I know you have to get an
early start tomorrow.
Maybe you'll just like
to go to bed.
Well, I don't know
why I said that.
I'm just not used to
feeling this way.
I--
I feel so alive, and I--
the colors are so vivid
and everything.
It's-- it's-- it's
just amazing.
Say, now, look, I know it's
really late, but, um--
-What?
What?
-What would you think if I
put on a little music?
I mean, something very,
very quiet.
-Anything that you would like.
-Well.
I would like, um--
[music playing]
-You know, I've never been
with anyone else.
I'm talking about Arlie,
of course.
Have you been with many men?
[laughing]
-I don't know what's
happening to me.
I--
I never talk like this,
as you know.
-You know what?
It's, um--
it's very, very, very sweet.
-Really?
-What?
Do women like that?
You know, I, um--
I met somebody once who said to
me that you can only love a
certain number of people
in your life.
I think he said five.
And after that, it doesn't
mean anything anymore.
And you know, I found that
idea very, very scary.
-Why are you-- you
telling me this?
-Because you mean a lot to me.
I mean, you and Jack.
-We're very fond of you.
[clearing throat]
-Well, maybe I shouldn't
be talking like this.
Maybe I shouldn't even be
drinking like this.
You know that I've been, uh,
looking at women a lot.
-What do you mean?
-Use your imagination
You know, I--
I didn't mean what I said just
now about looking at women.
Boy, you must really wonder.
-Don't you wonder what they're
doing out there?
-Hm?
-Arlie seems so, um, free.
-Christ, are you kidding?
-No.
No.
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): Yeah, I
think, uh, now that we've
broken up, Arlie will find some
other guy right away.
By the way, what did you
think about Arlie?
I mean, what did you think about
what she said before she
busted out of here?
You know, about how I would
be falling without her.
RITA (OFFSCREEN):
I don't know.
-She's right.
-See, I come here to, uh--
to be myself, to feel myself,
to find my authenticity.
I'm--
I'm sorry about tonight
and everything.
-Shit.
Oh god, forget it.
-Can I--
Can I kiss you?
I'm not kidding.
-I didn't think you were.
-What are you, uh?
-Sometimes when I come home, and
it's late, and the sun's
gone down, I stand in the dark
house, looking in the window
thinking, I'm in here alone in
the dark, and nobody knows.
Nobody knows that I'm in here.
-Well, what about Jack?
RITA (OFFSCREEN):
Jack isn't, um--
Jack isn't who you--
uh, who you think he is.
Did you--
Did you know that?
-No.
-Every time--
Every time that you leave,
he, uh, he regales
me with your idiocy.
-Rita!
Oh.
-Get the fuck off me!
Go home!
Now!
[music playing]
-Last year, I--
I--
I got--
I got pregnant.
It was great, you know?
I mean, perfect how the
whole thing happened.
I mean, we had never really
talked about it, me and Cosmo.
And-- and when we did,
it went great.
I mean, you know, we had fun.
And it happened right away.
And we were even arguing
about what to call--
It's funny.
We used to call the baby it.
Like, like what are we
going to call it?
We used to laugh about that.
And then I lost it.
And when I lost it, I lost it.
Something went wrong.
It--
I guess they never know
what really--
I mean, they say they don't
know, but I think there's all
kinds of things that doctors
know that they never tell you.
I mean, even hip ones.
Even guys like you.
I mean, we never got to
call it anything.
A he, or a she, or anything.
I suppose I should be used to
it by now, but I'm not.
And sometimes it just
gets worse.
Like--
I guess the hardest thing now
is never calling the baby
anything but it.
The thing is, now, he
won't come near me.
It did something to him.
He won't talk about it.
I mean, almost never.
And he, he gets real funny
if it ever comes up.
Funny thing, too, is you know,
I got really nuts for a while
after it happened.
Like, screaming and carrying
on about everything.
And he never made a peep.
But it made him funny
in the end.
I don't know what
to do about him.
-Yeah.
-Enough about me.
-Arlie, are you getting cold?
-No.
I'm good.
I can see why Cosmo
likes you so much.
Hm.
What the fuck are you doing?
-I, I--
I thought, um--
-I can't kiss you.
-But before, you--
-That, that was before I
told you all the stuff.
I mean, I could never kiss you
after I told you all that.
I mean, like that, you know?
-Yeah.
No, sure.
Sure.
-You screw around, don't you?
-Well, I don't know
if I'd call it--
-It's OK.
I won't tell anyone.
-No, it's, um, it's difficult
to explain.
It's complicated when you--
-Yeah.
I'm sure.
-Well, I like you a lot.
-Yeah.
It's the dancing.
I'm still pretty
cute, aren't I?
Oh, god, I'm sorry.
I'm a little wound up.
I was a hippie for a
while, you know?
-Right.
You mentioned that.
-You wanna go back?
-Yeah.
-Do we have to?
-Yeah.
Come on.
-Hey.
Who takes all the
methaqualone?
-Um, how do you know?
Where did you see that?
-There's quaaludes hidden
all over your house.
-How do you know they're
quaaludes, and--
-That's what guests do.
They go through your bathroom.
Everybody does it.
-And, and you found
methaqualone?
-Yeah.
How long's she been on that?
-I, uh--
-You OK?
-Yeah.
-My sphere of consciousness
expands.
I want to be authentic.
Like Trevor Howard.
Wasn't he great?
It's all about us.
It's not ourselves.
And what's out there.
You know?
The ultimate.
-Honey?
Honey?
You're OK.
Hey, baby.
You're OK.
-Oh, god.
-Here you go.
Here you go.
-I want the world to go away.
-Right.
We'll make the world go away.
OK.
[inaudible].
-Hi.
-Yeah?
What is it, baby?
-I'm hungry.
-You want me to make
you something?
-I'm sorry about everything.
-Shut up.
Where are they?
-Rita, for god's sake.
I think she drank too much.
-Yeah.
-What, what are you--
you can do that later.
-What about them?
-Well, uh, we'll call
them in the morning.
-Well, I don't want them to
think I had a bad time.
Quit pulling on me!
-Well, Christ, I, I'm hungry.
You said you'd make
me something.
-Don't whine.
-But you said--
-What do you want?
Get in the car.
Are you crazy?
Where am I gonna find--
-Where are you going?
-I was just gonna go downstairs
to clean up a little.
-Don't go.
Are you gonna leave me?
-No.
-Why?
Not?
-There's nothing out there.
-You don't mean that, do you?
-No, I was just kidding.
-Who would you--
Who would you run away with?
-Rita.
-Hm?
-Shut up and go to sleep.
-You're not gonna leave?
-I promise.
-Good.
Will you sing to me?
-Christ.
-Please.
The little rabbit song?
-(SINGING) Look at me,
sad, pink eyes,
floppy ears, fluff disguise.
But in my heart, I'm a lion.
This will change if
I keep trying.
Please, let me love you.
Just let me try.
My life will be happy.
I'll smile when I die.
Please let me love you.
Just let me try.
My life will be happy.
(WHISPERING) I'll smile
when I die.
[music playing]
at me, sad, pink eyes,
floppy ears.
Love disguise, but in my
heart, I'm a lion.
Rita?
Wait up!
I was just kidding!
It was a joke!
I'll sing your favorite song!
I'll sing the rabbit song!
(SINGING) Please let
me love you!
Just let me try!
My heart will be happy.
I'll smile when I die.
[music playing]
-Honey,why don't-- why don't we
take a nap before dinner?
[phone ringing]
[phone ringing]
RECORDING: The doctors
are not in.
Please leave a message.
If you are in crisis, you could
call Dr. Jacobi, who is
covering for us at 555-3352.
Thank you.
