The Sleepover (2020) - full transcript

So, there my grandfather was.

Alone, injured,

scared, in space.

And the only way he could survive
until his crew came back to rescue him

was by growing vegetables…

In his own poop.

OK, Kevin...
I'm gonna stop you right there.

I'm having a hard time
believing this is true.

Mrs. Westenfeldt,
I don't know what would make you think...

Well, for one thing,
it's the plot of The Martian.

- Come on.
- Enough already, Kev.



Where do you think they got the idea?

Ow!

My God. Oh, my God.

Clancy?

Is your head OK?

Uh, hey, Travis.

Uh, yeah, I'm fine.

So, I'm having this party tonight.

My parents are out of town.
You should come by. Here, um…

- Give me your number, so I can...
- Oh, um, I don't have that.

- You don't have a number?
- No. I don't have a phone.

My mom won't let me.

She thinks social media's
where serial killers

and college admissions
get their information about you.



That's… That's really weird.

Yeah.

- Hey, Trav.
- Hey, Emma.

Your party is going to be wicked awesome.

Oh, and shouldn't you be
in rehearsal, band nerd?

Don't worry about them.
They're annoying.

Hope I see you tonight.

Louisa, thank you.
Violin sounded excellent.

Alright, guys, practice, practice.

Alright. Bye, kids.

- Great job today, Clancy.
- Thanks.

Did you finish your... your audition tape?

Um, not yet.

Not yet?

Clancy, the application deadline
is in two weeks.

I know, I…
I filmed one last night, but I deleted it,

'cause at ends, I was a little pitchy,
and the high notes were flat. I…

- I just need...
- Hey, listen...

Make the tape this weekend,
get it to me by Monday.

That's it. You got this.

- OK.
- OK. You got this.

Kids class. You wanna practice? Fine.

Ooh!

Ooh, you look good!

Yeah, I didn't...
didn't think I'd see you here.

You look fierce.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah!

Nice moves, loser.

- This is so good, man.
- It was just a joke.

- Where you going? Get back here.
- Leave me alone.

Where you going? Come on.
Give me one more move.

I knew you were there the whole time.
It was just a joke.

- You're gonna be famous.
- Hey.

- Everything OK here, boys?
- Yep. All good.

Sure.

Alright. Why don't you head back to lunch?

Not so fast, you three.
You're eighth graders.

You think you should be
picking on younger kids?

What are you gonna do about it?

Oh... Jeez, well.

I guess, first I would find out
who your parents are.

Then I'd find out where they live.

And one night,

when you're all sound asleep,
I'd cut a small hole in their brake lines.

So, one minute you've got brakes,
and the next,

you're rolling right through a stop sign

and getting smashed into little,
unrecognizable pieces by oncoming traffic.

Oops! You missed lunch.

Better not be late for class.

Guys, wait up!

- Hey, Dad!
- Hey!

Hey, guys!

TGIF! How was school?

Fine.

- Did anything interesting happen?
- No.

OK.

Dad, you really brought
those weird finger things to school?

Uh, no, I didn't bring these
with me to school, OK?

I have a spare set in the car.

- That's even weirder.
- Kevin, can you tell your sister

that being a pastry chef

requires enormous finger strength
for kneading dough?

- Look at that muscle.
- Yeah, look at it. He's the finger ninja.

- Hola. What's goin' on, Finch family?
- Hi.

Thanks for always letting me
catch a ride, Mr. Finch.

- You're basically family, Mim.
- Don't be a perv! Close the door.

So, Mim...

Oh, boy.

Well, looks like we're all here.
Let's hit it, Dad.

I'd love to, but I can't jump the line.

Yeah, it's just, idling like this
is super bad for the environment.

Oh... Do you have to take a number two?

Dad, what? No!

No, I'm just saying.
I know you don't like going in school,

and I remembered last year,

when you held it in for five days,
and finally...

Dad, stop! You're killing me!

I'm killing you?
You were killing us, when you...

Hey!

- Mr. Finch…
- Hey, Mrs. W.

You know what I just realized?

Mrs. W and Mrs. Westenfeldt
have the same amount of syllables,

so me calling you "Mrs. W"

doesn't save any time.

- Isn't that funny?
- Ha-ha.

- She doesn't care.
- It's funny to me.

Mr. Finch, Kevin gave a very interesting
oral presentation

in social studies class today.

Really?

It was a project on their family history

and Kevin had fascinating things to say
about your family.

Oh, well...

And how they were a troupe of traveling
Russian acrobats turned astronauts

- NASA trained for secret space missions.
- That...

Kevin tends to live
in his own imaginary little world,

- which can be great…
- Yes.

…except when it comes at the expense
of participating in real life.

Except then.

So... I will give him the weekend
to redo his project.

- That seems fair.
- He can present again on Monday.

- Hm.
- Well, I appreciate that.

And she's gone.

Alright. Everybody, buckle up,
the correct way.

- Who puts ketchup on pizza?
- OK, Kevin.

- Hey, hon!
- Hey, guys.

You should've seen me.
I was a tiger in the carpool line.

You are the king of carpool.

Guess what.
I had a chat with Mrs. W.

- Kevin's at it again.
- Kevin, are you telling tales again?

- How was lunch duty today?
- You know, same as usual.

Actually, an 8th grader got into trouble
with his phone. I had...

Wow! An 8th grader has a phone,
and I don't.

Mom, can we talk about this?
Please. It's time. I need a phone.

I'm literally the only one in my grade
without one. I'm a total freak.

Just 'cause you don't have a phone,
doesn't make you a freak.

Mmm... It's not like
"sit with the counselor at lunch

'cause you stink like cheese" freak, but...

You know, in high school
we had this foreign exchange student

who smelled like cheese.
We called him Frankie Fromage.

Ew, Dad! Mom!

- He liked it. Frankie Fromage.
- Focus! Phone.

Honey, we've been over this.
What do you need a phone for?

Travis Schultz asked for her number
to invite her to his party.

Do you know what that means?
He's a senior.

Senior.

Wait, a senior? Who? What?

- Travis who? What party?
- Hmm?

What? No. What party? No parties.

- Sorry.
- Are his parents be there?

- Oh my God. I don't know, Mom.
- We can call his parents.

We should call his parents.

- We should call everybody.
- Oh my God. Don't do that.

Absolutely not. Do not call anybody.
That's so embarrassing.

Honey, listen...

I know you think I don't get it,
but I was 15 once too.

I know a thing or two about parties.

- Really?
- Yeah.

All you ever talk about is how you spent
every waking moment in the library.

Yeah, well, you know,
parties came and went,

but the library was always there for me.

You're about to quote
your dead poet guy.

- "There are no strangers here, just…"
- "Friends you haven't met."

William Butler Yeats.

Feel like if you can quote that by heart,
you didn't go to a lot of parties.

No parents, no parties.

- Come on! Nobody else's mom even cares.
- Well, I'm not everyone else's mom.

Obviously! Everybody else's moms
have a life of their own,

not worrying
about what their daughter is doing

and the scary things that might happen.
God, it's pathetic!

- Hey.
- Oh, so, I'm pathetic?

Yeah. It's sad.

You know what else is sad?
You're grounded.

Yeah, you're grounded!

She hates me.

Oh, come on, honey…

She's ruining my life, Mim.

Yeah, baby. She's cray.

She lose it when you told her
you were going to Boston for the summer?

You didn't ask her, did you?

- Clancy, do you even wanna go?
- Yes, of course! I…

I mean, I'm probably
not gonna get accepted anyway.

The Berklee Summer Workshop
is a really prestigious music program.

They get a ton of applicants every year
and very few get accepted.

Clance...

You're the best cellist I've ever seen.

OK.

I might be the best cellist
in our tiny, little corner on Cape Cod.

