The Stairs (2016) - full transcript

An in-depth look into the lives of habitual drug users in Toronto's Regent Park.

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Subtitles by explosiveskull

MARTY: I was standing at
the back door of a building.

I told Buddy I wanted a
hundred dollars' worth.

Buddy put a 40 piece
of crack in my hand.

I told him, "I don't want that,
give me some more."

Buddy told me, "No, no, no."

I said, "Well I don't
want it, take it back."

Buddy took out a gun and
pointed it at my head.

I thought he was joking.

I said, "I'm not giving you no
hundred dollars for that."

Buddy took the gun
down from my head.



It's one of those ones you gotta
cock. He went like that.

Once I seen him go like that,
I said, "He gonna shoot me."

I started to run.

All I heard was bang, bang.

And I'm bleeding on my legs.

I took the twenty dollars 'cause
I needed cab fare to go to

my girlfriend's house so I could
smoke that forty piece of crack

I had in my hand.

I got in a cab,
I went to her place.

She wasn't in.

I had to break open the
window, go into her place,

smoke my crack.

I smoked my crack,
I changed my pants.

As soon as I changed my
pants, I phoned a cab.



When I phoned a
cab and looked down,

my pants were still just as
bloody as they were before

I even changed them.

The cab came.

I ran outside, opened the
back door and just jumped in.

And said,
"I'm hit, I've been shot.

Take me to the hospital."

So the bullet went in both my
legs, and the bullet lodged

still in my left leg.

HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) Yeah.

MARTY: Went in there and
there it is... thirty-eight.

HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) And
you can still feel it?

MARTY: Oh yeah, I can
still feel it. Feel it.

(GASPS)

(LAUGHING)

MARTY: I usually scare people.

It didn't work with you,
so forget it.

(LAUGHING)

MARTY: I gotta laugh at everyth
that happened in the past.

Or else I'd drive myself crazy.

That was then, this is now.

You would never know
that happened now.

(SOUND OF TRAFFIC)

MARTY: Now... you let me know
when you're ready, buddy.

When I started smoking crack,
I was about 25 years old.

When I finished,
I was 47 years old.

Okay?

Now I'm 51.

When I'm out there
looking for crack,

and it's 11, 12 at night,
and the hostels are locked.

I can't get in,
and it's raining.

I go sleep in one of these highe
apartment buildings around here.

I go sleep there, go to the top
floor, sleep in the stairwell.

These are the stairs.

Come to my living room.

Sit down.

You hungry?

Come on down to the kitchen.

Now you're in the kitchen.

Now you're in the bathroom.

Now you're in the dining room.

This is my home, used
to be all the time.

I used to just sleep
right here like this.

You can sleep a whole
family there comfortably.

(LAUGHING)

I'm not joking.

Oh, see?

Look, they're dirtying up
my living room.

Look at that! I just washed
these floors the other day.

Look at that, urine all
over my clean floors.

You should have
filmed right here.

Come on, let's
get off the stairs.

I got a song too, I
wrote about the stairs.

I'm gonna sing that
for you tomorrow.

(LAUGHING)

GREG: My substance
use? I still use.

I mean, I'm not afraid
to say that to anybody.

Whoever doesn't like it,
they can kiss my...

I enjoy using.

I like using, I don't care.

If you don't like that,
you can kiss my ass too.

(LAUGHING)

Just joking.

(INDISCERNIBLE CONVERSATIONS)

PETER: Hey Greg,
how's it going, man?

GREG: Hey Pete, what's up
man? How you doing?

It's hot outside, eh?

PETER: It is hot.

GREG: You need a kit, eh?
An injection kit?

PETER: Yes, please.

GREG: Alright, no problem.

One cc's?

PETER: Yes, please.

GREG: I hear ya.

Nobody likes using
them half cc's.

I don't know why. Well,
actually I do know why.

PETER: Can't
find a vein.

GREG: Exactly.

Here you go. You're
leaving the building right?

PETER: Yeah.

GREG: Alright.

(LAUGHING)

GREG: You know how it is.
Policies, right?

I can't hand out kits
until you actually leave...

unless you leave the building.

Listen, I went from a guy who
smoked crack in the washroom

and who used to smoke drugs
outside on the property

to actually being hired here.

And I think that's a miracle.

You know what I mean?

Actually, I shouldn't say I
smoked drugs in the washroom

too much 'cause... I don't know.

But anyways, I used to.
That's just the way it is.

(INDISCERNIBLE CONVERSATIONS)

(INDISCERNIBLE CONVERSATIONS)

GREG: Marty.

(INDISCERNIBLE CONVERSATION)

GREG: At age 47, one of
my dreams is actually

to go back to college.

I work here and I go
to school full time.

So I seem to be in these
places all the time now and

I enjoy it so much.

MARTY: When they seen
us on the street,

they said, "Now,
there's a user".

How can we get the users
to come listen to us?

How can we get their
attention and keep it?

"Hey.

Let's give 'em money",
they said.

Wow.

That's a good idea.

"How much money
should we give 'em?

Well, these users smoke
crack, and it's $20 for crack,

so let's give them all $20
to come in here and listen

for two hours to what
we have to say."

Oh really?

They came, they asked me.

I said sure.

I get that $20,
I go buy my crack.

Beautiful.

I went in there, listened
for two hours, got my $20,

went and bought my crack.

But the thing about it was,
it wasn't a one-time thing.

When you join, you
join for six months.

So every week for six
months you're getting $20.

That was beautiful.

After my second time, I went... I
wasn't really listening to what

they were saying because
all I wanted was the $20,

'cause all I wanted was my crac
just like everybody else that w.

Got my money and we left.

And then one day, my third
time I came there

and I started to listen.

But when I was listening I
was sort of daydreaming.

I had been up
smoking crack all night,

so I was tired.

So I sort of closed my eyes and
tried listening to them talk.

And I swear to God, if I had
kept my eyes closed while I was

listening to them talk, I
would've swore to God that

they were talking about me.

I would swear that I was
the one doing the talking.

I asked the gentleman, "How
you know all this and what

you talk and everything?"

"I've been to college,
I'm in university now."

"But didn't you just
say you did three years

in the penitentiary?
You got out last year?"

"Yeah, that's right Marty.
And you can do it too."

I said, "Yes I can".

I went and asked the other
person; it was a girl.

I said, "I've seen you before,
but I didn't want to mention it.

But, weren't you working the
stroll on Jarvis Street?"

"Yes Marty, that was me
and I still do it.

Yeah, but I'm doing
it differently now.

I'm not spending my money
on my drugs no more."

I said, "Wow.

And they tell me that
you're in Upper Canada?

That's the lawyers' college,
isn't it?"

That opened my eyes up.

I said, wait a minute, I'm 48.

These people were
only 30, 20 years old.

But I can do this.
I can be one of them.

So I went from the crack
house to the schoolhouse.

Boy, look at me now.
I'm in my third year.

I says... hang on... cut.

GREG: My man.

Everything bless, Funky.

Everything bless.

Yeah.

That's my man.

I'm not gonna say his name,
but that's my boy, man.

That's my man. I've got
a lot of friends down here.

This is my turf. I love it.

I love it. What's better?

A hot summer day, you're in
the shade, smoking crack.

What the hell? Does it get
any better than that?

(LAUGHING)

This street is still one of
the last stops where crack use

is almost legal.

And the reason it's almost legal
is because they want people

all in one section.

So that when they
need to make arrests,

they know they can just come
down George Street

and by the time they hit
the bottom of the street,

the backseats will be full.

We are like fodder for them,
for their arrest stats.

That's what we are.
We're just fodder.

And we're treated
as such by them.

And I think
it's just sad.

