The Three Musketeers (2011) - full transcript

After failing in a scheme to steal Leonardo Da Vinci's airship blueprints, the Musketeers are disbanded by Cardinal Richelieu leaving Athos, Porthos and Aramis on the streets of Paris. In the meantime, the young, reckless and ambitious D'Artagnan has set off from Gascony with dreams of becoming a musketeer himself, not realizing that they have been disbanded. In no time, D'Artagnan manages to offend Athos, Porthos and Aramis on different occasions and challenges them all to duels. However before the duels can take place they are attacked by guards, trying to arrest them for illegal dueling. The ex-musketeers and D'Artagnan fight off the soldiers, leading to the four men becoming a band with the motto of "All for one, and one for all". Count Richelieu is not only determined to be rid of the musketeers, but also schemes with Athos' former lover Milady to undermine the reign of King Louis and his wife. The musketeers and D'Artagnan are determined to save the royal family and France itself.

ATHOS: It is the dawn of the 17th century.

After the assassination of his father,

the young King Louis XIII
ascends to the French throne.

His once peaceful nation
is surrounded by enemies on all sides.

Within the borders of France itself,
Cardinal Richelieu, the King's advisor,

plots in secret to seize power for himself.

The inexperienced Louis
and his new bride, Queen Anne,

find themselves without a single friend.

Europe is a powder keg waiting to explode

in a war that will engulf the entire continent.

And only a few men
can prevent the coming apocalypse.



(WATER SPLASHING)

(GASPS)

(GRUNTS)

CAPTAIN: Move out!

Halt!

(COCKS GUN)

Don't.

Getting careless?

The feeling is mutual.

For future reference, "I love you"
would have been a more suitable reply.

(GASPS)

Could have just said, "Hello."

What would be the fun in that?

- How was the bishop?
- Not as good as you.



You are incorrigible.

I bet you say that to all the girls.

But, sir! Remember I am a Lady!

Let me touch your bosom.

Sir, keep your hands to yourself!

(WHISPERING) Hallowed be thy name,
thy kingdom come,

thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread,

and forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive those
who trespass against us.

Amen.

WOMAN: That's enough wine, I can assure...

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

- What?
- Key.

(GASPING)

You mean this key?

Who are you?

-I'm not a priest.
-I'm not really a lady.

I have 10 minutes.

There once was an aunt from Lorraine

With an incredible tolerance for pain

She had a nasty habit
Involving a chicken, a frog, and a rabbit

I expected more
from a man of you r reputation.

I don't suppose you have any idea
where I could find Athos and Aram is?

-Never heard of them.
-(CHUCKLES SARDONICALLY)

(BURPING)

You French spies.
You're very, very arrogant. And foolish.

And you're so...

Sexy?

It's a wonder it took me so long
to catch you.

You didn't!

I beg your pardon?

You didn't catch me.

And what exactly are you doing here?

Catching you.

(LAUGHING SCORNFULLY)

Key.

Vive la France!

ATHOS: Da Vinci's Vault.

Leonardo designed it to protect
the plans of his greatest inventions.

MILADY: Shall we?

ATHOS: Now.

Your part's done. Why don't you stay back?
We?ll meet at the rally point.

We came together,

we leave together.

(CHUCKLING)

(WHIRRING)

I'll go.

Wait, wait.

Too easy.

-Pressure plates under the floor.
-Oh!

ARAMIS: I could scale the walls.
ATHOS: Run a cable along the roof.

-ARAMIS: Could be booby-trapped, too.
-H mm.

Well? We don't have all night.

(CHUCKLING)

You're absolutely certain
there are no hidden passages?

And no secret tunnels?

Positive, sir. It's a vault.

One way in, one way out.

Excellent! I want these Musketeers dead!
I want them dead!

The guards change in two minutes,
maybe less.

Less!

What now?

-C'est la vie?
-No.

Contingency plan.

Got it.

Athos, you do know what's up there?

just hold your breath.

(MUFFLED EXPLOSION)

SOLDIER: Get out!

Hey! Get back down there! Now!

Go ahead, say it!

I love you.

(ALL LAUGHING)

I hate to ruin the mood,
but perhaps we could go elsewhere?

You know, for once I think
the padre may be right.

ATHOS: All for one.

ALL: And one for all.

So, what's next?

Back to Paris, I guess.

And then what?

Wherever they send us,
whatever France needs.

It's who we are. It's what we do.

I do love you.

I know.

Then please try and understand
that this isn't personal.

It's strictly business.

He made me a better offer.

Ah! Athos.

Buckingham.

A toxin.

In case you were wondering,
it wasn't in your drink, it was on your cup.

Inactive until it came into contact
with the liquid.

Don't worry.

It isn't fatal.

Although I suspect
a part of you wishes it was.

You take all the risk and I get the reward.

Hardly seems fair.

Well, just so you don't leave empty-handed,

a word of advice.

Trust no one, especially women.

You?ll live longer.

(CHUCKLING)

Telling him you loved him
right before you betrayed him.

I must say, that was cruel,
even by my standards.

I only took away his prize.

You took a lot more than that.

At last, the war machine.

(LAUGHS)

Look down.

It's a trick an old friend taught me.

Your adversary will not always be
as noble as you.

Remember that,

and I have nothing left to teach you.

I doubt that, Father.

Keep it.

It's passed down from generation
to generation, from father to son.

It's yours now.

The weapon of a Musketeer.

The real weapon of a Musketeer

is here.

All for one.

And one for all.

You remind me of somebody.

Let me guess. You.

No, no.
The man I wish I was when I was your age.

Well, you should really be on your way.

Take this purse. There's 15 crowns in it.
It's enough to get you to Paris.

And you?ll need a mount.
Your mother's insisting you take Buttercup.

-I know it's not much, and...
-It's plenty.

Take care of yourself, my son.
Try not to get into any fights.

If I'm to be a Musketeer, I think
I might have to do a little bit of fighting.

Stay at the back if you can.

