The Second Civil War (1997) - full transcript

Mel, can I get you to approve this?

Mel, which one?

This one.

Come on, people.
What have you done for me lately, huh?

Overnights, Mel. Read them and weep.

Where's Boise?

I don't see Boise. Where's Pakistan?

Come on.

-Mel, baby, you're gonna just love today.
-I'd better, Alan.

I don't see much teamwork.

Caroline, my coffee is cold!



We tell ourselves we are after the truth...

we tell ourselves we deal in facts...

and yet for those of us who've been
in my business long enough...

we are haunted by the realization...

that the facts alone
don't always lead to the truth.

...from the White House after the speech.

No spin. Do not tolerate
any spin whatsoever.

Where's Boise?

Like most of the really important stories
we've covered...

this one, the biggest armed confrontation
in America since the Civil War...

started with seemingly unrelated incidents
that had first been almost unnoticed...

and then spun out of control.

As most of you know, Gov. Farley is
on his way back from Washington.

He'll be addressing you at some point
later today or tomorrow.



However, he has authorized me
to make this statement on his behalf.

Effective immediately,
the state of Idaho is closing its borders.

If necessary, by the use of force.

I have ordered our State Troopers to set up
checkpoints on the borders...

and no one will be allowed in without
authorization from the Idaho authorities.

and no one will be allowed in without
authorization from the Idaho authorities.

There'll be no questions at this time.

He's closing the borders, people.

Thank God for arrogance, lust and greed,
or we'd all be doing infomercials.

Let's go, people. I smell a 20 share.

Where the hell is Pakistan?
Where's the White House?

Do we still have a White House
or has Tokyo foreclosed on it?

Coming up.

We'll return to Boise momentarily.

Meanwhile,
developments in Pakistan are continuing...

as more orphans are being assembled
for the flight to America.

It is now 38 days
since the event that started it all:

The nuclear explosion
from the Indian missiles...

that devastated over 10,000 square miles...

of the area around the Pakistani capital
of Islamabad.

At the Peshawar Airport
in Northern Pakistan...

the first of several planeloads of children
orphaned by the atomic blast...

is preparing to leave.

Destination: Twin Falls, Idaho.

The rescue mission is under the supervision
of Amelia Sims...

head of the controversial
Give to the Children Corporation.

However, as we've just reported...

Gov. Farley has closed the border
of that state.

Its politicians maneuver behind the scenes
to avoid a crisis...

but confrontation seems
increasingly inevitable.

What's the matter?

The Governor's press secretary says
no one will be allowed in...

without permission
from the Idaho authorities....

Jesus Christ!

A country's becoming unglued
and the bird goes down.

-How about the satellite? We got Bombay--
-I don't care what it is.

I want the orphans.

-Can't do it, we're losing them!
-Don't tell me this, people. Not today.

We seem to be having problems
with our picture.

Go to the White House. Go!

We apologize for the technical difficulties.

Steven Kingsley is standing by
at the White House with a live report.

Helena, Matthew,
we've just seen an indication...

of the way the White House
is handling these events...

when Jack Buchan,
high-powered lobbyist...

and unofficial public relations advisor
to the President...

arrived here.

As president of Cathers and Hilton,
the huge Washington PR firm...

Buchan is not a member of the Cabinet...

but in times of extreme crisis...

he is often seen around the White House.

So what do the polls say?

52% are in favor of strong action.

There is no other kind.
Idaho will be stopped.

-I want those orphans in there.
-Yes, sir.

What do the Florida polls show?

Florida was the swing vote
in the last election.

In Florida,
only 38% are in favor of strong action...

and most of them are over the age of 75.

Statistically, most of them will be dead
before the next election.

Dead supporters are the worst.
They take up a ton of your time, and then...

where the hell are they
when you need them?

Shit. So, what do we do?

Sometimes, the best action is no action.

Well, nobody believes in action
more than I do, Mike.

Mr. President...

I think the answer is to move
the whole thing up to a new paradigm like....

I'm talking about moving it on
to the image level.

Now, that's my business. I know image.

And the great thing about image is that you
look like you're doing something strong...

but you don't necessarily do it.

That way, they nail you, and poof!
There's nothing to hit.

And?

I got them. Mel, I got them back.

The first load of orphans is in the air.
It's the one we put Tony Phillips on.

They may have
to make an emergency landing.

What do you mean....
Get Phillips on the horn.

What is our 20 at JFK, please?

-You cannot have--
-Tony, what the hell's going on up there?

Mel, for Christ's sake,
I got no control over it.

We got a plane full of orphans,
and the toilets have stopped working, okay?

So what?

We just have to land in Newfoundland
for a few hours to fix it.

Tony, let me ask you something.

You wanna land at JFK in the middle of
the afternoon when nobody's watching...

and maybe get a 1.2 share...

or do you wanna land at JFK, prime time,
in the morning...

and perhaps garner a 28 share?

Which one, Tony?

Mel, I'm telling you,
this is a flying planeload of shit.

Tony, this is the biggest story...

in the last half century.
And you are the human side of it, okay?

So whatever you have to do
to keep those kids up there...

stick a cork up their asses,
you do it, you understand?

-Hey, Mel!
-What?

Idaho's coming in.

We apologize again
for the technical difficulties.

We'll return to the orphans remaining
at the Pakistani airport...

for their flight to America.

Excuse me, Helena,
we have just received word...

that Gov. Farley will be returning
to the State House momentarily.

As you know, the Governor's expected
to make some sort of statement...

within the next 24 hours...

and he is certainly one of the more
controversial governors in this country.

Once known for his liberal views...

Jim Farley has been criticized for playing
to his state's conservative majority.

And indeed, Gov. Farley's approval
ratings have jumped 12 percentage points...

since he adopted his bold
anti-immigration stance...

an outgrowth of his successful
reelection campaign...

which played to a theme
that still resonates today.

America. As it should be.

Gov. Farley has just arrived
on the steps of the Capitol.

Let's switch there now, live.

When are you going to
make the announcement, Governor?

Who's advising you on this conflict?

I can't tell....

Okay, line up the reacts
from the White House.

Tell Kingsley to get the President.

Get the President,
like in send out a search party?

-Correct.
-All right, who's got Christina Fernandez?

Yes, yes.

The universe shall unfold as it does,
ladies and gentlemen.

-Governor.
-Who is there?

-Alan?
-Governor, answer the question.

Alan, I can hardly hear you.

The balloon's going up.

You'll be hearing from me soon
on the matter. Yes, you will.

This is what it comes down to:

One guy controls
the fate of the whole damn country.

You've all been very understanding.

Yes. Tomorrow. Guaranteed.

My life is out of control. Christ.

She hardly acknowledges I'm alive.
You saw her.

It's like I'm a goddamn window.
She looked right through me.

Governor, I don't know if this is the time
to let her get to you like this.

What the hell is it with women? Christ.

Doesn't going to bed and fucking
your brains out mean anything anymore?

Governor, I can get the State Troopers
to cut you another one out the herd.

There's plenty of cocktail waitresses
you ain't been through on that frontier.

I want Christina.

What is it with her?
She knows I can't leave my wife.

Governor, you got a crisis to handle,
and she knows damn well you do.

That's the problem with women.
They never listen to reason.

That's the problem with women.
They never listen to reason.

Governor, the White House just called.

God damn it, get the hell out of here.
This is important.

Close the damn door.

White House.

Look, Governor, I'll see what I can do
to get her thinking straight again.

But right now, you gotta get ready...

to go in front of the whole
country tomorrow.

Yeah. Politics is just another form of sex.

You know that, don't you?

Jim, I need you to--

I just got through to Tony Phillips.

I'm going to JFK
to meet the plane in the morning.

-I need you here.
-Yeah, but I do better work out there.

Jim, I don't want better work, okay?
I need grab-them-by-the-throat news.

Haven't you noticed ethics and taste
are pass?, history?

-It's not the '90s anymore.
-No, you're living proof of it.

Tony Phillips is holding on line five.

