The Teahouse of the August Moon (1956) - full transcript
This comedy-drama is partially a gentle satire on America's drive to change the world in the post-war years. One year after World War II, Captain Fisby is sent to the village of Tobiki in Okinawa to teach the people democracy. The first step is to build a school -- but the wily Okinawans know what they really want. They tell him about their culture and traditions -- and persuade him to build something they really want instead: a teahouse. Fisby has a hard time breaking this news to his superiors.
[♪]
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
[ALL CHATTERING]
Tutti-frutti.
Most generous gift
from American sergeant.
Lovely ladies, kind gentlemen,
pleased to introduce myself.
Sakini by name,
interpreter by profession.
Education by the ancient
dictionary.
Okinawan by, uh,
whim of gods.
History of Okinawa reveal
distinguished record
of conquerors.
We have honor to be subjugated
in, uh, 14th century
by Chinese pirate.
In 16th century,
by English missionary.
In 18th century,
by Japanese warlords.
And in 20th century,
by American Marine.
Okinawa very fortunate.
Culture brought to us.
Not have to leave home for it.
And we learn many thing.
Most important,
that rest of world
not like Okinawa.
World filled
with delightful variation.
Example:
uh, in Okinawa, no--
No locks on doors.
Bad manners
not to trust neighbors.
In America, lock and key
big industry.
Conclusion:
bad manners, good business.
Another example:
in Okinawa, wash self
in public bath
with nude lady quite proper,
but a picture of nude lady
in, uh, private home
quite improper.
In America, statue of nude lady
in park win prize,
but nude lady in flesh
in park
win a penalty.
Conclusion:
pornography,
question of geography.
But, uh, Okinawa most eager
to be educated by conquerors.
Not easy to learn.
Sometimes very painful.
But pain make man think.
Thought make man wise.
And wisdom make life endurable.
So now--
Now we going to tell you
little story
to demonstrate splendid example
of benevolent assimilation
of democracy by Okinawa.
Boss by name
of Colonel Purdy III.
Number three after name indicate
he is son of a son of a son.
Colonel Purdy put up
many sign.
This exceedingly civilized.
Make it very easy
for uncivilized
to know what not to do.
Here laundry of officer
not to fraternize with laundry
of enlisted man.
Dozo.
This gentleman
honorable Sergeant Gregovich,
assistant to Colonel Purdy,
but not a son of son of son.
You know what he's doing?
Explanation:
Colonel Purdy great student
of history.
So every month,
wife of Colonel Purdy
send him magazine
called Adventure Magazine.
Cover have picture of pirate
with a black patch over eye.
Everyone try to steal
magazine.
So colonel hide under desk
so he can read first,
but the sergeant
always find.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
He's a smart mouse.
This gentleman, exalted boss,
Colonel Purdy III.
Colonel very wise man.
Every morning look up at the sky
and make a prophecy.
It's not gonna rain today.
And you know what?
Not-- Not rain.
Of course it not rain
this time of year
in whole history of Okinawa,
but the colonel not make
mistake.
Un, deux, trois...
Explanation:
Army teach colonel French
for invasion of Europe,
then send to Okinawa
instead.
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven.
Where's my eighth pair
of shorts?
Now colonel gonna yell loud
for Sakini.
So I hide.
I pretend to be asleep here.
So...
PURDY:
Sakini.
Sakini?
Sakini?
[SNORING]
Sakini!
Sakini!
Sakini.
Oh, good morning, boss.
You sure surprised me, boss.
I want you to tell me why
my laundry comes back every week
with one piece missing.
Oh, gets lost, boss.
I know it gets lost.
What I wanna find out
is how it gets lost.
Oh, very simple, boss.
Family take laundry
to wash in the stream
and while friends
exchange greetings,
laundry exchange places.
We run down hill fast as dickens
to catch laundry, boss.
Well?
Not run fast enough.
No wonder you people
were subjugated by the Japanese.
If you're not sleeping,
you're running away from work.
Where's
your get-up-and-go?
Ooh, guess get-up-and-go went,
boss.
Well, get up and go down
to the officers' quarters
and see if Captain Fisby's
arrived.
If he has, tell him to report
to me at once. Hurry.
Sakini.
Yes, boss?
You are a civilian employee
in the pay
of the United States Army
and should dress
accordingly.
Yeah.
Pull your socks up.
Very sorry, boss.
Very sorry.
Socks up.
Anything more, boss?
That'll be all.
Is that as fast
as you can walk?
No, no, boss,
but to walk any faster,
socks fall down.
Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq,
six ...
Good morning, sir.
At ease.
I'm gonna get rid
of that interpreter.
He doesn't set
a good example.
Uh, colonel, sir,
we gotta have someone around
who speaks the language.
[CHUCKLES]
You're quite right,
sergeant, quite right.
It isn't often I make a mistake.
But when I do--
It's a beaut?
I wasn't going
to say that.
I was gonna say,
"By George, I admit it."
I'm sorry, sir.
Now, we've got a new officer
reporting this morning.
He's been transferred to us
from Psychological Warfare.
I don't suppose you happen
to know who they are.
Aren't they something
at the rear
of the rear echelon?
They're just the cream
of the Army's geniuses.
They're just the brains
behind the fighting heart.
Every man Jack of them has
a mind like a steel trap.
And we're lucky to be getting
one of their officers.
I'll watch my step,
sir.
Eh, while we're waiting
for Captain Fisby
I'd like you to make a note
of new signs I want painted.
The painter hasn't finished
the ones
you ordered yesterday,
sir.
There's only one answer to that:
put on another sign painter.
Yes, sir.
Now, I noticed the men were
dancing with each other
in the canteen
the other night.
Yes, sir.
"No dancing allowed."
I didn't say that,
Gregovich.
I don't object
to the men dancing.
I want them
to enjoy themselves.
But it doesn't set a good
example for the natives
to see noncoms
dancing with enlisted men.
So have a sign posted
saying:
"Sergeants are forbidden
to dance with privates."
[CLEARS THROAT]
You might as well take that memo
to the sign painter right now.
Yes, sir.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Sakini here, boss.
Don't ever put your finger
on an officer.
Oh, oh, not right,
boss?
No!
Oh.
If you wanna announce
your presence, knock.
Ah-so.
Can't you natives ever learn
anything about custom?
Ah-so.
What do you think
you're doing?
Oh, not know, boss.
Do what you ask.
Everything in this country
conspires to annoy me.
Well, where is
Captain Fisby?
Oh, oh, he come now, boss.
I run ahead.
Uh, socks fall down.
Captain Fisby
reporting, sir.
Welcome to Team 147.
Ha-ha!
I can't tell you how glad I am
to have you.
Thank you, sir.
Frankly, we're so desperate
for officer personnel
I'd be glad to see you
even if you had two heads.
[GIGGLES]
That'll be all, Sakini.
You can wait outside.
Okay.
Sit down, captain,
sit down.
Thank you.
Ha-ha-ha!
Thank you very much.
Oh, oh, oh, sorry, boss.
I sit by door, boss.
May as well be
comfortable here.
Yes.
Not sleep.
Uh,
have you unpacked?
Oh, yes, sir,
yes, sir.
I unpacked as soon
as I got in last night.
Well,
that's too bad
because you'll have
to pack again.
Oh?
I am sending you
to Tobiki at once.
We need a man of your caliber
up there right away.
Well, thank you.
I am informed that you
requested this transfer
from Psychological Warfare
to my outfit.
May I say
that I am honored.
Yeah. Well, in all fairness,
sir,
I think I should tell you
that I was requested
to request it.
Oh?
Mm.
May I ask why?
Uh-huh.
Well, it-- Eh, you see, sir,
it seems that my-- My propaganda
to undermine the enemy's morale
undermined the staff's morale
instead.
How did you get into
Psychological Warfare
in the first place?
I was requested to request
a transfer.
From what?
The Paymaster General's
office.
What was your duty there?
Well, I-- I had charge of
the payroll-computation machine.
Well, until--
Until what?
Well--
[SIGHS]
You know, machines have always
been my mortal enemy, colonel.
I don't believe
that they're inanimate.
They're not inanimate
at all.
They're full of malice
and ill will.
I asked you what happened,
captain.
Yes. Yes, sir.
Uh, well, this machine--
This--
You know,
the payroll-computation machine.
--it made a mistake,
it seems,
of a quarter
of a million dollars
in the payroll.
And, uh, unfortunately,
the men were paid
before the mistake
was discovered.
What did they do to you?
Oh, they gave me a job
licking envelopes.
And then you asked
for a transfer.
No.
I developed an allergy
to glue.
How many outfits
in this man's Army
have you been in,
captain?
Let's see, how many
are there now, sir? Uh--
Never mind.
I admit disappointment,
but not defeat.
I thought you were given to me
in recognition of my work here.
Frankly, I expect to be made
a general soon.
And I want that star
for my wife's crown.
Naturally,
that's very hush-hush.
Oh, yes,
naturally.
Do you know something, sir?
Do you know something? I--
I just think that perhaps
I just wasn't
cut out to be a soldier,
that's all.
Captain, none of us was cut out
to be a soldier,
but we do the job.
We adjust, we adapt,
we roll with a punch
and bring victory home
in our teeth.
Do you know what I was
before the war?
A football coach?
I was the Purdy Paper Box
Company of Pottawatomie.
What did I know
about foreigners?
But my job is to teach
these natives
the meaning of democracy.
And they're gonna learn
democracy
if I have to shoot
every one of them.
Yes, sir.
What did you do
before the war?
Oh, I was a--
An associate professor
at Muncie.
What'd you teach?
The humanities.
Captain, you're finally
getting a job
you're qualified
by training to handle:
teaching these natives
how to act human.
No, I don't think the humanities
are quite that.
If you can teach one thing,
you can teach another.
This is plan B.
Washington has drawn up
full instructions
pertaining to the welfare
and recovery
of these native villages.
Consider it your Bible,
captain.
Yes, sir. I'll study it
very carefully.
Now, there might be some
questions I'd like to ask.
Washington has anticipated
all of your questions.
Yes, but I was thinking--
You don't even
have to think.
This document relieves you
of that responsibility.
Uh, how is your Japanese?
Oh, not so very good.
No, no. Not-- Not good, sir.
Oh, I can see you'll need
an interpreter.
Well, I--
No, no-- Uh, sir--
I've got just the man
for you.
Colonel?
Colonel?
Sakini!
I could study the language,
you know.
No need,
we won the war.
Sakini present, boss.
Socks up, not sleeping.
Sakini,
this is Captain Fisby.
We meet before, boss,
you forget.
Yeah, we met.
I'm assigning you
to Captain Fisby.
He's gonna take charge of
a village at the top of Okinawa.
A village called
Tobiki.
Tobiki, boss.
Very nice place,
boss,
but not at top of Okinawa,
at bottom.
Don't tell me where the villages
under my command are located.
I happen to give a course
in map reading.
Very sorry, boss.
But happen to be born in Tobiki.
It's at the bottom.
Then it's time you learned
where you were born.
Oh, very sorry, boss,
but map upside down.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Why doesn't the Army learn
how to draw a map properly?
That'll be all,
Sakini.
Find Sergeant Gregovich
and have him
assign a jeep
to Captain Fisby!
Then load supplies
and the captain's gear.
You'll be leaving
at once.
I mention you
in prayer to gods, boss.
I wait for you in jeep,
captain.
I sometimes think
we occupation teams
have it tougher
than combat troops.
Oh, now, I wouldn't say that,
sir.
Granted, they had it rough
for a while.
But we have the killing
daily grind with no glory in it.
Yes, sir,
I know what you mean, sir.
Life itself is a battlefield
with its own obscure heroes.
I consider that poetry,
captain.
Oh, no, no, that's--
That's prose, colonel.
And it isn't mine, you know.
It's, uh, Victor Hugo.
Oh, yes, Victor Hugo.
How I loved Tale of Two Cites.
[CHUCKLES]
Isn't that, um, Dickens?
Isn't that Dickens, sir?
Well, to get back
to Tobiki.
Your first job will be to
establish a municipal government
and to build a school.
Yes, sir.
Uh, plan B calls
for the schoolhouse
to be pentagon-shaped.
Penta--?
When the schoolhouse is built,
organize a Ladies' League
for Democratic Action.
Uh-huh.
Captain,
this is a chance for you
to make a name for yourself.
Yes, sir, I-- I feel
that I personally
have delayed victory
at least a year,
and I wanna vindicate
myself.
That's the kind of talk
I like to hear.
Thank you.
Well, I won't detain you then.
Yes, sir.
My only order to you is
put that village on the map.
Y-- Yes, sir.
Send me a bimonthly progress
report in triplicate.
Yes, sir.
Don't duplicate
your work.
No, sir.
No, sir.
And remember
that the eyes of Washington
are on our occupation teams,
and the eyes of the world
are on Washington.
Yes, sir. I'll keep the eyes
in mind, sir.
Goodbye, captain.
Yes, sir.
Goodbye, sir.
[SIGHS]
Oh, everything all set, boss?
We go Tobiki now?
Now, listen, I gotta get my gear
packed first, Sakini.
Oh, all finished,
boss.
I have many cousin work
for Army.
Where's our jeep?
Right over there,
boss.
Huh?
Ohayo gozaimasu.
Ohayo gozaimasu.
What's she doing
up there?
Oh, she nice old lady,
boss.
She hear we go
to Tobiki village,
so she think she go along
to visit grandson.
Oh, she does?
Uh-huh. Well--
Well, you tell her
I'm very sorry,
but you see, this--
This is against regulations.
Oh, she not fall off, boss.
She tied on good.
Yes. Well, you untie her,
Sakini.
You get up there and untie her
and tell her to get down.
You see, she's going to have
to find some other way
to visit her grandson.
Oh, boss, her grandson
mayor of Tobiki village.
You gonna make him lose face,
you kick old grandma off jeep.
Oh. You say she's
the mayor's grandmother?
Yes.
Mm-hm.
Well, all right.
You see--
She's tied on all right,
I guess, huh?
So I guess we can take her.
Sure.
Now, look,
is all this stuff here mine?
No, most of the stuff
belong to old lady.
Eh, she, uh, gonna stay
three or four months,
so she bring her cooking pots
and bed
and, uh, a present for friend
and--
Uh-huh.
Well, I don't-- I don't--
Uh, all right.
Look, if you see
any low branches coming,
you just, uh--
You know, you yell out.
And, uh, get in there,
Sakini.
You get in there, and give me
directions while I drive.
You wanna get in?
No, no, can't go yet.
Old lady daughter not here,
boss.
Wait-- Wait a minute,
maybe I didn't hear you right.
You say-- You don't mean
the daughter is coming with us.
Well, old lady very old,
boss.
Who gonna take care of her
on the trip?
Oh, here she come now, boss.
Right on dot.
Uh, I don't--
Listen--
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
Will you just wait
a minute.
Now, wait a minute,
will you mind?
Tell her-- Um, Miss--
Uh, Sakini,
will you tell her
that there's no room
for anything more on this jeep.
Old lady must take clothes
to show friends, boss,
because you make her
lose face
if, uh, people think she only
got one dress.
Miss, will you please come back?
Sakini, ask her to come back.
There's no room for any more
bundles on this jeep.
No, she not go get bundles,
boss,
she go get children.
Sakini.
Sakini.
What?
Look, these things
are always happening to me.
And I-I've gotta put a stop
to them someplace.
Daughter not go
without children,
and old lady not go
without daughter.
And if old lady not go,
mayor of Tobiki
be mad with you, boss.
[CHATTERING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, uh, will you wait
just a minute please?
Ohayo. Uh...
Don't get up on there.
Not on the hood of the--
Just a minute. Son. Son.
Please don't-- Son.
Sakini, for Pete's sakes,
how does she expect me
to see how to drive?
Oh, old lady got very good
eyesight, boss.
She gonna sit up there
and tell us when to turn.
You'll have to move over here,
son, because I--
Son, will you please stop--?
If you're gonna--
What?
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, he going to get goat, boss.
Goat?
You can't leave
goat behind, boss.
Just a minute!
Hold it, everybody!
Now, we're gonna see who
is going to lose face right now.
And we're gonna see
because no goat is going
to ride on this jeep.
Oh, you not like goat, boss?
No. No. No.
Yes, I like--
I mean, I don't know--
It's not a question
of whether I like the goat.
It's-- I'm just sure
that the colonel,
he wouldn't like it.
Oh, well, the children not go
without goat, boss.
Mother not go
without children, boss.
Yeah.
Old lady not go
without daughter.
I know.
And if old lady not go:
BOTH:
Mayor of Tobiki be mad at you.
I know.
Oh, no, no, please.
Everyone here, boss.
Goat unmarried lady goat.
No children.
No, you'll have to get down.
SOLDIER:
You'll never get it off
the ground, captain.
Sakini, come on,
we gotta get started.
You get in, boss.
And no one else going, boss.
No one else is going.
Wait a minute.
Hey, you got another customer.
MAN 3: Hey, wait a minute.
Oh, no.
Sakini! Wait.
Please wait.
What?
Now, who in the blazes is he?
Who in the blazes is he, boss?
Never see before.
Ask him what he's doing
sitting here, please.
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
Oh. He say he see people
going on a trip, boss.
He think he like
to go along too.
No, please--
He does?
Well, you tell him for me
that he's gotta
get off right now.
Come on.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
No, no. What?
Oh, he say,
why you not take him, boss?
You take goat.
Oh, no.
He say maybe you think
he not as good as goat.
Tell him for me, Sakini,
that the eyes
of Washington are on--
The world is on Washington,
and the eyes of Washington
are on me.
Will you just-- Folks, please,
I would love to take you.
Folks, if this was my jeep
or if this wasn't
against regulations,
I'd be only too--
Captain Fisby!
Yes, sir.
What in the name of occupation
do you think you're doing?
Well, it's hard to explain, sir.
[CHATTERING]
No, just--
What are they saying?
They say, tell fat old man to
shut up so we can get started.
[BRAYS]
[BRAYS]
Which one of you men
made that noise?
[JEEP STARTS]
[REVS]
Just a second.
Where are you going?
Hey, Captain Fisby! Sakini!
Come back here! You hear me?
[CHATTERING, GOAT BRAYING]
No, just a minute please.
Just a minute. Which road?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[GRANDMOTHER SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Just a minute, please,
just a minute.
What did she say?
Old lady say, boss,
that she want to go
to Awase, boss,
because she got sister
she not see in 22 half years.
We're on duty, Sakini,
we're not on a tour
of the island.
Now, would you please
just ask her for me,
which is the road to Tobiki?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[ALL CHATTERING]
Right there, boss.
What? This way?
All right,
that's all I asked you.
All right. All right.
Well, so this is Tobiki.
Tobiki, no.
This Awase, boss.
I distinctly asked this lady
to tell me the way to Tobiki.
Well, old lady make mistake,
boss. Very sorry.
Well, you know,
we can't go--
Oh, sorry, boss,
but she not very smart.
Yeah.
Konnichiwa.
All right, which road?
No, no, don't ask her.
I don't trust her.
[ALL CHATTERING]
All right.
What are they saying?
Children want to go
to Yatoda, boss.
I suppose they've
got some cousins
that they want
to visit there.
No, ocean at Yatoda, boss.
Children never see ocean.
Our orders are to proceed
directly to Tobiki.
Now, which road?
Oh.
There.
There. Over here, huh?
All right.
[KIDS SHOUTING IN JAPANESE]
Boss--
No, don't tell me,
this is Yatoda.
How you know, boss?
Well, I recognize the ocean.
Ah-so.
Now, where's this?
Whose uncle
or cousin lives here?
Oh, this Tobiki, boss.
I don't believe it.
I don't believe it.
[CROWD CLAMORING]
Now, according to plan B,
my first job here is to hold
a public meeting, Sakini.
You see, I want to make certain
that they understand
that I come as their friend.
That we intend to lift
the yoke of oppression
from their shoulders.
Oh, they'll like that, boss.
That their favorite speech.
What do you mean,
their favorite speech?
Oh, when Japanese come,
they say same thing.
Then take everything.
No, no, no.
You don't understand.
We don't come
to take anything from them.
We've come here
to give them something.
That's all right, boss.
We not mind.
After eight centuries,
we get used to it.
Now when friends come, we hide
everything quick as dickens.
