The Ring's Journey (2017) - full transcript

At the age of 18, at his birthday party, Udi experienced the trauma of his life. His childhood sweetheart, Raphaela, leaves him and kisses his brother Lior who is a year younger than him and plays basketball for Maccabi Tel Aviv. Udi holes himself up in his room for three years, disconnecting from any human contact, puts on weight and dedicates his life to Lord of the Rings. When Udi is 21, Lior informs him that their grandmother has passed away and left a will stating that if Uri marries within a month, Udi will receive five million dollars. If he doesn't get married, the money will go to the Friends of the Earth charity in Jaffa. Their grandmother also enclosed a ring with a mysterious power - it is electrifying. If a girl will put it on and doesn't love the guy it will electrify her finger. Udi comes to the decision to leave the room himself and search for a bride in the outside world. A few others join him on this journey: Raphaela, now an up-and-coming model, Lior and Bechor, Lior's delinquent childhood friend. Lior and Bechor are both gay and in the closet and they are both terrified by it. Udi looks for a bride amongst various unusual girls (a transvestite, a dwarf, a Bedouin) who for one reason or another remind him of characters from Lord of the Rings.

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Gollum fought Frodo like crazy!

Gollum bit Frodo's finger
and took the ring.

Frodo yelled: "Ouch! Ouch!"

Stop making so much noise!

Why do you even play that game?

It was invented for nigers.

You're just what I needed.

Yes. Raphaela, your mom
wants you to come home.

Yes, off you go.

You're giving me a headache!



Get inside!

Come sit with us, Liori.

Come here! Lior!

,, Good evening,

"and now for the news,
brought to you by Yaacov Delsher."

"The name of the person killed
in the car accident up north is...

"Mahmud..." -Does it need more salt?
- Shhhh!!!

Now I don't know if the killed man
was an Arab or a person!

Don't ever talk around me again.

It needs more salt!

Come on, Grandma.

"My precious!", said Gollum,
and fell into the volcano.

Did he fall in with the ring?

I don't want the ring to burn.



Don't cry, sweetie, don't cry.

Grandma has a ring too.

A love ring.

Many years ago,

The Great Aboulafia
fell in love with his cousin Rania.

To see if she loves him too

The Great Aboulafia made
an electric ring in the oven.

During the engagement ceremony,

The Great Aboulafia put the ring
on Rania's finger,

but she got an electric shock
and ran away.

Know this:
The ring can only be destroyed

only in the place
where it was created -

in Aboulafia's oven.

- 7 years later -

Lior Lipski!

Lior Lipski!

Bravo, Liori!

That's what I'm talking about!
- Who's player number 7?

Lior Lipski.
He's fuckin' great, huh?

Yeah!

"Lord of the Rings
The Fellowship of the Ring"

The extended edition is out,

Let's go watch it at my place.

Let's go.
- Let's go!

Raphaela?

Where do you think you're going?

You need to get me
a diet coke during recess.

Sweetie?

What's up?

Foul!

Ref, you jerk!
They're killing him!

Get out, Bechor!

Take it easy.

Bechor!

Relax, ha?

Bunji...

Bunji...

He won't budge.

I feel like Mordecai
from the Bible.

Lior, get your friend out of here!

He's ruining the damn court!

Watch your language, ha?

Bunji...

My boy, Bunji,
you're a good donkey.

Come, Bunji.

This isn't happening to me.
- What's up, Coach Shmulkik?

How're the wife and kids?
God bless them.

Bechor, please leave
or I'll call the police.

Why call the police?
Chill out, ha.

Chill out.

Someone, call the police.
- Enough!

I'm done!

Holy shit!

Don't you ever take a dump?

Keep in touch, ha?

Let's go, Bunji.

Congrats on winning the game.

Go home, ladies.

Come on, go home!

Hey! Go home!

Bechor...

You were good today, bro.
I'm proud of you.

Bechor, this locker room
is for players only.

I'm a born "player".

He's coming! Udi is coming!

"Happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you,

"Happy birthday, dear Udi..."

This is for you, Udi,
we all chipped in. -Wow!

Happy birthday!
- Happy birthday!

Happy birthdayk
-Happy birthday!

Happy birthday!
- Happy birthday!

What's this craziness?!
Don't you dare encourage them.

What's Harry Schmucker doing here?
- Boo!

"Harry Schmucker,
go home

"Harry Schmucker,
go home..."

