The Suburbans (1999) - full transcript

** [ Rock ]

[ Man ] THE SUBURBANS.
WELCOME TO AMERICAN BANDSTAND.

I MEAN, HERE YOU ARE,
BARELY OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL,

TOURING THE COUNTRY
WITH A NUMBER ONE HIT RECORD.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ?
UH, WELL, IT'S A LOT OF FUN,
BUT IT GETS, UH--

IT FEELS EXCELLENT, DICK.

YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE THE CASH.

I LIKE THOSE NEAT,
LITTLE MEALS THEY
SERVE YOU ON THE PLANE.

[ Cheering ]

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS
NEW MUSIC TELEVISION CHANNEL
THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT ?

A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY THIS COULD
CHANGE MUSIC FOREVER.
MUSIC TELEVISION. YEAH.



I'VE HEARD OF THAT,
BUT I'M NOT SURE I GET IT.

THEY'VE GOT THESE
LITTLE FILMS THEY PLAY
ALONG WITH THE SONGS,

SO YOU CAN WATCH
AS WELL AS LISTEN.

I'M NOT SURE PEOPLE WANT YOU
TO TELL 'EM WHAT TO PICTURE
WHEN THEY LISTEN TO THE SONGS.

I MEAN, I JUST DON'T SEE
THAT TAKING OFF AT ALL, DICK.

IT SORT OF SOUNDS LIKE
SOMETHING THE NAZIS
WOULD'VE COME UP WITH...

IF THEY'D GOTTEN
INTO POP MUSIC.

I-I WOULDN'T WATCH IT.

LET'S LEAVE THE ACTING
TO THE ACTORS...

AND MUSIC TO THE MUSIC, MAN.

WELL, GOOD LUCK.
I'M SURE YOU'VE GOT
A BRIGHT FUTURE.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THE SUBURBANS !

[ Cheering, Applauding ]

** [ Rock ]



**

* WELL, THANKS FOR
THE SAME OPINIONS *

* NOW TELL ME SOMETHIN'
I DON'T KNOW *

* AND ONCE
I'LL FINISH BITCHIN' *

* GO
I SAID, GO *

* GO
GO, GO, GO *

* DON'T WAIT
FOR INVITATIONS *

* I SAID, GO, GO, GO

[ Woman ] DAN ! DAN ! DAN !

[ Dan ] GRACE, WAIT.
I'M GONNA--

GO AHEAD, BABY ! YES !

GRACE. GRACE, LET ME GO !

** [ Continues ]

OH.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ?

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU ?

WERE YOU NOT AWARE PEOPLE
GET PREGNANT THAT WAY ?
I'M SORRY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
DID YOU--

I-I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T--
I DON'T THINK SO.

WHAT'S THAT ?
WHAT ?

SINCE WHEN IS A BRIEFCASE
DE RIGUEUR WEDDING ATTIRE ?

I HAVE A LITTLE BUSINESS
TO DISCUSS WITH JULES. OW !

THIS IS GIL
AND AMANDA'S WEDDING.
IT'S NOT CAREER DAY.

I WAS AWARE OF THAT.
THANK YOU.

RORY'S NOT BRINGING
ANOTHER BLIND DATE...

NO, HE'S GOT
SOME SUPPOSEDLY
HOT NEW GIRLFRIEND.

HE MUST'VE MENTIONED SHE WAS
A FORMER MODEL 17 TIMES
IN A 2-MINUTE CONVERSATION.

[ Children Yelling ]

YOU BETTER TELL ME
YOU GOT YOUR SPARE
CUMMERBUND IN THERE.

THIS THING ?

YOU KIDDIN' ME ?
IT'S NOT EVERY DAY YOU GET
A SHOT AT JULES MARCELLE.

I'M GONNA EXPAND
MY INSURANCE OFFICES
ALL OVER THE ISLAND.

RORY, WE'RE GONNA BE LATE.
WHERE'S YOUR COVER GIRL ?

SHE'S RETIRED NOW,
BUT SHE WAS HUGE
AT ONE POINT.

PARIS. MILAN.
ALL OVER THE PLACE.
EVERYWHERE.

IS THERE ANY CHANCE
SHE COULD INTERRUPT HER
BUSY INTERNATIONAL SCHEDULE...

TO COME OUT HERE TO THE CAR ?
I'M TRYIN'.

YOU SHOULD SEE THE BABY.
IT'S LATCHED TO HER BREAST
LIKE A DEER TICK.

HI !

[ Rory ] HONEY, ARE THE KIDS
SETTLED WITH THE SITTER ?

CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A SECOND ?

TROUBLE.

MOMMY, ARE WE THERE YET ?
MOMMY, ARE WE THERE YET ?
MOMMY, ARE WE THERE YET ?

* GO, GO, GO

IS IT BAD,
DR. WAGONHOFFER ?

DR. WAGONHOFFER ?

ONE SECOND.

** [ Guitar ]

EXCUSE ME, DOCTOR.

IS THIS NOT
A GOOD TIME FOR YOU ?

I ALMOST HAVE IT.

I JUST NEED A GOOD BRIDGE.

A GOOD BRIDGE ?

SWEETHEART,
IS IT NECESSARY
TO BREAST-FEED...

IN FRONT OF ALL THESE
STRANGE PEOPLE NOW ?

[ Children Laughing ]

[ Man ] OH, NICE TRY, GUYS.
JULES IS ALL MINE.

[ Grace ]
JUST BECAUSE AMANDA'S FATHER
INVESTED IN GIL'S BUSINESS...

DOES NOT MEAN
HE'S INTERESTED IN YOUR
ENTREPRENEURIAL ASPIRATIONS.

[ Dan ] OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE NOT
AWARE OF THE FACT THAT GIL'S
FATHER-IN-LAW IS SICILIAN.

ANYBODY'S WHO'S SEEN
THE GODFATHER KNOWS
THAT A SICILIAN...

CANNOT DENY ANY REQUESTS
ON HIS DAUGHTER'S WEDDING DAY.

[ Grace] PLEASE LET ME
OUT OF THIS CAR.

** [ Ends ]

[ Squeaking ]

IT'S JUST SO HARD
TO KEEP IT CLEAN OUT HERE
WITH ALL THE SALT IN THE AIR.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD CONCENTRATE
ON GETTING MARRIED FIRST.
THEY'RE WAITING FOR YOU.

OH, YEAH. THANKS.

OH, HEY. GUYS, UH--

[ Exhales ] THANKS
FOR BEING HERE FOR ME.

YEAH, SURE.

DON'T TOUCH THE CAR
THOUGH, SERIOUSLY.

[ Priest ] YOU, GIL,
YOU, AMANDA, AND ALL
OF GOD'S CHILDREN...

REALIZE IN THESE
UNCERTAIN TIMES...

IT IS IMPORTANT
THAT WE RECOGNIZE...

WHEN GOD HAS FOUND US
SOMEONE WE CAN
LOVE AND TRUST.

FOR IT IS
OUR SALVATION...

TO MAKE AN EVERLASTING
COMMITMENT TO THAT PERSON.
[ Camera Shutter Clicking ]

AND LET GOD
SEAL IT...

WITH THE BONDS
OF HOLY MATRIMONY.

I THINK WHOEVER GOES FIRST
DEFINITELY HAS THE ADVANTAGE.

SECOND IS THE KEY SLOT,
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.

FIRST GUY WARMS HIM UP.
HE'S WORN OUT BY THE TIME
THE THIRD GUY OPENS HIS MOUTH.

I SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH
THIS. YOU'RE HOPING I'M GONNA
GO SECOND SO YOU CAN GO LAST.

FORGET IT.
I'M THIRD.

FINE. I'LL GO FIRST.

WELL, GOOD.
GET IN THERE THEN.

NICE TRY.
I'M FIRST.

IF WE DO FORM
OUR OWN LABEL...

AND RELEASE
THE MICK WAGNER CD--

I'M ONLY PROMOTING
THE ONE NIGHT SO FAR,
AND IT'S-- IT'S HARD TO SAY.

A SOUL CLUB, HUH ?

ANYWAY, UH, WITH MY NAME,

WE'LL DEFINITELY
GET A LOT OF AIRPLAY.

AND THEN WE'LL GET
THE MAJOR LABELS INTO
A KIND OF BIDDING WAR.

[ Mumbling ]

WHY DON'T I JUST...

PLAY THE, UH, SONG FOR YOU.

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
I GOT A BUNION RIGHT THERE.
IT'S KILLIN' ME.

THE BLACK PEOPLE AREN'T
COMING BECAUSE IT'S IN
A WHITE NEIGHBORHOOD,

AND THE WHITE PEOPLE AREN'T
COMING BECAUSE THEY FEEL
IT'S ONLY FOR BLACK PEOPLE.

[ Mumbling ]

YOU KNOW,
I'M OUT GIGGIN' MOST NIGHTS.

WHICH I FIND TO BE VERY SAD,
BECAUSE I-I BELIEVE
SOUL MUSIC TO BE THE, UH,

THE GREAT COMMON DENOMINATOR,
SIR, DON'T YOU ?

NO.
YEAH.

[ Mumbling, Yelling ]

JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY !

[ Crowd Murmuring ]

[ All Yelling ]

I CAUGHT IT ! HA-HA ! HA-HA !

[ Applauding ]

** [ Rock On Radio ]

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU WAXED THIS THING, DAN ?

I THOUGHT IT CAME
WITH WAX ON IT.

YOU NEED TO WAX IT.

[ Rory ]
ALL I KNOW IS I'M RUINED.

OKAY, FINE.
HE DOESN'T WANT TO INVEST.

BUT WAS IT NECESSARY
TO CANCEL THE POLICY
ON HIS ROLLS ?

I'LL LET YOU INSURE MY ROLLS
WHEN I MAKE IT HUGE AGAIN.

NO OFFENSE, MITCH.
DON'T YOU THINK IT'S TIME
TO PUT IT TO BED ?

WHERE WAS YOUR LAST GIG ?
THE NASSAU COMMUNITY
COLLEGE RATHSKELLER ?

YOU KNOW, ISN'T IT GETTIN'
A LITTLE OLD TRYIN' TO GET
OVER ON THESE YOUNG CHICKS...

WITH THAT TIRED
ROCK AND ROLL RAP
OF YOURS ?

YOU WANT TO GIVE UP AND BE A
CHUBBY INSURANCE AGENT FOR THE
REST OF YOUR LIFE, GO AHEAD.

YOU KNOW, MITCH,
YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET
YOURSELF SOME COUNSELING,

BECAUSE A LIFE
OF LONELINESS AND DESPAIR...

IS ALL THAT'S IN STORE
FOR YOU, BY THE WAY.

YOU KNOW, RORY,
I'D APPRECIATE IT...

IF YOU'D KEEP YOUR
MORBID, SPIRITUAL
CRISES TO YOURSELF...

AND LET THOSE OF US WHO
WANT TO LEAD A NICE, SHALLOW,
UNEXAMINED EXISTENCE...

FREE TO DO SO.

CRAIG WAS SO GREAT
IN THE BEGINNING.

OH, HE WAS SO
STRONG AND STABLE.

BUT THEN HE, UH--
HIS CONSTRUCTION
BUSINESS WENT BAD,

AND HE STARTED DRINKING
TOO MUCH.

THEN HE TOOK IT OUT ON ME
AND THE KIDS. COULD YOU
HOLD MAX FOR A SECOND ?

SURE. HE'S NOT, UH,
STILL BOTHERING YOU,
IS HE ?

NO. NO. THANK GOD.

NOT--
NOT SINCE THE FIRE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
HE BURNED YOUR HOUSE DOWN
AND GOT AWAY WITH IT.

IT'S LEGAL TO BURN
YOUR OWN HOUSE DOWN,
IF YOU WANT TO.

NOT MANY PEOPLE
ARE AWARE OF THAT.
OH.

THAT'S HANDY TO KNOW.

WE WERE OUT OF TOWN THOUGH,
SO IT'S NOT LIKE HE WAS
TRYING TO HURT ANYONE.

** [ Disco ]
ALL RIGHT ! YOU GO, GIRL !
LOOK AT HER GO !

NOW YOU'RE BOOGEYIN' !

YOU WANT TO DROP ME
AT THE TRAIN STATION
IN THE MORNING ?

I'VE GOT SOME
PUBLISHERS' MEETINGS
IN THE CITY.

I WAS PLANNING ON
GOING DOWN THERE
TO LAY ON THE TRACKS ANYWAY.

HEY. EVERYTHING WORKS OUT.
YOU KNOW THAT.

MAYBE IT'S
A GOOD THING.

IT'S A GOOD THING THAT
ANOTHER ONE OF MY ATTEMPTS
AT SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS...

WAS DASHED AGAINST
THE JAGGED COASTLINE
OF HARSH REALITY ?

NO, MAYBE IT'S A SIGN
OR SOMETHING THAT IT'S TIME
FOR A CHANGE, YOU KNOW ?

I MEAN, YOU'RE--
YOU'RE 35 YEARS OLD, DANNY.

I'M GETTING VERY CONCERNED
ABOUT THE DIRECTION THIS
CONVERSATION IS TAKING.

AND SOMETIMES THE UNIVERSE
GIVES US SIGNALS,

AND WE HAVE TO BE
OPEN TO NEW THINGS.

OH, NO. THIS IS TROUBLE.

DANNY, WE NEED TO TALK--

AND THERE THEY ARE--
THE FOUR MOST DREADED WORDS
IN THE ENGLISH VOCABULARY.

ABOUT THIS MORNING.

I WANT TO HAVE A CHILD.

[ DJ ] AND NOW,
OUR NEXT HAPPY COUPLE !