Yes, Mother.

-There's one more piece of advice.
-I know, I know. Don't get into any trouble.

Wrong.

Get into trouble.

Make mistakes.

Fight, Love, Live.

And remember, always,
you're a Gascon and our son.

Now go. Go.

In the name of God,
what kind of beast is that?

And the beast he's riding
doesn't look much either.

-Ostler.
-Sir?

-Please see that my horse is watered and fed.
-Oh!

It's a horse, is it?

My friends here thought it was a cow.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Excuse me.

See, I know you men
are just kidding around.

Buttercup,

well, she gets a little sensitive.

I'm afraid I must ask you to apologize.

Well, I'm afraid I'm not in the habit
of apologizing to Gascon yokels.

Not to me.

To my horse.

(BUTTERCUP SNORTING)

You've hurt her feelings.

And if I don't?

I shall have to kill you.

(CHUCKLING)

You shot me!

Most observant of you, young man.

But the real question is,
why are you not dead?

Flesh wound.

Sight must be off.
Who takes care of my pistols?

Captain Rochefort, I...

(GRUNTS)

Whoa, whoa, steady.

Wouldn?t want to dirty my blade
with peasant blood.

(GROANING)

So, boy,

consider this a lesson.

Your last.

MILADY: No.

He's too pretty for that.

As you wish, Milady.

Rochefort, come.

We're expected in Paris.

D'ARTAGNAN: Thank you.

(GROANS)

ROCHEFORT: Make way!

I think you've had enough.

Where's my tankard?

D'ARTAGNAN: Excuse me!

You think you're better than me?

No.

MAN: Watch yourself, boy!

All for one.

Excuse me!

-Sorry! I'm sorry!
-Are you blind?

Look, I'm chasing after a man
who insulted my horse

and tried to kill me, so let me go!

That's not good enough.
You spilled my drink and ruined my shirt.

I'm in a hurry.

(GROANS)

-Here.
-10 sous?

-Who do you think you're talking to?
-The town drunk, from the smell of you.

Now that, my boy, is fighting talk.

-What are you saying exactly?
-Blind and deaf.

Fortunately for you,
I'm somewhat of a doctor.

Great! When can you fit me in?

12:00, Cooper's Yard, St. Germain.

I'll be there.

Excuse me!

I just can't decide.

Well, if I might point out,
this does make you look very dignified,

whereas the blue one
brings out your dashing side.

Equally important.

Dignified. Dashing.

In the words of King Solomon, I'll take both!

A most excellent choice, sir.

(SNAPPING FINGERS)

Darling, you spoil me.

I don't know how I shall ever repay you.

-Watch yourself!
-My apologies.

Matter of life and death. Won't happen
again. Believe you dropped this.

This isn't mine.

I saw the lady hand this to you,
I'm not blind.

Are you implying that
I take money from this woman?

Are you saying that I cannot afford to pay
for my own wardrobe?

Do you know who I am?

Do you know who I am?

No!

Then we're even.

You're in luck, boy.

Ordinarily, I would slaughter you
on the spot, but this is a brand-new jacket.

Cooper's Yard, St. Germain, 1:00.

I suggest you dress for a funeral!

What?

-Lottery!
-There you go.

Lottery ticket, sir? Might be your lucky day!

What the hell?

5 francs?

Hey! Hey!

What is this?

It's a citation.

It's a ticket.

Failure to remove animal bowel movements
from public area.

French.

Your horse took a dump on the street.

You're joking.

That's what they all say.

You know what?

Cooper's Yard, St. Germain, 2:00.

Strange boy.

CASTELLAN: Milady de Winter!

Close game, Your Eminence.

-Hmm.
-Who's the opponent?

Myself. No one else proved to be
a sufficient challenge.

(GASPS)

Hmm.

What news of England?

He's coming.

-Buckingham?
-Hmm.

And...

And?

He built it.

The war machine.

And he doesn't question your loyalty.

He thinks he's so cunning.

So evil.

Evil is just a point of view.

Ah!

Richelieu.

Is this lady the emissary from England?

Your Majesty is exceptionally alert.

So, madam,

what of Buckingham?

Majesty?

Well, what's he wearing these days?

Green, Your Majesty.

-Green?
-Hmm.

LOUIS XIII: Very interesting.

And you had the gall to recommend blue?

Of course it should be green.

Why am I surrounded
by incompetent idiots?

Green, green, green!

Do I have to do everything myself?

(CLOCK BELL STRIKING)

D'ARTAGNAN: Ah!

There you are. Shall we get to it?

ATHOS: So, are you eager
to meet your maker?

I have other appointments.

You?ll miss them, I'm afraid.

Well, I'll try my best to be on time.

My seconds.

You!

You're fighting this rascal?

My appointments.

1:00. 2:00.

How long have you been in Paris?

-Arrived this morning.
-You have been busy.

Patience is not one of my virtues.

Well, neither are good manners.

Wait for your turn, old man.

(LAUGHS SCORNFULLY)

What would you like me to put
on your headstone? "Little Shit"?

D'Artagnan.

D'Artagnan.

I'm Athos.

This is Porthos and Aramis.

The Three Musketeers.

I've heard of you.

From my father, a Musketeer himself.

In fact, I came to Paris to be one of you.

I'm afraid you're a little late.

What happened?

Oh, a bad mission. Budget cuts.

Cardinal, progress.

Take your pick.

(SIGHING)

Well, then, welcome to Paris.

Pity we?ll have to kill you.

Well, if I can't become a Musketeer,
I might as well fight one.

Or three.

(LAUGHING) Kill him already.
It's lunchtime and I'm starving.

Halt!

(GROANS)

Jussac.

Well, well, well. How the mighty have fallen.

Dueling in defiance of the edicts?

You got tired of rolling peddlers
for spare change?

-Now...
-GUARD: Seal the square!

JUSSAC: Surrender your weapons
and come along with us.

GUARD: Seal it off!

