The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) - full transcript

Welcome to the Rocky Horror
Double Feature AP Track!

Shout the yellow subtitles only,
White subtitles are from the movie!

Follow verbal instructions in brackets:
(cheer), (boo)...

Take action:
* clap *, * throw STUFF *...

A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away,

God said, 'Let there be Lips', and they were.
And they were good.

♪ Michael Rennie was ill ♪

♪ The day the Earth stood still ♪

♪ But he told us where we stand ♪

to fuck off!
♪ But he told us where we stand ♪

♪ But he told us where we stand ♪



On our feet!

♪ And Flash Gordon was there ♪

♪ In silver underwear♪

crotchless
♪ In silver underwear♪

♪ In silver underwear♪

♪ Claude Rains was the Invisible Man ♪

Who's Claude Rains?
♪ Claude Rains was the Invisible Man ♪

♪ Then something went wrong ♪

♪ For Fay Wray and King Kong ♪

fucked
♪ For Fay Wray and King Kong ♪

♪ For Fay Wray and King Kong ♪

♪ They got caught in a celluloid jam ♪

sexual
♪ They got caught in a celluloid jam ♪

♪ They got caught in a celluloid jam ♪



Yay jam!

♪ Then at a deadly pace ♪

He came on
♪ It came from outer space ♪

Where?
♪ It came from outer space ♪

Janet's face
♪ It came from outer space ♪

Thank you!

♪ And this is how the message ran: ♪

semen
♪ And this is how the message ran: ♪

♪ And this is how the message ran: ♪

Freeze those lips!

(Whoop and cheer)
♪ Science fiction ♪

♪ Double feature ♪

Starring: God!

(Loudly cheer)
♪ Dr. X ♪

Sex! Sex! Sex!
♪ Dr. X ♪

♪ Will build a creature ♪

Slut! Slut!
♪ Will build a creature ♪

♪ Will build a creature ♪

♪ See androids fighting ♪

Asshole!
♪ See androids fighting ♪

♪ See androids fighting ♪

(Wildly cheer)
♪ Brad and Janet ♪

Magenta's a domestic slut!
♪ Anne Francis stars in ♪

Get a fucking last name!
♪ Forbidden Planet ♪

Great Scott, what a cock!

♪ At the late-night ♪

Rocky Horror

♪ Double feature ♪

Rocky Horror

♪ Picture show ♪

How do you deliver an ex?

That man has no fucking neck!

♪ I knew Leo G. Carroll ♪

♪ Was over a barrel ♪

fucking a barrel
♪ Was over a barrel ♪

♪ When Tarantula took to the hills ♪

LSD!
♪ When Tarantula took to the hills ♪

Lick it!

♪ And I really got hot ♪

♪ When I saw Janette Scott ♪

Janet's twat!
♪ When I saw Janette Scott ♪

Fuck a penis that spits semen and thrills
♪ Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills ♪

Yay kills!

♪ Dana Andrews said prunes ♪

with pits
♪ Dana Andrews said prunes ♪

Gave him the shits
♪ Gave him the runes ♪

* throw PRUNES *
♪ And passing them used lots of skills ♪

Yay skills!
♪ And passing them used lots of skills ♪

♪ But when worlds collide ♪

* clap * Boom!
♪ But when worlds collide ♪

♪ Said George Pal to his bride ♪

♪ I'm gonna give you ♪

Some joints and some pills!
♪ Some terrible thrills ♪

♪ Like a ♪

X-ray!

Richard the First!
♪ Science fiction ♪

Richard the Second!
♪ Double feature ♪

There's a lotta Dick here...
♪ Dr. X ♪

We have three dicks and a peter...
♪ Will build a creature ♪

... who all cream on Clifford!

... who all cream on Clifford!
♪ See androids fighting ♪

♪ See androids fighting ♪

And fucking, and sucking on...

Brian Thomson
♪ Brad and Janet ♪

Sue's to Blame, she made the costumes - or lack thereof!

Sue's to Blame, she made the costumes - or lack thereof!
♪ Anne Francis stars in ♪

Deep Throat, the sequel to

♪ Forbidden Planet ♪

♪ At the late-night ♪

♪ Double feature ♪

♪ Picture show ♪

Why is Richard pointing at Gillian's Dods?
♪ Picture show ♪

Why is Richard pointing at Gillian's Dods?
♪ I wanna go ♪

Why are you pointing at Gillian's Dods?
♪ I wanna go ♪

Why are you pointing at Gillian's Dods?

Gillian's Dods are better than your Dods!

- How do you know?
- I checked!

♪ To the late-night ♪

Rocky Horror!
♪ To the late-night ♪

♪ Double feature ♪

Rocky Horror!
♪ Double feature ♪

♪ Picture show ♪

♪ By R.K.O. ♪

R.K. who?

R.K. Horror!

John's got golden stones!
♪ To the late-night ♪

♪ Double feature ♪

♪ Picture show ♪

Where's the best place to fuck?
♪ Picture show ♪

♪ In the back row ♪

Fuck the back row!

♪ To the late-night ♪

Bye-bye, lips!
♪ Double feature ♪

Bye-bye!
♪ Picture ♪

♪ Show ♪

These lips died for our sins!

Ding dong!

* throw RICE *
Here they come.

And here we go!

I'd like the parents and the grandparents.

Yes, all the close family.

They keep it in the family!

Hey, get up there bitch!

Smile! Hold that. Beautiful!

And... click!

Help, I'm blind!!

Now we got your souls...

Hey, Ralph. Congratulations.

Asshole!

(Loudly cheer O'Brien)

Ejaculations.
Congratulations.

- Bye-bye. See you.
- Congratulations.

Thank you!

Well, I guess we really did it, huh?

Asshole fight! Hit him! Hit him back!

I don't think there's any doubt about that.

You and Betty have been almost inseparable...

since the operation.
since you met in Dr. Scott's refresher courses.

since you met in Dr. Scott's refresher courses.

Well to tell you the truth, Brad...

Hey, you with the camera!
Well to tell you the truth, Brad...

Hey, you with the camera!
that was the only reason I showed up in the first place.

that was the only reason I showed up in the first place.

(cheer at the camera)
that was the only reason I showed up in the first place.

(cheer at the camera)

I mean-

Okay, you guys, this is it! You ready?

Who's got the * clap * ?
Okay, you guys, this is it! You ready?

Who's got the * clap * ?
Looks like Betty's gonna throw her bouquet.

Looks like Betty's gonna throw her bouquet.

Who's got the * clap * ?
Looks like Betty's gonna throw her bouquet.

* throw BOUQUET *
Ready? Okay, here it comes!

Hey, Janet, do you have syph?

I got it! I got it!

Hey, big fella.

How would you know?
Looks like it could be your turn next, hey?

Looks like it could be your turn next, hey?

Who knows?

Who cares?

So long. See you, Brad.

See ya, sucker!
So long. See you, Brad.

We'd better get going now, Betty. Come on, hop in.

Think about it Asshole...
- Good-bye, Betty!
- Bye! Bye!

She got hers now he'll get his!

And the moral of the story is...

Be just and fear not!

It's the Boston marathon!

Oh damn, missed the bus again!

Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful?

No!

Didn't Betty look radiantly beautiful?

No!

I can't believe it. An hour ago...

she was plain old Betty Munroe.

Betty the Ho
she was plain old Betty Munroe.

And now... Now she's Mrs. Ralph Hapschatt.

Now she's a slut!
And now... Now she's Mrs. Ralph Hapschatt.

And now... Now she's Mrs. Ralph Hapschatt.

Hap-SHIT!

Yes, Janet. Ralph's a lucky guy.

No he's not, she's got syph!

I always cry at weddings.

So do I, mummy!

Show me an angel masturbating... it's SAINT PETER!
Everyone knows that Betty's a wonderful little cook.

She's the hottest baked potato in Denton...

Yay, Denton! The home of happiness!

Why, Ralph himself- he'll be in line
for a promotion in a year or two.

If he doesn't get busted first!
Yes.

If he doesn't get busted first!

Hey!

Hey, Janet.

Sit on my face and wiggle!
Yes, Brad?

Sit on my face and wiggle!

I've got something to say.

Say it, Asshole!

I really loved the-

Starts with an S! Sku... sku... sku... sku...

Skillful way

What a fuckin' genius!

You beat the other girls

With whips and chains!

To the bride's bouquet

And that too.

Oh, Brad.

* clap to the beat *

♪ The river was deep, but I swam it ♪

Janet!

♪ The future is ours, so let's plan it! ♪

Janet!

♪ So please, don't tell me to can it ♪

Can it!

♪ I've one thing to say and that's dammit, Janet ♪

Damn it, Janet, I wanna screw!
♪ I've one thing to say and that's dammit, Janet ♪

Damn it, Janet, I wanna screw!
♪ I love you ♪

♪ The road was long, but I ran it ♪

Backwards!

♪ There's a fire in my heart and you fan it ♪

pants
♪ There's a fire in my heart and you fan it ♪

♪ There's a fire in my heart and you fan it ♪

Janet!

♪ If there's one fool for you then I am it ♪

Janet!

♪ I've one thing to say and that's dammit, Janet ♪

Only Assholes draw on doors!
♪ I've one thing to say and that's dammit, Janet ♪

Only Assholes draw on doors!
♪ I love you ♪

♪ Here's the ring to prove that I'm no joker ♪

... that I play poker
♪ Here's the ring to prove that I'm no joker ♪

♪ There's three ways that love can grow ♪

Sex, drugs and rock and roll!

♪ That's good, bad or mediocre ♪

Gay, straight or bisexual
♪ That's good, bad or mediocre ♪

How do you spell slut?

♪ J-A-N-E-T ♪

I want a blow!
♪ I love you so ♪

Drop dead!

♪ It's nicer than Betty Munroe had ♪

Oh, Brad!

Now it's a funeral and I'm so glad
♪ Now we're engaged and I'm so glad ♪

Oh, Brad!

That you fuck Mom and you blow Dad
♪ That you met Mom and you know Dad ♪

Oh, Brad!

♪ I've one thing to say and that's, Brad, I'm mad ♪

Brad, you fag,
♪ I've one thing to say and that's, Brad, I'm mad ♪

fuck you too!
♪ For you too ♪

It's the Virgin Two-Step!

♪ Oh, Brad ♪

Oh... shit.
♪ Oh, dammit ♪

I'm pregnant...
♪ I'm mad ♪

OH... SHIT!!
♪ Oh, Janet ♪

Not from you...
♪ For you ♪

I wonder whoo...?
♪ I love you too ♪

♪ There's one thing left to do ♪

Ah-choo!

Gesundheit!

♪ And that's go see the man who began it ♪

go hump the man in the casket
♪ And that's go see the man who began it ♪

Janet!

But I'm not quite sure where to ram it
♪ When we met in his science exam, it ♪

Janet!

♪ Made me give you the eye and then panic ♪

So I'll piss in my pants and panic
♪ Made me give you the eye and then panic ♪

Janet!

♪ Now I've one thing to say and that's dammit, Janet ♪

I want to screw!
♪ I love you ♪

It's the Asshole Waltz!

♪ Dammit, Janet ♪

♪ Oh, Brad, I'm mad ♪

You fag!
♪ Oh, Brad, I'm mad ♪

♪ Dammit, Janet ♪

We'll show you 2 virgins kiss, 3 assholes and a 4-way split:
♪ I love you... ♪

Here's the virgin kiss...

The three assholes...

And the four-way split... NOW!

The man you are about to see has no fucking neck.

Where's your fucking neck?

I would like...

You would, would you?

if I may...

You may!

to take you...

Where?

on a strange journey.

How strange was it?

It was so strange, they made a movie out of it.

Not a book, a movie!

And this fucking pervert took pictures!

