The Second Age of Aquarius (2022) - full transcript

♪ Stag flick, drag chick,
sock it to me baby ♪

♪ Horizontal boogie, in my blue
movie ♪

♪ Loosey goosey, blue movie ♪

♪ French kiss, Swiss miss ♪

♪ Thai tryst with an LA twist ♪

♪ Getting juicy in my blue movie ♪

♪ Proctor playing doctor ♪

♪ Blue movie ♪

♪ Ooh la la, she burns her bra ♪

♪ Liberated cutie with
a liberating booty ♪

♪ Stag flick, drag chick,
sock it to me baby ♪



♪ Let it in, let it all
hang out, blue movie ♪

♪ Freak flag, sex tag,
blow your mind, baby ♪

♪ Fly em high, let the
joint get down, blue movie ♪

♪ Catch my date in Super Eight ♪

Oh Alberta, honey,
don't cry.

Nana lived a long and happy life

and you know whose music
we played at the funeral,

just like she wanted.

Honey, Nana would've understood.

Mom, I didn't even
realize she was so sick,

I could've flown out.

Alberta, you know what
your, well, nevermind,

you couldn't have,

but you're here in spirit.



Mom, please don't tell me

you wore a Def Leppard
shirt to the service.

What?

It was black.

Anyway,

sweetie, Nana left some of
her things just for you.

I sent you a package.

Oh God, I hope it arrives
safely.

Oh, yeah yeah, thanks Mom

It came this morning,

Okay, I'll talk to you
later.

♪ Dripping sunshine ♪

♪ Wet window pane ♪

♪ Cry of love for souls
unchained ♪

Hi Russell,
welcome to the 21st century.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Sugar!

And that was
another unforgettable song

from Creed.

Next up on KLUV, an hour long
rock block, commercial free,

of Russell Aquarius from 1970
at the Gettysburg Music Fest,

his very last concert.

Don't worry folks,

we won't be playing the very
end and with good reason.

Today would have been
Russell's 58th birthday,

had he not been taken from us so
young.

In fact, he was an early
member of the 27 Club

forging the paths of Jimmy
Hendrix, Janice Joplin,

the great Jim Morrison,

and not so long ago, Mr. Kurt
Cobain,

who all died at the tender age
of 27.

Oh, what a sweet racket there
must be in heaven, baby.

Happy Birthday, Russell.

♪ I'll show you paradise
woman!!! - ♪

Dadgummit!

This is Alberta.

What do you mean the
meeting's been changed?

This is the third time you've
done this without telling me.

Well, it's when?

Now?

Fudge sticks!

Just tell him to hold
on, I'll be right there.

No, no, no, don't you dare go in
my place.

You don't know the
project like I do, Julio.

Julio?!

Oh, you brown nosing piece of
shingle!

Where is it?

Ugh, I hate this fricking job!

Russell
hated mornings, always had.

Long before his ascent from folk
clubs

to Fillmore's East and West,

and all the psychedelic
joints he'd played in between.

Fact is,

unless he was puking
up peyote in the desert

while hallucinating coyote gods,

Russell pretty much didn't
like daytime at all.

Son of a!

Now years ago,

Russell might have freaked out

waking up in some unknown
place next to a stranger,

having no memory as to how he
got there.

But after a few tours, this
became a regular occurrence,

kind of like Russell's morning
ritual.

He'd just go with the flow.

In the past,

if Russell had seen a
groupie as unglued as this,

he'd have given her his famous
smile

and helped her right through her
bad trip.

But after that crazy stalker
had come on the scene,

he was fearful.

It wasn't all just peace and
love,

grass and microdots anymore.

Now there were chicks high on
angel dust

who wanted to carve
swastikas into your forehead,

Manson family style while you
slept.

That's the last time I mix
creme de menthe with mescaline.

Still got it.

♪ Get in my groovy
technicolor Volkswagen van ♪

♪ I'll take you to paradise,
ooh, my sexy wo-man ♪

What is this?

Whoa.

Hey girl.

Glad you've mellowed out.

What's for dinner?

I just turned you off.

Uh,

foxy lady, to the
contrary, you turn me on.

What?

You blew my mind last night,
girl, among other things.

Oh, it looks like you're
flipping the switch right now.

Oh boy.

Okay, where are the cameras?

I swear I put them here.

You're solid.

Uh yeah babe, I'm as hard as a
rock.

Okay, who the heck are you
and what are you doing here?

Wait, is that my robe?

Did Julio hack into my computer

and send you to mess with me?

If so, I will shove my
foot right up his arse.

You got spunk, I like that.

Oh wait, did my mom send
you to make me feel better?

What are you, like a
celebrity impersonator,

a singing telegram, what?

Don't even.

My avatar!

Oh my gosh.

Your abattoir?

Man, you're one far out chick.

Russell didn't
know

what in the Maharajah's
name she was talking about.

If she was like most groupies,

she was way out in Ruby Tuesday
land.

So again, what's for dinner?

You eat?

Oh um, how fascinating, I um.

Okay, I um, I don't really cook.

Come on, chicks dig
doing stuff like that.

What?

Oh!

Okay, it's a microwave.

Here you go.

You can eat it.

What?

This uh, astronaut food
um, kind of interesting.

Oh, they're um, called chicken
nuggets.

Well, they
taste like Play-Doh smells,

so you're better off not having
any.

Besides, you could stand to
lose a few pounds anyway.

What?

I'm not saying
you're fat or anything

because damn woman,

your body felt pretty
fucking good last night.

Gosh, you are so warm.

I'm hotter than Ravi
Shankar's ass on a tabla.

Huh.

Ow!

Gosh.

Stop it, stop it.

Where did you come from?

Now that's the universal
question, now isn't it?

I feel like I haven't eaten in a
century.

More like 50 years.

Huh.

What else you got?

Okay, listen, can we just
go sit in the living room?

I, I really need a glass of wine
or three.

You?

Okay great, come on.

Anyway, you're probably
wondering my name.

Uh, not exactly,

but you can tell me if it'll
make you feel more relaxed.