Plus I got beat
up by them.

Badly.

Last year.

Six of them beat
the shit out of me.

For nothing.

Through the courts,
I'll get my justice.

Hopefully.

You know?

They had no reason
to beat me up.

They had no reason.

So, I really want to see
how they're going to pursue

this matter.

'Cause I think I got
them by the balls.

I really do. In my mind.

We'll see how it goes.

MARTY: Okay, John,
Mark, Lisa, everybody.

Calvin, Mark.

You know, the stairs have been
a big part of all of our lives.

Us the users.

I decided that I wanted to
write a song about the stairs.

And it goes
something like this...

One, two, three.

Hold on a minute.

Hold on, don't move.

We got rats, we got roaches,
we got bed bugs too.

They was bitin' me, so I
know they gonna bite you.

Up there, on them stairs,
them dirty old stairs.

We got urine in one corner, we
got human extract in the other.

I'm so glad she can't
see me up here.

Who? My dear mother.

On them dirty old stairs.

We got morphines, we got
oxys, we got opiates too.

While I'm banging them,
somebody gonna be robbing you.

Up there on them stairs,
them dirty old stairs.

When I wake up on the stairs,
all I can feel on my face

are my tears.

I look up to the sky and I say,
please, somebody help me,

help me up there.

Get off these dirty old stairs.

ROXANNE: When I go to sleep,
I tend to go into night terrors.

I have to totally
knock myself out.

And that's just to keep me safe
because my sleepwalking

is so active.

I sometimes will talk to
people or start cooking.

I do all sorts of
things when I'm sleeping.

In 2009, when my
partner overdosed,

I was having a really,
really hard time sleeping.

I think I had gone maybe three
or four days without sleep,

even with medication.

I woke up and I realized
there was cops all around me.

I didn't really
know where I was

but I recognized the area.

So I was trying to figure out
where I was but the cops

were trying to handcuff me.

And when I looked
down I was naked.

So I was like, what the
fuck is going on here?

I had walked about
three blocks, naked,

down to a public park
at the end of my street.

My doctor told me the level
of PTSD I have is comparable

to someone who's been at war.

They had actually, like,
physically taken me down to

the ground and I didn't wake up.

So that's how deep I sleepwalk.

That's from
post-traumatic stress.

(SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC)

(SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC)

EFFIE: When I moved in...
down in this area in 2002,

I never knew about drugs.

I'd seen it on TV but in real
life, I'd never seen it.

ROXANNE: (OFF-SCREEN) M'hmm.

EFFIE: I never like, had it in
my hand, I never smoked it.

ROXANNE: (OFF-SCREEN) M'hmm.

EFFIE: Until one of my... my
boyfriends convinced me to

move down here.

ROXANNE: (OFF-SCREEN) M'hmm.

EFFIE: And that's when he
got me hooked on crack.

ROXANNE: I think that you need
to celebrate all the days that

you heard, "Come on Effie,
let's go, come on, come on."

And you said, "no."

Everybody has those days
where "no" is not "no" to them.

I still have those days.

Some days I'll go
to see a client,

and maybe I'll go
into a crack house,

and I smell the crack and my
back teeth start sweating and...

EFFIE: And grinding.

ROXANNE: Yeah, for sure.

And I still have those days.

And for me it's
been like 15 years.

You know?
EFFIE: Really? That long?

ROXANNE: Yeah. For that
particular drug, yeah.

I think it's not fair
and untrue to say that

if you use drugs
you're a bad mother.

Or if you're in the sex trade,
you're a bad mother.

I've always been very
open with my children.

Once they got to a certain
age where they realized,

or they were guessing what I
was up to or where I was going,

I was very honest with them.

I don't know if it's a
good or a bad thing.

I just know that I'm
not explaining now

what was happening back then.

(LAUGHING)

NORMA: That's why you
gotta check it, right?

ROXANNE: I paid a lot of
money to get my brain

into this condition
NORMA: I know.

And you want the
benefits of that.

Especially the loss
of memory shit.

ROXANNE: It's one of the downfad
the benefits, is the loss of me.

I did have a very
serious opiate addiction.

And that use held on
to me until last year.

So... 30 years.

Y'know, the twenty third was my
two-year anniversary of being

on Suboxone?

NORMA: Oh, really?

Wow.
Congrats.

ROXANNE: I started on the
highest legal dose and now

I'm on 2 milligrams,
which is the smallest.

NORMA: Bobby just kicked it, eh?

At Christmas.

ROXANNE: But how'd he
get off the Suboxone?

NORMA: He got off the Suboxone.
ROXANNE: Did he have a hard tim?

NORMA: He had a hard
time for about two weeks.

ROXANNE: Two weeks? That's it?

NORMA: That was it.
He suffered for two weeks.

Couldn't sleep,
couldn't eat, couldn't shit.

You know what I mean?
The whole bag of shit.

Yeah. And he got off it.

That's congratulations.

ROXANNE: Yeah, thanks.

NORMA: Good for you, Roxanne.
That's freakin' amazing.

SUSHI: Now you
gotta buy more pot.

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

ROXANNE: In my world,
this is a marker.

Like the CN Tower.

Field of Dreams.

People get their drugs up at the
top of the street and come down

here and use and lay
down and go to sleep.

That's how it got its name.

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

CALVIN: When I first came,
it was pretty scary

'cause you never know.

If you get stuck with one
of these and it has HIV,

or Hep C or... you know,
you could get it, right?

You could get HIV.

So... you know, it's
a bit scary but...

You know, if I can clean it up
prevent someone else from gettik

At least I know what I'm doing.

For the most part.

(DOGS BARKING)

MARTY: Field of Dreams...
it's like the stairs.

It's like the stairs,
but it's outside.

Harm reduction.

The safe use of drugs.

And most of the people
here are volunteers.

And the other people here
are peer-outreach workers.

And we also have a
couple students here.

We all come together for
the better of our community.

Okay, here's what we do.

We take two pipes.

We take two screens.

Two condoms.

One stick.

One user.

There you go. Now,
you wrap it all up.

You gotta tie both ends.

Nothing worse than getting a
crack kit without pipes in it.

Then you're really upset.

And there we go,
for our next user.

I have a lot of stress.

(ELEVATOR DOOR CHIMES)

MARTY: Without my place, I'd
probably... well, not probably...

I'd still be smoking crack.
No doubt about it.

Oh.

I'm gonna start my dinner now.

Roasting pans out.
Spare ribs today.

I'm gonna show you how
to make a complete meal.

One person, one shot.

Put it on 450.

Put your movie on, sit
back till she cooks,

and then go nuts.

I don't have an onion.

I usually have my onion but
I didn't go shopping today.

I've got five of these movies.
No, eight of them.

They were $3.49 apiece.

I needed movies, so I went down
bought eight of them yesterday.

Yeah, Bonanza -
The Next Generation.

That's Hoss and the boys.

Oh.

Now see Hugh?

If I do now... now I'm home.

Now I'm home, man.
You know what I mean?

Fuck, the day's done.

MARTY: When you see that
scooter or when you see me

wear my new clothes,
that's drug money.

That's money I would've
spent on drugs.

I sort of went on a
Bob Marley phase.

I love his music, I
love what he stands for,

I love the lyrics to his music.

I started my own little
Bob Marley collection.

Every time I get paid, I go dow
and buy two Bob Marley shirts.

I bought 'em on Yonge Street.

But I wont tell 'em the store.

Because I don't want everybody
taking my Bob Marley sweaters.

I also collect Jimmy Hendrix.

Okay?

That's right, the same store.

I mean, I've got
about... two hundred.

Wait till you see my shoes.

For every shirt here, there's
a pair of shoes for it.

