The Senator Was Indiscreet (1947) - full transcript

Dim-witted blowhard, Melvin G. Ashton, is a US Senator who wants to be President. He hires Lew Gibson, a talented PR man who gets Ashton in newsreels and on the front page, never thinking he'll win. But Ashton has a secret weapon: a diary documenting every shady deal his party's made for 35 years. With the diary, he blackmails the party leaders to support his candidacy, and he's on his way to the nomination. An unseen political enemy is after the diary, using the young and lovely Valerie Shepherd to get into the Senator's room. Plus, Lew's fiancée, reporter Poppy McNaughton thinks she can get her hands on it, too, and stop Ashton. Will the otherwise unemployable dope become President?


he has fine hej what room is in okay

give me personnel this one just came

Thanks ah this mr. Gibson publicity glue

Gibson your new publicity man I look

this is important

senator Mel Ashton just checked in we

want to give him the full treatment

flowers bowls of fruit courtesy cards

and get any leftover convention

delegates out of the clothes closet the

Indians are here from the rodeo good be

within a minute fellas

oh and take that television set out of

the Dukes apartment give it to the

senator right what's this guy running

for he hasn't decided yet it's for

anything big like Washington we got a

very nice special routine this year yeah

with a tribal leave like Big Chief

Hoosiers or something hej that's not a

bad idea

how about chief Red Eagle at claws the

skies nothing with red in it I know

chief honest of the day you song now

there'd be 10.000 fights over that let's

see now what about Chiefs straight talk

from the shoulder Oh

catchy I'll buy that that's it tell me

do you use a pipe of peace anywhere in

this routine are you kidding but for a

hundred bucks did you ever smoke one of

those things oh he doesn't inhale look

mr. Gibson you're getting three

full-blooded Indians and a pretty

clothes you're getting an Eagle Scout

bow and arrow and a genuine Navajo rayon

blanket and if you knew how long it took

my mother to make one of these things


okay I'll remember you're Indian

one moment please

man Korean senators do my boy how are

you fine fine thanks gentlemen as boys

meet United States Senator Ashton

senator meet the big four of the

Cherokee tribe how o me Brigham greeting

us that's for the newsreels are they

here yet

oh yes out on interest

room service will wept up out on the

terrace for the capitalistic press I

presume that's me comrade yes dependents

a boat in this country after Sam

sputters take all you want

you boys better hop out on the terrace

and rehearse

oh yes yes right right out there buying

view of the city here we are

anybody need a reporter senator I want

you to meet Miss poppy McNaughton just

about the best newspaper woman in this


what do you mean to tell me that this

gentle beautiful child is a member of

the Fourth Estate well well well

do be seated I I'm sorry that mrs.

