The Secret of My Succe$s (1987) - full transcript

New York City.

He wants to see what's there.

I can tell him what's there.

I don't know how,
when you've never been.

Well, Toto, I guess
we're not in Kansas any more.

I can't figure out why he'd want to go
to New York when we got everything here.

Somethin' I have to do, Dad.

Did you pack an iron
like I told you to?

Mom.

You're gonna walk around
wrinkled in New York if you don't.

Elmer Whitfield's cousin Carlton
went off to New York a normal boy.



Came back with his head shaved
and an earring stuck in his cheek.

Mom, there's
a whole world out there.

I mean big, exciting.

I got a nice,
small apartment lined up.

I got a great job.

I wanna make lots of money.

I want to have a meaningful experience
with an incredibly beautiful woman.

I can't even take a woman like that
to a small apartment.

- I gotta get a penthouse.
- A penthouse?

With a Jacuzzi in it.

Doin' this for you
as much as for me, Mom.

All those years of college...
They're gonna start payin' off.

Back!

All right, listen up.



If there are any bugs in here or rats or
anything that has more legs than I do...

you just stay on your side
of the room, okay?

I'll stay on mine.

I should warn you.
I'm packing an iron.

You weren't listening.

Darling, please pack it
as fast as you can.

- Mr Forbush?
- Not me! He's two doors down the hall.

Into the shredder
as fast as possible.

- Mr Forbush.
- Yep.

Hi, I'm Brantley Foster
from Kansas.

- You hired me. I start work here today.
- You're fired, kid. Sorry.

We all saw it coming, but we
looked for some kind of miracle.

Miracle never happened.

- What did happen?
- Hostile takeover.

Ninety percent of the people
in this building are out on the street.

You are one of those 90%.
Tough break.

Mr Forbush, I was counting on this job.
What do I do now?

Punt!

Okay, New York...

if this is the way
you want it, okay.

- I'm sorry, Mister...
- Foster.

I'm sorry, Mr Foster.
We need someone with experience.

But how can I get experience until
I get a job that gives me experience?

If we gave you a job
just to give you experience...

you'd take that experience
and get a better job.

Then that experience
would benefit someone else.

But I was trained in college
to handle a job like this.

So in a sense,
I already have experience.

What you've got is
college experience...

not the practical, hard-nosed business
experience we're looking for.

If you'd joined our training program out
of high school, you'd be qualified now.

Then why did I go to college?

Had fun, didn't you?

What impresses me most...

is the amount of experience you picked
up while still attending college.

Well, ma'am, I knew all
those years of college...

would be worthless without practical,
hard-nosed business experience.

"Assistant personnel manager,
J. Hall Communications.

Junior purchasing agent,
Midland Furniture.

Vice President in Charge of
Production, Central Manufacturing."

Outstanding.

You're not gonna tell me I have
too much experience, are you?

Certainly not.
You're perfect for the job.

- Great!
- Except...

No.
No exceptions.

I want this job.
I need it. I can do it.

Everywhere I've been today
there's been something wrong.

Too young, too old,
too short, too tall.

Whatever the exception is,
I can fix it.

I can be older. I can be taller.
I can be anything.

Can you be a minority woman?

- Mom, I'm doin' great.
- Is it dirty? Are the people rude?

No, this town is terrific.
The people are really nice.

- That's good. What about your job?
- Job? Hey!

I got a fantastic office,
got a gorgeous secretary. The works.

We don't care if she's gorgeous.
Is she any good?

- What?
- You heard me. Can she type?

Ma, of course she can type.

Some can't, you know. Is it safe there?
You haven't been robbed?

Ma, will you quit worryin'?
There is no danger.

- But New York is...
- New York is like Kansas intensified.

- What?
- What's that? Something the matter?

No, Mom.
That's just the TV.

- It sounds so real.
- It's Miami Vice.

Can you turn the sound down?
It's too loud.

Ma, it's broken.
The knob came off in my hand.

Goodness. Well, what about
Uncle Howard? Did you call him?

Uncle Howard!
Yeah, the phone number.

Well, you still have
the number, don't you?

Oh, yeah.
I got it right here.

Are you all right?
You seem distracted.

They just totalled a Ferrari.

But Uncle Howard...
did you call him?

No, I haven't had a chance
to call Uncle Howard yet.

Will you try to see him?

I'll probably bump into him
at the country club.

Get the TV fixed, dear.

Yeah.

- Listen, I gotta go. Okay?
- Okay.

- Give Dad my love.
- I will, dear. I love you, Brantley.

- I love you too, Mom. Bye-bye.
- Bye!

Well, at least let me
buy you an airline ticket.

Dad, I'm gonna do this
on my own.

But you did make it
a round-trip ticket?

Yeah. I'm not
gonna need it.

No, when I come back to Kansas,
I'm comin' back in my own jet.

Take this. It's Uncle Howard's
phone number in New York.

I got an uncle in New York?

My cousin Ellen married
his half sister's nephew...

before she got bit
by that dog and died.

But he's still kin,
and kin is kin.

Hi.

I'd like to see
Mr Prescott, please.

Do you have an appointment?

I tried to get one, but I couldn't,
so I just thought I'd surprise him.

Mr Prescott
doesn't like surprises.

- Everybody likes surprises.
- Not Mr Prescott.

- You can leave your name.
- Brantley Foster.

- Of?
- Of Kansas.

Of what company?

What do you wanna see
Mr Prescott about?

About being his nephew.

Well, why don't you
have a seat?

I'll see if I can work you
into Mr Prescott's schedule.

Thank you.

Give Uncle Howard my card.

Are you really
Mr Prescott's nephew?

In a roundabout sort of way.

You sons of bitches don't
have a half a brain between you!

I'm looking at
a $300 million deficit here...

because you idiots didn't anticipate
the needs of a changing market!

- Uncle Howard?
- Now, get out, all of you!

And bring me back some
new ideas that'll work!

Or I'll have your heads
mounted on my wall!

- Geez, he's gonna burst a blood vessel.
- Yeah, wishful thinking.

I'll see if I can
get you in now.

Thank you.

You know, it can't be good
for his heart to shout that way.

He doesn't have a heart.

- What, Maureen, what?
- Brantley Foster is here to see you.

I don't know any Brantley Foster.

- Your nephew from Kansas.
- Who?

- He says he's your nephew from Kansas.
- Kansas?

Mr Prescott will see you now.

Clever.

So you're one
of the Kansas Fosters, huh?

Shirttail relative,
to say the least.

Listen...

I know you probably told your secretary
to get me outta here in five minutes.

- Two.
- Right.

So I'll get right to the point.

- I need a job, Uncle Howard.
- Around here, I'm Mr Prescott.

Do you have any idea
what we do here?

Yes, sir.

Pemrose is a multinational conglomerate
with 27 different divisions.

