The Strange Saga of Hiroshi the Freeloading Sex Machine (2005) - full transcript
Near Kawahara, a young man on a bus connives to meet a single mother by knocking over her son's box of crickets. He's Hiroshi, she's Haruka, the boy is Yuichiro. Hiroshi pursues Haruka, and she invites him into her flat. When Hiroshi is not engaged in exuberant sex with her, he's playing with Yuichiro and learning the intricacies of the neighborhood sport, cricket wrestling. The local cricket-raising champion is Anzai, who desires Haruka for himself. Haruka's ex-husband Taro and his girlfriend Kunico are also around - and everyone's paths will cross over desire, love, loneliness, and the quest for a victorious cricket.
SEX MACHINE
Are we at Outer Kawahara yet,
mister?
One went that way!
Wait, wait!
Give us a hand here!
How long were you watching?
I saw you peeking.
You dropped the cricket box
on purpose.
How long were you watching?
Yuichiro, be careful!
Let's kiss.
Can't you wait?
Don't you have a husband?
Husband?
Your husband.
His father.
So what if I do?
- What is that?
- A janbe.
- What's a janbe?
- A drum.
Play it a little.
Can't you wait?
Yuichiro.
See you later.
See you, Hiroshi.
SEX MACHINE
Get out!
- Yuichiro.
- Yeah?
The guy who just came over,
is he Haruka's new boyfriend?
- That's Hiroshi.
- Hiroshi, huh?
What's wrong with you?
He's just like your husband.
He'll leave when he gets bored.
- Maybe so.
- But you'll get bored first.
Excuse me.
Yuichiro!
Hi.
- Are they mating?
- They're sumo wrestling.
- Why do crickets wrestle?
- To fight for the female.
Stay away from cricket sumo.
Taro brought Haruka a
lot of grief that way.
Hiroshi, I have to get
back to the post office.
Haruka!
What the hell is this?
- Yuichiro, eat up.
- Okay.
Yuichiro,
let's go to the riverside.
- Do some cricket sumo.
- Okay, after I eat.
The cucumber!
The cucumber is...!
Hey, Haruka.
I know you're home.
Haruka.
Hey, Haruka!
Haruka!
Hiroshi, Hiroshi!
Anzai?
It's Anzai, isn't it!
Anzai! I bought so many
of your crickets!
Open the door, damn it!
You bastard!
- Idiot! Why would Anzai be here?
- Then who is it?
Move.
Show your face,
you son of a bitch!
Stop it!
- You slept with him?
- Isn't it obvious?
- Get out!
- This is my place!
You get out!
But Yuichiro...
- I'm his father!
- You're a freeloader!
- Haruka!
- Get out!
- I love you!
- It's over!
Ow!
Ouch!
Haruka!
It cost a lot of money
to get here!
Hey, Haruka!
Hey!
Hey!
Go! Come on...
Go!
You're hard to beat.
- Wanna know something?
- What?
That one you caught,
it's female.
Horny to the bone.
Always after girls!
Females have long tails.
And females don't wrestle.
Damn it!
Why didn't you tell me!
Idiot!
You know,
he's a lot nicer than Taro.
- We'll see.
- Seems he can get it up too.
I hope he challenges Anzai
soon.
Females don't wrestle,
but keep them.
A male will get stronger
if he has a good mate.
- Meat!
- But bad mates are trouble.
If they get upset, they'll
bite and then eat the male.
Eat him up!
Here you go.
- Meat, meat!
- Hey, hands off!
#Anzai
We cut the females' tails
and sell them by mail.
They look like big males
so they fetch a good price.
You're so cheap.
I couldn't afford a house
selling crickets otherwise.
Thanks, as always.
A loan is a loan.
Are you still in touch with Taro?
Yes. He is the boy's father after all.
- How's the new guy?
- We're getting along.
When you left Taro, I thought for sure
you'd come to live with me.
How pathetic. Imagine two failures
like us leaning on each other.
Have Hiroshi fight this,
my fourth-ranked Yaotome.
If he wins, he can
fight my champion.
Give it to him yourself.
I hate bugs.
You want another broken arm?
Let me fuck you.
Go, Kanemoto!
Don't run away!
What are you doing? Kanemoto!
Damn it!
