The Thief and the Cobbler (1993) - full transcript

When Tack upsets Zigzag the Vizier, the wizard drags him off to the royal castle, where Princess Yum Yum falls for the bashful boy and saves him from execution. Unfortunately, Zigzag plans to marry the princess in order to succeed her father, King Nod. The Thief, meanwhile, is more interested in gold than love and takes off with the protective orbs topping the palace. Together Tack and Yum Yum attempt to retrieve them in order to prevent Zigzag and the One-Eye army from conquering the city.

It is written among the limitless constellations of the celestial heavens

and in the depths of the emerald seas

and upon every grain of sand in the vast deserts

that the world which we see

is an outward and visible dream

of an inward and invisible reality.

Once upon a time

there was a golden city

In the center of the golden city

atop the tallest minaret

were three golden balls.

The ancients had prophesied that if the three golden balls

were ever taken away

harmony would yield to discord

and the city would fall to destruction

and death.

But the mystics had also foretold

that the city might be saved by the simplest soul

with the smallest and simplest of things.

In the city there dwelt a lowly shoemaker …

… who was known as Tack the Cobbler.

Also in the city …

existed …

a Thief …

Who shall be nameless.

Have no fear! Have no fear!

Zigzag the Grand Vizier is here!

Have no fear! Have no fear!

Zig Zag the Grand Vizier is here!

Have no fear! Have no fear!

Zig Zag the Grand Vizier is here!

Have no fear! Have no fear!

Zig Zag the Grand Vizier is here!

Have no fear! Have no fear!

Zig Zag the Grand Vizier is here!

Have no fear! Have no fear!

Zig Zag the Grand Vizier is here!

Have no fear! Have no fear!

Zig Zag the Grand Vizier is here!

Have no fear! Have no fear!

Zig Zag the Grand Vizier is here!

Have no fear! Have no fear!

Zig Zag the Grand Vizier is here!


Seize him!

Take him! Seize him! Take him!

Take him! Seize him! Take him! Seize him!

Take him into the palace!

Wake - wake - father!

Something's happening!

Oh Great King Nod - have no fear! Zigzag your Grand Vizier is here!

Oh … it's you … Zigzag …

And now - Oh Greatest of the Great! To rest you from affairs of State -

I've searched the world and brought you thence at no little effort and great expense

a plaything

from far south of Gaza, A bountiful Maiden from



Oh … Father.


Who is this?

Oh Greatest King of all the Earth! This low-born cobbler of no worth

attacked me in the square today!

shall we take his head away?

uh?.. no.. yes, Zigzag … if you really … think so …

But what has he done?

Attacked me!




You great fool!

What? What!? WHAT!? WHAT?

At the moment … Daddy …

I need a cobbler

Oh, yes, of course …

Of course … Oh Rose of the Land. Your slightest whim

is my command.

Er … Cobbler …

go with Princess Yumyum …

Open for the Royal Polo Ponies!

Open for the Royal Polo Ponies!

Open for the Royal Polo Ponies!

Open for the Royal Polo Ponies!

Open for the Royal Polo Ponies!

The nice young man is fixing your slippers, my dear?

Yes, Nanny.

Cobbler …

What's your name?

Tack? Is that your name?

… Tack.

What!? EH!?

Your bath is ready, my dear!

Where is my backscratcher?

Oh … Well … I have another.

What's happening to me?

Ew. Maybe the pipes are backed up.

Maybe something died.

Aha! You've finished Yumyum's shoe! You've done it very well!

And now she has no need of you, we'll put you in a cell!

Oh Imperial Majesty!

Yes, yes, Zigzag …

From farthest Cathay at my bidding was sent the best polo ponies of the Orient.


Very nice …

To please King Nod beloved by all

Commence the game!

In short -



Father, Father …

Do you know where my Cobbler has gone to?

What? Er, no -

isn't he with you? … Fixing your shoe?

