The Taming of the Shrewd (2022) - full transcript

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Miss Kasia…

What do you want to explain?

You lousy asshole!

Lying asshole!

You drone! You lazy piece of crap!
I can't believe it!

I'm doing research,
and he's fooling around!

We were going to save the world together.

But it didn't work out.

Time to go home.

Three years ago, we were named



the fastest-growing firm
in the furniture sector.

Two years ago, our furniture won
a gold medal at the Milan expo.

A year ago…

Ms. Agata, I see
you've had success after success.

It's like listening to the prime minister.

That's why, Mr. Chairman,
we need a new line of credit

for further investments.

I understand, but

I'm afraid that if I step outside,

I won't see a line of trucks
waiting for furniture? Exactly.

Unfortunately, this beautiful ship
of yours is like the Titanic.

Only a miracle could save it.

That's what I wanted to talk about.

You are so stubborn.



Is that…

No. It couldn't be…

And yet it is.

No. Deposits of this natural resource
are rarer than…

I don't know. Diamonds.

As it happens,
one of them is virtually mine already.

It means you've found
a real buried treasure.

The Dubai Collection.

An order worth 15 million euros.

- From whom?
- A customer from the Gulf.

With a double name we both know.

Of course, I could look for an investor,

but my dearly departed father
could always count on your bank.

Your father was

a great businessman, a visionary.

Very well, Ms. Agata.

One more question.

Doesn't half of this company
belong to your,

to put it mildly,

imprudent brother?

Dude! I don't know who you are
or what you want!

It's a mistake!

Okay, how much?

Ten? Twenty? Thirty?

Fuck! Why so nervous?

Why so serious, man? All right! Thirty.

I'll pay every penny!

- Ten!
- What?

I've never owed anyone a million!

Is this about Morocco?

But I paid in installments.

Maybe not everything,
but it wasn't a million!

You have one week.

Two!

Ten million!

- You have one week.
- Right.

Hi, sis, hello.

I'm back!

What do you mean, "Why?" I've missed you.

Maybe we could meet, have a chat?

But I can come over, anytime.

I love you!

Flipping hell!

What are you wearing?

What? We've got an important guest coming,

so I have to look elegant, no?

The Ritz in Paris is an elegant place.

I can assure you they don't admit people
in such suits there.

An expert… of savoir vivre over here.

If you're so smart,

why don't you leave for Paris
to serve sauerkraut soup?

- Out of pity.
- Oh! Out of pity.

Right! No one else could stand
being in this shack with you.

One more word.

Oh! Here comes your eagle.

Where are you parking?

Where's the head?

Where else? In the rear.

Your head is in the rear!

Put your head on and park elsewhere!

Dad, me and Franek wanted
to talk to you before work.

Okay, sweetheart, after work.

Dad, listen…

I told you, after work.

Here she comes!

Franek, come on! Places, everyone!

Come on, take your place!

I'm telling you, Jędruś,
when I con that townie,

you'll thank me for the rest of your life
and take back what you said.

Welcome! Welcome to our retreat!

- Hello.
- Come in. Our heartfelt welcome.

Come in, Madam Chairwoman.
Our heartfelt welcome.

We'll be talking here?

Even Bangkok airport is quieter than this.

For VIPs, we have the VIP room.

Here, Madam Chairwoman, this way.

Ms. Chairwoman, greetings.

- I'm here. I have stamps and forms.
- What is this drunk doing here?

Insulting a state official
carries a severe penalty.

Jędruś, let it go.

He will see to the formalities,
so you know I'm not trying to swindle you.

Swindle? Madam Chairwoman!

Nobody here has ever swindled anybody.

Here, madam.

Beautiful! Here.

Here, madam.

RAILWAY STATION

Wait. Wait, I'm coming.

God bless! Can I help with the luggage,
take you anywhere?

- No, thank you.
- A beautiful woman shouldn't carry that.

We'll go where you need to go,
find you a place to stay.

- It'll be cheap. We have a discount today.
- Save that patter for the townies.

You! You townie!

Watch where you're going!
It's Zakopane, not a highway!

Almost killed me.

This is the valley you're selling me.

Yes, Madam Chairwoman.

The whole thing!

According to the land registry
number 567 slash 89

slash 45 slash 36 with the date…

- Yes!
- Hold on!

- December 16th…
- Dad!

- Can we?
- Not now!

- …the valley is...
- Haven't I said yes already?

- I haven't confirmed it.
- Watch out, or I'll confirm you!

- Is it or is it not?
- Basically...

Madam Chairwoman, sit down.

We can still sign the contract today.

We can't.

I'm not selling anything.

- What?
- Just that!

This morning you were selling, and now
you have a problem? What is it?

My mother gave birth to me
on this land. I'm sentimental.

You were born in a hospital
in Zakopane, you idiot!

Excuse me, Madam Chairwoman. One moment.

Are you dumb? Have you seen the price?
Zeroes from here to Sopot.

I don't give a shit!
I don't like that woman!

She has no respect.
I won't talk to her or sell her anything!

Dad! Can we talk now?

No, you can't!

You will not tell my son
what he can or can't do!

So can we talk or not?

