The Shrimp on the Barbie (1990) - full transcript
Carlos (Cheech Marin) failed in the show-biz and currently works as waiter in a Mexican restaurant. There he meets Alex (Emma Samms) and dumb footballer Bruce (Vernon Wells), who celebrate their engagement with her parents. Alex' father (Terence Cooper)is less than thrilled of her fiancée and says he'd rather accept anybody else. Eventually Alex hires Carlos to present him as her new fiancée. But her father sees through the game...
(silence)
Dear Maria, well, I finally
made it to Australia
just like I said
I would.
I know everything's
gonna go great here.
I'm gonna get a good job
and make lot's of money.
And as soon as I do,
I'm gonna send for ya'.
You're gonna
love it here.
I just got here and already
I feel just like a native.
Ah, very nice plane.
See you later.
Huh, looks like
Bakersfield.
Oh,'scuse me.
Oh, sorry.
Hey, hello. Hey.
Oh, uh yeah.
Yeah. Whoa, here I come.
Alright everybody
off your knees.
[♪ Mariachi band:
La Cucaracha ♪]
Dear Maria,
Well Sydney is
just too beautiful.
You're just gonna
love it here.
Boy am I lucky.
That friend of Pino's who
lives here has a big
mansion.
He said I could
stay with him.
He's got three
swimming pools.
He said, "Hey, just take
over the whole West wing."
Well, I gotta go now.
Love and kisses, Carlos.
Oh, P.S.
Hope to see you
soon, honey.
[kissing sound]
[sighs]
- Carlos!
- Yeah.
- Kevin.
- Hey.
- Long flight?
- Yeah.
No don't speak.
Listen, I'll give you
a hand with your bag.
- Yeah.
- Well, come in.
[Kevin] Come in.
Would you like a beer?
Well, what do you think?
I remember the first time
I ever saw this place.
Absolutely breathtaking.
Sorry about the mess, but Gus
gets up on the wrong side
of the bed every now and again.
Who's Gus?
Anyway, you should meet him.
Come through this way, matey.
He's having breakfast.
[crashing noise]
Nice outfit.
Excuse me.
Don't speak. Come in.
Gus, Carlos.
Carlos, Gus.
We are The Roos Brothers.
Come on, shake his hand.
He's tame.
Hi, Gus.
- [loud smack]
- [Carlos] Ugh.
Ow.
Welcome Down Under.
Dear Maria,
You're never gonna
believe this.
I got a job singing in the
biggest nightclub in Sydney.
Right in King's Cross.
Man this place is great.
They love me here.
I'm packing them in.
Uh, love and kisses.
Carlos.
[Carlos in foreign accent]
Everybody prepare,
because here it comes.
Are you all ready?
OK. Here it comes.
♪ Matty told Hatty ♪
♪ About a thing
that she saw ♪
♪It had two big horns♪
♪ And a wooly paw ♪
♪ Wooly bully, wooly bully ♪
♪ Wooly bully,
wooly bully ♪
♪ Wooly bully ♪
Hey now, here it comes.
[Carlos screams]
[Carlos] Ay
caram... pendejo.
Ay, mis nalgas.
Ahhh.
Estes pinche indios.
Excuse me. Are you
speaking Spanish?
Yeah, what of it?
[Wayne] Would you like a job?
A job?
Dear Maria, Well sometimes
you just land in roses.
I'm now the half owner
of a Mexican restaurant
as soon as I can come
up with 5,000 dollars.
Uh, gotta go.
Love, Carlos.
[kangaroo sounds]
[Carlos] Hey.
Hey. Oh. Hey, Gus.
Hey, come on. Let me in.
I gotta go to work.
- Mail's in.
- [loud smack]
[Carlos] Hey, Gus.
G'day Carlos.
Finally got one for ya mate.
Oh. Oh, Maria.
[Maria] Dear Carlos, Sorry I
haven't written sooner
but there's a reason.
Pino and I are
getting married.
I'm sorry I had to break
it to you this way.
Love, Maria.
P.S.
Don't go jumping off
any bridge or anything.
I know how you get.
My best friend Pino.
[mariachi band playing]
OK, God. What's the
deal, man?
Like are you trying to do some
experiment on me or something?
[sighs]
I mean, I thought as soon
as I came to Australia
and got out of L.A.,
things would be different.
It'd be nothing but beaches
and beers and shrimps.
I thought I'd have money.
Hey, do me a favor, will ya?
Next time you see me
falling in love.
Just strike me with a bolt
of lightning and get it over
with.
Carlos, I have been
looking all over for you.
- Oh, hey Wayne.
- I rang your apartment
a million times,
you didn't answer.
- What?
- I went over there.
You weren't there. So I thought
something had happened to you.
- I rang the police, the
hospitals.
- The police?
- Thank God, you're alright.
- [Carlos] Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm fine, yeah.
[Wayne] Now where are you going?
Going to work, Wayne.
Now remember, show business.
Oh, this can't be
the place.
What a dump.
Mañanarestaurant. Well, I
guess Bruce knows what he's
doing.
Oh, this is dreadful.
Oh, my goodness.
Señorita Hobart, I recognize
you immediately.
What a pleasure!
Welcome home.
This cake is for my
father's birthday.
It needs to go in the fridge.
Absolutamente,
no problema.
Carlos.
Refrigerator this
for Señorita Hobart.
And don't put it next to
any of those refried beans.
Father hates that smell.
Carlos, the cake.
Oh,si.
[sighs] Sorry guys, you gotta
go to the East side.
[imitating accent]
Father doesn't approve of beans.
Alright, new guy comin' aboard.
Alright, everybody be cool.
[Wayne] Carlos.
Coming, coming.
Whoa.
Señorita Hobart was
trying to arrange the
seating for her party.
Why is that gentleman
at her table?
[in Scottish accent]
Here's looking up your kilt.
He's with your party, no?
Are you a friend of Bruce's?
No, I just came in to
use the loo.
He's not our waiter
tonight, is he?
Of course.
Señor Carlos is el
Mexicano tenorino.
Yes, me and the others will sing
Happy Birthdayfor you
tonight.
Make it veryespecial.
Tell him to drop
the fake accent.
Let's go.
Jesus, mate, do you
know who her father is?
No, but if he's single with
bucks, my mom's always looking.
He owns more buildings around
the world than you've had hot
breakfasts.
So just zip it.
And give that
gentleman his bill.
Okay.
Your bill, Señor.
18 dollars 75.
I thought you said this
was on the house.
On the house!
I thought you said
you had a reservation.
Well, I only said that
so I could use the loo.
The loo?
Well, "loo" get the bill.
This is, uh, very
embarrassing.
This is all I've got.
Oh, geez man,
he's gonna kill me.
Well, I can bring you
some cash back later.
No, I said on the house.
It's on the house.
Don't worry about it.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Thanks, mate.
Cheers.
[Dominique] You know It's
been almost a year
since I saw your parents
on that ski trip.
I haven't seen them for
nine months myself.
Father's been working
from his London office.
I like your place.
It's nice.
It's very nice.
Thanks.
Ooh.
So, what does this Bruce
have going for him?
He used to be Captain
of the Wallabies,
the Aussie rugby team.
Wait, I'll show you something.
[♪ rock music ♪]
There are times
when you need
a damn good drop of the
amber nectar.
But you don't
have any on ya.
That's when you can't
always be a he-man.
Sometimes you gotta have
someone else carry the Four
X.
Real character, huh?
Not bad.
Four X.
Get it out of her pants,
and into your face.
You think your
father will like him?
Of course not.
[♪ Four X commercial jingle ♪]
Hey, Old Timer.
[girls squeal]
G'day girls.
Well, how are ya?
Got a girlfriend?
Well, I'll tell ya
what sweetheart.
You be my girlfriend.
[photographer] Hey Bruce.
Bruce Woodley.
Excuse me.
♪ Mañana, Mañana ♪
♪ Mañana is good
enough for me ♪
[Bruce] When I quit footie,
they offered me Toyota
and Four X, see.
Now with Four X, I got
a free Toyota.
But with Toyota, I gotta
buy my own beer.
What do you intend to
do when your contract
expires next month?
- Does it?
- Nah.
They'll probably
just renew it.
They don't plan to.
Waiter.
We've got a little surprise
for your birthday, Father.
Yes.
You certainly have.
OK, big fella. Time
for you to go on.
♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy Birthday
dear fat kid ♪
♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
Wonder what you taste like.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Okay, let's get
to the...
- Cake.
- Oh, no.
This is not happening.
What's wrong?
Somebody screwed up with
the freeze man.
Look this thing is
frozen solid.
What?
You stopped blinking mate.
Carlos, don't do
this to me.
Well, we'll put it in
the microwave.
- The microwave.
- Yeah, yeah the microwave.
Hey!
Won't the icing melt?
Won't the icing melt?
No, no.
It heats from the
inside out.
[Wayne] You're a genius.
Well, you 're all in
love with the food, eh?
Do you like the food? Raise
your hand, you like the food.
SeñorBruce,si.
Señora,you like the food?
Señor? Porque no
gusta lafood?
- The cake.
- Que?
- The cake.
- K?
- Cake. Cake.
- Kay? Cake.
Oh! The cake.
You say cake,
we saypastel.
Well, could we have
it now please?
Que?
The cake!
Porque no?
I bring the cake.
SpecialMañanaburrito.
Especialityde la
casa,on thecasa.
Señor Bruce.
Good one, mate.
Come on team. Go on
dig in, Dig in.
These are me favorites.
Gotta eat 'em like Mexican Joe.
Like this.
Aw, Christ! I mean this...
This happened last time.
Excuse me.
[Bruce] Carlos!
It happened again, Carlos.
It's still hard
in the center.
Another 30 seconds.
30 seconds?
OK, a minute.
So, what do you think
of your future son-in-law?
Not a hope in hell
young lady. Never.
What's wrong with Bruce?
The tragedy of the situation is
that you can't see for yourself.
You've hated every
boyfriend I've ever had.
Every single one.
Well I've got news
for you, Father.
I'm marrying Bruce,
whether you like him or not.
I don't give that
marriage two weeks.
We'll find out who's right
two weeks after the
wedding then. Won't we.
Alexandra, you're not
marrying that oaf.
Says who?
Don't make an issue
out of this.
The subject is closed.
The subject is not closed
father, because if you...
And if you're going to make
a scene in the restaurant...
...then I will leave.
Dear, why don't you
go to the bathroom
and freshen up?
Excuse me.
- Ian...
- What?
Do you see what's
going on here?
You have to calm
down, Alex.
Ever since I was a kid,
it's the same crap.
I'll go back to the table
and he'll have some deal for me.
- A deal?
- You'll see.
Everything is
business to Father.
I say I want to marry Bruce,
and he has to say, no.
But then he'll come
back with a counter offer
somewhere in the middle.
Well, don't let him
get away with it.
I'm not. I'm not going to
let him do this to me again.
Allez viens.
Alexandra, I didn't
mean to upset you.
But there are occasions when
one must be a little brutal.
So take my advice this time.
Bruce is a total loser.
Now the next time you are
serious about marriage,
I will embrace your
gentleman with open arms.
Is that fair?
Let's get this perfectly clear.
You're offering me a trade-off?
If you want to put it that way.
Yes.
I give up Bruce...
and the next bloke, even
if you can't stand him,
even if he's the biggest
idiot you ever met...
You won't say a word?
I doubt there could be anyone
more repulsive than Mr Woodley.
But yes, it's a deal.
I won't say a word.
♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy Birthday dear
Sir Ian ♪
♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
[Dominique] Why don't you
make a wish Sir Ian?
Bravo, bravo.
[all] Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
Go on, Carlos.
Well, that's it.
No one will ever come into this
restaurant ever again.
We're ruined.
Don't worry. I'll
think of something.
What? What will you
think of, Carlos?
If we don't have 5000
dollars by next week,
the bank gets
everything.
We'll be out on
the street.
The street!
I'll think of something.
He doesn't like me?
What did I do?
