The Widower (1959) - full transcript

Those shrimps we had yesterday --
know what they made me do?

Were you ill?

No, I had a dream.

- In black and white?
- No, I always dream in color.

What did you dream?

I dreamed I was a widower.

You dreamed of the death ...

... of my wife.

Death, laying out,
funeral, everything.

I was behind the coffin. You on my right,
marquis, and Father Agostino on my left.

You remember it all?



Absolutely.

Were you sad?

Not at all!
Everyone was crying, but I was laughing.

- You were laughing?
- And...

when they lowered the coffin
into the grave,

I felt someone poke me
from behind,

quite hard.

I thought it was Father Agostino.
I woke up,

and it was my wife, saying:

"So, you nitwit,
you laugh in your sleep?"

THE WIDOWER

Excuse me!

Salvatore, any mail?

Sir, your wife.



I'm not even out the door
and you're calling me already?

You're going away?
She phoned?

Your mother is ill?
Fine!

Shall I get your tickets?

Yes!

Sleeping car, rear of the train,
not over the wheels ...

I've got it, I'm not a child,
don't insult me!

You've ruined my day,
I've lost my smile -- happy, dear?

- Here, Salvatore.
- Excuse me, Sir.

What is it?

I just wanted to remind you
of those 10,000 lire.

Thank you for reminding me.

Here's half,
you'll have the rest tomorrow.

- And Salvatore ...
- Yes?

If a Mr. Lambertoni asks for me,
I'm in Switzerland on business.

- Remember: Lambertoni!
- Yes, sir.

Mr. Nardi ?

My dear Lambertoni, what a surprise!
You look splendid.

In Milan, in this heatwave?

I've come to collect
the money I lent you.

Here are the bonds.

Oh, is today the due date?

- What are we doing?
- Going to the bank! - Really?

Hello, uncle.

- lt's too hot!
- When money's at stake ...

What do you think
of my new car?

Off we go, uncle.

Nardi?

Minelli!
In Milan, in this heatwave?

We had a meeting!

- Did you forget?
- It slipped my mind.

Do you know each other?
Minelli, Lambertoni!

Where are you going?

Just popping in to the front office
to get some money!

He'll drive me nuts!

Sir, Mr. Nardi is here.

- Who? - The husband of --
- Mr. Director! - My dear Nardi!

- How are you?
- Well, thank you. Do sit down.

Are you all better?

- What was it?
- Just a little nervous condition.

Five years of work,
not a single day off,

what with expenses, taxes,
and strikes,

something had to give!

Nothing serious?

Well ...

I would say one word
instead of another.

When I wanted a cigarette,
I asked for a lightbulb,

but I was certain
I'd said cigarette!

Really! But you're better now?

My friend,
my reflexes were shot.

When the doctor hit my knee
with his little hammer,

my leg didn't move.

But let's get down to business!
Neither of us has time to waste.

I've examined your request
for financing:

23 million to implement
a major industrial project.

It's a worthy proposal

and I've approved it.

Dear director, I'm delighted,

especially because it shows
your confidence

in me, Alberto Nardi.

- When will I have the money?
- Well now,

there's just one little detail
to be taken care of:

your wife needs to sign
as well.

My wife?

It's not that
I don't trust you,

but your wife's property

is worth a billion lire,

while your company

is currently in the red.
It can't be considered a guarantee.

Very well.

Where should she sign?

Here. Just a formality!

- Thank you, anyway.
- My pleasure.

Still there ...

Pardon me --
is there another exit?

- Yes, but it's a freight elevator.
- Perfect!

9:03 am,
why aren't you at work?

We're waiting for our pay envelopes.

The administrator hasn't paid you?

Your hat.

You talk to him, Carlo.

You're always telling us
we're one big family.

Some shit-out-of-luck family!

You've got your fancy car --

we just want our pay!

I don't appreciate your tone.

Put that wrench down,
you don't scare me.

Your pay is the responsibility
of the administrator, not mine!

Mr. Stucchi?

Good on you, Alberto!

Hey, who told you
you could take the Signora's car?

Sir, excuse me --

I'm sorry, your car
is the Fiat 600.

Hand over the keys.

Listen,
I take orders from no one:

I'm the boss's uncle
and a stockholder!

- A stockholder?
- Yes!

I sold my taxi
and invested 700,000 lire

in my nephew's business!

Good for you!

Please get the administrator
for me.

May I come in?

Yes, Fritzmayer.

Have you seen today's paper?

No, why?

"Cordial Meeting of
Eisenhower and Khrushchev" --

- we're in good hands!
- No, page 4,

"Two Russians on Moon" --
Great! Two fewer here.

"Brigitte Bardot Is Expecting" --
Who cares?

"Eagle Attacks Old Man" --

There, sir,
underlined in red.

"Elevator Plunges 7 Floors" --
it's one of ours.

"Manufacturer Held Responsible --
Elevator Crashes to Ground."

- At least there were no injuries.
- Bravo!

We spend 5 years developing an elevator,
and look at it!

It's unfortunate,
but in a way I'm glad.

Glad?

Yes, now I realize the problem
was with the shock absorbers.

And that's all? That's it?

Are we insured?

I don't know, the marquis takes care
of these administrative details

Stucchi !

Hello, you're looking well.
Did you call?

I've been calling you
for the past half hour.

Turn around, marquis.

- What kind of jacket is that?
- A hunting jacket.

You're here to work,
not to hunt!

I'll change this afternoon.

- Did you hear about the elevator?
- Yes.

Are we insured?

No, not since the day before yesterday.

- Didn't you renew the policy?
- There was no money.

You yourself said:
"It's not like it'll crash tomorrow!"

But it was bound to happen.

True,
everyone here expected it.

What a crew!
Get out, Fritzmayer !

- And smarten up! - "It's by
making mistakes that we learn."

No more mistakes,
get me?

If we can't even rely
on German technicians ...

Just fire him
and send him back to Germany.

He'd be arrested,
he's a wanted man.

Political?

No! He molested
a 12-year-old girl.

- A 12-year-old girl?
- Yes!

Why didn't you prepare
the workmen's pay envelopes?

For two very simple reasons:

there's no cash on hand

and we can't even afford
the envelopes.

Go buy them,
I'll take care of everything else.

Did you settle matters
with the bank?

I just need my wife's signature.

I doubt she'll accept.

Don't always be so negative
and defeatist, Stucchi!

Go get my cigarettes.

- Right away, sir.
- Hold on!

Seraglio brand --
and 4 promissory notes.

- Right away, sir.
- Stucchi?

What denomination
for the promissory notes?

- You didn't say.
- Give me time.

I don't mean
to upbraid you,

but let me finish
what I was saying.

A pack of Seraglios
and four 50-lire promissory notes.

If it's Lambertoni,
I'm not here.