So I'm go tell people
you make your speech, boss.
So socks up, boss.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[RINGING]
[SHOUTING IN JAPANESE]
SAKINI:
Everyone here eager
to meet you, boss.
I might as well get started,
Sakini.
Citizens of--
Up here, boss.
They'll see you.
Thank you.
Citizens of Tobiki--
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
...Captain Fisby.
Citizens of Tobiki village--
Sorry, boss.
Can't begin lecture yet.
Why not?
What seems to be the trouble?
Not good manners, boss.
Why?
Because people bring you gifts.
You must accept gifts first.
No, Sakini, wait a minute,
you got it all wrong.
I'm here to bring gifts
from my government to them.
No, very rude.
Make people feel poor, boss.
I don't want to do that.
Get up here, Sakini.
Tell them I'll accept gifts,
but in the name of the
United States occupation forces.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
All right?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Him Mr. Hokaida, boss.
He give you very nice gift.
Oh, thank you very,
very much.
What is it?
That's a very splendid
cricket cage, boss.
What do you use
a cricket cage for?
You keep your crickets
in there.
No, there isn't.
There's no cricket inside.
No, you gotta get
your own cricket, boss.
No one gonna get for you.
Oh, I see.
I got it, yeah. Thank you.
Thank him for me.
Tell him I'll keep
my eye open for a cricket.
Yeah. Arigato.
Yeah. What do you keep
a cricket in a cage for?
So fortune smile on you, boss.
A cricket very good luck.
Oh, that's nice.
Boss, here Mr. Omura.
He give you chopstick.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
What'd he say?
He say, "hope that only food
of gods touch your lips."
No, that's too-- Very nice.
That's one of the
nicest things I've heard.
Boss, Mr. Seiko.
Yes?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Thank you.
That's wooden sandal, boss,
very comfortable for tired feet.
He say,
"may you walk in prosperity."
Always.
You tell him that I will walk
in the cool meadow
of pleasant memories.
Huh?
What's the matter?
Is that all right?
Oh, boss,
that's very pretty, boss.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Thank you. That's all right.
Thank you very much.
And, boss, here Miss Higa Jiga.
She unmarried lady, boss.
She give you three eggs.
Oh, isn't that nice?
Yes-- No, tell her that I'll
have these eggs for breakfast.
You tell her.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Chicken and the eggs.
She say she hope you enjoy
your turtle egg, boss.
Turtle eggs?
Oh, my.
[CROWD CHEERS]
Oh, you very big success, boss.
They sure like you already.
Oh, I'm--
Yes. Turtle eggs?
This Mr. Oshira, boss.
Hold these for me, Sakini.
I'm getting a bit too much.
He give you a very nice
lacquered cup, boss.
He make that cup hisself.
No, he didn't.
Well, you thank him for me
and tell him that
I'll be forever indebted to him
for his very lovely gift.
You are most welcome,
captain.
Hey, you speak English!
Sure, boss,
Mr. Oshira teach me English
when I'm a little boy in Tobiki.
In my youth,
I work in Manila.
How is Mr. McKinley?
Oh, you mean President McKinley?
Well, I'm afraid
somebody shot him.
I am sorry.
Well, it was a long time ago,
you know.
Yes, a long time.
May August moon
fill your cup.
Why an August moon, sir?
All moons good, but August moon
little older, little wiser.
Sakini said that you made
this cup all by yourself.
Oh, yes.
You know that this is
a lost art, Sakini.
This is an industry
we could start right here,
right now in Tobiki.
Think you could
mass-produce these?
"Mass-produce"?
Yes, you know, set up machines,
turn them out by the gross.
I take pride in making
one cup at a time, captain.
How many of these do you think
you can turn out in,
oh, say, one day?
If I work hard,
maybe one or two a week.
Fine, that's good,
you make as many as you can.
We'll send them up
to the American Post Exchange,
and we'll sell them as fast
as you can turn them out.
I shall do my best.
Fine! We're in business.
Now, Mr. Hokaida,
you make those cricket cages
and the getas, they're fine,
we can sell a lot of those.
And the chopsticks, great.
A lot of those.
And I saw some straw hats.
See those straw hats?
Make a lot of those.
We're going into
the souvenir business, folks.
We gonna make money, boss?
Make enough of these,
I'll guarantee the recovery
of Tobiki village.
You tell them that.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
CROWD:
Hooray!
Oh, boss, you very big success.
They sure like you already,
boss.
And they say they gonna make
everything fast as dickens.
Sakini, ask them to postpone
any more gifts for now.
Because I want to tell them
what we're going to do for them.
Oh, okay.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD CHATTERING]
Okay. They say okay, boss.
They got no more presents
for you anyhow.
Oh, all right.
It's important that I tell them
about the schoolhouse
that we're gonna build
for their children.
Now, according to plan B,
I believe it says the direct
approach is the most effective.
So you ready?
Oh, all set, boss.
Do you want to be ignorant?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD SHOUTS]
What? What was that?
They say yes, boss.
Yes? You mean
they want to be ignorant?
Oh, no, boss. Oh, in Japanese,
boss, yes mean no.
They say, "Yes, we not
want to be ignorant."
Oh, I see.
Do you want your children
to be ignorant?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD SHOUTS]
Now, what was that?
They say...no, boss.
No? Wait a minute now.
Sakini, no, they do?
Or no, they don't?
Yes, boss. They not want
no ignorant children.
Right. Now.
There's gonna be a daily issue
of rice for everybody here.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD CHEERS]
Yes, yes, and we're gonna build
a fine new schoolhouse
for your children.
Wait. Pentagon-shaped.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
...Pentagon.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Pentagon.
She say, "What is a pentagon?"
Boss, never hear before.
They've never heard
of the Pentagon?
No, boss.
They certainly do need
a school here.
The Pentagon. Everybody knows
what the Pentagon is.
The P-- The-- It's--
Well, it really means
five-sided, you know, Sakini.
Five sides?
Yes, it has five si--
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
They say, boss,
they say...
there no children
in Tobiki got five sides.
No, no, the school.
The school has five sides,
not the children.
I mean, not in re--
No, you see,
it's like a building
in Washington, folks.
And everybody is going
to learn about democracy.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
They say,
"What is democracy?", boss.
They know what rice is.
Yes, all right. Democracy is
a system of self-determination.
It's the right to make
the wrong choice.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD MUTTERING]
Wait a minute, we're not
getting through to them.
Let me explain it this way:
suppose I'm back home
and I don't like
the way that Uncle Sam
is treating me.
Well, you know what I can do?
I can write
to the president himself
and I can tell him so.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
They say, "But do you send
that letter?", boss.
Well, let's get on
with the lecture now.
Folks, we'll show you just
how democracy really operates.
We'll hold an election
right in this village.
Gonna organize this village.
Is the mayor here?
Here's the mayor. White coat.
We'll have to get him
a new white coat.
We wouldn't want a new mayor.
Keep the mayor.
Very hard to find a white coat.
We got the mayor.
Now we need a chief of police.
And a chief of agriculture.
Now, who'd make a good chief
of agriculture here?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD SHOUTING]
They say they like Mr. Seiko.
He the best man for the job.
He's an experienced farmer?
He artist, boss.
What?
He artist.
He draw lovely picture
of golden wheat, butterfly--
Sakini, just because he draws
a very nice picture of wheat,
that doesn't make him
an experienced wheat farmer.
Wheat not grow here anyhow,
just sweet potatoes.
Oh, all right.
Well, if he's their choice.
Fine.
Now, we're gonna have to have--
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
What'd he say?
He want white coat
like mayor, boss.
You said that we can't get--
That's all right.
If he don't get a white coat,
we'll get--
You know what we're gonna do?
We'll get him a helmet
and have written on the helmet:
"Chief of Agriculture."
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Now. Right, fine.
Now we need a chief of police.
Now, who'd make
a good chief of police?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD SHOUTING]
Hokaida, boss.
They say they like Mr. Hokaida.
He champion wrestler.
They afraid of him.
Yeah.
That's all right.
Strong, boss.
Yes, indeed. All right, fine.
Now we gotta-- What?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
What did he say?
He want a helmet.
Fine, sure, we'll requisition
a helmet for him too.
All right? Fine.
Now for the ladies.
Now, we're gonna organize a--
I know what it is,
it's a Ladies' League
for Democratic Action,
and we're gonna have
to have a league president.
Now, who'd make
a good league president
for the Ladies' League
for Democratic Action?
The ladies like that.
They never vote before.
Fine.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD SHOUTING]
Higa Jiga.
They say they want Higa Jiga.
She gonna make
a classy president.
I'm sure.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
What?
Yes, I know.
Helmet.
No, never mind.
I understand.
Tell her I'll get her
a helmet too.
Yeah, all right, fine.
Yes, fine, all right.
Fine. Now, now.
[GROANS]
I've been talking
a long time here, haven't I?
Folks, I'll bet you there are
questions you'd like to ask me.
Ask them, Sakini.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, she say,
what time it is, boss.
Time?
It's a quarter to 5. Why?
Oh, they got to go then, boss.
They not want to miss sunset.
Every afternoon they like
to go sit in a pine grove
and sip tea,
watch the sun go down.
Isn't that nice.
All right, Sakini,
you thank them all for me
and tell them
they can go to the pine grove
and sip tea
and watch the sun go down.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Domo arigato.
CROWD:
Domo arigato.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
How do you think we did?
Oh, they cooperate, boss.
Future look very rosy.
I wonder where
I can find a cricket.
Well, maybe have cricket
in your house now, not know.
I'll take these.
Okay.
Thanks, Sakini.
Sure.
I'll be right here
you want me, boss.
Right.
MAN:
Psst. Psst.
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
[LAUGHING]
Psst. Psst
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
Yes?
You busy, boss?
No. What is it, Sakini?
Boss, Mr. Sumata leave
a present for you.
Put it on the shelf
where it will be out of the way.
Oh, not able to, boss,
the present get mad.
What?
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
Konnichiwa.
Who's she?
Souvenir.
What--? What are
you talking about?
This the present
from Mr. Sumata, boss.
Introducing Lotus Blossom,
geisha girl first-class.
America-san,
Captain Fisby.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Wha--?
Oh.
She say she very happy
to belong to handsome captain.
She say she gonna
serve you well.
She's not going
to serve me at all.
I want you to get your friend.
I want you to tell him
that I'm returning
his gift.
Impossible to do, boss.
Why?
Mr. Sumata go to mountain,
visit cousin.
He leave present for you
and wish you
very best success in Tobiki.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
What?
What did she say?
She said she want know where
you want her to stay, boss.
I d-- I don't care
where she stays,
but she can't stay here.
Where she go, boss?
She got no home now.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
She want to put your kimono
on for you, boss.
She trained to please you.
I know what
she's trained to do.
And I don't need
any translation there.
Now, you get my stuff
out of the supply shack
and you-- You know,
and we'll put her up
over there.
Oh. Not very democratic,
boss.
You make her lose face.
Wha--?
She think
she bad geisha girl.
I've got a little bit
of face to save.
Now, don't--
Don't give me any of that
Oriental hanky-panky
business.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Hm?
All right, what--?
What's she saying?
Oh, she say for me
to go home to grandpa, boss.
She first-class
geisha girl.
She know her business.
Good night, boss.
Sakini?
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Uh, this is all
a big mistake.
You kn--
Ahem. Uh...
S-- Sakini!
Me.
Me.
Me, no.
Me, no.
[LAUGHS]
No, this is not a kimono.
This is a bathrobe,
and I don't want
to put it on, you see?
Sakini!
This is against regulations.
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello!
You don't have to shout.
I can hear you.
This is Colonel Purdy.
[GIGGLING]
Yes, sir.
Just thought I'd check up on
you. How are things going?
Anything I can do for you?
I can't think
of a thing, sir.
I realize it's bound to get
lonely for you down there.
So you know
what I'm gonna do, my boy?
Now,
what are you gonna do?
I'll tell you.
I'm gonna send you some
of my old Adventure magazines.
No. No,
I don't want them.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir, very much.
I-- I would like something
to read, sir.
How are you getting
along with the natives?
Well, it's an
age-old problem, sir.
It's a question--
A struggle to see
who's going to lose face.
I understand.
As Mrs. Purdy says,
"East is East,
and West is West
and there can be no twain."
But you are making progress?
Well, nothing that I'd like
to put on paper, sir.
Well, send in a detailed
progress report.
Well, if that's what you'd like
me to do, sir. Yes, sir.
You'll find that these people
lack the capacity
for sustained endeavor.
Don't hesitate
to build a fire under them.
I don't think that
that will be necessary, sir.
Don't forget, the eyes of
Washington are on you, Fisby.
Oh, I hope not, sir.
I hope not.
It just occurred to me.
Have you given any thought
to physical education?
Well, I--
I don't think that--
You know, sir, that was a
masterpiece of timeliness, sir.
Thank you, my boy.
Could you use a deck of cards?
Sir, I--
Hello? Hello?
Fisby, you're getting weak.
[MUFFLED]
No! No!
Well, be good, my boy.
Keep up the good fight.
Bye-bye.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[GRUNTING]
No, wait.
Just a minute--
[GRUNTS]
Oh!
Sakini!
[COCK CROWS]
Sakini!
[DOOR OPENS]
Ohayo gozaimasu.
Oh.
Good morning,
good morning.
Do you know
where Sakini lives?
Ohayo gozaimasu.
Good morning.
Do you know where--?
Do you know
where my chief of police--?
Do you know
where my chief of police is?
My chief of agricul--
Ohayo gozaimasu.
Oh, never mind.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Ohayo gozaimasu.
Sakini!
Oh. Oh, boss.
Say, where you been?
Been looking all over for you.
Where have you been? Now,
where's my chief of agriculture?
There's not a man working
this morning, Sakini.
Look around for yourself.
Not a man to be--
Wait a second, boss.
Lotus Blossom
leave all her things
at Awase, boss.
She got no way
to come here, boss,
so this morning
everyone take a wheelbarrow
and go help
bring Lotus Blossom.
Do you mean to tell me
that she has so much stuff,
it takes my entire staff
to move this woman--
This girl to my village?
No, boss,
but chief of police
not trust chief
of agriculture--
No.
Wait, Mr. Mayor
not trust Mr. Oshira,
so all got to go, boss.
Oh, I see.
Mr. Oshira?
That old man?
He old, boss,
but he not dead.
Well, that's
a fine way for a--
That's a great way
for officials to act. That's--
As soon as they get back,
I want to see them in my office.
Okay, boss.
[CROWD SINGING IN JAPANESE]
[LOTUS BLOSSOM SINGING
IN JAPANESE]
[ALL SINGING IN JAPANESE]
[ALL CHATTERING]
[WOMEN CHATTERING]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
[WOMEN CHATTERING]
[WOMEN SHOUTING]
[WOMEN SHOUTING]
Whoa, what's going on?
I don't know, boss.
What's the trouble?
Don't know, boss.
[WOMEN SHOUTING]
You know what they say?
They say they got
discrimination here, boss.
Discrimination?
Where? Where?
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[ALL CHATTERING]
Now, wait a minute.
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
Boss, she gonna tell.
Wait a--
Lookit--
She gonna show you, boss.
What?
She gonna show you.
All right.
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
[WOMEN CHATTERING]
They're waiting
for the rice, boss.
Yes?
At the rice place.
Lotus Blossom...
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Lotus Blossom
come along.
That's
Lotus Blossom?
That's Lotus Blossom.
Konnichiwa. Pooh!
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Ah.
Ahh!
Ration clerk
come out there.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[WOMEN SHOUTING]
Now, wait a minute.
I wouldn't go in--
[WOMEN SHOUTING]
All right, all right.
Listen-- No.
I wish you wouldn't use--
No, boss. She not use it.
She the ration clerk.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
He invite her in.
The clerk shut
the door--
[WOMEN SHOUTING]
Look, wait a minute!
Look.
This is what undermines
the democratic ideal.
You tell her that I intend
to do something about it.
Y-you tell her.
[WOMEN SHOUTING]
No! Wait a minute!
Please! Wait!
Hold it,
hold it, hold it.
Just-- Just--
Now, wait a minute,
I'm gonna see right now
that we're gonna have
to get rid
of this disrupting factor
in our recovery program.
[WOMEN CHATTERING]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
McEvoy at Awase,
please.
What you gonna do, boss?
This village isn't big enough
for plan B and a geisha girl.
Tobiki never have a geisha girl
before. We like very much, boss.
She's got to go.
She's-- No.
Uh, Maj--?
Major McEvoy?
This is Captain Fisby
at Tobiki.
J-just a moment.
I have a request, sir,
from one of my people
t-to transfer
to your village.
It's-- Yes, sir.
It's a female citizen, sir.
Uh...
Oh, her job?
Just--
Boss, please,
do not make her go.
Not democratic, boss.
Uh, yes,
as a matter of fact.
Uh, yes, her name is
Lotus Blossom, major.
H-how did you know?
No, no, sir.
No, sir,
I am not trying to put
anything over on you, sir.
It's, uh-- Major--
Mm-hm.
Oh.
Oh, you did?
Oh, you did.
Oh, he know
Lotus Blossom, boss?
Yes, you know something?
Now, just--
As a matter of fact,
Lotus Blossom was at Awase.
She nearly wrecked
his plan for recovery.
Ah-so.
"Oh, so."
Don't give me that,
"Oh, so."
Listen. Do you know
that she has been
booted out
of every village
by every commander
on the island?
Oh, poor little
Lotus Blossom.
Oh, poor little
Lotus Blossom.
Now I know why Mr. Sumata,
or whatever his name is,
just off he goes,
disappears.
I know why. I know.
The major gave him 100 yen
to get that girl
out of that village.
By golly,
she's not gonna cause
any dissension here. No.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Ladies!
Ladies! Ladies!
Ladies!
Ladies! Ladies!
Ladies! Close the door!
Close the door! Wait!
Ladies! Ladies!
Ladies! Hey, ladies!
Just a minute, please.
All right, just one minute.
Please, just--
What is it you want,
ma'am?
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, she say she waiting for
some democratic action, boss.
And if she don't get it,
boss,
she say she gonna write this
Uncle Sammy you talk about.
Wait a minute. No,
we don't want to do that.
We don't want letters
going to Washington
about any-- Any trouble
around here.
Now,
the discrimination,
which all these lovely ladies
have been worried about.
We're gonna take care--
We're gonna take care of it.
Every bit, it's all gonna be
taken care of.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, no,
she say please
not eliminate
discrimination, boss.
Just give her some.
Now, what does
she mean by that?
She say Lotus Blossom
unfair competition.
Oh, well,
granted.
And she say you promise
that everyone
gonna be equal, boss.
And I intend
to keep my word.
But she say
she can't be equal, boss,
unless she have everything
Lotus Blossom have.
What Lotus Blossom has
the government doesn't issue.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
All right, all right.
[SPEAKS JAPANESE]
Yes, just a minute now.
What is this?
She say
she want you to get her
and Ladies' League
the following items:
A, red stuff to put on lips
like geisha girl.
B, stuff that smell very nice.
What do you think
the Post Exchange would think
if I put in a requisition
for lipstick?
This is ridiculous.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Now what?
Oh, she say
she think
she gonna have to write
this Uncle Sam
after all, boss.
No, you don't have--
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Wait a minute!
Ladies, wait a minute, please!
Ladies, ladies,
please, will you come back?
You, ladies,
just come back here.
Look, no, just one.
Look, just sit down.
You, sit down.
Come on. Here now.
There's a nice girl.
Sit down.
The rest of you.
Don't-- Please don't.
Now, will you explain--?
Sakini, listen very carefully.
Will you--? Oh, my.
Just explain to her
that I will phone
the, uh, Post Exchange at Awase
and I will see
if I can't get some, uh--
I'll get some talcum powder
and some shaving lotion.
You know, tell her.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Yeah. All right?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Yeah?
[WOMEN LAUGHING, CHATTERING]
Yeah, it's all right.
Yes?
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
What now?
What'd she say?
Oh, she say
one more thing, boss.
She say she want you
to get Lotus Blossom
to teach all the ladies
to be geisha girl.
No! No! No!
[ALL LAUGHING]
No! No! No!
[ALL CHATTERING]
[GASPS]
[SPEAKS JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS JAPANESE]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
America-san...
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[LAUGHS]
Fisby-san!
