The Return of Swamp Thing (1989) Movie Script

Damn.

Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!

Bugs, snakes, gators.

I hate this place.

I'm tired of this slimy crap.

Go ahead, guys. Yuk it up.

Geez, how the hell can I be

so hot and cold at the same time?

Schizoid metabolism?

Good one, Mort. There's nothing

like a little treasury agent humor...

to perk up the evening.

Whose idea was this anyway?

If memory serves me, I think

you were the guy that said,

"I think we oughta get out of the

office and out into the field."

I said that?

Well, welcome to the field.

Playtime's over, guys.

We gotta find that still.

Morty, take the point.

Why me? Why does it always

have to be me?

"Take the point."

Where does he get this crap?

Too many John Wayne flicks.

Guys.

Guys, wait up. Guys!

Wait, guys.

Slow down.

Guys, wait up.

Something tells me we're not going

to findthat still around here.

I told you we took a

wrong turn at that last bog.

Will you can it, Dugan? I thought for sure

we were headed in the right direction.

Yeah, you thought.

You're stupid. If you could

think, we wouldn't be here.

Will you cool it, Chuck? No.

Why couldn't we get those

moonshiners during the day, huh?

Because at night we've got

the element of surprise.

Surprise? We've got to

find 'em to surprise 'em.

Gentlemen. Gentlemen!

Are you crazy?

If you want to kick the

crap out of each other, fine.

But let's do it

back at the office.

Suits me.

All right then,

let's find the truck.

Great.

- Comin', Mort?

- In a minute.

Do you mind?

What the...

Aaah!

Morty?

Mort?

Mort, this isn't funny. Morty?

Hey, what's going on?

What's all the yelling?

Morty's gone.

What do you mean, gone?

I mean gone. One minute

he was taking a whiz by the tree,

and the next second, zip.

Nothing. History. Okay, okay.

Hey, he-he's around

here someplace.

We'll find him.

Everybody fan out.

Morty?

Mort?

Morty?

Morty.

Hey, guys.

I don't think

he can hear us anymore.

Hey, we... we better... I mean,

we gotta get back to the truck.

Hey, listen, buddy, we're not leaving

here without Morty. You got that?

Shoot that thing.

I'm for getting

the hell out of here.

You and me both.

Hey, fellas.

You're going the wrong way.

You're wrong.

Hey, fellas.

The truck's this way.

Oh, no. Oh, God, no.

Hurry up. Come on!

Boy, are we glad

to see you guys.

Hey, look. We're government agents.

You... You can't...

Whoa.

Please, let me find them.

Oh, no.

Oh, no! Please, God! No!

Thank you.

If you hadn't come along, I...

Hey, just where

did you come from?

The bog.

You don't have a still

around here, do you?

It doesn't matter.

What matters is,

you saved my life.

Thank you.

My name's Dugan.

Harry Dugan.

They call me Swamp Thing.

♪♪

♪ Now, when I was just a little boy ♪

♪ Standin' to my daddy's knee ♪

♪ My papa said, Son, don't let the man get you ♪

♪ And do what he done to me

♪ 'Cause he'll get you

♪ 'Cause he'll get you now, now ♪

♪ And I can remember the Fourth of July ♪

♪ Runnin' through the backwoods bare ♪

♪ And I can still hear my old hound dog barkin' ♪

♪ Chasin' down a hoodoo there ♪

♪ Born on the bayou

♪ Born on the bayou Lord, Lord ♪

♪ I wish I was back on the bayou ♪

♪ Rolling with some Cajun queen ♪

♪ Wishin' I were a fast freight train ♪

♪ A-just a-chooglin' on down to New Orleans ♪

♪ Born on the bayou

♪ Born on the bayou, Lord, Lord ♪

♪ Born on the bayou

♪ All right

♪ Do it, do it, do it, do it ♪

♪ Mmm, oh, yeah ♪

♪♪

Morning, guys. Sorry I'm late.

I just came from that new transcendental

therapy place over in Malibu.

I can't believe it.

They didn't even validate.

Thirsty, babies?

Anyway, this weird guy in some

reject Star Trek costume...

tells that me none of my

relationships will ever work...

till I confront my feelings

about my stepfather.

I mean, what's going on here, a

conspiracy?

That's the fourth shrink who's

told me that in four years.

Of course if they knew who I was

talking to, I'd really be committed.

Why can't men

be more like plants?

I mean, you can stroke a plant,

and it doesn't get the wrong idea.

Okay. Okay, you're right.

I'll do it.

I'm not even gonna call. I'm just

gonna go down there and confront him.

I mean, why should he

mess up my life?

He sure didn't

care about my mother.

