The Shiny Shrimps (2019) - full transcript

...petrol, coal, and gas,

are opposed to
global warming policy.

And now to Matthias Le Goff.

This morning the
Swimming Federation will meet

in disciplinary session
to discuss the fate

of the world silver medalist
in the 50m freestyle.

Last month Le Goff's
homophobic remarks

shocked public opinion.

Several LGBT associations
filed official complaints.

22' 50".
Keep going, you'll make it.

What's the kid's time?



21' 95".

I didn't know he was gay.

Mr Langlois has never
publicly mentioned his preferences.

He could have said
arsehole, idiot...

Regardless of
Mr Langlois' sexuality

discriminatory comments
about a minority

are incompatible with
our Federation's ethics.

In a divided society

sport conveys respect,
and tolerance of differences.

Therefore Mr Le Goff's participation
in the next World Championships

will depend on his support
for a gay sporting association.

It will be his responsibility
to train them for 3 months

before accompanying them to
Croatia for the Gay Games.

THE SHINY SHRIMPS



THE WORST TEAM
IN GAY SPORTING HISTORY

THE SHRIMPS TAKE THE PLUNGE

2 GAY DADS =
WELL-DRESSED KIDS

Berlin was my favourite trip.

- We came last!
- We got so much sex though.

- Sex isn't everything.
- Not for you.

Hello.

Hey!

Excuse me, but is this the...

Homosexual Association
for Integration, Tolerance,

and Respect in Water-Polo?

Do we look like fags?

I dunno... No?

Yes, we do!

You're from the sticks,
looking to meet men, right?

No, not at all.

So why are you here then?

He's come to gay-bash.
You don't recognise him?

Matthias Le Goff,
world champion in homophobia,

but not swimming.

Ah so you've met our new coach!

Are you kidding?

No, the Federation sent him.

Ah right! So we're the pinkwash
in their media spin.

No, we talked,
and Matthias was touched by...

- Gay rights?
- Indeed.

And by my health problems
that stopped us training.

Jean,

I'm not training with this...

Mr. Muscle and his filthy mouth.

Right, I'm outta here,
I'll leave it with you...

- Sodomites? Is that it?
- Don't mind him.

Listen Joël, Matthias played in the
French Junior Water-Polo Team.

We need a coach,
and on top of that, he's free!

Thanks.

Right, in accordance with association
rules I demand a vote.

Who wants to keep
this sinister individual,

who ignorantly
stigmatises difference?

Who?

I said "keep".

I misunderstood.

Are you nuts?

- We're pro-forgiveness.
- Right.

- You know what he said?
- With an arse like that

he can't be that bad...

OK listen you. If you have

a husband and two kids
it's thanks to people like me

- who fought people like him.
- And I'm grateful to you.

Ok, Joel...

The vote has spoken.

You're lucky I respect democracy.

To the return of the Shrimps!

Joel!

- C'mon.
- C'mon granddad!

We will eat you from the neck down!
The Shiny Shrimps are back in town!

Not so close!

Cannonball!

Not so close!

Stop!

Aim for the goal, not my arse!

Very elegant.

Stop, this is a mess!

Gimme 200 metres of breaststroke.

You're the breast stroker!

I swear, they're a bunch of retards.

You can't make that comparison
with homosexuals!

I couldn't give a damn
if they're gay!

They're just retarded,
there's no other word for it!

It's actually "mental retardation"...
I mean, "disabled".

Just cut it out or
we'll be in more shit!

Elsa, listen.

I only have
Strasbourg and Paris.

I don't have time
for this circus.

Fine! Drop them,
and the Fed drops you.

- Please find something else.
- No.

You're exaggerating!

I've got loads of gay friends,
they're refined people.

Yeah right.

You've been underperforming
since your 2nd place,

six years ago.

Are younger rivals
overtaking you?

Not at all.

This year I've trained hard.

I'm pretty confident.

Well, isn't 33 the age where
one should be retiring?

- Are you retiring?
- You seem upset.

No, they're your questions.

They're everybody's questions.

Get off my case, faggot.
Stop filming.

"Faggot"?

See?

- It's hateful.
- Hateful.

- He's disgusting.
- Not OK.

Thank you.

Well Madame pushed him too far.

- With those nosy questions.
- Excuse me?

I would have said worse.

You're kidding, right?

- You're still the same!
- Only older.

- We're thirsty.
- In the fridge.

You OK?

Great. You?

Yeah, great.

18 months ago,

when you left me
because you were sick,

I thought you'd write.

To say what?

I dunno. Just a message.

I couldn't.

I lost 20 kg.

- My dick looked bigger...
- I'm serious...