Ashton isn't with me to receive you but

she believes that a woman's place is in

the home

she's old-fashioned that way and saw my

old fashioned just won what oh ho ho yes

course mrs. MacDonald you know son

on second thought bring me a plain

American drink

Ryan branch water vodka take it isn't a

good enough deal no no he just likes

vodka he does this is your first term in

the Senate isn't it oh yes yes the first

of many yet to come I hope the senator

came up the long hard way the American

Way what did this new bill you've

introduced the McCoy Keith Ashton bill

ah the McCoy Keats

Ashton bill is designed for the

protection of man's most faithful

servant the letter carrier why is the

letter carrier weary at the end of the

day he's tired well yes of course but

why is he quiet because he's been

trudging the hard pavements with a load

too heavy for man to bear that is where

my bill comes here if everyone in the

country is compelled to write his

letters on tissue paper we haven't got

all day you know coming now Jerry you'd

better slip in there and get these

things on you'll excuse me now won't you


Wow great white feather father Oh looks

like feather let's start again he'll be

lucky they may give a Papoose great

white father since reading news from

Washington to his red brethren peace

oh hej the Mikey matter to send you much

rain oh good mati fine

awesome what do you mean impossible no

I'm just gonna quote him accurately

that's all but that's unfair papi you

can't go around voting politicians

accurately that's dirty journalism and

you know it

or maybe I better talk to him about it

glad to see you boss how many hard

things in Washington whose idea is there

it's nothing it's just a precedent for

the hotel

all Indians stuff with feather hats must

be cleared to the party either through

me or to the chairman himself and Ashton

knows that but I tell you the whole any

member of the party in good standing has

a perfect right to have his picture

taken eating a hotdog wearing a fez or

even fishing but big stuff like Indian

ceremonies riding in the cab of the 20th

century limited or shaking hands with a

recognized labor leader is strictly

presidential stuff and he knows that to

them now point out a Setting Sun and

sweat I could just get this there will

be a complete report of this entire

affair in Moscow by midnight

and another thing what's the idea of

telling those reporters that you're not

a candidate for the nomination because

I'm not that's why and stop denying it

no member of the party has the right to

deny that he's a candidate unless he is

a candidate an idiot child knows that

you're not fooling me Ashton not for one

minute I know what your wife's been

saying around Washington mrs. Ashton my

wife goes to the same beauty parlor

Mimi's on K Street it's all over the


so mrs. Ashton is going to do over the

White House huh new chips for The Oval

room Chinese Chippendale for the East

Room and the shocking Pink's at the

spread for Lincoln's bed yet

well now Bailey Fred you can't stop a

woman from having ambitions no but we

can certainly stop you from heaven now

what about this speech for the night the

National Institute of businessmen

neither the chairman their I authorized

that either they asked me whose arm did

you twist

I'll see here Fred you've got no right

to talk to me that way I follow the

party line for 25 years who use the

expression party line once more I'll

strangle you say help me heaven let's

see that speech for the united states

senator Melvin G Ashton speaking it's

the old number five Fred about cutting

income taxes 80 percent you've heard it

a thousand times

Washington yes I'm on must be mrs.