Products ranging from dog food
to guided missile systems.

There are 30,000 people
working in this building alone.

Their accumulated salary is higher
than the gross national product...

of half the nations
in the Common Market.

Last year we borrowed more money
from banks than Mexico did.

It's a great company, Uncle...

Mr Prescott. That's why I'm here.

What can you do for us, Brantley?
What experience have you had?

Practically none.

But I believe in myself.

Doesn't that count? Deep inside, I know
I can do anything if I get a chance.

Think back to when
you were my ahe.

Remember how you felt when
you went after that first job.

Remember how
you wanted it so badly...

you couldn't sleep
the night before the interview.

Remember how crushed you were
when the guy said...

"What kind
of experience have you got?"

You wanted to shake
your fists and say...

"I can do anything
if I can just get a chance."

They're ready for you
in the boardroom, Mr Prescott.

Call Bates in Personnel.
Tell him I'm sending somebody up.

Well, you're
in the front door, kid.

What you do on this side of it
is up to you.

Congratulations. He really
must have taken a shine to you.

Thanks.
He's a warm guy.

May I?

You can't come in here, bozo.
Take your crap to the mail slot.

I work here.
Just started.

What do you want, an engraved
invitation? Come on. Come on.

Brantley, eh?
Somebody gave you that name?

Jesus, a college puke!
This really makes my day.

- Well, you're welcome.
- Melrose, get over here!

Listen to what he says,
then do what he does.

Stay out of my way. Don't use
the stamp machine for personal letters.

Take off that stupid-looking tie.
Looks like you shot your couch.

- You got any questions?
- Yeah. What do I call you?

- Call me God.
- Got a problem, Boss? I'm your man.

Show the college puke the ropes
and keep him outta my face.

His name is Brantley.

All right, kid.
Follow me.

All right, you stick with me
and everything's gonna be copacetic.

Twice a day you deliver. Like a mailman,
you pick up whatever's goin 'out.

I can do it in 30 minutes. Rattigan
thinks it takes me two hours.

What's this department?
What do they do here?

Who knows? This place is a zoo.
Nobody knows what anybody else is doin'.

Can you get promoted
out of the mailroom?

You can't even get paroled out of
the mailroom. Excuse me, dear.

Good morning.

- Nix.
- What?

- Good morning.
- Look, not the suits.

- What do you mean?
- Excuse me, sir.

- Good morning.
- Look, not the suits, man.

You never consort with the suits,
unless they consort with you first.

That's ridiculous. He's a person.
I'm a person. I can't say hello?

He's not a person.
He's a suit.

You're mailroom.
No consorting. Come on.

We're entering
a sensitive zone.

This guy in that office
just got canned.

Mailroom knew about it on Friday.
He just found out today.

No kidding.
Is his job still open?

No, man, an economic cutback.
His job was dissolved.

About two dozen
suits got the ax.

Will you quit trying to consort?
Come on.

All right, the yellow ones
go to purchasing.

All the white ones are a bunch
of suits talkin 'to themselves.

You're supposed to
deliver 'em, not read 'em.

Some of this stuff
doesn't make any sense.

They send requisitions
through two departments...

to get procurements
for a third.

- What kind of thinking is that?
- That's suit thinking.

Something happens to a man
when he puts on a necktie.

Cuts off all the oxygen
to his brain.

You crazy? You're not supposed to
take the memos out of the mailroom.

I can't follow a chain of
command in this company.

They got the right title, but their job
assignments and objectives are screwed...

- Look at this. Jesus. Purchasing.
- What?

It's a joke. They've got two people
doin' basically the same job.

Neither one of them
is doin' it right.

I'll bring it up at the next
stockholders meeting.

- Would you put these things away?
- Whoa, Melrose.

How ya doin'? We've been gettin'
a lot of requests in the mailroom...

for stockholder information,
company assets, expenditures.

- Anything you can give us.
- You're kidding?

Any of this research
you want, you can have.

- Take it all.
- Thanks very much.

She's the most incredible-looking woman
I've ever seen in my life.

She's a Rolls-Royce,
but she's also a suit.

What's she like?
What do you know about her?

I know enough never
to consort with the suits, pal.

- Even when they do have legs like hers.
- Come on. You know more than that.

Her name is Christy Wills.

She's supposed to be some
sort of financial wizard, you know?

Harvard.
All that crap.

And forget it.

No.
That's Transportation's problem.

No, we do not supply drivers
for executives' wives.

We are a messenger service.

I don't care if the other
drivers are all busy.

Yeah, well, the same
to you, sweetheart.

Hey, Dartmouth, get over here.

Executive's wife wants
a ride up to Litchfield.

- Check out a car and drive her.
- Where's Litchfield?

You'll find it. Just follow
the smell of money.

Excuse me, ma'am.
I'm not quite sure which way...

Turn the key, start the car,
put it in drive and step on the gas.

Any idiot can do that,
even my husband.

Excuse me, ma'am.

- I know I'm not supposed to consort...
- Then don't.

You seem kind of upset. I was wonderin'
if there was anything I could do.

I don't know.
My cook quit this morning.

My analyst is away on vacation.
My Mercedes broke down.

I split my nail, and my husband
is screwing somebody at the office.

What did you have in mind?

Stick of gum?

This is the third weekend he's found
an excuse not to come to the country.

No, I don't know. But knowing him,
it's probably some teenage airhead...

from the steno pool.

The last one I caught
him with was so dumb...

she thought dictation
was some kind of S and M trip.

Do you know my husband?

I'm sorry.
I can't hear you.

Never mind.

- Didn't hear a thing.
- I'm gonna have to call you back.

I'm so mad, I could spit.

He looks twice as good today
as the day we were married.

I just look twice as old.

Are you kiddin'?

I hope that when I'm his age,
I can wake up every morning...

and find a woman as beautiful
as you are lying next to me.

Thank you.

Turn in here.

Please.

- Bring those inside. Charles.
- May I help you with those, sir?

What are you drinking?

I can't really.
I have to get back.

God, I hate the country.

Yeah, I can see
how you'd be real miserable here.

Who can live
with so many trees?

They suck up all the oxygen.

No, actually,
trees produce oxygen.

Who are you?
Mr Wizard?

What did you say your name was?

- Brantley.
- No, I mean your first name.

That's it: Brantley.

Well, Brantley, I don't know what
you want out of Pemrose Corporation...

but I'll tell you
what you do not want.

You don't ever, ever
wanna become a corporate wife.

I'll watch my step.

Have another.

Thanks.

I've run 8,000 miles
on that tennis court...

chasing a fuzzy, little yellow ball
with an oversized racket.

Do my legs look heavy to you?

No.

I've swum laps from here
to the moon in that pool.

Do you see anything
in this body that isn't firm?

Tennis, swimming,
aerobics, jogging, massage...