One day you'll be asking
for his autograph.

What are you laughing at,
moron?

Go on, tell them
and let's get outta here.

First of all, happy birthday
to my brother Udi.

Today I signed a contract with
"Maccabi Tel Aviv" basketball club.

Tell them how much money
you'll be making.

I don't want to get into details,

but I do hope to represent the club
honorably an win all the titles.

Raphaela!

Raphaela?

Oh dear me!

"You shall not pass"

You're amazing, you're perfect!

Only a blind man
wouldn't make you a finalist.

Excellent, excellent!

Half a smile.
Yeah, that's perfect!

You're amazing, Reef.

What now, precious?

Look at my eyebrows!

You don't really want me
to win the beauty pageant.

What?! It's my dream
to have you win, sweetie!

"The Little League Championship Ring"

Nitzhia, where's the little league
championship ring?

Mr. Maaravi, it's Shula,
your new secretary. Wait, I'll go check.

Come in, Lior,
have a seat.

Nitzhia,
or whatever your name is,

bring us something to drink, please.

What is it, Lior?

Mr. Maaravi, I was thinking...

I hardly ever play.
Actually, I never play.

What are you implying, Lior?

That "Maccabi Tel Aviv"
basketball club

doesn't favor Israeli players?

No, of course not, God forbid.

Does the name Aulcie Perry
ring a bell?

Of course.
- And Earl Williams?

And Jim Boatwright,
bless his memory?

What's that?!

Don't you like cranberry juice?

You're fired.

Yes, so where were we?

Mr. Maaravi, I don't want
to be a poster boy.

A poster boy?

I'm not familiar with that term.

You're part of a "national team".

Right, but I want to play.

And you did, against
"Ha'Poel Migdal Ha'Emek".

Yeah, three months ago...

For 20 seconds.

Don't you have any respect
for almost a minute,

you played for
"Maccabi Tel Aviv"?

No, of course not.
Mr. Maaravi,

truth is, I got an offer
from another team.

Do you remember you have
a release fee of a million dollars?

Yes, I was hoping
you'd waive that.

Which team approached you?

"Ha'Poel Tel Aviv".

I'm sorry... it's...

it's from...

it's the retirement home.

Hello?

What?

It's my grandma.

She died.

She must've heard
you want to play for "Ha'Poel".

We've gathered here today
under these sad circumstances

to read the will
of the late Bolba Lipski

which was found in the safe
in her room at the retirement home.

I dislike meddling in
everyday matters such as these

when it's not even a day
since she died.

Come on, Riddler,
it's almost time for Sheftel's program.

This here is the will,
in these words:

"I, Bolba Lipski,

"hereby leave my entire fortune
to my grandsons Udi and Lior Lipski."

How disappointing, Lior,

now you'll have to share
grandma's walker with your brother.

"Five million dollars!"

Where did she get
that kind of money?!

"Under the condition that within
a month of reading this will

"my eldest grandson, Udi Lipski,
gets married.

"If Udi does not wed within a month,
the money will be given to..." -Me?

"To the human rights organization
in Jaffa."

To those leftists?!

What have you done, Mother?!
What have you done?!

"Regarding
my beloved son Nachman,

"who charged me rent
for the room I lived in

"and then put me in a home
as soon as I got ill..."

Why?

Why did you have
to dump her in a home?!

But...

You're the one who dumped her there.
- Why did you agree?!

"He won't be left with nothing.

"I am bestowing upon him...

"my walker."

"And with this ring
Udi must be wed."

What? What ring?

What is this bullshit?!

And...

I was thinking,
after Udi gets married,

I'll be able to pay my contract
release fee to "Maccabi"

and join "Ha'Poel".

Reef is in shock.

I thought I'm marrying a "Maccabi"
player, not some loser from "Ha'Poel".

We'll get the money and you'll
keep playing for "Maccabi".

Maybe well start
a fashion line...

"R L".

But I want to play basketball.
- So pick up your game!

"R L" stands for Reef and Lior,
not Reef and Loser.

Go on.
Give Udi the ring.

But he hasn't left his room in three years.
Where will he find a bride?

I'm sure your friend Bechor
can hook him up with some bimbo.

We'll get the ring,
the boy won't get married,

and we'll take all the loot.
- You're talking nonsense.

If the boy doesn't get married,

the money goes to that
leftist organization. -Exactly.

I happen to be on
the organization's directing committee.