He seems to have vanished.

Oh! What a wonderful swing,

oh King!

Yes … Oh, yes …

Eh Heh he he!



Oh, wisest of Rulers!

Happy is the Kingdom in this milk and honeyed land!

Happy are the subjects who live beneath your hand!

We rejoice at all around us as this beauteous evening falls,

safe beneath the sure protection of the Ancient Golden Balls!



One-Eyes win again!

One-Eyes! One-Eyes!

I shall gnaw the Golden City to the bone

and I shall spit it out!

No one is left alive

to warn them!

One-Eyes! One-Eyes!

The day of death has come to the Golden Land!

And I shall conquer the Golden City!

I shall trample and break them!

And not show pity!

No man escapes the Mighty One-Eye!

Sleep … Sleep …


They sleep … they sleep … they're all asleep!

But I am quite awake!

Eh, Phido?

I rise above the human heap!

The world is mine to take!

Eh, Phido?

Men are fools who walk in dreams …

… they sleep their lives away!

But I, Zigzag, will reign supreme!

For they are easy prey … Eh, Phido?

For I intend to take as wife … the daughter of the King!

And with her as my Royal Bride

I'll rule in public sight -

With Princess Yumyum at my side, the crown is mine by right!

Eh, Phido?

Poor Phido! How could I forget? I fear you haven't eaten yet.

For you dear bird, a special treat -

For breakfast you'll have Cobbler meat!

Thief! Thief!

Stop thief!

You can have the head to start, then the neck, and then the heart.

Such a tasty little man eh -

- my flying garbage can?

There's your breakfast, Phido dear.

You can eat him up right here.

Zigzag! Zigzag!

Get me Zigzag! Now!

Zigzag! Zigzag! Zigzag! Zigzag!

The King wants Zigzag now!


Phido! Affairs of State!

I fear your breakfast will have to wait!

Coming, your Majesty! Coming!

Oh Great King Nod - have no fear! Zigzag your Grand Vizier is here!

Death and destruction, Zig Zag …

My Kingdom will come to destruction and death!

Be calm, Serene Highness. You must catch your breath.

What dawn of disaster?

Why speak you of death?

I've had a dream.

A nightmare! No! A vision!

A vision of invasion!

An entire race of one-eyed men!

… And death, everywhere!

Excellent Majesty! Ruler Supreme!

I can safely assure you a dream's just a dream …

I saw it! I'll tell you!

Calm down, your Highness.

Calm down, your Highness. Invaders? One-eyed? But this is against what has been prophesied.

For has it not been written - we are safe from any threat

as long as those Three Golden Balls are on the minaret?

What if the balls are taken away?

A way has never been found to take them away.

What freak of nature could ever get up to the top of that minaret?

BLOOD! FIRE! CATASTROPHE! CALAMITY! Highness! Calm thy fear! Such things could never happen here!

Such things have never happened!

BUT THEY MIGHT! Well they haven't happened yet. Can't you see? The Golden Balls are safe atop the minaret!

… I … I just have this funny feeling …

It's not time to get up. Too early to rise. Too early to open the King's sleepy eyes.

Wake! Wake, father! Something's happening!

Is this opportunity ringing?

I think there are some balls you should be bringing …

Get those balls! Keep out of sight! Bring them to me late tonight!

Yes, Milord! Thy will be done! Yes, Master!

One Uh … Huh … Uh … Huh …

One … Huh … Uh …


One Eye?

… .Is coming!

… One Eye?






My loyal generals …

… My brave soldiers …

… The Three Golden Balls …

… Have Gone!

Our City faces invasion!

The Mighty One-Eye is coming!

Take up your positions! with my blessing … .

Long live King Nod! Long live King Nod!

Long live the Golden City!

Nanny, where could my Cobbler be?

Try the prison …


Oh no! What goes on in this palace!




Oh I see who did it!

Get away - bird of evil!