I got shoes for every hat, for
every sweater and some... listen,

these shoes are five years old.

Hang on a minute now, let
me show you something.

These shoes are three years old.

Hang on a minute, hang on.

I think these shoes are
about four years old.

But these stuff looks brand new.

I take care of them, man.

I ain't spending my money,
I ain't wasting my money.

No, I take care of my things.

These hats cost
$30, $40 for a hat.

To me that's kinda crazy.

But I like 'em, so let
me tell you something,

I'm gonna take care of 'em.

Everyone gotta have a Boston ca
gotta have your dirty, nasty Ya.

Everything I got, I cherish.

ROXANNE: Some women got a car
for their birthday from their

favourite trick
and (LAUGHS) I did.

Got a yellow Corvette. (LAUGHS)

It was beautiful.

I sold it to go to school.

I stood on this corner
for a million hours.

I know what the bricks
on that wall look like.

I've probably counted them.

On low track, it's
about, "Got the money?

Okay, let's do it here, let's do
it now, let's get it over with."

And get back to what I wanna do.

On high track, it's more about
getting them to invest in time

so that you get more money all
at once and probably have to do

less sex work.

And plus you're
staying out of the cold.

So we try to negotiate hours
before we try to negotiate

a blowjob.

You could have one guy who might
not ever have been on the stroll

before and, if you've got game,
you can talk him into spending

everything in his bank account
and he'll come back

next paycheck, you know?

If you catch him at
the right time. (LAUGHS)

And actually, if we had as much
sex as men thought we had...

our lips, our pussy lips
would be at our ankles.

It's not true, you
know what I mean?

So many times, I mean women
that are working out there,

they don't actually turn
tricks like... some of them do.

Some do if they have to and som
do if they're in a pinch, whate.

But if the guy is drunk, or
even... even just a little

wasted, we'll do anything we can
to make him believe that he's

having a sexually satisfying
situation ending, you know?

And we're not
even doing anything.

We use our hands
to make, you know,

noises and make it
feel like a pussy.

And we make it convulse,
same as it's a pussy.

And ain't no man don't
know the difference.

Especially if the girl's been
out there for twenty years

doing that shit.

Trust me.

Some spit in the palm of your
hand is a convulsing pussy

in my world.

(LAUGHS)

ROXANNE: Early in the morning.

Get home and my babies
are getting up for school.

I've had a shower, washed
my hair, it's in a ponytail.

And now I'm spending the mornin
getting my kids ready for schoo.

And making sure they
get off to school.

I mean, there wasn't a lot
about my life I didn't like.

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

MARTY: I went to a rehab.

First time in my life.

We're all sittin'
around a table.

One guy tell me he
been here four times.

Buddy say he's
been here seven times.

Buddy here been here
ten fucking times.

You mean you've been here
that long and you still

ain't got well?

I got up and left.

This is a revolving door.

This is the government's
way of saying,

"Lookit, we're helping."

They ain't doing shit.

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

(LAUGHS)

MARTY: You got that
on film, did ya?

I smoke my marijuana every day.

Every day.

Instead of doing a rock,
I go get something else.

A rock, it lasts you a second.

Then you gotta do another one.

Then you do another one,
then do another one.

I do me an opiate.

I'm good all fucking night.

Eight, ten hours.

And I still wake up
with money in my pocket.

Come here.

If she don't meow, she
ain't gonna come out.

Let me see if I can get her out.

Come here baby girl.

No. Okay.

She ain't gonna come out.

I'm not gonna
force her out here.

You have to wait for that.
She don't wanna come out.

I'm not gonna force her out.

I get up at five in the morning,
but I'm awake at three.

At three o'clock in the morning,
that cat will get up on the bed

"Meow, Meow," look at
my eyes, or whatever.

Know what I mean?

I'll look and say, I'm
not getting up 'til four.

When four o'clock comes,
that cat will fucking meow

until I get up.

"C'mon Marty. Get up man,
I want my treat."

I get up, give her treats,
take my shower, shave,

iron my clothes.

Sometimes I have breakfast,
but I'm too anxious to get out.

I just want to get on
my scooter and go.

And I'm downtown (LAUGHS) six,
seven o'clock in the morning,

I'm downtown.

I'm downtown, Hugh.

Seven o'clock
in the morning.

Guaranteed.

Hi kitty kitty.

Hi kitty kitty.

Say 'hi' kitty kitty.

I used to be a lot more hyper.

You know what I mean?

But since I got that cat...
I had it as a kitten.

And I was hyper and I used to,
"Come here, kitty."

You know what I mean?
And it used to hide.

You know, I'd call it
and it gets all scared.

I'm like, "what the fuck?"

Then I realized it was me.

You know what I mean?

Like I'd say,
"Just calm down."

Now, the cat just made
me fuckin' on a level

that's unbelievable.

I've always had a temper.

And when I got mad,
I used to stutter.

And what made me even more mad
is that when I'm trying to talk

and I'm stuttering and I
couldn't get the words out

and everything.

I'd said well, "Fuck it,
let's just fight."

I lost my stuttering when
I was about 21 years old.

I guess 21, 22, I
lost the stuttering.

Yeah. But the anger still staye.

The anger still stayed,
and it's still here today.

I have a very bad temper, Hugh.

You know, this is the reason
why, most times Hugh,

I walk away.

I never used to walk away.

Never used to walk away.
"Fuck you, let's do it".

But now, I walk away
more than I ever did.

'Cause I don't
wanna go to jail.

I don't wanna fucking go
back to where I started.

(SOUND OF RAIN)

ROXANNE: I didn't tell anybody
I applied for college 'cause

I didn't think I'd get in.

I never finished high school,
I never went to high school.

It was very lonely.

I was used to being the one
everyone came to and kinda

running things and I mean,
I knew all the pimps,

I knew all the drug dealers, I
could get anything at any hour

of the day that I wanted.

I could furnish your house for
at three o'clock in the morning.

You know what I mean?

But in college I was just
someone sitting in the classroom

and didn't really know
how to deal with that.

It was just starting to get
cold out and I was taking

the city transit to school for...
I'd never done that before.

I went to work on my own,
drove to work in my own car,

or on my motorcycle, or I would
get a limo service to drive me.

I always had money to
get where I wanted to go.

And I was taking the subway
and I was wearing a full-length

mink 'cause it was cold out.

And this woman was staring
across at me in the subway,

and she said, "Do you know
how many animals they killed

to make that coat?"

And out of response and
reflex I yelled back at her,

screamed back at her, "Do
you know how many animals

I had to fuck to get it?"

And the whole subway went quiet.

So when I got to school, we
were in class and everybody

was talking about how
their day began,

and I told this story
because I was so pissed off.

Everybody else was just stunned
by my language and my response.

I was stunned by... that someone
thought they could speak to me

anyway at all.

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

DOCTOR: All right.

So, we're going to try
cutting down to less Suboxone.

Doing it every other day.

ROXANNE: OK.

I won't get sick?

Do you think I'll get sick?

DOCTOR: I don't think so.

ROXANNE: Suboxone takes away
any feeling of withdrawal.

Getting off the lowest
dose is a little scarier.

It's knowing where I've been.

Like, that could happen, defini.

Two little grandchildren, a
stable home, a job that I love.

Those things could be gone
in a second.

That could happen.

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

SUSHI: You know what I did?
I went and got a transfer.

I'm gonna try to transfer.

JUDY: To one of these buildings?
SUSHI: Yeah, the newer ones.

JUDY: Good luck.
SUSHI: I know, eh?

I'm gonna try.

JUDY: I'll never be able
to afford to live in one.

And they're putting it up in an
where majority of people are ho.