Know what I think? You're secretly glad
your mother never lets you go anywhere

or do anything, 'cause then
you don't have to put yourself out there.

Wha... That's so not true.

Mim! She's grounded. Time to go.

Great.

Then prove it.

We are sneaking out
to Travis's party tonight.

- Mi...
- Shh! Yes. Yes.

Put on your skinny jeans
and your red tank.

- Love you.
- Love you, too.

Angus, stop! Angus! Calm down!

Angus, heel!

Sit. Heel! Heel! Heel!

Ah, he got me! Get down! Lay down!

Stay! I'm the alpha!

Ah... animals.

- Hey, Lewis. What's happenin'?
- Hi.

Kevin's is very excited
about tonight's sleepover.

Thanks for inviting him.

- Here's a bag with some of his stuff.
- Great.

Including his special
nighttime underpants,

which have sensors
that sound a small alarm

- when they get wet.
- Ah. That's cute.

Lewis has a bit of a problem with
wetting the bed.

Mom!

Oh, don't worry about it, buddy.
It happens to the best of 'em.

It happens to me
from time to time.

Ron! Get your prostate checked.

Oh, no, I was, I was…

Ye... I will. I should.

- I definitely should. I will. Uh, K-Kevin!
- Uh-huh.

Lewis is here!

Come down. Quickly. Like the wind, boy.

Come on, buddy.

No.

- Bye, honey! Be careful.
- Let's go!

Those guys are like the three musketeers,
without, you know, the...

I'll collect him in the morning.

- Eight o'clock sharp.
- OK.

He'll be fine.

Ooh...

Right at the video games.

How about you guys
do something a bit more, uh, productive?

We are! We just took over Tilted Town.

I meant something a little more physical.

My guy's running.

OK, Kevin, I think that this is
what Mrs. W was talking about.

You spend way too much time
in these imaginary worlds.

Why don't you go outside into
the real world and run around a bit?

Oh... Here, Mr. Finch.

- What's this?
- A list of my known allergens.

It's laminated for protection.

Mom was concerned
about your cavalier parenting style.

- It means...
- I know what it means.

OK. I'll make it simple. How about this?
Who wants pizza for dinner?

Me!

- I'm not allowed half-processed cheeses.
- Well, Lewis, it'll be our little secret.

- I'm not allowed to have secrets.
- Oh, it's gonna be a long night.

Honey, I mean, almond milk, soy milk...

Can we just get regular milk for once?

You can't just squeeze something
and call it milk.

That's just nut water.

You like nut wa... What? Wait a minute.

It was a joke.

H-honey, honey, I-I gotta go.

Everything OK here, boys?

Oh, crap!

Hey! No! Angus, no! Angus! Angus!

- Whoa!
- No! Stop! No!

Here you go, bud.
I happen to have a dog treat for ya.

Gotta be prepared for anything
in this line of work, man.

That was impressive.

- What do I owe ya?
- Uh, it's gonna be 18.45.

Forty-five. You got it. I have… Oh...

- I only have a twenty. That's a bad tip.
- Oh, don't sweat it.

No, no, no, I don't wanna be that guy.

Take that, but don't go.
Hold on. Take this.

I own the bakery on Wyndhurst.
Stop by, OK?

- Anything you want, on the house.
- OK.

- Cool. Thank you, man.
- Cool, man.

Nice guy.

It's her.

Wow! You guys picked
the perfect night for a campout.

This is gonna be so cool.

- I don't get why we're being punished.
- Kev, you're not being punished.

- It's fun. It's an adventure.
- Uh, Mr. Finch.

I'm not allowed to play in unfamiliar
frontier settings unsupervised.

Good news, it's not a frontier.
You're in our backyard.

There's a fence.
You're gonna be perfectly safe.

Come on, guys. Inside.

There you go. You got it.

Look at this tent.
We haven't used this tent in ages.

Yeah, because it sucks!
There are bugs everywhere.

- That thing's cocooning!
- There are not bugs everywhere! Ju... Oh!

There he goes...
just back to his little spot, see?

Do me a favor.
Sleep with your mouths closed, OK?

Anyway, have a good time, guys!
This is fun! Camping out!

What now?

- We could tell scary stories.
- OK.

That sounds cool.

You go first.

What was that?

Air? Wolf?

Badger?

- Probably not a badger.
- Alien?

With hooks for hands?

- My God!
- Jeez, Mim.

Oh, you guys should see your faces.

What are you little turds doin' out here?

- S-sleeping in the tent.
- Duh. Why?

My dad thinks it's good for us,
or something.

Parents are so weird.

What are you doing?

Sneaking out, obviously. Cute jammies.

Busted!

- Sorry, I was just, uh...
- Oh... I know what you were doing.

You were trying to sneak one of these.

- Yes.
- Yes! I know.

Every time

I bake a new tester recipe, there's always
one or two missing in the morning.

I always thought it was Kevin,
but now I know, it's my daughter.

Guilty.

OK...

Brown sugar, banana,
with avocado frosting.

Gettin' crazy, Dad.

A little wild, but tell me what you think.

You were a little hard on Mom tonight.

She was hard on me.

She grounded me for no reason.

Well, she had her reasons.
You can't talk to Mom like that.

You know, you two are more alike
than you know.

OK.

Alright, enough with the lecture.
What do you think?

- It's actually really good.
- Good! I picked the right profession.

Yeah.

Alright. Well, you finish that one.

- Do not touch any of the other ones.
- OK.

If Kevin asks, you were never here.

- Alright. Don't stay up too late.
- OK.

- Alright. I love you.
- Love you, too.

So... where you sneakin' out to?

You sneakin' out to meet a guy? Dude? Man?

Don't tell him anything.
He's just gonna tell on us.

- He's a total tattletale.
- I am not!

And we sneak out all the time, right?

You do not sneak out.

- You're too afraid of the dark.
- No, we love the dark. Right?

Says the boy with the Captain America
night-light in his room.

Hey, it's not a night-light,
it's an area illuminator,

in case I have to pee
or get a drink in the middle of the night.

He makes crap up. He's a liar.

I'm telling Mom
you called me a liar.

I have to use the restroom.

- Don't look at the Gatorade.
- Oh!

You got this. You're a big boy!

- Dog?
- Neutralized.

Come on, Lewis.

You've had nothing to drink since noon.
Yesterday.

You got this, man!

OK, here we go.

Hey, Clancy?

Like mother, like daughter.

Are you gonna kill me with carbs?

- Should have brought backup.
- He did.

Hey. Is this about the tip?

Hello again, Mathilde.

Mathilde? No, that's Margot.

Oh! OK. I understand.

So, apparently this is...
a huge misunderstanding.

I see you've met my friend Baxter.

Jean-Paul asked us to swing by,
get the old band back together.

- No, thanks.
- Honey, you know these two?

The crown of Durámuran, it's here.

Looks like you'll get
one more shot at it after all.

I really think that you guys
are in the wrong place.

You're talking about crowns.
The Neidmeyers live two houses down.

He's a dentist,
does lot of crown work, so...

I'm not interested.

Oh, that's a shame. We need both of you.

Both?

Both.

- Are you guys talking about me too?
- No.

Oh, well, you said both, so that's...

- Time's up. Are you in or dead?
- OK!

No! No. That is not the saying.
It's not "in or dead," it's "in or out."

It's "in or out."

I would like to speak for my wife,
and we're gonna respectfully say

w-w-we are out.

I'm in.

W-What? Honey…

- Honey, wh...
- Good night.

Margot!

- Relax! It's just a mild sedative.
- Margot.

Your wife is a dangerous woman, Mr. Finch.

At least, she used to be.

Margot!

Stuff 'em in the car.
Let's get going.

Guys! Guys! Guys!

Guys! Guys! Guys!

