The Suite Life Movie (2011) - full transcript

Cody!

Just the man I wanted to see.

Zack. Just the man I want
to see walking away.

Now, normally I'd be insulted by that,

But I need to talk to you,

So I'll return just the insult later.

But just know, it's gonna
be about that shirt.

Look, Zack, now's not a good time.

You still haven't told
Bailey yet, have you?

Why are you so scared to tell Bailey.

You're doing an internship
over spring break?



Because, you know, we've made
special plans for the week,

And this is also the last spring
break before our graduation.

And because she can take you.

She cannot take me.

She put you in a headlock with her thumb.

You blacked out.
You missed November.

They had to re-inflate your
lungs with a bicycle pump.

Okay, maybe she can take me.

Which is why I wrote
everything in this letter.

She'll understand when she reads it,

And I'll be nowhere near when she does.

Cody, I've got good news.

You're a hologram and I'm an only child?

Better. I think I can help you
with this pesky Bailey situation.



Then think again, unless the
first time exhausted you.

Good one.

Sorry.
Out!

Come on.

Okay, so, here's my proposal.

Let me break the news to Bailey,

Therefore, giving her time to break
other things rather than your bones,

And in return, you give me the car.

What car?

Dad's vintage sports car,
that he and mom promised you.

For getting into college.

Which is a big building where
people go to learn things.

Oh, well, then, maybe they can teach you.

How to get along without a
car, because I want it.

Why? The only place you go more
than once a day is the bathroom.

And how much nicer
would it be to drive there?

I call shotgun!
Forget it.

The car is mine, and I certainly
don't need your help with Bailey.

No, you need me.

Zack, give that back. Zack!
Hey, come on, let that go!

Careful with that, Zack.
Give me that. No! No!

First, it's special delivery.

And now, it's air mail.

Guess you're gonna have
to write another letter.

That took me 14 hours to compose.

Why is it whenever something
is important to me,

You always find a way to ruin it?

It's fun...

Oh. Now, I have to
explain to Bailey.

Something I was able to write
so eloquently in sanskrit.

Go away, Zack.

I don't want you standing anywhere
near here when I talk to Bailey.

When you say, "near here..."

Everywhere!

Wow, wow!

Try and help out your brother
for no other reason.

Than to get something from him,
and this is the thanks you get?

Come, woodster, we're leaving.

You know, between moseby and Cody,

We're not really not welcome
anywhere on this ship.

Which is weird because we're adorable.

I know, right?
Quite.

So, then the neutron asked, "hey, waiter,

"how much is the soda?
" and the waiter responded with,

"for you, no charge!"

oh, this day is perfect.

Yes, it is. So far.

Okay, so let's talk about spring break.

I am so excited.
I've been planning our trip for a month.

Yeah, well, that's not very thorough.

Can you believe we're finally going to see.

The majestic ancient redwoods?

Oh, uh, did you know that
over 7,000 species.

Of lethal insects make
colonies in aged wood?

Duh! Okay, and then,
we're going to watch.

The Northwestern lemming run,

Where lemmings instinctively
hurl their furry little bodies.

Right off of those picturesque cliffs.

Well, nothing says spring break
like dodging falling rodents.

Okay. What is going on?

I've been trying to
tell you this whole time...

Cody, just the man I wanted to see...

Zack!

Look, this is only gonna take a
sec, and I wanna tell you...

Woody, Woody...
Down. Like I showed you.

I'm not good with machinery that moves.

I once fell down an
escalator for over an hour!

Easy, Woody, easy.

Zack, what are you doing here?

You said not to "stand" anywhere
near you while you talk to Bailey.

But I'm not standing.
I'm swinging.

Is this about that car?

Yes. Mom and dad
promised it to you,

So they won't let me have it
unless you say it's okay.

Zack, I'm talking to Bailey right now.
I would really prefer...

You haven't told her yet?

Bailey, Cody is going to do an internship
at a biology reserve over spring break.

Excuse me?

Cody is what?

Guess not.

Wait, our last spring break together,

And you choose some
biology reserve over me?

No, Bailey... Okay, yes.

I've been trying to tell
you, but I couldn't.

Look, I wrote it all down in a
letter explaining everything,

But Zack lost it.

A letter?
You put this in a letter?

Can you believe that?

You let me go on and on, talking about.

How much this spring break meant to me,

When the whole time, you made other plans.

I know.

One word. Inconsiderate.

Or is that two words?

I can't even look at you right now.

No, it's one word.

What just happened?

Well, for starters, you should
have explained to Bailey.

That the only reason
you're doing the internship.

Is because you want to get
a scholarship to Yale?

That's what was in the letter!

Why did you drop it then?

Snacks.
Thanks.

Hey, Woody. Catch!

Not very nice.

Ooh! Sandwich!

Whoa!

Sorry.

This facility is breathtaking.

I literally can't breathe.

Oh, my. What an
incredible opportunity.

I'll say. Having one of you
gone over spring break.

Means half the possibility of disaster.

Something I've been longing for
since the dawn of time itself.

You were in your teens then, right?

Zack.

What are you doing here?
And by here, I mean earth!

London brought me.

And I thought I'd give you another chance.

To reconsider the whole car thing.

Oh, forget it.

Bailey is still not talking to me.

Can you blame her?

No, I can blame you!

Wouldn't they look cute in a hat?

Or ks a hat?

I just love fishies.

Actually, London, they're not fish.
They're mammals.

But they don't have humps.

Not camels. Mammals.
As in they breathe air.

Fishies do not breathe "air,"
that's why they live in the water.

They're not fishies.
They're mammals.

Then why don't they have humps?

Ooh, yummy!
A fruit plate.

They must have known I was coming.

Mmm. Ooh!
This is so delicious.

Uh, uh... London...

Ugh! (Squeals)

I ate fish food!
I ate fish food!

Actually, it's mammal food.