I decide what comes in
and what goes out.

Look, look,

he's going
to give him the ring.

Why are you such a snoop?!

I hate that about you!

Udi?

It's Lior.

Just wanted to tell you
that Grandma passed away yesterday.

She left five million dollars
in her will.

If you get married,
we get all the money,

and if not, then it goes
to some organization.

Me? Get married?

We'd split everything.

Yes?

Including Raphaela?

I don't care about your money,
Harry Schmucker.

Forgot where the door is?
- The door...

Oh...

Grandma also left you a ring.

If you put the ring on my finger,

it won't give me
an electric shock.

It's okay, Harry Schmucker,
I don't care about her.

Udi...

Yeah, I'm ready,
bring the girls.

You scared me.
- Why are you yelling? -Look at you!

Stop it, Arwenush...

Arwenush, stop, hands off...

Stop, Arwenush, you're tickling me.

The eye!

Udi?

The eye, I saw the eye.

What?

Take here away from here.

"My beloved bride

"Come to my garden..."

I said, "My beloved bride,
come to my garden..."

"Come to my garden..."

Stay back.

What's with him?

You've come to steal my ring.

Just the opposite, bro,
I got you this princess.

Yikes!

Princess?

From what kingdom?
- God save me...

Bechor, let's go.
Let's go.

Go where?
This is your groom.

Him?!

For God's sake!

In your face!
- Hold on! He's not...

Yalla!
- Come back!

Shadowfax!
- Shadow-fuck yourself!

Now we need to find you
a new bride.

He didn't mean it.

Bechor... -Don't worry, I'm a get-away
driver. -And it's no metaphor.

Meta-what?

Who gave you a license?

They actually didn't.

Sorry, Bunji.

Is he necessary?
- More than all of you.

Who's the driver?

Some Middle Easterner
named Bechor Yom Tov.

What's his profession?

Theft, debt.
Typical Middle Easterner.

Remember, bedtime is 23:00 pm
the latest.

All uninvited passengers are
requested to get off, thank you.

Nobody tells Reef what to do.

Who's Reef?

Excuse me?

Where can we find girls?
- Who is that? What does he want?

I don't know, it's a butt.

I'm new in town,
and don't know anyone.

I live in some hole...

Are you on the guest list?
- I have a membership card.

A member... to remember.

Whoa, whoa, whoa...

Go home.

I have to get in, I'm looking for love.
- Love?

Pal, you'll find love
across the street.

At the bureka stand.

Dude, he's with me.
- He's with you?

But this isn't a snooker
and bar fights kind of club. -Huh?

And you don't stick dollar bills
on strippers' bellies. -Say what?!

There's no disgusting music either.
- What about the music, you fucker?!

One guy in a costume and another
in an undershirt. -They're with me.

We're with her.

Any weapons?

Put down the sword and slingshot.
- It's a bow and arrow.

Row and barrow, who cares.
Get out!

Dima, it's alright.

Elvfs, here I come!

Do you speak Elvish?

Do you speak Elvish?

Do you speak Elvish?

Listen,
nobody here speaks Elvish.

Take this crap off of you,
and talk to them nicely and gently.

Listen...
- Do you speak Elvish?

Do you speak Elvish?

Galadrielush!

You're such a weirdo.

A star has shone upon our union.

Hebrew, sweetie,
what is it?

You're much prettier in person.

Do you follow me on Instagram,
sweetie?

I've got a photo of you
on my wall.

Sweetie!

I'm so excited to see you, Galadrielush!
- Shontalush.

I've got a million questions for you.
- Easy there, sweetie.

What's the rush, naughty boy?

I was always curious to know...
where did you disappear to?

When did I ever disappear?
- In "The Return of the King".

The king is back?!
I knew Elvis was alive;

and that Rabin wasn't murdered.
Someone stood there yelling: "Kidding!"

You got on a ship and sailed away.
- What ship?

You mean, the float at the gay parade?
Man, you're so high!

Where are you going, sweetie?

Good evening, Lorien!

I'd like to propose
to my chosen one.

That was quick.

Galadrielush...

Shontalush.

Will you marry me?

Sweetie,
you really went all out!

Ouch! It shocked me!
Is this a joke?!

She's not the one!
- I'm gonna kick your ass!

There will be no wedding.

Yuck,
who would marry you, fatso?!

I wouldn't even let you
lick my balls.

Ouch!

You're not Galadrielush.

