The Skin (1981) - full transcript

The Skin

There's a radio tower here.

I don't like this. It's a bit frightening.
I can't see anything, just grapes.

Yeah, there must be
some German hidden there.

I hope they don't have any artillery.

Damn it!
A good place for an ambush.

You know what?
We're here for no reason.

What a drag.
This journey never ends.

Maybe it'd be better
if we went home Mark.

If the Germans knew that the leader
of the Fifth Army was so close by...

Yes, I know there'd be spies.
Relax, Bob.



The Italians are a great people,
but they committed a fatal error

they chose the wrong side.

Now, what could have made
them make such a mistake?

We didn't know you.

Well, it doesn't matter,
they're on the right side now.

Mark Cork's Fifth Army
will be in Rome before Christmas.

I'd bet on that.

I'm sure we won't find
be conquering, general.

Did you know that no one in all of history
conquered Rome from the south?

Who is this civilian?

Mother! Mother!

Cyrus!

Captain, there's something fishy here,
and this isn't the Bay of Naples.

- I can hear a waltz.
- What the hell are you talking about?



A waltz, you know, music...
A waltz!

Wait a minute!

Halt! Halt I said!

Captain, I want you to cross
to the other side of the street.

Sergeant, take 10 men
and go up that ladder!

Lets go!

I want to know what's happening here!

Sergeant, I want you to take some men

and go to the other side of the street
and see if they're in trouble.

Unbeliveble!

It could be a trap, captain.

True, I want you to blow out the brains
of the first one to make a false move.

Let's go!

Look at the pretty boys!
The vitamin A has arrived!

- Why "A"?
- Americans!

Hey, you, come over here!
Move!

- Me?
- Yes, you. Hurry up.

Where are the Germans?

- Nicht Deutschland...
- Where are the Germans?

How should I know
where the Germans are?

They must be in Rome by now.

Why are you looking for
Germans in Capri?

He said that they came through
here a few days ago, sir.

The fascists?
Where are the fascists?

And the fascists?
Where are the fascistas?

Fascists im Capri?
You're looking for fascists here?

There are ony anti-fascists here,
can't you see?

He says that there aren't anymore,
just anti-fascists.

Good, listen, tell him I want to know
where the enemy is now!

The princess.
Look, she's 100% anti-fascist.

I think we have a princess, sir.

- Alright, what do I say to her?
- Say...

- Long live the Americans!
- Long live the Americans!

- Hurray!
- Long live the Americans!

I think you should call the base, sir.

Yes...

- And what should I tell them?
- Say that...

Say that we've taken Capri.

Thank you.

Eagle HQ operation
'Peanut' is complete.

Today, the Fifth American Army
and the allied forces

have occupied the Gulf of Naples

just one step towards our goal:

the complete liberation of Italy.

When do you expect to be in Rome, sir?

I'm not going to make any guesses

but if the Germans put up resistance

they're going to regret it,
you can bet on that.

I'd like to ask captain Malaparte
a question, if I may.

Captain Malaparte?

Step right up, soldier
but remember, we're in their home.

Captain Malaparte,
how do you justify your alliance

with the Fifth American Army
with the fact that

20 years ago, you were allied
with the fascist party?

I believe it was 20 years ago
that Winston Churchill

said during a visit to Italy:

"If I were Italian,
I'd ally myself with the facist party."

I was Italian.

I'd like to say that captain Malaparte
spent a good portion of those years

in fascist prisons
and don't forget that.

Any more questions?

Yes, sir.

General Alexander says that...

Enough, gentlemen.
We'll meet again in Naples.

Alright boys.
Take your pictures.

Hurry it up.

Enough. Everyone out.
You, wait.

- Yes?
- Let me see that.

The left side.
Only on the left side.

What a beautiful home
you have here, Malaparte.

My house is yours, general.

It's a bit far from the front, sadly.

Fronts move, the offer remains.

Thank you.

Good day.

My guest, general Mark Cork.

- Princess Consuelo Caracciolo.
- Enchanted.

They say that in Naples
your word is law.

- Do you know Naples, general?
- No, madam.

But I hope to know it.

It's the oldest city in Europe,
did you know?

What the princess is trying to say
is that you should be patient

in regards to the surprises
that Naples holds.

Very well...

- What a lovely dog!
- His name is Febo.

Mine is named Palma.
I found him in northern Africa.

I nearly ran over him with a jeep.

I found him in Russia.
He had been injured by the Germans.

Watch...
Febo, heil Hitler!

Be a good boy, Febo.
So long.

- Will you return to Capri soon?
- We'll see, Vicenzo, we'll see. Good luck.

Take my luggage to the palace.

Be good, Febo!

Look how pretty they are.

- The girls are lovely.
- And what do you want?

Is there a problem?
It's too early.

Go home, handsome.

Let's go.

- Poggioreale!
- Poggioreale!

- Was there a massacre?
- Where have you been?

There are massacres every day.

Typhus, famine, infection...
there's a bit of everything.

Death has quite an imagination.
I'm here all week.

Rich or poor, the funeral is free.

Are we or are we not a democracy?

What, all week? That's bullshit!

You haven't been here for 15 days.

There are only three trucks
in Naples for everybody

weeks are now 15 days long, maam.

You have no respect for the dead.

What's that?
No respect for the dead?

Do you expect us
to carry them on our backs?

- We can't say a thing.
- I told you, we only have three wagons.

Make them walk.

We've been looking at corpses for years,
we can't do it anymore.

Make them walk to the cemetery.

- Of course, on foot.
- Let's go.

On foot. Let's keep going.

Hello good Christians!

You can't come in here,
it's off limits!

This is a restricted area,
you can't come in here.

- You know, "off limits"!
- What does "off limits" mean?

I don't know.
Must be American general.

FORBIDDEN TERRITORY

Off limits!

This crap is always getting worse.

Hello Concetta.

Look, there go the suits
on the way to the bank.

So that's the one?

My dear mr. Eduardo. Come in!

Please, closed.

- Excuse me.
- No, close it, please, close it!

Hey, I hear that Italian women
have spaghetti

- ...growing out of their vagina.
- Only tomato sauce!

- Did you slip her some linguini?
- Was it all oil and garlic?

It's closed, closed, it's over!

C'mon, behave boys!

C'mon sweet, a kiss!

I understand.
And how many are with you?

There are two, but they eat for six.
They're right here.

Let me call her. Rosaria!

Rosaria! Rosaria!
Rosaria!

- I'm over here!
- Where is Rosaria?

- I'm here!
- Rosaria!

- Here!
- Rosaria, come here.

Since you know how to speak English

tell them to leave in ten minutes.

- I have some things to take care of.
- Alright.

- Come here, Eduardo.
- Listen! Ten minute closed!

Ok? Ten minute closed.
We're closing boys.

- Keep calm.
- We're going to tear this place apart!

Hey! Shut up, shut up!

Listen, behave yourselves

or we'll kick you out
like we did with the Germans, alright?

And it's going to be in two days,
not four.