Same for Minelli... and Piazzi.
For everyone.

- Hello?
- Are you there, my nitwit?

Is that my wife?

Elvira, are you lunching
at the estate or the flat?

Well, go on, marquis!

I need a signature,
just a formality.

Don't say no
without knowing what it is!

Is something wrong, marquis?

I don't say
he shouldn't upbraid me

but the tone he uses!

Don't be upset,
you know he's fond of you.

Yes, I know.

If I didn't esteem him so highly,
for his great intelligence, look...

- I'd have left long ago.
- Come now!

I don't mean to make much
of my lineage,

but he shouldn't call me "marquis"
then make an errandboy of me.

Even great men
have their little ways.

I admire him greatly ...

Well then!

- He wants cigarettes ...
- And you'll buy them.

I have no choice.

He shouldn't forget that
during the war

I was his captain.

Good day, sir.

- What's her mood?
- She's been singing ...

Don't worry,
he won't get a penny.

She's on the phone
with her mother.

Mamma, do you hear?

I'll send him to manage the farm,
if he can.

If I leave him,
I'll owe him an allowance.

You're the one who gave me
a religious upbringing.

Luck has nothing to do with it.
He's an incompetent megalomaniac.

Now he thinks
he'll beat out Montecatini.

Let's face it:
I've married an idiot, and I'll keep him.

We must bear our cross
with patience.

I'm a realist!

I'll take the evening train
and be with you tomorrow.

Go easy with the cardplaying, all right?
Goodbye, Mamma dear.

- Serafina? Is my husband back?
- Yes, madam.

Don't bother kissing me,
I don't feel anything for you.

Look what your nitwit
has brought you!

- What is it?
- Open it!

- Remind you of anything?
- No.

The gypsy in Biarritz,
the day of our betrothal.

A day that will live in infamy.

Don't stand there,
get in the kitchen!

I'm bubbling over with ideas
and plans,

I try to share them with my wife,
and pow!

Right in the teeth!

Enlighten me --
what plans?

See?
Happy now?

Is this like that 300 million deal
you tried with the Jews?

Did they screw me over!
I've never liked them, anyway ...

They didn't screw you over --

-- they sold you oil
when the Suez Canal was closed.

They're clever and you're not.

You blame them
because you're incompetent.

How strange it is --

-- how sad to think
that strangers admire me --

-- but my own wife
doesn't trust me.

Because I know you.

My bank manager knows me
and he loaned me 23 million --

-- to me, Alberto Nardi!

- Bizarre.
- And yet ...

It's for you, sir.

My dear, a little signature --

- Why?
- Just a formality.

One there and one there --

Hello? My dear Minelli!
Why are you in Milan during this heatwave?

I waited for you all morning
in front of the bank!

I could have you jailed!

Excellent idea! Perfect!
Very good, Minelli ...

Yes ...

We'll discuss it next week.

A signature on each page.
Just a formality, my love.

Yes? I'm listening, Minelli ...

Fine, fine ...

Yes, my dear fellow, yes ...

Yes ...

Goodbye, dear Minelli,
best regards to your wife.

And there we are!

Have you signed?

- Why not?
- I'd rather die!

Luncheon is served.
Will Sir be staying?

Eating here, nitwit?

Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday
I lunch at the Businessmen's Club.

Ask a businessman to sign.
Then introduce him to me.

I certainly will --

-- no matter what you
and your mother think!

Serafina? The Barolo!

Lambrusco, madam.
There's no more Barolo.

The bottles have all disappeared, madam.

Everything disappears in this house.

Today the Barolo,
yesterday my Paris nail polish.

And your lovely cuckoo clock?

Don't remind me,
I could just spit.

Do you suspect anyone?

I'm not certain,
but something's in the wind.

I'll get him yet,
that bandit!

Hello!

Oh, sir, hello!

What an aroma!

Hello, Mamma ltalia !

- Hello!
- Hello, Lolita!

What's for lunch?
Spaghetti?

- Tortellini.
- Yum, yum!

And what wine?
Barolo?

You brought it over yesterday.

I know.
What a little kangaroo she is!

Hello!

Well, Iride?
Your television audition?

It was the stupidest thing!

"Ladies and gentlemen,

we interrupt this broadcast
due to technical problems ..."

Idiotic!

Absolutely.

Are you proud of your girl?

Do you know what they said?
That she lisps!

Oh, they'll say anything.
It's all about who you know.

Couldn't you
put in a word for her?

- I know Mr. Rabagliati.
- Yes ...

Take a look at the new curtains!

- Did you hang them?
- Gioia herself!

Fine!

Let's see those curtains.
Wonderful!

Lolita?

Put this on the table.

lride? Look.

- Pretty! Is that for Gioia?
- Yes.

Gioia? Look at this!

Calm down ...

Do you like it?

Is that the nail polish
I gave you?

The one you bought for me
in Paris.

- Lolita?
- Coming!

There!

How lovely!

Do you recognize
the music?

- Remind you of anything?
- No.

The day we met.

No, darling.
It was "Oh! che mambo!"

- Are you sure?
- Yes.

My head is spinning!

Don't you feel well?

I just blanked out.
I've been on the go since seven.

I'll lie down a bit.

Eat something first.

Just three minutes.

A little massage?

Thank you, my darling.

Why did they reopen it?

What?

The Suez Canal.

First they close it,
then they open it!

Just when I was in the middle
of an oil deal.

Are they trying to ruin me?

If it should come to war against them,
I'd sign up.

- You're mad at the Portuguese?
- The English, Suez is theirs.

Don't upset yourself.
Try to relax.

- Gioia?
- Coming, Mamma!

- Excuse me.
- Go see Mamma.

Did you remind him
the fur has to be paid for?

Mamma, leave him alone.
He's been on the go since seven.

I'll speak to him.

Mamma, I'm begging you.

I've got to give him
a piece of my mind.

Upsy-daisy!

- All right now?
- As though I'd slept for hours.

Sit down,
the tortellini are ready.

Right away, Mamma ltalia,
Yum, tortellini!

Is it true Napoleon slept only
3 hours a night? - Not just that.

When he'd wake up
he'd dictate 7 letters at once.

For me, History holds
three great men:

Dante Alighieri, Napoleon Bonaparte,
and a third --

-- who, despite unworthy allies,
was a genius --

- Who?
- Once, I could have told you.

Today, his name must not be spoken.

I'm ravenous!

I've nearly closed a 120 million deal --
what's this?

The installment for the fur.

I spoke to the accountant ...

300,000 lire --
I'll take are of it.

I would have paid it earlier,
but I was expecting a transfer --

A transfer?

It's complex and would take too long
to explain, like all economic matters --

Good day!

What is it?

I beg your pardon ...

What is this? We're eating!
Watch it, you're spluttering.