[beep]
MAN (OVER PHONE): Rita
and Jack, it's Bill.
Um, I, I know it's late,
and it's, uh, Sunday.
I just, um, yeah, maybe I will
call, uh, that doctor, um,
I'll call back.
I didn't write his number down.
I, uh--
oh, I don't know, I just--
it's the thing with
breathing again.
I, uh, don't know--
-You startled me.
-No, I was just watching.
Is there anything to drink?
-I still--
I still have a DC, but there's,
um, a bottle of red
that you can--
-Sure.
Can I do anything, or--
-No, I think everything is
pretty much under control.
-Music, or--
-Um--
-We don't, we don't have to.
-No, something not
too wild, maybe.
-OK.
-Have you seen the
little sauce pan?
-You what?
-The little sauce pan.
Have you seen it?
-Oh, the pan.
Jesus.
-What did you think I said?
-I, uh, don't ask.
What?
-I'm sorry.
-What?
-No, you're funny.
-I, I don't think that--
-No, I mean it.
It's OK.
-It's-- it was really great
being here alone all weekend.
Did you, um, did
you get antsy?
-No, no, no.
-Because I remember that the
last bad time, you know, that,
that weekend that we had, uh--
-What?
-I'm just, um, tired.
No, when-- when I think about
how close we almost came that
time, well, I just, um--
I just thank god that we took
the time and got help.
-Did you wear your
sun block today?
-Jack, it's the winter.
-I don't know.
The sun reflects off the snow.
-No!
Don't you--
you don't think--
-This is kidding.
Come here.
-I just want to be close
to you, that's all.
Don't pull away.
I can feel you pulling away.
-Oh, no.
I saw headlights down the
end of the drive.
-You don't have to make
something up.
Saying that you don't want to
be close is a way of being
close.
-Right.
I, I saw them when I
came down before.
I just thought it was a car
turning around, and--
-It was probably just some
Sunday drivers lost.
-Right.
It's--
I don't like it.
-What are you doing?
-Don't worry, I'll
take care of it.
-Jack, if you're worried,
just call the police.
-I'm not worried.
-Honey?
-(ANGRILY) What?
MAN (OFFSCREEN): It's clear!
I mean--
-Hello?
MAN (OFFSCREEN): --every
relationship you've ever had.
Just look at your family.
WOMAN (OFFSCREEN): Don't
you bring up my family.
I've told you, no family.
You are my family now.
My fucking family has nothing
to do with you.
MAN (OFFSCREEN): It's
me, everybody!
It's Cosmo!
-Cosmo?
-Yeah, just me.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Our Cosmo?
WOMAN (OFFSCREEN): Your family
have some great--
COSMO (OFSCREEN): Well,
we'll be on our way.
WOMAN (OFFSCREEN): Don't
make me laugh.
MAN (OFFSCREEN): Are you
all right, Cosmo?
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): I, I
know this looks crazy.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Quit
calling me crazy.
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): I'm not
calling you crazy.
MAN (OFFSCREEN): Try
that, big man.
I dare ya.
WOMAN (OFFSCREEN): Yeah
What are you gonna do?
What?
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): Will
you be quiet?
Will you shut up?
-No!
No!
-What's going on?
-No, nothing.
Nothing.
I mean, we were just out
shopping, and you know, I
always talk about you two so
much, so I wanted to show
Arlie the house.
Then the car stalled.
-Hi.
I'm wifey.
JACK (OFFSCREEN): I'll check
the security system.
-Rita, I am so sorry.
I mean, I just--
-No, no, no, no.
-I hope we're not interrupting
anything.
-I was just a little
concerned.
-Concerned?
Well, don't be concerned.
I mean, this whole thing is
just, I mean, you know,
there's no significance to it.
Sometimes things just happen.
I mean, it's a spur of
the moment thing.
Arlie was driving.
-Calm down.
-It's OK.
-Well, I know.
I mean, I just--
-This is just how
I pictured it.
-Just, I know how
you must feel.
-Really?
-Oh, yeah.
-He talks about the two
of you all the time.
-Flow.
Right.
But I mean, but I mean, this
was not my kind of flow.
I mean, this flow is
hardly my idea.
-Hey, is this where
it happened?
-Yeah, this is where
it happened.
-Jack?
-I mean, it's just how
I pictured it.
-Arlie?
-Is this OK?
-Oh, please.
Please.
-I love your outfit.
I mean, the whole look.
-Oh, right, the outfit.
I-- it's required to
get your license.
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN):
That's funny.
Cosmo told me you were funny.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Hello?
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): Arlie?
-Oh, we're in here.
This is where you do it.
Jack's been telling
me all about it.
This is really great here.
You were so right, honey.
-Well, I think Jack and Rita
probably want to, uh--
-Hey.
Did you do everything yourself,
or did you have
people come in?
-Well, it was mostly
Jack and I.
-Oh, god, this is
so great here.
Honey?
Look at this.
He looks like you, baby.
Cosmo.
God, he's so highstrung.
I keep telling him, his head's
gonna pop like a balloon one
of these days.
But I suppose you know that
better than anyone.
-Well.
I guess we'll be off.
-It was really nice
of you to stop--
-But we just got here.
-Yeah, we just got here.
Oh, that's right, I live here.
I knew you looked familiar.
-What?
What?
-Jack's an incredible kidder.
He's always joking.
-Salsa.
-What?
JACK (OFFSCREEN):
It's a sauce.
-Well, as I was saying,
we're on our way.
-What's your hurry?
-Could I get you something
with your outfit, Arlie?
-What?
With my outfit?
-Yes.
He's joking.
One of his jokes.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Honey?
-Jack?
-What did he mean
about my outfit?
-Arlie!
-Could you calm down before
your head pops, and you're
flopping around on the
floor like a fish?
RITA (OFFSCREEN): This is
utterly inappropriate.
My uncle Sully--
-Would you stop with the head
popping thing all the time?
JACK (OFFSCREEN): They came
over, they're gonna leave.
Don't worry.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Jack.
-Don't touch anything.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): We're
his therapists.
-You mean I can't
touch anything?
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Tell him this
is inappropriate, and
that we'll offer him an hour.
JACK (OFFSCREEN): What do
you think of wifey?
RITA (OFFSCREEN): She's
not our client.
JACK (OFFSCREEN): Is she
anything like you
thought she'd be?
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Jack--
-And that dress?
It's amazing.
-Do it, and we could be
open to malpractice.
-Malpractice?
Rita--
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): Oh my
god, what's in here?
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): Look at
all those weird CDs.
-Yeah, Jack collects those.
-Wow.
How unusual.
-Don't you think we
should just go?
-Oh, but that's rude.
-Yeah.
-They won't mind.
-I mean, you wanted
to meet them.
Now you've met them.
-It's just that this is fun.
-I know, baby, buy you
don't understand.
I mean--
-No, please, dad.
-See, you don't get it.
-I'll [inaudible] for everything
when we get home.
Oh, hi.
-Hi.
-It's really great that
you have so many CDs.
CDs.
Yeah.
Right.
OK, dear, let's go.
-I just want to say
goodbye to Rita.
-Jack, I know this is completely
inappropriate.
I mean, I don't want
you to think--
-Need any help?
-Well, I wouldn't want you to
feel You don't need to feel.
-And you don't want
me to think.
What do you want me
to do, Cosmo?
-Wow, where'd you get it?
This is really--
-Come on, Jack.
I'm being serious.
-Really?
-In Mexico.
-You've been to Mexico?
-Uh-huh.
-Now she's in there with Rita.
-Wow, I've never been there.
-Oh, well it's very nice.
-Yeah, I heard that, you know?
With all the, the people,
and the--
-Let's talk about this.