- Two days, alright?
- Alright, alright.

Mother, come here.
I have something for you.

Shush girl.

I'll have something special
for you later!

- How?
- How much do you weigh?

The hat, take off the hat.
How much is it?

Sixty five kilos, you see?

That's it? You said you ate for six.

My God, mr. Eduardo,
have a little patience!

Come in! You two.

Come on, let's go.

Look at those two.
They eat for six.

- But this one hardly eats anything.
- Doesn't want to eat?

While the residents of Naples
die of hunger he refuses to eat.

Why are you refusing your pasta?

- Stomach, nicht gut.
- How fresh.

Make a tagliatelle, I brought flour.

But how, when I don't know
how to make tagliatelle?

Look at how your friends are nice
and plump and you're a stick.

Eat, you hear me?

Eat, imagine your life depended on it.

Eat, eat.

Come on, hurry, spaghetti!
Get in line. Move it, spaghetti.

Come on, let's go, let's go!

Spaghetti parlor,
let's get a move on.

- Let's go! Let's go! That's it.
- Let's go, hurry, hurry!

Button that up. C'mon pansy.
Let's go.

He'll serve.
Let's go, perfect pants for you!

There's nothing wrong with it.
True, that's yours.

Perfect, don't be so demanding.

You can't eat spaghetti without towel.

- You have a bloodstain there.
- I do? There it is!

- C'mon, hurry! Move it! Keep going!
- Don't just stand there!

- Move it, let's go!
- Perfect pants for you!

Come on, there's
nothing wrong with that!

Move it! Move it!

Hurry up!

Attention!

Attention!

Order them to rest, sergeant.

Rest!

Boys, sadly I have to leave you.

I've recieved other orders.
Captain Palese

will take charge of the company.

And he wants to have a word with you.

Please.

Soldiers!

We're the first liberation unit of Italy.

We are soldiers of a new Italy.

Our aim is to fight the Germans
and expel them from Italian soil.

We must take our flag
and lift it high as an example

to all Italians.

We will banish the terrible shame

that dominates the Italian people

and prove that we are worthy
of the great role

that history has handed us.

Do you all understand what he's saying?

- You, come here
- Me?

Yes, you.

Alright, repeat what the captain said.

He says that... we have to prove

that we're worthy of the shame of ltaly.

I think he understood quite well.
Go back to your spot.

You are listening to the broadcast
for the European Allied Forces.

That was Glenn Miller and his orchestra

transmitting directly from the 'Palladium'

in Hollywood, California, USA.

Worried about syphilis?

Venereal diseases can be
more destructive than war.

But thanks to penicillin...

Hey Goldberg, did you hear that?

Glenn Miller is playing
live 11.000 km from here...

How come you're not worried
about getting syphilis?

Didn't you sleep
with that Countess, Jimmy?

I already told you, Goldberg.

Alright, so tell me again.
It's like listening to Glenn Miller.

Better every time.

- Does she do oral?
- Listen, in Europe, that's normal.

Get it through your head

European women are different.

Listen Goldberg, instead of hanging
out here with your magazines

for three lousy bucks,
you can have what you want.

Are you crazy?

All the niggers on this side of the Atlantic
have already screwed those girls.

Have you seen those movies
that tell you what happens

to your penis if you get gonorrhea?

It's better to go blind, Goldberg.

Where did you hear that?

How many fingers am I holding up?
You see? You're already blind, Goldberg.

Oh, Christ...

FIFTH ARMY GENERAL HEADQUARTERS

Good day, general.

Captain Wren, call the conference
over the general's communication.

There are already two
conferences back there, captain.

I'm afraid you'll have to wait.

Good day, general.

No, not now.

Gentelmen, I'm going to start
with the good news.

I've just talked with Alexander

and he agrees that
the Eighth English Army

will cede to their "American cousins",
as they like to call us

and Mark Cork's Fifth Army
will be the first to enter Rome!

- Great!
- Excellent!

Now, the bad news.

I don't believe a word of it.

Half of his army is gay,
and the other half

thinks that Americans are stupid...

He's right in the middle of that.
This could be a trick.

The Fifth American Army
was the first

to step foot on the European continent

and you can bet that no one,
including mr. Churchill

and his team will keep this man's army

from being the first to enter Rome!

It's a matter of principle!

Washington, sir, general Eisenhower.

That's the third time.

Bob. Continue without me.

It must be important to make them
get up early in Washington.

Let's go find out.

Hello?

Hello, sir, it's Mark...

How is Italy, sir?
Italy is beautiful.

Sir, what are you trying to say?

What?

Which senator's wife?

From Massachusetts?

Here?

For the love of God, we're at war Ike

there's no time for...
for those sort of women's things...

No...

Not even if it were Roosevelt's mother,
I'm very sorry sir.

I'm sorry, but what I'm trying to say...

Yes, mr. President.

Please excuse me,
but I have to insist.

I'm against this.

I understand your position, sir

and, under these circumstances,
I'll do my best.

Mr. President, you can trust me.

Thank you, sir.

A dirty trick, that's what it is

to rob Mark Cork and
his Fifth Army of their glory.

Massachussets...
That's senator Wyatt, isn't it?

The senator that decieves
people all the time.

Wyatt, yes, so what do you think?

Well, nothing.
Unless his wife is Deborah Wyatt.

- Exactly.
- Of course, an aviator.

She was the first to cross
the Pacific in 39.

The first woman...

The press made quite a bit of publicity.

Yes, I remember.

They made her a colonel in the Air Force

who came up with this crazy idea
of supplying the population by plane

and it seems that the president
is interested as well

A bunch of bullshit...

Elections are next year
and you know exactly

what the president is interested in:
winning votes.

- How's it going?
- Alright.

- What are you doing tonight?
- Sit, please...

- Good day.
- Good day.

I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait captain.
Be patient.

Thank you.

Wasn't it you that was
at the press conference in Capri?

Yes.

- You have a beautiful home there.
- Thank you.

- Go ask, go on.
- Those two? Let's see.

- Mr. Mazzullo.
- Wait.

- Sit down, please.
- Alright.

- Fine.
- Wait, please.

- What'd he say?
- He told me to sit.

So go sit.

Who's turn is it now?

A meeting with the representative
of the Comittee for Civilian Necessities.

- He takes care of the German prisoners.
- And then?

A meeting about the front.
Scheduled for six minutes, sir.

The one responsible
for civilian rights, what's his name?

Eduardo Mezzullo.

- Let's go, hurry up.
- Yes sir.

Mr. Mezzullo? Captain Malaparte?
Captain Wren?

- Mr. Mezzullo...
- Mazzullo, Mazzullo.

- They said mr. Mezzullo...
- Ma, ma, ma.

Mazzullo, Mazzullo.

I understand you have
a certain number of prisoners

- ...of German prisoners...
- 273, mr. general. There are 273...

That you captured when
the Germans mounted a retreat...

Mounted a what?

He said that you caught those
Germans when they were retreating.

No, mr. general. They were
imprisoned by the Italian people

when they fought in Naples.