- Bankruptcy? - I'm only
reporting verbatim, as a messenger...

You are maddening!

I'm so sorry.
As you see, I get no peace --

- Are you leaving?
- Millions are at stake!

Don't move,
I know the way.

- I'll go with you.
- Lolita, lride, goodbye!

- I'll go with you.
- No ...

- Oh yes.
- Please ...

- Tortellini?
- Yes.

Tasty, no?

What are you doing?

Shh! It's a surprise for Gioia.

A surprise?

I know of a magnificent coat --

-- a mink!
I'll take this one back --

- But this is a mink!
- Nonsense!

This is the same game
you've been playing for 2 years.

Where's the Fiat 600
you gave us?

Now it's the fur.

I won't let you!
I'd rather cut it to pieces!

Mamma ltalia,
don't lower yourself so.

Don't be vulgar.

Get out of here!

Let go of that coat!

You let go!

- See you soon.
- All right.

You can forget about my daughter,
you oaf!

Please, madam,
may I leave?

When a man does that,
it's all over.

Over? Are you joking?

He's bewitched you!

You only see him at lunch,
but I know him better.

I'm sure he'll go far.

You're crazy!

If it weren't for his wife,
he'd have gone to jail long ago.

Mamma, they closed the Suez canal!

What is this canal business?

The canal caused a crash --

-- he was excluded from the Common Market,
the peseta was devalued --

-- it all happened at once!

How do you know all this?

I know because he talks to me about it
for hours.

And you believe his doubletalk?

You don't understand.

Of course -- we're so stupid,
and you're so well-informed!

He warned me:

"Don't mention this at home,
they wouldn't understand."

Oh really? He told you that?

Well ...

It's sad: sometimes, I feel
like a foreigner here.

We'll sue him!

Get to work! Start proceedings!

Sit down.

A cigarette, my dear Lambertoni?

Listen, dear friend,

I was terribly rude to you
this morning ...

The fact is,
I've been distracted lately ...

Shut up!
You're a crook!

Sneaking away
won't help you.

I have 4 bonds here
for 11 million lire.

If you don't pay,

you're finished!

My tablets, marquis.
Two.

That's better.

Don't worry.

Look at this beautiful fur coat.

It's worth 4 million.
Show him.

What kind of fur?

Wild Canadian mink.

I paid four million,
but you can have it for three.

Hello? Lambertoni here.

I have a client,
never mind who ...

He'd like a payment extension.

Yes.

He's offering a mink coat.

Wild Canadian mink.
Touch it!

Your size, I'd say.

Yes, we'll say one million.

What? One million?

All right.
One million and a week's extension.

Goodbye.

Fine.

- What?
- The mink and a week's extension.

I ask a week's extension

and you take a 4 million lire
mink coat?

Sorry, it's up to my financier.

What kind of financier is this?

I'd like to meet the bloodsucker!

Just let me see this ogress!

Hands off, you!

She doesn't know
I'm lending to you

and it's better she doesn't.

- Trust me.
- Very well.

Miss?

Goodbye, Nardi.
Give him the mink.

Thank you.

What are you doing, uncle?

- Good evening, sir.
- Where's my wife? - Over there.

- See you!
- Right.

Good evening, all!
Happy days!

My dear Carla!

- Dear Erminia!
- My dear.

Allow me to introduce my right-hand man,
marquis Stucchi.

My love!

Stop that ...

Remember Oscar?

Young man!
What?

- This is our coat.
- Our ...

I see ...

- Sit down. - Yes. Waiter?
- Right away.

- Whose coat is this?
- Mine.

- How do you do?
- Very well, despite what you hear.

- Sir?
- Osso buco.

And for me.

Sit down,
I'll handle this.

So, that's your coat?

Like it, nitwit?

Yes. Forgive me for asking
in front of our friends,

but how did you get it?

It was a bargain.

- How much?
- One million.

How did you get it at that price?
It's mink!

Canadian mink.

Wild Canadian mink.

You have such a flair for business,
Elvira!

You see, lots of people take too many
risks and are forced to undersell.

And the vultures are right there!

If there is a higher power,
as I believe,

one day he'll punish the vultures.

You mean he'll punish idiots
and megalomaniacs.

Your sense of repartee is killing,
Elvira.

You find that funny,
Mr. Architect?

What is a megalomaniac?

Someone who thinks he's superior,
but is really an imbecile,

surrounded by incompetents.

- Did you get that?
- I didn't hear the last word.

A megalomaniac surrounds himself with
inferior people so he can feel superior.

Yes, I agree --

-- some people are superior,
some inferior.

Who are these superior people?

The cyclist Bartali!
He comes from superior stock.

His heart beats only 47 times a minute.

Come, come, Erminia!

Business also has its geniuses:
Rockefeller, Ford, Morgan ...

Yes indeed!

In America, when you ask for credit,
they thank you!

When you really want something,
you get it, even here.

Who does?

There's someone here tonight --

Carletto?

Elvira!

Who's that?

Fenoglio -- he's worth 70 billion.

My dear friend,
I didn't see you!

Oh, don't fuss!

- How is your Mamma, my dear? - Fine.
I'm going to Switzerland to see her.

Don't forget to give her
my regards.

"Fenoglio sends his regards!"

- Have you met my husband?
- Delighted. - The pleasure is mine.

This man started from nothing
and now he's Europe's greatest businessman.

Let's not exaggerate.

All you need in life
is a little luck.

I'm delighted to hear you say so!
You're a brilliant man.

Yes, I assure you,
I agree completely.

Everything depends on luck --

No, it's not just luck.

In business,
you also need brains.

Good evening! Bon appetit!

You too!
See you soon!

Sir, wait --

I'd like to take this opportunity
to discuss one of my projects with you.

I mean to patent
a new elevator brake.

One little 20 million lire check
and you're my partner.

I'm in a hurry right now --
the Germans are waiting for me.

When I get back from my cruise,
in a few months -- call me!

I'll see you, Almiraghi.

Nardi, Alberto Nardi,
Almiraghi's my wife.

Silly of me!
Goodbye, Nardi.

The Germans ...

Goodnight, everyone.

Bye, my dear.

Bye.

Goodbye, darling.

Goodbye, everyone.

Already?
I must talk to you.

Make it quick,
I'm in a hurry.

You're leaving,
and I'm in desperate straits.

Don't leave me penniless!

So you can give my furs
to your mistresses?

Why do you finance others' projects
but not my own?

When we were married
before Father Agostino,

we swore to share everything.

I gave my enthusiasm, my hope,
my intelligence --

-- what did you give?

70 million in 5 years.

One little check for 20 millions!

You won't get a penny more
from me.

- I might do something crazy!
- One more or less ...

I'll open the gas tap!

I'm the one who pays
the gas bill, so ...