You know something? I hold you
responsible for my predicament.

Let me explain.

When I was in "J" school, I used to watch
you on ABC and I'd say:

"Look at that dignity and class.

"Maybe you could be in news
without being a cynical cog...

"in some son of a bitch
corporate structure."

Boy, was I conned. You suckered me in.

-I'm gonna get you for that.
-Mel, you have, many times.

Tony, it's Jim again.

-He wants to do what?
-Just a minute. Jim, hold on.

We will not be silenced
by some ridiculous need for prime time.

Tony, grab yourself a barf bag
and put Miss First Amendment on the line.

It's Mel Burgess, our executive producer.
He wants to talk to you.

It's hardwired to the--

Having quite a ride up there,
aren't you, Miss Sims?

Mr. Burgess, what is it that you want?

I just wanted you to know,
if you didn't land in Newfoundland...

and arrived at JFK in the middle
of morning prime time--

Yeah, well, what the hell do I care
about prime time?

Miss Sims, let's face it.
Right now, you are a two-bit charity, okay?

But if you land at JFK, smack in the middle
of morning prime time...

and America sees these kids getting off
the plane in their wretched state...

you will be inundated with money,
Miss Sims.

You'll be bigger than Save the Children.

That is the most ridiculous thing that I....

Did he say "bigger than Save the Children"?

Everybody's got a magic button.
Our job: Find it and push it.

Okay, Jim, you're it. Orphan patrol.
Get to JFK.

Keep them up there for a couple of hours
till prime time.

...still no word from the White House...

but unofficially, one aide has said that,
and I quote:

"Strong action will be taken. "

Gov. Farley won't come to the telephone.

So, what now?

If that son of a bitch is going to make
the speech I think he's going to make...

he could wipe us out.

I smell an image-deficiency syndrome
on our hands.

What the hell are we talking about?
"lmage-deficiency syndrome."

If I may, sir....

When I set up your election campaign...

I knew you'd be elected,
like all other Presidents...

because of image.

Now, no disrespect, sir...

but the American people vote
for the sizzle, not the steak.

It's only afterwards the poor bastards
have to bite into the fat and gristle.

-This is not about image.
-I beg your pardon, Warren.

Mr. President...

we're dealing with something a hell of a lot
more than just messy reality here.

See, at my shop, we represent everyone...

from the Apple Growers Association
to the government of Zimbabwe.

And I've got a dozen clients who are gonna
load their collective pants...

if that son of a bitch even looks like
he's gonna run circles around us.

-No one's gonna run circles around us.
-Exactly.

Now, we have an election next year.
And unless you keep that in mind...

when it's over, this President could be out
building houses for the poor...

like Jimmy Carter.

I've never even fixed a faucet.

-Jim's at JFK.
-Hang in there, Jim.

Idaho's coming up.
Farley's about to make his speech.

Christina, stay with him all the way
up to the podium, okay?

Stay with him.

Mel, he's not even here. He's still upstairs.
It's gonna be a feeding frenzy down here.

You see, Governor, you gotta look at this
as an opportunity and not a problem.

I don't see this as much of an opportunity.

She's talking about wanting
to get transferred out of state.

So there you go now.

You stand up there, you make that speech.

In a few minutes, she's gonna be
watching you like a hound in heat.

-You really think so?
-You're goddamn right.

I mean, women love power.
They swarm around it like flies around shit.

How could she do this to me?

We made love just last Friday.
Right here in this office.

On that damn couch you're sitting on
right now.

No accounting for loyalty these days, huh?

-By the way, your wife called.
-Cover for me.

Plane full of orphans. One hour out of JFK.

So, Caroline, you wanna be
in the news business?

Start thinking train wrecks.
Electronic train wrecks.

Only, the trains are people,
like Farley and the White House.

All we do is put them on the same track
and let them head towards each other.

You told me she was staying here,
and I'm telling you she's gone.

She's here. Let's just....

-Good morning.
-Good morning.

You all know that I've just ordered
the borders of Idaho to be closed...

and this action is being implemented
to preserve our way of life.

The American dream...

that has been falsely and cynically held out
to the entire rest of the world...

which has grown by a billion people
in merely the last 10 years.

Count them, folks. One billion.

Standing room only,
from Maine to California.

And by allowing the stampede of...

whatever you wanna call them,
immigrants, refugees, illegals...

legals, migrants, aliens, you name it...

we are being swamped.

And we are destroying our own way of life...

at a time when the business community has
presided over the wholesale destruction...

of our manufacturing capability.
Shipped it overseas.

I don't know. I liked him better
when he was a blond.

We are told that we have to stand by...

and let the rest of the world
flood into America.

Stay with these kids. Hello?

Come on. Where's the news crew?

Excuse me, I don't see.... Oh, is that....
Hi, are you with News Net?

-Yes.
-Amelia Sims.

News Net control room,
Tony's in pretty bad shape.

That's why you're there, Jim.

Okay, this one, too.
All of these are orphans.

Folks, America....

The global village on prime time.

Boys, if it ain't on the screen,
it ain't happening.

Boys, if it ain't on the screen,
it ain't happening.

-Let's go, bring it in. Come on.
-Stand by in effects....

And now, this group of activists...

who have decided, on their own,
to bring into Idaho...

thousands and thousands of these
unfortunate Pakistani children...

who have been orphaned
by that terrible war...

-Beautiful.
-...have told the government...

and the people of this state
to mind our own business.

Well, as it turns out...

that is exactly what I intend to do.

I was not elected by the people...

of Idaho...

to...

to...

preside...

-What's the matter?
-...over the dissolution...

of our way of life.

Therefore, I am taking control
of all matters related to our own borders...

and to immigration and citizenship.

This is unconstitutional. You can't do this!

I just have. Thank you.

Come on, Christina, stay with the Governor.

God damn it, the Governor's the center
of the whole thing. Go in closer.

Closer.

Any closer and I'd be going down on him.

What was the question, Miss Fernandez?

Christina, stay with the Governor.

What the hell's going on?
She's always right on top of him.

Trying to tell you.... Hey, Trey.

Come on, sugar, I don't mean any harm.

I thought you might want
a little quality time...

to patch up this little lover's tiff
that you and him had.

Mr. Cannon,
I don't need you to sort out my personal life.

Come on, darling.

I'm just trying to be a friend here, okay?

-He is crazy about you, you know that.
-Oh, please.

It was an affair, okay?
Let's just keep it at that.

Right now, I just need to remember
that I'm a reporter...

and get on with my life.

You know, I'm always amazed
at how wrong I can be.

Hell, I figured you really had a thing for him.

Are you aware that I was born in Mexico?

See, I came here when I was 3 years old.

That makes me an immigrant.

He wants to keep people like me out,
so I'm out.

Aren't you taking this a little personally?

I hope so.

He wants to marry you.

He what?

Look, the budget is all blown to hell.

Why can't we take at least--

Sorry I'm late, but those darned orphans
didn't read the interoffice memo.

When I started out as a reporter,
the world seemed more remote.

News came at us slower,
in ways we could absorb.

We never dreamed of satellite feeds
or live reports from distant lands.

But now, Idaho and Pakistan
might as well be right next door.

The entire world is swarming
into our video monitors...

as well as into the towns
and cities of America.

And it's changing us all.

And you tell yourself you're a pro...

that you can handle
the passions and tensions...

without letting your own feelings
get in the way.

At least that's what you tell yourself.

This network, isn't it worth some money?

What have we got on the White House?

Hi, Sandy.

-Still nothing, the scum.
-They're your people.

Bullshit, Alan!

Stop! What about the backgrounders?

We got one running right now.

Okay, I want backgrounders on everything...

environment, immigration, refugees,
the whole nine yards, okay? Blitz it.

The three freighters filled with Albanians
fleeing the Russian conflict...

have been refused entry at the already
crowded Port of Charleston--

We ignore the fact
that the economic infrastructure...

of every American city is crumbling.

It's not the fault of the refugees
and the immigrants--

Alan, it's not even
the goddamn issue right now!