Me too!

Ok. Well now that you're better,

I thought we could...

- Excuse me, Sir.
- Yes.

Ah... sorry.

There's someone here about
a lobster. I don't get it.

- Is it a delivery?
- Doesn't look like one...

Was it about a shrimp?

Ah yeah, that's it! Sorry.

No hugs, darlings.
I'm exhausted from my flight.

So, the team's reunited?

What? Never seen a Gaultier?

- Fredo!?
- Ah no.

It's Fred now.
I cut the end off.

- And something else...
- You look fabulous!

Fred...

Is it really you?

But of course!
I'm not Isabelle Huppert!

Well then. I've thought about it,
and I'm in for the Gay Games.

On one condition:

I choreograph the closing ceremony.

Absolutely.

Fuck the choreography!

Listen sweeties,
we're crap at water-polo.

But if I design
an incredible choreography

I guarantee a legendary moment
in LGBTQ+ sport. Well...

Jet lag!

Jean, did you know?

Yes but it wasn't for me to say.

Fuck, that's a real change though.

Trans is complicated.

- No it isn't.
- Yes it is!

The swimsuits.

Fuck the swimsuits.
That's not what's complicated.

You're right,
I'll just change the order.

You still don't get it?

I do.

So what's complicated?

Mixed locker-rooms?

Showers?
Insurance?

No, you pillock!

We've always been a gay team,
a gay team of gay men!

The Gay Games is LGBT.
It's not just for gays.

Affirmative.

And Fredo was always
our best swimmer.

We can't take on trans players!

Why not lesbians while we're at it?
It's not Noah's Ark, for fuck's sake!

- Is he serious?
- Tired old queen.

Wait a second! Where are your
convictions? Mr. World's Greatest Activist?

These are my convictions!

So they're there just
to piss us off?

We didn't fight 50 years

to be men who love men,

just so plastic surgery divas
could come and fuck it up

so nothing makes sense any more!

How progressive.

Now we know why you've worn
the same shirt since 1972.

Unlike you I don't care
what other people think.

What a pity.

Right, let's vote.

Good idea.
Who's for keeping Fred?

Perfect. End of discussion.
Fred's in the team.

We need more players.

Excuse me, it's Bertrand.

Gotta go.

Excuse me, Sir.

- What did we say about "Sir"?
- Ah, sorry.

And?

- To stop apologizing.
- Right.

Sorry, Sir.

What is it Vincent?

Can I come to the Gay Games?

I mean, If you don't mind?

Are you gay?

Yes.
Well, I'd like to be.

Sylvain Ventre, Karim Metella:
qualify.

Le Goff:
under time.

- Hey Matthias.
- Antoine.

Sorry for your race.

- I'll get Victoire.
- Thanks.

You're taking the piss.

I'm sorry. The championships
are in 6 months.

The championships
are always in 6 months...

- These are for dance.
- Can you just...

Victoire?

...keep her?
I gotta train the fags.

Are you kidding me?

You ruin my life with swimming,
now you want to ruin hers too?

I had no choice, I'm sorry.

OK fine whatever,
stay selfish in your fish bowl.

Ok forget it.
I'll manage.

Soon you won't have to.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means even your daughter
won't want to see you.

Victoire, hurry please!

- How's school?
- I'm in college!

I know, honey, it was
just an expression...

I can't take you to dance.
Don't tell mum, OK?

The pool again?

Yeah...
Well, it's another pool.

A different one...

And turn...

Arms.

Is this water-polo?

OK guys, stop.

There's no emotion!

We raise our hands.

Then circle the leg.
Then...

stardust!

Why do this now?
The games are in 2 months!

You think Beyoncé
trains the day before?

Ms. Kim Jong-Un's
breaking our balls here.

Who?

The dictator over there.

3,4!

And 5,6,7...

What's all this?

Matthias, this is choreography!
I'm Fred. Charmed.

- Love your nails.
- Thanks.

- What choreography?
- For the Gay Games.

Don't worry, they'll get better!

What's the Gay Games?

It's like the Olympics, but less boring,
and with only hot guys.

Cool! Can I come?

Go do your homework.

- Matthias if you want I can
show you the steps.

- Me too.

Erm no. I do the moves.

Wait.

If I have to support you, fine

but I won't be a
go-go dancer. Got that?

It's obligatory.

We haven't even qualified yet.

How so?

How do I put this... the Lumberjacks
reformed their team.

Fuck, those bitches!

Just to piss us off I bet.

- Who are the Lumberjacks?
- A team of badass lesbians...

So we have a qualifier.

In 3 weeks.