And it's like, what about the p
who were there living before?

SUSHI: Yeah.
JUDY: You've transported...

like, moved the problem somewhe.

SUSHI: Back in the day,
it was funny.

You'd have to do a BJ from
Parliament Street and be

finished by the time you
hit Sherbourne. (LAUGHS)

JUDY: Yup. Yup.

SUSHI: And it was good for a 60.

JUDY: Yep. Good for sixty bucks.

SUSHI: Now, it's like
they're too cheap.

You know that show,
Looking for Mr. Goodbar?

It's like I never found...

JUDY: Mr. Goodbar?
SUSHI: Yeah.

JUDY: 'Cause he doesn't exist.
SUSHI: And never found Richard .

You know what I mean?
JUDY: Richard Gere, where are y?

I need you to pick me up.

Give me diamonds.

SUSHI: I found an
80-year-old Richard Gere.

That was broke.

JUDY: You find these guys
and them who latch on to you

because they figure
you're a working girl and

you make money and they
want you to be the one

that supplies 'em with the dope,
the place to live, the clothes.

It's like, I'm not
supplying you shit, buddy.

I'm the one laying on my
back and spreading my legs,

you should go out
there and help me.

SUSHI: Yeah, it's true, eh?
JUDY: They don't wanna help.

They want you to take
care of them and it's like,

I'm not taking care of you.
I took care of three kids, righ?

You're not one of my kids and I
not taking care of you, I'm sor.

JUDY: I originally came
from the island of Trinidad.

A fairly well off family.

And when I came here
things changed drastically.

Parents were no longer able to
afford to give me the things

that I wanted.

My parents separated.

My mom moved her boyfriend in.

The most difficult thing that
ever happened to me in my life

that started me on, out there,
was... everybody says,

"Go to your mother,
go to your mother".

I went to my mother.

And to find that my
mother didn't believe me.

And it was a
sobering experience.

That the person who is
supposed to protect you

was more interested in keeping
her boyfriend than she was

in protecting her child.

It's even more difficult now
that my mother is gone and

I was never able to put closure
on... on any of that incident.

MARTY: Christmas, Easter,
Valentines... especially

Christmas, my brothers and that
driving around in a van looking.

Because we spent all those
times together as a family.

And Christmas Day, I know
for sure they'd be there.

You know what I mean?

I stayed... I'd always hide.
I'd always hide.

I woke up on the stairs one
Christmas... I hadn't been with

my family in, what? I think it
was about 7 or 10 years.

I think that was probably
the lowest point in my life,

when I was really that
depressed, you know,

and I started crying.

If my mother was to walk
through those doors right now,

on the stairs, you know, I'd
ask God to strike me dead.

One day, I'm walking up
Parliament Street and I see

these little figurines.

And I looked at these people.

They look so real; they look li
same people that are in my chur.

And I knew that if my
mother ever seen these,

that she would fall
right in love with them.

I bought myself a set and
I bought my mother a set.

That looks like my grandmother.

I swear it does.

What I remember most about
going to church is that

everybody in your
whole building went.

The church was
maybe a block away,

but y'all got on the bus.

And y'all had fun on
the bus fooling around.

I just love that feeling.

But the best thing too is that,
after Sunday school there's

that one ritual.
Everybody just runs home.

We all ran home, took off
our Sunday school clothes,

and we'd all just sit there
on the middle of the floor,

'cause we didn't have
no rugs or nothin' then.

We'd lay on the floor and
we watch Sinbad the Sailor,

or whatever Sunday afternoon
movie show was on,

you know what I mean?

You get to the kitchen table, e
runs, you get to the kitchen ta.

After you eat your mum's meal,
man... I mean, you can't move.

I mean, it was just unreal,
you know what I mean?

You make your way
back to the floor.

(LAUGHS) Boy, you
fell asleep then.

This table here is filled with
all my friends and family

who have passed away.

The next one here is that
man I keep telling you about

My hero. My father.

And this is the only
picture I've got of him.

He passed away in 1999.

Yeah, that's my best
friend, right there.

And he had a nickname.

He liked his booze so much,
his nickname was Boozy.

That was his nickname, Boozy.

And they used to
call him Charlie too.

Saturday, Dad always did
the yard, you know?

Dad always did the
yard, every Saturday

that was just like
a ritual, you know?

Yeah... do the yard,
have his beer.

He had his beer. He had beer
all over the house on the weeke.

But the weekdays,
never touched a drop.

(SOUND OF BIRDS CHIRPING)

ROXANNE: My mother
was a heroin addict.

I was adopted to a family who
moved into a Mennonite area.

I looked different
than the community folks.

The Mennonite girls had this
lush, thick, beautiful hair

and I had very thin hair
that never grew.

I had dark lines on my teeth.

I just wanted to find
out what was out there,

what was out past these
walls, I wanted to check it out.

I had a girlfriend who was
like, "Yeah, I'll go with you."

We used to walk out onto
the road going in and out

of this small town we grew
up in, and we'd each stand

on one side of the road and
put our thumbs out.

And whoever got picked up first,
that's the direction we would

leave for in the day.

And we would be gone. We would
just go and (LAUGHS) come back.

Oh, I was bad. I was
really bad, I gotta say.

I was trying to get
away from everything.

My father was a volunteer firem
and my brother was a pyromaniac.

My brother was charged for
some... horrific charges

that had to do with mental
health and the abuse

that we suffered in our home.

He got taken away to prison.

As soon as my
brother left, I left.

'Cause he was the only person, e
only thing that I had to keep m.

That day that I finally left, I
home and I had a fight with my .

and she backhanded me and split
my lip open and I walked into

my bedroom and packed my bags ad
grabbed my cat... my favourite ct

and I said, you
know, "I'm leaving."

And she said, "When
you leave this house,

just know that when you leave,
you can never come back."

And she meant it.
And I knew she meant it.

And I left and I
never went back.

Basically, I grew
up without anyone.

I was fifteen years old
on the street, you know?

They never once
came to look for me.

So I found my family elsewhere.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

MARTY: One thing about us users
is that we all stick together.

GREG: This is a very famous
remember-when spot for us guys.

We've all smoked vast amount of
drugs down here and had fun with

actually girls, to
be honest with you.

MARTY: Girls, guys.

GREG: Think about this
spot, we are down here

We are very vulnerable to
the police. We didn't care.

All's you would see is vast amo
of smoke coming out of here

MARTY: Hiroshima.
GREG: It's a high-tech game.

You gottta be actually pretty st
to smoke drugs on the streets.

You can't be no
dummy smoking drugs.

If you're dumb and you're
smoking drugs on the streets,

you're not gonna be
smoking much drugs.

Someone else will be.

You may buy it but someone
else will be smoking it.

You know what I mean?
MARTY: If you don't know the ga.

GREG: If you don't know the gam.
MARTY: You gotta know the game.

The game is totally messed up.

GREG: I've been to,
like, ten rehabs in my life.

I never completed one.

I don't know, I think I'm
just... I'm stubborn. (LAUGHS)

Very, very, very stubborn.

In a perfect world,
would I be doing drugs?

Probably not. Except for mariju.

Marijuana can always
stay in my books. Always.

Crack, not so much.

You know what I mean? I wish I t
smoke crack. I'll be honest wit.

I wish I didn't smoke it. I do.

And I've learnt to enjoy it.
I've learnt to like it.

And do I want to stop using it?

Probably. Yeah, I do.

And that's a demon I'm gonna hae
to work with on my own, right?

But in the meantime, I think
I've accomplished quite a bit

in the last two or three years,
and actually I see a future for

myself, where two, three years
ago there was no future for me

other than jail or death. Right?

And, ah... yeah.