Unless, of course, you would rather resist.

PORTHOS: New plan.

Kill the boy, kick their asses,
and then go get some lunch.

I could do with some exercise.

GUARD: Seal it off, boys!

You were saying?

On the other hand,
discretion is the better part of valor.

You're the Musketeers.

Wrong.

We were the Musketeers.
Now we're just... us.

ATHOS: Rochefort.

(CROWD CHEERING)

(CROWD CHEERS)

(CHUCKLING)

ARAMIS: Shall we?

Finish them off.

Let's even the odds.

Enjoying the show?

-JUSSAC: You!
-Watch out!

D'ARTAGNAN: You didn't
answer my question.

Are you always this cocky?

Only on Tuesdays

and whenever beautiful women are involved.

Damn you!

Can't you see
we're trying to have a conversation?

(CROWD LAUGHING)

What is your name?

Constance.

Constance. Sounds very steadfast.

A quality you seem to know little about.

-Oh, I beg to differ.
-(JUSSAC GROANING)

Deep down, I am a hopeless romantic.

Back for more?

(CROWD APPLAUDING)

(CROWD CHANTING)
Musketeers! Musketeers! Musketeers!

I'd forgotten what it feels like.

We all have.

The name is D'Artagnan.

You must come from a very small town.

How did you know?

CONSTANCE: Lines like yours
might actually work there.

This is Paris.
I suggest you stick to swordplay.

In the battle of wits, you, sir, are unarmed.

(SIGHS)

(PORTHOS CHUCKLING)

She's right, lad.

The ladies of Paris
are infinitely more complicated.

They have 1,000 ways of saying, "No,"
and only some of them mean, "Yes."

I hate to ruin the mood,
but they will be back.

And unless you wish to fight an entire army.

Elsewhere.

D'ARTAGNAN: So, now what?
Do we pick up where we left off?

ATHOS: I think there's been enough fighting
for one day.

PORTHOS: Besides, any man who's an enemy
of Rochefort is a friend of mine.

D'ARTAGNAN: Who's Rochefort?

ARAMIS: Captain of the Cardinal?s guards.

The right hand of the most powerful man
in France.

Rochefort is the most feared swordsman
in Europe.

You certainly know how to pick your fights.

Like I said, he insulted my horse.

PORTHOS: You're reckless,
arrogant, impetuous,

probably be dead by sundown,
but I like you, lad.

-Where are you staying?
-No idea.

Ah! Do you have any money?

Well, good sir,

you and your fine steed
are welcome in our humble home.

For the time being.

That goes in there.

(NEIGHING)

Come on.

What shall we drink to?

How about the King?

He's a child. Cardinal rules in all but name,
might as well drink to him.

To France.

We served it, fought for it and bled for it.
Look where it got us.

Friendship? Love?

(EXHALES) Word of advice, boy. Trust no one.

Must be something you still believe in.

This.

This.

And this.

Anyone who tells you otherwise is either
a fool or trying to sell you something.

I know Athos may seem cold and unfriendly,
but don't let it fool you.

-Deep down...
-He really is cold and unfriendly.

What happened to him?

What happens to any man, a woman.

You know, I don't want to offend anybody,

but I thought you'd all be
a little bit more... heroic.

(PORTHOS LAUGHING)

What my esteemed colleague
was trying to say, in his own way,

is that we are obsolete.

We're warriors,
but there's no war for us to fight.

And so we drink and brawl
and quarrel with the Cardinal?s guards

and then we drink some more.

What we need is a great cause.

But there are no great causes left.

Which is why I keep telling you
it's not too late to do that priest thing again.

Beats working for the city.

Free booze at wakes and weddings.
And then there's the nuns.

You were a priest?

Until I realized being a man of God

and a man of the cloth
aren't always the same thing.

PORTHOS: And yet, he still says prayers
for those he kills.

-Old habit.
-ARAMIS: On the contrary.

The men I kill deserve to die.

But they also deserve peace.

After all, they must have believed
in something.

We all do. Even the worst of us.

I'll drink to that!

Planchet! More wine!

Planchet!

Sorry, sirs.

I'm afraid

there's none left. You've drunk the lot.

PORTHOS: What sort of answer's that?

Well, go get some more, man!

Very good, sir. It's just, I can't, sir.

We've run out of money.

-PORTHOS: Planchet, what are you?
-(SIGHS)

-Complete and utter waste of space, sir?
-And?

-As much use as a fart in a bottle, sir?
-Right.

In short, sir, a total tit, sir.
But I can't work bleeding miracles!

D'ARTAGNAN: Planchet?

Oh! (CHUCKLES)

Thank you very much, sir!

That's incredibly generous
from such a handsome, young man.

Thank you very, very much.

Will you be staying here tonight?

ARAMIS: He?ll be taking your bed, Planchet.

Right, and so I'll be sleeping...

You may take the balcony.

Outside? The balcony outside in the cold?

With birds shitting on my head all night?

Great, can I just say you...

Wine! Wine!

-ALL: Wine! Wine! Wine! Wine!
-Yes! Of course! Wine it is, sirs!

(BIRD FLUTTERING)

(GASPS)

(GROANING)

RICHELIEU: Check.

(SCOFFS) This is a ridiculous game.

Surely the King
should be the most powerful piece?

The King is the most important piece.

But he's vulnerable, he needs protection.

May I suggest you castle him?

Checkmate.

There. What do you think of that?

Your Majesty is a force of nature.

-Took you by surprise, eh?
-Yes, indeed, you did.

May we speak a little about foreign policy?

-It's not about Buckingham, is it?
-Oh, I'm afraid it is.

He's arriving in Paris tomorrow.

His master, King James, has agreed
to hear our peace proposal.

Good, good. Well, he knows better
than to mess with me, then.

There's also another matter.

A dangerous rivalry has sprung

between Your Majesty's Musketeers
and my personal guards.

Who was involved?

Athos, Porthos, Aramis.

The usual suspects.

And a young man called D'Artagnan.