-It's right in the middle of--
-You can--

The crisis began
when three million starving refugees...

fled Fujian province.

The pesticides that seeped
through the water table--

Human beings let it get out of control,
it's not some act of God.

They had their worst famine
in the last 150 years, for Christ's sake.

Can I have a glass of milk with this, please?

There's no way I'm gonna let Idaho go
like other small-population states...

like Rhode Island, which became
almost totally Chinese in six years...

when it was swamped by refugees.

Millions of Chinese
settled in Rhode Island...

in the same presidential election year...

when the controversial
Department of Ethnic Affairs was created.

So it's our fault they cut down their forests
or breed like rabbits...

-and then want to come to America?
-Don't talk about breeding, I'm eating.

I'm not talking about breeding,
but about the social situation on the planet.

Agents of the US Border Patrol
have been unable to stem...

the unprecedented numbers of Salvadorians
flooding into the USA.

The Chinese item we'll let on,
but drop any Latin stuff.

We've got too many Hispanic advertisers.

Are we still a news organization
or are we the Home Shopping Network now?

Chris, don't bite the hand that feeds you...

which happens to include
Hispanic advertisers.

The country is....

El countrio is muy fucked-upio!

Can you network guys understand that?

You've got an attitude problem.

I find this impassioned tone
of yours very offensive.

I'm offensive? Jesus!

Africa is a mess.

Use the last Rwandan massacre,
there are no Rwandan advertisers.

For the third time in recent years
the people of Rwanda...

are being massacred at an alarming rate.

Entire villages have been wiped out.

Heads up, everyone! Orphan alert!

JFK's coming in. Second batch
of Pakistani orphans, runway 23.

And what have you done for Mel lately?

Runway 23 at JFK International Airport.

News Net's Jim Kalla is there.

This is Jim Kalla for News Net,
I'm here with Amelia Sims.

-Give to the--
-Thank you.

Let me just say that we are bringing
these children to our shelters in Idaho...

come hell or high water.

And it's our right.

And no governor is going to stop us.
Let me just also say that--

Stand by, Boise. As soon as we dump JFK,
we will be coming to you.

I love the smell of burning ambition.

And we are going to deal with that.
And let me just say that the organization....

Of course I care
about those poor Pakistani orphans.

But I don't live in Pakistan. I live here!

This is what I'm all about,
the American dream!

How come every time I see him,
I think I'm gonna barf?

Anything American makes you want to barf.

Stop the college debate.
We're news, emotions happen outside.

Folks, the Governor.

-Good morning.
-Bang!

That's cute.

Folks...

I know y'all wanna let the Governor know
how much you're supporting him, but...

if you could give us a few minutes
to discuss some important matters...

I'd really appreciate it.
Is there a room that we could use?

Sure. You can use our bedroom,
right down the hall.

Turn left at the rocket launcher.

Excuse us. Thank you.

Bang!

-Hey, big fella.
-You got to talk to these people.

Jesus!

-This is getting to be too much.
-What is?

Christina! She's not out there.

Governor, look, I got it wired--

Jesus Christ!

Who keeps a bowl of grenades
in their bedroom?

Jesus, get away from there.

Look, I got it wired.
I've talked to the News Net people...

and told them we'll give her an exclusive,
so they're on her to stay close.

Now let's just think
of all those people in the next room.

These militia folks can come in real handy.

What the hell is this?

Bazooms and bazookas?

Maybe Ladies Auxiliary, I don't know.

Jesus Christ!

I don't know about all this.

Governor, let's just not forget
who voted for you.

The whole goddamn state
is one big militia now.

As Gov. Farley avoided reporters' questions
on his links with militia groups....

Don't make any sense.

Just because we got a President whose face
belongs on the back of milk cartons...

doesn't mean that the whole White House
has got to be quiet.

It's fishy.

Steve, smoke him out.

What amazes most observers here:

There has still been no response
from the President.

We've got the Chief of Staff,
what more do you want?

Same to you.

President's on his way,
but before he arrives...

there's a few things I want to go over.

Buchan, since when does a lobbyist set
the agenda for the White House?

Mr. Secretary...

I'm going to pretend I didn't hear
that "L" word you just used.

I'm a political facilitator.

You can pretend what you want, Jack.
But we are trying to handle a crisis here.

-Really, Mike?
-Yes.

It's time you started considering
that a President's first four-year term...

is what he's got to put up with,
to get elected again.

Tell me something I don't know.

There is speculation that the White House
is in some disarray...

and that the President has become
politically immobilized by events....

The bastards are trying to smoke us out.

Now look, people...

this President is going to end up
as confused as a goat on AstroTurf...

-unless we are careful.
-Careful about what?

Every President has his foibles.

This one just needs a role model, okay?

I've been through this with him before...

that last crisis, that trade war thing.

We got him all fired up over Harry Truman
and it worked.

When it ended...

I swear, I thought he was going to nuke
the Japs all over again.

On this one...

we have to bring him up
to something more statesman-like.

Like Roosevelt.

Excellent question.

What would Roosevelt have done
if he'd had this crisis?

Especially when they're playing
the orphan card.

-We should be playing our own orphan card.
-Exactly.

Sir.

What exactly is our "orphan card"?

Oh, Mr. President...

it's a deadline.

Precisely.
It's a deadline we're giving Idaho...

to get those damn orphans in there.

Seventy-two hours. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Teddy Roosevelt would have played
the orphan card.

No, Mr. President. I was referring
to FDR, Franklin Roosevelt.

Teddy Roosevelt. When he led
the Rough Riders over the hill...

on that charge
when he declared war on Spain.

Now that was an orphan card!

Shit!

I know something is going on, I can smell it
a mile away. Something's happening.

Caroline!

Did we fire that oddball techie,
Godfrey, in the last cutback?

No, his office is downstairs.

-What room?
-Fifty-five!

So, Tom comes up to me,
you know, Brokaw...

and he says,
"Vincent, you belong on camera."

Godfrey, tell me you know something.
What's going on?

BTUs.

This is something
I've been doing calculations on for months.

The Pentagon on a "normal" night...

taken from the infrared satellite
that I got us to buy time on.

You remember how the 22nd floor
didn't want to put money into it...

-that infrared was dead, microwave maybe--
-I remember, Godfrey...

I was thrilled for you. Go ahead.

On a normal night...

the Pentagon gives off
a fairly constant amount of heat.

About 3.28 million BTUs.

That's "British thermal units,"
it's a way of measuring how....

Here is how it looked 10 minutes ago.

You see this hot spot right here?

All the lights and electrical equipment.

It added an extra half million BTUs.

So?

I don't have a spectrum analysis.

They wouldn't authorize a system upgrade
at the last budget meeting.

Forget about spectrum analysis.
Stay with the BTUs...

and how they relate to the orphans.
That's why we're here.

This is where they plan military operations.

Holy shit.

Look here.

North Carolina, half an hour ago.

You see this little area right here,
lit up like an infrared blowtorch?

What about it?

That's Fort Bragg.
Home of the 173rd Airborne.

Jesus Christ, we're gonna invade Idaho.

Over a bunch of orphans.

Get me to the White House.

I don't care if they have to use tear gas
to get the President out of there.

Who's at Fort Bragg?

News Net has just learned
that two battalions from Fort Bragg...

have been put on alert
and are preparing to be moved to Utah...

-near the Idaho border.
-...believe they're sending in troops?

They have a credibility gap
at Washington....

...two hours and you're telling me that
the White House is still denying reports...

that federal troops are being shipped
to the Idaho border?

that federal troops are being shipped
to the Idaho border?

So, we're in the Eisenhower mode.

-Jack, I think lke's a great idea.
-Well, thank you, Mr. President.

Eisenhower had a calming influence.

Yes, I thought you'd like that, sir.

And he gave fabulous deadlines.

I saw the videos you gave me.

That's what I want to talk to you about, sir.

Seventy-two hours, three days.
Has a nice ring to it.

-That's the problem, sir.
-What is?