So... yeah.

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

MARTY: I've known Greg
over 30 years. Yeah.

I've known Greg just as long as
I've known all these peers here.

We grew up together, Greg and I.

Yes, we did.

He's already lost his place.

So he's living in a hostel.

Like most of us, when we
get too far down on our luck.

He has a court case going on.
It's been going on for four yea.

Tomorrow could be the end of it.
But we have to make sure he's te

'cause in the past he hasn't
shown up for court and whatnot.

He won't go to jail. He'll get
served, he won't even get proban

it'll just be over.
But he has to be there.

During his arrest, the
police really beat him up.

They gave him two black
eyes and he was hospitalized.

And he wanted to sue them.

That's what he
started out to do.

I hope he's there because this
is pretty much his last chance

you know what I mean?

You know, you got a peer
who wants to help you.

I mean, it doesn't get
no better than that.

(INDISCERNIBLE CONVERSATIONS)

(INDISCERNIBLE CONVERSATIONS)

MARTY: Have a good night.

MAN: You too.

Take care.

See ya.

MARTY: C'mon people.
Are you going this way?

If you're going, go please
so I can lock this gate.

MAN: Yeah, Nancy.

MARTY: Never mind, Nancy.
You hurry up.

MAN: Patience is a virtue.

You're not patient.

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

MARTY: Yeah, so, Greg
was there earlier.

Apparently he went to the
dorm to get some sleep.

We went to the dorm and
there's no Greg in the dorm;

the dorm's empty.
So Greg disappeared.

I don't know where he is but
we're not gonna catch him today.

Whatever he's dealing with, he
started dealing with last year,.

And it might have been
even longer than a year.

This was a once in a fucking li
chance for him, you know what I?

Look at all the support he had
him, and everything. I don't be.

He should've been there, man. F.

So what's gonna happen now, he'
gonna have a warrant for his ar.

He's gonna end up going to jail
and doing time for these charge.

I'm not putting my best foot
forward for him no more.

ROXANNE: Outreach.

Outreach.

You know this just got stolen,
it still has its reflectors on.

These are, like, very
valuable on the street.

It still has two
tires and a chain.

Oh, and it's in
working condition.

You know how much we can
get for this up there?

Ten... ten bucks.

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

WOMAN: I used to hitchhike
to Toronto.

I was sixteen years old. So
I was... I was pretty clever tho.

ROXANNE: M'hmm.
WOMAN: Like, a natural hustler.

ROXANNE: Sixteen year olds are.

WOMAN:
I found some guy,
like, tried to put me on stroll.

And I'd pull in, like, a
thousand bucks for two nights.

I was like, sixteen years
old. I wasn't legal.

ROXANNE: Yeah.
WOMAN: I was barely legal, I wa.

But you know, I told them I
was eighteen, or something.

I'm getting paid like, forty
to like, well, forty and eighty

if I'm lucky.

The guys are so cheap out there.

And I do dress up, and
I do look really nice.

ROXANNE: Yeah. Where do you wor?

On River?
WOMAN: On Shuter Street. All th.

I walk all the way up from Rive
all the way down to Pembrooke a.

ROXANNE: Oh, okay.
WOMAN: Yeah. And it's disgustin.

I mean like, there's bad dates.

One date, like, he was going
around and you just got in

his car, and he'd just punch
the girl right in the face.

And, you know?
ROXANNE: Yeah. I do know.

WOMAN: And that was it. And then
he'd just throw money on her lap

whether she caught it or not
after she got punched in the fae

and she was pushed
her out of the car.

It was her luck whether or not
she actually got the money for .

But that was what he got off on.

I heard he'd drive away and
jerk off somewhere else after.

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

ROXANNE: When you bend
down and look into the car

you got thirty seconds to decid
if this person's gonna take you.

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

ROXANNE: What I used to do
is check the license plate.

The sticker on the license
plate is the same month

as the birthday on your insuran.

You try to figure out,
"is this your car?"

You could ask him, like,
"What sign are you?"

Whoever was in the car, I
made sure that they knew that

I had friends that took
his license plate down.

Like, if I felt something deep
like something was wrong, I got.

No money was worth
me having a bad date.

I didn't even care about going
to jail, to tell you the truth.

I only worried about bad dates.

JUDY: Hey there.

How you doing?

WOMAN: Good.

JUDY: We're doing outreach from
Regent Park Health Centre.

Do you need anything
from us today?

WOMAN: Everything.
SUSHI: Everything?

You need some socks?
WOMAN: Yeah.

JUDY: There was an old
Chinese hotel that you could

take guys to; spend fifteen
bucks for the room.

The old guy behind the desk
was nice to all the girls.

And I took a date
up there one night.

And at the time I was doing her.
And he got strung out on heroin.

And he swore to God that
there were worms inside me.

All right? And he had
to cut them out of me.

He nearly killed me.
And he was a regular.

Some people are lucky and
some people aren't.

I was one of the lucky
ones. I survived.

I've had friends
that didn't survive.

I've had one friend that ended
up floating in Lake Ontario.

And to this day, they've never
caught the person that killed h.

This your condom wallet.
WOMAN: All right.

JUDY: You've got
condoms in here.

And doubling up is not a good i.
WOMAN: (LAUGHING)

JUDY: You know, most people
say double up. Don't double up.

Because the friction of one conm
can actually make them break.

WOMAN: Yeah.
JUDY: All right?

So don't double up. One is fine.
WOMAN: Okay.


SUSHI: So you get a few
condoms in there, right?

Use a condom, and the other
one you can use as a hair tie.

(LAUGHS)

That's what I do.

JUDY: Women who work the
streets are at the bottom,

as far as I'm concerned, of
the police priority list.

They tend to look at
it, in my opinion, as

"She's just paranoid" or "She
probably tried to rip him off

that's why he did that to her".
They don't take us seriously.

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

(MUSIC)

(MUSIC)

(MUSIC)

(MUSIC)

(MUSIC)

(MUSIC)

(MUSIC)

MARTY: So last week, an
incident happened with me.

It happened when I was at work
at the Regent Park Health Centr.

I lent somebody some money.

And this person kept saying
they're gonna pay me

and I keep confronting them.

This has been like, six months.

I'm going to work;
I see this person.

I confront this person face to e
and told her I want my money to.

She goes, "Don't worry I'll pay"
And I knew she was lying.

She had a cigarette in her mouth
and she was saying it

like she was some tough person.

So I went to grab the
cigarette out of her mouth.

I missed the cigarette and got
on the lip with one of my finge.

And she moved back.

Another lady walks into the
building and walks up to the

reception at the
front desk, and says,

"Who's the supervisor here?
Where's the boss?"

Just like that, all frantic-lik.

The lady who wants the
supervisor is looking at me,

saying, "You're gonna get
fired. You're gonna get fired."

Like it's some kind of game,
like she's a little child.

Saying, "Ha ha.
You're gonna get fired."

The girl who owes me money, who
I had the confrontation with,

is coming in
through the side door.

As she comes in, this
lady looks at her and says,

"Phone the police. Phone the po.
Phone 'em on him, phone 'em on "

And this girl looks at her
and looks at me, and says,

you know, "I'm not phoning
the police." And kept on walkin.

I looked at her, I said, "Why dt
you mind your own fucking busin"

As I'm trying to walk past
her, she takes a step out

and steps directly in
my pathway. Directly.

And she's about
this far from my face.

And she's yelling, "Don't you
talk to me like that. I'm not h.

Don't talk to me like that."

I told her, and I'm
yelling at back at her

"Get out of my face. Shut up
and get out of my face."

Just then, she slaps me.

She slapped me, I was stunned,
I just slapped her back.