Ashton isn't this the one you delivered

in Detroit December 61941 oh yes I

believe so

don't you think it's about time you cut

out that part for your laugh at the

possibility of war with Japan oh oh

how's everything mama

I'm an Indian now yes it it was

wonderful that you'll see it in the

pictures and I I come out and I say

how how oh it doesn't mean anything in

particular but that's just what you're

supposed to say he's an Indian aren't

you a little old to be playing jokes

steaming him up like that

man's got to look out for his future

doesn't he whose future is you don't

look for him to be elected to the Senate

again do you not unless there's more

chumps in the estate when we figured so

alright then how's he gonna eat next

year eat what does he think the White

House is a soup kitchen

what well that's what you say to end ins

he's got about as much chance of being

nominated for the presidency as Abbott

and Costello you tell him for me the

jokes over how do you know it's a joke

how do I know this whole hotels not made

of a bubble gum boss I was in the

advertising business once so believe me

if you can sell the American public the

idea that one cigarette is different

from another that one toothpaste is

better than another you can sell him

anything even Mel Aston look Gibson the

nomination this year goes to the big

Philip he wants it is that clear

he wants it anything get it if he

doesn't want it there's going to be the

dizziest rat race you ever saw but I'll

make one prediction about that race

right now Ford oh but that thought he

won't be the winning rat get me Tim

Dolan at the Gazette this young lady has

a letter of introduction or I haven't

got time I

but we'll come right in I I didn't mean

to be so oh that's all right

you remember bill fish you know it's

your little fish sir you bet I do

so he said to give you this and say

hello hello you sit right here hon in

and just make yourself comfortable and

tell me why did you know the old


oh we were raised together in Plainville

that's old bill all right always getting

Helen call mr. Emerson tell him we've

got a customer how's the hot bill

getting on these days did he go into

politics the way always said he would

well yeah I think he's going in business

with his father

I was always bills big beep politics

politics and politicians if ever he got

out of the army was gonna tackle that

crowd and clean him out crooks and

clowns he'd say crooks and clowns all of

them mr. Emerson says okay and ten

minutes there you are know what else oh

not another thing thank you

does tell you how much I appreciate it

you're not going away well I don't want

to take up any more of your time just

talking what about just drinking

wouldn't mind a root beer root beer

twenty-eight million nine hundred fifty

six thousand five hundred thirty four

insta blew away of the year before that

brings us down to nineteen twenty-four

or is it is it 2327 oh yes yeah yes it

is 1919 a 24 app oh no no no it's

that's 1824 adjust please please just

one moment please one moment I think I

have it

ah yes I was right 1924 it is 1944

because we have already covered 1923 and

I submit ladies and gentlemen public

office is a public trust office is a

public trust public office is a public

in conclusion if there are any questions

any questions at all I shall be glad to

answer them what's this

well this this is somewhat embarrassing

when I open this occasion to questions I

i must confess i I didn't anticipate

this one and yet whoever you are

JC I shall endeavor to answer your

question with the same candor in which

it is phrased ladies and gentlemen the

question is as follows

senator Ashton can you tell us at this

time if the nomination for president is

offered to you by the convention would

you be interested or not thank you thank

you good folks but no no this is no time

for emotionalism but rather for a

serious searching of the heart as you

all know I am a simple plain talking man

with no taste for evasion and no talent

for fancy words so I am going to be open

and aboveboard with you as I have always

been ladies and gentlemen I cannot put

this too strongly I am NOT a candidate

for the presidency

but here goes the ballgame there are

times when decisions of this court are

no longer missing a big story I hope

everybody misses that the idea coming up

that big windbag for president honey

it's my job the guy's a dog but if I can

make any kind of a showing at all with

him I'll be in line for big stuff look

if we're ever gonna get married you mean

he has to be president before we get

married those are tough turn no but be

reasonable papi the man hasn't got a

pair how do you know he has didn't you

tell me watch it with the right promises

that the right people at the right time

you could he's like the two-headed man

the senators a one-handed man mistake


don't you see honey this is my big

chance huh tissue paper letters for

pete's sake he is nine Stein that much

I'm prepared to admit no you slew all I

know is it was plenty of decent guys in

the Senate capable honest guys who are

trying to run the country right who do

you come up with but Phil McNutt well

you just watch my color from now on

that's all I want you to do but look


a mistake sorry all that dope not until

I've explained the coma you're going to

listen to what I'm telling you I

excuse me ma'am is this ombre in the

last new what thank you sir

just a minute here easy partner easy you

want me to bail him man I don't think so

thank you

may we descend now at your pleasure men

well what are you doing here isn't that

senator Ashton speaking in there mm-hmm

don't tell me you're interested in

senators please for my home state oh uh

forgot want me to shoot him for you oh I

couldn't just sneak me in just for a few

minutes to hearing well sure but I never

thought I'd live to see the day someone

would want to listen to old wooden shoes

I say no and again no I will not raise

one finger to obtain this greatest gift

within the power of a grateful Republic

this brightest jewel in the diadem of

mankind but if the voice of the people

of these United States if that voice

should ring out over the line and say to

me come then I can only bow my head and

say in all humility I will

ladies and gentlemen the President of

the United States my fellow countryman

in this hour of crisis in this dark day

in history we have nothing to fear but


like all right all right

well but I presume you're not aware that

it's somewhere after midnight you dirty

dog you are grateful dog to kick your

own mother in the teeth my mother what

else is the party but a mother to her

sons whose stead of clothes you have

saved you from work for the past 35

years look at that well what have you

got to say for yourself I just want to

be President that's all oh you just want

to be President and what other

qualifications have you got for that

matter what other qualities I am we're

talking about you let's hear what you

have to say and get it over with

very well the other day while going

through the paper mrs. Ashton ran across

this 10 qualifications for a

presidential candidate 10 qualifications

but go on go on

remember this isn't me talking this is

an editorial writer first the candidate

should be from a key state okay so 5 ha

ha second he should have a family well

I've got a bigger family than all the

rest those Joker's put together three

fine sons and four beautiful daughters

you mean you've got seven secretaries

why not senator Arbuthnot has 36 there's

one thing you can't say about me Fred I

have never put one man or woman on the

public payroll who was not my own blood

kin or mrs. Aston's anyway uh-huh

anything else

third he should have a dog I've got a

dog I hate the hound he's bitten me four

times but I haven't Mel there are 10,000

reasons why the party wouldn't touch you

with a 10-foot Pole but I'm going to

boil them all down to one you can't win

and the party wouldn't back George

Washington's mother if the old lady

didn't have any more chance than you

that's your final word

that's official well in that case

so forget take a sleeping pill here take

one of mine if they can make me sleep

after talking to you they can make you

sleep after talking to me Fred I have

something to tell you now what would you

be interested in the fact that I keep a

diary why should I I checked it every

day now for something like 35 years well

that must make you just about the oldest

high school girl in America okay what do

you put in her to your dance with I put

everything in it everything everything

but not everything every single thing

like like Boston like Boston but not

like in detail

where is it

putting things right well that stuff

ever got out but nothing to worry about

I've got it in a safe place where mrs.