Everybody likes me.
He's not gonna cut
you off is he?
This is the same shit he's
pulled on me for years.
But this time,
I'm as serious as he is.
And I've got him
right where I want him.
Especially If could just
find the right idiot.
- [tires screech]
- [horn honks]
Bloody Carlos!
What a loser.
[Alexandra]
It's going to work
like a charm.
[Carlos]
Look I don't really
think so, you know.
I was waiting
for this.
We get down here and already
you're asking for more money
.
Well, forget it.
Hey, look, it's not
about the money, OK?
Good.
Then there's
nothing to discuss.
[doorbell rings]
Never mind Edison, I'll get it.
It's Alexandra.
Hey, Mama!
What's happening?
Mother, I'd like you
to meet Carlos,
my new fiancé.
Hey, baby!
How you doing?
Hey, I never seen you in the
daytime. Turn around, Mama.
Come on! Whip it around!
Let me check it out.
Whoo!
Now I see where Alex
gets that cute ass.
Ooh baby, shoot me a lippy.
Swab my tonsils.
Wow.
Bad pad you got here.
Hey, is your man a dope
dealer or what?
If he is, tell him
to whip it on out.
Let's party man.
Call some chicks.
Get on the horn,
get on the blower.
Let's blow it out.
Hey dude, Carlos Muñoz,
glad to meet you, Holmes.
Delighted.
Yeah, right back at ya'.
Ooh, baby! With these hands,
with these lips,
what I could do.
Ooh.
Wow! Wow much this thing cost?
[Irene] Be careful with it.
It's a Ming Dynasty vase.
Oh, I better be careful
with it or else. Oh, no!
Oh!
Hey, Holmes, be careful
with that bag.
It's got all my
porno mags in it.
If You're good later, we'll let
you watch "Debbie Does Bondage."
We've seen it a lot, huh?
Mm. OK baby, up the stairs.
Time to get greased
and ready for action, huh?
Hello, baby.
Are you room service?
That's it? Walk right on by,
stuck up bitch.
I'm gonna make you wait and
crawl and beg,"Oh, Carlos!
Please, me next!
Please, please."
OK, I'll give you one more shot.
Only if you're good.
I mean really good.
Thank you Edison.
Ooh, Mama.
Hey, thank you, Edison.
Good bloke, man.
- Young man.
- Huh?
The guest bedroom
is in the East wing.
- What? Yeah, yeah.
- The guest bedroom...
You want me to sleep in a
different room from my old lady?
Right. Shit.
Oh, look at that bed.
It's like a playground.
Hold on baby, I'll
be right there.
Hey, tell you what.
Make sure we get plenty of fresh
towels and don't bug us
for at least an hour.
You know what I mean?
I'm coming.
Better make that
two hours, you know...
No slow, slow,
baby, take it off slow.
Daddy is coming.
- [thud]
- [Carlos] Hey, I gave
her a buck,
you think that was too
much, babe?
This is gonna be great.
Was that OK?
Let me get this straight.
All I gotta do is tell your
old man that you and me
is getting married and
keep acting like
a total idiot, right?
That's it. Be the easiest
5000 dollars you ever made.
Be the only 5000
I ever made.
God, being a kid
must've killed you, man.
No wonder you don't
do anything now.
Look at this skiing, horseback
riding, tennis, ballet.
Ice skating.
I'm gonna go change.
Oh yeah? What are you gonna
change into, a frog?
[knock at door]
Alex, you here?
- [Carlos] Oh.
- Sorry.
Oh, Alex is in the
bathroom freshening up.
I'm Maggie, Alex's
first cousin.
Oh, hi.
Glad-
Oh-
- I'm Carlos Muñoz.
- Muno-
Muñoz, right, right.
You got it.
Where's Bruce?
Bruce?
Oh, he's outta here.
Father didn't approve.
He's gone. See ya.
History.
- Really?
- Yeah.
So you are the...
Alex's latest.
And the greatest.
How do you like me so far?
I don't know you.
How do you like me?
Oh. I don't know
you either.
You staying for
the weekend?
Yeah. I was
thinking about it.
- How about you? Oh, good.
- Yeah.
Maybe we'll get to
know each other.
Yeah, that'd be great.
I think it could be.
Bye.
See ya.
Adios.
What the hell was that?
If you want some lipstick,
you can borrow mine.
- Oh.
- It's in the bathroom.
- I was just, uh...
- And, by the way,
so are you.
[Carlos] Hey. way to go,
babe. Alright. Whoo!
Whoo!
Hey, beats the hell out
of watching it on TV,
huh, Lady Irene?
You don't play tennis,
Carlos?
Me? Right.
See, where I come from you got
enough space to put a tennis
court on man, you got
3000 people living on it.
Yo! Hey, Jeeves.
Jeeves.
Yo, what's that
dude's name again?
- Edison.
- Edison, right.
Yo, Edison.
That's it.
Take your time, man.
Is this dude dead or what?
Hey thanks, bud.
There you go. Thank you.
And next time don't
be bullshittin' with the
vodka either too, man.
Mm.
Hey, you played good babe.
I especially liked that
part where you bend over.
Woooo.
[man] G'day there sailors.
Don't you ever
give up, Mother?
G'day Alexandra.
Fancy a quick one?
Tennis, I mean.
Oh, excuse me. I'm Carlos
Muñoz, man. That's my name.
I'm Alex's latest
squeeze, man.
[laughs hard]
You almost had me there.
Tennis anyone?
Oh, not me. I'm pooped.
I just had three hard
sets with Daddy.
I don't suppose you play?
Me? Hey, why not?
I'll give it a bash.
Ok, let's try it.
Do I got any grill
work on my butt?
Hey, can I borrow
your bat?
Thanks honey.
Woooo.
[Carlos] All right.
Let's do it bro.
Take it easy on me man. I
haven't played since Wimbledon.
Yo, hello. Yo, hello.
Hey dude, you got
another bat, man?
Yo!
OK, dude you ready?
All right. Play ball.
Here we go.
Oh, let's try it again.
Here we go.
Sorry. Was that a
foul ball or what?
[breathless] Yes, I'm
perfectly alright.
Yes, perfectly alright.
And, this is the study.
Oh yeah, what do you
study here?
- [howls like a dog]
- Oh.
Excuse me, Sir Ian.
I'll get out of your way.
No, you're alright.
Go on with what
you were doing.
Don't mind us.
Yeah, don't mind us.
Hey, it's a nice place
you got here, man.
Is this where you come to hide
out from the old lady?
Hey dude, what's a place
like this cost, man?
We, uh, we don't
discuss such things.
Right.
I've served rich people
all my life man.
You guys love
talking about money.
[barks like a dog]
Tasty man. How do you get
away with it, dude?
How do I get
away with what?
Hey, I guess the old lady don't
care no more, huh?
I'm with you, man,
the young stuff is the good
stuff. Fresh.
If you're quite finished.
[mimicking] If you're
quite finished.
Hey, relax, Holmes.
I'm just teasing.
I wouldn't do it
with no maid, man.
Unless Alex wanted
a threesome.
And then, hallo.
Wow, man, are you sure we
can find our way back to the
house from here?
No problem.
Maybe we should
call a cab, man.
Your family here with
you in Australia?
Are you kidding man,
I dumped them losers
years ago.
- Admirable.
- Yeah.
So is there anything
else you wanna know
about me, man?
So you're just gonna
give me the OK?
The OK for what?
You know,
to marry Alex.
Hey, how many slaves it
take to run this place, man?
This was Alex's
favorite as a child.
That's great looks like
future dog food, man.
Yo, Alpo.
- Hey, dude.
- Tell me.
How did you and Alex
get together?
Oh, hey you know what. Like
I felt sorry for the chick.
She was on the rebound.
So I said, "Hey, give the
chick a break."
You know what I mean. You
know how chicks are like, man.
You know. I know what you're
thinkin' man.
You know this guys porkin'
chicks left, right, and center.
You know he's probably going
to break my little girl's heart,
man.
No, way. You know?
Like with Alex and me.
Like the physical thing
is like only half the trip, man.
You know the other half
is like mental.
Like it's intense man.
I've never been in a thing
like this you know. It's like
- I wake up in the morning...
- That's my Arabian.
- Pride of the stables
- Yeah, that's great.
Uh, excuse me
for a minute, man.
- [urination]
- Ahhh.
Ah, that feels good man.
Oh. Ah.
Easy big fella.
Ah. God how do you get these
things to stop man?
- Oh.
- [horse whinnies]
Yeah, I know.
Don't get jealous.
[light jazz music]
♪ I know it won't
be very long ♪
♪ Before I'm in
your arms to stay ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm still
crazy for you ♪
Ta-da!
How do you like it?
That's it.
Perfect.
I like it myself.
It's kinda cool, huh?
All you need is a tie
and I've got just the one.
Here, try it on.
Oh, you know what?
To tell you the truth,
I don't know how to tie
one of these things.
You know?
I never wearer.
OK, I'll try.
Oh, you know how?
I think so.
Oh. You're used to
wearing men's clothing.
No. I wore them at school.
- Oh, at school?
- Boarding school.
- Ah. truly awful
- Mm hm.
You're a weird guy,
you know that?
What do you mean?
Well, you have a stupid job,
in a stupid restaurant.
You're doing all these
stupid things for me.
Underneath, you're, you're
just like a regular bloke.
Oh, thank you very much.
You're not as stupid
as you look, either.
You know, excuse me
for prying, but...
If you want to marry this
guy, why don't you just
marry him, you know?
Why are you playing
all these games?
You wouldn't understand.
You don't know my father.
What's there to understand?
[sighs]
Well, I wonder what old
Bruce is doing.
He's gone on holiday.
He wants to lose 10 pounds
before the wedding.
Oh yeah? Tell him to
cut off his head.
He's could lose ten pounds
of ugly fat that way.
Let's see.
Just think, this time tomorrow,
you'll be 5000 dollars richer.
5000 dollars, huh?
Well, then I guess
it's showtime!
Raaaaah!
[Carlos] Are you ready to party?
Alright.
[♪ Song of 1000 Dances ♪]
♪ I said na na na na na ♪
♪ na na na na na
na na na na na ♪
♪ na na na na na ♪
Come on.
♪ na na na na na ♪
♪ na na na na na
na na na na na ♪
♪ na na na na na ♪
♪ You gotta know
how to pony ♪
♪ like Bony Maronie ♪
♪ Do the twist ♪
♪ I said it goes
like this ♪
♪ Mashed Potato ♪
♪ Come on do the
Alligator ♪
♪ Do the Watusi ♪
♪ like Juicy Lucy ♪
♪ Come on and
do the Turk ♪
♪ I said watch me work ♪
♪ I said na,
na na na na ♪
♪ na na na na na
na na na na na ♪
♪ na na na na na ♪
Come on.
Whoo!
Hey, dude have a rib.
Whoo.
Hey, babe. Are you gonna
get any food? It's free.
I'll have a rib.
Hey, get your own.
Last time a woman got
a rib from a man
they both got thrown
out of the garden.
Isn't he witty?
And he's entirely
self-educated, you know.
Yeah, what are
yous anyway?
Me? Oh, I'm a Pisces
with a moon over Miami.
No, no, no, no, no.
What's your native
extraction?
- He's Mexican.
- Yeah.
Mexican are you?
Si.
I never knew a Mexican
good for anything
except singing
Guantanamera.
And they never have a penny
to their names, either.
Yeah, let's do an experiment.
[Maggie] Oh father, please.
Now, go on. Turn
your pockets out.
Let's see how much
money you got on ya.
I have Carlos' weekend
cash in my safe
if you'd like to
see it, Uncle.
It's about 5000 dollars.
Isn't that right?
Uh, yeah.
Let's dance.
Hey, have
a rib, dude.
Hey, Pepe, I'd ask
you to cook us up
some refried beans,
but you probably
haven't got a work visa.
Who was that jerk?
He's my uncle.
He's married to my
father's sister.
Bruce'll fit right
in with this family.