- And you're in 'em!
- Not what I heard.

That's my mother!

It seemed a fairly ordinary night...

Ordinary?

when Brad Majors...

Asshole!
and his fiancée...

Janet Weiss-

Vice...!

two young, ordinary, healthy kids-

Healthy?

left Denton that late November evening...

to visit a Dr. Everett...

SNOT! (boo and hiss)
Scott...

SNOT! (boo and hiss)
ex-tutor and now friend to both of them.

Is it true that you're constipated?

It's true there were dark storm clouds-

Describe your balls!
It's true there were dark storm clouds-

heavy,

Yeah!
heavy,

heavy, black

Yeah!
heavy, black

heavy, black and pendulous-

Is it true also your mother's a dyke?
heavy, black and pendulous-

Is it true also your mother's a dyke?
toward which they were driving.

Is it true you're also gay?

It's true, also, that the spare tire they were carrying...

* use AIR PUMP *
was badly in need of some air.

So's your fucking neck!

So's your fucking neck!
But they, being normal kids and on a night out...

But they, being normal kids and on a night out...

Normal?
But they, being normal kids and on a night out...

But they, being normal kids and on a night out...

It was a Days Inn!
But they, being normal kids and on a night out...

well, they were not going to let a storm
spoil the events of their evening.

Certainly not!

On a night out.

Come a little bit closer, Chuckie...

It was a night out they were going to remember...

For how long?
It was a night out they were going to remember...

for a very long time.

What a fucking trip!

(hum the Batman theme)
Da da da da da da da...Batman!

Hey Dick, have you ever been a quitter?

I have never been a quitter.

Bullshit!

To leave office before my term is completed...

Asshole...
To leave office before my term is completed...

Slut...
To leave office before my term is completed...

Asshole...
is abhorrent to every instinct in my body.

Slut...
is abhorrent to every instinct in my body.

Asshole...
is abhorrent to every instinct in my body.

Slut...
is abhorrent to every instinct in my body.

You call that a body?

But as president...

You call that a President?
But as president...

You call that a President?
I must put the interests of America first.

I must put the interests of America first.

What does America need, Dick?

America needs a full-time president...

What else?
America needs a full-time president...

and a full-time Congress...

You call that a Congress?

Count the motorcycles:
particularly at this time with the problems we face-

particularly at this time with the problems we face-

... ONE!
particularly at this time with the problems we face-

particularly at this time with the problems we face-

Gosh, that's the third motorcyclist that's passed us.

Sluts can't count!
They sure do take their lives in their hands,
what with the weather and all.

They sure do take their lives in their hands,
what with the weather and all.

Yes, Janet. Life's pretty cheap to that type.

Yay, that type!
...would almost totally absorb the time and attention...

...would almost totally absorb the time and attention...

She's a cow! She's chewing her cud!
of both the president and the Congress-

What's the matter, Brad, darling?

Make a sound like a cow!
What's the matter, Brad, darling?

Make a sound like a cow!

We must have taken the wrong fork a few miles back.

Asshole!

But then where did that motorcyclist come from?

(Hum the Twilight Zone theme)

Well, I guess we'll just have to turn back.

Look out!

Slow down! You'll hit the cameraman!
...to continue to fight through the months ahead for my-

Too late!

What was that bang?

A gang-bang!

A gang-bang!
We must have a blowout.

Dammit!

* slap your chair *

I knew I should've gotten that spare tire fixed.

Asshole!

You stay here and keep warm, and I'll go for help.

Where will you go? We're in the middle of nowhere.

To the edge of somewhere!
...the great issues of peace abroad
and prosperity without inflation at home.

What's white and sells hamburgers?
...the great issues of peace abroad
and prosperity without inflation at home.

Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles?

(Cheer)
Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles?

(Cheer)

(Cheer)
...I shall resign-

Maybe they have a telephone I could use.

Or a transvestite!

I'm going with you.

Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet.

Check her seat!
I'm coming with you.

That'll be a first!

Besides, darling, the owner of that phone
might be a beautiful woman...

He is!
and you might never come back again.

and you might never come back again.

You should be so lucky.

* use NEWSPAPER *
* squirt WATER *

Kick it! Kick it!

(Yowl)

Hey Janet, how about fries to go with that shake?

I want chicken legs!

Fuck you, Zeus!

How... Long.... Does it.... Take...
To Read.... Five... Fucking.... Words...?

Take the risk!

Enter... At... Your... Own... Risk...

Buy an umbrella, you cheap bitch!

Watch out for that tree!

Sing, bitch!

♪ In the velvet darkness ♪

Douche, Douche, Twat!
♪ In the velvet darkness ♪

♪ Of the blackest night ♪

Twat, Twat, Douche!
♪ Of the blackest night ♪

♪ Burning bright ♪

What's up your ass?
♪ Burning bright ♪

What's up your ass?

♪ There's a guiding star ♪

That must hurt.
♪ There's a guiding star ♪

♪ No matter what ♪

♪ Or ♪

♪ Who you are ♪

Sing, Asshole, it's a duet!
♪ Who you are ♪

* LIGHTS ON at 'light' *
♪ There's a light ♪

♪ Over at the Frankenstein place ♪

♪ There's a light ♪

Where do you keep grandmother?
♪ There's a light ♪

♪ Burning in the fireplace ♪

♪ There's a light ♪

♪ Light in the darkness ♪

* LIGHTS OFF at 'darkness' *
♪ Light in the darkness ♪

♪ Of everybody's life ♪

It’s the Evil Knievel fan club!

Sing to us, O hairless one!

♪ The darkness must go ♪

♪ Down the river ♪

♪ Of night's dreaming ♪

Can we have a close up, please?
♪ Of night's dreaming ♪

♪ Flow morphia slow ♪

Not that close!
♪ Flow morphia slow ♪

♪ Flow morphia slow ♪

♪ Let the sun ♪

Why is there a dildo on his shoulder?
♪ And light come streaming ♪

Sing like the Bee Gees!
♪ Into my life ♪

It's the Incredible Shrinking Riff!
♪ Into my life ♪

♪ Into my life ♪

* LIGHTS ON at 'light' *
♪ There's a light ♪

♪ Over at the Frankenstein place ♪

Sieg Heil!
♪ There's a light ♪

♪ There's a light ♪

Where's Santa Claus?
♪ There's a light ♪

♪ Burning in the fireplace ♪

♪ There's a light ♪

Free Bird!
♪ There's a light ♪

♪ A light ♪

* LIGHTS OFF at 'darkness' *
♪ In the darkness ♪

♪ Of everybody's life ♪

And Betsy Ross used to sit home and sew, and sew, and...

And so...

No wonder they're lost if you took the fucking map!
it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet...

and that they had found the assistance
that their plight required.

Are you sure?

Or had they?

Nyah-ha-ha!

Brad, let's go back. I'm cold and I'm frightened.

Just a moment, Janet. They may have a phone.

Castles don't have phones!

Ding-dong, asshole calling!

I have a slut for sale, real cheap!

Door-gasm!

Say hello, Riff!

Hello.

Hi! My name's Brad Majors.

Asshole!

This is my fiancée, Janet Weiss.

Vice...!

I wonder if you might help us.

You see, our car broke down a few miles up the road.

Do you have a phone we might use?

Look between Janet's legs!

You're wet.

No shit, Sherlock!

Janet, are you a slut?

Yes, it's raining.

No shit!

Are you an asshole, Brad?

Yes.

Are you on drugs, Riff?

Yes...

Are you gay, God?

Just kidding!

You weren't supposed to see that!

I think, perhaps, you better both...

Get lost!

come inside.

I don't care where you come, as long as you clean it up!

You're too kind.

Hey Brad, show us how a butterfly masturbates!

That fast, huh?

Can you spot the domestic?

No, but I can see the slut!

Brad, I'm frightened. What kind of a place is this?

Describe the White House!
Brad, I'm frightened. What kind of a place is this?

It's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.

Yay, rich weirdos!

Hey Riff, which way?

This way.

Follow the bouncing thumb!

Are you having a party?

No, it's my sister's Bas Mitzvah!

You've arrived on a rather special night.

Why?

It's one of the master's affairs.

Which one?

- Lucky him.
- You're lucky.

He's lucky. I'm lucky.

The banister's lucky!
We're all lucky!

It's six o'clock but the clock's got seven bongs!

Hey Riff, show us your mother!

♪ It's astounding ♪

♪ Time is fleeting ♪

No, it's ticking!

♪ Madness takes its toll ♪

69 cents please!

♪ But listen closely ♪

How long?

♪ Not for very much longer ♪

How many balls d'you have?

♪ I've got to... ♪

Smoke a bowl!
♪ keep control ♪

♪ I remember ♪

Doing your mother
♪ Doing the time warp ♪

One, two!

... three times a lady!
♪ Drinking those moments when ♪

♪ Drinking those moments when ♪

♪ The blackness would hit me ♪

Ouch!

♪ And the void would be calling ♪

Saying what?
♪ And the void would be calling ♪

♪ Let's do the time warp again! ♪

♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

How is it done?

* throw TIME WARP FLYERS *
♪ It's just a jump to the left ♪

* dance the Time Warp! *

♪ And then a step to the right ♪

♪ With your hands on your hips ♪

or on your tits

♪ You bring your knees in tight ♪

Ugh!

♪ But it's the pelvic thrust ♪

Group sex! Group sex!
♪ But it's the pelvic thrust ♪

Group sex! Group sex!
♪ That really drives you insane ♪

♪ That really drives you insane ♪

♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

♪ It's so dreamy ♪

♪ Oh, fantasy free me ♪

♪ So you can't see me ♪

Do you douche?

♪ No, not at all ♪

So I smell.

♪ In another dimension ♪

How d'you fuck?

♪ With voyeuristic intention ♪

Where are your tits?

* flip the finger *
♪ Well secluded ♪

Can you see this?

♪ I see all ♪

Oh, shit!

♪ With a bit of a mind flip ♪

♪ You're into the time slip ♪

Fuck that bird!

Grease that pole! Eat that bagel! I'm not Jewish!
♪ And nothing can ever be the same ♪

* throw BAGEL *
♪ You're spaced out on sensation ♪

♪ Like you're under sedation ♪

♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

* clap to the beat *
♪ Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think ♪

(go "OoooOOOooo"... like the Beach Boys)
♪ When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink ♪

(go "OoooOOOooo"... like the Beach Boys)
♪ He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise ♪

(go "OoooOOOooo"... like the Beach Boys)
♪ He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes ♪

(go "OoooOOOooo"... like the Beach Boys)
♪ He stared at me and I felt a change ♪

A-wop-bop-a-loo-bop-a-wop-bam-boom!
♪ Time meant nothing, never would again ♪

♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

♪ It's just a jump to the left ♪

♪ And then a step to the right ♪

Put your hands on your tits
♪ With your hands on your hips ♪

♪ You bring your knees in tight ♪

Ugh!

♪ But it's the pelvic thrust ♪

Group sex! Group sex!
♪ But it's the pelvic thrust ♪

Group sex! Group sex!
♪ That really drives you insane ♪

♪ That really drives you insane ♪

♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

2, 4, 6, 8 Show us how you masturbate

3, 5, 7, 9 We know you do it all the time

4, 6, 8, 10 Clean it up and start again

2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14!

Eat your heart out, Ann Miller!

Watch it!

♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

Get the fuck off the desk!
♪ It's just a jump to the left ♪

♪ And then a step to the right ♪

Put your hands on your tits
♪ With your hands on your hips ♪

or on yours!

♪ Bring your knees in tight ♪

Ugh!

♪ But it's the pelvic thrust ♪

Group sex! Group sex!
♪ But it's the pelvic thrust ♪

Group sex! Group sex!
♪ That really drives you insane ♪

♪ That really drives you insane ♪

Let's do the damn song again!
♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

Let's do the damn song again!
♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

Release the poison gas!