[LOTUS BLOSSOM GIGGLES]
Oh, boss,
look who's here.
Lotus Blossom
come to see you.
All right, now.
Where have you been
all day? Hm?
Oh, don't bother
to tell me. I know.
You've been out,
upsetting the agri--
Oh, no, upsetting the
agricultural horse-cart, huh?
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, she say sun burst
through clouds
now that you smile
on her, boss.
I'm not smiling.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh. Oh, boss,
you know what she give you?
The works.
No, when lady give
a gentleman chrysanthemum bud
in Okinawa
that mean her heart
ready to unfold.
Well, this is one bud
that's not going to bloom.
[SINGING IN JAPANESE]
Now, what's this?
She want to know if you
want some tsukemono, boss.
No.
Tsukemono
good to eat between meals.
No, no, no.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Will you--? Will you,
please--? Will you--?
Tell her
to leave my feet alone.
Captain Fisby-san.
What?
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, boss, she--
She very worried about you.
Now, when you go out in hot sun,
you must wear kasa on head.
Well, you know something,
you tell her
to stop worrying about
my head and my feet and--
And one thing very important,
she's just got to stop
interfering
with my recovery program.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Do you want some tea,
boss?
No, I don't.
No, no, no.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, you want to hear
some music, boss?
No. No, I don't--
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
She say you jealous,
boss.
[SARCASTIC LAUGH]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
You want to tell her
your trouble, boss?
Tell her my--?
W-what?
Now, what do I want
to tell her my troubles for?
Oh, she geisha girl, boss,
that's her business.
Yeah, some business.
Some business.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, no.
Oh, she very sad,
boss.
Mm.
She want to help you
because she--
She say you best boss
she ever have.
You not take money from her.
You not make her work.
Do you mean to tell me
that the men who owned her
hired her out and then--?
And they took money from her?
Oh, sure, boss.
Oh, well, now, really.
I mean--
You know,
where I come from,
the men who do
that sort of thing--
Oh, you got geisha business
in America too, boss?
No, but--
Well, I mean--
Look, will you
please explain to her
I have no intention of--
Of making her work,
and I'm certainly not going
to take money away from her.
I mean, that's--
Why not, boss?
She pay dues to geisha guild.
She member in good standing.
This is really--
I mean this is the most
immoral thing
I've ever heard of.
No, I mean,
I don't say, Sakini,
that where I come from
we don't have, uh...
Uh...
Well, you know.
But I mean,
by golly,
we don't have unions.
And we don't set rates
and we don't collect dues.
No, no, boss, no.
Geisha girl
not do what you think.
Wait a minute.
Everybody knows what they do.
Oh, no,
everybody wrong, boss.
What do they pay her for?
Hm?
Oh, you--
Well, very hard
to explain, boss.
Poor man like to feel rich.
Rich man like to feel wise.
Sad man like to feel happy.
So all go to geisha house
and tell trouble to geisha girl.
Now, she listen
very politely.
She say, "Oh,
that's too bad, boss."
She very pretty.
She make tea, and she sing,
and she dance, boss.
Pretty soon,
troubles go away, boss.
So that not worth something,
boss?
Sakini, I apologize to you,
I-- I-- I really apologize.
I-- I'm-- I'm very glad
you cleared things up.
That's kind of--
That kind of puts
a new light on things.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
She say-- She say why you smile
at her all of a sudden, boss?
You mad or something?
Sakini, I--
Will you ask her
if she'd be kind enough
to give geisha lessons
to the Ladies' League
for Democratic Action?
[GIGGLING]
[TRADITIONAL JAPANESE MUSIC
PLAYING]
Boss!
Oh, boss!
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
They all come to see you,
boss.
Oh, what can I do
for them?
Oh, they have a meeting
in democratic fashion
and majority agree
on resolution.
They want you
to build them a chaya.
A what?
ALL:
Chaya.
A teahouse, boss.
A teahouse?
Sure, now that Tobiki got
geisha girl like big city, boss,
they want a teahouse
like big city too.
They say you give Ladies' League
what they want, boss.
I can't build them
a teahouse, Sakini.
I have no authority
to do that.
Oh, you say rule of majority
is law, boss.
You gonna break the law?
No, I'm not gonna break--
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Konnichiwa.
Well, look, they're going
to have a school, you see.
Now, that's enough.
Oh, school.
Well, majority too old
to go to school, boss.
They want have chaya,
a teahouse.
We haven't got the materials
to build a teahouse.
Ah-so.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Ah-so.
What'd she say?
Oh, she say yesterday
big Army truck come
and leave lovely lumber
and beautiful paint, boss.
That's right.
It's for the schoolhouse.
No, it just can't be done,
folks.
Oh, okay.
No, it just can't.
[ALL GROANING & MUTTERING]
They-- They say you very mean
to them, boss,
after presents
they give you everything.
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, folks.
I'm really very sorry.
Oh, they very sorry too,
boss,
because Tobiki
like to be proud, boss.
Teahouse give them a face.
It's gonna be
a fine school.
Five sides.
May I speak,
captain-san?
Yes, of course,
Mr. Oshira.
There are lovely teahouses
in the big cities,
but the men of Tobiki
have never been inside them.
We are too poor.
All of my life I have dreamed
of visiting a teahouse
where paper lanterns cast
a light in the lotus pond,
and the bamboo bells
hanging in the pines
tinkle as the breezes
brush them.
But this picture is only
in my heart.
I may never see it.
I am an old man, sir.
I shall die soon.
It is evil for the soul
to depart this world
laden with envy or regret.
Give us our teahouse, sir.
Free my soul for death.
Well, we haven't
any carpenters.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
ALL:
Daiku-san! Daiku-san!
Oh, boss.
Oh, boss, what you think?
Mr. Sumata and--
And papa-san just come down
from mountain right now.
[LAUGHS]
[ALL CHUCKLE]
All right, all right,
I haven't got a chance.
I guess Uncle Sam is going
into the teahouse business.
Captain Fisby!
ALL:
Hooray!
Uncle Sam!
ALL:
Hooray!
[ALL SINGING IN JAPANESE]
[SIGHS]
[RINGS]
Hai.
Thank you.
Captain Fisby.
Hello. This is Colonel Purdy.
Oh, yes, sir.
How are you, colonel?
I want to talk to you
about your progress report.
There's nothing in here
about the new schoolhouse.
Didn't you get the lumber?
Yes, sir.
Oh, yes, sir.
As a matter of fact, we're using
it out there now, sir.
But, uh, colonel, I think we're
gonna have to have some more.
I sent ample
according to specifications.
How big a structure
you building?
Well, sir, we have
to consider expansion,
you know,
population increase.
We don't need
to consider expansion.
Our troops will be out of there
by the next generation.
Which brings me
to another point.
What's this about six kids
being born last week?
Well, sir,
it's the only thing
I could fill the progress report
with, sir.
Then you've failed
at your indoctrination.
Don't you know yet
that births are entered
under population increases?
They're not considered progress.
No, not children, sir.
Kids. Goats.
There must be something wrong
with this connection.
It sounded
just as if you said "goats."
You see, I'm trying to increase
the livestock down here.
Goats? Look here, Fisby,
suppose some congressman flew in
to inspect our team.
How would I explain
such a report about goats?
The population of civilians
alone concerns us.
I want to know exactly
what progress you've made
as outlined in plan B.
Well, sir, I'm, uh,
getting along with the people.
In other words, nothing.
Listen to me, Fisby,
do you know
what Major McEvoy
has accomplished in Awase?
No, sir.
Then I'll tell you.
His fourth graders know
the alphabet through M.
His whole village can sing
"God Bless America" in English.
I wish I could say the same.
Well, see that you do.
I don't want any rotten apples
in my barrel.
I want to know exactly what
you've accomplished
in the five weeks
you've been down there.
Ahem. Well, sir, now--
Well, we have started
an industry.
Matter of fact, we're sending
our first shipment
out this week.
Now, we're making getas.
We're--
Wait a minute.
What in thunder is a geta?
No, it isn't a geta, sir.
It's plural. Getas.
Getas, you know,
you have to have two.
Are you breeding some animal?
No, no.
You see, you wear them
on your feet.
And they're very good for
the metatarsal muscles, colonel.
And now, I have another group.
They're out there
making cricket cages.
Captain Fisby,
what kind of cages did you say?
Cricket cages, colonel.
You know, the cricket.
The black bug that--
It rubs its hind legs together.
I think we can sell
just thousands of those cages.
Of course, we don't supply
the cricket.
Naturally, not.
Captain Fisby,
have you taken your salt pills?
Oh, yes, sir. Every day
at chaya in the pine grove.
Have you been going out
in the sun without your hat?
You see, I wear a kasa, sir.
It's a--
The wind blows
through the straw.
It kind of ventilates
the brain.
I see. I see.
That'll be all, captain.
Gregovich.
Yes, sir?
What's the name of that
psychiatrist over in Awase?
Captain McLean?
Yes. You get him
on the phone.
My man at Tobiki has gone
completely off his rocker.
[HORN HONKS]
[HORN HONKS]
BOYS:
Good morning.
Good morning.
Hello?
BOYS:
Good morning.
Good morning.
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Oh. Uh...
Excuse me.
I'll see ya. Bye.
Well, who are you?
Oh, you startled me.
I'm Captain Fisby.
Can I do something for you?
Oh, well,
I'm Captain McLean.
How do you do, captain?
There was nobody here,
so I came in.
Medical corps.
I see it. See? Huh?
What are you doing
out here in Tobiki? Hm?
I'm on leave.
Oh?
Just thought I'd spend it
down here...
Uh-huh.
Making some
ethnological studies...
Oh?
of the natives.
If you have no objection.
No, I don't have any.
That's in your way.
I'll take it.
I was just examining that.
That's my cricket cage.
Oh, you like crickets?
I haven't found one yet,
but I have the cage.
Matter of fact, I've got two.
Would you like to have one?
Oh, no, no, no, thank you.
It's all right.
Ahem. What happened
to your uniform?
Oh, it's around.
It's around.
I find getas and a kimono
much more comfortable
in this climate.
But isn't that a bathrobe?
Well, it passes
for a kimono.
Why don't you take
your shoes off, captain?
Oh, no, thank you.
Thank you, no.
No?
I'll just keep them on.
All right, fine.
No objection, of course.
Sit down, sit down.
In my good chair, my good chair.
Thank you.
Well.
No?
Hm?
May I ask, uh...
Mm-hm?
whatcha building
down the road?
Hm?
Oh, that's my chaya.
You know, that's gonna be
really something
to write home about.
A chaya?
Mm-hm.
See, if you have a geisha,
you gotta have a chaya,
you know.
How have you felt lately,
Fisby?
Mac, I'll tell you
something,
I have never felt better.
I feel reckless
and happy and carefree and--
Well--
And it all happened
the moment I decided
not to build that
pentagon-shaped schoolhouse.
The what?
The good colonel,
he ordered me--
He ordered me to build
a pentagon-shaped schoolhouse
down here.
Well, the natives,
they wanted a teahouse.
And would you believe it?
One of them gave me
a geisha girl.
So I decided that I was going
to give them what they want.
I guess it sounds kind of crazy
to you, doesn't it?
[LAUGHING]
Well, yes and no.
You know, these are
wonderful people.
Wonderful people
with a strange sense of beauty.
Hard-working-- Hard-working
when there's a purpose.
You know what
they're doing out there?
They're making cricket cages,
lacquerware, chopsticks
to sell as souvenirs
to the people up north.
Don't let anybody ever tell you
that these people are lazy.
Oh, that's-- Oh, I see.
No, you don't.
You don't.
Oh, I see.
No, you don't, no, no.
But you will when you get
a chance to study them.
So you're building
a teahouse.
Yes. You know what
I'm gonna do next?
I'm gonna go out
and test that soil.
See if it won't grow something
besides sweet potatoes.
I'm gonna send
for some nitrate,
some DDT and chemicals--
Chemicals?
Yes.
You want to poison
these people?
What are you talking about?
No.
Look, captain--
What? What?
I'm sorry.
You just touched on a subject
that's very close to my heart.
Gardening.
Yes?
You know, for years,
I've been on a point
of giving up my career
just so that I could set up
an experimental farm,
somewhere where I could
raise vegetables organically,
nature's way.
No poisons, no chemicals.
Let me tell you
something, captain.
Chemicals will kill
all your earthworms.
And earthworms aerate
your soil.
They do?
Do you know that the earthworm
leaves castings
eight times its own weight
every day?
That much?
Organic gar--
It's the only thing.
Compost. Manure.
But no chemicals.
You know a lot about this,
I can tell.
Well, I--
You do.
I subscribed to all the farm
journals for years, you know.
Mac, listen to me, I've got--
I've got the greatest idea.
While you're down here,
you could really do us
a big, big favor.
Sure.
A big service, mind you.
You could sort of take over
supervision.
Establish a kind of a--
What do you call it?
An experimental station.
Huh?
Well.
Hm?
Oh, I haven't got the time.
Take time, man.
Take time.
Now, this is a chance
for you to put
those theories
into facts--
These are not theories.
These are proved facts.
Just tell us
how to go about it.
That's all, Mac.
Is your soil acid or alkaline?
Oh, golly,
I don't know.
That's the first thing
we've got to find out.
You're just the man we need.
You're a genius.
I'll want plenty
of manure.
You'll get it.
And I want to set
this program up scientif--
Oh!
What's the matter?
What is it?
I wish I had
my books, my seed--
Oh, I've got a stack
of seed catalogs that high.
You have?
Oh, man, and I--
Well, let's sit down here.
Sit down, sit down.
You know what you can do?
Write down a list
of those catalogs,
those books you've got.
We'll have the airstrip boys
fly 'em in.
Can you do that?
Sit down. Can I do it?
Of course, I can do it.
Make the list--
Every spring I've made
lists of seeds.
I never had any soil
to put them--
Oh, now I can
actually germinate.
Make the list.
Make the list right now,
we'll get started
right away.
Corn: golden bantam.
Yes.
And country gentleman.
Right.
Hybrid.
I gotta check--
Hybrid.
Hybrid? Yes.
I gotta check with my department
of agriculture now.
But I'll be back.
I'll be back this afternoon
because you and I, we'll have
tea in the pine grove, Mac.
See, we have tea
in the pine grove
every afternoon
when the sun goes down.
Cucumbers:
early green prolific.
Oh, and radishes!
Crimson giant.
[PHONE RINGING]
Crimson giant.
[PHONE CONTINUES RINGING]
There's no answer, sir.
What do you mean
there's no answer?
Well, keep trying,
I'm not the kind of a man
to take no answer for an answer.
[PHONE RINGING]
Tomatoes:
ponderosa earlyiana.
Watermelon.
All-American gold medal.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello.
Who is this?
This is Captain McLean.
This is Colonel Purdy.
Can you talk?
Why not?
I'm anxious to hear
your report on you-know-who.
On who?
Captain Fisby.
The man I sent you down
to examine.
Oh, uh, well, colonel,
looks like I'll have to be
down here several weeks.
Several weeks?
Well, Rome wasn't built
in a day.
What?
I said, Rome wasn't built
in a day.
Well, you're the doctor.
Thank you, but I expect
to work miracles.
Splendid, splendid.
Is there anything I can send?
Some old Adventure magazines
or anything?
Say, colonel, uh, there are
a couple of books I'd like,
uh, I don't think
you could get them.
You name them.
Well, one is the
Principles of Pea Production,
the other one,
The Do's and Don'ts
of Cabbage Culture.
Oh, and, colonel...
do you think you'd lay
your hands on a soil test kit?
A what?
A soil test kit.
I wanna test the soil down here,
see if it's sour.
Sour, did you say?
Well, yeah,
if soil is sour,
your seeds won't germinate.
And, oh, I'd love to lay
my hands on some bees.
There is something wrong
with this connection.
And you know I'm gonna have
to take some time out.
I gotta build up this soil,
you know, with manure.
Did you say manure?
Yeah.
Nature's way.
Oh, I've lost faith
in chemicals.
You kill all your worms.
Oh, let me tell you,
colonel,
when you kill a worm,
you're killing a friend.
Hello?
Gregovich.
Yes, sir?
Where's plan B?
What did you want,
sir?
I wanna see who I sent
to analyze an analyst.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
That's hot water.
Hot water.
Hot water.
That's it.
[BOTH GIGGLING]
Oh.
Hm?
Captain Fisby-san.
Oh! Hey! Hey!
Mac, Mac, come on,
over here. Over here.
I got a list
of seeds here.
Put some more hot water
in the pot
'cause we have
a guest here.
Uh, uh, this--
This is Lotus Blossom.
You know?
How do you do?
That's the geisha girl
I told you about.
Konnichiwa.
She can't speak
English.
She doesn't need to.
No?
Oh, hey, the seeds.
You sit-- Sit down here,
will you, Mac?
Oh, thank you,
I'd like that.
Have some of this tea.
You know some--? Mac?
You know
that's real jasmine tea.
Really?
Here's a pillow.
Thank you.
Take off your shoes.
Now, about those seeds,
if we--
Sh. Sh. Sh. No. Sh.
Now, we're gonna sit here
and we're gonna watch
the sun go down.
And we're gonna contemplate
the end of the day.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[KOTO PLAYING]
[SINGING IN JAPANESE]
Look, captain,
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Do you suppose you could let me
have a couple of boys
to help me in the fields?
Mac.
Darn Japanese beetles
are eating up
all the Chinese peas.
All right, I'll get Sakini
to get a couple boys
to help you out,
all right?
Oh, good, thanks.
Alrighty. Now, Mac?
Sit down, Mac,
and listen for a while.
Uh, Lotus Blossom,
will you sing it again
for my friend Mac here?
Thank you.
Mac, but quiet, huh?
All right.
Here we go.
[SINGING IN JAPANESE]
Boss?
Very sorry to interrupt
lovely song, boss,
but emergency out here.
What's--?
What's the matter?
Everyone come back, boss.
Oh, all right.
Well, we better go see how they
made out with the souvenirs.
Yeah, put it up here.
Use this.
All right.
All right?
Come on, let's go.
[GOAT BLEATS]
What's this?
Now, what's happened here?
All the souvenirs
come back, boss.
What do you mean
"come back"?
You mean to say
they didn't sell?
No, the soldiers who look
at the straw hats say:
"What you think we are?
Hayseed?"
Mr. Oshira, look, you were
at Yatoda, what happened?
The Navy always spends money.
Sailor said,
"How much you want?"
I said, "25 yen."
That's good.
They say,
"Oh, too much.
"Can get better in five
and 10-cent store.
Give you one nickel."
Didn't you tell them,
Mr. Oshira,
that every one
of those cups is handmade?
They say, not care.
They say, at home,
have big machine
make 10 cups
every minute.
They say, "Take nickel
or jump in lake."
How do you like that?
Boss, you gonna stop work
on the teahouse?
No, we're not going
to stop work on--
They're gonna get
that teahouse, Sakini,
if they don't get
anything else.
By golly, you can tell them
that I'm very proud
of that work
that they've done.
I'm so proud.
And you can tell them
too, Sakini,
that I'm very proud
of them.
No, I am,
I-- I really am.
And I don't
understand this.
No, no, no,
I don't understand this.
I don't understand this.
Boss, they sure wish
they could make some money
to spend in
the teahouse, boss.
Because they not like
to go poor like beggar.
I know, I know.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
See, he say, boss, it not
your fault no one buy souvenir.
Well, they going home
to get drunk now, boss.
You know, I don't
blame them, Sakini.
If I could find
something to drink, I'd do--
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, folks!
What are they gonna
get drunk on?
Oh, they got nothing
but brandy, boss.
Nothing but brandy?
Nothing but brandy?
How are you gonna manage
to get brandy?
Oh, we make
a very fine brandy, boss,
from sweet potatoes.
Been making for generations.
You make brandy
yourself?
Yeah, sure, boss.
You want taste some?
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Ah-so.
Here you are, boss.
Ahem. Mac, Mac,
my dear friend, Mac.
If this stuff is only
halfway good, we're--
Oh, man,
we're really in business.
This is one thing our men--
They'll buy this.
Look, it may not be
any good.
You know, some things
even our troops won't drink.
Well.
Take a sip, boss.
I wanna smell it first.
[ALL LAUGH]
Obviously
it has a kick.