That's your opinion.
Yeah well, at least
I got an opinion, you know.
And when I want it,
I'll ask for it. OK?
Women.
Mexican.
Buenas noches, Señor.
Quiere bailar?
What?
Do you want to dance?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Why not?
Aye muchacho!
You know, I spent one
summer in Mexico
as an exchange student.
Oh, I just love
the Mexican people.
So do I. I love'em
so much I had'em
for parents.
Muchacho!
He's working his way nicely
into the family, isn't he dear?
So what do you think
of me so far?
You're a really hip dancer.
That's a good sign you know.
Oh, yeah.
Sign of what?
Well, people who
are good at dancing
are usually good at...
...other things.
Your mother was
a bit worried
that you might be
getting a bit
sweet on Pepe here.
But I told her,
"No worries."
Because all those
jokers from down there
they're raving
homos anyway.
Daddy.
Don't worry about it.
It's just a little myth
we put out to get rich
Australians to
come on down.
Look here, Pepe.
I bet you been to
Mexico haven't you.
- Yeah.
- You like that
tequila, don't ya?
- Yeah, it's alright.
- Yeah, you gotta watch
out for it though.
If you drink too much,
it has an awful punch.
I think he had one of those
bad ribs, you know.
Must have been
something he ate.
Who the hell do
you think you are?
My father
isn't an idiot.
He knows I'd never be in love
with a common street fighter.
You could have blown
the whole damn thing.
Look if anybody's blowing
the damn thing, it's you, babe.
I'm out of here.
You are not bloody
out of here, mate.
You can get a lot of
suckers to do this shit.
Just get yourself
another one, OK?
I know I was supposed to
come down here to get Daddy
all pissed off
so he'd say you
could marry Bruce.
I didn't come down
here to get shit on
and insulted by these
bigoted assholes.
A deal's a deal and so far
our little Alexandra's
come out on top.
What shall you do?
I still hold the last card.
It's time to put it
on the table.
So you've changed your mind
about the five thousand dollars?
Look how about this
for a new deal?
I get out of here, and you keep
the five grand. Okay? See ya.
There is no new deal.
You leave here with
the 5000 dollars
when I say.
And I won't be saying
anything until my father
says that I can marry Bruce.
Is that clear?
Forget it.
All right, I'll double it.
Another five thousand.
Another five?
May I come in?
Carlos, I want to apologize.
My brother-in-law
can be very insensitive.
He's Australian, you see.
When I told him that you and
Alexandra were getting married,
I said if he didn't like you
he needn't bother attending
any more family functions.
Uh, you mean you're
gonna let me marry her?
You're gonna let
me marry him?
Well, it's a little too
rapid for my taste sweetheart.
But... a deal's a deal.
Welcome to the family.
Son.
Goodnight.
Goodnight, sweetheart.
Shut up. This isn't funny.
What?
Hey, what about a June
wedding, honey?
I like June. You know,
not too hot, not too cold.
What do you think,
sweetheart, June?
I said shut up and get out.
Get out!
Oh, get out. OK.
Get out!
OK, OK. [hums wedding march]
Dun dun da dun.
Dun Dun da Dun.
And 10,000 dollars to boot.
Da dun dun da dun.
[horse neighs]
[Carlos humming
wedding march]
Oh, Carlos.
Huh?
- Oh, hi.
- Entrez.
- How you doin?
- Sit down.
Sit down.
Well, did you
have a good time?
Would you mind brushing
the back of my hair?
I can't seem to reach it.
Oh, yeah sure.
Thank you.
- [snorting]
- Oh. I'm sorry.
Did I hurt you?
No no. Don't stop.
You won't hurt me.
[snorting and blowing
like a horse] Harder.
Harder?
- [blows] Harder.
- Harder?
Harder!
[whinnies] Faster, faster.
Harder, faster.
- Say something
in Mexican.
- What?
Say something in Mexican.
Quick.
La chica es loca.
- [neighs blows and whinnies]
- Is there a horse the house?
- [snorting]
- If I take my hand off
will you be quiet?
You sure?
I'm sorry.
I don't know what
came over me.
You scared the
hell out of me.
Aye caramba!
[shrieks] Yeah!
Viva Zapata!
Hey, relax!
Calm down.
I'm Mexi...
I mean, I'm not Mexican.
Oh, look, a kangaroo.
- [making loud snorting noises]
- We can talk about this.
Let's make a deal.
No. no!
Oh, dear.
Maggie's having those
horse nightmares again.
[Maggie squealing and snorting]
Jump my little jumping bean.
Eh.
Whoa, what a ride!
All right babe,
you're next.
I'm oiled up.
My! What a
strange young man.
Not for this family.
[whimpers]
[Carlos singing]
Hey, top of the
morning, Jeeves.
Hey, good morning,
everybody.
Hey, babe.
I'm surprised you're up.
I'm surprised
you could walk.
I managed.
Tell me have you two
settled on a date yet?
We'll let you know.
You could give us a hint,
couldn't you Alexandra?
I'm usually free
in the afternoons.
You know, Carlos, I'd be
delighted to take you
into the business.
Who me?
Nah, I'm not into
business, man.
Well, you're quick.
You're good with people.
I think you'd be great.
Don't you darling?
Nah, I don't think so.
Hey, tell you what.
You know who'd be
great at business?
Your daughter, man.
She drives a mean bargain.
Mm, I've been telling
her for years.
Do you think you could
talk some sense into her?
Who me?
Yeah. No problem.
[sniffs]
Pew.
Well, if we're going to
beat the Sunday traffic,
better hit the road.
Hmm?
Oh...
Well, it's been
a slice.
Uh, leave them.
Edison will
take care of it.
Where I come from everybody
does their own dishes,
you know what I mean?
Travel broadens the
horizons. Leave it.
It'll just take five minutes.
I said leave them.
Well, see you
in the Spring,
if we don't see
you in the mattress.
Later on.
Cheerio, Jeeves.
Incredible performance.
I wonder what she'll
come up with for act three.
She must really be in love to
put up with all this nonsense.
Perhaps we should just
let her marry him.
Likeable fellow,
this Carlos.
I meant Bruce,
not Carlos.
Let's just play along
a bit longer.
Hey listen, uh, I don't
really have a bank account.
You think I can get
the money in cash?
What money?
What do you mean,
what money?
The ten grand.
Are you kidding?
Oh, come on. You're
not gonna stiff me are ya?
You said you didn't
want the money.
'Cause I wanted to quit,
but you made me stay.
Dear God, don't you
understand anything?
I wanted you to stay
so father would hate you.
Instead you sit around like old
mates, talking about my career.
Hey, I did everything
I could to make him
think I was a jerk.
And look what happened,
he loves you.
It's not my fault.
He's only human.
Put it this way.
I go to your restaurant
and order a meal.
You go to the kitchen, but you
come back without the food.
Do you still think I should pay?
What the hell
does that mean?
Hey, where are we goin'?
We're going through Walingatta.
I want to surprise Bruce at the
hotel. We'll stay the night.
Stay the night?
If you don't want to sleep over,
you can get the bus
back to Sydney.
Yeah, cool whatever.
Hey, they could use some help.
Why didn't you stop?
It's a trick.
What are you talking about?
They get you to stop
and then they rob you blind.
I can't believe you.
Hey, you'd stop if it
was a Rolls wouldn't you?
Or maybe a Mercedes
or a Jaguar?
Alright. You've made
your point.
Hey, dude.
G'day, mate.
- How ya doin'?
- You got any water?
Yeah, here's some.
Go ahead.
Have at it.
I'm gonna give'em a hand.
Don't tell me, let me guess.
A flat tire?
You're right.
I was going to take the
spare in and get it fixed,
but I didn't have the cash,
so I took a chance.
Bad luck, huh.
Well, what can
we do for ya?
Don't know.
can't all fit in the
back of your car.
That'd be a little crowded.
Uh, hm.
Tell you what.
Give me a hand.
Let's have a look.
I'll just throw
this on the ground.
What do you think?
Yeah?
Hope it's enough
to rock and roll.
- She's a beauty.
- Yeah.
Uh, hello.
It's my tire.
Oh, don't worry.
You'll get it back.
I have somewhere to go.
Hey, good idea.
Why don't you go down
there and take a walk?
What a beautiful day.
Yeah, take a nice
long walk. Okay?
Eh, nature.
I'll be right with ya.
Where you come from, mate?
Me? Uh, L.A.
How about you?
Whyalla. What are you
doing over here?
Oh, well it wasn't
working out in L.A.
so I thought I'd give
this place a try you know?
What made you
pick Australia?
Tell you the truth I
kept seeing this guy on TV.
He was saying "G'day, mate."
Throw another
shrimp on the barbie.
Sitting there drinking a
beer... beautiful beach.
I thought hey,
could be worse.
Lately I've been thinking
that I'm the shrimp on
the barbie though.
It looks like you've
done alright for
yourself so far mate.
Isn't that right honey,
could be worse?
What do you think?
Having a good time, huh?
How 'bout we get some
land over here, huh?
Maybe we raise some
kids, some sheep.
Put a little house up
there. What do you think?
You two remind me of me
and the missus when we
was first hitched.
Bloody lovebirds we was.
Couldn't keep our eyes
off each other.
I know what you mean.
Thank you pretty lady.
Combination wedding gift
and good luck charm.
Wear it in good health.
Oh, that's really
beautiful, huh?
Say "thank you" now.
Thank you.
We're gonna have to make
up the time you wasted playing
Santa Claus with those people.
I can't believe you
gave my tire away.
Do you know how
much that's worth?
What are you talking about,
gave it away? I didn't
give it away.
He was gonna bring it back.
You just wouldn't give
him your address.
Hey, besides, he gave
you that beautiful crystal.
This piece of junk.
At least I only lose a
100 dollar tire this way.
Say what?
If I gave them my address,
I'd come home tomorrow
to an empty apartment.
Oh come on,
that guy was OK.
You gotta
trust somebody.
It's easy to trust people when
you don't have anything to lose.
Hey, who died and made
you Darth Vader, huh?
[loud pop]
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, that is great.
That is really great.
What are we gonna do now,
Mr. Einstein?
I don't know.
I'll tell you what
we're gonna do.
We're not using them damn steel
belts anymore, that's for sure.
Honey.
[nervous chatter
and complaining]
[Four X commercial
plays on radio]
Glad you enjoyed your stay.
G'day, mate.
I'd like to
register, please.
Yes, of course,
Mr. Woodley.
Sorry, mate.
Name's Smith.
John Smith.
Ah, yes. Of course,
Mr. Smith.
If you'll just sign
here please, sir.
Certainly.
Take Mr. Smith's
luggage to his room.
Yes, of course, Mr. Smith.
Right this way, please.
You go ahead.
I'll be in the bar.
G'day, mate.
What'll it be?
Aye, just rip the top off
a Four X, would ya', mate?
So, how's the Sheila
action around here sport?
Depends what you're
looking for.
[Alex] "Trust people."
"Just trust people."
I should have my head
examined for listening
to a wanker like you.
You gave my tire away.
Excuse me, can
I use that stick?.
What stick?
That stick you have
stuck up your butt.
Don't you dare talk
to me like that.
Give me that light.
Fine. I won't say
a word to you.
Just look for some wood
so we don't freeze to death.
That's right, be a smartass.
You're the one who got us
stranded out here anyway.
God, I'm freezing.
Probably wild animals all around
here... waiting to attack us.
Are you listening to me?
- Yeah.
- [both scream]
[Carlos] Oh, Jesus.
Hey, it's a big
piece of wood.
Help me to get it out
of the ground.
I'm not helping
you do anything.
Oh fine, then freeze to
death by yourself, Jesus.
Alright. What do you
want me to do?
[laughter]
You know she told me
so much about you that you
should blush every time
I walk in the room.
Yeah, and just
what have you heard?
Oh, I heard about your
incredible horizontal talent.
At least she wasn't
telling lies.
Ah ah ah ah. Where I come
from, seeing is believing.