It's not over till the fat lady farts!

It's over now.

Say something.

Say something stupid!

Say!

Do any of you guys know how to Madison?

I do the rock myself!

I do the swim!

Brad, please, let's get out of here.

For God's sake, keep a grip on yourself, Janet.

* clap to the beat *
But it seems so unhealthy here.

- It's just a party, Janet.
- Well, I want to go.

Well, I want to come!
Well, we can't go anywhere till I get to a phone.

Well, we can't go anywhere till I get to a phone.

- Then ask the butler or someone.
- Just a moment, Janet.

(Chant: "I want sex!" "I want sex!" to the beat)
We don't want to interfere with their celebrations.

(Chant: "I want sex!" "I want sex!" to the beat)
This isn't the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad.

(Chant: "I want sex!" "I want sex!" to the beat)
They're probably foreigners with ways different than our own.

(Chant: "I want sex!" "I want sex!" to the beat)
They may do some more... folk dancing.

Folk you!

Look, I'm cold, I'm wet and I'm just plain scared!

I'm here. There's nothing to worry about.

(SCREAM!)

♪ How do you do, I ♪

♪ See you've met my ♪

♪ Faithful handyman ♪

hand-job man
♪ Faithful handyman ♪

♪ He's just a little brought down because ♪

pissed off
♪ He's just a little brought down because ♪

♪ He's just a little brought down because ♪

♪ When you knocked ♪

He rang!

♪ He thought you were the candy man ♪

* throw CANDY *

* clap to the beat *
♪ Don't get strung out ♪

On drugs!

♪ By the way I look ♪

Same thing.

♪ Don't judge a book by its cover ♪

♪ I'm not much of a man ♪

Or a woman!

♪ By the light of day ♪

♪ But by night I'm one hell of a lover ♪

I'm one sick motherfucker!
♪ But by night I'm one hell of a lover ♪

♪ I'm just a sweet transvestite ♪

(Wolf whistle)
♪ I'm just a sweet transvestite ♪

♪ From Transsexual ♪

♪ Transylvania ♪

♪ Let me show you around ♪

♪ Maybe play you a sound ♪

♪ You look like you're both pretty groovy ♪

seen this movie!
♪ You look like you're both pretty groovy ♪

NOT!

♪ Or if you want something visual ♪

Like porno?

♪ That's not too abysmal ♪

Like cheap porno?

♪ We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie ♪

That's gay porno!

♪ I'm glad we caught you at home ♪

You're outta there!

Could we jump your bone?
♪ Could we use your phone? ♪

We're both in a bit of a hurry.

Left!

Right!

Left!

♪ We'll just say where we are ♪

Then go fuck in the car
♪ Then go back to the car ♪

A pleasure to meet you, Dr. Furter.

We don't want to fuck Tim Curry!
♪ We don't want to be any worry ♪

♪ Well, you got caught with a flat ♪

♪ Well, how about that ♪

Good job!
♪ Well, how about that ♪

♪ Well, how about that ♪

♪ Well, babies, don't you panic ♪

♪ By the light of the night ♪

♪ It'll all seem all right ♪

Hunky dory!

♪ I'll get you a satanic mechanic ♪

S & M !

♪ I'm just a sweet transvestite ♪

Boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom!

From San Francisco
♪ From Transsexual ♪

California
♪ Transylvania ♪

♪ Why don't you stay for the night ♪

Night!
♪ Night ♪

♪ Or maybe a bite ♪

Bite!
♪ Bite ♪

♪ I could show you my favorite obsession ♪

SEX!

♪ I've been making a man ♪

You call that a man?

♪ With blond hair and a tan ♪

You call that a tan?

♪ He's good for relieving my ♪

Sexual!

♪ Tension ♪

♪ I'm just a sweet transvestite ♪

god-damn faggot!
♪ I'm just a sweet transvestite ♪

Check him out!

♪ From Transsexual ♪

♪ Transylvania ♪

Hit it! Hit it!
Hit it! Hit it!

♪ I'm just a sweet transvestite ♪

Little locomotive!
♪ I'm just a sweet transvestite ♪

♪ Sweet transvestite ♪

From straight-laced, Amish,
♪ From Transsexual ♪

Pennsylvania
♪ Transylvania ♪

♪ So... ♪

What?

♪ come up to the lab ♪

Too high!

♪ And see what's on the slab ♪

Fuck me on the slab!
♪ And see what's on the slab ♪

♪ I see you shiver with antici- ♪

SAY IT!

consti-

♪ -pation. ♪

That was hard to get out!

♪ But maybe the rain ♪

Hallelujah!

♪ Isn't really to blame ♪

No, Sue's to blame!

♪ So I'll remove... ♪

Your clothes!
♪ the cause ♪

What about those nasty symptoms?

♪ But not the symptom! ♪

Wonderful!

What do you say when Frank fucks you?

Thank you.

What do you say when Riff Raff fucks you?

Thank you very much.

- Brad!
- It's all right, Janet.

We'll play along for now and pull out
the aces when the time's right.

Looks more like a joker to me!

Slowly, slowly. It's too nice a job to rush.

Yay rush!

Hi. My name's Brad Majors...

Asshole!
and this is my fiancée, Janet Weiss.

and this is my fiancée, Janet Weiss.

Vice...!
and this is my fiancée, Janet Weiss.

Hey Brad, how do you spell "URINATE"?

You are-

You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory.

Some people would give their right arm for the privilege.

Or their left tit!

Or their left tit!
People like you maybe?

People like you maybe?

I've seen it.

And I don't do laundry!

Grab something useful, Brad - like a shoe!

Come along. The master doesn't like to be kept waiting.

What do you do with an uncomfortable cock?

Shift it!

Riff Raff can't hold his liquor!

Drop it!

Thank you!

First floor, lamps and shit...

Second floor, stupid questions...
Is he- Frank, I mean. Is he your husband?

The master is not yet married.
Nor do I think he ever will be.

We are simply his...

slaves!
servants.

Third floor, vibrators and assorted hardware...

Anita Bryant is worth shit!

Anita Bryant IS shit!

Anita Bryant like I need a hole in the head!

Sluts first... sluts first... SLUTS first!

Assholes second... servants and dykes last!

Oh my God, it's the All-Star family!

It's the Kent family!

No it's the Twins family!

No, it's YOUR family!

More dicks along the wall!

Here's my urine sample, enjoy.

Look, it's Ken and Barbie!

What's your favorite color?

Magenta.

Where do you get your pot?

Columbia.

Bad choice!

Go and assist Riff Raff.

Woof woof!
Go and assist Riff Raff.

He can't get it up by himself!

I will entertain-

the cameraman!

With the world's biggest hand-job!

Brad Majors.

Asshole!

This is my fiancée, Janet Vice.

Vice...!
Weiss.

Frank, do you speak French?

Well, how nice.

And what charming underclothes you both have.

But here, put these on.

Take yours off!

They'll make you feel less...

Naked!

vulnerable.

Same thing.

It's not often we receive visitors here...

let alone offer them hospitality.

Horse-brutality
let alone offer them hospitality.

Hospitality? All we wanted to do
was to use your telephone. Goddamn it!

A reasonable request which you've chosen to ignore!

- Brad, don't be ungrateful.
- Ungrateful?

Superman!

How forceful you are, Brad.

Such a perfect specimen of manhood- so...

Big!

dominant.

Check it out...

Cover it up!

You must be awfully proud of him.

Hey, Janet, are you a slut?

Well, yes, I am.

Do you have any tattoos, Brad?

Certainly not.

Can't tattoo an asshole!
Oh, well.

Can't tattoo an asshole!

How about you?

Show him the anchor!

Everything is in readiness, master.

We merely await your...

sperm.
word.

It's in the glass!

Oooh... shit!

That was my only suit!

Hey Frank, when's the orgy?

Tonight, my unconventional conventionists...

Hey, that's us!

you are to witness a new breakthrough
in biochemical research.

bisexual
you are to witness a new breakthrough
in biochemical research.

you are to witness a new breakthrough
in biochemical research.

And paradise is to be mine!

lost!
And paradise is to be mine!

It was strange the way it happened.

Suddenly, you get a break.

* snap GLOVE *

All the pieces seem to fit into place.

Sit... on my face!
All the pieces seem to fit into place.

What a sucker you've been.

Suck on me!

What a fool.

Fool with me!

The answer was there all the time.

42!

It took a small accident to make it happen.

A what?

An accident!

Accident!

And that's how I discovered the secret.

That elusive ingredient.

Who's your favorite character on Star Trek?
That elusive ingredient.

Who's your favorite character on Star Trek?

That spark... that is the breath of life.

Are you going to fuck everyone in the audience tonight?
That spark... that is the breath of life.

Are you going to fuck everyone in the audience tonight?

Yes.

Do you know about gay sex?

I have that knowledge.

What do you hold under your arm?
I have that knowledge.

What do you hold under your arm?

I hold the secret...

To life?

to life...

Itself?

itself!

Well, son of a bitch!

Janet's got the clap!

Now Brad's got it!

* snap GLOVE *

F!

F!
You see, you are fortunate.

You see, you are fortunate.

K!
You see, you are fortunate.

You see, you are fortunate.

For tonight is the night...

* snap GLOVE *

that my beautiful creature is destined to be born!

Fucked!
that my beautiful creature is destined to be born!

* use NOISEMAKERS and applaud *

That noisemaker broke!

Say something nobody can understand, Frank!

How do you say "fuck" in Chinese?

It's the world's largest tampon!

Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator.

First one's easy...

Second one's a bitch!

And step up the reactor power input...

three more points!

Three!
three more points!

three more points!

More!
three more points!

three more points!

Points!
three more points!

Points!

Don't turn that, it'll make steam come out of your ass!

Told you! Now put your hump into it, Riff!

How big is your dick, Frank?

Oh, Brad...

It's all right, Janet.

We brought a rubber!

Smile if you're horny, Riff!

How big is your dick again?

Whoever's fucking with the light, stop it!

What's that statue doing?

I know I can, I know I can!

Red!

I knew I could, I knew I could!

Orange!

Yellow!

Green!

Blue!

Uhhh...

Indigo!

Violet!

Is it soup yet? No, it needs Curry!

The secret to life is FOOD COLORING!

Rocky's got a boner!

Rocky IS a boner!

Im-ho-tep! Im-ho-tep!

6 seconds old and he's reaching for his first screw!

It's a riveting experience.

Get your hand off my nuts!

I AM TAMPON-MAN!

Hey Riff, give the monster a little head!

Oh, Rocky!
Oh, Rocky!

Adriaaannn...!

♪ The sword of Damocles is hangin' over my head ♪

It's a chandelier!

♪ And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be ♪

givin' me head
♪ cuttin' the thread ♪

You idiot!

♪ Oh, woe is me ♪

I'm going through puberty
♪ My life is a misery ♪

♪ Can't you see ♪

♪ That I'm at the start of a pretty big downer ♪

of a pretty bad movie...
♪ That I'm at the start of a pretty big downer ♪

♪ I woke up this mornin'♪

and I got myself a beer!
♪ with a start when I fell out of bed♪

♪ That ain't no crime ♪

* throw TOILET PAPER *

* throw TOILET PAPER *
♪ And left' from my dreaming ♪

♪ Was a feeling of unnameable dread ♪

A hangover!
♪ That ain't no crime ♪

♪ That ain't no crime ♪

♪ My high is low ♪

♪ I'm dressed up with no place to go ♪

no-one to blow
♪ I'm dressed up with no place to go ♪

♪ And all I know ♪

♪ Is I'm at the start of a pretty big downer ♪

of a pretty big boner...
♪ Is I'm at the start of a pretty big downer ♪

♪ Sha-la, la-la that ain't no crime ♪

* clap to the beat *
♪ Sha-la, la-la that ain't no crime ♪

* clap to the beat *
♪ Sha-la, la-la that ain't no crime ♪

♪ That ain't no crime ♪

♪ The sword of Damocles is hanging' over my head ♪

Really!