You know, we'll be flying
united tonight again.

I get it.

Um anyway, my name is Alberta
and.

Huh, that's kind of old
fashioned.

I'm used to groupies with names
like Daffodil or Mary Juana,

but that's cool, you know?

I dig you.

Flattered kind of, but I am no
groupie.

I am a computer programmer and
I-

- A what?

Oh yes, of course, so I
develop code,

which is going to go over your
head too,

but basically I made your
avatar.

Here you go again.

Can't we just enjoy the evening?

Here, I'm giving you my
glass so you can wash it

or keep it as a souvenir or
something.

I don't know what you girls
do with these kinds of things.

What?

That was my idea, bung hole.

When you're done, lover,
I'll be in bed waiting

patiently.

I probably should
research your capabilities.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Listen um, I just,

I need to take a quick shower

because I didn't have time this
morning.

So?

Really, I must reek.

It's the Seventies for fuck's
sake.

Oh Russell, no, no, no, not
really, no.

You should know that.

Look, we're all children of
the earth

like that Rousseau cat said,

so let's cut the square bullshit
and let it all hang out,

my sweet Albania.

Uh, Alberta

What?

♪ Cheek to cheek, hip to hip ♪

♪ Beak to beaker, trip to trip ♪

♪ I'm a furry freak ♪

Oh my gosh.

Damn, my lady.

I've been with too many
strung out Twiggy chicks.

What, so what are you saying?

You like my chub?

You got the body of a goddess.

I do?

Uh-huh.

Hey, when you're done in there,

be a doll and make me
something to eat, would you?

What?

Do you need something?

Are you holding?

What?

I'm jonesing, man.

Oh yes, rockstar, got it.

Oh Russell, you will love this.

Would you believe that
cannabis is legal now?

I get this delivered.

What, grass is
straight?

I must've died and gone to
heaven.

Maybe you have,

but some states require a
doctor's note,

which is a joke because
nearly everyone has one.

I mean, even my Nana has one,
had one.

Hello, earth to Alfresco.

Sorry.

This is Hindu Kush, it's the
best.

This is just candy.

Oh no, no, no,

they're pot gummies.

Groovy, give those yummy
gummies to me.

Oh Russell, no,

those are way stronger
than you're used to.

Much better.

Whoa, this is hitting
me faster than usual.

What?

Fascinating.

I guess I gotta research this.

Right on, man.

Yeah, this ain't no skunk weed.

Nice and sweet.

Hey, what else you got?

Shrooms, acid, ups, downs,
reds, black beauties,

bennies, big chief, blow?

I got a box of fluff
balls in the kitchen.

Fluff balls?

Wow, I am really impressed.

You can really handle your THC.

If I had that many gummies,

I would like probably be in the
hospital.

Got anything else?

What's with the look?

Who died?

Well, look Russell, you did.

We never really die, man.

Stardust is immortal,

but if you're talking about

the first time I played at Cafe
Wha,

okay yes, maybe I did
die up there that night,

but the next night, I really
killed it.

Russell, you were electrocuted
by a microphone in 1970.

You were only 27 years old.

You're a real laugh riot.

No, no, no, I'm not joking.

Well, you ain't no Phyllis
Diller, tell you that.

No Russell, listen to me.

My, my Nana was your biggest
fan,

she was even at your last
concert.

Your Nana?

Old farts, no offense,

don't come to my shows,
except to bust them up.

Yeah, but she was, look,

she was very young back then
and very, very pretty, look.

Ooh, did she
and I ever get it on?

No, she was married to my
grandpa then.

So?

I used to go to her house
after school

and we'd crank up the Aquarius.

You.

Oh, Grammy loves my music,
huh?

That's cool, man, groovy.

Well, she did.

She would have been your age.

Well, the age you would have
been, if you hadn't, you know.

Well, maybe like these delicious snack
cakes, I'm just very well preserved.

preserved.

No. Actually, there was a beautiful
funeral for you and everything.

All right, then, who
came to my funeral, hmm?

Bill Burroughs, Vonnegut, was
Plant there?

Swear that bastard stole my
lyrics.

Look, you talk a good game,

but I just don't believe you,
Albatross.

Alberta.

What?

Okay, look down.

No, look at these concert
tickets.

Okay.

Look at the date.

The Stones are still
touring.

Yes.

Now I know you're putting me
on.

My Nana got me these,
hoping I'd actually go.

Okay here, look at this.

What is that thing anyways?

It's an iPhone.

Does everyone have those
things in your supposed future?

Some people, like my mom, have
Androids.

And my Uncle Spock has a phaser

Okay, check it out.

You're on a behind the
music show on YouTube,

My Tube?

It's the Russell Aquarius
episode,

it starts with footage from
your last concert, look.

Russell is one
of the few musicians

who have died on stage,
much to the shock of fans.

♪ I'll show you paradise, woman! ♪

When we return,

we'll talk with Robert Plant,

who remembers Russell's tragic
decline into drug addiction

on Aquarius Rises and Falls.

It just makes me want
to trash a hotel room!

Russell, I'm sorry, I forgot.

No babe, let's ball later, all
right?

God, right know I could use a
stiff drink.

Oh.

Russell I'm sorry.

I swear I wasn't trying
to bum you out earlier.

It's just, I don't know.

My therapist says I got to work
on my interpersonal skills,

which she's probably right,

but like, look, if I was
you. I'd want to know too.

I just,

I just thought you need to
know what happened to you,

that's all.

I think uh, I'm having a bad
trip.

No, no Russ,

you're a hundred percent
not having a bad trip,

'cause look, Russell, I made
you.

What do you mean, you made me?

Yeah, I made you,

like I developed your
code, which caused you to.

God, enough with the freak
jive!

Okay, hold on, let me show
you.

I want to show you something.

Look at this Russell.

This right here, this is you.

This is the you I made
after my Nana passed away.

That doesn't even look like
me!

We used to dance to
"Furry Freak" so much.

God, "Furry Freak."

We even wore down the
grooves on your record.