Seventy-two hours.
The end of 72 hours, I mean...

falls right in the middle of All My Children.

What the hell is All My Children?

It's a soap opera.

I mean, remember what happened last time
we preempted those soap operas?

I mean, remember what happened last time
we preempted those soap operas?

Women all over the country
went absolutely....

Went crazy.

Jack, let's understand something.

I wasn't elected President to sit back
and watch the United States disintegrate.

Hear, hear.

Sir, we lost the women's vote last time.

It shouldn't have happened.

It's Susan Lucci's final episode.

Now she's about to leave her husband.

Excuse me?

Susan, the star of All My Children.

She's leaving her husband
to run off with Antonio.

-The gardener?
-Yes.

-Erica is running off with Antonio?
-Exactly.

Would it be possible that,
for the sake of the country...

Erica not run off with the gardener
for a few days?

Well, I checked with the network.
The episode's already been taped.

It airs in three days, right smack-dab
in the middle of our deadline.

Eisenhower would have
changed the deadline.

A soap opera, for Christ's sakes.

Since when does a soap opera
control the future of the country?

Why do you keep asking me if I love him?

Hey, I'm just trying to help.
I can see the pain you're in.

The pain is from you trying to get me back
into something that made me crazy.

Look, I only know what I see.

And I see you hurting more now
than you ever did before.

Well, tell me I'm wrong.
But I know I'm not, darling.

-Phone message, Jimmy, code blue.
-In a minute.

Governor, Ms. Fernandez is here
to discuss the News Net interview.

-Which line is code blue?
-Three.

Hello, Mrs. Farley. How are you?

Good. No, he's behind
closed doors right now.

Right, it's very important.
It's with a foreign dignitary.

Right.

No problem.
I'll have the fellows go shopping for you.

Right. The Popov vodka. Good. Bye.

You're all aware of the proclamations
coming from Idaho...

where the Governor of the state
has said it is his intention...

to close the borders
to a group of refugee children.

This action is unconstitutional...

and it represents
an illegal challenge to the...

-authority of the federal government.
-Amazing.

He's actually
gonna have to make a decision.

Christina, I don't care what you have to do
to get access to Farley. Do it.

-I love you so much.
-No, I don't believe you anymore.

I don't believe myself anymore.
What in hell am I doing with a married man?

-Eleanor and I have not lived--
-Lived as man and wife for three years!

She doesn't understand you
and the check is in the mail...

-and I'm really Irish.
-This television is just....

America's in danger of coming apart.
We need--

I just thought maybe we could go away
somewhere for a couple of days.

Let's just get away from all this.

And I'm calling on Gov. Farley,
who I know is watching this...

-to recognize the hour of peril....
-Christina, where are you? I need a reaction.

Mel, I want a transfer.

Christina, this is not the appropriate time.

I wanna go somewhere and have babies
and lead a normal sane life...

and I wanna get up in the morning
and drive kids to school...

and I want a husband I can trust.

Please, no mommy-track crisis now.

Christina, please!

It was almost half a century ago
that another President...

Dwight D. Eisenhower, found it necessary
to use US troops...

to enforce the constitutional rights
of the federal government.

When the state of Arkansas
refused to obey...

a Supreme Court order.

If necessary, I will do the same.

I am therefore declaring a deadline...

of 67.5 hours from now.

-Sixty-seven and a--
-By this time, the Idaho must comply...

What the fuck is that?

...with the constitutional prerogatives
of the federal government...

of these United States of America...

-as they were delineated by our Founding....
-What an asshole.

-...and handed down....
-That dumb son of a bitch.

Up to his ass in lobbyists and deals
to keep himself in power.

Now he tries to be Eisenhower.

Like a dwarf trying to be a high jumper.

God damn it!

How the hell did we let it all get to this?

Sixty-seven and a half hours, huh?

Okay, do it.

Put up the roadblocks.

I promised, you know,
that News Net lady an exclusive.

You're supposed to brief Col. McNally, sir,
right away.

You know the one.

I have today issued an executive order...

-directing the use of troops....
-There have been comparisons made...

between the President and
former President Dwight D. Eisenhower.

It was in 1958
that Eisenhower sent in troops...

to forcibly integrate
the public schools in Little Rock.

Observers say
that the President's actions are....

Okay, people, the whole country is tuned in.

Meaning it's prime time. For the next
three days, 24 hours a day...

nobody goes home.
The beds are on their way.

Okay, everybody on deck?
Karachi, New York, The White House...

Boise. Who's on the Idaho border?

Vinnie.

-Vinnie? Vinnie Franco?
-Yeah.

Man. That John Wayne
was a hell of a soldier, huh?

Hey, Vinnie. He was an actor.

If they'd put the Duke in charge of Vietnam,
we would've been out of that war in a week.

What are you doing turning the sound up?
You'll blow the speakers on this thing.

I didn't.

Shit!

Hello? Hey.

Hey, who are you guys?

-Who are you?
-Who are you?

-I asked first.
-I ain't telling till you do.

We're a News Net crew.

-No kidding?
-Yeah.

Hey, Charlie, Sam, it's News Net.
We're gonna be on TV.

I'm Arnold Tooney Jr. Two "O's" in Tooney.

-I own a drugstore in Boise.
-Really?

Well, I might be slow, Arnold,
but where I come from...

guys who own drugstores
don't drive around in tanks, you know.

Some of them do. On weekends, at least.

You're not the Army.
You're the National Guard.

Idaho National Guard? Oh, fuck.

Boys, looks like Idaho's going to war.

My God.

I smell another fucking Emmy here.

There are 65 hours left
in the President's ultimatum.

There now exists the possibility
of American troops...

fighting against other American troops...

for the first time since the Civil War.

Despite a complete press blackout
established by the military on both sides...

we're expecting exclusive coverage
of the tensions on the....

Civil War?

The Second Civil War.

Get me graphics!

All right! Okay.

We have not sought,
nor will we instigate, any combat situation.

But I am hereby serving notice
on the federal government...

that should any
armed hostilities break out...

the state of Idaho will immediately
secede from the United States.

And with Gov. Farley's
dramatic declaration of secession...

America appears just days away
from a deepening crisis.

Some observers fear the possibility
of an armed attack by federal troops.

An announcement from the White House
is expected within the hour.

Brendan, I'm going to need...

an Eisenhower kind of quote.

Something with a ring of leadership to it.

-An Eisenhower quote? I'll do me best, sir.
-I'm sure you will. Thank you very much.

Now, we're going to need
another Eisenhower quote.

So let's dream one up, lads.

"Is blackmail. No blackmail.

-"We will not be party to such highhanded--"
-No.

How about this? "In my judgment, we've got
to call in the Army, because otherwise--"

"The flower of democracy
will not be trampled...

"under the foot of rebellion."

That's closer, Vaclav.

But still, I'm missing the poetry, boys.

Raul, let's hear it, lad.

"We must endure and we must prevail...

"if the slender thread of truth
is to remain woven into the fabric...

"of civilized life."

"Slender thread of truth."

And just as Eisenhower said
years ago, "We must endure.

"We must prevail,
if the slender thread of truth...

"is to remain woven
into the fabric of civilized life. "

It was with that sentiment that
my predecessor of so many years ago....

That Eisenhower had a way with words.

Washington continues to mobilize troops.

With 64 hours left,
two battalions from North Carolina...

an entire brigade from the First Infantry...

and several armored companies
from Texas are being sent to Utah...

not far from the Idaho border.

Citizens from across that state are signing
up as volunteers in the National Guard.

Others are rallying around the various
private militias that support Gov. Farley.

Hi, folks. How's everybody doing?

Good. We're a News Net crew from...

New York City.

Well, near New York.
It's practically New Jersey.

We're here because we wanna tell
your side of the story.

Now I know you're probably
pretty suspicious of the media...

because of the way they've portrayed you
in the past.

They're always portraying you as these
sort of stereotypical, ultra-right-wing...

gun-crazed, union-busting whackos.

Good, Vinnie.