- It's ok!
- Wait...

- If you lose, no Croatia?
- Right.

And adieu, dance routine.

So it's possible you might lose
against a bunch of ladies?

No, no, no...

A lady is a dainty little thing in a skirt

who gossips over Pinot Grigio.

We're talking about the Lumberjacks!

They're animals.

Don't exaggerate.

It's not like dykes
doesn't rhyme with yikes.

OK wait a sec...
Can we say that?

Well...

We can, you can't.

Minority privilege.

They'll never qualify

OK stop!

- We're done.
- Yeah?

You were perfect.

Very cool. Bravo.

- Matthias!
- Yeah?

Shall we play a mini-match?

No, trust me.
It's better to not push too hard,

save your energy for the big day.

See you next week.

Coming, honey?

OK.

This team is great.
All these sporty guys together.

It was Jean's idea.

He posted an ad,
that's how we met.

Right.

And the name?

Well the best part of the
shrimp is the tail.

- And shiny's even better.
- Right.

Does Alex have a boyfriend?

Okay stop right there.
There's a rule in the team:

no shagging between Shrimps.

- Avoids heartbreak.
- Right.

Stop it!

Mr Rodriguez, I gotta rinse!

Mr Rodriguez?

3,4...

We will eat you from the neck down!
The Shiny Shrimps are back in town!

Come on girls!

We're the Lumberjacks,
and we're gonna cut you down!

OK, that was scary.

They never find a rhyme
for lumberjack.

The Fanny Packs?

Or The Salty Snacks?

Good luck, Miss.

A homophobe coaching homos?
I thought I'd seen it all.

C'mon girls,
wipe out these poofs!

We don't lose to
scaly fags, okay?

Go guys!

Go Shrimps!

Keep it up girls!

Damn.

- Stick to your player!
- They're not even shaved!

No worries, guys.

Keep going, change in!

Alex, fall back!

Watch out!

Bravo!

No, girls!

Hey, Cedric!

We swap?

- You sure?
- Yes, go!

Play on.

Foul!

Foul!

Dad, it's a foul!

- Look, it's a foul!
- I didn't see.

Come on girls!

Well done, girls!

Don't worry guys
it's gonna be fine.

Just fine.

Two-faced twat.

Shit.

You OK?

Stomach ache.

What is this?

- Stomach ache.
- I'm not dumb, ok?

Hospital painkillers?

You a doctor?

There was no remission, right?

It was chemo or
enjoy the time I have left.

I chose.

- Do they know?
- No.

They'd want me in hospital,
not in the pool.

I'm sorry.

It's dangerous.
I'll stop the match.

What? No!

I'm responsible.

Ok it's binned!
Know what?

Help us win this match,
you can skip Croatia.

Deal?

What for?

You're almost eliminated.

Without you, yes.

If there's one person who
understands my need to fight this

it's you.

OK guys, listen.

You're gonna slay them.

OK?

Where's your pride?

They called you amateurs,

- losers, imbeciles...
- And twats!

They have a point.

And they called you...

Poofs.

Pansies, pillow biters, limp wrists...

No respect, these women.

They even called you retarded.

- And racist comments...
- What?

So if you want to go to Croatia,

stop whining like girls

and show them who's boss, OK?

Vincent, left wing,
Joel in goal.

Uh oh.

- He's a sieve.
- Not true!

You're not good in goal.

Fine, but he's worse on
the pitch, sorry Joel,

and Vincent, you have speed.

Well I've been swimming
for 8 years.

- What?
- No-one asked!

Whatever!

- Cedric.
- Yeah?

You're hefty.

- You think?
- Yes.

So... what?

I dunno.

Get fucking angry!

Take out the monster!

I'm gonna get her!

Their goal is weak on the right.

Pathetic!

OK. So we go for it?

- On attack?
- Attack.

No, that's lame.

Attack!

Ok, now you can do your thing...
your shout.

We will eat you from the neck down!
The Shiny Shrimps are back in town!

Fuck!

Bravo guys!

Gimme an S, gimme an H...
gimme an R...

Too long.

Come on guys!

Watch out!

Go Vincent!

Good!

Who's a sieve?!

Go Shrimps, 30 seconds!

Thank you!

- I kept my word.
- I will too.

I'd prefer to tell them on the day
we leave that you won't come.

To keep them motivated.

OK deal.

Hi darling.

- Thanks a bunch.
- I'm sorry.

Seriously?

Tomorrow I'll fix it, promise.

I spent Sunday with the twins,
I have 50 manuscripts.

While Sir here was
playing with his balls.

It was the Gay Games qualifier!

Till 7 am?