You like Jacuzzi?
Hmm?
Jacuzzi. Jac-uzzi!
[Alex] Race you back!
[Carlos] Hey, get back here.
[both laugh]
I just let you win
'cause you're a chick.
Oh, right.
I'll have you know I was
track champion at my school.
Oh, yeah?
Well, bully for you.
[frog and cricket sounds]
So, what are you doin' later
after the fire dies down?
Down boy. You're
not my type.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot you like the rocket
scientist type like Bruce.
He's not so bad.
[chuckles] Yeah, right.
What's so funny?
Oh, nothing.
No, what's so funny?
I was just curious,
what do you guys talk
about when you're alone?
Is it like,
Hey Bruce, how do you
breathe out of your nose
after a rugby match?
Or something like that?
You wouldn't understand.
"You wouldn't understand"?
Is that your answer
for everything?
What do you mean?
Well, you say it to
me all the time.
Look, I might not be
the smartest guy in the world,
but I'm not the dumbest.
What's there to
not understand?
Your daddy dangles
you on a string.
It pisses you off.
You just don't have enough
nerve to cut the string.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Right.
I mean like the car and
the condo and the boutique.
Hey, look I may not have much,
but what I have, is my own.
And I don't have to marry Bruce.
Oh, I know, "You wouldn't
understand." Jeez.
[sniffles]
Nobody comes up here.
He said it was on the roof.
I mean, he said it was
upstairs, not on the roof.
Are you sure we're in
the right place?
No worries, love.
When Brucie says,
"This is the place."
This is it.
[both] More champagne.
Just get'em off.
[seductive tune]
Da da da da da
Come on, baby.
Take it off.
[Dominique]
Da da da da da dum.
Ba da da da da
Do do do do do
Yeah. Oh, come on.
[continues singing]
[Bruce] Come on to papa.
Yeah, baby.
Oh, yeah, baby.
You want to make your
fantasies come true?
Aw, yeah.
Ah ah ah. First you have
to take off those
ridiculous shorts.
[ Bruce laughs]
- Yeah.
- Alors.
[man] What are they doing
in the fish tank?
[laughter]
Round of drinks
on the house.
[crowd cheering]
So, what you gonna
do with your 10,000 dollars?
You're gonna give me
the money after all?
Why not?
You tried your best.
It's only money.
Yeah, it's only money.
How about 50,000?
Very funny.
No, you'll get your money as
soon as we get back to Sydney.
Then I'll probably never
see you again.
Yeah,that's right.
That's right.
Hey listen, before I
never see you again,
you think maybe
I can get an advance?
Get something to eat
and get the bus home.
Sure, no problem.
Great.
Thank you for calling.
Bye-bye.
Has Mr. Bruce Woodley
checked in yet?
I believe Mr. Woodley
is here ma'am.
Could I have his
room number, please?
Can I ask
who's enquiring?
I'm Alexandra Hobart,
Mr. Woodley's fiancée.
[burst of laughter]
- It's, Room 212.
- [more laughter]
Let me tell Mr. Woodley
you're here.
Yeah?
Shit!
Yeah, when's the next
bus to Sydney?
Not till tomorrow.
You're gonna have
to stay the night.
Yeah, looks like it.
You got a single?
Yes, if you just
sign here, please, sir.
And, there's your room.
- I'm gonna go freshen up.
- OK.
I'll check on you later.
It's just down the hall, and
it's the first on the right.
Thanks a lot.
- Enjoy your stay.
- Yep.
Bye bye, guys.
Carlos,
what are you doing here?
Just looking for my room.
You, didn't see
anything, right?
Right.
Hey, hey, Carlos, mate.
Listen, I'll, I'll
do you right.
Okay?
Uh, how about 1,000 bucks to
sort of cloud the mind? OK?
What's wrong with you people,
man?
Think money can buy everything?
Hey! Listen, dickhead.
I'm on the pig's back.
Now I'm set for life.
Hey.
Come on,
you're not gonna
drop me in the shit?
I didn't drop you in anything,
man. You dropped yourself in it.
You know what?
That's where you belong.
Nice one.
You got the message sport?
You got it?
[shutter clicking]
Ahh.
Darling.
You don't know how much
I've missed you.
Come on, come on.
I just want to say good
morning to Carlos.
I won't be long.
Uh, look.
I'll meet you
on the court, OK?
Here.
Carlos?
Carlos.
I'm sorry, Miss Hobart.
He checked out.
He could be at the bus stop.
Where is that?
It's right across
the road, ma'am.
Thank you.
Carlos?
My God!
What happened?
Guess I wasn't looking
where I was going.
Shit happens, you know?
- Are you OK?
- Yeah, yeah.
I'm fine.
Don't worry about it.
So where are
you going anyway?
Home, I guess.
Yeah.
Will I see you
back in Sydney, then?
You know,
to give you the money...
That's OK.
You keep it.
What do you mean?
We had a deal.
Forget the deal.
You keep the money.
You need it a lot
more than I do.
Good luck.
You think he
will be surprised?
He has no idea.
He thinks I don't even know
when his birthday is.
The other day when
I walked home from work
I had a sudden
call of nature.
I dropped into the nearest
possible pit stop
theMañanarestaurant.
When I walked out of the loo,
the waiter presented me
with a first class margarita
and a plate of hors
d'oeuvres.
When I explained I didn't
have the cash to pay for
them,
That's the same jerk
we saw in the restaurant.
he said, "Don't worry.
It's on the house."
Three starsMañana.It's not
often you find a place
where you can
empty the old bladder
and on the same spot get a
refill free and on the
house.
I wanted to introduce this
waiter, Carlos Muñoz,
but unfortunately,
he's gone walkabout
over the last two days.
But all is not lost.
One of his mates at the
restaurant had this to say.
Carlos, Carlos, if you're out
there, I really need you.
I really need you to keep
the restaurant going.
Please.
Please, Carlos,
come back. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Please.
[crying]
Well...
What was Carlos Muñoz
doing there?
Being nice. That's what.
If you go toMañana,
say,"G'day" to Carlos
when he gets back.
He's worth it.
This is Gary...
Allez, allez,Alex.
Don't forget Bruce's party.
...don't forget,
it pays to be nice.
Over to you, Tony.
Alex, what's the matter?
What's wrong?
That'll be all, gentlemen.
Your father's
right in here, Miss.
Thanks.
Well, Alexandra.
And to what do I owe the
pleasure of this
unexpected visit?
Well, I was just
in the neighborhood
and I thought I would
stop by and see
how you were doing.
Very thoughtful.
So, how are you doing?
Never better.
And you?
I'm great.
Everything is great.
That bad, eh?
No, it's fine.
Really.
How's Carlos?
Carlos...
As a matter of fact,
that didn't work out.
Pity. Nice chap.
Your mother will be
disappointed.
Are you 100 percent set on
marrying this Bruce character?
Yes, I am.
Then what's wrong?
Nothing.
Now you're set on marrying him,
you're having
second thoughts, aren't you?
No, not at all.
Well...
You know how I feel about him.
And as your father Alexandra,
just your plain, old dad,
if you ever want to change
your mind, it's not too late.
I haven't seen you cry like this
since you were a little girl.
It's just everything
all at once.
I've been like a kid.
Like a rebellious teenager.
I just wanted to beat
you at something, you know?
Make you say yes,
when I knew you'd say, no.
I'm sorry.
I had no idea things were
so bad between you and me.
I'm really very
sorry about that.
I don't remember the last time
you said, "I'm sorry."
I don't remember
the last time I was wrong.
I don't think I want to spend
the rest of my life with Bruce.
Would you like me
to talk to him?
Let him down gently.
No, this time I'm
going to clean up my own mess.
I'm throwing him
a surprise party tonight
but afterwards...
You're a love.
Oh, Alex, just a second.
Collins, still out there?
Yes, Sir Ian.
Have him bring
that envelope please.
Thank you.
Mr. Collins is a photographer.
He took some snapshots for me.
Thank you, Collins. You'll be
quite interested in these, dear.
What are they?
Fish.
Fish?
Most unusual fish.
[all] Surprise.
You little devil.
You remembered.
Oh, you haven't seen
anything yet.
Happy Birthday.
[party chatter]
Ok, attention everyone.
We have a special event.
Everyone find a seat on the
floor, doesn't matter where.
And Bruce, darling.
Right here. Place of honor.
Drink for you.
You know, I was thinking.
What does one give to a man
who has everything?
[man] A shot of penicillin?
[all laugh]
[man] Good one.
So, I've prepared a little
history of our time together.
Dominique, would you
get the lights please?
Gstaad, where we first met.
[Alex] Love at first sight.
Our first date.
Bruce, always the salesman.
Four X would be proud.
[man] Uh oh, busted.
A real man's man.
I don't know where this is,
must have been another holiday.
Where is this?
Dominique, I don't remember when
you came on holiday with us.
When was that?
Where is this?
I don't even
remember being there.
What's this?
This is my best friend
and my fiancée.
And she's leaving his room,
putting her clothes on.
I'm shocked.
And, how did
Carlos get here?
Ooh. Carlos must have made
Bruce very mad.
Darling, let me explain...
There's no need to explain.
A picture is worth
a thousand words.
I think we've seen enough.
Lights.
Dominique, leaving so soon?
You haven't even had any
cake yet.
Good, isn't it?
Alex, possum, let me explain.
That's for Carlos.
Well, goodnight everyone.
I had a wonderful time.
Sydney to Los Angeles, one-way?
Yeah.
[angry crowd noise]
Me bladder's killing me.
I need to take a leak.
Where do we get the free beer?
It's been a nightmare.
Ever since that news clip
came on,
I've been mobbed by freeloaders.
We're worse off than before.
Oh, Carlos!
Where is he?
Where is he?
Vanished into thin air
right when I needed him most.
Señorita, help me, please.
Look at this mob. All they want
is the loo and free drinks.
Wayne, Wayne!
It's OK.
We'll find him.
Now, where do you think
he could have gone?
For all I know, he's probably
half-way to Mexico by now.
Flight 101 leaves Sydney
airport in 40 minutes.
Thanks.
[up-tempo music]
Attention all passengers,
Flight 101 for Los Angeles
now boarding at gate eight
Has flight 101 left yet?
That's it just
taxiing out to the runway.
Well, you have to stop it.
Sorry madam, I can't do that.
Sorry.
Hello, darling.
What are you doing here?
Same thing you are.
Don't want him
to leave either.
It's too late anyway.
Plane's already pulling away.
I want you to stop that plane.
Right, governor.
It's alright, Dad.
I guess it just
wasn't meant to be.
We'll see about that.
Quantas Airlines.
I want to talk to the Chairman.
Just a second,
I'll connect you.
Mr. Adams' office.
I would like to speak
with Mr. Adams.
I'm sorry, sir.
He's in a meeting.
Yes, tell him
Mr. Ian Hobart's here.
Sam, hi.
Yes.
We have a flight.
101.
Bring it back, could you?
I'm very rich.
The guy at the counter said
the ticket was cool.
He said it was
OK to go back to L.A., man.
I don't know what's the problem.
Was it the smoke detector?
I just opened the door and the
smoke detector went off, man.
♪ Mañana ♪
♪ Mañana is good
enough for me ♪
Everybody.
♪ Mañana Mañana ♪
Here you go. Margaritas just
the way you like them, Father,
with plenty of salt on the rim.
And, don't forget my beans.
I love thoserefritas.
Hey, you're learning.
To our new partner, Sir Ian.
May all yourMañanas
be successful.
We'll have a chain of them.
Lady Irene, I here you're
quite a singer.
Come on.
Carlos,
from me to you.
Mexicans,
ha-ha!
♪ Mañana Mañana ♪
♪ Mañana is good
enough for me ♪
♪ Mañana Mañana ♪
♪ Mañana is good
enough for me ♪
♪ The window she is broken
And the rain is coming in ♪
♪ If someone doesn't fix it,
I'll be soaking to my skin ♪
♪ But if I wait a day or two
the rain may go away ♪
♪ And we don't need the
window on such a sunny day ♪
♪ Mañana Mañana ♪
♪ Mañana is good
enough for me. ♪
♪ Mañana Mañana ♪
♪ Mañana is good
enough for me ♪
Dear Maria, well, I finally
made it to Australia
just like I said
I would.