Get back to your master's tower!

Gone …

Thief …

Thief …

Thief …

Thief …

Gentlemen! Gentlemen! What a delight!

We'll let this be our little secret …

All right?

I'll rule the land … After one little thing.

Now that I have the balls, I will go see the King!

Have no fear! Zigzag, your Grand …

You're here, Zigzag! But where are the balls?

Magicked away, my lord …

Magicked away! Oh no …

Oh, you mustn't look so tragic - I am not unschooled in magic.

You mean? You?



Wow, look at that …

That's something …

You see, I can restore you the Gold Balls, though they be lost.

I'll give you anything, Zigzag! Just do it!

As my peril will be dire … you must grant my heart's desire!

Which is … ?

I require, Sire, your daughter, Yumyum, to wed.

You … want … my … DAUGHTER?






Well, I just thought I'd ask …

We'll see who wins at the end of the day! We'll see who ends up grieving!

I'll go to the One-Eyes right away. I'm taking my balls and leaving!


The Witch!

Get me my daughter!

Beautiful … Princess … Yumyum!

How can we help, Daddy?

You must get away.

I've got to stay and fight.

Listen carefully … The Golden Balls have been magicked away!


We have one chance.

There is a mad and holy old Witch, who dwells at the top of the desert mountain …

You must go and seek out this Witch!

Perhaps she can tell us how the City can be saved.

Had I a son, I would send him on this perilous journey.

Father, I can handle it!

At the foot of the desert mountain …

… is a golden idol with a priceless ruby set in its forehead.

When the desert sun is directly overhead,

the reflection of the ruby falls upon a hidden door …

… To a path up the mountain.

Yes father.

You must cross the great desert. Go now.

Father, we need a guide!

Yes, but who?

I know who.

… How did you get free?


The Cobbler?

He's resourceful.

Can you trust him?


Oh my darling, take care.

Aye. Aye. Times has changed, Goolie.

Ah and indeed they have, Chieftain!

It was different then.

It was then. It was indeed. Long ago.

In them different times.

Things is not what they used to be, you know.

No …

Oh No … no they're not.

It used to be different.

And ali baba …

Wonderful, powerful man. Gorgeous man. Dear, lovely man.

A caravan is coming! A caravan is coming!

Here comes a caravan!

Ah, will you stop going on?

It is! Clear off!


It tis a caravan!

Caravan …

A caravan!

We're rich!

Jewels! Purses!




What tis it …

… that we do now?

He's right, what do we do?

May I remind you, Gentlemen, that when in doubt, consult …

The Brigands' Handbook!

Aaaah! The book! The book! The book …

… of words! Of words.

What does the book say? Car-a-van. Caravan.


Shut up fools! Keep your arse down! Keep it down!


Who are you?

Well… I …

I am Roofless. The Chieftain!

And this is my band of Brigands.

Aye, quite right! We are the scourge of the countryside. Scourge!

I am the Princess Yumyum - Daughter of your King!

And that's my Nurse you're sitting on.

You're a disgrace to your profession! Just look at you!

Look at the state of your shoes.

Well, things have not been too good lately like … uou know, I mean.

… In fact this is the first caravan we've seen in 30 years, ain't it boys?

That's true, well uh …

… We is doing our best.

Your country is in great danger!

I hereby declare you my Royal Guard!

Royal guard, boys!

You will accompany us on our perilous journey to save our Golden Land!

The camp of the One-Eyes! How very nice!

Perhaps they'll be willing to pay my price!

I'll have these barbarians kissing my feet.

And maybe we'll find you something to eat!

Eh, Phido?

Gentlemen! Gentlemen! What a delight!

To meet you all here on such a fine night!



Who dares enter the camp of the Mighty One-Eye?

Oh, Mighty One-Eye,

Eye, Eye, I am Zigzag the Great! Of the Golden Land!

And ...?

