The Sexy Dragon Inn (2004) - full transcript

My lord, in his fiscal budget,
the financial secretary dares

to increase the revenue reserve.

To cut all expenses

Therefore I propose his promotion.

Thank you my lord.

Why are you eating my food?

The rural district officer Tung's stupidity

leads to hardship throughout
the region. Thus I propose

his early retirement with a piece
of deserted land as remunerations.

You are so talkative!


Do you have any news?

It looks great.

It's none of your business. Do your
job well or you'll be bitten well.

Lord there is more.

You are interested. Come over.

Thank you.

Is great isn't it?


What do you think?

It's awesome.

It's over now.

Any other matters my lord?

What matters?

I think.

You two it's over now. Leave straight away.

Thank you. I can't wait.


Tung thank you. Where did you get it?

From the West.

The West?

That's right.
Pussy Cat

Here's you mandarin my queen

Banana is what I want.

We don't have a harvest
of banana in the field.

There's no harvest here and there.

Where is my lord Tung?

What is it the matter?

What is the lord up to lately? It's
been half year since his last visit

Say it straight away

The lord is very busy lately.

He has taken more than
a dozen cases at a time

Some maids want to play
a chess game with him

and their appointment has
been half year till now

Ridiculous. I am the queen
not like anyone of them

How dare you

My fault

I am telling you to go to the royal office

and make an appointment
with the lord for me.

If you can't make it, you'd be beheaded

Beheaded again

Act now


It's been half a year. I'm starving

Have some mandarin first. It helps.

My Lord

Turn around. I'm in a rush.

I don't care. Why every time
you would be in a rush

What do you want? You
know my tight schedule.

Yes I want it

This is the modern pace of life. Damn!

Now that there are two rockets
already exploded. Needless to say.

My lady you are ridiculous

Take you time.

It's not my fault.

I got plenty of time for this

You are out of your mind.

Don't be so rude. It hurts.

You are so not want to do
it. I have no mood now.


Are you alright?

My member is broken.

What? Doctor?

It's so hot and stuffy here.

Why don't we go back inside?

I can't stand

the air-con lately.

You health is all important

Since my member was hurt,

I've been feeling unwell.

The doctor must have do
some tricky things on me.

How dare him.

Tomorrow I must

launch a clean-up operation.

Tung; Well noted

Who is it that Dr. Martin whom DOC

you mentioned before.

He is a renowned person

from the Chinese University

What does he do?

He solves member problems


It's true

That means I can be cured.

Pack some clothes and let's go.


This is a nutritious bird which
is good for the member.

I am your servant

Let me get you one.

Alright. Hurry.


Oh shit. Hit your member.


Protect the lord. Are you alright?

Where have you been? There's
an assassin trying to kill me.

I went hunt the bird.

What a Pity-

My member is hurting me.

Oh no.

Take a look.

Did you bring it out? It's gone.

No kidding.


It's gone. Let's get to Dr.

Martin ASAP.


Hold me

Watch out

Don't walk so fast. My
member is hurting me.

Where the hell is Dr. Martin?

It's getting dark.

Have you got a torch?

No my lord

Any hotel nearby?

Let me check it out

Dragon & Phoenix

Then go



Who is the in charge here?

Here I am.

What can I help you?

We don't need you help. We
are here to give you trouble

Oh the Superman where
is the supervvoman then?

Then you are mine tonight


Not being cooperative.
Do your job brothers.

Who dares to touch my baby

Who the hell are you?

Who the hell are you?

Who the hell are you?

People in the entire village call me Dragon

Don't you think being
hairy can scare me off

That's what I'm thinking

Let's pick his hair off

Sweeties are you alright?

Good. Really good.

You are the famous Phoenix here.

No need to say more.


May I know who is it here?

This is the lord.

Oh no the richest guy here in town.


Do you want to stay or dine?

Show them to their room.

Yes this way please



What are you doing?

He looks like someone


Someone we both know

Someone I know?

Yes the one who sells fish


Let me check it out.

This suite sucks.

Leave it.

This is your room.

Please rest and I go now.



Gee that chick is hot.

You are trying to get me into trouble.

I cannot do it.

My fault indeed.

Forget it. Get some water.


Hang on

What is it my lord

Need to ask you something

Go ahead

You think Phoenix great

She's gorgeous

You think I can have her?


But cure your member first.

Shit, you setting me up again

my fault indeed.

Go get some water




What is it?

What is the problem?

This is even worst

You miss your old lover

Though sometimes rude,
he's really good to me.

He has gone eight years ago.

You should find another on. I tried
to fix you up with a date.

You didn't like it.

Really don't know what you want.

I am specially loyal.

You think I am promiscuous

I'm the slave of loyalty

I know you brother.

But honestly your old lover
is right for you indeed

Don't laugh at me.