Elvira, my darling!

Drop dead! Your mother too!

- Nothing?
- Nothing.

She won't give me
a penny.

But it's better this way, Stucchi.

- I've learned a great truth.
- What?

Let's stroll a bit, marquis.

You've learned a great truth --
what?

There are some people
who produce nothing.

They hang on to their capital
and oppress their fellows.

But once they're dead,
their capital becomes productive.

They give work
to laborers, to employees, to you.

It's not the first time
you've told me this.

I get the impression
you wish your wife dead.

Am I wrong?

If you see a beautiful woman undressing,
what do you do?

I desire her, of course,
but I restrain myself!

I'm restraining myself, too.

But no one can prevent me
wishing

my wife gone.

I don't want to hurt her,
I just want her gone.

Calm down.
Think of your blood pressure.

Yes. A lightbulb, please.

Sir ... you said "lightbulb."

I did realize.

I meant "cigarette"
and I said "lightbulb."

Alberto, are you walking home?

- It's nothing ...
- I don't need help!

Go home, get some rest.

Home, Armando,
he's very upset.

Did he say "lightbulb"?

Never mind.

Signora Almiraghi ...

Careful, Amedeo.

The other one.

- Did they call Almiraghi?
- I think so...

Paging Signora Almiraghi ...

Oh Lord, it's Mamma!

Amedeo, keep an eye on the mink.

Something happened to Mamma.

- How much time do I have?
- 4 minutes.

Hello, Stucchi here.
Is this a bad time?

Of course it's a bad time.
Hurry up.

Your husband
is saying "lightbulb" again.

Did you call me for that?

This lightbulb business
doesn't impress me.

His lightbulbs
have already cost me enough.

When millions are at stake,
he'll stop at nothing.

I've bailed him out again and again.
I'm in a hurry.

Even if he goes bankrupt,
my name won't be involved.

I'm still Signora Almiraghi.

RAILROAD DISASTER

"A switching accident
caused the last car to break loose ...

... plunging 30 meters
into the lake."

"The list of fatalities:

"Luigina Alberti, Fulvia Costi
Antonina Lecco, Rosy Gottemberg ...

... Luigi Fassi, Elvira Almiraghi ..."

Here he comes.

The boss is here.

Not at work?
It's 9:00!

Sir, have you seen
today's paper?

What is it? Bad news?
Another elevator crashed?

There are moments in life
when one must be strong

and have faith.

Something happened?

The Milan-Zurich train ...

What happened?

... derailed.

- The midnight train?
- Yes, the one your wife took.

She was in the last car.
What happened to it?

Nothing serious.
Don't worry.

He's got to know,
sooner or later.

The sleeping car unhooked
and fell into the lake.

- Anyone hurt?
- All of them.

And my wife? Is it bad news?

I must know, even if it's bad news.
Tell me the truth.

You must be brave, sir.

She has left us.
Elvira is dead?

Don't worry --
it's serious, yes ...

- But she's not dead.
- Let me see, Stucchi!

- Where?
- There ...

I don't see her name ...

There, sir ...
Elvira Almiraghi.

It can't be true!

Eh, Stucchi?

- Giovanino...
- Courage, boss.

My little angel is gone ...

Come now, courage.

She is in heaven.

Be strong.

It's dreadful, uncle.

Oh, yes ...

Weep ...

- Sir ...
- Thank you, dear friend.

- Weep!
- Elvira?

- What a misfortune!
- Elvira?

Let yourself go. Cry.

Hello, Lambertoni.

Have you heard the sad news?

I saw the papers. It's dreadful.
How is he?

The poor man is shattered.

Tell me it isn't true.

I can still see her.

We quarreled before she left.
I was hateful.

What marriage
doesn't have these dark moments?

- Cry. You'll feel better.
- I can't.

- Have a little whiskey.
- That I can do.

May I go, sir?

- Huh? - May I go?
- Yes, go.

My condolences.

- Who is it?
- It's Monday, the bond's due.

How dare you come here
to speak of money?

I didn't come
to speak of money ...

Thank you!

What happened?

Here ...

Yesterday my darling Elvira
was skipping and dancing ...

and today
she's at the bottom of a lake.

But divers are going to try
to bring her up ...

To bring her body up ...

Elvira is dead!
And you talk about divers!

You must be strong.

Ten years together,
sharing joys and woes,

and suddenly they tell you
it's all over!

Cry, it'll do you good.

I can't.

Yes?

It's Eisenberg ...

What do I tell him
about his money?

How do I know?

At a time like this!

- Let me talk to him.
- Yes, give him the phone.

Is this the administrative department?
Lambertoni here.

You saw the news in the paper --
yes.

She was in the sleeping car.

Of course he's solvent.
He's her heir.

700 million or so.

No, much more than that.

Why are you shaking your head?
Much more.

- No next of kin?
- She willed me everything.

And her mother?

She gets a small share.

All the rest is mine.

But what does money matter, Stucchi!

Drink a little,
it will do you good.

Cheers!

Words fail me ...

Yes, words are useless.

Back to work.

Good show! Now we're friends.

All the more so because
our business will be expanding.

To begin with, I'll pay you
your back wages.

To work, my friends!
Goodbye, marquis.

- Where are you going?
- To the site of the tragedy.

- Allow me to accompany you.
- Thank you.

Sir, we must think about
organizing the funeral ...

- I leave it in your hands.
- But sir... - What?

- We've no money.
- Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

200,000 lire, will that do?

Make it 300,000.

- Telephone, sir!
- I can't speak to anyone.

It's Miss Gioia.

Scram!

Gioia? Did you hear?

Yes, Alberto,
we heard the news.

What a shock.

I know you'll be strong.

Give him your condolences.
Ask if there's anything we can do.

I'm all right.

Who can argue with Fate?

I will always be by your side.

Yes, do.

Yes, we're bringing the body
back to the estate.

Good day, sir.

Thank you for the wreath,
it was the handsomest of all.

Terrible thing.
Where's the husand?

At the site of the tragedy.

- Hello.
- Hello.

How fragile life is!

Only two days ago,
our poor friend asked me

to buy some foreign stocks
for her.

I told her
it wasn't a good idea.

And look --
they're up 200 points.

If she were here,
I'd tip my hat to her!

- She was never wrong.
- She was even smarter than her father.

And her husband -- know him?

He's a phenomenon.

Only yesterday he was a nobody.

But as Elvira's widower,

now he's somebody!

Why aren't they bringing her body
to the city?

She was born and raised here.

Hello.

- Are you the marquis Stucchi?
- No.

Marquis?

Good day, marquis.

We would like to see your boss
on a business matter.

Didn't you hear about the tragedy?

Exactly -- we were about to sign
a contract with the deceased.

- Where is her husband?
- Not now.