♪ That ain't no crime ♪

♪ And I've got the feeling someone's ♪
♪ gonna be cutting' the thread ♪

♪ That ain't no crime ♪

♪ Oh, woe is me ♪

Why's that weirdo chasing me?
♪ My life is a mystery ♪

♪ And can't you see ♪

Frankie's got a foot fetish!
♪ And can't you see ♪

♪ That I'm at the start of a pretty big downer ♪

of a pretty big boner...
♪ That I'm at the start of a pretty big downer ♪

♪ Sha-la, la-la that ain't no crime ♪

Frank, there's a mouse!
♪ Sha-la, la-la that ain't no crime ♪

♪ Sha-la, la-la that ain't no crime ♪

Outta my way, bitch!

♪ Sha-la, la-la that ain't no crime ♪

♪ Ain't no crime... Sha-la-la! ♪

Well, really!

Yes, really!

That's no way to behave on your first day out.

of the closet!

But since you're such an exceptional beauty...

Can you forgive him?
But since you're such an exceptional beauty...

Can you forgive him?
I'm prepared to forgive you.

I'm prepared to forgive you.

Hey Rocky, show us how you beat off!
I'm prepared to forgive you.

Hey Rocky, show us how you beat off!

I just love success!

You love anything with SUCK and SEX!
- He's a credit to your genius, master.
- Yes.

- A triumph of your will.
- Yes.

He's okay.

You blew it, bitch!

Did you put a bra in the dryer?

"Okay"?

Hey Frank, how do you kill roaches?

"Okay"?

Can you do better?

I think we can do better than that.

Why don't you ask Brad and Janet!
I think we can do better than that.

Why don't you ask Brad and Janet!
Come on.

Now, Brad and Janet...

Tap tap tap...

What do you think of him?

Lie, Janet!

Well...

I don't like men with too many muscles.

Just one big one!

I didn't make him for you!

She gets him anyway!

He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval.

(Bark like a seal)

Start Timmy!

♪ A weakling... ♪

Brad!
♪ A weakling... ♪

♪ weighing 98 pounds ♪

That's Timmy!

♪ Will get sand in his face ♪

at the beach
♪ Will get sand in his face ♪

♪ When kicked to the ground ♪

in the groin
♪ When kicked to the ground ♪

♪ When kicked to the ground ♪

Don't laugh, that hurts!

♪ And soon in the gym ♪

♪ With a determined chin ♪

The sweat from his balls
♪ The sweat from his pores ♪

He's 5 minutes old, he can't read yet!
♪ As he works for his cause ♪

♪ As he works for his cause ♪

♪ Will make him glisten ♪

What's your favorite toothpaste?
♪ Will make him glisten ♪

What's your favorite toothpaste?

♪ And gleam ♪

♪ And with massage ♪

♪ And just a little bit of steam ♪

Vaseline...
♪ And just a little bit of steam ♪

♪ And just a little bit of steam ♪

Catch it! Catch it! Go for the gold!
♪ And just a little bit of steam ♪

Catch it! Catch it! Go for the gold!

Missed it, missed it, now you gotta kiss it!

Missed it, missed it, now you gotta kiss it!
♪ He'll be pink ♪

♪ He'll be pink ♪

Tap, tap!
♪ He'll be pink ♪

♪ And quite clean ♪

♪ He'll be a strong man ♪

♪ Oh, honey, but the wrong man ♪

♪ He'll eat nutritious... ♪

cum!

♪ High protein... ♪

cum!

♪ And swallow raw eggs ♪

chicken cum!
♪ And swallow raw eggs ♪

It's the world's largest dildo!
♪ Try to build up his shoulders ♪

♪ His chest, arms and legs ♪

♪ Such an effort ♪

♪ If he only knew of my plan ♪

♪ In just seven days ♪

or maybe six!
♪ In just seven days ♪

or maybe six!

♪ I can make you a man ♪

♪ He'll do press-ups and chin-ups ♪

♪ Do the snatch, clean and jerk ♪

Off!

♪ He thinks dynamic tension ♪

♪ Must be hard work ♪

FUCK!

♪ Such strenuous living ♪

THAT!
♪ Such strenuous living ♪

♪ Such strenuous living ♪

HORSE!

♪ I just don't understand ♪

HARD!
♪ I just don't understand ♪

♪ I just don't understand ♪

♪ When in just seven days... ♪

and seven ways
♪ oh, baby ♪

I can make you a fag, just like your dad!
♪ I can make you a man ♪

Dinner's ready!

Guess who's coming for dinner?

Who? Wha-

Meatloaf!
Eddie!

Watch out for the door!

Biker checklist!

Kickstand: Check.

Goggles: Check.

Helmet: Check.

* clap to the beat *

* clap to the beat *
Attitude: Check!

♪ Whatever happened to Saturday night ♪

Sunday morning!
♪ Whatever happened to Saturday night ♪

Sunday morning!
♪ When you dressed up sharp and you felt all right ♪

♪ When you dressed up sharp and you felt all right ♪

♪ It don't seem the same since cosmic light ♪

cosmic cow
♪ It don't seem the same since cosmic light ♪

♪ Came into my life ♪

♪ I thought I was divine ♪

♪ I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go ♪

And take her to the Rocky Horror Picture Show
♪ And listen to the music on the radio ♪

♪ A saxophone was blowin' on a rock-and-roll show ♪

♪ We climbed in the back seat, really had a good time ♪

♪ Hot patootie, bless my soul ♪

♪ I really love that rock and roll ♪

John Belushi's dead in a hole
♪ Hot patootie, bless my soul♪

'cause of sex, drugs, and rock and roll
♪ I really love that rock and roll ♪

Roll a doobie, smoke a bowl
♪ Hot patootie, bless my soul ♪

Serve me on a buttered roll
♪ I really love that rock and roll ♪

Hey Eddie, how about some good sex?

I said good SEX, not good SAX!

I hope that's safe sax!

Lovely party!

Lousy lipsynch!

Eat shit!

And die!

♪ My head it used to swim from the perfume I smelled ♪

♪ My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt ♪

chastity belt
♪ My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt ♪

I'd taste her open pussy lips and that's when she'd melt
♪ I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when I'd melt ♪

♪ She'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine ♪

Aaaaaaaaaand...
♪ She'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine ♪

Switch!

♪ Get back in front and put some hair oil on ♪

Switch!
♪ Get back in front and put some hair oil on ♪

♪ Get back in front and put some hair oil on ♪

Switch!
♪ Get back in front and put some hair oil on ♪

♪ Get back in front and put some hair oil on ♪

♪ Buddy Holly was singin' his very last song ♪

♪ With your arms around your girl you tried to sing along ♪

Whose girl?
♪ With your arms around your girl you tried to sing along ♪

♪ With your arms around your girl you tried to sing along ♪

Goose the slut!
♪ It felt pretty good ♪

♪ It felt pretty good ♪

♪ Really had a good time ♪

Suck a titty, smoke a bowl
♪ Hot patootie, bless my soul ♪

bend over and grease your hole
♪ I really love that rock and roll ♪

Pop a cherry, plug a hole
♪ Hot patootie, bless my soul ♪

sex, drugs and birth control
♪ I really love that rock and roll ♪

Anal sex will take its toll
♪ Hot patootie, bless my soul ♪

Rocky's got a twelve-foot pole
♪ I really love that rock and roll ♪

Snort a line, smoke a bowl
♪ Hot patootie, bless my soul ♪

This song gets fucking old!
♪ I really love that rock and roll ♪

Step, step, step, kick! Step, step, step, kick!

Step, kick, step, kick! Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick!

Where are you going?

LOVE!

HATE!

I LOVE motorcycles!

Even the statue gives head!

I HATE pedestrians!

What are you screaming about?
He's just tenderizing the meatloaf!

Next time use a clamp bar!

That's no way to pick your friends!

Oh, no!

Picky, picky, picky...

Bloody rubbers...

Bloody rubbers...
One from the vaults.

One from the vaults.

A greaser from the freezer!

A Bat out of Hell!

Give them to Magenta!
She knows what to do with bloody rubbers...

Oh, baby!

I'm upset!

My dick's caught in the door!

OUCH!

I'm upset! I'm upset!

Don't be upset.

What kind of killing was it?

It was a messy killing.
It was a mercy killing.

Mercy, mercy, mercy!

He had a certain naive charm...

but no muscle.

Show him yours!

How d'you like it?

♪ But a deltoid ♪

♪ And a bicep ♪

♪ A hot groin and a tricep ♪

♪ Makes me ♪

Dance with a midget!

♪ Shake ♪

♪ Makes me want to take Charles Atlas ♪

♪ By the hand ♪

Balls!
♪ By the hand ♪

♪ By the hand ♪

♪ In just seven days... ♪

That's a week!
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ I can make you a man ♪

♪ I don't want no dissension ♪

Whoo!

Whoo!

♪ Just dynamic tension ♪

Whoo!
♪ Just dynamic tension ♪

♪ Just dynamic tension ♪

Whoo!
♪ Just dynamic tension ♪

♪ Just dynamic tension ♪

Whoo!
♪ Just dynamic tension ♪

♪ Just dynamic tension ♪

Sing it, bitch!

♪ I'm a muscle fan ♪

♪ In just seven days ♪

or maybe six!

♪ I can make you a man ♪

♪ Dig it ♪

♪ If you can ♪

♪ In just seven days ♪

And one good fuck!

♪ I can make you a man ♪

That's a mighty big ball there...

Who invited Jimi Hendrix?

Rocky, Rocky, rah, rah, rah!

* throw CONFETTI *
Rocky, Rocky, rah, rah, rah!

Assume the position!

I say that life is an illusion!

There are those who say that life is an illusion...

Like your neck!

Like your neck!
and that reality is simply a figment of the imagination.

and that reality is simply a figment of the imagination.

So's your fucking neck!
and that reality is simply a figment of the imagination.

So's your fucking neck!

If this is so, then Brad and Janet are quite safe.

So's your fucking neck!
If this is so, then Brad and Janet are quite safe.

So's your fucking neck!

However, the sudden departure of their host...

There's always a "however"!
However, the sudden departure of their host...

However, the sudden departure of their host...

Neck!
However, the sudden departure of their host...

However, the sudden departure of their host...

and his creation...

Neck!
and his creation...

and his creation...

into the seclusion of his somber bridal suite...

Sweet!
into the seclusion of his somber bridal suite...

had left them feeling both apprehensive and uneasy.

Neckless!
had left them feeling both apprehensive and uneasy.

had left them feeling both apprehensive and uneasy.

Horny!
had left them feeling both apprehensive and uneasy.

A feeling which grew as the other guests departed...

Grew!
A feeling which grew as the other guests departed...

A feeling which grew as the other guests departed...

Unlike your neck!
A feeling which grew as the other guests departed...

A feeling which grew as the other guests departed...

and they were shown to their separate rooms.

You make it sound so dirty!

Pink is for virgins, red is for sluts!

Watch out for the basin...

Holy water burns, doesn't it?

He sees you when you're sleeping,
he knows when you're awake...

He knows when you've been fucking good
and when you masturbate.

Blue is for assholes!

Same room, different filter. Cheap movie!

Sit down! Sit!

BOO!

Good bitch.

Never worry, never fear, Frank the wonder fuck is here!

Large or small, thick or thin, Vaseline will get it in!
Who is it? Who's there?

