The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze (1963) - full transcript

Phileas Fogg III, great grandson of the original Phileas Fogg, accepts a bet to duplicate his great grandfather's famous trip around the world in response to a challenge made by Randolph Stuart III, the descendant of the original Fogg's nemesis. Unbeknownst to anyone, However, "Stuart" is the infamous con man Vicker Cavendish who made the bet in order to cover up his robbing the bank of England by framing Fogg for the crime. This makes for a dangerous journey for Fogg and his servants (the stooges) and Amelia Carter, whom they rescue from thugs during a train ride. Can they make it back to England in time ?


You're a fine one,
Vickers Cavendish.

Wasting your time reading

when you should be thinking
up some scheme to defraud.

Listen to me,
you little pipsqueak.

Reading this book gives me
the idea for a master stroke

that will take us out
of this miserable hole

and set us up in Mayfair

with enough money to
last us the rest of our lives.

Ah, you're balmy.

You must be,

else how would you get
such notions just from reading?

Around the World in Eighty Days.

Doubtless this is
news to you, Filch,

but Phileas Fogg
bet his entire fortune

that he could go around
the world in 80 days.

And he did it, winning £20,000

from his skeptical friends
in the Reformers Club.

Hey. 20,000 quid?

Not half bad.

The day Mr. Fogg
started on his trip,

the Bank of England
was robbed of £55,000.

Oh, very clever of him,
to be sure.

But it wasn't Mr. Fogg
who robbed the bank.

Oh? Scotland Yard
just thought he did it,

planning his trip to get the
money out of the country.

What happened to
the bloke what stole it?

They caught him.

If he'd done away
with Mr. Fogg,

he could have spent the
rest of his days in Clover

without ever being suspected.

Well, what has this got to do with us,
Mr. Cavendish?

Mr. Stuart to you,
from now on.


I have a plan, Filch.

Oh, it's a beauty.

And wait till you hear the
name of the pigeon I've lined up.

Well, all right!
Who is the pigeon?

Another Fogg!

Here, listen to this.

"Phileas Fogg III,

"born 1940,

"great grandson
of Phileas Fogg I.

"Occupation, landowner.

"Member, Reformers Club, London.

Twickenham on Thames."

7:46 and nine seconds.

Mr. Fogg will be here in exactly
three minutes and 51 seconds.

Don't strip your gears!
I'm always on schedule!

Oh, yeah?

you were 40 seconds late with his kippers.

Oh, I was so embarrassed,
I felt like turning in my sideburns.

Well, a guy can have
an off-day now and then.


Being on time is just
as important to Mr. Fogg

as it was to the idol
he patterns his life after,

his great great granddaddy,
Phileas Fogg I.

There was a strong will.

Died two months after
the doctors gave him up.

Yeah. The only time he
was ever late in his life.

You have exactly
three minutes to

bring this down
from 56 degrees to 48.

By the way, where's frizzletop?

I haven't seen him since he went
out to get the morning newspaper.

That mongoose will
be the death of me.

We have to start breakfast
promptly at 7:49

so Mr. Fogg can leave for
the Reformers Club at 8:11.

Racing like a motorcycle.

Let me see.




They left it in
the swimming pool today.

Oh, I see, the Tadpole edition!

Yeah, the Tadpole edition.

Wait a minute!
That's for now.

Remind me to kill you later.

I had enough brains
to steal this from

the Duke's palace next door.

You thought I was stupid,
didn't you?

Now I'm sure of it.

Come on, get going.

Synchronize your watches.

7:48 and
10 seconds.

Man your posts!

He's coming down
the main staircase.

He's walking through the library.

It's 7:49.
And here he is!

Good morning, boys!
ALL: Good morning, Mr. Fogg!

Your napkin, sir.

Your morning paper, sir.

10 seconds to kipper!

Your kippers, sir,
right on the dot.

Moe, about how long
would you say

I've been having
kippers for breakfast?

Well, man and boy,
I'd say we've been eating our kippers

every day for...

It must be 11 years, sir.

Time for a change.

Starting tomorrow,
I'd like sausages.

Oh, those ugly little brown...

Five minutes past 8:00,
right on time! Excellent.

Well, I'm off to
the Reformers Club

and mind you, starting tomorrow,




How would you like a
coffee break in the head?

I'm sorry!
I didn't mean it, Moe.

Hey, Moe.
Did I hear right?

Did he say sausages?

That's what I thought he said.

But I'm geared for
kippers. He hasn't...

Okay, so we broke
a 100 year old tradition.

Back to the scullery.
There ought to be a law.

And as for you, porcupine,

you have about 52
seconds to get your hat

and get
Mr. Fogg to his club.

Now lean on it!

His great grandfather didn't use sausages,
you know.

Come on, get going.

Kippers take
11 minutes to broil.

Sausages take four minutes more.

Four goes into 12... 20...

It can't be done!




I'm sorry, Moe,
but the door swung

and all the dishes are broke.

Well, don't
distress yourself, lad.

You didn't break everything.

I didn't?
Here's one you missed.


Now, dignify yourself
and put that hat back on.

Moe. That hurt me more than it did you.

Right on time, sir.

I'll expect you
at 5:18 as usual.

Yes, sir.

Good morning, Mr. Fogg.
Good morning.

Good morning,
Phileas. Chap here's been asking for you,

and, I might add,
raising quite a ruckus.

Oh? Who might
this chap be?

He's a stranger. He's not one of our sort,

You know, trumpeting
around here like a bull elephant.

He says he just
arrived from Melbourne.


Uh, Mr. Fogg, sir.

You wished to see me?

I did!

All my life,
I've looked forward to the day when I might

square accounts with
the heir of that rascal

who cheated
my great grandfather!


Who are you to come in
here and talk to me like this?

Randolph Stuart III,

great grandson of that
distinguished barrister,

a former member
of this very club.