But I'll tell you what.

Let's take this opportunity to jump...

right over those left-wing, liberal...

East Coast, media elite types, and bring
your story right to the American people.

And that's why I'm supporting Gov. Farley.

The foreigners are taking our jobs,
and enough is enough.

Because I want my grandson...

to live in a country where we don't owe
every cent to bankers around the world.

I knew it was time
for me and my brother Alan here...

to start buying missiles to defend our farm
from the federal government...

that was trying to take all our guns away.

Once all the guns are gone,
who's gonna stand up to the people...

that are trying to take your freedom away?

Damn it! Christina, please don't do this.
Now, come here.

I've already done it. I've asked for a transfer.

Why?

Because I'm Mexican.
I should be in Tijuana, not Boise.

-Please, please.
-Watch it.

Christina, don't let
all this national issue stuff...

screw things up between you and me.

And just because you're Mexican
is no reason to go crazy.

And I'm not just keeping back Mexicans.
It's everyone. From Afghans to Zambians.

Don't make this into a personal thing
between you and me. Come on.

I feel sick.

-What's wrong, honey?
-I....

I've been sick for three days.

I have to go.

Christina? Steve, get an ambulance.

No, I'm okay.

-I'm okay. I just--
-You sure?

You know who fucked it up?

Your mink coat do-gooders who
talk more about rights and duties...

-throwing money at every problem they see.
-Fuck you.

Half the people I went to school with
can't get jobs now.

Seal the borders. Bring the jobs back.
There's more to life than cheap sneakers.

This is not a fraternity. We're a news
network. We've got work to do.

I've got this idea that hits
exactly what you're talking about.

-What is it?
-The orphans, right?

Okay, Rachel, bring up JFK.

You remember those old rock and rollers
from years ago sang We Are the World?

How about we get the old video
of them singing their hearts out.

Noble, caring humanity, world coming
together, a brighter day, and all that shit.

We intercut it with shots of these orphans.

These orphans are alive
but, hell, we can get some dead ones.

You cut back and forth between these
wonderful lyrics, maybe go instrumental...

like violins over the orphans.
Who in their right mind would ever...

tune that out and go to the
Home Shopping Network, I ask you?

Mel, the border just came alive.

It's a hell of an idea, Matthew. Work on it.

You could superimpose the face
of the rock musicians on the orphans...

to make them look like
they're playing the instruments.

Or you could take the orphans' faces
and put them on the rock musicians...

and make them look like they're singing.

Or you could take a hologram
of one of the rock musicians...

and put him amongst the orphans.

A big Mexican crowd is heading
for the border....

Mary Anne?

Is anybody listening to me in Brownsville?
Mary Anne, hello?

Mel, I'm having trouble hearing you.

There's a huge number of Mexicans
pouring over the border.

I'm ready.

And these people streaming
across the Rio Grande...

from Mexico into Texas are moving north
for the same reason as those in California...

Arizona and New Mexico.

A fear that Gov. Jim Farley's solution--

Why am I here in Boise?

My parents crossed the border
just like those people are now.

I should be there on the border.
Not Mary Anne Wong.

Christina, I can't have
Mexicans covering Mexicans...

and Arabs covering Arabs.

Mel, it's LA.

Later, Christina.

Okay, people. Teamwork!

Let's go now to Los Angeles,
where the Mayor, Javier Clark, is speaking.

Oh shit.

Where the hell is simultaneous translation?

-Where is Domingo?
-Domingo's wife is having a baby.

Christina?

-Christina, honey, I need you to--
-Don't "honey" me.

-You cut me off.
-It was a snafu, darling. Please listen to me.

We're patching up a feed from LA. Do me a
favor and do the simultaneous translation.

I'm a reporter, not a translator.

Christina, I'm begging you, okay?

For all that we've meant to each other?

All we've meant to each other?
Are you crazy?

Never.

And there is no question
of the so-called border...

being closed unless we agree...

just because Mr. Farley and his Anglos
want to set the clock back...

and keep us in our place
for the next two centuries.

Whatever the politicians up north wanna do,
that's their problem, but...

here it's different.

The border is no longer
just a matter for Washington...

or the Se?or Farleys of the world. No.

We have as much to say over the border...

as any bureaucrat in Washington.

See, Los Angeles is not simply
American territory anymore.

I mean, just listen to our name.

-What's she doing?
-Does that sound like an English....

Letting us all know how much you've
meant to each other?

...or Las Vegas? No. These are the names
that our people gave them...

before the lands were ripped
from their ancestors...

and distributed among the Anglos.

Yeah. Who do we have there? Anybody?

Mohammed Amin.

The roof. Snipers.

We are trying to establish contact
with reporter Mohammed Amin.

Mohammed?

Helena, you've seen the shooting.
It is still going on.

I saw three, maybe four snipers on the roof.

One was wearing the colors
of one of the city's black gangs...

that have said that they will stop the Latinos
from completely taking over Los Angeles.

The black gangs have said...

that they will not recognize
Mexican authority here.

-Does anybody here speak English?
-Yeah.

No.

Anybody? Arabic?

That is why I'm closing the damn border.

Governor, Col. McNally on the phone.

Governor.

We can see two busloads of orphans
being unloaded...

the other side of the border here.

I just want to clarify our mission
with respect to these children.

What do we do...

if they march them up
between us and the federal troops?

You could always tell
when a crisis started really affecting us.

When it gets too close to home,
all the bad-taste jokes cease.

And when the orphans move up
to the Idaho border...

people start looking harder at the images
of those kids...

of the soldiers...

and of ordinary people like themselves.

What are they doing bringing orphans
to a war zone?

For Christ's sake, shut up.
We're taping, you moron.

-Give this one a piece of my mind--
-Don't go down there.

Come on, fellas!

Eddie, What's going on?

Show me a picture.
What's happening there?

Eddie, you cocksucker!

Hey, Mel.

You know, we were just looking
for my contact lens.

-Here it is.
-Great.

-See? All right. I guess we're ready then.
-Yeah.

All right. Let's shoot.

Idiots.

And with no sign that the deadline
will be extended by the President...

both sides are hardening their positions.

Federal troops are arriving
at Hill Air Base in northern Utah.

So far, more than 8,000
combat-ready troops are there...

under the command of Gen. Charles Buford.

Move, y'all.

Buford was second-in-command
of the Army unit sent into Algeria...

to rescue the hundreds
of American oil workers...

facing execution by Islamic fundamentalists.

What the hell is he doing?

I've been waiting 12 years for this,
candy-ass.

Hey, Chuck.

-Fuck you.
-No, you ain't.

Not after what you did to us
in the Persian Gulf.

You puffed-up piece of shit,
if you hadn't been chasing headlines--

I was supposed to get into Kuwait city first.

It was mine, God damn it!

Whose fault was it that you stopped...

for an interview with ABC News?

And you lied to me
about your position, didn't you?

Of course I did, Chuck. It was a race.

And I got to Kuwait first.

Well, fuck you.

You're kind of a sore loser,
aren't you, shithead?

We have a picture now. No audio, however.

There's an incredible dignity
to something like this.

There is.

Two military commanders facing each other
across a gulf of human passion.

It's like Gen. Lee and Gen. Grant meeting
after the Civil War.

And Lincoln would've been waiting
for Grant to report back to him.

Wouldn't Lincoln have been dead
by the time Lee and Grant met?

Whatever.

There's something compelling...

something eloquent about those two.

Blow it out your ass, you prick.

Fuck you, asshole.

Go find your mama.

Intake to C-SAT 4.

Damn it!

They better be recording this.

Where's it coming from?

The Alamo. It's Tricia Lee.

Oh, my God.

The Alamo. They've blown up the Alamo.

There are crowds of people all around.

It's like a celebration.

Wow.

Do you speak English?
I don't understand you.

Ingles?

Alamo gone.
Don't need to speak Ingles no more.

They trashed the Alamo.

Davy Crockett.
He whipped the Mexicans there.

What comic book do you get
your information from?