Then why don't they have humps?

Zack, please go away before
you mess this up for me, too.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, it's
like you don't trust me.

It's not like that.
It is that.

Cody? Cody Martin.

Welcome. Donald spaulding,
renowned scientist.

It says so on my parking spot.

I know. I saw.
I gushed.

Sir, I can't tell you how excited
I am about this internship.

As we are excited to have you.

Oh, society of super scientists!

Since I was your age.

Test tube, beaker, isotope!

You can't be us and be a dope!

Go, scientists!
Go, scientists!

So lame!

This is my brother, Zack.

I got the all the brains, and he got...

Hey, how you doin'?

Hey, you're ugly.

Well, nothing, really.

Mmm.

Well, follow me, and I'll
show you to the lab.

Oh, kill me now.

I designed this entire facility myself,

So, it's completely state
of the art and wicked cool!

Well, that looks promising.

Come on in.
All are welcome. Perfect.

Hello, there.
I'm Zack Martin.

You know, I'm having trouble trying to
decide who is cuter, you or the dolphin.

I'm Nellie.

Nellie... Nellie, so,
what do you do around here.

Besides, you know, look amazing?

I'm a lab tech. Your brother Cody
is doing an internship here, right?

Are you as smart as he is?

Smarter. You know, I recently
posted the highest score ever.

On kangaroo kaboom.

So, can you operate that?

Oh! Let's find out!

Cody, out of 2,000 applicants,

Your paper was the most intriguing.

I almost sent a duplicate in
latin, to show diversity.

I should have.
I never listen to that voice in my head.

Mostly because it's in latin.

Well. A brilliant essay.
"theories of communicating with another species,

"or what it's like
to have a twin brother."

The culmination of a lifetime
of unwilling research.

I know just how you feel.
I have a lesser twin myself.

I think you'll be inspired by
the research we're working on.

I'm just inspired that you iron your tie.

Oh! Me, too!
I iron my pocket hankie.

No one cares.
Okay.

Sir, I can't wait to see what
other wonders will unfold.

Well, I've discovered a rare fruit,

That, when combined with the
DNA of these jellyfish,

Could enable dolphins to
telepathically communicate with us,

Making our two worlds one.

Do you know what this means?

That we can talk to dolphins.

I'm sorry, was that not clear?

It was clear.
Just very strange.

No, it isn't.
This could change the world!

Just imagine it, Cody.
By feeding dolphins this substance,

We could potentially teach them
about humanity and science,

And they could teach us about...

Follow me.

Zack.

This is so exciting!
I have so many questions!

As would Zack, if he were here!

Not here?

Zack's not here.

No, he is not!

So, why don't I take a casual,
nonchalant little stroll.

To see if I can locate
the harmless little lad.

I'll just be right...

Here they are.

Obviously, we use dolphins because
they are incredibly intelligent.

Except Wally.

The closer the research
comes to its conclusion,

The more I know that they
want it as much as we do.

And exactly how close are you?

Just really good friends.
Why? What have you heard?

I meant, with the research.

I know. I mean, I knew
that was what you were...

There are a series of steps to
converging our minds with dolphins.

But I know you'll be a vital
part of our work here.

Sir, I'm honored that you've
put such trust in me.

Just one thing.
Yes?

Can I have a name tag?

How's that? (Chuckles)

Here you go.

And it's laminated!

Did it myself.

These are the most technically
advanced submersibles in the world.

Why don't you get in and get a feel for it?

Zack Martin, get out of there this second!

Don't worry.
I'm not gonna do anything, uh...

Like that?

What did you do?

I don't know.
I just pressed this thing-a-majig.

And played with this
hoozie-ma-whats,

And flipped the lever
that said "start."

That explains it.

I insist you cease and desist.

Okay, fine.
I can unpress th all.

Don't unpress. Press was bad.

Unpress, even worse than press.

Well, I guess we could find out.

So, it's my understanding
that you graduated from Yale.

With top honors.

I know.

How? I did a little
research of my own.

Well, now, Yale is begging
me for my research.

Uh-huh.

Mmm-hmm. Yes.

Well, and Harvard, and Princeton,

And quite a few community colleges.

And one vocational school.

As well they should.

Well, you know, not to brag,

But do you know what the
other researchers call me?

Idiot!

No. Well, not to my face.

Not you, sir. Him!

Oh, no!

Zack! Get out of there!
Can you hear me?

Oh, Cody!
What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Turn around
and go back now!

Sure, that would be
the not fun option.

Zack!

That's
sea Captain Zack to you.

Whoa!

Turn around!

Do something!
Stop them!

You don't know
what you're doing!

You don't know
what you're doing!

Sea wall!
Of course I see the wall.

It's a big glass wall.

You're heading towards the sea wall!

If that sea wall goes,
you'll be sucked out to sea!

Eject!

No, you're a reject!

Not reject,
you, reject! Eject!

Wall!

Eject! Eject!

Eject now! The red button!

Okay...

Some of you may look at
this tank as half empty,

But it's more like a quarter.

Dr. Spaulding,
I can explain.

Is that a dolphin?

Fired! Fired from
my internship.

There goes my scholarship to Yale.

And my girlfriend won't even talk to me!

It's all your fault, Zack!

Hey, hey, hey, I totally
understand that you feel the need.

To put the blame on anyone
who happens to be nearby.

That was my one shot, Zack.

Look, it looks bad now.

But we're going to look
back at this and laugh.

And remember, "he who laughs
last, thinks the slowest."

This wasn't like all the
other times you messed up.

This affects my whole my future.

That's unforgivable.

Hey, I didn't mean to.

You never mean to do it,
Zack. You just do it!

I'll never forgive you
for this! Ever!

I hate you!

That's harsh.

I'm done, man.
We're through.

We may be twins, but we are not brothers.

Did I do a good job, sir?

Cody and I were supposed to
spend spring break together,

And he went off to do
something at just he wanted.