- You can!
- You can't!

I know what this is about!

You're pissed I'll make more
because my half is bigger!

It might be bigger,
but it's worth shit without mine!

I'm pregnant!

- No, you're not!
- Dad.

Now that's pretty much out of your hands.

- With whom?
- With him.

I do not approve!

I do approve!

You won't marry that broke bum!

Don't say that about him.

I know who I'm going to marry.

Even if you burn half of Podhale.
Respect that, flipping hell!

Franek, we're leaving.

But…

My flesh and blood!

More like mine.

More like her mom's.

And my son is no broke bum,

but the best catch in Podhale.

You will see.

Madam Chairwoman.

I understand that the situation
has changed, and you decided to sell.

- Every single thing! Yes!
- And the sister feels the same way?

Whose sister?

- His.
- He doesn't have a sister!

What do you mean?

Half of Mr. Jędrzej's land
and the house on it belongs to her.

Not since she left.

- There's a sister?
- No!

- She's in Chicago.
- But she still owns the land.

No. She has no say in this.

- The documents don't say so.
- But I do!

That's right! Wacuś can bear witness.
The land and the house are mine.

On my honor, Madam Chairwoman,
everything belongs to him.

Which land? Which house?

Kaśka?

That woman is a financial big fish!

A whale, you could say.

A huge opportunity!

It would be a shame
not to take advantage of her.

And the occasion.

Yes, it would be a shame.

I knew that we'd work it out
like brother and sister.

We won't.

- Keys.
- I don't have them.

- They were always here.
- Now they're not.

Kaśka, you said you would never come back.

But I did.

I'm glad you're happy. Excuse me.

- Kaśka!
- See?

You can't rinse the Goral out,
even with Coca-Cola.

You have a week.

Either you sell me the entire valley

or I won't buy anything.

Madam, who said that we wouldn't sell?

If need be, we'll throw in Krupówki.

- Great opportunity!
- It's your family, yours!

Goddamn her.

Crap!

BOB

Watch where you're going!

Take it easy. After all, nothing happened.

Nothing?

And the suitcase?

A smashed suitcase is better
than a smeared corpse on the road.

What is it with you all
walking into traffic?

You could've killed me.

But I didn't.

You're okay.

Injuries after an accident like that
might become a problem after a while.

But we could check it.

Over coffee?

Could we?

Come on!

Couldn't we?

So be it.

Relaxed and, as always,
divinely beautiful.

Save it.

Your lines don't work on me.

Dumbass!

But your beloved dumb-ass.

How much this time?

Sis.

You offend me.

You're in trouble again.

More like a chance
for a deal of a lifetime.

Another one?

This time it's completely different.
I can make a lot of money.

But, as you say,
and I learn from the best,

you need to give some to get some.

How much?

- Ten.
- Thousand?

Million.

Are you joking?

Trust me, sis, this is far from a joke.

- I don't have ten million.
- I'm sure you'll figure something out.

I need collateral.

Your shares in the company.
Transfer them to me.

You're joking?

This is far from a joke.

You will make money, pay back the loan,
and get back your shares.

I don't want to rob you.
I want to help you.

The papers. Sign them.

You'll get the money

after you do something for me.

What?

I want to buy land here. Build a house.

One Goral girl is causing me problems.
She needs to be tempered.

You want to buy land here? Build a house?

You hate the mountains.

People change.

Hey, mountains and valleys
I would cover you with gold

Hey, if only you would grant

Me back my younger years

I wish I could get back

That Kaśka of mine

You little hick.

All of Podhale is buzzing that you're back

and already raising some hell.

And you haven't visited me yet.
Oh, you little hick!

That's not nice, not nice!

I'm so happy to see you!

There. There, enough.
You'll slobber all over me.

Come on, let me take a look at you.

You've grown.

But you're so skinny!

Just as I thought.

I've spent two days
looking for everything you like.

How did you know?

One just knows these things,
you little hick.

I've brought you zyntyca.

And something else

that you like and I'm sure
they don't have in America.

There. Drink up, drink.

Your zyntyca is delicious.

Of course.

Well?

Haven't I told you?
She will leave quicker than she came.

Has she had enough already?

Yeah. Like shit, she has. Look.

I'm looking.

God, how I've missed that.

Gotta say, it's been
a few years of longing.

But now you're here.

So, what are you planning now,
you little hick?

I'll make a fresh start.

I'll set up an apiary.

From those two old beehives?

It's just a beginning.

A beginning of a huge digital apiary.

- A what?
- A digital apiary.

You…

you want to stick chips
up those bees' behinds?

Into the hives.

I've worked with them in the US.

Sensors will record humidity,
temperature, bees' condition,

sound, and swarm mobility.

They will send data
to the cloud to analyze.

I'll be joined by the neighborhood,

then the Podhale,
and I'll run the control center.

Somebody's watched too much
American science fiction.

And that…

control center of yours, this Houston,

where will it be? In that old shed?

Yeah! I'll connect it to the Internet
and electricity. It'll be great.

Well, maybe. Hey.

Here you go.

I'm giving you my steed.

Because you cannot build
your Houston walking everywhere.

She's not letting go.