Two, four, six, eight, Frankie's fucks are always great!

Yeah, Frankie!
It's only me, Janet.

Brad, darling, come in.

And out, and in, and out
Brad, darling, come in.

And out, and in, and out

That's what sex is all about!

That's what sex is all about!
Oh, Brad!

She said "come in", not "come on!"

Yes, my darling! But what if-

Don't worry, I got the rubber!

Don't worry, I got the rubber!
It's all right, Janet. Everything's going to be all right.

Oh, I hope so, my darling.

Don't fuck with the hair!

Oh it's you!

I'm afraid so, Janet.

But isn't it nice?

No, it's Weiss!

You beast! You monster! What have you done with Brad?

Nothing yet, he's saving the best for last!

Nothing yet, he's saving the best for last!
Well, nothing. Why, do you think I should?

Well, nothing. Why, do you think I should?

You tricked me! I wouldn't have.

Yes you would!

Yes you would!
I've never, never-

I've never, never-

thought people would watch this in 40 years!
Yes. Yes, I know. But it isn't all bad, is it?

It isn't all Brad, either!

I think you really will find it quite pleasurable.

- So soft, so sensual.
- Stop. I mean, help!

Oh, Brad. Oh, Brad!

Brad's not down there... he's never been there!

Brad's not down there... he's never been there!
Brad's probably asleep by now.

Brad's probably asleep by now.

Do you want him to see you like this?

Assume the position!
Like this? Like how?

It's your fault! You're to blame!

No, Sue's to blame!

She made the costumes!
I was saving myself.

For what, a rainy day? Well, it's raining!

For what, a rainy day? Well, it's raining!
Well, I'm sure you're not spent yet.

Well, I'm sure you're not spent yet.

For a nickel I will...

Promise you won't tell Brad?

Slut!

Slut!
Cross my heart and hope to die.

Cross my heart and hope to die.

Stick a dildo in my eye!

Sluuuut!

I'm so glad we had this time together...

I can't mop these white spots off the floor!

Hey look over here Magenta!

There's two lesbians in the back row!

Here sis, hold that rag while I go
mess with the master's monster.

He's my brother but he has a cute ass...

Rocky takes it up the ass, doo-dah, doo-dah

Servants' entrance in the rear!
Rocky takes it up the ass, doo-dah, doo-dah

Riff Raff hopes he won't pass gas, oh, doo-dah-day

Twitch your shoulder... Twitch it!

Thank you!

- Is it the butcher?
- No!

- Is it the baker?
- No!

Then it has to be sadistic Liberace!

He's got the whole world up his ass...

Happy Hanukkah, Rocky!

Come on baby, light my fire...

This is no time to be yanking your chain!

It's curtains for Riff!

Mr. Sulu, fire photon torpedo number one!

Shit, where's the bathroom?

Elbow sex!

Elbow sex!

Elbow sex!

Elbow sex!

Elbow sex!

(Cheer Riff and Magenta)

Riff Raff sucks!

Give her a hicky!

I said a hicky, not a blood transfusion!

Where's the fucking bathroom?

Never worry, never fear, Frank the wonder fuck is here!

Large or small, thick or thin, Vaseline will get it in!
Oh, Brad, darling, it's no good here!

Two, four, six, eight, Frankie's fucks are always great!

Two, four, six, eight, Frankie's fucks are always great!
It'll destroy us.

Two, four, six, eight, Frankie's fucks are always great!

Yeah, Frankie!
Don't worry, Janet. We'll be away from here in the morning.

Don't worry, Janet. We'll be away from here in the morning.

Oh, Brad, you're so strong and protective.

Don't fuck with the hair!

Wha-

You!

I'm afraid so, Brad. But isn't it nice?

It's not even Weiss!

It's not even Weiss!
Why, you-

What have you done with Janet?

Fucked the shit out of her!

Fucked the shit out of her!
Nothing. Why, do you think I should?

Nothing. Why, do you think I should?

You tricked me. I wouldn't have.

Yes you would!

Yes you would!
I've never, never.

I've never, never.

Never never?

Yes, I know. But it isn't all bad, is it?

No, but it's all Brad this time!

No, but it's all Brad this time!
Not even half bad.

I think you'll really quite enjoy it.

- So soft. So sensual.
- No, stop, stop.

Janet!

She's not down there!

Janet's probably asleep by now.
Do you want her to see you like this?

Assume the position!
Like this? Like how?

It's your fault! You're to blame.

No, Sue's to blame!

I thought it was the real thing!

It is!

Only bigger!
Oh, come on, Brad, admit it. You liked it, didn't you?

Oh, come on, Brad, admit it. You liked it, didn't you?

He loved it!

There's no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure.

It is in New Jersey!
There's no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure.

It is in New Jersey!

It is in New Jersey!
Oh, Brad, you've wasted so much time already.

But we don't give a fuck.
Oh, Brad, you've wasted so much time already.

Oh, Brad, you've wasted so much time already.

Janet needn't know. I won't tell her.

You promise you won't tell?

On my mother's fuckhole!

On my mother's grave.

Don't talk with your mouth full!
On my mother's grave.

Don't talk with your mouth full!

Master, Rocky has broken his chains and vanished.

Poof!

The new playmate is loose
and somewhere in the castle grounds.

coffee grounds.
The new playmate is loose
and somewhere in the castle grounds.

Magenta has just released...

her sisters.
the dogs.

Coming!

So is Brad!

And so am I!

What is happening here?

Cut!

Where's Brad?

Cut!

Where's anybody?

Fucking!

I NEED that bathroom...

Kibbles and Bits, Kibbles and Bits,
we're gonna get us some Kibbles and Bits!

Oh, Brad!

Oh, shit.

Brad, my darling.

Janet, my fish!

Janet, my fish!
How could I have done this to you?

How could I have done this to you?

It was easy, but it would have been
easier without the pantyhose!

Women drivers, no survivors!

If only we hadn't made this movie...
If only we hadn't made this journey...

But you did!

If only the plot hadn't broken down...
If only the car hadn't broken down...

But it did!

If only we were amongst actors...
If only we were amongst friends...

But you aren't!

Or sane directors.
Or sane persons.

Two out of three ain't bad!

Brad...

I pledge allegiance to my left tit...

What have they done with him?

Get butch, bitch!

Brad...

It's a smoking asshole!

Oh, Brad!

You smoke?!

How could you?

It was very easy, no pantyhose!

If you're looking for relief, there's a dildo on the wall...

Fifty ways to love your lever!

Cheap sex to the left, Janet. LEFT!

Leave him alone, he's monsterbating!

Aw shit, caught again!

Can't a man masturbate in peace around here?

Who said masturbation wasn't dirty?

Who said masturbation wasn't dirty?
But you're hurt.

But you're hurt.

No shit.

Did they do this to you?

They sure did, the snivelling shits!

Here. I'll dress your wounds.

And undress mine!

And undress mine!
Poor baby, there.

Hey Janet, make me a three-piece suit!
Poor baby, there.

Hey Janet, make me a three-piece suit!

That's your baby Janet, give him his nipple!

Hey Janet, name's Rocky - want some?

One, two, three...

Say Janet, wanna fuck?

Smile if you're horny!
"Emotion: agitation or disturbance of mind;

"Emotion: agitation or disturbance of mind;

vehement or excited mental state."

And you can only read about it, shit lips!
vehement or excited mental state."

And you can only read about it, shit lips!

It is also a powerful and irrational master.

mouthwash!
It is also a powerful and irrational master.

It is also a powerful and irrational master.

And from what Magenta and Columbia
eagerly viewed on their television monitor...

there seemed little doubt that Janet was indeed its slave.

a nymphomaniac!
there seemed little doubt that Janet was indeed its slave.

there seemed little doubt that Janet was indeed its slave.

Tell us about it, Janet!
Tell us about it, Janet.

(Giggle stupidly)

♪ I was feelin' done in ♪

And pushed up!
♪ I was feelin' done in ♪

♪ Couldn't win ♪

Like the Mets!
♪ Couldn't win ♪

Like the Mets!

♪ I'd only ever kissed before ♪

What a crock of shit!

- You mean she-
- Uh-huh.

No way!
- You mean she-
- Uh-huh.

♪ I thought there's no use getting ♪

Lucky!
♪ I thought there's no use getting ♪

Laid!
♪ I thought there's no use getting ♪

♪ Into heavy petting ♪

♪ It only leads to trouble ♪

♪ And seat wetting ♪

Sticky fingers!
♪ And seat wetting ♪

♪ And seat wetting ♪

Yay wet seats!
♪ And seat wetting ♪

Yay wet seats!
♪ Now all I want to know ♪

♪ Now all I want to know ♪

Is how to blow
♪ Is how to go ♪

♪ I've tasted blood and I want more ♪

cum
♪ I've tasted blood and I want more ♪

♪ I've tasted blood and I want more ♪

Less!

More!

Less!

More!

Less!

More!

Less!

♪ I'll put up no resistance ♪

I want to fuck your piston!
♪ I want to stay the distance ♪

♪ I've got an itch to scratch ♪

itchy snatch...
♪ I've got an itch to scratch ♪

♪ I need assistance ♪

Fuck-a, fuck-a, fuck-a fuck me
♪ Touch-a, touch-a, touch-a touch me ♪

I wanna get VD!
♪ I wanna be dirty ♪

Eat me, beat me, mistreat me
♪ Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me ♪

Cream between my thighs!
♪ Creature of the night ♪

I smell fish!

This looks like a good place for a stick up!

Hot fucking tuna!

♪ Then if anything grows ♪

Suck it!
♪ Then if anything grows ♪

♪ Then if anything grows ♪

♪ While you pose ♪

♪ I'll oil you up and rub you down ♪

Up!

Down!

Up!

Down!

Up!

Down!

Up!

♪ And that's just one small fraction ♪

one small section
♪ And that's just one small fraction ♪

1/69!

♪ Of the main attraction ♪

main erection
♪ Of the main attraction ♪

♪ You need a friendly hand ♪

* rub BALLOON *
♪ And I need action ♪

Got milk?

Fuck-a, fuck-a, fuck-a fuck me
♪ Touch-a, touch-a, touch-a touch me ♪

I wanna be dirty
♪ I wanna be dirty ♪

Drill me, fill me, then bill me
♪ Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me ♪

Dentist of the night!
♪ Creature of the night ♪

Touch-a, touch-a, touch-a touch me!
♪ Touch-a, touch-a, touch-a touch me ♪

I want to have puppies
♪ I wanna be dirty ♪

Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me
♪ Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me ♪

Fuck me, I'm a dyke!
♪ Creature of the night ♪

Pluck-a, pluck-a, pluck-a, pluck me!
♪ Touch-a, touch-a, touch-a touch me ♪

I want to be birdie!
♪ I wanna be dirty ♪

Take me, shake me then bake me.
♪ Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me ♪

Chicken of the night!
♪ Creature of the night ♪

Roll call!

Creature of the night!

Rocky!
Creature of the night!

Creature of the night?

Brad!
Creature of the night?

Creature of the night.

Frank!
Creature of the night.

Creature of the night.

Magenta!
Creature of the night.

Creature of the night.

Raff!
Creature of the night.

Creature of the night!

Columbi... AAH!
♪ Creature of the night! ♪

Creature! of the night!

Rocky again, slut!
Creature! of the night!

♪ Creature of the night ♪

* pop BALLOON *
Have an orgasm, bitch!

Hit him!

Hit him again!

Hit him harder!

Hit him harder!
Mercy!

Mercy!

Thank you Master, may I have another?

Thank you Master, may I have another?
How did it happen?

Beats me!

Beats me!
I understood you were to be watching.

I understood you were to be watching.

Thank you Master, may I have another?

I was only away for a minute...

Doing what?