Oh, that is sad.

You want to count my money?

You can't have it, but you can count it.

Oh.

Ha! It's Cody. Again!

So, answer him.

Are you kidding?
And let him off that easy?

No, think again.

Okay, I'll try.

You know, Cody hurt me.

He abandoned me.

And now, he needs to know what
it feels like to be ignored.

I'm sorry, what?

Cody won't hear from me
until he's so worried.

He's trembling like a hound
dog pushing out a peach pit.

Ha! I am woman,
hear me ignore!

I'm sorry, what?

Oh, thanks!
They're Arturo vitali.

They're made from eel skin.

I hope they're not anybody you know.

Cody, there you are.

Go away!

Didn't you get my e-mail about me
constructing my emotional borders.

Forbidding you from entering
the country that is my soul?

All your e-mails go
directly to trash.

Besides, I think you're gonna cheer
up once you see who I've found.

Good day,
Mr. Martin.

Dr. Spaulding?
Yes.

What are you doing here?

Well, although there is no chance
you'll ever work for me again, ever,

In this, or in any parallel universe,

There is another internship.

That I think you're right for.

Are you serious? Don't toy with me now.
I'm fragile and broken.

No, I'm quite serious.

It would be a shame to see
your talents go to waste.

Sir, you don't know
how much this means to me,

Just getting a second chance.

Well, the gemini project,
about 50 miles from us,

Is an isolated science camp.

Doing research similar
to ours, but on twins.

I'm a twin!
The superior twin. Yes.

It's true.
I'm proof.

You certainly are.

Well, I sent your application paper.

To the scientist
who runs it, Dr. Olsen.

He was quite excited.

There's just one thing.

Anything.
I'll do anything.

Well, because the work Dr.
Olsen is doing is on twins,

You and your brother would need to attend.

Just not that thing.

That is Dr. Olsen's
one requirement.

After reading your paper, he thinks
that you could be the ideal twins.

To participate in his research.

Me and Zack? In a lab?

Hey, it's not like I'm just some idiot.

Who doesn't know anything about science.

Oh, yeah? What's matter?

Nothing.
What's the matter with you?

See? See?

I can't go anywhere with him.

Yeah? Well, I don't wanna
go anywhere with you first!

And when I get there, you're not welcome!

Ouch.

Well, that is a shame.

You know, this internship
could help you qualify.

For a scholarship to Yale.

It would?

Cody, are you really going to let
your anger towards your brother.

Jeopardize your entire future?

Is this your lunch?

Oh, it was.

Cody, next time you throw up,

At least tell me so I can grab my camera.

Oh, I love you, dock.

Oh. Mmm.

You must be the Martin
twins, Zack and Cody.

Oh, hi. I'm Cody.

It's an honor
to meet you, Dr. Olsen.

I know. Come on, I have
so much to show you.

Come on, don't dawdle.

Come on.

Let me help you with that.

Oh, it's really heavy.
Watch out.

Yeah. This way.

I think you're both gonna see that
this is someplace very special.

I'll say.

This facility is fantastic.

This was actually
an abandoned mill complex.

The actual sawmill is on the
other side of the Lake.

We're planning on renovating it.

I have two words for you
that might change your life.

Hot. Tub.

There you go.
My contribution to science.

Now, I must warn you.
My brother's idea of research.

Is discovering how to
simultaneously burp and sneeze.

I can almost do it without
my eyes popping out.

You must be very proud.

Welcome to the most advanced.

Subterranean neuroscientific
laboratory on earth.

Gentlemen, I give you the gemini project.

It kind of just looks
like a giant basement.

So, you don't think it's too much?

Well, it doesn't
really scream "science."

'cause I decorated it myself.

Is that the hydro-isotope
caloubometer,

Capable of reading the
undetectable electrical charges.

In a miniscule brain wave?

Yes. Isn't she beautiful?

Oh, I love her.

Oh. Shh.

Baby, don't speak.

Cody, come, come, this way.
I have to show you this.

This is my mind transference facilitator.

Every apparatus in this
shangri-la of science...

It's astounding.

What's this?

Uh, that's a cappuccino machine.

Dibs on this.

And dibs on these.

Hey, hey, Nellie.

Nellie. I'm Zack.
Remember me?

I crashed that trillion dollar sub.

Kind of a legend in the science world.

Hello, Zack.
This is my sister, kellie.

We sometimes help Dr.
Spaulding with his work as well.

Since the research is so similar.

So, what exactly are you working on?

My colleague,
Dr. Spaulding,

Is developing a substance
that will allow dolphins.

To communicate with humans telepathically.

It's Noble, sure, it's Noble,

But my goal is to use it to perfect
communication between humans.

For what result?

Imagine. If we could connect
with each other's minds,

We'd actually be able to
feel what others feel.

And where there's more empathy between
people, there's less conflict.

So you chose Zack and me.

Because we have conflict?

Exactly! Now, initially
my research was on twins.

Because of your similar DNA,

But it's progressed far beyond that.

If I can resolve the irresolvable conflicts.

Between twins such as yourselves,

I can expand that to all mankind,

And create a world free of fighting,
and anger, and aggression.

Well, that'll make hockey fun.

Perhaps it will be better if I show you.

So, why am I wired up to this thing again?

I need to establish a baseline
for your brain processing speed.

Why even bother?
He's asked that question three times.

Now, Zack, words will flash on the
screen in a series of colors.

Red, green, blue... But the color of the
letters won't correspond to the word.

For example, the word
"blue" is written in red.

Can this thing kill asteroids?

No.

Kind of a waste of money then.

You see what I have to live with?

Zack, your job is to
correctly touch the color.

The word is spelling in the allotted time.

Got it!
Really?

No. No.
No?

Did you get all the brains?

Yeah. Pretty much.

Ow!

Keep in mind that if you
don't respond fast enough,

The machine administers a small shock.