Flipping hell!

I knew

that women in your family are nasty.

Women in my family are nasty?

Maybe in mine, huh?

Wait.

Forgive me, I forgot.

Who did your girl run off with?

A cook?

A waiter!

That's even worse.

At least she didn't run off
to America like yours did.

Maybe she ran off to America.

But that's none of your business,
so stay out of it.

You! You're jumping me, you bum?

When I kick you…

I'll turn you into oscypek!

Where are you pitching that, moron?

- It's you?
- It's you?

What are you doing here?

Me? You're the one
putting a tent up on my land!

This is private property!

Get on your bike and get out of here!

The bike broke.

I'll repair it in the morning and be gone.

And you intend
to spend the night in that thing?

It saved my life more than once.

In Alaska, Greenland,
the mountains of Pakistan.

Let me guess. An expedition to Nanga?

I am a master of survival!

- No!
- No!

All right!

Come to my place.
The conditions are spartan,

but you can dry your things
and call for help in the morning.

Thanks,

but there's nothing better
than a night under the stars.

Especially for bears.

There are bears here?

Sixteen of them.

A small herd on the verge of extinction.
Probably hungry after the winter.

Wait!

What a hovel.

I mean… the style is a bit rustic.

Get me in touch with your designer.

I hope some jealous Goral
won't chase me out of here with an axe.

Get undressed.

What, straight away?

That's why we're here.

Why not?

You need to get warm.

- I know the best method for that.
- Me too.

Something stopping you?

Maybe that sudden influx of female libido.

Get undressed.

How about we talk first?

No.

Okay.

We can skip foreplay.

No problem for me.

I'm in.

Well, I might not be in my best shape,

but down there,
everything is in peak condition.

Take everything off.

A Goral temperament. Good.

I like that.

If you need me, I am

ready.

Put that on.

You like dressing up.

Would you like me to be your… Janosik?

All right, you shall have your… Janosik.

Well?

- Did you call?
- Who?

For whom.

- Someone to take you and your junk away.
- First of all, it's not junk.

Second of all,
I don't have too many options.

And third of all, my phone died.

Has it been with you
to the mountains of Pakistan?

Exactly. A few expeditions together.

I've called a rescue helicopter
with it three times.

For the Englishmen. They were unprepared.

No signal.

Okay, I'll repair my motorcycle
in the morning and

move along.

You're not afraid of living here alone?

What's to be afraid of?

That one night I'll be bothered
by some self-styled alpinist from Warsaw?

Plus, I don't remember
telling you that I live alone.

Well, well.

And I thought
there were no such women anymore.

Beautiful.

Independent.

Not afraid of bears.

Probably make delicious liqueurs.

Quince liqueur?

Angelica.

Goral one. Grandmother's recipe.

Perfect for warming up your feet.

This is the bottle
my grandma was using before she died.

Why didn't you tell me?

- Have you got activated charcoal?
- Relax.

You're not the first one
to be allured by it.

There were others?

They survived?

Mostly.

Although, no. Two of them went blind.

But only for a month.

There is a shed in the back.

We need wood for the fireplace.

- Wait. Do you have it?
- Hold it!

- Hold! Crap, it's heavy.
- Together!

- Where are you going?
- Wait!

Flipping hell! Not that way!

Go there! Where are you going?

- Here.
- You moron, wait up.

The wind!

Where are you going?

Hold it up.

What are you doing?

What? You're trying to steal the kennels?

What kennels?

- These are beehives, you asswipe!
- You know him?

- Get out of here!
- He's got an axe! Get the fuck out!

Are you crazy?

What are you doing?

- It wasn't me!
- So who was it?

- The spirit of the mountain?
- Lady, I was protecting your property.

- I was fighting in a tornado and a storm!
- Your stuff is dry.

Get out of here!

Get out, go!

Get away!

HEALTH CENTER

He drove out
from around the corner like a moron.

Well, to me it looks
like horns… of a goat?

A buffalo!

On my hood.
You know what it's like with semis.

I had a similar duel on the road
during my trip to Alaska.

- Alaska?
- And Canada.

Oh no. What is that?

What is that?

- What?
- This. An allergic reaction.

In this spot! It could be dangerous.

I would recommend 24-hour observation.
I'm finishing soon, so we can…

I can't.

I'm climbing Mnich tomorrow.

Gotta check my equipment.

- Then maybe…
- Thank you.

Then maybe we could
actually do it together.

Thank you!

What a hunk!

Good evening.
I was about to close up, but come in.

I'm telling you.

We need to find her a man.

So he can leave her
like her American, Rob.

Bob.

Bob, Rob, whatever.

The point is, when he gets under her skin,
she'll get sick of Podhale,

she won't be able to look at this
beautiful land, and she'll leave again.

Beautiful. But it looks like
she's already found someone.

And he chased us away, not her.

Because he wasn't our folk! An outsider.

Gotta be a Slovak.

What Slovak?

What do you mean? From Slovakia.

I'm telling you.

We need to get her one of ours.

He will get rid of the Slovak,

woo her, and then leave her.

Brilliant plan.

But where do we find a kamikaze like that?

For money,

even Brad Pitt will come to us.