Oh, one of the clique who
bet against Phileas Fogg.


and as a man of honor,

my great grandfather had no
choice but to do away with himself

when Fogg's base
trickery wiped him out!


My great great grandfather
won fairly and squarely!

Hear! Hear!

MAN: Hear!

Come, come, Mr. Fogg.

When he used his wealth

to bribe steamship
captains and port officials?

He'd have failed miserably if
it hadn't been for his money!

I disagree, sir!

He could have gone around the
world without spending a farthing.

He'd have done it on
his wits, if necessary.

Yes, but he didn't,
Mr. Fogg,

and I say you couldn't, either!

If I set my mind to it,
sir, I say I could!

A cheap and arrogant boast, sir,

or would you be willing to
back it up as your ancestor did,

by wagering £20,000?

Around the world without
money? Ridiculous!

Impossible! Don't get
involved with this man!

It can't be done,
Phileas. Forget it.

Well, Mr. Fogg?

You have a bet, sir.

£20,000, I can go around the
world without spending a farthing!


I'll draw up an agreement and meet
you at the Regent Street Bank to sign it

at 10:30 sharp
tomorrow morning.

I'll be there.

10:30, sharp.


I say, Phileas,
you feeling quite all right?

I say, old man, surely,
you can't be serious?

I've never been
more serious in my life.

Well, I tricked him into it.

The fool agreed!

Oh, he did, he did?

Oh, I've got to hand it to you,
Mr. Cavendish.

It's all going to
work out beautiful.

provided that currency shipment

arrives at the bank precisely
at the time you told me.

Oh, it will.
It will.

I've checked it all week.

It arrives at exactly
10:37 every day.


I say, Phileas, that
was terribly rash of you.

Even your intrepid
great great grandfather

would have turned down
a bet as ridiculous as that.

Going around the world without
spending a ruddy farthing?

"Fogg's Folly," I call it.

Pretty good, what?

If you're all so sure
I'm going to fail,

I'd be happy to accommodate
you with a few side bets.

£5,000. Make that 10,
if you like.

Uh, put me in for five.

I'll take five of that.


According to this
agreement, Mr. Fogg,

if you depart today, March 5th,

you must be back at the
Reformers Club in 80 days.

Entirely correct, sir.

Will you kindly sign all three
copies of the agreement?

Good morning,
Mr. Willoughby!

Here's today's
currency shipment.

Now, remember, Mr. Fogg...

(CLEARS THROAT) Excuse me.

You're not only prohibited from
buying any sort of transportation,

a steamer, train, plane, etc.,

but also from doing
any sort of work

to pay for your passage.

I'm fully aware of that,
sir. You have my word.

My £20,000
for Mr. Stuart

in the event I lose.
Oh, and...

Oh! Excuse me.


And, uh, mine

for Mr. Fogg in the
unlikely event I lose.

Very well, gentlemen.

I should say our
business is concluded.

I'll deposit these
with our chief clerk.

Good luck and all that
sort of thing, Mr. Fogg.

Thank you, sir.

Well, I'm off to
Brighton for the weekend.

Thank you.

Oh, Mr. Fogg,
would you mind?

Just until I get this safely
tucked away in my wallet.

Uh, excuse me for a moment,

that teller could help me.

Join you in half a minute.

That gentleman with
the bag over there

was asking directions
to Piccadilly Circus.

I'm a stranger here myself.

It's just two blocks south,
sir, a five minute stroll.

Oh, well, thank you kindly.

Not at all.


Thanks so much, Mr. Fogg,

and in parting,
may I wish you bon voyage?

In like spirit, Mr. Stuart,
my best wishes to you.

Thank you.

Home as fast as you can make it,

I've got to be on my way.

Yes, sir.

Full throttle, Filch!

(EXCLAIMS) Good heavens!

Shredded wheat!

Oh, no!


It'll work.

Shh! Let me
do the talking.

Ah. Here's my wallet,
credit cards, everything.

No good to me on this trip.

I can't understand what's
detaining Larry with my bag.



There he is, sir.

Why, you imbecile, you.

Out of my way.

Surprise me sometime.

Do something right!

What is all this? I gave
orders I wanted to travel light.

Well, you see, sir...

A truck apiece for the four of us,

You see,
we've decided we have to go along.

You decided?

Who's going to lay out
your day togs for daywear?

And your night togs
for nightmares?

And most important,
who's going to serve you tea every day

the way you want it?

Brewed six minutes
and five seconds,

with just a dash of lemon, hmm?

By Jove, that is important.

Besides, didn't we hear you say

that you had to figure out a way

to get from here to Istanbul

without purchasing a ticket
or working your way over?

Of course, but...

Ah, then leave everything to us.

you're dealing with born chiselers.

Why, I suppose... Oh,
you won't regret it, sir.

Well, we'd better get started.

I'll lock up. The rest of you,
take care of the luggage.


boy! We're going around the world

on our wits.

With your wits,
you won't get past the front door.

Come on, bend over.

You, give me a hand.

Right here.


easy there. Easy there now.

Steady now.

MOE: Easy does it.

Easy for who?


Where are you?
Here I am.

MOE: Get on
the other side.

Easy, now.
There we go.

All right, now.

Easy, Moe, easy.

imbecile! Give me a hand. Okay.

Here we go.
Easy now. Easy.

MOE: Hold steady, now.


Give it to me.

There we are.

Steady now, kid.
Easy. Steady.

Diagonally. Lead him out
while I get my umbrella.


Go ahead now.

Come on, follow me.

Come on this way.

Come on.


Oh, boy!

Hey, Larry, something's missing.



Get this off my head.

All right.

Easy, Moe.

Sorry, Moe.
Sorry. Low bridge.

Pardon me?
Low mentality!


Come here, you!
Come here.

Easy, easy, easy.

What are you trying to
do, knock my brains out?

Don't you know me?
Don't I belong with you?

What's the matter with you?

It was an accident!

They didn't build
the house right.