No, but we won!
So we celebrated.

It's normal.

Normal? I make you dinner,
I wait for hours,

then I eat alone,
is that normal?

- You got my message?
- At midnight, moron?

"Moron", that's harsh.

How about "Fucker"?

- If only...
- What?

- Sorry?
- Excuse me.

Sorry, sorry.
But we don't make love much...

You're never here!

So choose:
the Shrimps or your family.

You can't have both.

Coming, darlings.

Shit...

OK so we'll recreate match plays.

4 against 4.

Where's the redhead?

Since you quit water-polo,
only good things have happened.

True.
Although I work late.

No, your promotion is important.

Thank you, my love.

One spoon for daddy.

- Angel!
- And a spoon for daddy!

Ok I gotta go.
Love you guys.

A kiss for daddy?

- Love you.
- Love you.

Kiss, daddy.

Kissy wissy.

Coming!

And 5, 6,

7, 8 and 1, 2, 3, 4...

21' 92".

21' 88".

21' 76".

Bravo Shrimps!

Hey cut it out!

- For me?
- Yes!

It's cute, baby...

A box. I love it.

Open it.

- There's something inside?
- Yes.

Me and Fred made it.

To bring you luck in Croatia.

Like it?

Yes, it's cute.
Thank you, honey.

Hey.

Hi Henri.

- Why are you...?
- Are you busy?

No, what is it?

Just checking
you're going to the Games.

Didn't Jean contact you?

He did.

He wrote a long letter
saying your coaching

helped them qualify,

and he wanted to help you
to qualify too.

But Jean doesn't decide.

You have to go
to Croatia next week.

I'll miss the Paris meet!

How do I qualify?

Don't worry.

I'll add a race
at Marseille in 3 weeks.

I'll have a week less training.

That's not fair.

It's the best I can do.

Bye.

You wanted to abandon them?

Wait, Victoire...

I don't like my name any more.

I'm going.

Without your suit?

This German conference
is very important.

I don't have room.

Roll your clothes,
like the Japanese.

Forget rolling, I'm late.

In 5 days it's
Gaspard and Noé's first birthday.

- You remembered?
- Of course.

- You'll be here?
- Of course.

- I'll call a cab.
- I'll drive you.

I told my assistant I'd be late.

You're sure it's here?

Sure.

Why did we trust
Damien for the van?

He's smarter than you think.

As long as there's AC...

Why? You like it moist.

I did offer to pay for flights.

Association rules state:

'All activities
must be affordable.'

That's for drinks,
not crossing Europe.

You think Act-Up marches
were arranged by limo?

Your point being?

Hey boys!

You're late!

Better late and fabulous,
than dowdy and on time.

Here. I made fajitas.

- You're happy?
- I'm happy.

Plus we'll have time
for coffee at the airport.

- What's wrong?
- A flat tire!

What?

And the front!

What the hell?

Weird...

This isn't the 'hood.

No at all...
Check this out.

DIRTY FAGS

What?

Why...

today in France, can't we
be free to love?

Because you're disorganised!

Everyone's always late.
Where's Cedric?

Relax, Joel.
He's coming.

And Matthias.

- Well, Matthias...
- My God!

- What's that?
- No way.

It's Damien!

Not bad hey?

I told you my
buddy would fix it.

What's this nonsense?

A panoramic bus!

Welcome everyone!

This is the famous Eiffel Tower

constructed in 1889,

for the Paris World's Fair.

- Jean?
- If it drives...

Yeah, at 60 km/h.
We can't take the motorway.

You wanted to save money.

We'll take the little roads!

OK guys, stop fooling around.

- We'll take the plane.
- No!

I have reservations at a delightful
Bavarian hotel. No refunds.

- That's it then.
- Needs must when the Devil drives!

Alex.

C'mon.

Thank you, Joel.

Thank you, Damien.

Well I love it.

Sorry guys, I had to improvise.
Cool bus.

- You're late!
- I have a family.

And Matthias?

Sit down.

Matthias isn't coming.

He helped us qualify,

but he has his life,
we have ours.

We'll miss him...

But we're ready.
And...

- He wasn't really a Shrimp, right?
- Thanks.

What's this, the Vengabus?

- It was Joel's idea.
- No it was Damien's idea.

Why are you here?

- I missed you.
- I saved you a place, darling.

- I'm hot, I'm sitting with Matthias.
- Well, well...

This is gonna be a fun trip!

It's gonna be
the craziest vacation ever.

Before I had to hide,
now I'm in the open,

without judgement,
it's crazy, don't you think?

We're free, not ashamed.

I mean sure...

Joel said:
"No shagging between Shrimps".