Hey, you're gonna wake up my parents!

No, they're gone!
Ninjas just stole your parents.

S-See? I never lie.
I was telling the truth!

Oh, my God.

- Mom?
- Why would they take your parents?

No offense, your dad owns a bakery,
your mom's a housewife.

- It's not thrilling.
- I don't think your mom's really your mom.

I think she was, like, the head ninja,
and she was a very dangerous woman,

and they kept calling her... Mathilde.

What?

Mom has another name than "Mom"?

No! Mom doesn't have another name, OK?
She's not a ninja.

She won't go in the basement,
she's afraid of crickets.

- They're back!
- Oh my God.

- Who's they? What?
- Shh!

Oh my gosh.

Hello?

Anybody here?

Ooh, hey!

Kevin! I'm not here to hurt you, buddy.

I'm-I'm a friend of your mom's.
Remember me? Henry?

Hmm?

OK. That is… a really cool sword.

Yeah. It's a pirate sword.

Uh-huh.

- Don't make me use it!
- Oh, OK. Whoa.

Kevin, you are really brave,

but, I mean, we both know
that's not a real sword, right?

- Hee-yah!
- Ow!

He looks way too fat to be a ninja.

You know, I can hear you.

These things keep your ears warm,
but don't keep the sound out.

- Where are our parents?
- OK, listen.

Kids, this is gonna sound confusing

and a little scary.

My name is Henry Gibbs
and I'm a U.S. Marshal.

I work for the division of WITSEC.
You might know that as Witness Protection.

About 15 years ago,
your mom entered the program.

Wait.

You mean to tell me
our mom's in witness protection?

- Like what they do with mob guys?
- I'm not allowed to get involved

- with criminal activity.
- Kids, look, a long time ago,

your mom got into some bad things
with some very dangerous people:

the Pescatrici Syndicate.

They were going to jail,

and we convinced them to rat out
a very big crime boss.

After that,
we had to get them new identities.

It was my job to protect your mom.

Our mom had a whole different life?
What's her real name?

Well, I mean, that's classified informa...

Mathilde Tremblay.
Born November 7th, 1976, Ontario, Canada.

We're Canadian?

Wait, is that my phone?
How did you get my passcode?

What? The first four digits
of your badge number?

- Yeah, that was tough to crack.
- OK. Don't like her.

Alright, listen.

A video of Kevin dancing,
with his mom in it, got on the internet.

It went viral.
It got, like, a million hits.

The bad guys must have seen it
and tracked her down.

A video of me...

Oh, no. Um, that...
No, that didn't happen.

- Nice job, Kevin.
- Fiancé: Leo Beauchamp.

Born May 11th, 1974.

- Whoa, check out this hottie.
- What? She had a fiancé?

- He is pretty cute.
- He's a musician?

- How long ago were they engaged?
- This was so long ago.

It's before you guys were even born.

Kids, your mom is a completely
different person than what she was.

Tss! Yeah, no kidding.
She was some Canadian named Mathilde!

What bad things did she do?

She stole things. Very expensive things.

I knew it! She always takes
the free samples at the grocery store.

Not just one.
I'm talking entire handfuls, OK?

They said they were "getting the band
back together." She said she was in.

Uh, no, no. Hey, hey, stop it.

We're jumping to conclusions.

Y-Your mom...

Mom? Whose mom? Is she even our real mom?

Is anything real?

- My whole life has been a lie!
- Oh, Kevin…

Is that even my real name?

Of course it's your real name.

I hate hockey and Canadian bacon.
It's just ham.

I said some really,
really mean stuff to her today.

I called her pathetic.

- ...video off the internet?
- Yeah, it was adorable.

No, that didn't happen.

Wait. This is Mom's necklace.
She wears this every day.

- She never takes it off.
- Yea, she never does.

Whoa, look at this.

Ooh, she left a message!

- What?
- Yes, what is this? Uh, Ang...

- Am... Anger...
- Ak... An...

Oh, Angus! Angus!

Who's Angus?

Who's Angus?

- Your dog. Oh my God.
- Yes. OK.

Hey, Angus.

Angus!

What do you need to tell us?

Hello? Anybody home?

Ah, it's no use.

- What's wrong with him?
- I don't know. He's out cold.

Dude, he's drugged.

Take off his collar
so he's more comfortable. Poor baby.

Wait.

One, nine, nine, Fayette Street.

That's not our address.

Wait a second.

Look! The symbols match.
That has to mean something, right?

What would that mean?
Who's at that address?

I don't know. Uh, maybe Mom's trying
to tell us something?

- We should go!
- Children, listen.

- Whatever you're trying to do right now...
- No!

Guys, whatever's at this address
could help us find them.

We can fix this.

- Let's go get Mom and Dad back.
- Uh, no way!

Those are dangerous people.

You need to leave this to the adults

and trained professionals such as myself.

Baby, you're tied to a chair
with Christmas lights.

Hey! You kids can't just leave me here.
Oh... Oh, see?

You know what? I may have misjudged you.

If you could just ke...

Oh, she is the worst.

- Miriam?
- Yeah, that's me.

It's night.

- Your parents know you're out?
- Yes!

- Of course.
- They joined a gang of ninjas.

- Shh!
- Is this weird?

- Will I get in trouble?
- No, dude. Seriously?

You're making it weird.
You want me to give you the one star?

- I'll do it.
- She'll do it.

Lewis, come on, man.

This is our chance
to be heroes in the real world.

Not some imaginary world
everyone says we live in.

Come on. Let's go save my parents.

OK.

- Boys, let's go.
- Get in the car.

Buckle up.

- Go.
- OK. Alright.

Witness protection.
I can't believe you didn't tell me.

Honey, that's the point
of witness protection.

- You can't tell anyone.
- So, what?

You were loosely associated with bad guys
who were involved in criminal activity?

Sure, we'll go with that.

So you're not really from Nebraska?

- Yes.
- Yes, you're from Nebraska.

OK, well, at least that's true.

No. I mean, yes, I'm not from Nebraska.

What about your Cornhuskers T-shirt?

They gave it to me.

- I'm sorry, I couldn't tell you.
- Is our marriage a lie?

No. I know this is traumatic.

Yeah! We're being held at gunpoint!
We've been kidnapped!

- Shut up before I kill you both.
- Shutting up.

Angus?

Angus! Hi, buddy.

Oh, you got old.

Who's there?

Mathilde.

- Leo.
- Who's that?

- Her fiancé.
- Her what?

Oh, that's great.

That's… that's great.

- What are you doing here?
- I don't...

I'm sorry.

For what?

For this!

What is happening?

This is it, kids.

Great. Creepy storage unit place.

- It's cute. It's great.
- This night keeps getting better.

I'm not allowed
to break into private property.

- Your choice, Lewis.
- Nobody's allowed to trespass.

Thanks, team.
We got this. Thanks, guys.

Wait for me.

OK, wait!
I wanna make sure I get this straight.

You got the same exact kind of dog,

and then gave it the same exact name.

Know what I wanted to name it?
Indiana Bones.

But you insisted on Angus
and now I know why.

I wasn't allowed to bring him
into the program and I missed him.

There's a midnight gala tonight
in the Grand Concert Hall.

The royal crown of Durámuran.

The crown will be on the head
of the Queen of Moldana.

- The King and the Queen...
- Sorry, don't mean to interrupt, ma'am.

Honey, is there a second set of children
who look exactly like ours

that I should know about?

Wait. You have kids?

- Course you do.
- Yeah.

Oh, man.

I mean, when we both
went into the program, I just…

I guess I just never found…
the right person.

You know what else you didn't find, Leo?

Your sleeves.
You couldn't find your sleeves.

- It's cold out! What's he trying to prove?
- Ron!