Chief.

Give me a coffee.

What? Tough morning?

Morning, day, night. It's not easy.

Next to this place,
hell is a holiday in Ciechocinek.

At least the view is better.

Maybe, but the mountains stand in the way.

I'm telling you, get out of here.

And that comes from someone
who smelled more than one Goral shit.

Chief.

What do you say? Another round?

I'll tell you right away… this…

this is not an easy case.

What are you saying?

Very… easy.

I'll put it bluntly.
Nobody tells me how to do my thing.

Or looks over my shoulder.

What I do is my business.

So that means you agree?

No.

What do you mean? But you just… Why not?

Because.

- It's my sister. Kaśka. Yeah.
- Jędruś' sister. Kaśka from America.

- Kaśka?
- Yeah.

It's about Kaśka?

I hit on her three times in high school.

I almost needed an ambulance twice.

And the third time…

You don't wanna know.

Only liars and con men.

There is this woman living here, Maryla.
Says she rents out rooms for a living.

But she hasn't had
a tourist for a year. What?

You think I don't know why?

I don't know what she's doing?

Illegal liquor with no certificate.

And I could help with regulations.
And? And nothing!

But the worst…

the worst…

is the Goral disco polo.

People come for New Year's Eve.

They keep shouting, "Zakopane!
Here we go!" Then fucking go!

But that will end, you know?
They will come to me and what?

"Włodek, help us, do something."

And those two, who are they?

These two geniuses.

They want a man to tame
that mustached one's sister

'cause she's blocking a sale of the land.

Kaśka is not an ordinary girl,
you understand? No ordinary girl.

I heard you want a specialist?

Flipping hell!

- The Slovak!
- The Slovak!

Slovak?

I understand.
You fellas are not interested.

Hold up, wait!

Who said we're not?

Sit down.

So, you're

a tourist.

Here by accident, huh?

A nomad, you could say.

And Kaśka just let you
into her house like that?

She has a soft spot for me.

Bullshit! The last thing she would have
is a soft spot for someone.

He's lying like his pants are on fire.
He's a plant.

Our kamikaze!

- So be it.
- Are you taking the job or not?

That depends.

How much?

How much time? A week.

Time… How much money?

A special offer for you, on the house.

But we do it my way.

Nobody can find out that we're connected,
and you tell me everything.

No bullshit.

Not on your life.

Hold on.

You will learn as much as you need.

A Goral would never confess to a townie.

These are our conditions.

Go on!

- Good morning.
- Morning! Go on!

There, stop.

- I need wood for roof shingles.
- No, we don't have wood.

- How come?
- We don't have it.

- There's a whole pile lying around.
- It's sold, lady.

Can you recommend a team to repair a roof?

A team… No.

All teams are fully booked
until January next year.

- Was my brother here?
- You have a brother?

What brother?

You know that very well.

It's the future of beekeeping.

I worked on such a solution in the US.

These are some American contraptions.

They're ours! The Poles invented those
in Silicon Valley.

Those smart beehives
could really save bees from extinction.

Listen. There hasn't been a woman born yet

who could tell me how to run my apiary.

Make your own.

And I will. Don't be surprised.
I'm taking those hives. All of them!

They've already been sold.

I see.

What? Are you kidding me?

Find a hundred more.

You rip off your own folk?

Booking costs.

Got a hundred?

Got a hundred?

What?

Whatever. Here you go.

Thanks.

I swear if I find you here again,

I will get a gun permit.

Podhale isn't the Wild West,
where you shoot first,

ask questions later.

You'd be surprised.

Where'd you get those hives?

Do you like them?

No.

Poor quality. Bad wood.

So you do like them.

These are a peace offering.

To replace the ones you lost.

So, it was your doing!

I didn't say that.

What are you doing?

Get down!

Easy. I used to do carpentry.

I built a bridge in Albania
over a wild river.

I have a professional coming this week.

A few swings of a hammer,
a couple of nails, and it's done.

And I can't allow it to rain on
your pretty little head for the next week.

The weather's supposed to be nice!

Get off!

What?

Are you all right?

It depends on whether
you give me mouth-to-mouth.

- You're all right. Up!
- I can't breathe!

What is it?

Jesus!

I'm getting… blurred vision.

Don't move. It might be your spine.
I'll call an ambulance.

No! I have trauma after an accident.

- I'm afraid of ambulances.
- What?

All right… I'm not insured.

You want to pay? Fine.

It's your roof, ladder, and employee.

I would think twice if I were you.

Yeah. I will just

lay here for a bit.

I'll be fine in a moment.

Although it would be
more comfortable in the house, but…

That's right. Breathe in…
breathe out. Breathe in…

Come on. Slowly.

Slowly.

There.

Can you lie down on your own?

I'd rather…

All right, I was just kidding.

But, really, a normal sofa would do.

Jesus.

All right. I'll bring a pillow.

Yes.

You'll beg me to stay here.

You'll beg me

to call that ambulance.

Hello!

I think I need help after all.

Hello.

I'm back.

I was thinking about

what would do you good.

Oh yeah?

Well, actually…

who would.

I've got a couple of ideas.

Me too.

