The Swindle (1997) - full transcript

Betty and Victor are a pair of scam artists. One day Betty brings in Maurice, a treasurer of a multinational company. Maurice is due to transfer 5 millions francs out of Switzerland, and Betty is convinced he plans to steal that money. On whose side is Betty - Victor's, Maurice's or only her own?

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Place your bets.

No more bets...

THE SWINDLE

All bets are down.

33 red, odd and pass.

10,500.

You're luckier than me.

Sorry about that.

Don't be silly!

Place your bets.



Bet with me.

My bad luck might rub off on you.

No more bets.

All bets are down.

No winners.

- You can't win everytime.
- Especially me!

- Young man, where's the baccarat?
- Over there.

- Bet with me.
- But you're losing!

- You'll bring me luck.
- This is my last chip.

Come on, let's play the last six.
Okay?

- Place your bets.
- The last six.

The last six. No more bets.

All bets are down.

20 black, even, pass.



I told you so.

That's it, I'm out.
I'll buy you a drink.

- No. I don't think so.
- Come on!

My name's Robert Chatillon
and I'm perfectly harmless.

You're not the shy type!

Elisabeth Deroulède.

Deroulède? Like the poet who hated Krauts?

Yes. He was a distant relative.

Can we go somewhere else
for a drink?

I'm afraid I'll be tempted.

Let's have one at the hotel bar.
We're all at the Park Hotel.

- What do you mean by "all"?
- The convention.

I'm staying there too.

You enjoy travelling?

So, you specialize in lawnmowers.

I handle all mechanical
and electric garden equipment.

Oh, that's nice.

What do you mean "nice"?

I think it's... poetic.

I think you're right.
Another whiskey?

But Robert, I'm way behind you.
I haven't even drunk half.

Hurry up.

The guy from Clermont found a broad.

Yeah, I saw him.

Your order, sir?

A brandy and water. Lots of water.

No! Thank you.

- And you?
- What about me?

What do you do for a living?

Director of an insurance company.

- Not bad!
- Why? You thought I was a whore?

Not at all! You're not the type.

I'm happy to hear it.

No, I'm not a whore.

I'm a liberated woman who does
what she wants. Are you married?

Yes.

You live around here?

No. Clermont-Ferrand.

So you're married. You have any kids?

No and we'll never have any.

That's life.

You have any cigarettes?

Sorry, I don't smoke.

Would you mind getting me some?
They sell them at the bar.

Sure.

What brand should I buy?

Gitanes blondes.

A pack of Gitanes blondes please.

Right away, sir.

That'll be twenty francs.

- Here you go.
- Thanks, that's sweet of you.

You're a really nice person.

That's because you're charming.

I'd like to get to know you better.

I'd be delighted.

I'd like to kiss you
and make love to you.

You might be shocked,
but that's how I am.

Take it or leave it.

I'll take it.

Your room or mine? I prefer yours.

Me too. I've got my key so no need
to stop at the reception desk.

Here. I don't want this. Drink it.

Put it on my tab. Room 505.

Why do you want
to make love to me?

Because you're nice.

Sorry.

Your pal Robert's hot stuff.

Yeah, I noticed. I'm amazed.

I can't get over it.

Maybe he could use my weed-wacker.

She's not bad-looking either.

Hey, take it easy!

Sorry. I don't mean to be pushy,
but I figured...

- You play the trumpet!
- No. It's a bet I made...

I'm a beginner...

- Why don't we get comfortable?
- Sure.

Will you give me a hand?

Thanks.

Can you hang on a few minutes?

I want to freshen up.

There's not much in the...

I've got all I need in here.

Five minutes.

How much do I owe you?

Forty-five.

How much?

Too rich for my blood.

Thanks.

- Goodbye.
- Goodnight sir.

What's wrong? You look tired.

- No, no. I'm okay.
- Lie down.

- I don't know what's wrong.
- I said, lie down.

What rotten luck.

Who is it?

Room service. It's Victor.

Idiot!

- Everything okay?
- Out like alight.

He plays the trumpet too.
Let's see.

- Are you crazy!
- What? Do you mind.

Is that really appropriate?

Does he know which end to put it in?

Anyway, who cares. Let's see...

There's about 35,000 francs here.

How much did he win on his last round?

Just over 10,000.

So I'll leave him... 21,000.

That much?

Let me handle this!

Check if he has any other papers!

Credit cards, driver's license.

Forget the credit cards
and bring me the license!

Take a look at this mugshot!

What about the signature?

- Piece of cake.
- It's all yours.

The dumber the signature
the easier it is.

We don't need an exacto knife.

What luck! 12,316.46 francs.

Wonderful.

How's it going?

No problem.

The writing?

He writes like a ten-year-old kid.
Primitive.

Primitive...

I'm thirsty.

Drink!

Who do I make the check out to?

Good question. Make it out to
the Geneva Import Co.

We haven't used it for a while.

Is this alright?

Perfect.
Put everything back in its place.

It would be nice to leave a note.

Excellent idea!

Shall I dictate?

If you want.

- What's his name?
- Robert.

My Dear Robert...

What did you say you did for a living?

Director of an insurance company.
Elisabeth Deroulède.