Crockett wasn't even on the winning team.

Davy Crockett was a hero.

Only reason Davy Crockett's a hero is...

'cause Disney figured out
how to make a buck off those hats.

Federal troops moving toward Idaho.

Governor.

Spent the night here last night, huh?

Yeah, I was thinking
of that beautiful piece of land...

I want to buy out by the lake,
the one with its own boat dock.

Is that still available?

We got an escalation problem.

I should've bought it.

I'd love to go up there
for a few days with Christina.

The feds have stopped their troops
less than a mile from our border.

We gotta get to the media
and seize moral high ground.

I'm getting damn tired
of all this moral high ground.

Oh, shit.

I prefer rolling in the mud.
You meet more interesting people there.

It's immediate.

I'm sick of the goddamn media.

That's how we got in this mess
in the first place.

If Moses had public opinion polls
and TV cameras to contend with...

he never would've led his people
out of Egypt.

Look, Governor, we got no choice.

All the troops in the world ain't
worth a squirrel's dick...

unless we got those media whores
kissing our ass.

That's the problem.

People are terrified of being called racist
for trying to preserve their own culture.

Yeah. Hold on.

They wanna know
what you want for breakfast.

-The usual.
-Fajitas.

Matthew, Helena, these units
from the 173rd Airborne...

suddenly began taking up positions here...

shortly after the news of the Alamo
came through.

I'm talking to from just inside Utah,
very close to the border with Idaho.

To my right is the encampment
of Pakistani orphans...

where, according to our information,
busloads more are expected to arrive today.

General, I know you don't trust the media.
I'm with you 100% on that, absolutely.

But I think
you're missing the opportunity here...

to counterattack what's being said
about you by these militia nuts...

and these opportunistic politicians--

Mr. Franco...

you and the rest of your ilk...

are a carbuncle on the ass of the military.

"Carbuncle."
I'll try and put a good spin on that word.

I'm sure you mean it
as a kind of compliment.

I ordered the media out of this sector,
and that includes you.

What about that great press I gave you
during the Persian Gulf--

Get out of here!

Okay.

It's too bad, though.
I was gonna give you this present.

I guess I can give it to somebody else.

It's a tape of you in that
Panama whorehouse a couple of years ago.

If you don't mind my saying so, General...

you didn't have any carbuncles
on your ass that night.

Are there any more copies of that tape?

Protests supporting both sides
of the Idaho conflict...

are increasing all over the country
in the wake of the bombing of the Alamo.

As government officials fear
more serious outbreaks of violence...

there is trouble from an unexpected source
on the Idaho-Utah border.

Blaine Gorman has more.

Matthew, Helena, the Sioux Indians
on this reservation have issued...

a statement saying that this conflict is,
and I quote:

"Part of the white man's war
that we will not be drawn into. "

In fact, they too, like Gov. Farley...

are closing the borders
to their big reservations.

The Indians are receiving support
from dozens of other bands...

all across America, many of whom....

It's getting to be a tad ridiculous.

Mr. President, I mean,
a bunch of Indians on the warpath....

If I may be so blunt, who gives a shit?

We do.

That reservation is right smack
between our troops and the Idaho border.

The Sioux. Aren't they the ones
who wiped out Gen. Custer?

Yes, sir. Not far from there.

Well, I'm not going to have
another Gen. Custer on my hands.

I intend to take the appropriate action
to ensure this does not happen!

Can't we just let them
have another casino or something?

This is News Net.

Good evening, I'm Matthew Langford.

And I'm Helena Newman.

There are now less than 41 hours left...

in the countdown to the Idaho crisis.

And the White House has announced
the granting of gambling licenses...

to the Lakota Sioux Indian Tribe
for a casino next to the Little Bighorn...

where Gen. Custer was killed....

Is nothing sacred?

Next, they'll be paving Gettysburg.
Or worse, Disneyland.

Jim Kalla, I need you in Washington.

More than anything else,
what the Idaho crisis has done...

is to highlight all the factions,
all the divisions in America.

And nowhere are they closer to
the surface...

than in the House of Representatives
in Washington.

I'm out here! If you got a problem....

It's become kind of a political bazaar
built on the ruins of the melting pot.

Translator, come over here!

What the hell's he saying?

We don't like the deals other groups...

and the Nation of Islam are making
against us Chinese.

Hey, man, this is Washington!
This is what we do here!

Make deals! Do you understand that?

The situation here changes hourly.

What this crisis comes down to
is wheeling and dealing.

Most of it orchestrated by the White House
and Kenya Nkomo...

the leader of the Nation of Islam caucus.

Before being elected to Congress...

he made his name on the streets
of Los Angeles as a feared gang leader.

Every party is demanding concessions...

...in exchange
for supporting the President...

if he needs to use force against Idaho.

Now I'm standing here
next to Congressman Singh of Alabama.

Congressman Singh, what concession
did you get from the White House?

A great deal for my people.

I told Mr. Buchan from the White House:

"Y'all want our support against Idaho, fine.

"But y'all have to give us
3,000 acres in Alabama...

"and money to build our temples. "

And he said, "No problem. " So, no problem.

No problem. Jim Kalla, News Net.

Can't make an omelet
without busting some sacred eggs.

We're making history here.

And you ain't with us, are you?

No, I'm not.

You should be.

Why not?

Maybe because I'm a reporter.

I ain't with anybody.

Maybe because too many sacred eggs
are getting busted.

See, I rode the buses back in the '60s
to bring people together.

Pretty unfashionable now, isn't it?

Your wife. She's Jewish, ain't she?

You know, I forgot what she is.

All I remember
is that we met on the back of a bus.

Hey, is the Governor in the car?

Well, anybody seen him?

I'll be dipped in dog shit.
Where the hell are you?

Son of a bitch!

Governor.

Oh, Jesus Christ, Governor! Scoot over.

I've been looking all over hell for you--

She always parks right over there.
You see that empty parking space?

That's her.

Governor, we've got crisis after crisis
going on in there--

You want to know about crisis, Jimmy?
She won't even look at me now.

Jesus.

There she is.

Governor.

I knew she'd come back.

What the hell is she doing?

Christina, are you all right?

Christina, are you all right?

No. Not really.

What were you doing behind that tree?

I was barfing.

I have to go.

What's going on?

She's pregnant.

I'm going to be a father.

And if it's a boy...

we're gonna call it Juan Pablo Farley.

I got you hooked up again.

-It was a faulty switch.
-Great.

-I owe you one.
-No, you don't.

How's Arla doing?

-She has good days and bad days.
-What did the doctor say?

Nothing I wanna hear.

-Say hello for me.
-I will.

I came across another great line.

"The best lack all conviction, while
the worst are full of passionate intensity."

That is a good line.

The poets. Nobody pays enough attention
to the poets anymore.

Good night, Godfrey.

Hey, what the hell's going on?

Moving them out.

Oh, man. Jesus Christ!
Come on. Enough is enough.

You know what? I've had it with you.
All you do is use the wide-angle lens.

It will look like there's less orphans
than there really is.

Lady, I don't have an orphan lens, okay?
I use a normal everyday lens--

Yeah, if we were
the Save the Children Fund...

you wouldn't use a wide-angle lens,
you'd use a telephoto lens.

-Fine. You're a big expert, right?
-Yes, I am. Thank you.

-What are you talking about?
-I'm talking about media, asshole.

Fuck reality, this is image!

Fuck the media,
these kids shouldn't be near the border.

Yeah? If these kids were not near
the border, you wouldn't have a story.

It is my constitutional right to do as I see fit.

You know what, you are a fascist.
You know that?

-I'm a fascist?
-Yeah. How do you feel about that?

That's what you...

call everybody
who doesn't think the way you do.

Blaine, I want you to give that idiot
a message.

You tell him
that you never get in the middle of a story.

He's fired!

Burgess is going crazy.
He says you're fired again.

Really? Fuck it! I'm done. I'm out.

-Will you do us a favor and just shut up?
-That's all we do around here, Blaine.