Ashton Scotty in Washington switch-on

rope-a-dope italian-designed will burn

it before daylight operator

graduates are wasting a rep placing a

reading anywhere tonight and I'm not

giving up my diary ever what do you me

Hey I just don't want to be pushed

around that's all a man sees a chance to

better himself professionally

be sure to the other pair is that sir

and films except that only a nice little

diary is like owning a nice little atom

bomb even if you never do anything with

it it's a comfort just to know it's



senator Melvin G Ashton left today on a

speaking tour which is expected to take

him into 28 states from coast to coast

and from Canada to the Gulf of Mexico

senator Ashton is not the candidate for

the presidency and is understood to be

making the tour only because he likes to

dress and undress in Pullman births you

see what we've got to do is we've got to

sell you to the country we've got to

show them that you're a real human being

you understand yes I suppose most people

regard me simply as a thinking machine

well I don't know that I'd care to go

that far some of these pictures of me

are not very large are they

now really how long you gonna keep this


no suppose by some Daffy chance at Windy

wobble we've got in there impossible

between me and you mister dingbats

running on a treadmill but did you see

that poll yesterday how he's still

climbing has he passed crazy Alan yet

he's fourth now fourth from 15 to fourth

in three weeks that's nuts it must have

been a misprint no if I saw him in two

papers yeah then they didn't ask the

right people Mel Ashley couldn't get

elected to the Book of the Month Club no

maybe you've done a better job than you


forget it honey just relax I don't think

the old bird himself takes his chances

that seriously

while in Hollywood Senator Ashton had

looked closely into the question of oil

deposits and other national resources

as always the veteran statesman had

faced issues squarely in the Middle West

he had lost no opportunity to look

further into the question of crop

rotation a sports lover to his

fingertips Bell found time for a few

fast holes of golf a spot of tennis and

a brisk an Iran old best leaving him fit

as a fiddle to carry on his plucky fight

against being made a presidential

candidate but the greatest thrill of the

whole trip from Allison was saved for

the last he rode in the cab of a track

transcontinental train and drove it like

a flaperon railroad woman close to the

35 long wait is an expert in the field

of internal combustion engines he

handled the mighty mokdong locomotive

with the ease of a latter-day Casey

Jones arousing the frank admiration of


to fight if this young lady of yours

miss McNaughton keep referring to me as

senator ash can she must know better

than that

miss McNaughton is mcnutt's what about

this what about my buying her a nice

little present this afternoon something

brother costly after the way she's torn

your britches off there's an old saying

in my state if you can't beat him rival

United States Senator Melbourne Jackson

speaking right here you yeah honey pie

have you been here all this time come up

Grace's no I'm good home and back again

where are you

we're neighbors it's right here on the

same floor supposing you skip down here

and say hello to the Mahatma sure now

had a girl room service

who was that constituent female Oh

honey hello well well just exactly what

I needed

Oh senator the pride of the prairies

miss Valerie Shepard of Plainville pain

fear how do you do stand of it well well

with a sweet little flower for my old

woman when you come right over here and

sit down thank you Ohio my dear

you know you're her idol senator oh I

got that from Ripley but thank you well

now tell me what are they saying about

the clean bill these days well wrong

service Oh case you have any further

ideas I am now wearing a steel vest

don't you ever go on strike oh come now

you let's not speak lightly your labors

like to strike no not if you went right

to objective neighbor trying to strike

either remember what Jefferson said what

I'll get it

I read your speeches over the radio

Senate Ashton

ah did you indeed not one wave in

defense of poor little Yugoslavia

oh all right tell him I'll be right down

a guy from the records in my office come

on sweet me already

well no either your rougher you're

coming back aren't you yes but would you

like to wait here for me well yeah no if

I'm not bothering our next president

bothering me

My dear child how could you be anything

but a joy and a pleasure to anyone okay

give me 15 minutes nope the 15 minutes I

insist are being given to me

the first blank in my platform to get me

enjoy tops

Social Security $200 a week for every

man woman and fire in this country from

the date of birth to date of death

get closer

wonderful evening wasn't it no you know

that was only one thing I missed what's

that I kept looking for someone to start

one of those champs like a wiki at

Philadelphia we want question we want

question remember if you're not Wilkie