Deroulède! Shame on you!

Use business handwriting,
but make it a bit sensual.

My Dear Robert...

Sorry it didn't work out.

Maybe we could meet again sometime.

Sleep well.

Elisabeth.

And add this:

I had to return to Paris.

I think I had one too many.

Tomorrow 9:00 a.m. Marchand's speech.

Perfect time for a nap.
I'm going to watch some porno.

- My wife drove me nuts.
- Look, it's Robert's girlfriend.

I want another croissant.

- It's your fourth.
- So it's my fourth.

More croissants please.

- Only two left.
- Fine.

A glass of white wine, Odette.

I can go and get you some more.

This is fine.

Okay with you?

We could use some more coffee.

You're going to get fat.

You'll end up in a wheelchair!

Obese!

- Find anything?
- Nothing worthwhile anyway.

Not worth the trip.

Don't worry. I've got a good thing
lined up in two weeks.

You feel like eating outside?

It's too cold out.

Alright. I'll clear off the ashtray
and set the table.

Do it now! The food's ready.

What's happening in two weeks?

You're curious.

We're going to Sils Maria,
near St. Moritz.

- Not bad!
- I think it'll be worthwhile.

A dental convention.

The European Congress -

- of Odontology.

They look pretentious enough
to be good prey.

What if our dentist's there?

I had my teeth cleaned
just to make sure.

He hates meeting other dentists.

- You think of everything.
- It's my job.

It's one of the most lucrative jobs.

And one of the safest,
if you're smart.

Lucrative?

The least taxable.

- Is it good?
- Yes.

Why do you like doing dishes?

I don't. But I know how much you
hate it.

You know what?

I need a few days off
for a change of scenery.

Do what you want, my dear.

You don't mind?

Betty, you know I love you,
but I can live without you.

How about if we go back to Paris.

I'll do this month's accounts,
then you do what you want.

Are you sure?

Don't be annoying, darling.

I won't be long.

What?

Take your time.

102,400 francs.
Not bad for only three scams.

I guess.

And it's the slow season.
Don't forget that...

I know. We could've taken...

More cash from the lawnmower salesman.

Don't flaunt you stupidity, darling.

Thanks a lot.

Use your head! That's the whole idea.

I left too much money for him
to notice any was missing.

He had more than 20,000 in his wallet.

It wouldn't even occur to him
he's been had.

It's the principle behind taxes,
but they're even more subtle.

The tax people are geniuses.

- But we have to fight to survive.
- You old anarchist.

- Yes you are!
- Oh no, my dear, not at all.

As usual...

One third goes into the communal
pot. That's 34,000.

We split the rest.

That's 34,000 each.

The 400 francs left are a present
for you.

- A bonus for the personnel.
- Thank you sir!

Do you still plan on taking some
time off?

Where are you planning on going?

I don't know. Somewhere south.

You have to be in Sils Maria
on the 25th.

I'll be there.

Do you need some cash?

A little.

How much? Ten... fifteen thousand?

Twelve thousand.

Here princess.

Thanks.

What ID do you want?

I think I'll be Russian.
Sissi Petrovna.

Sissi Petrovna!
Can't you pick an easier one?

It's more amusing.

Why not Betty Boop!

Passport, license, ID cards...

Checkbook.

Careful, only ten left.
By the way...

On the passport

you're a blond.

So?

Platinum blond.

So?

Don't worry.

- You seem upset.
- Nothing upsets me darling. Ever.

I'll call once in a while.
At midnight.

I certainly hope so.

I'm off to bed. I'm leaving early.

- I won't wake you.
- Don't worry about it.

I'll see you in ten days
in Sils Maria.

Right. Ten days in Sils Maria.

What are you planning to do?

What I usually do when I'm alone,
darling.

Mingle with the masses.

You need more practice, kid.

The same thing.

Give me lots of onions.

Onions...

More onions.

Lots and lots of onions.

What do I owe you?

Nothing.

I wouldn't feel right.

Get out of here!

Okay. I'm going.

Today she's overweight and happy.

She feels better fat than thin.
She'll tell us why.

For the first time on TV -

- Catherine Langeais talks about
François Mitterrand -

- and their secret love affair.

In ten years this man found
every possible combination -

- to win the lottery.

He'll tell us his secret.

Dominique loved Christian, -

- until she found out
Christian was a woman.

Hard to believe, but facts
can be stranger than fiction.

What a bore.

Hi mom, it's Sissi.

That's a first. How are you?
Enjoying your freedom?

I'm fine. I'll explain later.

Will you let me talk to my mother?

- Hurry up.
- Okay.

Don't forget, in three days
we meet in Sils Maria.

I'm already in Sils Maria.

I'll explain later. Bye.

What's she cooking up?

You have a reservation for me.

- Emmanuel Victor.
- Yes, Colonel.

Your room is ready. Room 170.

It's large with a good view.
Hope you enjoy your stay.

I hope so too.

Hello, Gunther.

Hello, Signora Trotti.

What are you doing, you little pest?

He's not bothering me, madam.

You're French, aren't you?
You look French.

Hannibal loves you.
He loves the French.

And so do I.

My first lover was French.

I'm honored, madam.

Colonel Emmanuel Victor.