I know everything's
gonna go great here.
I'm gonna get a good job
and make lot's of money.
And as soon as I do,
I'm gonna send for ya'.
You're gonna
love it here.
I just got here and already
I feel just like a native.
Ah, very nice plane.
See you later.
Huh, looks like
Bakersfield.
Oh,'scuse me.
Oh, sorry.
Hey, hello. Hey.
Oh, uh yeah.
Yeah. Whoa, here I come.
Alright everybody
off your knees.
[♪ Mariachi band:
La Cucaracha ♪]
Dear Maria,
Well Sydney is
just too beautiful.
You're just gonna
love it here.
Boy am I lucky.
That friend of Pino's who
lives here has a big
mansion.
He said I could
stay with him.
He's got three
swimming pools.
He said, "Hey, just take
over the whole West wing."
Well, I gotta go now.
Love and kisses, Carlos.
Oh, P.S.
Hope to see you
soon, honey.
[kissing sound]
[sighs]
- Carlos!
- Yeah.
- Kevin.
- Hey.
- Long flight?
- Yeah.
No don't speak.
Listen, I'll give you
a hand with your bag.
- Yeah.
- Well, come in.
[Kevin] Come in.
Would you like a beer?
Well, what do you think?
I remember the first time
I ever saw this place.
Absolutely breathtaking.
Sorry about the mess, but Gus
gets up on the wrong side
of the bed every now and again.
Who's Gus?
Anyway, you should meet him.
Come through this way, matey.
He's having breakfast.
[crashing noise]
Nice outfit.
Excuse me.
Don't speak. Come in.
Gus, Carlos.
Carlos, Gus.
We are The Roos Brothers.
Come on, shake his hand.
He's tame.
Hi, Gus.
- [loud smack]
- [Carlos] Ugh.
Ow.
Welcome Down Under.
Dear Maria,
You're never gonna
believe this.
I got a job singing in the
biggest nightclub in Sydney.
Right in King's Cross.
Man this place is great.
They love me here.
I'm packing them in.
Uh, love and kisses.
Carlos.
[Carlos in foreign accent]
Everybody prepare,
because here it comes.
Are you all ready?
OK. Here it comes.
♪ Matty told Hatty ♪
♪ About a thing
that she saw ♪
♪It had two big horns♪
♪ And a wooly paw ♪
♪ Wooly bully, wooly bully ♪
♪ Wooly bully,
wooly bully ♪
♪ Wooly bully ♪
Hey now, here it comes.
[Carlos screams]
[Carlos] Ay
caram... pendejo.
Ay, mis nalgas.
Ahhh.
Estes pinche indios.
Excuse me. Are you
speaking Spanish?
Yeah, what of it?
[Wayne] Would you like a job?
A job?
Dear Maria, Well sometimes
you just land in roses.
I'm now the half owner
of a Mexican restaurant
as soon as I can come
up with 5,000 dollars.
Uh, gotta go.
Love, Carlos.
[kangaroo sounds]
[Carlos] Hey.
Hey. Oh. Hey, Gus.
Hey, come on. Let me in.
I gotta go to work.
- Mail's in.
- [loud smack]
[Carlos] Hey, Gus.
G'day Carlos.
Finally got one for ya mate.
Oh. Oh, Maria.
[Maria] Dear Carlos, Sorry I
haven't written sooner
but there's a reason.
Pino and I are
getting married.
I'm sorry I had to break
it to you this way.
Love, Maria.
P.S.
Don't go jumping off
any bridge or anything.
I know how you get.
My best friend Pino.
[mariachi band playing]
OK, God. What's the
deal, man?
Like are you trying to do some
experiment on me or something?
[sighs]
I mean, I thought as soon
as I came to Australia
and got out of L.A.,
things would be different.
It'd be nothing but beaches
and beers and shrimps.
I thought I'd have money.
Hey, do me a favor, will ya?
Next time you see me
falling in love.
Just strike me with a bolt
of lightning and get it over
with.
Carlos, I have been
looking all over for you.
- Oh, hey Wayne.
- I rang your apartment
a million times,
you didn't answer.
- What?
- I went over there.
You weren't there. So I thought
something had happened to you.
- I rang the police, the
hospitals.
- The police?
- Thank God, you're alright.
- [Carlos] Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm fine, yeah.
[Wayne] Now where are you going?
Going to work, Wayne.
Now remember, show business.
Oh, this can't be
the place.
What a dump.
Mañanarestaurant. Well, I
guess Bruce knows what he's
doing.
Oh, this is dreadful.
Oh, my goodness.
Señorita Hobart, I recognize
you immediately.
What a pleasure!
Welcome home.
This cake is for my
father's birthday.
It needs to go in the fridge.
Absolutamente,
no problema.
Carlos.
Refrigerator this
for Señorita Hobart.
And don't put it next to
any of those refried beans.
Father hates that smell.
Carlos, the cake.
Oh,si.
[sighs] Sorry guys, you gotta
go to the East side.
[imitating accent]
Father doesn't approve of beans.
Alright, new guy comin' aboard.
Alright, everybody be cool.
[Wayne] Carlos.
Coming, coming.
Whoa.
Señorita Hobart was
trying to arrange the
seating for her party.
Why is that gentleman
at her table?
[in Scottish accent]
Here's looking up your kilt.
He's with your party, no?
Are you a friend of Bruce's?
No, I just came in to
use the loo.
He's not our waiter
tonight, is he?
Of course.
Señor Carlos is el
Mexicano tenorino.
Yes, me and the others will sing
Happy Birthdayfor you
tonight.
Make it veryespecial.
Tell him to drop
the fake accent.
Let's go.
Jesus, mate, do you
know who her father is?
No, but if he's single with
bucks, my mom's always looking.
He owns more buildings around
the world than you've had hot
breakfasts.
So just zip it.
And give that
gentleman his bill.
Okay.
Your bill, Señor.
18 dollars 75.
I thought you said this
was on the house.
On the house!
I thought you said
you had a reservation.
Well, I only said that
so I could use the loo.
The loo?
Well, "loo" get the bill.
This is, uh, very
embarrassing.
This is all I've got.
Oh, geez man,
he's gonna kill me.
Well, I can bring you
some cash back later.
No, I said on the house.
It's on the house.
Don't worry about it.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Thanks, mate.
Cheers.
[Dominique] You know It's
been almost a year
since I saw your parents
on that ski trip.
I haven't seen them for
nine months myself.
Father's been working
from his London office.
I like your place.
It's nice.
It's very nice.
Thanks.
Ooh.
So, what does this Bruce
have going for him?
He used to be Captain
of the Wallabies,
the Aussie rugby team.
Wait, I'll show you something.
[♪ rock music ♪]
There are times
when you need
a damn good drop of the
amber nectar.
But you don't
have any on ya.
That's when you can't
always be a he-man.
Sometimes you gotta have
someone else carry the Four
X.
Real character, huh?
Not bad.
Four X.
Get it out of her pants,
and into your face.
You think your
father will like him?
Of course not.
[♪ Four X commercial jingle ♪]
Hey, Old Timer.
[girls squeal]
G'day girls.
Well, how are ya?
Got a girlfriend?
Well, I'll tell ya
what sweetheart.
You be my girlfriend.
[photographer] Hey Bruce.
Bruce Woodley.
Excuse me.
♪ Mañana, Mañana ♪
♪ Mañana is good
enough for me ♪
[Bruce] When I quit footie,
they offered me Toyota
and Four X, see.
Now with Four X, I got
a free Toyota.
But with Toyota, I gotta
buy my own beer.
What do you intend to
do when your contract
expires next month?
- Does it?
- Nah.
They'll probably
just renew it.
They don't plan to.
Waiter.
We've got a little surprise
for your birthday, Father.
Yes.
You certainly have.
OK, big fella. Time
for you to go on.
♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy Birthday
dear fat kid ♪
♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
Wonder what you taste like.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Okay, let's get
to the...
- Cake.
- Oh, no.
This is not happening.
What's wrong?
Somebody screwed up with
the freeze man.
Look this thing is
frozen solid.
What?
You stopped blinking mate.
Carlos, don't do
this to me.
Well, we'll put it in
the microwave.
- The microwave.
- Yeah, yeah the microwave.
Hey!
Won't the icing melt?
Won't the icing melt?
No, no.
It heats from the
inside out.
[Wayne] You're a genius.
Well, you 're all in
love with the food, eh?
Do you like the food? Raise
your hand, you like the food.
SeñorBruce,si.
Señora,you like the food?
Señor? Porque no
gusta lafood?
- The cake.
- Que?
- The cake.
- K?
- Cake. Cake.
- Kay? Cake.
Oh! The cake.
You say cake,
we saypastel.
Well, could we have
it now please?
Que?
The cake!
Porque no?
I bring the cake.
SpecialMañanaburrito.
Especialityde la
casa,on thecasa.
Señor Bruce.
Good one, mate.
Come on team. Go on
dig in, Dig in.
These are me favorites.
Gotta eat 'em like Mexican Joe.
Like this.
Aw, Christ! I mean this...
This happened last time.
Excuse me.
[Bruce] Carlos!
It happened again, Carlos.
It's still hard
in the center.
Another 30 seconds.
30 seconds?
OK, a minute.
So, what do you think
of your future son-in-law?
Not a hope in hell
young lady. Never.
What's wrong with Bruce?
The tragedy of the situation is
that you can't see for yourself.
You've hated every
boyfriend I've ever had.
Every single one.
Well I've got news
for you, Father.
I'm marrying Bruce,
whether you like him or not.
I don't give that
marriage two weeks.
We'll find out who's right
two weeks after the
wedding then. Won't we.
Alexandra, you're not
marrying that oaf.
Says who?
Don't make an issue
out of this.
The subject is closed.
The subject is not closed
father, because if you...
And if you're going to make
a scene in the restaurant...
...then I will leave.
Dear, why don't you
go to the bathroom
and freshen up?
Excuse me.
- Ian...
- What?
Do you see what's
going on here?
You have to calm
down, Alex.
Ever since I was a kid,
it's the same crap.
I'll go back to the table
and he'll have some deal for me.
- A deal?
- You'll see.
Everything is
business to Father.
I say I want to marry Bruce,
and he has to say, no.
But then he'll come
back with a counter offer
somewhere in the middle.
Well, don't let him
get away with it.
I'm not. I'm not going to
let him do this to me again.
Allez viens.
Alexandra, I didn't
mean to upset you.
But there are occasions when
one must be a little brutal.
So take my advice this time.
Bruce is a total loser.
Now the next time you are
serious about marriage,
I will embrace your
gentleman with open arms.
Is that fair?
Let's get this perfectly clear.
You're offering me a trade-off?
If you want to put it that way.
Yes.
I give up Bruce...
and the next bloke, even
if you can't stand him,
even if he's the biggest
idiot you ever met...
You won't say a word?
I doubt there could be anyone
more repulsive than Mr Woodley.
But yes, it's a deal.
I won't say a word.
♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy Birthday dear
Sir Ian ♪
♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
[Dominique] Why don't you
make a wish Sir Ian?
Bravo, bravo.
[all] Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
Go on, Carlos.
Well, that's it.
No one will ever come into this
restaurant ever again.
We're ruined.
Don't worry. I'll
think of something.
What? What will you
think of, Carlos?
If we don't have 5000
dollars by next week,
the bank gets
everything.
We'll be out on
the street.
The street!
I'll think of something.
He doesn't like me?
What did I do?
Everybody likes me.
He's not gonna cut
you off is he?
This is the same shit he's
pulled on me for years.
But this time,
I'm as serious as he is.
And I've got him
right where I want him.
Especially If could just
find the right idiot.