I have summoned them to the palace so that
Your Majesty can punish them severely.

His Majesty, the King!

Well, well, well.

(CLEARING THROAT)

Brawling with the Cardinal?s guards.

That's very bad.

What have you got to say for yourselves?

-We...
-Humbly beg your pardon, Your Majesty.

LOUIS XIII: Yes. Yes, I should hope so, too.

So, tell me, how many
were involved in the altercation?

There were four of us against 40 of them,
Your Majesty.

Four against 40?

-And you beat them like a drum?
-(COUGHING)

And, yes, you shall have to be reprimanded,
of course,

most harshly, I'm afraid.

-You do understand that, don't you?
-We do, Your Majesty.

CASTELLAN: Her Majesty, the Queen.

LOUIS XIII: Anne.

What a... What a pleasant surprise!

My Ladies and I wanted to see
the valiant Musketeers

who stood against the Cardinal?s guards.

Four against 40?

Or was it 400?

ATHOS: Just 40, Your Majesty.

It was an off day.

(CHUCKLING)

That's my Musketeers for you.

By the time they write songs about them,
it?ll be 4, 000.

I hope you won't be too harsh with them.

After all, boys will be boys.

You must be D'Artagnan.

My lady-in-waiting has told me about
how brave and dashing you were yesterday.

But you must try not to be so reckless.

Can't help myself, Your Majesty.

-Your Majesty, the culprits.
-Ah! Yes, yes.

Well, stand up, then.

Athos.

Porthos.

Aramis.

Forgive me for saying this, D'Artagnan,
but you do look a little underdressed.

My father is a poor man, Your Majesty.

A former Musketeer as well.

These are the only clothes I have.

LOUIS XIII: Oh, Lord.
We shall have to rectify that.

Can't have my Musketeers,
or the son of one, looking like tramps.

New suits all around, I think.

Yes. You?ll see to that, Cardinal?

And, yes, I think a purse of gold for each
as a reward for your courage.

You?ll see to that as well, Cardinal.

And, yes, before I forget,

no more fighting
with His Eminence's guards.

Hmm?

Or there?ll be none of them left.

(PEOPLE CHUCKLING)

Your Majesty, might I suggest a more...

Forgive my impudence, Cardinal,

but I doubt the King
requires your advice in this matter.

After all, they are his Musketeers.

Good day, gentlemen.

LOUIS XIII: Well, now, off with you rascals.

But be there for the parade tomorrow.
New suits and all.

RICHELIEU: I tire of these royal children.

It's time to make our move.

We shall use Buckingham's arrival
to our advantage.

During his visit, we will reveal

that he arranged a secret rendezvous
with the Queen.

May I inquire how Your Eminence
has uncovered this scandalous affair?

By reading Buckingham's letters
to the Queen, found in her possession.

Written in Buckingham's hand,
then authenticated by his seal?

A woman of your talents
should have no trouble procuring either.

Hmm. Your Eminence is too kind.

However, I doubt that the King
will accept such letters

as definitive proof of his wife's indiscretion.

Then we shall provide him
with something a bit more substantial.

A piece of the Queen's jewelry
given to Buckingham as a token of affection.

Buckingham will be humiliated.

The King will be outraged.

The Queen will be executed.

France will have no choice but to go to war.

And in times like these, France will
naturally turn to a stronger leader.

Someone better equipped to rule a nation
than a cuckolded teenager with a grudge.

Hmm.

Someone like Your Eminence.

CAPTAIN: About face!

Well, where is he, then?
It's just appalling manners.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

MAN: Drop anchor!

Anchor aweigh!

Damn his impudence!

What is that thing called anyway, Richelieu?

An airship, Your Majesty.

-Why don't I have one of those?
-An oversight on our part.

Right, right. Well, build me one.

MAN: Secure the lines!

All lines secured!

Buckingham.

Blue.

Oh.

Your Majesty.

Love the outfit.

Very retro.

We were all wearing those in London,

when was it, last year or the year before?

Lord Buckingham, I trust your journey
wasn't too uncomfortable.

Not at all. No.

On the contrary.

Handles like a dream and keeps me
one step closer to heaven.

Cardinal.

Of course, being a servant of God,
you have no need for such crude devices.

(CHUCKLES)

King James is most eager
to hear your peace proposal.

-Lord Buckingham.
-Anne.

Your Majesty.

I must say your beauty is far more radiant
than I remember.

You've met before?

A long time ago.

An evening I shall cherish forever.

Right. Well, shall we?

Now this is a pleasant surprise.

Another acquaintance of yours, I see.

We've met, yes.

As I recall, last I saw you,
you were on your knees as well.

Most unfortunate habit.

It's a habit I shall have to break
during our next encounter.

I look forward to it.

In the meantime, shall we talk peace?

(SIGHING)

You must pass me the name
of your interior decorator.

Wine?

I don't drink.

What about that rather nice bottle of
Bordeaux in your middle left-hand drawer?

You must pass me the name
of your spy in the palace.

And yours in mine.

England cannot afford a war on two fronts.

Both our nations
are stretched to breaking point.

A peace treaty would be
of immense strategic advantage.

Whose advantage? Yours?

Ours.

I have a feeling my new war machines
will readdress the balance.

Very impressive.

CAPTAIN: And march!
Left, Left, Left, Right, Left!

Hold your line!

Halt!

About face!

GUARD: Stay where you are!

This is the Queen's wing.
You can't be up here.

Oh, thank goodness.

I got so lost. I took a wrong turn
and then a door slammed behind me.

I've been trapped up here, in the sun,
in this heat.

-It's going to be all right.
-Oh, I'm gonna faint.

-You're in safe hands.
-Thank you.

CAPTAIN: And march!

Halt!

You can't shoot. They?ll hear you.

Shh!

CAPTAIN: Wait for it!

(CLOCK BELL RINGING)

Left, Left!

D'ARTAGNAN: Constance! Constance!
Hey, hey, excuse me!