He didn't even

give her a funeral.

Or if he did,

he didn't invite me.

Eunice?

I've gotta go

straighten out my life.

I know you don't know

what I'm talking about.

But there's something

I've gotta take care of,

and I can't do it by vegetating

here in this store.

Sorry about that. No, now don't

try to talk me out of it.

Now, I'm leaving you in full

charge of my friends here.

Keep them watered, talk

to them... and read to them.

Especially the sports section.

They've really got a thing

for the Lakers.

And leave the TV on

at all times.

They love that guy on T.J.

what's-his-name. Okay?

Okay. Bye, babies.

Dr. Arcane. Calling Dr. Arcane.

Shut up.

So?

The two new patients are

recovering from the operation.

Dr. Rochelle has high hopes.

The others...

Yes, what about them?

See for yourself.

The gene splicing

has gone extremely well.

We're very close on hitting on

the right D.N.A. combination.

I somehow sense that's an unfinished

sentence. So finish it, please.

Some of the rejected specimens

have mutated quite startlingly.

I'm quite aware

of the mistakes, Lana.

The mistakes here, and the ones

that got away into the swamp.

What I'm interested in

is results.

How's Rochelle doing with

the new ones? Over here.

Well?

I'm afraid the genetic serum

worked in reverse again on this one.

Perhaps the tranquilizer darts

your men use daffected the blood.

Dr. Rochelle, you've been at this for

months. No significant developments.

Only a zoo full of

misshapen monstrosities,

a cemetery's worth of corpses...

and no rejuvenation formula.

But we will get it.

When? Soon.

- Won't we, Doctor?

- Yes. Quite soon, Dr. Arcane.

And what's that?

Another disappointment.

I tried mingling his genes

with a phylus usu species.

- The what?

- Cockroach.

We have enough

insects in this place, Doctor.

Destroy it before it multiplies.

Come.

One more afternoon

like this, Dr. Rochelle,

and it's back to Betty Ford.

Please, Doctor, there's

no more need for the clinic.

No, not the clinic, stupid.

He'll turn you into Betty Ford.

Funny.

Very funny.

Well, anyhow, that's

the long and the short of it, Doc.

This fella come running out of

the swamp, heading straight...

for the Squat and Gobble

restaurant.

Damn near scared

old Jasper Kincaid to death.

You know Jasper Kincaid.

He cooks there.

Uh, no, I don't.

I-I never go there.

Well, you missed some damn

good grub.

But I'm digressin'.

This fella... Dugan his name was...

He spins this wild yarn about

comin' out here to your property...

and runnin' across

this giant leech thing.

Said he lost two of his buddies.

Sucked 'em dry right there on the spot.

On the spot, you say.

Well, that's what

he says anyway.

Says he himself was, uh,

saved from the jaws of death...

by this great big

old green man from Mars.

A man from Mars?

Yeah. It's a planet,

you know. You don't say?

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Ah, thank you, sweet thing.

You know, Doc, you got yourself a regular

Playboy Mansion out here, don't you?

Dr. Zurrell is

a highly trained scientist.

She's one of the world's

leading specialists...

in the construction

of human genes.

Well, I tell you what, Doc.

If you give her any homework,

she can get in my jeans

anytime she wants to.

It's beautiful.

What do they call it?

It's a Malibu Classic.

My cousin Beamo just

rebuilt the carburetor.

He do a little

part-time preaching too...

down atthe Baptist Tabernacle

and Rib Shack.

Looks like we're in

the middle of nowhere.

Are you sure we're going

the right way?

Ain't but two ways you can go.

This way and back.

And we ain't been this way.

And we ain't going back.

So I guess we're going the right way.

That make sense to you?

Tell me, was there any evidence

of swamp mud found on this man?

- Why, he's covered with it.

- I'll tell you what happened.

These men probably

lost their way,

fell into the bog and all died.

Except for Dugan. Now,

you know, Doc, that makes sense.

I probably oughta be thanking you.

You done saved me a couple of

thousand hours of investigation.

Now, I've still gotta perform a search

of the property. You understand that?

Of course. Of course.

And Mr. Gunn here

will show you around.

Doc, if you don't mind, I'd prefer

one of these pretty young ladies.

Sheriff, I agree with you.

This young lady here

will show you around.

Oh, thank you, Doc. Good-bye.

The man from Mars is Holland.

He's alive in the swamp.

That's not possible. My men

have combed every inch of that swamp.

Well, uh, comb it again. And remember,

you're not looking for a human being.

You're looking for a plant.

Maybe he married an avocado.

Uh, yes, yes, and, uh,

moved to California.

Find out.