does chance run into money are you like

it what is it solid gold kind of fancy

for a man is that that's woman's puppy

McNaughton i stopped down one of the

shop downstairs told him what I wanted

oh no you fellas got mail all wrong he's

a little wild at times but there isn't

an ounce of harm in his whole body

there wasn't an ounce to Harlan the guy

that in part of the first English

sparrow either look out now you may be

talking about our next president you

know oh ho climbing on the bandwagon eh

it's for you mr. Houlihan's aww thank

you hello listen Lee I'd pray your state

is babe Elvin me say what are you some

kind of foreigner what is sounds like a

drum with no teeth it's me friend now oh

well huh you better come over here right


it's well you just better come that's

all it's about that that certain matter

we discussed fuck

great guy when was the last time you saw

it it was when I bought that Trump vomit

gold bag deceiving on what way to the

garden I put it in my briefcase the

diary was in there then I saw it what

are you gonna do call the police oh no

no no police

Oh they'd have to know what they were

looking for yeah that's the custom

anyway this is the working on private

enemy oh we we got to think of some

other way no all right then what enemies

have you got well that that opens up

quite a field you know Anna it's all so

innocent Lou I give you my word of honor

the contents of that little book are

just as innocent as the babe I'm born

but it might be that some of the items

would be open to a misunderstanding

Elleni would a newspaper be interested

interested uh-huh that's what's killing

me boy if ever a newspaper got hold of

that diary especially one of those dirty

crooked unscrupulous newspapers okay you

wait here

what you mean you know something not yet

but I'm gonna find out you just sit

tight there all right but flu yeah don't

be gone long

when you okay mama operator this is

united states senator Melvin G Ashton

speaking I want long distance Washington

DC it's really lost that book I'll break

every bone that cornballs body

tear off his legs one of the time of

these brain supplement that's a fresh

idea hello mama

this is united states senator Melvin

it's me mama mama I'm afraid I've got

some awfully bad news for you well you

know what no that was all right

but oh I I didn't forget a lime but

wait boss of equator operator give me

room service quick I mean closed

communist Neela

who is it it's me honey Lou I gotta see

it what do you want it's very important

sorry to roust you out this late well

let's have it that's all don't play dumb

let's heaven I'll see if I can't get you

off this hook I am the least idea what

you're talking about cut it out will you

this is serious look what makes you so

sure I got eye witnesses baby yeah three

of them three and it's just like

pinching anything else honey anything

that a man writes is just as much as

legal property as his door is closer his

teeth you could go to the pokey for a

thing like this what about the paper you

haven't told him yet have you but they

knew I was after but tell him you just

couldn't make it that's all I have to

think it over look you haven't got time

papi they're screaming like banshees

well if you really think I'd better

I do papi on the level I do all right

terribly sorry kid forget it tell you

the truth that give my left arm to see

that stuff in print you know how it is

my job

you've taken an awful long time where'd

you hide it under the floor hej papi

where are you okay let's go but where is

it right what his diary of course oh is

that what it is that certainly took you

long enough to spell a second what is

this you told me no you anything you

told me

oh yeah well he's not here now

maybe jumped look down on the street did

he Frank


maybe you hide about 165 pounds

white hair sort of like a snake-oil

doctor he's got their mind sergeant here

he is now

where the Sam Hill have you been and

then let get up I got lost in the Grand


you mean you've been out in public in

Iran these reminders on this what about

that book what have you done with it

it's gone friend stolen sometime this


it's not down there Joe yeah get all the

phony on the road let's see plan a Rob

drank yeah Plan B the committee but what

are you going to do it's an alert but

only big yellow so far think we'll need

the red I don't know yet what's the red

I hope you never find out that's for

when they're coming after you with the

ropes Oh Mike the chief wants you right


emergency now let's get to the bottom of

this thing when did you last well what

do you want

I beg your gentleman's paw beat it beat

it we just got a completely like hell

yeah we've just got a complaint from an

elderly lady that the senator here has

been running around new in the Queen

Victoria cocktail lounge I was looking

for the elevators you're the house dick

house officer we're trying to get away

from vulgarism hej how about putting him

on it oh no no we we can't have a

politer on this they blab it all over

the town the regular police perhaps but