Pardon, Your Majesty.

This will only take a moment.

What are you doing here?

His Majesty wants a word with me.
Imagine that.

Yes, lovely. Now, excuse me.

I was...

I was thinking, after I'm finished
with His Majesty, maybe we could talk?

I can't. I have plans.

D'ARTAGNAN: What about tomorrow?

I have a lot of plans.

-Well, I...
-Look, D'Artagnan.

You may have a new set of clothes
and the King's favor,

but you still act like a clumsy country boy.

Now excuse me.

(WOMEN CHUCKLING)

CAPTAIN: And halt!

About face!

And march!

Left! Left, Right, Left!

D'ARTAGNAN: Two summons in two days.
Your Majesty honors me.

LOUIS XIII: Cut it out.
Please, think nothing of it.

You're a good fellow, D'Artagnan.

So, how are the ladies
treating you these days?

-Can't complain.
-Yes, indeed.

Well, same here, of course. Thing is...

I've got this friend.

just a regular chap, like you and me.

He got married very young.

Political alliance, arranged marriage,
you know the sort of thing.

Hardly knew the girl.

-But he likes her?
-Oh, yes.

Mmm-hmm.

Very much.

Well, does she like him?

Well, funny you should say that.
That's the problem.

He's... He's not sure.

(SIGHING)

Well, he just feels like a fool
when he's around her.

He's always saying the wrong thing.
His palms are sweating.

His heart's pumping so loud
he's afraid she might hear it.

It's torture just to look at her.

-Have you ever felt this way?
-Not until recently.

So, what do we do?
I mean, my friend. What does he do?

He should speak his heart.

Be someone who cares for her
and isn't afraid to show it.

Be himself.

Well, that's what I told him.

Well, then he's doubly lucky.

After all, he does have
Your Majesty as a friend.

Yes. Yes. It's good to have friends.

Will you excuse me just for one moment?

I don't believe it.

(CLEARING THROAT)

How are you?

Very well.

I'm wearing blue.

And you look very handsome in it.

(CHUCKLES SELF-CONSCIOUSLY)

Thank you. Yes, I...
You're looking just very lovely.

In fact, I was only just remarking
to D'Artagnan how...

How beautiful you are.

Thank you, My Lord.

(SPRAYING)

RICHELIEU: How did it go?
MILADY: Clockwork.

RICHELIEU: Good.

You'll go back to London
with Buckingham and the diamonds.

MILADY: And what should I do with them?

Put them in his personal vault,
the most secure location in all of England.

-The Tower of London.
-Yup.

When the scandal breaks,
he?ll deny everything.

But once the diamonds
are discovered in his possession...

He would have led England to war
through his indiscretion.

And what of the future of France?

I am France.

One last thing.

I suppose it's quite easy,
perhaps even tempting,

for a double agent to play both sides.

Have I given Your Eminence
any reason to doubt my loyalty?

Spare me the rhetoric.

I know who you are. I know what you are.

You have a gift for corruption
and a penchant for betrayal.

I admire such skills.

But I'll destroy you the moment I suspect

you might be using them against me.

Do we understand one another?

There

is another side to that coin.

It's quite easy for an employer
to sever all ties with his operative,

in the event that they are compromised,
leaving them to

rot in jail or on the gallows.

Your point being?

I require a guarantee
that I shall not suffer a similar fate.

An insurance policy, if you will.

-My word should suffice.
-(SCOFFS)

I'm afraid I'll need something a bit more

substantial.

(RICHELIEU'S VOICE) "It is by my order
and for the good of the State

"that the bearer of this
has done what has been done."

Satisfied?

Immensely.

Your Majesty.

Purple?

Fashion favors the bold.

Here.

Try this for size.

Oh, well.

Do give my regards to the Queen.

I will convey your diplomatic proposal
to King James immediately.

Cardinal Richelieu, a pleasure.

All mine.

Your Eminence.

LOUIS XIII: Richelieu!

Richelieu!

There has been
the most distressing development.

Certain letters,

love letters, were discovered
in the Queen's possession.

Letters from him.

Buckingham, of course! Who else?

Have you spoken to the Queen
about these letters?

No. Of course I haven't.
She?ll just deny the whole thing!

Hmm.

I can see Your Majesty's dilemma.

Is there any mention
of a specific encounter? A detail?

-A token of affection, perhaps?
-Yes.

Yes, there is.

A necklace. The one I gave her
for our anniversary. Here.

"I shall always cherish
the 12 studded diamonds you gave me,"

"the proof of our consummated love."

Does "consummated" mean
what I think it means?

Yes, I'm afraid it does.

Oh, my God!

All Your Majesty has to do is throw a ball.

What? How would that help?

It would give Your Majesty the pretext
to suggest to the Queen

that she wear your gift.

Oh, Richelieu, that's very clever.
That's very clever.

So, if she has the diamonds...

Your Majesty can rest easy.

And if she doesn't?

He wants to have a celebration ball,
five days from now.

Send my diamonds to the jeweler?s
to be polished.

I want the King's undivided attention
that evening.

I hope I am not interrupting.

Hardly, Your Majesty. To what do I owe...

I know.

Perhaps Your Majesty
would care to be a bit more specific?

I know.

Yeah.

I assume this is the part
where I'm supposed to laugh maniacally

and regale Your Majesty with the details
of some diabolical plot.

However, I regret to inform Your Majesty

that I have no idea of
what you're talking about.

I thought you'd say that.

Then why did you grace me
with the honor of your visit?

To look into your eyes when you said it.

-Your Majesty.
-(SOBBING)

All may not be lost yet.

(BANGING ON DOOR)

PLANCHET: Coming, coming!
Hold your horses!

It's not a matter of life or death, you know?

Actually, it is.

You want me to go to England,

retrieve the diamonds,
which the Queen suspects

might be in Buckingham's possession,

which will naturally involve breaking into
some heavily fortified,

highly impregnable facility?

The Tower of London.