You want to check that address

I gave you again?

Yep. That...

That's the right address.

It's the Arcane mansion. Arcane?

What's a lady like you doing going out

to a godforsaken place like that?

Dr. Arcane is my stepfather.

Huh. What do they do

out there anyway?

Oh, a little of this,

a little of that.

Yeah, I bet.

Does the name Frankenstein

mean anything to you, lady?

All the way out here

for $30. My God.

- Oh, uh, excuse me, Doctor.

- Yes?

There's a cab at the gate with a woman

in it. She claims to be your stepdaughter.

Good God. Abigail.

She looks like her mother.

She looks exactly like her mother.

Doctor, I've just been hit

by an idea.

Should Abigail have the same

genetic code as her mother,

we could be in business,

couldn't we?

- Yes, we could.

- Have a blood sample taken from her.

- How do we do that?

- You'll find a way.

Lana, I want you to make sure...

that Abigail is taken

care of beautifully.

She must be considered

as our prized possession.

Let's go and greet her.

Well, this is going to be good.

Abigail, what a wonderful surprise.

My God, how you've grown.

You look marvelous.

How ya' doin'? I'm doing fine.

Nice place.

Yes. It's a remarkable example

of antebellum architecture.

Don't you think? Please, let's go in.

They'll bring your bags.

Let me introduce you

to some of my collaborators.

This is Lana Zurrell...

Dr. Zurrell.

My right hand.

My stepdaughter, Abigail.

Hello.

And this is Dr. Rochelle.

An extreme pleasure.

Brilliant man.

Does wonders with genetics.

Your stepfather and I hope to be

able to reverse the aging process.

Uh, yes. Reverse it completely.

Now, Abigail, this is your home.

I want you to be comfortable,

cozy and happy.

Get yourself settled, and

we'll have dinner together tonight.

Hmm? Of course.

Lana will show you to your room.

Come along, dear.

She looks great.

Your room is up here.

I'm sure it's very pretty.

Just like everything

my stepfather owns.

Your stepfather

has excellent taste.

Seems like a strange man to me.

Dr. Arcane is a great man.

He's a genius.

Sometimes you have to

indulge greatness.

Is that your job here?

To indulge him?

My job is to assist your

stepfather in any way I can.

He's an exacting man,

as I'm sure you'll see,

and one who demands obedience

from those around him.

Why is it I think

you enjoy that?

We have a unique relationship.

I'll bet you do.

You are a rude girl.

You come in here, disrupting

the doctor'simportant work.

Important work?

Dr. Arcane and I are working on

a large humanitarian project.

Well, you can call my stepfather

many things. But humanitarian?

You don't know him like I do.

Will you be staying long?

What's it to you?

Well, I suggest if you have

any further questions,

you just ask the doctor.

Right.

Hmm. Very pretty.

Something wrong?

I don't see anything wrong.

Well, I'm delighted.

In fact, I like

what I see very much,

and what I don't see, even more.

You're not showing

any signs yet, are you?

Different texture maybe.

We'll find a way

to reverse the aging.

I won't let anything

happen to you, my darling.

Lana.

Just stay vital, my darling.

Mmm.

Hey, Omie, it's me. Let me in.

It's pouring out here.

Well, ain't you gonna let me in?

Open the stupid door.

Looks kind of wet out there.

Damn straight it is.

Now open the stupid door and let me in.

What's the password?

Password?

What do you mean, password?

We never had a password.

Got one now.

You want a password?

I'll give you a password.

Oh, I'm so scared.

All right, you. Here I come.

Hey, that's the password.

Whoa! Help! Get me out of here.

You jerk.

So you got a little wet.

Big deal.

Thought you said

nothing mattered.

Nothing does. Your folks gone?

Left 10 minutes ago.

They're not coming right back?

Hey, man, it is bingo night.

They'll be gone for hours.

- Then you got 'em?

- Do I got 'em?

- Well, let's see 'em.

- Be cool, bro. Be cool.

What are you drinking?

Nothing yet. Got any hard stuff?

♪♪

There you have it.

1988... the year in pictures.

Dig in.

Wow, I can't believe it!

Look at these babes!

Check out the one in the June

issue of the Big and Busty.

She's one of

the old man's favorites.

My God. She's a Scorpio.

Hey, great. I'm an Aries.

They get along great!

My man, I wouldn't

steer you wrong.

My parents! It's my parents!

- What'll we do? What'll we do?

- Put 'em away. Get 'em away.

Where? Where?

Anywhere! Anywhere.

Just make 'em gone. Right away.

Right away.

I thought you said

they were playing bingo!

Be right there, Mom.

Take a chill pill, man.