There was a great insurrection
that lasted four days

with injuries and casualties...

Believe me, we suffered,
mr. general.

Yes, yes, I understand,
mr. Mezzullo.

My name is Mazzulo. Ma. Ma!

Listen, I'd like to go directly
to the matter at hand.

You've been feeding and caring
for those prisoners for weeks, right?

I understand that it must be
a terrible burden on you

with the price of food
rising like it has.

And, naturally, you have the right to,
shall we say, recompense.

Care to explain, captain?

- You'll be compensated.
- Yes, I understand.

The Fifth American Army
is prepared to pay

a thousand liras for every person

You're a very kind man, mr. general.
I'm grateful.

But the price has changed now.
The price, we do it by weight.

- 100 liras per kilo.
- What?

It's 100 liras per kilo.

So a man who weighs 80 kg
would cost 8 thousand liras!

These days it's rare to find
someone who weighs 80 kilos.

Captain Malaparte,
tell him that he's crazy.

- The general is a serious man.
- Who are you?

Listen, whoever you are

you have 24 hours to accept my offer.

After that, I'll have to speak
with the military police.

And I guarantee
that you'll be left without

- ...all 270 or so prisoners.
- It's 273!

Alright, we'll see. Let's go.

He's a serious man,
the one with the German prisoners.

I am too.

The US government saddles
us with the rules

of the Geneva Convention
regarding prisoners of war!

I'm going to take them by force.

You can hide everyone in Italy
in the caverns of Naples

and never find them.

In that case, I'll have that man shot.

If you do that,
you'll never see those prisoners.

Why don't you let me
take care of this?

And you, captain?
What's your role in all of this?

Me, sir? I'm here for the conference
about the communication.

The communcation, just what we need.

Alright, Malaparte, lead this man.

- You'll go with the captain.
- But I...

What?

Nothing, sir.

Damn Italians.

I'm Jimmy Wren.

What are you discussing?

Well, you know, the price of human flesh

is below that for beef or pork.

A week ago, you could get a 20
year old girl for 10 dollars.

Now she'd be worth no more
than four, bones and all.

The Sicilian girls invaded the market.

They're older, so they cost less.

You know, we have a saying in Cleveland:
from behind they're all the same.

- All of 'em except your sister, Jimmy?
- I don't have a sister.

Though if I had one, what would
that have to do with anything?

Lovely, lovely American boy.

Lovely, come with me.
I like you come, come.

- What lovely skin.
- No, thank you.

Come with me.

- No, thank you.
- Come!

If you don't want to then don't!
Go eat shit, you idiot!

- Looks like you're having luck.
- Yup, some luck.

- We have something to see now.
- Hey, it's five dollars!

Did you see what they did
when they went by?

Come on, you have to see it
to believe it!

See that?
They're blonde everywhere.

What sort of Sicilians are they?

Jimmy, you think those soldiers
feel like war heroes

when those women from Naples
spread their legs for them?

Well, they probably
feel the same thing I do.

- Which is...
- I don't know...

I feel like I'm seeing Europe.

- Let's go.
- Where to?

To see Italy.

Good day.

- So what happened?
- Nothing.

What do you mean, nothing?
He's an American officer.

Yes, he's interested in Italian artistry.

- Show him what you make.
- Italian artistry?

He's not interested...

Yes, yes. Are you interested?

- Yes.
- Do you like what we do?

Put on the wig.

- No, you go.
- Not me.

- My God!
- You'll see.

Not you!
Where are you going? Stay here!

What are you thinking about?
Stay right here!

You're going to show off for that man.

Go on.

- What's going on?
- Wait there...

Oh God, you have to be patient.

Are you sure the boy came
to look at Italian art?

- Tell them I'm poor.
- He's a good man.

- A good man.
- An artist.

I was a tailor, but these days...

It's ready.

What is?

- What we did, it's wrong.
- Explain it to him.

Black soldiers like blonde women.

In Naples, it's hard to find
blonde women.

We made that up.

Black soldiers like blonde girls.

Naples is teeming with blondes.

- I want one.
- You want one?

- Yes, how much is it?
- Ten dollars.

- Is he going to pay for that?
- No, no, seven, seven!

No, ten dollars!
You have to be very patient.

It's a lot of work, that's for sure.
A lot of work.

Right, Right, ten dollars.

A lot of patience.

This is crazy!

Jimmy, if the Americans
had lost the war

do you think the women in New York
would be that creative?

They don't have to be.

In New York there are
enough blondes for everybody.

Good night.

Upstairs.

Come in.

- Shall we go?
- Where?

Mr. Eduardo has found us.

What's going on?

- What are they doing?
- Leave it alone a bit.

How did you get that tank?

- You see...
- It's one of ours...

- You see...
- It's property of the army...

Perhaps mr. Eduardo will explain.

Good day. Wait a moment.

I don't see why
I should be interested.

A tank, what am I going
to do with that?

- Want a cigarette?
- No, thanks.

- It's American. Authentic.
- I don't smoke.

- No? Want one?
- Yes, thank you.

The war's over, you know...

- Metal, metal. Lots of metal.
- Ten tons of iron.

Yes, metal.

- A cannon, a big cannon!
- Yes, I know...

But the cannon is just old metal.
What am I supposed to do with a cannon?

The war is over.

- A transmittor radio.
- A radio...

Did the general agree to this?
Does he know?

Does he know?
Don't kid around, don't kid around.

I bet that this entire circus is

to convince us to accept his conditions.

Why? Aren't you convinced?

Did you see what that idiot
offered for a new Sherman tank?

- I saw, I saw...
- We had a sure thing!

Believe me, he isn't
the only Italian in Naples

we'll find someone
and get ten thousand...

Damn it!

- Bastards!
- Sons of bitches!

Hello.

- So then...
- Very well.

- We accept your conditions.
- Very good, my boy.

You've done well, I'm happy.

Until tomorrow, we need
the general's authorization.

Of course,
and tell the general to hurry

because the price goes up every day.

Better said, every hour.

He wants to raise the price.

But that's not fair!

He can't raise the price,
we had an agreement!

What is he saying?

- That everything's fine.
- Great.

I'm satisfied. Well done boys.

- Charismatic, isn't he?
- Ok, Jimmy.

- Alright, it's set.
- Yeah.

You know, she looks like a girl
that I knew in Atlanta.

Let me see, let me see.

You know, there's a name for that.
Pussy wig.

Merkin. M-E-R-K-l-N.

- Of course!
- Don't you trust me?

- No, I don't.
- He doesn't trust me!

If anyone knows, it's Goldberg.

He's the specialist.

- Easy, sailor!
- Come on, relax!

Soldier! Soldier, calm down
or you're headed to the pen!

- Put your hands up, pal!
- What the hell!

Well, there they go again.

What did we order?

Bull's tail. Sliced.

A speciality from the south.

I think they gave me the part
that was stuck to the bull's tail.

I'll admit it's not
humming bird hearts with truffles.

Look, what are we putting
in our stomachs?