Okay. Wait, what?

Cody, you register reply times.

Mmm-hmm.

This is going to be fun.

So, uh...

Okay.

Huh.

What do I win?
Mom and dad's car?

Ow! Ooh, that hurt.

Concentrate.
Next one's up.

Hey, that's not fair, I was talking.

Yeah, that's usually
where your troubles begin.

Ow. I felt that one
in my toes.

Ow! Ow!

Ow!

Get them right
and there won't be a problem.

How can I... How can I get them
right if they're moving too fast?

Oh, very disappointing results...

Hey, take your revenge now.

As long as this makes us...
Ow! ...Even.

Let's get one thing straight.
We will never be even.

You know, right about now,

Cody and I would be romantically
feasting on edible fungi.

We picked off the organically
fertilized forest floor.

Wow.
You're a cheap date.

But none of that matters now.

Yeah, because Cody made his choice,

And he chose science over chemistry.

Did it ever occur to you that he
might have had a very good reason...

You know what?
Not good enough.

But if you two could just communicate...

You know what, after this moment,

I'm done talking about Cody.

Works for me.

I am in.
Great.

Aw, look at the cute crabs.

Oh, that one looks just
like my Uncle carmine.

He had those same beady red eyes,

And claw-like hands,
and scaly complexion.

Oh.

It's okay, it's okay.

He met a woman who looks
just like a lobster.

Now, they're really happy together.

No. Cody loves crabs.

Especially, that little bib you
get to wear when you eat them.

He calls it his
"crustacean catcher."

You two are a barnyard full of crazy.

Okay, good luck!

Good luck with what?

Fine. Keep your claws on.
I won't tell them.

Tell us what?

About the escape.

Escape? What escape?

If I told you I wouldn't
"not be telling you!" hello!

Sorry, boys.
You're about to be lunch.

We got a runner!
We got a runner!

Sit!

Boo, you, little crabby!
Boo, you!

Help.

Salt?

Thank you.

More water?
Read my mind!

Napkin?

Oh, absolutely!

You guys are all so nice to each other.

Why wouldn't we be?
That's what I was going to say!

Twins should always be nice to each other,

Don't you agree, Ben and sven?

Yeah.
Yeah.

We love being twins.
Don't you?

Well, if by love you mean
a dark bottomless pit.

Of constant burning of a thousand
white hot suns, then yes.

So, you two don't get along?

Sure. We got a long...
List of things that.

We can't stand about each other.

Well, you know, how can I
get along with someone.

Who's constantly ruining my life?

Or someone who is constantly
telling you what's wrong?

Well, everything you do is wrong!

Oh, like coming here to help you?

Oh, please.
You only did that.

Because I agreed to give you
mom and dad's car if you did!

Only because you had no other choice!

Zack, Cody, you're twins.

Why are you hurting each other?

Yeah, hurting each other...

Hurts each other.

Yeah.
Yeah.

It would be the same as hurting...

Yourself.

No, no, I don't really agree.

Let me demonstrate.
See, if I pinch Zack...

It doesn't cause me any pain.

And if I, for example, splash this glass
of ice-cold water in Cody's face,

I don't feel anything.
Thirsty, dry even.

And if I flip Zack out of his chair.

Using the element of surprise...

See? I feel nothing.

I've proved my point!

So, uh, whose grandmother
is missing a finger?

These look worse than
mom's apricot tuna roll ups.

This is the corsican fruit,
the key to all my research.

I guarantee you'll find it's the most
delicious fruit you've ever tasted.

More delicious than mango?
Yes.

More delicious than blueberries?
Yes.

More delicious than...
Just eat it.

That is amazing!

Yeah, it's like...

It's like it slithered down my throat,

And sent my tummy into a yummy frenzy.

It is like, right before
it entered my mouth,

It swirled around the
world's largest lollipop.

It's like my tongue just
took a bath in a rainbow.

Mine just swam in a peach nectar River.

A peach nectar River?
Seriously?

Oh, like you can take a bath in a rainbow!

Mmm, Bailey...

Please forgive me.

Cody wuv Bailey.

Does Bailey wuv Cody?

Ow! Oh, no, my fingers don't
bend that way, Bailey, stop!

Why'd you hit me?

I didn't hit you.
I must've just fell.

Then why does my arm hurt?

I guess I hit it on the way down.

Let's just go to sleep.

You go to sleep.
No, you go to sleep.

Oh, I really need to call Bailey.

I thought she was annoyed with you?

Her and I finally had something in common.

Well, she was. That's why I decided
to give her all that time.

You know, it's scientifically proven,

You never confront a
woman when she's angry.

Or calm, for that matter.

Oh, Cody...

No cell phones.

It's one of the few rules
we have around here.

I really need to call my girlfriend.

It's impossible.

I know, right?
No, no, no, it's true.

He has a girlfriend.
Well, he had a girlfriend.

No, what I meant was that the
cell phone's microwave radiation.

May affect some of our
more delicate instruments.

We wouldn't wanna risk a malfunction.

Good man.

I hope you both slept well.
Today, I'm going to be observing.

While you both perform a series of
sports and training exercises...

Pass.

Actually, he can't pass.

Or run, or kick, or hit, or score...

Sports and I have
a complicated relationship.

Walking and you have
a complicated relationship.

Still, it may provide valuable insights.

As to how well twins
work together as a unit.

Well, I guess if it's
for science, then okay.

Good man.

Hey, here's a fun fact.

You can actually hit the
ball with these things.

Oh, hit it?
I couldn't even see the thing.

How come we don't have matching outfits?

You sicken me.

Watch it!
Hey, you watch it.

No.

It's okay. You'll do...

Better next time.

Yeah.
Yeah.

The double team!
The double team!

They seem weird to you?

I think they're nice.

Yeah!
Yeah!

Here goes nothing.

Whoa!

Ow!