I'll choke you with my dick!
Let's see who's a man! Get up!

Come on, beat it!
- Don't touch me, I'm a virgin.

Beat it, asshole!
- I can't believe you said that.

Well, believe it.
Now, fuck off, man.

"Fuck off, woman",
can't you see I'm a woman?

You got a serious head-butt, huh?

Tell me,

how did you electroshock him?
That was a neat trick!

Could it be true?

You know it is.

Listen, stud,

you're not cut out for Tel Aviv.
I'll take you to Moran's village,

it's loaded with hot Yemeni girls.
Well find you a real hottie.

Watch it,
you're getting the van dirty!

Don't feed Bunji!

Outside the city
you get only Arabic stations.

Why doesn't anyone fix that problem?
- Mr. Orlitzki,

of course I transferred the
restitution for the Lodz Ghetto.

You forgot because of the Alzheimer's

and you forget you have Alzheimer's
because of the Alzheimer's.

You're helping
Lodz Ghetto survivors?

I'd understand if it were
the Warsaw Ghetto.

At least they had an uprising.

The Lodz Ghetto
really disappointed me.

Ariel, am I in?

Its the middle of the night...
I don't know yet.

Shitty agent...

What happened?
- Nothing.

You just spoke with someone.

But he was useless,
what's there to understand?

I got to get some sleep or else Maaravi
will suspend me. -Sleep on the bench.

He never lets you play anyway, right?

Bechor, could you change
that crappy music?

Come on, Bechor,
change the music, please.

How's that?

Goes well with
the donkey smell.

Hello?
- Bechor, listen.

I've got a very interesting
business proposal for you.

What?
- All you need to do is,

to bring us the ring.
- Who is this?

Never mind.
- Who?!

Okay, girls, we're here.

Raphaela.

What did you call me?
I'm Reef.

Why? -Ever hear of a beauty queen
named Raphaela Golomb?

I didn't know beauty queens
were chosen by name.

Kid! Where can find the girls?
- At the synagogue.

Girls!

Are you coming?
- I'm busy.

Go on, I'll be right there.

Not yet.

Why not?
- We have to catch him in the act.

What?

We can't stop him in his tracks.

Riddler, we're paying him
from your cut.

Not a dime.

But you're already taking
half the loot as a service fee!

It's a lot of service... Nachman.

A hobbit it.

An ordinary penguin...

A limping penguin...

Tell me, are you cuckoo?

You know what a lama is?
- Lama?

A lama, the animal that spits.
- Oh!

Here's an impression
of an indecisive lama.

Oh, you do impressions! Here's one
of Michael Jordan slam-dunking.

Or this one:
A truck doing the moon-walk.

Or this one:
Gandalf from "The Lord of the Rings"

as a bouncer at a club
when Ethiopians arrive...

"You shall not pass!"

You're the one!
I want to marry you, hobbit lady.

Get married?!
Are you nuts?!

You think you'll win me over with a ring?
I have high standards.

You're no hobbitit, you're Gimli!
- I'm not Gimli, I'm Gamliel!

Give me back the ring!

I'm not giving it back!
- You greedy dwarf!

Finders, keepers!

There's a man
in the women's section!

Get out! Get out!

Give me back the ring, it's mine!

Is there a problem, bro?

Udi is in trouble.

Come.

Bechor, am I still a virgin?

Orc's.

All rise!

What is this?

A Yemeni Affairs Court.

Yemenis always fight about inheritance,
hogging the civil courts,

so they created their own.

Your honor,

an hour ago,
the accused party

entered a Yemeni synagogue
and caused total chaos.

On one of them, your honor,
this guy...

we found these weapons.

Exhibit A and B.

To make things even worse,
the accused

invaded the women's section,

shot arrows,
and hit Mrs. Yona Gamliel.

Exhibit C.

Your honor,

I've been dreaming about
a husband since childhood.

He could be short, tall,
handsome or ugly,

rich or not so rich,

as long as he's Yemeni.

Then this guy showed
with a ring,

so I said "yes",
even though he's European.

But, your honor, this is not
how Cupid looks or his arrow.

Your honor, I have pondered
over this matter, and concluded

that a death penalty would be
too light a punishment.

I therefore request,
your honor,

that you rule harshly
and sentence the accused to...

A fine.

Fine! Fine! Fine! Fine!

What?

I understand
what you're saying.

For 30 years he's been waiting for
you to build him a proper courthouse.