The part the bull
used to clean its ass

served in a sauce with a texture
like old motor oil

and all topped off
with the waiter's stinking breath.

Colonel, I don't think we all agree.

It's wartime and, in Naples

good ingredients aren't
always easy to come across.

See? What did I say?

I'm not going to keep eating this stuff.
No offense, captain.

No, I don't blame you.
It's just a bad habit of mine.

I enjoy subtle flavors like
bull's tail with nutmeg

celery, white wine

but my first bite of this

was unpleasantly sweet,
the skin all sticky, just bad.

I took a good look at the plate
and what I saw wasn't bull's tail.

But the first rule of good manners

is to never upset the appetite
of the other diners.

So, I ate, thinking "My God look at
what this rationing has caused."

First, a finger

then another, and then
an entire human hand!

Look!

In spite of my good manners,
I wasn't able to eat the nails.

- Let's go have some coffee.
- That was good, how'd you do that?

It wasn't easy, I can assure you...

Three coffees.

Malaparte, you're a genius!
The way you arranged those bones

without anyone seeing.
And how'd you make the nails?

Jimmy, do you think I kidded?

- My God!
- What? Damn!

Hey, do you have identification?

Easy soldier. This man is an officer
of the Italian military.

What's the problem, captain?
Does the Italian Army not have uniforms?

Forgive me, sir.
We're just doing our job.

They sent us a message
over the radio to take him.

You're making a mistake!

- Jimmy!
- Hello, Anna.

Come here.

Buy me a drink?

Yes. Please...

Two whiskeys.

I know those American snobs
like the back of my hand.

And Deborah Wyatt doesn't
like men like me

men who worked their way up

and she likes Italians even less.

Of course I'll do everything I can.

But she really doesn't like Italians.

But you're different.

You know the Pope
and that idiot Picasso.

- Ice?
- No.

And you can talk about Maxim's in Paris

and who painted the cieling
in the Sistine Chapel.

Those old Bostonians
love that sort of thing.

I've only met His Holiness twice, general.

I know, I know, I know...

But I was thinking

I'd like to hold a banquet
in her honor

in the style of the Renaissance,
you know...

in some sort of old palace,
with waiters

in wigs and white gloves.

What do you think?

Not bad. We could get
the Toledo Palace.

- Great, and then...
- Yes, leave it to me.

Exactly!
Keep her far away from me

so she won't bother me.

- Take care of her.
- Yes.

Have some fun with that dog.

He's incredible. Very good, Febo!

Fetch!

Splendid. Very good.

- Very good, Maria.
- Thank you sir. Bon apettite.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Marvellous, isn't it?

Careful, that's a strong aphrodisiac.

You're scaring me!

So...

Dear, I don't feel a thing.

Wait. This is the danger.

The effect kicks in
when you least expect it.

You know, I'm discovering Americans.

What surprising people.
They're clean and crystalline.

They believe that Christ
is always on the side of the winner.

- May I say something?
- Yes.

I'm starting to feel the effect.

Really?

- Are you waiting?
- Yes, I can't take it anymore.

It's been so long, Curzio!

You're the only person
that calls me Curzio.

Careful, she's looking this way!

Is she crazy?
My God!

- My God, that woman is crazy!
- She's nothing but trouble!

Don't tell me she flew that plane
all the way from Washington.

Sicily, but I don't doubt
she'd manage it.

She had her wings
before she sprouted tits.

- Maam...
- Thank you.

I'm general Howes,
representantive of general Cork.

Major Beckwith,
general Cork's assistant.

The general would love
to be here personally, maam

but duty calls.

At least someone's fighting the war.

This is captain Malaparte,
our liason with the Italians.

We'll see...

I hope to be useful
to your mission, colonel Wyatt.

General Cork has briefed me.

General Cork has directed
captain Malaparte

to help you, mrs. Wyatt.

Obviously, you'll have to cooperate
with the population

and Malaparte will be very useful.

He has a fabulous villa in Capri.

So what do you do in peace time?

I was far too young to remember.

He was in Spain before that,
and before that, Ethiopia.

He should have gone to the US.
Our Italians are pretty well off.

You're right, but there were
already enough organ players.

Are you making fun of me, captain?

No, on the contrary,
I admire your assurance.

You're everything we're not.

You think so?

Get away from me!
I said leave me alone!

- Don't touch me!
- Keep away!

- Come on, let's go, come on!
- Out, come on, let's go!

I'd like to help with your Moroccan troops,
general, but I'm afraid I can't.

But my dear general,
this is an unprecedented shame!

Incredible, a scandal!

My men are, how shall I say,
hypersexuall.

Yes, they were born that way.
They'll stick it in anything

in a sunflower, to be precise.

A sunflower is enough for them.

The point is, general,
that depriving my troops of penicillin

is a crime!

Syphilis is destroying their
combat strength.

Yes, one penis after another.

General, Guillaume, every month

I recieve a limited supply of penicillin
from the United States.

And what do you think
my priority should be?

To save a sodomite
who likes sunflowers

or a wounded American?

Now please excuse me.

General Cork, it's colonel Eliot, sir.
He says it's urgent.

Be quick about it, colonel.
We're at war.

What?

No, no, that makes no sense.
Let's start over from the beginning.

Right, first we want a creamy soup.

But our soup is creamy, like mud.

Tomato soup?
Yes, I think that's alright.

And don't forget the bleach.

I don't know, it looks like we'll have
to look after her stomach.

Anything else?

But why isn't there
any fresh fish in Naples?

Colonel, you don't have to remind me
I prohibited fishing.

The Bay of Napoles is mined
from here to Sicily.

But when Mark Cork gives
that renaissance dinner there will be

fish cooked with mayonaise, understand?

How do you know?

Try the aquarium...

Soldier...

Fish cooked with mayonaise.
Jesus!

Do you think she'll like that?

- I have no idea.
- I expect Malaparte knows for sure...

Thank you.

- How much is it?
- Ten liras.

Thank you.

Yes, understood.

Alright.

Thank you.

A renaissance banquet
in the middle of the Second World War.

Thanks to my modest contribution,
we should be able to avoid

those terrible meat rations
and canned pineapple.

Idiot!
What are you doing, sergeant?

Excuse me captain,
but private Prewitt

had a regrettable case
of Mussolini's revenge.

And it was sudden!

Right, continue, sergeant.
But get out of there!

Damn it!

Stop, there are landmines!
They'll be killed!

My God, Prewitt!

Let me see.

- Are you a medic?
- No, but I know what to do.

Then get your dirty hands off him!

Give me something to cover him with.

Why waste time on that, captain?

- We have to get him to the hospital!
- There have been many cases like this.

If we move him, he'll have a cruel death
before we get him to the hospital.

If we make him comfortable,
the pain will pass.

- He'll die in his sleep.
- Like a dog!

- Shut your mouth, sergeant!
- Go find a medic, Jimmy.

Bring morphine,
I'll take the responsibility.

Him? He's Italian!

That's an American soldier there, captain!

Now listen, sergeant!