I'm positive, Inspector,
he's the one.

Left the bank with the satchel
and carried it right to the street.

Mr. Fogg was sitting
next to me,

right where I placed the money.


Yes, Cruikshanks?

The men went out to Twickenham as ordered,

Found the house locked up
and completely deserted.

Looks like our pigeon
flew the coop.

Yes. Thank you.

Mr. Willoughby, I'm very much afraid
that you're the victim of a shrewd plot

inspired by the original
around-the-world trip

of the first Phileas Fogg,

but whereas that gentleman was
unjustly accused of bank robbery,

his great great grandson
appears to have pulled the job off,

inventing these ridiculous bets to
cover up his flight with the money.

Cruikshanks, send out an
all-points bulletin for Phileas Fogg.

Warn all outgoing ships,
trains, and planes.

35, 40, 45.

£50,000 of spanking
new banknotes.

Ruddy good, I'd say,
for an afternoon's work.

Plus the £20,000

that I'm going to
win from Phileas Fogg!

His check isn't rubber,
like mine.

Well, what if he
gets back in 80 days?

He won't!
I'll take care of Mr. Fogg.

Hey, fellas, wait for me!

All clear, Mr. Fogg.

Let's see. We've been underway
11 hours and 32 minutes.

I calculate our speed
at 16 1/2 knots per hour,

so we must be about
184 miles out of London.


Do you nitwits
know it's 7:45?

We'd better get
going or we'll be late

serving Mr. Fogg
his breakfast.

Oh, I say. Let's forgo our
schedule for the duration.

Oh, no,
I'd rather we wouldn't, sir.

You see,
we need it for our morale.

Hear! Hear!
And a pip-pip!

I wonder where the kitchen is.

That's galley, lamebrain!

Galley, schmalley.
What's the difference

if we don't know where it is?

What are you sniffing?

(SNIFFING) Ham and
eggs. Sunny side up!

We'll be right back,
Mr. Fogg.

Hey, buttonhead,

did you say you
smelled ham and eggs?

In butter.



Come on.

Your paper, sir.

Try to get some dessert.


What are you waiting
for? Snag the pie.







Stop your pushing!

You ain't got nothing to worry about,

I told those roughnecks
who you are,

and when the captain finds
out that you're Phileas Fogg III,

you'll get the red-carpet treatment
and an apology! Your troubles are over.

"Inspector Crotchet,
Scotland Yard.

"Phileas Fogg,

"reported wanted by
Scotland Yard for bank robbery,

"seized aboard this ship.

"Turning over to
authorities at Istanbul.

"J.T. Singleton,
Captain, Star of Turkey."


Yes, sir?

Get me a seat aboard
the first plane for Istanbul.

Right away, sir.

MAN ON RADIO: will address
Parliament on the 23rd of next month.

A bulletin.

The BBC has just learned that the fugitive,
Phileas Fogg,

wanted for robbing the
Regent Street Bank of £50,000,

has been seized aboard the SS
Star of Turkey bound for Istanbul

and will be turned over to
authorities pending extradition.

Now the derby results
from Upson Downs...


Now he'll spill
his insides, he will.

It'll be the word of a
gentleman against two rascals.

Even a gentleman
can't talk if he's dead.


Oh, I get you.

We do what the chap in that
there book should have done.



we're off for exotic Istanbul.

While our comfort has left
something to be desired, chaps,

at least we've arrived in
Istanbul right on schedule.

That's very good.

All ashore, gentleman.

You're free.

(LAUGHS) But you
won't be for long.

What are you getting at, zombie?

You'll find out,
won't they, Harry?

I'll say.

and you'll be glad to be back here again

once you see the inside
of one of them Turkish jails!

Turkish jail!
On what charges?

As if you didn't know!

Righto, come on,
you blokes, out of it.

Look lively now.
Get that door open.

Get them out.
Quick as you can...


Good work, Mr. Fogg.

Let the blighter have it.


Now let me have the billy club

and I'll get
another one for you.


Come on.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Let's go for the hold.

Come on.

Mr. Cavendish, look!

Inspector Crotchet of the Yard.

Careful, Filch.

Over here.

Hold it!

You have to be so rough?


Coast is clear.

Larry, Joe?
You all right?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Oh, fine! Just great.

Mr. Fogg,
are you all right, sir?

Top hole!


Come quick!

"Maharajah of Karengore.
Calcutta, India."




It's a good thing you
don't carry a briefcase.

Chaps, this is our 22nd day,

and we're a good two
days ahead of our timetable,

thanks to Joe's marvelous
idea of traveling C.O.D.

Yeah, but suppose the
Maharajah don't pay the freight?

Then they'll send us
back where we came from.

Oh, I'm not worried, Moe.

Remember, he was
host to my family

on all their
tiger-hunting trips.

It's 40 minutes past
Mr. Fogg's breakfast.

Now, we'll man our posts,

but first, shut that door

so Mr. Fogg
doesn't catch cold.

Right? Places.
Carry on.

Come on, Nanny. Mr. Fogg won't
drink his coffee without cream.

Hey, I'd like to have two eggs
for Mr. Fogg. We're late now.

Eggs, hey. Come on.

Eggs! Two!

Coffee's ready.
Come on with the cream.


Hold it! Thanks.

We're late! Hey, Moe.
I can't get no...

What are you doing?


Sorry, Mr. Fogg,
we had difficulty with your breakfast.

Well, we got you coffee anyhow.

Yeah, coffee.


What was that?


Hey, the brakeman.

The brakeman!

Let go of me!

Let go!

Let go!
Let go of me!

Let go!

A damsel in distress!

Come on, let's go.

Now, see here, you chaps!

Good work, Mr. Fogg.



Let me introduce


Moe and Larry.

And I'm Phileas Fogg III of
Twickenham on Thames, England.

Well, I'm Amelia Carter of Council Bluffs,

What were you doing
with those characters?

Well, I was with
a tour doing India.