How do you know ancient Yemeni?
- I speak Elvish.

You never even got him a hammer.

He thinks this is traditional
Yemeni clothing.

You're all free!

Goodbye, pal!

Drop by for a visit!

Where's Bunji?

Where's the van?

Where's Shadowfax?

Isn't the van more important?
- It was a stolen van anyhow.

Hey, kid!

Have you seen a donkey?

Here's a "khat-candy".

Where is the khat?
- You add it.

Try the Bedouin tribe down there.
- You're the best.

Bunji!

Bunji!

Bunji!

Bunji!

Shadowfax
is somewhere nearby!

Huh?

Hello, hello, hello and welcome.
Hello, hello.

Welcome.
- Hello, I'm Bechor.

I'm Abu Daud. Come in...
- No, thanks.

Say, have you seen my donkey Bunji?
- I swear I haven't seen any donkey.

Won't you come in, have some
good coffee, some baklava?

No, thanks, I'm...
I'm looking for the donkey.

Come in, come in...

Bunji!

Get off of him!

Thank you, fatso,
for finding my donkey.

He's yours?
- Bring him here, please.

You did a great job
looking after my donkey.

This is a very dangerous area,
full of Bedouins.

Pay up.

I'm broke.

Give me a break,
Abu Daud...

Isn't that a pity?
It's a good-looking donkey.

Thank you, thank you.

Can we get out of here?

How will you leave
without the van?

He just paid you.
- Sorry, doll-face,

we don't make a habit
of negotiating with women. Sorry.

Take it, it's first hand,
from a Bedouin.

Give me the wristwatch.

The wristwatch?
- Come on...

I got it from my dad
before he passed away.

I'm sorry, I...

You really moved me, I mean it.

Thank you.
- I'm truly sorry...

now, give me the watch.

But...

Come on.

Come on.

Thank you, thank you.

Won't you come inside?

Come on in.
Please, come inside.

Come inside.

Say, Abu Daud,
were you always Abu Daud?

Of course, since birth.
- And you have a son named Daud?

Yes, coincidently.

How did they know you would call him that,
if your name was always Abu Daud?

I don't know...

Are you here to drive me crazy?

We Bedouins don't think
of the past, we only think ahead.

What if you had a daughter?

Fatso, you think
I don't have daughters?

Aliya!

Arwenush!

You have a pretty daughter.
- Thank you.

Blue-eyed.
- I did my share in Russia too.

How's it going, Fatmanova?

Hello, daughter.
Take off the burka.

Say, Abu Daud,

Is your daughter single?
- Why? Have someone in mind?

Actually, I do.

Fatso?

The fatso would be her groom...

You naughty...

Get real!

You know what?
I'll trade you:

I'll give you Aliya

in return for doll-face.

Excuse me?!

It's not a big deal.

When I get enough mileage out of one wife,
I get a newer model.

That's why I have seven wives.
- There are nine over there.

Nine, you're right.
I remembered only seven.

Do I get doll-face?

Well...

Look, pal, no doll-face,
no Aliya.

Abu Daud,
don't underestimate him.

He just got a huge inheritance.

He's a millionaire,
he's got tons of money.

Really?

Praise God! Praise God!
God willed it!

Aliya, my daughter,
you got a fine man here.

No, Father, I ask of you...

There's nothing to argue about,
I'm the one who decide here.

Father, please,
he's a blowfish!

Show me one girl who was
with him, one girlfriend!

Just one!
- Enough!

She says she wants to see just
one girl who was ever his girlfriend.

I was once his girlfriend.

See that?

No! -Yes! -No!
- Aliya, hold on a minute!

Come here, Aliya!

Come back... Aliya!

How much do you want
for the ring?

Huh?!

You heard me.

I'm sorry for my
daughter's behavior.

I'm truly sorry.

Who are you?
I don't remember you.

Could you take your burka off
so I can see your face?

understand me?

Take it off so I can see your face,
come on, swetee.

Take it off.

God have mercy...
Put it back on.

You pick the 8th wife
for her character...

And who are you?

Take it off.

Oh, man, what a hotty!

Nice to meet you, nice to meet you.

Dear team, you represent
the "Maccabi Tel Aviv" basketball club

everywhere, every hour.

Please keep a clean
and tidy appearance.

I'll know this evening.
- Know what?

Who the finalists are.

"Maccabi Tel Aviv"
and "Ha'Poel Jerusalem".