Thank you.

This is your set list.

You could get a lot of money
for that on eBay, really?

E-Bay?

Yep.

and now I'm a part of a
development team at MuziTech,

after working on my own coding
for years

and now I'm a part of a
development team at MuziTech,

a supposedly cutting edge
company,

but they're so far behind the
times, it's not even funny.

To say nothing of all the ding
holes,

they're trying to make me look
bad,

just 'cause I'm a GD woman,

but hey, it's the first
job since grad school

that I've been able to
use my AI training, so.

Artificial
insemination.

You would.

Artificial intelligence.

God, sounds like my
first guitar teacher,

always pretending he was so
smart.

Gosh, I thought I had
this all figured out,

then I, I guess I jacked the
algorithms, it blew a fuse.

No, okay, whoever you
are and whoever you blew,

doesn't matter, okay?

Just stop this talk.

Oh, Christ, it's like an
Altamont all over again

and I'm bumming on the brown
tabs.

Russell, you're so cute, I'm
sorry.

It's just, come here, come here.

What?

Put your foot on the
table, your right foot.

What?

Do you see that
right there?

That's me, that is my
signature on your foot.

A for Alberta, you are my
avatar.

No man, that's A for
Aquarius!

I got this tattoo when, when.

Oh man, I don't remember!

What, are you kidding me?

What are you saying, babe?

That dill weed, taking
credit for my work.

Put that stupid phaser away.

I'm sorry, it's just that
this Dingus at my office

is trying to steal my
code and get me fired.

Dagnabbit.

You were saying
something about our lives

being part of one huge,
what did you call it?

Avatar?

No, that's not exactly what I
said/

Woman.

What?

You wouldn't believe
the vision I just had.

I'm being born and I see
my whole life and my death,

right here in the palm of your
hand.

At least the way I will die,

if I don't expand my
consciousness pronto.

God, it's clear as a fuck bell
now.

If I don't get my shit together,

the heavens are gonna
rain down upon me, bam,

with a thunderbolt.

Like this?

Russell, I don't mean to be
mean,

but you were electrocuted by a
microphone.

Wow.

Good metaphor.

No, like I said, in 1970.

Wha? Are you okay?

I just experienced pure
cosmic cautiousness, man.

Russell.

Alpha to mother loving Omega.

Oh my gosh.

There are no words to describe
this.

It's like I was born and
reborn in a blink of an eye.

It's too much, it's too
fucking beautiful, man.

The whole freak out amigo,
comprende?

Oh dammit, I fucked my mind for
good.

I'm gonna be a headcase like Syd
Barrett.

Don't you see woman,

Knowing what I now know,

I can never go back to this
illusion you call the real world

ever again, huh?

And I'm never going to go
back on stage ever again,

only to be killed by heaven's
wrath!

Okay, okay,

everything is going to be all
right, okay?

Come on man, seriously?

It's so freaking late.

Dude, you're all worried
about the real world.

You're not even real.

Oh, like that's supposed
to make me feel any better.

If you're some benevolent
spirit from the future,

your bedside manner is the
shits.

I'm sorry, I'm
sorry.

That was very mean of me.

I need sleep and you need sleep
and it's time for bed, okay?

Don't get me all wrong,

you're all like va va voom,
baby,

but I do not feel like balling
right now.

I'm talking about getting
sleep, not sex, you jerk.

Look, in the morning,

you can look at your notes

and work your Russell
Aquarius magic on them, okay?

If you're still here.

I do have an idea for a song
cycle.

That's the spirit.

Okay, come on.

And maybe after that,

you can give me one of your sexy
jerks.

Something like that, maybe.

Okay yeah, but listen, first
sleep, okay?

But wait, I'm gonna need
like an instrument or something

or like a guitar or a piano

or shit, might even a sitar
would do.

How about a nice tambourine?

Like some chick on the
sidelines, or Robert Plant.

No way, Alfalfa.

Alberta.

What?

Come on, Russ.

What?

Lay down.

Why?

Look,

I will get you whenever
you need tomorrow, okay?

Just please, come on, get some
sleep.

No, I don't wanna go to bed.

Yes and in the
meantime,

I'll try to make some tweaks to
your code,

so you won't feel so sad.

Enough of this freak talk.

How chauvinistic.

Hey, where
are you going, Albacore?

It's Alberta.

Oh, is that what you call
yourself now?

It is, and I am going to work.

What is it you do again for
work?

Secretary, waitress?

I am an augmented
reality systems analyst

and programming department head.

Yeah.

Classic.

Okay, I've got to get to the
office.

There's a fresh pot of coffee
in the kitchen for you.

No man, coffee's for squares.

You got any like Echinacea
and rose hips tea?

And I'm the square.

Oh, I really, really,
really want to get a guitar.

Yes.

It's a little late, so
manage your expectations,

but I'll see if I can
get same day delivery.

Just split over
to McCabe's Music, man.

Pick one up.

I can't, I mean, first
there's LA traffic,

which, could you believe
is even worse now?

No fucking way.

Yeah, but the real
reason is,

and I might as well just tell
you,

is that I have this condition
where.

What's for dinner?

Thanks for listening.

You're welcome.

As far as dinners go

and the copious amounts
of food you consume,

any special requests?

I don't know, just no
space age cubes again.

How about Chinese?

Chinese would be
great.

Mao's one far out cat and I
love that Hop Sing Bonanza dude.

Yikes, I have really
got to get you acclimated

to the PC era of today,
which should go horribly,

but I've got to go.

Wait, let me walk you
to the door, my lady.

No, no Russell.

Never let it be said

that Russell Aquarius
is not a gallant man.

Russell no, no, no.

Russell, Russell, no!

What just happened?

You just pixelated.

What?

Russell, Russell, I cannot
deal with this right now.

I have to go to work and I
cannot be late.

You, you do not leave the
apartment, it will kill you.

But haven't you been
saying I'm already dead?

Look, look, I'm going
back to bed before I,

how do you say it, Pixie late?

Thank you.

Ah fuck it, let's try this
trip again.