Yeah. Ahem.
How old is this stuff,
Sakini?
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Seven years?
No, seven days,
boss.
Oh, no, no, I mean, it wouldn't
smell like that in seven days.
They make it
last week, boss.
Here, you try it,
will you, Mac?
You're a medical man.
You give it a try.
You first.
No, you're my guest.
I waive the honor.
You know, anybody ever die
or go blind from this?
Oh, we not dead, boss.
We not blind.
Of course not.
You see? Come on, Mac.
They've worked up
an immunity over the years.
You see, I don't wanna kill one
of my own countrymen, you know?
There must be some way to test
this, isn't there, without me--?
There isn't, huh?
Well...
[GOAT BLEATS]
Sakini, get me, uh...
Get me Elsa Maxwell.
One goat
coming up, boss.
Elsa Maxwell.
That's who we need.
That's Higa Jiga's goat,
you know?
We'll test it on her,
you see?
Well, what you gonna prove?
Goats have hardy stomachs.
No, look,
if this brandy--
If this...
If this passes
the goat test,
we're really
in business, you know?
You know why?
No Marine will ever admit
that his stomach
is weaker than a goat's.
SAKINI:
Hey, boss, you gonna make
a guinea pig of goat?
Yeah, gimme something
to put it in, Mac.
Anything at all will do.
Helmet?
That's fine.
That's just fine.
Oh, Elsa Maxwell
very lucky goat, boss.
Better hold her head,
Sakini.
All right, doctor,
proceed in the name of science.
Take it easy.
Take it easy.
We're either gonna
have an industry
or goat meat for dinner.
[LAPPING]
What are you doing?
Oh, not too much.
[CROWD CHUCKLES]
She likes that.
Hey. Hey.
She all right?
All right?
What do you think,
doc?
It doesn't seem
to affect her.
Reflexes okay.
Well, here goes.
[CROWD CHUCKLING]
Huh?
Oh.
[CROWD LAUGHS]
Hey.
Where you going,
boss?
I'm about to form
the Cooperative
Brewing Company of Tobiki.
[ALL CHEER]
Shh!
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD SHUSHES]
Officers' Club
at Awase, please.
We gonna make brandy,
boss?
I'll tell you in a minute.
Officers' Club at Awase?
This is Captain Fisby
speaking at Tobiki.
Yeah, oh, major?
Major, this is Fisby.
Yeah, you know,
when I was with your unit
we had a hard time keeping
a supply of liquor at the club?
You remember?
Yeah, well, major,
I think that I have stumbled
onto something
that might be
of interest to you.
Uh, yes, as you know,
uh, Tobiki
is the, uh, heart
of the brandy industry.
Brandy! Did you say brandy?
Yes, brandy.
Look up the word "sweet potato"
in my dictionary, Mac.
See if there's a fancier word
for sweet potato.
Oh, I'm here, major,
yes, here I am. Uh-huh.
Yeah, now, look, major,
I think I might be able
to supply some
of that brandy to you,
that is, of course, if you're
willing to pay the price
and you keep the source secret.
Yes. Hm?
Oh, they've been making
it here for generations.
Oh, yes.
As a matter of fact,
I'm sure you've never tasted
anything quite like it.
Hold on a minute, major.
The Haitian name for sweet
potato is B-A-T-A-T-A, batata.
Major, you've heard of, uh,
Seven-Star Batata, haven't you?
Oh, ooh, well, they make it
here in Tobiki. Yes.
Seven Star got him, I think.
Brandy eight
or 10-day-old better.
Nine or 10-day-old.
Major, we also have Eight Star
Batata, and we have Ten Star.
Of course, the Ten Star,
now, mind you, that comes
a bit more expensive. Yes?
That will run you, uh...
one hundred occupation yen
a gallon.
Ten yen.
Delivered.
Yes.
What? How many?
Five gallons. Yes.
Five gallons will be delivered
in one week.
It'll be delivered by
our Department of Agriculture.
Yeah, right.
You're welcome, sir. Right.
[ALL CHEERING]
All right.
All right, let's--
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
The news kind of gets
around fast, huh?
Hello?
Oh? GHQ. H--
H, uh-- GHQ, uh, PX?
Yes. Yes.
Oh? Uh, thirty gallons?
No.
COD?
Yes. Right.
It'll be there.
Right. Thank you.
Thirty gallons!
[ALL CHEERING]
Let's go to work, huh?
I don't have to tell you.
Let's go to work.
Wait!
Wait.
Wait.
I've got my cricket!
[ALL CHEERING]
Put a label on that one.
Put a label on that one.
Seiko. Seiko,
15O more gallons
to the Naval Officers' Club,
Big Koza.
COD. Take 'em away.
FISBY:
Yatoda!
Hey, Sakini,
what are they doing here?
We're diverting water
for a lotus pond.
Can't have a teahouse
without a pond.
Yeah,
where's your goldfish?
You have a lotus pond,
you gotta have goldfish.
Whoa!
[ALL CHEERING]
Hey, boss!
Everyone send me to bring you
to teahouse opening, boss.
Mac, look.
Isn't that something?
This first class, boss.
Hey, boy, that's really
something, Sakini.
How about that, huh?
Well, come on,
let's go.
Well, lead on!
Okay.
[WIND CHIMES JINGLING]
[LIGHT CHATTERING]
Take shoes off, boss.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Thank you.
Good evening.
Boss, you sit here.
Lotus Blossom gonna dance
in your honor.
Hey, Mac, you hear that?
She's gonna dance.
Come on. Sit down,
Mac, you farmer.
This is in my honor.
How can I stall Purdy
so I can stay down here?
I'll have a relapse
for you.
Hai.
[TRADITIONAL JAPANESE MUSIC
PLAYING]
[SINGING IN JAPANESE]
[APPLAUSE]
Dozo.
Chrysanthemum bud
in full bloom now, boss.
And now,
happy birthday.
Very good.
Well, I'll be.
[GIGGLES]
How did you know?
I gave you away.
Boss, now everyone like
to show appreciation, boss.
[SPEAKING IN UNISON
IN JAPANESE]
Happy birthday.
How very lovely you are.
Oh.
And a happy,
happy to you.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Yeah.
[SPEAKING EXCITEDLY]
[GIRLS CHATTER EXCITEDLY]
Oh, boss,
you know what you do?
It called for flowers,
sort of, you know?
That mean you give
your heart to her.
Well, I do.
We all do, huh?
Wasn't it beautiful, Mac?
Oh, she can dance
in my chaya any day.
Pardon me, sir.
Are you sure
this is Tobiki village?
According to the map, sir.
The place seems
to be deserted.
There was a light
over there.
Come on.
What? What is this?
Sakini,
what do they want?
They want you
and doctor to sing song.
Sing? No.
All right, come on,
come on, Mac.
Come on, we're gonna
sing something.
How 'bout--? How 'bout
"Deep in the Heart of Texas"?
Why not? There aren't
any Texans here are there?
We're gonna have
some fun now.
Sakini, look.
You know, I want--
They're gonna help us out.
When we clap and sing "Deep in
the Heart of Texas," they join.
Oh, I know that song.
Very nice, boss.
We demonstrate.
What is it?
St-- Stars at night.
[BOTH]
♪ Stars at night
Are big and bright ♪
♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪
♪ Deep in the heart-- ♪
[WOMEN SPEAKING EXCITEDLY]
MAC: Deep in the heart of Texas.
♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪
[SLOWLY]
Deep in the heart of Texas.
Then we clap four times.
ALL [IN UNISON]:
♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪
Hey, we're all ready!
Hey, we're ready.
All right!
You ready on the left?
Ready on the right!
Here we go.
♪ The stars at night
Are big and bright ♪
ALL:
♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪
Very good.
♪ The prairie sky
Is big and high ♪
ALL:
♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪
♪ The stars at night
Are big and bright ♪
ALL:
♪ Deep in the heart
Of Texas ♪
♪ The prairie sky
Is big and high ♪
ALL:
♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪
♪ They say gin bloom
Is like perfume ♪
ALL:
♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪
Captain Fisby!
♪ The one I love
Deep in-- ♪
[CROWD GASPS]
What in the name of--?
[SHOUTING IN JAPANESE]
I see you, Fisby!
Fisby, I see you!
Where are you?
Where are you? Where are you?
Fisby! Fisby!
Come out here! Come out of here!
PURDY:
Come out of here.
Come out of here.
Sit down!
How many lectures
have you delivered
to the village children
on democratic theory?
Well, now,
let me see, sir.
Four, five?
No, no, no,
it wasn't that many.
Three?
No.
Two?
No, no.
You've only delivered
one lecture?
None, sir.
Don't tell me you haven't
delivered a single lecture?
Yes, sir, I've not
delivered no lecture.
Any lecture.
Have you organized a Woman's
League for Democratic Action?
Yes, sir, I did that.
I sure did.
I sure did that, sir.
How many lectures on democratic
theory did you give them?
Uh...
None, sir.
You can't mean none.
You must mean
one or two.
No, just none.
I refuse to believe it.
Oh, I'm very glad,
sir.
Sir, I must go.
Where?
My seedlings are wilting.
I have to transplant them.
Captain,
you'll pack your gear
and transplant yourself
to your unit at once.
Yes, sir.
They'll die.
Yeah.
This is murder.
Please,
take care of my beans.
Now,
is the schoolhouse finished?
No, sir.
Why isn't it finished?
Well, we--
We haven't started.
What did you do
with the lumber I sent?
We-- We built a teahouse.
I don't suppose
you have any aspirin here.
Huh?
I-- No,
I don't think so.
What, in the name of occupation,
do you mean by saying
you built a teahouse
instead of a schoolhouse?
Lotus Blossom,
she had to have a place
to teach the-- The Ladie''
League geisha lessons, sir.
Fisby!
Yes-- Yes, sir?
What?
Uh...
How could you sink
to such depths, man?
Well, I was only giving in
to what the majority wanted,
colonel.
I don't doubt that statement,
not at all.
It's a sad thing
it took a war to convince me
that most of the human race
is degenerate.
I thank my stars
I come from a country
where the air is clean,
where the wind is fresh--
Oh, for heaven's sake,
sir,
there's nothing that goes on
in a teahouse
that your own mother
couldn't watch.
You be careful how you use
my mother's name, Fisby!
Well, my mother, then, sir.
Sir, there's nothing immoral
about our teahouse.
Answer me this.
What is bringing
all that occupation money
to this particular village?
[RINGING]
Uh, it's, uh--
Well, answer it.
No, no, no, no.
It's nothing.
Nothing.
It might be for me.
It's not--
Answer it.
No, you see, this phone,
it rings all day.
Then I'll answer it.
Hello?
What do you want?
Who is this?
Well, Commander Myers, you
must have a wrong connection.
This is not a brewery.
[SIGHS]
Yes.
Mm.
Yes.
Yes.
Oh, I see.
I see.
I see.
Well...
there was nothing else
that we could make, colonel,
that anybody would want--
Would want to buy.
Brandy!
This ends
my Army career.
And I promised Mrs. Purdy
I'd come out a general.
You've broken
a fine woman's heart, Fisby.
I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry.
You've sullied the reputation
of your nation.
All right.
And all the tears--
All right.
Shall I kill myself?
Oh, don't minimize this.
You don't know the enemy's
genius for propaganda.
Well, what have you done
with all the money
you've made so dishonestly?
I banked it
in Seattle.
Oh. That's despicable.
Making a personal fortune
off the labor
of these ignorant people.
I haven't touched a cent
of this money, colonel.
Now--
Now, it's all banked
in the name of the Tobiki
Cooperative Company.
See, everybody in the village,
they're all partners,
don't you see?
You know? You know,
share and share alike.
That's communism!
It is?
[SOBBING]
I'll be lucky to get out
of this war a private.
Captain Fisby.
Yes, sir?
You will consider yourself
under technical arrest.
You will proceed to HQ
at once to await court-martial.
I intend to wipe this stain
from our country's honor.
Gregovich!
GREGOVICH: You called, sir?
I did.
[WOMEN GIGGLING]
Yes, sir.
We have some business
to attend to here
before going to Awase.
Yes, sir.
I'm glad to hear it.
Captain,
may I congratulate you
on what you've done
for this village?
It's a dream.
Thank you very much, sir.
It's an alcoholic dream.
It's one vast distillery.
I want you to take
a detail and some axes
and smash every still
in this village.
Destroy them?
[LAUGHS]
Beyond repair.
I want you
to take another detail
and rip down that teahouse.
But, colonel--
Pile the lumber beside the road.
That's an order.
Do you understand?
Yes, sir.
[BANGING]
[WOMAN SOBBING]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
I know.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Aw.
[WEEPING]
[♪]
Hot water.
[GIGGLES]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[MUTTERS]
[SOBBING]
Uh, boss.
Sorry, boss.
Uh, jeep all loaded now.
I'll be along
in a minute, Sakini, uh...
You gonna take Lotus Blossom
with you, boss?
Sakini.
Ask her for me
if there's anything
that I can do for her
before I go.
Ask her.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
What--? What does
she say, Sakini?
Oh, she say she want
to marry you, boss.
Now, why--? Why would she want
to marry me?
Oh,
she say you nicest man
she ever see, boss.
No, no, no, you--
You tell her for me
that I'm clumsy.
I-- I got a talent
for destruction.
I'd only disillusion her just--
Just the same way
I disillusioned
all her people.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
She say she-- She--
She like to go to America,
boss, where everyone happy,
sit around and sip tea
while machine do work.
Tell her
I'll never forget her.
I'll never forget
this village,
and on the other side
of the world,
in the autumn
of my life,
when an August moon
rises in the east,
I'll remember
what was beautiful
and what I was wise enough
to leave beautiful.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
She say, boss,
that she never forget you.
And, uh,
she like you to know
that she gonna make up
a long song-story about you
to sing in the teahouse.
And she say maybe
in 100 years from now,
you gonna be famous
all over Okinawa.
I'd like that.
I'd like that.
[SOBBING]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, he sure want to push
her wheelbarrow for her, boss.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
She say okay, but not to think
that, uh, she's his property.
[CHUCKLES]
He very happy fellow,
boss.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
She going now, boss,
but you still her boss.
So she say she not go
till you drop fan from face.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
I've written a full report
of this whole affair
to your commanding officer.
I'm only glad you don't belong
to my outfit.
I won't tolerate rotten apples
in my barrel.
[RINGS]
Hello.
Who?
What?
When?
Oh.
Uh, sit down, captain.
Sit down. Sit down.
[CHUCKLES]
Make yourself comfortable.
Sit down.
Uh, give me your hat.
Uh, have some
of these tsukemonos.
Help yourself.
Take your shoes off.
I-I'll be right back.
You going now, boss?
Yeah, I guess so,
Sakini. I...
Hey, boss, since you not take
Lotus Blossom with you,
maybe you take me?
No, Sakini, no.
I work for you
for half price, boss.
No, Major McEvoy
is coming down here
to take charge,
and, uh...
Well, he's gonna need
your help, you know?
Oh, you very hard man
to bargain with, boss.
Okay. You want, I work
just for rice ration.
No.
You mean, you gonna make me
work for nothing, boss?
I mean, yes,
you're not going to work
for me at all, Sakini.
No, you belong here.
Okay, boss.
Tsk.
Whoa, boss.
You know what I think
going to happen
when American
leave Okinawa?
No, what?
Oh, I think we gonna have to use
pentagon-shaped schoolhouse
for teahouse.
[LAUGHS]
[BOTH LAUGHING]
So long, Sakini.
You're a rare rascal.
So long, boss.
Say, you know,
I'm going to miss you.
Hey, boss.
Yes?
You not failure.
I'll tell you something,
Sakini.
You know,
I used to worry a lot
about not being
a big success.
I think I felt an awful lot
like you people felt,
always being conquered.
Well, you know, now I'm not sure
who's the conquered
and who's the conqueror.
So.
I've learned in Tobiki
the wisdom
of gracious acceptance.
See, I don't want
to be a world leader.
I've made peace with myself
somewhere between my ambitions
and my limitations.
That's good, boss.
Well, it's a step backward
in the right direction.
Take care.
Socks up, boss.
Sakini! Sakini!
Sakini! Sakini!
Where's Captain Fisby?
Oh, right over here, boss.
This way.
Fisby!
No, no, no, no. Over here.
Fisby!
Fisby! Fisby,
come back here at once!
I'm not in shape.
Too much paperwork.
You called,
sir?
I've been looking all over
for you. You can't leave.
You've got to stay here.
You've got to help me, Fisby.
I don't understand,
colonel.
We've got to pull this village
back together again.
The lid has blown off
of everything.
Where's Gregovich?
He's out there. They're breaking
the rest of the stills.
Oh, no.
Why, what's the matter?
I radioed the report
to Washington.
Some fool senator
misunderstood.
He's using this village
as an example
of American get-up-and-go
in the recovery program.
We're all over
the newspapers.
That's wonderful,
colonel.
It's not wonderful.
A congressional committee
is flying over here
to study our methods.
They're bringing photographers
for a magazine spread.
Tonight, Fisby, tonight.
That's bad, that's bad.
Gregovich!
Um, colonel, wait, maybe there's
some way we could stall 'em.
Ah, maybe we could quarantine
the place or something, huh?
You can't quarantine
a congressman.
They've got immunity
or something.
Oh.
Fisby?
Yeah?
Help me.
Yes, sir.
I don't ask it
for my sake.
I ask it
for Mrs. Purdy.
I could be
a brigadier yet.
Gregovich?
Gregovich!
Gregovich!
Gregovich.
Did you call, sir?
Come here, come here,
Gregovich.
Come here, come here.
You haven't destroyed all
the stills, have you, Gregovich?
No. No, of course you haven't.
Ooh,
yes, I have.
[SLURRING]
I carried orders
out to the letter.
Why can't somebody
disobey orders once in a while?
What's happened to the American
spirit of rebellion?
[COUGHS]
Sunstroke?
Uh, potato brandy, sir.
[CHUCKLES]
PURDY:
Sergeant, wake up!
Do you hear me?
That's an order.
Colonel, I'm afraid
he's passed out.
It's desertion.
I need every man.
Gregovich, get to your feet.
Come on, sergeant.
[GIGGLING]
Come on, sergeant.
Gregovich!
I want to ask you
some questions.
Sorry, sir.
Stop weaving.
You're weaving, sir.
I'm standing perfectly still.
You smell
like a brewery.
Oh, well,
I fell in a vat.
You got drunk?
No, sir.
I fell in a vat.
Naturally,
I had to open my mouth
to yell for help.
Go to the office
and sober up at once.
Yes, sir.
Oh, sergeant.
Uh, sergeant.
Fisby.
Yes, sir?
I think I'm going
to need you. Stand by.
Yes, sir.
[AIRPLANE APPROACHING]
Oh, no.
[AIRPLANE ROARING OVERHEAD]
I'm a sinking ship,
scuttled by my own men.
I know.
Colonel Purdy?
Don't bother me.
Stills not all destroyed.
I haven't got time...
What did you say?
We not born yesterday.
We get the sergeant drunk.
Give him water barrel to break.
Sakini,
my friend.
You're not saying this
just to make me feel better?
No. Stills as good
as ever, boss.
Production
not cease yet.
Sakini,
you really are a rascal.
No. He's really
an American.
He's got get-up-and-go.
Sakini, listen.
If you could get the people
in the village to work together,
how long do you think it'd take
them to rebuild the teahouse?
Oh, we not destroy, boss.
We just take away and hide.
Come here.
Now we gonna show you
Okinawan get-up-and-go.
[SHOUTING IN JAPANESE]
[MAN SHOUTING IN JAPANESE]
[ALL SINGING IN JAPANESE]
[DRUM BEATING]
[SHOUTS IN JAPANESE]
Be right back.
[ALL SINGING IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
It's a land of mystery
in the Orient.
It's--
It's beautiful.
It's simply beautiful.
There's only
one thing wrong.
It needs a sign
to tell people what it is.
And we ought to put
another sign up over there,
naming this
Grace Purdy Avenue,
and another sign--
Sir, how about
a nice cup of tea? Hm?
All right?
Come on, colonel.
[WOMAN SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Oh. Twenty Star
for the colonel, Sakini.
Okay, boss.
Little story now concluded,
but history of world unfinished.
Lovely ladies,
kind gentlemen,
go home to ponder.
