The Truth About Santa Claus (2019) - full transcript

- Michael, Michael is that you?

- Nope, no, no, no.

- Michael, seriously?

- Hey, how's it going,
nice to see you,

nice to see you, Merry
Christmas, how are you?

We're gonna do some
painting, some wrapping,

nice to see you sir.

And, yeah, we're gonna just,
what's the matter Gabby?

Since when in your entire
six years of existence

have you not wanted to talk?

- Bobby said Santa isn't real.



- Bobby, why would you say that?

- Well, Mike Morris
said that he saw Santa

smoking a cigarette in
his car by the mall.

- Mike, Mike Morris.

You guys are listening
to Mike Morris?

He doesn't know what
he's talking about.

But I'll tell you what,

he probably did see a Santa
smoking a cigarette in his car.

- See, I told you so.

- But, that's 'cause
that's not the real Santa.

- Not the real Santa?

- Yeah, that was one
of his backup Santas.

- Back up Santas?

- Yeah, they're
like his helpers.



They're not like elves but
they're like backup Santas.

You guys think the real Santa
could just go to the mall?

That guy is super famous,
people would freak out

and then how would he
get all that work done?

You're
just saying that.

- I am not, that is the truth.

- How do you know?

- How do I know,
because I know him.

- You know Santa?

- No, I mean, it wasn't me.

It was a guy I know that
met a guy that knows him

kind of, so I kind of know him.

- How did he get to
meet the real Santa?

- Well, it's actually
a funny story,

but we don't really have time,

we're supposed to be
doing this wrapping thing.

- Please.

Please.

- Okay, okay,
okay, I'll tell you

but you have to
promise me one thing,

you can't tell anybody.

- We promise.
- I promise.

- Okay, once upon a
time there was this guy

and he was like, he was a
doctor and he was super awesome,

everybody in town loved him.

He might've been a little
bit, what's the word,

self-absorbed no, no.

He was like busy, he
was like a busy beaver.

It's like always around
like doing something.

I don't know, he was just
focusing on the wrong stuff.

- Hey Michael, let me
ask you a question.

You were a bathrobe?

- Hey Bob, I don't.

Sorry, I gotta go.

- Well look, the
reason I'm asking

is I gotta get another one,

this one's full of holes and
stains, I can't wear this.

- I don't know Bob, try Amazon.

- Yeah, Amazon,
that's a good idea.

I guess this is why
you make the big bucks

and I'm standing around
this raggedy bathrobe,

freezing my buns off.

Speaking of buns,
you know my son

he's always thinking about--

- Gotta go, thanks

- A nice donut,
speaking of buns.

Not bad either.

- You can't park here.

You can't park here,
this is a private lot.

I don't know, he wasn't
always the nicest guy.

This is for my patients.

You can't get parking here, so.

Communication is
a difficult thing,

even when you use words.

- I don't even think
it's a real problem.

What, just because a
judge says I get angry

a little too much.

I mean, please come on.

What, now I gotta
go see a therapist

for the rest of my life.

- Look, it's just
temporary, right?

This is pending
an evaluation, so.

- He didn't tell
me that the nurse

was gonna put the needle in.

You gotta warn a guy, right?

I mean, she didn't do that.

- Big guys have feelings too.

I was hanging out with
Ving Rhames the other day.

He's not sensitive
about his size at all.

I just don't get it.

- Are you feeling like
you can't express yourself

because of your size?

- I could be in
a situation where

someone's struggling
to lift something up

and I don't even have
to know the person

and they are looking at me like

why aren't you helping me
with this refrigerator?

- I think one of the reasons

why you may be
feeling frustrated.

- Wrong answer.

- So you know, I don't
hate you, I hate the judge.

- Okay, why don't we
just circle back in,

I think we've gone off
the rails a little bit.

I have to be honest, Michael.

You know we've been doing
this for a while now

and I think--

One of the main problems
is this behavior.

- It just gets me upset.

I mean, he doesn't know me.

I'm a really nice guy.

- I don't know.

The judge just think that
maybe therapy will help.

- Help, if he
thought I needed help

why did he send me to therapy?

- How tall are
you, man, stand up.

- I prefer not to.

- You tell me to express myself,

you started this.

- You know what, time's up.

We'll pick this up,
you know, next time.

And now you all out of time,

now you're in a hurry?

See, that's something
you little dudes say.

I will find out how tall
you are, believe me.

- But I'm trying
to help you, okay.

I mean, do you realize
I've only heard

your real voice maybe
twice, maybe once?

I mean, don't you think that
there may be a problem here?

- He doesn't sound that awesome.

- Well, he was that awesome.

- I don't like him either.

- Why don't you like him,
you don't even know him.

Will you just give
him a chance, gosh.

I mean, he even had
his own secretary.

I mean, it might've
been his aunt,

but it's still cool
he had a secretary.

- Wait, isn't your aunt
your secretary too?

- Yes, a lot of doctors
have aunts as secretaries.

That's like a thing, all
right, you know what,

no more questions.

All right, the story is
just getting started.

- Okay.

- Life was great,

he thought he had
everything figured out.

Everything was good

and then the reality was
he was missing something,

something big.

- So I said to her,

just don't get involved
in every detail

and then you won't get
aggravated about everything.

You know, just ask for.

Oh, Michael, Michael, hold on,

I need you to sign right here.

- Right, what am I signing?

- You're giving me
a raise, hurray.

Family bonus.

- All right, yes,
great, just take it.

Hey and Janine, can we
take this down, please?

- Michael, it's Christmas.

- Yeah, but this is just a lot
and it's not Christmas yet.

- Yeah, it's Christmas, okay?

It's a season.

- Right, but this is my office

and I think that this just
looks a little unprofessional.

Like this is moving, the
head is going back and forth.

- Michael look, I know
you don't like Christmas.

Everyone else in the world
loves Christmas except for you.

Okay, and it makes them
feel more comfortable.

- I don't dislike Christmas.

This is ridiculous.

- Okay, fine, fine.

I'll consider taking
some of the stuff down

but I'm not taking
all of it down.

I got you the best
gift to give to Sasha.

- Oh God, thank you so much.

What's the occasion?

- She's your wife,
that's the occasion.

- Ah, yes, thank you.

- Oh, Michael, one more thing.

When are you gonna have a baby?

- Don't meddle Janine.

- Okay, but Michael, you
keep avoiding the question.

And let me tell you, that
thing's not gonna work forever.

See how you like being
old with no kids.

- And, I saved
the best for last.

- Santa?

- No, not yet.

But he was married
to the bestest girl

in the whole wide world,

and she was a teacher
and everybody loved her.

- We just spelled it.