A charming French officer.

Sadly, a retired colonel, madam.

Please follow me, Colonel.

Excuse me, signora.

Will we meet again?

Mrs. Trotti is one of our best
clients. She's full of life.

Tell me she's not a dentist.

No. She's a widow.

Hurry!

I hope you'll like the room.

We'll eat here
and see the show tonight.

Other French guests...

I heard.

Closet...

Bottled water...

A bible...

Bathroom...

Hot... cold.

The usual.

Yes... the usual.

Tell me. What's the show tonight?

It's a show with a very unusual dancer.

It was organized by the dentists
but it's open to anyone.

If you wish I can reserve you a seat.

Thank you. Ls it black tie?

It's dressy.

Fine. Can you also reserve me
a table for tonight?

Certainly, Colonel.

That's fine. Thank you very much.

I hope you have an excellent stay,
Colonel.

- At your service.
- Thank you.

Sir...

You have a table reserved for me.

- The name is Victor.
- Yes of course, Colonel.

If you could avoid
Signora Trotti's table...

I understand, sir.

This way please.

Here you are, sir.

Tonight, we're offering
superb wild mushrooms.

You can have them in a fricassee,
or as a side dish.

Perfect! I'll have mushroom fricassee.

Give me fish with that... perch.

Sautéed with just a touch of
lemon juice.

If you wish, we have some magnificent...

frogs.

Magnificent?

- Big frogs?
- Very big frogs.

I see. You're sure they're not toads?

No. And bring me a half-bottle of
white wine.

Fine, sir. I'll bring you the wine list.

It's unbearably hot in here.

How can she move like that?

It's the costume.

I'm too hot. I need some air.

Now I feel chilly.

- You want to go back inside?
- No. Warm me up.

- I think I've got an admirer.
- Who?

A guy who just arrived. Not bad.

Relax... He's old enough to be my dad.

I don't trust old leches.

Why do you think he's an old lech?

We could have some fun with him.

You're really perverse.

I'm frivolous, but I'm not perverse.

I bet I can get him to invite us
to dinner.

I'm not with the convention
or the hotel.

Working for the hotel now?

What are you up to? Who's the guy?

- I'll explain later.
- Enough's enough!

You'd think we were in a Kafka novel.
Cough it up.

Later. Play along.

How nice of you.

We'll have a delightful day,
if you're sure it's no trouble.

Meet my cousin, Maurice Biagini.

Delighted. Emmanuel Victor,
retired colonel.

Colonel.

The Colonel's invited us to lunch.

Really Sissi, the way you take
advantage of people.

Not at all. It was my idea.

I'm alone among all these dentists,

and being pursued
by an awful Italian widow.

You'd be doing me a service -

- as a fellow Frenchman.

You're too kind.

We'd be pleased to offer our protection.

The pleasure is mine.

Perfect. We'll meet in half an hour.

It's cold up there.
Dress warmly, Colonel.

- I intend to, madam.
- It's miss.

If you've got a ski-mask,
I suggest you wear it.

Don't worry. I know how to cover myself.

Three, please.

Thank you.

Let's conquer the Alps together.

- With pleasure, but...
- I insist.

So?

- So, what?
- I'm listening.

Who is this guy?

It's the first time you've
screwed up one of our projects.

After seeing the dentists,
you should thank me.

- Alright.
- You want to know about Maurice.

I want to know everything.

He's a businessman, a treasurer -

- for an international business group.

- My goodness.
- It's true.

Anything's possible.
He looks like a brainless gigolo.

He's not that brainless.

Where did you meet him
and what are your plans?

On the train, not that it matters.

Go on.

We were on the same train.

He was sitting across from me.
He was kind of cute.

I was bored so I asked him to
switch seats.

Once he caught on, he was great.

He graciously accepted my request.

He kept on smiling.

- After that it was easy. We talked.
- I believe you.

Then we had an awful lunch.

He wanted to pay for lunch.
I refused.

I let him buy the wine.

After that, one thing led to another.

Keep going.

He invited me to dinner.

I said yes.

We ate at the Negresco.

The meal was superb.

Is this story almost over?

I swear it's all true!

What do you take me for?

Stop rocking the chair
or we'll fall. I swear it's true!

Alright. Now tell me how and when
you got from Nice to Sils Maria?

We flew here two days ago.

No. You've been here for ten days.
I asked at the desk.

Were you in the secret service,
Colonel?

- Why are you lying to me?
- I'm not. It's all true.

Okay, it's all true,
but it happened last year.

A year! You've known each other
for a year? Bravo!

You've led a secret life!

Stop acting like an old fogey.

You needed some time off

to chase after your boyfriend.

Stop it and listen.
He's here to transfer some money.

He's taking a huge amount
of cash to the Antilles.

- Money from where?
- We're better off not knowing.

We're talking 5 million Swiss francs.

- How much?
- Swiss francs in a briefcase.

How much?

5 million.

He told you all this
just like that.

A year of work, old friend.

A wolf in sheep's clothing!

- You know your story stinks.
- Swiss money has no smell.

Great! I'm as hungry as a wolf!

I'll lower the flame.

We'll leave it to you.
You're the expert.