- [tires screech]
- [horn honks]
Bloody Carlos!
What a loser.
[Alexandra]
It's going to work
like a charm.
[Carlos]
Look I don't really
think so, you know.
I was waiting
for this.
We get down here and already
you're asking for more money
.
Well, forget it.
Hey, look, it's not
about the money, OK?
Good.
Then there's
nothing to discuss.
[doorbell rings]
Never mind Edison, I'll get it.
It's Alexandra.
Hey, Mama!
What's happening?
Mother, I'd like you
to meet Carlos,
my new fiancé.
Hey, baby!
How you doing?
Hey, I never seen you in the
daytime. Turn around, Mama.
Come on! Whip it around!
Let me check it out.
Whoo!
Now I see where Alex
gets that cute ass.
Ooh baby, shoot me a lippy.
Swab my tonsils.
Wow.
Bad pad you got here.
Hey, is your man a dope
dealer or what?
If he is, tell him
to whip it on out.
Let's party man.
Call some chicks.
Get on the horn,
get on the blower.
Let's blow it out.
Hey dude, Carlos Muñoz,
glad to meet you, Holmes.
Delighted.
Yeah, right back at ya'.
Ooh, baby! With these hands,
with these lips,
what I could do.
Ooh.
Wow! Wow much this thing cost?
[Irene] Be careful with it.
It's a Ming Dynasty vase.
Oh, I better be careful
with it or else. Oh, no!
Oh!
Hey, Holmes, be careful
with that bag.
It's got all my
porno mags in it.
If You're good later, we'll let
you watch "Debbie Does Bondage."
We've seen it a lot, huh?
Mm. OK baby, up the stairs.
Time to get greased
and ready for action, huh?
Hello, baby.
Are you room service?
That's it? Walk right on by,
stuck up bitch.
I'm gonna make you wait and
crawl and beg,"Oh, Carlos!
Please, me next!
Please, please."
OK, I'll give you one more shot.
Only if you're good.
I mean really good.
Thank you Edison.
Ooh, Mama.
Hey, thank you, Edison.
Good bloke, man.
- Young man.
- Huh?
The guest bedroom
is in the East wing.
- What? Yeah, yeah.
- The guest bedroom...
You want me to sleep in a
different room from my old lady?
Right. Shit.
Oh, look at that bed.
It's like a playground.
Hold on baby, I'll
be right there.
Hey, tell you what.
Make sure we get plenty of fresh
towels and don't bug us
for at least an hour.
You know what I mean?
I'm coming.
Better make that
two hours, you know...
No slow, slow,
baby, take it off slow.
Daddy is coming.
- [thud]
- [Carlos] Hey, I gave
her a buck,
you think that was too
much, babe?
This is gonna be great.
Was that OK?
Let me get this straight.
All I gotta do is tell your
old man that you and me
is getting married and
keep acting like
a total idiot, right?
That's it. Be the easiest
5000 dollars you ever made.
Be the only 5000
I ever made.
God, being a kid
must've killed you, man.
No wonder you don't
do anything now.
Look at this skiing, horseback
riding, tennis, ballet.
Ice skating.
I'm gonna go change.
Oh yeah? What are you gonna
change into, a frog?
[knock at door]
Alex, you here?
- [Carlos] Oh.
- Sorry.
Oh, Alex is in the
bathroom freshening up.
I'm Maggie, Alex's
first cousin.
Oh, hi.
Glad-
Oh-
- I'm Carlos Muñoz.
- Muno-
Muñoz, right, right.
You got it.
Where's Bruce?
Bruce?
Oh, he's outta here.
Father didn't approve.
He's gone. See ya.
History.
- Really?
- Yeah.
So you are the...
Alex's latest.
And the greatest.
How do you like me so far?
I don't know you.
How do you like me?
Oh. I don't know
you either.
You staying for
the weekend?
Yeah. I was
thinking about it.
- How about you? Oh, good.
- Yeah.
Maybe we'll get to
know each other.
Yeah, that'd be great.
I think it could be.
Bye.
See ya.
Adios.
What the hell was that?
If you want some lipstick,
you can borrow mine.
- Oh.
- It's in the bathroom.
- I was just, uh...
- And, by the way,
so are you.
[Carlos] Hey. way to go,
babe. Alright. Whoo!
Whoo!
Hey, beats the hell out
of watching it on TV,
huh, Lady Irene?
You don't play tennis,
Carlos?
Me? Right.
See, where I come from you got
enough space to put a tennis
court on man, you got
3000 people living on it.
Yo! Hey, Jeeves.
Jeeves.
Yo, what's that
dude's name again?
- Edison.
- Edison, right.
Yo, Edison.
That's it.
Take your time, man.
Is this dude dead or what?
Hey thanks, bud.
There you go. Thank you.
And next time don't
be bullshittin' with the
vodka either too, man.
Mm.
Hey, you played good babe.
I especially liked that
part where you bend over.
Woooo.
[man] G'day there sailors.
Don't you ever
give up, Mother?
G'day Alexandra.
Fancy a quick one?
Tennis, I mean.
Oh, excuse me. I'm Carlos
Muñoz, man. That's my name.
I'm Alex's latest
squeeze, man.
[laughs hard]
You almost had me there.
Tennis anyone?
Oh, not me. I'm pooped.
I just had three hard
sets with Daddy.
I don't suppose you play?
Me? Hey, why not?
I'll give it a bash.
Ok, let's try it.
Do I got any grill
work on my butt?
Hey, can I borrow
your bat?
Thanks honey.
Woooo.
[Carlos] All right.
Let's do it bro.
Take it easy on me man. I
haven't played since Wimbledon.
Yo, hello. Yo, hello.
Hey dude, you got
another bat, man?
Yo!
OK, dude you ready?
All right. Play ball.
Here we go.
Oh, let's try it again.
Here we go.
Sorry. Was that a
foul ball or what?
[breathless] Yes, I'm
perfectly alright.
Yes, perfectly alright.
And, this is the study.
Oh yeah, what do you
study here?
- [howls like a dog]
- Oh.
Excuse me, Sir Ian.
I'll get out of your way.
No, you're alright.
Go on with what
you were doing.
Don't mind us.
Yeah, don't mind us.
Hey, it's a nice place
you got here, man.
Is this where you come to hide
out from the old lady?
Hey dude, what's a place
like this cost, man?
We, uh, we don't
discuss such things.
Right.
I've served rich people
all my life man.
You guys love
talking about money.
[barks like a dog]
Tasty man. How do you get
away with it, dude?
How do I get
away with what?
Hey, I guess the old lady don't
care no more, huh?
I'm with you, man,
the young stuff is the good
stuff. Fresh.
If you're quite finished.
[mimicking] If you're
quite finished.
Hey, relax, Holmes.
I'm just teasing.
I wouldn't do it
with no maid, man.
Unless Alex wanted
a threesome.
And then, hallo.
Wow, man, are you sure we
can find our way back to the
house from here?
No problem.
Maybe we should
call a cab, man.
Your family here with
you in Australia?
Are you kidding man,
I dumped them losers
years ago.
- Admirable.
- Yeah.
So is there anything
else you wanna know
about me, man?
So you're just gonna
give me the OK?
The OK for what?
You know,
to marry Alex.
Hey, how many slaves it
take to run this place, man?
This was Alex's
favorite as a child.
That's great looks like
future dog food, man.
Yo, Alpo.
- Hey, dude.
- Tell me.
How did you and Alex
get together?
Oh, hey you know what. Like
I felt sorry for the chick.
She was on the rebound.
So I said, "Hey, give the
chick a break."
You know what I mean. You
know how chicks are like, man.
You know. I know what you're
thinkin' man.
You know this guys porkin'
chicks left, right, and center.
You know he's probably going
to break my little girl's heart,
man.
No, way. You know?
Like with Alex and me.
Like the physical thing
is like only half the trip, man.
You know the other half
is like mental.
Like it's intense man.
I've never been in a thing
like this you know. It's like
- I wake up in the morning...
- That's my Arabian.
- Pride of the stables
- Yeah, that's great.
Uh, excuse me
for a minute, man.
- [urination]
- Ahhh.
Ah, that feels good man.
Oh. Ah.
Easy big fella.
Ah. God how do you get these
things to stop man?
- Oh.
- [horse whinnies]
Yeah, I know.
Don't get jealous.
[light jazz music]
♪ I know it won't
be very long ♪
♪ Before I'm in
your arms to stay ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm still
crazy for you ♪
Ta-da!
How do you like it?
That's it.
Perfect.
I like it myself.
It's kinda cool, huh?
All you need is a tie
and I've got just the one.
Here, try it on.
Oh, you know what?
To tell you the truth,
I don't know how to tie
one of these things.
You know?
I never wearer.
OK, I'll try.
Oh, you know how?
I think so.
Oh. You're used to
wearing men's clothing.
No. I wore them at school.
- Oh, at school?
- Boarding school.
- Ah. truly awful
- Mm hm.
You're a weird guy,
you know that?
What do you mean?
Well, you have a stupid job,
in a stupid restaurant.
You're doing all these
stupid things for me.
Underneath, you're, you're
just like a regular bloke.
Oh, thank you very much.
You're not as stupid
as you look, either.
You know, excuse me
for prying, but...
If you want to marry this
guy, why don't you just
marry him, you know?
Why are you playing
all these games?
You wouldn't understand.
You don't know my father.
What's there to understand?
[sighs]
Well, I wonder what old
Bruce is doing.
He's gone on holiday.
He wants to lose 10 pounds
before the wedding.
Oh yeah? Tell him to
cut off his head.
He's could lose ten pounds
of ugly fat that way.
Let's see.
Just think, this time tomorrow,
you'll be 5000 dollars richer.
5000 dollars, huh?
Well, then I guess
it's showtime!
Raaaaah!
[Carlos] Are you ready to party?
Alright.
[♪ Song of 1000 Dances ♪]
♪ I said na na na na na ♪
♪ na na na na na
na na na na na ♪
♪ na na na na na ♪
Come on.
♪ na na na na na ♪
♪ na na na na na
na na na na na ♪
♪ na na na na na ♪
♪ You gotta know
how to pony ♪
♪ like Bony Maronie ♪
♪ Do the twist ♪
♪ I said it goes
like this ♪
♪ Mashed Potato ♪
♪ Come on do the
Alligator ♪
♪ Do the Watusi ♪
♪ like Juicy Lucy ♪
♪ Come on and
do the Turk ♪
♪ I said watch me work ♪
♪ I said na,
na na na na ♪
♪ na na na na na
na na na na na ♪
♪ na na na na na ♪
Come on.
Whoo!
Hey, dude have a rib.
Whoo.
Hey, babe. Are you gonna
get any food? It's free.
I'll have a rib.
Hey, get your own.
Last time a woman got
a rib from a man
they both got thrown
out of the garden.
Isn't he witty?
And he's entirely
self-educated, you know.
Yeah, what are
yous anyway?
Me? Oh, I'm a Pisces
with a moon over Miami.
No, no, no, no, no.
What's your native
extraction?
- He's Mexican.
- Yeah.
Mexican are you?
Si.
I never knew a Mexican
good for anything
except singing
Guantanamera.
And they never have a penny
to their names, either.
Yeah, let's do an experiment.
[Maggie] Oh father, please.
Now, go on. Turn
your pockets out.
Let's see how much
money you got on ya.
I have Carlos' weekend
cash in my safe
if you'd like to
see it, Uncle.
It's about 5000 dollars.
Isn't that right?
Uh, yeah.
Let's dance.
Hey, have
a rib, dude.
Hey, Pepe, I'd ask
you to cook us up
some refried beans,
but you probably
haven't got a work visa.
Who was that jerk?
He's my uncle.
He's married to my
father's sister.
Bruce'll fit right
in with this family.
That's your opinion.
Yeah well, at least
I got an opinion, you know.
And when I want it,
I'll ask for it. OK?
Women.
Mexican.
Buenas noches, Señor.
Quiere bailar?
What?
Do you want to dance?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Why not?