- Okay, yeah, so we did.

We learned it this morning,

let's see if we remember.

Caterpillar, what's the
first thing you hear?

- Cat.
- Cat.

- Right, okay, so we
know how to spell cat,

right, perfect.

Then cat-e-r.

- What's going on here?

We have Christmas
all along the left,

no Christmas over here.

And the
principal of the school.

Well, he also like liked Sasha.

- And then R, like
a pirate, exactly.

Okay, so that my little friends

is how you spell Caterpillar.

Cat, like a cat.

And he
was really tough.

- Hey, you, come over.

Not that close, back up.

What's your name?

- Angus.

- What's going on, Angus?

- I only have all my posters

for the annual
school supply drive.

We do this every
year, as you can see.

- Okay, that's
enough, that's enough.

That's great you
have your flyer,

really good use of the computer
and your printing skills.

It's very, very good.

However, I'm looking
at the wall here.

And what I'm noticing
is that there is no sign

saying that this is a
designated flyer zone.

- No, except I also
don't see a sign

saying that it is not.

- Right, but in order
to put up flyers

it has to be in a
designated flyer zone,

and there's
unfortunately for you

no sign that says this is
a designated flyer zone.

So why would you put up a
flyer in a non flyer zone?

Now, Angus ask me a question.

Would you eat a cheeseburger
in a hot dog zone?

- No.

- Would you eat a burrito
in a no taco zone?

- Maybe.

- You should eat a
burrito in no a taco zone,

that was a trick question
which you failed, okay.

But a burrito is not a taco,

so if it's a no taco zone,
you can eat a burrito there.

- Well, a burrito is the same
thing as the taco, except.

Okay so this is a taco,
it curves like this,

and then this is a burrito,
you fold it around.

- I like your energy on this
topic, but you're wrong.

And the point is I just
see a violation here

and I don't know why this
sign is tilted, I don't know--

- Artistic liberties
Mr. Johnson.

- Principal.

- No Principal Mr. Johnson.

- Thank you.

Yeah, you got a
lot of flyers here.

Angus, what's your
least favorite subject?

Math.

- Attention to everyone,

this is Principal Mr. Johnson.

We are extending
school hours today,

an extra 45 minutes of
math class for everyone.

Even though you've already
taken math earlier today

you're doing it again.

Any complaints, talk to
your favorite classmate

and bake sale enthusiast, Angus.

Let's take these down.

You see,
this super cool guy

didn't realize just how
perfect his wife was,

so they did what many
mommies and daddies do.

- Have a baby?

See a
marriage counselor.

- We're leaving in 20 minutes.

- Ow.

- You forgot, oh my God.

- I didn't, no.

Can we cancel it?

- No.
- No.

- No, we're going.

- Okay, honey, it's been a
long day, I've had a lot.

And I have to teach
tonight at eight.

I have to have a big
conversation with Herbie.

- What about?

- He wants to play
softball all year round,

he's crazy with it, he
wants to play indoors,

how do you play indoor softball?

It's a winter sports.

- Michael, he's
your best friend,

he just wants to
spend time with you.

- Yeah hun, but
that's a little--

- I'm sensing a theme.

- No.

- There's a theme.
- There isn't.

- Herbie wants to
spend time with you.

I would like to spend a
little bit more time with you

but for some reason you just
want to work and do this.

- I just have a lot going on.

You know, it's not
that I don't want to.

It's just hectic, it'll be
less hectic soon, I promise.

- Okay, I understand
that you're stressed

and I have just been
very supportive of you.

You started your own practice,

you started teaching
these night classes.

I get it, the only thing
that I am asking for

is that we continue to
see Dr. Leland, okay?

Come on, I'll get your shoes.

- I don't wanna make
any assumptions, but.

- Oh, yeah.

Well, I didn't have time
to change before I came.

I'm sorry, but
also on that note,

we're gonna have to
leave a little bit early

because I have to change--

- He forgot about
our session, again.

- Now, Michael,
before you respond

it's important that you listen.

- You do know that I am my
psychiatrist as well, right?

- Well, what you do is
different than what I do.

How has your intimacy been?

- Good.

- Should I be
practicing my intimacy?

- No, no, you shouldn't,

you definitely should not be.

Okay, we're gonna
just skip ahead

a little bit in the story, okay?

Skip that.

- Michael, Sasha
has been very open

about the fact that she'd
like to have a child soon.

I think you should be
more receptive to that.

- I'm open.

The problem is that it's
not possible right now,

because we are busy,
we were running around.

You have school, you have all
that actresses school stuff.

- It's only impossible because
you take on so much work

that you avoid all
of our home issues.

- I have to work.

Like people work, that happens.

- Yeah, but your work
is in your control.

Right now, he just
started a private practice

and he's also teaching
night classes.

- It helps to just make
sure it's consistent.

I'm sorry for working.

- Are you hearing
Sasha, Michael?

- Yes, I'm sitting
right here, I hear her.

- Like, are you
really listening?

- He's not

- Yes, okay I hear
you, I'm right here.

- What I'm hearing
from you Michael

is your fear of
starting a whole family.

What are your
feelings about that?

- I do wanna start a family.

- No one is saying you need
to have a child tomorrow.

- Right, or the next day,

I just wanna hear that
you're excited about it.

- You know, you can't have
a kid tomorrow anyway.

- She wants to believe in you.

- Fine, I get it,
we'll start a family.

- Good, now that
wasn't so hard, was it?

Here's what I'm
going to suggest.

Three nights a week,
you have a date night

but no alcohol, it's
bad for conception.

- Doctor's orders.

I'm excited, aren't you excited?

- Yes.

So he was getting
a lot of pressure

and he decided he wanted
to talk to her about it.

And he also needed
to talk to Herbie

about not playing softball.

- Hey.
- Hey man.

Hey, what's up?

- Hey, you have to be on
time for your appointments.

- Herbie, this is lunch,
this isn't an appointment

and I'm like two minutes late.

- Two and a half.

- Two and a half.

All right, sorry, fine.

- So, how are things?

- To be honest, I feel
like I'm losing my mind.

Sasha used to be so
understanding about everything.

And now it's, like
we both agreed

that starting my own practice
was a good career move.

And she knows I have to teach
at the community college,

it's a little extra money,

it's a good opportunity to
publish stuff and whatever.

But lately all we talk about
when I'm home is babies.

- Wow, man, I'm really glad
you came to meet me, you know.

We really have to talk softball.

- You didn't listen to a
word I just said, did you?

- No, I heard all of it.

Sasha wants a kid
and you're a bum.

- All right, Herbie,
you wanna talk softball?

- Yeah.

- I think that it is time
to throw in the towel.