That man is a captain with more
experience than either of us.

We're going to do what he says.

And follow his orders!

I'll take full responsibility!

We have to distract him,
to do something

so he doesn't realize he's dying.

There's only one thing we can do.

Listen idiot,
if you're wrong about this

if that doctor doesn't come

I'll rip your guts out
just like his, got that?

Now hurry it up.

Well now Prewitt, you're lucky.
You're going home...

Just wet his lips.

You know, I always thought
you were lucky Prewitt

but this was surprising.

The ambulance will be here
in a few minutes.

A few days with pretty nurses
bending over in front of you

and resting their tits
on your shoulder

and then you're on a plane
headed to the USA.

- Isn't that right, Kaminsky?
- Yes, yes...

Keep talking, sergeant.

Leave that idiot here.

He's stuck in this stinking country.

- Hey, jerk!
- Chewing gum.

- Macaroni!
- Yankee dollar!

Fag!

Come on Prewitt.
Come on, cut that out.

You want to see this guy's
imitation of Mussolini?

Hey you, show him your
Mussolini impersonation.

Italian men!

Italian women!

For twenty centuries...

Sorry, I can't.

Cut that out, Prewitt.

What are you doing here?
Don't you know it's forbidden?

It's a minefield.

Get lost!

Get that bitch out of here!

Out, out!

Can you get that
Italian bitch out of here?

- Get out bitch!
- Enough!

Are you here to fight Germans
or to insult Italians?

You're killing them!

Out, out! Go!

- Step aside boys, move!
- The medic's here!

It's too late.
Nothing can be done.

Thank you. Thank you.

- Pasqualino! Pasqualino!
- No!

No!

- What's her name?
- Maria Concetta.

Before continuing with this simple meal

I'd like to say, mrs. Wyatt,
on behalf of all of us

we have a great debt to repay you.

Your presence at this table

tonight serves as a reminder
that we must win this war

as soon as possible so we can
go back to the women we love.

Mrs. Wyatt, it's a pleasure
to have you with us.

Thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

This place is magnificent.
Who does it belong to?

The princess of Toledo.

Captain Malaparte knows
all the princesses in Europe.

- Isn't that right captain?
- Not all of them, thank God.

But captain, you must surely know
princess Carmela Esposito.

She was my best friend in school.

- Esposito?
- Princess Carmela Esposito.

Princess Carmela Esposito,
mrs. Wyatt, is an impostor.

- What was that captain?
- Princess Esposito doesn't exist.

"Esposito" is a name given to children

abandoned at hospices.

Sadly, there are more Espositos
in Naples than ever.

Captain, all I know is that my friend

princess Carmela Esposito
lives in a palace in Rome.

Our State Department tells me

that she was always an anti-fascist
and I plan on visiting her.

If she's an anti-fascist,
I'd say that that's proof

that she's not a princess.

If what you're saying is true, captain

then there were many other
people in Cambridge

who were greatly decieved

which doesn't reflect well
on the Italian people.

In Philadelphia, our Italian community
is among the best.

Very well, captain, very well.

A moment, please.
I'd like to bring your attention

to the next item on our menu.

Fish cooked in mayonaisse.

We owe colonel Eliot
our gratitude for this repast

and the good colonel tells us
that this dish is called

'Siren'.

- Do you know it, captain?
- Yes, I know it very well.

Siren, the mermaid of Naples.
Extremely rare.

But I've seen it several times...

- Where?
- At the aquarium.

You can't be referring to siren,
the seductress in Homer's 'Odyssey'.

Wretches.
It's just an ordinary fish.

Mermaids don't exist.

My God, it's a baby!
A cooked baby!

We have to bury it!

Cover her up! Cover her up!

I swear, it's an edible fish, general.

It's a fish, mr. general...

It's a fish, I swear!
A fish!

It don't care what they say.
My God!

- Well, in Philadelphia...
- Gentlemen, sit, please.

Please mrs. Wyatt.

Now, the good Lord knows
what Mark Cork' stomach thinks

of fish cooked in mayonaisse.

I don't like war either

but someone has to lead.

Serve them!

I knew it was a fish
from the beginning!

Thank you.

This is all I could sting.

- Here.
- Don't let anyone see, alright?

- Here, take it.
- A package? That's all you got?

- Fuck!
- That's absurd!

Let me go! Let me go!

Let me go! Bastard!

Jean Louis!

My mother told me
I'd find you in Capri.

So what are you doing
in this corner of the world?

It's my duty to come here
for the revolution.

Yes, I had forgotten about count Marx.

And I had forgotten
how deep your cynicism runs.

Yours and that of your
entire generation.

Come Jean Louis,
you wouldn't be a student of Marx

if his blood wasn't much bluer
than yours.

And where is it written that you have

to be a proletariat
in order to fight for justice?

You don't understand
the youth of today

you can't imagine
how different they are.

You wouldn't recognize the world
that will come out of this world.

The imperialists and their lackeys
will be defeated.

Hey, Malaparte, Jimmy sends word
that he can't come.

He was supposed to bring me a medic.
Did something happen?

No, no. He won't be able to come.

He wants you to cover for him.
We have to go.

Bye.

Wait a bit.

- Hey baby, how much do you charge?
- Let go of me! Fuck!

- That's what I'm asking about.
- Go eat shit!

Alright.

- So what are you doing right now?
- Nothing, nothing.

There's some boys that need a medic.

- Come with me.
- I didn't finish my studies.

If you don't say anything
then I won't either, alright?

Come.

- Jimmy!
- I thought you weren't coming.

We have to stop along the way.

Pasqualino's coming too.

Let's go!

As you can see, the interior
of Vesuvius isn't dormant.

And examining the seismographs,
we can see that activity

has increased in recent weeks.

- Does that always happen?
- Absolutely not.

This is the first time
I see this phenomenon.

- Strange...
- Yes.

Maria, we...

Excuse me, one moment.

Maria! Where are you going?
What about the picnic?

Tell my father we're going
to see the nuns.

- What?
- For my father.

Don't tell him I was with you.

Wait, wait! I'll take you!

- No, we're going to take the tram.
- When will we meet up?

In two days.
In the same place as always.

Will you think about me?

I will.

I'd love to show you
the youth of today.

You can't imagine
how different they are

they're better,
they have revolution in their blood.

If only Trotsky and Lenin
had known that...

Trotsky was a filthy traitor.

Imagine what your mother would say
if she heard you talk that way

about someone you never met,
and someone who has passed away at that.

Mouth...

Sir, I want to go to Munich.

What for?
There's food here.

Doctor, my head hurts.
Do you have something?

No, I'm very sorry.
I don't have anything.

- The Geneva Convention, prisioner.
- Mouth...

The gentlemen will say
that they're in good health

there's nothing to complain about.

This prisoner has appealed
to the Geneva Convention.

He's got no case at all
that idiot refuses to eat.

He's skin and bones.
I lost money on this one.

But the price of the others
went up by 200 liras, right?

Mr. Eduardo, it's going to be hard
to win the war this way.