- His leg is ripped off.
- Getting stronger every day.
Yoshida's still low in the ranks.
My best, Takayama,
is fasting in my closet.
- No food for two weeks.
- Takayama's gonna die.
No he isn't.
Yesterday he bit me.
He's ready for Anzai.
Who is this Anzai anyway?
A real asshole.
He's the champ around here.
Who cares.
Let's do it after we eat!
We'll be hornier if we're hungry.
What about Yuichiro?
- Yuichiro!
- Hiroshi!
Hi!
So you're Hiroshi.
After you lose, get lost.
Takayama, Takayama!
- He's gone.
- He can't answer you!
You never know with Takayama.
Maybe you're right.
Quit screwing around and look!
Hey, Takayama!
Takayama!
- Find him?
- No.
Takayama!
No luck.
You'll have to use Yoshida.
- Yoshida won't have a chance!
- Two weeks of fasting for nothing!
- What did you eat today?
- We had tempura soba.
- Tempura?
- Tempura, with tara buds.
- What the hell?
- Just hold still!
Tara plants are out of season.
But the flavor is close.
I once ate one myself.
That bitch!
You surprised me!
Did you meet Anzai?
Are you going to duel?
It's just cricket sumo.
So you might win.
Maybe if you hadn't fried Takayama!
At least tell me before I eat!
His time was up.
- What?
- He jumped into the oil by himself.
And you just watched?
I felt bad, so I battered
him up and refried him.
He was double-fried.
How dare you!
No wonder he was still
crispy the next day!
But that's not the point!
Stop it!
Did you...
sleep with Anzai?
Just once, but I loved him then.
Can you beat him?
- I'll win.
- Without a cricket?
I'll go look for one.
Go see Taro.
He's got some strong ones.
#Sorry for being born
#Sorry I wasn't up to it
#Cried the man to himself
What's your problem?
Kuniko!
How's Mommy?
"Tell Daddy to give me my money!"
- No kidding.
- Do you mind?
I want some time alone with him.
All right, let's go!
- They sure are tight.
- It still makes me jealous.
I thought a woman was coming.
Got all worked up for nothing.
Don't stare at me!
Hiroshi!
What are you doing?
You got me in the eye!
All right, here we go!
I lose!
One more round.
I can smell Haruka on you.
Aren't you lonely?
Won't you marry Haruka?
I don't know!
Come inside me.
Let's get married, Hiroshi.
I want to be with you!
Oh! A cricket!
Wait, wait! Wait!
You son of a bitch!
Hey! Yuichiro!
Hiroshi, I'll see you later.
- Don't stay out late.
- Okay.
What's wrong?
Here.
Do you like sex?
Yeah.
Don't you like anything else?
Hold it, Anzai!
Anzai!
He's not coming back.
- I know.
- He's just like the other one.
- Why don't you move in with Anzai?
- Oh come on!
But what will Yuichiro
do during the day now?
You won't find any here.
Ask Mommy to take you
to the graveyard.
You'll find lots of
tough ones there, okay?
Why did Daddy and Hiroshi
get in a fight?
They're all stupid.
It's not your fault, Mommy.
- Yuichiro.
- What?
You're gonna have a brother.
Aren't you eating?
Suit yourself then.
There's always someone
here during the day.
One more Yuichiro
wouldn't make a difference.
What will you do?
If you wait,
I'm sure he'll come back.
- Hiroshi!
- Haruka!
What are you doing?
I can't swim so I dug a
hole under the river.
- What's that?
- Starving, horny female crickets.
They'll slaughter the males.
Let them loose inside.
- That's cold!
- See you.
Wait!
Come home. Yuichiro is waiting too.
Let's live together again.
I can't let them spot me.
Meet you on the other side.
Yuichiro!
If you find one with a
long tail, squash it!
Look, Yuichiro.
That's the tunnel Hiroshi dug.
Yeah.
What's with that weird picture?
That's the best we could get.
We don't know anything about him.
But where did Haruka go?
Good question.
Not much fun, is it?
Are you pregnant?
You can't tell yet, can you?
- May I touch it?
- Go ahead.
If I knew this would happen,
I would've gotten married.
Did you do it with Hiroshi?
Was there an earthquake?
Do you really like him?
Even though you only met once.
I want in too!
Did you hear that?
Yeah.
What the hell?
I'm in Japan! What luck!
Look Mommy, a boat.
Hey, isn't that...?
It's Hiroshi!
What a crowd!
Who the hell are you anyway?
Just a freeloader.
Hiroshi the freeloader?
English Subtitles by Michael ARNOLD
Are we at Outer Kawahara yet,
mister?
One went that way!
Wait, wait!
Give us a hand here!
How long were you watching?
I saw you peeking.
You dropped the cricket box
on purpose.
How long were you watching?
Yuichiro, be careful!
Let's kiss.
Can't you wait?
Don't you have a husband?
Husband?
Your husband.
His father.
So what if I do?
- What is that?
- A janbe.
- What's a janbe?
- A drum.
Play it a little.
Can't you wait?
Yuichiro.
See you later.
See you, Hiroshi.
SEX MACHINE
Get out!
- Yuichiro.
- Yeah?
The guy who just came over,
is he Haruka's new boyfriend?
- That's Hiroshi.
- Hiroshi, huh?
What's wrong with you?
He's just like your husband.
He'll leave when he gets bored.
- Maybe so.
- But you'll get bored first.
Excuse me.
Yuichiro!
Hi.
- Are they mating?
- They're sumo wrestling.
- Why do crickets wrestle?
- To fight for the female.
Stay away from cricket sumo.
Taro brought Haruka a
lot of grief that way.
Hiroshi, I have to get
back to the post office.
Haruka!
What the hell is this?
- Yuichiro, eat up.
- Okay.
Yuichiro,
let's go to the riverside.
- Do some cricket sumo.
- Okay, after I eat.
The cucumber!
The cucumber is...!
Hey, Haruka.
I know you're home.
Haruka.
Hey, Haruka!
Haruka!
Hiroshi, Hiroshi!
Anzai?
It's Anzai, isn't it!
Anzai! I bought so many
of your crickets!
Open the door, damn it!
You bastard!
- Idiot! Why would Anzai be here?
- Then who is it?
Move.
Show your face,
you son of a bitch!
Stop it!
- You slept with him?
- Isn't it obvious?
- Get out!
- This is my place!
You get out!
But Yuichiro...
- I'm his father!
- You're a freeloader!
- Haruka!
- Get out!
- I love you!
- It's over!
Ow!
Ouch!
Haruka!
It cost a lot of money
to get here!
Hey, Haruka!
Hey!
Hey!
Go! Come on...
Go!
You're hard to beat.
- Wanna know something?
- What?
That one you caught,
it's female.
Horny to the bone.
Always after girls!
Females have long tails.
And females don't wrestle.
Damn it!
Why didn't you tell me!
Idiot!
You know,
he's a lot nicer than Taro.
- We'll see.
- Seems he can get it up too.
I hope he challenges Anzai
soon.
Females don't wrestle,
but keep them.
A male will get stronger
if he has a good mate.
- Meat!
- But bad mates are trouble.
If they get upset, they'll
bite and then eat the male.
Eat him up!
Here you go.
- Meat, meat!
- Hey, hands off!
#Anzai
We cut the females' tails
and sell them by mail.
They look like big males
so they fetch a good price.
You're so cheap.
I couldn't afford a house
selling crickets otherwise.
Thanks, as always.
A loan is a loan.
Are you still in touch with Taro?
Yes. He is the boy's father after all.
- How's the new guy?
- We're getting along.
When you left Taro, I thought for sure
you'd come to live with me.
How pathetic. Imagine two failures
like us leaning on each other.
Have Hiroshi fight this,
my fourth-ranked Yaotome.
If he wins, he can
fight my champion.
Give it to him yourself.
I hate bugs.
You want another broken arm?
Let me fuck you.
Go, Kanemoto!
Don't run away!
What are you doing? Kanemoto!
Damn it!
- His leg is ripped off.
- Getting stronger every day.
Yoshida's still low in the ranks.
My best, Takayama,
is fasting in my closet.
- No food for two weeks.
- Takayama's gonna die.
No he isn't.
Yesterday he bit me.
He's ready for Anzai.
Who is this Anzai anyway?
A real asshole.
He's the champ around here.