No, I'm climbing back down.

Are you serious?

Well, actually, I'm a little
more introspective.

If they can do it, we can.

Don't look down!

Man, you're so weak.
How do you even button your shirt?

My muscles are crying.

It's called sweat!

Don't fall, Cody.
Cody, don't fall! Cody!

I'm falling!

I'm falling, I'm falling!

Are you feeling something weird?

Can't a guy scratch in peace?

No, not that.

I'm feeling whatever you're feeling.

You know how crazy this is?

Forget it. I've flossed with
thicker strings than this.

What do they have that we don't have?

Lack of fear, upper body strength.

Wills that are notarized.

Trust me,
I'm a five-star athlete.

My leg is
falling asleep. Oh, no!

My leg is falling
asleep, too. Push!

I am pushing.
You push!

You know I have weak wrists!

No, no, no.
Don't take it!

Every fallen petal is gonna represent.

One more phone call you don't get from him.

Maybe Cody hasn't called because
his phone ran out of battery,

Or he's been abducted by aliens,

Or a secret society of pilgrims,

Disguised as aliens so we don't
know that they're pilgrims.

And you really think that's possible?

Sure! People's phones run out
of battery all the time!

No, no, no. See, Cody
stopped calling me.

Just becau I was ignoring him.

Well, lots of people ignore me.

Just do what I do.
Ignore them back.

Except I'm not sure if they notice
because they're ignoring me.

He thinks by not calling me after
I didn't answer his calls,

That I'll be weakened, call him,

And then he doesn't have to call me again.

But didn't he call you the first time?

Only so I could ignore him.

He thinks he's the ultimate strategist.

But like my grammy Pickett says,

"you can put your boots in the oven,
but that don't make 'em biscuits."

Unless you add flour and eggs.

I mean, sure, they're still chewy, but...

You know what? Game on, Cody.
I'll show him.

What are you going to do?

Check this.

Not the big "d."

Oh, yes. Oh,
it must be done.

I can't watch.
Tell me when it's over.

Cody Martin, you are now and forever...

...Deleted!

Dr. Olsen,

Zack and I have been experiencing
some strange phenomenon.

Seems almost a little too improbable.

I feel what he feels.

Why must you complicate everything?

Well, it wouldn't be complicated if
you didn't only have one brain cell.

Which is going to die alone.

This is perfect.
This is better than perfect.

Wait a minute.
What's better than perfect?

Let's stick with perfect.
Come with me.

Just to be clear, I'm hooked up
to this thing again because?

The results should be different this time.

Starting.

Ow!

What are you complaining about?

I'm the one who got shocked.

I definitely felt pain.

Ow!
Ow!

Would you stop that?
No, you stop it!

It's the effects of the corsican fruit.

When eaten by twins, it creates
a telepathic communication.

That's genius.

Yes, it is.
And that's only stage one.

Zack, Cody, are you ready for stage two?

Yes, we are.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold the Joy buzzer.

What's stage two?

Empathy.
Creating an emotional connection.

Where stage one created a physical one.

Are you prepared?

Yes. Ow!

That's a no.
No. That's a yes. Ow!

I heard a no.
Dr. Olsen has vision!

Just like you to run off
before you finish something.

Oh yeah? Well, I'm finished
being a human lightning rod.

By now, I can recharge my own cell phone.

You know, if you leave,
I can't finish my internship.

But you couldn't care less, could you?

Wow, Cody. Actually,
I could care less.

And I'm sick of you blaming me for
everything that goes wrong in your life.

I only do that because you are to blame!

Yeah?

Give me one example
of how I ruined your life!

Two weeks...
That doesn't count.

What about when...
Nope, not that time either.

Fine. If you hadn't
completely messed up.

My internship
with Dr. Spaulding,

I could be there, as far
away from you as possible.

That's not my fault,

Because if you had just given
me the car in the first place

I wouldn't have needed to
follow you down to spaulding's.

To make you change your mind!

A car you're never gonna see now!

Oh, ok. Cool. Cool guy.
Goodbye, Cody.

Fine, go!

Just one more on the list of
things I'll never forgive you for.

You know, out of all the twins I
could have gotten stuck with,

Why did it have to be you?

Oh. Because you think
it's so easy.

To be the twin of a guy who actually cares.

Why a carrot is more orange than an orange!

Yeah?
How about this?

Don't you do it!

Take that digit away
from that nasal vestibule.

Unsanitary! Unsanitary.

You know that sound
that you just love so much?

No, don't do it!
Don't do it, Cody.

Here it comes.

Ooh, cracking!

Oh, yeah?
How about this, huh?

That's not fair. Zack, that's not fair.
I'm wearing briefs!

Yeah, well, now they'll have a nice
runway for when you take them off!

Yeah? You ready for this?
You're not even gonna see this coming.

Are you leaving?

I wouldn't say leaving.
More escaping.

Can we go for a walk first?

I can't.
I really have to...

After you.

It's hard to be a twin, huh?

No. It's hard
to be Cody's twin.

Being kellie's twin
looks like a lot of fun.

Kellie and I used to fight.

But through the Noble work Dr.
Olsen is doing,

We learned how to get along.

Besides, once the merge happens,

Everything will feel right to you.

The merge?
I like where this is going.

Not with me, silly.
With Cody.

And I just threw up
in my mouth a little bit.

Zack, your brother needs you.

Cody doesn't need anyone but Cody.

You're wrong. You'll see.
The merge will fix everything.

Cody needs you here.
We all need you here.

Please, Zack?

She's never gonna forgive me.

I'm sorry, Cody,

But without Zack, you're of no use to me.

But, Dr.
Olsen, can you just... No.

Fine.
I'll do the next stage.

Why'd you come back?
I thought you said you hated this.

Nellie convinced me I should stay.

Besides, there's no plane
till tomorrow anyway, so...

Good choice, Zack.
Kellie.