What were you talking about?

What were I saying then?

Maybe that's why I feel strange today.

I go do it now.

I can't stand him.

Chan here you are


I'm sorry. Got a guest inside.

It's alright

Chan today it's my birthday.

Didn't you say you'd get me a diamond ring?

You are not keeping your promise.

Just a diamond. Got you an apartment.

Look this is the document.

Chan you are so cute.

I'm starving.

Not here whenever I need him

My way

You guys are having fun. What is it?

You don't know this?


Go on you nuts

Alright but let me get some stuff first

Take more

This place is unique.


$80 to touch hand; $300 to touch the body

and $500 everything inclusive

All drinks are free.

This is the cheapest place in town.


Why you so mad?

What? Who the hell are you?




Give me your money


How much? $500?

You can have it all.

Let me take care of your place
and more business to come

What's wrong with your eyes.

Nothing wrong

It's time to do the cooking now.


Lord are you here?

What is it Tung?

Where have you been?

Where have you been? Having fun?

No way

No? Then where is Dr. Martin

He is on leave.

But don't you worry.

On my return, I got you
some medication for you.

It's also inexpensive. Try it out


Take one

Effective five second after taken.



Five four three two one

How's it?

Nothing happens

Not working?

Take one more.





Did you read the instruction?

It says once a day three pills at a time.


Get one for me.

Let's count again.

Five four three two one. Got reaction.

Hot. I feel so hot.


Is it done?

Screw you. My pants is all wet now.

Hurry. ls that done?

Iron it


My guess was right. They are gay.

It's cool. I'm in half way. It's hard


What are you so into?

I think you are so timid lately

What's wrong with you

You got me there.

Don't say so without
proof. They can sue you

I saw them having fun together.

Unfortunately someone passed
by or else I wouldn't leave.

Which one? Do say so.

Who else? It's Yeung upstairs

When I saw him at the first sight I think
immediately that he looks like my old lover

I just don't believe it

I don't think he is gay

From my point of view,

My instinct must be right.

My instinct must be right.

I don't believe he's gay. Leave it alone.

Why you so nervous about?

You are crazy

How can you treat me like
this? Not talking to you.

Alright. I don't like Yeung is gay

Something special

Something you have not seen
before. Wanna know who it is?



If you wanna know,

go to the VIP room down the hall way

Can I go with Tung?

No. It's not right for him.

Sorry you are not invited

Do be like this.

Back to the room and have
fun on your Go own.

Alright then

Go now

Only my nose bleeds. Nothing down there.

Leave me.

My nose is bleeding. Enough

What is the matter? My
dance is not good enough?

I repeat my nose is bleeding. Go away

Go away


Go away

Only my nose bleeds. Nothing down there.

Damn me.


What are you annoyed?

You put me in such a humiliating position

by asking me to do table dance to Yeung.

He kicked me out of the room.

This is nothing. Give
you a raise next month.

I saw you were fabulous


This means you are attractive.

That he didn't touch you shows his virtues.

You got me there. I feel
positive towards him.

Don't ever dream of hitting
on him. He is mine

What's the matter? Take a seat first

Dragon why are you weeping?

Weeping due to sadness

Don't keep everything to yourself

share with us.

Love sick

In love with Fa or Spring?

It's you

Why are you doing this on me

It hurts

Why you hurt him so bad?

You're jealous


Forget it. Help him first

Not that bad

It's broken

Get some medicated oil first

I'm not leaving


No way

but you needa go now


Go away

My lord did he take advantage of you?

I'm fine. Tung don't you keep
too much sadness by yourself

I'm not sad but

But what

Just feeling lonely

You cold

A little. Get a coat first

Press it for emergency and I'll come over

I go now. It's getting cold

Sister gentle

You now know the consequence.

That ass screwed things up.

If he were not there, I would
have done it with Yeung

What should I do to get you thru this?

Oh I know now. That ass is also guy
and afraid if I would take Yeung.

He did this out of spite.

Brother you can do things
like this. Let me do it



Do you have a vehicle here?

What for?

You've been here for a while.

Let me entertain you. How
about go up to the hill?

To the hill

That's right

Thank you

Something wrong?

Nothing just not feeling right

You're under exercised.

Working out is good for the body

I feel a little thirsty.
Do you have iced tea?

Yes but not here. Got it back in the hotel

Mr. Tung you are really dashing

Back off.

How come? Look at you

He calls for me

He has Phoenix now. Wouldn't be lonely

Stop that


He has Phoenix now

You wanna have fun? Let's do it together

You wanna have fun?

Where is Tung?

I feel so hot

Undress if you are that hot

Let me fan your heat off a little.

Phoenix you are so damn hot

I don't want the fan. I am on fire

Fire. Not today. I feel unwell

Only leg problems

Yes the legs

Tung where are you in this critical moment?