BELIEVE ME. IT CAME
AS MUCH A SURPRISE TO ME
AS IT'S COMING TO YOU, BUT I--

I WASN'T LOOKING FOR IT, AND--
I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE WOMEN.

I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE
WOMEN. YOU KNOW THAT.

BUT I JUST FELT LIKE WHAT
HAPPENED THIS MORNING WAS...

THIS ANCIENT, UH,
INSTINCTUAL MOTHER
IN ME...

JUST BROKE THROUGH
MY MODERN CONSCIOUSNESS.

AND I WANTED TO--
I WANTED TO MOTHER.

I WANTED TO SUCKLE THE WORLD,
AND I WANT TO NURTURE.

I WANT TO BE A MOM.

OKAY, UH, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT I THINK ? LET ME
TELL YOU WHAT I THINK.

I THINK THAT YOU'RE
JUST NERVOUS ABOUT
YOUR BOOK, THAT'S ALL.

YOU'RE PUTTING YEARS
OF YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS
OUT THERE...

AND EXPOSING YOURSELF
TO REJECTION FROM ANY NUMBER
OF IDIOTIC PUBLISHERS.

I WANT TO HAVE
A CHILD. YEAH.
A CHILD ?

WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT ?
I DON'T THINK
YOU'RE AWARE OF THE FACT...

THAT CHILDREN
ARE EXTREMELY
DANGEROUS PEOPLE.

IT'S NORMAL
TO BE AFRAID.

I'M NOT AFRAID, GRACE.
OH.

MAYBE I SHOULD GO
TO ONE OF THOSE SPERM
BANKS OR SOMETHING.

SPERM BANK ? YEAH,
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

HAVE THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILD
BE SOMEBODY WHO'S REDUCED
TO JERKING OFF FOR A LIVING.

OH, DANNY.

NO, NO. THAT'S GREAT.
"AND WHAT DOES
THE FATHER DO ?"

"HE'S A VERY SUCCESSFUL,
PROFESSIONAL MASTURBATOR."

PLEASE, HONEY,
FORGET THAT MANIAC.
YOU GOT ME NOW.

LISTEN, LARA.
I WANT TO TELL
YOU SOMETHIN'.

WHEN THAT PRIEST
WAS UP THERE EARLIER,

I FELT LIKE HE WAS
TALKIN' DIRECTLY TO ME,
LIKE GOD WAS TALKIN' TO ME.

AND I JUST THINK THAT
YOU AND I ARE SO PERFECT
FOR EACH OTHER...

THAT WE--
HEY.

HEY, LARA.
HI.

LITTLE BOY.
LISTEN, RORY, CAN I, UH,
TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND ?

COME HERE. SHE OKAY ?
SHE LOOKS A LITTLE SICK.

LISTEN. YOU GOTTA
HELP ME OUT HERE.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT'S GOIN' ON BACK THERE.

I AM SO CLOSE TO LANDING
SOMETHING UNBELIEVABLE.

SHE'S A LIEUTENANT COLONEL
IN THE AIR FORCE.

YOU GOTTA SEE
THE BRASS ON THIS ONE.

HER HUSBAND GOT DRUNK,
LEFT WITH THE CATERER.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT GUY ?

ANYWAY, WE GOTTA PLAY.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKIN' ABOUT ?
PLAY WHAT ?

US, THE SUBURBANS.

"BY MY SIDE,"
OUR ONE PATHETIC LITTLE HIT.

IT WAS HER FAVORITE SONG.
WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT ?

I DON'T KNOW, MITCH.
COME ON, MAN.
COME ON. COME ON.

I'M BEGGING YOU.
SHE'S ON FIRE.

WE HAVEN'T PLAYED IN YEARS.
I CAN CLOSE THIS
DEAL IF WE PLAY.

WE HAVEN'T PLAYED IN--
WHO'S MY CHUBBY
LITTLE ROCK STAR ?

DON'T START WITH THAT.
WHO'S MY CHUBBY
LITTLE ROCK STAR...

WHO I GOT LAID CONSTANTLY
IN HIGH SCHOOL ?

[ Yells ]
DO THIS. DO THIS FOR ME.

I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU.

HI, EVERYBODY.
WELL, THANKS FOR COMING AND
MAKING MY WEDDING SO SPECIAL.

BUT GET READY
FOR A BIG SURPRISE.

WITH US TODAY
FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN 18 YEARS, BY REQUEST,

THE CUTEST BASS PLAYER
IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD,

FORMER TEEN SENSATIONS,
THE SUBURBANS !

[ Baby Crying ]
[ Light Applause ]

[ Rory ] UH, IT GOES
THE OTHER WAY, GIL.

[ Crying Continues ]
[ Cymbal Crashes ]

[ Microphone Feeding Back ]
[ Woman ] WHOOPS.

[ Woman ] OKAY, GUYS.

** [ Guitar ]
[ Crowd Cheering ]

ALL RIGHT.
UM, LET'S DO IT, GUYS.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.

ONE, TWO.

** [ Stops ]

GIL ! GET-- GUYS, GET IN HERE.

COME HERE. QUICK.
NOW, LISTEN.

IF WE'RE GONNA DO THIS,
LET'S EMBARRASS OURSELVES...

AS LEAST AS POSSIBLE,
DON'T YOU THINK ?

IF WE ALL START
AT THE SAME TIME,
WE'LL END AT THE SAME TIME.

THE MIDDLE WILL TAKE CARE
OF ITSELF, OKAY ?

ALL RIGHT.
GOTTA PLAY, GIL.
NOW, FROM THE TOP.

ON FOUR.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
COME ON, BABY.

** [ Rock ]

* I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S COMIN' OVER ME *

* HEAR YOUR VOICE
INSIDE MY HEAD *

* I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT

* PLEASE

* LET ME SHOW YOU
WHAT I MEAN *

* I WILL NEVER
LET YOU DOWN *

* YOU MAKE ME FEEL ALL RIGHT
RIGHT BY MY SIDE *

* I NEED YOU NOW
RIGHT BY MY SIDE *

* I DON'T CARE HOW
RIGHT BY MY SIDE *

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE
IT'S WHERE YOU BELONG *

* I KNOW BETTER
THAN HE TOLD YOU *

* CAN'T YOU FEEL IT
WHEN I HOLD YOU *

* DON'T YOU KNOW
THAT YOU BELONG *

* TO ME *

[ Audience Cheering ]

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT
TO DO THIS, MAN ?
SHE'S AN OFFICER, MITCH.

NOT TO MENTION
SHE'S A MARRIED OFFICER.

YOU KNOW,
WE'RE AT A WEDDING.

YOU UNDERSTAND ?
YOU BURN FOR THIS
KIND OF THING.

LOOK. I TOLD YOU.

WHEN IT COMES
TO WOMEN IN UNIFORM,
I DON'T HAVE ANY CONTROL.

IT'S SIMPLY NOT AN OPTION.
SOMETHING JUST TAKES OVER.

AS FOR THE FIRE AND DAMNATION
PART, I AM WILLING TO GAMBLE
THAT THIS IS ALL THERE IS.

THERE'S NOTHING ELSE AFTER IT.
THAT'S MY CHOICE.
[ Woman ] COME ON, MITCH.

THROW ME THE ROPE.

OKAY, UH,
I JUST WANTED TO PLAY
THIS SONG I KNOW.

I'VE BEEN WORKIN' ON IT.
I DON'T HAVE MUCH
OF A BRIDGE YET.

AH, LET'S SEE HERE.
I WANT TO GET US
A LITTLE FURTHER OUT...

FOR THE ACOUSTICS.

OW ! FUCK !
[ Laughing ]

HI. I'M CATE WITH A "C."

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
YOU'RE WITH
THE SUBURBANS, RIGHT ?

UH, YEAH. I MEAN, I AM.
I MEAN, I WAS.

YEAH, I SAW YOU GUYS
PLAY EARLIER.
YOU WERE THE BOMB.

OH, I'M SORRY.

NO, I-I MEAN, I THOUGHT
YOU WERE REALLY GREAT.

GOD, THIS IS SO FUNNY,
BECAUSE I WAS JUST TALKING
ABOUT THE SUBURBANS,

AND THEN I WIND UP HERE
AT THIS WEDDING
AND HERE YOU ARE PLAYING.

WHAT A TRIP.

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES ?

OH, THERE'S NO
SUCH THING AS CHANCE.

"AND TO US SEEMS MEREST
ACCIDENT SPRINGS FROM THE
DEEPEST SOURCE OF DESTINY."

JOHANN CHRISTOPH
FRIEDRICH von SCHILLER.

OH, HE SAID THAT TOO, HUH ?

YEAH. GOD, THINGS
LIKE THIS ARE HAPPENING
TO ME ALL THE TIME.

I MEAN, I GUESS
COINCIDENCES ARE HAPPENING
IN EVERYBODY'S LIVES.

YOU JUST KIND OF
HAVE TO MAKE AN EFFORT
TO BE AVAILABLE TO THEM.

I SHOULD INTRODUCE MYSELF.
THAT WOULD--
THAT WOULD BE GOOD.

HI. I AM THE EAST COAST
SENIOR VICE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
OF CREATIVE MANAGEMENT...

OF SPECIAL PROJECTS
AT ELEKTRAGRAM
VIASCOPE INTERNATIONAL.

UH, DANNY MORAN.
I'M THE SENIOR LIFEGUARD
OVER AT LOOKOUT BEACH.

I'M ALL OUT OF CARDS.

ANYWAY, UM, YOU KNOW,
I WAS THINKING, WITH THE WHOLE
'80s REVIVAL THING GOING ON,

THAT IF THERE WAS
A BAND THAT REALLY
DEFINED THAT SOUND,

IT WOULD DEFINITELY
BE YOU GUYS,

BUT YOU NEVER GOT
THE CREDIT YOU DESERVED.

EIGHTIES REVIVAL ?

YEAH, YOU KNOW,
WE DID THE '50s IN THE '70s,

THE '60s IN THE '80s,
AND WE'RE ALREADY DONE
WITH THE '70s...

BEFORE THE '90s
ARE EVEN OVER, WHICH MEANS...

WE NEED TO JAM IN THE '80s
BEFORE THE MILLENNIUM.

YOU KNOW, WHEN PEOPLE
STARTED FEELING NOSTALGIC
FOR A WHOLE CENTURY.

THIS IS WHAT I WAS THINKING.
A WHOLE REINTRODUCTION
CONCEPT, YOU KNOW ?

TOUR, VIDEO, MERCHANDISING,
TRIBUTE ALBUMS.

KIND OF SEE WHERE
IT GOES FROM THERE.

DO I LOOK SUNBURNED TO YOU ?
OH, THERE'S MY RIDE.
[ Horn Honking ]

ANYWAY, VERY, VERY
NICE TO MEET YOU.

CALL ME.

OW ! OW !

I DIDN'T MEAN THAT YOU
SPECIFICALLY WOULD LOOK
SAD, PATHETIC...

AND RIDICULOUS
DOING A COMEBACK.

I JUST MEANT THAT
SOMETIMES THESE THINGS
CAN COME OFF A LITTLE--

[ Sighs ] OKAY,
YOU KNOW WHAT ?
I'M NOT GONNA SAY ANY MORE.

JUST-- JUST COME TO BED.

DON'T YOU SEE, GRACE ?
IT FINALLY ALL MAKES SENSE.

I MEAN, THIS IS WHY NONE OF
MY OTHER VENTURES PANNED OUT,
BECAUSE IF THEY HAD...

I WOULDN'T BE AVAILABLE
FOR THIS,
MY ACTUAL DESTINY ITSELF.

OH, JEEZ.

I MEAN, THAT RECORD COMPANY
GIRL AT THE WEDDING.

I MEAN, DOES THAT SOUND LIKE
A COINCIDENCE TO YOU ?

UH, IT SOUNDS LIKE STALKING.

WELL, IT'S NOT JUST HER
BY THE WAY, OKAY ? IT'S EVI.

THERE'S A WHOLE
HUGE COMPANY INTO IT.

OKAY, DANNY.
YOUR HAPPINESS
IS MY TOP PRIORITY,

WHICH JUST GOES TO SHOW
I'VE WASTED A TREMENDOUS
AMOUNT OF MONEY ON THERAPY.

BUT, UH,
THAT'S ANOTHER MATTER.

I'M JUST CONCERNED.
THAT'S ALL.

WHY THE SUBURBANS ANYWAY ?
WHY NOW ?

APPARENTLY,
WE DEFINED A SOUND.
THOSE WERE HER WORDS.

YEAH, BUT WHAT IF
IT'S ONLY TEMPORARY,
YOU KNOW ?

WHAT IF IT'S ONE
OF THOSE DEALS WHERE
A HUGE COMPANY...

BUYS UP THE RIGHTS
TO AN OLD BAND'S MUSIC...

AND JUST WANTS
TO RING THE LAST BIT
OF REVENUE OUT OF THEM...

BEFORE TOSSING
THE DRIED-OUT, FESTERING,

DECOMPOSING RIND
BACK ON THE SCRAP HEAP ?

IS THAT A QUESTION
OR A POEM ?

I JUST DON'T WANT
TO SEE YOU GET HURT AGAIN.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU
ALL PUMPED UP...

AND DROP EVERYTHING JUST
TO HAVE IT VANISH AGAIN.

IT TOOK YOU SO LONG
TO BOUNCE BACK THE LAST TIME.

GRACE, I NEED
TO TRY SOMETHING.

I MEAN, AT LEAST
I HAD SOME SUCCESS AT THIS,
NO MATTER HOW SHORT-LIVED,

WHICH IS MORE THAN CAN BE SAID
FOR EVERYTHING ELSE I'VE DONE.

I JUST--

I NEED TO FEEL LIKE
I'M GOOD AT SOMETHING,

LIKE I'M OF SOME
VALUE TO THE WORLD.