Did Sissi tell you? I love fondue.

I'd come to Switzerland
just for that.

Not just for that, I hope.

What did you do in the army?

Theoretically, I don't have
the right to tell you.

I think I'll take the risk.

Military Intelligence.

Financial Branch.

Must've been interesting.

Very interesting.

Are you finding retirement hard?

I find ways to keep busy.

You've got rhythm.

Anybody need a dentist?

You have to admire the beauty of
the thing.

The warm, subtle intermingling -

- of cheese melted in white wine.

Not forgetting the white wine...
cool and fruity.

It personally gives me an incomparable
taste sensation.

Except for maybe a mouthful of
Beluga caviar -

- and a glass or two of pepper vodka.
But only Pertjoska!

Thank you, Colonel -

- for this feast.

As a man who dodged military service,
I thank you.

- Can't you shut him up?
- I've never seen him like this.

Must be the mountain air.

I shouldn't say this,
but in all my life

I can say I've never taken orders
from a thug in a military uniform.

I'm stopping. We got 3 ripe ones.
The season's started.

- What'd he say?
- He says the season's started.

I can get on myself.

- Go down with the Colonel.
- I'm going with you.

- Are you French?
- Yes.

I thought you were Polish!

Don't move. Don't talk.

Okay.

He's plastered.

He didn't drink that much.

He can't handle much alcohol.

You put him on my side of the bed.

Spare me the details.
Take his shoes off instead.

What is this portable safe?

It's the attaché case he uses
to transport money.

- Looks pretty serious.
- I told you.

He's waking up.

You think so?

He's just moving a bit.

Indre, Haute-Garonne, Essonne,

Eure-et-Loir, Ariège,
Tarn-et-Garonne,

Puy-de-Dôme and Cantal.

These postal codes could be useful.

He looks like a tycoon
in this picture. Why not?

Listen, I think the best thing
to do -

- is to let him sleep.

Can I take you out for a drink?

I'd be delighted. Thank you, Colonel.

See you in the bar in half an hour.

It's humiliating for all Belgians.

Do you realize...
no matter where you go,

People won't let their kids
go out alone.

Waiter, four whiskies please.
And some chips.

- I'm sure you're angry with me.
- For what?

For messing up your plans.

It wouldn't be very gracious of me.

I realize I overestimated
the possibilities of this operation.

But it doesn't happen very often.

- What'll you have?
- Nothing with alcohol. Water.

- You want tea?
- No, water.

- You speak French?
- I'm French.

Give us
two sparkling mineral waters.

I like Switzerland.
It's so cosmopolitan.

Now, tell me all about your clown.

He's not a clown. He's very nice.

I don't think he's nice,
but we'll discuss that later.

What we're interested in is
his attache case and the Antilles.

He's delivering it to someone in
Guadeloupe.

We leave for Geneva
the day after tomorrow.

He's got the tickets.

Geneva / Paris,
Paris / Pointe-à-Pitre.

You're going with him?

He wants me to go with him.

How long is this honeymoon
expected to last?

You don't understand.

I don't think he intends
to come back.

What makes you think that?

I think he plans on pulling a fast one.

On who?

On the people he works for.

You really want to know what I think?

I can't wait!

Put it on my tab.

- No, put it on room 184.
- Yes, ma'am.

You've got no conscience.

No morals either.
I learned from the best.

You didn't learn your lessons.

It deals with illegal moralizing
of immoral laws. It's patent.

- Do you believe that?
- I do my best.

I love talking to you.

You'd convince me that intelligence
is the key to happiness.

Very flattering. But the opposite
is also true.

Happiness
is the key to intelligence.

Let's get back to the asshole.
What exactly do you think?

He's not an asshole.

I think he's going to take the money
and run.

With you?

I think he's really in love with me.

A sentimental fugitive.
The worst kind!

Tell me frankly.

Where do you stand in all this?

I told you everything.

It won't be easy.
I know that type of attaché case.

Without the combination, you'd need
a drill or a laser to get it open.

He didn't give you the combination?

He may be in love
but he's not crazy.

You think you could get it?

Be serious, Colonel.

I'm kidding.

But it really is a problem.

Water's not my drink.

Another thing. He told me
that during the transfers, -

- he chains the attaché case
to his wrist -

- with a pair of handcuffs.

I don't like this guy at all.

That's all we needed.

If anyone can handle it, you can...

Don't let me down.

You're the most perverse creature
I know.

You're the one who taught me
how to have fun.

I'm not sure this job'll be all
that much fun.

It sounds a bit too risky.

Though it is tempting,
I grant you that.

We're stepping out of our league.

This is too big for us.

Sorry, but if you can't handle it,

I'll just go it on my own.

It's dangerous, my dear!

I'm the one handcuffed
to the attaché case.

I told him it was a turn on, -

- that I wanted to share
all of his experiences.

He hesitated at first,
then accepted.

By the way, -

- here comes your Italian admirer.

Good heavens, hide me!

You can get up, she's gone.

I'll be taking my leave too.

- Where are you going?
- To Paris, my dear.

I'll leave a note with the doorman.
Memorize it and then eat it.

And don't breathe a word to Maurice.

You know I love you...

You old codger.

See you soon.