I am here

Where have you bee?

I was exercising

What? I feel bad



Where is Fa?

She's got bitten by a snake. You
are familiar with this place.

Why don't you go find her. We go first

Still can't make it?

This is ridiculous. I was
so close to have him.

That ass screwed my good thing up.

It's your fault. What have you done?

He touched me here and there.

I melted.

Even the nun could not stand it.

Told you about that ass.

Let's think of other solution

No way. Yeung is all mine

Got any plan?

Heard he's fond of drinks.

Are you kidding? Using our Elixir of Lust?

No need to say more

This stuff is really so cool?

Absolutely. lt brings out all
your ultimate desires underneath



No way

You little slut. Was it cool?

Now you've tried. It's great isn't it?

You didn't come to me for a while.
Another chick is serving you?

Come on.

We are having an affair.
You belong to the lord.

Do you understand?

Heard the queen hasn't seen
him for more than a week


How come I don't get the news

It's highly confidential.
No one knows about it

Here comes the Duke

The boss is here


Alright. Good stuff

Thank you very much

Thanks so much boss

Boss? It's Duke

Thank you Duke

Alright. Alright. What are
you practicing just now?

Dragon feet for the balls

Cool stuff indeed



Time to show it off



What is the mission?

Simply Mission Impossible -

The king is out of the
palace. Find him out.

When you spot where he is, take him down.

Taking the lord down is death penalty

What are you afraid of? You are so timid.

The blame is not on us right? Boss?



He's right. You are not
the one to be blamed.

I am the one to take all responsibility.

After the lord is down, the world is mine.

My laughter is too dramatic

When are we taking off?

That's right. Must be abundant

Thank you Duke

Why are you calling me so urgently?

Tell you a secret - after my researches

The Elixir of Lust finally comes into life

Great. Yeung faces trouble this time.

But we haven't done the clinical yet

So what?

You use me to do the test

Please brother do you love me?

Of course

Do me a favor

Alright then. Where is it?

Here you go

It stinks

Take it

It stinks

Inhale and exhale

Inhale and exhale?

Come on. Can you feel anything?


Strange! It can't be like this.

Oh I get it. It doesn't work on the gay

I'm reacting. It's extending

Greatjob. Spring, Fa come see this.

What is it?

Lord it's here

It stinks. Tung


Any refresher?

You have finished using them all.


Why do you take so long?

Quiet. You know my problem

Need a hand?

What is happening? Tung have you
seen things like this before?

What? Where?

Going CraZV?

Going CraZV?

This thing is like crazy

Tung look at this

Lord how come?

How do I know? It became like
this since I sniffed this cloth

Try? Useless? What happened to your hair?


Checked it out who has
used this cloth before

No smell

Act now


My lord

I was in the toilet. What
are you yelling about?

I have found what you asked me to

What is it that smell like that?

This is what you've asked
me to checked it out

Yeh what did you bring me then?
Stealing other's clothes

My nose is blocked. These
are from Spring and Fa

You moron go get more


Of course

Put them right here

No to the toilet


What else do you need my lord?

Dragon's underpants

Can I put it the other way round?

You get Dragon's underpants

and I get Phoenix's.

Are you against my words?

I dare not to

Then you should you now

Yes Dragon's underpants

This is his fate

Told you before.

No alcohol during office hours.

Iam not drinking. This is my research

What research

You don't know about scientific research.

You only know things about
cooking in the kitchen.

There was a little mistake previously.

This time I must have it absolute right


Me again?

No way. It almost killed me last
time. Unless Yeung is here.

That guy again. Honestly

if you don't take it, I
take it to Yeung directly

Better not.

That's right. Brother

inhale and exhale


How's that?

I can feel something.

It's done

Better than last time.

Brother are you alright?

This is ridiculous for they
two doing this together.


This feels good

This is much better than last time

This is hard

But this is much powerful

It tastes like cum

Who is it?


Let's get patent for Elixir of Lust.




The result is actually
better than I expected.

Fortunately I've taken a shower

I can't believe someone
is having a bath here.

Never say or see things which are not right

Better not see.

No way. I am the lord and
must see things clear.

Oh it's you

Oh it's you Phoenix

What are you up to?

Look at you body. It's
a master's piece of work

If you are free, come join
me bathing in the water

The clothes are here. Let me get one first

This is sexy. Let me sniff

Feeling high

Shit. Rock'n'roll

Who is it?


It's him

Wait. She wants to say something.

This is a weird massage.
How much do you charge?

Who wants your money?

Why are you taking me here?

What information you want to have?

That's right. We didn't
give her chances to speak

Did you see two men in suits

That's right

Did you see a guy with moustache

I can tell you this

Who? Who?

The secret word?

Here I am

As you said before to look at the marks.