I'm here.

Is that him?

Well, strip down.

To your underpants. And get on the table.

We'll take viper's venom!

Horse manure!

An old…

Let's change equipment.

And release!

There! Yes!

And more!

And go on! Go on!

Where are you going?
I haven't finished yet.

Get back on the table.

Thank you so much. There's no need.

I'm better already.

The pain is gone.

Thank you!

You're welcome.

I haven't had so much fun in a while.

Handsome fella.

He pitched his tent
in front of your house?

That's right. An alpinist from Warsaw.

Now he definitely won't be back.

All right. Let's pack it up.

Yes, Mr. Chairman,
we are ready to start production.

We just need...

The new credit line agreement is
on my desk.

Fantastic.

When can you release the funds?

As soon as you sign
the land sale contract, Ms. Agata.

- It's a matter of days.
- Good.

All right, I'm waiting. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Patryk?

How's our business?

Excuse me?

I'm giving you three days.

I want that land in three days.

Damn you.

Easy.

Take it easy, pet. Yeah.

Let me guess. A night in the woods?

Nothing to talk about.

It's normal for a man.

Oh yeah?

Even such a delicate one?

More like tough like beef jerky.

Did I mention my doctorate
was on allergies? I could...

Gladly. But some other time.

Yeah? When?

- But… Well…
- Goodbye!

Is there a back door here?

Back door? I don't know.

What? Through the window?

But… Well…

I mean…

He thinks he's Zorro.

He whets your appetite,
and then you're on your own, lady.

Oh, good morning.

Come in.

Don't be shy. I can see
you're here for the second time.

Come in. There. Come on.

Yes.

And sit down.

Well, how can I help?

Well… Couldn't we have met
in a bit less messed-up place?

Okay.

How are things?

Like we discussed.

Ah, so something happened.
Some hanky-panky?

How was it?

My sister? I'll get you…

- Suddenly you think of her?
- Gentlemen.

It happened…

almost.

But there were some complications.

- I knew it. She kicked him out again.
- An expert from Warsaw, and look.

- Can't get a woman into bed.
- Nothing works on her.

She's different.

Different… than others.

- Sure, my flesh and blood.
- What about our business, you dumb-ass?

So you said that she'll be where tomorrow?

At Maryla's. They all… meet there.

Where is the city office here?

- There.
- There.

What do you mean? There!

You could finally
legalize your distillery.

What distillery?

It's not a distillery.

Just a production of traditional
angelica liqueur for private use.

Well, let's have a drink. Here.

Maybe I'm supposed to pay taxes on it?

Why? Did Brussels give me the recipe?

It's my liqueur,
and it's nobody's business. Cheers!

Let's drink!

- Kaśka!
- Jagódka!

You've grown so much!

I'm here.

- Yeah.
- Sorry.

Sixteen stops to pee.

The bladder will return to normal.
The rest might be worse.

Maryla said you might need
a good IT person.

I've been studying in Kraków
for three years. I think I'd do?

I'll write you such code
for those beehives

that daughters of Babylon
would blush, but only

if you tell me
all about your night raider.

About whom?

- What?
- The handsome biker.

Come on. He's not that handsome.
There's nothing to talk about.

He's not ugly either.

How do you know?

He visited me.

Mr. I-was-on-top-of-the-world-jumped-off

then-swam-with-the-dolphins-in-Costa Rica.

- That one?
- That one.

No two ways about it.

Kaśka kicked him out of her house.

You're still on this?

I don't want anything to do with men.

I understand.

I've been there.

Until I managed to score
the last alpha male on this planet.

- I want to hear about him.
- Hey.

What? A pregnant woman
deserves spicy details.

I won't share an endangered species.

What does he want here?

- God bless.
- God bless.

Good morning.

Morning.

- Won't you invite us inside?
- No.

Shouldn't you properly welcome a guest?

Watch out,
or I'll tell you what you should do.

Unless you are doing something illegal.

- Illegal? This here is a...
- Prenatal class.

Yes.

- We are practicing contractions.
- Yes. With the doctor's help.

Hello. How's your health?

Right. This man is looking
for a room, Ms. Maryla,

and you make a living renting out rooms,

so I decided to bring in a client
and inspect the rooms as a city official.

Stop. Not one step forward.

Look for accommodation elsewhere.

But we already did.

Nothing else is free.

My place is free.

I have a spare room.

Yeah.

Your offer surprised me.

I'm telling you. It won't be cheap.

I get it.
The old Goral method, con the townie.

At most, I can chop some wood for you.

And just so you know,

I won't sleep with you.

All right.

So what time's breakfast?

Hey, pretty lady!

That's why I need that grant.

Yes, I know I said the entire Podhale.

It was gonna be a co-op,
a few apiaries, but so far it's just mine.

Another form?

Lower funds? Man!

If I didn't need that money,
I wouldn't have contacted you!

Hello!

Great.

Thanks. You didn't have to.

And if you ever need a negotiator,

people love me.

Because you never say what you think?

You'll breed drones here?

Drones aren't bred.

They just turn up.

And I heard it's the best gig.

You relax, the worker bees feed you honey,
and then you impregnate them.