Anything and everything
to stay in shape.

Not that he'd ever notice.

So, Brantley, do you
know why I stay in shape?

- How 'bout a dip in the pool?
- No, wait!

Are you serious?
Listen...

I have to get back. This is a
tempting diversion, but I got a job.

- I don't know if this is a good idea.
- Transportation, please.

Yes. The young man from the
mailroom who drove me home?

He's going to stay here and do
a little work in my garden.

See that he gets full credit
on his time card.

Thank you.

Help me out of this, will you, dear?

- That was great.
- Thanks. I swim five miles a day.

- Supposed to tone my ass.
- Yeah, it works.

Just when I thought it was safe
to go back in the water.

- You sure this is a good idea?
- It's okay. I know the owner.

Last one out of the...

- Sure your husband's not coming home?
- Who knows?

He could be home any minute...

or several hours from now.

Oh, my God.

I'm gonna see that
my husband gives you a leg up.

I think we've done pretty well
so far by ourselves.

I mean Pemrose.

No.

No, thanks.

No, I'm gonna make it
to the top by myself.

God, you're adorable.

I could spend a week inside
those sweet, unwrinkled eyes.

- Can I make a personal observation?
- Anything but the thighs.

Somebody sold you a bill of goods and
convinced you you had to be 21 forever.

That's bullshit!
I think you're terrific.

The only thing wrong with you
is your husband is a jerk.

You're beautiful.
You're intelligent.

You're sensuous.

Say that again!

- Which part?
- All of it!

Oh, no!

- What? What is it?
- It's the jerk.

My husband.

- My uncle.
- Your what?

- Oh, God! That makes you...
- Auntie Vera?

What's my mother gonna say?

- I've disgraced my whole family.
- The hell you did!

Not funny! Okay?
This is not a funny moment in my life.

Relax.
Who's gonna find out?

I'm home!

He's gonna find out.
That's who's gonna find out.

Don't worry!
He won't fire you.

There's no way I'm gonna
get a raise out of this.

Vera, what's the company car
doing in the driveway?

It broke down, darling. The driver
had to take the train back to town.

No, he didn't, darling. He's in here
having trouble with his fly.

- Get back! Do you ever stop?
- No!

How am I gonna get home?

Maybe we'll just have to keep
you here and adopt you.

You're a riot, Vera.

Please, Lord,
get me out of this.

I'll go all over the world telling
people not to screw the boss's wife.

- What are you doing in here?
- Feeling romantic.

What's for dinner?

Oh, Howard! You really know how
to sweep a girl back onto her feet.

Go back!

Sit! Sit down!

You look like death on a cracker, man.
What happened to you?

I was chased by a 200-pound dog
with a mouth as big as my head.

And that was the best thing
that happened last night.

- What was the worst thing?
- I got laid.

I'm not sure you got
your priorities straight.

Hold the elevator.
Good morning.

Hi.

We're entering a sensitive zone.

The guy in that office
just got canned.

The mailroom knew about it on Friday.
He just found out today.

I'm gonna see
that my husband gives you a leg up.

No, thanks.

No.

No, I'm gonna make it
to the top on my own.

- Hello.
- Tucker, where the hell have you been?

We got a problem
in Midwest Distribution.

What are you gonna do about it?

What's the problem?

Our stock is down
another quarter point this morning.

Whose fault is that, Thomas?

Nobody's fault, sir.
It's a momentary lapse in the market.

- Whose fault is it, Thomas?
- It's Davis's fault, sir.

His department hasn't been
pulling its weight.

- What do you have to say for yourself?
- I've been having troubles at home.

My wife ran over
the children's dog with her car...

then we had to buy a new dog.

Then the new dog chewed up this
entire report that I'd been working on.

Are you suggesting
that your dog ate your homework?

In a way, yes, sir.

This is not grade school, Davis!
Run at the back of the line.

- Consider yourself on warning.
- Yes, sir.

Everybody, check your pulse. Make sure
you're exercising at the optimum level.

I'm a bit above my level.
I better stop running now, maybe.

- I'm above too.
- I really don't care. Everybody, run!

I can't get anybody's approval
for the extra two trucks!

Tucker, what're you
gonna do about it?

All right, look.
What does a boxcar cost?

The transfer sheet
shows that somebody...

is accumulating
an enormous block of our stock.

- What do you think about that, Thomas?
- I think it's very encouraging.

- You do, do you?
- Yes, sir.

When a stock takes a dive
and somebody buys a ton of it...

It means that stock is
on its way to a quick rebound.

It means that the company
is ripe for a hostile takeover!

- That's what I meant!
- A hostile takeover, sir?

Yes. I'm afraid that's
what we're looking at.

I want each of you
to examine your department...

and see where you
can cut costs.

Cut! Cut them to the core!

We need to raise capital quickly
so we can boost stock support.

Boost it!
Boost it to the moon!

You gonna put that in writin'?

Yeah.

You tell the trucking company that
we have to service our customers.

If they're not gonna help us,
we're gonna find somebody who will.

Well, all right!

That's what we need, some gutsy
decisions! I'll get back to you.

Okay. Bye.

Yes!

I have got to get that report
by the end of the day, Art...

or you're in the doghouse!

I don't know.
Mr Prescott?

I'm sorry this came in so
late, but it just arrived.

It's about time!

- This isn't the men's room.
- No.

They took the urinals out last week.
I didn't like them.

How about a paper cup?

What?

Sorry. I'm just about the only
woman executive at Pemrose.

Some days, I have a chip
about the men's room.

Sorry.

Hey, nice office.

Nice furniture.
It goes with your hair.

Thank you. I like your suit.
It goes nicely with your nose.

Well.

This conversation
isn't going very well.

Thank you. There's enough talk in
the world already. Good morning.

That meant "good-bye."

I have work.

Sorry.
I have a lot of work myself.

Good morning.

I really swept her
off her feet.

Nice furniture.
It goes with your hair.

Hello. This is
Carlton Whitfield, 4319.

That's right. I'm still waiting for that
secretary I requested last week.

I realize you're
busy down there...

but I'm typing my own letters
and answering my own calls...

and it's getting to be a pain.

Empty?

Well, I've been here a week,
got my name on the door...

got a desk full of supplies and
a geranium on my window ledge.

What I don't have
is a secretary.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

I'll have Personnel send a boy up from
the mailroom with the requisitions.

Just send me my secretary, okay?
Thank you very much.

Got a memo here. Big cheese in 4319
wants his new secretary pronto.

I got a memo here that's
burning up my fingers.

New suit in 4319 wants his personalized
memos and stationery immediately.

- This guy is hot.
- Who?

I don't know.
Name's on the memo.

He wants nameplates for his door,
and he wants it by noon. Okay?

Smile.

- You're late.
- I already done my rounds.