No, Russell no!

It's the San Fernando Valley!

Valley?

Ugh, I fucking hate mornings.

What am I doing?

Once
Russell hit the pillow,

he wasn't light-headed anymore,

but he still couldn't sleep,

not with the flashbacks
from the mind fuck trip

he'd taken the night before

and he couldn't get out of his
head,

the image of that foxy Alberta
girl,

holding that glowing gizmo

that recorded his own life and
death.

How long had he been hold up?

A couple of nights, weeks?

It didn't matter.

He trusted his intuition his
whole life

and that had brought him
fame, fortune, and sex,

without all the annoying
perspective and soul searching.

He'd scored with hundreds of
women,

single, married, transsexual,
lesbian,

and acquired some bitching
cars along the way.

His instincts told him to stay
inside

and away from the never-ending
circus

of groupies and freaks

that were surely hanging
around this place.

Here, he can mellow
after that Gettysburg gig

and do some writing, lots of it.

Where's that masterpiece
I wrote last night?

Ha, found it.

Oh, this is heavy.

I died and my soul got chucked
inside a pint-size computer

cell phones, dial tones
of higher consciousness,

minds blown in the digital sky.

I am the divine and carnal
avatar,

death foretold, a palm
robot to the priestess.

This is the most far out shit
ever, woo!

Eat your heart out, Dylan.

Oh, and Morrison?

Go suck yourself.

Gunta!

Russell calling Gunta.

Calling Gunta, come in Gunta.

How'd that wench get
this do hickey to work?

Hello?

Alberta?

Are you there, or did
you just butt dial me?

Yoo hoo, Alberta?

I need to talk to you about
the racket last night.

Go away.

I said, go away.

You do not want to anger my
Android.

Who is this?

Russell.

What, what?

Oh, hey uh, babe.

You still don't remember my
name?

Anyway, I was able to
get same day delivery

on a guitar for you.

This guitar,

I smashed one of these
on stage at the Avalon.

Forgive me my lovely, for
I know not what I did.

Oh wait, wait, wait, is that
the Avalon concert in 1967?

Russ, I have that concert on Blu
Ray.

You were amazing in it,
seriously.

Hey, do you think you could play
a little "Acid Rain" for me?

Please?

If you knew about me as
much as you said you did,

my chubby little witch,

you would know that I will
not play that song anymore.

I'm sorry, jeez...
Wait a second, chubby?

Pardonne-moi. Zaftig.

You know I like the cushion.

Don't be so uptight, woman.

Oh Russ, I forgot to tell you,

I got you some pics and a kit,

so you can plug into my laptop.

You can even upload your songs
and store them in the cloud.

Slow down, slow down.

It's like you're speaking from
the Tibetan Book of the Dead

in Greek. And what's
what's the pajamas anyways?

Does everybody go to work like
that now?

Oh um, yeah, you'd be
surprised,

but actually, I don't leave
the apartment building.

You mean you were here all
day?

Could have used a break
a little bit earlier.

Well, I mean, I wasn't
really here, here.

Come again?

Well, I telecommute.

Eight hours a day, five days a
week,

I work in my virtual office.

What?

Basically, I just rent
a room upstairs for work

because I, I can't leave
the apartment building.

Why not?

It's like, it's kind
of embarrassing actually,

but I'm agoraphobic.

Yeah. I'm Angora-phobic
too, I'm terrified of rabbits.

One time,

this giant rabbit chase me
from the Whiskey a Go Go

all the way to the Avalon
Ballroom.

I appreciate the sentiment,
but no, it's agoraphobic,

it's a little different,

it's where someone is
afraid to go outside.

It's like horrifying.

Anyway, I am working on getting
better.

I have this online therapist

and she has me leave for work
every day.

She also says I'm really
negative

and I have to work on that too,

which is why I can't
use cuss words anymore.

No shit.

Yeah, but you want to know

what gets me through most days,
Russell?

Do you know that song
lyric that you wrote,

F-E-A-R, face everything and
rise?

I wrote that?

Must've been an outtake.

And so now, I go
upstairs to what used to be

the tenant's business communal
center

and I never have to leave the
building.

Anyway, that's why I had
your stuff delivered.

Fascinating.

Hey Alpaca, is that food I
smell?

And now back to the Russell
Show.

I have a show?

Food is in the kitchen
where it belongs, okay?

Not on the floor where
you keep apples, I guess.

I hope it's not chicken
nuggets again.

It's Chinese, remember?

No, Holy Christ on crutches,
babe, I'm still tripping.

My memory is like Swiss
cheese... without the cheese.

Look, I've got you a
nice, cute little outfit

that I think you're going
to be very happy with.

Why don't you go get dressed?

Maybe.

So do you like the guitar?

Oh, love it, babe.

Thank you.

That's the first time you've
ever said thank you to me.

I want to play you some of
the songs I've been writing,

I've been at it all day, you
know?

I'm like that Mad Monk
Rasputin, I'm unstoppable.

Even that old bat who
told me to keep it down

ain't going ruin my flow.

Oh no, was it Helen?

Just some square trying to
kill my buzz.

Why, who's Helen?

Oh gosh, she's my nosy
landlord.

She lives right below us.

She's always asking about
every guy I bring over.

Every guy?

I had a boyfriend once.

Good thing I don't do old
broads.

Maybe you should.

You know, Helen's not much older

than the age you would be now.

What's your point?

That you don't always
have to date young women.

Well my point

is that no one's going to stop
me

from completing my Opus,
Gesamptkunstwerk.

I'm just a machine,

like that little robot thing
you play with all the time.

You left it here this morning,
you know?

Oh, my phone?

Yeah, I'm kinda trying to wean
myself.

It's like my pacifier,
especially since my Nana passed away.

Wait a second, you didn't
touch my phone, did you?

Well, of course I did,

I've got a, what do you call it?

Curious nature.

Where is it?

Just mellow, woman.

Your Android is fine.

The dude I talked to said your
butt calls him all the time.

How do you do that, babe?

Who did you talk to?