And when you're done,

they bite,

pull out your wings,
and kick you out of the hive.

There's wood to be chopped at the back.

- Let's go, boys.
- Time is short.

Come on!

- Go on, Jędruś!
- Go on!

Jędruś! You go there. I go here.

Out of the way.

Go away, dumb-ass, or I'll chop you up.

Move away.

What? Never seen an axe in Warsaw?

Boys, chop those stumps and stack them.

That's it. Watch your fingers.

You should've said it's a one-hour job.

I fixed the fence in the back.

- I have a fence there?
- Now you do.

A faucet? Great!

Plumbing is my middle name.

Don't you want a break?

Once I start something,

I need to finish it.

That's how I am.

THE TARGET HAS LEFT THE AREA

Fancy taking a trip?

I sense a ruse.

No, then. That's fine.

Actually, I could… find a moment.

Great.

Wait up! Hey!

Hey, alpinist!

Maybe next time hire
some Sherpas to help you out?

When you go so fast,
you miss out on the best views.

I've missed this view.

It's beautiful.

Come on, we're close.

Put it here.

Are you afraid of bees?

No, just… I don't want to scare them.

Put on the hat.

Why?

We're going to catch them.

All of them at once or one by one?

They'll fly around, so try not to move.

I'm not gonna.

You'll be fine.
Just don't stress them out.

Okay.

Apparently, eight out of ten women believe
that the first kiss reveals

how the future relationship will be.

Did a Tibetan monk tell you that?

They usually don't talk.

Maybe follow their example.

Or look for those eight women.

Very well.

Just kill me.

First, you send the city office my way,
and now you ask for my help?

Huh?

Is that nice?

- Let me remind you, I got hit first.
- You're lucky, man.

That we never turn away
a person in need around here.

Speaking of being in need, does…

- Does Kaśka...
- No way.

- But I...
- Don't push it!

But I'm not her enemy.
I'm trying to help her, fix things.

And you think that's enough?

Asbestos trousers, poison, whipping.

I put up with all of that.
Would I have if I didn't care?

I've never tried this hard
with any other woman before.

Because never before
have you met a woman like that.

Kaśka is unique and special.

And a special woman

requires special effort.

Don't fool around. Enough.

So what do I do?

Are you asking me?

You need to figure it out on your own.

End of consultation.

Go on, now, go.

- This is not a good idea.
- There's no time for training.

I'll improvise.

ANNUAL LUMBERJACK CONTEST

Will he manage?

Fuck no.

Dears! Welcome all competitors.

This is a celebration
of Tatra lumberjacks.

Welcome to our competitors.

Where's Janka?

Janka?

Ever since she's been seeing
that mysterious alpha male,

she hasn't been heard from.
I'll take the candles later.

I'm worrying about her.

About her? Give it a rest.

She'll manage just fine.

If there's anyone you should worry about,
it's that alpha male.

This is a combined cutting competition.

He's gone mad.

He's gone completely mad.

Are you crazy?

So, you worry about me?

I'm not worried, I'm trying to keep you
from doing the dumbest thing ever.

Because you care about me?
Just a bit or a lot?

- This is not a competition for you.
- Ah, it was made for me.

They've been chopping wood since forever!

And will you go out with me if I win?

Don't you understand? You won't win!

- You have no chance.
- Then why not agree?

And now Patryk Nawrot.

He doesn't look like a lumberjack,

but he's got a Goral hat,
so a round of applause!

Everyone, start your chainsaws,

so our women see you've got wood!

A hundred, 200, 300, 400, 500.

Could've been more.

That's how much there is.

A hundred, 200, 300, 400, 500. God bless.

A hundred, 200, 300, 400, 500.

Guys, like we talked about,

this win won't be honorable,
but it will be lucrative.

Here you go.

A hundred, 200, 300, 400, 500.

One, two, three, fo… Got a hundred?

- I do.
- Then give it.

Here you go.

We had a deal.

We did. But now we don't.

But why not?

Because.

Flipping hell.

Yes! Applause!

I knew it. Should've given him more.

You'd sooner buy Giewont.

There it is! Applause!

Wait up! I've got it. We don't need money.

We need a ruse. I've got it.

Come.

Well done to Patryk!

Well, he's doing fine.

Somehow.

My dears! Start!

Go, go, go!

What a crash! Jesus Christ! It's over.

My car!

Kasia!

Kaśka!

So? Are we seeing each other
at 7:00 p.m.? At dinner?

I can be there at 7:30.

If you'd like.

Have you lost your mind completely?

That's not what you meant? To impress her?

You stupid man,
consider what you're doing.

Think twice.

If you're just playing, you'd better stop.

Feelings are not toys.

Definitely not around here.

Kaśka.

Let's talk.

Please.

Kaśka?

There's nothing to talk about.

At least give me five minutes. Please.

It was stupid.

It almost ended in tragedy.

Let's talk.

You'll come out eventually.

- Will you sit here for long?
- If need be, until morning.

Good luck, then.

If you need me, I'll be right here.

What happened?

The bee I ordered from Belgium
is at the post office an hour away!

The queen you ordered
for the apiary was sent by mail?