You look guilty as hell.

Just a sec.

Don't be nervous, okay? Okay.

Aaah!

How we gonna get out of here?

The window's locked.

Hey!

That's my dad'sbowling ball!

Come on. I'm coming.

Hurry up! I'm hurrying.

Man, it's monster central

around here tonight.

They better not hit

my mom's new station wagon.

Damn!

Some insurance man's

gonna mess his pants!

Man, what a great fire!

Shut up.

They got my mom's car too.

Wow.

Yeah! I think

that green dude's good.

Holland.

He's in the area.

Find him, and bring him here.

You got it, Doc.

Formally dressed for dinner.

How fun.

Yes, indeed.

After all these years,

I never thought

I would ever see you again.

Perhaps this visit will bring us close.

Very close.

Excuse me, Dr. Arcane,

but we haven't found anything yet.

Oh, it doesn't matter.

What's going on?

Uh, nothing. A group of

hitchhikers have lost their way.

Oh, I don't believe

you two have met.

Abigail, this is Mr. Gunn,

our security chief.

And his assistant,

Miss Poinsettia.

Enchantí.

On parole is more like it.

Now, come on. Come on.

Now, Abigail,

tell me about yourself.

What have you been doing

these last 10 years?

Gee, that's funny.

I was gonna ask you

the same thing.

I'll be blunt.

Why this unexpected visit?

I seem to be haunted

by things I can't resolve.

About you. About my mother.

Her death.

Why was there no funeral?

She wanted to be cremated

without ceremony.

My mother loved me.

I was her only child.

I know she would have

wanted me there.

Abigail, I loved your mother

very deeply.

I didn't contact you because...

it was always very clear that you

didn't approve of my marriage to her.

Abigail, why don't we

put all this behind us.

I want us to be friends.

Good friends.

Lana, are you there? Yes.

There's a small box in

the desk in my bedroom.

Would you bring it down

to the study, please? Thank you.

Is this your way

of buying me off?

Buy off?

What an ugly expression.

It's something very precious,

and I want you to have it.

- It's beautiful.

- It belonged to your mother.

What the...

Ow! Oh, my God. It's sharp.

Ow. Ooh, ooh.

Let me dab it. Let me dab it.

Dr. Rochelle...

We will have him look at the cut.

No, it's fine.

Oh, look, it's not even bleeding.

See, I don't even need a Band-Aid.

Just a little fresh air.

Excuse me.

You sure?

Now we've got the blood we need.

Brilliant. My name is Gigi.

My name is Gigi.

Uh, we know. We know.

This doesn't make sense.

What is a five-letter word

for an armed security man?

Moron.

Moron? No, it can't be moron.

Moron... No.

Excuse me, Miss Arcane.

The swamp is a very

dangerous place at night.

So is the dining room.

I'll take my chances.

Like mother, like daughter?

What do you know

about my mother?

How much you want to know?

Should we go after her? What do

you mean, "should"? Of course you do.

Discreetly.

Ooh-wee!

Great batch of shine,

huh, Gurdell?

Whoo! Best this month, Clyde.

What are we gonna do

for fun tonight?

- Feel like stealin' a car?

- Nah.

- How 'bout we burn down a house?

- Nah.

Well, why don't we drive over to

Uncle Shed'sand run over some dogs?

I'm sick of running over dogs.

Besides, that place is spooked.

What do you feel

like doing then, Gurdell?

My brain's tired of coming up

with all these ideas.

I feel like...

I feel like killing something.

You always feel like

killing something.

Maybe I'll kill you.

I'll kill you back with my dying breath.

Your breath's so bad, you just

might do that.

Aw, shut up, Gurdell! It's time

we went to town and got us a woman.

I forgot what one looked like.

Do you remember what

they looked like, Clyde?

No, I haven't even seen

a sheep around here lately.

Excuse me.

Who says there ain't no God?

Goddang moonshine!

You guys wouldn't happen to know the

way back to the Arcane place, would you?

You talk funny. Where you from?

- California.

- I hate California!

I'll move. No problem.

Does anybody know

you're back here?

FBI, Charles Bronson,

Chicago Bears.

You're real pretty.

- All makeup.

- She's from California.

I like her. I hate her.

You ready? I'm like lunch meat.

I'm always ready.

Let's get her. Ow!

Stop it!

You're hurting me!

Help me, someone!

Peel him, Gurdell. Peel him!

This guy's coles law.

Let's get out of here.

I'm with you.

Um, thanks.

You're...

You're a plant, aren't you?

You shouldn't be

walking around here at night.

Who are you? What are you?

I'm Alec Holland. And you?

Abby Arcane. Arcane?