SOMETHING TO OFFER.

BABY, I'D FEEL LIKE YOU
HAD SOMETHIN'
TO OFFER IF YOU WERE...

THE DISHWASHER
AT JACK IN THE BOX.

JACK IN THE BOX
DOESN'T HAVE DISHES.

YOU REALLY WANT THIS ?

THEN I'M WITH YOU.

BUT THERE'S ONE THING
THAT I WILL NOT TOLERATE,

AND I WANT YOU TO HEAR ME
VERY CLEARLY ON THIS.

I WILL NEVER,
UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES,

GO BACK TO WEARING
HIGH HEELS WITH SOCKS.

YOU UNDERSTAND ME,
MR. BIG ?

[ Yells ]

[ Baby Crying ]

[ Moaning ]
OH, YOU KNOW, I--

WHAT'S WRONG, BABY ?

I-I'M SORRY.

WHAT IS IT ?

IT JUST--
IT JUST HAPPENS SOMETIMES.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

DANNY.

LOOK, MAYBE WE SHOULD
JUST GO TO SLEEP.

BUT, DANNY,
YOU HAVE AN ERECTION.

WHAT ? WHAT, THAT ?

NO, I DON'T--
THAT'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
I MEAN, THAT'S--

THAT'S DEFINITELY
NOT SEXUAL.

[ Laughs ]
I MEAN, IT'S--

I KNOW THAT WON'T LAST.
DANNY !

[ All Screaming ]

[ Man ] I KNOW WE'RE IN
A BIG, GIANT BOARDROOM,
AND IT'S EVI--

WHOO ! I MEAN, THIS IS
BASICALLY THE COMPANY
YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT HERE, OKAY ?

THE COMPANY IS DADDY AND ME.
IT'S TWO GUYS. YOU'RE LOOKIN'
AT THE WHOLE COMPANY.

YOU CAN TEAR DOWN
THE BUILDING,
GO TO THE FOUNDATION.

IT COULD BE ME
AND HIM IN A PIT.

YOU'D STILL HAVE
THE SAME COMPANY, OKAY ?

EVER HEAR
OF THE TEMP TONES ?

NO.

NEITHER DID I.
I TOLD BERRY GORDY,

"IT'S THE TEMPTATIONS !
YOU CALL IT THE TEMPTATIONS !"

THAT'S THE WAY--
BERRY. BERRY.
BERRY. BERRY.

IT WAS BERRY BEFORE
HE WENT TO HIS HEAD,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ?

THEN HE GOT THE JACKSONS
AND EVERYTHING WENT BOOM-BOOM.

THE POINT IS,
WE'RE FAMILY HERE, OKAY ?
THIS IS TWO GUYS--

YOU EVER HEAR OF
SYLVESTER AND
THE FAMILY STONE ?

[ All Mumbling ]

SLY AND THE FAMILY STONE !

[ All ] AH.

STREET CRED.
AND CAN I JUST BE--

BY THE WAY, CAN I JUST BE
A FAN FOR TWO SECONDS...

AND TELL YOU GUYS THAT
I'M LOOKIN' AT YOU, AND ALL
OF A SUDDEN I'M BACK IN 1982 ?

I'M IN THE BACKSEAT
OF THE GREMLIN FIGURING OUT
THE FACTS OF LIFE AND I'M--

* RIGHT ON MY SIDE
I'M HEARING THE SONG *

* IT'S IN MY HEAD
AND I'M GETTIN' HOME **

I MEAN, IT WAS A WHOLE THING.
SO, FOR ME TO BE HERE
WITH YOU GUYS RIGHT NOW,

I FEEL A LITTLE VULNERABLE.
I FEEL LIKE I NEED YOU.

I'M A LITTLE BABY
RIGHT NOW, OKAY ?
I'M A LITTLE BABY...

SAYING, "HELLO.
GIVE IT TO ME."

I GOT MY DIAPER DOWN.
I GOT IT ALL OUT
AND I'M SAYING,

"I'M A LITTLE,
SCARED CHIPMUNK
THAT WANTS YOU."

GIVE IT TO ME.
HOW DO I GET IT ?
HOW DO I GET THE SUBHUMANS ?

[ All ] UH, SUBURBANS.

SUBURBANS. THAT'S BETTER.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

[ All ] SUBURBANS.

HELLO ? I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
[ All ] SUBURBANS.

I'M HEARING AN IRANIAN MAN
WHO'S TELLING ME
THAT HE'S STUCK IN A PUDDLE.

I'M SORRY.
I'M ON A THING TO LONDON.
I GOT A CONFERENCE GOING.

HE'S TALKIN' TO LONDON.

WHAT ? SPEAK UP.
YES, NOW I GOT YOU.

WELL, RODERICK,
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE
OUT OF FOCUS.

AS YOU CAN SEE,
WHAT WE HAVE IN MIND IS NOT
JUST A SIMPLE REISSUE,

BUT A COMPLETE CONCEPT
TO ESTABLISH THE SUBURBANS...

IN THE COLLECTIVE, CULTURAL
PSYCHE OF THE POST-BOOMER,
PRE-MILLENNIAL DEMOGRAPHIC.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT.

THAT'S A VERY SMART IDEA.

THANK YOU.

UH, CATE, NOT THAT
I THINK YOU SHOULDN'T,
BUT I WAS JUST--

WHY WOULD YOU MAKE
SUCH A BIG DEAL OUT
OF THE SUBURBANS ?

WE JUST HAD THE ONE HIT.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ?

THAT'S A VALID QUESTION,
AND I THINK THAT
I CAN ANSWER IT FOR YOU.

SURE, THERE WERE
A LOT OF BANDS
IN THE EARLY '80s...

THAT HAD A HIT OR TWO
AND THEN DISAPPEARED.

[ Cell Phone Ringing ]
BUT NONE THAT WERE
AS YOUTHFUL AND PROMISING,

YET SELF-DESTRUCTED
SO PUBLICLY.

SURE, DANNY VOMITED
ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.

YES, MITCH FACED A VERY
EMBARRASSING TRIAL AGAINST
A VIDEOTAPED LIAISON...

WITH TWO 15-YEAR-OLD CLERKS IN
A SYOSSET CONVENIENCE STORE,
NOT TO MENTION THE THING...

WITH THE TRANSVESTITE SECURITY
GUARD IN THE SUNRISE
MALL IN MASSAPEQUA.

IF I CAN INTERJECT
FOR JUST ONE SECOND.

I THINK THOSE GIRLS HAD
TO LIE ON THE APPLICATIONS
ABOUT THEIR AGE,

OR THEY WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN
THE JOB IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I THINK THE JUDGE TOOK
THAT INTO CONSIDERATION.

AND SECONDLY,
THE SECURITY GUARD
WAS A TRANSSEXUAL,

WHICH MEANS THAT OFFICIALLY
HE WAS A WOMAN AT THE TIME,
FOR THE RECORD.

PLEASE DON'T BE SHY.
THE WORSE IT WAS THEN,
THE MORE THEY LOVE YOU TODAY.

IN THAT CASE, THAT GUY
GAVE THE BEST BLOW JOB
I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE.

REALLY ?
WELL, UM--

RORY. GOD, I CAN IMAGINE
THE HUMILIATION
YOU MUST HAVE FELT...

HAVING TO CLAIM BANKRUPTCY
AFTER INCURRING...

AN $11 MILLION DEBT WHEN
YOUR TOTAL GROSS INCOME
WAS ONLY $200,000.

DID GO A LITTLE TOO HARD.

SEE, IT'S JUST THOSE
INDISCRETIONS...

THAT WILL HUMANIZE AND ENDEAR
YOU TO THE AUDIENCE TODAY.

THE MORE PATHETIC
YOU WERE THEN, THE MORE
SYMPATHETIC YOU ARE NOW.

YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T
DO ANYTHING BAD.

WELL, WE'RE WORKING ON THAT.

I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO HEAR
WHAT'S SHE'S SAYING, 'CAUSE
I KNOW IT'S TRUE, OKAY ?

THIS GIRL IS--
HOLD ON A SECOND.

THIS GIRL, SHE'S, LIKE--
IT'S FREAKY WHAT SHE DOES,

BECAUSE SHE'S, LIKE,
A DIVINING THING
TO FIND WATER.

HER HEAD IS-- TILT YOUR
HEAD DOWN. ALL OF A SUDDEN,
SHE'S LIKE A DOUSING STICK.

I MEAN, I'M JOKING,
BUT I'M ALSO SERIOUS.

WHO SIGNED STEELY T ?

WHO WANTED TO RELEASE
"MEET MY FOO PAPA
BITTY PARTS"?

HER. WHO SIGNED
STOOL THIS YEAR ?

TWENTY-SIX MILLION UNITS MOVED
IN THE FIRST SIX MONTHS.

ALL RIGHT ? HER.
DOUBLE PLATINUM,
BY THE WAY.

WE'RE INTO SOMETHING
VERY EXCITING HERE.

LOOK, I THOUGHT
THAT WE'D START

WITH THE REMASTERED VERSION
OF THE SINGLE "BY MY SIDE."

WE'LL DO A VIDEO FOR THAT,
GET THAT IN HEAVY ROTATION
ON MTV...

AND THE 168 RADIO STATIONS
THAT WE HAVE A VERY, VERY
CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH.

WE'RE VERY EXCITED.
WE WILL MOVE YOU INTO
A LIVE-IN REHEARSAL SPACE.

THERE WE'LL SHOOT B ROLL OF
YOUR DAILY LIVES, UP CLOSE AND
PERSONAL AND ALL THAT STUFF.

THAT WILL THEN BE CUT INTO THE
"MAKING THE RECORD" SPECIAL...

AND THE LIVE CONCERT SPECIAL
THAT WILL SHOW ON EVI CABLE IN
A PAY-PER-VIEW EXTRAVAGANZA.

PAY-PER-VIEW. SICK.
PAY-PER-VIEW. OKAY ?

THIS WOMAN'S A FREAK.
YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT A FREAK.

ALL SHE CARES ABOUT IS THIS.
SHE'S INTO THIS. ALL RIGHT ?

SKATEBOARD. YOU GUYS.
FACES ON IT. I MEAN, BRAND.

WHAT ? RIGHT.
[ Whispers ]
CONTRACTS.

OKAY, THOSE ARE CONTRACTS,
I GUESS, AND BASICALLY...
[ Hiccups ]

YOU GUYS GOTTA SIGN THEM
OR WHATEVER YOU DO,

JUST WHERE THEY TELL
YOU TO SIGN BY, UH--
WHEN DID WE SAY ?

5:00 TODAY, OR ELSE
WE CAN'T DO THE DEAL.

BY 5:00 ? THAT SEEMS REALLY
SHORT. IS THAT WEIRD ?

IS IT WEIRD ?
YES, IT IS WEIRD.
THE WHOLE THING IS WEIRD.

I MEAN, FRANKLY, FOR ME,
IT'S WEIRD. ALL OF A SUDDEN,
I'M HERE SIGNING YOU GUYS.

YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING
IN 15 YEARS. I'M HAVING
TO GO WITH A GUT THING...

THAT SHE'S TELLING ME ABOUT,
WHICH IS WONDERFUL...

BECAUSE, BY THE WAY,
SHE DOESN'T GET
GUT THINGS A LOT.

SHE'S GOING OUT
ON A LIMB FOR YOU GUYS,
WHICH IS WONDERFUL.

THAT EXCITES ME
THAT YOU'RE TAKING
A CHANCE WITH YOUR JOB.

IT EXCITES ME THAT YOU GUYS
ARE GONNA COME THROUGH...

HOPEFULLY IN A WAY
IF WE CAN, YOU KNOW,
MAKE THIS DEAL HAPPEN.

SO, YES, IT IS WEIRD.
IT'S VERY WEIRD,
BUT HOPEFULLY GOOD WEIRD.

[ Phone Ringing ]
EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND.
HELLO ? YES ?

OH, YEAH. OKAY.
I GOT FINKLER.
[ Choking ]

YEAH, I KNOW.
PUT HIM THROUGH.
BITCH.

FUCKIN' ASSHOLE.
HEY, SCOOTER.
WHAT DO YOU GOT FOR ME ?

OKAY, SO THAT'S
YOUR COUNTER ?

OKAY. SO, YOU'RE
TELLIN' ME YOUR BOY--

OOH. HE'S BIG WILLY.
MOVES 20,000 UNITS ONE WEEK.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE'S GONNA
TAKE HIS DICK, SHOVE IT
DOWN MY THROAT LIKE THAT...

BECAUSE HE THINKS
HE'S MR. MAMA PAJAMA ?

[ Choking Continues ]

DO ME A FAVOR, OKAY ?
TELL HIM TO TAKE
THAT SAME DICK,

PUT SOME PEANUT BUTTER ON IT,
SHOVE HIS GRANDMA'S BOOTY
ABOUT AS WIDE AS THE MOON...

AND TAKE IT ALL
THE WAY UP THERE

'CAUSE SHE'S GOT
A TEA PARTY COMIN'
SHE'S NEVER SEEN BEFORE.

MORE TO FOLLOW.
MORE TO FOLLOW !
HE'LL CALL BACK.

I'M HAVIN' DINNER
WITH HIM TONIGHT.

[ All ] AH.

I'M EXCITED.
I THINK THIS IS
GONNA BE FUN.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU DON'T WANT TO COME.

WHAT IF IT'S SOME BEAUTIFUL,
EXOTIC LOCATION ? IT'S NOT
GONNA BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU.

[ Grace ]
I'M STILL WAITING TO HEAR
ON THAT GQ SURFER BOY JOB.

SURFER BOY ?

YEAH, IT'S A PROFILE
ON SOME 19-YEAR-OLD
PROFESSIONAL SURFER...