Master...

bating!

Well, see if you can find him on the monitor.

Forehand looks good, how's your backhand?

Needs work.

Master.

It's R2D2 with an umbrella!

It's R2D2 with an umbrella!
Master, we have a visitor.

What does Captain Kirk say to his chief engineer?

Hey! Scotty!

Beam me up!

Dr. Everett Scott.

You know this earthling-

Watch it O'Brien, fuck you Curry!

Watch it O'Brien, fuck you Curry!
this... person?

I most certainly do. He happens to be an old friend of mine.

What's your favorite fruit drink?
I most certainly do. He happens to be an old friend of mine.

What's your favorite fruit drink?

I see.

So this wasn't simply a chance meeting.

No, it's a date!
So this wasn't simply a chance meeting.

No, it's a date!

You came here with a purpose.

On a porpoise!
You came here with a purpose.

I told you, my car broke down. I was telling the truth.

A lie!
I told you, my car broke down. I was telling the truth.

I know what you told me, Brad.

But this Dr. Everett Scott, his name is not unknown to me.

It's written on the bathroom walls!

It's written on the bathroom walls!
He was a science teacher at Denton High School.

He was a science teacher at Denton High School.

And now he works for your government,
doesn't he, Brad?

What?

He's attached to the Bureau of Investigation...

of that which you call UFO's!

Oh, Eff You!
of that which you call UFO's!

- Isn't that right, Brad?
- He might be. I don't know.

The intruder is entering the building, master.

Lucky building!

Where could he be?

He'll probably be in- in the Zen Room.

Not the Zen Room!

Call the exterminator, look at all these roaches!

It's a fucking piece of shit!

Shall we inquire of him in person?

No, not the triple-contact faggot magnet!
Shall we inquire of him in person?

No, not the triple-contact faggot magnet!

Put some knee into it, Frank!

Ring around the lesbians - fucking tourists!

Hey, Kool-aid!

Great Scott!

* throw TOILET PAPER *

* throw PAPER PLANE *

Incoming...!

Get those brakes checked!

Frank-N-Furter.

Mit Kraut!

We meet at last.

No, we meet at first!

Dr. Scott!

Brad. What are you doing here?

Eh, just fucking around.
Brad. What are you doing here?

Eh, just fucking around.

Don't play games, Dr. Scott.

You know perfectly well what Brad Majors is doing here.

Getting good head!
You know perfectly well what Brad Majors is doing here.

It was part of your plan, was it not...

that he and his female should check the layout for you?

They checked the lays!
that he and his female should check the layout for you?

Well, unfortunately for you all,
the plans are to be changed.

Get out the whip and the sheets on the bed!

I hope you're adaptable, Dr. Scott.

AC/DC!

AC/DC!
I know Brad is.

I know Brad is.

Aw, you promised you wouldn't tell!
I know Brad is.

Aw, you promised you wouldn't tell!
I can assure you that Brad's presence here
comes as a complete surprise to me.

I can assure you that Brad's presence here
comes as a complete surprise to me.

Didn't you read the script?

I came here to find Eddie.

Sweatty!

- Eddie? I've seen him. He's-
- Eddie?

What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott?

Get conceited Dr. Scott!

Get conceited Dr. Scott!
I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things.

I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things.

Get started!
I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things.

Get started!
You see, Eddie happens to be...

You see, Eddie happens to be...

my dinner.
my nephew.

Same thing.

You blew it, bitch!

Dr. Scott.

Mouseketeer roll call, sound off!

Janet!
Janet!

Dr. Scott!
Dr. Scott!

Janet!
Janet!

Brad!
Brad!

Rocky!
Rocky!

Ugh!

Janet!
Janet!

Dr. Scott!
Dr. Scott!

Janet!
Janet!

Brad!
Brad!

Rocky!
Rocky!

Ugh!

Janet!
Janet!

Dr. Scott!
Dr. Scott!

Janet!
Janet!

Brad!
Brad!

Rocky!
Rocky!

Ugh!

Listen!

All present and accounted for!

All present and accounted for!
I made you, and I can break you just as easily.

I made you, and I can break you just as easily.

Break me, Master!

Master! Dinner is prepared!

And we helped!

What do you think of oral sex?

Excellent.

Would you let this woman cook your dinner?

Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional.

This woman IS my dinner!
Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional.

Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional.

To-ga! To-ga! To-ga!

Food has always played a vital role in life's rituals.

Stop fingering that rim!
Food has always played a vital role in life's rituals.

The breaking of bread, the last meal of the condemned man...

How do you break an asshole?
The breaking of bread, the last meal of the condemned man...

The breaking of bread, the last meal of the condemned man...

Did your neck get a last meal?
The breaking of bread, the last meal of the condemned man...

and now...

Munchies!

this meal.

The Last Supper!

However informal it might appear...

I think that Dr Scott needs another fork!
However informal it might appear...

I think that Dr Scott needs another fork!
you can be sure there was to be very little...

you can be sure there was to be very little...

bonhomie.

Bono-who?

If that's the Hostess, I'd hate to see the Twinkie!

Check out the CupCakes on that Hostess!

If that's the Hostess, I'd hate to see the creamy filling!

Hey Riff, what's for dinner?

Same thing you'll have the rest of the week!

Oh no, not meatloaf again!

You killed him, you carve him!

Master, use my vibrator!

It slices, it dices, it even circumcises!

It even makes Julienne fries!

There goes the 'forth' skin,
congratulations you're a male!

There goes the 'fifth' skin,
congratulations you're a female!

Should've had a V-8!

Check Rocky's ID, he's only 2 hours old!

What kind of wine is that?

Must be table wine.

All sliced up and no place to go, whoo!

*throw TOAST *
A toast.

To cannibalism!

To absent friends.

To play with Janet's tits!
To absent friends.

To play with Janet's tits!

To play with Janet's tits!
To absent friends.

To absent friends.

May they stay fucking absent!
To absent friends.

May they stay fucking absent!

And... Rocky.

T-t-t-r-r-t-t-t-t-t-t-r-r-, Rocky two!

T-t-t-r-r-t-t-t-t-t-t-r-r-, Rocky three!

* put on PARTY HAT *
Eye of the Tiger!

With feeling!

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Woo! (burp)
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Woo! (burp)
♪ Happy birthday, dear Rocky ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Rocky ♪

♪- Happy birthday to you♪
- Shall we?

* throw BOLOGNA *

Hey Riff, deal me a slice...

He sure knows how to sling his meat!

For those of you who are tripping, that's a frisbee!

For those of you who are tripping, that's a frisbee!
Eat like a marine, Rocky!

That's not very knife!

Use your asshole, dork!

Fork you!

Now eat like an antiquated marine!

Speak in French!

We came here to discuss Eddie.

digest Eddie.
We came here to discuss Eddie.

Sweatty!
Eddie!

Shut up bitch, you wanna be breakfast?

That's a rather tender subject.

That's a rather tasteless joke.

That's a rather tasteless joke.
Another slice, anyone?

Another slice, anyone?

Janet gets it... Brad gets it... Dr. Scott gets it...

Rocky doesn't care, he's hungry!

Rocky doesn't care, he's hungry!
Excuse me.

Rocky doesn't care, he's hungry!

What's the matter? You ate him before!

Yeah, but she didn't swallow!

I knew he was in with a bad crowd,

Who the fuck are you talking to?
I knew he was in with a bad crowd,

Who the fuck are you talking to?
but it was worse than I imagined.

but it was worse than I imagined.

Who the fuck are WE talking to?
but it was worse than I imagined.

Who the fuck are WE talking to?

Who the fuck are WE talking to?
Aliens.

Aliens.

Dr. Scott!

Janet, Brad, Rocky, Ugh!

Go on, Dr. Scott.

Or should I say Dr. von Scott?

Sieg Heil!

Just what exactly are you implying?

He's a Nazi!

He's a Nazi!
- It's all right!

- But, Dr. Scott.

That's all right, Brad.

How long was he gay?

♪ From the day he was born ♪

Not the night but the day
♪ From the day he was born ♪

Not the night but the day

♪ He was trouble ♪

Not Monopoly but Trouble
♪ He was trouble ♪

Not Monopoly but Trouble

♪ He was the thorn ♪

Not the rose but the thorn
♪ He was the thorn ♪

Not the rose but the thorn

♪ In his "mutter's" side ♪

Not the back, but the side
♪ In his "mutter's" side ♪

Not the back, but the side

♪ She tried in vain ♪

Both the artery and the vein
♪ She tried in vain ♪

Both the artery and the vein

Hey, Mother!

♪ But he never caused her nothing but shame ♪

Shame, shame, shame!

♪ He left home ♪

* slow clap with the beat *
♪ He left home ♪

* slow clap with the beat *
♪ The day she died ♪

♪ The day she died ♪

It's Rockin' Scott!
♪ The day she died ♪

♪ The day she died ♪

♪ From the day she was gone ♪

Shebop shebop bop!
♪ From the day she was gone ♪

Shebop shebop bop!

♪ All he wanted ♪

Shebop shebop bop!
♪ All he wanted ♪

Shebop shebop bop!

Shebop shebop bop!
♪ Was rock-and-roll porn ♪

♪ Was rock-and-roll porn ♪

Shebop shebop bop!
♪ Was rock-and-roll porn ♪

Shebop shebop bop!

♪ Und a motorbike ♪

Whoooooo...!
♪ Und a motorbike ♪

Whoooooo...!

♪ Shooting up junk ♪

Shebop shebop bop!
♪ Shooting up junk ♪

♪ Shooting up junk ♪

♪ He was a low-down cheap little punk ♪

Yay, punk!

♪ Taking everyone for a ride ♪

When Eddie said he wouldn't wear a Teddy
♪ When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy ♪

You knew he was no good in bed
♪ You knew he was a no-good kid ♪

* clap clap *

But when he threatened your thighs
♪ But when he threatened your life ♪

with a dick this size
♪ with a switchblade knife ♪

What a fag!
♪ What a guy ♪

Makes you gag!
♪ Makes you cry ♪

♪ Und I did ♪

I didn't!

Everybody sucked him
♪ Everybody shoved him ♪

I very nearly fucked him
♪ I very nearly loved him ♪

I said, "hey stick it to me
♪ I said, hey, listen to me ♪

Stay hard inside my cavity"
♪ Stay sane inside insanity ♪

But he pulled it out and came all over me!
♪ But he locked the door and threw away the key ♪

♪ But he must've been drawn ♪

Shebop shebop bop!
♪ But he must've been drawn ♪

Shebop shebop bop!

♪ Into something ♪

Shebop shebop bop!
♪ Into something ♪

Shebop shebop bop!

♪ Making him warn me ♪

Shebop shebop!
♪ Making him warn me ♪

♪ Making him warn me ♪

♪ In a note which reads ♪

What's it say? What's it say?
♪ What's it say, what's it say? ♪

♪ I'm out of my head ♪

Give me head!

♪ Oh, hurry, or I may be dead ♪

Too late!

♪ They mustn't carry out their evil deeds ♪

fill me with their evil seed
♪ They mustn't carry out their evil deeds ♪

When Eddie said he circumcised his Teddy
♪ When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy ♪

you knew he was a Jewish kid
♪ You knew he was a no-good kid ♪

* clap clap *

But when he threatened your thighs
♪ But when he threatened your life ♪

with a dick this size…
♪ with a switchblade knife ♪

What a goy
♪ What a guy ♪

Makes you oy
♪ Makes you cry ♪

♪ Und I did ♪

* throw TEDDY BEAR *

♪ When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy ♪

♪ You knew he was a no-good kid ♪

* clap clap *

♪ But when he threatened your life
with a switchblade knife ♪

ball-point pen!
♪ But when he threatened your life
with a switchblade knife ♪

♪ What a guy ♪

What does Santa say?
♪ What a guy ♪

♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪

♪ Makes you cry ♪

What does Fat Albert say?
♪ Makes you cry ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Und I did ♪

What the fuck is an 'unt'?
♪ Und I did ♪

A blind cunt, it c-unt 'C'!
♪ Eddie ♪

♪ Eddie ♪

I fucking HATE celery!