We haven't won a
game in five years.

I mean, what are we
doing out there, man?

- What do you mean?

I paid up front
for the whole year.

You want me to be on $60?

It's not refundable, Michael.

- I will cover the cost.

- It's not about the cost,

it's about friendship
and teamwork.

- Why don't we do
something else?

Why don't we get to play
softball in the winter time?

Tell me, to bring
softball.

- All right, all right, fine.

Hey, just relax.

- Just tell me.

- Shh, just relax,

we're gonna have fun
and play softball.

- I'm sorry, man.

I love softball, man.

Listen, man, I've been watching
a lot of YouTube videos

and my game is
improving, you'll see.

- The videos didn't
help anything.

Herbie was easily the
worst softball player ever.

It's chilly out my hands,
it's a little limpy.

Maybe it's cause I'm too quick

and my arms are too strong, man.

You gotta be there man.

Come on, man, it's nice
to have a softball, bro.

- Don't do that.

- I know what I'm doing.

- I've seen Amish
websites with more hits.

- Tie goes to the runner, man.

It goes to the runner.

- It's softball, what
are you talking about?

So
Herbie was terrible

and Janine was really
starting to get on his nerves.

- Oh Michael, Michael.

How was your session with
Dr. Leland yesterday?

- Yeah, we're not gonna do that.

Fine, I don't care,

I can just call Sasha
and get all the dits,

I don't need you.

- You know, if
you weren't family

I'd probably fire you.

- But we are family.

- And because he needed
to teach classes at night,

things were getting a
little bit strained at home.

So who can tell me

some of the early
symptoms of schizophrenia?

No?

It was in the reading, nothing.

Nobody, okay.

You know what, this seems
like a good time to wrap.

So why don't we take
this up next week?

Thank you guys, I
guess, good job.

None of this is gonna
be on the final anyway.

So be safe, I heard that
there's like a snow, so.

- I've been recording
all of your sessions,

I have a question.

- Okay.

- Psychology means
psycho, we're psychos?

- What, psychos?

- Psycho-logy.

- No, no.

Did you get that from tonight?

Is that like a recorded thing?

- Is that legal to record you?

- I don't know, are you
recording right now?

It's just always recording me?

- Hold on a second,
this is not therapy.

- Yeah, you're cheaper
than my therapist.

- We need to make
this distinction.

This is not therapy,

this is like introduction to--

- I learned a lot
in my own therapy

and I learned a lot
in this therapy class.

I'm like a therapist already.

And my mom says I
should talk to you more.

- Do you have any questions
about the final or anything?

- All right, I got what I need,

I'll listen to it
tonight, again.

Thank you.

- Professor, hey professor.

- Hi, yes, Brenda how are you?

- I'm good, how are you?

A couple of us are going
out for drinks tonight

if you're interested.

- Oh yeah, I would love to

but my wife is home.

- I was hoping to be a dancer,

but I guess listen to people
could be a good backup plan,

'cause, you know, I'm
at a friend's house,

they let me listen
to them

- Yeah, but my wife's at home.

I can't stop for
a beer, I'm sorry.

- Come on, come we
drink, one beer?

- I can't, just one.

All right, maybe just one.

All right, I think I can do one.

Let me hold my jacket.

Which part do you guys go to?

So he went out.

He was just on the wrong path.

- You're a little late.

- Yeah, I'm so sorry, hunny.

The students had a bunch
of questions after class,

so we stayed a little later.

- Two hours of questions.

- Yeah, a lot of questions.

- And you've been drinking.

- Yeah, some of the questions
did happen at a bar.

- We were supposed
to have a date.

Dr. Leland said three
date nights a week.

Once again, you just
completely ignored his advice.

And I told you I'm ovulating.

- What's ovulating?

- Look, it just means
she wanted a baby.

Okay, and that's what
I believe, anyway.

- I'm ovulating.

- No, you are not.

You are not.

No more questions

or else you guys are not gonna
know the rest of the story.

You're never gonna
know how I met Santa.

I mean, how he met
Santa Claus, capeesh?

- Capeesh.

- Now, where was I?

- She was ovulating.

- Not funny, but correct.

- Michael, what is
going on with you?

- Nothing.

I just.

- What?

- I just don't know
if I wanna have kids.

At all?

- At all.

- But you said that you did.

Why did you change your mind?

Is it me?

- No, no, of course not.

Don't be silly, come on.

I don't know.

I don't know if I don't want
them or if I'm not ready.

Maybe it's just
not the right time.

- Okay.

It's never gonna be the
right time with you, is it?

I don't know if
this is gonna work.

- Come on, Sasha, what
are you saying, come on.

Come on.

Damn me.

So what if I don't
want kids, huh?

Nobody wants kids.

Kids ruin peoples lives--

Things just kept getting
worse and worse and worse.

- Why would you
say that, Mickey,

it's just gonna
make her more upset.

- Yes, I know.

Like I told you, he's dumb.

I mean he liked his
life the way it was.

- His life wasn't even good.

- It was good.

- Didn't sound that good.

- Hey, I don't like this story,

it has nothing to do with
Santa or anything, you lied.

- I did not.

Well look, I'm building to
it, okay, I'm getting there.

- Just cut to the Santa part.

- Okay, okay, everyone relax.

All right, look, so that night
the roads were really icy

and everyone was told
to stay off the roads,

but he didn't listen.

- Because he's dumb.

- Yes, because he's dumb.

So he went out for a drive,

and little did he know

that Santa Claus was
about to change his life.

Merry Christmas Michael,

you should really watch the road

Sasha.

- Pretty cold last
night, huh, Michael?

I'll tell you this,

if this keeps up,
I'm moving to Mexico.

- He was in for the
surprise of his life.

I'm Sorry that I'm late
to paper.

I had a weird 12 hours,

could you cancel
my three o'clock

and just look up my car
insurance information please.

- Huh?

- I'm sorry, Gary, I know
you're always punctual

especially 'cause
the court thing

I just had a strange
Santa encounter last night

that kind of stuck
with me, so I just.

- It's okay, I've plenty
of runs with Santa myself.

I'm not allowed at
the mall anymore.

- What are you doing here?

Who let you in here?

- Excuse me.

- Janine?

- What, what is it?

- Oh, what's going on here?

I get it, is this
some kind of joke?

- Are you okay?

- Is this a camera show?

Who put you up to this?

Was it Herbie?

Was it Herbie, I
bet it was Herbie.

Yeah, everything's fine, Janine.

- That's another thing.

The mall is open
all year people.

See, I don't need therapy.

I know what sets me off,
needles and lines at the mall.

- Did you say needles?

- Yes.

- Gary?

- Yes, Gary.