Victor!

I think I made a mistake.

I told Maurice who you were.

Interesting.

Don't make any more blunders.

He's leaving tonight.

Three pieces of luggage?

So, how does it feel?

Pretty exciting...

But it's lighter than I thought.

It's only paper after all.

Can't wait for the sun!

- Sit by the window.
- Doesn't matter to me!

You've got the case.
You sit by the window.

- Did you see him?
- No.

- He chickened out.
- Looks that way.

- Are you disappointed?
- No, but it would've been fun.

You scare me sometimes...
that cold nonchalance.

Better than being nonchalantly cold.

You scare me too sometimes.

You're so elusive.
You slip through my fingers.

Not always.

So you find me mysterious?
That annoys you?

You're more mysterious
than annoying.

- Why did you come with me then?
- I love you...

And your attaché case.

Take off the glasses.
You look like Peter Sellers.

It's all carefully distorted.
Take the news for example, -

- they don't give us all the
information.

They hide some of the facts
or misconstrue the truth...

I can snap it to your ankle if you want.

Are you serious?

Sure, I do it all the time.

Not me. It would be like a ball and chain.

Would you like some champagne?

But if you bother to follow a story,
really listen to what you're told, -

- or what they're allowed to tell, -

- you'd find out that the story
has made a profit for someone, -

- or for several people.

Then no one talks about it again.

And if I were to talk about this
publicly...

Thank you.

It's not very practical.
Sorry about that.

I'm doing just fine. No problem.

What a professional.
Trying to get a permanent job?

My dream come true.

- They always serve caviar?
- A lot less now.

But usually, when they serve caviar, -

- they skimp on the rest.
I'm afraid to see what's next.

Carpe Diem, as Victor says.

Another member of the Dead Poets'
Society?

He loves caviar so much. I'd be
surprised he didn't slip on board.

- He's so cunning.
- I'm sure. But he's not invisible.

Anyway, there's no caviar in economy.

Too bad. Wait and see.

Take colonialism for example.

First they send missionaries
who've got no idea -

- they're paving the way
for colonization. It's a cover,

or a decoy as they call it nowadays, -

- that allows the big companies
to exploit-

- and pillage. There's no other word
for it... the raw materials.

Naturally, as soon as things -

- start to develop,
and the locals begin to notice, -

- colonists are chased out, -

- and missionaries are killed
with the Vatican's blessing.

But they manage to keep on
exploiting raw materials...

May I have an orange juice?

Pardon me.

Close the door!

Well, my dear...
Are you having a pleasant flight?

We had caviar. I thought of you.

For the combination...
from left to right,

46-44 and 88-61.

That's our credit card number.

Why fill your head with useless numbers?

Maurice was sure you weren't here.

Maurice is a fool.
And I'm going to prove it.

Give me your handcuffs.

Wait a minute.

Naturally, since I found out
it's all a cover, half-truths, -

- manipulation, deception, scams,

as well as lies, bribery...

Well, out with it.

Maybe he's the invisible man.
He was there!

Did he have his attaché case?

He had it. Everything took place
as planned.

- Did you change your hair style?
- Yes.

What if he takes off with the money?

He won't. I'll see to it.

You're not going to hurt him?

You wanted some fun.
Well, you got it. It excites me.

Yes, it makes me laugh.
But that's no surprise.

Everyone knows blacks love to laugh.

Do you feel more at ease'?

No, because I don't know
what you're scheming.

What if I don't entirely trust you?
I'm taking precaution.

Precaution!

Leaving the money in Victor's hands.
You must be crazy.

Crazy about you!

I don't give a damn about Victor.
He's nothing.

A poor old fool who lives off
small time scams.

In ten minutes I'll get my case back.

Go pick up the luggage.
I'll meet you.

Go on! I don't want to spend an
eternity here.

See you in a minute.

Thank you for taking care of my case.

Here are your newspapers.

Let's get your bags.
Sissi's already there.

I can hardly wait to see her!

Be so good as to let go of my arm.

I feel like I can't walk on my own.

Sissi, darling, look who's here!

I see.

I was afraid I'd never see you again.

I wanted to thank you for your honesty -

- and your loyalty.

Equalled only by your brains and skill.

We're not going to argue here.

Ask your friend if he can free you
for half an hour -

- so we can resolve this
once and for all.

Don't worry. It's been resolved
once and for all.

You don't work with someone
all this time -

- without accounts to settle.

I owe her money.

Forget it!

Can I say something -

- or am I just a plaything in the
hands of two superior beings?

- Forgive me.
- It's true. We have accounts

to settle
and I don't see why it should wait.

My bag!

Shall we go to my hotel?

Alright. But I'll only give you
an hour, no more!

Take care of the bags.

I'll meet you at the address
you gave me.

If you hurt her, I'll eat your liver!

I have no intention of touching her!
Honestly!

You're a romantic,
my dear Maurice.

Politics are just a game.

You simply need to be vigilant.

I've decided to play the game,
that's all.

Maurice! What brings you here?

- I'll give you a hand.
- Not the attache' case, the bag!

Excuse us. It's an emergency.

Thank you.

To the hospital?

No.

Hotel Hamac.

- You're pretty clever!
- I won't deny it.