What was true at beginning
remains true.
Pain make man think,
thought make man wise,
and wisdom make life
endurable.
So may August moon
bring gentle sleep.
Sayonara.
[♪]
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
[ALL CHATTERING]
Tutti-frutti.
Most generous gift
from American sergeant.
Lovely ladies, kind gentlemen,
pleased to introduce myself.
Sakini by name,
interpreter by profession.
Education by the ancient
dictionary.
Okinawan by, uh,
whim of gods.
History of Okinawa reveal
distinguished record
of conquerors.
We have honor to be subjugated
in, uh, 14th century
by Chinese pirate.
In 16th century,
by English missionary.
In 18th century,
by Japanese warlords.
And in 20th century,
by American Marine.
Okinawa very fortunate.
Culture brought to us.
Not have to leave home for it.
And we learn many thing.
Most important,
that rest of world
not like Okinawa.
World filled
with delightful variation.
Example:
uh, in Okinawa, no--
No locks on doors.
Bad manners
not to trust neighbors.
In America, lock and key
big industry.
Conclusion:
bad manners, good business.
Another example:
in Okinawa, wash self
in public bath
with nude lady quite proper,
but a picture of nude lady
in, uh, private home
quite improper.
In America, statue of nude lady
in park win prize,
but nude lady in flesh
in park
win a penalty.
Conclusion:
pornography,
question of geography.
But, uh, Okinawa most eager
to be educated by conquerors.
Not easy to learn.
Sometimes very painful.
But pain make man think.
Thought make man wise.
And wisdom make life endurable.
So now--
Now we going to tell you
little story
to demonstrate splendid example
of benevolent assimilation
of democracy by Okinawa.
Boss by name
of Colonel Purdy III.
Number three after name indicate
he is son of a son of a son.
Colonel Purdy put up
many sign.
This exceedingly civilized.
Make it very easy
for uncivilized
to know what not to do.
Here laundry of officer
not to fraternize with laundry
of enlisted man.
Dozo.
This gentleman
honorable Sergeant Gregovich,
assistant to Colonel Purdy,
but not a son of son of son.
You know what he's doing?
Explanation:
Colonel Purdy great student
of history.
So every month,
wife of Colonel Purdy
send him magazine
called Adventure Magazine.
Cover have picture of pirate
with a black patch over eye.
Everyone try to steal
magazine.
So colonel hide under desk
so he can read first,
but the sergeant
always find.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
He's a smart mouse.
This gentleman, exalted boss,
Colonel Purdy III.
Colonel very wise man.
Every morning look up at the sky
and make a prophecy.
It's not gonna rain today.
And you know what?
Not-- Not rain.
Of course it not rain
this time of year
in whole history of Okinawa,
but the colonel not make
mistake.
Un, deux, trois...
Explanation:
Army teach colonel French
for invasion of Europe,
then send to Okinawa
instead.
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven.
Where's my eighth pair
of shorts?
Now colonel gonna yell loud
for Sakini.
So I hide.
I pretend to be asleep here.
So...
PURDY:
Sakini.
Sakini?
Sakini?
[SNORING]
Sakini!
Sakini!
Sakini.
Oh, good morning, boss.
You sure surprised me, boss.
I want you to tell me why
my laundry comes back every week
with one piece missing.
Oh, gets lost, boss.
I know it gets lost.
What I wanna find out
is how it gets lost.
Oh, very simple, boss.
Family take laundry
to wash in the stream
and while friends
exchange greetings,
laundry exchange places.
We run down hill fast as dickens
to catch laundry, boss.
Well?
Not run fast enough.
No wonder you people
were subjugated by the Japanese.
If you're not sleeping,
you're running away from work.
Where's
your get-up-and-go?
Ooh, guess get-up-and-go went,
boss.
Well, get up and go down
to the officers' quarters
and see if Captain Fisby's
arrived.
If he has, tell him to report
to me at once. Hurry.
Sakini.
Yes, boss?
You are a civilian employee
in the pay
of the United States Army
and should dress
accordingly.
Yeah.
Pull your socks up.
Very sorry, boss.
Very sorry.
Socks up.
Anything more, boss?
That'll be all.
Is that as fast
as you can walk?
No, no, boss,
but to walk any faster,
socks fall down.
Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq,
six ...
Good morning, sir.
At ease.
I'm gonna get rid
of that interpreter.
He doesn't set
a good example.
Uh, colonel, sir,
we gotta have someone around
who speaks the language.
[CHUCKLES]
You're quite right,
sergeant, quite right.
It isn't often I make a mistake.
But when I do--
It's a beaut?
I wasn't going
to say that.
I was gonna say,
"By George, I admit it."
I'm sorry, sir.
Now, we've got a new officer
reporting this morning.
He's been transferred to us
from Psychological Warfare.
I don't suppose you happen
to know who they are.
Aren't they something
at the rear
of the rear echelon?
They're just the cream
of the Army's geniuses.
They're just the brains
behind the fighting heart.
Every man Jack of them has
a mind like a steel trap.
And we're lucky to be getting
one of their officers.
I'll watch my step,
sir.
Eh, while we're waiting
for Captain Fisby
I'd like you to make a note
of new signs I want painted.
The painter hasn't finished
the ones
you ordered yesterday,
sir.
There's only one answer to that:
put on another sign painter.
Yes, sir.
Now, I noticed the men were
dancing with each other
in the canteen
the other night.
Yes, sir.
"No dancing allowed."
I didn't say that,
Gregovich.
I don't object
to the men dancing.
I want them
to enjoy themselves.
But it doesn't set a good
example for the natives
to see noncoms
dancing with enlisted men.
So have a sign posted
saying:
"Sergeants are forbidden
to dance with privates."
[CLEARS THROAT]
You might as well take that memo
to the sign painter right now.
Yes, sir.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Sakini here, boss.
Don't ever put your finger
on an officer.
Oh, oh, not right,
boss?
No!
Oh.
If you wanna announce
your presence, knock.
Ah-so.
Can't you natives ever learn
anything about custom?
Ah-so.
What do you think
you're doing?
Oh, not know, boss.
Do what you ask.
Everything in this country
conspires to annoy me.
Well, where is
Captain Fisby?
Oh, oh, he come now, boss.
I run ahead.
Uh, socks fall down.
Captain Fisby
reporting, sir.
Welcome to Team 147.
Ha-ha!
I can't tell you how glad I am
to have you.
Thank you, sir.
Frankly, we're so desperate
for officer personnel
I'd be glad to see you
even if you had two heads.
[GIGGLES]
That'll be all, Sakini.
You can wait outside.
Okay.
Sit down, captain,
sit down.
Thank you.
Ha-ha-ha!
Thank you very much.
Oh, oh, oh, sorry, boss.
I sit by door, boss.
May as well be
comfortable here.
Yes.
Not sleep.
Uh,
have you unpacked?
Oh, yes, sir,
yes, sir.
I unpacked as soon
as I got in last night.
Well,
that's too bad
because you'll have
to pack again.
Oh?
I am sending you
to Tobiki at once.
We need a man of your caliber
up there right away.
Well, thank you.
I am informed that you
requested this transfer
from Psychological Warfare
to my outfit.
May I say
that I am honored.
Yeah. Well, in all fairness,
sir,
I think I should tell you
that I was requested
to request it.
Oh?
Mm.
May I ask why?
Uh-huh.
Well, it-- Eh, you see, sir,
it seems that my-- My propaganda
to undermine the enemy's morale
undermined the staff's morale
instead.
How did you get into
Psychological Warfare
in the first place?
I was requested to request
a transfer.
From what?
The Paymaster General's
office.
What was your duty there?
Well, I-- I had charge of
the payroll-computation machine.
Well, until--
Until what?
Well--
[SIGHS]
You know, machines have always
been my mortal enemy, colonel.
I don't believe
that they're inanimate.
They're not inanimate
at all.
They're full of malice
and ill will.
I asked you what happened,
captain.
Yes. Yes, sir.
Uh, well, this machine--
This--
You know,
the payroll-computation machine.
--it made a mistake,
it seems,
of a quarter
of a million dollars
in the payroll.
And, uh, unfortunately,
the men were paid
before the mistake
was discovered.
What did they do to you?
Oh, they gave me a job
licking envelopes.
And then you asked
for a transfer.
No.
I developed an allergy
to glue.
How many outfits
in this man's Army
have you been in,
captain?
Let's see, how many
are there now, sir? Uh--
Never mind.
I admit disappointment,
but not defeat.
I thought you were given to me
in recognition of my work here.
Frankly, I expect to be made
a general soon.
And I want that star
for my wife's crown.
Naturally,
that's very hush-hush.
Oh, yes,
naturally.
Do you know something, sir?
Do you know something? I--
I just think that perhaps
I just wasn't
cut out to be a soldier,
that's all.
Captain, none of us was cut out
to be a soldier,
but we do the job.
We adjust, we adapt,
we roll with a punch
and bring victory home
in our teeth.
Do you know what I was
before the war?
A football coach?
I was the Purdy Paper Box
Company of Pottawatomie.
What did I know
about foreigners?
But my job is to teach
these natives
the meaning of democracy.
And they're gonna learn
democracy
if I have to shoot
every one of them.
Yes, sir.
What did you do
before the war?
Oh, I was a--
An associate professor
at Muncie.
What'd you teach?
The humanities.
Captain, you're finally
getting a job
you're qualified
by training to handle:
teaching these natives
how to act human.
No, I don't think the humanities
are quite that.
If you can teach one thing,
you can teach another.
This is plan B.
Washington has drawn up
full instructions
pertaining to the welfare
and recovery
of these native villages.
Consider it your Bible,
captain.
Yes, sir. I'll study it
very carefully.
Now, there might be some
questions I'd like to ask.
Washington has anticipated
all of your questions.
Yes, but I was thinking--
You don't even
have to think.
This document relieves you
of that responsibility.
Uh, how is your Japanese?
Oh, not so very good.
No, no. Not-- Not good, sir.
Oh, I can see you'll need
an interpreter.
Well, I--
No, no-- Uh, sir--
I've got just the man
for you.
Colonel?
Colonel?
Sakini!
I could study the language,
you know.
No need,
we won the war.
Sakini present, boss.
Socks up, not sleeping.
Sakini,
this is Captain Fisby.
We meet before, boss,
you forget.
Yeah, we met.
I'm assigning you
to Captain Fisby.
He's gonna take charge of
a village at the top of Okinawa.
A village called
Tobiki.
Tobiki, boss.
Very nice place,
boss,
but not at top of Okinawa,
at bottom.
Don't tell me where the villages
under my command are located.
I happen to give a course
in map reading.
Very sorry, boss.
But happen to be born in Tobiki.
It's at the bottom.
Then it's time you learned
where you were born.
Oh, very sorry, boss,
but map upside down.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Why doesn't the Army learn
how to draw a map properly?
That'll be all,
Sakini.
Find Sergeant Gregovich
and have him
assign a jeep
to Captain Fisby!
Then load supplies
and the captain's gear.
You'll be leaving
at once.
I mention you
in prayer to gods, boss.
I wait for you in jeep,
captain.
I sometimes think
we occupation teams
have it tougher
than combat troops.
Oh, now, I wouldn't say that,
sir.
Granted, they had it rough
for a while.
But we have the killing
daily grind with no glory in it.
Yes, sir,
I know what you mean, sir.
Life itself is a battlefield
with its own obscure heroes.
I consider that poetry,
captain.
Oh, no, no, that's--
That's prose, colonel.
And it isn't mine, you know.
It's, uh, Victor Hugo.
Oh, yes, Victor Hugo.
How I loved Tale of Two Cites.
[CHUCKLES]
Isn't that, um, Dickens?
Isn't that Dickens, sir?
Well, to get back
to Tobiki.
Your first job will be to
establish a municipal government
and to build a school.
Yes, sir.
Uh, plan B calls
for the schoolhouse
to be pentagon-shaped.
Penta--?
When the schoolhouse is built,
organize a Ladies' League
for Democratic Action.
Uh-huh.
Captain,
this is a chance for you
to make a name for yourself.
Yes, sir, I-- I feel
that I personally
have delayed victory
at least a year,
and I wanna vindicate
myself.
That's the kind of talk
I like to hear.
Thank you.
Well, I won't detain you then.
Yes, sir.
My only order to you is
put that village on the map.
Y-- Yes, sir.
Send me a bimonthly progress
report in triplicate.
Yes, sir.
Don't duplicate
your work.
No, sir.
No, sir.
And remember
that the eyes of Washington
are on our occupation teams,
and the eyes of the world
are on Washington.
Yes, sir. I'll keep the eyes
in mind, sir.
Goodbye, captain.
Yes, sir.
Goodbye, sir.
[SIGHS]
Oh, everything all set, boss?
We go Tobiki now?
Now, listen, I gotta get my gear
packed first, Sakini.
Oh, all finished,
boss.
I have many cousin work
for Army.
Where's our jeep?
Right over there,
boss.
Huh?
Ohayo gozaimasu.
Ohayo gozaimasu.
What's she doing
up there?
Oh, she nice old lady,
boss.
She hear we go
to Tobiki village,
so she think she go along
to visit grandson.
Oh, she does?
Uh-huh. Well--
Well, you tell her
I'm very sorry,
but you see, this--
This is against regulations.
Oh, she not fall off, boss.
She tied on good.
Yes. Well, you untie her,
Sakini.
You get up there and untie her
and tell her to get down.
You see, she's going to have
to find some other way
to visit her grandson.
Oh, boss, her grandson
mayor of Tobiki village.
You gonna make him lose face,
you kick old grandma off jeep.
Oh. You say she's
the mayor's grandmother?
Yes.
Mm-hm.
Well, all right.
You see--
She's tied on all right,
I guess, huh?
So I guess we can take her.
Sure.
Now, look,
is all this stuff here mine?
No, most of the stuff
belong to old lady.
Eh, she, uh, gonna stay
three or four months,
so she bring her cooking pots
and bed
and, uh, a present for friend
and--
Uh-huh.
Well, I don't-- I don't--
Uh, all right.
Look, if you see
any low branches coming,
you just, uh--
You know, you yell out.
And, uh, get in there,
Sakini.
You get in there, and give me
directions while I drive.
You wanna get in?
No, no, can't go yet.
Old lady daughter not here,
boss.
Wait-- Wait a minute,
maybe I didn't hear you right.
You say-- You don't mean
the daughter is coming with us.
Well, old lady very old,
boss.
Who gonna take care of her
on the trip?
Oh, here she come now, boss.
Right on dot.
Uh, I don't--
Listen--
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
Will you just wait
a minute.
Now, wait a minute,
will you mind?
Tell her-- Um, Miss--
Uh, Sakini,
will you tell her
that there's no room
for anything more on this jeep.
Old lady must take clothes
to show friends, boss,
because you make her
lose face
if, uh, people think she only
got one dress.
Miss, will you please come back?
Sakini, ask her to come back.
There's no room for any more
bundles on this jeep.
No, she not go get bundles,
boss,
she go get children.
Sakini.
Sakini.
What?
Look, these things
are always happening to me.
And I-I've gotta put a stop
to them someplace.
Daughter not go
without children,
and old lady not go
without daughter.
And if old lady not go,
mayor of Tobiki
be mad with you, boss.
[CHATTERING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, uh, will you wait
just a minute please?
Ohayo. Uh...
Don't get up on there.
Not on the hood of the--
Just a minute. Son. Son.
Please don't-- Son.
Sakini, for Pete's sakes,
how does she expect me
to see how to drive?
Oh, old lady got very good
eyesight, boss.
She gonna sit up there
and tell us when to turn.
You'll have to move over here,
son, because I--
Son, will you please stop--?
If you're gonna--
What?
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, he going to get goat, boss.
Goat?
You can't leave
goat behind, boss.
Just a minute!
Hold it, everybody!
Now, we're gonna see who
is going to lose face right now.
And we're gonna see
because no goat is going
to ride on this jeep.
Oh, you not like goat, boss?
No. No. No.
Yes, I like--
I mean, I don't know--
It's not a question
of whether I like the goat.
It's-- I'm just sure
that the colonel,
he wouldn't like it.
Oh, well, the children not go
without goat, boss.
Mother not go
without children, boss.
Yeah.
Old lady not go
without daughter.
I know.
And if old lady not go:
BOTH:
Mayor of Tobiki be mad at you.
I know.
Oh, no, no, please.
Everyone here, boss.
Goat unmarried lady goat.
No children.
No, you'll have to get down.
SOLDIER:
You'll never get it off
the ground, captain.
Sakini, come on,
we gotta get started.
You get in, boss.
And no one else going, boss.
No one else is going.
Wait a minute.
Hey, you got another customer.
MAN 3: Hey, wait a minute.
Oh, no.
Sakini! Wait.
Please wait.
What?
Now, who in the blazes is he?
Who in the blazes is he, boss?
Never see before.
Ask him what he's doing
sitting here, please.
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
Oh. He say he see people
going on a trip, boss.
He think he like
to go along too.
No, please--
He does?
Well, you tell him for me
that he's gotta
get off right now.
Come on.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
No, no. What?
Oh, he say,
why you not take him, boss?
You take goat.
Oh, no.
He say maybe you think
he not as good as goat.
Tell him for me, Sakini,
that the eyes
of Washington are on--
The world is on Washington,
and the eyes of Washington
are on me.
Will you just-- Folks, please,
I would love to take you.
Folks, if this was my jeep
or if this wasn't
against regulations,
I'd be only too--
Captain Fisby!
Yes, sir.
What in the name of occupation
do you think you're doing?
Well, it's hard to explain, sir.
[CHATTERING]
No, just--
What are they saying?
They say, tell fat old man to
shut up so we can get started.
[BRAYS]
[BRAYS]
Which one of you men
made that noise?
[JEEP STARTS]
[REVS]
Just a second.
Where are you going?
Hey, Captain Fisby! Sakini!
Come back here! You hear me?
[CHATTERING, GOAT BRAYING]
No, just a minute please.
Just a minute. Which road?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[GRANDMOTHER SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Just a minute, please,
just a minute.
What did she say?
Old lady say, boss,
that she want to go
to Awase, boss,
because she got sister
she not see in 22 half years.
We're on duty, Sakini,
we're not on a tour
of the island.
Now, would you please
just ask her for me,
which is the road to Tobiki?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[ALL CHATTERING]
Right there, boss.
What? This way?
All right,
that's all I asked you.
All right. All right.
Well, so this is Tobiki.
Tobiki, no.
This Awase, boss.
I distinctly asked this lady
to tell me the way to Tobiki.
Well, old lady make mistake,
boss. Very sorry.
Well, you know,
we can't go--
Oh, sorry, boss,
but she not very smart.
Yeah.
Konnichiwa.
All right, which road?
No, no, don't ask her.
I don't trust her.
[ALL CHATTERING]
All right.
What are they saying?
Children want to go
to Yatoda, boss.
I suppose they've
got some cousins
that they want
to visit there.
No, ocean at Yatoda, boss.
Children never see ocean.
Our orders are to proceed
directly to Tobiki.
Now, which road?
Oh.
There.
There. Over here, huh?
All right.
[KIDS SHOUTING IN JAPANESE]
Boss--
No, don't tell me,
this is Yatoda.
How you know, boss?
Well, I recognize the ocean.
Ah-so.
Now, where's this?
Whose uncle
or cousin lives here?
Oh, this Tobiki, boss.
I don't believe it.
I don't believe it.
[CROWD CLAMORING]
Now, according to plan B,
my first job here is to hold
a public meeting, Sakini.
You see, I want to make certain
that they understand
that I come as their friend.
That we intend to lift
the yoke of oppression
from their shoulders.
Oh, they'll like that, boss.
That their favorite speech.
What do you mean,
their favorite speech?
Oh, when Japanese come,
they say same thing.
Then take everything.
No, no, no.
You don't understand.
We don't come
to take anything from them.
We've come here
to give them something.
That's all right, boss.
We not mind.
After eight centuries,
we get used to it.
Now when friends come, we hide
everything quick as dickens.
So I'm go tell people
you make your speech, boss.
So socks up, boss.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[RINGING]
[SHOUTING IN JAPANESE]
SAKINI:
Everyone here eager
to meet you, boss.
I might as well get started,
Sakini.
Citizens of--
Up here, boss.
They'll see you.