But hey...

The way we're going,
stuff is gonna happen.

A bunch of hot guys,

crossing Europe by bus,
no taboos,

in the heat, heading for
the biggest gay meeting in the world.

Stuff's gonna happen!

Branch!

I told you I'm away.

Check with my assistant.

Hey, Victoire...

It's Dad.

I'm heading for Croatia,
just wanted to chat.

Call your Dad back.
Love you...

Sir? It's you!

- Er, no...
- Yes, it's you!

Pascal, Kevin!

It's the swimming guy
who turned gay!

- I'm not...
- Did you come out?

Are you crazy?
Shut up!

Can we take a photo?

- Yes.
- Absolutely not.

- We're in a hurry...
- Everything's fine.

Stop! As soon as there isn't
a woman around he gets slutty.

On three, say "sausages".

1, 2, 3.

Sausages!

Unbelievable.

I got my anus tattooed.

Excuse me?

- Why!?
- I dunno. To mark the occasion.

You fork out for your arse,
but not the club fees?

Shh! Show us.

No! Don't show us!

Oh don't worry,
it doesn't bother me.

Given the price,
you should all profit.

Seriously!?
You've no respect.

I can't see!

- Is it a hot air balloon?
- No.

- I'll spread.
- A face?

- Yeah!
- It's Matthias!

No, there's hair.

Johnny Hallyday!

I'd never have Johnny down there.

- He's a French legend!
- Well it's not him.

So give us a clue, then.

OK. I'm an American actor,
I'm a gay icon to die for...

Ryan Gosling!

Who's that?

OK is the game over?

It's beautiful!

12th century dungeon.

Renaissance buttress.

An architectural pearl.

- Great. There's no-one on Grindr.
- Seriously?

There's just one ugly dude, 30km,
with a moustache.

I'll go jump in the moat.

Don't forget darlings,
rehearsal in an hour!

Hi Henri.

Matthias, bad news.

Marseille won't count
for the qualifiers.

What?

But Paris is tomorrow.
What do I do?

Sorry, Matthias.
The Sports Ministry won't budge.

Do they know what
that means for me?

That's why they've done it.
They're done with you.

I'm sorry.

Wait...

Every Federation has a reserved spot.
Can you give it to me?

After what you said on TV,
that would look bad.

I've got to go.
Bye, Matthias.

- 1,2,3: Joel, Alex, Damien.
- Where?

4,5,6:
Jean, Xavier, Vincent.

7,8,9: twirl.

Twirl!

It's very dull.

Brainstorming, feedback,
procedures,

sales projections...

You did all that this morning?

Well yes...
Germans are very efficient you know.

The international sales director

needs me for
a benchmark one-to-one.

Of course.

- Love you.
- Me too.

Don't play with your food!

Matthias, do you drink
to put up with us?

Do I ask you questions?

As VP of the Shrimps,
thank you for coming.

Now it's the moment
we've been waiting for:

the hazing.

So Matthias will show us his cock!

We're kidding!

- Show us later.
- Certainly not.

An applause now for
our new recruit, Vincent

and our beloved President, Jean.

If you think I was afraid,
you're wrong

I gave my heart a break,
some time away

If you think that I was wrong,
wait

Breathe the golden breath,
that pushes me on...

As if I went to sea

My sails are spread

I'm driven by the wind

As if I'd left the Earth

I found my star

I followed it a moment

Beneath the wind

If you think it's over, Never

It’s just a pause, a respite,
after the dangers

If you think I forgot you,
listen

Free your body to the night wind,
Close your eyes and...

As if I went to sea

My sails are spread

I'm driven by the wind

As if I'd left the Earth

I found my star

I followed it a moment

Beneath the wind

If you think it's over, Never

It’s just a pause, a respite,
after the dangers

As if I went to sea

I found my star

I followed it a moment...

You OK?

Yeah great...

My career's over,
my daughter's pissed,

I'm in butt-fuck nowhere
with teenagers dressed as...

- Posh Spice.
- Céline Dion.

They have problems too you know.

Yeah? Like what?

Picking a dress colour?

See Vincent?

When they realised in his village
he prefers boys,

he had to flee to Paris.

I'll skip the details.

Cedric...

Like many new dads, he's lost.

Damien was abandoned at birth.
We're his family.

Fred does OK.

Born a woman in a man's body.

Since she transitioned,
everyone stares at her.

As for Joel,
nobody stares at him.

The older he gets,
the more bitter he becomes.

Alex has a broken heart.

He can't move on.

And Xavier?

Oh, the occasional STD...

Problems, we overcome them.

We all have our own way.