- His daughter?

- Stepdaughter. You know him?

I know him.

That sounds likean indictment.

Did those men hurt you?

I'm sorry. Uh, sometimes

I forget what I look like.

You gotta be kidding.

This is for real?

I don't understand.

How can that be?

If I tell you about Arcane,

you'll understand.

Please. Okay.

My experiments in genetics

brought me here to the swamp.

My sister and I had developed

a bio-restorative formula...

that could double

the world's food production.

Arcane stole the serum,

and I was caught in a

terrible explosion and fire.

The flames consumed by body.

But somehow the chemicals

in the formula...

reconstructed my tissue from

the slime in the swamp.

Your stepfather found me,

and I killed him.

Or so I thought.

Abby, Arcane is a very evil man.

You must leave immediately.

I can't.

He knows about my mother.

I've gotta find out

what happened to her.

What really happened to her.

If I can't talk you out of this,

I want you to know,

I'll be close by.

Bye, Alec.

Sir, they've just

spotted Swamp Thing out by the marsh.

Turn him into guacamole!

Launch the grenade!

Yeah!

Let's go. Let's clear out, man.

Send a search team

into the marsh immediately.

Yes, sir.

And tell them not to come back

without Holland's remains.

We need a piece of the idiot

for the experiment.

Well, sure, Doc.

But, uh, why the bother?

I mean, after that blasting, he's not

gonna be sliming up the works no more.

I'd rather be pessimistic.

Just in case.

Where do you think

you're taking me?

I don't have to go

anywhere with you.

Keep moving.

Get your mitts off me.

Just keep your hands off

the merchandise.

Oh, great!

And this must be the playroom.

I don't thinkany crazed scientist

should be without one.

You know, Alec Holland may

have looked like a monster,

but he had the mind

and the feelings of a man.

You didn't have to hunt him down

like a monster. Temper, temper.

We did have to. Your stepfather

was almost dead...

when Dr. Zurrell and I

found him in the bog.

Over a period of months, we were able

to restore him to his present form.

Unfortunately, we still need

a sample of Holland's tissue...

for the locking serum

we're gonna make.

Without the proper ingredients

for the formula,

your stepfather's body

will eventually deteriorate.

Huh. Like his mind.

Abigail, keep cool.

I just have one question to ask you.

How did my mother

fit into all this?

Your mother worked with us.

And her death was the unfortunate

side effect of our mutual experiments.

Her genetic code was perfect.

Just like yours, by the way.

- You're mad!

- I never felt saner.

Take good care

of my stepdaughter, please.

Whatever you say, Doc.

My darling, you know

we're doing everything we can.

Well, not enough, obviously.

But we're so close. Now that we have

your daughter, it's a matter of days.

I'm afraid it's a little more

complicated than that.

I don't mean any harm to Abby.

And yet...

You always seem amused.

Even when the consequences

are most deadly.

Laughter is best, isn't it?

- What is it?

- I'm sorry to disturb you, Doctor, but it's urgent.

Coming.

Put this on.

Come in.

Good evening, Doctor. Please forgive

the intrusion, but I must speak with you.

It's very important. Go ahead.

Um...

My apologies, Dr. Zurrell,

but this is a rather

private matter.

Well, if it concerns

our research,

then it most certainly

is not a private matter.

Lana, you were going to take a bath,

weren't you? So take your bath now.

If we don't act

within the next 72 hours,

the deterioration may become

permanently irreversible.

This antigen you've discovered

in Abigail's blood...

could possibly provoke

a fatal immune reaction.

I'm afraid so.

Unless we can obtain

a counteragent...

from a subject

with a compatible blood type.

And genetically splice the two.

Exactly.

The process would doubtless

be fatal to the donors,

and there are only two people on

staff with the correct blood type...

The security man, Conklin,

and, uh, Dr. Zurrell.

Do whatever is necessary.

Anything else?

May I ask you a rather can did question?

Go ahead.

Have you given any thought to that

salary increase we talked about?

Are you comfy?

Yeah, well,

I love you too, baby.

You know, I... I bet you it kind of

reminds you of L.A. in there...

with all that slime and crap.

You're never gonna guess

who the last tenant was.

You?

You know,

I really love city girls.

They got some kind of, uh,

sense of humor about 'em.

How'd you like out of there

for a while, city girl?

I don't know.

Company's better in here.

That's the wrong answer!

You don't get it, do you?

I'm trying to be nice to you.

My mistake.

Look, you want nice?

I can give you nice.

Just kind of tough

from behind bars.

Do whatever is necessary.

♪♪

What is this?

Cute, ain't he?

Now, that's just one of

Arcane's experiments.