TURNED TOP MODEL
IN BALI.

NOW, I'VE GOT TO SPEND,
LIKE, A WEEK GLUED TO THE GUY
AND DOCUMENT HIS EVERY MOVE.

IT'S PRETTY BORING SHIT,
RIGHT ?
BUT THE MONEY'S GREAT.

MODEL/SURFER, HUH ?
I DON'T REMEMBER
YOU MENTIONING THAT.

YEAH, I THINK
I TOLD YOU ABOUT IT.

ANYWAY, YOU KNOW
I DON'T DO WELL IN THESE
BIG GROUP SITUATIONS.

[ Doorbell Ringing ]
IT'S YOUR THING,
AND YOU'LL BE WORKING.

I'LL JUST BE
IN THE WAY ANYWAY.

HI.
HI.

GIVE ME TEN MINUTES
TO PACK.

COME ON, MITCH.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ?

I CAN'T DO THAT.

MITCH, DON'T BE A BABY.
GET IN THERE.

THERE'S GOTTA BE
ANOTHER WAY.

THIS IS WHAT
THEY HAD AVAILABLE.

MITCH, GET YOUR SHIT
AND LET'S GO. THANK YOU !

THIS IS ABUSE.
COME ON.

* WHERE ARE YOU
RUBIN KINCAID *

* TRYING TO SEARCH
YOUR TRADING VOWS *

* FIRST-ROUND PICK
IN THE WAITING LOUNGE *

[ Horn Honking ]
* PICKED UP PACE
AND YOU'RE STILL WITH ME *

* JUST IN TIME
FOR SYMPATHY *

* WHERE ARE YOU
RUBIN KINCAID *

* WHERE ARE YOU
RUBIN KINCAID *

[ Horn Honking ]

[ Yelling ]

* WHERE ARE YOU
RUBIN KINCAID **

ARE YOU KIDDING ME ?

IS SHE SERIOUS ?

OH, JESUS.

[ Mitch ] SECRET,
EXOTIC LOCATION.

I COULD'VE WALKED HERE.

[ Rory ] WE'RE IN
FUCKING WANTAUCK.

[ Lara ] RORY, DON'T SWEAR
IN FRONT OF THE KIDS !

[ Gil ] DO WE HAVE TO BE HERE
LONGER THAN AN HOUR ?

ISN'T THIS GENIUS ?

I MEAN,
THE SUBURBANS
IN THE SUBURBS.

MTV IS GOING
TO DIE FOR THIS.

[ All Screaming ]

"SO, WE BEAT ON.

BOATS AGAINST THE CURRENT,
BORNE BACK CEASELESSLY
INTO THE PAST."

EXCUSE ME.

F. SCOTT FITZGERALD ?

[ All ] OH !
OKAY, THEN.

I GUESS I SHOULD
ASSIGN SOME ROOMS,

AND YOU GUYS SHOULD START
REHEARSING IN THE GARAGE.

JUST LIKE
THE OLD DAYS, HUH ?

YEAH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' ?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT ?
I'M TUNIN' MY DRUMS.

WELL, SET 'EM UP THEN.
THEY ARE SET UP.

RORY, I KNOW IT'S BEEN
A LONG TIME, BUT THE DRUMS
GO IN THE BACK.

SAYS WHO ?
IS THERE SOME KIND
OF BAND RULE BOOK ?

ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, WE'RE GOING
A LITTLE NUTS HERE NOW.

THE DRUMS GO
IN THE BACK, RORY.

NOT NECESSARILY.

RORY, NAME ONE BAND WHERE
THE DRUMMER SITS UP FRONT,
YOU CAN LEAVE IT THAT WAY.

CONAN O'BRIEN.

CONAN O'BRIEN IS NOT A BAND.
IT'S A TV SHOW.

ACTUALLY, HE DOES
HAVE A POINT, MITCH.

UH, MAX WEINBERG,
WHO IS THE BAND LEADER
ON THAT SHOW,

IS A DRUMMER,
AND HE PLAYS
UP IN THE FRONT.

HE PLAYS ON THE SIDE,
ACTUALLY, IF YOU WANT
TO BE ACCURATE.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS HELPING
HIM FOR ? WILL YOU TELL HIM
THAT A TV SHOW DOESN'T COUNT ?

GOD, THEY NEVER GIVE YOU
ENOUGH INSTRUCTIONS
WITH THESE THINGS.

UH, I CAN DO THAT
IF YOU WANT.

OH. OKAY. WELL, THEN,
UM, I'LL MAKE THE TEA.

DANNY WANTED TEA.

UH, YEAH.
I BETTER DO THAT TOO.

OH ?

YOU CAN'T PUT
THE MILK IN BEFORE
YOU LET THE TEA BAG...

HAVE TIME TO STEEP
IN THE HOT WATER.

OH. YEAH. I FORGOT.
YEAH.

HE'S JUST VERY PARTICULAR
ABOUT HIS TEA, THAT'S ALL.
I MEAN, IT'S AN IRISH THING.

SORRY. I GUESS I'M NOT
A VERY GOOD COOK.
OH, NO, NO, NO.

IT'S NOT THAT.
HE'S JUST VERY FUSSY
ABOUT SOME THINGS.

I MEAN,
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW ?

GIL ? WHAT THE HELL
IS THAT CONTRAPTION ?
YEAH ?

THIS IS A SEQUENCER.
I PROGRAMMED
ALL THE BASS LINES...

TO ALL THE SONGS
RIGHT INTO HERE, THAT WAY
I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE HERE.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS SELECT A SONG
ON THE KEYPAD.

GIL ?

UH, THIS IS TROUBLE.

I'M VERY HAPPY
YOU MADE A FORTUNE IN
YOUR NO-MONEY-DOWN...

REAL ESTATE,
CLASSIFIED, DIRECT MAIL,
TRADING CARDS, SOUVENIRS...

OR WHATEVER THE FUCK
YOUR OUTFIT'S INVOLVED IN,

BUT WE HAVE
NOTHING OF THIS.

SO, PLEASE GET
AN ACTUAL LIVE INSTRUMENT
SO WE CAN REHEARSE.

WOULD IT BE BETTER
IF I WERE TO OPERATE...

THE EQUIPMENT VIA
MY E-MAIL SERVER ?

OR BETTER YET,
I HAVE A HANDHELD G.P.S.
SATELLITE CONTROL SYSTEM...

THAT'S JUST DYNAMITE,
IN WHICH I DON'T EVEN
HAVE TO BE IN THE COUNTRY.

I COULD BE IN JAPAN OR--

[ Yells ]

GREAT OVEN.

JUST LIKE THE ONE WE HAD
IN OUR OLD HOUSE...

BEFORE THAT BASTARD
CRAIG USED IT TO BURN
IT DOWN.

SOMEONE BURNT
YOUR HOUSE DOWN ?

HER EX-HUSBAND.

IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES.

OH.

SEE, THAT RIGHT THERE IS WHY
I'M NEVER GETTING MARRIED.

I MEAN, KINDA WHAT'S
THE POINT UNLESS YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE KIDS, YOU KNOW ?

AND DO WE REALLY NEED
ANOTHER PERSON ON THE PLANET ?

OH, I JUST COULDN'T IMAGINE
HAVING MY BODY ALL STRETCHED
OUT AND EVERYTHING.

AND NOT THAT IT'S A BAD THING.
I THINK MOTHERHOOD LOOKS
BEAUTIFUL ON OTHER WOMEN.

AM I JUST HOPELESSLY
SHALLOW AND SELFISH ?

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT ?
MAYBE I'LL FEEL DIFFERENTLY
WHEN I'M AS OLD AS YOU GUYS.

WHO KNOWS, RIGHT ?

YEAH, MAYBE WHEN YOU
GET TO BE THAT OLD.

D-DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND
OR ANYTHING ?

OH, NONE THAT
I TAKE SERIOUSLY.
WHO HAS THE TIME ?

YOU KNOW WHAT, GRACE ?
I REALLY LOVE YOUR TATTOO.
OH, YEAH.

I GOT THIS IN TUCSON
ON DANNY'S FIRST TOUR.

I HAVE A HEART
ON MY HIP AND A CELTIC
CROSS ON MY SHOULDER.

CRAIG WOULDN'T
LET ME GET A TATTOO.
CONTROLLING BULLY.

YEAH, WELL, LOOK.
CHECK THIS OUT.

LET'S SEE YOURS.

UM, I-I THINK
THE TEA'S READY.

OKAY. WELL, LOOK.
I HAVE ANOTHER ONE
RIGHT THERE ON MY BACK.

CAN YOU SEE ?

WHOA. GOD, THAT'S
NOT TOO EMBARRASSING.

I, UH, JUST WANTED
TO SEE IF THE--
IF THE TEA WAS READY.

I'M GONNA GO CHECK
ON THE CREW.

[ Baby Babbling ]

THANKS, HONEY.

OH. OH. NO THANKS.
I DON'T DRINK.

OH, YOU HAVE TO HAVE
A LITTLE FOR THE TOAST.

NO, REALLY.
I DON'T DRINK AT ALL.
OKAY. SUIT YOURSELF.

OKAY. I HOPE
EVERYBODY'S
HUNGRY HERE.

EXCUSE ME. THIS IS GRANDMA'S
SECRET RECIPE, LADIES,

SO DON'T TRY AND
GET IT OUTTA ME.

HERE'S A NICE
BIG PORTION FOR YOU.
THANK YOU.

MANGIARE.

AND, UH, GET A LITTLE
FOR YOU, LITTLE KENNETH.

HEY !
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' ?

I TOLD YOU
TO LEAVE IT ALONE !

YOU FUCKER !

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME ?
WHAT DID YOU SAY ?

IT'S OKAY.
COME HERE !

NOW LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE !

WANNA GO GET A DRINK ?

[ Lara ] COME HERE.
NO.

[ Lara ] OKAY. IT'S OKAY.

FUCKIN' NUTS.

KEEP ROLLING.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE
PART OF MY BODY ?

SHIT. I KNOW
I KNOW THIS ONE.
I'M SERIOUS.

WHAT PART OF MY BODY
DO YOU LIKE THE BEST ?

UH,

I WOULD HAVE TO SAY...
YOUR MIND.

DON'T GIVE ME THAT
COP-OUT SHIT. I'M TALKING
STRICTLY PHYSICAL.

LET'S SEE, UH--
YEAH ?

[ Exhales ]
CAN I BE EXCUSED
FROM THIS EXAM ?

COME ON.

YOUR SMILE.
YOU HATE MY TITS,
DON'T YOU ?

SHIT, I KNEW IT. GRACE.
THAT'S OKAY. I KNOW.
THEY WERE NICE ONCE.

WHAT CAN YOU DO ?
GRAVITY IS A MONUMENTALLY
POWERFUL FORCE.

GRACE, HONEY ?
I LOVE YOUR TITS.

I HAVE NEVER LOVED
A HUMAN BODY PART...

MORE THAN YOUR LUSCIOUS
BREASTS THEMSELVES.

SO, YOU THINK MY ASS
IS FAT NOW ?
OH, HONEY.

I LOVE EVERY PART
OF YOUR BODY.
YOU DO NOT.

I DO. I DO.
YOU DON'T.

OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT ?
I'LL ADMIT IT. I LIED.

YOUR TITS ARE NOT
MY FAVORITE PART.

YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY
DRIVES ME CRAZY ?

YOUR UNBELIEVABLY
INCREDIBLY SEXY PANCREAS.

OH, REALLY ?
YOU THINK SO ?

YOUR SPLEEN
IS PRETTY HOT ALSO.

YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT.
MMM.

I WOULD NEVER LIE
ABOUT SOMEBODY'S
ENDOCRINE SYSTEM.

IT'S VERY, VERY SACRED.

WHY ? YOU THINK
MY ASS IS FAT ?

SHUT UP.

NO, I'M SERIOUS.
YOU GOTTA TELL ME
THESE THINGS.

HEY, HAVE YOU
THOUGHT ABOUT OUR TALK
AT THE WEDDING AT ALL ?

ABOUT THE K-I-D ?

YES, I-I'VE DEFINITELY
THOUGHT ABOUT IT, AND,

I JUST THINK THAT NOW,
YOU KNOW, LIKE,

WITH THINGS GOING THE WAY
THEY ARE, AS SOON AS THINGS
SETTLE DOWN A LITTLE BIT...

I'LL BE ABLE TO REALLY GIVE IT
SOME SERIOUS CONSIDERATION.

OH, BABY. THIS ALL
SCARES ME SO MUCH.

WHY, HONEY ?
THERE'S NOTHING
TO BE SCARED OF.

IT'S ONLY...
ROCK AND ROLL,

BUT I LIKE IT.

SHUT UP. SHUT UP !

WHAT ?

IT'S ALWAYS FUNNY
TILL SOMEONE GETS HURT.

SEE ?

[ Moans ] GRACE, HONEY ?

I REALLY-- I REALLY
GOTTA GET SOME SLEEP.
HONEY, I REALLY DO.

I'VE GOT
REHEARSAL TOMORROW.

HONEY,
I'VE GOTTA GET SOME SLEEP.
I'VE GOT EARLY REHEARSAL.

HONEY. SHH.

SHH.

[ Laughing ]

OKAY. I BELIEVE YOU.

ONE MORE PERSONAL QUESTION,
IF YOU DON'T MIND.

GO RIGHT AHEAD.

DO YOU NOW CURRENTLY
OR HAVE YOU EVER HAD A PENIS ?

NO. YOU'RE CRAZY.

HAVE YOU ?

NO.

YOU EVER, UH, SEE THE INSIDE
OF A TOUR BUS BEFORE ?

MAYBE YOU WANT TO, UH,
CLOSE UP FOR THE MYSTERY TOUR.