It's quite urgent.

- Pardon me.
- Go on.

I'm his uncle.
Is it a good deal?

Here.
And give 200 lire to the boy.

The candles go
in the funeral chamber.

Marquis, shall we make
a little inspection ?

Everything should be locked up.
It's nice to be trusting,

but the servants take advantage
and the silverware disappears.

- From the countess Bufalori.
- Thank you, Serafina.

Put away the sheets too.

Let me finish!

- What about lunch?
- Will they eat?

Of course! In an hour
they'll be starving.

Here comes the husband!

30 meters underwater.
I spoke to one of the divers.

The sleeping car
is her coffin.

Signor Fenoglio is here.

Dear Fenoglio.

- My dear Almiraghi ...
- Nardi!

Almiraghi was my dear Elvira.

Thank you, everyone.
Your compassion touches me deeply.

I didn't realize I had
so many friends.

Father Agostino,
thank you for coming.

It's dreadful, Father.

Be brave, my son.
Remember your wedding day --

"Till death do you part."

Alas, it happened,
there's no going back.

- Are you certain?
- What of?

The victims weren't all identified.

The press sometimes exaggerates.

You mustn't give up hope.

It's useless to deceive ourselves --
Elvira is at the bottom of that lake.

Nobody can bring her back.

Don't despair!
Trust in God!

- I'm going to look at the funeral chamber.
- Go, my son.

- Dear friend ...
- Weep ...

- If only I could.
- Poor man.

- The mortuary chamber?
- At the end of the hall.

- My condolences.
- Thank you.

I've been struck down ...

Put flowers everywhere,
throughout the house.

Little wildflowers,
not that.

She loved them.

She was so good.

- Pardon?
- She was so good!

She was good, yes,
no denying it!

- Who is it?
- The funeral director ...

Take care of it, Stucchi.

There's a choice to be made.

Would you take a look.

We can provide
horses with plumes --

-- or a hearse,
second or third class.

Six horses!

Horses with plumes!

Elvira had no taste for luxury,
as she said her last night with us.

No horses --
a hearse, like everyone else.

She was a simple woman.
A hearse.

- A little broth, sir?
- No, I'm not hungry.

From Miss Gioia.

Is she in the kitchen?

She's been doing everything.
She's so nice.

Very nice ...
Who's that?

Oscar.

Madam's friend?

Yes. Did you know about him too?

He loved her so.
He cried all day.

But now he's eating!

Serafina? Quick!

And lots of sauce!
It's for Mr. Fenoglio.

Wreaths on the other side,
I said!

Another plate.

Miss, prosciutto, please.

Right away. Serafina?

Prosciutto for the gentleman.

We'll stay until 6:00,
no later.

Wonderful tagliatelle!

- I made them myself!
- Brava!

- Congratulations.
- Thank you, bon appétit!

Who is she?

It wasn't made clear.

Every time she turns her back,
I get dizzy!

I can see her as though it were yesterday.

The orchestra was playing --

-- she came up to me and said,
"Romano?"

"Yes, but I live in Milan,"
I answered.

- Who's that laughing?
- Mr. Fenoglio.

You can't understand.

My Elvira is gone.

Sir?

My deepest condolences.

Thank you.
Who are these gentlemen?

Your late wife was just about to buy
from Mr. Sabatini,

through Counselor Girondi,

a sulfur deposit in Latium
worth 30 million.

Is this a time
to discuss such matters?

Is it a good deal?

Montecatini is interested.

We buy today at 30
and in a month we sell at 70.

Well, if we're beating out Montecatini ...

Elvira hadn't signed?

The poor woman
didn't have a chance to do it.

Not 30 meters underwater!

Sign, sir.
It's a good deal, believe me.

- Where do I sign?
- There.

Alberto?
Signor Rabagliati is here.

Dear Signor Rabagliati!

- My most sincere condolences!
- Thank you.

He'll sing at the mass.

What will you sing?

A simple Ave Maria,
the Schubert.

Perfect!
My Elvira loved it so.

Come have something to eat.

Serve him something.

Don't let yourself be downhearted.

Sir?

Is it you, marquis ?

I can't bear this.
When will they bring back the body?

The divers found all the bodies
except one.

- Except one?
- Yes.

There's still a ray of hope!

In 1959 we produced
110 hectoliters of wine,

500 kilos of forage --

- What's that 40, there ?
- Wheat.

Write it down, marquis:
500 kilos of forage, 40 of wheat.

Thanks, Gioia, thanks so much.

Marquis?

There's an invasion of mosquitoes!

Ask Serafina to turn out
the lights upstairs, please.

Serafina, could you turn out the lights
in the upstairs rooms, for the mosquitoes?

- Gioia, please, some melon.
- Certainly.

Grown here?

Madam had them planted.

And the cows?

There:
"Cattle, 73 head."

Marquis?
Start a new page!

New heading: cattle.

- Myself, I'd sell them!
- Me too.

But Madam wanted us
to increase production.

Giordano, Madam isn't here now.

Poor lady!

Do what I tell you!

But just last year

the cows brought in 3.8 million,
to say nothing of the manure.

What are you talking about?
You're only a cowherd.

No, I'm a farmer.

- Is he a cowherd or a farmer?
- Cowherd.

Hear that? Cowherd.

Let a businessman handle this.

If we sell these cows
and invest in elevators,

we'll earn ten times as much.

What do you mean, no?

No, no, I agree ...

Before you decide,
come look at the manger

and see for yourself. - All right,
let's go see this manger of yours!

- Are you coming?
- No, I'm going to lie down for a bit.

Go, my darling.

You must get used to the idea
that I'm the boss now.

Marquis?

Yes, sir?

I'll be in the manger.
Call me when the body arrives.

Without fail!

Giordano, I don't even know
what I own.

My wife forbade me to come here.

Cheers!

Hello.

Where did you come from?

I drove Madam home.

"Madam"? What Madam?

Madam Elvira.
I drove her to Switzerland.

She took the train ...

No, she missed it
when she got off to answer your phone call.

Well, er ... I'll be off!

What a mess!

- Where is Madam?
- In the house.

Tagliatelle.

She was so good.

She was so good!

Serafina?

Am I intruding?

I'm sorry, I dozed off.

If you only knew
what a tiring day it was!

So I see ...

You've had lots of visitors.

Are you a friend or a relative
of the deceased?

I am the deceased!

Dear Lord!

Yes ... I think ...
I should go now.

Nonsense, my dear.

I always wondered
what my husband's mistress looked like.

You're mistaken --
there's never been anything between us.

A platonic relationship?

I don't understand...

Purely spiritual?

Yes, exactly.

I admire your husband's intelligence.

He says only I understand him.

I console him
in moments of difficulty ...

Good for you!
And now that his wife is dead ...