In Janupur this morning,

I hired those two men as guides.

Well, one look at them,
and you could tell right away

that all they do is guide
you right into trouble.

I no sooner got into their car,

than they grabbed my purse,

and I realized
I was being kidnapped.

They wouldn't believe the truth.

They thought I was an heiress,
like all American girls.

Well, we'll take you

to the very first American
consul we can find,

or perhaps the Maharajah
would be willing to help.

The Maharajah?

Quite! Our host,
if all goes well,

and I'm sure he'd be delighted

to offer you his protection.

He would?

Oh dear! And me
a sight to behold.

No comb, no lipstick,
not even a mirror.

Oh, I wouldn't
say that. Here.

Oh, thank you.

Now, you see,

here's Calcutta, here,

and here's
the Maharajah's palace,

just across the Karengore River,

about 25 miles out of town.

owing to monsoons at this time of year,

we may have trouble
getting across this bridge.

Could be completely underwater.

Well, don't worry.

We'll cross that bridge
when we come to it.

Pardon me. May
I have the mirror?

Oh, certainly.
Thank you.

You know,
a sharp crack deserves a sharp answer.


Why, I ought to...

Will you cut it out? What's
the matter? You crazy?

You want to give her
a bad impression?


Easy, easy.

Careful, careful.

It may contain
something fragile.

Now, come.
Open them.


Well, Kandu,

my subjects seem to be sending
their birthday gifts early this year.

And it's my guess,
extremely valuable, Your Highness,

well worth the 5,000 rupees
we paid for the shipping charges.


Kandu, look!


Oh, my!
Hello, Ra-ha...


What's the matter?

What in the name of the
sacred apes of Kashmir is this?

Permit us to introduce
ourselves, Your Highness.

Miss Amelia Carter
of Council Bluffs, Iowa,

and I am Phileas Fogg III,

whose family has long enjoyed

the gracious hospitality
of this palace.

Phileas Fogg?
That's right, Maha.

We work for him.

My uncle Gus had a lodge uniform

that looked exactly like yours.

The Loyal Order
of the Timberwolves.


I happen to listen faithfully to the BBC,
Mr. Fogg.

And I know all about you.

Wanted in every
country on earth.


(SCOFFS) For what,
if you'd be good enough to explain?

Come, come, Mr. Fogg. You
know the reason as well as I do.

5,000 rupees.

Take them away. Hold on,
Your Highness.

Look, I have no idea
what this is all about,

but in any event,
this young lady is not involved,

and I insist

that she be freed immediately.

Very well, Mr. Fogg.

I shall accept your word.

Take her to the women's
quarters and see that she is...

Shall we say,
made more presentable.

And lock up the others.

Wait! Wait!

I've got friends in Parliament.

All right, take it easy.

We didn't do nothing, fellas.

What you doing?

You know, we prefer
the penthouse.

I hope you have the good sense

not to cause any trouble,

like the snake charmer did

who was in here before you.

Yeah? What kind of phony
rap did you pin on him?

Charming cobras
without a license.


In you go!

Can't we talk?
Don't shove!

Can't we talk it over?

Look, fellas, we're a...

MOE: We protest, buddy boy!

You better change
the linen here.

Yeah. Linen?

Linens in this place?

Well, I meant the straw.

Look at that stuff.

Hey, fellas,

there's a snake in there.


ALL: Snake!

Come on, come on.
Let us out!

Help! Change this room!

Excuse me, Your Highness.

The police are here
from Calcutta

with a warrant
for Mr. Fogg's arrest.


I gave no orders
to notify the police.

Oh, they say they've
been trailing him for days.

Oh. Oh, I see.

Well, send them in.

Remember, Filch,
I'll do the talking.

Your Highness.

Welcome, gentleman.

We should like
to take Mr. Fogg

to Calcutta immediately,
if it please Your Highness.

I have all necessary papers.

There is no need.
You may have him.

But you must be weary
after your long journey.

You need food and rest.

Oh, thank you, Your Highness,

but the British authorities

are anxious
to speed extradition.

They can wait a day longer.

My good friend,
the Commissioner of Police,

would consider it
a personal affront

if I permitted you
to leave without,

without enjoying my hospitality.


He don't like my music.

He's not supposed to like it.

He's got to hate it.

Then he comes out, sees you,

goes out of his mind,

while he's out, I clobber him.

Now go ahead and play.

I played everything I know.

Well, Larry, don't
play that Weasel song,

because when I hear that,
you know, something pops!

Don't play it.

It's coming up next.
Larry, no.


Larry, don't play...

Larry, don't play it.





Hey, hey. Curly-Joe.

Did you hurt yourself?

I didn't do myself any good.

Why did you have
to play that song?

All right, take it easy.

At least he got us
out of that snake pit.

Now's our chance! Let's find
Miss Carter and get out of here.

What'll I do with this?

Keep it.
We may need it.

Now relax, please.

Now I tell you what we do...


watch your manners.

Whatever happened
to Miss Carter?

I sent word she was
to join me for dinner.

I suppose the usual feminine tardiness,
Your Highness.

she'll be along at any moment now.

I've arranged for some
entertainment for you, while we wait.


There! I'm sure His
Highness will be pleased.

How do you do?
Me Visiting Poopendyke,

official guest of the
Maharajah for moose-hunting.

Tiger-hunting, yes.

Maharajah of Musclebean. Yes.

We are official bodyguards
also double as man Friday.

And Saturday.

We bring a new
bride for your master.

She, the sister of Gunga Din.

Me, Ginga Din!

I take Miss Carter,
you take Ginga.

You know, the old switcheroo.


(SHOOING) Out, out!

Go! Go!
Beat it. Beat it!


Where in the world
did you get these...

We haven't got time
now. We'll explain later.

As a matter of fact,
we should be on our way to Tokyo!

Yes, let's get out of here
before we get in more trouble.

We'll sneak out
under cover of the music.