You know what?
The answer is no. We won't do it.

Then, we have no use for you.

- Nah.
- No, no. Wait, wait.

If we steal this,

that's it.

We're done. We're even.

You leave my family alone.

We pull this off,
we never have to work again.

We'll disappear.
Those kids will be safe and sound.

No... it's too dangerous.

God, he's so big!

You heard what they said.
If we commit another crime in the program,

we go to jail for a long time.

There's no second chance for us this time.

Well then, we just won't get caught.

Oh, this is unit seven.

But it's locked. Of course.

And we don't have the combination.

I mean...
I use my birthday for my locker.

Try my birthday.

My birthday is March 20th.

My birthday.

Huh!

It's dark in there.

This is a bit of a letdown.

It's just Nana and Grampy's old crap.

There's nothing cool here.

I don't know, babe.
There's just a lot of chairs in here.

We won't find anything.

There's at least four chairs
in this corner.

I'm just really put off
by the amount of chairs in front of us.

DNA recognized.

Kevin, what did you do?

Nothing! That was already there.

Uh...

Um...

What?

- Kevin?
- Kevin?

Kev?

Kevin?

Oh, yeah.

I don't think your mom was just
a regular smash-and-grab thief.

- Yeah.
- I saw this bad boy on Forza Horizon!

- What?
- Like the rarest car ever!

Can't believe Nana and Grampy
have one of these!

Whoa!

Dude there's, like,
a lot of handcuffs in here.

OK, OK.

Your mom is getting cooler by,
like, the second.

Is this hers?

Whoa! Look at this!
Look, it's a lollipop knife!

Whoa!

What do we think?

Hmm?

You need to take off that jacket.

Because I'm falling in love with you.

What's this do?

- Let's not touch that!
- Um, yeah.

- There's stuff in the pockets.
- What?

Oh, my God! Is that my mom?

- Oh!
- She won't even let me dye my hair.

What is...?

- Who's William?
- I don't know.

It's missing the last digit
of his phone number.

There's an address.
Maybe we can find him there.

It's all the way in the city, though.

How are we gonna get there?
None of us have a license.

Honestly, even if we did,
Cape traffic on Friday is a nightmare.

- That's, like, three hours.
- But it's only 30 nautical miles.

Junior Marine Biologist Camp.

Thirty miles. We could do that, right?

Oh, but we need a boat.

I know someone who has a boat.

- No.
- Yeah.

- No.
- Yes.

- Mim!
- Clancy!

- Are you insane?
- Are you insane?

We're doing this.

- Mim, you know I can't do this.
- We have to! You have to do this!

- You're crazy!
- Shut up!

It's to save your parents.

And maybe to get a boyfriend.

I'm not doing this.

Boys, you comin'?

Yeah, we're just gettin' some gear.

OK, how about this?

- It's just a pen.
- Ah, you're right. I'll go put it back.

A pen that shoots lasers!

Score!

Put that thing down, OK?
Quit touching stuff! Let's go!

We might need this.

How you gonna get us to Boston?
You have your permit, not your license.

You've driven dad's van twice,
and almost killed us twice.

OK, I did not almost kill us…

The second time.

It's fine! I got this. I'm a great driver.

Also, that wig is awful.
Please take it off.

Oh, you're right.
I don't look good as a redhead.

- Hey!
- Oh, what's this button do?

No...

- What?
- Predator mode engaged.

State your destination.

- What are you doing?
- Kevin! Oh my God!

Are you guys kid...

Slow down!

I'm not doing anything!
It's, like, driving by itself!

I'm not allowed to drive in Predator mode!

I'm too handsome to die!

OK... OK.

We're good, we're good. OK.

Oh my God!

- No, Kevin, why are you getting out?
- We're coming!

You're not.

- Stay here!
- It's dark outside.

And don't push any more buttons. OK?

- But it's dark!
- We need to go.

Oh my God, there's so many people.

Mim. Whoa, Mim, what are you doing?

- We have to figure out what to say...
- We'll say, "Give us your boat."

- You can't just go...
- Act natural.

- No! I'll embarrass myself.
- Have fun! It's fine.

Travis.

Hey. You came.

Hey.

Cool party.

Thanks.

OK, we need to get to Boston.

- What?
- Well, well, well.

If it isn't Clancy Finch.

Didn't think you had it in you
to show up to a seniors' party.

I just thought, once a band nerd,
always a band nerd.

- Hey, Mim, nice outfit.
- Really? Yours is terrible.

- Mm... Thanks.
- Hey! What's up?

Hey, little man, what's up?

My God. Did you bring
your little brother to the party?

- Call me.
- So weird.

How'd you get here?
Your mom drop you off?

No, she got kidnapped by ninjas.

And she drove us here in a super cool car.

Wait. Aren't you
the dancing dork from the bathroom?

Yeah, he's so weird.

Alright.

OK. Hi. Hello. Yeah, we need to get
across the bay to the city. It's urgent.

You can't just drive
across the bay at night.

Yuh-huh. Me and my brothers go across
all the time to go night fishing.

- It's totally cool.
- Yeah, we could take you. Right, Joey?

Whatever then. Have fun
with band nerd and the freak fest.

Love you, too.

- We're gonna prep the boat now.
- OK.

You go "prep the boat."

Uh, do you guys have
proper flotation safety devices?

- Definitely not.
- No.

Alright, here's what's gonna happen.
Baxter will run intel. I'm interference.

You two, Count and Countess Van Der Holt
of Belgium…

Secure the crown.

Escape routes are here on the east side
through the ladies' room vents.

Get the Queen there
and the crown's an easy grab.

You got rid of your tattoo?

A tattoo? You said that was a birthmark.

You both had the same tattoo?

- Um...
- Get ready.

Wheels up in ten.

- Honey, you said that was a birthmark.
- I didn't know what to tell you.

- I'm sorry.
- The...

- You thinking the Vermeer in Dubai?
- Exactly.

Make the Queen sick,
corner her in the bathroom.

Dubai?

You... you went to Dubai?

OK, that's it!

I wanna know what the both of you
are involved in, right now!

- Rob…
- Ron.

OK.

Look, we were just a couple
of dumb broke kids

looking for a bigger life and...
I just wanted it the easy way.

I got us involved
with Jean-Paul Deauxville.

Jean-Paul....

- Jean-Paul Deauxville.
- Jean-Paul....

- Deauxville.
- Jean-Paul....

- OK.
- I'm saying what you're saying.

Yeah, close enough.

He's a very dangerous, very connected man.
Big-time smuggler and trafficker.

You guys are smugglers?

Of... drugs?

No, honey, don't worry.
Nothing like that.

I was a thief of expensive things.

Very expensive things.

Priceless artifacts
we'd sell on the black market.

Mathilde… was the best of the best.

OK, that's not...
I was not the best.

You stole the Sultan of Brunei's
favorite polo pony during the polo match.

OK. Well, yeah, that… that was good.

What a fun walk down memory lane,

when you both were
big fat lying smugglers.

- Y-y-you're right, Ross.
- My name is Ron!

The point is,
it was dangerous and illegal.

- It was all my fault.
- Ron.

- We were wrong.
- You opened my eyes.

She convinced me that we had to get out.
Witness Protection was the only option.

Our testimonies put Jean-Paul
behind bars, where he belongs.

We did the right thing.

Wow.

But it cost me everything.

I'm coming with you.

- What?
- I'm going with you.

- I'm not gonna leave you...
- No! Absolutely not. It's too dangerous.

- No, he could be useful.
- Thank you.

- As a diversion.
- Oh!

Especially if another situation
like Romania happens.

- Romania? When did you go to Romania?
- Honey, no...

Listen. Hear that?

It's a helo. We're taking a helo.
You don't have Dramamine.

- What about your motion sickness?
- I don't get motion sickness. This is...