Since the Cardinal?s spies
are trying to implicate the Duke,

it is the most logical choice.

Then return to Paris
with every soldier, assassin,

mercenary, bounty hunter,

on both sides of the Channel
out to stop me from doing so.

Did I miss anything?

All in five days.

A minor detail. Anything else?

No.

Well, I really only have one question for you.

Why in the world would I do that?

England it is.

D'ARTAGNAN: Diamonds, Buckingham,
Tower of London, five days,

Queen's reputation
and the fate of France as we know it.

Who's with me?

Well, I should imagine
the Queen would be quite generous.

Count Porthos. Hmm? What do you think?
Got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

Besides, I hear the English women
are a lot like a frosted bottle of champagne.

Ice on the outside,
but once you warm them up...

This isn't a great cause, but it?ll have to do.

Buckingham's there, so is she.

Who?

Countess de Winter.

Charlotte Backson.

Anne de Breuil. Lady Clarick.

Milady.

Milady?

I know her. I saw her with Rochefort.

PORTHOS: She's switched sides again.

She's working for the Cardinal, no doubt.

What are you going to do if you catch her?

ROCH EFORT: Musketeers, open up
and surrender by order of the Cardinal!

-You were followed.
-It's Rochefort.

Athos, Porthos, Aramis and D'Artagnan,

surrender your weapons
and no harm will come to you.

The moment they step out,

kill them.

Light the torches!

I'll count to five, then we?ll burn you out!

One!

Two!

Three!

Oh! Sorry! Didn't see you there.

-JUSSAC: Damn you!
-(LAUGHS)

JUSSAC: Fire!

RICHELIEU: Let me guess.

You've come to tell me
that the Musketeers are dead,

our plan is proceeding on schedule,

and I have absolutely, positively,
nothing to worry about.

We were taken by surprise, Your Eminence.

Somehow I was laboring
under the assumption

that the plan was for you
to take them by surprise.

-Was it not?
-Eminence...

Yes, you are quite fond of that word,
aren't you?

Sadly, repeating it
doesn't get you into my good graces.

Alert Milady. Watch the ports.

No one is to leave for England
without my official permission.

Post a bounty on their heads.

The bigger, the better.

Yes, Your Eminence.

Rochefort.

Do not fail me again.

ARAMIS: Jussac and a lot of help.
There's no way past.

How the hell did he get here so fast?

D'ARTAGNAN: Now what?
ATHOS: We need a distraction.

-I'll go.
-I'll go.

I could go.

Probably not.

Wrong.

Wrong on all counts.
You?ll need every sword where you're going.

I can't help you there, but I can help.

Right here, right now.

-If they catch you...
-They won't.

-If they catch you...
-I'm the Queen's lady-in-waiting.

You, on the other hand,
are a wanted fugitive,

and about to steal
from the most powerful man in England.

Which one of us should be worried?

Go.

Go so that you can come back.

Now give me that hat.

D'Artagnan!

Get after him!

Wait!

ATHOS: The diamonds will be
in Buckingham's personal vault,

Located in the lowest, most secure level
of the Tower, next to the crown jewels.

The lock is state of the art.

It requires a key that Buckingham
carries on his person at all times.

Corridor leading up to it is booby-trapped.

Oh, I'm glad that's straightforward.

Tempt anyone
with some bread and cheese, if you...

You hadn't finished the briefing, actually.
I'm so sorry.

Please don't tell me off.

ATHOS: Then it gets worse, a lot worse.

We have to cross three stone walls
and a moat.

And there's just a couple of hundred
highly trained soldiers

with a predilection for not being robbed.

Although, since Buckingham undoubtedly
knows we' re coming, thanks to Milady,

that number is likely to be greater.

D'ARTAGNAN: And why can't we just tell
Buckingham Milady is plotting against him?

ATHOS: Because he wouldn't believe us.
Why should he? We're his sworn enemies.

Besides, Milady would have made sure.

Athos is coming.

T ell me.

What do you suppose he's after?

What does it matter?

Whatever it is, it's merely an excuse.
He wants revenge for Venice.

He wants me.

And he wants you.

We shall have to be ready for him.

Won't we?

We can't outshoot them,
but we can outsmart them.

He?ll naturally favor
misdirection and deception.

He knows we're expecting him,
but that just ups the ante.

She knows us.

What we look like, how we move,
how we think.

He?ll divide his forces, independent teams,

each with their own point of entry
to maximize their chances.

There are four of us. So we use...

Well, there's five of us, actually, if you...

He's a skilled diver. He?ll take the aquatic
route, through the Traitor's Gate.

Aramis will undoubtedly rely
on agility and stealth.

Check every tower, every rooftop.

Porthos, on the other hand,
will employ brute strength.

One of his preferred methods
is getting captured by the opposition.

All the more reason
to take none of them alive.

One more thing.

They may try and drive a wedge between us.

Claim to have secret information

about some plot to get us
to turn against one another,

like, say, I'm a double agent
working for the Cardinal

or you're looking to get rid of me.

I assure you,
nothing could be further from the truth.

-(GASPS)
-Although,

I suppose I should

search you for concealed weapons.

That's how it's done.

And that's exactly what she?ll expect.

So we do the unexpected.

We go in broad daylight.
One man, hiding in plain sight.

With all the extra security, there?ll be
a lot of new faces, that's their weakness.

And you, D'Artagnan, you're the wild card.

We are the decoys.

Now we?ll try and create a distraction,
keep them occupied,

keep them away from you
as much as possible,

but, ultimately, it's down to you.

You wanted to be a Musketeer?

You want to serve France?

This is your chance.

COMMANDER: Left, Right, Left, Right, Left!

I thought you saw the signal!

-I saw you waving like an idiot!
-Well, that was the bloody signal!

I'm trying to see things
from your point of view,

but, unfortunately,
I can't get my head that far up my ass!

-Up your ass? I'll tell you what...
-Yes!

SERGEANT: That's enough of that!