You didn't punch in.

Well, I couldn't wait to get to it.
Boy, I love my work.

Punch in, then run this up to
Personnel and wait for an answer.

Right.

I'm Jean, your secretary.

I'm not wearing anything.

I see that.

It was warm.

Seems cooler now.
I'll get dressed.

Yes, sir.
I'll move my stuff in.

Great, Jean.
Good idea.

Jean? I have
some notes here.

I also have some charts,
some graphs, some tapes.

They're all sorted by department.
Can you read my handwriting?

- Sort of.
- Do your best.

I need some poster boards, coloured
pencils, coloured push pins...

T square, drawing table, lots of
pencils, and my lunch. Chinese?

- Hey, 4319?
- Yeah.

Great.

- Morning.
- Morning.

- Morning.
- Hi.

Hello again.
Small world.

Hello.

Are you standing still
for some purpose?

Hey, I'm just soaking up
the atmosphere.

Executive lounge, huh?

- Care to do a little lounging?
- No, I'm busy.

Ron, did you get those figures
on transfer costs and insurance?

Not yet.
Big delay in Chicago.

- Damn! I really need them!
- Blame Chicago.

- Maybe I can help.
- I'm sorry?

Transfer costs
and insurance for what?

By the time I explained,
I could find out myself.

Ron.
Big weenie.

Hey, listen. Why don't you
explain it to me over lunch?

- I'll have the answer by dessert.
- I don't eat lunch.

Why don't we start this again?
Carlton Whitfield. And you're?

Annoyed.
Shit.

You know, I'm just
trying to be friendly.

You picked a bad time. I was counting
on those figures from Ron.

- Christy Wills. How do you do?
- Good.

Terrible news.
Just awful!

Conference room, everybody.
Come on. On the double.

- You don't eat lunch. Do you eat dinner?
- Occasionally.

- Tonight?
- Booked.

- Tomorrow night?
- Booked.

All right, but don't beg, okay?
It's embarrassing.

Who are you?

Carlton Whitfield.
New employee.

I didn't get a memo on that.

You will.

All right.
As long as I get the memo.

The absolute worst has happened.
We are the target of a corporate raid.

Donald Davenport
has filed a 13-D.

A 13-D?

He's acquired five
percent of the stock...

and this is definitely the beginning of
a hostile takeover of our corporation.

I think we all know what happened the
last time Davenport took over a company.

Everyone was canned!

Mr Prescott has sent down word
of what he wants us to do.

We are to recommend cuts
in every department.

Our job is to slash the red ink
in every nook and cranny...

because our company needs
the cash for its defence.

Anybody wanna fire
the first shot?

Kill Toledo.

If we close down
our distribution centres...

in Toledo, Joplin, Jacksonville...

we'll slash the red ink
completely off the books.

Whitfield, you don't have to
raise your hand. Just speak.

Thank you.

Well, I know I'm new here
and everything.

On the surface, these cuts
seem like a good idea...

"Seem like a good idea"?

But closing down those distribution
centres would be a big mistake.

It so happens that those closings
are exactly what Mr Prescott wants.

Well, then Mr Prescott hasn't
thought things through very well.

I'm going to tell him you said that.

Good. Closing down
those centres...

will put a strain on
this company's cash position.

In the long run, those cuts are going
to hurt this company's innate value.

Innate value?
What is he talking about?

Davidson here will back me up
on this. Davidson?

I'm Proctor.
He's Davidson.

Well, damn it,
Davidson, tell him!

You wrote a memo to Mr Thomas
explaining what I'm talking about.

Well, how did you know
I wrote that memo?

How did I know
you wrote that memo?

Who else could write
that memo, Davidson?

That memo was famous.

That memo was a masterpiece.

Clear, concise, to the point.
That was the best damn memo I ever read!

In fact, that memo wasn't even a memo.
That memo was literature.

- Well, thank you.
- You're welcome.

If you have finished your book report,
could you explain what your point is?

- The point is, we gotta be bold.
- That's my point.

We gotta build.
We gotta expand.

Expanding is the only way
to help the situation.

We gotta make this
company so damn strong...

Davenport won't be able to find anyone
willing to give up Pemrose stock.

It'll be too damn valuable.
Then we'll buy his ass out!

- How old are you, Mister...
- Whitfield.

- Yes.
- Twenty-four.

I think you should keep quiet
until you're at least 25.

If I may, I don't think Whitfield's
age should be an issue here.

No one is interested
in your opinion, Davis.

We gotta block that takeover.

I'm too old to look
for another job.

Nobody in their right mind
would hire me.

This meeting is going nowhere!

Mr Prescott's command stands!

We are to find those cuts!

Meeting adjourned.

You'll pick up the coats.
That looks like one only a lot smaller.

Hey! Harvard!
Where the hell've you been?

Personnel. You said to wait for
an answer. They are real slow up there.

There's something going on
around here, Foster.

I'm gonna be on you like a rash.
You got that? Like a rash.

Won't the other guys get jealous?
Heads!

You guys were good tonight.

Oh, God.
What are you doin' here?

Brantley, darling, I heard you calling
me telepathically... I'm very psychic...

so of course
I rushed right over.

- I would've used the phone.
- Mental telepathy's much more reliable.

Aren't you gonna ask me in?

Yeah. Sorry.

Just a minute.

Father used to live like this
before he founded Pemrose.

Aunt Vera...

I had a hell of a day,
and I really have to get some sleep.

Brantley, you're a young man.

Young men have lots of energy.

Look.

- We have a problem.
- What?

Your husband is my boss.

Oh, him.
We won't tell him.

Besides,
Howard's working late tonight.

On whom, I have no idea.

You look very beautiful
tonight, Christy.

Thank you. Now, there are some
business things we should discuss.

Do you think that this restaurant
has an upstairs with beds in it?

Howard, please!

I don't feel altogether good
about what's happened between us.

You are married.

- I'm not married.
- You are married!

Well, yeah, I am married,
but she and I have an understanding.

- I love you.
- I don't really think so.

Well, then I lust after you.
That oughta be worth something.

To you, perhaps.
Now, let's talk business.

I pitched the need for cutbacks
at the meeting today...

but a dissenting opinion was offered
by Carlton Whitfield.

Who's Carlton Whitfield?
I didn't hire any Carlton Whitfield.

Somebody did.

- Oh, my God. Donald Davenport.
- What?

He may be a plant for Davenport,
gathering information on the takeover.

It's just like him. I want you
to get close to this guy Whitfield.

Find out what he's up to.

- You want me to spy on him?
- No, I don't want you to spy on him.

I want you to get
to be friends with him...

then rifle through his papers
and tell me what you find.

That's spying, Howard.

Look, you have got to drop
this incessant innocence.

Life is harsh and ugly,
and only the strong survive.

Or didn't they teach you that
at Harvard?