Yes, you do.

Remember, in the cabin,
throwing up for four days on the cruise?

For the last time, that was
the King Neptune's potato salad.

You don't make
a mayonnaise-based side dish,

leave it out for six hours
and expect no repercussions.

Guys, I'm really at home
on the open water! Loving this.

- Is he OK?
- He gets seasick like his dad.

U.S. Coast Guard.

Cut your engine and prepare
for immediate boarding of your vessel.

Repeat, U.S. Coast Guard. Cut your...

Uh, Travis, what's happening?

I don't exactly have my license, so, uh…
we might get arrested now.

- What?
- What do you mean we might get arrested?

We can't get arrested!
We have to find my mom!

We can stall them,
say we were messing around, got lost.

You guys can swim.

- I mean…
- No way!

I-I we don't have a choice, guys!

It's dark so they won't see you,
but you gotta hurry.

OK.

Are there things in there
that can, like, eat us?

- No.
- Come on, you guys gotta go.

Clancy, what are you doing?

- We have to do this, guys.
- No! Don't!

Wow.

Guys, come on.

- Hurry! Jump!
- I don't think I can, Kev.

We can do this, together.

- Hurry! Jump!
- It'll be fine.

- This is the U.S. Coast Guard.
- Come on, guys. Hurry up!

You got this, Mim.

One. Two…

Three!

I never understood that.

They come, sing carols, demand cookies,
they don't leave until they get 'em.

Where's the Christmas spirit in that?
It's just plain extortion.

Do you know what I mean?

OK, calm down.
We are gonna be friends.

Right? We're fr...

Oh, look.

Ha! Cupcakes, huh?

You want cupcakes?
Let's get some cupcakes.

Get that...

No!

There will be a receiving line

for the King and Queen
in the grand ballroom.

Leo, you install the poison strip
on Mathilde's right palm.

Mathilde, once you shake the Queen's hand
and transfer the poison to her,

the oils will absorb into her skin.

You'll have approximately three minutes
before she gets sick.

She won't die,
but she'll feel pretty awful for a while.

Make sure nothing and no one
besides the Queen touches that right hand.

Honey, are you sure you're alright?

That helicopter ride
really did a number on you.

Oh, no, I'm fine.

- Are you sure you're OK?
- No, I'm-I'm totally fine. I'm...

Are you gonna...

Yeah, I swallowed it.

I just need bread to settle my stomach.
They're gonna have food at this thing?

Uh, we're not really going to have time
to eat tonight, Roy.

Yeah, Ron!

It's Ron, Leo.

And I'm not talking about
a sit-down dinner, Leo, OK?

I'm talking about appetizers,
or like, a little dip.

You know,
I just think it's real interesting

that you happen to find

a sleek-fitting tuxedo
in that bag of yours,

but here I am, looking like…

like a hobo's butler.

Oh, and it's hot like a Berber carpet.

You know what?

Next time the three of us
plan a heist together,

I'll make sure
we pack more options for you, Raj.

At this point,
I know you know that it's Ron.

Baxter has eyes on you. Don't get cute.

Excuse me.

Why are we doing this?

- That wasn't so bad.
- That was bad.

That was really bad.

Hey! You're a really good swimmer, Kev.

Thanks. I played Jaws in Jaws.

Kevin, shut up. No, you didn't.
You're so weird.

OK, seriously, he just, like,

swam that whole way
with me on his back.

So, maybe, let's not be mean right now.

My entire life flashed
before my eyes back there.

- Kev?
- Yeah?

It was really short... and really boring.

Lewis...

What is it?

I just felt boob on my back.

I think that's first base.

Totally worth it, dude.

- Is your underwear beeping?
- No. Is yours?

No.

It was from bay water.
They've clearly malfunctioned.

Oh my God, bay water! Ew!

Why are we sitting here talking?
My God! Ew!

No, no, I can't. I literally cannot.
We have to change right now.

- There's a gift shop. Let's go in there.
- Ooh, OK!

Hey, dude, we should check that out.

Wait, you... OK.

Passports.

Uh...

Ah...

Welcome, Count and Countess Van Der Holt.

And…

This is our personal secretary,

- Suzanne.
- Su...

Suzanne.

Hello! Haw, haw, haw.

Yeah, Suzanne is my family name,

but, eh, my friends, they call me…

Frankie Fromage,

because cheese is so strong,
and I am strong, like cheese.

I am a little bit more
than a "secretary," yes?

Oui. Sí. Sí. Oui.

Yes, I am their bodyguard
because I can punch, and my hands

are lethal weapons, you know,
so watch out for me.

I will...

- Oh!
- Whoa!

Step back.

He will pay for this.
He is a count. He is very wealthy.

So put it on his tab.
Where are you taking me?

It's just a precaution.
He's not on the list.

Once my men are done searching him,
he'll join you both inside.

Be as thorough as you need.

- Where'd they go?
- I don't know.

What are you wearing?

We brought you guys cloaks.

We are not wearing those.

- OK, it's cold. I'll make it work.
- Whoa, whoa, hey!

Where'd you kids get those costumes, huh?
You stay right there! I'm comin' down!

Shoot! Come on! And take off the wigs.
You look ridiculous.

But the hats make us look older?

Totally.

What? It's just a dry cleaner's.
Where's Carp and Clam?

Oh, excuse me. Do you know
where Carp and Clam is?

- The bar?
- Yeah.

Uh, this used to be it. They had a fire.
Closed down maybe six years ago.

OK. Thank you.

- What are we supposed to do now?
- I don't know.

Guys, look.
What's that thing Mom's always saying?

"Stop wiping boogers everywhere?"

Ew, no. The other thing.
About the library?

Oh! She's always talking about

how she always went to the library,
'cause she had no friends.

She's just trying
to trick me into reading.

I'm not falling for it.

William is the dead poet guy
she's always quoting.

Guys, this is Mom's library,
and this number,

it's not a phone number,
it's a Dewey decimal system.

It's a call number for a library book.
Come on!

It's locked.

How are we gonna get in?

That's convenient.

OK, um, think...

OK.

W.

I don't know who Dewey is,
but his system sucks.

Got it. Top floor. OK.

Phew...

Maybe there's some kind of message
written inside the books.

Oh my God.
So we have to read all of these?

No. No way.

This is where the book's supposed to be.

It's gone!

Maybe that Henry guy was right.
Maybe this is a job for the police.

Wait.

That's William Butler Yeats.
That's her favorite.

I mean, that can't be a coincidence.

Maybe we're not supposed to find a book,
maybe we're supposed to find… this?

"Although you hide in the ebb and flow
of the pale tide when the moon has set,

the people of coming days
will know about the casting of my net."

Dude, your mom is into
some Da Vinci Code stuff.

What are we looking for?

Wait.

- What's that?
- It's Mom's. I brought it.

No. Nope. No, no. No.

Not doin' it.
Not doin' the stairs of doom tonight. No.

Whatever's down there
is gonna lead to my parents.

Will it? Will it?

Or is this the part
where the four spunky kids

go headfirst into the scary,
dark unknown.

And she's getting the stool.

Oh my God. Don't do this.

I don't think we should do this.
I think this is a bad idea.

Now the children are getting in.

I don't want this!
I don't want this adventure!

No, no, no.

Oh my God, no.

Where's my night-light when I need it?

Give me it!

Don't worry, we... we got this!

Ugh, gross.

Ah! What is that? Satan?
No! I hate that. I hate that.

I hate this. I hate this tunnel.
What is this? Where are we?

We should not be down here right now.

I mean, OK, look, I know,

this night's been insane, and we might not
make it out of this tunnel alive...

- Dude!
- But, I mean, you... you're Mim.

- Yes?
- You're not afraid of anything.