anything told a private eye is a sacred

trust and I'm also bothered how about

you 25.000 Kelly

muffled well but look Fred but the chief

said tell him Oh

oh all right about 35 years ago just a

minute yes Theodore this is you-know-who

we've got a little situation here and I

want you to contact certain parties and

tell him to stand by for get away better

have their bags packed ready Honest John

McCafferty in Boston Honest John Brenkus

Oh in Philadelphia Honest John

mankiewicz in Pittsburgh major Culpepper

in Richmond general Culpepper in Atlanta

Brigadier General Culpepper in New


sorry I'm late Chief what's up well yeah

Oh wha oh this is an old friend of the

family chief miss uh Vince Addison hiya

Mel come here come here what do we want

with her well she was with me chief at

the Opera well can't you send her home

she hasn't got a home but you don't have

to worry chief honestly she doesn't

understand a thing do you honey hello

you see all right sit down and try to

keep out of it went in thank you

now then Mel who knew about this diary

well it's alright mouth you don't have

to worry about Ingrid there were only

two people in the world who knew about

my diary mrs. Ashton and Apollo who used

to be my secretary where do I get hold

of mrs. Ashton vicious actions my wife

she didn't take it you jerk head in the

eyes of the law nobody is innocent

all right all right why do you say he

used to be a secretary because i

discharged him a year ago he was

dishonest what was his name

Robert Oakes but I haven't even seen him

in six months but would you say he'd

have an interest in securing this

document it'll be difficult for you to

name a person in this country who

wouldn't have an interest in securing it

and if they get it well it's in that's

all they're trying to get a little fresh


dumb flatfoot I'm sorry Saturday we've

lost so many guests that way I guess I'm

getting a little chopped minded

but I tell you there's nothing personal

about it it's a literary diary a

valuable old first edition that Apple

naka wouldn't know a first edition from

a five-star sporting final are you crazy

senator Ashton's a university graduate

coming no and it'll do you no good


I'll tell him not to let you in 28:18

senator Ashton huh we'll try the other

room smiling Horace Miller in Denver

happy Edgar Clayton in Butte Montana

square deal Ralph Mason in San Francisco

2862 please any may other messages I'll

see well you call me right back it's


thanks baby thank you have you been hey

you got a passkey well that's really you

open the door

not me I'm off the case open that door

throw me off yourself remember for the

last time are are just a minute Fred

look my friend me you I need that diary

white house help me you say you're not

trying to bribe me are you don't even

say that word I simply cannot stand

bribery but if this is any interest of

good government did you say secret Silas

Travers that's no use being here mister

walks this is the house come on out of

my room ah what happened he's not look

that's what's on it he's got somebody

laughs wrong window he might jump yes no

no you can bring down the whole building

last chance mr. Oakes either come out

now we'll take the door off the hinges

oh come on now we got in power

have you really cooked your goose this

time Holmes but Brown get away did you

well your captain what is it is it in

there don't see it why did you go with

it yep you didn't sell it to anybody did

you I've never had it senator honest

what do you mean you never had what you

called that well I thought I had it at

the Garden tonight while you were

speaking it was in that same slipcover

but when I got back here and took it out

it wasn't watching what it wasn't the

diary it was a it was that book there

what book the other love sonnets from

the Portuguese that's not mine I never

heard that sort of start of my life and

you know it

Ochs I give you my word if you don't

tell me the truth

I have you hanged for this I hope I'm a

drop dead senator that isn't a gospel

truth somebody got there before me

County Tax Collector sink' Cronkite and

less Topeka Indiana who could have done

this to me but Fred I haven't a penny in

the whole world well just to open the

pot you can count on me for one I'll


same here me too well say where's Ingrid

where's Eddie from now on this hotel

don't cater to you

hello Clyde things look bad here we

better not take any chances

call Mort Tommy Benson Harold and bill

tell him to give those swimming pools

back before morning no thing

tell me something about you and Bill

going to marry goodness sakes you do

think of the craziest thing what's crazy

about that bill is very solid guy one of

the smartest I ever met he was a

lieutenant colonel before he was 30 did

you know that yeah I knew he was an

officer Samara that I always thought

he'd gone to politics when he got out

Billy he was the kind of guy he was the

kind of guy

you know I think I will have another

record held to give me the reference

room please Charlie Charlie this is Luke