- What you got in there?
- My lunch.

Your lunch?
In a briefcase?

Yeah.
Ran out of brown bags.

One of you guys got
a spare pair of laces?

Hey, man, I had a babe last night
you wouldn't believe.

"Ta-Na's" out to here, man.
She was fine. Where'd he go?

- Coming through. Excuse me.
- Take it easy. Come on.

Sorry.

- What a nightmare.
- Stuck again?

- I'm all right, though. I'm fine.
- You okay?

- You all right?
- Don't worry about me. Thanks.

Jean, transcribe these notes. There's
some things on there I need right away.

Make copies of this,
copies of this.

- Did you get those supplies I needed?
- Yes, sir.

Good.
I'll be back later.

- Gentlemen.
- Good morning.

- Goddam that thing!
- This thing stuck again?

These elevators are stuck again?

I'm sick and tired of these
elevators always gettin' stuck.

Hi, Jean. Will you take
those to the cleaners?

These are some of the notes
I found in Whitfield's office.

If you want anything more,
you can go after it yourself.

Do you think he's working
for Davenport?

I have no idea.
I'm out of the spy business.

We can't wait for Whitfield
any longer. Let's get started.

Davis here has prepared what I'm sure
is a thoroughly incompetent analysis...

but let's listen to him read it
before we start criticizing.

Fine. I won't read it at all.
Is that all right?

You have a bad attitude, and I am
gonna tell Mr Prescott about it.

Does anybody else
have anything to say?

Hi. Sorry, I'm late.

Sorry.
Hi, everybody.

Casual attire today, Whitfield?

Yeah, trousers, yeah.

New product line.
Testing 'em out. Pretty good.

- Good fabric.
- Good idea.

- Christy, you have something to say.
- Yes.

I came up with some more cuts
in the Middle States area.

Let me pass these out.

Why can't you be
more like her, Davis?

Mr Prescott!
Well, what a surprise!

Art, I haven't received
the full report on the cutbacks yet...

so I thought I'd drop in
and see what the problem is.

No problem.
No, sir. Everything is tip-top.

Whitfield has pointed out
a few wrinkles...

and we are going
to iron those wrinkles out.

You don't mind if I stay
for a few minutes, do you?

Yes, sir.

- Which one of you is Whitfield?
- Oh, my God!

Nosebleed! Dry heat!
Get 'em all the time!

Oh, God!
No sight for the squeamish.

Who was that?

Well, that's the new boy, Whitfield.

Sorry.

Needed some supplies.

Well, back to business.

A few of these, and...

Oh, God!

You're from Receiving,
aren't you?

I see you're a workaholic.

Yeah, well...

I got a lot of work to do.

- What are you doing here so late?
- I'm a workaholic too.

Wow. You mean we have
something in common?

So, what's all this
supposed to be?

It's the heart and soul of an idea
you hated: expansion in the Midwest.

I don't hate it.
I just think it's risky.

Furthermore,
Mr Prescott doesn't want it.

It's a waste of time to pursue it.

But if something's right,
how can it be a waste of time?

There is no right or wrong.
There is only opinion.

You know, in some states,
you can get arrested for saying that.

All right. Convince me.

Convince me then that
your opinion is the right one.

All right.

Take a look at this.
And this.

And, yeah.

peruse that.

Why do you keep saying
the exact opposite of what I say?

- 'Cause you keep saying stupid things.
- Will you look at these figures?

They prove that
the elimination of salaries...

would create a war chest for the
defence of the Pemrose Corporation.

- Can't you see that?
- No, I can't. I'll tell you why.

Closing those factories is just gonna
send a panic through the market.

- That might happen or that might not.
- No, it will happen.

All right, close the centres, put
thousands of people out of work.

You're gonna waste all your profits
on unemployment contributions...

severance pay, union lawsuits.

Are you all right?

- My blood sugar's dropping.
- What?

It's just my mind wandered in
the middle of what you were saying.

It means I need food.
Do you wanna get a bite?

- Yeah, come on. I'll buy you dinner.
- No, no, no. Dutch.

Just tell me one more time
what your solution is to this crisis.

- We don't cut. We expand.
- I agree.

Expansion is a positive reaction
to the universe.

While retraction
or cutting back or pulling off...

Those are all negative forces.

I used to be very negative, and
then I took this personality workshop.

My whole life turned around.

Hiya.
My name's Sheila.

You make a good-lookin' couple.
How long you been goin' together?

- About 20 minutes.
- First date, huh? Good luck.

No, we're business colleagues.

Colleagues!
Who needs that?

You should go together.
You look good together.

Did you wanna order?

- Yeah, we need to see some menus.
- Menus! I'm sorry.

I'm studying to be an actress. I'm
a better actress than I am a waitress.

Concentration, that's my big problem.
I'll be right back.

Well, Sheila's in favour
of expansion.

We should bring her to our next meeting.
Art Thomas would like her a lot.

Sheila is also in favour
of us seeing each other.

- Yes, well, Sheila is clearly a nut.
- I heard that.

You should try to be
more positive with your life...

or you're gonna
wind up miserable.

She heard me.

I'm having a nice time.
How 'bout you?

Yes, very nice.

Well, it's pleasant walking.

I mean,
I don't want to imply anything.

About your expansion plan,
I did some checking...

and we can get some tax breaks if we
put up a facility in the Midwest region.

You checked?
Earlier today?

That's great.

The powers that be seem
to want the cutting, but I...

I've been trying to stay open
to your ideas... your business ideas.

That's great.

Okay, so you're
open to my business ideas.

Now, how about
my after-work ideas?

Don't push. Yesterday,
I thought you were obnoxious.

You know, a lot of people
start out that way.

- They usually end up gettin' married.
- Don't hold your breath.

Come on.

Look, I think you're
secretly crazy about me.

And I think you'd feel a lot better
if you'd just admit it.

Come on. You'll like me.
I'm an acquired taste.

My dad insisted
on buying me this.

A round-trip ticket
back to Kansas.

I almost traded it in
a couple of times.

But now, it's kind of a symbol.

The day I use this ticket...

is the day New York
has beaten me.

You know, I just
noticed something.

- You're kind of a mess.
- Thank you.

- Did anybody ever tell you that?
- You're the first.

So what I was wonderin' was...

how you can be so
incredibly beautiful...

and be such a mess?

When two people get involved
on a project together...

there's a danger of getting
emotionally involved.

That would be bad.

They confuse the intensity
of their involvement on the project...

and mistake it
as a relationship.

- What are you, a shrink?
- It's happened to me.

It's actually still happening
to me, I guess.

And then...

the project ends and they find
they don't have anything to talk about.

Okay, it's settled then.

We won't get involved while
we're working on this project.

Right.

So who is he?

Who?

Who?
My competition.

Just a guy.