He said you usually hang up on
him.

I'm thinking um Eric, no
Derrick.

Yes, Derek like Derek and the
Dominoes.

Merrick, you talked to
Merrick?

That's the one.

He said he was surprised he was
still on,

how do you say, speed dial
since you two broke up and all.

You talked to my ex,

oh my gosh, about what?

Relax, he explained
the whole situation to me,

okay?

But I told him to leave you
alone because

you're my old lady now.

I am?

I got to get
this concept album done,

then I'm back on tour
and once that happens.

Wait a second,

you said you weren't
getting on stage anymore.

I'm going to play a song I
wrote just for you, Albino.

Close enough.

♪ She carries the sun in
the palm of her hand ♪

♪ My priestess and my soul are
one ♪

♪ A flash of white light,
our future tonight ♪

♪ Her beauty here is second to
none ♪

♪ Erato, my muse ♪

♪ You're blowing my fuse ♪

♪ And not like the time that I
died ♪

♪ So don't say you'll ever go ♪

♪ Unless you mean with the flow ♪

♪ Oh, my dark sweet Albino ♪

I meant that part, you know
about being my muse, man

and I think I'm going to stick
around

until I get my head together.

Not that I care but, how
old did you say you were?

It's not polite to ask
a woman her age, you know?

Yeah, but you know,
you're not jail bait, right?

No, I'm a consenting
adult, don't you worry.

Um, you never grew any uh,
bush.

Oh my God.

What?

Yes, of course I did,
I just shave it off.

What the hell for?

I shave my pits too.

Oh, not so furry freaky,
but still freaky deaky.

Yeah, I guess.

A lot of woman are hairless
now, you know that?

Like a chihuahua?

Ew, yeah though.

You know, and a lot of guys,
they sport bearded dragons.

Bearded dragons?

No.

No more cuddle time, I take it?

Oh come on Albion, you're
not being constructive.

I just have to release my sex
mojo

so that I can get back to
writing.

Okay.

Well, two can play that game.

What are you doing?

I'm just trying to
make sense of all this

because if you are
connected to the avatar,

then there's gotta be a way to
save you.

Save me?

Don't lay that holy roller crap
on me.

I mean to store you and back
you up so I don't lose you.

Wait, you're going to store me
away?

Not for long, okay?

I just can't have you roaming
around 24/7,

making messes and getting
bored when I'm away at work.

You are being so uptight right
now.

Russell, it'll be
just like you're asleep.

You love sleep

and then I'll make sure you
remember

all of your music and writings
and stuff.

You're one smart cookie
with the sweetest ass.

Ablucia.

I want to get to know you, you
know?

I dig you, I wanna find
out what makes you tick.

What would you like to know
about me?

And then later my sweet lady,

I want to take these legs that
are just made to be spread

and screw you silly, even if
you are bald, like Mr. Clean.

Oh my God, again, really?

Okay, but first I want to clean
this code.

When you're done cleaning,
can you grab me a beer?

Ow.

What are you some kind of
Women's Libber?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I
am.

All right, darling,
power to the lady people,

burn those bras,

or I don't know, use your
minds and do men stuff.

Be quiet.

Hey mom.

Hey honey.

Oh, sounds like Nana's records.

Yeah, is it too loud?

I could tell him to, I
mean, I could turn it off.

That's okay, I can still hear
you.

You and Nana were such the
Aquarius fans.

I always thought that was kind
of strange

for a girl your age.

I mean, why couldn't you
listen to some decent music,

like Motley Crue or even
Stryper?

I know mom, you tell me
this all the time, okay?

But listen, now is not a good
time,

it's, it's kind of crazy around
here.

Crazy?

Ssh!

Did you just shush
me, Alberta Renee Stevens?

Russell!

Mom, I got to go.

Russell!

Where are you?

At your service.

Oh my gosh!

Stop it, please.

What?

All this computer stuff,
you're working all the time.

That's what everybody does
now.

Well, I thought you hated your
job.

I do, but I love my work.

Well, you're wasting
your time, Albuprion.

You can't change me and
sure as hell can't save me.

Russell, I am not
trying to change who you are

and I'm definitely not
trying to save your soul.

It's a little late for that
anyway,

but I am trying to save you,
okay?

You as a corporeal being.

Don't you get it?

I'm trying to save the genius

who died in the creative
prime of his life.

Like if I were to shut you
down right now, I would,

I mean the whole world would
lose you

and all of your creative
potential.

What happens if the power goes
out

for more than just a couple of
seconds?

Poof, gone.

Well, that sounds like a bowl
of fuck.

Why don't just buy another
Russell Aquarius avatar?

Oh, heck no, no.

This avatar is mine.

I made it from scratch, okay?

Yeah, there's some sneaky
crap coders out there

who make cheapo rockstar
avatars, but no, not you, baby.

I made you because I can program

the stuffing out of those jerks.

Come here, I'll show you, look
at this.

Look at this, pathetic.

Some yokel from New Jersey

has created his own
Russell Aquarius avatar,

oh and he's got a Robert Plant
too.

Fucking Percy Plant.

Hey, whatever happened to him
anyway?

Robert Plant?

Oh, he wrote a song a year after
you died,

Stairway to Heaven

and there were rumors that it
was -

You know what?

Nevermind.

He is not worth getting
you worked up over.

It's not about him, okay?

I'm just bummed,

cause this dude I was
talking to on your robot

said it'd be a dark day for me.

What, who, Merrick?

No, some young cat.

I think his name was Poulio or.

Julio?

You talked to Julio?

I was trying to call
Gunta, my astrologer.

Oh my gosh, of all people,

this could get me fired,
Russell.

I said mellow,
woman.

You know astrology is only
for entertainment purposes.

No, okay?

Julio is not an astrologer,
he's a programmer like me.

Oh, so Mercury is not in retro
grade?

No, I mean,
I don't know, maybe,

but the point is, Julio
knows you're alive now.

Make up your mind, woman.

Am I alive, or did I die in
1970?