-The food, and the music.
-I just find it very upsetting
that when she wanted to come
over here, and I
don't know why.
-Well, is it possible that you
needed to come over here?
-No, no!
I--
she has been pushing me
and pushing me to--
no, no!
[laughter]
-So you do it in here, huh?
-I'm sorry?
-The group.
It's a sitting around on the
floor kind of thing?
-A sitting around on the
floor kind of a thing?
-Yeah, you just sit
in a circle, like.
-Well, no, it's a--
it's a process.
It's a little bit, you know,
it's difficult to describe.
-Right.
Right.
- --has been making things very,
very difficult for me at
home, and Arlie is beginning
to sense that.
-No, no, not exactly.
-I mean, I don't know if I
should ever have started
exploring this whole area.
I mean, you know those feelings
that I've been trying
so hard to get to?
I've gotten to them.
-That's good.
-Here you go.
-I mean, I know they must
be somewhere inside me.
They always have
been, I'm sure.
But I mean, now they're
actually starting to--
-Were you really going
to have something?
-What?
-I could tell you didn't want
me to taste the sauce.
-Oh, no, no, no.
I'm sorry, I went to a cooking
school a couple years ago, and
they got us in the habit of
tasting the sauce from a spoon
that never goes into
your mouth.
-I mean, what's the worst that
could happen if you let
yourself feel this?
--That your mouth can put that
can have an effect on the
sauce if you pour it from
one spoon to another.
It's--
-Well, Jack, I mean, there
are a lot of--
-Just think of the
worst thing.
-Well, I don't feel comfortable
talking about this.
I mean, Arlie is right
in the next room.
-I appreciate that.
It's just--
-You're so pretty.
-Hang on.
-Thank you.
-Like a big doll.
So pretty.
-Honey, um, I'm gonna take
Cosmo for a short walk.
-Hey, can I see you in
there for a minute?
-Excuse us.
-Sorry.
-What?
No, it's OK.
Just go in the kitchen.
Please.
-Take your time.
We're doing fine.
-Thanks.
-Arlie.
-Shh.
-You can't do that.
-Jack, I, I thought
that we agreed?
-Rita, I really feel this is
the breakthrough I've been
looking for with Cosmo.
-They're talking about you.
Don't you want to hear what
they really think of you?
-I know what they think of me.
-I don't know.
Considering the context,
I just don't
see how that's possible.
-Well--
I don't know if I really
see a context, aside
from us helping him.
And--
-Oh, they just said--
-I don't want t know
what they said.
I want you to get
away from there.
-And what about us?
I mean, we've looked forward
to this day.
Just, just us--
-Christ!
I thought this whole thing was
about openness and sharing.
-See, this is exactly why I--
-It'll be OK.
Just let me do this.
-It's not for me to let you.
I just, I really don't
feel good about this.
-Right.
I know.
I just--
it'll be OK.
I just want to do that.
I want to take care of them,
and him, and it'll be OK.
-Great!
-Honey, just don't worry.
Relax.
-What?
-Shh!
-What are you doing,
shushing me?
You do this everywhere we go.
I was putting on and really
had a good time.
-Yeah, where are we going?
We haven't gone somewhere.
We haven't been invited.
-OK--
-Excuse me.
-Sorry.
-Um--
why don't you and
I take a walk?
Just the two of us,
and talk a little?
Thanks.
Be right back.
-Bye, bye!
Bye, bye!
[humming]
[humming]
-Men talk, I guess.
So people say all kinds
of crazy shit?
-I'm sorry?
-The, um, group thing.
You know?
-I, um, I wouldn't call
it crazy, but I--
-Yeah, wow.
And you two kind of, you know,
set everyone straight?
You know, advice wise
and all that?
-Well, um, advice isn't
really how I'd put it.
I mean, we, um, we give people
a chance to feel safe with
their thoughts and
their feelings.
To kind of help them find
their way, but it
really isn't advice.
-And people must get involved
with each other?
-Involved?
-Well, you know, I mean,
shit must happen.
I mean--
well, you're saying all this
stuff, and, then I'm sure
people are crying, and carrying
on about all their
secret thoughts.
And then, you know
what I mean.
-Go on.
-It's so cool how
you say that.
I can feel it.
I mean, they teach you that
in school, or what?
-Well, I'm not sure that I--
I think what you're sensing is
something that comes from
experience.
I mean, we, we do this all the
time, so you kind of get a
feel for it.
It's a way of connecting,
I suppose.
-Yeah, yeah.
Feel.
Right.
I know that, that connecting
thing.
-Really?
-Yeah.
I was a, I was a dancer.
I understand something
about connecting.
-Really?
A dancer?
Well, I guess that's a similar
sort of a thing.
-Yeah.
Pretty cool.
-Yeah.
Pretty cool.
-Do you have anything
to drink?
-Um, a DC?
-Huh?
-Diet Coke?
-Jack, where we going?
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): No, I meant
something to drink.
-Can you feel it?
-Oh.
Um--
-Oh, you don't have to.
I mean, Cosmo's nervous, and I
guess you people probably have
ideas about everything, so
you're probably right.
-What would you like?
-A beer would be great.
-Let me see.
Here we go.
Do you want a glass?
-No, no.
Bottles, cans.
Hey.
Oh, Christ, that's better.
Can I help do something
or something?
-No, no, I think everything's
pretty much under control.
-I'll set the table.
-No, really, it's fine.
-No, no, I'm itchy, you know?
-Plates are right there.
So you're, uh, a dancer?
-No, I quit that.
-Really?
Well, um, what do you do now?
-Nothing much.
-Because I--
I knew that you didn't
have any kids, so--
-Hey.
-I'm sorry.
That was really inappropriate.
-Yeah, I, I know what Cosmo's
told you guys.
It's totally fine.
I mean, you know everything.
Right?
-What do you mean?
-I thought maybe you were
going to say something--
-No.
-Hair.
I do hair.
-Hair?
-Yeah, you know, you asked what
I did, and sometimes I do
hair, kind of here and there.
Hair?
I know there's not that
much to say about it.
-No, I'm sorry, something
just isn't
happening with this sauce.
-Where do you keep
your napkins?
-We just, um, fold
up paper towels.
-Oh, cool.
We do that, too.
Hey, what do you think
of my hair?
-What?
Oh, it's very--
-Yeah.
I don't know.
It's--
when you're a professional,
it's kind of hard to get
perspective.
You know, I mean, you must
understand that stuff.
-So you used to be a dancer?
That's, um, that's great.
You know, when I was a little
girl, I, I always
wanted to be a dancer.
But I guess, well, all little
girls wanted to be dancers.
Do you do most of the cooking?
Hello?
Hello?
-Jack, aren't we gonna talk?
I'm concerned about the time.
-Don't worry.
Be as long as you like.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Jack!
-Oh, I'm worried about Rita.
-Don't worry about Rita.
It's not gonna help you.
Or her.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Jack!
Jack!
-See, i come here to,
um, to be myself.
To feel myself.
To find my authenticity.
-Do I have to hold your hand?
-No.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
So what's going on, Cosmo?
-Well, I'm--
I'm feeling afraid.
-Afraid of what?
-Well, of women.
Are they all crazy?
-Well, that's their nature.
That's what makes them
so wonderful.
-What do you mean?
-Well, you know, women, it's
what it's all about.
I mean, what else is there?
-Wow.
That's really--
it's really--
But what about, I mean,--
-Well, men, and we've
talked about men.
I mean, it's our nature
to want to be
near that crazy thing.
And to want to be with as
many women as we can.
-Right.
Right.
Jack, I feel I'm facing an
opportunity, and I don't want
that opportunity
to be cut off.
-Cut off?