All right, so why don't
we call this guy?

Tell him you met a new guy.
The whole thing is off.

- I can't call him.
- Why not?

His wife might answer
the phone.

- Big mistake.
- Yeah, well, let's not talk about it.

- I've done a lot of stupid things...
- I bet you have.

- But I have never...
- Ever?

Been involved with
a married man.

Well, he was sort of separated
when we started.

Yeah, well, it turned
out to be a lie.

The whole thing was a mistake.

But we live and we learn
and we move on...

That wasn't bad.

Thank you.

Can you do it again
just as good?

I could try.

- Where were you all weekend?
- At least begin with "good morning."

I'm madder than hell!

I want to know why
you weren't answering your phone.

I owe a lot to you, Howard.

I'll always be grateful for the chance
you gave me in this company...

and the things I've learned.

What is this?
What are you leading up to?

I wanna work with you.

I respect you more
than you know, but...

I can't be involved with you
outside the office any more.

Hello?

Yes, I'm looking for the transportation
costs from Toledo dating September...

I'll call you back.

Look, I'm not
gonna pressure you on this.

I want you to take your own time...

and decide what's best for you.

Thank you.

I do think the timing's
a little ironic, though.

I was gonna tell you
last night...

that Vera and I have agreed
on terms for a divorce.

I only wish that Vera and I
could have worked things out sooner.

That way, you and I
might have had a chance.

This arrived this morning
by messenger.

Davenport has called
an emergency meeting...

of the board of directors
for Monday morning...

and he's offering
to take over the company.

I'm inviting all key personnel to spend
the weekend at my house in Litchfield.

I'd like you to be there too.

Of course I'll be there.

One more question... personal.

Just out of curiosity,
who were you with last night?

Whitfield.
Carlton Whitfield.

It was all business.
Some of his ideas are brilliant.

I'm looking forward to hearing 'em.
I have to talk to him today.

Those notes that I took from Whitfield's
office... I'd like them back, please.

Of course.
I'll get them to you.

Heads up. Thanks.

What's your hurry?
What's goin' on?

I got a special delivery
here marked "urgent."

I'm watching you, Foster.

Just remember, every minute...

God is watching you.

Excuse me, Miss, I'm a reporter for the
Times, and I couldn't help noticing...

you look like a woman
who's recently been made love to.

- Not here.
- You weren't made love to here.

Was it anywhere within the New York
State lines, because we usually let...

the philadelphia Gazette
handle Pennsylvania.

What's up?
You seem kind of upset.

I hate men.

Well, I'm glad
I'm not one of 'em.

Listen, there's something
I gotta explain to you.

I have something to tell you too.
I did something I wish I hadn't, and...

All right, look.

- This weekend?
- Can't.

- I have some loose ends to tie up.
- Good!

- I'll take care of it.
- Have a nice weekend. See you Monday.

Excuse me, Miss.
I'm sorry. Excuse me!

You didn't see me.
I wasn't here.

- Where is he? Where'd he go?
- I didn't see him. He wasn't here.

You still here?

You look great.

The end of the second lap,
you still got a comfortable lead.

Excuse me again.

- Hi, boss.
- Shit!

Bye, boss.

- Hi.
- What are you doing here?

Looking for Whitfield.
Got a delivery for him.

Why are you wearing a suit?

- Because of the funeral.
- Whose funeral?

A friend. He died.
We buried him.

What is all this stuff?

Production performance charts
for the Midwest region, I guess.

Where is Whitfield?

He's not here?

- Have you ever seen Whitfield?
- Yes, sir.

Well, lots of times.

I deliver here every day.
Great guy.

How does he get
all this information?

Well, it's available in most
quarterly stock reports...

Probably.

- Take this up to my office.
- Yes, sir.

- You're not comin'?
- I'll be there in a minute.

One question:
What the hell are you doin'?

- Having a nervous breakdown.
- No wonder.

Look, nothin' good can come from this.
If you get caught, you get canned.

If you don't get caught, you become
one of them... a suit.

- It's a no-win situation.
- I'm still a half a step ahead of them.

I hear music when I look at you

Aunt Vera, hi.
How are you?

I'm in the mood for love

Simply because you're near me

A medley. Gee, that's nice.

Why are you singing a medley?

I get no kick from champagne

- Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all
- Please, don't sing any more.

Oh, God!

I haven't sung in years.
You see what you do to me?

He's on his way up.

He's gonna be here any minute.
Why are you doing this?

- I'm going to have you for lunch.
- Can't I get you a ham and cheese?

Look at that
cute little Adam's apple.

Listen. Oh, shit. Since the last time
we met, there's been a change.

Yes, nice suit, Brantley.

Look, what I mean to say is...
Oh, Christ!

- I'm not free any more.
- You're gonna charge me?

You're getting awfully cynical.
Does your mother know about this?

- No, I mean I'm not available!
- Good, you're not gonna charge me.

Don't worry, Brantley. I don't wanna
marry you. I'm already married.

- I just wanna love you.
- Love.

I don't mean love as in two star-crossed
virginettes running through the clover.

Nothing icky like that. I'm a practical
woman. You should be a practical man.

If you just let me, I could steer you
through these shark-infested waters...

of this stupid company
just like I steered Howard.

Look, I like you. I really like you.
But I gotta tell you.

I've become seriously and emotionally
involved with someone who isn't my aunt.

- I forgive you, Brantley.
- Listen!

- There is someone else in my life!
- I got it. I don't care.

There's someone else
in my life too.

Maybe we should introduce
your girlfriend and my husband.

Look, I don't wanna get rough with you,
but I'll belt you around if I have to.

Jesus Christ, Vera!
I'm gonna get fired. Gimme a break.

Don't whine, Brantley.
Life is too short.

Before you know it, you'll be 25,
wondering where it all went.

- What the hell is this?
- He fainted.

Fainted?

- Dead away.
- Actually, he hit his head.

- It was like fainting. Knocked out.
- Hit his head on what?

- The floor.
- The ceiling.

- Which one?
- Both.

- Neither.
- What the hell happened?

Uncle Howard, it was like this.

I walked into your office...

and I saw this beautiful woman...

who I had never seen
before in my life.

And imagine my surprise
when I found out it was my Aunt Vera.

Well, he was so excited,
his blood pressure shot up...

and then he fell and
hit his head on the floor.

Out like a light.
So I crawled deliriously to the sofa.

- And I rushed to his aid.
- And you walked in.

And shame on you for not telling me
our nephew's working for the company.

Our nephew works
for the company.

I've got a million things
to take care of today.

- Why are you here?
- Lunch.

- We were supposed to have lunch.
- I've had my lunch.

- You don't seem to realize...
- I do realize, Howard.

So, you won't mind if Brantley and I go
out to lunch to get better acquainted?

- Fine.
- I can't. I gotta go to a funeral.