As I made contact
with her, I froze.

I said, "Oh no. I didn't
just do that, did I?"

As I stood there, she had
a purse in her hand.

She slapped me in the head
one time with the purse.

I stood there.
She slapped me again.

I stood there.

She slapped me a third time
with her purse. In my face.

I still did nothing because I
was still stunned that I had

hit this person.

I figure, okay, the
police are coming.

I did hit this lady.
I have a bad record.

I'm going to jail.

The police handcuffed
me, in the building.

Walked me outside, put me in a
police car and took me to jail.

I got my co-workers staring at
as I'm being handcuffed and led.

I'm sitting in the back of the
police car and I'm sweating.

I'm saying, "Holy fuck,
not again. Not again."

Being in the back of that polic
like I was sleeping on the stai.

It's like all my... all my rehabe
been doing thus far means nothi.

Because I'm back in
the same spot again.

WOMAN: Yeah.
And I kicked my ass.

I kicked my
motherfuckin' own ass.

JUDY: Found her right
around the street corner.

WOMAN: Yup. Fucking honk.
Honk, honk, honk.

"Where've you been?"

Oh my god.

She's like, "If you
don't come next Thursday,

I'm gonna drag you down and
I'm gonna so embarrass you."

I'm just like,
"Okay, I'm coming."

JUDY: Joy, joy, joy.

WOMAN: OK, we
seriously need a break.

One, two, three, four, five.

I would already have this
done if I was high on Tina.

WOMAN: Hurry up, Grandpa.
GREG: What?

JUDY: Hey, listen.
GREG: My, how you talk to me.

JUDY: When we care about somebo
and when you don't show up

for weeks and weeks
and weeks on end...

WOMAN: I'm joking. I know.
That's what I'm saying, Grandpa.

GREG: Wow.
WOMAN: You're like my Grandpa.

GREG: I'm not a Grandpa.

Well, I am a Grandpa,
actually, but still...

WOMAN: Exactly.
So, shhh.

GREG: I'm not a Grandpa.

I'm appalled you
think of me like that.

(LAUGHING)

Actually, I am.

No one's ever called
me Grandpa before.

JUDY: Hey, Pops.

GREG: Even my grandson
can't call me Grandpa yet.

JUDY: What does he call you?
GREG: (GRUNTS) Uhhhh.

(LAUGHING)

GREG: (GRUNTS) Uhhhhhh.
(LAUGHING)

MARTY: I seen her about
three days ago.

I just caught her. I said, "My .

"Oh, I'm gonna bring your money
over tonight or tomorrow."

But I didn't want to argue and
fight and everything else.

I just wanted to prove that I
can catch you anytime I want

to fucking catch you.
You know what I mean?

But she just thinks she
ain't gonna have to pay me.

And when I see her again,
she's not gonna have my money.

This girl's a fucking bitch.
No, no, it's principle.

(STUTTERING) It's that she justk
my kindness and stepped all ove.

It pissed me off. You know?

I'll, I'll slash her
throat her for it.

I'll punch her right
in the face for it.

If I ever catch her anywhere
alone, anywhere alone

I'll beat the fuck outta her.

I'll tell her, I didn't do it.
I'll tell her she hit me first.

I'll lie my fucking ass off.

Just the way she lied.
No big deal.

Is it worth it? Yeah, until I g
money for me, this case, yeah i.

You know what I mean?
'Cause I'll do it.

I should just forget it.
I mean, it's only, what? $20.

But the $20 came
out of my pocket.

You know, she's not
gonna have my money.

I might pay some fucking broad,
some girl (INDISCERNIBLE) to be.

Not slap, not kick her,
beat her up. I can do that.

She gonna pay for
that. Anyway...

HUGH: (OFF SCREEN)
Would you really do that?

MARTY: You're fucking right,
I would.

All you gotta have is a
twenty piece of stone.

Piece of stone
will get her beat up.

ROXANNE: The worst date that
I ever had was in the late 80s.

This man held me
captive for two days.

The only time I was allowed to e
the bed was to go to the washro.

He held on to my hair to take me
to the washroom in the basement.

I tried starting to get out.

Anytime I moved or put something
down, I'd remember where I'd pu.

So that, if I did get out, I
would have his ass busted.

I kept saying over and
over and over to him,

"My son's at home. I need to ge"

And he kept telling me that he
couldn't let me go because

I would have him kicked out of
the country and he didn't wanna

go back to Colombia.

So, he'd been drinking for two
days and talking non-stop and

raping and was very violent
and I told him that I would

marry him to stay
in the country.

But we had to go do
blood tests to get married.

So we needed to leave his house
and we needed to get these

blood tests done and
go to City Hall.

That way he could
stay in the country.

But I wanted to
pick up my son first.

I could see that after maybe
half a day of just implanting

this idea in his head, that
it was starting to kinda

soften him up a little.

He was starting to be
a little nicer to me.

So I took a chance and I asked
him to go to the washroom.

He was holding on to
my hair, as usual.

But this time he had let go of
my hair and held on to my arm,

to take me down the
stairs to the washroom.

My hands were behind my back,
like, tied behind my back.

So as soon as he turned
to go down the stairs,

he put one foot down on the
stairs to go down the washroom,

I just ripped out of his grasp
threw myself through a bedroom .

I was naked.

I ran out into the middle of the
street where I was hit by a Cor.

Rolled over the top of his car.

Landed on the ground, got
up and just kept running.

By the grace of God there was a
lady, drove up in a mini-van

with another lady and
three little kids in the van.

And they pulled over and scream,
"Get in. Get in. Get in."

And they gave me a sweater
that covered me and ah...um...

took me to 14 Division.

And these police that I'd been
working with every night since

I had these boundaries,
didn't recognize me.

I was so beat up.

So, I fainted.

When I came to, I was in a polie
department washroom on the floo.

And I was covered
in my own vomit.

The police told me, these two
cops that actually had been

trying to bust me earlier
that week were holding me

and telling me everything
was gonna be okay.

And they were gonna take
me to the guy's house.

So, they said, "Do you want us
to take you to his house?"

And I said, "Yeah."

That's the only way I could
tell them where the house was.

Because I couldn't
remember... I remembered

the street and I remembered the
way the screen door looked.

And there was an initial in
the middle of the screen door

and it was turned on its side.

And that's all I could remember
other than the number of steps

in front of the house.

'Cause I... when I ran
down them, I counted,

one, two, three, four, five.

I knew where everything
in the house was.

Where I had dropped condoms;
where I had put wrappers

of condoms; where my
clothes were in the house;

where I'd put things in
the bathroom to prove that

I'd been there and that
had happened to me.

The police took me back to his
house and they turned on the

bright lights so he couldn't
see me and I could see him and

I was able to identify him.

And I think he got seven
years or eight years in prison.

And back then, sex trade workers
weren't really reporting rapes

but I wanted to know who he was.

I wanted to know... just in
case I ever ran into him again,

who he was.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

GREG: (BREATHING HEAVILY)

(COUGHS) Yeah. Very good.

I would say, what happens
when you do a first toke though,

it changes your mindset, though.
It does change your mindset.

Whatever I was thinking
about before is irrelevant.

It's all about crack now.

Crack, crack, crack.

I'm trying to get housing,
of course. That's number one.

That's hard to do.

I hate living in
the hostel system.

It's kind of screwing up
my harm reduction work.

I'm at Seaton House,
right on George Street.

That's crack central,
pretty much.

Very hooked up in that place.

Doesn't matter what time of
night you go, someone is there.

Someone is there, always.

Very hard to do.

Very hard to stay away
from the stuff so...

And as hooked up as I am,
it makes it even worse.