I mean, you're the bravest person I know.

I can't do half of the stuff that you do.

Clancy, look where we are right now.

We are walking through this dark,
disgusting tunnel at your request,

in the worst all-nighter ever,

and we're doing it
wearing the worst outfits on the planet.

What is this? I hate these shorts.
They come to such an unnatural length.

They stop mid-thigh.

You want brave? Mid-thigh is brave.

Give me a hug. What are you doing?

Aw, bring it in.

Just bring it out.
Just you two. Do your thang.

Spiderweb!

Oh, man. That was a gookie one.

Hate to see the monster
that made that thing.

Also, what is that?

How was your cavity search?

- Fun.
- Need to find a way to reach Henry.

No, it's too risky.
We just do what they want.

They'll disappear.
Your family will be safe.

Wait a second, who's Henry?
Henry, your best friend from college?

Let me guess.
You didn't go to college together?

Honey, he's the U.S. Marshal
assigned to my case.

He came over for Thanksgiving
when Kevin was a baby.

I baked him cranberry cornbread,
and he said he loved it.

It was a prescheduled home visit.
He did love the cornbread. We all did.

Well, why wouldn't he love the cornbread?

Your Excellencies,

my wife, the Countess Van Der Holt.

Very beautiful.

Yes, I'm a very lucky man.

I have never forgotten that.

OK, that's it. That's it. That's it!
Alright, we're going home.

Oh! Oh!

Ah! I... Shh...

It touched my mouth.
What happens if it goes in my mouth?

Remember when Kevin drank a glow stick
and poison control said to give him milk.

Can I get milk?
I need some milk! Can I get some milk?

Please excuse our assistant,
he has not been feeling well.

Food poisoning. Terrible.

Poisoning of the brain.

You know, you know what?

I think I'm OK.

I'm alright, I'm OK.

You know what? I think… I overreacted.

I've a strong immune system. I'm...
I overreact a bit. Nice to meet...

Oh God... I think I'm OK.

Move back!

No... I... Wait...

Oh!

It just looks like
somebody's gross house.

What kind of freak
would actually live down here?

What kind of freaks
would go snooping around

when they didn't live here?

Good point.

- No! Kevin, no!
- Start talking.

How did you find this place?

Our mom had a key!
Her name's Margot Finch!

Don't know her. Wrong answer.

No. Mathilde Tremblay!

He means Mathilde Tremblay.

I think she sent us here.

- How do you know Mathilde?
- She's our mom!

I think she's our mom.
Please don't hurt me.

Oh, yeah. You have her eyes.

So, you know her?

Yeah. We were like sisters.

Wow. Mom is not like I thought she was.

Oh. Right.

I just got off a job.

Oh, where do you wo...

Oh, you... you stole that stuff.

Not like a big deal or anything.
We steal stuff all the time, right?

One time, I took two puddings at lunch.
I'm a real bad boy.

Kevin. Could you maybe just…

Tell us everything you know about my mom?

We grew up together. Pulling jobs.
Just kids' stuff, you know.

Scamming tourists, pickpocketing,
petty theft, your basic B and E.

Your idea of "kid stuff" is, like,
a lot different than ours.

Then we got mixed up in some bad stuff
with this guy named Jean-Paul.

J-Jean-Paul!
That's the guy Henry was talking about.

He's in prison now, but his people,
they came after my mom

and now they're planning this huge job,
and we're trying to find her.

Hm.

What makes you think she wants
to be found?

That necklace you're wearing.

She left us the same one
to get down here.

She left us tons of clues,
they all led here.

I think she wanted us to find you
so you could help us.

Your mom gave me something

before she went into witness protection.

She said I would know
if it ever came time to open it.

- What is that?
- It's a pager.

My God, the olden days were tragic.

It's not a pager.

It's an old tracking device.

OK, I'm much better now.

Ahh... OK.

Yeah. That's all.

No more is comin'...

Yeah, I think I'm done.

Oof! Stay away from the seafood dip.

If I'm giving advice,
stay away from the seafood dip

because it's mayonnaise-based.

So, it's just not a good call.

So, just stay awa...

Ah!

Mm, OK. I thought
it was coming out of both ends.

But it didn't… It didn't.

We're good. Everybody, we're good.

What happened to your accent?

What happened to my...

How dare you, sir?

What? Who? Sir!

How dare you...

say something like that to me

- in front of the royal family?
- Save it.

- Do what?
- We put in a call to your consulate.

These... are fake.

There is no Count
or Countess Van Der Holt.

Well, what time did you call?

- Maybe it was lunch and they...
- Keep on them.

- I'm gonna go and get this sorted out.
- Yeah.

No, I'm saying, to get a croissant or…

Both ends.

Alright, she must have had
a personal tracking device

implanted on her
in case something ever happened.

The Grand Concert Hall downtown.

Duran Duran! They said something about
the Crown of Duran Duran!

Durámuran? The Crown of Durámuran?

Oh, Lord... It's the Holy Grail.

They've been tracking that for years.

Your mom and I tried to steal it
from the Louvre.

That's a good bedtime story.

There's an event tonight
at the Grand Concert Hall. A big gala.

You know what? If the crown
is at that gala, so is your mom.

OK, great! Let's go!

Um... no. I'll handle it. OK?
You guys stay here. It's not a kids' job.

No. We have to go.
We're not gonna get hurt, I promise.

Aw, that's so sweet.
I don't care if you get hurt.

You'll slow me down, blow my cover.

Uh, we're not slowing anybody down.
We can blend in, right?

Is that so, General?

Actually, this insignia
is for the rank of commander.

But historically correct facts
are not important right now.

Non-negotiable, OK?

Your mom sent you here so I would keep
you safe, not send you off to get killed.

Make yourselves comfortable.
There are video games, peanut butter…

- I'm allergic to peanuts.
- Same.

You're not coming.

OK, fine.

But, uh, just out of curiosity,
what is your plan?

I'll go into an air vent
that'll lead me to the subway

and take me directly
to the Grand Concert Hall downtown.

Anything else?

Yeah, which vent was that?

The one right over...

Please don't find me and kill me.
I just need to get my mom back.

Not bad.

Although I definitely will find you
and kill you.

- You'll kill her, but we're cool, right?
- Thanks, lady.

Oh! Come on!

- I'm not allowed on public transport...
- We know!

Where now?

- Um... This way! Come on.
- OK!

We're never getting past that security.

I don't know about you guys,
but we might be able to get in.

Have you seen yourself?

Oh, you're right. It's the cravat.

Hey, what about up there?

Window's open.

You'll never fit.

I'll do it.

Oh, doesn't your mom have a rule
about breaking into buildings at night?

My mom is not here.

- He took off the cape.
- OK.

- Hold my hat.
- Snap!

Come on, Lewis.

Make it happen, Lewis.

- You can give me a hand with this part.
- Right.

- We were watching.
- I had the hat.

- Sorry. There you go. OK
-There it is.

You got this!

Squeeze! Squeeze!

- Oh my God.
- Oh my God.

Look at that.

He's really doin' it-

Uh-oh. It's OK. Walk it off.

You're good.

- Does he know where to go?
- I hope so.

OK.

Huh.

Hey! What are you guys doing back here?

Uh, we... We were just, um…

Oh my gosh, we've been wandering
around this place forever.

So, uh, which way to the stage?
Yeah, we just need to set up.

Just got in from Denver. What a cluster
that airport is. Am I right?

Never been there.

We're the kid musical ensemble
booked for tonight.

Paul Revere's Midnight Ride?

Never heard of us?
We're pretty big on YouTube.

Mim, show him the video.

The viral one.

Uh...

Two-point-three million hits and climbing.

Uh...

Come on.
You think we dress like this for kicks?

Alright, alright, come on.

Come on.