Win or lose, I refuse to be trampled on.

No, that's not an option.
Am I clear?

No, no!

They're too fat, too ugly!
Too German!

On top of that, they're too expensive!
Am I making myself clear?

- It's unthinkable.
- Alright, I understand.

There's no need to shout.
Fat is always useful.

We'll make soap out of them.
Come, let's go.

They're going to turn these
prisoners into soap...

That's their problem.
Tale a look at that.

"Queen of the skies."

Queen of publicity,
that's what she is...

- What do you think?
- Well, she's photogenic.

What did you say?
That they'll make soap out of them?

There's a shortage.

Soap is worth more than 200 liras a kilo.

And God knows
people in Naples need it.

- You must be joking.
- No, general.

It isn't hard to find.

Is it true what the newspapers say?
That you never drive a car?

I never have to.

I was thinking of helping you...

with communcations.

Well, that should be fine.

Now to test it.
Want to come with me?

Yes, with pleasure,
but what was the problem?

Nearly nothing at all.
Just old, I think.

The damned motor was stuck together
with wire when I got here.

But it's been fixed.

Try it.

Enough, enough!

Did general Cork send you
to be my latin lover?

Enough!

- Confess.
- Yes, yes, enough!

Forgive me, I was cruel,
forgive me...

Everyone is cruel sometimes.

Hey kid, come here.
Let's go have some fun.

Two, two!

Five dollars. Yes, five dollars.

Hands off! You're disgusting!
You depraved animal!

Dirty pig!

How can they do it?

My God, how can they sell
their own children?

They're hungry.
It's better to sell them than to eat them.

You're a degenerate.
All of Naples is degenerate!

Why did you bring me here?

So I can feel as degenerate as you?

We didn't start this war.

We don't sell our bodies
for a pack of cigarettes!

A pack of cigarettes?

Maam, what will you
give me for this?

Thank you.

With this and a pack of cigarretes
I can get bread for a large family.

Would you like some maam?

- Here
- Thank you.

- I brought you here because...
- Because everyone can be cruel.

- Are we even now?
- Yes.

- Do you need anything else from me?
- No, no.

Jimmy? What did I do to you?

It's not my fault if things
didn't go well for you today.

What's wrong with you, Jimmy?

- Here.
- What's that?

Try it.

Here, like this.

Are you crazy?
I already have my own.

Did you bring this filthy thing
from the America?

No, not at all.
It's from Naples.

- From Naples?
- Yes, yes.

Every last hair.

Who gave you this?
Where'd you get it, Jimmy?

Where have you been hanging out?
Tell me who gave you this.

Jimmy, come here.
Come here!

Forgive me. Excuse me.

I'd like to...
I'm looking for...

- Maria Concetta.
- What is it you want?

She has a brother...
Pasqualino.

There are thousands of Maria Concettas
and Pasqualinos around here.

Wait, maybe he's talking
about the virgin.

- Oh, the virgin?
- Yes.

Her father doesn't know.

Wait, I'll come with you.
I'll come with you.

- Thank you.
- Antonio, and you?

See if he'll give me
a couple of dollars.

- Here.
- Thanks.

- Wait here, I'll be right back.
- Yes...

Straight ahead.
Good night!

Come on!

- He says that...
- What does he say?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Jimmy, you can't come here.

Never. My father... The war...

He's sick.

I brought this for him.

- I see.
- Yes.

- Pretty, isn't it?
- Yes.

But put it away, I can't take it.

My father musn't know.

I have to go.
I need to drop it off.

Wait. No, wait, listen...

I wanted to say, Jimmy,
that I'm very happy when I'm with you.

- But I have to go.
- Wait!

What a lovely butt. So firm!

It's marvellous.

It's lovely, very love.

Come!

Come, yes, like that.

Lovely!

Well, normally I start
with the cellar.

Why don't we go directly
to the bedroom?

Did you forget?
I already confessed...

- Right, we're even.
- This way, please.

- This is a marvellous home, captain!
- Thank you.

Did you buy it or have it built?

I bought it, though I designed
the landscape.

I congratulate you.

The lady's bath is ready.
Will she take it alone?

What did she say?

Well, she wants to know
if you're taking your bath alone.

But Maria sometimes simplifies
things a bit too much.

Forgive her.

It must be difficult to handle
so many baths for couples.

No, thank you Maria.

I think I'll be able
to maintain control for...

for at least the next five minutes.

The lady will take a bath
in five minutes, and by herself.

It's from Jean Louis.

- Urgent!
- Right.

Don't tell me, it's an invitation
to organize an orgy.

You're partially right.

What part?
An orgy, organize or invited?

The third part.

It's a party exclusively for men.
I know you understand me...

I can look like a man.
What do you think?

- How is Maria Concetta?
- She escaped.

Then you didn't get anything,
is that it?

Yes, and you're going blind.
You're even wearing glasses.

Well, the doctor says...
It's just that my eyes are exhausted.

Are you worried about syphilis?

So we don't want to hear
about that, is that right?

I'm not the one who has
to worry about that.

Very good! Very good!

So why are you scratching?

Here we go. Finally, I think.

Quiet!

I was waiting for you.
Everything alright?

Yes, it's fine.

- It's hot.
- Hot?

It's hot!

- Go on, push!
- It hurts!

It's too hot!

Calm down!

It will pass!

This is good, everything is ready.

It's too hot!

Ice, I want some ice.

Give me a bit of ice.

- Not coffee. He wants ice!
- Ice, I want ice!

Impossible. Impossible!

I hope it's a girl.

Relax!

Calm down! Calm down!

Stop screaming,
you'll waste your strength!

Push, come on!

My God, it's a boy!

Look how pretty he is.
It's a boy!

Here it is, the macarroni.
Let's go, let's go!

Look!

Febo! Febo!

Febo!

I apologize, I have to admit,
I've never been there.

You knew I'd be here.

Are we even?

- Come with me to Capri.
- No.

I believe in my marriage.
Even if...

Febo, Palm...
Did you find the dogs?

No, Febo there wasn't.

It's my fault.

- You're a good person, captain.
- No more than you are, mrs. Wyatt.

What's this about
"net weight in the morning"?

- What does it mean?
- I insisted on that, sir.

Scientifically the morning is
when the human body weighs the least.

And "net" means
they'll be weighed in the nude

and after having gone
through their morning routine.

I understand...

- Mr. Eduardo.
- General.

I assume that you understand
that this little transaction

will cost the American taxpayers

50.000 dollars in exchange
for 20 tons of enemy flesh.

You don't want to pay?

He doesn't think
this price is democratic.

Isn't democratic?

I hope the newspapers
don't learn about this.

How is it not democratic?
Officers and soldiers cost the same thing.

- The same price...
- Yes, yes, I understand, I understand.

Ask him, how much would Hitler be?

- What did he say?
- He's asking how much Hitler would cost.

Thank you. Hitler...

Tell him that with the Fifth Army
marching on Rome

the price is falling ever day.

It's the Fifth Army's fault
the price is falling.

- That's amusing!
- Very well.