As of right now,
it's a stalemate.

They want me to plead guilty.

And if I plead guilty, that
means I have no legal right

to sue them.

It's almost four years
this case has been going on.

Almost four years.

Four frickin' years.

For the beating
that I took from them.

But you know what?
Really and truly

I don't even really want
money from the cops.

Fuck 'em.

They beat the shit out of me.

They wanted me to
get them to buy drugs.

I wouldn't go for it.

And they kept on
pressing the issue.

I wouldn't go for it,
and finally they said

"Fuck it, let's beat him up."
So they beat me up.

They beat me up pretty good.
I give them credit.

Six of them.

All head and face shots
for about two minutes.

Kicks and punches to the
face and head for two minutes.

But I took it like a champ. I dt
scream, I didn't say nothing,

you know what I mean?

They wanted me, "Ahh. Ahh."
None of that. None of that.

I just took it like a champ.

Yes, sir.

Anyways... one more toke.

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

GREG: Yeah.

MAN: Forty bucks, yo.

GREG: How much?

MAN: Fifty. Make it fifty.

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) Do you remem
back you were gonna stay over a?

One night, like, before a court?
GREG: Right.

HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) Do you remem?
GREG: Yeah.

HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) Do you
remember what happened?

GREG: I was probably
on George Street.

I was probably out smoking crack
somewhere and he couldn't

find me, because I was...
who knows where I could be.

I could be on George
Street one minute,

next minute I'm in Moss Park
or on Sherbourne and Queen.

You know what I mean?

I go where the crack is.

You know?

HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) Did you
get to talk to him about that?

GREG: Oh yeah, I
talked to him about it.

HUGH: (OFF SCREEN)
What did he say?

GREG: He understood.

He understood.

He understood.

Yeah, I was supposed
to stay at his house to

go to court the next morning
but I made it to court anyways.

Yeah.

HUGH: (OFF SCREEN)
You guys on good terms?

GREG: Me and Marty? Yeah, yeah.
Of course. Yeah...

(SOUND OF RUNNING WATER)

(GRUNTS)

MARTY: Since the incident,
I mean, I just go from work to .

Go to darts on Saturdays.
Now darts is over as of last we.

So, I'm back to being a hermit.

(SOUND OF CLOCK TICKING)

MARTY: I've been charged
with assault.

I could lose my job, my reputat,
respect from my fellow peers.

All for nothing.

ROXANNE: I wake up every
morning at the same time

drenched in sweat.

Everything's heightened,
so I'm like, shaking and

I feel like I can't breathe.
I have to go outside.

It feels like terror.

One day I'm gonna
go on vacation.

Somewhere warm.

Fiji Islands, Jamaica.

Just relax.

No telephone, no internet, no w
for anyone to get a hold on me.

Sleep.

Friday was the first day that I
woke up and didn't take Suboxone

in over two years.

And didn't take something
in... I mean, thirty years.

Relapse is a part of recovery.

I just don't want it
to be a part of mine.

(LAUGHING)

MARTY: What's up, Redman?

You okay? You need something?

MAN: (INDISCERNIBLE)

MARTY: Holy fuck.

That's no good.
Yeah, that's no good.

MAN: (INDISCERNIBLE)

MARTY: Yeah, but you still
have your place though, eh?

MAN: Yeah.
MARTY: Oh good.
Okay, yeah.

MARTY: My lawyer called and she,
"Looks like we have a resolutio"

BRUCE: A field, right?
MARTY: I have no idea, Bruce.

No fuckin' idea.

Maybe they'll put another buildg
here, who knows? Another condo.

So when I arrived at
court the next day,

she told me this
resolution was a peace bond.

I sign it, and the lady who accd
me of assaulting her signs it.

And we stay away from each
other for one year and then

everything's done.

I used to give my fingerprints.

Now I'm the blueprint.

For doing it right,
doing it right.

(LAUGHS)

Wasn't like this years ago.

This coming weekend, I'm
gonna start my withdraws.

The following Monday, I'm
gonna go to the doctor,

and she's gonna start
me on my Suboxone.

And that's gonna save
me $400 every two weeks.

It's gonna give me
back my freedom.

So I don't have to
wake up in the morning,

feeling all the aches and pains
and not being able to move.

It's just not worth it.

See, I don't have kids or anyth.
Gotta have some kind of legacy.

If I keep talking, keep yelling,
maybe my voice will stay around.

With my spirit.

The screaming spirit, they call.

(TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

GREG: This is police.

This one here is, ah... I got
into an altercation with

somebody and they threw a full
beer bottle at my... at my face.

HUGH: (OFF SCREEN)
When was that?

GREG: Oh that was maybe
eight years ago, nine years ago.

And I don't mind the scar.
Some girls like it.

They say, "Where'd you
get that? It's so cool."

I say, "Yeah... I know."

I was a biracial baby back in ts
and I was basically told I was .

That the society didn't condone
blacks and whites together.

So my parents gave me up for
adoption because they didn't wat

the stigma of having a biracial.

So I'm probably running from th.
I'm running from myself.

I don't think I like who I am m.
You know what I mean?

Either I wish I was white or bl.
Not white and black.

You know?

And yet, at the same
time I love who I am

so it's a contradiction
in itself, you know?

Yeah.

I got a daughter and a son,
and I got a grandson.

My daughter is 24
and my son is 27.

My grandson is two.

But I'm supposed to
go babysit him soon.

My daughter wants me to come
up and babysit him for a week.

So I'm really looking
forward to that.

That's gonna be a good way
for me to get out of this

jungle I'm in... you know?

Go to the suburbs, even
though I hate the suburbs

but I gotta go to Brampton
and see my grandson.

Connect with him, you know?

He doesn't know me yet, really,
he hasn't seen... that's Grandp.

He doesn't really know me.
He's only seen me once.

Sure, I think about him every d.

But they're doing well,
they're okay. You know?

They're living up in Brampton,
they're doing what they wanna d.

I think my daughter
gets me. She gets me.

You know?

She accepts that I am what I am
and who I am and how I live.

Yeah.

He doesn't really talk to me.
He's very angry at me.

Very angry. So, you know...
We haven't talked in a while.

It's been years.

It is what it is.

I will not really change
who I am or what I am.

Even though according to society
I'm a lowdown drug addict.

I think I'm quite intelligent,
actually and I believe

my views on a lot of subjects
are correct and I think a lot

of people are wrong in the way
think and the way they go about.

So, we're at a
Mexican stand-off.

And I'm not budging.

(SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC)

(SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC)

MARTY: Here kitty, kitty,
kitty, kitty.

Here, kitty.

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

My whole body's gonna itch now.

That's how you know you got it.

That should last, I don't know,
nine, ten o'clock tonight.

Maybe a little later.

The whole thing... I did the oth

that'll be good 'til about... I t
know, two, three in the morning.

So there'll be no more
sweating now for a while.

(SOUND OF CHAIR SCRAPING
ACROSS FLOOR)

MALE CLIENT 1: No I didn't,
I'm in the office.

GREG: Stem kit for you?

One's good?
MALE CLIENT 1: Yeah.

GREG: Alright, bro.

MALE CLIENT 2: Is there another
place I can go to do my laundry?

GREG: Somewhere else?

Around here?

Laundry...this is the
place I was talking about.

Monday to Friday til noon
only, by appointment only.

And that's it.

Realistically, there's
no place to go.

Housing? My housing is good.

I'm finally going to my house
right now... soon as I'm off

to see if my cheque's in the ma.

Then I'm gonna spend
some time in my house.

Get to know my bed.

Ah-ha.

This is my house.

This is my TV room. Living room.

ROXANNE: So you started your
criminal compensation paperwork?