Aye muchacho!
You know, I spent one
summer in Mexico
as an exchange student.
Oh, I just love
the Mexican people.
So do I. I love'em
so much I had'em
for parents.
Muchacho!
He's working his way nicely
into the family, isn't he dear?
So what do you think
of me so far?
You're a really hip dancer.
That's a good sign you know.
Oh, yeah.
Sign of what?
Well, people who
are good at dancing
are usually good at...
...other things.
Your mother was
a bit worried
that you might be
getting a bit
sweet on Pepe here.
But I told her,
"No worries."
Because all those
jokers from down there
they're raving
homos anyway.
Daddy.
Don't worry about it.
It's just a little myth
we put out to get rich
Australians to
come on down.
Look here, Pepe.
I bet you been to
Mexico haven't you.
- Yeah.
- You like that
tequila, don't ya?
- Yeah, it's alright.
- Yeah, you gotta watch
out for it though.
If you drink too much,
it has an awful punch.
I think he had one of those
bad ribs, you know.
Must have been
something he ate.
Who the hell do
you think you are?
My father
isn't an idiot.
He knows I'd never be in love
with a common street fighter.
You could have blown
the whole damn thing.
Look if anybody's blowing
the damn thing, it's you, babe.
I'm out of here.
You are not bloody
out of here, mate.
You can get a lot of
suckers to do this shit.
Just get yourself
another one, OK?
I know I was supposed to
come down here to get Daddy
all pissed off
so he'd say you
could marry Bruce.
I didn't come down
here to get shit on
and insulted by these
bigoted assholes.
A deal's a deal and so far
our little Alexandra's
come out on top.
What shall you do?
I still hold the last card.
It's time to put it
on the table.
So you've changed your mind
about the five thousand dollars?
Look how about this
for a new deal?
I get out of here, and you keep
the five grand. Okay? See ya.
There is no new deal.
You leave here with
the 5000 dollars
when I say.
And I won't be saying
anything until my father
says that I can marry Bruce.
Is that clear?
Forget it.
All right, I'll double it.
Another five thousand.
Another five?
May I come in?
Carlos, I want to apologize.
My brother-in-law
can be very insensitive.
He's Australian, you see.
When I told him that you and
Alexandra were getting married,
I said if he didn't like you
he needn't bother attending
any more family functions.
Uh, you mean you're
gonna let me marry her?
You're gonna let
me marry him?
Well, it's a little too
rapid for my taste sweetheart.
But... a deal's a deal.
Welcome to the family.
Son.
Goodnight.
Goodnight, sweetheart.
Shut up. This isn't funny.
What?
Hey, what about a June
wedding, honey?
I like June. You know,
not too hot, not too cold.
What do you think,
sweetheart, June?
I said shut up and get out.
Get out!
Oh, get out. OK.
Get out!
OK, OK. [hums wedding march]
Dun dun da dun.
Dun Dun da Dun.
And 10,000 dollars to boot.
Da dun dun da dun.
[horse neighs]
[Carlos humming
wedding march]
Oh, Carlos.
Huh?
- Oh, hi.
- Entrez.
- How you doin?
- Sit down.
Sit down.
Well, did you
have a good time?
Would you mind brushing
the back of my hair?
I can't seem to reach it.
Oh, yeah sure.
Thank you.
- [snorting]
- Oh. I'm sorry.
Did I hurt you?
No no. Don't stop.
You won't hurt me.
[snorting and blowing
like a horse] Harder.
Harder?
- [blows] Harder.
- Harder?
Harder!
[whinnies] Faster, faster.
Harder, faster.
- Say something
in Mexican.
- What?
Say something in Mexican.
Quick.
La chica es loca.
- [neighs blows and whinnies]
- Is there a horse the house?
- [snorting]
- If I take my hand off
will you be quiet?
You sure?
I'm sorry.
I don't know what
came over me.
You scared the
hell out of me.
Aye caramba!
[shrieks] Yeah!
Viva Zapata!
Hey, relax!
Calm down.
I'm Mexi...
I mean, I'm not Mexican.
Oh, look, a kangaroo.
- [making loud snorting noises]
- We can talk about this.
Let's make a deal.
No. no!
Oh, dear.
Maggie's having those
horse nightmares again.
[Maggie squealing and snorting]
Jump my little jumping bean.
Eh.
Whoa, what a ride!
All right babe,
you're next.
I'm oiled up.
My! What a
strange young man.
Not for this family.
[whimpers]
[Carlos singing]
Hey, top of the
morning, Jeeves.
Hey, good morning,
everybody.
Hey, babe.
I'm surprised you're up.
I'm surprised
you could walk.
I managed.
Tell me have you two
settled on a date yet?
We'll let you know.
You could give us a hint,
couldn't you Alexandra?
I'm usually free
in the afternoons.
You know, Carlos, I'd be
delighted to take you
into the business.
Who me?
Nah, I'm not into
business, man.
Well, you're quick.
You're good with people.
I think you'd be great.
Don't you darling?
Nah, I don't think so.
Hey, tell you what.
You know who'd be
great at business?
Your daughter, man.
She drives a mean bargain.
Mm, I've been telling
her for years.
Do you think you could
talk some sense into her?
Who me?
Yeah. No problem.
[sniffs]
Pew.
Well, if we're going to
beat the Sunday traffic,
better hit the road.
Hmm?
Oh...
Well, it's been
a slice.
Uh, leave them.
Edison will
take care of it.
Where I come from everybody
does their own dishes,
you know what I mean?
Travel broadens the
horizons. Leave it.
It'll just take five minutes.
I said leave them.
Well, see you
in the Spring,
if we don't see
you in the mattress.
Later on.
Cheerio, Jeeves.
Incredible performance.
I wonder what she'll
come up with for act three.
She must really be in love to
put up with all this nonsense.
Perhaps we should just
let her marry him.
Likeable fellow,
this Carlos.
I meant Bruce,
not Carlos.
Let's just play along
a bit longer.
Hey listen, uh, I don't
really have a bank account.
You think I can get
the money in cash?
What money?
What do you mean,
what money?
The ten grand.
Are you kidding?
Oh, come on. You're
not gonna stiff me are ya?
You said you didn't
want the money.
'Cause I wanted to quit,
but you made me stay.
Dear God, don't you
understand anything?
I wanted you to stay
so father would hate you.
Instead you sit around like old
mates, talking about my career.
Hey, I did everything
I could to make him
think I was a jerk.
And look what happened,
he loves you.
It's not my fault.
He's only human.
Put it this way.
I go to your restaurant
and order a meal.
You go to the kitchen, but you
come back without the food.
Do you still think I should pay?
What the hell
does that mean?
Hey, where are we goin'?
We're going through Walingatta.
I want to surprise Bruce at the
hotel. We'll stay the night.
Stay the night?
If you don't want to sleep over,
you can get the bus
back to Sydney.
Yeah, cool whatever.
Hey, they could use some help.
Why didn't you stop?
It's a trick.
What are you talking about?
They get you to stop
and then they rob you blind.
I can't believe you.
Hey, you'd stop if it
was a Rolls wouldn't you?
Or maybe a Mercedes
or a Jaguar?
Alright. You've made
your point.
Hey, dude.
G'day, mate.
- How ya doin'?
- You got any water?
Yeah, here's some.
Go ahead.
Have at it.
I'm gonna give'em a hand.
Don't tell me, let me guess.
A flat tire?
You're right.
I was going to take the
spare in and get it fixed,
but I didn't have the cash,
so I took a chance.
Bad luck, huh.
Well, what can
we do for ya?
Don't know.
can't all fit in the
back of your car.
That'd be a little crowded.
Uh, hm.
Tell you what.
Give me a hand.
Let's have a look.
I'll just throw
this on the ground.
What do you think?
Yeah?
Hope it's enough
to rock and roll.
- She's a beauty.
- Yeah.
Uh, hello.
It's my tire.
Oh, don't worry.
You'll get it back.
I have somewhere to go.
Hey, good idea.
Why don't you go down
there and take a walk?
What a beautiful day.
Yeah, take a nice
long walk. Okay?
Eh, nature.
I'll be right with ya.
Where you come from, mate?
Me? Uh, L.A.
How about you?
Whyalla. What are you
doing over here?
Oh, well it wasn't
working out in L.A.
so I thought I'd give
this place a try you know?
What made you
pick Australia?
Tell you the truth I
kept seeing this guy on TV.
He was saying "G'day, mate."
Throw another
shrimp on the barbie.
Sitting there drinking a
beer... beautiful beach.
I thought hey,
could be worse.
Lately I've been thinking
that I'm the shrimp on
the barbie though.
It looks like you've
done alright for
yourself so far mate.
Isn't that right honey,
could be worse?
What do you think?
Having a good time, huh?
How 'bout we get some
land over here, huh?
Maybe we raise some
kids, some sheep.
Put a little house up
there. What do you think?
You two remind me of me
and the missus when we
was first hitched.
Bloody lovebirds we was.
Couldn't keep our eyes
off each other.
I know what you mean.
Thank you pretty lady.
Combination wedding gift
and good luck charm.
Wear it in good health.
Oh, that's really
beautiful, huh?
Say "thank you" now.
Thank you.
We're gonna have to make
up the time you wasted playing
Santa Claus with those people.
I can't believe you
gave my tire away.
Do you know how
much that's worth?
What are you talking about,
gave it away? I didn't
give it away.
He was gonna bring it back.
You just wouldn't give
him your address.
Hey, besides, he gave
you that beautiful crystal.
This piece of junk.
At least I only lose a
100 dollar tire this way.
Say what?
If I gave them my address,
I'd come home tomorrow
to an empty apartment.
Oh come on,
that guy was OK.
You gotta
trust somebody.
It's easy to trust people when
you don't have anything to lose.
Hey, who died and made
you Darth Vader, huh?
[loud pop]
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, that is great.
That is really great.
What are we gonna do now,
Mr. Einstein?
I don't know.
I'll tell you what
we're gonna do.
We're not using them damn steel
belts anymore, that's for sure.
Honey.
[nervous chatter
and complaining]
[Four X commercial
plays on radio]
Glad you enjoyed your stay.
G'day, mate.
I'd like to
register, please.
Yes, of course,
Mr. Woodley.
Sorry, mate.
Name's Smith.
John Smith.
Ah, yes. Of course,
Mr. Smith.
If you'll just sign
here please, sir.
Certainly.
Take Mr. Smith's
luggage to his room.
Yes, of course, Mr. Smith.
Right this way, please.
You go ahead.
I'll be in the bar.
G'day, mate.
What'll it be?
Aye, just rip the top off
a Four X, would ya', mate?
So, how's the Sheila
action around here sport?
Depends what you're
looking for.
[Alex] "Trust people."
"Just trust people."
I should have my head
examined for listening
to a wanker like you.
You gave my tire away.
Excuse me, can
I use that stick?.
What stick?
That stick you have
stuck up your butt.
Don't you dare talk
to me like that.
Give me that light.
Fine. I won't say
a word to you.
Just look for some wood
so we don't freeze to death.
That's right, be a smartass.
You're the one who got us
stranded out here anyway.
God, I'm freezing.
Probably wild animals all around
here... waiting to attack us.
Are you listening to me?
- Yeah.
- [both scream]
[Carlos] Oh, Jesus.
Hey, it's a big
piece of wood.
Help me to get it out
of the ground.
I'm not helping
you do anything.
Oh fine, then freeze to
death by yourself, Jesus.
Alright. What do you
want me to do?
[laughter]
You know she told me
so much about you that you
should blush every time
I walk in the room.
Yeah, and just
what have you heard?
Oh, I heard about your
incredible horizontal talent.
At least she wasn't
telling lies.
Ah ah ah ah. Where I come
from, seeing is believing.
You like Jacuzzi?
Hmm?
Jacuzzi. Jac-uzzi!
[Alex] Race you back!
[Carlos] Hey, get back here.
[both laugh]
I just let you win
'cause you're a chick.
Oh, right.