I am a magician - a sorcerer too! And I'm in a position, I think, to serve you!


I conjure demons! Charm beasts! And birds of prey, too!


But as you will see - that's not all I can do!

I have power over people, though they may appear complex …

For me they fall like playing cards.

And I control the decks!

But all this is nothing,

For now in my hand, is the very key to the Golden Land!

For no man can take it - no matter how great -

unless he possesses these Three Balls of …

… Fate!

You say you can charm beasts?

Throw him to the alligators.

What's that? Would you ever believe it? Well, what is it? In this world.

It's a sign, indeed it is. Oh, lo and beholden …


My friends … it grieves me to see you

fed on persons like me with no meat!

Just help me a little and I won't forget to feed you each day a surprise

that is plump, portly, paunchy, and


Magic! 'Tis magic!

Ah … er … Princess … perhaps me and my men ought to be stayin' here?

Yes, Roofless. You stay here.

Guard the exit, we're going up.

'Tis magic from another world …

"To the Great Temple of the Ruby Idol"

"The Great Temple of the Ruby, Welcome"

"No prayers past this point"

"Have a nice day" "If you loved the Ruby Idolo, visit the Golden City"

My Friends … My Friends!

Careful Tack.

Oh Tack, I knew you'd get us here!

Giant bird! Giant bird!

Oh Mad and Holy Old Witch?

I am Princess Yumyum of the Golden City.

Our Golden City is going to be under attack!

My father says you could tell us how we can save our city!

We'll pay.

OK! Anyone here who can save your City?

Eenie, meenie, miney, mo!

Tack? Can Tack save our City?

He's got a big heart …

Tack, how do you feel about it?

Money in front!

For you I will make special price!

And take a special trip!

Mystic fumes …

show me the way, show me …

how this curse to lay!

Match. Mmm... Match!

Attack … A Tack … Tack!

A Tack, see?

But it's what you do with whatcha got!

Go home! Now!

Faster! Faster!

Faster! Faster!

Take me to your master!

One mistake will suffice!

Don't treat me lightly twice!

Take me to your master!

Gentlemen! We must return at once!

Your majesty … if there's one thing myself and my men are good at …

Good at?

We are good at making a getaway!

We're good at running!

Away. Away!

Mount up!

Get Set! GO!

None shall escape!

Except for the Princess - that we agreed! She is the price for my traitorous deed!

Their soldiers will cower behind these walls

when they see that we have the Three Golden Balls.

Tomorrow … I strike!

And you shall ride at the front … Sorcerer.

Take the right flank! You the left flank!

Right turret! Gate! Drawbridge! You take the women, children!

Ready the positions.

Faster! Faster - you fools! Fasteeeeerrr!

This is One-Eye magic, Sorcerer!

It must be the One-Eyes!




Oh, my God! My daughter!

My daughter! My daughter, oh my God!

My child! Ah!

Help me! Help me to help her!

Tack! Please! No!

Oh Tack.

The Cobbler.


Oh Tack! My wonderful Cobbler!

Tack! TACK!



There they are.

They're here Chief. What does the book say now?

What? Uh, um, er, um …

The Brigands will attack at the sound of the trumpet!

Oh for shame!

He's right! But captain!

Quiet! SHUT UP!

Quiet! I is the commander of the royal guard.

Right Chieftain!

That is ridiculous.


Throne! Throne!

The greatest wizard has to know exactly when it's time to go - O-O-OOOOOH!

My friends, my friends, are you still here? I haven't fed you yet, I fear!

Oh! My bottom! Oh! My top! Greedies! Don't you ever stop!

You too, Phido? Man's best friend?

For Zigzag then, it is the end.

Oh, my God!

Oh Tack! My Cobbler!

My daughter! My wonderful daughter!

The Prophecy is fulfilled!

The City owes you a great debt of gratitude, oh Cobbler!

How can we ever repay you?

Father …

I love you …

I … love you!