-Well, I mean, the way I was
raised and everything, I
always felt that all my--
-Your opportunities?
-They were always
being cut off.
And I don't want that
to happen this time.
-Right.
I've heard it's very painful
to have your
opportunities cut off.
-Do mean that--
-It's not funny, Cosmo.
It's--
I mean, it's sad to have all the
opportunities in your life
not come to anything, and
have yet another one
facing you, and not--
-Jack, i don't know what
I'm going to do.
-Right.
See, I think you do.
[chanting]
[phone ringing]
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Arlie?
Arlie?
-I'm up here!
RECORDING: The doctors
are not in.
Please, leave a message.
-It's amazing up here.
RECORDING: If you are in crisis.
you can call Dr.
Jacobi--
-Oh.
Um, you don't mind?
-No, no, no.
Not at all.
[recording continues]
-I, um, I love your outfit.
-Oh, yeah, yeah, it looks good
with the fuck me pumps.
-The what?
-Oh.
Has Cosmo seen this?
-I'm not sure.
We usually keep to
the living room.
-Uh-huh.
Oh.
It's the men.
So?
You two have a nice talk?
-Arlie, you've made
your point.
Now can we go?
-Well, Rita and I had
a very nice talk.
All about you.
-Arlie, we have to
leave here now.
Look, don't do this to me.
I mean it.
Arlie.
-Christ, you're twice as wound
up as when you went outside.
What happened?
-Look, there's certain
things--
-Hey.
-Hi.
-So you two had dinner?
-Yes.
-No.
-Well, technically speaking, we
didn't have dinner, but we
had a very late lunch.
-Maybe I should interrogate
the suspects separately.
-Jack, we didn't come
over here to
bust in on your dinner.
-Then why did you
come over here?
-Arlie!
-Well, he's funny.
-Christ, you go on and on about
how fucking funny he is,
and then he's funny,
and you yell at me.
-So you'll stay for dinner?
-We'd love to stay.
-Great, that's settled.
-Can we do anything?
-Um, well, sure.
There's a salad here you
could take care of.
And, would you mind
setting the table?
-No.
-Thanks.
This is gonna be great.
-Jack--
-Isn't this fun?
-So, uh, are you happy now?
-What's that supposed to mean?
-Hey, how many of those
beers have you had?
-Oh, daddy doesn't like
Arlie to get drunk?
-Just don't start up.
-Start up?
What's that supposed to mean?
-If you fuck this up for me--
-Hey, don't you talk
to me like that.
You can't talk to
me like that.
Is this what you learn
over here?
Just how to treat your
wife disrespect?
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): I'm going.
I'll be out in the car.
-Hey.
-Hi.
-How you doing?
-I'm tired.
-Yeah, yeah.
-Have they, uh--
-Um--
listen, they, they invited
themselves to dinner.
-What?
-No, I feel like they're
asking for our help.
-Jack--
-And Cosmo's in such
a fragile state.
-Jack, Jack, he's our client.
That's completely
unprofessional.
I don't even know how you can,
like, entertain the idea.
-Rita, I guess I don't see
things quite as black and
white as you.
-This is very clear.
-Well, I mean, they're people.
We're people.
We asked him to get him
something going with his life,
and now that it's going, we
can't just let it go.
-This is gonna turn into another
cosmic free for all?
-Well, free for all,
not exactly.
I just thought this was an
opportunity to help him.
I thought, I mean, we can
do this together.
-Really?
Why?
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): Put your
wife in her place.
Leave her, just drive off.
Go ahad.
-Sure.
No.
Right.
Um, why don't you just go to
sleep, and I'll sneak in in a
little while?
-Jack, is something wrong?
-Oh, no.
Things are great.
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): Don't try
talking like you do.
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): What are
you gonna do, little king?
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): You
love this, don't you?
Seeing me like this.
You don't care about
meeting Jack, Rita.
You're just trying to screw
this up for me.
-You think you're such
a little king.
-I mean, what is so
awful about--
-Do you ever listen
to yourself talk?
You're one of those people who
it would help if you were
videotaped, like on those
shows, and then
made to watch it.
You're one of those people.
-How's everything coming?
-Great.
Just about finished.
-Wow.
Really?
-Anything else we could do?
-Um, I guess you could let
Rita know we're ready.
I don't think she'll
join us, but--
-Sure.
-Thanks.
-Shit.
[music playing]
[knocking]
-Oh, hi.
-Jack sent me up.
We're ready to eat.
-Tell him I'll be down
in a minute.
-Sure thing.
Take your time.
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): Jack?
[chanting]
-Jack?
Jack, I, I--
-Boo.
-Jack, I, I still feel
uncomfortable about coming--
-Cosmo, Cosmo, Cosmo.
What is it?
-I'm sorry.
I--
I'm sorry.
Is there something else
that I should do?
-You know, why don't you
spin the chairs around
so we can eat, OK?
Thanks.
-She'll be right down.
-Arlie?
Why don't you sit right there?
-Sure.
-And Cosmo, take that chair.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
So let's eat.
-Well, aren't we going
to wait for Rita?
-Oh, I don't think
she'll be down.
And she wasn't feeling
up to it before, so--
thanks.
-Well, Arlie just said
she was coming.
She did make the meal.
[laughter]
-Oh.
Rita.
Well.
We're gonna eat quickly, and be
out of here in half an hour
at the most.
-I'm sorry.
-Rita?
-Why don't we join hands?
As--
as I see into our hearts,
the ocean of life.
(SINGING) Shanti.
Shanti.
-Shanti.
Peace, peace, peace.
-Over the teeth and
over the gums.
Look out, stomach,
here it comes.
What was that?
-Why don't you serve
yourselves?
-You know, Arlie
made the salad.
-Cosmo.
-Mm.
-Thank you.
-What is this?
-Bulgur.
You didn't take any bulgur.
-Well, that certainly
looks great.
-Cos, can I get you
something else?
-Why don't you just take
your bulgur, darling?
-Well, you know, Arlie, we
ate so late that I just--
-I'm sure you know my
husband won't eat
anything I don't cook.
Oh, yeah.
See?
I'm his little mommy.
Right, honey?
I feed my little baby?
-That's a complete
exaggeration.
-Exaggeration?
Once I got this great casserole
at a swap meat, and
when I served it, Cosmo tasted
it and said, you didn't make
this, did you?
So I tried to lie for a while,
and when he finally--
-Andele, andele.
-Forced it out of me that
it wasn't mine, he
wouldn't eat it.
Just refused.
Said he wanted his mommy
to make him dinner.
You're so cute.
-Oh, well, that really
is great.
-Thank you.
-Well, it was--
-I don't know.
Sometimes you have to
live with someone to
really get to know them.
Sometimes not.
-So--
-Wine, anyone?
-Well, I started with
a beer, but I--
-Well, I mean, aren't we going
to be leaving soon?
-What do you think, Arlie?
-It's a school night.
Why not?
-All right.
Why not?
-Sorry.
-No, it's fine.
It's fine.
-What are you apologizing for?
-Well, we said we were going to
stay for half an hour, and
now we're drinking wine.
-Can't we just have a
good time for once?
JACK (OFFSCREEN): Somebody
say good time?
-Oh, goodie.
-Could you hold that for me?
-Sure.
-There you go.
-Thank you.
-I like this house, Mo Mo.
-Mo Mo?
-Oh, that's just a little
jokey name.
-No, it's my favorite
name for Mo Mo.
[music playing]
-Is that too loud?
-I, I really can't listen
to this, hon.
I'm sorry.
-See, that's a little game they
play, and he's asked if
it's too loud, and then
she says yes.
-Did I miss anything?
[music stops]
-We were talking about
Cosmo's nickname.