Hey, Moe,
are you sure you know where you're going?

Excuse me, Your Highness.

Will you let me go?

I'm sorry.

the matter with you?

Look, I'll tell you what you do.

When you get to the...

Guards! Guards!

Okay, easy now, fella.

We didn't do anything.



What's all this?

What's the matter with you,
you clumsy ox?

I'm sorry, Moe.
I didn't...


Why, Miss Carter!

You look positively ravishing.

Take your mistress to the table!

I'll handle this.

Well, gentlemen,

I don't believe
I've had the honor.

Highness, we're a new act.

This is Maharajah Musclebeanie.

He is the greatest sharpshooter
this side of Chicago.

Oh, I see,

one of Kandu's
surprises, apparently.

Ah, I wouldn't be surprised.

Very well, then.
Entertain us.

Thank you.

What, what?

Hey, wait, wait!
I've got an idea.

Got your old plan
with the glasses?

Do you think...
Okay, stand by.

Do you think it'll work?

I hope he knows what he's doing.

Hey, maybe it will.
Who knows?

Watch your P's and Q's.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Your Highness.


Ladies and gentlemen,

there is no expense been spared

in bringing the next
attraction to this palace.

With his mental agility,
muscular control,

and keenness of eye...

I'll put the glasses on
for disguise.

MOE: this man is the
sensation of three continents.


Where is everybody?
Guide me.

He speaks very
little of our language,

so I was asked to
act as his interpreter.

I take great pleasure

in presenting for your approval,

his Royal Highness,
the Maharajah of Sallibad.



How do you do?

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, that was a good spill.

Thanks, mister.

Here's the chair here, Rajah.



Now, the Rajah
never on any occasion

uses a helper,
assistant or confederate,

but for this particular
group of tricks,

we'd like to have a young man...

Here I am.

That's a young man!

What does the Rajah do?

We shall see.




you do?




Oh, boy!

The Rajah says

he's an expert pistol shot,
marksman and sharpshooter,

that he has spent the
better part of his life

as Chief Pistol Instructor
in the Musselyeben Junior FBI.

His pistol record?

(MUMBLES) ...shots
out of a possible 300.

That's without bullets.

Shut up!

What will be his first trick?

We shall see.





You've got a trick,
for goodness sakes?


With the rayseenos.


That rayseenos,
you going to hit it?

That rayseenos,
I'm going to smash it.

Oh, boy!

The Rajah says that he will,
without the aid of a telescope,

shoot a raisin from the top
of this gentleman's head.

Wait a minute. Wait
a minute. Hold it.

Shoot what raisin from
which gentleman's head?

Oh, pardon me for
calling you a gentleman.

That's better. Get down
here or I'll crash you.


California seedless.

Get a pistola.

Hmm? Pistol?
Oh, yes, pistola.


No pistola.

No pistola?
No pistola.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Rajah
states that he has misplaced his pistol,

we will have to skip this trick entirely,

don't you see?

Here, use mine.

Oh, thank you.


Rajah! Pistola.

Pistola, where?

Oh, pistola!

Bluff it.



My pistol, please.

What will the
Rajah's next trick be?

We shall see.




If you've got a trick,
for goodness sakes, do something.


with knives.

Oh, my goodness!

The Rajah says that,
at this time,

he will throw
the razor-edged daggers

at random.

Get him up here!

Hey, Randy.
Come on.

Pardon me,
Mr. Random.

You don't think I'm going
to let that blind bat throw

knives at me, do you?

Blind bat?

Why, he can see better than you can,
and I can prove it.

You'd better prove it.



What is this?

Half a dollar.

You're right. I
thought it was a dime.

Get back to the wall.

Oh! Moe! Moe!

Make him take the
glasses off. He'll kill me.

Oh, come on.

Will you do
as you're told, once?



Please, please.

Knifies. Knifies.

Knifies! Knifies!

Knifies. Knifies.
Oh, knifies!

This a-way.

Moe! Moe!
Stop it!



Missed that.
Missed that? Impossible!

Missed it?
What is he aiming at?

You'll find out.

Rajah, knifies.

Knifies, knifies.

Oh... Double-decks.

Pitch it!
Pitch it. Pitch it.



Getting close.


Keep yourself busy.

Busy? Oh.

Hey, busboy.

Back in your cage!

Boy, are you guys ugly.

Go ahead.

Knife... Knife... Knifies!

Now, for
the piece de resistance,

the Rajah will attempt to throw
three blades with one hand,

and in order to
make this more difficult,

he will twist himself
in complete circles

till he becomes more dizzy.

This way!


Pitch it!


Seize the imposters!

Everybody, scram!

Oh, let me go.

Larry, play a tune!

Go ahead! Come on!

Leave me alone!
Leave me alone! Help!

You going to hit a man
with glasses? Yeah.

Go ahead.
Play, Larry!


Throw me somebody
else. Throw it to me.

How was that? Why didn't
you play in a higher key?

Come on, come on!

Come on, Mr. Fogg.
Let's go, Miss Carter!

Here, off one more, ducks!


Get that point, too?

After them, Filch!

After them!

You imbecile, give it the gun!


That's the horn.
The gun! The gun!

Let me see your license.

Who's got a license?
I've got...

Why, you nitwit!

Turn it around and get it going.

Get out of here!

Bone dry.

Wait a minute.

I'll fix it.

Here, here, here.

Where do you think
you're going with that?

I'm going back for gas.

The only gas you'll
get is on your stomach.

Oh! That's my stomach?

I'm sorry, Miss Carter,

we seem to be farther away than
ever from your American consul.

do you have any idea at all where we are?

In this area here, somewhere.

But whether we're on the Indian
or the Chinese side of the border

is anybody's guess.

Just like picking
a bird off in the bush.

Too bad, old boy,
you made a splendid try.

Mr. Cavendish.

You. Come with us.

Make any trouble, you die!

This is an outrage!