I told you he was a fool.

My dear.

When he gave me his attache' case, -

- it was the most glorious moment
of my life.

I'm sure, but you took an enormous risk.

Not at all. In any case,
no more than he did.

It's easy to swindle someone who
thinks they have the upper hand.

If I said we hadn't switched,
you would've looked foolish.

I have faith in you Betty.

You're complicated and perverse,
but you'd never betray me.

You're as sure of yourself
as a Latin lover.

It occurred to me to tell him
you hadn't switched cases -

- and that you weren't in the plane.

He wouldn't have believed you.
I'm telling you he's stupid.

Why didn't you tell him?

That's personal, daddy.

I adore the mystery
of human relationships.

What'll you do when Maurice comes
for his attaché case?

I'll give it to him...
if he asks nicely.

He'll be furious!

No, because I'll give him
his attache case.

He'll be so relieved -

- he won't notice he's lost something
in the exchange.

What?

You.

You're really sure of yourself.

I could easily run off with him.

I truly believe this whole story
proved he wasn't right for you.

Too weak, too indecisive, too stupid!

You're too smart
to let this stupidity continue.

- I'm going to walk on the beach.
- Be my guest.

What if I were meeting Maurice?

Don't make me laugh.

That little bitch is making me
lose my cool.

What if I tried...

Indre is 36 and Haute-Savoie is 74.

Essonne Eure-et-Loir...

91 and 28.

That's not it!

I'll reverse the numbers.

Either I'm a genius or this guy
is the biggest fool of all times.

Were you afraid you'd never see me again?

I never took you for a fool.

In any case, we've had no news
from your white knight.

For you, no news is good news...

I guess so...

Listen, I think it best to be prudent.
We'll go to Paris tomorrow.

Already?

Maurice made me a better offer.

I'm serious. It's strange he hasn't
already come and made a scene.

I hope he's not concocting
some vicious plan.

Frankly, I think this guy's a fool
and fools are often vicious.

Would you stop going on about him
and be a gracious winner.

- We're leaving tomorrow.
- Why not tonight?

There are no flights until tomorrow.

What's come over you?

It just occurred to me that
Maurice might've pulled a fast one.

Maybe he conned both of us
from the start.

What do you mean?

What if his attaché case

contains the entire collection
of Archie comics?

That's an amusing idea.

If it's true, he has my compliments.

But we won't know until we open
the attaché case.

- One more reason to get back fast.
- You never thought of that!

It seems highly unlikely.
He seems like such a fool.

Would you stop that!

Sorry to disturb you.

- Miss Sissi Petrovna?
- Yes?

Mr Biagini sent us to get you.

That's very kind of him,
but I've changed my plans -

- and unfortunately can't accept
Mr Biagini's charming invitation.

Maurice is an old friend.
He'll understand.

No, he won't understand.

He won't understand.

If she doesn't feel like it,
she doesn't have to go.

I suppose, sir. You're Colonel Victor?

That's correct.

You've also been invited, Colonel.

I'm not interested.

You have no choice, Colonel.

Please understand.
Tt's a pressing invitation.

I see. But please, don't do
anything rash.

If you come along,
we'll simply accompany you.

Fine.

Why don't we go into your bungalow?

- We don't want to make a scene.
- I understand.

Would you kindly follow me?

Naturally, we'll accompany you
wherever you like, -

- but for pity's sake...

It's my pleasure.
Please don't get me wrong.

I'll keep this within easy reach.

I forgot. You'll need the attaché case.

The attaché case? You mean my bag.

Don't toy with me. The attaché case!

What attache' case?

Be reasonable, Colonel.

Don't touch her!
I'll give you the attache case!

Here, fair lady. Apply pressure,
and it'll merely be a bad memory.

Thank you.

Ah, there it is!

Let's go. We've idled long enough.

Terribly sorry, -

- the cool night air doesn't agree
with me.

May I?

- The car's right in front.
- How considerate.

I was about to say so.

Our friends have finally arrived.

Everything went well? No difficulties?

- Not really.
- I'm delighted!

Miss Petrovna... that name suits you.

And Colonel... Victor, isn't it?

I'm Mr. K., your host, -

- because this house belongs to me,
in a way.

Please, take a seat.

Pardon me, but your invitation
came to us -

- in a rather cavalier manner.

Yes, no doubt...

Do you have the attaché case?

Perfect.

Put it on the table. We'll take
care of it in a few minutes.

Sit down, I said!

I adore Tosca.

Especially this recording.
Do you know it?

Mirella Freni, Placido Domingo...

And Sinopoli conducting.

It's intensely dramatic,
which suits my taste.

Don't you agree?

We'll have to see.

You're a clever man.
I appreciate that.

Miss Petrovna. I suppose

you're impatient to see your friend
Maurice.

Yes, I am.

You're clever too.

I'm a lucky man.

Your friend Maurice is in the bathroom.

If you'd like to go and say hello.

I'm sure he'd be happy to see you.

I'll take your word for it.

Perfect.

Gilbert,

would you take
Miss Petrovna to Maurice?

I can take her if you want...

No. Gilbert!

Would you like me to come?

Colonel, please.

It would be in poor taste.