I MEAN, I THINK IT'LL BE
GREAT IF WE CAN, YOU KNOW,
IF WE CAN RECAPTURE,

YOU KNOW, THE ORIGINAL CORE
OF WHAT WE WERE DOING.

WHEN WE WERE KIDS, YOU KNOW,
THERE WAS THIS PURITY TO IT.

AND WHEN WE WERE SINGIN'
TOGETHER IN OUR GARAGE--

SO, I'M LISTENING TO
A LOT OF MY EARLY STUFF AND,
UH, SORT OF STUDYING THAT...

AND GETTING BACK INTO WHAT
I DID, ONLY MORE SO 'CAUSE
IT'S WHAT I'M DOING NOW.

IT'S BEEN A LITTLE
LONELY FOR ME, UM,

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
I JUST GOT MARRIED,
AND I HAVEN'T,

YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T
SPOKEN WITH AMANDA,
'CAUSE SHE'S GONE.

SHE WENT AHEAD
ON OUR HONEYMOON.

I HAVE A FEW THINGS THAT
I HAVE TO DO DIFFERENTLY
THIS TIME, WHICH IS,

YOU KNOW, I HAVE
TO MAKE SURE THAT I'M,

YOU KNOW, FRUGAL WITH
THE MONEY THAT I MAKE.

TWENTY CARS HE BOUGHT OFF
THAT ONE SONG. DO YOU KNOW
WHAT I WOULD'VE DONE...

WITH THE MONEY
FROM THAT SONG
IF THAT WAS MY MONEY ?

I WOULD'VE BOUGHT A HOUSE.
I LIKE KIDS.

I'M NOT--
I DON'T KNOW IF THEY BELONG
IN A ROCK AND ROLL SITUATION.

IT'S A WEIRD THING, YOU KNOW,
TO BE IN YOUR MIDDLE 30s.

I KNOW WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO SAY THAT, BUT I THINK HE'LL
BE ABLE TO TAP INTO THAT...

AND, UH, MAKE SOME DOUGH
AND THEN START A FAMILY, WHICH
IS WHAT HE REALLY WANTS TO DO.

SOMETIMES I HAVE A SOFT CRY.

YOU KNOW ?

MITCH ? DO I SIT
ON YOUR GUITAR ?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO ?

ANY OF YOU GUYS
SEEN GIL THIS MORNING ?

** [ Humming ]

GIL !

THIS IS A GREAT BUS.

[ Male Announcer ]
FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY,
SEPTEMBER 9,

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE
EXCLUSIVELY ON EVI
PAY-PER-VIEW,

THE RETURN OF THE SUBURBANS !
* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

NEVER-BEFORE SEEN
DOCUMENTARY FOOTAGE
OF THEIR RISE TO THE TOP.

I USUALLY COME UP WITH
A COUPLE OF LICKS AND GET
A RIFF GOING AND THEN--

THERE'S A BEAT THERE.
I GOT A BEAT HAPPENING.
HE'S GOT A BEAT.

HE'S THE DRUMMER.
'CAUSE HE JUMPS AROUND, MAN.

I DON'T WRITE ANY OF 'EM.
I JUST-- I HAVE A VAN.

HE'S GOT A-- HE'S GOT A VAN.
[ Announcer ]
PREMATURE BREAKUP...

HEY, MAN. IF THEY DON'T,
YOU KNOW, GET OFF
ON THE SOUL VIBE,

THEN, YOU KNOW,
I CAN'T REALLY DO
ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

AND DESCENT INTO
DEPRAVITY AND DESPAIR.

NOW, YOU CAN WITNESS
THEIR RESURRECTION
LIVE FOR ONLY:

EXCLUSIVELY ON
EVI PAY-PER-VIEW.

SPONSORED BY
ROTO RIDER MOWERS.

[ Voices Arguing,
Overlapping ]

* BABY, LET ME
SHOW YOU NOW *

* TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT
RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE *

* THAT'S WHERE I'LL STAY
RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE *

* ALL NIGHT AND DAY
RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE *

* RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE
THAT'S WHERE I BELONG *

* NOW I KNOW BETTER
THAN THEY TOLD YOU *

* CAN'T YOU FEEL IT
WHEN I HOLD YOU *

* DON'T YOU KNOW THAT
YOU BELONG TO ME **

CUT ! CUT !

[ Speaking Foreign Language ]

OKAY. OKAY.

HOW YA DOIN' ?

UH, GOOD. IT'S JUST--
HEY, HON.

HI.
I GOT IT.

WHAT ?
THE MAGAZINE GIG.

THE SURFER KID ?

THE SIX-PAGE SPREAD ?
OH, YEAH. GREAT.
CONGRATULATIONS, GRACE.

THAT'S GREAT.
THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT, GRACE ?
CAN I TALK
TO YOU FOR A SECOND ?

LOOK, IF IT WERE UP TO ME,
YOU'D BE DOING ALL THE PHOTOS.

IT'S JUST COMPANY POLICY.

YEAH, WELL,
IF IT'S IN-HOUSE, THEN--

I HOPE THAT YOU'RE NOT
TAKING IT THE WRONG WAY.
OH, NO, I MEAN,

TO BE HONEST, I DON'T
REALLY HAVE ENOUGH TIME.

I'M REALLY BUSY,
AND, YOU KNOW,

I'VE COVERED THE WHOLE
MUSIC SCENE THING
TO DEATH ACTUALLY.

I PUT A BOOK TOGETHER.

REALLY ?

YEAH, SEVERAL PUBLISHERS
HAVE IT NOW.

GOD, THAT'S EXCITING.

YEAH.

WELL, UH, ANYWAY,
I THINK I'M GONNA GO.

OH, YOU DON'T--
WHY DON'T YOU STAY AND
WATCH, IF YOU WANT ?

I MEAN, I DON'T WANT
TO OFFEND ANYBODY'S ARTISTIC
INSPIRATIONS OR ANYTHING,

BUT, I MEAN,
I JUST DON'T KNOW.

ME ? I WOULDN'T MIND
IF I COULD FUCKING
BREATHE A LITTLE.

WE GOING SOON OR WHAT ?

YOU KNOW, I WAS GONNA
TELL YOU THAT I, UM,
I REALLY LIKE YOUR SHOES.

WHERE'D YOU GET 'EM ?

I MADE THEM.

REALLY ?
YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE SHOES ?

[ Drums Collapsing ]

[ Yells ]

I REALLY HAVE TO GET GOING.
WILL YOU TELL DANNY
I SAID GOOD-BYE ?

SURE.

BYE.

I THOUGHT YOU QUIT
DRINKIN' COFFEE
BECAUSE OF YOUR ULCER ?

COFFEE'S THE LEAST
OF MY PROBLEMS, MAN.
WHAT ?

SO, YOU GOT A LITTLE WINDED
IN THOSE TIGHT CLOTHES.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

I PASSED OUT ON STAGE.

I'M FAT.
NOW, YOU KNOW IT,
I KNOW IT,

AND NOW 'CAUSE OF MTV
THE REST OF THE WORLD'S
GONNA KNOW IT.

I WOULDN'T SAY
YOU WERE FAT EXACTLY.

IT'S REALLY ONLY
IN THIS MIDDLE AREA RIGHT HERE
WHICH CONCERNS ME THOUGH.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?

I'M THINKING MAYBE
IT'S, LIKE, MEDICAL.

MEDICAL, HUH ?

DON'T YOU THINK IT COULD BE
MEDICAL ? I MEAN, LOOK.

IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM
NORMAL THE WAY IT
STICKS OUT LIKE THAT.

IT'S GOTTA BE MEDICAL.

HEY, RORY, MY HAMBURGER.
NO OIL, NO BUTTER,
NO BREAD, NO CONDIMENTS.

WELL, DO YOU WANT
THE BURGER ITSELF,
OR DO YOU WANT ME TO GRAB...

A TERRY CLOTH TOWEL
FROM THE DRAWER AND
BAKE THAT UP FOR YOU ?

IS IT ALMOST LIT ?
VERY CLOSE.

[ Yells ]

THIS IS WONDERFUL, RORY.
THANK YOU.

WELL, IT'S ALL IN THE
ACTUAL CHARCOAL ITSELF.

MOST PEOPLE AREN'T
AWARE OF THAT FACT.

EVERYONE IS REALLY EXCITED
AT MTV OVER THE VIDEO.

NO WAY !

OH, GOOD. GOOD.
[ Mitch ] HEY, UH--

EVERYBODY, BRANDY-CANDY-MANDY
WAS KIND ENOUGH TO, UH,

BRING SOME DESSERT
FROM THE SIP N' DONUTS,

SO WE INVITE EVERYBODY
TO ENJOY.

UH, I HAVE SOMETHING THAT
I'D LIKE TO SAY MYSELF.

MOMMY, MOMMY, I PET THE DOG
NEXT DOOR, THEN LIPSTICK
CAME OUT OF HIS WIENER !

I'M TRYING TO SAY
SOMETHING HERE, LARA.

RORY, YOU'RE GONNA
SCARE THE BABY.

NOW, DON'T TOUCH
THAT DOG ANYMORE, OKAY ?
IT'S A BAD DOG.

OKAY, MOMMY.
OKAY.

WHAT DOES IT TAKE ?

CAN I HAVE
EVERYBODY'S ATTENTION
FOR A SECOND ?

I JUST WANT TO THANK EVERYONE
FOR COMING OVER. IT'S REALLY
IMPORTANT TO ME TO HAVE...

THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE
IN MY LIFE AT MY HUMBLE HOME.

IT'S ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT
FOR US TO FIND SOMEONE
THAT WE CAN LOVE AND TRUST.

LARA.
[ Baby Crying ]

ONE SECOND, HONEY.

OOH. COME HERE. COME HERE.

WHOO ! YES.

LET'S ROCK LIKE A BABY.

LAY BACK HERE.
LAY BACK.

ANYWAY--

[ Lara ] I'M SORRY.
I FOUND THAT SOMEONE,
AND THAT SOMEONE IS YOU.

WILL YOU MARRY ME ?

YES !
YES, OF COURSE I WILL.

[ Rory ]
WE'RE GETTING MARRIED !

WE'RE A FAMILY !

CONGRATULATIONS.

YEA !

[ Danny ]
YEAH, CONGRATULATIONS.

YES.
[ Rory ]
THANK YOU. THANKS.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME ?

WHAT ? WHAT THE HELL
AM I WAITIN' FOR, HUH ?

I CAN'T EVEN ADDRESS
THE OVERALL SCENARIO
RIGHT NOW.

I'M JUST TALKING
ABOUT THAT BOULDER
YOU THREW ON HER HAND.

WHERE DID YOU GET
THE MONEY FOR THAT
KIND OF STONE ?

WHAT ? I GOT A LOAN.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ?

WE'RE GONNA BE HUGE AGAIN.
YOU HEARD CATE.

MTV LIVES FOR US. WE'RE GONNA
BE LARGER THAN LIFE ITSELF.

OH, NO. THIS IS TROUBLE.
ARE YOU FORGETTING WHAT
HAPPENED TO US ONCE ALREADY ?

I CANNOT AFFORD TO THINK
LIKE THAT, DANNY.

IT'S ALL I GOT,
BUT IT SHOULD BE
ENOUGH...

TO KEEP THE MAN
OFF YOUR ASS TILL
I GET SOME REAL CASH.

WE CAN GO SOUL FULL-TIME
AND PROMOTE IT PROPERLY.

YOU ARE THE CRAZIEST
MOTHERFUCKER THAT
I EVER LAID EYES ON.

LOOK, MAN. THIS COMEBACK
THING IS FOR REAL.
I'M TELLING YOU.

I JUST GOT
A LITTLE ADVANCE NOW,
BUT I GOT THIS WHOLE...

CRAZY CABLE TV
PAY-PER-VIEW THING
COMING UP.

I'M GONNA
MAKE A PILE, MAN.

YOU BETTER TAKE
THAT MONEY AND RUN.

LET THEM COME IN HERE
AND PUT UP A DAMN BURRITO
BARN AND BE DONE WITH IT.

WE CAN'T GIVE UP ON THE SOUL.
THAT'S YOUR THING, MAN.

LOOK, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT
WHAT WE PUT UP IN HERE.

MAN, I'LL PUT ON ROCK MUSIC,
THAT TECHNOLOGICAL SHIT.

I WILL PERSONALLY
PUT ON A KILT,

JUMP OUT OF THIS
MOTHERFUCKER AND DANCE
A JIG TO THE BAGPIPES...

IF IT'LL PUT SOME CAKE
IN THE REGISTER.

NOW, THAT I WILL PAY TO SEE.

SEE YA NEXT WEEK,
PARTNER.

[ Woman ]
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?

[ Man ] WHAT'S YOUR NAME ?

WE'RE ALWAYS ON THE LIST.
OKAY ?

GIVE ME YOUR NAME.

I DON'T SEE YOUR NAME.

ALL RIGHT. UH, LET'S DO IT.
THE SUBURBANS ARE BACK.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU DON'T REMEMBER
ANYTHING, DO YA ?

WHAT ?

YOU GOTTA WAIT
A COUPLE OF MINUTES,
LET THE TENSION BUILD.

LET THEM STARE
INTO THE LIMO AND TRY AND
FIGURE OUT WHO'S INSIDE.

AND THEN WHEN THEY'RE
BURSTING WITH ANTICIPATION,

WE LEAP OUT,
DASH THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR,

GIVE 'EM JUST A GLIMPSE
AND LEAVE THEM SCREAMING
FOR MORE.

ROCK STAR 101, MY FRIEND.

RIGHT. YEAH, I FORGOT.

OF COURSE
WE'RE NOT ON THE LIST.

WHY WOULD WE
BE ON THE LIST ?