I'm a British subject and
this young lady's an American.

In Indian clothes?

You spy!
You all spies!


You tell your soldiers
to release us!

We not soldiers, we technicians!

I've heard that
someplace before.

You've got us
all wrong, I tell you.

We're merely seeing the country,

on a trip around the world.

You take me for fool.

They're as good as dead,
the whole lot of them.

Aye, and we'd have
been dead, too,

if we'd been caught here in China
dressed like blooming Indians.

Come on.

You go Shanghai headquarters.

And confess.

Confess? He's a
member of Parliament.

And furthermore,
we're three of Colonel Fogg's men.

Tell them, Curly-Joe!

Look here, you...

"Steep grades, bumpy roads,

"all the way from India
to the China border."

You spies!

Mapping invasion route to China.

I have all the evidence
I need right here.

But that's not true, I tell you.

That's just my log book.

We're on a trip
around the world!


If you no talk,

your friends will, I betcha.



Wash brain till
whole head shrink!

You sign now, huh?

Expert wash brains?

Sorry, General.

With these boys
no brainy to washy.

We turny tables
on headshrinkers.







That's number 21. We don't do that anymore,

We do number 47, like this.

No! No! No!

Get rid of them! China
in enough trouble already!



It could be worse.

At least they provided
our transportation

all the way from
India to the China Sea.

If a wind comes up,
we'll be in Tokyo Bay in no time.

I hope we make it soon.

All we have to eat
here is fortune cookies.

Oh, hey, give me
a fortune cookie.

All right, here you are.

I want to see my fortune.

What a coincidence!


It says,
"You're going on a long trip!"

Oh, yeah?
Well, you are.

Moe! Curly! Phileas!

What's the matter?


The terms of my wager
prohibit me from cabling

for funds for myself,
Miss Carter.

However, there's
no reason why we can't

arrange for you to return
to Iowa immediately.

Well, I'm sorry you feel this way,
Mr. Fogg.

I suppose I am a drag.

Miss Carter, I say.

I was only thinking
of your comfort.

But I haven't complained once,
that I recall, have I, boys?

Not once.
You're a real trooper.

None of us want to see you go.

Which brings us to the
question still before the house.

How are we going to
get to San Francisco?

Forgive me, Miss Carter.

I only meant to say...

What I mean is...

Dash it all,
I'm jolly glad you feel that way.


What smells so scrumptious?

There must be something we
can do to earn enough for a meal.


Lovely spectators.
Your kind attention, please.

What's all the excitement?

Take pleasure in presenting
honorable Itchy Kitchy,

greatest Sumo wrestler,
in all of Japan.

And now, everyone welcome
to watch training exercise,

but please to remember

buying tickets to the next match

at the Tokyo Sports Palace,

this not being on television.

And now, the great Itchy Kitchy,

strongest man in the world.

That ain't a man.
That's a committee!



Ladies and gentlemen,

most happy to give 1,000 yen

to anybody who stay on his feet

for 60 seconds wrestling
with the great Itchy Kitchy.

Will a thousand yen buy a
square meal for the five of us?

Yes, indeed,
with something left over.


Go out there, kid.
You got him on the run.


Help! Help!
What are you doing?

Help, Moe!

Oh, I can't look
at this, Phileas.


Oh, Moe!
What are you doing? Help!

Hit it, maestro!

Who's maestro?
You, you fool!

What do you mean?

Let me have it!

Come on, play.


Oh, I say, now you can look.

Oh, yes!

Brighten the tempo, kid.


Come on, Joe!

Congratulations, champ.

Shake with the champ.
Good show, Joe!

You no fool Charlie Okuma!

He American Sumo champ.

Very clever gimmick.

Thanks, Charlie!
No hard feelings.

Uh, you manager.

Itchy lose face.

He want revenge.

How about deal they wrestling
at Tokyo Sports Palace

for World Championship?

Out of the question,
Moe. We're 10 days behind schedule now.

We've got to be in San
Francisco as soon as possible.

Oh, another manager.

I think he's smarter than me.

San Francisco draw bigger
gate. Very clever gimmick.

Supply the transportation,
you got yourself a deal.

Ah, so.
Make lots of yen.

I pay all expenses.

How about throwing
in some new duds?

That's what he means, new duds.

Hey, where's our new champ?



I hurt my widdle hand.

Ladies and gentlemen,

our feature attraction
of the evening,

the Sumo wrestling contest

for the championship
of the world.

Presenting the
champion of all Japan,

the mighty Itchy Kitchy

who shows
in the traditional ritual

what he intends to
do with his opponent.

His opponent
ain't staying, boys.

Against Mighty Joe,

the champion of
Twickenham on Thames.

Start playing that thing
as soon as we shake hands.

Get after him!
Get after him!

Don't start playing
till I tell you.

We got to make this thing
look good.

Now, remember,
no time limits and no holds barred.

You both understand the rules?

No rules.

I want a good dirty fight.

Now, shake hands
and come out gouging.



Give him an upshot.





I hope you boys know what you're doing.

Don't worry. I've got
the equalizer right here.

You trying to hurt somebody?

Larry! Larry!



Larry! Play! Play!

Give me that!

Let go!

I'm trying to find
Larry, Curly-Joe!

No, no.
Give me that.

Mommy, help!

Taking toys from a child!

You leave my Timmy alone,
you big bully.

Oh, help!





Hey, Moe! Larry!


By Jove! Bravo!

BOY: Come on, Ma. Hit him again!

WOMAN: Police! Police!

I want this man
arrested for child beating!

Hey, we'd better grab our
clothes and get out of here.

It's not so healthy around here.

After me, chaps.
Next stop, New York.

Kennedy-style hiking.
At least we're keeping fit.

Yeah, and if that knuckle-head

had beaten that big
slob fair and square,

they wouldn't have
held up his purse.

I didn't have time for training.

3,000 miles to New York

and 3,000 more
to the Reformers Club.