Sir, the photographers.
They're waiting outside.

Let them in.

- Is he signing?
- Yes.

Come in gentlemen.

Mr. Eduardo, a group photo.

- This way.
- Yes, with pleasure.

- Is someone looking for Febo?
- Yes.

- And what about operation "Sky Girl"?
- Today or never.

- A picture.
- Alright.

Let's go over there. Major Beckwith...

Antonio, come and take a picture.
The poor thing's an orphan.

- Yes, of course, here.
- Nothing can replace a mother, general.

Smile for the camera.

It was dark, but I think it was here.

Yes, it's here.

- The Americans.
- He's cute.

- Yes, around here.
- Hello.

Why don't you take one of these?

You're all too tall, Jimmy.
Take one home with you.

The Americans need to go back
to reasonable proportions.

Do you ever take anything seriously?
Sometimes...

Yes.

No, you're like all the other Italians.

- Are you going to help me or not?
- No.

- What's going on ladies?
- How are you?

- Are you free today?
- A kiss.

This is the place.

Wait here.
I'm going to go get the old man.

Jimmy, don't go.

I was wrong.
I thought you were my friend.

Ciao, Jimmy!

Hey, how are you?
Where is Maria Concetta?

No, stop it...

- Jimmy!
- We'll talk later, alright?

Don't go! Jimmy!

Relax captain.
Get in line like everybody else...

- What are you waiting for?
- The virgin of Naples, isn't it?

Bullshit! I hear she
even does it with horses.

- How was it?
- Save your money.

Put it into war bonds.

I'd stick it anywhere
if I could just find a hole.

My God, all the quim
that isn't being used

and you keep jacking off.

Confucius says:
"Pussy everyday gets old".

Go to hell!

Out, out, out.

Let's go!

A dollar each, a dollar...

Enough, enough!

Relax...

You want to screw her?

Impossible.

You want to be with her?

Impossible! Because I'm her fatheri.

- Understand?
- No.

- You wanna fuck her?
- Yeah! Yeah!

Impossible. Impossible!

I'm her father.

Gentlemen. Gentlemen...

The virgin of Naples.

A real virgin.

You can put a finger in
if you want, it doesn't bite.

It doesn't bite. Try it.

A real virgin.

Virgin. Stick your finger in.

Touch. Only one finger.

Cutting in line, captain?

Relax! Look!

Satisfied? Satisfied?

What did you do? Are you crazy?

Looks like he ruined your business...

What are you doing, bastard?

Son of a bitch!
You knew the whole time!

All of you, you're all a bunch of idiots!

Jimmy, we've lost the war.

Women and children
will suffer more than anyone.

You're pigs!
A country full of pigs!

- And what about you?
- Shut your mouth!

You go into homes certain
you can buy everything

with chocolate and cigarettes.

I loved her.

You loved her?
So what's stopping you?

You're a pig!
A pig from Cleveland!

I wanted to marry her!

Isn't that her man?

Always there when I need you.

I won't forget the chastity belt,
Cliffton.

At least I haven't forgotten
to wear it until now.

- Worried about syphilis?
- I can't believe it!

VDs can be more destructive than war.

But thanks to penicillin...

Yes? Is you captain?
You're one hour early.

In hospital?

Yes, I'm coming.

- Could I make a phone call?
- Yes.

- Excuse me.
- Who are you calling?

- I'm calling Ted...
- What are you going to do?

Wait!

Sorry, I didn't want to make you wait.

No, no, I arrived early.

- Are you alright?
- Well...

Sorry, really...

Don't worry, maybe
there's still time, let's go...

- Febo!
- Sorry to meet you here.

We're conducting a study
on extreme wounds.

We needed test subjects.

To learn how to treat battle wounds.

These were stray dogs.

They would have been killed anyway.

Febo...

It's not allowed,
but I'll put it to sleep.

It's a sweet, painless sleep.

Why this dreadful silence?

We removed the vocal cords.

Don't worry, mrs. Wyatt,
nothing is gonna fall from the ceiling.

We eat here every day.

It is an honor to have a young
American guest with us.

Thank you.

The U.S. Army has the same
stimulating aroma

as a summer rain in the woods.

Maybe it's the woods still in you.

It's the way the wind blows, I'm sure.

It's the only occupation army
in the history of Naples

that had the courtesy
of knocking on our doors

before coming in.

Judging by the ruins I saw,
I think we knocked too strongly.

That, dear, is an insignificant detail.

If one has to lose a war, mrs Wyatt

it is better to be conquered
by an army

that has good manners,
believe me.

The duchess is still recovering

from the barbarian's raid
into Imperial Rome.

I'm not old enough
to remember that event.

But trust me:
the poor and the noble

lose every war since then
regardless of flag...

And women...
Women have no flag.

The real Italian flag
does not show three colors

but the male organ.
Moral, honor, family

the cult of religion, are there,
in between the legs.

- My God!
- I disagree...

A little exaggerated.

There's only one flag

this one.

Listen...

American airplane.

I think it is German.

And why the US don't fight back?

The Americans are asleep.
They rise early.

I heard another noise before.
Listen!

There's people at the stairs.

- Let them in.
- Yes, sir.

Easy. Slow.

Come in.

She was taken by God.

Let's go out.
Nunziatina, Carmela, stay here.

Bring what's needed.
Quick.

Let's go into the other room.

No, I'd rather stay.

The hair brush, please.

Brush her hair.

Carmela, take the dress off.

Let's hear the news.
Turn on the radio.

Yes, prince.

The duchess is calling.

Sirs, please follow me.
We are being summoned.

Hare is the Armed Forces radio...

We interrupt our program
for an important report.

Mount Vesuvius' sismograph
has registered

a sudden rise in volcanic activity.

All commanding officers
must report to their bases

for further instructions.

I repeat, all commanding officers
must report to their bases.

This night,
seeing those unhappy people

I have a confession to make.

It isn't easy.
Maybe another time.

Another time?

Don't be afraid, we're in Italy.

It was in Italy
that confession was born.

I haven't been honest, captain.

I wasn't honest.

I'm not here to help
the civilian population.

No, in no way.

I'm here to help senator Wyatt...

The president of the USA,
the WAC...

No, that's a lie too.

I'm here for myself.

For me, myself!

How? I don't know.

To have my picture in the papers...

Be the first in Rome...

Damn it, Malaparte, take me to Capri.

You're laughing at me!

I can't believe it,
you're laughing at me!

No, no, I'm laughing at myself.

It's incredible.

The destruction, hunger, violence...

All that for a photo in the papers.

You ignorant son of a bitch!

I hate your attitude, you latin snob!

Know-it-all! All of you!

Pervert! Pig! Filth!

Brilliantine in your hair
like a gigolo!

Imbecile, imbecile!

And you're laughing at me?

You can stick your flag right
between your legs, in your ass!

One catastrophe after another.

What a disgrace.

Get out, get out!

Listen, if you take me
to the airport, I'll pay.

Stop! Stop!

I'll give you $50 to take
me to the airport.