Yes. If I don't pick her up today,
she'll die.

By bike, we'll be there in 15 minutes.
Come on.

Get on.

Oh fuck.

Well done.

It was a great idea
to throw away your keys.

- I've got it!
- Come.

POST OFFICE

Too late.

Delivery number.

Okay, wait.

I'll take care of it.

Trust me.

Ma'am!

What do you need?

A package.

All right.

And?

You got it!

They're alive.

Thanks.

I told you that people love me.

Okay, vroom-vroom?

There was to be only one queen.

There is.
The little ones are her companions.

They take care of her.
Feed her with their milk.

Look how agitated they are.

They can smell you.

They smell a drone.

The legs are fine, the wings as well.

Was it always this way?
You knew what you wanted?

Not always.

But now I know this is my place on earth.

Everyone has one.

Not everyone.

Maybe you haven't found yours?

I have to tell you something.

Wait, I have to.

Can you stop talking so much?

Patryk?

We need to talk.

SISTER

NAWROT PATRYK

Sister?! Hold me back!

- The chairwoman is your sister?!
- You asshole, you wanted to rob us!

Me?

- You wanted to rob Kaśka.
- Us?

You bum!

Us? It was you and your sis
from the very beginning!

- She was the one that sent you to us!
- Hold him!

Flipping hell, you've got shit!

Here! You go there, I go here!

Go.

I've got him!

- Didn't I tell you he was a plant?
- You told me? I told you!

- You? I did!
- You? I told you!

I told you!

Gentlemen!

You can talk it out later.

- You lowlife scum!
- You bastard!

- Hold him!
- I'm holding him!

CHILDREN TAKE OVER NAWROT DESIGN

PATRYK AND AGATA NAWROT AT THE HELM

I'm such an idiot.

Grab that bastard!

Apologize to Kaśka
and confess to everything!

You confess! You're no better!

Let me tell you, you moron,
Mother Mary won't recognize you.

- But that was your idea.
- Ours?

You wanted to get into Kaśka's bed.

And you wanted to get money from us.

Gentlemen.

How much?

Well?

How much?

How much am I worth?

How much is a night with me
worth on your price list?

Kasia, I can...

Let me guess. "Explain"?

You were right.

I shouldn't have come back.

This will never be my home.

Kaśka! Kaśka, wait.

You destroyed my dream.
Mission accomplished. You can be proud.

- Believe me, I'm not...
- I will not believe a word you say.

The land is yours.

And?

Flipping hell.

You turned half of Podhale
against one another. Happy?

I did?

Maybe I did?

Maybe I did?

The whole business is fucked!

And the treasure?

- What treasure?
- The one buried in the land.

Whose land?

This is kidnapping and a crime!

What kidnapping?

Just a normal event, no?

Tell us! Everything you know.

I won't tell you shit.

Flipping hell, what are you all doing?

Nothing.

You call that nothing? Quiet!

Into the inn. All of you.

Talk like you're at confession,
one by one, now.

- What wood?
- Speak!

Like I've said. Bogwood.

Black like ebony or coal.

And it's in our land?

No fucking way? That coal?

Not coal, it's… bogwood.

All over the valley,
most of it in Kaśka's part.

And it's worth more than diamonds.

Bogwood furniture is worth a fortune.

Flipping hell!

Does Kaśka know?

She has to stay.

Yeah, has to. Has to!

But I can't convince her.

And I'm not going to clean up your mess.

We're low on iodine in the mountains,
so their brains are small.

But you?

Being so greedy for her money?

Some thugs were after me.

I owed them money. I don't know what for.

One of them found me here.

Chased me around the doctor's office.

And you, poor thing, don't know why?

Agata…

She tricked us all.

I won't sell her anything, no fucking way!

Me neither. Not an inch of this land!

You will sell.

You will sell everything.

No way!

My darling!

There you are!
Do you really have to go home?

I know your work trip is ending,
but maybe you could stay?

I can't. But I'll be back.

That's him!

It's that thug.

Sławeczek,
what thug is that man talking about?

About him… that slab, that bear.

Hired… by his cunning sister.

Sławeczek!

What sister are they talking about?

I can explain everything.

I don't give a shit about
your explanations. You will do as I say.

How's it going?

According to plan.

Are you sure?

I will call you if you're needed.

Everything is ready, ma'am.
We just need the signatures.

Welcome.

Your sister won't interrupt us again?

What sister, Madam Chairwoman?
What… sister?

Let's go into the VIP room.

Go!

On your right, Madam Chairwoman.

I've heard you did well.

Reliable as always.

Is that for me?

Straight away?

How about a toast with your sister first?

It's what you like.

Yes. You know very well what I like most.

But you know what?

You're right. Let's celebrate.

After all, you've made quite a nice deal.

May yours be just as successful.

Don't you worry about that.

About your shares...

You know what,
let's talk about that later.

- Finally! I'll miss my flight.
- I'll put it bluntly.

I will not be taking any bees.

- How come?
- Just like that.

But about those digital beehives,
I'm in. The others as well.

What others?

All of them. After all, do we want
this honey Silicon Valley here or not?

Hold on. Come on, guys!

Kaśka!