-Oh, come on.
-Nickname?
-Yeah.
Mo Mo.
-Mo Mo.
-I think we've given Cos a
hard enough time for now.
-Naw.
Let's really give
it some more.
-Oh, Arlie.
-Just kidding you, Mo Mo.
-That's what he always says
when he's being cruel.
-So Arlie, do you
like to cook?
-Well, I didn't used to
love it, but every--
-You know, Arlie's actually
quite domestic.
But her domestic sense is
a little bit misshapen.
It's sort of like a hardy fruit
after a rugged winter.
-What the fuck does that mean?
-Just a joke.
-Oh, I'm just busting
a guy over here.
-So, so you were out doing
some shopping today?
-Yeah.
-I was out looking
for outfits.
How do you like it?
-Well, it's--
-It's very cute.
-Really?
thank you.
Yeah, Coco likes to be with me
when I shop for my outfits.
-Coco?
I thought it was Mo Mo.
-I call him that when
he's a bad boy.
Sometimes I sneak Coco into the
dressing room with me, you
know, because they--
-Bad boy, eh, Coco?
I'm sorry.
Go on.
-Well, I caught him once, trying
to peek into the next
stall--
-Arlie.
Aren't we gonna be
leaving soon?
-So you were out doing
some shopping today?
-Yeah.
-Boy, did we see some
real types today.
-Really?
At the mall.
-Christ.
Sometimes I wonder how people
have the nerve to go outside.
-Arlie, that's terrible.
-Oh, admit it.
Most people have such pathetic
little lives.
-Oh, I dunno.
Cosmo does pretty well
for himself.
-No, no, no, that was mean!
-It was a joke.
Come on.
-So, we were at the
supermarket--
-Are you OK?
-He's fine.
-Yeah, I understand Jack's
sense of humor now.
It took me a little while
to get used to it, but--
-Hey.
I was talking here, you know?
-Oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
-Thank you.
So we're waiting in line, and
there's this smelly, weird,
bend up guy who's buying
lottery tickets.
Like, like he's holding up the
whole line while he tries to
figure out his lucky number.
Like, like, people are starving,
and their kids are
getting nuts.
And this schmendrick is asking
this stacked 15-year-old girl,
and you should have seen Coco
staring at her tits.
-Was not.
-It's no big deal.
You always do it.
-She's completely
making that up.
-Bad boy, eh, Coco?
-Oh, god.
Everybody does it.
I mean, doesn't everyone?
-What number did he pick?
-Excuse me?
-The uh, smelly, bent up guy?
-Oh, yeah.
Um, I don't know.
Oh, Christ, what a scene.
Did you ever notice how
everybody on that
side of town is fat?
Or limps?
Or is cross eyed?
-Arlie, don't be stupid.
-Stupid?
Talk about stupid?
No.
What they are thinking about,
that's what's stupid.
Unbelievable.
-Arlie, I'm not sure
if everybody's--
-Did you ever wonder
what's behind those
pinched up little mugs?
Those swollen, about to explode
faces that come
sprouting out of those
fat, pimply necks?
Ugh.
I mean, you should have seen
this kid they had.
This kid was so angry,
he had little pointy
teeth, like a vampire.
He was like a channeler
for their unhappiness.
Yeah, a, a, a conduit
for their anger.
A, a, a hostile little weed
choking off my air.
-Must have felt sad
for the child.
-I wanted to slap this
sad little fuck.
-How lyric.
-What?
-How lyric.
How beautiful apt your
description was.
-Yeah.
I mean, that kid is gonna be
raping you in an alley 10
years from now.
You know it's true.
I mean, that's where creeps
like that come from.
I mean, what do these people
think they're doing?
It just makes me nuts.
And then they always want to get
on to the six item or less
line, when they have
about 50 things?
Like, like, where are
they going that
they're in such a rush?
To go home and stuff
their faces, and
limp around the house?
Oh, and the, the
shit they eat.
I mean, you can see why sleep
with their kids, and shoot
each other at these things
they call picnics.
I mean, sometimes it
makes you think
Hitler wasn't so misguided.
-Arlie, I don't think you know
what that sounds like.
-Oh, come on.
Most of them aren't
even Americans.
-She doesn't even mean this.
-No.
It is true, it's so true.
I mean, do you ever listen
to them talk?
It's unbelievable.
I mean, talk about aliens
from outer space.
Christ.
-Oh, Christ, and the kids.
Like, deformed little
greasy clones.
And they look at you like you're
some kind of freak.
It's amazing.
Why do they have kids?
-Maybe so they have more ugly
people around the house.
They don't feel so bad
about themselves.
-Exactly.
You know, it makes you wonder
whether they should allow some
people to reproduce.
Like, like, they should have
some board of people to give
out licenses.
The whole thing is sick.
This is really good.
Eh, Cosmo?
Oh, Christ.
Ah.
That's what I think.
JACK (OFFSCREEN): Don't forget
your opportunities, Cosmo.
-I really don't think--
-Let it go, Rita.
Just let it go.
What are you feeling?
-Thank you.
-Don't mention it.
-Well, you know, I, I think
that deep down, that--
-That's the only way to think
about anything, really.
Deep down's good.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Jack.
-What is it, lover?
-Lover?
What did you mean by that?
I'm asking you what
you meant by that.
-Why?
-Because you hurt my feelings.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
Go on.
I'm just kidding, honey.
-Well, I, um, I'd really
rather not.
Thank you.
-Well, Rita, um, I would
love to hear what you
were going to say.
I mean, Jack was just joking.
This--
-It's her house.
If she doesn't want to talk,
she doesn't have to.
-Well, I, I think that deep
down, that the characters at
the mall were an expression of
the eternal conflict between
the upper and the
lower chakras.
Now, I--
I don't presume any great
wisdom, although as you do
know that I follow--
-There's no conflict
between chakras.
-Well, sometimes--
-There's no conflict.
They're all of one.
There's no hierarchy.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): I wasn't
positing hierarchy.
-Well, not overtly, Rita,
but we, uh, we
all know your agenda.
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): Now, Jack,
uh, I think that might be a
little unfair.
-What do you mean, unfair?
-They all seem the same to me.
-Wait a minute.
I want to know what he's
talking about.
-Well, I just think that some
people feel that, you know,
the chakras are, uh, are
not so sharply defined.
-You're telling me
about chakras?
It's OK, Cosmo.
Sorry, what were you saying?
-Thank you.
So, I mean, seriously,
look at people.
Some are more valuable
than others.
I mean, certainly--
-See, I think every human being
is of equal value, no
matter where they've come from,
or how they've been
brought up in their souls.
-Most people don't have souls.
-Well, I beg to differ.
I think people can
overcome their
background, and their past.
-Right.
Rich people.
-People can recover.
They can heal.
They can evolve past--
-Serious?
Some of those people are less
evolved than Chico.
-Chico?
-Chico is Arlie's dog.
-Chico is not a dog.
I've told you.
-I'm not permitted to use
the word dog when
I'm speaking of Chico.
-What is Chico, then?
Sorry.
-Chico is Chico.
-To Chico.
-Yeah.
She, uh, cares more about the
dog than she cares about me.
-Coco hates his little
brother Chico.
-He is not my little brother.
-Chico.
That'd be a boy.
-Of course.
-I, uh, I see a lot of sad
cases at St. Jerome's.
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN):
St. Jerome's?
-The clinic in town?
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): That
must be a scene.
You know, when they turn
on each other?
Those kinds of people to that
kind of thing every night.
You see it on those TV shows.
Hey, do you have anymore
of this?
-Yeah, there's another one in
on the counter by the coffee
maker.
-The whole situation in the
city is just infuriating.
Oh, and those homeless people.
Don't get me started.
Talk about evolved.
-I'm sorry.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): No, no, no.
It's fine.
JACK (OFFSCREEN): No, no.
Go on, Cosmo.
What are you feeling?
-Well, I mean, it--
-I'm gonna go take a pee.
Be right back.
-So, do you understand now?
-I'm not the one who needs
to understand, Cosmo.
-Well.
Now you've seen her.
Was I exaggerating?
See, you always thought
I was exaggerating.
That there was some other
side to the story.
Well, I guess there's only
one side to this story.
-No, no, no.
Cos, these things are
really complicated.
And--
what?
What?
[music playing]
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): Rita?
She's not normal.
You can't tell me
she's normal.
I mean, I feel I fall under
the normal range.
I mean, maybe toward one end
or the other, but I think
she's mentally ill.
She's just plain sick.
I mean, don't you
agree with me?
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Cos, it's
really getting late, and I--
look, we all have to go
to work tomorrow.
And--
-Oh, no.
She doesn't have
to go to work.
Because she doesn't work.
So she doesn't have to
go to work tomorrow.
-I don't know.
Maybe I can give you
the name of, um--
I don't--
maybe somebody down at
the clinic might--
-Clinic?
She wouldn't talk to anybody.
I mean, she doesn't
even have friends.
Do you know what that means?
To not even have friends.
I mean, she wouldn't
talk to anybody.
I mean, you've seen her.
So tell me you don't see
what she's like now.
-Cosmo, you're giving
her a lot of power.
I mean, can't you just say
what you're feeling?
Just take a breath, and just
say what you're feeling.
-There's this couple who live
across the courtyard
from us, you know?
They never turn their
lights on at night.
The only time you can see them
is when they open the
refrigerator.
It's amazing.
It's been fascinating.
I mean, did--
-No.
They're just fat.
-Just take a breath and talk
about your feelings.
-Jack.
-What are you feeling?
-See, I--
I remember when I was, um,
seven or eight years old.
Uh, I was a very protective
child.
See, my mother was
not the kind of--
Well, I mean, I don't even--
It's funny, I--
When you look back, I guess
you think you invented all
these things.
Somebody probably showed me
this, or I saw somebody doing
it, or I don't know how
it's possible that
I can't even remember--
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): Oh,
christ, we get it.
You're really interesting.
Get to the freaking
point, would you?
-Yes dear.
Don't you just love her?
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): They
could give a shit.
It's just a dinner party, man.
We leave, they talk about
us, dissect our lives.
We get in the car
and trash them.
That's how it's done, right?
OK, OK.
Just tell the fucking
story, OK?
Mhmm.
-All right, forget it.
-No, no.
Go on.
-Just let it go, honey.
What are you feeling?
-See, uh, I--
I realized that you could take
a pee outdoors, and it was
like the whole world had
opened up to me.
I went outside every
chance I got.
I felt like Marco Polo
or Einstein.
I understood the world.
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): Wow.
-It's like--
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN):
How fascinating.
-Look.
I want to talk about
how I feel.
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): Christ.
-See, then, uh--
then my parents put in this, um,
outdoor shower so that we
could, uh, wash off the
sand when we came
home from the beach.
And, uh, it was right outside
the back door and I remember I
used to go out there at night
and take showers in the dark.
You know, late at night in the
summer in the dark, stars and
everything without
my clothes on.
And then I would, uh, walk
around in the backyard without
my clothes on.
I just felt like Alexander
the Great or something.
I--
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): Bet you were
touching yourself all
over, weren't you?
-Wh--
Why are you doing this?
-I'm just being a good
little wifey.
-Well, go on.
Tell everyone how you
touched yourself.
I mean, who did that
make you feel like?
Um, Bela fucking Lugosi,
or some other
good inventor or conqueror?
-I think it's great, Cos.
-Oh, me too.
Really.
-Well, you--
I mean, you must have
had something like
this happen to you.
-What do you mean?
-Some seminal event.
Something that-- that
helped form you.
-Is this how you people
sit around over here?
Talking about seminal events?
Oh man, this is really out.
-Yeah, it's called,
uh, sharing.
Some people do it.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-You don't believe in
sharing, Arlie?
-Well, I, I guess it seems
cool if you're trying to
really say something.
-Yes?
-I mean, nobody really wants
to ever hear anything.
I mean, you come here.
Who knows why people do
this kind of thing?
This-- this dinner party shit.
But it's hardly to find
anything out.
-What do you mean?
-Well, I mean, poor
Cosmo out here.
He's such a sad fuck he
has to pay to have
people listen to him.
He has to pay to have friends
like your little group.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): You sound
very, very angry, Arlie.
-Hey, relax, doc.
I'm just talking here.
-Arlie, relationships are
really complicated.
And-- and, um, when, um--
when Jack and I feel
connected--
well-- well, I mean, when we're
feeling-- when we feel
connected, so it helps us to--
-Yeah, right.
Like you're going to help us.
Is that what this
is all about?
-Well, we were thinking--
I was thinking that you wanted
to talk things out.
I think that Cos
would like to--
-I think we should all
become friends.
-To--
-I mean, I haven't talked this
over with you, Rita, but I'm
sitting here and I'm thinking,
we should spend the holidays
together, just the four of us.
You know, skip the
family for once.
Spend time with people
we really care about.
-Are we really the best
you could do?
That's so sad.
We hardly know you and tonight
we're all friends.
Where did everybody go?
What happened?
I mean, this-- this--
This is not how they told
me it would be.
I mean, life is not supposed
to be this way, you know?
Something's gone really wrong
here, and I'm not going to--
-I think I have--
-(YELLING) What?
-I need to talk about
how I feel.
-Cosmo, wh-- why are you
talking like this?
-Something's happened to me.
-You don't talk like this.
This is not you.
-I think you're right.
-What does that mean?
-(QUIETLY) Is he, um, saying
something that you find
hurtful?
-What?
-(LOUDER) Is he saying
something that--
that's painful?
-What the fuck are you
talking about?
-Arlie?
-Well, where does she get off?
I mean, she's been pushing me
and pushing me, doing this
thing to you.
-I think she's just
trying to help us.
-Well, who says we need help?
-I'm sorry if I intruded,
I was only--
-Yeah, you did, so butt out.
-I am saying I'm sorry!
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): I just
can't do this anymore.
I just can't.
-I'm sorry, what?
-I just--
I--
It's too difficult.
-No, no, no.
Just take a breath.
I just can't.
I just--
-What are you two
talking about?
COSMO (OFFSCREEN):
I honestly just--
-You little weasel.
-What?
-You heard me, you're
a little sneak.
-Oh, help me anybody.
-You are such a worm.
-Can we all just calm down?
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): You fucking
people, setting me up.
-How's that?
-You pump poor old Cosmo here
for his life story so he can
feel superior.
I mean, who knows what he hasn't
told you about us.
And then you sit around
and play with us.
I mean, I can tell you he's
told you all kinds of shit
about us, and I think
it stinks.
-See, this is exactly why
I never wanted you to
meet Jack and Rita.
I mean, do you know that she
was so upset that I had
something in my life apart from
her that she wanted me to
get her into our group?
-Oh!
-Can you believe that?
Can you imagine her
in the group?
-Hey, I didn't have any--
-It wouldn't work!
You wouldn't get it.
You just--
-You--
-We just don't speak
the same language.
I'm sorry, but we don't.
That's our problem.
Your life is over there,
my life is over
here, and we just don't.
It doesn't--
it isn't happening anymore.
Sometimes I wonder
if it ever was.
-Arlie's a dancer.
Did you know that she--
she's a dancer.
-Really?
Wow.
-Yeah.
-Oh, god.
-What?
-I just feel--
-What are you feeling?
-I feel, I feel--
-Stay with the feeling.
Stay with--
-Cosmo, you're an asshole.
-Oh, and she doesn't
even mean that.
I just, I feel guilty that I
told you so much about--
-What did you tell them?
-Just the high points.
-What?
-Oh.
Nothing.
I'm sorry.
Go on.
-Go.
Just, I feel bloated.
-Bloated?
What do you mean?
-You hardly ate anything.
-You ever, you know when you're
hungry, and you know
the feeling of eating?
When you're not hungry, you just
that disgusted feeling?
Why can't I do what I want?
-Oh, Christ.
-Sometimes I feel I can't
take anymore in.
It's like it's killing
me in some way.
There's something in me telling
me just to stop!
RITA (OFFSCREEN): It really has
gotten late, and I think
we're all tired.
-No, I think Cosmo has something
to tell us, don't
you, Cosmo?
-Oh, Arlie--
-You know, I heard what you were
all saying about me when
I went upstairs, Cosmo.
-Arlie, I--
this, this is really hard.
-Oh.
Really?
-I want to do what I want.
Why can't I do what I want?
-Oh, Christ.
-What do you want, Cosmo?
-I am so afraid.
-Is therapy what we're
doing now?
-I really think that this
has gone far enough.
-No, I think Cosmo needs
to talk about this.
-I just can't do this anymore.
I just can't go on.
-What does he mean,
he can't go on?
-I mean, how do you go on?
I don't know anyone does it.
I mean, they're everywhere!
-What do you mean?
-All the girls out there
on the street.
I mean, you've seen them!
It's insane!
-What the hell do
you mean, girls?
-I just don't think I
can go on anymore!
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): Take what?
-It, it, um--
-Go to bed, honey.
-No, Rita, please, don't go.
Just for a minute!
Please!
-What?
-I'm just trying to say this
is too much for me.
There is nothing in this
for me anymore.
-Well, what is this?
I mean, what the fuck
does this mean?
-Oh, Arlie.
-Do you have anything
else to drink?
-I think we finished
our last bottle.
-No, I think I could
dig something up.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Jack!
-Free for all, anyone?
How's scotch?
-Great.
RITA (OFFSCREEN): Why
are you doing this?
-It's called living, honey.
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): So, Cosmo,
everybody wants to hear what
you have to say.
All your friends.
-I need to be my own person.
I need to be--
-Let tell you about Cosmo.
Do you know how I met Cosmo?
-Arlie, that's not important.
-Oh, I think it is.
-Well, I don't think anybody
wants to hear about that.
-Oh.
You mean you didn't tell
them about this?
You told tell them everything
else about us, but not this?
-Oh, please!
-I don't know if you could tell,
but I'm not like the
rest of you.
No, I didn't go to college.
I was kind of a hippie.
I mean, the, the hippie thing
was dead, but I, I lived in
this commune--
-This is really happening.
-Kind of thing, and we got high
a lot, and partied all
the time, and I worked
in this bar.
Dancing.
-Look, I want to
talk about now.
-Does anybody want
to hear this?
-I, I'd love to hear this.
-Fine.
I'm going to bed.
Would you lock up?
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): Can
I use your stereo?
JACK (OFFSCREEN): Oh, sure.
It's your house now.
-This is not going well.
-Oh, it's going where
it's going.
[music playing]
-I worked in this bar.
Cosmo would come into
this place.
All the time.
He was this nondescript
kind of guy.
He hasn't changed.
But he would sit and watch.
See, I would dance.
Oh, he was in grad school.
Like I could care.
I was a dancer.
And Cosmo had this
problem, see?
Cosmo couldn't do it.
I was the only one he could
do it with, and now he
hates me for it.
Right, wormy?
See?
I fixed Cosmo!
I fixed Cosmo!
-All right, stop it!
Stop it!
That's enough!
Look--
I need to be myself!
I need to be--
-What are you saying?
-It's a question of--
of independence!
-Please, just say it!
[music stops]
-I need to be alone.
I want to be alone.
Without you.
-We-- we were OK until you
started coming over here.
We were fine.
You were happy.
-No!
I was not!
I'm not!
I'm not happy!
-OK.
Fine.
You're a nobody.
You know?
I knew that when I met you.
But as time has gone by, you've
climbed up my body.
You stood on my back, and you
were able to see into the
world of people who were
somebody, and that started to
make you feel like you
were a regular guy.
You had the right to have
regular feelings.
But you see?
You don't.
You hear me?
You don't!
You think you can just
walk away from me,
but you see you can't.
You're just going to
fall back down.
It's not fair.
I held you up all these years,
and then you do this?
I mean, I could have walked away
anytime, and you would
have fallen.
And you'd still be falling.
But I didn't.
I wouldn't do that to you.
Without me here, you're
gonna keep falling.
Forever.
And you know it.
-I'd--
ARLIE (OFFSCREEN): What?
I gotta get out of here.
-I hope it wasn't something
I said.
-God.
I feel alive.
-What are you doing?
-Oh, I heard it's good to
get a breath of fresh
air after a, .
Big meal.
I was gonna take a--
-Why are you going out there?
-What do you suggest, doctor?
-It's not our problem.
-It's not our problem?
What do you think
of that, Cosmo?
It's not our problem.
-I just feel very tired.
-He feels very tried.
-Jack, it's really
getting late.
-Yeah, right.
Arlie?
-You think I did the
right thing?
-I don't know.
-Well, I think I did.
So easy to forget.
That's what counts.
I've never done this before.
I've never left someone.
-Arlie?
It's Jack!
-You know, when I first started
coming over here to
see you and Jack, this thing
started happening.
I just--
I started looking at girls.
And it was all the time.
I mean, I look over at Arlie,
and I just sink
like a little boat.
You know, sometimes I get up in
the middle of the night, I
look over at her sleeping
next to me.
And I just go downstairs into
the living room, and
I lie on the floor.
Listen to music from long ago.
And then I just, I
just float away.
To the place I should
have gone.
Because I never did what
I wanted to do.
This is my last chance.
She wants to have a kid now.
If that happens, I'll
be lost forever.
I'll be stuck forever.
There will be two of them
following me around the house
all day long.
I mean, she's great
for herself.
She's just not great for me.
I mean, there's something
in me that's been
asleep for so long.
I mean, sometimes I get these
great feelings of expansion,
and limitlessness.
And then she just puts
a pin in me.
It's like how you
feel at a party.
You've had a few drinks, and
you've danced for the first
time in months, and some woman
you've never seen before
smiles at you, and you really
feel yourself at that moment.
You really feel yourself.
And you need to use the toilet,
so you get in some
strange bathroom.
You turn around, there's a
full length mirror on the
wall, you see yourself,
and you say, yuck!
That's me!
That's not me.
-You know, I was reading
this book.
And the book was saying that
you have to follow your own
heart, and you have to
listen to your heart.
And so I decided I
would do that.
And I really sat there and
listened, and the crazy thing
was, I didn't hear anything.
And I realized, you have to
be listening all the time.
It's like a kid.
You can't be a parent
part of the time.
A kid needs you all the time,
or else it just shrivels up,
and it's that attitude
that counts.
It's that feeling that your
heart is where it all starts.
I mean, you can't be doing
all this other shit.
These things for everybody
else, and getting
old and sick inside?
And then you decide when you
read a book, to then decide to
listen to your heart?
I mean, that's ludicrous.
I mean, everybody's out there
killing and robbing, and
looting, and screwing
around, and doing
everything they want?
And I have to sit here and
live with my mistake?
I mean, I was--
I was watching the tube the
other night, just thinking,
and she called out to me.
And it was unbelievable what I
said, before I even knew what
I was saying.
She called out to me and
I said, what, Mom?
Mom.
It was so scary.
It was frightening, like--
like there was something in me
that I didn't even know was
there that was coming out, like
some futuristic science
fiction thing where I'd been
taken over, or something had
been planted in me, and now the
aliens were returning to
harvest their crop.
It was so creepy.
I find myself looking
at women.
A lot.
-Arlie?
Where are you?
-I've--
I've never talked like
that in my life.
Was I embarrassing you?
Would--
Would you like to join me?
-No, no, no, I'm fine,
thank you.
-I know you have to get an
early start tomorrow.
Maybe you'll just like
to go to bed.
Well, I don't know
why I said that.
I'm just not used to
feeling this way.
I--
I feel so alive, and I--
the colors are so vivid
and everything.
It's-- it's-- it's
just amazing.
Say, now, look, I know it's
really late, but, um--
-What?
What?
-What would you think if I
put on a little music?
I mean, something very,
very quiet.
-Anything that you would like.
-Well.
I would like, um--
[music playing]
-You know, I've never been
with anyone else.
I'm talking about Arlie,
of course.
Have you been with many men?
[laughing]
-I don't know what's
happening to me.
I--
I never talk like this,
as you know.
-You know what?
It's, um--
it's very, very, very sweet.
-Really?
-What?
Do women like that?
You know, I, um--
I met somebody once who said to
me that you can only love a
certain number of people
in your life.
I think he said five.
And after that, it doesn't
mean anything anymore.
And you know, I found that
idea very, very scary.
-Why are you-- you
telling me this?
-Because you mean a lot to me.
I mean, you and Jack.
-We're very fond of you.
[clearing throat]
-Well, maybe I shouldn't
be talking like this.
Maybe I shouldn't even be
drinking like this.
You know that I've been, uh,
looking at women a lot.
-What do you mean?
-Use your imagination
You know, I--
I didn't mean what I said just
now about looking at women.
Boy, you must really wonder.
-Don't you wonder what they're
doing out there?
-Hm?
-Arlie seems so, um, free.
-Christ, are you kidding?
-No.
No.
COSMO (OFFSCREEN): Yeah, I
think, uh, now that we've
broken up, Arlie will find some
other guy right away.
By the way, what did you
think about Arlie?
I mean, what did you think about
what she said before she
busted out of here?
You know, about how I would
be falling without her.
RITA (OFFSCREEN):
I don't know.
-She's right.
-See, I come here to, uh--
to be myself, to feel myself,
to find my authenticity.
I'm--
I'm sorry about tonight
and everything.
-Shit.
Oh god, forget it.
-Can I--
Can I kiss you?
I'm not kidding.
-I didn't think you were.
-What are you, uh?
-Sometimes when I come home, and
it's late, and the sun's
gone down, I stand in the dark
house, looking in the window
thinking, I'm in here alone in
the dark, and nobody knows.
Nobody knows that I'm in here.
-Well, what about Jack?
RITA (OFFSCREEN):
Jack isn't, um--
Jack isn't who you--
uh, who you think he is.
Did you--
Did you know that?
-No.
-Every time--
Every time that you leave,
he, uh, he regales
me with your idiocy.
-Rita!
Oh.
-Get the fuck off me!
Go home!
Now!
[music playing]
-Last year, I--
I--
I got--
I got pregnant.
It was great, you know?
I mean, perfect how the
whole thing happened.
I mean, we had never really
talked about it, me and Cosmo.
And-- and when we did,
it went great.
I mean, you know, we had fun.
And it happened right away.
And we were even arguing
about what to call--
It's funny.
We used to call the baby it.
Like, like what are we
going to call it?
We used to laugh about that.
And then I lost it.
And when I lost it, I lost it.
Something went wrong.
It--
I guess they never know
what really--
I mean, they say they don't
know, but I think there's all
kinds of things that doctors
know that they never tell you.
I mean, even hip ones.
Even guys like you.
I mean, we never got to
call it anything.
A he, or a she, or anything.
I suppose I should be used to
it by now, but I'm not.
And sometimes it just
gets worse.
Like--
I guess the hardest thing now
is never calling the baby
anything but it.
The thing is, now, he
won't come near me.
It did something to him.
He won't talk about it.
I mean, almost never.
And he, he gets real funny
if it ever comes up.
Funny thing, too, is you know,
I got really nuts for a while
after it happened.
Like, screaming and carrying
on about everything.
And he never made a peep.
But it made him funny
in the end.
I don't know what
to do about him.
-Yeah.
-Enough about me.
-Arlie, are you getting cold?
-No.
I'm good.
I can see why Cosmo
likes you so much.
Hm.
What the fuck are you doing?
-I, I--
I thought, um--
-I can't kiss you.
-But before, you--
-That, that was before I
told you all the stuff.
I mean, I could never kiss you
after I told you all that.
I mean, like that, you know?
-Yeah.
No, sure.
Sure.
-You screw around, don't you?
-Well, I don't know
if I'd call it--
-It's OK.
I won't tell anyone.
-No, it's, um, it's difficult
to explain.
It's complicated when you--
-Yeah.
I'm sure.
-Well, I like you a lot.
-Yeah.
It's the dancing.
I'm still pretty
cute, aren't I?
Oh, god, I'm sorry.
I'm a little wound up.
I was a hippie for a
while, you know?
-Right.
You mentioned that.
-You wanna go back?
-Yeah.
-Do we have to?
-Yeah.
Come on.
-Hey.
Who takes all the
methaqualone?
-Um, how do you know?
Where did you see that?
-There's quaaludes hidden
all over your house.
-How do you know they're
quaaludes, and--
-That's what guests do.
They go through your bathroom.
Everybody does it.
-And, and you found
methaqualone?
-Yeah.
How long's she been on that?
-I, uh--
-You OK?
-Yeah.
-My sphere of consciousness
expands.
I want to be authentic.
Like Trevor Howard.
Wasn't he great?
It's all about us.
It's not ourselves.
And what's out there.
You know?
The ultimate.
-Honey?
Honey?
You're OK.
Hey, baby.
You're OK.
-Oh, god.
-Here you go.
Here you go.
-I want the world to go away.
-Right.
We'll make the world go away.
OK.
[inaudible].
-Hi.
-Yeah?
What is it, baby?
-I'm hungry.
-You want me to make
you something?
-I'm sorry about everything.
-Shut up.
Where are they?
-Rita, for god's sake.
I think she drank too much.
-Yeah.
-What, what are you--
you can do that later.
-What about them?
-Well, uh, we'll call
them in the morning.
-Well, I don't want them to
think I had a bad time.
Quit pulling on me!
-Well, Christ, I, I'm hungry.
You said you'd make
me something.
-Don't whine.
-But you said--
-What do you want?
Get in the car.
Are you crazy?
Where am I gonna find--
-Where are you going?
-I was just gonna go downstairs
to clean up a little.
-Don't go.
Are you gonna leave me?
-No.
-Why?
Not?
-There's nothing out there.
-You don't mean that, do you?
-No, I was just kidding.
-Who would you--
Who would you run away with?
-Rita.
-Hm?
-Shut up and go to sleep.
-You're not gonna leave?
-I promise.
-Good.
Will you sing to me?
-Christ.
-Please.
The little rabbit song?
-(SINGING) Look at me,
sad, pink eyes,
floppy ears, fluff disguise.
But in my heart, I'm a lion.
This will change if
I keep trying.
Please, let me love you.
Just let me try.
My life will be happy.
I'll smile when I die.
Please let me love you.
Just let me try.
My life will be happy.
(WHISPERING) I'll smile
when I die.
[music playing]