Good evening. Tut-tut.
We are Paul Revere's Midnight Ride.

We have an amazing performance planned

for everyone here.

So, to kick the night off,

we have Cool Clancy on the cello.

Let's strike up the band!

Sit down.

Kevin...

No.
I can't... I'm not like you.

I knew it. I knew it!

Uh... Security?

We got a mess down here on the stage.
Kids in pilgrim shoes.

Clancy, we need you to go. Now.

I can't play in front of all these people.

Of course, you can. You got this! Quickly!

- I'm not ready.
- Yes, you are.

- You're so talented.
- I need backup ASAP, please.

We got kids in puffy shirts.
I need backup!

- Backup ASAP, please! Thank you.
- Wait, wait.

Alright, we've got new orders
to take 'em to the embassy.

FBI is involved.
Apparently, there's some security risk.

Take care of it.

Yes, sir.

Oh, you two have a secret code now,
a secret language.

Is that what's going on?
That's... perfect.

What does that mean, Leo?

- Duck!
- What?

Whoa!

What's happening?

Uh, cancel that. They're legit.

Let's go.

Woo-hoo! Oh!

Where'd you learn that?
Did you just kill that guy?

No, I just crushed his windpipe a little.

He'll be fine
with immediate medical attention.

"Crushed his wind pi..."
Have you ever killed anyone?

No! Our paramilitary training taught us
how to neutralize a target

in under four seconds
using mostly non-fatal tactics.

"Paramilitary training"? "Non-fatal"?

You made me open up a jar of mustard
for you last week.

You faked it!

- I faked it.
- Oh my God. Is our whole life a lie?

What do we... What do we... What...

Oh!

Who did I marry?

Shh!

Is that Clancy?

Sounds like Clancy.

Clancy.

Ah!

- Um...
- Mom?

Kids, stay there.
I'm coming for you.

Whoa!

Oh!

Mom!

Is this what Mom does when we're asleep?

Oh... knock it off!

- Dad does not look good.
- Nuh-uh.

Oh my God, she looks amazing!

There's a guy there.

Oh!

Make way! Move!

Let's go! Make way. Move aside, folks!

Oh!

Crown. Get the...

Back up!

Come on, jump!

- Clancy.
- Hi.

We gotta get outta here.

- Come on!
- How did you guys get here?

Is that gonna be my car?
Can I learn to drive?

So great.
Then we found a secret hideout.

Then, Jay tracked you with your GPS chip.

Kids, I'm sorry
I got you involved in all this.

No, Mom. I'm sorry for what I said.

You're not pathetic, you're amazing,
and I know you might miss your old life,

but we had to find you
and try and get you back.

Just please don't go.

Honey, I would never leave you!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey, old friend.

Looks like your grand plan worked.
Here I am. And I…

Pulled a twofer.

Course you did.

- Yeah.
- Sorry, do we know her?

Oh, don't worry, she's a good guy.
Well, kind of a bad guy.

She's a good bad guy.

- We should go.
- Go.

I'm gonna keep 'em busy,
erase all the footage…

Hey, you. No, no, no.

Hand over the Rolex.

You have, like, a thousand.

Thank you, good bad guy.

Thank you. I knew you'd know what to do.

Yeah. I was ready.
I just never pictured it with… kids.

- Yeah.
- Your kids. But…

I kind of like it.

Thank you.

You live here? In downtown?

It's actually more of a safe house
that I keep for emergencies, but, yeah.

That's so cool!
Dad, isn't that cool?

Eh, is it cool?
Or is it fiscally irresponsible?

You know, because rent downtown
is very expensive, son.

Hey, thanks for sittin'
on the towel, bud.

I appreciate you not getting vomit
on the Corinthian leather.

- You understand, right?
- Yeah, I understand, Leo.

Honey, how's your arm?
What happened?

Oh, I don't know. It was a blur.

Lot of fists were flying around.
And I think I punched a couple of guys.

Uh, I mean...

I think that may have happened
when you fell down, awkwardly.

- Probably only a bruise.
- I think it's a bit more than a bruise.

- Uh, maybe like a funny bone.
- Nah, I don't think it's a funny bone.

Uh, you know.

- Uh-huh.
- OK, well, you know.

- I mean...
- Agree to disagree.

Actually, I'm gettin' a bit numb,
so it's probably gonna affect my work.

Oh. Uh, you're a surgeon?

No, Leo. I am…

A pastry chef, and I need my finger
strength and dexterity, so there you go.

Is that a real Capicchioni?

- We're all safe.
- You know that. Yeah, it is.

- Can you play?
- Sure.

There he goes, exposing more flesh.
Who is he doing that for?

His arms are like Popeye's.
It's unbelievable.

Alright.

I activated emergency protocol.
We're all safe now.

Just have to wait for Henry to contact me.

How much is this worth, anyway?

I'd say somewhere
in the ballpark of 20 million.

Crazy! Twenty million?

We're giving it back.
It doesn't belong to us.

But, Mom, you used to steal stuff
all the time when you were younger.

- It was pretty cool.
- No.

Why can't we just say we lost it
or something?

Kev, listen to me. I was wrong.

I paid a hefty price for it.

And now,
it's put the people I love in danger.

OK? I don't ever want any of you guys
doing anything I did.

I made a lot of bad choices,
and hurt a lot of people.

And we really regret it. Don't we, Leo?

Well, eh…

Of course, we do. We had to go into
witness protection to escape Jean-Paul.

Well, actually,
you went into witness protection.

I just couldn't get on board with that.

With Jean-Paul away in prison,
which I have you to thank for,

there was an opening
for a new Head of Operations.

Whoa.

- Mom, what's going on? Who is that?
- You remember Elise?

She's with me. I sent her to get you.

Oh! OK, I knew it.

I knew he was a bad guy.
Well, how about this?

Huh?

How about that on your Corinthian leather?

That's not cool, Ron.

You're not cool.

After we found you this time,

with the help of that little meatball
and his video...

Hey! Don't call my brother a meatball.

I knew the only way I was going to get you
to help me steal the crown

was if you thought
our lives were in danger.

Your moral compass,

always getting in the way
of us having a good time.

- So you never went into protection.
- No.

I mean, come on, admit it.

You must be bored out of your mind.

Driving carpool, going to Costco.

You're happy with Strawberry Shortcake?
No offense, Ron.

- Offense taken, Leo.
- You can't talk to our dad like that.

The plan was simple in the beginning.

Get you to help steal the crown,
frame you for it, then we disappear.

But admit it…

You had fun.

Spark's still there.

Come with me.

What's it gonna be, Mathilde?

You're right.

Spark is still there.

And the name is Margot.

How about that, Leo? Margot and Ron.

- Right? Like a power couple. Like Rargot.
- Gross.

- We could be Rargot or Maron.
- Meet me at the dock when it's done.

Baxter will have the boat ready.

I believe this belongs to me.

Well...

I guess this is goodbye, Mathi...

Margot.

Have fun explaining this to the Feds.

In the chair. Both of you.

Yes, is this the police?

- Yes, I-I'm calling because…
- It's OK.

I think I have some information
on somebody who's committed a crime.

I think it's a... a couple.

Um...

I mean, it's a man and a woman,
and the woman is clearly the ringleader.

Yeah, well,
she has blonde hair, blue eyes.

Um, she's wearing a sparkly,
awful pink dress.

And the man is…

- What?
- Um, a mismatched...

No, the woman is clearly the one
who's running the show. Yeah.

Rain?
Why are you doing rain? It's not...

I'm hoping you can get here quickly,
because I'm not sure what to do.

No, I'm just a neighbor,
I saw them walking in,

I was just minding my own business…

What hat? You need a hat?

…I would say you should
bring everybody possible.

- I got it.
- What?

I got it.