You know what? Why don't you,

uh, put your hand in?

And I thought you were

up for some fun.

Well, fun's fun, but how about

showing me something else?

Oh.

You want to see something else.

Ah.

I'm gonna show you something else.

Hey, come on.

Come on, baby.

It's time to play doctor.

Bet you can't guess

my favorite operation.

What's that, baby? A vasectomy.

I'm gonna kill you!

You're gonna be sorry!

Like that, baby? Huh?

Huh? I said did you like that?

Did you like that, baby?

Ten years of training

in Okinawa.

Like that?

Two-day vacation in East L.A.

Where you going?

No! Don't leave me!

We're just starting!

Hurry up. Come on.

Here.

Take it.

It's parked right outside.

Thanks.

That's far enough, Miss Arcane.

I figure we better go see your stepfather.

Don't you think?

Sure. As a matter of fact,

I was just on my way up there.

Oh, except I forgot one little thing

in the car. You wouldn't mind if I went...

No, I didn't think you were

going to go for that one.

You know what? When all of this is over,

I really hope we can remain friends.

Because believe it or not,

I have really taken a liking to you two.

No, really, I have.

You...

Alec, how did you get here?

Oh, you might say I was piped in.

Now, come on. It's not gonna be easy

running that gauntlet out there.

- Hey, why run? We got wheels.

- What?

Damn, I just love it

when guys peel out.

Activate the minefield!

Not bad.

The beauty and the beast have fled.

Our two most prized possessions.

Oh, gross.

Hold it.

Give me your knife.

Looks like Holland's left us

a calling card, huh, Doc?

Indeed he has.

Hey, Omie, why didn't you want me to

tell those TV men about the monster?

'Cause. 'Cause why?

'Cause we're gonna get

a picture of it first.

Picture? How on earth are we

ever gonna get a picture?

Remember the camera your dad bought when

you were the sugar plum in the Christmas play?

No, no, no, no.

Not my dad's camera.

You wouldn't.

- Good morning.

- Morning.

I slept like a baby.

Where are we?

My place. Sorry it's so messy.

Is there a Mrs. Swamp Thing?

No. I'm a bachelor.

So what do you do? Order in?

It's been a long time

since I've laughed.

Well, I seem to have that effect

on most of my boyfriends.

Me? Your boyfriend?

Why not?

You said it yourself.

I'm a plant.

That's okay. I'm a vegetarian.

Please don't.

This will never work, Abby.

When I look at you,

you know what I see?

I see the soul of

a beautiful human being.

But I can't give you

the kind of love you want.

Would you like to?

What do we do?

Was it real?

As real as you want it to be.

Bad news, sir.

We found the vehicle, but there was no

sign of Swamp Thing or your stepdaughter.

Well, I'll tell you

the bad news.

If you don't find

Abigail and Holland,

there'll be no sign of you either.

So think fast, and don't come back

until you've found both of them.

Go.

Yes, sir!

Gigi.

Am I a fool without a mind?

Or have I merely been too blind to realize

that I'm dealing with two idiots?

Yes, sir.

She'd look great with fins.

And maybe flippers.

Yes. Definitely flippers.

Doing a little homework,

are we, Doctor?

Yes, yes, um, always thinking

of the next experiment.

You're working far too hard.

Well, excellence is the...

Is that one of our security men?

Yes. Yes, it is.

An emergency transfusion

for Dr. Arcane.

I have something very special

in mind for Mr. Conklin there.

I've even prepared

a special cage for him.

Really? Yes.

Believe me, it exceeds anything

we've attempted thus far.

I've developed a Pyridoxine

hydrochloric emulsion...

that, when combined with

a human pituitary extract,

will produce a nearly spontaneous

super-developed mutation.

Yes, but aren't you risking

cranial hypertrophy?

Nothing wrong with that.

Mmm. After you.

Now, you'll notice on the inside here,

up at the top, I've, uh...

I've put some additional

support in there.

Hey, hey! What are you doing?

Ow! That hurt.

Omie.

Omie?

Omie, we gotta stop.

Omie, I gotta stop.

You ain't hungry again, are ya?

Five minutes. Five minutes.

That's all I ask.

Last five minutes

turned into a half an hour.

We gotta move.

We've been moving all day.

Well, we ain't gonna make no $10,000

while you sit around feeding your face.

How do you know

The National Spectator...

is gonna pay 10 bills

for any stupid picture?

Hell, man, I saw where they paid

a dude from Spokane two times that...

for a picture of Bigfoot.

Yeah, but Bigfoot's

more famous than this guy.

Just come on, okay?

Good grief, I could be

home watching cable.