gifts would you look up the clips and

see what you have on a guy by the name

of Fisher William Preston Fisher thanks

yeah yeah that's him

last year he was elected to the

legislature introduced a bill to

investigate mel ashton in january he

challenged Aston's right to sit in the

Senate how could you have produced such

a child

please note the following revive a

scheduled planes for next don't leave

LaGuardia field at 95 a. m. and 10:15

p. m. planes to China leave San Francisco

daily at 1:20 p. m. planes for South

America leave Dallas at 3:30 and 1020

planes for Siberia leave Seattle at 8:15

p. m. with connections at Alaska planes

for the Cape of Good Hope leave Boston

every Tuesday at 7:15 a. m. thank you sir

any to give them

steady boss what happened well I've got

a very unpleasant duty to perform

oh look Fred oh you smell is the party I

got to think of these right now got to

pick up the party you don't want to drag

a lot of innocent people down with you

do you well there's only one way out now

Mel what do you mean you've got to

resign resign from the United States

Senate by a wire what what good would

that do

well for one thing it'll save you from

being kicked out for you you mean you

don't think the boys would whitewash


Mel of that Diaries ever published

you'll be lucky if they don't drop you

from the top of the Washington Monument

don't you understand old man you're a

dead duck pal no matter what happens now

so for the sake of the party your party

the party has been like a mother to both

of us why don't you face it and very

quietly get the heck out

about my family and will have to resign

too I'm afraid

all right so now how am I gonna live

why off your interest of course what

interest the interest on your capital

but capture what capital you save it at

politics for 30 years Hannity capital I

have Fred now that I know that that

income tax bill meant me too

look what did you do before you went

into politics I was a public highway

safety devisor but the Sam Hill is that

I've painted those white lines down the

middle of paved roads but those roads

are all painted now Fred even if I could

bend over that far anymore well I'm

afraid that's your problem Mel not ours

well you'd better begin making it your

problem Fred you have any idea that I'm

going to resign what do you mean

I mean party and open if you think I'm

going to be dope enough to walk out of a

good job and starve well you just better

see Yutaka that's all

either you've got to figure out some way

for me to make a living and I don't mean

any dog catchers living either or we'll

all just sit and wait and see what


together mr. Griffin yes anything I can

do for you look could you possibly

remember who bought this book from you

Oh as a matter of fact I remember very

well indeed it was the first time in my

45 years of the book business but the

customer insisted on a book exactly five

by eight and a half inches regardless of

contents what did he look like it was he

young lady a very pretty girl as a

matter of fact small very feminine

thank you

bottom is Shepard I'll be leaving in

about an hour would you send up for my

bags right away Monsieur

thank you Spain was getting ready to

stray and try to outsmart me must be

something you could do Mel having any

talents at all I have many talents but

not definitely age even a lawyer I am

NOT a lawyer they were looking for

somebody in the State Department last

week ah yeah yeah can you type not with

both hands could you be a babysitter

irony will get us nowhere

give us some kind of a clue Mel what can

you do be a senator maybe she took it

well soon find out stuff that stuff back

in me

hello hello what's the matter oh nothing

his Lou Gibson anywhere around just when

you do the coffee shop Thanks do you

have to leave this morning oh he has my

sister's very sick I got a wire last

night in

just how dreamy this is miss McNaughton

miss Shepard how do you do how do you do

miss Shepard say didn't I see you having

dinner with senator Ashton last night oh

he did have a bike together yes haha

then this is yours I imagine what is

this have you gone through a bag just a

minute she's leaving us chief what time

I'll look here give me that give it to

me I'll tell you what you call cop

what's going on I thought so 8:24


it says woman out of her mind I don't

know what it's all about oh I know she

gets on the train with the Senators

property she's about as pretty a setup

for a stretch in jail as I've ever seen

ever think of it that way honey could

you run an elevator not a high one but

get stopped up well I'll say this for

the senator he's got more don't know how

that any guy I've met in some time you

know there's only one thing I can take

off aside from being a senator of course

that I feel pretty well qualified to do

what's that be President she didn't mean

anything I did too I mean every word of


but you put my thank you taxi please

there's well I feel Valerie Shepherd

you don't forget as long as I live

something about it you can be as I won't