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ?
WE ARE THE SUBURBANS.

THE PARTY IS FOR US !

GO ON, BABY.

YOU'RE NOT ON THE LIST.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

[ Danny ]
WE'LL WAIT IN THE CAR.

CHECK UNDER SUBHUMANS.

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE
RIGHT BY MY SIDE *

* THAT'S WHERE YOU BELONG

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

EXCUSE ME.
COMING THROUGH.

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME, SIR.

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

LISTEN, I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT
THE WHOLE SECURITY THING.
** [ Continues ]

THEY GET A LITTLE RIGID
AT THESE EVENTS.

OH, YEAH. NO, IT'S OKAY.
IT WAS ONLY, LIKE, 40 MINUTES.

WELL, HANG OUT.
YOU KNOW, HAVE FUN.
TALK TO THE PRESS.

HERE, YOU KNOW WHAT ?
HAVE SOMETHING TO DRINK.
IT'LL LOOSEN YOU UP.

OH, NO, THANKS.
I DON'T DRINK.

YOU NEVER DRINK AT ALL ?

LAST TIME I DRANK,
I, UH, I FORGOT TO STOP
FOR ABOUT TEN YEARS.

** [ Ends ]
[ Cheering, Applauding ]

[ All Shouting, Overlapping ]

[ Cheering,
Applauding Continue ]

CIGAR ?
NO, THANKS.

WOULD YOU LIKE A CIGAR ?

UH, NO, THANKS.
I'M, UH, I'M ON TO
THE NEXT BIG THING.

YOU KNOW, TOBACCO
SUPPOSITORIES ? IN FACT,
I'M ENJOYING ONE NOW.

OH.
[ Woman ] OH.

UH, WHERE'S GRACE ?

SHE SHOULD HAVE
BEEN HERE BY NOW.

RELAX. SHE WORKED LATE.
SHE'LL BE HERE.

GRACE !

GRACE !

I'M-I'M WITH HIM.

UH, DANNY,
THIS IS, UH, TITO,

THE SURFER THAT
I TOLD YOU ABOUT.

HELLO, DUDE.
HOW DO YOU GO ?

I, UH, I GO FINE.
AND YOU ?

SHE IS THE BEST, MAN.

SO BEAUTIFUL, AND MAKES
SUCH EXCELLENT PICTURES TOO.

YOU'RE A BIG BASTARD !

[ Lara ] OH, KENNY !

[ Crying ]

IT'S OKAY, HONEY.

I'M SO SORRY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED OUT THERE.

DID SOMETHING GO ON
BETWEEN YOU AND RORY ?

NO. NO. RORY,
HE'S JUST WONDERFUL.

HE'S BEEN SO GOOD TO US,
TAKING CARE OF US,

WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY
FOR THAT PIECE OF SHIT, CRAIG.

OH, CRAIG.

WH-WHAT HAPPENED ?
IS HE BOTHERING YOU ?

I JUST GOT A LETTER
FROM HIM YESTERDAY,

AND IT WAS SO WEIRD,
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

'CAUSE HE WAS TALKING ABOUT
HIS RECOVERY AND HE
APOLOGIZED FOR EVERYTHING.

WELL, HEY, LISTEN. MAYBE
YOU TWO SHOULD GET TOGETHER
FACE-TO-FACE AND TALK.

I'M AFRAID OF WHAT
I WOULD DO IF I SAW 'IM.

GRACE, I KNOW THAT WE
HAVEN'T KNOWN EACH OTHER
VERY LONG AND ALL, BUT--

I'M WONDERING,
WILL YOU BE
MY MAID OF HONOR ?

ME ?

I GUESS.
[ Stuttering ]

I MEAN, SURE.
I--

[ Crying ]

I'D-- I'D BE FLATTERED.
YES ? OKAY.

OH, I GET IT.
I GET IT.

YOU AND THE THING.
THEM. EVERYBODY IN BLUE,
AND YOU'RE DOWN WITH THEM.

I LOVE THAT. I LOVE THAT.
I LOVE THAT.
RIGHT. RIGHT.

YOU LOOK GREAT.
THIS IS--
THIS IS LIKE, UH--

HAVE YOU SEEN THE
MARKETING REPORT ?

I HAVE. I HAVE.

IT'S A LOT OF BULLSHIT.
BULLSHIT MARKETING REPORT.

SOME GUY WITH A WEB SITE
IN WEST HOLLYWOOD, YOU KNOW ?

SOME FUCKIN' PHILISTINE. DON'T
KNOW SHIT FOR MUSIC, RIGHT ?
[ Chuckles ]

TAKE THAT FUCKIN' MARKET
REPORT, GET IT TO HELL !
[ Man ] OW !

GO TO LAPLAND WITH
THAT FUCKIN' THING !

GET IT OUTTA HERE !
[ Man ] WATCH IT !

WE GOTTA GO WITH YOUR GUT
ON THIS THING. TOTALLY.

THE FACT THAT SOME
14-YEAR-OLD KID IN INDIANA...

WANTS TO SIT IN HIS BASEMENT
AND LISTEN TO MARILYN MANSON

PUT ON A DRESS
AND PANTIES IS FINE.

OKAY, GREAT.
BUT THEY DON'T WANT
TO BUY THE SUBURBANS.

THEY DON'T THINK
THE SUBURBANS
ARE INTERESTING.

THEIR ZERO-AWARENESS LEVEL
OF THE SUBURBANS MEANS
NOTHING TO US, OKAY ?

I'M GOIN' WITH YOUR GUT.
WE'RE SO DOWN WITH YOU
ON THIS.

I MEAN, WE'RE RIDING
YOUR JOCK ON THIS ONE.

WE'RE RIDING YOU.

OUR MONEY'S ON YOU, BABY.
YEAH. YEAH.
YEAH. YEAH.

AND REALLY, I MEAN,
I'M JUST--
THANK YOU.

AND I LOVE THAT YOU ARE
OUT ON A LIMB WITH THIS--

THAT YOU'RE THE LITTLE KITTEN
HANGING FROM THE POSTER
THAT I HAD WHEN I WAS 14.

AND, YOU KNOW,
"HANG IN THERE."
OOH, KITTY.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL. I WANNA
WATCH YOU HANG FROM THAT.

THANK YOU.

WAIT TILL YOU SEE
THE B ROLL. IT'S GREAT.

THE B ROLL'S
A VERY SIGNIFICANT THING.
YEAH.

YOU WANT A HIT ?
OH, I-I'M WORKING.
THANK YOU.

OB-LA-DI. OB-LA-DA.
YEAH, YEAH.

UH, THE VIDEO--
HUH ?

THE VIDEO IS GOING TO DO HUGE.
I CROSS MY HEART.

OH, OKAY.

SHIT.

[ Tito Screaming, Indistinct ]

WE CAN'T JUST
LEAVE HIM THERE.

I'M SURE HE'LL FIND A VINE
AND SWING HIS WAY HOME.

WE NEED TO TALK.

WE NEED TO TALK ?

I THOUGHT YOU
HATED THOSE WORDS.

LOOK, GRACE, I THINK
IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS

THAT YOU BROUGHT YOUNG
APPLE BOY OUT THERE...

SIMPLY AS SOME, LIKE,
SEVENTH-GRADISH SCHEME
TO TRY AND MAKE ME JEALOUS.

DON'T EVEN TRY
TO DENY THAT.

OF COURSE THAT'S WHY
I BROUGHT HIM.

WHY WOULD I TRY
TO DENY THAT ?

LOOK, I KNOW THAT I HAVEN'T
BEEN PAYING THAT MUCH
ATTENTION TO YOU LATELY,

BUT RIGHT NOW I JUST
REALLY NEED TO FOCUS--

FOCUS ON YOUR CAREER ?

THEN WHEN YOU FIGURE THAT OUT
AND GOT THAT UNDER CONTROL,
THERE WILL BE TIME FOR ME.

AND WHEN IS THAT GONNA BE ?
A MONTH ? SIX MONTHS ?
A YEAR ? TEN YEARS ?

I'M RUNNING
OUTTA TIME HERE, DANNY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I AM SAYING
THIS, THAT I HAVE
BECOME THAT KIND OF WOMAN.

I LOVE YOU, DANNY,
BUT I CAN'T WAIT MUCH
LONGER FOR YOU TO GROW UP.

I AM NOT EVEN SURE
THAT YOU WANT TO.

OH, I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP ?
I'M NOT THE ONE RUNNING OUT
THERE WITH TITO OF THE JUNGLE.

YOU KNOW WHAT ?
MAYBE HE SHOULD
FATHER YOUR CHILD,

IF YOU DON'T MIND LIVING
IN A TREE AND GETTING
AROUND ON ELEPHANTBACK.

THAT'S SUPERIOR
TO THE BULLSHIT
GOIN' ON OUT THERE.

OH, REALLY ?
YEAH, DAN.

I DO NOT WANT
WHAT'S OUT THERE.

THAT IS NOT A WORLD THAT
I WANT TO BE A PART OF.

EVERY CRAZY, DORMANT,
SELF-ESTEEM DEVOURING...

HIGH SCHOOL INSECURITY
COMES BACK TO LIFE ON
STEROIDS IN THAT ENVIRONMENT.

I WANT A LITTLE SERENITY.

SO, YEAH.

MAYBE I SHOULD--
MAYBE I SHOULD MOVE TO BALI
OR TASMANIA, OR BORNEO EVEN.

YEAH, I'LL MOVE TO BORNEO,
AND I'LL DO ONE OF THOSE
NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC THINGS,

WHERE YOU LIVE WITH ANIMALS
RIGHT IN YOUR GRASS HUT.

I'LL HAVE A LITTLE GIRL
NAMED STARFISH, AND I'LL
TAKE PICTURES OF, LIKE,

THE CROCODILES
AND THE CHAMELEON
MONSTER-LIKE THINGS

AND WHATEVER
THE FUCK THEY HAVE.

AND AT THE END OF THE DAY,
STARFISH AND I WILL GO
DOWN TO THE SEA,

AND WE'LL CATCH FISH WITH OUR
TEETH AND WE'LL SUCK BARNACLES
OFF THE ROCKS AND--

MARRY ME.
WHAT ?

MARRY ME.

YOU WERE RIGHT.
IT'S TIME TO GROW UP.

I WANNA GROW UP.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I WAS THINKING.

I MEAN, I--
WHAT IS SO SCARY
ABOUT BEING A FATHER ?

I MEAN, PEOPLE DO IT EVERY DAY
WITH RECKLESS ABANDON, RIGHT ?

AW, DANNY.
ARE YOU SURE THIS
IS WHAT YOU WANT ?

YES.

IF YOU WENT AWAY,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO.

[ Explosion ]

[ Electronic Beeping ]

HI. I'M KURT LODER
WITH MTV NEWS.

MAKING MAJOR COMEBACK NEWS
THIS WEEK ARE THE SUBURBANS...

WITH THE RERELEASE OF
THEIR 1981 HIT "BY MY SIDE."

I CAUGHT UP HERE WITH THE BAND
AT THE FUNKY NASSAU SOUL CLUB
IN SKIMMERPOINT, LONG ISLAND,

WHERE SONGWRITER AND
KEYBOARDIST DANNY MORAN
IS A PART OWNER.

LET'S START BY TAKING
A LOOK AT SOME OLD FOOTAGE
WE'VE GOT HERE.

THIS IS YOUR LAST INTERVIEW
BACK IN 1981.

ARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT THE
COMPARISON TO THE BEATLES ?
I MEAN, LIVING UP TO THAT ?

I DON'T THINK IT'S FAIR.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WE ONLY
PUT OUT THE ONE RECORD SO FAR.

I DON'T THINK
IT'S FAIR EITHER, DICK.

I THINK WE'RE BETTER
THAN THE BEATLES.
RIGHT, GIRLS ?

[ Clark ]
WELL, YOU'VE GOT CONFIDENCE
GOING FOR YOURSELVES.

NOW, WHAT'S NEXT
FOR THE SUBURBANS ?

I'M THINKIN' A SOUL RECORD.

WHAT'S A SOUL RECORD ?

WHAT WAS THE STORY ?
WHY WAS THERE NO FOLLOW-UP
TO YOUR FIRST ALBUM ?

UH, WELL, UH, YOU KNOW,
I-- I WANTED TO MAKE
A SOUL RECORD.

AND THEN, YOU KNOW,
THERE WERE MITCH'S
LEGAL PROBLEMS.

I ALSO HAD SOME
ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS THAT,

UH, RELATED TO THE
EXCESSES OF THE PERIOD...

THAT I'M REALLY
NOT COMFORTABLE DISCUSSING AT
THE ELECTRONIC MEDIA LEVEL.

NOW, UH, YOU MENTIONED
MITCH'S LEGAL PROBLEMS.

WE ACTUALLY HAVE A COPY OF THE
INFAMOUS "MINI MART MOLESTER"
TAPE. LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

** [ Rock ]

WOW. THAT MUST BRING BACK
SOME MEMORIES, HUH ?

NOW, RORY, I KNOW
YOU'VE EXPERIENCED SOME VERY
DIFFICULT FINANCIAL TIMES.

IT'S BEEN A LONG, LONG
ROAD BACK, BUT I'VE LEARNED
SOME REALLY VALUABLE LESSONS.

GIL, I UNDERSTAND YOU ACTUALLY
UNDERWENT TREATMENT
FOR COMPULSIVE LYING ?

WHAT ?

THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS
IN THE PRESS RELEASE.

I DON'T CARE WHAT IT SAYS.
I-I SWEAR I DIDN'T.

YOU DIDN'T ?

NO, I DIDN'T.

OKAY, WELL, SORRY IF
IT'S A PAINFUL SUBJECT.