Russell, if anyone from
MuziTech

finds out that I finished you,

they'll think that you are
a part of their project

and they'll take you away from
me, get it?

You mean you were hired to
make me?

I thought you loved my, my
music.

You've been lying to me?

Russell, I love you.

I mean, I love your music

and right now,

that's the only thing that
I have left of my Nana.

I'm sorry about your grandma.

I lost my family too
when I was real little,

then I was raised by
a toothless bitty hag.

What?

No, no, that was Mick Jagger

and that's not even the right
lyrics.

Fucking Mick Jagger stole that
from me?

Russell, I do know
all about your childhood

and I am a real fan,

so when they hired me to
make celebrity avatars,

I had a ton of projects at the
same time,

but I wanted to keep you all to
myself.

I never worked on you ever,
during company time, never

and my coding is my own.

You made me to perfection.

I think so too.

I told them at work that
the experiment failed

because I couldn't bear the
thought of you

being mass produced.

Everything will be okay.

That Julio guy predicted though.

Okay, hold up.

Did he find out who you were?

Negative.

You're sure?

I really need a tape recorder,
babe.

I've got some trippy
ideas I want to lay down.

Okay, well you could use my
phone,

but I'm taking it with me
to work in the morning.

You mean upstairs?

Don't make fun.

Okay I won't,
but I don't want your phone.

I need to record now though,
woman, now!

I never know when I'll
be struck full blown

by the hand of Zeus and all
my ideas go split into my head

like a bloody pinata!

Okay, okay.

I think I have an old handheld
laying around here somewhere.

How's about we ball
first, hm?

Okay, there you go.

How does this pipsqueak
connect to a reel-to-reel?

It doesn't, okay?

It records and plays back all by
itself.

It's not as good as a computer,

but that's a little
advanced for you anyway,

Mr. Analog Man.

Advanced?

I can light up a 16 track
console

with just a Mellotron with
both hands tied behind my back.

Okay, with this thing, ready?

Two things, record, stop.

There you go, I'm going to bed.

I have to log into work's
database extra early now

to make sure Julio doesn't know
anything.

Thank you for that.

No!

What are you doing?

Watching some mind blowing
shit

about the merging of man and
machine.

And this?

Honestly, it's the bluest
stag film I've ever seen.

Russell, listen to me.

I care about you, okay?

You know that.

I mean, beyond us hooking up,
right?

I just lost Nana, I lost
Merrick.

Well okay, I dumped him.

I think he and Helen had a
thing.

He told me he never bagged
her,

he said he really hates
landowners.

That's one cool Commie.

He said that?

Anyhow, do not mess
around with my computer.

Oh come on, Aladdin, no more
stag films?

No, no more stag films!

Look, I can't risk that
you change something

and everything that is you is
erased.

Everything?

Oh God,

I need to figure out how to
upload every part of you,

not just the foxholes
and the behavior tree.

Look, I know you don't know
what I'm saying right now,

but understand this,

there's a big difference between
you

and the you on the screen, okay?

Get up, move, move.

I need to figure something out.

Why does this look so freaking
different?

What the heck, what the heck?

This is not my laptop.

Where did you get this?

Some repairman came by the
door,

he said you called to come pick
it up,

he left you this loner.

What do you mean some
repairman?

He was wearing like a square
outfit,

coveralls with some music
thingy.

Music thingy, did it say
MuziTech?

Probably, he was some young
cat.

Okay, what did he look like?

Did he have black hair, glasses?

Looked like a Latino Seth Rogen,
what?

Seth who?

Like, like Woody Allen,
glasses?

Uh yeah, probably, I don't.

Dangit!

God, I can't believe you let him
in here.

That was Julio!

The astrology dude?

Oh my God, I feel
like I'm gonna be sick.

I feel sick.

You feel sick?

So do I.

I feel so tired.

I'm sporting a bearded dragon
now myself.

Russell, Russell, Russell,
focus, okay?

Okay, when did Julio come by?

You're obsessed with that guy.

Oh my gosh,

I don't know how much
backup charge you have left.

Clock watching is for the
suits.

Oh my God, they've locked me
out.

Oh, head rush.

Russell!

Russell, Russell, stay still,
okay?

You need to save your energy.

Oh my God, let's get you to the
bedroom.

Oh God.

Okay, gosh this Jersey avatar
sucks,

but it's better than nothing.

Give me your hand.

Russell, listen to me, okay?

You've got to keep the computer
going.

You have to keep the avatar
animated.

Yes, perfect, just like that,
okay?

Alabama, I want to see the
Jersey shore before I die.

Russell, Russell, listen to
me, okay?

You've got to keep this thing
alive, okay?

And I've got to get my computer
back.

Russell, wake up!

Wake up, okay?

I've got to go to Muzi-Tech!

Albumen, no, the
Angoras are gonna get you.

I've gotta do it.

Don't take the Lincoln.

Face everything and rise.

Okay.

Nope, nope.

Russell's
head started to spin

like a spaceship at zero gravity

and his face burned like
Napalm at high noon,

his body shook like an Elvis
the Pelvis with Parkinson's

on a trampoline.

This can't be the end.

No, I was resurrected

because the children of
Aquarius are all avatars now

and I am their electric messiah!

Or maybe I only came back

because Altadena needed to get
laid.

That's as good a reason as any,

Stay with me!

Okay.

Oh, Russell.

Hey.

Thank God Julio did not get
through my N-A-N-A encryption.

Hey, are you okay, Alaska?

Yeah, you should see the other
guy.

I really need to talk to
Siddy.

Siddy?

Oh, your old manager.

Why?

Because there's this line

that didn't end up making
it on "Scorpio's Mantra"

and I need the exact lyric.

I had the perfect number of
"ever and ever and evers"

and I just can't remember
if it was three or four.

Ouch.

Um, even if Siddy were still
alive,

what makes you think that
he'd have your lyric?

Siddy would have them.

I gave him copies of everything

before I left for
Gettysburg for safekeeping.

Thank you.

Copies, why?

Because of Crazy Dallas Chick

and the fire that
destroyed my whole arsenal.