I'm talking about
the beauty pageant.

"Eurovision hits"

What's that?

I didn't know straights
listened to that.

I thought you only liked
Middle Eastern music.

Yeah... some girl left it here.

Bunji!

Bunji!

Bunji, what is it?

Bunji...

My Bunji...

Look at me, Bunji.

Something's wrong with him.

He ate my food.

I told you not to feed it to him!
- I didn't, he took it on his own.

But you gave him the munchies!

It's not my fault he ate the wrapping.
- What?!

Bunji...

My Bunji...

Don't touch him!

Killing him wasn't enough,
now you're trying to kill me too?

15 years ago today,

Hapoel Tel-Aviv's basketball stadium
Ussishkin was finally demolished.

This is a day of celebration.

Sorry.

All in good time, Nachman.

He will give us the ring.

Every minute with you
is costing me money.

Now you're charging me
by the hour?

That's always been the custom.

I provided the car,
you pay for the gas.

At least 50-50!

You're screwing me, Riddler!

You're middle-class,
you're used to it.

What's wrong?

Raphaela?

I wasn't accepted
to the beauty pageant.

I didn't even make it
to the 16 finalists.

"And then Gollum bit Frodo

,, and took the ring.

"Frodo yelled:

"Ouch, ouch!

"And then he fell

"into the volcano".

How much do you want
for stealing the ring?

Fuck you!

I knew he couldn't be trusted.

Bunji...

I really loved you, Bunji.

I know you did.

What a waste...

Letting an ass like that
sit on the bench.

Stop it, Bechor.

I can't. It'll kill my career.

You'll kill my career.
- What?

Have you ever seen
a gay gangster?

Don't worry.

Only God can see us.

1s my wife's genes.

He didn't get it from me.

And with
a Middle Easterner, no less...

Stop it, Bechor, I'm engaged.

So?

I do girls too, don't I?

Don't worry.

With all the girls "rear entry".

What?

Do you ever think back
to when we were 12?

I was whiney back then too.

Yeah,

but not over stuff like
being a beauty queen.

I have an answer, you know.

To what?

You once asked me
how come Frodo never got married.

I did.

It's because he felt close
only to one person.

To who?

To Gollum.

Gollum was once a hobbit too.

I wrote a continuation
to the story.

What did you write?

That Gollum survived
and changed.

That he he returned to the village

and became really close with Frodo.

I had three years
to think about it.

Udi, no.

Why not?

You love me. You're just scared
that the ring will prove it.

I don't want to hurt you.

Like you didn't want
to hurt me on my birthday?

What happened?

What's with you?

Lets

Where to?

We've tried everything,
what else is there?

I know just the place.

A place where no one
will turn me down.

- Rehabilitation Center -

Hi.

Come here.

Who shot this?

Your dad and his asshole friend.

What?!
That's it, I'm history.

The guys will give me hell
in the locker room.

And the fans will make up
nasty songs.

I said, don't worry.

Relax.

Udi!

"I've got the ring"

With all due respect to "Maccabi Tel Aviv",
he can't convert to Judaism overnight.

Gentlemen, you disappoint me.

I thought the good of "Maccabi Tel Aviv"
was important to you.

It is! It is! -It is!
- You bet it is!

Come on, come on, rabbis.

I'm trying to get some booze,
get laid...

Shit... I heard Tel Aviv bitches
have big breasts.

Yeah.

What is the convert's name?

Your name.

My name is Devin.
- Dov.

O'Bannon.
- Avni.

Junior.
- The kid.

Has he been circumcised?

Take your penis out, Dov.

Say what?!
- Come on, Dov, come on, come on.

Yeah...

Marry us!

This isn't Las Vegas, pal.

Open a file...
- Pay the fee.

Confirmation of Jewish status.
- Certificate of single status.

Bride training. -Purification
of the bride in the Mikveh.

And after 45 days
you can get married, God willing.

No, I have to right now.
- Have to? Says who?

Grandma, in her will.

There's a will?

What's the sum,
if you don't mind?

Five million dollars.
- Five million dollars?

What do you say, Malul?
- The bride looks ready to me.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
please welcome the bride and groom!

I am proud and excited

to join in holy matrimony
the groom...

Udi.

Udi son of...?
- Nachman and Dahlia.

And the bride...

I forgot.
- Daughter of...

Of...?

But...
30 years old, more or less.

Typical European wedding,
even the bride fell asleep.