We're in the news business.

We're a wall of noise, Blaine.
Wake the fuck up.

You know what, I quit! I'm done.

I'm going to New York, going to tie one on.

I'm gonna finish that novel I started.

It's a big enough piece of shit
to become a bestseller.

Then I'm gonna take the money,
move to the Bahamas...

Then I'm gonna take the money,
move to the Bahamas...

the only time I'll see you guys
is when I'm channel surfing.

I quit. Fuck you, fuck him, everybody!

That's too bad, we could've used you.

I hear Mel's thinking of bringing in
one those young CNN producers.

What?

Yeah. That's what I heard.

Really?

Fuck!

Come on, we got a lot of work to do,
let's go.

It is our understanding that Gen. Buford
has been ordered to march the orphans...

to the border and formally demand...

that Gov. Jim Farley allow them passage
into Idaho.

Clearly, Gov. Farley
is going to be the man of the hour.

Governor, you really want to get down
off that ledge, you don't want to be slipping.

I'm terrified of heights myself.

Oh, shit!

Look at that commotion down there.

News crews, National Guard, crowds.

I just realized something. I created that.

You sure did, now why don't you
just come down there off the edge?

-You could slip.
-I love the edge, that's where life is.

I know that about you, Governor,
that's for sure.

Ain't nothing ever happens in the middle.
The edge, that's where it all happens.

You still fuck your wife?

-What?
-Yeah, after a few years, it fades.

The mating urge, I mean.

I haven't slept with Eleanor for three years.

-We're all just animals, you know.
-I know that, Governor.

But, the White House has federal troops
coming in--

Scratching for our little piece of turf.

Mating like animals for a few years, all
in the name of that thing called romance...

and then it fades.

The males have to go looking
somewhere else to plant their seed.

Oh, Jesus!

Juan Pablo Farley!

John Paul in Spanish.
Named after the last pope.

Look, Governor, I don't think we want
to get into that right now.

Our Guard is keeping out
about a million Juan Pablos right now.

Hell, yes!
That's because there is a million of them.

But one single Juan Pablo,
one cute little kid...

one future leader
who'll take our nation to greatness...

you telling me we keep him out, my son?

No way, Jos?!

-Jack.
-Yes, sir.

Who allowed the media in here?

It's better to have them inside the tent
pissing out, than outside pissing in.

All right, let's start at the beginning.

How the hell do we stop this thing?
It's already gone too far.

We can order Gen. Buford
to withdraw all his troops.

That's weakness.

Well, then we can wait for the deadline
and attack.

-Madness.
-Well, if it's one thing or the other...

I know which one I would choose.

Mr. President...

the public hates weakness,
shows up in all the polls.

Well, we've got another problem
and you're not gonna want to hear it.

When we set these deadlines, we were
presuming that it wouldn't go this far.

If the shit hits the fan...

it's gonna wind up
spilling over into All My Children.

Oh, for Christ's sake!

Mel, I'm trying to find Vinnie.

He took the minicam,
said he smelled a better story.

I gotta go, they're moving out now.

Mel, you dim-witted schmuck,
it's me, your favorite person in the world.

Vinnie! How're you doing? Where are you?

Palm Beach? Basking in Malibu?

On the Idaho side, about to send the most
important shots of the crisis.

You know something,
I don't even know why I'm talking to you.

If I'm not mistaken, you were fired.

Really? That's great.
Now that I'm a freelancer, that means...

you got to pay me a whole lot of money
for these shots or hire me back with a raise.

-Vinnie, there is zero probability of that.
-Yeah?

Take a look at this, my friend.

That's cowboy boots.

What does that have to do with anything?

The gonzo has lost his mind.

Wait. Vinnie, it's Jim.

Move in on the shoulder patches.

Excuse me,
would you mind turning around?

Jim, you're on the verge
of breaking the code, I can tell.

Since when have you ever seen
cowboy boots on a Guardsman...

except in that piece we had last year
about that goofiness in Montana.

Montana?
What's that have to do with anything?

Look at the shoulder patches.

Montana National Guard.

Told you. Now look here.

Hey, guys! How are things in Fargo?

We're from Bismarck.

North....

Jesus Christ!

If the governors from the other states
are sending in their National Guards....

News Net has just learned that America
is on the brink of civil war.

It is no longer just Idaho
against the federal government.

Our producer Vince Franco
has just sent these images...

of troops from Montana, North Dakota...

and possibly other states
that are prepared to fight.

Sometimes the choice
between war and peace...

between survival and destruction...

can hang on a gesture, a word,
an inflection.

After any major crisis,
you could always look back...

and find that one moment
that changed it all.

That instant,
when a line is drawn in the sand...

and there's no turning back.

Your actions
are unconstitutional and illegal.

I'm ordering you to remove this roadblock.

You posing for the cameras again, Chuck?

My orders come from the President.

What I got to do is ensure these children
are admitted into the state of Idaho.

Well, I have orders
from the Governor of Idaho...

to see that, that does not happen.

to see that, that does not happen.

Well, you know,
there won't be no second chance.

Wrong again, Chuck.

This is your second chance to be first...

into Kuwait.

I dare you.

Turn the little ragheads around.

By the way...

you still owe me a case of whiskey
from that card game in Sarajevo...

you cheap son of a bitch.

What's going on?

Retreating is not an option!

Fuck this fascist shit! No!

Twenty hours to go, people.
Eleven states supporting Farley...

and counting.

Mel, the difference is that this one here
has these three little exclamation marks.

Yeah, no exclamation marks.

I could just sort of have them fade off--

Look here, the country is falling apart,
we don't need exclamation marks.

Mel, I got an even better idea.
A telethon, like a Jerry Lewis thing...

only with orphans and all that stuff.

Is this a work in progress?

It's your own rule.
The three "T's" of great news...

tits, tots and tears.

We've got two "T's" right off the bat...

then we get Helena to dress up
in one of those push-up things....

-It's a classic idea, Matthew.
-Then we got the three "T's."

-Twenty hours left, Mel.
-Okay. What's with Christina?

Nobody's going home tonight,
we're ordering in.

I swear she's having an affair with Farley.

God, I hope so.
We can get some mileage out of it.

Don't be ridiculous. This is a news outfit,
not a gossip column.

Don't get pious with me, Alan...

we're talking about what makes people--

If Christina is fucking
the Governor of Idaho...

it's nobody's business but Christina's.

Alan, what did you say?

Christina is what?

Christina's fucking the Governor of Idaho?

-I know where you're going with this.
-I do not believe this!

You're not gonna turn that lunatic
into a human interest story.

It's Christina.

Hello, Christina.

Yeah. No, you look a little pale.
What's the matter?

No, Christina,
I do not need you on the Mexican border.

I need you where you are, in Idaho.

And, by the way...

I can't commend you enough
on the job you're doing with the Governor.

Let's go get a smoke.

Who are these guys?
They weren't here an hour ago.

I got a battalion of Chinese out here.

Hundreds of them.

What Chinese?

If that's Vinnie, I don't care
if he's got the ghost of Chairman Mao...

no overtime.

Have a nice day, Sandy.

Excuse me, who are you?
Where are you from?

The Colonel says to tell you that we
are the Rhode Island National Guard.

We are American citizens
who will do our duty in this conflict.

The Governor of Rhode Island's
on News Net.

Our actions in support of Gov. Farley
have been taken...

because of boatloads and planes
full of refugees from mainland China...

who continue to descend on Rhode Island.

It is becoming increasingly difficult
to cope and to govern.

We, therefore, are supporting the position
taken by Idaho in closing its borders...

and declaring that we too, have the right
to close our borders as we see fit.

-You know what they say, Jimmy?
-No, what do they say, sir?

Character is destiny.
We all have our destinies.

And I have mine.

How soon are we going?
It's gotta get there by tonight, okay?

Oh, God!

-Christina.
-What are you doing here?

-I need to talk to you.
-There is nothing to talk about.

-Yes, there is.
-What?

I want to know what it would take
to make you change your mind.