I can't imagine overcoming
missing the Championships.

Just because the Fed
thinks I'm homophobic.

You're not homophobic,
just a bit dumb.

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

If we play well,
you'll be in the media.

Could change their minds.

Right, everybody up!

Surprise training!

Damien!

- Alex, up!
- Cappucino, please.

- One cappucino.
- Hey!

Come on! Downstairs in 5.

Xavier, up!

Trunks on.

Céline, wake up!

Downstairs in 5.

We've a tiny chance to win
the Gay Games. Let's go!

Motherfucker...

C'mon guys...

He's asleep.

Come here.

Downstairs in 5, OK?

OK guys.

What's the basis

of water-polo?

Water?

Hey!

- What's his problem?
- It's his method.

Vincent!

When we attack,
and their mid-field crosses

what do we do?

We...

Stick to our defenders?

Sorry!

Move on a place to destabilise.

Sorry.

Where do you take a shot?

Fred?

Where do you take a shot?

In a bar?

To succeed in water-polo

you need

the endurance

of a marathon runner,

the power of a rugby player,
a golfer's precision,

and hardest for you:
the concentration

of a chess champion.

That's us fucked.

Again.

NO SWIMMING

Stop it!

Pass at a distance!

Coming up your arse!

This is ridiculous.

How hard is it to paddle?

Over there they got it.
The chick paddles best.

Come on, guys!

This is so dumb!

No it's not!
It's for coordination!

That's better.

Spread out, faster!
More passes!

Call and pass.

Stop! We're not
playing football.

Matthias...

Trunks on!

Trunks on!

What the...?

Stop that!

We're training!
Put your dicks away!

Cut it out!

Joel, don't do it!

Why do you always have to
get your dicks out!?

Well done.

My Guccis!

Continue the diagonal,
Straight, and hard.

Ladies, focus.

I want perfect diagonal formation,
like the pubes on my snatch.

Your dad with the crazies

Pause!

Regroup.

Lasso, and hup!

Joel, do you have a problem?

I don't understand
the lasso. I'm done.

- Old lady.
- Move.

We're leaving in 10.

Supplies!

And the diagonal?

Check out the fags!

Look at them!

Hey ladies!

Answer me!

Excuse me!

So mature.

- Stop that!
- Yeah, I'm a fag!

Come here!

Sorry, out of sushi.

Quelle surprise.

For hookups,
it's like Morecambe on a Monday.

Let's head for the hotel.

And they have a pool,
so training is 6.30 am.

So let's go.

Where are Vincent and Cedric?

So you're a little
cocksucker too?

Hey!

What's going on?

Are big guys not allowed at
the sausage party!?

Little pig!

You know what you're doing?

Girls like me learn early
to hide a black eye.

Thanks, Fred.

Thanks, Xavier.

Homophobes are my fault?

- You provoked them!
- They insulted us.

Hate breeds hate.

God you're annoying.

Fine! Go to the 'burbs,
shit babies and give us a break!

Fuck you.

Excuse me.

What did that crazy bitch say?

You're so hetero.

Me, hetero?

- Me, heterol?
- Yes you're hetero.

- You want me to explain it?
- Hey, guys, cut it out.

You're buddies.
We're a team.

If you fight, they win.

Thanks for the locker-room philosophy.

He's right.
Stop bugging us, you old fag.

Shut it, Miss France!
You don't belong here.

- Now we have it.
- Joel stop it!

This is why you're
always kicked out.

What do you know about activism?
You're a newbie!

At Act Up, you made sandwiches!

We all know you never
went on a march!

I'm agoraphobic, okay?
Jean, tell them.

You're busting my balls.

So.

If you hate each other,
we don't have to go.

Who wants to go back?

I didn't leave my family
to be insulted.

Don't worry poor baby, I'll leave,
since it's all my fault.

We all go, or no-one goes.

If I didn't get up after a fight,
I wouldn't be here now.

Same here.

For once I agree with these two.

It's our duty to go.

A change of vote?

Too bad.

We sleep here,
then head back to Paris.

You're not driving?

Er... no.

What's going on?

We've been hijacked!

Those brutes!

- We'll end up in a barn like Chloe Ayling!
- Dream on.

Welcome aboard Shrimp Airlines.

I'm your cabin steward today.

Outside temperature is 24º.

We'll reach Croatia,
our destination, in 10 hours.

Joel! Stop this bus,
my mate will kill me!

You don't have a bus license!

I was in the army!

- I told Bertrand I'd be back!
- I need a wee!

Joel, we voted.
Respect democracy.

Fuck democracy.

If only idiots are voting.

- Jean, do something.
- Like what?