"Blessed are You, Lord our God,

"sovereign of the universe,
who creates the fruit of the vine."

Amen!
- Amen.

"Blessed are You, Lord our God,
sovereign of the universe,

"who made us holy and commanded us
in the forbidden relations,

"and forbade
to us betrothed women,

"and permitted to us married women
via Chupah and Kiddushin."

Amen.
- Amen.

Amen!

Is there a ring?

What's this...

No, no...

Where's the ring?!

Where's the ring?!

This can't be happening!

Where's the ring?!

Where's the ring?!

This can't be happening!

Everyone will know...

Why?!

Why it happened to me?!

Where's the ring?!

It is not here!

Grandma... Grandma..

Here.

Here's the ring.

Lior and I have something
to tell you. -What?

We're gay.

Pillow-biters.

Why bite pillows?

We love each other's butts.

"Hear, O Israel..."

What butt?

Yuck...

Now I get why you want
to join "Ha'Poel".

Here.
- Lior, are you gay?

Sure he is.

He's Harry Schmucker.

Harry Schmucker,

I love playing "Quidditch"

and fighting the snakes!

Harry Schmucker...

Rabbi, can we pick up
where we left off?

Put the ring on the bride's finger
and say:

"Behold, you are
consecrated unto me."

No second thoughts, right?

No.
- That's a pity, you're a young guy!

What's going on?

Where am I?

Is that a Chupah?

Am I getting married?

And you're the groom?

Back off!

Udi!

Come on!

And I thought European
weddings are a drag.

- ABOULAFIA BACKERY-

The ring can only be destroyed

only in the place
where it was created -

in Aboulafia's oven.

Come on!

Toss it in!

Udi, don't!

Think of Grandma.

No, no, no...

Don't...

You didn't electroshock her,
huh, you bastard...

Raphaela...

I love you.

Congratulations...

Congratulations to you...

Way to go.

No! -He's taking the ring!
- Wait, wait!

Let go of me! I said, let go!
It's my ring!

The ring is gone.

"Rania Aboulafia"

How did you ever
get Rania's ring?

It was Grandma Bulba's ring.

Who the heck is Bulba?!

"Bulba" he tells me...

Rania Aboulafia.

50 years ago, she married
a Jewish guy and ran away.

She got a lot of money
to keep it a secret

and to take her shame
to the grave.

Rania is... Grandma?!

Yes!

My mother.

You're Rania's son?

Hello, hello, buddy!

You're Rania's son!

Nachman,
you're an Arab.

Yes, an Arab, an Arab.

"Blessed are You, Lord our God,
sovereign of the universe,

"who creates the fruit of the vine."

Amen!- Amen!

Ever seen an Arab
wear a Yarmulke?

Did you hear?
Atty. Riddler was arrested.

He stole from Holocaust survivors.

They call the scandal
"Riddler's List".

Ouch!

Just kidding.

Congratulations!

Consecrated,
consecrated, consecrated!

Take, eat, eat.

What the hell is this?
- This is Sambusak.

Come again...
- Sambusak.

But I only see here one busak,
not some busak.

Eat, Devin, eat.

Every Israeli eats Sambusak.
You're an Israeli now.

Eat.

What?

What the hell is this?

The Little League Championship Ring.

What is it?

Bro, it's not up to me, bro.
It's not a car.

He's eating my
fucking balls already.

Hop, hop, hop.

What?

What...
what are you looking at"? What...

Look where you need to look,
in that direction, there, straight.

Do you see? Look
where the pot is...

falling

Well done!

Firstborn, what's going on?
- Wait, I have a shoe in the stone drum.

The opposite.

Even if you read all the
stories, even if you hear all the...

Fuck.

Shit.

Hear Israel.

Now he made a muezzin
with his hand, what?

What...

From where...
- We ride a broom all the time around the world of magic.

My dear, Rania Abu al-Assad...
Abu al-Assad? Where did I get it?

Am I arrogant?
- Yes.

What will I do?
I am what?

What am I?
Say -You are arrogant.

You... are you arrogant or am I arrogant?
- Yes you!

It is you who...
- A is correct. You condescend to me with your voice!

And you...
- That's right. be ashamed

"Blessed are you, O Lord
our God, King of the world

Whom we sanctified with his
commandments and commanded..."

The championship ring of the
first children of the North District!

Center?
I don't remember which district.

Subtitle production:
Trans Titles Ltd