go to Russia no no an Americans are like

baseball the sport plus you've done it

again what kind of a sport know anything

about hockey hockey only that it's

played underwater what about basketball

no basketball very well played that in

high school for back

it's alright wash you're on the right

track anyway football football door 2882

26 ugly eight Mike I remember yeah you

really think you could arrange that I

believe so I think the duties would be

relatively simple oh never mind the duty

serve what does it pay about a hundred

and fifty thousand dollars imagine what

wouldn't fit

say that's more than the president it's

a bigger job youth of the nation hope of

the future you know yeah well I must

tell mrs. Asher about this

last chance you know come leave me alone

I tell you are you sure there isn't

something you want to ask me look will

somebody please tell me

but what's happening is you got it no

well then I have but but where

here I go again

where'd you get that key I'll reverse

that I looked at your tech your why

didn't she ask for a fact because I

scared the poor kid was good to be

arrested hej that's the guy that Center

for it

which do you think sounds better that my

health is broken down as a result of

overwork or that my mission for the

American people has at last been

accomplished just say you quit I don't

look for anybody to quibble about it

well I think the overwork sounds more

sincere United States Senator Melbourne

Ashton speaking oh yes no no that's so

over that role Gibson he's got the diary

back yes that's just it it's all very

well you fellas to celebrate but I've

just taken a 50% cut in pay theater this

is you know who again the old clear has

just sounded and you can tell the

following that they can unpack laughing

Larry schnecken burger in Kansas City


all right now it doesn't pay as much

being president but it's more important

and remember they give you a house to

live in yes but that's quite a comedown

Fred from a hundred and fifty thousand

we down to 75 besides I sort of like

football games well you can go to

football games when you're president

army-navy every year and just sit on

both sides of the field for that one

yeah that's right - then for weekends

you've got that yacht which sails down

the Potomac or if the weather is bad

there's a projection room right at the

White House run your own pictures Lana

Turner all of them the party needs you


we can win with you now with that book

back you know I was just wondering did

they give you that seventy five thousand

right away or you have to wait till end

of the year every month regular as


I'll take that loopy I'm going to be


oh come come come now son cheer up

she'll come around again in a day or so

oh sure oh I've got an idea you send it

to her

there isn't a woman in the world who can

resist a cold mesh bag send it to her

right now

by messenger and I guarantee that'll be

the end of that we are now right have a

nice to look hello take the train with

it make it sound good something like

maybe this will prove to you how sorry I

am for you no mrs. Aston in Washington


oh I just want you to know how much we

all appreciate all you've done for us

Oh believe me boy we're not going to

forget it either because from now on

you're going to be one of us Thanks this

is senator action well put her on

Oh mah well it's all settled I'm gonna

be present I know but it's the best I

can do

yes but think of the prestige mama well

you think it over and then and I'll call

you back goodbye mama

now you being smartly you know what she

sees that bag should be a pellicle women

you watch well now give me that thing

I'm gonna burn it right what what

laughter have not yet Fred I there's

some telephone numbers in happen to copy

down first

don't worry about anymore I wanna see so

long boys are you going to I just

thought I'd delivered to her myself

that's the stuff son good luck people

thanks Mel fine lad all right boys

once what in the cabinet

if the biggest noise is deep hot dog


you aren't sorry are you my only regret

is that I have got one job to lay down

for my country


Manso cutter boy with own scooter for

life messenger work

important there are no extradition

treaties between the United States in

the following countries Greenland

Ottoman girlier and little America

goodbye darling be sure to write to me

your address just general delivery to

little America to lowers to Outer


I can't tell you how sorry I am to have

to ask you to move again but this one is

really up Dilek nobody knows what's what

happened when this one goes off but

anyway would you be good enough sir to

tell your people that we have picked out

another nice island for them only 300

miles away

saya punya my or wrong maiiu mercado's

Sonia Srimati ito atom bomb


I'm sorry mama

and they say it's quite an attractive

little island mama plenty of grapefruit

coconuts and a lovely little white house

for us

a little white house isn't exactly what

you promised me darling

but still

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