Popcorn anyone?

I'll drive till you promise
we're going to the Games.

In your dreams, bitch!

Attention we are entering
a zone of turbulence.

We won't give in to torture!

Know where we are?

30 km from Dachau.

Where the Nazis exterminated
Jews, Gipsies,

political opponents and gays.

- He's lost it.
- Joel, we know that.

Yeah?

And you know that after the war,
being gay was a crime?

That it was only in 1994 that
they put up a memorial there?

Guys... The Gay Games,

it's not just a big party.

It's where we show the world
that we're united and we exist.

Now what?

We go to the Dachau memorial,
or to the Gay Games?

The Gay Games.

I can't hear you.

I can't hear you!

OK! The Gay Games it is.

OMG! Hot guy, 2 km.

Now here's a snack!

Lemme see.

That's my type!

- He's hot!
- He's getting closer.

I'll send him
a pic of my tattoo.

- And us?
- I saw him first.

And?

Let me go.

- 500 meters!
- Gimme my phone!

I'm not stopping in the pampas
to find this guy.

You stop, or I skin you alive.

- Yeah, yeah.
- I wanna see him!

- We drive.
- I love him.

- It's a long way.
- I wanna suck him off.

- Stop, Joel, have mercy!
- Please!

Hello.

Excuse me...

Fancy a biscuit?

- Is that how you chat guys up?
- Not at all.

My Bertrand,

just to say I miss you.

Here it's work work work.

With our resp... What?

Our responsibilities,
we're stuck inside.

The international sales director
is really funny.

The mood has improved.

Co-workers are reconnecting.

The boss has new performance
optimization strategies.

The language barrier means
exchanges with the locals are basic

but very enriching.

We're learning about ourselves.

But I'd rather be
with you and the kids.

I feel like Beyoncé at
Madison Square Gardens!

...a festive and colourful parade.

The French flag is alongside
the LGBT flag.

The athletes are revved up...

Mum, come and see Dad on TV!

Don't care.

For once it's cool!

...the chance for Matthias Le Goff
to redeem his image,

and maybe participate
in the Championships.

Wow not bad.

- How many spectators?
- 300-400, at least.

- We better be good.
- Or we'll be humiliated...

We will eat you from the neck down!
The Shiny Shrimps are back in town!

Focus guys!
Gimme all you got!

Stay on him!

Cedric, back!
Nº7, damn it!

Shit!

- Not my fault!
- Don't worry, Joel.

Wake up, guys!

Go Jean!

Yes, that's good!

Xavier, out!
Go champ!

Go Jean!

Joel is a champion!

Grab it!

He's a sieve!

Come here!
It's not over!

Score one more, we win!
Who's going in?

- My wrists are screwed.
- I wonder why.

- Vincent?
- I'm not feeling so good.

Then who?

What?

OK, Damien...

What's the secret to score?

Wait!
The secret...

is to think of nothing.
Nothing at all.

Go champ!

Think of nothing!

- Finally you picked up...
- It's midnight, Dad.

I just wanted to show you
the Mediterranean. Look!

- That's the Adriatic.
- Whatever, it's beautiful.

I saw you at the opening.
You looked really relaxed.

Yeah, mock your Dad.

But you know what?
They won their first match.

- So where are the Shrimps?
- Resting at the hotel.

- Getting laid?
- Victoire, language...

- Seriously!
- Dad, sex isn't dirty.

It is, and their rule is:

"No flirting between Shrimps".

They're asleep,
they have matches tomorrow,

- so they went to bed early.
- That's weird.

No it isn't, they're real competitors.
Like your Dad.

Cool.

We only stay an hour, OK?

- Of course. Right guys?
- No problem!

- We're serious.
- We're competitors first!

We're just having a quick look.

We're so lucky to be gay...

Shrimps... disperse!

- In one hour, at the door...
- OK!

- One hour!
- Right!

You're popular.

Trans are like unicorns.
We fascinate. We intrigue...

But deep down they all want
a guy in trunks.

Unless I score the straight bouncer,
I'm going home alone.

- I'm sorry.
- For what?

For calling you a
"plastic surgery diva".

- It was mean.
- What's your real problem?

The bitch who replaced me
as treasurer at Act Up...

- She's trans.
- I forgive you.

Alex is right.
I'm obsolete.

- God you're such a whiner!
- Look at them! Look at me!

Don't you know
difference is a strength?

Yeah if you're young,
hot, and with a six-pack.

Well as my grandma would say:
a hard dick has no wrinkles!

Fuck...

- You OK?
- No, I've no signal.

- Here try this.
- It won't send.