Thank you.
Citizens of Tobiki--
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
...Captain Fisby.
Citizens of Tobiki village--
Sorry, boss.
Can't begin lecture yet.
Why not?
What seems to be the trouble?
Not good manners, boss.
Why?
Because people bring you gifts.
You must accept gifts first.
No, Sakini, wait a minute,
you got it all wrong.
I'm here to bring gifts
from my government to them.
No, very rude.
Make people feel poor, boss.
I don't want to do that.
Get up here, Sakini.
Tell them I'll accept gifts,
but in the name of the
United States occupation forces.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
All right?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Him Mr. Hokaida, boss.
He give you very nice gift.
Oh, thank you very,
very much.
What is it?
That's a very splendid
cricket cage, boss.
What do you use
a cricket cage for?
You keep your crickets
in there.
No, there isn't.
There's no cricket inside.
No, you gotta get
your own cricket, boss.
No one gonna get for you.
Oh, I see.
I got it, yeah. Thank you.
Thank him for me.
Tell him I'll keep
my eye open for a cricket.
Yeah. Arigato.
Yeah. What do you keep
a cricket in a cage for?
So fortune smile on you, boss.
A cricket very good luck.
Oh, that's nice.
Boss, here Mr. Omura.
He give you chopstick.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
What'd he say?
He say, "hope that only food
of gods touch your lips."
No, that's too-- Very nice.
That's one of the
nicest things I've heard.
Boss, Mr. Seiko.
Yes?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Thank you.
That's wooden sandal, boss,
very comfortable for tired feet.
He say,
"may you walk in prosperity."
Always.
You tell him that I will walk
in the cool meadow
of pleasant memories.
Huh?
What's the matter?
Is that all right?
Oh, boss,
that's very pretty, boss.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Thank you. That's all right.
Thank you very much.
And, boss, here Miss Higa Jiga.
She unmarried lady, boss.
She give you three eggs.
Oh, isn't that nice?
Yes-- No, tell her that I'll
have these eggs for breakfast.
You tell her.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Chicken and the eggs.
She say she hope you enjoy
your turtle egg, boss.
Turtle eggs?
Oh, my.
[CROWD CHEERS]
Oh, you very big success, boss.
They sure like you already.
Oh, I'm--
Yes. Turtle eggs?
This Mr. Oshira, boss.
Hold these for me, Sakini.
I'm getting a bit too much.
He give you a very nice
lacquered cup, boss.
He make that cup hisself.
No, he didn't.
Well, you thank him for me
and tell him that
I'll be forever indebted to him
for his very lovely gift.
You are most welcome,
captain.
Hey, you speak English!
Sure, boss,
Mr. Oshira teach me English
when I'm a little boy in Tobiki.
In my youth,
I work in Manila.
How is Mr. McKinley?
Oh, you mean President McKinley?
Well, I'm afraid
somebody shot him.
I am sorry.
Well, it was a long time ago,
you know.
Yes, a long time.
May August moon
fill your cup.
Why an August moon, sir?
All moons good, but August moon
little older, little wiser.
Sakini said that you made
this cup all by yourself.
Oh, yes.
You know that this is
a lost art, Sakini.
This is an industry
we could start right here,
right now in Tobiki.
Think you could
mass-produce these?
"Mass-produce"?
Yes, you know, set up machines,
turn them out by the gross.
I take pride in making
one cup at a time, captain.
How many of these do you think
you can turn out in,
oh, say, one day?
If I work hard,
maybe one or two a week.
Fine, that's good,
you make as many as you can.
We'll send them up
to the American Post Exchange,
and we'll sell them as fast
as you can turn them out.
I shall do my best.
Fine! We're in business.
Now, Mr. Hokaida,
you make those cricket cages
and the getas, they're fine,
we can sell a lot of those.
And the chopsticks, great.
A lot of those.
And I saw some straw hats.
See those straw hats?
Make a lot of those.
We're going into
the souvenir business, folks.
We gonna make money, boss?
Make enough of these,
I'll guarantee the recovery
of Tobiki village.
You tell them that.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
CROWD:
Hooray!
Oh, boss, you very big success.
They sure like you already,
boss.
And they say they gonna make
everything fast as dickens.
Sakini, ask them to postpone
any more gifts for now.
Because I want to tell them
what we're going to do for them.
Oh, okay.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD CHATTERING]
Okay. They say okay, boss.
They got no more presents
for you anyhow.
Oh, all right.
It's important that I tell them
about the schoolhouse
that we're gonna build
for their children.
Now, according to plan B,
I believe it says the direct
approach is the most effective.
So you ready?
Oh, all set, boss.
Do you want to be ignorant?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD SHOUTS]
What? What was that?
They say yes, boss.
Yes? You mean
they want to be ignorant?
Oh, no, boss. Oh, in Japanese,
boss, yes mean no.
They say, "Yes, we not
want to be ignorant."
Oh, I see.
Do you want your children
to be ignorant?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD SHOUTS]
Now, what was that?
They say...no, boss.
No? Wait a minute now.
Sakini, no, they do?
Or no, they don't?
Yes, boss. They not want
no ignorant children.
Right. Now.
There's gonna be a daily issue
of rice for everybody here.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD CHEERS]
Yes, yes, and we're gonna build
a fine new schoolhouse
for your children.
Wait. Pentagon-shaped.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
...Pentagon.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Pentagon.
She say, "What is a pentagon?"
Boss, never hear before.
They've never heard
of the Pentagon?
No, boss.
They certainly do need
a school here.
The Pentagon. Everybody knows
what the Pentagon is.
The P-- The-- It's--
Well, it really means
five-sided, you know, Sakini.
Five sides?
Yes, it has five si--
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
They say, boss,
they say...
there no children
in Tobiki got five sides.
No, no, the school.
The school has five sides,
not the children.
I mean, not in re--
No, you see,
it's like a building
in Washington, folks.
And everybody is going
to learn about democracy.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
They say,
"What is democracy?", boss.
They know what rice is.
Yes, all right. Democracy is
a system of self-determination.
It's the right to make
the wrong choice.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD MUTTERING]
Wait a minute, we're not
getting through to them.
Let me explain it this way:
suppose I'm back home
and I don't like
the way that Uncle Sam
is treating me.
Well, you know what I can do?
I can write
to the president himself
and I can tell him so.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
They say, "But do you send
that letter?", boss.
Well, let's get on
with the lecture now.
Folks, we'll show you just
how democracy really operates.
We'll hold an election
right in this village.
Gonna organize this village.
Is the mayor here?
Here's the mayor. White coat.
We'll have to get him
a new white coat.
We wouldn't want a new mayor.
Keep the mayor.
Very hard to find a white coat.
We got the mayor.
Now we need a chief of police.
And a chief of agriculture.
Now, who'd make a good chief
of agriculture here?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD SHOUTING]
They say they like Mr. Seiko.
He the best man for the job.
He's an experienced farmer?
He artist, boss.
What?
He artist.
He draw lovely picture
of golden wheat, butterfly--
Sakini, just because he draws
a very nice picture of wheat,
that doesn't make him
an experienced wheat farmer.
Wheat not grow here anyhow,
just sweet potatoes.
Oh, all right.
Well, if he's their choice.
Fine.
Now, we're gonna have to have--
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
What'd he say?
He want white coat
like mayor, boss.
You said that we can't get--
That's all right.
If he don't get a white coat,
we'll get--
You know what we're gonna do?
We'll get him a helmet
and have written on the helmet:
"Chief of Agriculture."
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Now. Right, fine.
Now we need a chief of police.
Now, who'd make
a good chief of police?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD SHOUTING]
Hokaida, boss.
They say they like Mr. Hokaida.
He champion wrestler.
They afraid of him.
Yeah.
That's all right.
Strong, boss.
Yes, indeed. All right, fine.
Now we gotta-- What?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
What did he say?
He want a helmet.
Fine, sure, we'll requisition
a helmet for him too.
All right? Fine.
Now for the ladies.
Now, we're gonna organize a--
I know what it is,
it's a Ladies' League
for Democratic Action,
and we're gonna have
to have a league president.
Now, who'd make
a good league president
for the Ladies' League
for Democratic Action?
The ladies like that.
They never vote before.
Fine.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD SHOUTING]
Higa Jiga.
They say they want Higa Jiga.
She gonna make
a classy president.
I'm sure.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
What?
Yes, I know.
Helmet.
No, never mind.
I understand.
Tell her I'll get her
a helmet too.
Yeah, all right, fine.
Yes, fine, all right.
Fine. Now, now.
[GROANS]
I've been talking
a long time here, haven't I?
Folks, I'll bet you there are
questions you'd like to ask me.
Ask them, Sakini.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, she say,
what time it is, boss.
Time?
It's a quarter to 5. Why?
Oh, they got to go then, boss.
They not want to miss sunset.
Every afternoon they like
to go sit in a pine grove
and sip tea,
watch the sun go down.
Isn't that nice.
All right, Sakini,
you thank them all for me
and tell them
they can go to the pine grove
and sip tea
and watch the sun go down.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Domo arigato.
CROWD:
Domo arigato.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
How do you think we did?
Oh, they cooperate, boss.
Future look very rosy.
I wonder where
I can find a cricket.
Well, maybe have cricket
in your house now, not know.
I'll take these.
Okay.
Thanks, Sakini.
Sure.
I'll be right here
you want me, boss.
Right.
MAN:
Psst. Psst.
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
[LAUGHING]
Psst. Psst
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
Yes?
You busy, boss?
No. What is it, Sakini?
Boss, Mr. Sumata leave
a present for you.
Put it on the shelf
where it will be out of the way.
Oh, not able to, boss,
the present get mad.
What?
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
Konnichiwa.
Who's she?
Souvenir.
What--? What are
you talking about?
This the present
from Mr. Sumata, boss.
Introducing Lotus Blossom,
geisha girl first-class.
America-san,
Captain Fisby.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Wha--?
Oh.
She say she very happy
to belong to handsome captain.
She say she gonna
serve you well.
She's not going
to serve me at all.
I want you to get your friend.
I want you to tell him
that I'm returning
his gift.
Impossible to do, boss.
Why?
Mr. Sumata go to mountain,
visit cousin.
He leave present for you
and wish you
very best success in Tobiki.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
What?
What did she say?
She said she want know where
you want her to stay, boss.
I d-- I don't care
where she stays,
but she can't stay here.
Where she go, boss?
She got no home now.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
She want to put your kimono
on for you, boss.
She trained to please you.
I know what
she's trained to do.
And I don't need
any translation there.
Now, you get my stuff
out of the supply shack
and you-- You know,
and we'll put her up
over there.
Oh. Not very democratic,
boss.
You make her lose face.
Wha--?
She think
she bad geisha girl.
I've got a little bit
of face to save.
Now, don't--
Don't give me any of that
Oriental hanky-panky
business.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Hm?
All right, what--?
What's she saying?
Oh, she say for me
to go home to grandpa, boss.
She first-class
geisha girl.
She know her business.
Good night, boss.
Sakini?
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Uh, this is all
a big mistake.
You kn--
Ahem. Uh...
S-- Sakini!
Me.
Me.
Me, no.
Me, no.
[LAUGHS]
No, this is not a kimono.
This is a bathrobe,
and I don't want
to put it on, you see?
Sakini!
This is against regulations.
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello!
You don't have to shout.
I can hear you.
This is Colonel Purdy.
[GIGGLING]
Yes, sir.
Just thought I'd check up on
you. How are things going?
Anything I can do for you?
I can't think
of a thing, sir.
I realize it's bound to get
lonely for you down there.
So you know
what I'm gonna do, my boy?
Now,
what are you gonna do?
I'll tell you.
I'm gonna send you some
of my old Adventure magazines.
No. No,
I don't want them.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir, very much.
I-- I would like something
to read, sir.
How are you getting
along with the natives?
Well, it's an
age-old problem, sir.
It's a question--
A struggle to see
who's going to lose face.
I understand.
As Mrs. Purdy says,
"East is East,
and West is West
and there can be no twain."
But you are making progress?
Well, nothing that I'd like
to put on paper, sir.
Well, send in a detailed
progress report.
Well, if that's what you'd like
me to do, sir. Yes, sir.
You'll find that these people
lack the capacity
for sustained endeavor.
Don't hesitate
to build a fire under them.
I don't think that
that will be necessary, sir.
Don't forget, the eyes of
Washington are on you, Fisby.
Oh, I hope not, sir.
I hope not.
It just occurred to me.
Have you given any thought
to physical education?
Well, I--
I don't think that--
You know, sir, that was a
masterpiece of timeliness, sir.
Thank you, my boy.
Could you use a deck of cards?
Sir, I--
Hello? Hello?
Fisby, you're getting weak.
[MUFFLED]
No! No!
Well, be good, my boy.
Keep up the good fight.
Bye-bye.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[GRUNTING]
No, wait.
Just a minute--
[GRUNTS]
Oh!
Sakini!
[COCK CROWS]
Sakini!
[DOOR OPENS]
Ohayo gozaimasu.
Oh.
Good morning,
good morning.
Do you know
where Sakini lives?
Ohayo gozaimasu.
Good morning.
Do you know where--?
Do you know
where my chief of police--?
Do you know
where my chief of police is?
My chief of agricul--
Ohayo gozaimasu.
Oh, never mind.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Ohayo gozaimasu.
Sakini!
Oh. Oh, boss.
Say, where you been?
Been looking all over for you.
Where have you been? Now,
where's my chief of agriculture?
There's not a man working
this morning, Sakini.
Look around for yourself.
Not a man to be--
Wait a second, boss.
Lotus Blossom
leave all her things
at Awase, boss.
She got no way
to come here, boss,
so this morning
everyone take a wheelbarrow
and go help
bring Lotus Blossom.
Do you mean to tell me
that she has so much stuff,
it takes my entire staff
to move this woman--
This girl to my village?
No, boss,
but chief of police
not trust chief
of agriculture--
No.
Wait, Mr. Mayor
not trust Mr. Oshira,
so all got to go, boss.
Oh, I see.
Mr. Oshira?
That old man?
He old, boss,
but he not dead.
Well, that's
a fine way for a--
That's a great way
for officials to act. That's--
As soon as they get back,
I want to see them in my office.
Okay, boss.
[CROWD SINGING IN JAPANESE]
[LOTUS BLOSSOM SINGING
IN JAPANESE]
[ALL SINGING IN JAPANESE]
[ALL CHATTERING]
[WOMEN CHATTERING]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
[WOMEN CHATTERING]
[WOMEN SHOUTING]
[WOMEN SHOUTING]
Whoa, what's going on?
I don't know, boss.
What's the trouble?
Don't know, boss.
[WOMEN SHOUTING]
You know what they say?
They say they got
discrimination here, boss.
Discrimination?
Where? Where?
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[ALL CHATTERING]
Now, wait a minute.
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
Boss, she gonna tell.
Wait a--
Lookit--
She gonna show you, boss.
What?
She gonna show you.
All right.
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
[WOMEN CHATTERING]
They're waiting
for the rice, boss.
Yes?
At the rice place.
Lotus Blossom...
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Lotus Blossom
come along.
That's
Lotus Blossom?
That's Lotus Blossom.
Konnichiwa. Pooh!
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Ah.
Ahh!
Ration clerk
come out there.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[WOMEN SHOUTING]
Now, wait a minute.
I wouldn't go in--
[WOMEN SHOUTING]
All right, all right.
Listen-- No.
I wish you wouldn't use--
No, boss. She not use it.
She the ration clerk.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
He invite her in.
The clerk shut
the door--
[WOMEN SHOUTING]
Look, wait a minute!
Look.
This is what undermines
the democratic ideal.
You tell her that I intend
to do something about it.
Y-you tell her.
[WOMEN SHOUTING]
No! Wait a minute!
Please! Wait!
Hold it,
hold it, hold it.
Just-- Just--
Now, wait a minute,
I'm gonna see right now
that we're gonna have
to get rid
of this disrupting factor
in our recovery program.
[WOMEN CHATTERING]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
McEvoy at Awase,
please.
What you gonna do, boss?
This village isn't big enough
for plan B and a geisha girl.
Tobiki never have a geisha girl
before. We like very much, boss.
She's got to go.
She's-- No.
Uh, Maj--?
Major McEvoy?
This is Captain Fisby
at Tobiki.
J-just a moment.
I have a request, sir,
from one of my people
t-to transfer
to your village.
It's-- Yes, sir.
It's a female citizen, sir.
Uh...
Oh, her job?
Just--
Boss, please,
do not make her go.
Not democratic, boss.
Uh, yes,
as a matter of fact.
Uh, yes, her name is
Lotus Blossom, major.
H-how did you know?
No, no, sir.
No, sir,
I am not trying to put
anything over on you, sir.
It's, uh-- Major--
Mm-hm.
Oh.
Oh, you did?
Oh, you did.
Oh, he know
Lotus Blossom, boss?
Yes, you know something?
Now, just--
As a matter of fact,
Lotus Blossom was at Awase.
She nearly wrecked
his plan for recovery.
Ah-so.
"Oh, so."
Don't give me that,
"Oh, so."
Listen. Do you know
that she has been
booted out
of every village
by every commander
on the island?
Oh, poor little
Lotus Blossom.
Oh, poor little
Lotus Blossom.
Now I know why Mr. Sumata,
or whatever his name is,
just off he goes,
disappears.
I know why. I know.
The major gave him 100 yen
to get that girl
out of that village.
By golly,
she's not gonna cause
any dissension here. No.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Ladies!
Ladies! Ladies!
Ladies!
Ladies! Ladies!
Ladies! Close the door!
Close the door! Wait!
Ladies! Ladies!
Ladies! Hey, ladies!
Just a minute, please.
All right, just one minute.
Please, just--
What is it you want,
ma'am?
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, she say she waiting for
some democratic action, boss.
And if she don't get it,
boss,
she say she gonna write this
Uncle Sammy you talk about.
Wait a minute. No,
we don't want to do that.
We don't want letters
going to Washington
about any-- Any trouble
around here.
Now,
the discrimination,
which all these lovely ladies
have been worried about.
We're gonna take care--
We're gonna take care of it.
Every bit, it's all gonna be
taken care of.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, no,
she say please
not eliminate
discrimination, boss.
Just give her some.
Now, what does
she mean by that?
She say Lotus Blossom
unfair competition.
Oh, well,
granted.
And she say you promise
that everyone
gonna be equal, boss.
And I intend
to keep my word.
But she say
she can't be equal, boss,
unless she have everything
Lotus Blossom have.
What Lotus Blossom has
the government doesn't issue.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
All right, all right.
[SPEAKS JAPANESE]
Yes, just a minute now.
What is this?
She say
she want you to get her
and Ladies' League
the following items:
A, red stuff to put on lips
like geisha girl.
B, stuff that smell very nice.
What do you think
the Post Exchange would think
if I put in a requisition
for lipstick?
This is ridiculous.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Now what?
Oh, she say
she think
she gonna have to write
this Uncle Sam
after all, boss.
No, you don't have--
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Wait a minute!
Ladies, wait a minute, please!
Ladies, ladies,
please, will you come back?
You, ladies,
just come back here.
Look, no, just one.
Look, just sit down.
You, sit down.
Come on. Here now.
There's a nice girl.
Sit down.
The rest of you.
Don't-- Please don't.
Now, will you explain--?
Sakini, listen very carefully.
Will you--? Oh, my.
Just explain to her
that I will phone
the, uh, Post Exchange at Awase
and I will see
if I can't get some, uh--
I'll get some talcum powder
and some shaving lotion.
You know, tell her.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Yeah. All right?
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Yeah?
[WOMEN LAUGHING, CHATTERING]
Yeah, it's all right.
Yes?
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
What now?
What'd she say?
Oh, she say
one more thing, boss.
She say she want you
to get Lotus Blossom
to teach all the ladies
to be geisha girl.
No! No! No!
[ALL LAUGHING]
No! No! No!
[ALL CHATTERING]
[GASPS]
[SPEAKS JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS JAPANESE]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[CONVERSING IN JAPANESE]
America-san...
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[LAUGHS]
Fisby-san!
[LOTUS BLOSSOM GIGGLES]
Oh, boss,
look who's here.
Lotus Blossom
come to see you.
All right, now.
Where have you been
all day? Hm?
Oh, don't bother
to tell me. I know.