Me, Gary, like I
was saying the mall.

Why does everyone
only go in December?

It's so dumb.

- All right, seriously,
what is going on?

This is not funny.

Where are your parents?

- My parents?

My parents are long gone,
Michael, you knew this.

Maybe we should spend a
session talking about dad.

Actually, maybe that's
where I get it from

- What, Janine, Janine.

You are not Janine,
you're not Janine,

who are you, what's going on?

You are a child.

I'm gonna find Janine,

I'm gonna find out
exactly what's going on.

Yeah, I know you're
here, Janine.

I can see your car, come on.

- I'm right here, Michael.

- This isn't funny.

This is not funny,

I don't know what is going
on, but this is not funny.

- Are you okay?

Should I call Sasha?

- Sasha, how do you
know about Sasha?

- Even I know about Sasha,

you talk about her all the time.

- Do you want me
to cancel your day?

- Yes, yes, cancel everything.

Just find your
parents or something.

- Are you a shrink too?

I think I got more
to talk about today.

- You can talk to yourself.

- Oh my God.

So like I said
earlier, he hated kids

and now everybody
that he sees is a kid.

What is going on?

Hey, wow, wow, wow,

what are you doing here?

- What?

- You don't just tear
things down off the wall,

weren't you supposed
to be a class?

- I'm sorry, man, I'm just
filling in for Richie.

- What, all right, you know
what, what's your name?

I'm gonna tell Mrs. Levitt

and she's gonna tell your
parents, what's your name?

What's your name,
I'm gonna find out.

I'm gonna find out.

And he was in for
another big surprise.

- This is Frederick,

he's my bestest friend
in the whole wide world.

My mom gave him to me when
I was just two years old.

- Where is Sasha?

- Frederick.

- Michael, what
are you doing here?

- My God.

- Everything is gonna be fine,

just give me one second.

What was that?

- I don't know.

I don't know what's
going on, Sasha.

Something's happening,

something is
happening right now.

- You just scared an
entire class of children.

Are you even listening to me?

- Sasha, it's kind of crazy
coming from you right now.

- Look, you need
to leave Michael,

you know, I'm up for that award

and you're just
gonna blow it for me

by freaking out my class.

Is there something
wrong, can I help?

- I think I need to nap,

I think I need to
take like a quick,

can I sleep here somewhere?

Maybe I could go to
the nurse's office

and we can take a quick nap?

- What, no, you
can't sleep here.

- What?

- Is there something
we need to talk about?

- Yes, we need to talk Sasha,

but you're not gonna understand,

it's not gonna
make sense to you?

- Did you get my note?

- Yeah, I got your
note, all right.

I got the note,

you don't understand
what's going on.

Something is
happening right now,

something seriously is going on.

I don't know what it is
but something is happening.

- You're right,
something is happening,

I'm leaving you.

- Wait, hold on, what?

- It's been on my mind for a
while, things aren't working.

I just think we have
different goals.

I just wanna spend
some time apart.

Six-year-old, how
old are

How old are you, like 10?

- Six-year-old?

- Ow.

- Real mature, Michael.

Leave or I'll call
school security.

- Sasha, please I love you.

- Well, you should've
thought about that

when you let me get away.

- What is happening to me?

- That's him.

- Hey, wait there, I wanna
have a word with you.

- So he was in like
big, big trouble.

Like more than he even realized.

- In with good,
out with the bad.

Deeper, very nice.

- Oh my God, what is going on?

- Michael, what
are you doing here?

You remember Paula,

I'm stretching her out.

- Herbie, I need to
talk to you right now.

- I don't know
what we got until.

Can we pick this
up again next week?

- It's okay, doll, I
have a palates class

in about 30 minutes.

- Remember to do
your air swings,

it looks,

I call it the Herbie technique.

Sure.

- Bye Paula.

What has gotten into you,

you nearly gave an old
lady a heart attack?

- Yeah, but Herbie that didn't
look like an old woman to me.

- What are you talking
about, she's like 70.

Hey, she may even be 90.

I never checked it for her.

- All right, there's something
going on here, Herbie

And it's a serious
thing and it's crazy.

It's gonna sound crazy
because it is crazy,

but you're a child.

- Now is not the time
for insults, Mikey.

I have a legitimate
career going here.

I don't barge into your
office and assault you.

- What, well, you
do actually do that.

- Is true, but I don't
make it so personal.

- No, no, no, you
don't understand,

you literally look like a child.

- I don't follow you.

- You look like
you're six years old.

- That's ridiculous.

- All right, well, what
do I look like to you?

- You look crazy, Michael.

That's what you look like.

- Yeah, I know I look crazy,

but do I look like an adult?

- Did you hit your
head or something?

- No, okay look, it
doesn't make any sense,

but this morning I woke up

and everybody that I've
seen has been a child.

All right, and my patients,
Janine, Sasha, and now you.

- I don't have time for this.

All right, that's
actually kind of weird.

- Yeah, and I tried to
tell Sasha at school

she said she's gonna leave me.

- I'm sure she'll take you back,

you're an okay guy.

- I'm sorry, but I
can't take you seriously

looking like this,
you look exactly

like you did when we were kids.

I'm Sorry, can we do like a.

We do back to back.

Can we back to back please?

- I know.

Herbie, I think that the
cops might be looking for me.

I was doing some weird
stuff at Sasha school today.

I don't know, I think
they're following me.

- And you came here?

I don't want the
police sniffing around

my totally normal practice.

- Herbie, can we
just focus, please.

I mean, come on, am I
crazy, am I losing my mind?

- I could give you a sedative.

- I guess one
couldn't hurt, right?

Yeah.

- Things might start
to get a little fuzzy

in the next few hours.

- Wait, what drug
did I give you?

Hey,

Hey, how many fingers
am I holding up?

- I have a really
hard time following

what you're saying to me.

Herbie?

- Feeling any better?

You took a pretty nasty fall,

I would've gotten you some ice,

but I didn't wanna
leave you alone.

- I think you gave me too much.

- It may have been
the wrong pill.

But it got the job done, right?

- No, it didn't
get the job done.

You're still a child
and I'm still crazy.

God, this is like a bad
dream that will never end.

- I'm officially stumped then.

- Oh my God.

- Merry Christmas Michael, you
should really watch the road.

- Santa Claus.

- You might have a
concussion my brother.

No, no, no.

Herbie, Santa Claus was
the last person that I saw.

I remember we went out last
night and I was driving

and then it was a
reindeer and Santa waved,

And that was the last
thing I remember.

- Was Santa Claus a child too?

No, no, no, he
was the last adult I saw.

- You know what
this means, Michael?

- We're going to the mall.