Let's just get this over with.
What do I have to do?

The corsican fruit, stage two.

Mmm!

Mmm!

Oh, my God. That's like a
lusciousness of lemon and lime.

It's like a symphony of citrus.

It's like a... Got it!
They're fruity. I know.

You want one?

They're for you.
Don't.

...Talking to yourself.
Bad sign.

There's the happy couple.
I sent you a fruit cake.

Also, there's...
Hello, Bailey!

There you are.
I have been looking for you.

Mr. Moseby,
I deleted Cody.

I'm sorry to hear about that.

He just got me so mad.

Do you think I went too far?

You know, really not for me to say.

Look, I found this on the deck.
It's addressed to you.

My work is done.

It's from Cody.
Should I open it?

I'm gonna take a leap here.

I think that was his intention.

No.
No, you know what?

I'm not gonna give him that satisfaction.

All right.
Then don't open it!

On the other hand, don't
I at least owe him that?

Then open it.

Well, when he texted me and I
didn't reply, he stopped calling.

Don't open it.

But on the other hand,
he was reaching out to me.

Open it!

But what if he...
open it!

Open it!
For the love of brevity, open it!

I should, right?

Okay.

"dear Bailey, forgive me for
writing this in a note."

More like a novel.

"internship," blah, blah, blah.

"spring break," blah, blah, blah.

"scholarship to Yale?"
wait. So...

"so if I want to go to
the school of my dreams,

"I can't be with the girl of my dreams.

"I'm sorry. And please
recycle this after reading.

"love, Cody."

Oh!

Oh, no.
What have I done?

It wasn't even that good.
I know. Right?

Hey, guys.
Guys, I was all wrong.

About that hillbilly hairdo,
those hoe-down heels,

Or thinking it's cute to call
flossing your teeth, "goin' ropin"?

No. I mean, this whole time
I've been wrong about Cody.

Good, good.
Let it out.

He's selfish,
he's a know-it-all...

Don't you dare criticize
the sweetest fellow on earth!

He has the wings of an angel.

An angel!

You didn't let me finish.

I know.

He didn't want to spend
his spring break with me,

But he couldn't if he wanted
to get a scholarship to Yale.

I know, I know.
He was trying to tell you that, but...

I know! He's emotionally stunted.
Isn't it wonderful?

We have to go to the marine biology reserve.

And find Cody and apologize.

Why do I have to apologize?
I didn't do anything to him.

Wait, which one's Cody again?
Come on.

You feeling anything yet?

Not yet.

Thanks for coming back.

Whatever.

Darn right I saved your butt.

I didn't say that.

Oh, well, you should have.

No, I didn't say it.

I felt it.

I'm going to think of an emotional memory.

You tell me if you feel what I feel.

Come on, you're not still bummed.

About that stupid little hamster, are you?

That's incredible.

Zack, that's exactly what I was...

You set my hamster Sigmund Freud free?

How did you know that?

I can feel your paralyzing guilt.

Well, you're the one who should be guilty,

Saddling him with a name like Sigmund.

I saved him years of hamster
High School embarrassment.

I loved Sigmund Freud.

Mommy and I bonded over him.

Okay. Not only are you
gonna break my spirit,

But you're gonna mock me as well?

I'm not mocking you.

I'm fee (zack moans)

Why are you crying harder?

Because...

I finally see what it meant
to you to get into Yale.

It was your life,

And I messed it all up.

I'm sorry.

I know you're sorry.

You're really sorry, Zack.
You really are.

I know. Oh, no.
I know you know.

And I know you know I know.

Yeah.

Oh. Zack.

That's why you wanted the car?

Exactly.

Cody,

You know what you wanna do with your life.

So does Bailey.

Even London knows exactly who she is.

I'm the only one who doesn't.

I know that somewhere out there

I'm great at something.
I just need to find it.

And I could find it a lot
faster with a cool sports car.

You will find it.

And when you do, I know
you'll be great at it.

Come on.

Come on.

Mmm.

Mmm.

That feels great.

You're warm, kid.

We should really...

We should do this more often.

Good work getting Zack to stay.

Thank you, Dr. Olsen.

Nellie, you have been
invaluable to this project.

I think Zack and Cody are
almost ready for the merge.

Nellie was telling me
something about the merge.

Although, unfortunately, it
wasn't what I hoped it would be.

It's a shame Cody has to lose his brain.

He's so talented.

But everyone must sacrifice
for the greater good.

Except me. My good is greater
than the greater good.

It is greater, isn't...
Yes, come on.

Well, that doesn't sound promising.

Lose my brain?

But I love my brain.
I'm the brainy one, Zack.

Without my brain I'd just be (stammers)

The one?

Okay, okay, okay.
Hold on, hold on.

Now, while we still have our brains,

I suggest that we listen to
them telling us to leave.

We can't leave.
We can't leave.

If this is what Dr.
Olsen has planned this for us,

Then what about all the other twins?

We have to save them.

I can feel that you're right.
Man, I hate empathy.

Okay, we have to get into his office.

We got to find a way and
find out what's going on.

Come on,
let's go. Careful.

Okay. Go, go!
Secretly, secretly!

Okay.

Now...

We can climb that catwalk,
shimmy down that pole,

Go in through the air vent,

Come out near the lighting system,

Then we just kick a hole
through the ceiling.

And we drop down right above
the instrument panels.

Or.

Well, sure.
If you want to do it the boring way.

This. This.

Oh, here we go.

"stage one, the phical connection.

"stage two, the emotional connection.

"stage three.

"the merge."
okay.

"during the merge, the twins become one.

"no longer individuals,
their identities consolidated

"into a single self,
able to be controlled."

Even not kwing what that
means, I know it's not good.

It gets worse.

How could it get any worse?

"stage four. Hive mind."

yeah, that sounds worse.

"once the merged twins are assembled,

"they can be controlled
under a single voice."