No, Colonel. Thank you.

She's charming.

He's in here.

Don't move.

Sit down my child.

Have a drink to lift your spirits.

They drink rum here like you drink
French cognac in Cognac.

We had to take serious measures.

It grieves me to say it,
but times are hard.

You don't look sorry at all.

You're feeling better.

Our friend Sissi has come back down
to earth.

We were forced to eliminate
poor Maurice.

They killed him, Victor.

They plunged a spike into his eye -

- and pierced his brain.

Why did you do that?

It was hardly a pleasure,
as you can well imagine.

But he was so dishonest -

- and exceptionally stupid.

The fool tried to rip us off
for five million Swiss francs.

He worked twelve years for us.

He made good money. We're not cheap.

What got into him?
He really blew a fuse.

Now the jerk won't have to worry
about any more short circuits, -

- that asshole.

Yvon! Put the end of Tosca
on again. Please.

You mean the attaché case
I had in my closet contained

five million Swiss francs?

You didn't know?

Do you think I would've lounged
on a deck chair waiting for you?

I won't delude myself -

- about the depth of human stupidity.

I swear I'm not that stupid.

Then why switch the attaché cases?

It was a joke.

I thought it was funny to pretend
to switch cases -

- and that he'd end up giving me his.

I knew there was money in the
attache case -

- because he told Sissi.

I mean, we knew he was making a
transfer of funds -

- but not five million Swiss francs!

Does that seem a large sum of money?

Enough to take off with the money
and not hang around.

You're not ashamed of yourself,
Colonel?

You know I'm no colonel.

My highest rank was a chief corporal.

I'm a small time con artist.

Sissi and I lead a quiet life
on the fringe of society.

We're humble
and well aware of our limits.

We've never tried
to step out of our league.

You're scared shitless.

Put yourself in my place.

I wouldn't like to do that.

Perhaps you're wrong to be so afraid.

We're not cruel for the pleasure of it.

Maurice's case is very unusual.

His behavior was inexcusable -

- and so stupid.

To think we trusted him enough
not to keep an eye on him.

And choosing the lion's den
as a hideout.

Naturally the lion was waiting,
ready to strike.

Do you follow, Victor?

You, perfectly.
It's him I don't understand.

A fool, my dear friend, a fool.

He thought nobody was here.

The little brains he had,
he used to plan the trip.

I'm sorry to tell you this, Sissi.

But he was using you to protect himself.

He thought if you transported
the money, -

- as soon as there were any sign
of trouble, -

- he'd drop you like a hot potato
and save his own miserable hide.

In the end he was a bastard,
as well as a fool.

Yes, it's quite sad.

You should've seen his face

when he found out you switched
cases on him.

He repeatedly tried the combinations
to no avail.

He was sweating bullets.

It was pitiful.

You don't have much pity.

No, it's true.
But put yourself in my place.

We had to blow off the locks.

All that for some old newspapers.

A year's worth of the Figaro.

Excellent newspaper. But I prefer
the Swiss money.

That's why I was forced -

- to take radical measures with him.

Our Board of Directors would never -

- have tolerated any sort of indulgence.

Your Board of Directors gives you
free reign with your methods.

That's not their problem.
It's mine.

And I took -

- no pleasure in it.

I had to make him talk.

And he talked

without much coaxing.

The spike in the eye -

- worked like a charm.

He told us everything. Everything!

About Sissi, about you.

He told us about his life, -

- the life of his parents, -

- his sister, his little nephews.

And we couldn't...

Shut him up.

The words flowed as freely as
his gray matter.

Poor boy.

Enough of this sad story.
Let's get back to us.

I brought you here

so you could help us open the
attaché case -

- which you were so kind to return.

I understood as much.

Blowing off the locks
is not a solution.

Half the newspapers were burned.

You'll see, it's not a reliable method.

Yvon. Bring us Maurice's attache'
case. Please.

Look at this massacre.
Imagine if this were money.

Now give us the combination.

I don't know it. How could I?

- Search your memory!
- It's not a question of memory!

Don't give me that or I'll hang you
by your nuts.

Does it hurt?

Be logical!

I couldn't possibly know those numbers!

You could break my every bone
and it wouldn't change a thing!

You know that!

Maybe I got carried away.

Excuse me.

That's enough, kitten.

Sit down.

This is a delicate situation.

I absolutely have to set things right.

Otherwise my administrators
will be very angry with me.

Surely you can help me, Sissi.

I don't see how.

Yes, Sissi. Try and see.

You know the combination.

I'm afraid not.

Yes, Sissi, you do.

And I'm sure you don't want to be
crippled, -

- disfigured or to lose an ear.

You don't want to suffer
over a few little numbers.

You're not really thinking
of robbing us?

Betty.

If you know the numbers, tell them.
They're ruthless.

Betty... Sissi...

Elizabeth...

Listen to him!
He knows what he's saying!

Maurice didn't tell me anything.

Look at me.

I'm sure you know those numbers.

Tell him. Please.

Otherwise we won't get out of here alive.

That's a distinct possibility.

Because you think we'll get out
of this alive?

We're not blood thirsty, my dear.

For us, death is the last resort too.

Betty, why fill your head
with useless numbers?