- So he needed things
to go back to normal,

and to do that, he
needed to find Santa.

- All of them?

- All of them.

- Wow, that's a lot of kids.

- All right, let's
go get our Santa.

Oh no.
- Santa too?

- Yeah, I still
need to talk to him.

Sorry guys, excuse me.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- Hey, watch it.

- I'm sorry, we really
need to speak with Santa.

- And then I want a train
set and a basketball

and a laptop and a pony,

and a razor scooter
and a hoverboard.

- That's too many requests.

- Hey, back off buddy.

- No, no, no, you
don't understand,

we really need to talk to Santa.

- You gotta wait your turn.

- No, no, no, this
is an emergency.

- It's okay.

- Thank you, Santa.

Look, I just need to
know if it was you.

- Ho, ho, ho, you
must take a seat.

- You want me to
sit on your lap?

- That's right.

I am Santa Claus after all.

- Yeah, but aren't I
gonna like crush you?

- Just sit on my
fricking lap man,

the kids are watching.

- Okay.

- There, isn't that better?

- Yeah, sure.

Yeah, look Santa, I just
need to know was it you?

- Was what?
- Did you do this to me?

Santa, I saw you on
the street last night,

you told me to keep
my eyes on the road.

- Yeah, okay, you
need to get up.

Santa, doesn't do crazy people.

- So you're saying you
didn't do this to me.

- Security.

- No, no, no, you
don't understand.

You don't understand
me.

No, we're not taking the puppy.

So all day, they kept
looking for Santa.

The neighborhood
was a small town,

there weren't that many Santas,

so, all of the ones
they found were kids.

- Sorry Mikey, maybe we
can try again tomorrow.

- Yeah, I don't even know
where else to look for him.

- We'll figure that
out tomorrow, okay.

Just hang in there, buddy.

- Santa.

- Huh?

- Sorry.

Sorry, I'll try and keep down.

- Hello, Michael.

- Santa.

- Come over, let's have
a little chat, huh,

I'm sure you have a lot
of questions for me.

- Just tell me, was it you?

- Of course, yeah, weird, huh?

- Yeah, it's really weird.

Why are you ruining
my life, Santa?

Santa doesn't ruin
people's lives.

Sasha left me, man.

I can't go to the mall,

I got kicked out of school,
the cops are looking for me.

My practice, I'm gonna
lose my practice,

- Because--
- Why?

- Why, because I'm seeing kids,

who's gonna take me seriously?

- Have you even stopped
to think for one second

of why this might be
happening to you, Michael?

- I don't know, maybe I'm not
Christmas-y enough for you.

- Oh, that's rich.

Christmas isn't about who is
or isn't Christmas-y enough.

Christmas is one day a year,

one day out of the whole year.

- Right, that's just one day.

So, I mean, I'm not following.

- What do you mean
you're not following?

Things happen for a reason.

Look at me, for a reason.

You say I ruined your life,

but I don't see you taking any
blame for what's happening.

- I did not decide to
just see kids one day.

I didn't want that, I
didn't ask for that.

I wasn't like I was
sitting there being like,

hey I want more kids in
my life, this is great.

- You know what,
you'll figure it out.

I'm famished, so,
hey you know a good

cookie place around here?

- Cooking place?

What are you talking
about cookie place,

you need to fix this.

- I like the big chocolate.

- So you're not gonna
tell me how to fix this?

What is so funny?

- Where will the fun be in that?

- Fun?
- Yeah.

Listen, come on let's
go, get out of my sleigh,

out of the sleigh.

- No, I'm not getting out
of the sleigh, you fix this,

you need to fix this.
- Out of the sleigh.

- I'm not getting out
of the sleigh, fix it.

- Get out of the sleigh,
Michael, I'm hungry.

- All right, what
am I supposed to do?

- Ah, come on, you'll be fine.

I'll catch you later.

- Hey, hey, whoa whoa whoa.

* I have to get some
cookies, maybe some scones, *

* I'm so hungry I can't
wait to eat 'em, *

* Santa's hungry, whoa!

- Really, oh wow, you have
a lot to learn, Michael.

- I'm calling the police.

- So finding Santa obviously
did not solve his problem.

Actually, it kind of
made things worse.

- You know I got a call.

What are you in for?

- You wouldn't believe
me if I told you.

- Been there man, Maurice.

- Michael.

- I've seen a lot in my day.

I think I saw a
santa in here once.

- In jail?

- We all have bad days.

- I think Santa is
like trying to teach me

a lesson or something.

- Sounds to me like he's
looking out for you, Michael.

- What are you, like one of
his helpers or something?

- I wish, I think
I'd make a great elf,

but no, I just think
there's something

beautiful about Christmas.

I just wish I could
get out of here

and spend it with my family
like I was supposed to.

- Santa wants to see how
Christmas-y I can be, huh?

That's what he wants, he
wants to see me be Christmas.

He doesn't even know
how Christmas I can get.

I can be Christmas,
I am Christmas.

- Be careful.

- Maurice, I think you
just saved my life.

- Hey, happy to help
you out, Michael.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

- Oh God, oh God.

- Goodman, you've made bail.

- Finally.

- Stay away from
the mall and schools

for the next 30 days, okay?

- Done, who posted my bail?

Was it Santa Claus?

So, it was actually Herbie
who came to his rescue.

- I don't need my college fund.

- College fund, you don't
have a college fund,

you already went to college.

- You think I wanna stay a
physical therapist forever?

Okay, anyway, I think we
should go to

- No, Herbie, I don't have time,

I got to show Santa who's boss.

- Okay, no problem,
what's the plan?

- Christmas lights, come on.

- This was nice.

- Yeah, it's nice.

Santa's gonna have to
turn things back now.

All right, are you ready?

I don't know, here we go.

- I think I'm
temporarily blinded,

and, yes, it's too much.

- Hey Bob, what do you think?

- What do I think, you
wanna know what I think?

I think it stinks.

- All right, Merry Christmas.

- Hey Bob.

- All right, let's
get our Santa.

- Hey Mikey, you
suck at decorating.

- Come on Santa, where are you?

Maybe we could
go to.

- Not now, Herbie.

Come on, you say I'm
not Christmas-y enough,

I've got every
Christmas light in town.

We've been setting stuff up
all day, my fingers are numb.

Come on Santa, I am Christmas.

I am Christmas.

- Mikey, I don't think
that's what Santa wants.

- Shut up, Herbie,
I am Christmas.

So he tried everything.

No matter what he tried,

he couldn't get
Santa to come back.

So, he realized he didn't
need more decorations,

he needed something else.

Huh?

I mean, that's gotta be it.

- It is great.

- It's good, right?