BUT- BUT I--

LET'S MOVE ON, I GUESS.
WE'LL JUST MOVE ALONG. SO--

YOU KNOW, LET IT OUT.
THAT'S THE BEST THING.
LET IT ALL OUT.

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
ACKNOWLEDGING OUR PROBLEMS

IS THE FIRST STEP
TO SOLVING THEM.

SO--

SHUT UP, KURT LODER !

HOW DO YOU GUYS GET THAT
EXCELLENT SUBURBAN SOUND
IN THE STUDIO ? ANY SECRETS ?

YOU WANNA--
YOU WANNA FACE THE MIKE.

[ Announcer ]
THEY HAD IT ALL,
THEN SUNK TO THE BOTTOM.

DON'T MISS THIS HISTORICAL
COMEBACK PERFORMANCE...

SEPTEMBER 9,
SPONSORED BY G.M.C. SUBURBAN.

DANNY, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE ?

WHAT THE HELL
IS GOING ON, CATE ?

I MEAN, WHAT WAS THAT
SHIT THAT YOU TRIED
TO PULL WITH GIL ?

JUST TRYIN' TO GENERATE
A LITTLE SYMPATHY, YOU KNOW ?
EVERYBODY NEEDS A FLAW.

HAVEN'T YOU HEARD ?
IMPERFECTION IS THE NEW
HOT THING EN VOGUE.

I DON'T CARE WHAT'S EN VOGUE.
THESE ARE PEOPLE'S LIVES
THAT YOU'RE MESSING WITH.

WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT
TO MAKE UP HURTFUL SHIT
ABOUT PEOPLE

JUST TO FURTHER YOUR CAREER ?

I WAS JUST TRYIN' TO HELP.

YEAH, TRYIN' TO HELP YOURSELF.

YOU AND YOUR COMPANY
DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT US.

YOU JUST WANT TO MILK US DRY,
AND THEN TOSS US BACK
ON THE FESTERING--

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU ?

I DID IT ALL FOR YOU.

HOLY SHIT.

I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU.

I DON'T KNOW. I THOUGHT
MAYBE YOU WOULD REMEMBER ME.

I GOT YOUR AUTOGRAPH
WHEN I WAS SEVEN.

AND I THOUGHT MAYBE--

YOU KNOW, I FINALLY
GOT TO WHERE I COULD
DO SOMETHING FOR YOU,

AND THEN I MET GRACE.

AND SHE'S PERFECT...

AND REALLY BEAUTIFUL
AND VERY NICE.

AND I FUCKED IT ALL UP.

IT'S MY FAULT,
AND NOW YOU HATE ME.

SHH. NOBODY HATES YOU.
NOBODY HATES YOU.

SHH.

[ Clicks Tongue ]
OH, GOD.

[ Groaning ]

WILL YOU PLEASE
STOP DOING THAT ?

I HAD TO FIGHT SO HARD
TO PUSH THIS THING THROUGH
WITHOUT ANY HELP FROM ANYBODY.

MARKETING FIGURES ?
SUCK.

EVERYONE'S AGAINST IT.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ?

I KNOW THAT
I CAN MAKE IT WORK.
I KNOW I CAN.

WHO CARES WHY SHE DID IT ?
THE FACT IS,
CATE SET UP OUR COMEBACK.

NOW WE GOT A SHOT AT
SUPERSTARDOM, AND YOU BETTER
NOT DO ANYTHING TO BLOW IT !

NO ONE WANTS THE SUBURBANS.
NO ONE CARES AT ALL.
WE'RE PHONIES.

IT'S ALL ABOUT SOME
LITTLE GIRL CRUSH GONE CRAZY.

GRACE WAS RIGHT.
IT'S NOT GONNA LAST.

EVEN IF THAT'S TRUE,
I'M GONNA BET ON CATE.
I GOT NO OTHER CHOICE.

LISTEN, I KNOW GRACE
MAY NOT BE INTO THIS,

BUT YOU CAN'T
LET IT AFFECT YOUR
JUDGMENT, MAN.

DON'T LET GRACE
"YOKO" THE SUBURBANS.

I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T
BEEN MORE SUPPORTIVE.

IT'S JUST WEIRD,
YOU KNOW ?

BUT EVERYTHING SEEMS
TO BE FALLING INTO PLACE,

JUST LIKE YOU SAID
IT WOULD.

YOU GOT THE BAND BACK TOGETHER
AND IT HAS HELPED WITH US,

AND, I DON'T KNOW,
EVERYTHING'S--

EVERYTHING'S JUST GOOD.

YEAH.
YOU KNOW ?

YEAH.

OKAY, HERE WE GO.

YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY
WITH THIS ?

YEAH. YEAH.
YEAH, I'M OKAY.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

[ Pleasurable Moaning ]

[ Moaning ]

[ Moaning Intensifies ]

[ Screaming ]

DANNY ?

[ Smacks Lips, Sighs ]

DANNY ?

YEAH ?

WHAT WAS THAT ?

WHAT ?

THAT... THING...

YOU JUST DID.

WHAT ? I, UH--

I, UH,
HAD AN ORGASM.

I MEAN, WAS IT
TOO SOON ?
DID YOU NOT--

DANNY, I'VE BEEN HAVING
SEX WITH YOU FOR 15 YEARS.

I CAN SAY WITH CONFIDENCE
THAT I CAN PRETTY MUCH TELL
WHEN YOU'RE GETTIN' OFF.

THAT THING YOU JUST DID,
I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WAS.

WH-WHY WOULD YOU
SAY THAT ?

YOU FAKED AN ORGASM.

WHAT ?
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

YOU FAKED AN ORGASM.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW MANY LEVELS
THAT HURTS ME ON ?

[ Sighs ]

SHIT.

I JUST WANT
DIFFERENT THINGS, DANNY.

IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE
WANT DIFFERENT THINGS,

NO MATTER HOW LONG
THEY'VE BEEN TOGETHER.

THEY NEED TO ADMIT THAT...

TO THEMSELVES,

TO EACH OTHER.

OH, FUCK IT.

MAYBE IT'S MY FAULT,
YOU KNOW ?

MAYBE YOU WERE TRYING
TO TELL ME THIS AND
I DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR.

I WAS SO AFRAID
THAT YOU DIDN'T WANNA...

HAVE BABIES WITH ME
AND GROW OLD WITH ME,

THAT I JUST IMAGINED
THAT YOU DID.

[ Sighs ]

IT'S BAD LUCK
FOR YOU TO SEE THIS
BEFORE THE WEDDING.

WELL, I GUESS
IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW.

GRACE.

[ Tires Squealing ]

SHOULDA GOT
LIGHT BEER.

[ Laughing ]

OH !

OH !

MAYBE HE FORGOT.

YEAH, MAYBE HE GOT IT
CONFUSED WITH ANOTHER
TECHNICAL REHEARSAL...

FOR ANOTHER COMEBACK
TV SPECIAL WITH ONE
OF HIS OTHER BANDS.

THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING
AGAIN, GOD. NOT NOW, PLEASE.

HIS PHONE'S
OFF THE HOOK.

GOD, I HOPE NOTHING
HAPPENED TO HIM.

WHAT IF SOMETHING
HAPPENED TO HIM ?

* LOOK UP TO THE SKY

* THE SUN HAS FALLEN DOWN

* WHERE

* LISTEN TO THE WIND BLOW
THAT'S PRETTY.

* IT KEEPS CALLIN'

MY GOD, BEAUTIFUL.

* EVEN THOUGH
I GOT SO TIRED *
THIS IS THE GOOD STUFF.

* I STILL HANG OUT
THIS IS GOOD STUFF.
THAT'S ART.

* AND I SAY

* YOU NEED HER

[ Rory ]
DANNY ? DANNY !

* AND I SAY

EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT.
ALL SWIMMERS ACCOUNTED FOR.

DANNY, IT'S RORY.
COME ON DOWN.

I NEED IT. YOU NEED IT.
EVERYONE NEEDS IT. I NEED IT.
STRAIGHT TO THE TOP.

IT'S GOIN' STRAIGHT
TO THE TOP.

OKAY, I GOTTA GO TO--

OH, SHIT.
SOMEBODY'S GOTTA GET THAT.
IT'S FOR CATE.

THAT'S THE REAL GOOD STUFF.
THAT'S THE--
IT SHOULD BE PUBLISHED.

THAT SHOULD BE PUBLISHED.
THAT'S THE REAL ART.
I'M BETTING ON CATE.

OKAY, I GOT YA.
I GOT YA. I GOT YA.
GOT TO BET ON CATE.

I'M BETTIN' ON CATE.
I'M BETTIN' ON CATE.

ALL RIGHT. I GOT YA.

[ Man ] STRAIGHT
THROUGH THERE.

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE
[ Groans ]

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

HEY, LET ME GIVE
YOU A HAND THERE.

UPSY-DAISY.

OKAY. THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT.

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

WHICH ONE IS YOUR COPY ?

AND HE'S ALLERGIC TO
CRABMEAT AND VANILLA PUDDING.

I'M GONNA WRITE THAT IN.
[ Chuckles ] OKAY.

THANKS FOR
DRIVIN' ME HOME.

OH, COME ON, CATE.
OF COURSE.

I REALLY FUCKED THIS UP,
DIDN'T I ?

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
HOLD ON. LET'S JUST
FIGURE THIS OUT, OKAY ?

MITCH SAID THAT DANNY'S
GONNA BE IN INTENSIVE
DETOX FOR EIGHT DAYS.

NO COMMUNICATION,
RIGHT ?

SO WE CAN'T KNOW
WHAT HE WANTS.

WHAT IF HE GETS OUT,
HE FINDS OUT THE SHOW'S OFF...

AND IT, LIKE, CRUSHES
THE GUY AND IT SENDS HIM
INTO ANOTHER TAILSPIN ?

YEAH, BUT WHAT IF
HE CAN'T, YOU KNOW,
OR HE DOESN'T WANT TO ?

I MEAN, THAT PUTS A LOT
ON ME. THERE'S MILLIONS
OF DOLLARS AT STAKE.

HE'S GONNA BE ABLE
TO DO IT. TRUST ME.

SO YOU THINK
HE'LL BE FINE BY THEN ?

LISTEN, NOBODY KNOWS
THE GUY BETTER THAN ME.

SPEAKIN' OF WHICH, CATE,

I'M NOT THE KIND OF GUY
TO INTRUDE IN OTHER PEOPLE'S
PERSONAL AFFAIRS.

BUT IF YOU DON'T
MIND ME SAYING--

NO. GO AHEAD.

IT'S ABOUT YOUR
FEELINGS FOR DANNY.

YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL,
BRIGHT, CHARMING GIRL.

BUT WHEN IT COMES RIGHT DOWN
TO IT, WHAT PEOPLE WANT
IS JUST TO BE UNDERSTOOD.

SO, WHILE YOUTH AND BEAUTY
WILL ALWAYS BE APPEALING,

THE COMFORT OF
TRUE COMPANIONSHIP IS WHAT
WE'RE REALLY ALL LOOKING FOR.

WOW. THAT WAS
REALLY BEAUTIFUL.

I KNOW. I CAN'T
BELIEVE I SAID IT.

"FOR EVERYTHING LOVELY
IS BUT A BRIEF,
DREAMY, KIND DELIGHT."

YEATS.

THAT'S NOT BAD EITHER.

YOU KNOW WHAT ?
YOU'RE RIGHT.

I JUST LET MY EMOTIONS
GET CARRIED AWAY.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ?

I AM GONNA BOUNCE BACK,
I'M GONNA FIND SOMEONE,

AND I'LL PROBABLY HAVE
ONE OF THOSE REBOUND THINGIES
AND THEN MOVE ON.

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE *

[ Man ] SPONSORED BY
IGLOO COOLERS, S.T.P.,
QUAKER STATE MOTOR OIL,

MRS. BUTTERWORTH'S SYRUP,
DUNCAN HINES, POND'S,
Q-TIPS AND L'EGGS.

LOOK, IF YOU TAKE AWAY
ONE THING FROM THE SEA BREEZE
REHABILITATION CENTER,

IT'S THAT IT'S
ONE DAY AT A TIME.

IT'S ALL ABOUT
LIVIN' IN THE NOW.
NOW ! DID YOU SEE IT ?

NOW ! OH, THERE IT IS AGAIN.
NOW ! NOW ! NOW !

DID YOU SEE IT ?
NO.

EXACTLY MY POINT.
YOU DON'T SEE THE NOW
BECAUSE YOU'RE LIVING IN IT.

YOU DON'T TRY TO ANALYZE.
YOU DON'T TRY TO GET
BEHIND IT OR AHEAD OF IT.

YOU JUST LIVE IN IT.
YOU LIVE IN THE MOMENT.

YOU FOLLOW ME ?
YOU DON'T OBSESS ABOUT
THE PAST OR THE FUTURE.

YOU JUST LIVE PEACEFULLY
RIGHT HERE IN THE NOW.

IN THE NOW.

YOU KNOW,
I THINK I'M STARTIN'
TO FOLLOW YOU, MAN.

I KNOW IT SOUNDS
A LITTLE HOKEY,

BUT THERE'S
REALLY SOMETHING...

TO THIS PROGRAM STUFF
THAT'S REALLY HELPFUL.

IT'S KIND OF HARD
TO SWALLOW AT FIRST,

BUT IT'S REALLY GIVEN ME
A WHOLE NEW PERSPECTIVE
ON LIFE.

[ Kenny Laughing ]
[ Rory ]
GIVE ME THAT ! GIVE ME THAT !

KENNY, GIVE ME THAT.

PLEASE DO NOT RAISE YOUR
VOICE AT THE CHILDREN !

HAPPY WEDDING DAY, HONEY.

COULD YOU GIVE THE KIDS
A BATH ? I NEED TO GET READY.