Crazy Dallas Chick, who's
that?

I thought you knew everything
about me.

Well, I know that your real
name

is Russ Clatterbottom.

You had a pet frog named Jumpy.

You were orphaned

and your parents were nominated

for the Darwin Award Hall of
Fame

and course I know about the
fire,

everybody knows about the fire,

but I thought it was just an
accident.

It's nice to keep a few
secrets.

We musicians call it the
mystique.

I'd like your robot to call Sid
for me.

Oh, my cell phone, this
is called a cell phone.

Then give me the self phone.

Cell phone.

I don't want to buy it,
woman. I just want to borrow it.

Do you even have
Sid's number?

Uh, right in here.

Please give it to me.

Wait.

Okay, go.

It's ringing.

Hello?

Uh, Sid please.

Who?

You have to speak up, young
man, I don't have my ears on.

Sid Greenblatt.

This is his office, right?

Sidney,
someone's calling for you,

thinks this is still your
office.

Greenblatt here, who's
this?

♪ Cheek to cheek, hip to hip ♪

♪ Beat to beat, girl, trip to
trip ♪

♪ I'm a furry freak ♪

Who IS this?

The real Aquarius, baby.

I'm sorry, Mr. Greenblatt,
please don't hang up.

My name is Alberta.

Who?

Yeah, who?

I just want to say,
sir, I am a huge fan.

I've read so much about you

and it, it is an honor to talk
to the man

who is the brains behind the
genius.

Cut the Culver City
circle jerk

and just tell me what you want.

Yes, yes sir.

Basically I'm, I'm an AI
designer,

a computer programmer, some say,

and I created, well, you just
heard him.

He's the most realistic avatar
ever made.

What?

Oh, I'm uh, how thoughtless of
me, sir.

An avatar is basically an image
that-

- I know what a fucking
avatar is.

Do you know what FaceTime is?

Put him on it for me, let me
see this creation of yours.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, what's
FaceTime?

It's where you can talk
to people face to face.

You know like, like the Jetsons,
remember?

Wow.

Hold on.

What are you doing?

Well, I stole this from him.

What?

He looks perfect.

Thanks man.

Hey, I need the original
lyrics to "Scorpio's Mantra,"

Could you bring those over?

Are you kidding?

I've gotta, I've gotta
see this for myself.

Well, here's the thing, Mr.
Greenblatt.

Call me Sid, doll.

Oh Sid, Sid, well this avatar

is not like any you've ever seen
before.

I mean, this Russell is
like flesh, blood, and bone.

Oh, especially bone, right
babe?

All right, all right,

well Missy, bring him over here.

Oh no, no, no, I'm so sorry.

I wish I could, but I mean,

if he even tries to leave the
apartment,

he, it's just, it's just not
possible.

No problemo, I've
still got my '66 Buick.

Remember that ad, Russ?

The Door's made bank, but not
you.

No, you never wanted to be a
sellout

and I never got what I deserved.

Listen here, Siddy.

I live in Van Nuys, right off
the 101.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Text your deets, doll
and I'll be there in 20.

I don't believe it, you're real!

In the flesh.

It can't be you.

It is me!

What?

Oh my God.

Clatterbottom, I can't believe
it!

Okay, I'm going to
record this, is that okay?

Yes, please do.

Check this out.

♪ Take a dive into the
universal mind, with me, man ♪

♪ Ions digging ethers, it's
a groovy cybernetic machine ♪

♪ Split this mother ship ♪

♪ And we'll sail upon
the astral seas, baby ♪

♪ 69 dimensions every second,
it's the ultimate scene ♪

♪ What killed me made me
stronger ♪

♪ And I traded blood
for circuits of lead ♪

♪ So shed your bones and
silicone ♪

♪ Jump in the mainframe instead ♪

And that, that right there
was where the lyrics go.

Oh my God, that was
sweet, Clatterbottom.

That was really sweet.

I know.

You're the only one who
can call me Clatterbottom.

Well you and Claudia

are the only ones who could call
me Siddy.

Oh, is Claudia your wife?

Yeah, my wife.

For 50 years, she's my wife.

You're not talking about
Crazy Dallas Chick, are you?

Yes I am.

Are you fucking out of your
mind?

After what she did to me?

You should be thanking me
because I saved your life.

I did that.

Oh, there you go
Siddy,

always trying to be the hero.

I could have handled her,
I could have done it.

And you know what?

There you go, Clatterbottom.

You pseudo intellectual ingrate.

You wouldn't even have been
alive to die at Gettysburg

if it wasn't for me.

If I wasn't babysitting you,
designing your album covers,

making sure there were no god
damn green M & M's backstage.

I was protecting you
against Crazy Dallas Chick,

aka C.D.C., aka Claudia D.D.
Cummings.

Yeah but.

Yeah, but nothing.

Do you remember in Houston
when you sang "Acid Rain"

and she rushed the stage
with that battery acid,

remember that?

I lost my eye because of you.

Oh, that's why you
never played "Acid Rain"

after the Houston show

because of that Crazy Dallas
Chick?

I took the ultimate bullet for
you.

I married her!

All she does is talk about you.

It's always Russell this,
Russell that,

driving crazy for 50 years.

I'm sorry, Siddy.

Do you have the lyrics?

Yeah, I got them right here.

I saved everything.

It was four, it was four.

Okay babe, do you have
the recorder set up?

Looks like it.

Okay.

Wow, you know, I know how to
do this.

All right, play.

♪ With our souls in the cloud ♪

♪ We're gonna live forever
and ever and ever and ever ♪

That's a record,

I just put it onto a streaming
on YouTube,

Party Central, Snapchat, and
Facebook.

Sid, I'm so sorry,
but this is not a good idea.

Wait, what are you talking
about?

I know what I'm doing.

Keep going.

♪ Thumb a ride into the
analog divide with me, man ♪

That's great.

Alberta, we need
to talk about the noise!

Just a minute, Helen.

Do you have a man in
there?

No, I've got two.

Two men?!