* throw CELERY *

The Phantom of the Opera is there... inside your table.

Oh. Rocky!

How heterosexual of you!

How... could you!

Slap that slut!

Beat the bitch!

Quick! This way! This way!

Shut up!
Shut up!

♪ I'll tell you once I won't tell you twice ♪

♪ You'd better wise up Janet Weiss ♪

♪ Your apple pie don't taste too nice ♪

Neither did your cherry!

Neither did your cherry!
♪ You'd better wise up Janet Weiss ♪

♪ You'd better wise up Janet Weiss ♪

Kick that groin!
♪ You'd better wise up Janet Weiss ♪

Oooh… right in the unit!

♪ I've laid the seed
It should be all you need ♪

♪ You're as sensual as a pencil ♪

♪ Wound up like an E or first string ♪

G-string
♪ Wound up like an E or first string ♪

♪ When we made it did ya hear a bell ring? ♪

* ring BELL *
♪ When we made it did ya hear a bell ring? ♪

No, a piano!

♪ You got a block, well take my advice ♪

♪ You'd better wise up Janet Weiss ♪

♪ The transducer will seduce ya ♪

My feet! I can't move my feet!

My wheels! My God, I can't move my wheels.

My socks!

It's as if we're glued to the spot!

You are.

Nyah nyah nyah-nyah nyah!

So quake with fear, you tiny fools.

Melodrama!

We're trapped.

In a bad movie!

♪ It's something you'll get used to ♪

♪ A mental mind-fuck can be nice ♪

You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine.

One, two, three, four...
You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine.

next time use the fucking door!
This sonic transducer - it is, I suppose...

some kind of audio-vibratory,
physiomolecular transport device?

- You mean-
- Yes, Brad.

A vibrator!
- You mean-
- Yes, Brad.

It's something we ourselves have been working on...

for quite some time.

A working vibrator!
for quite some time.

A working vibrator!
But it seems our friend here...

But it seems our friend here...

has found a means of perfecting it.

A perfect vibrator!
A device which is capable of breaking down solid matter...

A device which is capable of breaking down solid matter...

A demolition vibrator!
and then projecting it through space...

and then projecting it through space...

A cosmic vibrator!
and, who knows, perhaps even time itself.

and, who knows, perhaps even time itself.

It fucks you in the past, present, and future!
You mean he's gonna send us to another planet?

♪ Planet schmanet, Janet ♪

Goddammit!

♪ You'd better wise up Janet Weiss ♪

♪ you'd better wise up, build your thighs up ♪

♪ You'd better wise up ♪

And then she cried out-

Stop!

More! More! More!
Stop!

Stop!

You dropped your diaphragm!

♪ Don't get hot and flustered ♪

What's a good lubricant?
♪ Don't get hot and flustered ♪

♪ Use a bit of mustard ♪

* throw HOTDOG *
♪ You're a hot dog ♪

Up your...
♪ You're a hot dog ♪

♪ But you'd better not try to hurt her ♪

Oscar Meyer!

♪ Frank Furter ♪

♪ You're a hot dog ♪

Up your...
♪ You're a hot dog ♪

♪ But you'd better not try to hurt her ♪

Sieg Heil!

♪ Frank Furter ♪

♪ You're a hot dog- ♪

Who's Tim Curry?

My God!

Mine too!

I can't stand any more of this.

Then sit down!

First, you spurn me for Eddie...

You spermed me!
First, you spurn me for Eddie...

You spermed me!
and then you throw him off like an old overcoat for Rocky.

and then you throw him off like an old overcoat for Rocky.

He was heavy!

You chew people up, and then you spit them out again.

What do you expect, he's on a diet!
You chew people up, and then you spit them out again.

What do you expect, he's on a diet!

I loved you.

What did you say?

Do you hear me? I loved you.

And what did it get me? Yeah, I'll tell you- a big nothing.

A rip in your shirt!
And what did it get me? Yeah, I'll tell you- a big nothing.

A rip in your shirt!
You're like a sponge. You take, take, take...

You're like a sponge. You take, take, take...

* throw SPONGE *
and drain others of their love and emotion.

Well, I've had enough!

Peek-a-boo!
Well, I've had enough!

Peek-a-boo!
You've gotta choose between me and Rocky-

You've gotta choose between me and Rocky-

so named after the rocks in his head.

Holy shit! What a bitch! Quick, Magenta, throw the switch!

Lopsided! It's only a shadow...

It's not easy having a good time.

Try Disney World!

Get a piece of the rock!

Now everyone's stoned!

Even smiling makes my face ache.

Comes from biting your knuckles!

And my children turn on me.

Mommy dearest!

Rocky's behaving just the way that Eddie did.

Show us your ear!

Ear-gasm!

Do you think I made a mistake splitting
his brain between the two of them?

You forgot them all!
Do you think I made a mistake splitting
his brain between the two of them?

Do you think I made a mistake splitting
his brain between the two of them?

I grow weary of this world!

I grow veary of this accent!
I grow weary of this world!

When shall we return to Transylvania?

When you can say your W's, bitch!

Magenta...

I am indeed grateful to both you
and your brother, Riff Raff.

Where's Riff's other hand?
I am indeed grateful to both you
and your brother, Riff Raff.

I am indeed grateful to both you
and your brother, Riff Raff.

You know it's under the elbow!
You have both served me well.

Loyalty such as yours shall not go unrewarded.

You will discover that, when the mood takes me,

Wooo!

I can be quite generous.

I ask for nothing!

I ask to forget, bitch!
Master.

Frank, kill those flies behind you!

Frank, kill those flies behind you!
And you shall receive it in abundance!

And you shall receive it in abundance!

What tastes good on corn flakes?

Come. We are ready for the floor show.

whore show.
Come. We are ready for the floor show.

Everybody check under your seats,
Magenta's lost her eyeballs again!

Look out for the finger;
if you touch it, it's statutory rape!

Sit on Dr Scott's finger, he won't lie about your weight!

Somebody get that roach up on Janet's arm!

It's not a roach, it's a crab!

And so, by some extraordinary coincidence...

Tick, tock...

fate, it seemed, had decided that Brad and Janet...

* make hand farts *
should keep that appointment
with their friend, Dr. Everett Scott.

You can't hide those stains on your hat grabber!

You can't hide those stains on your hat grabber!
But it was to be in a situation...

But it was to be in a situation...

which none of them could have possibly foreseen.

Mister, you've got my gerbil in your hands!
And just a few hours after announcing their engagement...

Don't squish my gerbil!
And just a few hours after announcing their engagement...

(squeak)
Brad and Janet had both tasted...

Frank's cock!

(squeak)
forbidden fruit.

Same thing, cumquats!

This in itself was proof...

120 proof!

that their host was a man of little morals...

Yay, little morals!

and some persuasion.

Gay persuasions!

What further indignities were they to be subjected to?

Yay indignities!
What further indignities were they to be subjected to?

And what of the floor show that had been spoken of?

Yay floor show!
And what of the floor show that had been spoken of?

Where do you masturbate?
And what of the floor show that had been spoken of?

Where do you masturbate?

In an empty house...

When do you masturbate?

in the middle of the night?

The rates are cheaper...

What diabolical chicken...
What diabolical plan...

stepped on your forehead and stole your neck?
had seized Frank's crazed imagination?

Tell her about the place in Frank's crazed imagination!

What indeed?

From what had gone before...

it was clear that this was to be...

Can we have a picnic?
it was clear that this was to be...

no picnic.

Aw shit, I brought the ants!

I brought rubbers...

Ladies, that's what happens when you don't swallow!

Frank, wipe that cum off!

Samurai electrician!

How was this movie?

♪ It was great when it all began ♪

Hip, hip, hip!
♪ It was great when it all began ♪

Hip, hip, hip!
♪ I was a regular Frankie fan ♪

♪ I was a regular Frankie fan ♪

♪ But it was over when he had the plan ♪

♪ To start a-workin' on a muscleman ♪

Wiggle wiggle, wiggle wiggle, chicka-chicka-boom!
♪ To start a-workin' on a muscleman ♪

♪ Now the only thing that gives me hope ♪

is smoking dope!
♪ Now the only thing that gives me hope ♪

♪ Is my love of a certain dope ♪

Makes me wiggle!
♪ Is my love of a certain dope ♪

Rosy tits, my word!
♪ Rose tints my world ♪

♪ Keeps me safe from my trouble and pain ♪

from my PG rating
♪ Keeps me safe from my trouble and pain ♪

♪ I'm just seven hours old ♪

and can't dance!

♪ Truly beautiful to behold ♪

and can't act!

♪ And somebody should be told ♪

and can't sing!

♪ My libido hasn't been controlled ♪

and can't fuck!

♪ Now the only thing I've come to trust ♪

Is Janet's bust!

♪ Is an orgasmic rush of lust ♪

Yay lust!

♪ Rose tints my world ♪

♪ And keeps me safe from my trouble and pain ♪

while I polish my balls
♪ And keeps me safe from my trouble and pain ♪

Hey Brad, where's your balls?

♪ It's beyond me ♪

♪ Help me, Mommy ♪

♪ I'll be good, you'll see ♪

Take this damn boa away
♪ Take this dream away ♪

♪ What's this? ♪

The floor!
♪ What's this? ♪

♪ What's this? ♪

♪ Let's see ♪

your leg!
♪ Let's see ♪

I've got epilepsy
♪ I feel sexy ♪

♪ What's come over me ♪

Frank!
♪ What's come over me ♪

♪ Here it comes again ♪

♪ I feel released ♪

real cheap
♪ I feel released ♪

♪ Bad times deceased ♪

My cunt size has been increased
♪ My confidence has increased ♪

So's your bust!

♪ Reality is here ♪

♪ The game has been disbanded ♪

My twat has been expanded
♪ My mind has been expanded ♪

♪ It's a gas that Frankie's landed ♪

Right here!

♪ His lust is so sincere ♪

Kiss my ass!

Introducing the first transvestite on the moon...

What's a radio picture?

... a picture of a radio, what else?

What's an RKO?

... a Really Kinky Orgy!

Ladies and gentlemen: His Majesty, the Queen!

♪ Whatever happened ♪

to Vicki Blue!
♪ Whatever happened ♪

♪ To Fay Wray ♪

She went ape-shit!
♪ To Fay Wray ♪

♪ That delicate ♪

♪ Satin-draped frame ♪

It was polyester!

♪ As it clung to her thigh ♪

What, the ape-shit?
♪ As it clung to her thigh ♪

♪ How I started to cry ♪

I would too if I'd just been fucked by a forty-foot gorilla!

♪ 'Cause I wanted to be dressed ♪

Like a chicken?

Just like Fay...
♪ Just the same ♪

So did I, honey!

Kick the dick!

Has anybody seen my cat Fluffy?
♪ Give yourself over ♪

What's he look like?
♪ To absolute pleasure ♪

Long, skinny, black...
♪ Swim the warm waters ♪

...furry with 9 tails and 15 legs...
♪ Of sins of the flesh ♪

Anybody seen him?
♪ Erotic nightmares ♪

Fluffy...? Fluffy...?
♪ Beyond any measure ♪

Well, why don't you ask Frank?
♪ And sensual daydreams ♪

Hey Frank... what's that around your neck?
♪ To treasure forever ♪

Is that... FLUFFY? NOOO...!!!
♪ Can't you just see it ♪

Don't worry, Fluffy can fly!