ALL RIGHT. COME ON.
WE GOT A BATH.
GET IN THE TUB. LET'S GO.

YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER !

LISTEN, I MAY NOT BE
YOUR REAL FATHER,

BUT I'M GONNA BE THE ONE
THAT'S GONNA TAKE CARE
OF YOU GUYS FROM NOW ON.

OKAY ? SO PLEASE,
GET IN THE BATHTUB.

LARA !

IF YOU WANT,
I'LL BE YOUR SPONSOR...

AND TELL YOU WHERE
THE MEETINGS ARE AND STUFF,

AND JUST BE THERE TO,
YOU KNOW, TALK ANYTIME.

SERIOUSLY, I'VE BEEN
THROUGH EVERYTHING THAT
YOU'RE DEALING WITH.

I REALLY APPRECIATE
ALL YOUR HELP, MAN.

LISTEN, I GOTTA SPLIT.
I GOT A CAB COMING
TO PICK ME UP.

I GOTTA GO TO MY
FRIEND'S WEDDING.

YOU HAVE TO GO
TO A WEDDING ?

WOW. IT'S NOT SUCH
A GOOD IDEA FOR YOU
TO GO TO AN EVENT...

WHERE THERE'S
GONNA BE A LOT OF,
YOU KNOW, BOOZE, ALONE.

WHERE IS IT ?

LLOYD HARBOR.
YOU KNOW THE AREA ?

KNOW THE AREA ?
I'M FROM HUNTINGTON.

NO SHIT ?

HEY, YOU KNOW,
I GOTTA GO OVER THAT WAY.
I'LL GO WITH YA...

AND MAYBE HANG OUT FOR A BIT,
YOU KNOW, IF IT'S COOL.

UH, JUST TO MAKE SURE
YOU'RE FEELING OKAY.

UH, WELL, YOU--
YOU SURE DON'T MIND ?

I MEAN, REALLY ?
NO. NO.
IT'LL BE FUN, REALLY.

LET'S GO.

HONEY, THIS PACKAGE
JUST CAME FOR YOU.

MA !
* THE LADY WALKED RIGHT BY

* AND I COULD SEE A LITTLE
TEAR IN HER EYE *

* THE FUNNY FACES
MADE ME SMILE *

* AND FORGET MY TROUBLES
FOR A LITTLE WHILE *

* AND I LONGED
TO BE LIKE THEM *

* AND NOT LIKE ME

* I'M SO TORTURED

** [ Continues ]
[ Cate's Voice ]
"DEAR GRACE,

"I HOPE YOU'LL FORGIVE ME FOR
ALL THE TROUBLE I'VE CAUSED.

"I'VE MADE SOME RADICAL
ERRORS IN JUDGMENT LATELY.

"I'M TALKING MAJOR LAPSES
OF COMMON SENSE.

"ANYWAY, I'VE LEARNED
AT LEAST ONE THING,

"AND THAT IS THAT DANNY
REALLY, REALLY LOVES YOU.

"HE GAVE ME
YOUR BOOK PROPOSAL,

"AND THE PUBLISHING DIVISION
TOTALLY FLIPPED FOR IT.

"AND I CAN SEE WHY--
YOU'RE BASICALLY A GENIUS.

"NOW, THIS IS JUST
A MOCK-UP AND SOME IDEAS
FOR YOU TO CONSIDER.

"EITHER WAY, I HOPE
WE CAN BE FRIENDS.
I THINK YOU'RE PRETTY AMAZING.

LOVE, CATE."
* I LONG TO BE LIKE YOU

* AND NOT LIKE ME

* I'M SO TORTURED
AND YOU'RE SO FREE *

* SAY, BUT YOU CAN'T
WALK ON A HIGH WIRE *

* YOU CAN'T
TAME YOUR LIONS *

* AND YOU'RE NOT
FUNNY AT ALL *

* YOU'RE VERY SMALL

* AND I MET UP
WITH A LION TAMER *

* WE HAD AN AFFAIR
IT WAS QUITE AN AFFAIR *

* AND I TOLD HIM
MY FANTASY **

** [ Organ ]

GREAT.
GOOD LUCK.

IS THIS THE RUBENSTEIN BRIS ?

HEY.

YOU MADE IT. WE WEREN'T SURE
IF YOU WERE GONNA BE HERE.

YOU ALL RIGHT ?
YEAH. YEAH.
I'M ALL RIGHT.

WELCOME BACK.
DO YOU WANNA GET
INTO THIS TUX HERE ?

UH, GUYS, I KNOW THIS MAY
NOT BE THE TIME OR THE PLACE,

REALLY, TO GO INTO
THIS, BUT I'M LIVIN'
IN THE NOW, NOW.

SO, I JUST- I DON'T--
I CAN'T HOLD ANYTHING BACK,
OKAY ?

I DID A LOT OF THINKING
AND SOUL-SEARCHING
OUT THERE IN THE REHAB,

AND I MADE A LOT OF
REALLY IMPORTANT DECISIONS.

AND I GOTTA TELL YOU
THAT I JUST--

I CAN'T DO THIS
COMEBACK THING, MAN.
I CAN'T.

WHAT ?

I-I CAN'T DO IT, MAN.
I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND.

I JUST CAN'T DO IT.
THANK GOD
YOU SAID THAT.

UH, I-I CAN'T
DO IT EITHER.

MY COMPANY'S STOCK
DROPPED 18 POINTS SINCE
WE DID THE MTV THING.

AND, UH, I MEAN, JULES,
HE WENT OFF THE DIAL.

[ Rory ] AW, SHIT.
WHO AM I KIDDING ?

DO I LOOK LIKE
A ROCK STAR ?
ANYBODY ?

YOU REALLY DON'T.

MITCH, I KNOW THAT
YOU WANTED THIS MORE
THAN ANY OF US, MAN.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YA.
I JUST- MAYBE WE JUST
GOT LUCKY, THAT'S ALL.

WE WERE A ONE-HIT WONDER,
MAN. I MEAN, NO--

THERE ARE PROBABLY, LIKE,

A LOT MORE TALENTED
PEOPLE OUT THERE
THAT DESERVE THE SHOT.

DON'T YOU THINK ?

MAYBE I DON'T HAVE
A GREAT TALENT.
I'LL TELL YA SOMETHING,

I'M NOT GONNA LET
A LITTLE THING LIKE THAT
STAND IN MY WAY.

AND I UNDERSTAND YOU GUYS
WANT A NICE, NORMAL LIFE.
IT'S NOT FOR ME.

SO, I'M OUTTA LUCK
WITH THE SUBURBANS.

I'LL GET ANOTHER SHOT.
I'LL TELL YA SOMETHIN'.

I AM NEVER, EVER, EVER...
GONNA GIVE UP.

WELL, I'M TOTALLY
BEHIND YOU, MAN.

I MEAN, IF THERE'S ANYTHING
I CAN EVER DO TO HELP YOU,
MAN, JUST SAY IT.

I'M TOTALLY BEHIND YA TOO.
I'M STILL QUITTING,
BUT I'M TOTALLY BEHIND YOU.

[ Rory ] WHAT ?

I JUST- I MEAN,
"THANK YOU" DOESN'T
EVEN BEGIN TO COVER IT.

I MEAN, IF YOU
HADN'T PICKED ME UP AND
THROWN ME IN THAT REHAB,

I MIGHT STILL BE--
HOLD IT !
HOLD IT !

LET ME JUST SAY SOMETHIN'
HERE, ALL RIGHT ?

IT WAS MITCH THAT TECHNICALLY
TOOK YOU TO THE REHAB ITSELF.

I MEAN, WE ALL FOUND YOU,
BUT IT WAS MITCH.

RORY, WE'RE READY
FOR YOU NOW.

MITCH TOOK ME ?

I-I, UH--
I HAD TO DRIVE CATE HOME.

WHAT ?

HE DROVE CATE HOME
AND WASN'T HEARD FROM
TILL THE NEXT MORNING.

LARA MUST HAVE CALLED
ABOUT TEN TIMES.

MITCH, I CAN'T GO
INTO THAT RIGHT NOW,
OBVIOUSLY.

INTO WHAT, RORY ?
DID SOMETHING HAPPEN
WITH CATE ?

NO LYING IN CHURCH, RORY.
REMEMBER,
IT'S HELL AND DAMNATION.

** [ Organ ]
MITCH !

GUYS, COME ON !

RORY, WHAT IS HE SAYING ?

** [ "Wedding March" ]

[ All Gasping ]

AW, SHIT.

SHE WAS REALLY
UPSET ABOUT YOU.

I TRIED TO COMFORT HER,
AND THINGS GOT A LITTLE
OUT OF HAND.

I KIND OF LOST MYSELF.

ARE YOU SERIOUS ?

WELL, WHAT ABOUT LARA ?
DOES SHE KNOW ?

NO.

WELL, THEN YOU CAN'T
GET MARRIED THEN.

YOU'D BE STARTING OUT THE
MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP
OF YOUR LIFE ON A LIE, RORY.

I HAD A MOMENTARY
EPISODE OF INSANITY.

YOU HAD A MOMENTARY
EPISODE OF REALITY, RORY.
THIS IS THE INSANITY.

I'M GETTING MARRIED,
AND I NEED YOU TO SUPPORT ME
IN THIS NOW, DAN.

IT'S TOO LATE.

BE SEATED.

** [ Ends ]

DEARLY BELOVED,
WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY--

LARA !

CRAIG ! [ Crying ]

YEAH !

DADDY ! DADDY !
DADDY ! DADDY !

[ Screaming ]

THAT'S CRAIG ?

DADDY ! DADDY !

WHAT IS HE DOING HERE ?

I BROUGHT HIM.
I MEAN, I DIDN'T KNOW
I BROUGHT HIM.

I'M SORRY. LOOK,
I'LL EXPLAIN IN A SECOND.

[ Rory ]
WHAT ABOUT THE RING ?

[ Danny ] OKAY, GRACE.

YOU MAY NOT WANNA HEAR ANY
OF THIS RIGHT NOW, AND I DON'T
BLAME YOU IF YOU DON'T,

BUT I'M GONNA SAY IT NOW.

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN
ANYTHING ELSE THAT
I HAVE EVER FELT OR KNOWN.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I DO,
BECAUSE IF IT'S WITH YOU,
THEN I KNOW I'M SUCCESSFUL.

I LOVE YOU, AND I JUST
WANNA BE WITH YOU.

I JUST WANNA LIVE IN THE HUT
AND GO DOWN TO THE SEA

AND SUCK BARNACLES
WITH YOU AND STARFISH.

DANNY, I-I WANNA
BELIEVE YOU. I DO.

BUT WHY IS THIS
ANY DIFFERENT
FROM THE LAST TIME ?

STAY RIGHT HERE.
DON'T MOVE.

EXCUSE ME, EVERYBODY.
PLEASE, UM,
CAN YOU REMAIN SEATED ?

THERE'S BEEN A SLIGHT CHANGE,
OBVIOUSLY. UM, THANK YOU.

** [ Organ ]

[ Woman ]
CONGRATULATIONS !

[ Man ] GOOD LUCK, GRACE !

YEA ! WHOA !

[ Laughing ]

KENNY ! KENNY !

[ Woman #1 ] IT'S MINE.
[ Woman #2 ]
GET OVER HERE. GET THAT KID.

[ Rory ] NOW,
WAIT A MINUTE, MITCH.

THAT'S NOT CONSIDERED
A UNIFORM.

THIS IS TOTALLY
UNACCEPTABLE, MITCH.

MITCH ! MITCH !

** [ Rock ]

* I WALK ALONG THE AVENUE

* I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D MEET A GIRL LIKE YOU *

* MEET A GIRL LIKE YOU

* WITH AUBURN HAIR
AND TAWNY EYES *

* THE KIND OF EYES
THAT HYPNOTIZE ME THROUGH *

* HYPNOTIZE ME THROUGH

* AND I RAN
I RAN SO FAR AWAY *

* I JUST RAN

* I RAN ALL NIGHT AND DAY
I COULDN'T GET AWAY **

** [ Rock ]

* I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S COMING OVER ME *

* HEAR YOUR VOICE
INSIDE MY HEAD *

* I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT

* PLEASE LET ME SHOW YOU
WHAT I MEAN *

* I WILL NEVER
LET YOU DOWN *

* MAKE ME FEEL ALL RIGHT

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* I NEED YOU NOW

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* I DON'T CARE HOW

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE
IT'S WHERE YOU BELONG *

* I WONDER IF YOU REALIZE

* YOU'RE WHAT
I'VE BEEN DREAMIN' OF *

* CAN'T YOU SEE THE LIGHT

* YOU THOUGHT I WAS
JUST ANOTHER GUY *

* BABY, LET ME
SHOW YOU NOW *

* TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

* RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE

* THAT'S WHERE I'LL STAY

* RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE

* ALL NIGHT AND DAY

* RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE

* RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE
IT'S WHERE I BELONG *

* AND I KNOW BETTER
THAN HE TOLD YOU *

* CAN'T YOU FEEL IT
WHEN I HOLD YOU *

* DON'T YOU KNOW
THAT YOU BELONG TO ME *

* I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S COMING OVER ME *

* YOU'RE WHAT
I'VE BEEN DREAMIN' OF *

* WON'T YOU SEE THE LIGHT

* I HEAR YOUR VOICE
INSIDE MY HEAD *

* BABY, LET ME
SHOW YOU NOW *

* TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

* RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE

* THAT'S WHERE I'LL BE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* CAN'T YOU SEE ME

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* IS WHERE YOU BELONG

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* THAT'S WHERE YOU'LL BE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* CAN'T YOU SEE ME

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE
THAT'S WHERE YOU BELONG *

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE

* RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE *