The Stig-Helmer Story (2011) - full transcript

TO ALL CHILDISH MEN
AND ALL UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

Train to Malmö departing from
track number three.

It's after nine, and we'd like some
quiet here at Smultronstället.

-No yelling or whistling.
-Wow, is that the time already?

-Olsson can play during the day.
-Yes, I'll keep that in mind.

Hello! No, I'm not buying
anything, and I've already got...

Hi, Stig-Helmer! Is that you?

Sure, let's do it. Yes.

I just have to go to
agility training with Bjarne.

Agility training.
It's like a gym for dogs. Yes.

We can meet up afterwards.
Okay, see you.



Stig-Helmer has no one to play
with. You're lucky you have me.

HEALTH CLINIC

Did you try pole walking?

-Excuse me?
-Pole walking.

-Is that like pole dancing?
-No, pole walking.

-Oh. No.
-Try it. It's good.

It stimulates the heart, increases
the ability to absorb oxygen,

and it's gentle
on joints and ligaments.

Take one Enalapril every morning.

-Hi
-Hiya, Stickan. How's it going?

-It's alright.
-What did the doctor say?

My blood pressure is a little high.

How do you know
I was at the doctor's?

I have lumbago myself.



And on top of everything,
someone took my walker.

So now I have to
get one of these every day.

What does the store
say about you taking their carts?

These are everywhere.

We sold a lot of these.
Very popular model, but...

...this is the choice for the
person who has everything.

Carbon fiber, ergonomic handles,
hydraulic springs.

Can't I just use regular ski poles?

No...What would that look like
without snow and skis?

No, but I have a budget model
that might work for you.

Power poles.
Lightweight and for a good price.

-Try them on the treadmill.
-Okay.

Are they supposed to
be this short?

You have to extend them,
of course.

Well, outdoor pole-walking
has really become a trend.

Oh...

-Here!
-Thanks.

What about shoes? A smart watch
with calorie counter perhaps?

Did you see his cap?
So retro! So cool.

-Can I have a train?
-No...

You're too old for that.
You're about to start school.

-Sorry, do you have a moment?
-Sure.

Would you like to switch
cell phone carrier?

I don't have a cell phone.
I never got around to it.

Maybe I should have one.

There aren't any
phone booths any more...

No... You have a good day.

Daddy? What's a phone booth?

Long ago, when you had to make
a call, you went into a little house.

Inside that house was a giant
phone attached to a wall.

-Was there a camera inside it?
-No...

You had to go to another little house,
called a photo booth, for that.

And the photos were emailed?

No, you had to take them
to a post office.

Here...

I think I'm going to get it.

I had that when I was a kid.

Oh, really? Well, it's a beauty.

-The Rolls Royce of trains.
-Do you have Big Boys in stock?

-It would be fun to have one again.
-No, it's been a while.

It's very sought after.

We do have Märklin's
electrical engine "Crocodile"

in silver, special edition 3356, from
the technical exhibition in 1990.

Number 300 in original packaging.
How does that sound?

No, this is enough.
I can't afford it at the moment.

Oh. You can catch another train,
as we say in the business.

That looks so strange
without skis.

With those feet
you don't need skis.

What kind of ski wax
are you using?

I think I recognize him.
I've seen him somewhere.

-The boat to Finland?
-Maybe the welfare office?

-Hiya!
-Hello, Stickan!

Today was like a workout.
I couldn't separate these two.

-Oh, really?
-Maybe I should get poles like that.

-Are they good?
-Don't know. Just got them.

-They're okay.
-Well, you're not alone.

This pole thing seems
like a case of mass psychosis.

-Take care.
-Bye.

Hey!

AIK
(A SOCCER TEAM)

What the fuck? Have the
senior citizens started too?

-It's probably an art project.
-I don't care. Let's take him in.

-Check it out.
-You've regressed to childhood.

Doing graffiti
and playing with trains.

Come, we'll take you back
to day care.

BAJEN
(RIVALING SOCCER TEAM)

What are you in for?

-I did some graffiti...
-You too?

-What's your tag?
-Tag?

-Yes, what did you paint?
-Bajen.

Stig-Helmer Olsson.

Deny everything, grandpa!

Stig Helmer Olsson.

But it's you! Choo-choo!

I thought I recognized you.

-You don't know who I am?
-No...

-Birger. Biff. Your old neighbor.
-Biff?

Long time no see.

My God, it's almost 50 years ago!

-Yeah...
-Time flies. Old "Sumpan."

We had fun in those days,
didn't we, Choo-choo?

Sure. Loads of fun...

Choo-choo.

What are you, Choo-choo?

Cut it out, Biff.

Did you lose your hearing?
What are you?

-I'm four-eyes...
-That's right. Give me the glasses.

Well, Choo-choo,
as you understand,

you'll be fined
for destruction of property.

I understand.
I don't know what came over me.

If you'd written Djurgården, I would
have put you away for two months.

We're done here.
I don't want to see you here again.

No. Bye. Thanks.

The train, Choo-choo.
And your "senile poles."

Strömberg! Have you seen
my reading glasses?

Stop playing with the doors!

Stig-Helmer!

Hi!

Busted for graffiti? Unbelievable.

It's not your style.
You know what I mean?

It was strange to run into Biff
after all these years.

That triggered a lot of memories.

Like a Madeleine cookie.
Oh, never mind.

Speaking of memories,
I want to show you something.

-Are you hungry already?
-No, I used to work here.

-As a pizza cook?
-No, in my uncle's music store.

-Julius Jansson Music & Radio.
-You worked in a music store?

-Yes.
-You're so mysterious.

I get more and more curious
about you. Can I buy you lunch?

-Yes, please.
-At least I walked 302 steps today.

Daddy will be right back.

What should I bring back?
A juicy meat bone or a latte?

No?
Dogs have no sense of humor.

Over there we had all the records,

and here we had shelves
with TVs and radios.

On that wall,
we had all the instruments.

Over there, by the dish rack,
I met my first girlfriend.

By the dish rack? How romantic.

-Here she is.
-Pretty. What's her name?

Annika. Annika Jönsson.
I was so in love with her.

-Did she also work here?
-No. I'll tell you after lunch...

Let's see...

Pizza Carl Larsson...

Cabbage roll
with lingonberries for 59 kronor.

-Cabbage rolls on a pizza?
-You like cabbage rolls. Try it!

I don't know. Last time I ate some,
I had the weirdest dreams.

I guess it makes you flatulent.
I dreamt I was a stand-up comic.

-Stand-up comic?
-Yes, very disturbing.

Hi. How's everyone doing?

I bought these Dacron-pants
by mail order in 1972.

It was also
where I bought my shopping cart.

They are called Ambassador
and cost 69.50.

They have sewn-in creases, so
no need to press them. Practical.

Thanks.

For my encore, I'll talk
about when I got whooping cough

in the fall of 1948. I probably
got it from my cousin Hjördis.

My God, did I cough...

Thank you very much! I love you!

This man will have
the Carl Larsson Pizza,

and I'll have the Edvard Munch.

If you have the munchies,

we have ice-cream
with chocolate fudge

and fried bananas.

Ugh! I'll have the frutta di mare,
por favore.

-Frutti.
-Frutti.

...di mare.

This is the latest fad.
Lemon dressing.

Just open it
and pour it over the salad.

How clever.

No, no, that's a wet wipe.
You use it after your meal.

Never trust a Norwegian,
Stig-Helmer.

Tell me the Stig-Helmer story.

From the beginning?

I was born at the maternity ward
in Birkastan.

It cost 6.75 to have me delivered,
my mom always said.

My dad said for that money he
would've bought a bottle of booze.

That's fatherly love for you.

6.75? Was there a sale?

Sorry, go on.

I was supposed to be named
Sten-Helmer.

Sten-Helmer?

Sten after my dad,
and Helmer after my grandfather.

Then why is it Stig-Helmer?

-In the name of the Father...
-Something went wrong.

...the Son and
in the name of the Holy Spirit...

...I baptize you...

...Stig-Helmer.

-But...
-Hush, Sten.

Okay, Sti--

Okay, Sten-Helmer. Go on.

I have a feeling that I was
taut all the time.

-Taut?
-I mean, scared.

My mom scared me.
I had to look out for the doorman,

the park guard,
the mean old lady in number 34,

the police
and the weird man in number 57.

And Biff, of course.
He was such a bully.

"The ideal childhood."
Sounds more like a jungle.

It's easier now, with the
swine flu or telemarketers...

-Are you ready?
-Yes, thank you. It was great.

Yes...

-This is nice. Well made.
-Yes.

When did your interest
in trains start?

I got a nice engine from Julle
for Christmas when I was ten.

It was a model of the world's
largest steam engine: Big Boy.

-Close your mouth, Stig-Helmer.
-Yes, Mother.

-What a nice present from Julle.
-Yes.

But the socks Aunt Svea sent
were nice too, right?

Yes.

Uncle Julle was a radio operator
on a boat trafficking the US.

I had a strange idea
of how he got the train.

I was probably influenced by
my dad's pulp literature.

Svea said Julle bought the train
at a pawn shop in Gothenburg,

so, not as exciting
as I imagined it.

So, the interest in trains
comes from Uncle Julle?

Yes.
Imagine what that one train did.

I'm lucky he didn't get me a
submarine. With my ears, I mean.

Stig-Helmer...

Are you reading
the train timetable again?

-I'm almost finished.
-Learning a timetable...

Try to remember
to close your mouth!

You don't want to
look like an imbecile, do you?

Yes, Mother. I mean, no...

-Do you still have Julle's train?
-No, I gave it away.

-To whom?
-To Annika.

-Why?
-Because I liked her.

You must have been in love.
It was your prized possession!

Yes, it was actually.

Maybe you can ask her...

"Could I please
have my train back?"

I don't think she still has it.
And I don't know where she lives.

Let's find her.

Bramserud's Private Investigation
firm can handle anything.

Right, Watson?

-Where did she live?
-Not far from here.

Okay, Watson! Lead the way!

-Are you sure this is it?
-Yes.

They must have torn
the house down.

Great analysis, my dear Watson.

-We have to Google her.
-On the internet?

Yes, on the internet.

Look at you. Just like Bill Gates.

Wow...

-They had such nice cars...
-So nice.

Soft curves, great design.

Today's cars are so different.

When I was a boy,
I liked the window of the fish store.

The window in the fish store?

It had water running the whole
time. It looked so exciting.

Olsson's kid is here again.

He seems...

He's learned the whole
train timetable by heart.

What good is that?
They're always late anyway.

-He kind of looks like a cod.
-Don't you mean roach?

Thank you.

That was Barbro Svensson
who sang so beautifully.

Let's meet Stig-Helmer Olsson
who has a special talent.

Let's see.

Table 182, passenger train 453
from Gothenburg...

What time does it arrive
in Limmared?

At 12:41.
There is no restaurant car.

Correct. Bravo.

You know everything
about train schedules.

Will you be an engineer or a
stationmaster when you grow up?

No, I will be an expert in hydraulic
transmissions in diesel engines.

Oh, I see.

Kids, let's joke a little and see

if Stig-Helmer knows when
the train went over Stora Bält?

January 30th, 1658 -
from Kolding to Vordingsborg.

No restaurant car, I presume?

373 hits for Annika Jönsson.

We're not even sure Jönsson is
her last name anymore.

We have to let that lead go,
Stig-Helmer.

Can you think of anyone who
knows someone or something

that isn't named Andersson,
Pettersson or Nilsson?

There was an Olga-something.
Olga, Olga, Olga...

-No...
-It takes a little longer these days.

This is the only sport where you
can dress like a pimp.

Let's see what we got here.

You had seven, six, four, six,
seven, four

four, six, five, four, four,
six, five, six, eight.

And then a ten, actually.

And then you had five, four
and the last one was five.

So 102 total.

-How do you even remember?
-Numbers come easily for me.

When I was 11, I learned all
of Bajen's results since 1897.

All the results from 1897?

Just soccer, handball, bandy,
hockey... Not curling or tug-of-war.

-How long did you live at home?
-Mom kicked me out at 19.

Ouch! Goddammit!

Fucking toaster!

They can break the sound barrier
but not make a functioning toaster!

Stop it, dad.

-Is Stig-Helmer living here?
-Yes.

He'll take your room.
You can take the hall.

Why here?
He can live somewhere else!

He's so boring. He never talks.

-You can talk about train times.
-Don't be stupid.

He's just shy.

Take care of your cousin.
Show him around Stockholm.

He lives in "Sumpan."
That's a suburb of Stockholm!

He's never in the city.
He's never seen the City Hall.

-Never seen City Hall? What?
-He can help us at the store.

-He needs to meet people.
-Why does he have to meet me?

Bjarne!

-Bjarne didn't do so well.
-The first Bjarne was even worse.

Bjarne the second was a
disaster...

Watch it, Bjarne. It will eat you up.

They used to run around like wild
animals. Who tied all the bows?

Not exactly working dogs.

ANTARCTICA 1909

"We have to reach the pole before
Shackleton. Hurry, my dogs!"

"Woof, woof, woof!"

-Grotowski!
-Do you have a cold?

It sounded like a sneeze.

Olga Grotowski. Annika's best
friend. She must know something.

Good, my dear Watson.
But if I get 373 hits on Olga...

Grotowski.

...I will call my psychologist.

50 80 96.

What? One moment.

-Stig-Helmer!
-Yes?

It's for you.
It's from Swedish Television!

Hello?

Yes, speaking.

Yes.

Yes, that sounds nice.

Yes.

Goodbye.

They are starting a new quiz show.

-The price is 10,000 kronor.
-Ten thousand?!

Are you going to participate?
Because you know train times?

That's what they said.

-My mom tipped the off about me.
-This is so crazy!

10,000 kronor!

-We have to practice!
-We?

I'll help you. Think about all the
stuff we can do for 10,000 kronor.

We?

Time table 121, train 104.
Where does it stop at 7:30?

-Hästveda.
-Wrong.

-Älmhult.
-What? At 7:30?

I fooled you. Hästveda is right.
Don't you ever forget. Hästveda.

Have you ever been in love?

-Not that I know.
-You would know. Trust me.

It's super nice!
I need to meet someone new.

Are you available?

We could go on honeymoon
to Hästveda on train 104.

-Don't be silly.
-Okay, no more fun and games.

Time table 85, train 413.
When does it stop in Harmånger?

She radiates and he leads
with certain steps.

Shit, they raised the price for gas
again. It's almost 70 öre per liter.

Do they think
people are made of money?

-And now, "All or nothing."
-Imagine, he's on TV.

Again.

What is she wearing?
She's practically naked.

Maybe they don't
get to pick their own outfits.

Am I paying a TV license
to see clothes like that?

I think she's pretty.

If you take off your glasses,
you don't have to see.

Quiet! It's about to start!

Welcome to "All or Nothing."

Today it's about train schedules,
and our expert

is Stig-Helmer Olsson.

You viewers call him
"Train Engine" Olsson.

Stig-Helmer managed
to get 2,500 kronor last week

with the answer "Herrljunga."

-Can you hear me, Stig?
-Yes.

-Good. What was your week like?
-It was good.

I looked up some things in the
timetables.

and some departures and
connections are tricky.

I see. Are you ready?

Yes.

For 5,000 kronor the question is:

Time table 124, express train 27...

Where does it stop at 13:08?

Do you understand the question?

You have 30 seconds to think
about it from now.

Honeymoon...

Hästveda.

I'm sorry.

No, I can't believe it!

"Skövde" would have meant
5,000 kronor.

And we practiced so hard.

-Poor Stig-Helmer.
-At least he kept his mouth closed.

What did he mean by "honeymoon"?

Give it up for Stig-Henry Olsson!

Stig-Henry? Fucking amateurs.

Yes, damn Hjördis
and her Hästveda.

-You missed out on 5,000 kronor.
-Yes...

That was
a lot of money back then.

I could have bought a
hundred model trains.

-Would you have?
-No, we didn't have room for it.

I even had my train track
underneath the kitchen table.

And one underneath the bathtub.

I pretended it was the
aqueduct in Håverud.

You're a genius.

Let's see.

Bingo! Olga Grotowski,
Rosenstigen 11 A...

Keester.

-You mean, Kista.
-It says Keester here.

Okay...

Do you know where
Rosenstigen is?

Walk that way, take a right,
then you'll see Hassan's Livs.

Take a left there. If you see
old guys smoking hookahs,

you're on the right track.

-You're not Swedish, are you?
-No.

-How do you like it here?
-Except for all the Swedes - good.

-Many thanks. Thank you.
-Fun guy.

-Grotowski. It's gotta be her.
-It's a wild guess.

-Olga Grotowski?
-Who are you?

I'm Stig-Helmer Olsson.

We met a long time ago
with Annika Jönsson.

Well, that was that.

Stig-Helmer. Oh, my!

The boy with the trains?
How fun! Come in.

Cake? For me? Oh, I'll get fat.
Thanks so much!

Annika...

They moved.
It all happened so quickly.

Poor girl.

That father wasn't particularly fun.

-Does Olga know his name?
-No.

Yes... Theodor.

Just like my sister's cute dog.

My, my...
He's not with us anymore.

Theodor Jönsson's dead?

I don't know, but the poor little
dog isn't with us anymore.

We're back on track! There's
only three Theodor Jönssons.

-One of them was born in 2003.
-So, it can't be him.

Good, Watson. Great conclusion.
We're getting close.

-Was it love at first sight?
-Not for Annika, I think.

-But for you, maybe?
-Yes.

-Why is there a movie in the box?
-It's a television.

-Yes?
-I'm checking if our radio is done.

One moment.

It'll be ready next week.
We're waiting for new radio tubes.

Oh, ok.

-I'd like some strings for a banjo.
-Excuse me?

-Strings. For a banjo.
-Yes.

-How about these?
-Those are violin strings.

Oh. I'm new here, so...

-Maybe you want to have a look?
-Yes.

These are good.

2.90, please.

Thank you.

-Thank you.
-Do you play the banjo?

Yes, a little bit.

It sounds like fun.
Isn't it very difficult?

No, not really.

What do you play? Skiffle?

Well, in a way.
I'm in the Salvation Army.

I see.

If you'd like to try it, we have
banjo and guitar lessons tonight.

Come!

Södermannagatan 54 at six.

-I'm Annika, by the way.
-Stig.

-Hope to see you then. Bye.
-Bye.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Annika Jönsson.
She's certainly changed.

She was the ugliest girl in school.
Braces, ugly clothes...

-She's not so ugly now, is she?
-No.

Oh, Stig! You're my idol.

I will never touch my banjo again.

Are you coming to Nalen tonight?

Beefeaters are playing.
They are so good.

Nalen? I don't know...
I'm not a good dancer.

-Have you ever danced?
-No.

Then how do you know
you aren't good?

-I can teach you.
-I might come later.

-I'm thinking about banjo lessons.
-Banjo lessons? You?

Hey! Biff can teach you!

-Biff?
-My new boyfriend.

He plays the banjo in Beefeaters.
It's his band.

They play on Sunday also, when
they make contest selections.

First prize is a trip to New Orleans.

-Wow.
-But hey...

If you're coming along to Nalen,
you need to change clothes.

Something more Dixie.

You look like a nerd.

You don't wear a slipover
and sandals to Nalen.

-Biff? Is that Birger Lundgren?
-Yes!

His father has a flower shop?
In Sumpan?

-Yes, how do you know?
-He lived next door to us.

What?

You guys must have had fun!
He's so lively.

Lively?

Check it out,
he's watching trains again!

-Hiya, Choo-choo. New glasses?
-Cut it out, Biff. Not again.

Are you happy now?

You're stupid.
More stupid than the train.

I swear I will get my revenge,
Birger Lundgren,

you son of a bitch.
May you burn in hell.

-My name is not Choo-choo, it's...
-Stig-Helmer.

Correct.

-What should you not call me?
-Four-eyes.

Good, Birger.

What should you keep your
chubby hands off?

-Your glasses.
-Bravo. Good boy.

You won't be run over by the
largest steam engine, Big Boy,

going to Denver,
next stop Colorado Springs.

Restaurant car not included.

You're free to go,
but don't come back.

Colorado is not
big enough for both of us.

Are you day dreaming again?
Go out and get some fresh air.

I saw that nice guy... Steak?
He might want to play with you.

-His name is Biff, Mom.
-Where are your new glasses?

-I lost them...
-But Stig-Helmer...

Stig-Helmer, you have to be
careful! That's the fifth pair!

The entire child benefit
goes to new glasses again!

Yes, mother.

"Big Boy"... What the hell is this?

-Are you trying to be funny?
-What?

Steal people's glasses. Stupidity.

-Theodor Jönsson.
-Yes.

Excuse me,
I'm looking for Theodor Jönsson.

That's him over there.

-Thank you.
-That's not him.

You never know.
Life is complicated.

Maybe he switched sides.

Hi. I'm Ole Bramserud.
Nice pictures.

-Thank you.
-I have a personal question.

Were you ever a major in the
Salvation Army?

As an old surrealist, I can
appreciate your sense of humor.

Drink and have some snacks.
Major in the Salvation army?

That might have been more
profitable than this business...

Yes, thank you.

A nice dinner would have been
perfect after this art experience.

Surrealism sucks.

You should invite me for
your famous fish quenelles.

-Sure.
-Or... Rather budget-quenelles?

And then you can take...

-Did you see that guy's shoes?
-Awesome.

Did you enjoy working
at the radio store?

Yes, it was fun.
New stuff came in all the time.

Hi-fi records, transistors,
portable phonographs...

Are we talking about
the 1850s or 1950s?

Did you also
have crystal set receivers?

It was a huge thing when the
stereophonic sound came.

Oh.

It was instantly popular.
Everybody wanted stereo.

Was it the same in Norway?

No.
Stereo never made it to Norway.

But we had oil.

The ping pong ball
goes from speaker to speaker.

Come and listen!

Oh, so you bought it after all?

Weren't we getting a TV, so we
don't have to go to Sundbergs?

Can we talk about that later?

Listen! It's here, now there.

-This is the future, Gullan.
-The future...

The dual gramophone
is not staying.

-That is my last word.
-It's available in red, too.

Gullan doesn't seem pleased
with the dual gramophone.

But we got to sell a
television set instead.

Yes.

I'm thinking about
learning how to play the banjo.

-Did you say banjo or bandy?
-Banjo.

It's probably more fun
than train schedules.

There's an old Levinare
in the back. You can borrow it.

Thanks!

They knew how to make
cars back in the day.

Look at the lines, the curves.

Yes.

It's not like those
big, flashy American cars.

Glitter and gewgaws.

Thanks.

-Hi!
-Hi!

I'm so glad you came.

-You brought your own banjo too!
-Yes.

Dad? This is Stig.
He's taking banjo lessons.

-Oh, okay. Welcome, Stig.
-Thanks.

No secular music... We don't
do that kind of thing here.

No, father...

Come. Let's sit.

Put one finger there,
and one finger there...

-...and one there. Yes.
-Like so?

And then strum.

Nice! That's a D.

Let's start with something simple.
"Childhood Faith."

Strum.

Good, Stig!

Not so bad.
The collar should be higher.

And you want round wings.
And a collar needle.

-The pants are too long.
-We'll take care of that.

We have this shirt
in a new material - a type of nylon.

-No ironing necessary.
-No, thanks.

-Forever socks in French crêpe?
-No, thanks.

What kind of pants are these?

-Work pants?
-The latest from America. Jeans.

-They call them "farmer's pants."
-They're ugly.

Yes, but so popular.

In Norway
they call them Ole-pants.

I think they are ugly.
Would you like workman's pants?

No.

-The shirt is chafing a bit.
-No pain, no gain.

Think about Annika.
You look more human now.

Not like a country bumpkin.

Every year in America,
one person is killed by sharks,

but 150 are killed
by faulty toasters?

I've been thinking.
Safe toasters is the next big thing.

Everybody will want
a safe toaster. Nice, streamlined.

I already have a name for it -
Toastmaster. How do you like it?

Toastmaster.

Old love is never toast,

but Toastmaster will do the trick.

The new Shirley for the home.

Toastmaster - the safe toaster.

When did we get
this crazy thing?

Let's get rid of it.

It was a wedding present
from my parents, and it still works.

-There we go... Good morning.
-Good morning.

What the hell...? Do you
have clothes under your PJs?

-Did you sleep like that?
-Hjördis thought I should.

So it doesn't look new.
We're going to Nalen.

What's next? Pants with holes
in them, so they won't look new?

Julle! Buy pants with holes!

You have a great imagination!

-Go ahead.
-Thanks.

Look. Biff is almost sure
they will win tonight.

How do you feel?
First time at Nalen?

I'm a little nervous.

Just follow my lead.
Here's your free ticket.

What?
Did you wear the sandals after all?

The other shoes were chafing.

You're hopeless! I'm happy you
didn't wear the slipover at least.

Come on.

Hi, this is my cousin.
I guess you know each other?

Choo-choo! Long time, no see!

New glasses, I see.

Matches your shoes.

-I have to go on again. See you.
-Okay.

Come on. I'll show you around.

Dear audience, you can now vote
for the nicest legs in Stockholm.

Give them a hand.

I would never
do something like that.

But I would win if I did.
Right, Stig-Helmer?

-Yes.
-Now for something different.

I have the honor of introducing
the Salvation Army's third corps.

If you don't shut up,
we'll throw you out. Right, Topsy?

Annika?

She's the last person I expected
to see at Nalen. Did you know?

No, but they sometimes
visit "the nests of sins."

What? This is like kindergarten.

Dear youth,
I would like to warn you,

as you have chosen this path and
gathered in this temple of sin...

This Sodom and Gomorra...
Turn your faces towards the sky

and the Almighty, and your
anxious souls will have peace.

-This way is the path to hell.
-That's enough, Father.

-You have a lovely voice.
-Thank you.

-May I get you some thé complet?
-Thanks, but I can't stay here.

Come on, Annika.
This is no place for you.

-Coming! Bye...
-Bye.

Nice broad, Choo-choo.
Sexy outfit.

She seems like your type.

-The dad seems special too.
-Leave him alone, Biff.

Listen to this solo.

It's my dad's favorite song.

This is the song
that made him want a music store.

-How are you and Annika?
-Good.

I've learned a couple of songs.

-Not so much Dixie, mostly hymns.
-I wasn't talking about the banjo.

Did you kiss her?
Have you hugged her?

Did you pay her a compliment?
Bought her presents, flowers?

-No.
-You are wasting time.

Let me show you.

First, take her hand - like this.

Then, you put your arm
around her waist. Like so.

Then softly smell her hair...

And take her face
gently in your hands and...

And then - wedding bells.

No making out
during business hours.

This is going to Jönsson,
Skånegatan 47.

And... Wear this.

-But...
-No buts.

I promised my sister to take
care of you. Don't crack your skull.

Here. I'll help you.

You look cute!
Like a cute little egg!

Don't forget to take it off -
or love will die.

Don't be silly.

Rock'n'roll - what the hell is that?
Just a bunch of noise...

Check out the egghead!

Hiya, Choo-choo!

Where's your cone?

There's a law coming saying you
must wear a helmet on an MC.

Soon everyone
with a bike must have one too.

A helmet on a bicycle?

So this is where you are?

I need your help. We have
four funerals and a wedding.

I'll be there, father.

Where's the expensive helmet
we just bought you?

-I forgot it.
-Forgot?

-Hi!
-Hi!

What a surprise! Come in.

-Your radio is ready.
-Great.

I thought it was
strings for the banjo...

You can put it there.

Nice cap.

-Who is it, Annika?
-The radio is ready.

Turn it on.
It's time for the evening service.

Yes, father!

He really wants
to hear an entertainment program.

If you want to practice,
I have some time tomorrow.

I'd love to.

-Where are you going?
-To rehearsal.

You can rehearse making
those bouquets...

Father!

-Did you finish the wreath?
-Yes.

-Almost.
-Almost?

Finish the wreath
and I'll think about it.

Rehearsal...

You hang out
too much at that place - Nalen.

We have so much to do here.

If they're not getting married,
they die like flies...

Don't forget the helmet!
Careful with the wreath!

Yes, father!

Well?

-How much is a rose?
-One rose?

-Yes.
-A yellow or a red rose?

-Which one is cheaper?
-Yellow.

-Then I'll have a yellow one.
-One yellow rose.

Or a red one.

Yes.

No, yellow!

Make up your mind.
I have other things to tend to.

-Yellow.
-Yellow?

-Seems promising.
-Yes.

Major Jönsson, I'm Stig-Helmer
Olsson. We met a long time ago.

Do you know
where your daughter, Annika...

I thought I made it perfectly clear
I never wanted to see you again!

I'm glad you came.

Do you come here often?

From time to time.

I've been coming here
since I was a kid.

-You wanna sit here?
-Sure.

That'll be nice.

I brought a little present.

-A rose.
-Oh...

-A train... That's nice.
-It's an engine called Big Boy.

Maybe you would have
preferred something else.

No! I always wanted a train.
Or an engine, I mean.

-Thank you.
-Thanks.

The only "train" we're used to
are the crusades...

-I meant to ask you something.
-Yes?

Since you've been to Nalen...
Can you teach me how to dance?

-Dance?
-Yes?

Mm, absolutely.

My dad is gone a few days,
so we can practice at our place.

If you bring some records.
Something simple. Not jitterbug.

-Something slower, like Foxtrot?
-Yes, that would be great.

What a romantic place.

I'm sorry.

I brought a new song.

-Dad won't let me play jazz music.
-You don't have to play.

-Just show me the chords.
-Okay.

First a G, like this.
Put your finger on the third fret.

-Here?
-Exactly. And a G. That's right.

You learn quick, but you
have to stop. Mom can't sleep.

-Hey... Can you teach me foxtrot?
-Sure. Any time.

-Can you do it now? It's urgent.
-Urgent? Why?

I promised
to teach Annika tomorrow...

Are you
going to be a dance teacher?

-I'm dying!
-Please, be quiet!

Yes, mother!

Two steps right, one step left...

Two steps to the right... Careful.

-Sorry.
-Take off your sandals.

Two steps right, one step left...

Two steps right, one step left...

Let's see...
Two steps left, one step right...

Two steps left...
Well, reversed for you.

Yes.

One...

Ouch!
Can you take off the sandals?

So I don't ruin them
with my socks?

Of course.

-Sorry.
-No worries.

Where is your mother?

She's an angel.

Oh...

-Do you believe in God?
-I don't know.

-Are you confirmed?
-Yes, that's how I got my suit.

Suit? I think God likes you, Stig.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for
theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Come. Let me show you my room.
You can see where I put Big Boy.

Good morning, Fred Astaire.
Where were you last night?

Look, Daddy! He's blushing.

Cousins can be a pain,
Stig-Helmer.

Fuck, they just
get smaller and smaller.

Well, they can't
get smaller than this.

You have to fit all kinds
of crap in them.

Look!
This is the latest from America.

Combined toaster and egg-boiler.

I'm telling you...
Toasters are the thing.

And here...

A portable phone.
No cords. Just a battery.

In 100 years, everybody will have
one of these. No bigger than this.

-Hello? 50 80 96.
-Portable phone... So American.

Don't talk smack about America.

When I can afford it,
I'm going there again.

New Orleans,
the music, the heat, the food.

You never set foot
on land in New Orleans.

No, I was on guard duty. Sucked.

But I saw the city.

-We're going! Right, Stig-Helmer?
-Yeah, that would be fun.

You should
enter the contest at Nalen.

Hjördis says you're great
at the banjo.

-He can't play alone.
-He can ask the Salvation-gang.

Name the band something
religious. Then they'll do it.

I'd like to see the look on Biff's
face if you enter the contest!

You have to do it!

-I don't know...
-Please!

I might ask them...

Well, these are new times...

Your father is here.

"A holy moment." Last verse.

Julle thought we should
call ourselves "The Saints."

It was perfect.
Did Julle make it to America?

No, he sold the music store
and bought a toaster factory.

Toastmaster. Where I worked.

Manufacturer Julius Jansson.

He bought a big car
and started playing golf.

Hey, should we
just forget about Annika?

She probably doesn't remember
me, and the engine isn't important.

Not important? That engine
defined your whole childhood.

Although, I admit,
we are a little stuck.

Where are you, Annika?

I wonder if she's still
in the Salvation Army?

Salvation Army!

Of course! We've been so blind!
Why didn't we think of that before?

Nice cap.

Sure, I remember Major Jönsson
and his daughter. She was pretty.

-What was her name?
-Annika.

Annika, that's right.
Yes, what happened to them...

I think she moved to China.

He came back,
but she stayed there.

-Congrats!
-That's a little far from Stockholm.

You can say that again!

I remember Annika
talked about the mission station.

China is so huge.
We'll have to give up.

No, no. Don't worry, we'll find her.

We're only talking about
half a billion people....

Give me
three, four years, Watson.

A Norwegian never gives up.
Think about the South Pole.

-What a boring song.
-Yes.

Hi, babe.
Hey, Choo-choo.

I heard you're entering
with two banjos,

a tuba, and a tambourine.

-Yes, that's the plan.
-Might as well fight Ingo...

Cut it out.
And don't call him Choo-choo.

He can put up with a little fun.
Right, Choo-choo?

-Let's slow dance, baby.
-Don't call me baby.

Don't be so grumpy.
Should I call you Banana?

-"Banana"?
-The boys in the band....

-They call us Biff and Banana.
-Stop it

Come on.

See you at the finale, Choo-choo!

China... China!

Eureka!
Your master is a genius, Bjarne!

Give me five!

FINALE - WHO WILL WIN
THE TRIP TO NEW ORLEANS?

I think the Beefeaters will win.
They are so good.

How are you? What's the matter?

Things with Biff didn't work out.

He says I hang out with you too much,

and that you're a wimp,
but I don't care what he says!

So, I dumped him.

-Good luck.
-Thanks.

-Hi!
-Hi!

You made it after all!
I was so nervous.

I said I was
going to the movies with Berit,

to see a movie called I Confess.

My father will go crazy
if he finds out.

Welcome to the hotbed of sin.

Thank you,
Rock-Roger and his Satellites.

Our own local Shadows.

The finale continues with... The Saints!

Give them a hand.

-Do you want to present the song?
-You do it. Say the funny bit too.

Hi.

We're going to play a song called
"I'm confessing that I love you."

It's called the same in English.

Annika!

What nonsense is this?
What are you doing here?

You come with me, now.

You too!
I am so disappointed in you.

We will talk about this later.

And you, young man, I never
want to see your face again.

Understood?

-Yes.
-But, father...

No buts!
Going to the movies with Berit...

You lied to me.
I'm lucky Berit called.

You'll have to go solo, Choo-choo!
Say hi to New Orleans!

Don't mind him. You can
catch another train, Choo-choo.

I'm sorry. Stig-Helmer.

Poor you. How anti-climactic.

-So, the bad guys won?
-Nope. Beefeaters didn't win.

It was a new rock band that won...

Shaking Harry
and the Hurricanes.

What happened to Beefeaters?
Weren't they best in Sweden?

You could say...

-Death got in the way.
-Oops!

Birger!

What nonsense is this, Birger?

We have three funerals
and you're here?

-What about the wreaths?
-I forgot...

But playing Hottentot-music,
that you remember! Come now.

-Say hello to New Orleans.
-Shut up.

Allow me to present
Shaking Harry and the Hurricanes.

Applause!

I hope your parents know
you are here...

Just do a quick song.
We're running out of time.

We're going to play a song
called "Be bap bop."

"Be bap bop"? What is this?

Come, let's go to Bobadilla
before our fathers show up too.

I don't feel like it. I need
to make sure Annika is okay.

Okay. Now I guess you know
what love feels like, huh?

Yes...

Hi.

Hi.

I just wanted to check in on you.

I'm good. But father says
I can't see you again.

What? Why?

He says
you are leading me into sin.

-Who are you talking to, Annika?
-No one.

I guess it's best
we don't see each other any more.

I will never touch a banjo again.

God be with you.

Think of me from time to time.

Wait.

Here.

BURBOUN STREET
NEW ORLEANS,

Jambalaya... Interesting.

It's a real jazzy meal.

-Do you prefer cabbage rolls?
-No.

Cheers! And thanks
for the Stig-Helmer story.

It's like Romeo and Juliet!
Not a dry eye in the house.

And thanks for
arranging this trip. So exciting!

And it will get
even more exciting than this!

Bon appétit, Stig.

-Annika?
-Yes.

-It's been so long.
-Yes. 49 years...

...241 days,
22 hours and 13 minutes.

-You look the same.
-So, Ole found you in China?

No, not China.
It was Kinna. South of Borås.

Bramserud's Private Investigation
firm can find anything.

Dear, Stig.
We have so much to catch up on.

If you can focus on something
else, I also have a gift.

Thanks. It looks like Julle's banjo.

-It is Julle's banjo!
-Yes.

-How did you find it?
-Online.

Search term, "Banjo in freight car."

You can find anything online,
you know. What will you play?

-What?
-What will you play?

I haven't... I can't play...
I just can't...

Come on! You're in New Orleans!

I didn't want you to feel as alone
as you were at Nalen,

so I invited some people.

Should we do our song?
If your dad allows it.

Of course. I'm a big girl now.

-How do you say E?
-E.

Oops...

There will be other opportunities.

We've waited 49 years.
We can wait a little longer.

Yes.

Subtitle translation by T. P. Lindberg