I hear a single voice.
It's saying, "run!"

We've got to free all those other twins.

And most important, we have to avoid
eating any more of that fruit.

Which you are eating now!

It was here, and I was like, "mmm,
that looks good. I'll take one."

Zack, how could you do that?

It's impulse eating.
It's a real problem.

What happens if only one
of us eats the fruit?

I don't know.
I don't know.

Why are you repeating me?
Why are you repeating me?

I'm reating you,
aren't I? Ugh.

That's weird. It's like
you say something.

And then I feel the need to say it.

The next stage.
You're becoming me.

I don't want to be you.
I want to be me.

I gotta be me.

Well, well, well, well,

Well.

That's a pretty deep well.

Trust me, Wally.
There is a wall there.

Dr. Spaulding?
Dr. Spaulding?

May I help you?

Hi. My name is Bailey.
I'm looking for Cody Martin.

I haven't seen Mr. Martin since he and
his brother destroyed our submarines.

And I banned them for life.
Mine and theirs. See?

I have no idea where he is.

They're in the mountains,
about 50 miles from here.

How do you know that?

The dolphins told me.

You can understand the dolphins?

Yup. Ever since
I was here last time.

And ate that ugly fruit,
whenever I'm near a fish,

I can hear what they're thinking.

Actually, London, dolphins are mammals.

Then why don't they have humps?

Wait, you ate the corsican fruit.

And now you can hear the dolphins?

Not just dolphins.
I got cursed out by a crab.

But I got even with him at dinner.

That's the key to my research.

Humans and dolphins have to eat the fruit.

It was right in front of my
eyes, and under my nose,

And a little to the left the entire time.

What else did the dolphins say?

Hey, were they talking about me?

Did they mention my zit?
You know, they are so judgmental.

They said I look great in this skirt,

And that Zack and Cody
are at this place called.

The gemini project
with this guy named Ronald.

What?

I think Zack and Cody may be in danger.

Oh, no! It could be a
matter of life or death.

Those are two really different choices.

Bailey,
call Mr. Moseby,

Tell him to meet us at the gemini
project on the new old sawmill road.

So. You know
about the merge.

Great stuff.
Great stuff.

And apparently, you've
discovered the next phase.

The hive mind.

Groundbreaking research.

You know, I'd really love to
stick around and talk about it.

Stick around and talk about it.

Who said that?

I did. He did.
I did. He did.

Look at that.
A half merge.

No it isn't.
No it isn't.

A delay from the one to the other.

It's astounding!

It's a little annoying,
but it's astounding.

Dr. Olsen,
if you let us go.

We won't tell anyone what we saw here.

I can't do that.

Your participation in this
work is far too important.

Can you hear me?

Yeah.

Cool, right?

So cool.

Wait a minute.
Are you reading each other's minds?

Shh! I didn't
even say anything.

I think you should shh
'cause I can hear everything.

Can you just pay
attention, please?

Stop doing that!

You know what
I'm thinking, right?

That's a really long hair
coming out of his nose?

Oh, yeah, it's gross.

And also, run!

Go, go, go, go, go, go!

I knew we shouldn't have come here!

Apparently, stage four must
commence earlier than planned.

Quick! This way!

Where are you going, Zack and Cody?

Where are you going, Zack and Cody?

Oh, great. Hive mind.

Oh, great. Hive mind.

Join us.

No.

No.

Get Zack and Cody!

Get Zack and Cody!
Get Zack and Cody!

Get Zack and Cody!
Zip line!

That didn't work so well the last time.

Get Zack and Cody!
Get Zack and Cody!

Get Zack and Cody!
Get Zack and Cody!

Get Zack and Cody!
Get Zack and Cody!

Just keep them off the platform.
Hurry.

I don't know how long I can hold them off.

Get Zack and Cody!
Get Zack and Cody!

Zack, helmet.
Helmet.

Why?
Zip line regulations.

Get back!
Get back!

I said stay back!

It's just out of my reach.

Stay!

Okay, on the count of three,
you jump up and grab on.

Okay.

Three, three, three!
Three, three, three!

Zack!

Get Zack and Cody!

Zack!
Zack!

Zack!

We did it!

That was awesome.

Just hold on.
No, no, no, no.

Yeah!

That put some hair on my chest.

Get Zack and Cody!

And now the hair's gone.

Let's hide in there!

Oh, yeah, yeah. Let's hide in the
creepy, old, abandoned sawmill.

That's safe. Why don't we bring
some toddlers in there with us?

Get Zack and Cody!

Okay, I think we're safe here.

Or not.

Get Zack and Cody!

Get Zack and Cody!

Quick!
Climb up that ladder!

Oh, that looks Rusty!

I should've got my monthly tetanus shot.

Dirty ladders are the least
of our problems right now.

Get Zack and Cody!

Get Zack and Cody!

Get Zack and Cody!

Blades! Why is it
always blades?

Where's blankie when I need him?

Get Zack and Cody!

Get Zack and Cody!

Get Zack and Cody!

Run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run!

Go, go!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Brother, hide in the trees!

Okay.
What's happening?

We're never going to outrun
those more athletic twins.

We don't have to outrun them.

I just have to outrun you.

If I perish from heat exhaustion,

Bury me in a stone tomb, standing up.

With a piece of broken gold.

Shh, I think I hear something!

Tell Bailey that I respect her as a woman.

No.
Okay.

I think we're safe.

Get Zack and Cody!

Get Zack and Cody!

Climb, climb!

Get Zack and Cody!

Okay. Question.

Do you think it's as far down as it looks?

It looks
like middle-earth.

Zack, I want you to know
if our bones get crushed.

Like cheap test tubes,
which is very likely,

I just want you to know that...

Yeah. Me, too.

Okay. On three.

One, two...

I landed on my tummy.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Let's see.

Leg. Knee. Ribs.

Not sure what that is.
Yeah, I'm all right.