Dear lady, what a surprise!
Allow me to kiss you.

Dear marquis.

Excuse me.

I have your phone call to thank.

Yes, but let us thank heaven!

And my nitwit?

A shattered man.

- And where is the shattered man?
- He went to look at the cows.

- The cows?
- The cows.

Fresh as can be.

Want it, little man? Here!

And now ...

A kiss for the boss.
To work, children!

Come taste the milk.

- How many liters a day?
- 600, sir.

They're Holsteins.

What do you think of them?

Not bad!

You know what I'd like?

Another sliver of pecorino.

Right away.

Margherita?
Show Sir the manger.

Here I come.

Look at those lovely brown arms!

- What's your name?
- Margherita!

You're a nice plump creature,
Margherita!

- Come along!
- No ...

Come along, I say!

I'm your boss,
where are you going?

Giordano, everyone thought
my wife was an aristocrat.

But I was her husband
and knew her well.

I can tell you
she was petty and miserly.

A peasant, like her mother.

He's in the garden
with the farmer.

Who will tell him?

We should break it to him gently.
Do you want me to go?

Don't put yourself out,
you've already done far too much for him.

I'll go.

And I don't say this
in a mean spirit.

But I, I build roads,
I sell houses ...

You're the boss.
Do what you think best.

You said it!
Good night, Giordano.

Good night.

Gioia?

Gioia darling?

Come have some of this tasty melon.

Did you get a load of the cowherd?

He wanted me
to increase dairy production.

He's getting his cut,
that's what it is.

But I'll sell everything.

He told me, "Your wife ..."

But who cares?
She's not here!

I intend to sell the cows.

Alberto?

Get along, little cowherd!

Alberto?

Well, nitwit?
Talking to yourself now?

Clasped in your arms

I can't escape

I feel your breath on my skin

My heart belongs to you

I only have eyes for you

Good evening!

Elvira! Returned from the grave!
Let me kiss you.

- My dear Fenoglio.
- Almiraghi.

She got us but good!

Some joke!

Do you know how much this little joke
will cost me?

400,000 lire or so?

30 million!

What? In 24 hours?

He wanted to beat out Montecatini.

- How?
- By buying that sulfur deposit.

- The one they tried to fob off on you?
- I wouldn't sign.

But he did, no questions asked!

Good thing he was only a widower
for 24 hours.

Not to mention other expenses.

Rabagliati, the singer,
know how much he's costing me?

- He was hired for the funeral mass.
- Him?

It should have been an opera singer.

- Come have a drink.
- Yes.

- Poor man, look at him crying.
- Strange!

When we were waiting for the body,
he couldn't shed a tear.

How happy you must be
to have her back again!

Words can't express it.

How true.

Is this your son?
What a handsome lad!

Come on, let's watch TV, Mamma.
He hurt me.

You see, I was right --
there was no need to despair.

Come, my son, don't cry.
Smile!

- What?
- Smile!

I can't.

Gioia!

How are you, darling?

Let me introduce my dear friend,
Mr. Fenoglio.

We met at your funeral.

Who could forget such a face?

Elvira, come look --
Alberto's on TV!

- Shall we dance?
- But ...

- Why did you come?
- Your wife invited me.

Forget her!
You're not a widower now.

What can I do?

Divers are trying
to recover the bodies.

Sir, where were you at the time?

I was with my wife.
We felt the impact.

The train had just derailed.

Thank you.

First on the scene of the tragedy,

the husband of one of the victims,

young businessman Alberto Nardi.

Sir?

My wife is dead.
I have nothing to say.

To the camera, please.

I am a widower.
I have nothing else to say.

Impossible.

You'll have to wait a few days
for your money.

Sir is on a retreat.
In a monastery, yes.

Hello? Goodbye.

Mr. Nardo is on retreat
in a monastery.

He's doing meditation
with Father Agostino.

And how long is this meditation
going to last?

I've been waiting two weeks
for my pay.

Did you know that?

Put that down.
The boss is on a retreat.

Yeah, not the first time
he's pulled this.

- Who are you?
- The bailiff.

- And what do you want? - To seize
your assets. Are you his partner?

You're kidding!
I don't even know he's my nephew.

Where is Mr. Nardi?

With Father Agostino.

You know, with the beard.
My nephew is having a spiritual crisis.

Too bad!
I'll proceed with the seizure.

Help yourself!

Can you hear the goldfinch?

Come -- do you see him?

Try -- let's see
if he'll answer you.

No.

Did you hear?
He answered me!

You see, when you renounce
worldly goods,

you come into possession
of the whole world.

You can speak with the birds,
savor a glass of pure water,

and feast on bread and walnuts.

Sir?

The bus is here.

Hurry or you'll miss it.

- I'm coming. - Here's a bag of walnuts
to remember us by.

Thank you.
Thank you for everything, Father Agostino.

I was so in need of a friendly voice,
a few comforting words.

You've always given me good advice.

Even during the war ...

Let's not exaggerate, my son.

Sometimes, when I talk to you,
you don't seem to understand.

When I first came,
my ideas were confused.

But now everything is clear.

I fear nothing,
not even death.

Yes, my son. What is death
to a good Christian?

Death is the supreme happiness!

I'm so glad
to hear you say so.

I feel lighter,
more sure of myself.

Sir?

- Goodbye and thanks.
- Goodbye, Alberto.

Goodbye, Father.

I'll send you figs!

See you soon, I hope,
Father!

During my week of solitude
and contemplation,

I thought much
of life and death.

There comes a moment
when a man must choose.

- Are you listening, Stucchi?
- Yes.

On the one hand,
there's our 20th century life,

chasing after money.

On the other hand, renunciation.
That's all.

No middle ground.

Congratulations!
You've chosen renunciation!

Are you nuts?
I'm chasing after money.

I'm going to do great things.
My mind is clear now.

We can make a billion
in a couple of months.

Pull up a packing case
and listen.

Comfy?

Sir, aren't you going to go on
with my patent work?

No, we're staying
with elevators.

We've given them
5 years of our lives.

Criticism, humilation,
crashes ...

We must go on,
just to prove we were right.

If you return the 700,000 lire
I lent you,

I'll go back to Rome.

- Not a chance!
You're not getting a cent back. - No?

No, you're coming in with me.

You'll earn 7 million,
maybe 17 million.

Let me finish --
you'll understand then.

All right.
What's it all about?

Simple as can be.

Pay attention.

This is still
in the embryonic stage.

Let's say this elevator
is in my building.

The motor and the brake
were designed by our own Fritzmayer.

Here is the cabin,
apparently normal --

- but, in fact, not.
- Why?

Because we've loosened
the floorplate screws.

A couple kilos of pressure
and it falls through.

But why?

Please, Stucchi,
let me finish.