- No I said I have no signal!
- No problem.

Oh, fuck it.

Things move fast with gays.

I don't want to be gay then.

Let Mary Poppers in.

Maybe not...

Breathe!

Come, Vincent...

You OK?

Lift him.

Fuck.

Help me!

Is he OK?

C'mon you pig!

Capitalist dog!

Take my fat stock!

You OK?

I barely slept.

- GGT?
- What's that?

Ginseng, Guarana, Taurine.
100% natural boost.

I gave some to Vincent.
Look at him.

I'm fine.

Cedric?

They're so cute.

WE MISS YOU DADDY

You're so lucky.

Come on!

Fuck!

Damn!

That was a monumental
arse-kicking.

It's what happens when
you party before a match!

That's funny?

Having fun on your mobile?

- It's my kids.
- I don't give a shit!

- You're not with us!
- I am.

Don't worry Matthias,
we'll catch up.

In the state you're in?

That's the Gay Games, sweetie.
If you were gay, you'd know.

What's your problem?

He took some stuff.

Are you kidding?

Make him shut up.

Relax, baby.

We're young, we love each other.
That's what counts!

Did you take something?

I took, I gave then I took,

then we gave together,
it was great.

OK, enough already.

Matthias...

What are you doing?

You're leaving?

Fine, go on, give up!

I'm giving up?

Listen, winning is my life, ok?

But you guys,
you don't give a fuck.

You can't win without sacrifices.
It's not possible.

OK.

But me, Matthias,

I prefer to lose with those I love
than win alone.

OK guys If we win the next match
we're in the quarter-finals.

- What are you doing?
- Going back to Paris.

- We'll never make it.
- And our dance routine?

- Do it without me.
- Is this about Bertrand?

Shall I call him?

It's not him. It's me.

Today is my kids' birthday.
I don't want to miss it.

They won't remember it!

But I will!

Sorry guys.

But they're my family too.

OK...

What now?

I dunno.

I thought your duty

was to raise the gay flag,

to show the world you existed,

that you're united?

So what do we do?

Screw it or go on?

I prefer option 2.

The Croatians are beasts, OK?

So we have to go for it.
It'll be a last minute win.

Stay disciplined.
Rhythm, impact,

and above all,
I wanna see heart.

We'll fuck them up!

Pulverise them!

3,4.

We will eat you from the neck down!
The Shiny Shrimps are back in town!

C'mon guys, stay on them!

Keep going, it doesn't matter.

Alex, try the Peisson.

- Not the Peisson!
- Yes!

You can do it.

Go!

Let's go, guys.

OK guys.

Breathe, recuperate.

You OK?

He elbowed me.

OK. We have 27 seconds.

We can play it safe,
go for extra time...

or...

we try to win.

Now.

We all advance, take the risk.

What do we do?

Live it to the full.

Whatever happens
in these 27 seconds,

I'm proud to play
this tournament with you.

Truly proud.

We will eat you from the neck down!

The Shiny Shrimps are back in town!

Let's get 'em!

Where's Jean?

Where is he?

Is that Jean's father?

Yes.

I can't do this.

Don't worry.
We're all here.

You'll be OK.

We may not agree
with all his choices,

but we all loved Jean.

A free spirit, on all counts.

I hadn't seen him
since his First Communion.

When he contacted me last year,

from the hospital

we spoke a lot.

A little of God,

but a great deal of his family,

his friends, his loves,
and his water-polo,

that he played, like his father.

In fact,

his teammates wish
to say goodbye.

This isn't the right
moment to say it,

but the Fed invite to
the Championships is yours.

I suggested it,
after what happened,

and the Minister approved.

Jean...

This is the second time
we say goodbye.

I thought I was ready, but...

The first time was
18 months ago,

just after his diagnosis
of bone cancer.

He invited us to a party
with a cake saying:

"Happy Cancer".

Jean loved dumb jokes.

Like when he switched
Xavier's phone numbers.

Xavier's grandmother

got a message
intended for his lover.

We laughed less
as he had more chemo.

One morning I woke,

he said to me...

you deserve better.

And he disappeared.

I really hated you for that.

Then I understood that,

your extreme freedom

was your way of fighting,

of hiding the pain.

Like building this team,
the Shiny Shrimps.

To show your Dad that
homos can play water-polo.

Jean...

Love of my life.

You would have
hated your funeral.

All in black,

all so sad.

I hope you're watching.

Because this is for you.

Friends...

- What are they doing?
- I don't know.

These people have
no respect, huh?

Fuck off.

Hey that's not on!

You can keep your invite.
I'm not going.

This film is dedicated to
the real Shiny Shrimps.