Who cares.
Let's do it after we eat!
We'll be hornier if we're hungry.
What about Yuichiro?
- Yuichiro!
- Hiroshi!
Hi!
So you're Hiroshi.
After you lose, get lost.
Takayama, Takayama!
- He's gone.
- He can't answer you!
You never know with Takayama.
Maybe you're right.
Quit screwing around and look!
Hey, Takayama!
Takayama!
- Find him?
- No.
Takayama!
No luck.
You'll have to use Yoshida.
- Yoshida won't have a chance!
- Two weeks of fasting for nothing!
- What did you eat today?
- We had tempura soba.
- Tempura?
- Tempura, with tara buds.
- What the hell?
- Just hold still!
Tara plants are out of season.
But the flavor is close.
I once ate one myself.
That bitch!
You surprised me!
Did you meet Anzai?
Are you going to duel?
It's just cricket sumo.
So you might win.
Maybe if you hadn't fried Takayama!
At least tell me before I eat!
His time was up.
- What?
- He jumped into the oil by himself.
And you just watched?
I felt bad, so I battered
him up and refried him.
He was double-fried.
How dare you!
No wonder he was still
crispy the next day!
But that's not the point!
Stop it!
Did you...
sleep with Anzai?
Just once, but I loved him then.
Can you beat him?
- I'll win.
- Without a cricket?
I'll go look for one.
Go see Taro.
He's got some strong ones.
#Sorry for being born
#Sorry I wasn't up to it
#Cried the man to himself
What's your problem?
Kuniko!
How's Mommy?
"Tell Daddy to give me my money!"
- No kidding.
- Do you mind?
I want some time alone with him.
All right, let's go!
- They sure are tight.
- It still makes me jealous.
I thought a woman was coming.
Got all worked up for nothing.
Don't stare at me!
Hiroshi!
What are you doing?
You got me in the eye!
All right, here we go!
I lose!
One more round.
I can smell Haruka on you.
Aren't you lonely?
Won't you marry Haruka?
I don't know!
Come inside me.
Let's get married, Hiroshi.
I want to be with you!
Oh! A cricket!
Wait, wait! Wait!
You son of a bitch!
Hey! Yuichiro!
Hiroshi, I'll see you later.
- Don't stay out late.
- Okay.
What's wrong?
Here.
Do you like sex?
Yeah.
Don't you like anything else?
Hold it, Anzai!
Anzai!
He's not coming back.
- I know.
- He's just like the other one.
- Why don't you move in with Anzai?
- Oh come on!
But what will Yuichiro
do during the day now?
You won't find any here.
Ask Mommy to take you
to the graveyard.
You'll find lots of
tough ones there, okay?
Why did Daddy and Hiroshi
get in a fight?
They're all stupid.
It's not your fault, Mommy.
- Yuichiro.
- What?
You're gonna have a brother.
Aren't you eating?
Suit yourself then.
There's always someone
here during the day.
One more Yuichiro
wouldn't make a difference.
What will you do?
If you wait,
I'm sure he'll come back.
- Hiroshi!
- Haruka!
What are you doing?
I can't swim so I dug a
hole under the river.
- What's that?
- Starving, horny female crickets.
They'll slaughter the males.
Let them loose inside.
- That's cold!
- See you.
Wait!
Come home. Yuichiro is waiting too.
Let's live together again.
I can't let them spot me.
Meet you on the other side.
Yuichiro!
If you find one with a
long tail, squash it!
Look, Yuichiro.
That's the tunnel Hiroshi dug.
Yeah.
What's with that weird picture?
That's the best we could get.
We don't know anything about him.
But where did Haruka go?
Good question.
Not much fun, is it?
Are you pregnant?
You can't tell yet, can you?
- May I touch it?
- Go ahead.
If I knew this would happen,
I would've gotten married.
Did you do it with Hiroshi?
Was there an earthquake?
Do you really like him?
Even though you only met once.
I want in too!
Did you hear that?
Yeah.
What the hell?
I'm in Japan! What luck!
Look Mommy, a boat.
Hey, isn't that...?
It's Hiroshi!
What a crowd!
Who the hell are you anyway?
Just a freeloader.
Hiroshi the freeloader?
English Subtitles by Michael ARNOLD