Thus,

if you push the call button
on the 19th floor -- mine --

the cabin will rise gently
to the level of the floor.

Slowly the door opens.

Then the human element
comes into play.

Suppose it were my wife
who pushed the call button.

- Your wife?
- Exactly.

Madam Elvira enters the elevator.

The floor of the cabin gives way.
She falls from the 19th floor

and crashes to the ground.

And I inherit a billion.

What do you think?

Sir?

Mr. Lambertoni is here.

I'll let you think about it.

Iced coffee?

That's mine.

- Sugared?
- Yes.

I said no sugar!

The amaro.

- The bun ...
- No, that's mine.

Cappuccino and a bun.

Things being how they are,
my boss wants her 37,000 lire.

Not now.

Okay.

Don't worry, I'll pay up ...

Fine. Don't tell me your plans.
That's your business.

Very well ...

Including this 2 million

your balance due is 12,300,000 lire.
- Correct.

- And you'll give me 20 million?
- Yes.

Come, Nardi!

Listen, your wife's a dear friend,

so we won't discuss it further.

Just a word of friendly advice:
make sure of all your details.

Don't worry!
You'll have your 20 million! Miss?

I'm sure all will be well.
Don't be downhearted!

Deposit this check
and prepare the payroll.

- Avanti! We're back in business!
- Very good, sir.

My dear Lambertoni,

What are you doing in Milan
in this heat? Take a vacation!

Two million.

Marquis, you're owed
two months' salary.

Yes, why?

The boss said
he was paying everyone.

Well? Have you thought about it?

What have you decided?

Sir, forgive me,
I must be frank.

How can an intelligent,
sensitive man like you,

whom we've loved and respected
for so many years,

suggest such a thing?

Why?

Do you know how an elevator floor
is constructed?

It can't be unscrewed.

Well, let's find another method.
You're the technician.

You'll figure something out.
That's what I pay you for. How much?

Three months' back salary.

Cheers!

- Here you go!
- Thank you.

The elevator cabin should be
at another floor when the door opens.

See? Where there's a will,
there's a way.

- Sir ...
- Don't get up.

So far we've only addressed
the technical aspect.

I have an objection
at the human level.

Meaning?

It's about your wife.

Here, marquis --
two months, correct?

What about my wife?

You know her better than I do.

She's a clever woman
with a sharp eye.

If she sees there's no elevator,
she'll take the stairs.

Good point, marquis!

But that's what we're here for --
to solve these problems.

- Alberto, would you like my opinion?
- Of course, uncle!

- We'll end up in jail, all of us.
- Don't be silly!

We have an office,
a factory, financing ...

If we plan this all out,
it's foolproof.

All right? Fine.
Tonight, go out and have fun.

I'm going dancing with my wife.
Tomorrow we'll get cracking.

And to avoid confusion,
we'll call it "Project Elvira."

Very good, sir.

- You won't need me tonight?
- No, uncle, I'm going dancing.

- Alberto?
- Yes?

- Don't I get a check?
- No.

- No?
- You're a partner now.

What happened
during my spiritual exile?

Of course, a businessman like you
can have a mistress --

but my penniless nitwit?

These are expensive amusements!

And how!
If I drew up the account ...!

What is all this?

Well, I've become great friends
with your wife.

She introduced him to me.

Fenoglio is a very rich man.

But Gioia, I'm young!

And intelligent!

And soon I'll be richer
and more powerful than he.

She still thinks your husband
is a great man.

She's an idiot,
an epico-pathetic idiot.

But instead of a hero,
she's got my husband.

Ah well, I fell for him too ...

What should I do?

Trust me.
Say goodbye to the gorilla.

But I'm committed.

To whom?

To the gorilla.

He invited me on a cruise.

Your wife has everything arranged.

It's for my benefit.

You're stupid
and my wife is a weasel.

So what should I do?

I have to go.

Have to?

No, Gioia,
you won't go on that cruise.

You'll stay with me --
that's final.

It's too late now.

- What do you want me to tell him?
- I'll tell you!

So, paragraph 21 ...

"The elevator door opens
and madam enters the cabin."

"The indicator light comes on."
Continue.

- How's it going, Fritzmayer?
- Fine.

- I switched the functions --
19 for 20 and 20 for 19. - Perfect!

May I?

My research shows
the lowest usage

in the late evening,
around 10:40.

And what dates
would be most suitable?

- Christmastime.
- No, she'll be visiting her mother.

November 1 or 2, then.

All Saints' Day and the Day of the Dead.

No irony intended,
let's take the Day of the Dead.

What do you think, uncle?

Fine.

We have eight weeks exactly

to arrange everything
down to the last detail.

We're not to be disturbed!

Your little wife
wouldn't dream of disturbing you.

Hello, everyone.

Hello, Signora Almiraghi.

I don't want to interrupt
your work --

My dear, I work for myself,
but also for you.

Are you still set on elevators?

I know I'll make my fortune
through elevators.

And I'm sure
they'll be the finish of you.

We shall see ...

- Shall we go?
- Now?

It's 5:00,
Fenoglio's expecting us.

Marquis?

My dear colleagues,
take the next two days off.

We'll go back to work on Monday.

Shall we go, Rockefeller?

We're off!

Will there be interesting people
at Fenoglio's?

A mixed crowd. But you can look forward
to seeing your ex-mistress!

I know.
It will be lots of fun.

Alberto?

Gioia?

We agree?

I'll do whatever you want ...

A kiss right there ...

- Alberto, they're looking at us ...
- Gioia?

- You won't change your mind?
- No.

- Promise.
- I promise.

Go.

Thank you.

Join us!

Good!

Tonight we'll fly to Nice.

Two yachts will be there.

A little one for me
and my favorite people.

- You'll be missed!
- I've got Mamma ...

And a big one, for the deplorables --
they're always in the majority.

First port of call:
England.

Where everything is fine.
What do you say, Gioia?

I don't like the English!

Hear, hear!

Whatever did they do to you?

They fought us in the war.

Then they opened and closed
the Suez Canal,

bankrupting lots of people!

I agree completely!

Tell me, Gioia,
who told you this nonsense?

Someone who may not
have your millions,

but has something
much more important:

intelligence!

Listen, blondie:
First, learn to keep your mouth shut.

Second,

with your physique,
you've got a career ahead of you.

But today,
even for that kind of career,

you need
education and savoir-vivre --

two things you don't have!

What is this career?

Being a kept woman!

Take that for your insolence!

Bravo!
The gorilla sends his regards.

These little dollies
can pack a punch sometimes.

Listen,

now that there's a place
on the friends' yacht, I'd love to come.

Great!

- Mamma's doing so well lately.
- Perfect!

- You're losing on the exchange, though.
- Come now!

I'm profiting!
A dear, bright friend like you ...

Oh Lord! She's leaving ...

This changes everything.

"The elevator ..."

"stops ..."

"on the 20th ..."

"floor ..."

- Yes?
- Mr. Nardi on the phone for you.

Let's see what's new.

Hello, sir.

I'm just typing up
our plan.

What?

Big changes?

She'll be away for three months?
Wonderful!

That gives us extra time ...

I remind you that I, too,
have my dignity.

We're doing it tonight?

But ...

You gave us eight weeks!

I'll tell him!
It can't be done tonight.

Hear that? Vivaldi.

- Who?
- Vivaldi!

Marquis, you have visitors.

Good evening!

- May I bring you something?
- Four coffees, please.

- Coffee, sir?
- Yes. Strong.

Very good.

Listening to the radio?

Vivaldi.

Bye-bye, Vivaldi.
Time is short.

We're with you 100%
on this project.

- However... - To business!
Have you got the project?

Yes, I made four copies.

Attention:
I made some modifications.

Hand it out.

So ...

Paragraph one:

We're going ahead tonight,
not in 40 days, as indicated here.

Paragraphs 2, 3, 4 and 5,

through paragraph 16,
are unchanged.

So we turn the page

to paragraph 17:

"My uncle enters the bar."

"He goes to the telephone
and looks at ..."

"the 19th floor window."

- Mine.
- The light's on.

- What time is it?
- 10:15.

First change.
Pen!

Write, "1:00 a.m."

My wife's plane is at 2:15.

Paragraph 18:

"The light is on.
I leave the apartment with my wife."

"I turn off the light.
I close the door."

"Once the light is off,"

"I dial your number."

New page.

"My wife and I
are on the landing."

"My wife hears the phone ring,
goes back inside ..."

Will she be the one to go?

Silly question!
I know my wife.

- And my uncle?
- I apologize

and hang up.

I order a cognac
and ask the time.

So the barman sees you
and you've got your alibi.

Very precise!

Be quiet, marquis.

Now, attention,
every second counts.

Everything is connected.

"While my wife is answering the phone,
I take the elevator down."

- Where are you?
- Upstairs, on the 20th floor.

You hear the elevator going down.

You know I'm in it.

"I go to the ground floor
and wake up the concierge."

My alibi.
What does the marquis do?

I cut the electricity
on the 18th, 19th, and 20th floors.

Onward! Paragraph 21,
next page.

Marquis?

"Your wife leaves the apartment,
shuts the door and goes to the elevator."

"The elevator doesn't stop on the 19th
floor, but goes directly to the 20th."

"But the indicator light on the 19th floor
says the elevator has arrived."

Stop!

This is the decisive moment.

The elevator door opens.

My wife steps forward.

But, not seeing the cabin,
she hesitates.

Well, sir, are you training
to be mimes?

Never mind, Milena.
I'll take care of it.

- Is your wife well?
- She's leaving tonight, for a cruise.

How I envy her!
I'd love to be in her place.

- Thank you.
- A cruise is my dream!

But I still haven't found
the right traveling companion.

I'll take care of this.

That will be all,
the marquis is taking care of it.

I hope she didn't hear anything.

No, she's just hinting.
She has a weakness for me.

She'd like to marry me.
I'm not againt the idea,

- but Mamma doesn't like it.
- Who cares!

So -- where is my wife?

In front of the elevator.
How are you getting out of this?

Pay attention,
you won't be disappointed.

It's a matter of seconds,
marquis.

As soon as the door closes,
be ready to act.

- How?
- Very simply:

You take off your shoes

and go downstairs in the dark,
barefoot, to the 19th floor.

You won't need light.

The silhouette in front of the elevator
will be my wife.

Without hesitating,
you push her!

I push her?

Yes, you push her.
She falls.

- And then?
- You take the service stairs.

And my alibi?

You'll enter the building
by the front door.

I'll be there, looking at the corpse,
with the concierge.

- And mine?
- You won't be there.

- I'm not in on this?
- Yes, yes.

You take the 3:20 train
to visit your sister-in-law

and come back for the funeral.

Is there a problem?

No, but are you sure
everything will work?

I'm so sure
our project will succeed,

I've already ordered the wreath.

Attention!

It's 10:45 less 15 seconds.

We'll begin the operation
at 12:55.

Synchronize watches.

In 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

So, my three magazines,

two suitcases, travel case,
umbrella ...

I believe that's everything.

I forgot my passport.
What an idiot I am!

Your passport?

You're leaving
without your passport?

You're never on time!

Now we're late: it's 12:57.

Go on, Elvira.
I'll turn off the lights.

Now, Uncle!

Easy for you, in your ivory tower!

But I come back to Lodi
and what do I find!

The whole town's talking!

Oh yes!

Are you listening?

I'm sorry, I must use the phone.
Urgent call.

So's mine.

Mine's more!

Have you got everything, darling?

- You didn't forget anything?
- No.

- Sure?
- Yes.

You've got everything?

- Shall I ring for the elevator?
- Yes!

I'm ringing for the elevator!

Easy!
What's the matter?

Nothing. Why?

1, 2, 3 ...

Really, marquis,
restrain yourself!

11 ...

12, 13,

14 ...

- Telephone!
- Mamma!

You get it,
I'll take the luggage down!

OK, 18 ...

It's for you.

- Who is it?
- Your uncle.

My uncle? What uncle?

- It can't be ...
- Hurry! I'll miss the plane!

My uncle ...

Hello?

What happened?
Did she recognize you?

Right away!

What should I do?
Let's forget about it for tonight!

Forget about it!

Hang up, count to ten,
and call again.

Do I have time for a cognac?

A cognac -- are you nuts?

Call back.
Use a woman's voice.

A woman's voice?

Elvira?

Oh, no, Uncle!
It's going down!

The boss is going down.

Perfect!

3 ...

2 ...
Coming back!

Gotcha!

3, 4, 5, 6 ...

7, 8, 9 ...

It's coming back empty.

Perfect.

10, 11, 12 ...

13 ... Ring, Uncle!

14, 15, 16 ...

Louder, Uncle!
Louder!

19 ... there it is!

There you are!

Why did you call the elevator back?

The telephone -- your mother.

Mamma!

- How do you know it's her?
- Who else would it be?

The elevator reaches the 20th floor.

On the 19th,
the indicator lights up.

I'll cut the electricity.

You, marquis,
take off your shoes.

As soon as it's dark,
be ready to act!

Good work, Mr. Technician!

Who'll give me back
my 700,000 lire now?

There's always a silver lining.

Technically, everything worked.
Blame the marquis if you like.

Look, I acted in the dark.
I held my shoes in my hand.

I counted to 10
and when I saw a silhouette...

I pushed.

When I heard the poor man's voice saying:

"Marquis, are you pushing me?"

... it was too late.