Why are you doing this?

Like the old people said

ls your watch working?

You see. The incense gone off

There're plenty of rooms back there

I don't wanna be seen.

The crabs.

You are very clever indeed.

Hope you don't mind what happened last time

Now that people think I'm a whore.

I have my dignity too.

Actually I'm very conservative

you don't look like a whore

You are looking at me with lust.

Lusty but friendly

Actually ...

Don't be like this. I feel shy

Let's do it


Hey what's up

What do you think?

Are you nuts? We're here to
take someone down not partying

ls your information right that
the lord is partying here tonight

Yeh from the paper. How would I lie to you

What we suppose to do tonight?

Moron, it would be crowded tonight.

Do our usual trick

That means what?

That means to put drugs into the drink

So simple?

But where to put?

Use our spontaneity.

This trick comes from me thus
I am getting 90% of the paid.

How is it today

All sold out



I'll reward you

Thank you


What are you do here?

Entertaining the guests


Go to the kitchen and help. Moron

Your rooms are in there

Come have a drink later


All VIP rooms are occupied

Do you have enough alcohol to serve?

and there's something special

Oh the Elixir of Lust

Hello This is the richest guy in town,

Ma would you give way a little

Why should I?

Cuz you are not as rich as him

Money is everything?

Come over

Please be seated

How come such a smell of grass

Look at mine

Little with shame

Look at this

Size is not everything.
You know what this is


The best grass in town

To cook with chicken?

What do you know?

Please settle down.

Spring go get the Elixir of Lust for Yeung

No need to

This is X0 from the West

The is the riches indeed

I've seen in the West but can't afford

How's that?

How do I know?

Not everyone can afford it

This is for the rich

What are you two doing here. Back off.

Get lost now

Good stuff man

Tung give a glass to each of them

One glass only. It's precious

Alright. Enough.

It's really great

Give me some

Yeung. It tastes wonderful.
Can I have some more

Would you excuse me

I really can't stay now.
Will be back in a minute

Alright then. Hurry back


See you

Show me now

Got all

I'm not fond of chicks. I'm nervous Yeung.

Again. Oh you split it out.

You are wasting this good stuff.

Spring, this is amazing. Tung

Thanks so much

Did you have a blast?

Yes indeed

Yeung, I was asked to bring
you this supreme wine

This is supreme?

We are having X0 from the West

Shit again

I don't believe in bad luck

You are charging me

$3000? $100 at the most

Fuck you. It says on the price list.

Can't leave if you don't pay

Dragon, Phoenix is arguing at the cashier

Who dares.

Let me kick his ass.

Let me check it out. Excuse me.

Tung, Dragon is strange.

Check him out.


Go on

What is it? Why so mad?

They are not pay.

How dare you! Wanna try this out?

Are you threatening me?
You know who is my boss?

Who? Who?

Frightening indeed

What is it? CID


What is the matter?

They are not pay

You morons

Keep the change. Can we go now?

Get out

Am I gorgeous?

Yes I appreciate it

Call me Sir

That's so impressive

Don't be like this. I'm not your cup of tea

Please don't

Get some grass

Sorry I lost this time

It's alright. It's no fun

if we are ever winning

Wine is out

Wine is here

We heard wine is out

Here it is specially for you.

What are you doing here? Listening to us?

We are KJB

Oh thought CIA


Would like some wine?

Yes please

What you two doing here?

The wine was out

that's right

What's ZHI?

The junior servant

What they doing here?

Bring in the wine

Shall we all try it out?

No way this is specially for you


Get some. So?

Not bad


Bitter with a little weird taste

This is the uniqueness

lam high. Addicted.

Do you hear something?


Who are you two?

Not your business

We are not telling you

Not your concern


You're the lord

That's right

You can't blame us. Someone sent us

Who sent you?

You are dying anyway. It's the Duke

It's him. Heard his evil plan.

How come we got assassin?

Keep calm

You took that wine?

Yes the Elixir of Lust

How are you

Glad we're clever to leave early

Can never go back there

Never again

But we have a mission

Damn now what?

If the mission not finished,

Duke would kill us both

Either way ends with death. Better to fight

Let's go back


Have your got patent for Elixir of Lust

Dragon said so couple days earlier

Better get it early.

If not the counterfeits would be everywhere

Do so tomorrow straight away

Here comes again?

Someone coming in from the window.

What do you want?

It's you again

Please kill us both.

We can't do the job.

Better you die. Let me kill you


You nuts

He refuses

Let's do it

The Ultimate Killer

They are like crouch

What brand is it?


Got patent yet??

Not yet

Why not

Where have you been?

My fault. Let me get you crouch

Phoenix, to reward you,

I name you the first lady and have
all the rich and goodness with me.

Thanks my lord

Back to palace

Celebration of the peace and prosperity