- You know, Mikey, maybe you're
trying a little too hard.

- I'm doing exactly what
Santa told me to do, okay.

- It's just, you
think that maybe

you're going a little overboard?

- Overboard, no, I mean,
Christmas is about cheer.

It's about decorations,
it's about--

- But it doesn't mean anything

if you don't
actually care, Mikey.

Look, I'm happy to
see you in the spirit.

It's just, do you really
want to be doing this?

- Want to be doing this?

No, I don't wanna be
doing this for me.

I want my life back,
that's what I want.

I want my life back,

this is some stupid,,
just cruel joke.

I mean, so what.

Yeah, I focused on my
career, I want to be better.

Is that so bad?

- You know I'm not saying that.

- Well, you've said enough.

Either you're helping
or you're not.

- I mean, I have enjoyed
spending time with you

for the past few days.

- Great, well, I'm glad that
you're enjoying yourself,

Herbie, because my life
is literally falling apart

while you're enjoying yourself.

- Dude, you know
that's not what I mean.

I just like hanging
out with you.

You know what, Mikey,
you're a bad friend.

You deserve all of this.

I hope you get whatever
it is you're looking for.

- Your son has been up
since six in the morning

waiting for his father
to open presents.

Who is that?

Don't tell me you're still
in Baltimore, I want--

- Can I open just one?

- Don't you wanna wait
until your father gets home?

- But I waited all day.

- Okay, but just one.

- I love it, when his dad
gonna be home to play catch?

- He wants to honey,
but he has to work.

- But it's Christmas.

Why would he get me a glove if
he isn't gonna play with me?

- Oh my God.

I've turned into my dad.

I never wanted to be.

And so he finally realized
what he had to do.

And it was to undo all
the bad stuff he had done,

and that started with Sasha.

- Oh my God Michael,
I heard about Sasha.

- How did you hear about Sasha?

- I text her every day.

- Of course you do.

- And I heard you went to jail.

Your life is falling apart.

- Well, that's a
little bit blunt.

- I don't wanna
say I told you so,

but I did say she wanted a baby.

- All right, enough.

I appreciate everything--
- Come here.

Let your aunt make
you feel better.

- Okay.

- I used to do this to
your dad all the time,

you'll love it.

- I do, okay,
actually not too bad.

- Are you okay?

- Oh, yeah, sorry, I'm
just waiting for somebody.

- Me too, mind if I sit?

- Sure.

- No work today?

- It's kind of a long story.

I guess I'm taking
some time off.

- Well, it's good to
take time off from stuff,

clear your head and
realize what's important.

- Yeah.

I guess I've been focusing

on the wrong stuff
lately, you know.

- Yeah, it's tough to
keep up with everything,

but in the end, work
is just work you know,

it's not really that important.

- Yeah, you're right.

- All right, well, see you
mister, have a great day.

- So it was pretty clear,

Sasha didn't wanna
take him back.

- Michael, I'm sorry that
the rabbits didn't work out,

but maybe the rabbits really
sends the wrong message.

- Why?

- Well, rabbits have
a lot of babies,

it's like going from
zero babies to 10 babies,

you know what I'm saying?

She may just need time, or
maybe it's not meant to be.

But either way, you need
to decide what you want.

- All right, you win Santa,

you were right the whole time.

I've been selfish and
I just don't get it.

- Finally, you admit it.

- Hey, how'd you
know I'd be here?

- Like you were gonna fix
this problem on your own.

- I've been a bad friend.

- I agree, the worst friend.

- You wanna have a catch?

- I can't stay mad at you.

- All right here, now
grab this, put this on.

We're gonna do it, all right.

Now eye on the ball, all right.

I'm sorry, man, I really
am, I was a bad friend.

So let me, all right,
eye on the ball.

So once you put your left
hand, eye on the ball

and then just push it
to, push it to the ball.

You know what I mean,
like, are you ready?

Okay, here we go.

Wow, all right.

It's okay, that was closer.

Here we go, try this one, ready?

Hey.
- It worked.

- Yeah, nice job.

Nice job.

- Look Mikey, I hope everything
changes back for you.

- Yeah, me too Herbie, me too.

But even if it doesn't,
I'll still be here.

- I don't know about you,

but I could go for like
20 tacos right now.

- Why don't we
settle for 10, huh?

- Okay.

- Head right, catch.

- Don't do it.

What are you doing,
why would you do that?

All right, let's
go get the ball.

I don't know, man,
maybe Sasha and I

just aren't meant
to be together.

- Are you kidding me?

You two are like the best
couple I've ever known.

- Yeah, if there was
an award for best wife

she'd win every time.

- How would voting work
for in a world like that?

Seems tough.

- Yeah, you know she's actually
up for an award right now.

Most promising teacher,

the ceremony is in
like a couple hours.

- You gotta be there.

- No man, it would ruin
everything if I went.

- It will ruin everything
if you're not there.

- You know Herbie,
you might be right.

- I've got a plan.

- So yeah, Herbie had a plan,

but nobody said it
was a good plan.

- So, did you
understand the plan?

- I guess, I mean,
what was the plan?

- Okay, we go through it again.

When we enter the
school, we split up.

I'll head to the gym where
the awards are taking place.

Now, we give you enough
time to make your move.

Principals always get a
little jumpy during events,

so he'll be doing a
lot of checking up.

- I think you'll be very
happy with your results.

- That's very exciting.

- Once he sets his glass down,
that's when I make my move.

- I'm just gonna make
sure we're on schedule,

I'll be right back.

- While I keep the
principal busy,

that's when you take
care of the janitor.

Once the glass is clear,

that's when I spike
it with the laxative.

Okay, yeah,
just remember, one drop,

this stuff is potent.

- Hey.

Who did that?

- Excuse me.

Excuse me, how much longer
is this going to be?

Excuse me.

- Excuse me.

- I'm bored and when
I'm bored I get anxious,

and when I'm anxious,
I talk a lot.

I'm like I talk a lot
and people get mad at me.

- I'm kind of busy right now.

- I have to go to the bathroom

and I really really need to go.

- Stop talking for
a minute, please.

- Can you take me, I need
a teacher to take me.

- I'm not a teacher.

You know, you can do it by
yourself, it's not that hard.

- Then who are you?

You know I talk to a teacher.

You're not allowed to be--

- Hey, okay look, I got to go

but good luck with the
bathroom thing though.

- But I need to go
to the bathroom,

and I need you to entertain me.

- Hey, let me in.

- The laxative should
kick in quickly.

I'll stick to the
principal like glue

till he has to go back.

Once he's out of the gym,

that's when you go to Sasha.

- Hey he's the one who made
my turtle, Frederick runaway.