You know that's against the
rules.

Three, there is another man out
here.

Helen?

Let me in, you refuctoring
bitch!

Oh my gosh, it's Julio.

Get the frick away from my door,
Julio.

You're nothing but a Jimmy.

♪ Atomize the planet with your
shrouded code of mystery baby ♪

That's it
Clatterbottom, keep it coming.

The world needs you now more
than ever!

Russell, it's not time to
show you to the world yet.

I have to save you online,
remember?

This chunky chick isn't
going to save anyone.

Hey, don't call her
chunky.

Alabaster is a goddess.

Alberta, I'm coming
in.

Move out of the
way lady, let me in there!

If Russell Aquarius was to make his mark
on the music scene again, he'd need a quiet place to -

- No, Russell no!

It's
only Russell Aquarius,

but I like it, I like it, yes I
do.

What?

What?

What just happened?

I don't know.

Look!

Gosh, wait.

Oh of course, look what you've
done.

He's in the computer.

Look, Russell Aquarius

a hundred million likes and
followers

and guess who owns the
rights to all of his music?

Wait, if Russell is in the
computer,

then where's Julio?

What are you doing
in my phone, young man?

These days,

just about anyone can
make their own avatar.

Bull pucky, not just anyone.

Hey Mom.

I'm watching the news.

Nana would be so proud of you,
honey.

Aw, you think so mom?

Hey but listen, please I beg
you,

do not tell anyone that
I made Russell, okay?

I'm not ready for people to know
me yet.

Just do whatever feels right,
hon.

You know I'm behind you 100
percent.

Thank you, that really
means a lot to me, Mom.

Hey but listen, I've got
company, okay?

So can I talk to you later?

All right, love you.

Love you too, bye.

Ah, I just wish

that I could figure out a way
to bring him back, you know?

I mean, no offense.

It's cool, we all can't be
rock stars,

but I have been practicing.

Yeah?

How about a little
"Acid Rain" for my queen?

All right.

♪ Acid rain, I don't know the
words ♪

♪ Acid rain, it's all I heard ♪

♪ Acid rain, but I made you
smile ♪

♪ Acid rain ♪

For the love of God, Julio
and I are trying to sleep!

Sorry Helen.

Merrick I'm, gosh I feel so
stupid.

I'm just so sorry

that I accused you for
sleeping with Helen.

Don't give it another thought.

I really am getting
better though, really.

I know you are.

It took lady balls to
march over to MuziTech

and then you kicked Julio's ass,
what?

Yeah, well I'm just glad
that I'm out of that place,

you know?

Gosh, I took a major pay cut,

but at least I'm my own boss,
right?

But we gotta work on

getting you out of this house
more often.

Like maybe in disguise.

We could cosplay at
Creature Con next week.

Oh my gosh.

Hm, I don't know if I'm ready
yet.

Maybe I should just
design an avatar of myself

and we could dress her up in a
costume

and you could take her.

No, 'cause I'd know
it wasn't the real you.

Oh, would you now?

You know, I'm getting kinda
good at this avatar stuff.

I mean, how do you know
that you're not an avatar

I created for my own amusement?

Is it weird that I'm
freaked out and turned on

at the same time?

Yeah.

♪ Acid rain ♪

Oh Alberta!

Alabaster! Call me Alabaster!

Alabaster!

If Russell
Aquarius really is still alive,

he will be turning 82 years old
today.

Russell, wherever you
are, happy birthday, baby.

I really miss you,

you egomaniacal, slovenly,
sexist jerk.

Nana.

All right, one more for you
guys.

I just wrote this song

and I'm playing it live
for the first time.

It's called "Alberta."

♪ She carries the sun in
the palm of her hand ♪

♪ My priestess and my soul are
one ♪

♪ My flash of bright
light, our future tonight ♪

♪ Her beauty here is second to
none ♪

♪ Erato, my muse ♪

♪ You're blowing my fuse ♪

♪ And not like the time that I
died ♪

♪ So don't say you'll ever go ♪

♪ Unless you mean with the flow ♪

♪ Oh, my dark sweet Alberta ♪

Some historians claim

that is nothing more
than long lost footage

that's turned up,

or that singer/songwriter,
Russell Aquarius

faked his own death just to
make a dramatic comeback.

We posed this question
to computer experts,

conspiracy theorists,

fans, who are also known
as, Aquariologists,

influencers, and musicians.

Let's see what they have to say.

No way man.

I was there when Russell was
zapped.

He died, like fatally.

I bought one of his authenticated
toothbrushes from E-bay

and I sent it,

along with a sample of
my own saliva to Gene-Co,

you know the result came back
with .000002

that I am Russell Aquarius.

It's like Bruce Lee said,

the key to immortality

is living a life worth
remembering.

It's a Russell Aquarius
impersonator.

People just want to believe.

Listen, I ran his new lyrics

through my cyber kinetic
algorithm tester

and they came back with
a 99.9% probability

that Russell himself wrote those
songs.

I mean besides, who else in the
universe

could come up with such
brilliance as,

"my tadpole's in a jar"?

My daddy was the festival
director

of that Aquarius fellow's
live show in Dallas

and what I heard about that old
boy,

there was no way

he'd be able to find his
way out of a paper sack,

let alone the after life.

Okay so, there are
three schools of thought

that I think are the most
plausible.

You've got the Mandela
Effect, you know, plausible.

You've got government human
cloning, very possible,

but when you get right down to
it,

there's really only one obvious
and probable explanation:

aliens.

Yes, I believe Russell
Aquarius is alive.

She also believes in
alien autopsies, Big Foot,

and that Mount Rushmore is
a natural rock formation.

He IS alive.

Look at the videos, he looks
incredible.

It's called Deep Fake, my
dear.

Well maybe it's a relative,
like, like Russell's grandson.

No way, no way.

The drugs that that guy
did back in the day,

he couldn't father a child
with somebody else's ,

that's it.

Well, you heard it here first.

Ow, girl I don't care if he's
an avatar,

I'm still gonna hit it.

Do it!