- I got this.
- There's so many.

What are you doing?

Oh!

Mrs. Finch!

- Yeah!
- Mom!

Oh my God. No, no, no. Oh, man!

Mom! Dad, do something!

I got it. I got it.

Honey, I-I have the gun.
Want me to throw it to you?

- Shoot her!
- What? Shoot her? I...

I-I-I can't shoot a gun.
I've never shot a gun before in my life!

I could really use some help!

OK, OK, OK.

Oh no.

Oh!

- Hey, are you OK? Are you alright?
- Yeah.

- OK.
- Ow!

Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry.

Oh my God.

I killed someone. I killed somebody.

Dad, she's moving.

- Yeah, she's moving!
- You didn't kill her!

I didn't kill somebody.
Oh, she's waking up.

We gotta go before Leo gets away,
or this whole thing becomes my mess.

- Come on. Let's go!
- Right, right. Go, go, go.

I can't believe you picked up that spider,
Mr. Finch. That was so brave!

Oh, I don't know about brave, Lewis.
And I knew it was harmless.

Harmless? That was a wolf spider,
one of the most poisonous in the world.

It had an egg sac on its back, too,
which is, like, millions of poison babies.

Oh.

Mom, no, no. This isn't our car.

Oh my God, she's hot-wiring that car.

Mom, you can hot-wire a car?

Teach us to do that!

No! You should never do this.

OK, what if our phones are dead,
there's a zombie apocalypse,

there's a virus going around,
then, can you...

Kevin!

Look, guys! Look, it's Leo.

There he is!

My God, Mom!

We got it. Come on, get in!

Come on.

- Hey, honey!
- Yeah?

- Leo was wrong about one thing.
- What?

I'm the one who drives carpool.

Yeah, you are.

You got this!

Let's save our family.

Woo-hoo... Oh...

- Look at this! This is limited edition!
- Alright.

- Heated seats!
- Belts on.

Nice, this is so nice.

- Focus. We gotta go.
- Here we go.

Not that way!

- Sorry, I'm sorry.
- Dad!

- No! Mr. Finch!
- The adrenaline pumping.

- Go!
- Honey, drive!

Here we go!

Oh, wow, this handles great!

Oh! This thing's got some pickup!

Limited edition!

There he is!

He's going left!

This is an adrenaline rush for sure.

You're doing great, honey.

Oh! See how I took that turn?

Cut the curb.
Don't swerve so big.

Dad! What now?

What? I don't know.
I hadn't thought that far in advance, pal!

What?

- Dad, I have an idea.
- What?

This is a laser pen. Maybe I could...

What are you doing with a laser pen?

No!

Oh!

Oh, man!

What is happening?

Oh, no, I don't think that came from us.

That was us!

- That was us.
- We'll leave a note.

OK. Here we go. I got him.

Ron, watch out!

We are all going to die.

- Roll down the window. I have an idea!
- What? OK.

Hey! Hey, Leo!

Leo! You wanna dance
with the minivan, man?

Well, check out this side-impact safety!

What?

Everybody's OK? OK.

I got Leo! You get the kids!

- Uh, everyone OK?
- Yeah.

Leo!

Leo!

I got him, honey. I got him.

Oh, any excuse
to whip out the guns, right?

- Uh...
- Mom?

- Yeah?
- Dad might need you more than we do.

I think you're right.

I got him!

Why are your fingers
so freakishly strong?

Oh, you mean my incredible
finger strength and dexterity?

I'm a pastry chef, Leo!

I'm not going to jail.
I have lunch duty on Monday.

Dude.

- Dude!
- We did it!

- Whoa.
- Yes!

Don't mess with a pastry chef,
or his family,

'cause you will get the hammer!

Yeah! You meatball!

You're my daughter alright.

And then we went up
to this super cool house,

but really, it was just his safe house.

And then he told us that he's a bad guy
and not the good guy.

- What?
- Yeah, basically, Leo...

So...

wow.

Wow. You certainly had an exciting life.

- Before me.
- Yeah.

You know, you, you...

You and me, we were always…

I mean, I always knew you were
out of my league, but now I get it.

I was your cover.

Right?

- This life we built...
- Honey, we are real.

- We are?
- Yeah.

Of course this is real.

Yeah, no, I thought,
I mean, I thought so.

I love you, and I love our family.

Mr. and Mrs. Finch, my mom and dad
are gonna pick me up at eight o'clock.

- Oh!
- Lewis, you're right.

- Sugar balls.
- Yeah.

- Henry!
- Henry!

Angus!

Henry, we're comin' to you.

Well, well, well.

Old roommate Henry
from University of Nebraska.

Go Huskers!

Hope there's no hard feelings.

You know,
you were kind of a hero tonight.

Seriously. You totally saved us
with the whole fake kid band story.

Then when we were swimming, too.

Ye-Ye-Yeah, but it wasn't, like,
a big deal or anything...

No... it was a big deal, Kev.

You're a really brave, kid.

Oh my God.

This was literally the craziest night
we are ever going to live...

and I didn't post any of it.

Waste.

Hey.

Um...

I'm sorry. I've been kinda mean lately.

I think, sometimes, I get jealous.

Jealous of me?

Yeah. I dunno. It's just...

It seems so easy for you
to be yourself,

not care what anyone thinks.

I wish I could be more like that.

I wish I could be more like you.
You're the best cellist ever.

I mean, I'm not good at anything.

What? You tell the most amazing stories!

You're so creative.

I mean, the stuff you make up, it's crazy,

and-and weird, and smart.

- You're a pretty cool little brother.
- Thanks. You're a pretty awesome sister.

Um, Mom…

I wanna go to Boston.

I want to apply to the Berklee School
of Music Summer Program.

And I know what you're gonna say.

I'm too young,
I can't stay in the city by myself...

Yes.

Y-Yes what?

Henry, I'm going through your files, OK?

Wait, what? You were a musician?

Not just a musician. You were a cellist.

- Yeah.
- Wow.

The Pescatrici Quartet
wasn't just a crime syndicate.

How do you think
we got into those fancy events?

Berklee's one of the best programs
in the world, and you're ready for it.

- Wait, for real?
- You're a fantastic cellist.

I happen to know a thing or two
about that subject.

I happen to know absolutely nothing
about that subject.

But I do agree with your mom.

You are fantastic.

You're going to Boston.

It's time.

This mean I get a phone, too?

- Yeah, sure.
- No.

Oh, no.

- Y-Yeah.
- Yeah. OK.

To Boston!

Hey.

Hi.

You, um... you left your jacket
on Joey's boat.

Right. Thank you.

How was the swim?

Awful. Yeah.

Well, it was a really nice jump.

- Is that the senior?
- Glad to see you're not in jail.

- No, not in jail.
- Right. Yeah.

I'll talk to you at school.

- See you.
- Bye.

Hi, guys. Why are you all in costume?

- Is everything OK?
- Yeah.

Totally!

- Yeah.
- Couldn't be better if you ask me.

Yeah, we're just watering the flowers.

- No.
- Uh-oh.

Lewis, there's obviously
something going on here...

and I think I know what it is.

Mrs. Patoc, I can explain...

Lewis, you forgot to wear
your special pee-pee underpants.

Mom, I don't need 'em anymore.

Awesome sleepover.

Totally.

Yeah!

- Thanks for everything.
- Yep.

- Anytime.
- We should do it again sometime.

- Nope.
- Or not.

- Bye!
- Thanks, Mr. Finch.

- OK.
- Take care.

That's it, right?

We can get back
to our normal lives now, right?

Probably.

Probably?

- Probably?
- Gotta get these shoes off.

OK, take them off,
then can you answer the question?

- I did.
- You said "probably," which means...

Yes, that's the answer.

That implies there's more I need to know.

Any cupcakes left?