4-6-4-4

8-8-6-1.

You're both brilliant.

It's truly a pleasure working with you.

What were those numbers?

4-6-4-4

8-8-6-1.

Open this for me.

Excellent!

Things are back in their rightful place.

Once again, all is in order.

That's just lovely.

Except for my broken finger.

It's not so bad.

Don't expect a reward.
I'm letting you live.

That's pretty nice of me.

I'm sorry, Victor.

It's my fault you got dragged into this.

It's not your fault.
We're out of our league.

Yes.

It's like Pandora's box.

- There isn't 5 million here.
- How much is there?

A little over 2800000.

Maybe he wasn't such a fool
after all.

Shut up or I'll pack your ass
with dynamite.

She's right, you know.
He screwed us all.

What did you do with the money?

You know we don't have a clue.

Only Maurice could have told us.

You screwed up, you asshole!

I'm sorry.

Get rid of those two.
I want them out of my sight.

Get rid of...

Get rid of?

No more stupid moves!

Dump them

on the beach -

- and let them fend for themselves.

Can I go too?

I don't want you going out at night.

It's not late!

It's dark. I don't like you
going out at night.

Forget it.

You don't like being separated,
from what I gather.

You're lucky I'm a decent guy.

Take them away.

We'll dump them by the banana trees.
That'll give them a long walk.

- You enjoy walking, I hope?
- Just drop us anywhere.

- We wouldn't want to put you out.
- Shut up, you!

Here is fine. We're going to leave you.

Follow the shore. You're 5 kms
from your hotel.

Perfect. I love evening strolls.

Stop! Are you crazy!

I don't like his sense of humor.

And I think Mr. K. was too indulgent
with him.

Good night.

Don't say anything.

What thugs.

Those pigs!

We're alive. That's the main thing.
It's unbelievable.

Can you walk?

It hurts when I move.

It hurts... I just want to sleep.

Me too.

Poor child. I hope this was a lesson.

You already told me. Shut up.

Let's sleep.

Victor?

My darling, You know prudence
has always been my watchword.

These people are dangerous.
It's safer if we separate.

We'll be harder to find if they
decide to come after us again.

That's why I thought it best -

- to take the first plane off
the island.

I don't want to be directive.

But I think it would be best if you
didn't try to find me right away.

I'm not angry at you
for our misadventure.

On the contrary, I'd say -

- you behaved admirably
and I was proud of you.

That bastard -

- really hurt me.

I'm too old to take a beating.

My finger is badly broken.
Go back to Paris.

I know you have enough money
to tide you over for a while.

But I've left you enough
for a ticket in first class.

I hope they serve caviar.

Don't try to get your suitcase.
It's too dangerous.

In any case. I'm not worried about you.

You're a big girl and I'm confident

in your ability at getting out of
the worst mess.

I'm leaving my Swiss army knife

so you can get the handcuffs off.
It's easy.

I'd have done it, but I didn't
want to wake you...

You bastard! Wait until I catch
up with you!

A century later...

Who's there?

It's the mailman.

The door's open.

It's really him.

Well, my dear, -

- you took your time.

You think twice with a bastard
like you.

I did it for both of us.

You know that.

You covered your tracks
like a politician on the run.

Prudence.

What's this new act?

What act?

The pathetic victim in a wheelchair.

I never recovered from the beating
on the beach.

I had three ribs broken.
I was brutalized.

My finger's completely useless.

I really feel sorry for you.

I'm not asking for your pity.

You won't get it.

Why are you so hard?

Because it's not funny anymore.

But as soon as it was possible
and we had nothing to fear

I let you know where I was.

Because you were bored to death.

But it's too late, daddy.

That dirty trick you pulled...
it's beyond words.

I wanted to protect you, my lamb.
Can't you understand?

So you could run off with the money.

- What money?
- You see!

It's the first time you've taken
me for an imbecile.

You opened the attache case
and took half the money, as usual.

No one would believe they've only
been half ripped off.

How I love you.
You're really extraordinary.

That jerk, Maurice, used his
credit card numbers -

- for the combination.

When I pick numbers for a combination.
No one knows them.

He used the numbers printed on
his card. What a fool.

- Do you have any cigarettes?
- On the stove!

You know where I put the money?

It was in my bag all the time.

I even offered to bring it
when those two thugs came after us.

I think the solitude's getting to you.

- Why do you say that?
- Your state of exaltation.

I'm happy to see you.

You're crazy to think I'd buy
the wheelchair act.

You couldn't put cigarettes up there
in your condition.

Fine. Let's talk seriously about
the money.

I put your share aside.
I wasn't planning to cheat you.

Never.

You have to admit we've had some
good laughs.

We work well together.

By the way. How much money is there?

I took a million and a half.

Half is yours. 750.000 Swiss francs.

You can multiply that by at least four.

Still trying to con me.

I'm sure you took more.
At least two million.

But that doesn't change a thing.

You can send it to me when you want.
That's not why I'm here.

By the way. Why the name Victor Ramuz?

It's a prestigious name in Switzerland.

This is why I came.

It was very useful.

But I had qualms about depriving you
of such a precious object.

Bye, daddy!

Where's your sense of fun!

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