We did it, Zack.
We made it!

Get Zack and Cody!
Get Zack and Cody!

Get Zack and Cody!
Get Zack and Cody!

Get Zack and Cody!
Get Zack and Cody!

Or not.

Oh, good.
You're awake.

Oh, good.
You're an evil idiot.

Right. I'm an idiot, you're the
one that's locked down and wired.

He's got a good point.

Cody, why are we strapped down to
the mind transference facilitator?

Because once I push this button,

The electrons in your brains are
gonna violently smash together,

And merge into one brain.

That sounds like it's really going to hurt.

Yes.

Where are they?
There they are!

Let them go!
Stay back!

Careful! Nobody move.

Cody!
Bailey!

Woody!
Zack!

London!

Woody.
, son...

Woody, what are you...
No, no, don't...

Dang it.

There's an electrical force field
surrounding the perimeter of the platform.

Duh.

Perfect timing,
Dr. Spaulding.

We meet once again,
Dr. Olsen.

I'm going to disintegrate
your individual minds now.

Ronald, before you merge them,

Why don't you show them who you really are?

Wow, that is a pretty
intense chemical peel.

I had a feeling
this guy was two-faced!

Meet Ronald spaulding, my evil twin brother.

Who disappeared two years ago.

When the scientific
community threw him out.

But I was here the whole time, waiting,

Developing my brilliant plan.

But if you're also a twin.

Then why would you want
all twins to think alike?

So no one would ever have to suffer
the pain that I did as a twin.

Him, getting all the awards.
Him, the brilliant one.

Him, the award winner.

I feel you, brother.

So you stole my work
to use for your own evil.

I did.
But how?

It was easy.
First, I posed as a janitor.

Where I methodically stole your data.

I designed this entire facility myself.

It's completely state of
the art and wicked cool!

Well, that looks promising.

When I read Cody's paper on twins,

I thought he and his brother
would be a great asset.

So I went to the boat and I spied on them.

I am so excited.
I've been planning our trip for a month.

Whoa, whoa! Hey!

That's what was in the letter!

Why did you drop it, then?

Hey! Hey, hey!

I knew if I could lure them here,

I could use them in my research.

Then all of my years of pain
would finally have a purpose.

I could create a controlled,
peaceful society!

Through violence?

Well, no plan is perfect!

Can I just say something?

Someone had a big bowl
of grumpy this morning.

The merge is happening!

You know, we should merge into my brain.
I have the superior intellect.

You also have the inferior personality.

I'd rather merge with a rock.

Stop fighting!
You're ruining everything!

- Stop it!
- You stop it!

You know I told you
to get your head checked.

But I'm sure the results
would come back as empty.

My brain, my brain!

No! No, wait!

Your brain is all boring.
All you ever do is think.

That's not true.
I also spend an inordinate amount of time.

Worrying about global warming.

And looking at things in my
closet that need to be pressed.

Thanks for proving my point.
We're going into my brain.

Zack...
I'm tired, Zack.

Cody. If you can hear me,
keep fighting with Zack.

By fighting, they're creating a
resistance and a power surge.

To the machine that wants to merge them.

It's as if the thing they do best, arguing,

Is the one thing that can save them.

I shop really well.
Can we use that?

No, I can't go into your brain!

You never use your brain.
How do we know it works?

Well, at least it's not
jam-packed with stupid facts.

And math thingies with numbers and letters.

You mean equations?

Stop!
You'll destroy everything.

You know, I can't spend the rest
of my life in the head of someone.

Who orders Sushi
well-done.

Hey, Bailey, where'd you
get your hair done?

At the groomer's?

London! What?
I thought we're all joining in.

One, the number of people who find
you interesting. Including yourself.

Give in to the merge!
Give in!

Well, I may not be interesting,
but at least I have a car!

No!

No! No!

No!

No!

Come here, give me a hug!

Ooh!

You've ruined all my work.

Now, you'll all pay the consequences!

I'll merge all your minds!

Wow, you really are a fruit basket.

Fruit! Zack, fruit!

But I'm not hungry.

Got it!

Bailey.
See that rope on the ground?

Yeah. Mmm-hmm.

Here's what I need you to do.

Come on! Full power!

Now!

Yee-haw!

Get along, little crazy scientist.

Time!

Let me go!
No.

I will destroy all of you!

Cody.

Let me go!

Dr. Spaulding, eat this, and think
good thoughts about your brother.

Chew it.

Donald? Really?

You were always jealous of me?

But you had everything.

True.
But that's all I knew.

I didn't know how to have fun like you did.

So, all those years that I
was wishing I could be you,

You were wishing you could be me?

More than that.
I was wishing that we were us.

Ah! Boys,
are you all right?

We're fine, Mr. Moseby.

Oh! Thank goodness.

One more minute and our
personalities would have been gone.

The one time I get a parking
spot right out front!

Donald.

I was wrong the whole time.
I'm sorry.

I forgive you, Ronald.

When I get out of prison, let's have lunch.

I'll be here. Waiting.

I'll be 143, and hungry, but waiting.

Okay. No fruit.

No fruit.
Fruity tale.

You know, they make you
guys seem almost normal.

That was fun.
Want to go shopping?

No. No shopping.

How about a sandwich?

See what we can accomplish
when we work together?

You know, we make a pretty good team.

Okay, this was the best spring break ever,

and we managed to do everything on my list,

including the museum
of microscopic magnets.

What was your favorite?

Well, it's a toss up between the
Erosional Granite Sandstone Sea Cave,

and that giant ball of twine.

"Do not park.
Zack Martin exempted."

Perfect.
Sweet ride!

Hey!

Thanks for the car.
Isn't she pretty?

No. No, no.
Zack, Zack!

Oh, no!

Ooh, goody!
My summer wardrobe's here!

Well, spring break's over.

Now, If I could just make
it to summer vacation.