We'll never make it now,
not in six days.

That place has a telephone.

I'll call my solicitor

and ask him to cable us

enough funds to complete
our journey first class.

We may be through,
but at least we'll be comfortable.

Well, how can you
say we're through?

We've still got
a fighting chance.

You can't give up now,
Mr. Fogg.

You'll lose everything you own.

your great great grandfather.

He wouldn't give up.

Well, if you feel that
way about it, let's...

How do they say it in America?

Let's stay in there putting.

That's "pitching."

And if you keep on trying,
you'll always have a chance.

and we'll starve to death in the meantime.

Wait here.

I'll see if that hash house
will take Japanese yen.

He's still got yen.



What's the matter?

What's the matter? That
dispatcher's out of his mind.

He wants me to high-ball
my truck through to New York

in four days.

Four days? You'll need
wings on your rig to do it.

You're right.
Let's go eat.


Hey, fellas!

Our luck's still with us.

That truck's going through
to New York in four days.

Giving us two whole
days to get to London.

It's possible.

You lamebrains! Don't
you know there's a strict rule

against picking up hikers?

We could be stowaways,
like on the boat.

Stowaways on a truck! Get him.

By Jove, so we could.

That's what I was saying,
so we could,

by Jove. Let's take
a walk over and see.

Hey, give me a hairpin.

Like a safecracker.

Get busy there.

Oh, you'd better do it yourself.

Well, Gus,
it's about time I called the garage

and check on
that connecting rod,

and as soon as that's fixed,
I'm off to the big town.

Sure wish I was
going with you, Bill.

Got some kin in New York
I haven't seen in years,

but I got a load of furniture

that I have to
deliver in Canada.

So long.
So long, Gus.

We seem to be
making excellent time.

If we do reach
New York in four days,

my record shows it will be
the 78th day since we left,

giving us only two days to
cross the Atlantic to London.

I don't see how
we can possibly do it.

we'll think of something, Mr. Fogg.


Oh, Miss Carter,
how are you getting on?

Fine, I guess,

except when my dressing
room rolls downhill.


Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Larry who?

We thought you might like
to borrow this dinner dress.

Thank you.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Dinner will be
ready anon, Mr. Fogg.

It would be ready sooner,
only we have a slowpoke in the kitchen!


Oh, Moe, this is
really too much.

Oh, tut-tut,
Mr. Fogg.

Go to it, kid.


Dinner is served, ma'am.


Miss Carter!

Amelia, I say!

You look perfectly smashing!

Route 66.

Oh, a very wonderful year.



I just want to say that
no matter what happens,

I shall always
treasure this moment.





Nah. I must be tired.



I ain't tired.
That's coffee!


FOGG: Sir,
I demand that you release us immediately.

After all, I've promised to pay
for all the damage in the lorry.

I don't see why we should be
held in Canada another minute.

Four days directly to New York,

and here we are, thanks to you.

Oh, you don't have to thank me.

Go on.

Outside of the hardship
to everybody concerned,

the delay has been very
costly to me personally.

Midnight tonight marks the passing
of the 80th day since I left London,

which means I lose my
wager and everything I own.

Mr. Fogg,

you are not being held
because of the highway incident.

Will you come in, please?

Inspector Crotchet
of Scotland Yard.

it's a pleasure to meet a fellow...

Phileas Fogg,
I arrest you in the name of the Crown.

I warn you that anything that you
say may be taken down in writing.

I am completely at a loss.

Will someone be good enough
to tell me what this is all about?

My dear sir. You know as well as I do,
Mr. Fogg.

You are accused of robbing the
Regent Street Bank of £50,000

on the day that you left London

on this so-called
around-the-world trip.

Don't worry, Amelia.

There's not a word
of truth in it.

Oh, you'll have
your chance in court.

Inspector, Mr. Fogg is the only
one that we want to extradite.

The others can be released unless
you have any more charges against them.

No charges, Inspector.

They're free to go.
Look here!

Where Mr. Fogg goes, we go.

Mr. Fogg flies to London
at the expense of the Crown.

I have no permission
for any other guests.

Well, come along.

Speaking for the rest of the mob,

I'd say we're sorry
it turned out this way,

dodging the police
for two months,

and all that sort of thing,
eh, what?

Rather funny, eh?

You're under arrest and
we're free as the birds,

in a manner of speaking, sir.

Don't worry, old bean.

We'll hire the finest barrister
in the United Kingdom

to get you out of this,

even if it takes every last
tuppence of the bank's money.

they send you to Dartmoor,

I'll visit you
every day, I will.

And when they
spring you, duckie,

we'll have enough
left to live in style,

like a blinking
duke and duchess!

Hear! Hear!
Hear! Hear!

I'll take them all.

They're as much in it as he is.

no! They're just putting on an act!


Oh, I'm sorry.


Queen's return to the city.

It was learned today
that Phileas Fogg

has been apprehended
in Ottawa, Canada,

and is expected to arrive
at London Airport tonight.

Hold it!
We'll wait here.

The Yard's sending a car.

Well, a miss is
as good as a mile,

and all that sort
of thing, Amelia.

My last chance went glimmering
at exactly midnight yesterday.

And after all
you've been through.

Oh, Phileas,
I feel so awful about it.

It's a bum rap, fellas.
He never robbed any bank.

Just in time,
Mr. Cavendish.

Yes. Sit tight, Filch.

Good evening, Inspector.

We've been ordered to
take charge of Mr. Fogg.

But I understood that Sergeant
Muddles would meet the plane.

Oh, uh, well,
he's on another case, sir.

Orders have been changed.

Well, inside with you. Don't
give me no trouble now.

Who are you, Constable,
and who changed the orders?

I distinctly understood that Sergeant
Muddles would meet the plane.

Hurry it up,
Henry. We haven't got all night.

This fellow.
Seems to me I've seen...

Now that's enough talk.
Inside with you. Quick about it.

You too, Mr. Nosy.