Oops.

Once this was a huge plantation

worked by hundreds of slaves.

Some people say their unhappy

ghosts still walk here.

I can't imagine anyone being unhappy

in a beautiful place like this.

For a long time,

I've felt that I would

always be unhappy here.

Give me one of them Ho Ho's

before you eat 'em all up.

Out of Ho Ho's. Twinkies?

Nope.

- Snowballs?

- Nope.

- Ding Dongs?

- Sorry.

- Pudding pies?

- Uh-uh.

What have we got left?

Got two apples.

Apples? Oh, man.

Hey, butt-head.

That's my dad's camera.

What about my dad's

bowling ball?

That was different.

- Oh, yeah? Well, what was so different about it?

- I don't know.

It's just different.

What was that?

I don't know. Neither do I.

- What do you think it was?

- I don't know.

Neither do I.

Better check it out.

I take the pictures,

so you check it out.

I'm not checking it out.

What's the matter?

You chicken or something?

Well, I...

Just check it out.

Check it out. Go on.

Are you sure it's safe?

You never feel safe about anything.

Will you just go?

What if somebody gets me?

Don't worry. I assure you,

nobody wants you.

Now go on.

My mother wants me.

Go.

You jerk. There's no one...

Here.

Oh. I haven't been given a

flower since my senior prom.

It was wilted.

Help! Sounds like children.

Get your hands off me, you big...

Wait here.

Help! You don't own this swamp!

Let go of me, you big gorilla!

Help! Help!

Let me go.

Aha!

Hey, that's

a pretty good apple, kid.

What else you got?

Oh, yeah, man.

It's a good camera.

It's expensive too.

You can have it.

No, they can't. It's my dad's.

Now, son,

this was your dad's.

But now it's mine.

So that means

you'll let us go. Right?

Wrong.

- Right.

- What?

Get the camera!

Wow! Swamp Thing's

kicking some butt!

Wow.

Come on!

I believe this is yours.

Hey, big guy.

Mind if we take your picture?

It's just for a...

science project.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

All right, but only if your

friend there stands next to me.

Sure. No problem.

Get over there.

Go on. Go.

Me? Yeah, you.

Go on. Get over there. Now.

$10,000.

Okay. Smile.

Uh, you'll need tore

move that lens cap.

Oh, yeah. That's why

it was so dark. Okeydokey.

Alec?

Hey! Green guy!

Where you going?

Abby?

Come back here.

This is $10,000 to me! Please!

Abby.

We should definitely

expect company.

And we will receive them with

our customary hospitality.

Exactly.

You must have had

a very hectic day.

It wasn't my fault.

We've set up sensors

all around the property.

If anything breaks through those

beams, we're gonna know about it.

Good. Have you located

Dr. Rochelle yet?

According to security

he's still on the property.

But no one's seen him yet.

We need him for the operation.

Don't worry, darling. I'm fully capable

of carrying on without the doctor.

Of course you are. Naturally.

Begin the preparations.

I'll join you in a moment.

Certainly.

Find Rochelle.

10-4, Doc.

We're not going to

find Rochelle here.

Let's find him on the TV.

How do you work these gizmos?

Gunn, your ignorance is only

exceeded by your incompetence.

Well, thanks, Points.

And I always thought you hated me.

I don't hate you. I despise you.

How can you say that?

I've always been what

you'd call a likable guy...

when I'm not blowing somebody away.

You're supposed to be the head of security

around here, right? Right. Yeah.

Well, great. Let's recap.

Where's Swamp Thing?

I don't know.

Where's Arcane's stepdaughter?

Is she missing again?

Where's Dr. Rochelle?

I don't know. Where?

I rest my case.

Help me.

Oh, I'm sorry. I can't.

There's nothing I can do.

There's simply no escape.

He killed my mother, didn't he?

No. Rochelle did.

I-It was a mistake.

Your mother was to supply

the genetic code...

that your stepfather

needed to cheat death.

Did he hate her that much?

No. To the contrary. He worshipped her.

So much so that I couldn't get

close enough to him because...

Because he couldn't

let go of her memory.

Alec will never come after me.

If I'm a judge of character,

he will.

You two get along extremely well.

It's a good thing.

Soon you'll be very close

to each other. Very close indeed.

Let me explain. Genes.

The fundamentals.

Yours, Holland's coupled.

And man's oldest dream

may come true.

Immortality.

You're sick.

What did you do?

Sell your soul to the devil?

Let's just say he has a lease

with an option to buy.

Hey, hey. Now, wait a second. I got my people

out there tracking 'em down right now.

They're gonna find them,

I'm gonna finish 'em.