PORTHOS: Finally, good,
at last, a peace officer!

Now listen, Sergeant,
I would like you to arrest this man!

Arrest me?

You can't arrest me!

Don't you tell me that!
I've lost my prized bantam!

-Bantams? They are rotten!
-They are not rotten!

Sir! The first of the Musketeers
has been arrested!

The game is afoot.

Bring him to me and double the guards.
Double the troops.

Double everything.

Sir!

They?ll come to us.

Well, then.

I think Your Lordship
has everything under control.

You won't mind if I don't stay
to see how it all turns out?

-Do you think I might lose?
-On the contrary.

I have no issues with you killing Athos,

but, if it's all the same to you,
I'd rather not watch him die.

Tell me, what's your favorite color?

Red.

Why?

I wanted to see
if you were capable of telling the truth.

Hmm.

As far from here as possible.

Well, well, well.

Look at what the cat dragged in.

So, how's the old Athos, eh?

Still his surly, insufferable self, I'm sure.

Sending a boy to do a man's job.

I should feel insulted.

Well, what were you after anyway, eh?

Secrets, spies, it's all a game, really.

Although the price of loss,
as you?ll come to discover,

is a little bit higher.

What?

No last words?

No insults?

-Pleas for mercy or...
-What time is it?

About 2:00, I'd say.
Why? Are you in a hurry?

Look out of the window.

They weren't the decoys. I was.

Ahhh!

(GUN FIRE CONTINUING)

(MAN SCREAMING)

Permission to come aboard?

Granted.

(COUGHING)

(GRUNTS)

(PANTS)

Athos!

The wonderful thing about fighting
an imaginary opponent, Captain Rochefort,

is that he's always greatly skilled
yet easily defeated.

Eminence.

The pride of victory without the risk of loss.

I trust you didn't come here to impress me
with your swordsmanship.

No, Your Eminence. I have some good news.

Such as?

So what about the diamonds?
Doesn't Buckingham still have them?

Nope.

Milady likes hedging her bets.

She'd never have taken the chance

we'd actually succeed
in breaking into the vault.

D'ARTAGNAN: So where are they now?

ATHOS: With the only person she trusts.

Which means we've lost her
and all this has been for nothing.

I wouldn?t say that.

You were the decoy, we were the extraction,

but the real linchpin of the plan, well,

that was someone else entirely.

Someone even Milady would never suspect.

Driver! What the hell is going on?

Just following your instructions, ma'am.
"As far away from here as possible."

(LAUGHING)

PLANCHET: Whoo-hoo!

Planchet. Never thought
I'd hear myself say this, but

well done.

Thank you, sir.

That means a lot,
especially coming from you.

Shut up, Planchet.

Yes, sir.

-Don't.
-(CLICKS)

We took the precaution
of removing the gunpowder.

What now?

You give me the diamonds
or I take them off your corpse.

Dealer?s choice.

-Anything else you'd like me to take off?
-Outside.

Boys.

Been a while.

This must be the young Gascon.

We've met before.

Ah, yes.

Small world.

I didn't let Rochefort kill you.

You do remember that, don't you?

(GUN COCKING)

-Did you kill Buckingham?
-No.

-But you will kill me?
-ATHOS: Yes.

You would spare him, but kill me?

Yes. I don't hate Buckingham.

Here.

You may find use for this.

Move.

Athos.

At least she died the way she lived,
on her own terms.

She did it for me.

I wouldn?t have been able to live
with myself had I pulled the trigger.

Come on, let's go home.

LADY: But I can't get it.

LADY 2: How marvelous!

Oh! So great!

-(CLEARING THROAT)
-Oh!

Your Majesty.

My dear.

You look troubled.

Hardly. Your Majesty just startled me.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I just wanted to drop by

and tell you how much
I was looking forward to tonight.

Should be quite spectacular, you know.
Costumes, fireworks and such.

But you,

you shall be
the most spectacular sight of all.

And especially since
you?ll wear the diamonds.

You will wear them, won't you?

Well, it's very important to me that you do.

Then I shall wear them, Your Majesty.

Until tonight, then.

She promised she?ll wear them.

You do think she?ll wear them,
don't you, Richelieu?

I'm sure she will, Your Majesty.

I'm sure she will.

(RETCHING)

I hate air travel!

(PLANCHET GROANING)

Damn!

HELMSMAN: Hard to starboard!

Well, now that we have their attention,

let's see if we can settle this
in a peaceful manner.

More or less.

Ah, Gascon!

So you've traded up
when it comes to transport.

But, once again, you're outmatched.

You can thank Milady for that.

She passed on Buckingham's plans
a long time ago.

As you can see,
we made some improvements.

(CHUCKLES)

Isn't she a beauty?

What do you want?

The diamonds.

-Come and take them.
-ROCHEFORT: Gladly!

You see, I can blast you out of the sky
with total impunity.

If you fire on me, on the other hand,

you?ll be killing
Miss Oh-so-young-and-pretty.

You have 60 seconds.

He?ll shoot us down
the moment he has the diamonds.

We can't outrun them.

And we can't fight them, damn it! We can't.

-Oh, D'Artagnan.
-What?

Do you think
you have the monopoly on loss?

What if she dies?

The life of one woman
or the future of France,

what would you do
if you were in my position?

ATHOS: I've made a lot of sacrifices,
a lot of hard choices.

For honor, for King, for country.
You wanna know what I've learned, boy?

Hard choices and sacrifices
do not keep you warm at night.

Life is too damn short and too damn long
to go through without someone at your side.

Don't end up like me.

Choose the woman.
Fight for love, D'Artagnan.

France will take care of itself.

ROCHEFORT: Time's up!

An exchange.

I go aboard your ship with the diamonds,
the girl comes aboard ours.

Once I know she's safe,

I give them to you.

Fine. But I want to see the diamonds first.

Planchet.

Cut her loose.

JUSSAC: Deploy the gangway!
HELMSMAN: Deploy the gangway!