Tell me, where do you want
that control center of yours?

What control center?

Guys, bring the boxes here
and the wood there!

That Houston with bees?

But can you tell me what's going on here?

What do you think?

The men listened to reason

and came to help you out. Huh?

But I'm going away.

Eh, no way.

Yeah.

Beautiful, pile it like that.

- You're behind it?
- Me?

No way.

Do you think any of them
would listen to a woman? Never.

Maybe it's someone else, huh?

Someone who cared very much.

And did his best so you would stay

and have your dream.

Enough talking.

It's time to make a whole lot of food,

because if they're hungry,
they might mess it up.

But where did you get the money
for all that?

From the EU.

The EU, you little hick. The EU!

Well, sis.

Time to have a serious talk.

Will they agree?

Doesn't look like
they're going to kill each other. Yeah.

They're family.

And family

is family. Yes.

Guys! Get the wood.

Here we are.

What's that, Ms. Agata?
Have you bought a ski jump?

Oh. Mister Chairman.

Hello.

- What a coincidence to meet you here.
- Hello.

Is that your new venture?

Beautiful. Congratulations.

- What are you doing here?
- Told you. A deal of a lifetime.

Welcome to Zakopane!

Who are these gentlemen?

These gentlemen? They are

the owners of the largest deposit
of bogwood in Central Europe.

And the chairmen of our company.

What company, you little shit?!

You destroyed our firm!

Ours? You mean yours.

My company is called Bee and Bogwood.

Podhale-Dubai-Beijing Company.

General, International.

Well, okay, we have to go.

We're late to a meeting
with a client from the Gulf.

With a double name we both know.

It won't work out.
Work? Firm? You cannot handle that!

People change, sis.

Mr. Chairman, welcome!

Welcome to our retreat!

Come, let's talk business.

- Hop on.
- Welcome.

Chairman Wacuś. And this is Chairman…

- Jędruś.
- Hello.

Go, Jędruś.

- Let's go.
- We're coming.

Get on.

They are so beautiful!

The band! Get on!

What's important is they're happy.

Hey, little hick.

You will be happy too. You will!

Band on the wagon!

They're going there…

Let's go, guys!

And we walk.

Hey, for the wedding, she took

Her silk shawl…

Kiss the bride!

Hey, she wiped her eyes

Quiet!

I will talk now.

We are glad that all of you turned up

to celebrate me and my children's big day.

Happiness and joy.
From the bottom of my heart.

Yours.

Yeah, mine.

My daughter, Jagódka.

And from today… my son.

The son I dreamed of.

Hold on. You dreamed of my Franuś?

- Yes, I did.
- I don't believe it.

You… you dreamed of him?

Right now. I dreamed of him now.

I was for this wedding first!

If it wasn't for me,
it wouldn't have happened!

- It wouldn't?
- No!

Music! Play!

I'm telling you, Maryla,

you, me, and your angelica liqueur…
We'll sell it all over Europe.

Ha! All over the world.

And the certificates?

- The regulations, the EU, what about that?
- What regulations, my queen?

I am the regulations.

I am your EU, Brussels,

your excise band.

They will fly in from America
for our Goral gold!

Come on, you silly man.

The bottle is empty. Let me get another.

To celebrate our empire!

Hey, little hick.

Why are you sitting alone?

You are a bridesmaid.

I want to see you on the dance floor.

Yeah.

To the young couple!

Having fun?

Do you know anything
about accommodation around here?

Hey.

Now?

Everything's booked up.

I don't know, maybe a private house?

I could settle for a rustic hovel.

Are you just passing through?
Or for a longer stay?

Well, I'm looking for my place on earth.

And? Still nothing?

I think that maybe something…

Okay. Everyone says so, then runs away.

Wussies.

Not sure, maybe I'd have something?

But it won't be cheap.

You need to earn your keep.

Are you good at anything?

Used to be. At taming shrews.

Up to a point.

Until I failed with one of them.

You've met your match, huh?

She's been a real shrew.

I guess I've seen it all
I partied really hard in America

Tropical paradise, they said
This is the life, not some replica

Those were wonderful times
Best time of our lives

Remember, darling?

Yet only here in Poland
We've found that feeling

Love, oh, love in Zakopane

Bubbly pours over our bodies

I am the knight
And you are the queen of our evening

In your eyes, the love is glowing

Like a motorbike, it's speeding

Look, Wacuś, what a… lovely couple.

Just a while ago, Franuś was like this!

This small!

And Jagódka?

That little nose.

- Pour one.
- Drink, Grandpa.

Who's a grandpa, Grandpa?

I can tell you this much.

You are screwed.

What's important is to stay tough.

And soft.

At the same time.

Rough, but sensitive.

And don't let her be jealous.

Because, see, when a guy is jealous,

then he's sort of… comely.

- Comely?
- Yeah. Hunky.

Oh! Hunky.

Yeah. Drink up.

But a woman… when she's jealous, man!

World War III guaranteed!

- That's true.
- Yeah.

Man, where have you been?
Dakar together, and then no contact.

Adaś! Well!

I'm so sorry!

You know each other?
This is Adaś, my dear friend.

The famous rally driver.