GREG: No, I can't do that. Beca
I said, I have to be found not y

to get paid.
ROXANNE: Okay.

GREG: So they're trying to...

That's why it's five years.
(LAUGHING) You know what I mean?

It's bullshit, you
know what I mean?

I really don't even want
their fucking money.

You know what I mean? Seriously.

'Cause I'll just recycle
it, the way I know how

and they won't like that, you k?

Threw me through a window,
beside the Buffalo restaurant

on Sherbourne and Queen.

They brought me to the hospital
and the fuckin' doctor looked

at me and says, "Who the
fuck did that to you?"

And I told him, "A cop."

He's like, "Yeah, right."

ROXANNE: You healed up pretty.

GREG: Thank you.
ROXANNE: You're welcome.

Thanks. Thanks.

Wow.

ROXANNE: That's pretty traumati.
Have you dealt with that? Have ?

GREG: No, I haven't
dealt with it yet.

Like I said, I don't even
want their fucking money.

ROXANNE: No, I don't mean
financially have you dealt with.

Like, have you talked to someon
about it? Like, counsellor or...

GREG: I've talked to a few
people about it, yeah.

ROXANNE: Do you have any
family members around here?

GREG: Around here, in Toronto?
ROXANNE: Well, close to you.

GREG: No, nobody close to me.

They're all in the suburbs.

I talked to my sister
a couple days ago.

I talked to my
daughter yesterday.

Talked to my grandson
yesterday for a minute.

He's so me.

He's so me. He's so me.

I'm not well-received,
like, past my daughter.

And even her, I've...
I've abandoned her.

You know what I mean?
In all kinds of ways.

I was never there for her,
you know what I mean?

But she still... she
still lets me talk to her

still lets me be
part of her family.

I don't know what to do
about that, you know?

ROXANNE: So many people come to
me for answers...and come to me

for help, that I feel like
I should have the answers

or I should know what to do.

Of course, it feels very
different when it's your son.

I just found out that my
youngest son was using.

HUGH: (OFF SCREEN)
So how old is your son?

ROXANNE: Eighteen.

You think about if you had
done something different

if you had been there during a
time where you could have prote.

He grew up seeing and being aros
that he shouldn't have saw or h.

And that was so normal to us
that we had normalized so much

that... he normalized it.
Like, that was just part of lif.

And it shouldn't have been.

It shouldn't have been.

(SOUND OF TRAFFIC)

(SOUND OF CONSTRUCTION MACHINES)

(SOUND OF CONSTRUCTION MACHINES)

(SOUND OF CONSTRUCTION MACHINES)

(SOUND OF CONSTRUCTION MACHINES)

HUGH: (OFF SCREEN)
How's Greg doing?

MARTY: Lousy.

HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) Lousy?
MARTY: Terrible.

He's been off sick all week
because he's indulging, that's .

And he came in today
and he smelt terrible.

Smelt terrible.

He was straight and everything,
but smelt terrible.

HUGH: (OFF SCREEN)
Has he been home?

MARTY: Apparently
he was home, but...

Tell me I don't know
what I'm talkin' about

because he told Jessica
the same thing.

But if I don't say anything,
when he does lose his place

I'm gonna feel guilty for
not saying anything.

This is harm reduction. There's
more downs than there are ups.

In order for you to get
somewhere without doing drugs

it's gonna take you years.

That's a dilemma too right ther
you know how strong you have to?

You know? So...

And Greg was strong, just like
I was, in the beginning. You kn?

Then he got the money.

Six grand... three grand
and it just triggered him.

Then he came clean again,
and went back to school.

Got three more grand and
never came back from that.

HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) What do you
mean he got all this the money?

MARTY: Student loans.

I've been going to court
with Greg on this case for

the last four, five times, but
he must've went about fifty,

sixty times in the four or fives
he's been going to court for th.

And I give Greg a lot of credit
in four years he only got in tr.

He shouldn't have had to wait fr
years, you know what I mean, Hu?

It should've been
over with already.

ROXANNE: You live
through so much.

I've seen people get murdered.
I've seen people beat.

I've seen people,
you know, raped.

I mean, you can't live with
all of that and function...

with all of that on your
brain and in your heart.

You have to put it down.

I went to a birthday party.

People were using around
me and were offering lines.

And just saying, you know,
like go ahead, go ahead.

And I thought about it.

SUSHI: Okay, six.

One, two, three, four...

ROXANNE: Oh.
I didn't say last card.

SUSHI: Doesn't matter.
You're on four in a row.

ROXANNE: It's a good thing we
don't have no money on this gam.

SUSHI: (LAUGHS) I know, I know.

SUSHI: Do you want a beer?

ROXANNE: Yeah.

Oh... okay.

I can't even get off eights, ma.

My son needs me. And whatever
I can do, I'm gonna do.

I don't really care what peoplek
about who I am, or what I've do.

Not anymore.

I've seen what they can be.

And I could never
be as bad as them

so I don't see how
anyone can judge me.

MARTY: There is none of those
happy endings, you know what I ?

There's always good endings,
and there's good days,

that's why they say day
by day, one day at a time.

You know what I mean?

But... I'm a recovering addict.

You're a recovering addict
for the rest of your life.

So where's the happy ending?

It's a good day.
There's no good ending.

The ending's when you're dead.

There's a good ending for ya.

But as long as you're still
alive, you're still struggling.

You're still coping.
You know what I mean?

When you wake up, and
you're at that next day

you're very happy 'cause you mae
another day you didn't smoke cr.

You know what I mean, Hugh?
That's the happy ending for us.

It's that, okay, we
didn't do it today.

And, you know, I didn't do it y.
I'm not gonna do it today eithe.

That's our happy ending.

Because it never ends.

(SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC)

MARTY: Listen, I need you
to do me a favour.

Greg has to go to court today.

He's supposed to be
there by nine o'clock.

If he's not there, it's going
to be a fail-to-appear

and they're gonna throw him in .

This is the last day.

They finally got everything thay
wanted. The deal's gonna happen.

But if we don't find him, it's
gonna be all screwed up so...

His lawyer's waiting for him the

and I'm supposed to be there wi,
but I couldn't find him this mog

so I'm gonna look for him now.

We can't be late.

Fucking guy.

Fuck.

MARTY: All this bullshit
over forty bucks.

Forty bucks that he
sold to an undercover?

Okay stop the car here, Hugh.

I don't know what to tell you.

Give me a minute.

(CAR DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS)

(MUSIC: "Sailing Away"
by Jennifer Castle)

(MUSIC: "Sailing Away"
by Jennifer Castle)

(MUSIC: "Sailing Away"
by Jennifer Castle)

(MUSIC: "Sailing Away"
by Jennifer Castle)

(MUSIC: "Sailing Away"
by Jennifer Castle)

(MUSIC: "Sailing Away"
by Jennifer Castle)

(MUSIC: "Sailing Away"
by Jennifer Castle)

(MUSIC: "Sailing Away"
by Jennifer Castle)

(MUSIC: "Sailing Away"
by Jennifer Castle)

(MUSIC: "Sailing Away"
by Jennifer Castle)

(MUSIC: "Sailing Away"
by Jennifer Castle)

(MUSIC: "Sailing Away"
by Jennifer Castle)

(MUSIC: "Sailing Away"
by Jennifer Castle)

(MUSIC: "Sailing Away"
by Jennifer Castle)

(MUSIC: "Sailing Away"
by Jennifer Castle)

(MUSIC: "Sailing Away"
by Jennifer Castle)

MARTY: (LAUGHING)

I can't do that again.

I can't.

Oh, boy.

That's it.

That's Marty.

(CLAPPING)

Subtitles by explosiveskull