You've been out,
upsetting the agri--
Oh, no, upsetting the
agricultural horse-cart, huh?
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, she say sun burst
through clouds
now that you smile
on her, boss.
I'm not smiling.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh. Oh, boss,
you know what she give you?
The works.
No, when lady give
a gentleman chrysanthemum bud
in Okinawa
that mean her heart
ready to unfold.
Well, this is one bud
that's not going to bloom.
[SINGING IN JAPANESE]
Now, what's this?
She want to know if you
want some tsukemono, boss.
No.
Tsukemono
good to eat between meals.
No, no, no.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Will you--? Will you,
please--? Will you--?
Tell her
to leave my feet alone.
Captain Fisby-san.
What?
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, boss, she--
She very worried about you.
Now, when you go out in hot sun,
you must wear kasa on head.
Well, you know something,
you tell her
to stop worrying about
my head and my feet and--
And one thing very important,
she's just got to stop
interfering
with my recovery program.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Do you want some tea,
boss?
No, I don't.
No, no, no.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, you want to hear
some music, boss?
No. No, I don't--
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
She say you jealous,
boss.
[SARCASTIC LAUGH]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
You want to tell her
your trouble, boss?
Tell her my--?
W-what?
Now, what do I want
to tell her my troubles for?
Oh, she geisha girl, boss,
that's her business.
Yeah, some business.
Some business.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, no.
Oh, she very sad,
boss.
Mm.
She want to help you
because she--
She say you best boss
she ever have.
You not take money from her.
You not make her work.
Do you mean to tell me
that the men who owned her
hired her out and then--?
And they took money from her?
Oh, sure, boss.
Oh, well, now, really.
I mean--
You know,
where I come from,
the men who do
that sort of thing--
Oh, you got geisha business
in America too, boss?
No, but--
Well, I mean--
Look, will you
please explain to her
I have no intention of--
Of making her work,
and I'm certainly not going
to take money away from her.
I mean, that's--
Why not, boss?
She pay dues to geisha guild.
She member in good standing.
This is really--
I mean this is the most
immoral thing
I've ever heard of.
No, I mean,
I don't say, Sakini,
that where I come from
we don't have, uh...
Uh...
Well, you know.
But I mean,
by golly,
we don't have unions.
And we don't set rates
and we don't collect dues.
No, no, boss, no.
Geisha girl
not do what you think.
Wait a minute.
Everybody knows what they do.
Oh, no,
everybody wrong, boss.
What do they pay her for?
Hm?
Oh, you--
Well, very hard
to explain, boss.
Poor man like to feel rich.
Rich man like to feel wise.
Sad man like to feel happy.
So all go to geisha house
and tell trouble to geisha girl.
Now, she listen
very politely.
She say, "Oh,
that's too bad, boss."
She very pretty.
She make tea, and she sing,
and she dance, boss.
Pretty soon,
troubles go away, boss.
So that not worth something,
boss?
Sakini, I apologize to you,
I-- I-- I really apologize.
I-- I'm-- I'm very glad
you cleared things up.
That's kind of--
That kind of puts
a new light on things.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
She say-- She say why you smile
at her all of a sudden, boss?
You mad or something?
Sakini, I--
Will you ask her
if she'd be kind enough
to give geisha lessons
to the Ladies' League
for Democratic Action?
[GIGGLING]
[TRADITIONAL JAPANESE MUSIC
PLAYING]
Boss!
Oh, boss!
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
They all come to see you,
boss.
Oh, what can I do
for them?
Oh, they have a meeting
in democratic fashion
and majority agree
on resolution.
They want you
to build them a chaya.
A what?
ALL:
Chaya.
A teahouse, boss.
A teahouse?
Sure, now that Tobiki got
geisha girl like big city, boss,
they want a teahouse
like big city too.
They say you give Ladies' League
what they want, boss.
I can't build them
a teahouse, Sakini.
I have no authority
to do that.
Oh, you say rule of majority
is law, boss.
You gonna break the law?
No, I'm not gonna break--
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Konnichiwa.
Well, look, they're going
to have a school, you see.
Now, that's enough.
Oh, school.
Well, majority too old
to go to school, boss.
They want have chaya,
a teahouse.
We haven't got the materials
to build a teahouse.
Ah-so.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Ah-so.
What'd she say?
Oh, she say yesterday
big Army truck come
and leave lovely lumber
and beautiful paint, boss.
That's right.
It's for the schoolhouse.
No, it just can't be done,
folks.
Oh, okay.
No, it just can't.
[ALL GROANING & MUTTERING]
They-- They say you very mean
to them, boss,
after presents
they give you everything.
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, folks.
I'm really very sorry.
Oh, they very sorry too,
boss,
because Tobiki
like to be proud, boss.
Teahouse give them a face.
It's gonna be
a fine school.
Five sides.
May I speak,
captain-san?
Yes, of course,
Mr. Oshira.
There are lovely teahouses
in the big cities,
but the men of Tobiki
have never been inside them.
We are too poor.
All of my life I have dreamed
of visiting a teahouse
where paper lanterns cast
a light in the lotus pond,
and the bamboo bells
hanging in the pines
tinkle as the breezes
brush them.
But this picture is only
in my heart.
I may never see it.
I am an old man, sir.
I shall die soon.
It is evil for the soul
to depart this world
laden with envy or regret.
Give us our teahouse, sir.
Free my soul for death.
Well, we haven't
any carpenters.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
ALL:
Daiku-san! Daiku-san!
Oh, boss.
Oh, boss, what you think?
Mr. Sumata and--
And papa-san just come down
from mountain right now.
[LAUGHS]
[ALL CHUCKLE]
All right, all right,
I haven't got a chance.
I guess Uncle Sam is going
into the teahouse business.
Captain Fisby!
ALL:
Hooray!
Uncle Sam!
ALL:
Hooray!
[ALL SINGING IN JAPANESE]
[SIGHS]
[RINGS]
Hai.
Thank you.
Captain Fisby.
Hello. This is Colonel Purdy.
Oh, yes, sir.
How are you, colonel?
I want to talk to you
about your progress report.
There's nothing in here
about the new schoolhouse.
Didn't you get the lumber?
Yes, sir.
Oh, yes, sir.
As a matter of fact, we're using
it out there now, sir.
But, uh, colonel, I think we're
gonna have to have some more.
I sent ample
according to specifications.
How big a structure
you building?
Well, sir, we have
to consider expansion,
you know,
population increase.
We don't need
to consider expansion.
Our troops will be out of there
by the next generation.
Which brings me
to another point.
What's this about six kids
being born last week?
Well, sir,
it's the only thing
I could fill the progress report
with, sir.
Then you've failed
at your indoctrination.
Don't you know yet
that births are entered
under population increases?
They're not considered progress.
No, not children, sir.
Kids. Goats.
There must be something wrong
with this connection.
It sounded
just as if you said "goats."
You see, I'm trying to increase
the livestock down here.
Goats? Look here, Fisby,
suppose some congressman flew in
to inspect our team.
How would I explain
such a report about goats?
The population of civilians
alone concerns us.
I want to know exactly
what progress you've made
as outlined in plan B.
Well, sir, I'm, uh,
getting along with the people.
In other words, nothing.
Listen to me, Fisby,
do you know
what Major McEvoy
has accomplished in Awase?
No, sir.
Then I'll tell you.
His fourth graders know
the alphabet through M.
His whole village can sing
"God Bless America" in English.
I wish I could say the same.
Well, see that you do.
I don't want any rotten apples
in my barrel.
I want to know exactly what
you've accomplished
in the five weeks
you've been down there.
Ahem. Well, sir, now--
Well, we have started
an industry.
Matter of fact, we're sending
our first shipment
out this week.
Now, we're making getas.
We're--
Wait a minute.
What in thunder is a geta?
No, it isn't a geta, sir.
It's plural. Getas.
Getas, you know,
you have to have two.
Are you breeding some animal?
No, no.
You see, you wear them
on your feet.
And they're very good for
the metatarsal muscles, colonel.
And now, I have another group.
They're out there
making cricket cages.
Captain Fisby,
what kind of cages did you say?
Cricket cages, colonel.
You know, the cricket.
The black bug that--
It rubs its hind legs together.
I think we can sell
just thousands of those cages.
Of course, we don't supply
the cricket.
Naturally, not.
Captain Fisby,
have you taken your salt pills?
Oh, yes, sir. Every day
at chaya in the pine grove.
Have you been going out
in the sun without your hat?
You see, I wear a kasa, sir.
It's a--
The wind blows
through the straw.
It kind of ventilates
the brain.
I see. I see.
That'll be all, captain.
Gregovich.
Yes, sir?
What's the name of that
psychiatrist over in Awase?
Captain McLean?
Yes. You get him
on the phone.
My man at Tobiki has gone
completely off his rocker.
[HORN HONKS]
[HORN HONKS]
BOYS:
Good morning.
Good morning.
Hello?
BOYS:
Good morning.
Good morning.
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Oh. Uh...
Excuse me.
I'll see ya. Bye.
Well, who are you?
Oh, you startled me.
I'm Captain Fisby.
Can I do something for you?
Oh, well,
I'm Captain McLean.
How do you do, captain?
There was nobody here,
so I came in.
Medical corps.
I see it. See? Huh?
What are you doing
out here in Tobiki? Hm?
I'm on leave.
Oh?
Just thought I'd spend it
down here...
Uh-huh.
Making some
ethnological studies...
Oh?
of the natives.
If you have no objection.
No, I don't have any.
That's in your way.
I'll take it.
I was just examining that.
That's my cricket cage.
Oh, you like crickets?
I haven't found one yet,
but I have the cage.
Matter of fact, I've got two.
Would you like to have one?
Oh, no, no, no, thank you.
It's all right.
Ahem. What happened
to your uniform?
Oh, it's around.
It's around.
I find getas and a kimono
much more comfortable
in this climate.
But isn't that a bathrobe?
Well, it passes
for a kimono.
Why don't you take
your shoes off, captain?
Oh, no, thank you.
Thank you, no.
No?
I'll just keep them on.
All right, fine.
No objection, of course.
Sit down, sit down.
In my good chair, my good chair.
Thank you.
Well.
No?
Hm?
May I ask, uh...
Mm-hm?
whatcha building
down the road?
Hm?
Oh, that's my chaya.
You know, that's gonna be
really something
to write home about.
A chaya?
Mm-hm.
See, if you have a geisha,
you gotta have a chaya,
you know.
How have you felt lately,
Fisby?
Mac, I'll tell you
something,
I have never felt better.
I feel reckless
and happy and carefree and--
Well--
And it all happened
the moment I decided
not to build that
pentagon-shaped schoolhouse.
The what?
The good colonel,
he ordered me--
He ordered me to build
a pentagon-shaped schoolhouse
down here.
Well, the natives,
they wanted a teahouse.
And would you believe it?
One of them gave me
a geisha girl.
So I decided that I was going
to give them what they want.
I guess it sounds kind of crazy
to you, doesn't it?
[LAUGHING]
Well, yes and no.
You know, these are
wonderful people.
Wonderful people
with a strange sense of beauty.
Hard-working-- Hard-working
when there's a purpose.
You know what
they're doing out there?
They're making cricket cages,
lacquerware, chopsticks
to sell as souvenirs
to the people up north.
Don't let anybody ever tell you
that these people are lazy.
Oh, that's-- Oh, I see.
No, you don't.
You don't.
Oh, I see.
No, you don't, no, no.
But you will when you get
a chance to study them.
So you're building
a teahouse.
Yes. You know what
I'm gonna do next?
I'm gonna go out
and test that soil.
See if it won't grow something
besides sweet potatoes.
I'm gonna send
for some nitrate,
some DDT and chemicals--
Chemicals?
Yes.
You want to poison
these people?
What are you talking about?
No.
Look, captain--
What? What?
I'm sorry.
You just touched on a subject
that's very close to my heart.
Gardening.
Yes?
You know, for years,
I've been on a point
of giving up my career
just so that I could set up
an experimental farm,
somewhere where I could
raise vegetables organically,
nature's way.
No poisons, no chemicals.
Let me tell you
something, captain.
Chemicals will kill
all your earthworms.
And earthworms aerate
your soil.
They do?
Do you know that the earthworm
leaves castings
eight times its own weight
every day?
That much?
Organic gar--
It's the only thing.
Compost. Manure.
But no chemicals.
You know a lot about this,
I can tell.
Well, I--
You do.
I subscribed to all the farm
journals for years, you know.
Mac, listen to me, I've got--
I've got the greatest idea.
While you're down here,
you could really do us
a big, big favor.
Sure.
A big service, mind you.
You could sort of take over
supervision.
Establish a kind of a--
What do you call it?
An experimental station.
Huh?
Well.
Hm?
Oh, I haven't got the time.
Take time, man.
Take time.
Now, this is a chance
for you to put
those theories
into facts--
These are not theories.
These are proved facts.
Just tell us
how to go about it.
That's all, Mac.
Is your soil acid or alkaline?
Oh, golly,
I don't know.
That's the first thing
we've got to find out.
You're just the man we need.
You're a genius.
I'll want plenty
of manure.
You'll get it.
And I want to set
this program up scientif--
Oh!
What's the matter?
What is it?
I wish I had
my books, my seed--
Oh, I've got a stack
of seed catalogs that high.
You have?
Oh, man, and I--
Well, let's sit down here.
Sit down, sit down.
You know what you can do?
Write down a list
of those catalogs,
those books you've got.
We'll have the airstrip boys
fly 'em in.
Can you do that?
Sit down. Can I do it?
Of course, I can do it.
Make the list--
Every spring I've made
lists of seeds.
I never had any soil
to put them--
Oh, now I can
actually germinate.
Make the list.
Make the list right now,
we'll get started
right away.
Corn: golden bantam.
Yes.
And country gentleman.
Right.
Hybrid.
I gotta check--
Hybrid.
Hybrid? Yes.
I gotta check with my department
of agriculture now.
But I'll be back.
I'll be back this afternoon
because you and I, we'll have
tea in the pine grove, Mac.
See, we have tea
in the pine grove
every afternoon
when the sun goes down.
Cucumbers:
early green prolific.
Oh, and radishes!
Crimson giant.
[PHONE RINGING]
Crimson giant.
[PHONE CONTINUES RINGING]
There's no answer, sir.
What do you mean
there's no answer?
Well, keep trying,
I'm not the kind of a man
to take no answer for an answer.
[PHONE RINGING]
Tomatoes:
ponderosa earlyiana.
Watermelon.
All-American gold medal.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello.
Who is this?
This is Captain McLean.
This is Colonel Purdy.
Can you talk?
Why not?
I'm anxious to hear
your report on you-know-who.
On who?
Captain Fisby.
The man I sent you down
to examine.
Oh, uh, well, colonel,
looks like I'll have to be
down here several weeks.
Several weeks?
Well, Rome wasn't built
in a day.
What?
I said, Rome wasn't built
in a day.
Well, you're the doctor.
Thank you, but I expect
to work miracles.
Splendid, splendid.
Is there anything I can send?
Some old Adventure magazines
or anything?
Say, colonel, uh, there are
a couple of books I'd like,
uh, I don't think
you could get them.
You name them.
Well, one is the
Principles of Pea Production,
the other one,
The Do's and Don'ts
of Cabbage Culture.
Oh, and, colonel...
do you think you'd lay
your hands on a soil test kit?
A what?
A soil test kit.
I wanna test the soil down here,
see if it's sour.
Sour, did you say?
Well, yeah,
if soil is sour,
your seeds won't germinate.
And, oh, I'd love to lay
my hands on some bees.
There is something wrong
with this connection.
And you know I'm gonna have
to take some time out.
I gotta build up this soil,
you know, with manure.
Did you say manure?
Yeah.
Nature's way.
Oh, I've lost faith
in chemicals.
You kill all your worms.
Oh, let me tell you,
colonel,
when you kill a worm,
you're killing a friend.
Hello?
Gregovich.
Yes, sir?
Where's plan B?
What did you want,
sir?
I wanna see who I sent
to analyze an analyst.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
That's hot water.
Hot water.
Hot water.
That's it.
[BOTH GIGGLING]
Oh.
Hm?
Captain Fisby-san.
Oh! Hey! Hey!
Mac, Mac, come on,
over here. Over here.
I got a list
of seeds here.
Put some more hot water
in the pot
'cause we have
a guest here.
Uh, uh, this--
This is Lotus Blossom.
You know?
How do you do?
That's the geisha girl
I told you about.
Konnichiwa.
She can't speak
English.
She doesn't need to.
No?
Oh, hey, the seeds.
You sit-- Sit down here,
will you, Mac?
Oh, thank you,
I'd like that.
Have some of this tea.
You know some--? Mac?
You know
that's real jasmine tea.
Really?
Here's a pillow.
Thank you.
Take off your shoes.
Now, about those seeds,
if we--
Sh. Sh. Sh. No. Sh.
Now, we're gonna sit here
and we're gonna watch
the sun go down.
And we're gonna contemplate
the end of the day.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[KOTO PLAYING]
[SINGING IN JAPANESE]
Look, captain,
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Do you suppose you could let me
have a couple of boys
to help me in the fields?
Mac.
Darn Japanese beetles
are eating up
all the Chinese peas.
All right, I'll get Sakini
to get a couple boys
to help you out,
all right?
Oh, good, thanks.
Alrighty. Now, Mac?
Sit down, Mac,
and listen for a while.
Uh, Lotus Blossom,
will you sing it again
for my friend Mac here?
Thank you.
Mac, but quiet, huh?
All right.
Here we go.
[SINGING IN JAPANESE]
Boss?
Very sorry to interrupt
lovely song, boss,
but emergency out here.
What's--?
What's the matter?
Everyone come back, boss.
Oh, all right.
Well, we better go see how they
made out with the souvenirs.
Yeah, put it up here.
Use this.
All right.
All right?
Come on, let's go.
[GOAT BLEATS]
What's this?
Now, what's happened here?
All the souvenirs
come back, boss.
What do you mean
"come back"?
You mean to say
they didn't sell?
No, the soldiers who look
at the straw hats say:
"What you think we are?
Hayseed?"
Mr. Oshira, look, you were
at Yatoda, what happened?
The Navy always spends money.
Sailor said,
"How much you want?"
I said, "25 yen."
That's good.
They say,
"Oh, too much.
"Can get better in five
and 10-cent store.
Give you one nickel."
Didn't you tell them,
Mr. Oshira,
that every one
of those cups is handmade?
They say, not care.
They say, at home,
have big machine
make 10 cups
every minute.
They say, "Take nickel
or jump in lake."
How do you like that?
Boss, you gonna stop work
on the teahouse?
No, we're not going
to stop work on--
They're gonna get
that teahouse, Sakini,
if they don't get
anything else.
By golly, you can tell them
that I'm very proud
of that work
that they've done.
I'm so proud.
And you can tell them
too, Sakini,
that I'm very proud
of them.
No, I am,
I-- I really am.
And I don't
understand this.
No, no, no,
I don't understand this.
I don't understand this.
Boss, they sure wish
they could make some money
to spend in
the teahouse, boss.
Because they not like
to go poor like beggar.
I know, I know.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
See, he say, boss, it not
your fault no one buy souvenir.
Well, they going home
to get drunk now, boss.
You know, I don't
blame them, Sakini.
If I could find
something to drink, I'd do--
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, folks!
What are they gonna
get drunk on?
Oh, they got nothing
but brandy, boss.
Nothing but brandy?
Nothing but brandy?
How are you gonna manage
to get brandy?
Oh, we make
a very fine brandy, boss,
from sweet potatoes.
Been making for generations.
You make brandy
yourself?
Yeah, sure, boss.
You want taste some?
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Ah-so.
Here you are, boss.
Ahem. Mac, Mac,
my dear friend, Mac.
If this stuff is only
halfway good, we're--
Oh, man,
we're really in business.
This is one thing our men--
They'll buy this.
Look, it may not be
any good.
You know, some things
even our troops won't drink.
Well.
Take a sip, boss.
I wanna smell it first.
[ALL LAUGH]
Obviously
it has a kick.
Yeah. Ahem.
How old is this stuff,
Sakini?
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Seven years?
No, seven days,
boss.
Oh, no, no, I mean, it wouldn't
smell like that in seven days.
They make it
last week, boss.