- Sorry about the turtle
thing, you know, Frederick.

- Michael.

- Hi Sasha.

Sorry, I know that
this is probably

the worst thing that I
could possibly do right now,

but I just, I know this
is important to you

and I just I wanted to be here

and there's no other way that
I could, you know be here.

- Hey, who are you?

- I just wanted to tell you,

I know that it's been
a really weird week,

like weirder than you
can ever even imagine.

I guess we can talk
about that another time.

But look, I just want you
to know that I love you.

I love you more than anything.

And I, wow, so so many kids.

- You're doing great.

- Thank you.

Sasha, I don't know why
this has been so hard for me

to tell you this in the past,

but I don't know, I guess I
always thought it was obvious,

you know how I felt about you?

- You're helping
him, aren't you?

- No.

- Get out of my way.

Christmas and Christmas

we tell people how
we really feel.

- This ends now.

- No no, I can explain it.

I can explain.

- You're going straight to
jail, I called the cops.

- I'm just trying to tell
my wife that I love her.

Hello, hello, hello.

Hey, Sasha, I just
wanna say I'm sorry.

I acted like a jerk,

I just thought if I
worked hard

- Hey, what are you doing?

Get out of here, now.

Hey, what are you doing here?

I'm sorry.

- I'm so sorry about that kids.

- I'm coming, Michael.

- Hey, stop there.

Oh, that's the hammie.

- That's him.

- Come on, in here.

- I know he's here,
I can smell him.

- That's weird.

- Don't talk to me like that.

- Surprise.

- You always knew how
to make an entrance.

- Yeah, look I'm sorry,

I know you didn't
want me to call,

but I needed to see you.

- I got the rabbits.

- I know, I was watching
from the bushes.

- And I was watching
you from the window.

It was sweet, I just,
I needed some time.

- I know.

- I drove by the
house the other day.

You really went for it
with the decorations.

- Yeah, I don't know
what got into me,

I kind of went overboard.

- Yeah, I would say so.

- I'm really sorry,

I hope that this doesn't
affect you getting that award.

I know how much it means to you.

- Are you gonna tell me
what's really going on?

- Yeah, I can,

but I got to tell
you, it's unbelievable

and I swear to God
that this is true.

Since we had that
fight the other night,

everybody that I've
seen has been a child.

Everyone, you, Herbie.

And the craziest part

is that Santa Claus is
the one that did it to me.

- Michael, are you okay?

- No, no, I'm not okay.

I haven't been okay
for a long time.

And it's crazy that this ordeal

is what it took for
me to realize that.

- Them too?

- That's right.

- I'm sorry, I can
just only imagine them

with their little
construction hats.

I believe you.

- You do?

- You were never a good liar.

- You know the craziest thing

is that this is
probably the best thing

that's happened to
me in a long time.

I mean, other than
you, of course.

- Hey lovebirds, I'm
happy you two met up,

but Mikey, we have a
serious situation out there.

Security is looking for us

and the principal is
not a happy camper.

- Yeah, we should probably go.

- Yeah, hi Sasha.

- You two go, I'll stall them.

- Nobody takes us
down, right Mikey?

- That's right, Herbie.

- Bye Sasha.

- So he was on top
of the world until.

- Get him.

- I'm sorry Mikey.

- So tight, man.

Thanks.

- Did I tell you to
stay away from schools?

- Yeah, you did.

- Hello Michael.

- Hey Santa.

Where's the suit?

- Dry clean it, it's getting
ready for the big day.

I'm a bit of a slob, Mrs.
Claus never lets me forget it.

- Looks like you're missing.

- Oh yeah, yeah.

I told you, I'm a bit of a slob.

That's milk, thank God.

All right, well, I still wonder

why she stayed with
me all these years.

- So I guess I owe
you an apology.

- Yeah, that'd be nice.

- I don't know
what came over me.

I thought I was doing
everything right.

I thought my life
was what I wanted

and where I wanted to be.

And the truth of
the matter is that

I hate that version of myself.

- Well, even a Grinch
has to be taught a lesson

every once in a while.

- I was kind of a Grinch, huh.

- The biggest Grinch.

You were a Grinch,

you were the biggest
Grinch since the Grinch.

You're worse than
my grandmother.

She was the original
Grinch, did you know that?

And the decorations, oh my God.

I mean, Christmas isn't about

who puts up the
most decorations.

- You know, I know that.

And they were just
bad, bad, I'm sorry.

- Well, I wanted to tell
you, Mike, I really did.

I did, but I just
thought it'd be better

if you figured it
out on your own.

- I understand.

- Now, I bet you're wondering

if your time's almost up, huh?

- Well, yeah.

- You've done well,
Michael, you've done well.

And this has just
been a little taste.

- Taste?

How much more do we have?

- A taste of the
greatest gift of all.

- You know, I never
believed in you growing up.

My mom had to try and
convince me every single year,

and I just, I told
her it was impossible.

- Yeah, well, you sound like
every other kid nowadays.

That's what bugs me.

It's like I don't understand,

when did believing
become such an issue?

- I mean, it is a
little bit of crazy.

- What, it's crazy, so what?

I ride around the world in
a reindeer powered sleigh,

what else do you people want?

- I guess it just comes
down to the gifts, you know.

- That's right, all the gifts.

Jeez gifts, everybody thinks
I bring toys and things.

I wanna let you in
on a little secret.

Every year I give people
the greatest gift of all.

You wanna know what that is?

- Yeah.

- Family, your family.

Got to see it to believe it kid.

- Yeah, I hope I do.

- I think you just might.

- Gotta go, woo big day.

I hope everything goes
well for you Michael

and Merry Christmas.

- Where are you
going, we're in jail.

So he hoped things
were back to normal

and he just needed to see
one person, just one person.

And, well, they're still kids.

Sasha?

Sasha, I can't tell you
how good it is to see you.

- You've only been
gone like an hour.

- I know, but it
doesn't feel like it.

- What happened to your face?

- I'm okay, I'm okay.

But look, I just want
to say I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry for everything.

Anything I ever said
to you, I was wrong.

I'm always wrong,
you're always right.

- What's going on?

- Nothing, look, I've been
thinking about it a lot

and the truth is I'm excited.

I'm really, I just can't wait.

- What happened to you?

- It's a long story.

- Okay, well, I'm
still mad at you.

- Okay, that's okay.

And so that's how it happened.

That is the truth
about Santa Claus.

- Wait, what, I don't get it.

What's the truth
about Santa Claus

and what did he give him?

- Well, santa doesn't
just give you things,

like he gives you a gift.

- It sounds like he
didn't give him anything.

He just messed with him.