I'll have you know I was
track champion at my school.
Oh, yeah?
Well, bully for you.
[frog and cricket sounds]
So, what are you doin' later
after the fire dies down?
Down boy. You're
not my type.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot you like the rocket
scientist type like Bruce.
He's not so bad.
[chuckles] Yeah, right.
What's so funny?
Oh, nothing.
No, what's so funny?
I was just curious,
what do you guys talk
about when you're alone?
Is it like,
Hey Bruce, how do you
breathe out of your nose
after a rugby match?
Or something like that?
You wouldn't understand.
"You wouldn't understand"?
Is that your answer
for everything?
What do you mean?
Well, you say it to
me all the time.
Look, I might not be
the smartest guy in the world,
but I'm not the dumbest.
What's there to
not understand?
Your daddy dangles
you on a string.
It pisses you off.
You just don't have enough
nerve to cut the string.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Right.
I mean like the car and
the condo and the boutique.
Hey, look I may not have much,
but what I have, is my own.
And I don't have to marry Bruce.
Oh, I know, "You wouldn't
understand." Jeez.
[sniffles]
Nobody comes up here.
He said it was on the roof.
I mean, he said it was
upstairs, not on the roof.
Are you sure we're in
the right place?
No worries, love.
When Brucie says,
"This is the place."
This is it.
[both] More champagne.
Just get'em off.
[seductive tune]
Da da da da da
Come on, baby.
Take it off.
[Dominique]
Da da da da da dum.
Ba da da da da
Do do do do do
Yeah. Oh, come on.
[continues singing]
[Bruce] Come on to papa.
Yeah, baby.
Oh, yeah, baby.
You want to make your
fantasies come true?
Aw, yeah.
Ah ah ah. First you have
to take off those
ridiculous shorts.
[ Bruce laughs]
- Yeah.
- Alors.
[man] What are they doing
in the fish tank?
[laughter]
Round of drinks
on the house.
[crowd cheering]
So, what you gonna
do with your 10,000 dollars?
You're gonna give me
the money after all?
Why not?
You tried your best.
It's only money.
Yeah, it's only money.
How about 50,000?
Very funny.
No, you'll get your money as
soon as we get back to Sydney.
Then I'll probably never
see you again.
Yeah,that's right.
That's right.
Hey listen, before I
never see you again,
you think maybe
I can get an advance?
Get something to eat
and get the bus home.
Sure, no problem.
Great.
Thank you for calling.
Bye-bye.
Has Mr. Bruce Woodley
checked in yet?
I believe Mr. Woodley
is here ma'am.
Could I have his
room number, please?
Can I ask
who's enquiring?
I'm Alexandra Hobart,
Mr. Woodley's fiancée.
[burst of laughter]
- It's, Room 212.
- [more laughter]
Let me tell Mr. Woodley
you're here.
Yeah?
Shit!
Yeah, when's the next
bus to Sydney?
Not till tomorrow.
You're gonna have
to stay the night.
Yeah, looks like it.
You got a single?
Yes, if you just
sign here, please, sir.
And, there's your room.
- I'm gonna go freshen up.
- OK.
I'll check on you later.
It's just down the hall, and
it's the first on the right.
Thanks a lot.
- Enjoy your stay.
- Yep.
Bye bye, guys.
Carlos,
what are you doing here?
Just looking for my room.
You, didn't see
anything, right?
Right.
Hey, hey, Carlos, mate.
Listen, I'll, I'll
do you right.
Okay?
Uh, how about 1,000 bucks to
sort of cloud the mind? OK?
What's wrong with you people,
man?
Think money can buy everything?
Hey! Listen, dickhead.
I'm on the pig's back.
Now I'm set for life.
Hey.
Come on,
you're not gonna
drop me in the shit?
I didn't drop you in anything,
man. You dropped yourself in it.
You know what?
That's where you belong.
Nice one.
You got the message sport?
You got it?
[shutter clicking]
Ahh.
Darling.
You don't know how much
I've missed you.
Come on, come on.
I just want to say good
morning to Carlos.
I won't be long.
Uh, look.
I'll meet you
on the court, OK?
Here.
Carlos?
Carlos.
I'm sorry, Miss Hobart.
He checked out.
He could be at the bus stop.
Where is that?
It's right across
the road, ma'am.
Thank you.
Carlos?
My God!
What happened?
Guess I wasn't looking
where I was going.
Shit happens, you know?
- Are you OK?
- Yeah, yeah.
I'm fine.
Don't worry about it.
So where are
you going anyway?
Home, I guess.
Yeah.
Will I see you
back in Sydney, then?
You know,
to give you the money...
That's OK.
You keep it.
What do you mean?
We had a deal.
Forget the deal.
You keep the money.
You need it a lot
more than I do.
Good luck.
You think he
will be surprised?
He has no idea.
He thinks I don't even know
when his birthday is.
The other day when
I walked home from work
I had a sudden
call of nature.
I dropped into the nearest
possible pit stop
theMañanarestaurant.
When I walked out of the loo,
the waiter presented me
with a first class margarita
and a plate of hors
d'oeuvres.
When I explained I didn't
have the cash to pay for
them,
That's the same jerk
we saw in the restaurant.
he said, "Don't worry.
It's on the house."
Three starsMañana.It's not
often you find a place
where you can
empty the old bladder
and on the same spot get a
refill free and on the
house.
I wanted to introduce this
waiter, Carlos Muñoz,
but unfortunately,
he's gone walkabout
over the last two days.
But all is not lost.
One of his mates at the
restaurant had this to say.
Carlos, Carlos, if you're out
there, I really need you.
I really need you to keep
the restaurant going.
Please.
Please, Carlos,
come back. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Please.
[crying]
Well...
What was Carlos Muñoz
doing there?
Being nice. That's what.
If you go toMañana,
say,"G'day" to Carlos
when he gets back.
He's worth it.
This is Gary...
Allez, allez,Alex.
Don't forget Bruce's party.
...don't forget,
it pays to be nice.
Over to you, Tony.
Alex, what's the matter?
What's wrong?
That'll be all, gentlemen.
Your father's
right in here, Miss.
Thanks.
Well, Alexandra.
And to what do I owe the
pleasure of this
unexpected visit?
Well, I was just
in the neighborhood
and I thought I would
stop by and see
how you were doing.
Very thoughtful.
So, how are you doing?
Never better.
And you?
I'm great.
Everything is great.
That bad, eh?
No, it's fine.
Really.
How's Carlos?
Carlos...
As a matter of fact,
that didn't work out.
Pity. Nice chap.
Your mother will be
disappointed.
Are you 100 percent set on
marrying this Bruce character?
Yes, I am.
Then what's wrong?
Nothing.
Now you're set on marrying him,
you're having
second thoughts, aren't you?
No, not at all.
Well...
You know how I feel about him.
And as your father Alexandra,
just your plain, old dad,
if you ever want to change
your mind, it's not too late.
I haven't seen you cry like this
since you were a little girl.
It's just everything
all at once.
I've been like a kid.
Like a rebellious teenager.
I just wanted to beat
you at something, you know?
Make you say yes,
when I knew you'd say, no.
I'm sorry.
I had no idea things were
so bad between you and me.
I'm really very
sorry about that.
I don't remember the last time
you said, "I'm sorry."
I don't remember
the last time I was wrong.
I don't think I want to spend
the rest of my life with Bruce.
Would you like me
to talk to him?
Let him down gently.
No, this time I'm
going to clean up my own mess.
I'm throwing him
a surprise party tonight
but afterwards...
You're a love.
Oh, Alex, just a second.
Collins, still out there?
Yes, Sir Ian.
Have him bring
that envelope please.
Thank you.
Mr. Collins is a photographer.
He took some snapshots for me.
Thank you, Collins. You'll be
quite interested in these, dear.
What are they?
Fish.
Fish?
Most unusual fish.
[all] Surprise.
You little devil.
You remembered.
Oh, you haven't seen
anything yet.
Happy Birthday.
[party chatter]
Ok, attention everyone.
We have a special event.
Everyone find a seat on the
floor, doesn't matter where.
And Bruce, darling.
Right here. Place of honor.
Drink for you.
You know, I was thinking.
What does one give to a man
who has everything?
[man] A shot of penicillin?
[all laugh]
[man] Good one.
So, I've prepared a little
history of our time together.
Dominique, would you
get the lights please?
Gstaad, where we first met.
[Alex] Love at first sight.
Our first date.
Bruce, always the salesman.
Four X would be proud.
[man] Uh oh, busted.
A real man's man.
I don't know where this is,
must have been another holiday.
Where is this?
Dominique, I don't remember when
you came on holiday with us.
When was that?
Where is this?
I don't even
remember being there.
What's this?
This is my best friend
and my fiancée.
And she's leaving his room,
putting her clothes on.
I'm shocked.
And, how did
Carlos get here?
Ooh. Carlos must have made
Bruce very mad.
Darling, let me explain...
There's no need to explain.
A picture is worth
a thousand words.
I think we've seen enough.
Lights.
Dominique, leaving so soon?
You haven't even had any
cake yet.
Good, isn't it?
Alex, possum, let me explain.
That's for Carlos.
Well, goodnight everyone.
I had a wonderful time.
Sydney to Los Angeles, one-way?
Yeah.
[angry crowd noise]
Me bladder's killing me.
I need to take a leak.
Where do we get the free beer?
It's been a nightmare.
Ever since that news clip
came on,
I've been mobbed by freeloaders.
We're worse off than before.
Oh, Carlos!
Where is he?
Where is he?
Vanished into thin air
right when I needed him most.
Señorita, help me, please.
Look at this mob. All they want
is the loo and free drinks.
Wayne, Wayne!
It's OK.
We'll find him.
Now, where do you think
he could have gone?
For all I know, he's probably
half-way to Mexico by now.
Flight 101 leaves Sydney
airport in 40 minutes.
Thanks.
[up-tempo music]
Attention all passengers,
Flight 101 for Los Angeles
now boarding at gate eight
Has flight 101 left yet?
That's it just
taxiing out to the runway.
Well, you have to stop it.
Sorry madam, I can't do that.
Sorry.
Hello, darling.
What are you doing here?
Same thing you are.
Don't want him
to leave either.
It's too late anyway.
Plane's already pulling away.
I want you to stop that plane.
Right, governor.
It's alright, Dad.
I guess it just
wasn't meant to be.
We'll see about that.
Quantas Airlines.
I want to talk to the Chairman.
Just a second,
I'll connect you.
Mr. Adams' office.
I would like to speak
with Mr. Adams.
I'm sorry, sir.
He's in a meeting.
Yes, tell him
Mr. Ian Hobart's here.
Sam, hi.
Yes.
We have a flight.
101.
Bring it back, could you?
I'm very rich.
The guy at the counter said
the ticket was cool.
He said it was
OK to go back to L.A., man.
I don't know what's the problem.
Was it the smoke detector?
I just opened the door and the
smoke detector went off, man.
♪ Mañana ♪
♪ Mañana is good
enough for me ♪
Everybody.
♪ Mañana Mañana ♪
Here you go. Margaritas just
the way you like them, Father,
with plenty of salt on the rim.
And, don't forget my beans.
I love thoserefritas.
Hey, you're learning.
To our new partner, Sir Ian.
May all yourMañanas
be successful.
We'll have a chain of them.
Lady Irene, I here you're
quite a singer.
Come on.
Carlos,
from me to you.
Mexicans,
ha-ha!
♪ Mañana Mañana ♪
♪ Mañana is good
enough for me ♪
♪ Mañana Mañana ♪
♪ Mañana is good
enough for me ♪
♪ The window she is broken
And the rain is coming in ♪
♪ If someone doesn't fix it,
I'll be soaking to my skin ♪
♪ But if I wait a day or two
the rain may go away ♪
♪ And we don't need the
window on such a sunny day ♪
♪ Mañana Mañana ♪
♪ Mañana is good
enough for me. ♪
♪ Mañana Mañana ♪
♪ Mañana is good
enough for me ♪