FLY AWAY, FLUFFY!

Hey waiter, there's a fag in my soup!

♪ Don't dream it ♪

Shut up, everybody will want one!
♪ Don't dream it ♪

♪ Don't dream it ♪

It's Michaelangelo's lavatory!

It's Michaelangelo's lavatory!
♪ Be it ♪

♪ Be it ♪

And God the pig has its finger up your ass!
♪ Be it ♪

And God the pig has its finger up your ass!

And God the pig has its finger up your ass!
♪ Don't dream it ♪

♪ Don't dream it ♪

It's a fruit-filled life saver!

♪ Be it ♪

It's the S.S. Titanic; no wonder the Titanic sunk:
♪ Be it ♪

It's the S.S. Titanic; no wonder the Titanic sunk:

There were faggots on board,
faggots will go down on anything!

Now we know why the Titanic went down:

Frank swent down on the captain
and sucked all the seamen out!

Don't drink it, Frank peed in it...

Last one in the pool is a heterosexual!

It's a tie... they must be bi.

It's queerios, just add water and they eat themselves...

You're licking the wrong balls, Brad!

Use the force!

-choo!

We've got to get...

the fuck
We've got to get...

We've got to get...

out of this trap...

before this decadence...

Yay, decadence!

saps our wills.

Too late!

I've got to be strong...

like a rubber...

und try to hang on...

like a good rubber!

Or else my mind...

... and my rubber...

may well snap.

Crackle! Pop!

Und my life will be lived...

in a wheelchair.

OK America:

Show us your underalls!
For the thrills!

For the thrills!

It's beyond me

Fuck me, Mommy!
Help me, Mommy!

God bless

very safe sex!
Lili St. Cyr

Hey Frank, whose pool is it?

♪ My, my, my ♪

♪ My, my, my, my ♪

♪ My, my, my, my ♪

♪ My ♪

♪ I'm a wild and an untamed thing ♪

♪ I'm a bee with a deadly sting ♪

♪ You get a hit and your mind goes "ping" ♪

You've got smurf cum on your chest!
♪ Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing ♪

♪ So let the party and the sounds rock on ♪

♪ We're gonna shake it till the life has gone ♪

♪ Rose tint my world ♪
♪ Keep me safe from my trouble and pain ♪

Who are the Beatles?

John!

Paul!

George!

Ringo!

♪ We're a wild and an untamed thing ♪

♪ We're a bee with a deadly sting ♪

Kick!

♪ You get a hit and your mind goes "ping" ♪

Kick!

♪ Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing ♪

Kick!

♪ So let the party and the sounds rock on ♪

Kick!

♪ We're gonna shake it till the life has gone ♪

all night long
♪ We're gonna shake it till the life has gone ♪

♪ We're gonna shake it till the life has gone ♪

Kick!

Step... step... step... kick!
♪ Rose tint my world ♪
♪ Keep me safe from my trouble and pain ♪

♪ Rose tint my world ♪
♪ Keep me safe from my trouble and pain ♪

Step... step... step... kick!
♪ Rose tint my world ♪
♪ Keep me safe from my trouble and pain ♪

That red-headed bitch gave me crabs!

Wax on, wax off!
♪ We're a wild and an untamed thing ♪

♪ We're a bee with a deadly sting ♪

♪ You get a hit and your mind goes "ping" ♪

♪ Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing ♪

♪ So let the party and the sounds rock on ♪

♪ We're gonna shake it ♪
♪ till the life has gone, gone, gone ♪

♪ Rose tint my world ♪
♪ Keep me safe from my trouble and pain ♪

And then the choreographer died...

♪ Frank-N-Furter ♪

The movie's almost over
♪ It's all over ♪

Your acting is a failure
♪ Your mission is a failure ♪

Your sexlife's too extreme
♪ Your lifestyle's too extreme ♪

I just fucked my sister
♪ I'm your new commander ♪

You can smell my finger
♪ You now are my prisoner ♪

We return to have an orgy
♪ We return to Transylvania ♪

Magenta makes me cream!
♪ Prepare the transit beam! ♪

Wait!

Wait!

Can you explain?

I have no clue what the fuck is going on!

I can explain.

This better be good,
I can explain.

you got shot last time!

Oh shit...

You get the lights.

You get the switches...

I'll stay here and get my shit together.

I got the lights.

I got the switches... all by myself!

I'll get it up the ass!

Ladies and gentlemen, for one night, and one night only:

Alfalfa's shadow!

♪ On the day I went away ♪

Kum-ba-yah...
♪ Good-bye ♪

♪ Was all I had to say ♪

Now you die...
♪ Now I ♪

♪ I want to come again... ♪

So does Brad!

♪ and stay ♪

hard!
♪ Oh, my, my ♪

♪ Oh, my, my ♪

♪ Smile and that will mean ♪

I'm gay
♪ I may ♪

♪ Cause I've seen ♪

Brad naked!

Ow!

♪ Blue skies ♪

by my ears
♪ through the tears ♪

♪ In my eyes ♪

Bo-ring!

♪ And I realize ♪

I should have used Maybelline, this shit smears!
♪ I'm going home ♪

I should have used Maybelline, this shit smears!

Instant audience, just add acid!
♪ I'm going home ♪

Where do you fuck?

♪ Everywhere, it's been the same ♪

♪ Feeling ♪

What's a golden shower feel like?
♪ Feeling ♪

♪ Like I'm outside in the rain ♪

♪ Wheeling ♪

How much is a blowjob?
♪ Wheeling ♪

♪ Free to try and find a game ♪

I'll have two!
♪ Free to try and find a game ♪

♪ Free to try and find a game ♪

♪ Dealing ♪

* throw CARDS *
♪ Cards for sorrow ♪

* throw CARDS *
♪ Cards for pain ♪

♪ Cause I've seen ♪

Gimme an "O"!

and "Aaah" !

♪ Blue skies ♪

♪ Through the tears ♪

♪ In my eyes ♪

♪ And I realize ♪

After smoking a really big joint...
♪ And I realize ♪

After smoking a really big joint...

I'm fucking stoned!
♪ I'm going home ♪

All rise for the Queen!

♪ I'm going home ♪

You don't need no grass, just smell my armpit!

Total eclipse of a transvestite.
♪ I'm going home ♪

* cheer with the audience *

Alright!

Lights!

How sentimental.

You bitch!

You made the drugs wear off!

And also presumptuous of you.

F !

You see...

K ! Spells "Fuck" !

when I said "we" were to return to Transylvania...

I was speaking bad French.
I referred only to Magenta and myself.

I'm sorry, however, if you found my words misleading.

but F !

But, you see...

K !

Spells "Butt fuck" !
you are to remain here-

How?

in spirit anyway.

My name is Chiquita Banana...

you peeled by father, prepare to die!
Good heavens, that's a laser.

Yes, Dr. Scott.

A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter.

So's my putz!

You mean you're going to kill him?

What's his crime?

Checked your asshole lately?

Checked your asshole lately?
You saw what became of Eddie.

Society must be protected.

FUCK SOCIETY!
Exactly, Dr. Scott.

And now, Frank-N-Furter, your time has come.

It's time to come?

Say good-bye to all of this...

Goodbye, all of this!

and hello...

Hello!

to oblivion.

Hi Oblivion, how's the wife and kids?

First one to scream gets it right between the tits!

Do your worst!

Nice shot!

Oh shit, it works!

God save the Queen!

Go under it! UNDER IT!

For all those concerned, he's NOT dead!

Throw me the rope! Thank you.

He's at the 30... the 20... the 10...

TOUCHDOWN!

Now he's dead.

Don't lift that up, you'll let out the choir!

Chest of steel...

Back of steel...

Shoulder of steel...

Armpit of steel...

Transvestite of steel...

Tower of cardboard!

3... 2... 1...

SPLASHDOWN!

* use WHISTLE *
You two, get out of the pool!

Good God!

You killed them.

But I thought you liked them.

Get paranoid!

They liked you.

Get real paranoid!

They didn't like me!

'Cause of the banana in your hair!
They didn't like me!

'Cause of the banana in your hair!

They never liked me!

You did right.

Slowly I turn...

step by step...

inch by inch!

Hit him between the ball-bearings!

Hey Magenta, that thing still work?

A decision had to be made.

and I fucked it up.

You're okay by me.

And I by you?

Dr. Scott...

I'm sorry about your...

dinner?

nephew.

Same thing.

Eddie?

No, Penelope!

Yes, well, perhaps it was for the best.

He was delicious.

You should leave now, Dr. Scott,
while it is still possible.

We are about to beam the entire house
back to the planet of Transsexual...

in the galaxy of Transylvania.

In the state of New Jersey,

just ten minutes from the George Washington bridge!

Does this mean we can't use the phone?

Roll out the cripples...

Magenta will sell you...

It's John Travolta, thank God he's dead!

Our noble mission is almost completed...

my most...

ugly Q-tip!

beautiful sister.

If that's beautiful I'd hate to see the ugly one!

If that's beautiful I'd hate to see the ugly one!
And soon we shall return...

And soon we shall return...

to the moon-drenched shores of our...

gitchee goomee!

beloved planet.

Go for the Oscar...

Show us how you held Riff Raff last night!

Show us how you held Riff Raff last night!
Sweet Transsexual.

Sweet Transsexual.

You called?

Land of night.

And high electric bills.

To sing and dance once more to your dark refrain.

Is it better to give or to take?

Swing that back!

To take that...

Starts with an 'S'... Ste... Ste... !

step to the right.

Haaiii... yah!

But it's the pelvic thrust-

♪ That really drives you insane ♪

NOT AGAIN !!
♪ That really drives you insane ♪

And our world...

will do the time warp again!

We have liftoff! The tower has cleared the tower.

What do you think of LSD?

♪ I've done a lot ♪

of drugs!

♪ God knows I've tried ♪

them all!

To find the hole
♪ To find the truth ♪

'tween Janet's thighs
♪ I've even lied ♪

♪ But all I know ♪

♪ Is down inside I'm ♪

♪ Bleeding ♪

Hand that man a tampon!

Tell us about the Lesbian Avengers!

♪ And superheroes ♪

Stumble, stumble, fall!
♪ And superheroes ♪

♪ Come to feast ♪

Stumble, stumble, fall!
♪ Come to feast ♪

♪ To taste the flesh ♪

Stumble, stumble, stay!
♪ To taste the flesh ♪

♪ Not yet deceased ♪

Stumble, stumble, sit!
♪ Not yet deceased ♪

♪ And all I know ♪

Stumble, stumble, beg!
♪ And all I know ♪

♪ Is still the beast is ♪

♪ Feeding ♪

My Slut! I can't find my Slut!

My Asshole! I can't find my Asshole!

My umbrella! I can't find my umbrella!

First gear...

Second gear...

Third gear...

Stop the world, I want to get off!

Get your finger out of Columbia!

And crawling

On the planet's face

What are disco people?

Some insects

Called the human race

Where's your goddamn neck?

Lost in time

What's your favorite TV show?

And lost in space

And what does this movie lack?

And meaning

Meaning

You forgot to turn off the globe!

THE END!

No wonder we have an energy crisis,
he left the whole damn world on!

♪ Science fiction ♪

♪ Double feature ♪

♪ Frank has built and ♪

♪ Lost his creature ♪

♪ Darkness has conquered ♪

♪ Brad and Janet ♪

♪ The servants gone to ♪

♪ A distant planet ♪

♪ At the late-night ♪

♪ Double feature ♪

♪ Picture show ♪

♪ I wanna go ♪

♪ To the late-night ♪

♪ Double feature ♪

♪ Picture show ♪

Thanks for coming, and if you came, clean it up!

We made you laugh we made you cry,
we made you kiss your dough bye-bye!