- Oh no, no, no, Santa
gives the best gifts

in the whole wide world.

- Like what?

- Like what?

- Daddy.

- Hey, how are you at home,

I thought you had school today?

You
guys almost done?

- Can you give us
a minute, Sasha.

- We have a lot to
wrap up here still.

- One second, honey.

Okay, I'll see you later, go.

- Bye.

- Okay, sorry about that guys.

Anyway, so, where were we?

- Seriously after all that,

you're still not gonna
tell us what he gave him.

- I mean, look, I think
I kind of tell you guys,

but I guess it's just a secret

that you have to understand
when you're older.

But I can tell you this,

it will change
your life forever.

- Forever?

- Come on, tell us,
what's the secret?

- I can't just tell you guys
the secrets of Santa Claus.

He gets so mad at me.

But I can tell you this,

it is the best gift
that you will ever get.

- Better than ovulating?

- Sasha has been very
honest about the fact

that she'd like to
have a child soon.

And I think you should be a
little more receptive to that.

- Michael, I'm sorry that
the rabbits didn't work out,

but maybe the rabbits really
sends the wrong message.

- Freezing my buns up.

Hey speaking of buns, I got
a donut here my son gave me,

you want a piece?

Nice chocolate donut,

I'm gonna get out of my pocket.

- And then we're
done after this.

- I got a donut here,

you want a piece of donut?

We
gotta go bob, sorry.

- Pretty cold last
night, huh Michael?

I'll tell you this, if this
keeps up I'm moving to Mexico.

- I can slide.

Head slide, leg slide.

Huh,
you know what I mean?

- YouTube is good man, you
need to get into that, man.

And the foot slide
like, and pop slide,

got that thousands of time,
kept watching it, yeah.

Going long, bring me deep.

Cheater.

You pitched it weird.

It should've been right
there, come on man.

It must be the
thunder, I don't know,

maybe it's the
thunder in my arm.

That's it.

- In with good, out with bad.

- Is this supposed to hurt?

- I don't know, is it?

Oh, you might have a
concussion my brother.

Cut.

- That's a cut.

- C-A-T,

er
- E, R.

- Okay, Pill.

P-I-L-L.

A, R.

- Exactly, okay.

And that my little friends
is how you spell Caterpillar.

- Everything's going to be
fine, just give me one second.

- I think that I
need to take a nap.

You think I can sleep
here,

- What, no, you
can't sleep here.

- What are you
like six year old,

how old are you,

how old are you, like 10?

- Six-year-old?
- Ow.

- Real mature Michael.

- Would you eat a
cheeseburger in a taco zone?

- Those things have no
relation whatsoever.

- Answer the question.

Would you eat a burrito
in a no taco zone?

Let's focus on the flyers.

Okay, you just put your
flyers on the ground,

which is also a
permanent no flyers zone,

which means it's littering.

- Well, is there
a littering zone?

- Yeah, it's called a trashcan.

Hold on a second, Maurice,
what are you doing?

You're just standing there.

You can mop more than one spot,

it doesn't have to
just be that one spot.

You know there's a
whole hallway here.

This is not a no mop zone,

it's just a, the entire
thing is a mop zone.

- Hey, what are you doing?

Get out of here, now.

- Don't meddle?

Did you just say don't meddle?

That thing's gonna turn to
metal if you don't use it.

Oh, so miserable.

I know it's like a
miserable.

I mean, don't you think maybe

he should go with
the mood, you know.

So I said, if you stop
asking so many questions

then you will stop
getting.

Exactly, ignorance is bliss.

Oh wait, hold on, hold up.

Michael, Michael, do not go.

- And just look up my car
insurance information, please.

- What?

Huh?

- Can you look up my car
insurance information, please.

- Huh?

- Oh no, you have a
lot to learn, Michael.

Come on, let's get some cookies.

Cookie, cookie, cookie, woo.

Yeah, you're worse
than my grandmother.

She was the original Grinch,

did you know that?

That's where you got
the whole story from.

Helga, Helga Sockwater,
that was her name.

Oh man, she was
Chelsea, Massachusetts.

Terrible woman.

Just every Christmas.

What's this, what's
that, where are we going?

I mean, we moved her
to a mountain top.

She grew whiskers.

Then somewhere in the
story made her green,

blah, blah, blah, blah blah.

- Did I tell you to
stay away from schools?

- Yeah, you did.

- Hi Michael.

- Help, if he
thought I needed help

why did he send me to therapy?

What are you looking at?

I didn't drive here.

I'm a really nice guy.

I really, I mean, it's just
that she never warned me

that the needle was coming in.

Last I checked,

you're supposed to warn a guy.

I mean, she didn't do
that, right, right?

- Like I was saying, the mall.

Why do people only go in
December, it's so dumb.

- I will find out how
tall you are, believe me.

- Hey, back off buddy.

- No, no, you don't understand,

we really need to,

we really need to talk to Santa.

I don't know,

maybe I'm not Christmas-y
enough or something.

- Oh, that's it, maybe you're
not Christmas-y enough.

What's wrong with you?

- I don't know.

- Christmas isn't about
whose Christmas-y.

- Is this the best daddy.

- How are you?

All right, I'll see
you in just a second.

- Bye.

- We'll just be a second, okay.

I'll see you in a bit.

Cut.

- Cut.

* My Christmas wasn't merry

* And that's the fact

* But I wouldn't get through
with my life intact *

* But then Santa came around
and show me what I lacked *

* That's the truth
about Santa Claus *

* Thought I was perfect,
never saw the flaws *

* But now I'm feeling
really great because *

* I know the truth
about Santa Claus *

* Too much naughty
not enough nice *

* That's the way I acted
and I paid the price *

* But Santa changed it
all with some key advice *

* And that's the truth
about Santa Claus *

* Thought I was happy
but I never was *

* Now I'm feeling
really great because *

* I learnt the truth
about Santa Claus *

* Well, he's got a lot of
reindeers down the sleigh *

* But that's not the
reason that he may my day *

* He say you don't know squat

* You got a lot to learn

* There's more to life
that what you got *

* It's what you earn

* You want the
key to happiness *

* Well, here's the trick

* Stick with your family
through thick and thin *

* That's the lesson that I
learn from old St. Nick *

* And that's the truth
about Santa Claus *

* Thought I was perfect,
I never saw the flaws *

* Now I'm really
feeling great because *

* I learnt the truth
about Santa Claus *

* Here there's the truth
about Santa Claus *

* Thought I was happy
but I never was *

* I learnt the truth
about Santa Claus *

* There's a truth
about Santa Claus *

* Thought I was perfect,
never saw the flaws *

* Now I'm felling
really great because *

* I know the truth
about Santa Claus *