Satisfied?

You never learn, do you?

Fire!

Hard right!

Fire!

Fire!

Good.

I really want you to see this.

Finish them off!

We can't outrun them
and we can't outgun them.

We could try asking them to surrender,
but somehow I don't think it would work.

We hide. In there.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

HELMSMAN: Fire!

GUNNER: Fire!

Lay in a pursuit course!

HELMSMAN: Lay in a pursuit course!

GUNNER: Fire!

He's persistent, I'll give him that!

GUNNER: Fire!

But, sir! We can't go into the storm!

ROCHEFORT: Anyone?

Anyone else who wants to question orders?

Good.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Sir, now might be a good time
to talk about the possibility of a raise?

Shut up, Planchet.

Yes, sir.

Where are they?

You're never gonna find them in there.

I beg to differ.

Keep after them!

I'll take the Gascon!

CREWMAN: Hard to starboard!

You know what your problem is, boy?

You read too many books,
and then you believed them.

Courage, honor.

All for one.

But history isn't written by heroes,
it's written by victors.

Keep your eyes open!

Round two.

Oh...

(WHOOPING)

CREWMAN: Return fire!

Pull up, damn it!

We're too heavy!

You scared to take me in a fair fight?

Hardly.

I just don't fight fair.

Captain Rochefort!

Captain Rochefort!

Oh, well.

(MEN SHOUTING)

Drop the ballast!

Drop everything!

And fire up the burners!

Over the side!

Drop those barrels!

Faster! Move!

Shall we?

Hold on!

Get out of the way!

Go! Run!

(MEN GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

(MEN BATTLING)

(CHUCKLES)

I still have the diamonds.
What do you propose to do about that?

Kill you.

If you insist.

(MOCKINGLY) Oh!

(CRYING OUT)

(D'ARTAGNAN GASPING)

(GRUNTING)

(CRYING OUT)

You should?ve stayed in Gascony, boy.

You should?ve apologized to my horse.

(TUNING VIOLINS)

RICHELIEU: Surround the palace!
Shoot the Musketeers on sight!

Use every man at your disposal!
Any means necessary!

-Your Eminence!
-Don't interrupt!

These men must not...

(GUARDS CRYING OUT)

(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

Arrest these men!

What is the meaning of this?

Your Majesty, these men...

Are delivering a gift for Your Majesty.
Compliments of the Cardinal.

Cardinal, you shouldn?t have.

Well, Your Majesty did ask me
to get you one of those, so...

So I did.

But what happened to it?

Buckingham's spy, Rochefort,
attempted to sabotage the craft.

-He's been dealt with.
-Rochefort?

He's Captain of your guards, isn't he?

Actually,

His Eminence was the one
who uncovered the traitor.

"It is by my order
and for the good of the State

"that the bearer of this
has done what has been done."

-That's your signature, isn't it, Richelieu?
-It would appear so, Your Majesty.

LOUIS XIII: Well, let me get this right.

You brought me an airship
and exposed a snake in our midst?

How can I ever repay you?

I could think of a few ways.

Anne.

I was just returning from the jewelers.

Well, I realize it's a little early,

but the orchestra's here and so are we.

Would Your Majesty care to dance?

I would love to.

Well, mind out, you fellows!

D'Artagnan.

Well, well, well.

Looks like you aren't the only one
who gets the girl.

Your Majesty is a natural.

Guess I am.

As a matter of fact,

I think you?ll start noticing
a few more changes around here.

Thank you.

For everything.

Any time.

LOUIS XIII: Well, strike up, then!

CONDUCTOR: Your Majesty!

Positions, please, gentlemen!

(ORCHESTRA BEGINS PLAYING)

Well-played.

(CHUCKLING)

I could use men like you.

I already have a job.

-I'm a drunk.
-I'm independently wealthy.

Thanks, but no.

The day will come
when you?ll wish you had said, "Yes."

D'ARTAGNAN: Maybe.

But not today.

Maybe not today.

Enjoying the show?

Are you always this cocky?

Only on Tuesdays

and whenever beautiful women are involved.

So you think I'm beautiful.

Actually, it's Tuesday.

(SIGHING)

ARAMIS: So, what now?
ATHOS: We drink.

PORTHOS: And then what?

Wherever they send us.
Whatever France needs.

I thought you didn't believe
in that stuff anymore.

I believe in us.

Till the day I stop believing that,

there are still things in this world
worth fighting and dying for.

All for one!

ALL: And one for all!

You know, sirs,

I know you can be mean, tough,
foul-tempered bastards,

but sometimes I get the feeling
that deep down you're all...

ALL: Shut up, Planchet!

Yeah, yeah, of course.

(ECHOING) In case you're wondering,
this isn't the afterlife.

I'm not dead,

and neither are you.

What?

How did you...

Followed Athos.

We fished you out of the Channel.

-Where are we going?
-To France, of course.

SEAMAN: Sail away!

To get back what's mine
and pay back, with interest.

SEAMAN: Roll ballast!

(SINGING) When we were young
The world seemed so old

Careless and cold

We did what we were told in our lives

When we were young

Had the world by the tail

Good would prevail
Starships would sail

And none of us would fail in this life

Not when you're young

We were drawn to whoever
Could keep us together

And bound by the heavens above

And we tried to survive

Traveling at the speed of love

Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young

When we adored the fabulous

Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young

We were the foolish fearless

Never knowing the cost of what we paid

letting someone else be strong

Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young

In a moment of grace
A long leap of faith

The still more glorious dawn awaits my life

I?m here with the lovers

And we burned the bridges
We're crossing over

Just to see the firelight

And the innocent are getting over
Being old tonight

Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young

When everything was what it seemed

Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young

And every day was how we dreamed

Never knowing the cost of what we paid

letting someone else be strong

Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young

And when you look at yourself tonight

Are you someone you recognize?

You can take back what you've given away

But it must be the last time

Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young

Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young

When we were young

Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young

We didn't know it wouldn't last

Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young