Here, you try it,
will you, Mac?
You're a medical man.
You give it a try.
You first.
No, you're my guest.
I waive the honor.
You know, anybody ever die
or go blind from this?
Oh, we not dead, boss.
We not blind.
Of course not.
You see? Come on, Mac.
They've worked up
an immunity over the years.
You see, I don't wanna kill one
of my own countrymen, you know?
There must be some way to test
this, isn't there, without me--?
There isn't, huh?
Well...
[GOAT BLEATS]
Sakini, get me, uh...
Get me Elsa Maxwell.
One goat
coming up, boss.
Elsa Maxwell.
That's who we need.
That's Higa Jiga's goat,
you know?
We'll test it on her,
you see?
Well, what you gonna prove?
Goats have hardy stomachs.
No, look,
if this brandy--
If this...
If this passes
the goat test,
we're really
in business, you know?
You know why?
No Marine will ever admit
that his stomach
is weaker than a goat's.
SAKINI:
Hey, boss, you gonna make
a guinea pig of goat?
Yeah, gimme something
to put it in, Mac.
Anything at all will do.
Helmet?
That's fine.
That's just fine.
Oh, Elsa Maxwell
very lucky goat, boss.
Better hold her head,
Sakini.
All right, doctor,
proceed in the name of science.
Take it easy.
Take it easy.
We're either gonna
have an industry
or goat meat for dinner.
[LAPPING]
What are you doing?
Oh, not too much.
[CROWD CHUCKLES]
She likes that.
Hey. Hey.
She all right?
All right?
What do you think,
doc?
It doesn't seem
to affect her.
Reflexes okay.
Well, here goes.
[CROWD CHUCKLING]
Huh?
Oh.
[CROWD LAUGHS]
Hey.
Where you going,
boss?
I'm about to form
the Cooperative
Brewing Company of Tobiki.
[ALL CHEER]
Shh!
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[CROWD SHUSHES]
Officers' Club
at Awase, please.
We gonna make brandy,
boss?
I'll tell you in a minute.
Officers' Club at Awase?
This is Captain Fisby
speaking at Tobiki.
Yeah, oh, major?
Major, this is Fisby.
Yeah, you know,
when I was with your unit
we had a hard time keeping
a supply of liquor at the club?
You remember?
Yeah, well, major,
I think that I have stumbled
onto something
that might be
of interest to you.
Uh, yes, as you know,
uh, Tobiki
is the, uh, heart
of the brandy industry.
Brandy! Did you say brandy?
Yes, brandy.
Look up the word "sweet potato"
in my dictionary, Mac.
See if there's a fancier word
for sweet potato.
Oh, I'm here, major,
yes, here I am. Uh-huh.
Yeah, now, look, major,
I think I might be able
to supply some
of that brandy to you,
that is, of course, if you're
willing to pay the price
and you keep the source secret.
Yes. Hm?
Oh, they've been making
it here for generations.
Oh, yes.
As a matter of fact,
I'm sure you've never tasted
anything quite like it.
Hold on a minute, major.
The Haitian name for sweet
potato is B-A-T-A-T-A, batata.
Major, you've heard of, uh,
Seven-Star Batata, haven't you?
Oh, ooh, well, they make it
here in Tobiki. Yes.
Seven Star got him, I think.
Brandy eight
or 10-day-old better.
Nine or 10-day-old.
Major, we also have Eight Star
Batata, and we have Ten Star.
Of course, the Ten Star,
now, mind you, that comes
a bit more expensive. Yes?
That will run you, uh...
one hundred occupation yen
a gallon.
Ten yen.
Delivered.
Yes.
What? How many?
Five gallons. Yes.
Five gallons will be delivered
in one week.
It'll be delivered by
our Department of Agriculture.
Yeah, right.
You're welcome, sir. Right.
[ALL CHEERING]
All right.
All right, let's--
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
The news kind of gets
around fast, huh?
Hello?
Oh? GHQ. H--
H, uh-- GHQ, uh, PX?
Yes. Yes.
Oh? Uh, thirty gallons?
No.
COD?
Yes. Right.
It'll be there.
Right. Thank you.
Thirty gallons!
[ALL CHEERING]
Let's go to work, huh?
I don't have to tell you.
Let's go to work.
Wait!
Wait.
Wait.
I've got my cricket!
[ALL CHEERING]
Put a label on that one.
Put a label on that one.
Seiko. Seiko,
15O more gallons
to the Naval Officers' Club,
Big Koza.
COD. Take 'em away.
FISBY:
Yatoda!
Hey, Sakini,
what are they doing here?
We're diverting water
for a lotus pond.
Can't have a teahouse
without a pond.
Yeah,
where's your goldfish?
You have a lotus pond,
you gotta have goldfish.
Whoa!
[ALL CHEERING]
Hey, boss!
Everyone send me to bring you
to teahouse opening, boss.
Mac, look.
Isn't that something?
This first class, boss.
Hey, boy, that's really
something, Sakini.
How about that, huh?
Well, come on,
let's go.
Well, lead on!
Okay.
[WIND CHIMES JINGLING]
[LIGHT CHATTERING]
Take shoes off, boss.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Thank you.
Good evening.
Boss, you sit here.
Lotus Blossom gonna dance
in your honor.
Hey, Mac, you hear that?
She's gonna dance.
Come on. Sit down,
Mac, you farmer.
This is in my honor.
How can I stall Purdy
so I can stay down here?
I'll have a relapse
for you.
Hai.
[TRADITIONAL JAPANESE MUSIC
PLAYING]
[SINGING IN JAPANESE]
[APPLAUSE]
Dozo.
Chrysanthemum bud
in full bloom now, boss.
And now,
happy birthday.
Very good.
Well, I'll be.
[GIGGLES]
How did you know?
I gave you away.
Boss, now everyone like
to show appreciation, boss.
[SPEAKING IN UNISON
IN JAPANESE]
Happy birthday.
How very lovely you are.
Oh.
And a happy,
happy to you.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Yeah.
[SPEAKING EXCITEDLY]
[GIRLS CHATTER EXCITEDLY]
Oh, boss,
you know what you do?
It called for flowers,
sort of, you know?
That mean you give
your heart to her.
Well, I do.
We all do, huh?
Wasn't it beautiful, Mac?
Oh, she can dance
in my chaya any day.
Pardon me, sir.
Are you sure
this is Tobiki village?
According to the map, sir.
The place seems
to be deserted.
There was a light
over there.
Come on.
What? What is this?
Sakini,
what do they want?
They want you
and doctor to sing song.
Sing? No.
All right, come on,
come on, Mac.
Come on, we're gonna
sing something.
How 'bout--? How 'bout
"Deep in the Heart of Texas"?
Why not? There aren't
any Texans here are there?
We're gonna have
some fun now.
Sakini, look.
You know, I want--
They're gonna help us out.
When we clap and sing "Deep in
the Heart of Texas," they join.
Oh, I know that song.
Very nice, boss.
We demonstrate.
What is it?
St-- Stars at night.
[BOTH]
♪ Stars at night
Are big and bright ♪
♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪
♪ Deep in the heart-- ♪
[WOMEN SPEAKING EXCITEDLY]
MAC: Deep in the heart of Texas.
♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪
[SLOWLY]
Deep in the heart of Texas.
Then we clap four times.
ALL [IN UNISON]:
♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪
Hey, we're all ready!
Hey, we're ready.
All right!
You ready on the left?
Ready on the right!
Here we go.
♪ The stars at night
Are big and bright ♪
ALL:
♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪
Very good.
♪ The prairie sky
Is big and high ♪
ALL:
♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪
♪ The stars at night
Are big and bright ♪
ALL:
♪ Deep in the heart
Of Texas ♪
♪ The prairie sky
Is big and high ♪
ALL:
♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪
♪ They say gin bloom
Is like perfume ♪
ALL:
♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪
Captain Fisby!
♪ The one I love
Deep in-- ♪
[CROWD GASPS]
What in the name of--?
[SHOUTING IN JAPANESE]
I see you, Fisby!
Fisby, I see you!
Where are you?
Where are you? Where are you?
Fisby! Fisby!
Come out here! Come out of here!
PURDY:
Come out of here.
Come out of here.
Sit down!
How many lectures
have you delivered
to the village children
on democratic theory?
Well, now,
let me see, sir.
Four, five?
No, no, no,
it wasn't that many.
Three?
No.
Two?
No, no.
You've only delivered
one lecture?
None, sir.
Don't tell me you haven't
delivered a single lecture?
Yes, sir, I've not
delivered no lecture.
Any lecture.
Have you organized a Woman's
League for Democratic Action?
Yes, sir, I did that.
I sure did.
I sure did that, sir.
How many lectures on democratic
theory did you give them?
Uh...
None, sir.
You can't mean none.
You must mean
one or two.
No, just none.
I refuse to believe it.
Oh, I'm very glad,
sir.
Sir, I must go.
Where?
My seedlings are wilting.
I have to transplant them.
Captain,
you'll pack your gear
and transplant yourself
to your unit at once.
Yes, sir.
They'll die.
Yeah.
This is murder.
Please,
take care of my beans.
Now,
is the schoolhouse finished?
No, sir.
Why isn't it finished?
Well, we--
We haven't started.
What did you do
with the lumber I sent?
We-- We built a teahouse.
I don't suppose
you have any aspirin here.
Huh?
I-- No,
I don't think so.
What, in the name of occupation,
do you mean by saying
you built a teahouse
instead of a schoolhouse?
Lotus Blossom,
she had to have a place
to teach the-- The Ladie''
League geisha lessons, sir.
Fisby!
Yes-- Yes, sir?
What?
Uh...
How could you sink
to such depths, man?
Well, I was only giving in
to what the majority wanted,
colonel.
I don't doubt that statement,
not at all.
It's a sad thing
it took a war to convince me
that most of the human race
is degenerate.
I thank my stars
I come from a country
where the air is clean,
where the wind is fresh--
Oh, for heaven's sake,
sir,
there's nothing that goes on
in a teahouse
that your own mother
couldn't watch.
You be careful how you use
my mother's name, Fisby!
Well, my mother, then, sir.
Sir, there's nothing immoral
about our teahouse.
Answer me this.
What is bringing
all that occupation money
to this particular village?
[RINGING]
Uh, it's, uh--
Well, answer it.
No, no, no, no.
It's nothing.
Nothing.
It might be for me.
It's not--
Answer it.
No, you see, this phone,
it rings all day.
Then I'll answer it.
Hello?
What do you want?
Who is this?
Well, Commander Myers, you
must have a wrong connection.
This is not a brewery.
[SIGHS]
Yes.
Mm.
Yes.
Yes.
Oh, I see.
I see.
I see.
Well...
there was nothing else
that we could make, colonel,
that anybody would want--
Would want to buy.
Brandy!
This ends
my Army career.
And I promised Mrs. Purdy
I'd come out a general.
You've broken
a fine woman's heart, Fisby.
I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry.
You've sullied the reputation
of your nation.
All right.
And all the tears--
All right.
Shall I kill myself?
Oh, don't minimize this.
You don't know the enemy's
genius for propaganda.
Well, what have you done
with all the money
you've made so dishonestly?
I banked it
in Seattle.
Oh. That's despicable.
Making a personal fortune
off the labor
of these ignorant people.
I haven't touched a cent
of this money, colonel.
Now--
Now, it's all banked
in the name of the Tobiki
Cooperative Company.
See, everybody in the village,
they're all partners,
don't you see?
You know? You know,
share and share alike.
That's communism!
It is?
[SOBBING]
I'll be lucky to get out
of this war a private.
Captain Fisby.
Yes, sir?
You will consider yourself
under technical arrest.
You will proceed to HQ
at once to await court-martial.
I intend to wipe this stain
from our country's honor.
Gregovich!
GREGOVICH: You called, sir?
I did.
[WOMEN GIGGLING]
Yes, sir.
We have some business
to attend to here
before going to Awase.
Yes, sir.
I'm glad to hear it.
Captain,
may I congratulate you
on what you've done
for this village?
It's a dream.
Thank you very much, sir.
It's an alcoholic dream.
It's one vast distillery.
I want you to take
a detail and some axes
and smash every still
in this village.
Destroy them?
[LAUGHS]
Beyond repair.
I want you
to take another detail
and rip down that teahouse.
But, colonel--
Pile the lumber beside the road.
That's an order.
Do you understand?
Yes, sir.
[BANGING]
[WOMAN SOBBING]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
I know.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Aw.
[WEEPING]
[♪]
Hot water.
[GIGGLES]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[MUTTERS]
[SOBBING]
Uh, boss.
Sorry, boss.
Uh, jeep all loaded now.
I'll be along
in a minute, Sakini, uh...
You gonna take Lotus Blossom
with you, boss?
Sakini.
Ask her for me
if there's anything
that I can do for her
before I go.
Ask her.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
What--? What does
she say, Sakini?
Oh, she say she want
to marry you, boss.
Now, why--? Why would she want
to marry me?
Oh,
she say you nicest man
she ever see, boss.
No, no, no, you--
You tell her for me
that I'm clumsy.
I-- I got a talent
for destruction.
I'd only disillusion her just--
Just the same way
I disillusioned
all her people.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
She say she-- She--
She like to go to America,
boss, where everyone happy,
sit around and sip tea
while machine do work.
Tell her
I'll never forget her.
I'll never forget
this village,
and on the other side
of the world,
in the autumn
of my life,
when an August moon
rises in the east,
I'll remember
what was beautiful
and what I was wise enough
to leave beautiful.
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
She say, boss,
that she never forget you.
And, uh,
she like you to know
that she gonna make up
a long song-story about you
to sing in the teahouse.
And she say maybe
in 100 years from now,
you gonna be famous
all over Okinawa.
I'd like that.
I'd like that.
[SOBBING]
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Oh, he sure want to push
her wheelbarrow for her, boss.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
She say okay, but not to think
that, uh, she's his property.
[CHUCKLES]
He very happy fellow,
boss.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
She going now, boss,
but you still her boss.
So she say she not go
till you drop fan from face.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
I've written a full report
of this whole affair
to your commanding officer.
I'm only glad you don't belong
to my outfit.
I won't tolerate rotten apples
in my barrel.
[RINGS]
Hello.
Who?
What?
When?
Oh.
Uh, sit down, captain.
Sit down. Sit down.
[CHUCKLES]
Make yourself comfortable.
Sit down.
Uh, give me your hat.
Uh, have some
of these tsukemonos.
Help yourself.
Take your shoes off.
I-I'll be right back.
You going now, boss?
Yeah, I guess so,
Sakini. I...
Hey, boss, since you not take
Lotus Blossom with you,
maybe you take me?
No, Sakini, no.
I work for you
for half price, boss.
No, Major McEvoy
is coming down here
to take charge,
and, uh...
Well, he's gonna need
your help, you know?
Oh, you very hard man
to bargain with, boss.
Okay. You want, I work
just for rice ration.
No.
You mean, you gonna make me
work for nothing, boss?
I mean, yes,
you're not going to work
for me at all, Sakini.
No, you belong here.
Okay, boss.
Tsk.
Whoa, boss.
You know what I think
going to happen
when American
leave Okinawa?
No, what?
Oh, I think we gonna have to use
pentagon-shaped schoolhouse
for teahouse.
[LAUGHS]
[BOTH LAUGHING]
So long, Sakini.
You're a rare rascal.
So long, boss.
Say, you know,
I'm going to miss you.
Hey, boss.
Yes?
You not failure.
I'll tell you something,
Sakini.
You know,
I used to worry a lot
about not being
a big success.
I think I felt an awful lot
like you people felt,
always being conquered.
Well, you know, now I'm not sure
who's the conquered
and who's the conqueror.
So.
I've learned in Tobiki
the wisdom
of gracious acceptance.
See, I don't want
to be a world leader.
I've made peace with myself
somewhere between my ambitions
and my limitations.
That's good, boss.
Well, it's a step backward
in the right direction.
Take care.
Socks up, boss.
Sakini! Sakini!
Sakini! Sakini!
Where's Captain Fisby?
Oh, right over here, boss.
This way.
Fisby!
No, no, no, no. Over here.
Fisby!
Fisby! Fisby,
come back here at once!
I'm not in shape.
Too much paperwork.
You called,
sir?
I've been looking all over
for you. You can't leave.
You've got to stay here.
You've got to help me, Fisby.
I don't understand,
colonel.
We've got to pull this village
back together again.
The lid has blown off
of everything.
Where's Gregovich?
He's out there. They're breaking
the rest of the stills.
Oh, no.
Why, what's the matter?
I radioed the report
to Washington.
Some fool senator
misunderstood.
He's using this village
as an example
of American get-up-and-go
in the recovery program.
We're all over
the newspapers.
That's wonderful,
colonel.
It's not wonderful.
A congressional committee
is flying over here
to study our methods.
They're bringing photographers
for a magazine spread.
Tonight, Fisby, tonight.
That's bad, that's bad.
Gregovich!
Um, colonel, wait, maybe there's
some way we could stall 'em.
Ah, maybe we could quarantine
the place or something, huh?
You can't quarantine
a congressman.
They've got immunity
or something.
Oh.
Fisby?
Yeah?
Help me.
Yes, sir.
I don't ask it
for my sake.
I ask it
for Mrs. Purdy.
I could be
a brigadier yet.
Gregovich?
Gregovich!
Gregovich!
Gregovich.
Did you call, sir?
Come here, come here,
Gregovich.
Come here, come here.
You haven't destroyed all
the stills, have you, Gregovich?
No. No, of course you haven't.
Ooh,
yes, I have.
[SLURRING]
I carried orders
out to the letter.
Why can't somebody
disobey orders once in a while?
What's happened to the American
spirit of rebellion?
[COUGHS]
Sunstroke?
Uh, potato brandy, sir.
[CHUCKLES]
PURDY:
Sergeant, wake up!
Do you hear me?
That's an order.
Colonel, I'm afraid
he's passed out.
It's desertion.
I need every man.
Gregovich, get to your feet.
Come on, sergeant.
[GIGGLING]
Come on, sergeant.
Gregovich!
I want to ask you
some questions.
Sorry, sir.
Stop weaving.
You're weaving, sir.
I'm standing perfectly still.
You smell
like a brewery.
Oh, well,
I fell in a vat.
You got drunk?
No, sir.
I fell in a vat.
Naturally,
I had to open my mouth
to yell for help.
Go to the office
and sober up at once.
Yes, sir.
Oh, sergeant.
Uh, sergeant.
Fisby.
Yes, sir?
I think I'm going
to need you. Stand by.
Yes, sir.
[AIRPLANE APPROACHING]
Oh, no.
[AIRPLANE ROARING OVERHEAD]
I'm a sinking ship,
scuttled by my own men.
I know.
Colonel Purdy?
Don't bother me.
Stills not all destroyed.
I haven't got time...
What did you say?
We not born yesterday.
We get the sergeant drunk.
Give him water barrel to break.
Sakini,
my friend.
You're not saying this
just to make me feel better?
No. Stills as good
as ever, boss.
Production
not cease yet.
Sakini,
you really are a rascal.
No. He's really
an American.
He's got get-up-and-go.
Sakini, listen.
If you could get the people
in the village to work together,
how long do you think it'd take
them to rebuild the teahouse?
Oh, we not destroy, boss.
We just take away and hide.
Come here.
Now we gonna show you
Okinawan get-up-and-go.
[SHOUTING IN JAPANESE]
[MAN SHOUTING IN JAPANESE]
[ALL SINGING IN JAPANESE]
[DRUM BEATING]
[SHOUTS IN JAPANESE]
Be right back.
[ALL SINGING IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
It's a land of mystery
in the Orient.
It's--
It's beautiful.
It's simply beautiful.
There's only
one thing wrong.
It needs a sign
to tell people what it is.
And we ought to put
another sign up over there,
naming this
Grace Purdy Avenue,
and another sign--
Sir, how about
a nice cup of tea? Hm?
All right?
Come on, colonel.
[WOMAN SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Oh. Twenty Star
for the colonel, Sakini.
Okay, boss.
Little story now concluded,
but history of world unfinished.
Lovely ladies,
kind gentlemen,
go home to ponder.
What was true at beginning
remains true.
Pain make man think,
thought make man wise,
and wisdom make life
endurable.
So may August moon
bring gentle sleep.
Sayonara.
[♪]