Now just a minute, mister.

Hey, have I flipped,

or are they the same two cops
we saw at the Maharajah's palace?

They get around
faster than we do.

I smell a rat.
Come on!

Now look here...


Hey, that Land Rover.
Come on.


Go faster, will you,
Joe, please!

Come on. Out!

Come on out!

This way. Come on!

Now inside with you.
Lively! Come on!

I think we lost them.

They must have turned left.

Lamebrain, at the next
corner, turn left.


Well, Mr. Fogg,

you gave us quite
a run for our money.


I knew there was something.

His name's not Stuart.

He's Vickers Cavendish,

one of the smartest
confidence men in England.

The smartest, if you'll
forgive me, Inspector.

You see, Mr. Fogg,

I not only win my
£20,000 bet with you,

but, Filch, get the satchel!

Right you are.

When they find you here,

it's going to look as if
Mr. Fogg resisted arrest,

aided by this young lady,

resulting in a gunfight
with Inspector Crotchet,

in which all three of you
were wiped out!

You wouldn't dare!

Wouldn't I?
Filch! Hurry up.

Let's wind it up
and get out of here.

We lost them.

Knucklehead, turn!



Next time,
watch where you're going.

Hey, they must have turned
down that street up there.

Come on,
we'll have to do it by foot and find them.

Get out!

Our £50,000 retirement fund.

And that ain't shredded wheat,


What's the matter with you?

There it is!

Come on. Come on.

Oh, we'll live
like lords, we will,

with no fear whatever from
Scotland Yard nor nobody else,

because they'll always
blame him for the bank robbery.

There they are!

Hold it!

Now you'll die, too!


MOE: The keys,
Inspector Crotchet, the keys!

Here they are!

MOE: Where's the money?

Amelia, where are you?


Come on you!
Look it, here!

I don't know how I got in these.



AMELIA: Phileas!

Get the number of that truck.




Oh, oh, dear!

CROTCHET: All right,
you people, I'll take over now.

I knew you'd get the right
ones if you kept on swinging.

Think nothing of it.

CROTCHET: Come on, you two.
Now, then...

The money!

Let's go!

What happened here?

Take this.

Joe! The hose!

Oh, the hose, yeah.

What am I supposed to do?

Hose out!
Hose out!

Kill it!
Okay, Moe boy!

Hose out! Oh, boy.


You and your ruddy books.

Help! Help!

Never mind, you lamebrain,

the fire is out!

Easy! Man the lifeboats!
Women and children first.


How we doing, Moe, huh?

You nut!

Will you cut that out!
You want to get me wet?

I'll murder you!

Here, hold that.

Come on, you two.

Hey, there they are.

Scotland Yard first,

and then I'll drop
you at Twickenham!

Right, Inspector.

Come on, Larry.
Let's go. Get going.

What are you doing?
Get out.

Inspector, we'll do the driving.

You get these rats around the
back and keep an eye on them.

Yeah, good.

Go ahead, go ahead, get moving.

Wait a minute.
Do you know how to drive?

Well, certainly,
I know how to drive.

This is a crazy, mixed-up car.

Well, I'm a crazy,
mixed-up driver.

Oh, okay, okay.

a disturbance at East Cricklewood Lane.

Repeating, Car 11,

go to East Cricklewood Lane,
a disturbance.

If you ask me,
the disturbance is in that squawk box.

Car six, a disturbance...

is the late-night weather report...

Mr. Fogg, I don't know
how to apologize to you

for all the trouble
I've caused you.

False arrest, notoriety,

and on top of everything else,

I'm responsible for you
losing a wager.

Well, don't feel too badly about it,

I have a consolation prize

that I wouldn't trade
for anything.

Phileas Fogg is back in London
in custody of Scotland Yard

to face charges of bank robbery.

This complication apparently
will end Mr. Fogg's last chance

to complete his around-the-world
trip by midnight tonight,

his deadline for reporting
at the Reform Club.

It's now exactly 11:51,

which means Fogg has only
nine minutes to reach the club,

on this, the 80th day since
his departure from London

two and a half months ago.


Mr. Fogg, he said
this is the 80th day.

By Jove, it's true!

I made the same mistake
my great great grandfather did,

never realizing that,
by continually traveling eastward,

we gained four minutes

every time we crossed
a degree of longitude.

360 degrees times
four minutes equals

1,440 minutes.

We gained 24 hours.

This is the 80th day,

and not the 81st,
as I calculated in my log book.

Oh, Phileas!
There's still time!

If we hurry. We're
still miles from the club!

It's 11:54. We have
just six minutes.

Give her the gun, Curly-Joe.


Well, gentlemen,
I scarcely think I'm premature in declaring

that our wager
with Mr. Fogg is won!

Jolly good show!

I'm glad I had 10 of that.

I'm glad I had 5, too.

So am I.


We have just three minutes.

Turn at the next corner.


Right, you knucklehead.

No, I said left.

See? Right was left.

I don't know.

Gentlemen, shall we?

Do you know,
I put this bottle aside

80 days ago to
celebrate our victory?

Two minutes.


What are you stopping for?

A red light.

If you hadn't made a wrong turn,
we'd be there already.

Oh. Turn me loose.

It's not polite when
I'm talking to interrupt.

What do you want?

The light is green.

Oh, why didn't you tell me?

Go ahead!
Green light.

Right to the top.
I'm not going to stint it.


10 seconds,
and we're still a block away.

That time left was wrong,
you beetle-brain!

Well, I... Ooh!

Seven seconds to go.


Hey, it's on the next corner.

Park and I'll dash inside.

He hasn't got time to park.

Hang on, everybody!
Here we go!


Mr. Fogg!

The winner by two seconds!


Oh, isn't that cute!

may I toast to your health?

Please do.


Don't worry about it,
Moe. It's on them.

No, no.
It's on the both of us.

Come on! What's the
matter with you guys?

Cut it out, will you?