No, Gunn, you're the one

who's finished.

By tomorrow, I'll have your job.

No way, Points.

You try to take my job, all you're gonna

get is a scar from there to there.

You don't scare me.

The guy that did this to me?

I got his job too.

That's a nasty scar.

But that's nothing

compared to this.

Grenada. 1983. Friendly fire.

That's bush compared to this.

Falkland Islands, 1982.

Shrapnel.

Nicaragua. Spring break, '86.

Beirut. Summer vacation, '87.

Cindy, 1967.

Haight-Ashbury,

the summer of love.

Motley Cru♪♪e tour, 1988.

That kinda turns me on.

Excuse me.

Doesn't anybody knock

around here?

Knock-knock.

Lana, put the Holland specimen

in the receptor.

Holland's on his way, sir.

Stop him.

Why don't you use those?

They're a by-product of Agent Orange.

Beggin' your pardon, Doc.

This stuff is for nancy boys.

Besides...

I got my own toys.

Think about what you're doing.

I am.

You're about to experience

a unique feeling.

You're going to be part

of what gives life.

To you.

To me. It's for a good cause.

Psst!

Hey, buddy. Got a light?

This is too easy.

Good.

Good!

Energy.

Increase the dosage.

Increase the dosage!

How beautiful.

Dosage up by 2 cc's.

Temperature holding at 98.2.

Heartbeat at 98.

Patience. Patience!

I've got you now,

Mr. Potato Head!

I like it.

I like it very much.

Not bad.

Enormous improvement.

I... I feel 25.

Not bad at all.

What's that?

311, 459.

You switched the vials.

Lana, I'm not mad.

I don't want to get even.

Your life, Abby's life, my life.

It's not important.

Our work is all important.

And you betrayed it.

Hmm?

Lana, you betrayed it.

Lana.

Laughter is best, isn't it?

God will pardon me.

That's his job.

Your attention, please.

Disintegrator on overload.

Self-destruct in three minutes.

Abby.

Two minutes till self-destruct.

What's new, Jolly Green Giant?

Time for a little mixed

vegetable plate, huh?

Too bad, spinach man.

You'll never get to know her

like me and the boys.

Oh, shit, man.

One minute till self-destruct.

Thirty seconds till self-destruct.

Alec.

You brought me back, didn't you?

I couldn't lose you.

How do you feel?

Good as new.

Got it.

Come on. Let's get out

of here. Just one more.

Come on.

They're kissin' and stuff.

Besides, the Fotomat

opens in 10 minutes.

I'm gonna get me a Corvette.

What about me?

Get your own Corvette. Come on.

You know, Abby,

there may be side effects.

Like what?

I don't know yet.

Well, we'll just have to

discover them together.

Or are you firmly attached to

this swinging bachelor lifestyle?

Not necessarily.

What do you mean, you didn't

put film in the camera?

Me? You're the photographer.

Yeah, but it's your camera.

Who said I had to load it?

I did! Did not.

Did too. You probably had a

Twinkie in your ear or somethin'.

Shut up, Omie. No, you shut up.

You shut up!

You wanna make somethin' of it?

Yeah!

It'll be two hits...

I hit you and you hit the floor.

Come on. Let's go. Let's go.

Come on. I really don't care.

'Cause you never were

my friend as it is.

♪♪

♪ Now, when I was just a little boy ♪

♪ Standin' to my daddy's knee ♪

♪ My papa said, Son, don't let the man get you ♪

♪ And do what he done to me

♪ 'Cause he'll get you

♪ 'Cause he'll get you now, now ♪

♪ And I can remember the Fourth of July ♪

♪ Runnin' through the backwoods bare ♪

♪ And I can still hear my ol' hound dog barkin' ♪

♪ Chasin' down a hoodoo there ♪

♪ Born on the bayou

♪ Lord, Lord

♪♪

♪ I wish I was back on the bayou ♪

♪ Rollin' with some Cajun queen ♪

♪ Wishin' I were a fast freight train ♪

♪ A-just a-chooglin' on down to New Orleans ♪

♪ Born on the bayou

♪ Mmm, mmm, mmm

♪ Born on the bayou

♪ Do it, do it, do it, do it ♪

♪ Oh, get back, man

♪ I can remember the Fourth of July ♪

♪ Runnin' through the backwoods bare ♪

♪ I can still hear my old hound dog barkin' ♪

♪ Chasin' down a hoodoo there ♪

♪ Born on the bayou

♪ Oh, oh

♪ Born on the bayou

♪ All right, go

♪ Do it, do it, do it, do it ♪

♪ Mmm, all right ♪

The Return of Swamp Thing (1989) - full transcript