-You couldn't begin--
-Try me.

Anything. Just name it.

I want the man I fell in love with.

Terrific. I do just what you advise.

Dot every ethnic "I"
and cross every racial "T"...

and what do we get?
The goddamn Chinese...

our goddamn Chinese,
side with that prick Farley and his rednecks.

Is this what it's all about?

Sitting at the bottom
of the goddamn melting pot...

when it's all boiled away
and there's nothing left but lumps?

Well, you can always renege
on that deal with Kenya Nkomo...

and that Nation of Islam group.

How many Electoral College votes
do they control?

Oh, 60, 70 on a good day.

How about the Koreans?

I don't know, 26?

-There's your answer.
-Not necessarily.

We could let in a million more Koreans...

jack up the electoral votes to 80, and bingo!

You've got them eating chop suey
right out of your hand.

-Mr. President.
-What?

They've blown up the Statue of Liberty.

At the height of the Reagan era, it was this,
a gala event that thrilled America...

when the refurbished Statue of Liberty
was unveiled.

Tonight, it is this:

A shattered mass of steel and dreams.

A group calling itself Patriots for Farley
has claimed responsibility...

in a message phoned in to News Net
that reads:

"We will no longer take in
the huddled masses of the world... "

I need to know that I can trust you.

"...no more corrupt political compromises. "

The message ends with,
"Remember the Alamo. "

-Say Farley.
-"Farley."

Security around America's
most revered historic sites...

such as the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia...

has been heightened
in the wake of the destruction....

Turn that thing off.
Everybody, get back to their tents.

-I don't think so, Major.
-I don't think I heard you right.

You heard me, Major.
My sister lives in Idaho.

I didn't get into this army to fight
other Americans, especially for this bullshit.

At ease, Sergeant.

Fuck you, sir!

No cameras. I said no cameras!

Put it down, asshole.

He shot the Major! Oh, my God!

My God, they have shot the officer.
Killed the officer in charge.

-They're shooting others.
-Get that camera.

-They're shooting others.
-Get that camera.

They killed their own officer.

So, what do you expect?
You can only push people so far.

What the fuck you talking....

-What, are you trying to justify murder?
-No. You know, fuck you!

Mutiny?

This is the Army! The US Army!

Shit!

Y'all obey orders now, you hear me?

Oh, God damn.

-I think we should get out of here.
-Not yet.

-Now.
-Yeah.

-You know Alan, you have no option--
-You and the other apologists--

-Shut up!
-Bullshit.

What are you getting unraveled for now?

We're inside, not outside.

Mel, you just don't get it, do you?
It's all outside now. Just get used to it.

There's desertions all over the place.

There's desertions all over the place.

Tell Buford to get some movement,
anything to pull it all together.

-Move some armored brigades out.
-We can't.

What do you mean, we can't?

Most of the tanks need spare parts
for the turbine compressors.

So what am I, a repair shop foreman?
Get the goddamn parts, fix them.

-We can't.
-What are you telling me?

Hold on a minute.

Mr. President, after the free trade talks
you signed with Taiwan...

we stopped making spare parts
because they could make them cheaper.

And then you got into that argument....
That dialogue with him...

and they stopped shipping us
any military parts.

Let's look on the bright side, shall we?
I mean...

after all, the glass is really half full.

I mean,
about those 70 Electoral College votes...

we don't really need the Nation of Islam,
the Chinese...

the Koreans, or hell, anybody.

What we do
is take the Irish off birth control.

They will breed like rabbits, I know,
they're my people.

They fuck like drunken minks,
we'll be up to 80 votes in no time at all.

By God!

Line them up.

We're being ordered out of the area now.
The military has ordered us away.

They're setting up a firing squad over here.
This has not happened before.

They're going to execute three--

-Turn that camera off.
-What are you doing?

-Get the hell out of here.
-You aren't really gonna shoot these guys?

What is this guy? Get this guy out of here.

Are you gonna shoot these guys?
Now you're gonna shoot me?

You're not gonna shoot me.

You can't shoot me.
We're on national television here, okay?

Come on--

Get out of here.

Go ahead!

Kill your own! Kill America!
There's nothing left of it anyway.

Just a bunch of politicians or executives...

who hire people in places we don't live.

Are you gonna kill for that?

Squad, ready.

-Go ahead, you bastards.
-Aim.

Fire.

They shot them!

-Oh, shit! What is this?
-Please, we're on the air.

-In other news--
-Fuck this....

-We're killing our own people.
-We're on the air.

In other news, the White house has said
that they will be making a statement--

Fuck you, Matthew, there is no other news.

-About this particular situation.
-Get her off.

Our News Net correspondents are there.

We will bring you this when we hear it.

We have, I believe, four correspondents...

-at the White House, as soon as--
-There is no other news.

-As soon as we are able--
-Shut up!

-Most of--
-Shut up, you little wanker.

Don't you get it, there is no other news?

And, hopefully we will be--

Shut up!

This has to be your decision.

It was made a long time ago.

I just don't want you to feel that you--

Jimmy, I'm gonna want to make a statement
to the press in the morning...

about an hour before the deadline.

Mr. Buchan.

Mr. Buchan, I have some information
you might want to know about.

Mr. President.

Secession!

He's going to announce, one hour before
the deadline, that Idaho's going to secede...

and start a whole new country,
like the South did in the Civil War?

Well, that's what
this News Net guy said, yeah.

How the hell does he know?

Well, I'm not supposed to know this,
but it seems that...

one of their reporters is shacking up
with Farley.

That son of a bitch.

-He's waging a public relations war.
-You're damn right.

If I know anything, I know PR.
And that is what runs this country.

-lf Eisenhower were here--
-Forget Eisenhower.

Yeah, but don't forget,
you're on the line for those orphans.

Screw the orphans.

We went out on a limb for them.
What did they get us in return?

Every damn ethnic group in the country
crying the blues.

This isn't a time for Eisenhower.
It's a time for Lincoln.

Lincoln took the bull by the horns
when the South tried to secede, gentlemen.

If Lincoln was here, you think he'd let
a bunch of orphans decide everything?

I've said it all along.

Action!

Jesus Christ! What now?

Oh, what the hell....

Nobody lives forever.

Let's get a story.

This one's for the Duke.

This is Blaine Gorman reporting
from just inside the Idaho border.

The federal troops have attacked.
There is war!

The Second Civil War has just broken out,
two hours before the deadline.

All around me are--

Blaine!

Jesus Christ!

It's too late, Eddie. Come on.

I'm trying to remember the words
to the Pledge of Allegiance.

Said it a million times when I was a kid.

Right now, I...

can't seem to remember the words.

Jack!

What in God's name is this?

-Action, not reaction.
-Why? Farley was gonna quit.

What are you talking about?
You told me yourself...

we had to take action before Farley
made his secession speech.

I said succession...

not secession!

He was going to step down.

He was going to announce
that he's going to hold a convention...

to choose someone to succeed him,
for Christ's sake.

What're you yelling for?

He's going to marry Christina Fernandez
and raise Mexican babies.

Well, the President's in his Lincoln mode
right now...

and I think this will
just confuse the shit out of him, so...

I think we had just better...

play this one out.

Alan, why isn't our logo on that shot?

I promised my wife...

I'd be home to make breakfast.

I read years ago that someone once said...

that those whom the Gods destroy,
they first make mad.

Or maybe it's just
that we're an unfinished piece of art.

Part tragedy, part comedy, part joy,
part farce, a work in progress.

But, for the moment, we're still painting
and writing in blood.

And it always seems
to come out of a lot of suffering.

Someday, after it all dries,
it will be magnificent.

But until then, like all art,
it's messy as hell.

...order has been restored
throughout the country...

and with the cessation
of all military activities now a week old...

the former President appealed for calm.

And, in other news,
the delayed broadcast last night...

of Susan Lucci's final episode of
All My Children...

in which Erica finally runs off
with Antonio...

became the most watched
television program in history...

outdoing even the final episode of M.A.S.H.