Get in.

What's happening?

What's this?

The Vesuvius.

You gotta leave quick!

Where to? This is my home!

No, it is dangerous!
You have to leave!

Jimmy! Come, come!

Do you hear me, colonel?

I want all men of the 5th Army

shaved and in full uniform
helping the civilians.

Avoiding panic, putting out fires.

I want them to swallow lava,
if need be.

And I want it all documented!
Did you hear me?

Films, photos, radio,
the whole operation!

You may leave!

They're everywhere in Naples.
Impossible not to find.

They said that the Vesuvius
hadn't had an eruption in 50 years.

This is historic!
Right, Bob...

Right, boys.
Here, in San Sebastiano

at the basis of the volcano.

All vehicles on duty now!

What are the orders?

All land and air crews at work
in civilian rescue, madam!

Aren't you afraid?

Fear... the only thing
I'm afraid of is human stupidity.

Because, unlike everything in the world,
it knows no bounds.

How men can be idiots.

Is this the end of the world?
What is this?

Don't be afraid, it's nothing.
I told you.

Oh my God! It's horrible!

It's hell breaking loose!

I'll close that door. Close it!

Vesuvius is an idiot.

Not Vesuvius,
you are the idiot for saying that.

- Turn on the light.
- OK.

Don't blaspheme.
Vesuvius is God.

- Remember.
- Let there be light.

And God wanted that we, despite it all,
ate a plate of spaghetti.

Maria!

Maria!

Maria!

Come with me...

Yes.

Stop, stop here!

Hey, have you seen mrs. Wyatt?

They're all in rescue duty!

Hello, tiger...

Come here, come.

Come, closer.
I've been expecting you.

Come make love.

Come, come.

Let's make love, come on.

Flight 3, Flight 3,
I'm having trouble.

I'll land.

Dammit!

Come on, get in the truck quick!

Come on!

Easy, easy, there's space
for everybody!

Quick!

Women and children first!

To the left, left!

- They're not animals!
- Are you American?

- Listen, sgt...
- You better get in.

I'll wait for the next.

There are no more trucks, madam.

We won't be back for quite a while.

- But you told them!
- Do as you wish.

We're leaving!

You know, grappa?
I could use some now.

Hey! Hey, stop! Stop!

Stop, a country girl!

Hello, gorgeous,
wanna ride with us?

Italian beauty understand nothing!

Guys, this is a real blonde?

- Not bad! Not bad at all!
- Wanna cigarette?

- Are you blonde all over?
- Do you want chocolate, cigarettes?

Ask her if she wants
some candy to suck on.

How about 8 inches
of sugar cane?

I'll take care of that.
What's your name, girl?

Why don't you speak?
Lost your tongue.

Hey, Bob! Wait, stop!

- Calm down!
- Bitch, you asked for it...

Calm down imbecile! Calm down!

- Calm down!
- You bitch!

Bitch! She is mine!

Respect the hierarchy!

I am the commander!

It's over! It's over!

It's over! It's over!

It's over!

It's over!

It's over!
It's over!

It's over!

Thanks God! Thanks God!

- Jimmy!
- Goldberg!

- I was worried about you.
- I couldn't find you!

I missed the jeep, so...
I got laid!

It was fantastic, Jimmy...

This is Zelmira, a goddess!

That's Maria Concetta.
Do you remember?

Bring the gurney here.

She needs a transfusion.

Take her to the ambulance right away.

Deborah? Deborah?
Doctor, come here, please.

She's hurt.
Do something for her.

I've already examined her.

She's just lightly hurt.
She's in shock.

I have more urgent cases to attend.

Deborah, come.

Can you walk?

- I want out of here.
- I know.

- I want to go home.
- I understand.

- Are we even now?
- Yes, absolutely.

I don't want this here.
Take it to the road.

1st Platoon, up!

Everybody in the truck!

Hey you, what are you doing?
The picnic is over!

Raise your ass!

Everybody stand up!

Hurry!
Are you asleep?

Move, you are the 5th Army!

I want to be proud of you, men.

Lets move!

Come, this is for front page!
America is watching.

You can tell it to your grandchildren.

Get up!

Let's go, it's just
a short trip to Rome.

Yes, sgt, your platoon too.

Let's go!

Rome is waiting for you!

You take captain Malaparte
and captain Wren.

Captain, it seems we've made it
without the queen of the skies.

- What happened?
- She went back to the USA.

Malaparte, you're a genius.

Is this my transport, colonel?

Yes, general, take your seat here.

Gen. Howes, sit on the other side.

Captain Malaparte, there's your jeep.

You too, captain Wren.

And you, general, there's your jeep.

Well, sir, that's it.

Good job, colonel.

General, I'd like to shake your hand.

"Sic iter ad astra"!

What?

That's the way to the stars.

Well, let's go. "Tempus fugit"!

Yes, sir!

Forward!

This is a page in history.

Is Rome really like this?

Yes, that's 'the' Rome.

I always thought it was a city.

Hey, Pastor, do you know
that some of these ruins

are well over 2000 years old?

Yes, but in Philadelphia
we have the Liberty Bell.

Malaparte, tomorrow I'll see the Pope.

There's one thing I want to know:

what is his favorite sport?

I don't know.
But maybe he plays baseball now.

Very good!

Cameras, move forward!

You know, there's something
sad about victory.

Each goes his own way
and nobody knows

when we'll meet again.

Sometimes, when they do know,
they hide.

Not us, I hope.

Let's set a date to meet

after the war in Capri.

I love Capri.

You know, it's all set between
Maria Concetta and I.

She goes to Cleveland with me.

But first we go to Capri.

You don't believe me, do you?

I believe you, Jimmy.

No, you don't believe me.
You'll see, we'll be back married.

I'm serious.

- Malaparte!
- General!

What are those monuments over there?

Tombs.

Tombs of ancient Rome nobility.

Whose?

That's general Sulla's.

That's Cicero's.

That's Julius Caesar's.

- Julius Caesar's?
- Yes.

And that one?

General, that's the prostitutes HQ...

Prostitutes?
Bob, don't tell that to the press.

Idiot Germans! Screw you!

Hey, Malaparte, what is going on?

She thinks we're Germans.

Well, tell her we're American.

Americani! Americani!

Anita! Americani!

Hey, easy, lady.

Thank you, thank you...

Bob, that Rome sign

I'd like to keep it for my collection.

Horray for the Americans!

Marco, look, our liberators!

Horray for the Americans!

Horray for the Americans!

Marco, look! It's the Americans.
Our liberators!

Look! They throw us chocolate!

Marco! Marco!
Son! My son, my son!

Take the civilians away!

Take them away!

No civilians, no civilians!
Move back!

Move back! Move back!

Stop, stop! Don't shoot!

Cameras at 5th Army!

Turn that... thing.

Oh my...

General, there was a small accident
but we'll go on.

Continue.

We better go now.

I'm sorry about that.

I'm sorry, we better leave.

The ambulance is on its way.

You can go, Jimmy.

You are the winners.