You said you already went.

You know, in my grief, I forgot.

Why don't we bring Brantley out
to the house this weekend for the party?

I mean, he is family.

Yes, you know, that might be
a very good idea.

No, I don't think
I'd fit in, Aunt Vera.

But you do fit in, Brantley.

I'll make sure he has
a wonderful time.

All right. It's settled.
Now, can I get back to work here?

It'll be nice to have
a playmate for the weekend.

- You wanted to see me, sir?
- Oh, yeah, Brantley.

I want you to know I've been
watching you very closely lately.

- You have?
- I know everything you've been up to.

- You do?
- Everything.

Sir, I can explain this.
See, I didn't know who that was...

I know, for example, that you've
been working hard in the mailroom.

You've kept your eyes open
and your nose clean.

You stayed out of trouble.

I'm gonna reward you for that
one of these days.

But first I'd like to ask
a favour of you.

You name it, sir.

We'll talk about it
while we work out.

You like to sweat,
don't you, Brantley?

Your Aunt Vera seems to have
taken an instant liking to you.

- I hadn't noticed.
- It's obvious.

I think she'd like to get
to know you a lot better.

I want to encourage that.

I'd like you to spend
lots of time with Aunt Vera...

at the party this weekend.

Men like us can't be locked in
to one woman, Brantley.

We need variety.
Keeps us young, energetic, competitive.

You get my meaning? Of course you do.
We're men of the world, right?

Now, a problem has developed.

- I have a friend, a companion...
- A girl.

She's been getting
a little antsy lately.

Wants me to leave my wife.

Well, I'm not about to leave my wife...
not for her, not for anyone.

I just need a little time to get
the situation under control again.

- Understand?
- Not altogether.

Well, I'm inviting her out
to the party this weekend...

and we're gonna spend
a little time together...

which is why I need you
to keep your Aunt Vera...

occupied as much as possible.

- Get the picture?
- Yeah, wide-screen.

- But I got some big plans this weekend.
- Fine. I won't forget this favour.

- No, you don't understand. See...
- Great. It's all settled then.

I've got my eye out for some rapid
advancement for you, Brantley.

You seem to be a young man
with a lot on the ball. Keep it up.

Schmuck.

That's nice.

Excuse me. Brantley, darling,
I was afraid you wouldn't come.

I'm going to introduce you to the most
powerful money men in New York.

If you can do to them
what you've done to me...

- I can't do that.
- I mean bowl them over, darling.

You're irresistible
when you turn on that boyish charm.

- Hi, Whitfield.
- Whitfield?

Yeah, it's my middle name.
Brantley Whitfield...

- Hi, Carlton.
- Carlton Foster.

- You go by all those names?
- Yeah, I got a lot of 'em.

My parents couldn't make up their mind.
My monogram looks like an eye chart.

You're always surprising me, Brantley.
That's your most attractive quality.

Promise me you'll never stop.

- I promise.
- Good. Now.

Roland Owens, First Federal.
Very rich. We start with him.

He made his money
the really old-fashioned way.

He inherited it.

And see the man playing tennis
with the elbow brace...

the knee strap and the glove?

Vernon S. Fletcher,
Wall Street's iron man.

If he likes you, you can write
your own ticket, and he'll like you.

Who's the tall guy
with all the girls?

Good eye, Brantley. Harley
McMasters, First Multinational.

Recently divorced. They're all dying to
be the second Mrs First Multinational.

Listen, you're not gonna tell anybody
I work in the mailroom, are ya?

Trust me, Brantley.

I got Howard his key
to the executive washroom.

I can do the same thing for you.

Here are Whitfield's notes.

- Impressive.
- Thank you.

This is supposed to be
a business trip, remember?

Baby, how can I concentrate
on business?

Howard, let me go!

What are you doing here?

Would Carlton Whitfield
miss a party?

- I'm so glad you're here.
- So am I.

Quick!

Stop! Not here!

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Wait. I gotta tuck.
You go first. Go first.

- How do I look?
- Come on. Come on.

Well, I've had a look
at that preliminary report...

and I'm satisfied that the proposed
cutbacks are our best line of defence.

Thank you, sir. We have tried
to cut hard and to cut deep.

- Yes. The job was adequately done.
- Thank you, sir.

I think Whitfield is right,
and this report is wrong.

- Have you seen Christy?
- No, I haven't, sir. Not for a while.

- Have you seen Christy?
- Sorry. No, I haven't.

- Jack.
- Yes, Howard.

Have you seen Christy Wills?

She's talking to Whitfield.

No? Come on.
That's my best... trust me.

It's my best one.

Would you excuse us
for a minute, Christy?

Brantley, did you know
that Whitfield is here?

Yeah, I think he was
here earlier, but he left.

No. Somebody saw him
a few minutes ago talking to Christy.

Now, I've got my reasons.

I want you to stay
close to Christy...

and keep Whitfield
away from her.

Can you do that for me?

Hey, I'm your man.

Good. I knew
I could count on you.

What was that all about?

Well, he wants me to stay
as close to you as possible.

- He told you that?
- Yeah.

I don't know. I guess he thinks
we make a good couple.

Are you awake?

Darling?

Sweetheart, it's Howard.

- Go away!
- Let's make this a night to remember.

Darling, I know
you're angry with me...

but think of all the things
that we've meant to each other.

I want to marry you, Christy.

Don't be that way, baby.

What do you say?
Will you marry me?

No, but I'd like
to beat the shit outta you!

Wait till I get my...

Who is that?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

The sexual revolution is over.
Everybody, out of bed.

What are you doing in
Christy's bed, Brantley?

- I'm talking to you, Howard.
- Who's Brantley?

Brantley is the guy who just found
his stolen notes in your bag.

Those are Whitfield's notes, and they
are not stolen. He gave them to me.

You were so grateful to him, you climbed
into bed and asked him to marry you.

What are you talking about?
I climbed into bed with you.

Baloney!

You thought you were
climbing into bed with her.

Wait. When I came in,
he was in bed with Whitfield.

Whitfield?
He wasn't even here.

- Are you blind? Who's that?
- That's Brantley.

So this is the bimbo you've been
screwing around with at the office?

- Who are you calling a bimbo?
- If the shoe fits...

What's that supposed to mean?

Why didn't you ask for those?
I would have given 'em to you.

I was gonna tell you about that.
It happened before I really knew you.

So when we were in bed, that whole
thing was James Bond time, right?

- No!
- You went to bed with Brantley?

Don't worry, Howard. She's probably got
microfilm pictures of the whole thing.

What were you doing
in bed with my nephew?

- Whitfield's your nephew?
- This is Brantley Foster.

He works in the mailroom.

The mailroom?
You mean you're not an executive?

Let me get this straight.
Brantley is Whitfield?

That's right.

Brantley is Whitfield.
Whitfield is Brantley.

And Christy is the bimbo.

Well, now that we've had
Mouseketeer roll call...

I'm just going to go
call my lawyer.

Wait. Christy is not the bimbo I was
screwing around with at the office.

People better stop
calling me "bimbo."

It was an entirely
different bimbo.

That's fine. How many
bimbos would you say there were?

I misspoke myself.
There weren't any bimbos at all.

- Except Christy.
- Right. No!

The question is, how many people
did you sleep with to get to the top?

That was a very expensive
vase, you bitch.

Shut up! Now listen. Whatever I did
was my business, not yours.

No, you mean it was
company business.

That's right, and that's
all it was: business.

Let me tell you somethin',
sweetheart.

You're very good at your job.

You mean I was workin'
for a guy from the mailroom?

- You're not an executive?
- He's too good to be an executive.

- Disappointed?
- Yes!

I was having fun on this job.

You had all this energy,
and all these crazy ideas.

And you kept takin'
your pants off.

I don't want you to go.

Here.

Just a little somethin'
to remember me by.

- Thank you.
- Brantley, why you lookin' so sad?

I don't know. I just thought
it'd work out better, you know?

The job or the girl?

The job.
To hell with the girl.

Yeah.
You sound real convincing.

Well, look at it this way, pal.

For a few weeks, you sat up here in
the lofty atmosphere of the big cheeses.

You had a nice view of Manhattan
and a clean lunchroom to eat in.

Hell, you did more in two months
than most people do in a lifetime.

Yeah, I'm gonna miss it.

The job or the girl?

- Goin' back to Kansas?
- No, I'm not goin' back to Kansas.

I came to New York to succeed.

I hear there's an opening
in the mailroom.

You should talk.
You're just as unemployed as I am.

Not for long.
I have contacts all over town.

- There's always another Prescott around.
- Low blow, Foster. Dirty pool.

- I call 'em like I see 'em.
- Yeah, you're perfect, right?

- I never slept with the boss.
- No, you slept with the boss's wife.

She seduced me.

He seduced me.
What's the difference?

I couldn't help it.
You went willingly.

- I see. You were tied up in chains.
- I'll tell you what the difference is.

- I thought you were a nice guy.
- I am a nice guy!

You're a rat!

You lied to me, deceived me,
then acted as judge and jury...

in a situation you
knew nothing about.

- I know you were spying on me.
- I wasn't spying on you!

- And I won't be spying on you any more!
- No, you won't, 'cause if I see you...

Sorry.
This car is full.

- We could never pull that off.
- How do you know?

I'm a kid from the mailroom who
moved into a top executive position.

Are you gonna tell me
I can't pull it off?

But you didn't.

I almost did.
We could pull this off.

- I'm gonna need your help, both of you.
- Is it somethin' I could get fired for?

- Absolutely.
- I like it.

Jean, see if you can find Harley
McMasters' phone number.

And get some food up here.
Chinese sound good to you?

Mr Davenport, we realize you'll want
to move some of your own people...

into the medium control
positions here at Pemrose.

Naturally.

What we're concerned about, frankly,
is the upper management positions.

- Most of 'em will have to go.
- Oh, no.

I see.

But a handful of 'em...

who have been so helpful...

like yourselves, of course...

will be stayin'
as long as you like.

Well, then I see nothing
to stand in the way...

of the immediate merger
of our two companies.

Is this the place? it is!
Hey, good. Sorry we're late.

- Get them out of here.
- I'm sorry. This is a private meeting.

- I have to ask you to leave.
- Hold these, will you? Thanks a lot.

- Call building security.
- Howard, relax. Listen.

On behalf of the personnel
in the mailroom...

the girls in the secretarial pool,
the female executives here at Pemrose...

we wanted to give our blessing
to this little merger.

- Who in hell are these people?
- Is that Don? Donny!

How ya doin'? You mind if I stand up?
I think better when I'm movin' around.

Gotta tell you, Don...

at first, the idea of this merger
made me as nervous...

as a long-tailed cat
in a room full of rocking chairs.

But then I realized
I was wrong.

The combination of our products
and your distribution capabilities...

could vault Pemrose right
to the top of the market.

So glad you approve...

whoever you are.

Now if you get the hell out of here,
we'll finish the job.

I can't do that for you, Don.

See, the problem here
is management.

Things were bad enough
when Howard was running the company.

- Now we got you to deal with too.
- Get them out of here, now.

He can't, Don. You see,
Brantley made arrangements...

to buy five percent
of the stock...

in your company, Davenport
Enterprises, this morning.

- We're buying you out.
- What?

Get in there!

That's right!

We've initiated a takeover
of Davenport Enterprises...

in a proxy fight for the
Pemrose Corporation.

- This way, Mr McMasters.
- Gentlemen, good afternoon.

These are my
financial advisers.

They agreed to lend me the money
to finance this takeover.

Surely you're not going to invest
in some crackpot scheme...

cooked up by a kid who used
to work in our mailroom.

Not at first, Howie, but I
had an ace in the hole:

a major stockholder in the company
with the clout and support I needed.

Don, I want you to meet...

the new chairperson
of the Pemrose Corporation...

and the daughter of the founder...

Vera Prescott.

Afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.

Brantley and I
are very old friends...

and when he told me his wonderful
ideas for running the company...

I knew he was
the man for the job.

I think we all understand
your real motivation here, Vera.

I admit I felt...

some attraction towards
Brantley at the beginning...

but as you've always
told me, Howard...

love is love...

but business is business.

You've run Daddy's company
into the ground, Howard...

and I believe these people here can
bring it back to where it belongs again.

Now, up, Howard,
out of that chair.

Don't be ridiculous.
I'm not about to resign my position.

You don't have to, Howard.
You're fired.

What?

- Vera, you can't!
- Yes, I can.

You see, Mr Davenport...

as of this afternoon,
I control 50.1% of the voting stock.

You, too, Art.
You're history.

Brantley, Christy,
Jean, Melrose.

Gentlemen, just in time.

Mr Prescott and his aide have
disrupted a very important meeting.

Would you please escort them
out of the building?

Vera! Why this open hostility?

I don't understand.
How did you get so...

Would you take charge of
the meeting now, Brantley?

- What did I ever do to deserve this?
- Excuse me.

Feel free to do that
amongst yourselves if you want.

- So have you been to Kansas?
- No. What's in Kansas?

Well, I figured we'd take
the private Pemrose jet...

drop in on the folks.

They're gonna want to meet you.

Why haven't I met you before?

Baby, you ain't been hangin'
out in the mailroom.

The mailroom.
I like that sound.

Charlie, we got that same problem
with elevator three again.

I don't believe this.

This elevator's stuck again.

- Where to, sir?
- The opera, Rattigan.

Yes, sir.